#im the world's worst inquisitor

[deeproadsdarling]

I’m derping around in Inquisition again, trying out a few party combos I don’t normally use, and jfc Blackwall is rude as hell to Dorian. Granted, I’m biased because Dorian is my best fantasy friend in the whole world, and I know everybody has reasons to distrust Tevinter mages, but I’m about to yeet Thom off the Abyssal Ledge if he doesn’t check himself. 

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ︵ /(.□ . \)

[mythalism]

Dude yeah Solas going back to the prison is so dumb to me. Like I assumed before seeing Trick’s post they he and the inquisitor were going into the fade itself to where he sealed the dreams or whatever. But instead I’m going to take my wife to my divorcee empty ass apartment where the ghosts of my past call me a wet loser? What?

JHGKEJRGHKERJHGKREJGH no ur right. i think it genuinely only works when you look at it from a mythological story perspective rather than the two of them as individual people... which is interesting because their whole stories are kind of about how they lose themselves to the myth that surrounds them... so i think its supposed to be the ultimate conclusion of that.

they are at once both finally free of the burdens of the myths and expectations that follow them as the dread wolf and the herald of andraste because they have left the mortal world that forced them into those roles and stripped them of their personhood, but they have also completely submitted themselves to those roles by submitting to the logical conclusion of the myths that they could not escape. for the dread wolf, it is earning his redemption through his willing submission to his own trap. its the logical, full-circle mythological conclusion to the trickster who trapped the gods, now trapped for eternity himself (allegedly, he will prob eventually break out... even loki gets his freedom during ragnarok...). for the inquisitor, it is andraste's herald finally sharing andraste's fate, choosing to leave the mortal world behind to ascend to the golden city alongside the god that she loves. both (presumably, for a lavellan) have tried to reject the myths attached to them over and over and over, but in the end they choose them willingly, and that choice at once binds them to those myths forever while simultaneously freeing them from the burden of them. its giving oedipal greek tragedy of attempting to outrun your fate and it finding you anyway, just when you thought you were finally making your own choice, but with a hopeful and bittersweet spin. its actually fucking insanely brilliant when i think about it this way it makes me genuinely foam at the mouth.

however the major caveat to this is i do not think this is presented nearly clear enough in veilguard. the only reason i am able to create such wonderful, deep meaning from this is honestly because my bachelor's degree is in literature and i literally have formal academic training analyzing storytelling. and it took me like a week to actually sift through all this in my brain and go back and sift through lines and images in the game to support my analysis. it should not take that much work, it should have been more clear. because yeah, the first time you play it it absolutely feels like your girly pop lavellan is making the WORST, down-bad delulu decision of her life while the rest of the world is screaming GIRL DUMP HIM!!!!!!!! and im not suggesting im smarter than anyone for looking at it “the right way” or anything like that. im saying that i think in order to get the meaning from it that the writers intended, you have to look at it through a very specific literary lens, and that is something that most people are not going to default to… because why would you? the story should lead you there on its own. there shouldn’t be a niche prerequisite to enjoying the ending. a few more lines about people made into myths, much like those we got throughout inquisition, could’ve helped facilitate this. they did a great job of hammering in the regret and choice themes to the point it was like beating a dead horse with a stick. and there are a few good lines that kind of give this vibe (“you’re not JUST the inquisitor, right?” “they call me the dread wolf, what will they call you when this is over?” “there is no fate but the love we share,” a codex from felassan about solas being forced to play into the dread wolf persona, etc.) but they probably could’ve added a few more to talk about mythological apotheosis and choice in the context of fate rather than just in the context of regret, and it would’ve helped at least a bit.

so i fully understand peoples discomfort with the ending as a result. i think it’s a logical conclusion to come to based on how the story presents itself. however im pretty confident that this mythological vibe was tricks intention, based on a lot of their comments about their writing process and inspiration for solas, and the way they have written him overall. @corseque has a lot of amazing posts in her solas tag that talk specifically about the very deliberately mythological way that weekes wrote solas, and i think this is essential context for understanding the ending that the game simply does not sufficiently provide. it also definitely invalidates a lot of people's perceptions of not just their inquisitor, but the solavellan romance as well. however i hope me blabbing about how it can be absolutely brilliant when viewed through a specific lens might help people feel more at peace with it <3

[fleshwerks]

Thank you for your rant posts on DAV. They’ve been cathartic to read as they echo so many of my own issues with the game and how it treats its own lore and insults its fanbase. I feel stupid for caring about the oppression of mages and elves given how they sanitized and wrote out these cornerstones of the Thedas setting and it sucks! Im glad I’m not alone.

I had very little hope for this game given its mess of a dev cycle and how the company has bled talent, I thought it would be a very messy narrative as a result. And it is! But it’s worse, because it’s not just messy, it commits the greatest cardinal sin of writing: it’s boring.

I think you nailed it. I'm at the same point as you, especially as someone who's huge into DA lore and the intrauniverse sociopolitics, as well as the expected (foolishly) aspect of your deeds mattering, either positively or negatively.

I have a whole ass Inquisitor who can now stop feeling bad in his steppe-sky burial about his indecisiveness during his tenure as an Inquisitor: BECAUSE NONE OF IT MATTERED ANYWAY. 'Oh, you delayed some suffering for like, what, 7 years? 7 years is nothing when you're doomed anyway. I can already hear the argument "but what you do even in short term matters, too."

Yes, in real life. But I don't do RPGs for real life. I play RPGs to be able to fantasise about doing a bit more than I can do in real life.

On top of it just about everybody being so blasé about what's going on. This is the worst blight ever, two actual gods are loose, but here we are at the dinner table, arguing about Taash' mom being a strict, traditional jerkass and Bellara joining the list of people who hate themselves for having ADHD, and holding her hand through it. Boring.

Veilguard commits another sin: everybody blames themselves for everything, but it either gets fixed for them, or they're feeling sorry and do the thing they feel so sorry about anyway.

My kingdom for a character who can go 'it is what it is, I'm not perfect, but I'm not sorry for existing and having an impact on this world, especially if the impact is caused by something I couldn't really control; all that matters is what we do next.' Which would open up the world at wide: tackling things that make your personal issues microbial in comparison. These people don't have the luxury of crying into their chicken soup. Not to say these things can't be addressed, but in Dragon Age, characters are supposed to support the overarching plot and the worldbuilding. Instead, the world puts itself on hold until you've solved Lucanis' granny issues or whatever.

If you've ever watched campaign 3 of Critical Role, that series has the same issue. The cast is made up of people who by and large have no real connection to the world or the overarching plot, and a large part of the viewerbase has come down onto the same idea: if the characters don't really care and only keep reacting, and reacting with quippiness and laughs and occasional 'oh no, that's bad, right? Anyway,'... why should we care?

Why should I care? Because everything I cared about as a player has been deleted, and the cast of Veilguard is mostly just dicking around until the plot reminds them that hey: we have the worst apocalypse going on since Solas deleted Elvhenan. Can we like... react more to it? We can do the therapy sessions later when people have stopped dying.

Disclaimer: I fully acknowledge that I'm going off on a tangent and I'm most likely projecting and reading into it too much/not reading into it enough. But that's the problem. Most players will play it once. You can't rely on subsequent playthroughs to make someone care.

Worst part is, companions aren't even boring. They're just miscast for this particular plot, exacerbated by what BW did to all the established lore. The tonality of the game itself and its place in DA canon is just wack.

I'm likely being incredibly unfair, but there's something to investigate here, because if you've failed to bring players into the lore and invest themselves in such numbers, it isn't just Mari here talking shit, it's a wider problem. Lest we forget, your fiction, your work stops being 'only yours' the moment you publish it and allow people play with your toys. The author is king, but the author is only the king of their own version of their story. The moment it's read and played by many, it's not just your story anymore, it's everybody's, who's engaging with it.

God dammit my English literature and language degree is catching up with me, I've turned into That Guy. Uck.

[booleanpropertybrothers]

dragon age 2 is the best and worst game ever. it has had me in a chokehold since the moment i finished playing it for the first time eight years ago. it makes me so crazy. i can look at fanart for about 5 minutes before my heart rate goes out of control. i've written 70,000 words of dragon age fanfiction because of the da2 characters. my world revolves around varric tethras and hawke and anders and the gallows and orsino and maud and and and. there are 2 things that have captured my autism special interest and that's the sims and da2. i just accidentally put on lungs [2009] by florence + the machine while im writing a post-dai au where an amell cousin from the gallows became inquisitor. and then "im not calling you a liar" came on. come on man

[miquellah]

ok first of all this is a GOOD stance to have, dont get me wrong here. im just neurotically thorough and have to be like “hm, but even if she WASNT possessed, and WAS all just out to create a frenzied lord from the start. does that truly make it justified?”

because as we all Should know, even when fromsoft wrote in the hornsent genocide and jar rituals, they made no move to actually justify it. if anything, the very opposite, with an emphasis on the horrific suffering the hornsent had undergone, particularly the commoners who had no say in those rituals. so like

yeah. yeah, the frenzied flame is ABSOLUTELY nothing to be trifled with, as a world-ending force. but from equally makes an emphasis on midra’s suffering due to those inquisitors, and as ive said— the bulk of his torment truly seems more or less due to that entirely. so like, do we just have another nomads situation on our hands? or would midra still not be worthy of such sympathy regardless of the flame?

the inquisitors dont know his character, of course, and i dont think they care. perhaps they couldnt, or shouldnt consider him as a person in regards to their mission. but the use of such torture— even if hes spared just because they cant reach him, because theyre too maddened to think straight— is… well, torture in and of itself is never justified anyway

we know little of nanaya except that he loved her. we know little of midra except that his servants cared for him, and that he himself warns us away when we get closer. he seems gentle and caring, despite somehow having become so intertwined with the flame— but even then, if he wasnt even that sort of pitiable, kind person. would that warrant such tortures?

