#im very happy for this lad to have overcome his fear

[the-world-of-barbilou]

Viccio being brave for once!

[omgxiaoch]

Honestly, I Still Love You

pairing: hyungwon x [y/n]

genre: angst(?????)

word count: 3678

a/n: oh my glob, im so sorry if this scenario’s all over the place but i hope you guys like it? i really do apologize for it being all over and messy and whatnot ;-; i apologize for any grammatical errors and i don’t own the gif.

masterlist

I don’t want to hurt you But I have to tell you now

The room was filled with nothing but silence. The sight of Hyungwon staring at you with eyes black as orbs was too much for you to take. His eyes have lost the twinkle that you used to love, his thick, lush lips were pursed into a thin line, and his listless limbs hanged on his sides. “Please, don’t do this to us, Hyungwon.” You pleaded with eyes glistening with tears. Everything was going too fast for you to comprehend, and here you are, holding on to his hands that didn’t even bother returning the grasp that you were used to.

It’s not easy to hide my heart I know you feel deceived, I’m trying to end it

Hyungwon may look unfazed by the tears on your eyes, threatening to fall anytime soon. “[y/n], let go of me.” Wincing at his choice of words, you shook your head and tightened your grip around his hand. “No..” You couldn’t bring yourself to let your lover walk out of this relationship just because of something that you, yourself, couldn’t bring to believe. He was the only person that you have and yet, there he was, just like the rest of them, he was going to leave you.

You used to smile brightly but now I’m gonna make you cry for the last time Everything changes like morning becoming night

“Damn it! Just let go of me, will you?! Us? The ‘us’ was long gone, [y/n]! It died three months ago and I’ve had enough of this!” This was the very first time that Hyungwon has raised his voice at you. Staring at the person right in front of you, you couldn’t help but think that this isn’t the Hyungwon that you used to love. He isn’t the Hyungwon who made your heart beat so fast, butterflies going wild after being freed from their cage. Crack. You let out a gasp as you could feel your heart shatter into thousands of pieces, tears finally spilling out. Tears that were long hated by Hyungwon has finally come out. Looking away from you, Hyungwon takes a deep breath and pries your hands off of him one last time before walking past you with his luggage with him. 

“But I still love you, Hyungwon, I still do! Am I not enough for you? Hyungwon… please don’t leave me.” you cry out, hands frantically trying to take a hold of his shirt. Coming to an abrupt stop, Hyungwon heaves out a sigh and lets out the words that you’ve dreaded to hear slip pass through his own.

“But… I don’t love you anymore.” And with that, he takes his leave with nothing but lies filling his mind. He knew that he had to do this. He knew he had to do this the harsh way. He knew that this day had to come. He knew that his feelings had long perished when he didn’t see the spark between the two of you. He knew that he didn’t want to receive your love anymore.

When that night passes, just like another day repeats That feeling comes to me every day like waking up in the morning

How long has it been? Two weeks? Two months? You don’t know. It hasn’t been long since Hyungwon left you like a shattered bottle that was just thrown away. Lifting yourself off from the blissful warmth of your bed sheets, you listlessly dragged your tired limbs to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water, only to be remembered of that night once more. 

The way Hyungwon just let those words out of his mouth, as if the two of you didn’t share any memory and affection with each other for the past two years. The way how his eyes didn’t seem to care when he saw you cry your heart out. The way how he just continued to walk out of your life when you, yourself, begged him to stay. 

Ever since that night, you were a living mess. Heart torn into pieces, mind filled with nothing but negativity, and tears constantly brimming down your cheeks. You called off from the office for a week and only had to quit when you knew you just couldn’t handle it anymore. You shut yourself from everyone else.

Heaving out a sigh, you carefully placed the glass in the sink and made your way back to your room and into the bathroom, washing yourself up to have yourself prepped for the work that you’ve been passionate about for the first time.

“I am strong… I am beautiful… I am enough.” you chanted your mantra, eyes focused on your own reflection. Soon enough, you’ve found peace in you, heart swelling with happiness and confidence and you couldn’t ask anything more of this beautiful mantra that brought you back to your feet.

“I can do this.” 

That feeling comes to me every day like waking up in the morning So I’m gonna erase you completely, I’m sorry

“Hyung, who’s this lady in your wallet?” Changkyun curiously asked as he fumbles with the brown leather in his hands, eyes intently staring at the picture of you and Hyungwon during the very first lover’s getaway that the two of you had. “Nobody.” Swiftly taking the picture off Changkyun’s grasp, Hyungwon didn’t think twice but to rip the picture apart and threw it directly in the basket, just like how he threw away his feelings away for you.

