#im the evil black that has to ruin your fun by 'making it about race' i will not apologize

[saturnniidae]

I bet being antiracist to not be considered 'problematic' seems a lot less appealing when you realize it actually takes work to unlearn notions you've been internalizing from basically day one and that there's not really any excuse around that

[gizkasparadise]

kdrama rec: arthdal chronicles

Master Kdrama rec list.

Series: Arthdal Chronicles/Chronicles of Arthdal Episodes: 18 (with an opening for another season) SEASON 2 IS ON! (one..day) Genres: fantasy, pseudo-historical, politics, romance, action/adventure/Quests Spoilers in the Review: yes regarding one character :/ they’re a main and their existence is a spoiler If You Like, You’ll Like: spartacus, REVERSE HAREMS, villain couples with functional macbeth realness, male characters with hair better than the female characters, but female characters generally being far far more competent, moon lovers but not as sad, dictatorships for the Aesthetic, blood+, anything with Mystic God Priest Power, Destiny

Rank: 10/10

“owning the land is equal to owning the sky and the wind.”

Premise (spoilers for the first episode and the existence of a major character).

in the pseudo-Bronze Age, two races of people (the sarams and the neanthals) live in an uneasy co-existence. the sarams want an alliance for the neanthal’s lands so that they can farm and mine, the neanthals are like lol we don’t need any of that because we actually have survivalist skills so keep your agriculture you nerds b y e.

the leader of the saram is Not Having That, and sends an envoy (asa hon) to allegedly act as a diplomat. what she actually does is unknowingly carries a plague that wipes out a huge chunk of the neanthals. because that is not enough, the leader sends his son (tagon) to wrap up the rest of this genocide.

asa hon is betrayed and upset and doesn’t return to the sarams. instead, she shacks up with a surviving neanthal named ragaz and they have spoilers twin boys spoilers, hybrids known as igutu. based on Prophecy, any children born under the blue flame comet are Destined to bring calamity. so, doom babies. they are two doom babies.

after killing ragaz, tagon snatches one of the babies For Reasons, and asa hon flees with the other

flashforward about a decade.

the neanthals are extinct OR ARE THEY we get a pretty Quick understanding of who tagon is as a human as he’s re-introduced drinking out of one of their skulls before being surrounded by his hypemen who chant his name Gaston style. he’s joined by taeahla, and they are a Match Made in Hell. it’s quickly revealed that taeahl is raising the other twin baby, who is kept hidden because he’s igutu. and, like, tagon’s famous because he killed all of the neanthal, so having one of their hybrid babies is ngl

asa hon makes it to a land beyond the saram’s influence, where she and eunseom come across a tribe called wahan. they’re lead by a ten-year-old tanya, who had a dream that eunseom would arrive. which is a big deal, because sarams can’t dream. it turns out tanya was also born on Blue Comet Doom Prophecy Day. asa hon dies from the injuries she obtained saving her son, and eunseom is raised by the wahan tribe. it’s a very idyllic existence for them.

until tagon and his men invade in a manifest-destiny-realness bid to capture slaves and conquer land and ruin wahan’s coachella festival before enslaving all of them and bringing what survives of the tribe to arthdal.

the plot then centers around eunseom trying to rescue the wahan tribe, the wahan tribe trying to survive arthdal, and something about gods being reborn, political backstabbing, a church cult being absolute dicks, and a lot of interchangeable evil old men

it’s a fucking awesome show.

Characters.

Eunseom

A PRECIOUS BEAN BABY

eunseom’s been a part of the wahan tribe since he was ten, but everyone (especially him) is aware he’s Different From The Rest of the Reindeer. the only one who treats him the same is tanya, and it’s clear these two are joined at the hip. he has dreams of being locked away in a tower, has a bunch of ~strange~ ideas like trying to ride horses, and is totes crushing on the soon-to-be village wise woman. once the wahan village is attacked, he makes it his mission to save the tribe and his One True Love tanya

pure. does not think things through. just wants to believe in people, god damn it.