(the tortures of which that, yeah, spurred on the very suffering required to cultivate that flame, whether the inquisitors are aware of this or not)

so anyway worst case. PERSONALLY. i myself never got the vibes that fromsoft was trying to push that an inquisition would be justified, and even in that worst case, i do think its an interesting (perhaps intentional) challenge to think over our own perceptions and mindsets again. do YOU feel it would be justified? given the great, horrific nature of the frenzied flame itself, would you think it even mattered?

granted i still havent done a deep dive on nanaya and midra yet. and granted, she IS shady, and at very best misguided in her motives. but all the people going “nanaya TORTURED midra and TORMENTED him to get him to become the perfect host for the frenzied flame” is like. also not quite it… mostly due in part to almost all of midra’s suffering apparently due to either 1) the effects of the flame’s influence itself, and 2) the literal fucking inquisitors hunting him down, stalking around his front door, and yknow. Having literally impaled him

nanaya having likely been the one to guide him with the flame is one thing, but her role honestly also seems pretty similar to hyetta. a maiden of the frenzied flame. im not quite feeling a full nashandra situation again here. “the plea to Endure was a curse” is also pretty open, because, like. you would also tell your loved ones to Endure too, wouldn’t you?

im also honestly not all too confident in ER fans’ track record with misogyny at that…. like was she actually definitively a bad person. or are we just assuming this in full again

[elvesofnoldor]

me thinking abt that adoribull + pavellan end game original trilogy era era star wars au........

[forystr]

how does mouse meet fenesvir and his sister? 💙

this is gonna be so heavy with the worst doodles in the world but im excited to tell the story!! im bolding the names so its easy to keep track for me writing this hehe

fenesvir and danyya were raised as siblings, but technically they're only step siblings. fen and danyya's dads were old paramours in their youth who rekindled their relationship later in life! but they've always been treated like twins. inseperable and loyal to each other. but, once they both reached their later teens, they set off (seperately) into the world to do their own things and make a name for themselves. they only meet again years and years later during the inquisition.

danyya actually goes to kirkwall during this time; (whilst fenesvir renacts his own flavour of vigalante justice over orlais with the moniker "the wolf of the dales") and she hangs out around act 3 with merrill. this is technically the first time she meets mouse, who has very recently left his tal-vashoth group and is working as a doctor in the city. he works at a nasty, beer-stained table at the back of the hanged man because he cant afford any nicer lodgings, which means the hawke crew probably run into him quite a bit. danyya leaves the city after act 3, but mouse stays, and then follows the mages/templars/chantry to the conclave.

at the start of inquisition, mouse has been wokring as a medic at the conclave dealing with the explosion. he's the one who finds bhaltair underneath all of that rubble in the first place. so to set the scene, at the time of inqusuiton, mouse has been working for the inquisition for only a few weeks.

now, fenesvir has actually been a part of the inquisition the longest. he'd been scouted by leliana as a captain/second-in-command for cullen in the management of forces, before the conclave even began. he hasn't heard from danyya and doesn't know who mouse is. mouse is hired by the inquisition after he saves bhaltair from dying in the rubble.

danyya has been living a pretty solitary life up until this point, after kirkwall. by the time bhaltair becomes inquisitor and reaches skyhold, danyya doesn't actually know anything about the inquisition. by chance, she meets a wounded knight called jana, who is a devoted holy warrior and desperate to meet the herald of andraste. unfortunatly, shes mortally wounded, so danyya drags jana the five mile hike to skyhold castle.

finally making it, jana is finally delivered to skyhold. everyone makes a fuss, and bhaltair comes hurtling down the hall to help. mouse is called immediately, and he gingerly takes an unconcious jana into surgery. she lives, and goes on to form one of the best sibling-esque friendships with bhaltair.

mouse heals jana well, and checks danyya over and heals any wounds she'd gained during the desperate race against time. they share a moment, and danyya asks to stay and help the inquisition, and if he can teach her how to heal people better on the field. mouse says he can put a good word in to bhaltair, and that he'd love the company.

neither danyya nor fenesvir had expected the see the other that afternoon. fenesvir had spent the entire morning at the forward camps and had missed the entire commotion. the siblings embraced, vowing not to stray so far apart from each other ever again.

this was a lot more than you asked for im sorry! danyya and jana belong to my partner, @solsticeill0

[vir-adahlen]

Your post about the companions in Dragon Age games is completely inaccurate and unfair. First of all, there are many occasions in the first and second game especially when the party members will turn on and literally try to murder the PC, whereas that only happens once in Inquisition and is the result of a rather sadistic player choice. The Inquisitor is free to leave at any time, as Cassandra says in the prologue, but that would be a tremendous derilection of duty if they did. I would also strongly argue that the companions get on better amongst *themselves* in Inquisition, with even opposed characters like Blackwall and Vivienne reaching an understanding that say Morrigan and Wynne or Fenris and Anders never did. The characters in Inquisition are every bit as supportive of each other as those in the first two games when you look at the character relationships in the aggregate, the fact that the characters are all members of an official organisation does not diminish that, they could leave at any time but choose not to out of personal connection. Also the Andrastian party members in Inquisition are not fundamentalists, they have differing religious views and believe in helping all people regardless of religion. It's fine if you prefer the characters in the first two games, but don't distort reality to justify that point.

hey! yeah i mean listen i mostly agree with the specific points you made, and my post was simplified/exaggerated for comedic effect here on tumblr.com. but i am a media studies graduate so i get it and i'll explain myself lol

i do think the character writing is much stronger in the first two games, and i think your point actually adds to my point -- the potential conflict (and therefore resolution) between party members and the PC feels much more charged and vivid in da:o and da2 than in inquistion. i actually dont think it's a question of how "supportive" the characters are to each other, but rather the depth of their conversations with each other, the relevance of their personal quests to the plot, and straight up just like the frequency of party banter. inquisition does not hold up compared to da:o and da2. character development was clearly sacrificed to create a bigger open world

also the da:i party system is bloated and EXTREMELY MALE, with 2 out of the 3 women (sera+vivienne) being some of the worst written, under-developed, racist, and homophobic characters the series has created thus far. writing a lesbian who is part of an oppressed racial minority as self-hating (and giving her such minuscule growth as a character) is ugly. writing the only dark-skinned Black female companion in the series as a cold, unfeeling ice queen with sooo little care/depth is UGLY. beyond that, i just don't find blackwall, cole, sera, iron bull, and honestlllllyyyyy varric to be especially interesting companion characters in the context of inquisition's plot, though i understand that's veering into personal opinion and more power to you if you vibe with them. like listen i fucking love varric, i just think that party slot could have been used more effectively

as far as the christian zealot comment goes -- yeah i mean certainly half of the characters are not full on zealots, that was exaggeration. but like the premise of the game is that you have become a literal religious savior symbol for an oppressive, colonial power religion, and i feel like there is so little nuance in the way that is talked about with companions, especially andrastian companions. im actually really enjoying doing a runthrough right now with a lavellan inquisitor who is like deeply traumatized and figuring out how to navigate all of this. i just wish the game gave me more to work with in that regard -- i like don't want to have small talk with these 10 other characters if they’re just gonna feel hollow and under-worked. anyways. thanks for chattin! /end rant

[merrilldidnothingwrong]

Iorveth anon:I know what you mean. I'd learned about the whole Fen'Harel reveal before playing Inquisition and that's what I'd hoped Solas would be like.

Protective of his people and betraying you to help them. But that ended up coming true in THE most offensive way possible.

At least Iorveth fights for only the Scoia'Tael bc of a betrayal and not weird widespread Bigotry.

sorry this took so long to get to, ive been ridiculously busy (and hating it)

im not mad at you anon but like, this whole attitude about solas? really irks me.

im gonna just address what the obvious thing is here, him wanting justice for his people, not just the events of inquisition.

i'm biracial native, and ive seen such a huge amount of racism in this fandom, and the shit that gets excused for the so called faves in the game. and in other media. the white fave can, and does threaten world domination and fans get dewey eyed and soil their pants, but the moment a legit marginalized character who has seen injustice, genocide of his people and makes plans to release his people its "oh no i wanna crack that egg! hes evil! worst villain!" when hello, the chantry and the assimilation of the human religion that locks up and abuses mages for 1,000 years is RIGHT THERE??

like ive always said im not saying the ways and means of what hes doing is right. he's said it himself, he doesn't want to do what he's doing, and wants to be wrong. he wants the inquisitor to stop him. but it REALLY has to be done.

