#im thinking so much about raszkolnyikov too... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

quenthel · 3 months ago

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Im like fighting the urge to just ghost everyone and leave forever n delete my blog n just disappear.... Bc like it's what my haters would want. Also I keep thinking Abt disco Elysium when Kim said "[if you don't get your shit together] then the world will leave you behind" or the solution to the precarious world... Or harry trying to go back to nothingness and his psyche tells him he is the son of the world now and he is too much in it to leave... Yeah... This is somewhere to be... Sir Lancelot asking the green knight if this is all there is and him answering what else would there be or whatever....

#quenthel special #im thinking so much about raszkolnyikov too...#how easy it would be tonpush everything away and be stubborn in my mysery...#how thats my first imstict but i trained myself against it... how it took well over a decade #i love to torture myself by thinkong about how specific friends i have would not miss my abscence...#i love to torture myself by imagining a highschool renuion where i am not even invited to and where they simply forgot me #or thinking abt my wow guild and how i probably wont be able to play w them for a while.... do THEY think of me...#does the guy who insisted giving me a lift home when we met up w the belgian guildmates thinks about me for example...#everything used to hurt so vividly but now its all numb... like i swallowed rocks #but they are worn down and smooth... not jutting into me #eh... i need to write tomorrow and look for jobs and go swimmimg... life goes on despite it all

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