“W-why did you throw that away, hyung? I know for sure that that picture held a deep meaning in your life!” Changkyun frantically searched for the torn picture and shot his older brother a look before stuffing the found pieces in his pocket. “It doesn’t anymore.” Hyungwon’s voice was nothing but cold. When he stepped foot out of that damned apartment of yours, he has long deemed to himself that you were no one but a stranger to his life now.

Changkyun knew that you were someone of significance to him, that had long been forgotten by someone like him. Grumbling to himself, he watches the older lad walk towards other members with that facade he always put up front. 

Muttering to himself, he pulls out the picture of the two of you and sighs.“The look of their eyes says so the otherwise. Oh well..” Changkyun walks back to the older lad as he places the picture back to his pockets, promising to put it back together once they go home.

I was so happy looking at you all day, every day I was so happy listening to your stories I guess time is up now

“So, [y/n], you have to hear this. I just saw Miki talking to Kyujin, and man, you could see the twinkle in their eyes! I bet they’re going to last long!” your co-worker, and now best friend, Jia beamed with eyes filled with fantasies that were far for her to reach. “Really? That’s great for them.” you flashed them a fake smile and transferred your attention back to the pile of pictures that you were going to submit to the Chief Executive. As you were busy shuffling the pictures hand, you could help but freeze when you saw the photo that you took years ago with Hyungwon, who’s curled up into a blanket, arms outstretched towards you, hurrying you up as he was already itching to hear about your day.

“Baby, hurry up! You have to tell me about your photoshoot awhile ago.” Hyungwon beams as you positioned your camera right at him and had set the timer. “Wait, a minute baby. I need to–” Before you could even fully set your camera up, you were yanked towards his arms, a big smile plastered on his face and before you knew it, the camera had captured such precious moment. “Baby,” you cooed as you tried to wiggle yourself out from his hold. “So, how was it? Did you have fun?” Hyungwon snuggled a lot closer to you, his face pressed on your cheeks, making you burst out giggling. “Oh glob, Chae Hyungwon, I love you so so much!” you gleefully squealed as you gave him a chaste kiss before telling him your day went.

I guess we’re the same as others Now even when you’re telling me interesting stories, I’m only nodding

His eyes were always filled with interest whenever you arrived from work. He was utterly happy when you told him about everything, may it be what’s going through your mind, your work or how you’re feeling. But somehow, all of those disappeared. His eyes were no longer showing any signs of interest. Head just nodding from time to time, as if his mind was drifting off to somewhere else more interesting than you. 

As days went by, the Hyungwon that always asked you how your day was was slowly disappearing. With a simple ‘welcome back’ to nothing but silence. He wouldn’t even glance at you as he continued watching the tv show that he was currently watching or would even just shrug you off when you tried to wake him up.

“Hello, earth to [y/n]?” Jia waved her hand in your face, only to snap you out from your train of thoughts. “H-huh, what was that?” you absentmindedly asked as you tried to recall what just happened. “Mr. Bang wants to see you.” Jia worriedly looks at you, eyes observing every single movement that you made. It has been the nth time you’ve spaced out and entered that little world of yours. Oh, if only she knew what was going through your mind, she would try her best to help you out. Watching your retreating figure, Jia glances down and takes the photo in her hands, only to realize that it was a picture of you and Hyungwon.

Oh ah, I loved you more than anyone else You were the most beautiful girl in the universe

Loneliness then again visits Hyungwon. In a room with nothing but the moon, as it’s the only source of light, the glint of a ring had Hyungwon’s attention. Carefully tucked in between his fingers held a silver ring that once reminded him of how much he loved you and how much you’ve meant a lot to him. You were once his sea as he was the boy who loved the waves and had finally overcome his fear of swimming. 

Your beauty shone despite the activity that you did. The mesmerizing smile of yours would always light up his way, sending him into the abyss. Whenever compared to someone else, he could remember himself denying the fact that there was someone more beautiful than you. You were nothing compared to the rest of those women. Heart and mind as pure as yours was enough to be called as a beauty.