Tevinter was built on elven land, they stole their magic and their land, built it on top of their bodies.

he stopped the quanri invasion (something that was completely not needed to happen, i hate that bioware writes them like that, as well as all of the non white races) but anyway he made sure tevinter was attacked and not ferelden since he had major beef with them.

but in inquisition its really up to you what kind of relationship you have with him. i used to be an ass to him since i really didn't understand his character and what kind of person he is. he talks in half truths and riddles. if you fully reach his friendship you really do get to know him really well. and if you romance him you get to know him the most, and he almost tells you who he really is and it scares him.

bc yeah he has a HUGE wall up, since we know his plan all along was just to get to the orb again and destroy corphyeous. and tear down the veil right after. and he had no plans of waiting, until the orb got destroyed. so he had to wait yet again and make new plans. but by then his world view got changed by the inquisitor.

i havent read the comics, i know hes already done some shitty shit. but as far as the game goes, im holding my breath. i know big chances are ill be eating my words later.

i just know he doesn't under estimate people anymore, which is why we've seen so many big big baddies we'll have to fight.

tbh though im really nervous. when it comes out ill wait a few days and see what people are saying.

(as i said im not yelling at you anon im just making a, really long point) solas annoys me because of his personality but i dont love or hate him. i think hes interesting.

[a-marlene-s]

List of Au’s, Stories and One-Shots posted on Tumblr

One-Shots Stories:

Title: Listen To My Melody Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug Couple: Marinette x Luka Summary: Luka singing to a Marinette, in hopes of her snapping out of an Akuma’s trance. Link: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/189284165656/listen-to-my-melody

Title: It’s a date Fandom: Harry Potter Couple: Fred x Hermione Au: Yule Ball Summary: Fred asking Hermione to the Yule Ball Link: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/188184566766/its-a-date

Title: Birthday Date~ Fandom: ML Couple: Felix x Marinette x Luka Genre/Au: Romance with a hint of hurt/comfort Summary: A Birthday Date Link: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/187833716931/giveaway-prize-4th-place-the-500-word-one-shot

Title: Prompt 16: “She Locked herself in her room…” Fandom: ML/Mortal Combat Couple:  None Au: Sabine Dupain-Cheng, she is the forgotten sister of Sub-Zero and Noob Saibot. Cryomancy passed over Sabine, but it did get inherited down to her daughter, Marinette. Cryomancy!Marinette. Au by: @opalmoon04 Summary: Marinette locked herself in her room and her uncle has a heart to heart with her. Link: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/187616953716/prompt-16-she-locked-herself-in-her-room

Title: Understanding Fandom: ML/Mortal Combat Couple:  None Au: Sabine Dupain-Cheng, she is the forgotten sister of Sub-Zero and Noob Saibot. Cryomancy passed over Sabine, but it did get inherited down to her daughter, Marinette. Cryomancy!Marinette. Au by: @opalmoon04 Summary : Sub-Zero, Kuai Liang, visits his niece to tell her that she is no monster and there is much more she could do with her newfound abilities. Link: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/187854654621/giveaway-prize-3rd-place-the-1000-word-one-shot 

Title: Talk Fandom: Fairy Tail Couple: Natsu, BrOtp Navia Au: None. Summary: Perhaps it is better to talk to someone else… Link: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/188059965136/giveaway-prize-3rd-place-the-1000-word-one-shot

Title: Waking Up Fandom: Harry Potter Couple: Fred x Hermione Au: Fred Lives. Everybody Lives! Summary: Fred is still dealing with the aftermath of the war. Link: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/188143465491/giveaway-prize-1st-place-the-2000-word-one-shot

Title: Lady Noir and Red Robin Fandom: ML/DC Couple: Timari Au: Marinette adopted  by Black Canary Link: Pt. 1: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/188830276141/how-about-a-lady-noir-the-mini-catwoman-fic-how Pt. 2: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/188853273231/pt-2-of-an-ask-timari Pt. 3: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/188874396621/pt-3-of-an-ask-timari

Title: Jason is very picky with who’s he’s soft for Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug x DC Ship: Jason x Marinette Summary: Fandom: Miraculous- batman relationship: Marinettex Jason genre: Humor blurb?: Jason is very picky with who he's soft for, Marinette is he's soft person. Keyword His. Apparently, dick hadn't got the message

Link: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/188920734216/fandom-miraculous-batman

Title: Sabine and Tom witness the worst. Fandom: ML Summary: Marinettes parents come to school (she forgot something at home) overhear what Lila and her classmates are saying about her and just SNAP.

Link:  https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/188919838391/if-you-are-still-doing-the-20-drabbles-maybe-one

Title: Au Where Mari’s Bio!Dad is Bruce Wayne. Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug & DC Au: Male!Mari Summary: Au where Mari's Bio!Dad being Bruce Wayne. Also in this au Mari is a Male so he's Marin. Bruce met Sabine and Tom when when younger and fell for them hard.

Link: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/188942301766/au-where-maris-biodad-being-bruce-wayne-also-in

Title: Chat Tortue Status: Incomplete Fandom: ML Couple: Nino x Marinette Au: Chat Noir!Nino Summary: To be seen. Link: Origins:

Pt. 1 https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/187298890316/chat-tortue-origins-part-1-of-3

Pt. 2: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/187412540356/chat-tortue-origins-part-2-of-3

Pt. 3: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/188336927241/chat-tortue-origins-part-3-of-3

Title: I Nearly Got Ran Over By The Batmobile: Twittter Au Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug & DC Ship: Damian x Marinette Au: Twitter Au. Summary: Marinette twitters away her disbelief at the fact she nearly got ran over by the Batmobile. Link:

Day 1: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/189261197606/i-nearly-got-ran-over-by-the-batmobile-twitter-au

Day 1(Still): https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/189284523521/i-nearly-got-ran-over-by-the-batmobile-twitter-au

Title: Chesire’s Smile

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug Ship: Marinette x Adrien, Multimouse x Chat Noir Au: MultiMouse!Mari Background Info: -The first two heroes that came to be are Chat Noir and Carapace. -Nino and Adrien know of each other’s secret identities. -Ladybug/Marinette never became a thing. It will be Marinette/Multimouse. She doesn’t know Chat Noir and Carapace’s secret identities. Link:

Link 1: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/188622617066/oh-can-you-write-a-drabble-about-adrien-and-chat

Link 2: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/189244772036/cheshires-smile-adrien-living-arrangements

Link 3: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/189679564841/cheshires-smile-adriens-first-day-in-public

Title: Iron First, Velvet Glove Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug Ship: To be decided. Summary: Bustier get’s replaced by someone that rules over an iron first and a velvet glove. Links:

Link 1: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/188943269701/iron-fist-velvet-glove

Link 2: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/189009587031/i-would-like-to-give-a-shout-to-those-that-have

Link 3: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/189032752456/iron-fist-velvet-glove-pt-3

Link 4: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/189055141316/iron-fist-velvet-glove-pt-4

Link 5: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/189082815921/iron-fist-velvet-glove-pt-5

Link 6: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/189225898391/iron-fist-velvet-glove-pt-6

One Hell of a Friend:

Headcanon Post: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/189343629341/im-one-hell-of-a-friend

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug x Black Butler Summary: Rolland really wanted to protect his son, daughter-in-law and only granddaughter. Using an old favor from the previous head of the Phantomhive family, he sold his soul to a demon. Under the promise that said Demon will protect his family… Said demon deeply regrets said contract.

Pt. 1: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/189487136491/im-one-hell-of-a-friend-pt-1

Blog: Spots On

Inspired by a post by @vivilakitty​: https://vivilakitty.tumblr.com/post/189295836977/okay-playing-on-the-idea-that-ladybug-calls-lila

All inspiriation goes to @vivilakitty​ and @miraculousl4dybug​!

Pt. 1/3:https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/189465872691/blog-spots-on-13

Title: Number Three Hero

Fandom: My Hero Academia Au: Number Three Hero, Hisashi Midoriya is Japan’s Number Three Hero and a Shitty father at that.

https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/184359923491/number3heroau-izuku-midoriya-headcanon

https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/184428813811/number3heroau-todoroki-family-headcanon

https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/184429446421/number3heroau-katsuki-bakugo-headcanon

https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/184447195866/number3heroau-hitoshi-shinso-headcanon

https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/184447299111/number3hero-ochaco-uraraka-headcanon

https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/184625345661/number3heroau-hisashi-midoriyas-background

https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/184721412051/number3heroau-friends-of-friends

https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/184723425026/number3heroau-quirk-realization

https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/184728060631/number3heroau-an-ever-changing-future

https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/184763671916/number3heroau-visions-of-a-family-life

https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/184862501331/number3heroau-burn-marks

https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/184903003571/number3heroau-recovery

https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/184958554766/number3heroau-life-after-surviving

I’m a Scholar, Not a Knight

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Summary: Izuku knew he wanted to become more than a simple peasant. He plans on becoming a scholar. A simple scholar that is repeatedly being told otherwise. Somehow, he found himself in the company of a retired knight, a squire, a witch-in-training, a runaway prince, a barbarian king, a human/dragon hybrid and a frog shifter… All of whom start to assume he’s the Lost Hero of Legend. Yeah… there goes his goal of becoming a scholar.

