#im tired of like. constantly making excuses for every thought i have!!! talking myself thru shit like
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dockaspbrak · 1 year ago
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I am so sad;
#he was my best friend man.....#feeling like richie 2019 but instead of my gay boyfriend it was my son (cat with whom i had a strong attachment and we both had autism)#i mean in my agoraphobic years he was all i had#just me and him and he was terrified of anyone but me#man. like the;;; not to be too sad but the ending life attempts he detered me from....a powerful boy#i loved him sooooooo much#i gotta like.... jddjjfjf#regan dont read this#ok good dont go on#ok ok#i feel like i overcompensated with being accomodating so much the last 6 months i dont feel like myself at all#thats insane right?#but idk i know living with someone is famously very hard#but see even now#im tired of like. constantly making excuses for every thought i have!!! talking myself thru shit like#applying it to people around me and accomodating that even in my HEAD#i gotta deal with these damn bad habits. i gave myself#and FUCK i miss my boy!!!!#u guys dont even know...he was so soft and sweet#a kittens face even at age 15 with some kind of advanced as hell cancer that the vet didnt even understand#he was my baby i miss him so much#its like he makes me miss other things more too. like where i grew up#and how trees used to look in the wind#and feeling more comfortable in my body and with my own opinions#im so pathetic now. i used to be so fucking strongwilled and annoying#wtf man??? why does death touch everything#i hope i see him again some day#it hurts so much#but like im glad it does still i guess bc its like part of him isnstill here bc it hurta#haha;
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