tanya

my wife daughter of the wahanian version of “crazy old maurice,” and apprentice to the Great Mother of the Tribe. as another child born under the Doom Comet, she’s been known as the Prophesied One since birth (the One Who Will Break the Shell). we meet her as she’s struggling to follow in the Great Mother’s footsteps, and her journey is grounded in uncovering her mystical destiny. naive and a fish out of water, she leads her people in surviving arthdal after their enslavement

moves like jagger. center of a reverse harem. by her pretty flower crown she can end you

tagon

this bitch but also that bitch. almost single-handedly responsible for the genocide of the neanthals, tagon’s grown into the leader of an army that is the definition of ride-or-die for him. he has a 100% approval rating in arthdal due to defeating the neanthal, defeating the ago tribe, and defeating the will to live for the thousands of slaves he supplies for arthdal’s terrible economic system. he starts the series off with Pure Intentions, in that he wants to rule but he wants to do it by The Love of The People. because that works out well for people who habitually wear black cloaks

poster child #1 for arthdal’s fantastic hair products for men, will smirk you to death, you feel sorry for him a lot and you’re like why?? but then yeaaah, can only stare in heart eyes at his partner in subterfuge...

taeahla

MY WIFE said partner in subterfuge. i cannot spell her fucking name ever. her and tagon have been Not Together for over ten years. she’s the heiress to the hae tribe, who are known for their inventions and are the only tribe that knows how to smith bronze into weapons. therefore she’s hot shit. and also just hot. she seems like the character You’re Not Going to Like but she became one of my favorites after the first episode.

she wants to help tagon in his ambitions, but she also v much wants to see his ambitions help herself. her and tagon made an Oath to never sacrifice their survival for the other and that’s the most metal thing i’ve ever heard. she wears couture. would get a pre-nup. can and will fuck you up. and she also raises the Hidden Igutu Twin Doom Baby...SPOILERS

saya

so at this point you’re probably thinking a few things: this show needs more beautiful hair and pro fashion sense, a complete shit stirrer, and a morally ambiguous pretty boy.

well well well

saya is eunseom’s twin brother, although neither of them know about the other’s existence. because of their neanthal blood, they can see snapshots of each other’s lives in their dreams. as his existence would lead to death, and would DEFINITELY garner tagon some bad PR, saya’s been locked away in his princess tower for the majority of his life. he views tagon and taeahla as his father and mother, and that’s not necessarily a good thing.

daddy’s boy. wants to kill birds for fun. has the hots for the girl who can teach him how to kill birds for fun. surprisingly religious???

Other support characters selected by how much they are my favorites.

mubaek. an OG warrior and tired wine uncle

chae eun. daughter of the somehow singular doctor in arthdal and the only one who actually wants to help people. INCREDIBLE knit wear

xabara WARRIOR QUEEN OF A TRIBE OF MERMEN

yangcha. like. just look at him. you already know he was your favorite character in the 923840923 angsty anime you watched in 2010. Ultimate Warrior for tagon who has Taken a Vow of Silence and Wears A Half Mask So You Know He’s Actually Hot. the mask is torn off his face dramatically at least once. there’s a quota for that kind of thing, you know

this horse.

Drawbacks.

it’s very much an Ensemble show, which means if you’re only watching for 1-2 characters you’re likely going to get frustrated. there’s several plot lines going on

there’s a lot of Interchangeable Evil Old Men and i dont care about any of them

IT ENDS ON A CLIFFHANGER AND SEASON 2 ISNT CONFIRMED YET ISNT GONNA BE UNTIL LIKE 2022

Reasons to Watch.

WORLD BUILDING. im a huge nerd for world building and the lore in this makes me so happy.

AESTHETICS. find me a more beautiful cast with more beautiful scenery and costumes. you can’t.

i love?? all the leads???? like normally i get frustrated with the second leads in dramas, but i genuinely love all of them and was interested in all of their stories. this show has an incredible cast/set of actors and they bring it home

im a sucker for romance. there’s some great ones. and omg do you know how rare it is to see a reverse harem?! get it, tanya

the time era is cool!!

Gods doing Mystical God Shit

so many female characters!!!!!! AND NONE OF THEM FIGHT OVER A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THEY’RE ALL BETTER AT THEIR JOBS

Final Thoughts.

WATCH THE THING

IT’S ON NETFLIX

[drumpfwatch]

False Equivalency: Antifa vs the Nazis

    I realized after last week that there might be some people who want to argue “BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT THE LEFT IS EVIL TOO!! THEY DO BAD THINGS TOO!!! WHAT ABOUT BLACK LIVES MATTER!!! AND ANTIFA!! THEY DO BAAAAD THINGS TOO!!! WAH WAH WAAH! IM SO TRIGGERED I NEED MY SAFE SPACE” so let’s nip that in the bud.

    Honestly, this claim is, in and of itself, ridiculous. Regardless of the rest of this argument, there’s one very big point that needs to be stated up front and that makes the rest of this moot.