Pt. 1: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/189201651731/im-a-scholar-not-a-knight-pt-1

Pt. 2: https://a-marlene-s.tumblr.com/post/189393762946/im-a-scholar-not-a-knight-pt-2

Headcanons For La Red:

The Blog: A Sight For Sore Lies

In Au Chat noir discovers the anti-Lila site. He sees numerous people were harmed by her lies. Hears about Marinette’s involvement

Backstory: See-No-Lie

Possible Future Au’s:

Miraculous Dragon Age:

Marinette Dupain-Cheng:

Species: Half-Elven Inquisitor,

Backstory: Her parents are highly known bakers in the Orlais. The bakery is known to be the Divine Justinia’s favorite bakery, even dropping by for a random visit here and there. This came into play when everyone planned on having the family come to the conclave to cater the event.

Marinette went ahead of her parents to bring in the first of the items that were needed for their job. Unfortunately for her, she got lost and found herself smack dab in the middle of trouble.

Adrien Agreste:

Species: Human

Backstory: The son of a nobleman who wanted to keep him away from the outside world. Despite this, Adrien had managed to run away to join the Templars at a young age. He got into some… trouble when his best friend helped his friend got messed up with the Hero of Ferelden. Then once again when he got transferred to a new place… and dealt with the Hero of Kirkwall.

He doesn’t have the best of luck. However, throughout this, he managed to rise through the ranks and was asked by none other than the right hand of Divine to join the Inquisition.

Fridge Au:

What if Adrien grew up in a normal household...

Gabriel Agreste gave up his chance of becoming a famous fashion designer to take care of his ailing wife during her pregnancy. Instead of fretting over designs, business deals or becoming the man as we know him as, gave everything up. Giving up the limelight to be there for his wife and their unborn son. 

For Gabriel, nothing is more important than family... 

Emilie Agreste remained hospitalized after giving birth to Adrien Agreste and shortly fell into a coma. Gabriel had to take on several odd jobs to pay off the hospital and to provide for his son. One of those jobs ended up being a delivery man for the Dupain-Cheng bakery.

Quirk: Miraculous Ladybug

Quirks:

Marinette Dupain-Cheng: Cloth Manipulation/Miraculous Ladybug

Adrien Agreste: Formerly Quirkless/Cataclysm

Alya Césaire (class deputy): Computer Interaction

Nino Lahiffe: Frequency manipulation.

Chloé Bourgeois: Paralysis Inducement

Sabrina Raincomprix: Invisibility

Rose Lavillant: Plant Manipulation

Nathaniel Kurtzberg: Digital Art Manipulation

Juleka Couffaine: Identity Manipulation

Lê Chiến Kim: Emotion Weaponry

Mylène Haprèle: Slime Manipulation

Max Kanté: Technological Combat

Alix Kubdel: Flash Forward

Ivan Bruel: Earth Transformation

Lila Rossi: Feign Damage

Aurore Beauréal: Weather Manipulation

Mireille Caquet: Omnilingualism

Jean Duparc: Miming

Luka Couffaine: Sound Manipluation

Marc Anciel: Ink Manipulation

Kagami Tsurugi: Elemental Manipulation

Justice League.... You’ve been banned from Paris.

Au from: @vivilakitty​: https://vivilakitty.tumblr.com/post/189642522467

Summary: The Justice League found out they are banned from Paris. They have no idea why and they send someone to investigate. What they found out about Team Miraculous and Akuma’s, things grew tense.

I know her, I’m close friends with her son~

Au from: @countingdowndays: https://countingdowndays.tumblr.com/post/189602949856/prompt-lila-salt-adriens-mom

Summary: Adrien mentions the movie his mom stared in to the class. Lila latched onto it, claiming she personally knew the actress and that she could introduce Adrien to her. “Great, let me know what my mom says.”

Marinette Mode

Story Idea: @vivilakitty​: https://vivilakitty.tumblr.com/post/189567415622

Summary: Marinette takes on an apprentice ship under the one and only Edna Mode.

Hear Me Out Au

Story idea from: @maxdark158​: https://maxdark158.tumblr.com/post/187476540811/hear-me-out-ive-got-an-au-idea

Summary:

Best Friends Adrien and Marinette. No love interest or love square here.

Marinette paired with either Damian, Tim, Jason, Dick, or someone from Dc.

Adrien, I don’t know if I want to pair him up with someone or if I do want to pair up him with someone, I don’t know with whom yet.

Adrien is protective of his best friend.

Lila Salt.

Alya Salt.

Passive (Agreste)sive.

The Delinquent

Story prompt from: @rubixchick​: https://rubixchick.tumblr.com/post/189551994983

Summary: Lila assumed the older guy Mairnette has been hanging out with lately, is just some delinquent due to the guy’s tattoo’s, pericings and ripped up clothes. Spinning her tales, Lila made it difficult for Marinette to hang out with this guy or trying to occupy her time by smoothering her to no end. Things go bad to worse... for Lila when she accused Juleka’s brother, whom she never met before, being the deliquient.

Presentation Day

Prompt by: @art-deco-shrimp​: https://art-deco-shrimp.tumblr.com/post/187540795390/fanfic-prompt-ms-bustier-assigns-each-of-the

Summary: Ms Bustier assigns each of the students to do a report on someone they know, with a presentation at the end. They need to pick someone to report on, learn about their daily life, interview at least three people close to them, and then do a presentation on that person when the project is due in two weeks (arbitrary time limit is arbitrary). When Alya comments that it’s too bad that the restrictions mean a report on Ladybug is probably out of the question, Marinette suggests Ladybug’s best friend as a substitute. Alya can interview Lila’s parents as one source, Rose can probably connect her for a short Q&A with Prince Ali about someone who’s done so much for his charities, and Alya can even justify asking Ladybug some questions for the project this way! (The direct prompt from the post.)

What’s the Stitch?

Prompt by: @kanamexzeroyaoifangirl

Kim Possible/Miraculous Ladybug crossover where Marinette and Kim are cousins though Gina. Lila lies about knowing and going on side missions with her when Marinette's the one going on missions with her when she's in town or visiting. Class minus Chole, Nathaniel, & Kitty Section believe and bully Marinette due to Lila's lies. Kim shows up during it one Tommie then uses her connections to show the truth and take her down. All bullies are sued and are banned from the bakery.      

ONE MORE THING!

Prompt by: @vixen-uchiha​   

Jackie Chan adventures. Can I request an uncle Jackie and cousin jade dropping in after learning about what is going on in pairs with some Lila and Alya salt  

[entering--hyperspace]

Game questions or smthn

Tagged by @mimabeann

Rules: Fill in your answers below and tag some buddies!

Games

First game you ever played: Okay not counting my educational games on the V-Smile.. Pokemon red! the original! 

Favorite game:hhhhhhhh Fallout New Vegas really solidified my dream of becoming a game dev. God I love that game SO MUCH. Also Journey...and Destiny. but FNV is the #1

Game you’ve played through multiple times: I replay a lot of games (mostly my favorites) multiple times so there's too many to list. However, I do play Fallout: New Vegas every year because its my favorite video game of all time and I CANNOT shut up abt it. I also really enjoy playing Pokémon soul silver. I’m currently in the process of replaying the entire DA trilogy, and Pokémon white.

Game you hated at first but now love: Apex! God I did not enjoy apex when I first started playing it bc yknow battle royals were new and do have a bit of a learning curve to ‘em. I fucking love Apex now though

Game you used to love but now hate: I may joke abt hating games but I rlly don't have any I used to love but hate now. wait I lied. I remember really liking DA2 but now I'm dragging my feet along replaying it. I don't HATE it, but its certainly not one of my favorites.

Your favorite game atmosphere/setting(s): Journey. hands down. That game captures it’s atmosphere absolutely perfectly. I do want to give special shoutout to these games for this question ;Never Alone, Abzu, what remains of edith finch, Oxenfree

Game with the best group/companion(s): Dragon age: Origins had the best cast of companions hands down. They all had incredibly interesting motives and created such interesting group dynamics. DAO remaster when

A game with your favorite ending: Subnautica. GOD. SUBNAUTICA. CHEFS FUCKING KISS. I haven’t gotten emotional over a new game in a fucking WHILE. 

A game with the WORST ending: HMMMM. Hm. hmmm. Fallout 4 hands down lmao. I won’t get INTO it but man I did not like that game’s story. 

Best character customization?: The newest monster hunter game. I dont even own it but I’ve watched its cc. puts my hand against the glass wall.

