#im upset at all the effort money and time i wasted. im not redoing the semester tho im cutting my losses here and now and moving on

[mihai-florescu]

I met with my research supervisor btw, she agreed i shouldnt do the resit until i see doctors for at least half a year, ideally full year in my current condition. But also that its unlikely ill graduate from my advertising major when it's so antithetical to me as a person. So she understands even if i quit, but thinks itd be a pity for all the work so far. Shes the only mf in this whole school i like. Probably because shes not from my major but my minor

[sweetbunnykook]

Bunny! Im just so sry for venting bc ur blog is a space safe for me (prev self sabotage anon) umm so bcs of my low income family, it was drilled in my head since the age of 3 the concept of money, to the point that it was a common catchphrase from my mom that ‘do u have any idea what could i possibly buy if u werent born’ it got worse after relatives (from my dad’s side) drained him and kick us out the house and the ‘u shouldnt trust anyone in this world’ was introduced when i hit 10 after (1)

finding out that i essentially was taken as a hostage by my aunt (from dad family,,again) after my mom left me in her care and go abroad to find a job and then find out my aunt embezzle like 6 grand from her instead of paying debts piling and threatened to leave me in the middle of nowhere so my mom was forced to go home and after knowing all that i felt so so angry and guilty that my mom was right and im about to turn 17 in a few months and this time i had to go to college because i didnt (2)

continue my junior year bc i took a program so i just graduate after sophomore, i felt like i didnt spend any single second having a ‘normal’ teen life and am terrified of wasting youth due to the prospect of growing up because money money money money is programmed in my head and i cant even figure out whether is it beneficial for me to take a degree suited for my passion or take a degree thats more easy so the chance i can get employed higher (im so sry that i just basically told my sob story)

I’m really sorry you have to live in such a draining environment. We can’t control dysfunctional families and most of the time, because of how young we are, it’s difficult to find an instant way out. Planning takes time but execution will be worth all the brain-rotting stress you have right now. 

Let’s address a few things first, okay? First, money is important but its importance shouldn’t make you feel like you can’t live your life. Growing up in a low income family, I was also often told of how terrifying money is because any big emergency can be devastating. My parents are strict about saving and we don’t go out to restaurants (maybe once a year, if we’re lucky), buy anything we don’t really need, or have friends that invite us to expensive places. Growing up frugal caused me to go a little crazy when I got to college and had extra scholarship money which I spent (stupidly) and didn’t save. But it made me happy that I can be self-sufficient, which is what money should really be about. If you can sustain yourself and indulge in little joyful things here and there, it’ll keep you sane until you are in the position to budget better and move out to your own space. 

Second, education is important not because of what you’re going to learn in the field you’re studying, but because you learn how to navigate life. It’s true; it’s not what you know, but who you know. When you grow up not having taught financial literacy ALONGSIDE discrimination against the working or lower class, you don’t have a full grasp of your reality to understand the way out. Parents, especially, have little to no knowledge about how times have changed. A traditional degree is not the safest route to take. There are many people walking around with a master’s degree in biology unemployed because they probably were not taught the value of creating opportunities instead of waiting for it to come around to you. I only learned about that this year, by the way. It takes time to turn away from what you parents taught you about money and education and face the reality of today’s job market. There is demand for STEM majors because technology is a large part of our lives now and of course, you might have a smoother experience landing a job after graduation. However, every graduate student have their own experiences and you can’t predict what will happen. You can only increase your chance of being hired by developing skills and talking to people who can give you opportunities. I know an aerospace engineer who was unemployed for two years after graduation, a mechanical engineer who was unemployed for six months after graduation, and people who got a job a day after graduation. 

Third, know that you’re not alone. You lost your teenage years to draining people around you. I did too. And a lot of my readers here did too. Although it’s upsetting that you can’t redo your childhood, it’s relieving that you are closer and closer to independence. You can still indulge in things you wanted to do as a teenager during adulthood. Last semester, I drove twenty minutes from school to a mall just to walk around aimlessly which was a dream of mine when I was little and wasn’t allowed to go anywhere with anyone. I still play old games I loved when I was younger and wander alone while skipping a class here and there. You have to do what you have to do to stay sane and trust yourself that YOU (yes, you), with your own efforts, will get out of there. Trust yourself, trust that anything valuable takes time to achieve, and that there are people out there who support you. 

- 🐰