Tracing the initials on the ring, Hyungwon couldn’t help but laugh at how petty it was for him to not be able to throw such thing as if it there was someone or something that held him back. It was as if it was something to commemorate such beautiful love blossoming through the spring, a reminder of that time when you’ve finally become his. The muse of his life. 

What exactly happened to me? I wanna turn back time

“Here you go, hyung. I taped it back together.” standing before him was his younger brother, arms outstretched with a picture held in between his fingertips, something that made his heart flutter. With his long, slender fingers accepting such thing, Hyungwon couldn’t help but look at Changkyun with eyes glinted with confusion. “Why are you doing this?” 

Flashing the older lad a smile, Changkyun gives Hyungwon a soft pat on the shoulder before leaving the room. In between his fingers laid a beautiful memory that you both once cherished. With his cheeks tightly pressed on to yours, a happy and profound smile crossed both of your faces. Arms tightly wrapped around each other as if both of your life depended on it. 

With his eyes fixated on your smile, Hyungwon couldn’t help but question himself. Why? he asked. You said you didn’t love her anymore, replied his heart. But.. what was the reason behind it? Why did you stop beating for her? And there it was, an answer that had him wishing to go back in time and stop himself. 

I never did, it was just you who made such decision all along.

I see you over there, arrived first With a bright smiling face The fastly rewinding times with you Have stopped now

The sliding of the glass door had everyone’s attention at the door, except for you, who was busy talking to the Chief. Lips turned into a big smile, a melodious laugh leaving your lips, filling the air with such glee. “Oh, [y/n], I want to meet your new clients.”

Everything went slow-mo, the way your wavy lock gracefully sliding down you shoulders, your beautiful eyes meeting his gaze and your lips losing its smile. “MONSTA X.” 

“It’s nice to meet you, guys.” You gently smiled and shook each of their hands, despite having to meet the gaze of Hyungwon. “Have you ever heard of them, [y/n]?” The Chief asked with a proud smile on his face. With your eyes looking back at them, you shook your head and apologetically smiled, “I’m so sorry, but I haven’t.” 

Lies, Hyungwon thought with his eyes glued on to the smile that held a lot of hidden feelings. “Anyways, before we could start the photoshoot, I want you boys to look at the pictures that our [y/n] has captured.” Pictures of different people, animals and sceneries were shown, except for one picture that was held in between your hands. “And the last–”

“Uh, this is nothing Chief. I kind of mixed it up with these pictures.” you lied as you pulled the picture away from him, only to receive a knowing smile from the Chief. “Is that so? Then will you please tell us what that picture is about that you aren’t able to show it to us?”

I’m looking at it again and my frozen heart is melting You were my spring but I pushed you away

At some point, the atmosphere seemed to waver towards such a depressing turn. “It’s just a picture of my lover and me when were still both madly in love with each other.” There was sadness in your eyes but your lips said otherwise. It held a happy smile. A smile that seemed to send a pang in Hyungwon’s heart. “But anyways, all of those flowery feelings are long gone, as we’ve separated ways.” 

“But, [y/n], I think that shot might be beautiful.” Changkyun reasoned out, eyes almost as pleading. “I think so too…” The Chief chimed in. Taking a quick glance to each of their eyes, you couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle. “But the content is far from beautiful.” 

“Why?” Finally, Hyungwon decided to speak up, heart yearning to hear what you’ve felt throughout the past months. Your glistening eyes then met his, only to finally hear his heart crack. 

“Because it’s like the boy who loved the waves, but was too scared to swim… once he realized that the waves weren’t meant for him, it had him walking away from the sea and forgetting about his love for those waves.” 

I left you all alone when you were so kind Just when I started regretting, you held my hand and said I waited for along time, hurry and come

“But despite having that boy walking out from her life, the sea still hoped that maybe one day, he would return and make her life colorful again, but for now… the sea still continues to make her tranquil waves the same. ” you muttered as you stared at the photo in between your hands. Startled to have the picture taken away from, your eyes snapped towards him, who’s eyes slowly being filled with tears. 

“You still kept this picture despite what happened?” Hyungwon’s voice was soft as his eyes trailed along every single detail there was in the picture. Changkyun, who was beside him, took a quick glance at the photo, only to have him staring at you with eyes wide open, a finger or two pointing directly at you.

With your eyebrows furrowed, you swiftly grabbed the picture away from Hyungwon and decided to just show it to everyone, revealing such past to seven people whom you barely knew. “Is that… you and Hyungwon?” The Chief’s voice trailed off as he searched for your eyes, hoping that you’d answer truthfully.