Hero and Companions

Your favorite playable character: HMMM protagonists. oh protagonists. I’m gonna go with Arthur Morgan from RDR2 on this one. ALSO. Clem (TWD2/4) Javier (TWD3) Lee (TWD) The Inquisitor (DAI) Delsin (Infamous: SS) Shepard (ME tril) The Commander (GW2) The courier (FNV)

Your favorite companion(s): CRACKS KNUCKLES. Dorian Pavus, love of my life, (DAI) Theron Shan, Lana beniko, Tau Idair, Blizz, Mako (SWTOR), Alistair, Wynne, Zevran, Leliana, Shale, Sten (DAO) Anders, Sigrun (DA:A) Cole, Varric (DAI) Varric (DA2) Wrex, Liara, Tali, Grunt, Garrus, (ME tril) Vetra, Jaal, Liam, Drak (ME:A) Veronica, Arcade, Rex, Lily, (F:NV) Mccready, Preston, Cait, Piper(F:4)

Relationships

Favorite game friendship(s) (im excluding pc/char just to make it shorter): Alistair/Wynne. yknow what? Wynne and anyone, she adopted the whole group. Charles/Arthur (RDR2) Freya and Kratos (rip) (GOW) Mirage/wraith(Apex)  Theron/lana, Tau/Braga, (SWTOR) Varric/Merril, Isabela/Merril (DA2) Varric/Cassandra, Cole/Varric, Leliana/Josie, Bull/krem (DAI)

 Favorite game relationship(s): The inquisitor/Dorian bc im very very gay. anyway.... Achilles/Patroclus, Zagreus/Thanatos, Orpheus/Eurydice (Hades) Theron Shan/pc Lana beniko/pc, UHHH I cant think of more rn

Favorite companion banter: Wynne/Alistair, Sten/Shale, Leliana/Wynne, Alistair/Zevran (DA:O) Varric and anyone (DA2) Cassandra/Varric, Varric/Cole, Dorian/Sera, Bull/Solas, Dorian/Varric (DAI) When I think abt companion banter I think out in the world walking/talking so not a lot comes to mind.

A relationship you weren’t sure of but loved: 

A character you wish you COULD romance: RATTLES MY HANDS AGAINST THE BARS. Varric. Do you think a Straight Man would walk around with his tiddes out in the open like that? NO. if he was romanceble in da2 it would’ve made the game significantly better. ALSO GARRUS FOR M!SHEP??? HELLO???? ALISTAIR FOR M!WARDEN...ALSO HELLO? I’ll stop now but a lot of these is just God I Wish MLM Got More Options In Video Games

Fun

Shoutout to a random NPC: BLIZZ I FUCKING LOVE U. 

A game you love watching playthroughs for and want to play: I dont like watching playthroughs unless (next question)

Love watching playthroughs but won’t ever play: I legit only watch a Single lets players and he does horror vr. its increadibly funny and the only way I can play/watch any type of horror shit

Why do you play video games?: For a lot of reasons! I play them to have fun, I play them to be competitive, I play them to relax, I play them to challenge myself. I play them to learn a story. As someone who is majoring in game design and has made games before, Video games are like a stained glass window. They provide unique glimpses into various worlds, they allow us to live our wildest dreams, and give us the platform to spread awareness of social issues to the masses. They Allow us to have fun and connect with other people.  I play video games because I love them.

Tagging: @sentinelapologist @kornyo @remnantofahero @axperjan

[buttsonthebeach]

A Secret Shared

@im-calling-the-lord did me the honor of letting me write Abby and Solas again! Thanks friend!

I previously wrote about them in A Gilded Cage and @im-calling-the-lord wrote about them in Eternity.

Pairing: Abby Grace x Solas (non-Lavellan, non-Inquisitor OC x Solas)

Rating: Teen for references to childbirth and canon-typical violence

**************************************************

Abby had been a secret-keeper all her life.

There was the big secret, of course - mysterious origins, inexplicable powers - but it was all the little ones that made her really good at it. All the little mischiefs and adventures of childhood, like staying out too late or wandering too far or tempting fate with a magical experiment or stealing a bite of the pie her mother had insisted needed to wait until after dinner. The world was wide and she wanted to live in every corner of it, even the corners she needed to stay away from, and so she had to become good at keeping secrets.

Solas was always her partner in those secrets. It was what formed their friendship - their shared thirst for knowledge and experience without limitation. And now, so many years beyond childhood, beyond their reunion in Ghilan’nain’s great and terrifying hall, that had a new layer to it. They were bonded in truth, wed to one another - but in secret. It was fitting, giving their friendship, given their lives.

Solas was also a partner in Abby’s latest secret.

He just didn’t know it yet.

Abby turned that thought over in her mind as she paced the halls of the refuge where she lived with Solas - though most people called him Fen’Harel these days, whether in admiration or fear or loathing. She, the so-called Herald of Fen’Harel, had a secret from the great man himself.

She was pregnant.

She’d figured it out for certain in the stillness of morning, in her private chambers (because she had to have her own chambers, of course, since it was a secret that she had a bondmate at all). Her monthly bleeding had been missing of course, but it had taken a visit with a spirit of healing to confirm the other changes in her body, and what they meant.

A child. A child for her and for Solas, the man who had always been her partner.

The man who was now leading a rebellion, more or less.

So the timing wasn’t impeccable, any more than it had been impeccable for them to reunite at Ghilan’nain’s party under the threat of death and political intrigue - so maybe it was just par for the course for them.

They hadn’t even thought it was possible for her to get pregnant by Solas, considering that she wasn’t an elf - but then again everything about her seemed impossible, and sometimes her luck in having Solas as a partner seemed impossible too - so maybe this was all to be expected in some strange way.

Once she was able to wrap her mind around it, Abby decided that she could keep this secret all to herself - just for now. She wouldn’t be able to keep it forever. But there was still so much danger around them, and so much to do. She would hold onto this impossible thing on her own.

That meant she had to keep going with her usual routines, even when she was bone tired and more than a little nauseated. So she walked around the fortress every day as she always did, checking for supplies and chatting with guards and making sure new refugees were situated with somewhere to sleep and food to eat, medical attention if they needed it. She’d already gained a reputation of her own as the Herald of Fen’Harel, and people often recognized her from sheer height alone. So in that sense it wasn’t terribly surprising when a young woman approached her one day on her rounds, a small bundle in her arms.

“Herald? Do you have a moment?”

“Of course,” Abby said, even if the title still filled her with equal parts unease and amusement. Unease because she’d been a secret-keeper her whole life and she’d never set out to be anyone of importance and amusement because - well, if she didn’t keep laughing at the situations she and Solas ended up in, she was going to go stark raving mad. “How can I help?”

“My name is Nuala,” she said, shifting the small bundle - and that was when Abby heard the little mewling sound it made, and realized abruptly that the woman was holding a well-swaddled baby.

That’s going to be me in a few months.

The thought didn’t help her queasiness.

Focus, Abby. She’s still talking.

“ - and we are just so grateful for the chance to start over somewhere new - to have a real life - and - ”

Nuala held out her infant.

Abby hesitated a moment and then extended her arms to hold the baby. She had no idea what the rest of Nuala’s speech had been but clearly this was what she wanted. She smiled and handed her child over at once, and Abby swallowed, looking down at the little person in her arms. How old were they? She realized abruptly that she didn’t know how to tell how old babies were - or what they needed - and that they were so much more squirmy than she expected, and heavier to boot. The baby she was holding had deep brown eyes and big soft cheeks, and dimples on either side of pursed pink lips.

“His name is Elaryl,” Nuala said, smiling and nervous.

“Hello Elaryl,” Abby said, instantly feeling a bit silly, because he probably couldn’t understand her anyway. 

He wriggled in her grasp again, as much as he could in his tight, thick swaddling, and his frown deepened. It had a hood on it that was lined with fur, something far too warm for their current climate. She found herself absently rocking him, and then untucking the swaddling just a little so he could wiggle more and feel a little cooler in the warm air of the fortress. His frown smoothed out and he cooed again, looking up at her.

“You’re so good with him,” Nuala said. “He’s been so fussy since we came here. It’s so much warmer than home but we left in such a rush to escape the fighting that I didn’t have anything cooler for him to wear. He’s calmed right down with you though - do you have children of your own, Herald?”

I do. Right now. In my belly. And I can hardly believe it and I don’t think I’ve said those words out loud yet, and thank whatever gods there are that I can keep this little one happy because I have no idea what I’m going to be doing with my own -

“Someday,” she said, hoping she sounded convincing, and not too terrified. It wasn’t even a lie. Someday was coincidentally coming in seven or eight months or so. She handled Elaryl back to Nuala.

“Thank you, Herald,” Nuala said, beaming, curtseying, and Abby knew she didn’t deserve such deference but she would be damned if she didn’t live up to it anyway.

So she did double the rounds that day, even though she was bone-tired, more tired than she had ever been. Everything seemed to matter a little more now, like someone had dialed up the colors in the world. She’d always been part of Solas’s rebellion because it was right - and of course because it mattered to him, and they were nothing if they were not partners - but now she found herself thinking of the kind of world she wanted for their child, and what she could do to make it happen.

She didn’t see Solas until late in the day, which was normal. He’d been away from the fortress for most of it, meeting with contacts in various places, wearing his different guises. Many of them did not even know that it was the Dread Wolf they met with. He did not look very Dread to Abby when he slipped into her chambers. He just looked tired.

For a moment her heart leapt and she wanted to tell him, to make him a partner in truth to her secret - but then he did not even speak to her, and simply collapsed into bed, snaking his arms around her and pillowing his head on her chest, and sighed the sigh of a man with the world on his shoulders. He was so far from the boy she’d known now, and her heart ached to see all the ways this war was stripping him bare.

Abby held him tight, kissed the top of his head, and decided to keep her secret a little longer.

*

A little longer turned out to be two more months - but who was counting.