    The Alt-Right wants to kill people. They want to commit genocide. They will not be happy until every single Jew, Black, Homosexual or whoever they don’t happen to like is dead. I’ll get into the details there in a moment, but right now I just want to focus on that. Their ideology is existentially threatening to people who are not in the demographics they have decided are qualified to exist. If they get into power, which they are already to an extent, then they will tweak the system to deliberately harm those people. We have proof of that already. This was the entire premise of the Jim Crow era. Anti-fascist actions are self defensive actions, and those of you who don’t see that I’m willing to be are privileged enough that you have the luxury of ignoring it.

    But let’s get back to that point of escalation. That’s a slippery slope, I hear the devil’s advocate say. A lot of them just want to stop immigration, stop people from coming into the country to prevent the white race from being lost and mixed away into nothing. And if you believe that, I have a bridge I’d like to sell you, or a mace I want to smack you upside the head with. Think about it - if, say, Mexican Americans mixed with “Whites” to the point where the “white race” no longer exists then the Mexican-American race won’t either. Unless they’re suggesting that, say, a collective of Mexican-Americans will distinctly not have mixed-raced children because CONSPIRAAACYYYYYYY.

    Anyway, I’m sidetracking again. That’s a whole other thing. We have proof historically that this is the case, and consider it. If these people are really afraid of having their blood diluted then it can’t just stop with non-whites being disallowed into the country. Sure, that keeps them out, but what about the people already in your country? Well, they have to be removed from the country. This is how it started in Nazi Germany - Jews were “encouraged” to leave with laws that made it difficult for them to own businesses or be politicians. But sometimes, they don’t. Other times, they can’t. A rich Jewish person might have stayed in Nazi Germany because they thought it was their duty to keep Germany from getting worse. A poor person stays because they can’t exactly afford to leave. There were also plenty of people who actually didn’t even know they were Jewish by Nazi standards - the Nazis considered anyone who had at least 3 Jewish grandparents a Jew, even if they didn’t practice the religion. Either way, not everyone is going to leave. So you have to forcibly move them and separate them from the people you don’t want them mixing with. But that doesn’t always work either, because people might escape those ghettos and take a new identity.

    This is why the Nazis called their executions the “Final Solution.” The only way to solve the Jewish problem was to kill all the Jews in the country. That way they couldn’t possible cause problems. And this is the point where I would say the slope for certain stops. If you believe that certain people are lesser and are destroying you by trying to mix you away, then there’s no way to stop that for certain without killing any of them in your country and stopping new ones from getting into the country.

    But there’s another step that’s fairly easy to take which makes it even worse. Other countries may not have such rigorous standards for identifying what the racists consider to be a race “polluter”.  For instance, England may only identify a Jew as someone who practices the faith, so when they apply for German citizenship, none of that “insidious jewry” comes to the surface. Suddenly the race is being polluted discreetly from outsiders pretending to be insiders. So you have to kill Jews in other countries too.

        We know this because we’ve seen this happen before. Every country that focuses on racial purity has more or less followed this same path. Even if they say they don’t want this, they do. Either because they actually do want genocide and are lying, or they don’t realize that the only way to get what they want is genocide.

    Stopping fascism is a self-defensive action. End of discussion.

    But hey, just because you’re defending yourself doesn’t mean you’re allowed to do whatever you like. It’s no fair if I shoot a man 27 times before breaking his skull just because he made a sexist threat, that’s just excessive.

    To that end, and I’m gonna put this in big bold letters, I DO NOT AGREE WITH ALL ANTI-FASCIST VIOLENCE. Sometimes punching a Nazi is okay, sometimes there are better choices. There’s a lot of problems with the machismo being waved around by some Antifa folk and I think that if anti-fascist movements are to be effective, it needs to be made clear that violence is used as a last resort. Of course, the fascists will always try and make it look like that’s not the case, and the news media is surprisingly interested in spreading the viewpoints of fascists (that’s another topic I’ll talk about some day). But if we don’t do things without reason, then there’s less wiggle room for them to convince us otherwise. Especially with the fascist grasp on the media, it’s important that Antifa put on a good face, at least to an extent.

    But let’s talk usual tactics. What most people don’t know is that most of what Antifa does is background work. Tearing down posters to prevent people from knowing about their meetings, informing gathering places that the people coming there are Nazis, usually causing them not to be able to hold their meetings, data mining information to dox Nazis. All of these, and a few more like them, are the most common tactics of Antifa. In short, Antifa isn’t really interested in doing physical violence. They’re interested in stopping Nazis from doing violence. If they can’t get together because they’re being stopped at every possible turn, then they can’t grow.

