#im the guy who has the least trustworthy face ever apparently because i dont think any professional that had Diagnosing Powers(tm) had ever

[narwa]

that moment when you've never been taken seriously by psychiatrists and told over and over again that you just need to Try Harder. just try!! it's so easy why wont you Just Try Harder???? your problems are all your fault, if you just tried harder they would go away. you're overreacting. just try harder.

[whoseventingthere]

So, my tale is a lucky one on many regards, but also a weird one, as years ‘n years ago, my dad found out I was ace after literally years sitting me down to have super hinting talks of “you know it really doesn’t matter to me who you bring home. Just so you know. Just reminding you this. Just in case. Just so you know. And remember you can tell me anything. Just so you know.” which finally turned into “It’s very clear you’re not into guys. You don’t need to be ashamed of being attracted to girls. YOU CAN TELL ME THINGS. THERE IS NO USE HIDING THINGS FROM ME ANYWAYS BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT GOOD AT NOT LOOKING LIKE YOU’RE HIDING SOMETHING. FESS UP ALREADY KIDDO. IM ACTUALLY MAD YOU ARE KEEPING SECRETS FROM ME AND AM YELLING AT YOU. AGGRESSIVE “CARING”. THATS HOW I ROLE.” so I admitted what I was keeping was that I am asexual...and then had to explain what that meant.....but that it didn’t mean I NECESSARILY am not attracted to people romantically! It only sometimes means that! I could still bring someone home like he wanted to! I just don’t know who yet! But- but I feel at the moment I dont care about people’s gender so maybe I’m bi idk dad I don’t comprehend romance which should be a huge sign I’m aro but I dont know what that is yet and just know apparently being “alone forever” is bad so I’m just saying whatever I think will make you happy because apparently I can lie successfully once in awhile. But nope I didn’t say an answer my dad was satisfied with. “Oh. So what you’re saying is you arent attracted to people sexually. Well that just isn’t possible. I’m going to make you very uncomfortable and hurt now by chuckling in a oh you naive youth way because ‘You’ll See Someday’”. And then it was dropped for awhile, except for the occasional “you still that A thing?” “You figure out who you’re attracted to yet and ready to Actually Confide in Me so I can pat myself on the back for Good Dading to in my mind make up for how much I yell at you over tiny mistakes or your mental stuff and/or make you cry and then yell at you for crying?” and then laugh or role his eyes at my answer. And then, after a few years of that, he eventually outed me to my therapist, asking if there was any way he could “fix me” because he’d done “research” and it was OBVIOUSLY my meds or my brain stuff itself or something. Which is why I’d never come out to my therapist. Because him thinking those things was the very thing I was scared of because of most other people’s reactions (like ‘friends’ who pestered me about why I wasnt into sexy sex talk like they were or whom I felt I was close to and wanted someone to accept me but the few times I tried were rarely successful so yeah.....or the 'friends’ who SEEMED to accept me but then would make shitty jokes about me all the time for being ace....Or that one guy who was friends of friends who found out and made it his mission to make it his business to harass me again and again with “how do you know if you’ve never tried it” because he was “concerned” about me, or the first guy to pressure me into dating him who was aware I am ace before he even asked me out because he was one of those ‘friends’ who I thought was trustworthy and one who actually seemed to accept me and never made jokes but nah found out after we finally broke up he’d been considering trying to convince me to drink with him so he could get me drunk so I would be “less nervous” and then make some “compromise” with me to at least try “it” one time......so aka rape me.....and according to our mutual ‘friends’ only decided against it because they said it might be too difficult to get me to drink because I hate alcohol.....and they said this like it was a reasonable idea so yeah there went that ‘friend’ group but um now im rambling). But to my suprise my therapist was luckily a chill one, accepted me without question as he’d heard of aces already, and set my dad straight (or kinda.....he has gotten better over time and he stopped trying to convince me otherwise but it turned slowly from still doubting me but being like “whatever happens happens I guess” to “I feel bad because you will never find love even though you have said you aren’t necessarily unable to feel romantic love”.....to..........well, very recently when I finally brought it up myself again seemingly totally being legit supportive of me finally about everything about me but that’s a topic for another time), and then was really chill and supportive when I came out about past bad experiences and other problems and such. But then after I finally concluded, after pondering for so long over it, I am aromantic too for sure probably, and I decided to tell him because he is my therapist and it’s good to be open about things.....I was met with “hmmmm. I don’t think you should be too hasty” and brought out a big spiel to try to convince me otherwise.....

I mean, I know it could be worse, he’s a great helpful guy in other ways--- accepted my aceness for starters and takes me seriously with any problem I have or have ever had even if no one else took me seriously and helps me work through it, accepted my dysphoria right away unlike any other cis person I knew at the time who found out (thank you both my two only True Friends at the time who happen to be trans and helped me understand what I’d been experiencing for years) and helped me deal with getting stuff done and helped me work the system and helped me figure out my whole non-binary thing along with that---- but just.....what the heck bruh. Why is that where you draw the line? Like, yes I am aware I have lucked out with getting this guy in regards to everything else and this is a small thing, just a tiny microaggression compared to how people react to other things or other non orientation stuff I’ve faced, but.......it’s so weird and dumb. I’m not making a huge complaint about this....but....I just need to express because it IS such a weirdly dumb thing when placed with everything else.... What the heck. Why?