She’d managed to hide the extent of her exhaustion and sickness from Solas in that time. She was just starting to feel better, which she learned from the texts she read was entirely normal, and likely meant that she had passed the three month mark of her pregnancy. She was out of the worst danger - of losing the baby, at least. She was starting to feel more and more like her old self. That meant it was time to tell Solas. There were more reasons to be joyful than there were to be afraid.

Other than, of course, all of the death and injustice around them.

Which was why Abby simply could not sit idle when she heard of a remote village that was the target of an attack by Falon’Din’s forces. Not when there was time to evacuate them before they were taken as slaves to a man who would bathe the whole world in blood to soothe his ego. Solas himself was away from the fortress fighting against Andruil when the report arrived, so it was up to her to make the decision and carry it out.

She called up a small unit of soldiers used to such strikes and headed out through the eluvians, and of course counterspies had heard they were on their way and mobilized Falon’Din’s forces sooner than expected (of course). So of course it was not the quick and quiet in and out mission she’d assured herself it would be.

Instead there was fire and death.

And Abby was abruptly aware of just how much she was risking by being there in person.

Because even if she and Solas had managed to keep their bonding a secret, everyone knew she meant something to him, even if only as his foremost lieutenant, his Herald. His childhood friend. His special weapon.

So the Evanuris had studied her, and they knew what she feared most, and it was the fire.

So while the soldiers she’d brought with her to that remote place, perched high in a mountain range that divided the continent, spent their time shepherding terrified villagers out of the way, Abby spent her time fighting Falon’Din’s soldiers, all of whom were wreathed in flame and smoke - slinging gouts and spurts and balls of fire towards her. She nullified as much as she could - broke open their minds so she could hear their thoughts and predict their next moves - filled their minds with shouts and thoughts of horror - but she was tiring rapidly. Her abilities exhausted her far more than using magic seemed to exhaust most people. Solas had tried to explain to her the concept of mana, but either her pool was much smaller than most, or it drained much more quickly, because she could never seem to sense her limits the way he could his.

And now she was not just fighting for herself, or even for the innocent people her soldiers were currently saving. She was fighting for the child nestled in her belly.

What have I done? She thought when the first arrow struck her in the left shoulder, piercing her leather armor, taking the wind from her lungs.

She sent a wave of force towards the soldier who’d fired it, knocking him off of the nearby cliff.

I am fighting for the kind of world I want my child to grow up in, she reminded herself when the second arrow struck her, again in the left shoulder, numbing her left arm. 

She was dizzy from diving in and out of the minds of her enemies and she staggered and that was all the opening the one closest to her needed to shoot flames straight at her, lighting up her right leg with pain. She screamed and the cold mountain air made her throat raw with it.

The woman who’d wounded her was closing in, magic sparking around her fingers again.

I am fighting for my child.

Abby summoned the last of her strength and choked the woman with the same invisible force she’d used to push one of her comrades off the cliff.

“Herald!” one of her own soldiers shouted. “The village is clear!”

Time to go.

Abby fled.

She barely remembered the journey back through the eluvians if she was perfectly honest. She just kept putting one foot in front of the other. The arrows were still in her left shoulder and she could smell her own charred flesh. Her stomach turned. But she looked ahead and saw all the people they’d saved and she knew she had to get them to the fortress. She’d brought them this far.

So she managed not to collapse entirely until every last one of them was inside.

But then she did collapse into a darkness so complete she wasn’t entirely sure it wasn’t death.

*

There were snatches of memory after that. Hushed voices, cool hands, the tingling rush of healing magic. Soft linen sheets. Her whole body was too heavy with exhaustion to process much of it. Time didn’t have its usual meaning but she knew it was passing - a day, maybe two, maybe three. And then, finally, there was something familiar.

Solas - his face filled with a concern so fierce it frightened even her. He seemed to fill the world with it. There was nothing but him and his blue eyes and his brow furrowed with worry.

“Where - ” she began, her throat dry, her head and vision swimming.

“You’re pregnant?” he finished.

Well, shit.

“Yes,” she said, weakly.

Solas dropped his face into both of his hands, scrubbing at his eyes before looking back at her, as if to assure himself that all of this was real. Abby felt herself come back more fully into her body. She ached but she wasn’t in any severe pain. She could feel lingering healing magic all around her and fought the urge to nullify it that her powers always gave her. She began to take in details of the room around them. It was Solas’s room. Not her own.

“Am I in your room?”

“I asked them to move you here when I returned home.”

“But - is that wise? Won’t people - ”

“The whole fortress was already filling with rumors when I arrived, considering that when the healers brought you to our very public hospital to remove the arrows and heal the burns on your leg, they discovered that your abdomen was unusually swollen and confirmed their suspicions aloud.”

Abby’s head wasn’t swimming anymore, but her heart was sinking.

“But - there’s nothing to say that it’s yours -”

“People drew their own conclusions the moment the news of your pregnancy began to spread. Perhaps we have not been as discreet as we thought, or perhaps it is inevitable that any closeness between a man and a woman is interpreted this way. In any case, the rumors spread like wildfire.”

“We can contain - ”

“Andruil herself told me, Abby. Threw it in my face on the battlefield.”

Abby sat up at once.

“What? How - ”

“We know there are spies in our midst, no matter what we do to root them out. Once the rumor spread through the castle, it was inevitable it would reach one of them and make its way back to our enemies. I am confident it was sent as an urgent dispatch, considering the leverage it would give any of the Evanuris to know that I have a bondmate and a child, to boot. It was likely only hours before Andruil knew, and I did not.”

“Shit.” 

Abby tried to run through all the implications and scenarios and how they could be manipulated, what they could do to mitigate this, but her mind and her heart kept returning to Solas, to the way he was sitting at her bedside, tense and afraid and angry. Her mind played through the image again - Solas and Andruil locked in combat, and Andruil’s beautiful, sneering face when she said it. How many insults had she added? How had she phrased it to best shake and mock and destabilize him? Abby had no doubt that she had taken something that was meant to be beautiful and twisted it to the fullest, turning its beauty inside out.

“That is not how I wanted you to find out, vhenan,” she said. She started to reach for him and then hesitated, letting her hand fall back to the comforter. Solas did not reach for it.

“How could you keep this from me?” Solas said, voice rising in anger now.

“I hardly believed it at first!” Abby said, her own anger rising in her. “You and I both agreed that it was nearly impossible considering that you’re an elf and I’m - whatever it is that I am! And it’s always risky early on and you already had so much on your plate so - I wanted to give you one less thing to worry about. I’d just crossed three months when I went on that mission. I was literally going to tell you when you returned from your mission against Andruil. I was just sidetracked by a couple of arrows to the shoulder.”

Solas sighed, looked away from her, shook his head. The window in his room was open. A breeze came through, making Abby’s skin prickle. She brought both of her hands to her belly. It was barely rounding out, but it was there now. Unmistakable.

“I cannot believe you risked yourself so, knowing what you knew,” Solas said finally, quietly. “I cannot - vhenan, if I had lost you both -”

Abby reached for him again. This time, Solas took her hand in both of his own and pressed it hard. The mask of his anger fell away entirely, and only fear and love were left in its wake. He leaned towards her, pressed his forehead to hers - let go of her hand with one of his and cupped the back of her head and held her there. Abby closed her eyes and lost herself in the closeness of him. They each breathed deep. The world didn’t seem so complicated in that moment. There was only them.

“You should go away from here,” Solas murmured. “To your parents. Until the baby is born. I fear I cannot protect you now.”

“No,” Abby said, barely letting him finish. “When you and I bonded, I swore to stay by your side regardless of the danger, and I stand by that.”

Solas let out a hollow laugh. “Somehow I knew you’d say that.”

“I am terribly predictable.”

His laugh was more genuine that time. They drew back so they could see each other. Abby took in the face of the man she loved - her best friend - basking in how lucky she was to have him to share all her secrets with.

*

So it wasn’t exactly a secret that Abby was pregnant anymore - but they could deal with that. And they did. They spread conflicting information through their own spies in the ranks of the Evanuris - that it had been a lie, that she’d lost the baby, that it was someone else’s - until the water was muddied enough. That bought them time. In that time, they increased security at the fortress - more magic wards, more spirit guardians who reacted poorly to anyone who didn’t know the password, which was always shifting. They doubled the efforts to root out spies who did slip in.

Of course, in that time, Abby’s belly grew. She was a tall woman - almost absurdly so - which meant she had plenty of time before she was big enough to be truly noticeable, but she still got there. And, truth be told, it was hard for Solas to keep up the pretense that it wasn’t his. He wanted to be near her, to check on her, to touch and hold her, like some primal instinct had been awoken within him. It was both annoying and endearing. He was also even more zealous - something she would have thought impossible before all of this - about his need to take down the Evanuris and their empire of blood and death and lies. She had to remind him to sleep sometimes.

But in the midst of all of that, she found time - like when she was lying in bed and she could feel the little one rolling and wriggling and kicking within her - to feel incandescently lucky. She had a bondmate who loved her and a child she never thought possible on the way.

She found time - like when she spoke to her parents via sending crystal - to feel properly terrified. She had no memory of her own mother, and her parents reminded her that she’d been a very big baby for her age, and now she was convinced that she had killed her mother in the birthing bed.