    A part of that means coming up and counter protesting when the Nazis show up to ruin the fun. In the same way the Patriot Guard Riders show up to drown out the noise of the Westboro Baptist Church with their motorcycles to keep their message from being heard, the Antifa protesters show up to fascist rallies not to start a fight, but to drown out the noise so people can’t hear it. One of the best anitfa protests I ever saw was a youtube video of a Nazi going on about the white race on a soap box while an anti fascist stood right in front of him and screamed at the top of his lungs every time he tried to say something, drowning him out.

    Sometimes, though, you need to get your hands dirty. While Charlottesville was a mess, I only ever saw Antifa spraying mace into the eyes of fascists when the fascists tried to enter areas not designated for their use, or after their assembly had been called unlawful. They were interested in holding their ground, while we have evidence of the fascists gathering groups to send them out to heckle and perturb the counter protestors.

    Also, note that while both sides exchanged barbs and the occasional fist, only one side drove their car into people. Which brings me to my next point. In the past 10 years, only 2% of extremist driven deaths were caused by extremist leftists, with 72% percent being right wing. (The empty space in between is represented by religious extremists, for those wondering).

    Of course, Antifa will fight back. They have to. The right will also commonly incite violence by feigning attacks, doing things specifically to agitate - like holding a rally in a Jewish part of town - or even spit on Antifa counter protestors. This is a common tactic employed by the police and the right - creating a situation where violence is either perceived as necessary or is made to be inevitable. Which isn’t to say Antifa hasn’t instigated. That famous video of Richard Spencer getting decked in the face was more or less completely unexpected.

The point is, there are times to use violence, and times not to, and Antifa recognizes that, even if they don’t always make the “right” decision. I’ve talked before about when and when not to set your proverbial foot down in that regard, but that’s just my opinion.

But here’s the kicker. Antifascists only congeal out of ordinary people when fascists begin to crawl out of the scum sucking abyssal ponds they belong in. Their primary objective is to stop fascists, and once the fascists go away and back into hiding where they belong, they will spread back out where they belong. Antifa exists not as an organization with an overarching goal and with leaders, but instead as a counterpoint to fascists. If there aren’t Nazis and their ilk going about operating in the open, then antifa won’t need to.

    Now, knowing all of this, can you honestly tell me that the antifa and the right are the same?

[waitinginthedarke]

Sometimes Rain Falls

A BTS Fanfiction

Type: AU/Alternative Universe

Summary: Sometimes a normal life is a good one to lead; its nice…its easy… But sometimes, normal isn’t the way that things were meant to be. And when you’re chosen as a possible candidate for one of the kingdom’s 7 princes, life isn’t as nice and easy as you always presumed it to be…especially when you catch the eye of more than one of them…

Trailer

Masterlist

Chapter 20 - The End

‘....I told her to Run...’

You don’t hesitate.

Giving your body over to the survival instincts that were screaming to take over, you instantly turn around and begin to sprint in the opposite direction to the monster that stood before you, having to bunch your dress into your arms to run so that you didn’t trip over it, and not even caring that you had no idea where you were going as you bolt away, not when the voices in your head were all screaming one word over and over again.

‘Escape.’

Its when you register the sound of maniacal laughter echoing behind you, and you hear his footfalls begin to thump against the ground, that your heart almost doubles the speed it was racing in your chest, and you will yourself to move faster, the adrenaline in your body complying, despite your legs screaming in protest.

‘Do you remember the first time you looked at me, Y/N? Do you remember the way you’d felt drawn to me?’ He calls as you run, the sound of his voice causing terror to reign down on you as you try to focus on weaving desperately through the trees, continuing to listen to him as you go.

‘…I made you feel that way. I made every princess feel that way…but you were the easiest to manipulate.’

‘Its always been my plan you see; to destroy each princess so that my father’s fairytale ending is ruined…and from the second I met you riding the horses in the fields, I could feel the interest you had in me; you so wanted to know why I was so closed off that I felt tempted to indulge you, to bring you into my world and make you see things my way. But before I could, Hoseok had become smitten with you…the stupid bastard barely let you out of his sight…but I guess that just made it more fun to make you my prey.’ He calls, the evil dripping from every word and you knew he was smirking without even looking back at him, the image in your minds eye causing a whimper to escape you as you feel your ankle twist, but you refuse to stop running.