“Yes.” 

“Why did you still keep it?” Kihyun queries as he stares at you with eyes filled with curiosity. “Honestly,” you thought about it. Why in the world would you keep such picture? Glancing back at the picture, a smile crosses your lips as you speak, “I really don’t know. I just couldn’t bring myself to forget about it.” 

“It’s a memory that I wouldn’t want to trade it for anything… despite having my heart crushed.”

Today, you’re the same as yesterday, only I’m different (I think I’m crazy, I was deceived by familiarity and let you go)

Everyone couldn’t help but send you a sad look. It was something that they’ve never expect to hear from you. “Are you angry at Hyungwon for leaving you?” Wonho interrogates despite receiving a couple of smacks from the others. It never really bothered Wonho though, as he wants the two of you to clear things up. 

“Me?” you return the question, a finger pointing at yourself. “I was at first but I realized that I couldn’t blame him. I was no God to control anyone’s feelings and mind. If he doesn’t love me, then he doesn’t love me anymore. I kind of like accepted it so I’m not angry at Hyungwon. I would rather be thankful to have met a guy like him rather than be bitter and be loathful about it.”

Pang. Hyungwon couldn’t bring himself to look at you. He was filled with nothing but guilt and shame. Just hearing the way you spoke made him realize that you haven’t changed- you were still the person who had captured everyone’s heart with your beauty and pureness. 

I really didn’t know I’d have these feelings (Actually, it’s just momentary, I just wanted you to melt me)

“Hyungwon hyung, what can you say about that?” Jooheon asks as he transfers his attention to Hyungwon, who just had his small bubble pop. Silence immediately surfaced, hearts were pounding loudly against their ribcages, hoping to hear something worth it from the tall man, who had his gaze fixated on you. 

“What if I told you that… I still love you?”

Should I be honest? (It doesn’t make sense, trying to let go of all that time)

The moment those words left his lips, you could feel your breath hitch. You were emotionally fine just a moment ago but now, you couldn’t explain what you were feeling. A gush of emotions came rushing in and you just couldn’t understand why he was doing this. “What?” you gawked at him, heart beating rapidly and the butterflies have finally been freed.

“I still love you.”

Should I be honest? Don’t be surprised, I’m gonna make you cry

Overwhelmed by Hyungwon’s sudden confession had you tearing up. Hands shaking as you held tightly onto the picture, eyes never leaving his. The corner of his lips was tugged upwards into a loving smile. His outreached hand soon met yours, making you melt under his touch.

Oh how long have you yearned for him, his touch and everything. “I was a crazy for leaving you back then without any reason,” said Hyungwon as he slowly pursed his lips, eyes filled with regret and sincerity. “Honestly, my heart never stopped beating for you.”

“H-hey, don’t cry.” startled by everyone’s remark, you looked at them and patted your cheeks, only to have them wet with tears that have spilled without you realizing it. “Oh god… I’m so sorry.” you stuttered, accepting the tissue being offered by Minhyuk. 

Should I be honest? (Without knowing anything, your eyes are filled with me)

Finally taking your hands in his, you couldn’t help but stare at him with your lips quivering as you tried to hold back the tears. “I love you, [y/n]… I really do…” His voice was soft yet calming, the grip around your hands tightened as he could feel a lump in his throat.

“I really am sorry, [y/n], for everything. For being a jerk. For being a fool… and for leaving you. I know I sound really stupid and all but… Just last night when I saw our ring, I couldn’t help but wonder why I never had the guts to throw it away and that’s when I realized it…. my heart never really stopped beating for you.

You didn’t dare to look away. He was the only one that you needed to see. 

Should I be honest? You’re smiling like a fool

“[y/n]…” Hyungwon’s voice trailed off as he took a deep breath, “Honestly… I want you to be mine again…. will you give me another chance to prove myself to you?” 

Nodding your head, you let out a soft chuckle. “Yes.” It didn’t really take you that long to decide as you knew that your heart was still beating for him, no one else but him. Pulling you into a tight hug, a big smile was plastered on both of your faces. Sweet nothings were whispered on both of your ears, filling each other with words that both of your hearts have longed to say. Howls and cheers were heard from the boys and the Chief, which had the two of you pulling away to give them an apologetic look.

“You guys do know that the two of you are smiling like fools right? But anyways, stay strong you two!”