She found time - like when she looked at the elves all around her - to worry that her own child would feel as alone and alien as she had all her life.

Eventually, as it often did, time started to get away from them. Abby got too big and too tired to continue attending to all of her duties. She and Solas both became abruptly aware that this was no theoretical child, but a child who would be here very, very soon.

Abby started getting the false contractions near that ninth month, so long after that day with Nuala and her son Elaryl. Elaryl was walking now, chattering too. Soon Abby would be the one with a baby in her arms. Each false contraction sent her into a tizzy of worry that that time was almost on her. Solas too. It went on for two weeks like that - the two of them tense and nervous, like an attack was imminent.

Of course, when labor itself did begin, it might as well have been an attack.

Abby wasn’t sure there were words for that kind of pain in any language. How endless it felt. How it yanked you out of your own body and mind and into some other world where pain was all you knew, all that existed.

It went on for hours, and hours, and hours.

The midwives were exhausted, perplexed, muttering about the size of the baby, about how dangerous it was for the birth to go on this long, about infection and strangling umbilical cords, and Solas was white as death, gripping her hand almost as hard as she gripped his.

“It is fine. Everything is fine,” he kept saying, over and over again, though to himself or to her she wasn’t sure. Either way Abby didn’t believe him, either way the pain just went on and on and on and on and on -

Until, suddenly, he was there.

Her son, huge and wailing and pressed against her chest.

And all the pain was gone, so fast it made her doubt it had ever existed. That anything had ever existed other than the new little person cuddled against her.

She heard Solas take a shuddering breath at her side.

Their son - the secret they’d shared - was here. Breath and bone and beautiful as dawn.

Abby’s sense of wonder only grew as the minutes passed - as he ate and then got cleaned up and returned to her, warm and swaddled and sleeping now.

To think - all those childhood adventures - the stupid shit they’d done - and then their adult lives - the way they’d found each other, the days and nights and battles and embraces they’d shared since then - it had all led to this. To him.

Fen’revas.

“I do not even know what to say,” Solas murmured when it was just the two of them, sitting together in their bed, holding Fen’revas, studying him.

“That may be a first,” Abby said. 

Solas chuckled, kissed her forehead. Fen’revas was soft and warm in Abby’s lap. She was soul-tired - it had been more than a day since her labor started, and Fen’revas was not small, as the midwives had predicted - but she couldn’t imagine sleeping. Not when he was here, and his little chest was rising and falling, and each breath was a miracle.

“I have to make this work,” Solas said finally, quietly. “This war - what we’re fighting for - I have to make everything right for my son.”

Abby leaned into Solas, hoping the wordless action would remind him that he did not carry that burden alone.

They did have to shift him to his bassinette eventually so they themselves could sleep. After she’d done so, Abby reached into the drawer of her nightstand and pulled out the crystal necklace she’d had as long as she could remember. Her parents had found it tucked into her swaddling clothes. It was the only connection she had to birth parents she’d never known - to a life she’d never known.

Now it was a connection between her and her son. The most precious secret she had ever shared with another person: you are not alone.

Abby slept, and dreamed of all the precious secrets that were to come.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Hey I m just curious..What are your headcanons on how malec brought unity in shadow world after being married?what are they up-to now? What happened in the one year gap we see in the finale?how is being high warlock of Alicante really been for Magnus?Do you think being in Edom has brought a change in his magic coz IDK but he looked kinda different & more powerful in Edom.He must have gone through mental struggle after that which was never addressed. Sorry this is too long so feel free to avoid

nah this is great and i love ur asks! im sorry it took me so long to answer this euaeiusndjandsa but anyway, right, what are malec up to politically speaking

honestly i dont really know about alec because, uh, first of all the show fucked up yet again by making alec inquisitor, which is kind of like, the equivalent of the judiciary power in the shadow world? so he’s not really being able to change the law, just kind of applying it, which is. hmmmm. i mean i guess we don’t even know if shadowhunters have a tri-partition of the power anyway, and i wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t because their society sucks, so maybe the judiciary and legislative power are the same, who the fuck knows. and i mean in the brazilian context at least the judiciary power has been really important in keeping the executive power (aka the president bolsonaro, aka a completely nuts fascist) at bay, because they basically rule his most like clearly authoritarian ideas out. but that’s because they can because most of what bolsonaro tries to do is not even constitutional, and brazil actually has one of the most progressive constitutions in the world from what i’ve heard - it mostly just doesn’t translate into practice lmao. so do shadowhunters have a constitution? like technically they claim that one of the reason the shadowhunters exist is to protect downworlders, so maybe as inquisitor he is going around being like “this is against the principle of protecting downworlders, im ruling this out” and deeply frustrating the clave legislative and executive powers, which is a nice mental image. so maybe that’s what he’s doing? like i don’t really believe in “changing the system from the inside” but it is good to have an ally in such a position of power so that’s definitely useful to fight off the brand new ways in which the clave decides to fuck downworlders over

as for magnus!!! i know quite a number of people, especially magnus stans, hate the whole “high warlock of alicante” thing and i can understand why - i deeply hated that magnus lost his position as high warlock of brooklyn for making basically the smartest decision at the time and it does feel kind of shadowhunter-centric, like, oh alec is in idris so i guess magnus has to be, too. but i actually think the whole “high warlock of alicante” thing has such amazing potential that is almost never discussed neither by the part of the fandom that is enthusiastic about it nor by the part that is wary of it. like first of all, the very existence of this position means that magnus made, and is making, history. warlocks weren’t even allowed in alicante before. somehow, within a year, the organized downworlder resistance has managed to rule this out and not only be allowed in alicante, but to be politically organized in the very heart of the clave. and magnus was chosen as their representative in what is possibly the most tense place for them politically. i know the finale was kind of like “racism is over now” with the whole “magnus getting constant calls to update wards so they allow downworlders in” thing, but i’m gonna ignore that because it’s not that quick or that easy. but the idea that the downworlders are occupying a space that has been denied for them since always, choosing representatives for them, and organizing to fight shadowhunter bigotry???? is rad as hell. i also think that from that point of view magnus’ position is way more important than alec’s, and that might be because, again, i don’t really believe in “changing the system from the inside” even if i do believe in haing allies there. but while alec is like, mostly keeping the worst at bay, magnus is being able to actually put forward warlock political demands and calls for rights, fighting the clave from outside of it, pressuring it and keeping the downworlders organized. im thinking like downworlder assemblies - we don’t really know how the whole “high warlock” thing works but i’m gonna choose to believe it’s a way more democratic position than the show implies, especially because i mean, magnus would want to listen to everyone he’s supposed to be representing and make the whole process as participative as possible. that’s also important to keep a community organized and if they weren’t there’s no way there would have been so many changes. so i think the downworlders in general, but particularly warlocks (since seelies, wolves and even vampires seem to have an organization thats closest to monarchy, and warlocks organization beyond the fact that high warlocks exist and are voted for was never mentioned. also i just love the warlock community as y’all probably already know, i’m a sucker for them and i think they’re amazing) have assemblies and places of political discussion in Idris. so the idea that magnus gets to be the high warlock, that he’s trusted to lead them in such a delicate moment in shadow world history, that he’s succeeding, sounds actually amazing to me. 

i just love imagining that they have regular assemblies, where they discuss their next steps on the fight and demand for equal rights. downworlders striking? beautiful. downworlders building their own self-organized spaces in idris, such as schools and health centers where they can be treated or taught without the bigotry that goes on in shadowhunter schools? stunning. downworlders building a tight community together in idris, rather than keeping their own council separated like they used to, looking for unity while still respecting their cultural differences and right to isonomy? chef’s kiss. downworlders rallying to push for political changes? brilliant. i think the potential magnus’ position has in this context is so underrated. there’s so much he could be doing - and i’m sure is doing - with that. the finale pushes a little too far with the whole “everything is good now” thing, i think, and it was definitely harder and bumpier than they make it look - a lot of defeats, a lot of struggle, a lot of fights both within and outside the community and even more with the clave. they’ve definitely been working their asses off and getting frustrated constantly, but they’re also building something amazing as downworlders. they are effectively changing a lot and the very existence of magnus’ position proves that. the downworlder community in idris is possibly stronger than anywhere else and has a lot of its own spaces that are being built and while i don’t like the idea of “leaders” particularly because i’m a dirty little anarchist, i think a lot of that is thanks to magnus. so yeah i think this has a lot of potential and also it’s very possible that lorenzo is eating his heart out in jealousy, which is always my jam

[theharellan]

ANSWER THE FOLLOWING SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPS WORK ON YOUR BLOG

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE?

solas / ian ( @theshirallen​ ) is my fave and i’ll never get tired of it thank u.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE? :

seeing as solas is literally 1000s of years old, age gaps are inevitable. even other ancient elves have centuries of difference between him and them. as i said on my multi, i find it’s relative. 50 and 43 isn’t uncomfortable, 25 and 18 is. what makes a lot of solavellan uncomfortable isn’t that there’s an age gap -- there’s always an age gap -- but that they play up lavellan as a naive ingenue or otherwise emphasise the age thing, often playing up a teacher/student dynamic (which isn’t even why solavellan has such potential imo, as i’ve said before it’s an equal relationship where both sides learn a lot). when the character is less than 28-ish i tend to steer away, but also it’s all how you handle it.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING? :

i mean i’m single ship so? yes??? 