‘Even when you saw me in the corridor that night, when I showed you my true form...I could see the fear as it burned in your eyes…it intrigued me, it made the monster within demand to hunt you.’

‘And then at the ball, you looked so beautiful in that dress that I couldn’t help but be tempted by you; for a minute, I even questioned whether my need genuinely was to do with wanting your blood, or whether I’d betrayed myself and it was actually because I’d grown a want of you…’ he says, the words sounding like a whisper in your ear, and you stumble as you turn your head quickly to the side, only seeing the denseness of the trees, before hearing his deep laugh behind you and once again beginning to sprint forward, praying to whatever power there was that you’d make it somewhere, anywhere out of the forest, before he got to you.

‘Your observational skills surprised me; that first time you asked me why my eyes go black? I was taken by surprise to be honest- that could have added to the reason why I chose to kill her that night, since I was so frustrated at how you could notice something that none of the other Princesses seemed to…

‘Do you remember the day she died, Y/N? Does it all make sense now?’

You did remember the day it had all happened. Only now, rather than the memory being painted in tones of warm colour, a shadow of sickness infiltrated any moment of happiness that surrounded the horrific situation...the way Taehyung’s princess had been silent the entire time the princesses had spent getting ready, and then the way she’d left the room and disappeared till you’d seen her floating in the fountain later....

...the memory of seeing Taehyung alone at the ball, face carved like stone, appearing completely separate from the world begins a checklist in your mind of all the times when you should have known that something was wrong, that you shouldn’t have trusted him. Its in that moment that the memory of what you’d seen from your window comes back to your mind in full HD, the image of Namjoon stood with the King, their expressions of minor panic and concern, and the memory of hearing Jimin and Hoseok talking outside of your room as they’d asked the frantic question of where Taehyung was… it all seemed so obvious to you, so utterly, effortlessly, obvious, that you want to hit yourself for being so oblivious to the reality behind the situation.

‘…And the way you continued to come back to me, time and time again, seemingly becoming ever more interested by how cut off I was from the others and their delirious dreams of a perfect life with their princesses, it just made it so much easier for me to draw you in- to make you believe the lies as a reality.’ He continues to call, his voice sounding closer pushing you on despite the air growing thinner as you drag it into your lungs, ignoring your protesting limbs as you press on towards the sound of water up ahead, and the sight of light filtering thickly through the trees around 200 yards in front of you.

‘It was almost endearing, the way you were so determined to find out the truth, the way you refused to believe the way things had happened- although Namjoon continuously trying to make you forget because Hoseok was too cowardly to tell you what he was only aided in your curiosity for answers; you see despite being the wisest of us, Namjoon tends to forget the little things that matter.’

‘Of course, when you began to get aggressive in your need for answers I started to become worried that the others would cotton onto the fact that you’d become my new target. When Namjoon had first found my Princess in the fountain, I’d told him I’d simply lost control, that it was an accident…which worked for a time…but then the suspicions started coming in. And of course, Namjoon had been there to witness it. …But if you would have been trampled under that horse like you should have when you began to ask too many questions, things wouldn’t have become this messy. In fact, I probably would have made my way through more of the princesses before they were all changed. But you ended up stalling my progress. …although im not that angry about it, you’ve made it very entertaining…’

You could barely hear him at this point, your heart thundering so loudly in your ears that you think your head was going to explode from lack of oxygen, your breaths raking against your throat as you cough desperately, beginning to grab onto each tree as you passed, creeping closer and closer to the opening you could see up ahead that you prayed would take you closer to the castle. The minute you’d started running you’d known it had been useless; you’d witnessed the supernatural speed and power that the Princes possessed, however the fear within you still told you you had to try, and with that being your only chance to escape, you’d sprinted as fast as you could.

‘Do you know what your blood smells like, Y/N?’ he calls again, his voice having changed in some way, almost as though he was getting excited, and the thought has the voices in your head pleading with you to keep going as he continues to speak, ‘It smells like power; like the richest, most perfectly flavoured wine- although don’t flatter yourself, most people’s do. …I think your fear just makes it seem that much more tempting to me.’ he chuckles.

‘...Do you remember the first time I kissed you, Y/N? Do you remember what I showed you?’ he continues to call as you continue sprinting through the trees. Despite your better instincts you find yourself involuntarily doing as he says, the memory he’d shown you of the night his Princess had died penetrating your mind, the way he’d held her warmly, how sweet he’d been with her, the tender kiss they’d shared, and the fear of seeing Namjoon lurking in the shadows, all of it being ripped back by the tendrils of his power as you physically felt it curl around your mind, peeling away the facade to reveal a much clearer, more obvious reality as you feel the imagined warm body in Taehyung’s hands in your mind’s eye, and you look down-

-to see the recently lifeless, bloody, body of his princess.