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NS/FW? 

generally i tag anything with nudity as nsfw. i don’t write smut on this blog so much as sensual asexual fantasies if there are vague references to arousal, etc, then i tag it.

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH? 

romantically i only ship solas with ian.

platonically i think one of the most important canon relationships for me is solas and cole’s friendship, tho i’m also fond of his friendship with tal-vashoth bull. i also love his friendship with cadri cadash and my own inquisitor, thora. for slightly combative relationships, his quasi-friendship-sometimes-not-so-much with inara (valorcorrupt) is very good.

ANY NOTPS? :

depending on how it’s written, solavellan. it can either be like amazing or deeply unsettling in ways that weren’t intended by the content creator. it’s a ship with a lot of potential to push both characters in new and exciting ways but often the worst parts get romanticised, exaggerated, or totally made up and based on like one (1) line that wasn’t meant to be taken literally.

i’m also not a fan of solas/f!trevelyan but mostly bc i’m bitter that the second most common solas pairing is just another m/f pairing where solas is shipped with pretty cis white women.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU? :

yep! whatever the relationship, communication is good. it avoids projection so i’m allowed to make choices for my solas and you’re allowed to make choices for your character.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP? :

not particularly often, i tend to prefer one or two ships per character and then just go super hard on them.

ARE YOU MULTISHIP? 

on solas i’m single ship, romantically speaking. platonically i’m open to relationships w/ multiple inquisitor friendships and canons, ocs, etc.

ARE YOU SHIP-OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS? :

more-or-less??? idk i can get super invested, i’ve written thousands upon thousands of words for joly and about solas/ian, but i don’t ship a lot of things beyond “oh that’s cute” and prefer to limit my number of ships in rp b/c i want to be invested and want invested partners.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM? :

im gonna die with the word solian on my lips probably.

for canon in-game ships tho i think sera/dagna has the potential to drown the world in precious.

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU? :

just ask! if we haven’t rped tho i’ll probably want to send them on a test drive to see if we have chemistry. also if you want to ship romantically i have my dragon age multi (here) and my inquisitor (here tho i’m still trying to figure out if i want to move her blog).

TAGGED BY: @tethrist thank u friend

TAGGING: you!!!

[sayilovedragonage]

Ok y'all vent time

Everyone loves to cherry pick who the worst and best characters of dragon age inquisition are. And the things I hear from both anti/support fans are sometimes ridiculous so im going to cover some facts here about each character starting with the most hated/loved characters.

Cullen:

-treated mages like shit after after DA:O. Literally asked the warden to murder their asses.

- Looked down on mages in DA:2, followed meredith well until the end when she called for the slaughter of the mages in kirkwall.

- Is/was an addict and did terrible things to mages including treating Surana/Amell horribly after they saved him.

-realized his mistakes, and tried to atone with the inquisition. Could be forced off lyrium and left the order to insure the safty of the people.

-still has nightmares and can lash out about mages and thinks templars are still the greater power.

-is genuinely trying to put things right, but knows his past will forever haunt him.

Vivienne:

-wants the circles rebuilt and mages put back into them. Dissaproves of thinking mages should be free. Contradicts Dalish and blames the inquisitor for the fall of haven as well as the advisors.

-is a master at playing the game. Is petty if a low approval, moving things and trying to purposely piss off the inquisitor, and is very pompous. She thinks being irrelevant is the worse thing to ever happen.

-created the college of Magi to help the mages who are lost. Realizes that templars are there to protect and had a pleasant stay in the circle, but realized it was different for everyone.

-pushes the inquisitor to do better because she belives that they can. Is a master at fashion, will give the inquisitor her best tailor to make sure they are the best damn thing thedas has seen. Cares if the inquisitor is wounded.

Dorian:

-thinks slavery isnt that bad, the elves are better off. Has an attitude and takes criticism lowly. Fights with the Dalish. Very arrogant in his way of thinking. Tempations run wild.

-the pretty boy of tevinter, puts himself before his family. Helped a magister corrupt tevinter, nearly leading to the death of millions.

-helped create time magic and suppress the effects of the blight for a time. Realized his mistakes and went back to fix his homeland.

-cares for the inquisitors well being and takes being a pariah with pride. Puts himself in danger to protect others and warn the inquisitor of Alexius.

-stays close friends with the inquisitor. Big brother figure if not lover. Holds true emotion and expresses it instead of holding it inside. Pure LGBT.

Iron bull:

-talks down to tal' Vashoth. Spies on the inquisitor and turns against them if his band is killed or if you dont talk to him enough. Makes sexual advances towards several members, including dorian and Cassandra, that could be found uncomfortable. Later apologizes.

-betrays his country given the circumstances, is truly loyal to no one but his company.

-cares so damn much for Krem and doesnt judge on LGBT matters. Stands up for the small guy. Has lots of PTSD.

-has good friends and is terrified of what he could become. Tries his best to be a decent man.

Cares for dorian and Krem as his tevinter boys.

Blackwall:

-killed an entire family including children. Took a dead wardens name and used it to his advantage. Snapped at anyone trying to learn more of him, including his LI.

-self-deprecating, insulting towards Dorian. Overall just rude on multiple occasions.

-saved an entire village from bandits and demons. Atoned for his crimes by joining the wardens. Saves an innocent man, takes responsibility for deaths he caused.

-tries to do the right thing, and follows his gut. Loyal and courageous, will fight the world for the inquisitor.

Sera:

-degrades elves. Breaks up with Dalish inquisitor if they want to keep their faith. Constantly puts down elves and their culture. Kills people for the fun of it. Steals.

-child like with no manners, thinks the world is a game that she can shit on.

-fights for the weak, doesnt take anyones shit. Gives back to the poor. Expresses her feelings openly. Makes friends easily.

-can be funny and a great friend if done right. Makes the inquisitor a Red Jenny and promises to keep in touch. Always remembers her friends. Tries to keep sprits high in the inquisition even if it means making herself look foolish.

There are more but this is what I chose. There are good and bad things to each person, no one is perfect.

Besides cole. Cole is perfect.

But do not argue that cullen is better than Vivienne and Bull than Sera. Becuase they arent. They all have their own opinions and they are all different. No one is better than the other.

[nulfaga]

27 for your DA protag asks! And 4 if you are into that sort of thing.

YES thank you these were so juicy!!!

4. What would they think about each other’s love interests (if they romanced someone of course)? 

Sumia and Leliana actually befriend Antonia and Sera!! Toni takes a shine to leli during her first few months as inquisitor because she and vivienne seem to be the only ones who recognize what a ridiculous burden this is for a young woman of 20(!!!) and leli tries her best to make things seem simpler and less horrific...then sumia comes to skyhold to stay with her wife and toni is just...in SHOCK that these two women are both in positions of power and prestige and they're just...casually married like WHAT?? that's allowed?? and one day, encouraged by leliana and sumia, she asks out sera...

sumia instantly likes sera! they bond over being Really Fucking Common & Fereldan lmao and both are sort of alienated from elven culture by circumstance so they have a lot in common that way...sumia loves how outspoken sera is, like if she wants something known she will say it with her CHEST like sumia can only imagine how much she would have gotten done if she was that assertive ten years ago during the blight!!

Damaris and isabela come to skyhold together because they love each other and also fuck canon :/..sumia has had a few run-ins with bela and they tend to get along OK but just not have too much to talk about because they see the world so differently...antonia mostly envies her her easy attitude towards life, like just the fact that shes in a position where she can just go off and do whatever....if only

For her part damaris only gets to know the inquisition era "hardened" leliana and has the same mix of admiration and intimidation that most ppl seem to have wrt leliana lol...she finds sera a little brash but she's amused by the contrast between her and straightlaced, dutiful antonia :')

27. What would be on their tombstones in the Fade (their greatest fears)?

(im paraphrasing because the tumblr app is sooo petty about copy pasting :/)

So I answered this for Antonia for a different meme; "Disapproval"...to elucidate: as the youngest of five siblings, she's always taken two things for granted. 1) not being in charge of anything and 2) being doted on by her family. so when she becomes inquisitor and has her lesbian awakening within weeks of one another, both of these facts of life are severely endangered because now there are people arguing with her and gainsaying her decisions and, even when she thinks a decision was for the best, she has to deal with the fallout. and there's ALWAYS fallout. And when she finds herself falling for sera it's almost as scary because staying with her means directly defying her family for perhaps the first time in her life. So the short version of all of that is...disapproval

Sumia's would probably be something about losing all the things she worked and BLED for during and after the blight, like waking up one day and finding that it was all a dream and she's an 18 year old in the circle again...idk how to put that concisely though. "The gilded cage" maybe, since characters consistently refer to the circle that way in dao

Damaris is...trickier, i think because a lot of "worst-case scenarios" have already happened to her during her time in kirkwall like losing her brother and mother and (essentially) losing bethany to the circle (although i'm debating making her a warden in this worldstate hm)...at this point though shes tired of outliving people. I would say "loss" (because if something were to happen to bela or bethany it might just be the final straw) but more specifically "Surviving alone"