‘Oh my god.’ You breathe, blinking through sudden tears as they erupt from your eyes, the words not even being coherent as your lungs scream for air, and you hands shake uncontrollably with the need to get the imagined blood off of your skin, the patch of light ahead of you filling you with hope as you grew to within feet of it; a hope that is dashed as soon as his voice appears behind you.

‘You believed me so easily, Y/N. So, SO easily. I even cried in front of you! Just to complete the picture, to really cement the vision as reality…’

‘But you forgot the most important thing, Y/N. …Our eyes don’t just change colour when we’re passionate, or angry…

...they change when we’re using our powers too…’

You suddenly lunge forward onto your hands and knees, the hard compacted earth hidden beneath the grass of the meadow that opened up in front of you barely cushioning the blow, but as soon as you register the open space before you you continue to move, crawling for a few meters, before you feel your dress get caught on something, and you collapse on your stomach, rolling over quickly to detach yourself-

-only to come face to face, with Taehyung.

‘…it would have given it away so much quicker, beautiful girl. If you would have simply remembered what I told you that day in the forest, you would have figured out that almost every time I was with you, I messed with your head; I manipulated what you saw. But the moment you accepted my word on that night’s events as the truth, you must have been completely consumed with the lie… that you never expected anything else.’ he smirks, the quietness of his explanation as he tilts his head in mock compassion causing bile to rise in your throat as the cold night claws at your burning limbs.

‘After Hoseok rewound time I thought you’d have forgotten. I mean…it even took me a little while to remember, although already knowing I was after you helped. But I kept getting flashes of you being with me in the forest, and so it wasn’t until I overheard Namjoon and Hoseok talking about it, that all the memories came back to me, and I thought I’d have to reboot my plan- despite being too impatient to be as thorough in my movements again; however, you made it quite easy for me when you made it clear you still remembered on some level.’

You knew that night better than any other, could remember it detail for detail due to how it had concluded; the way you’d felt like something was wrong all day, the moment you’d thought you’d heard Hoseok talking to you during the kings speech, before realizing he hadn’t said anything, and later understanding that it had been your subconscious memory trying to clue you in on the situation. And then you’d seen the skeletal, inhuman faces of the guests, and the same fear as before had caused you to realize that the whole night had happened before.

‘It really was quite something; …the way you remembered so quickly, so easily, when you ran over to me at the ball I expected the questions about my eyes again, but I was shocked when you asked me to help you understand what was going on. Of course, I couldn’t let on to my brothers that I knew,…I almost felt bad for you when I told you I had no idea what you were on about, but, to be honest, it only made it more fun when I decided that I should let you in on the family secret.’

The second he removes his foot from your dress you continue scrambling backwards, the whimpers slipping from you being uncontrollable as you pant desperately, feeling the earth bite at your palms, but ignoring it as you glance behind you to see where you were going, turning back to see him following you, his eyes glowing with anticipation, and causing you to blurt out the first thing you could think of to stall him.

‘What about you saving me from Hoseok’s room? Why would you do that if-‘

‘Oh, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N… I was so close to killing you even then, you cant even imagine… just how close you came to death- if it wouldn’t have been for Hoseok coming back quicker than anticipated, you’d never have seen past that day; you would have met death in a dream. …And you were just so easy to coerce out of that room…all I had to do was embed a monster into your mind, use your human fear of the dark, of shadows- use it against you to conjure a pitiful creature with glowing yellow eyes that appeared to be readying to pounce…and you came sprinting into my arms faster than I thought possible.’ He explains, his voice soft as he smiles at you sadly, laughter still dancing in his eyes as he stalks silently towards you.

‘He was telling the truth about you making me see him as a monster yesterday-‘ you whisper when your brain catches onto the mention of ‘yellow eyes’, the devastating regret you felt toward Hoseok at not having believed him when he’d first told you that Taehyung had made you see him as a monster when he’d lunged for him the day before making more tears spring into your vision as you continue to crawl backwards, wanting to throw up with the sound of his evil chuckle in response to what you’d said.

‘I think that was my favourite; Watching the fear take over you whilst my brothers watched in complete confusion, I barely managed to hold it together with how much I wanted to laugh. Gosh. When Namjoon put the puzzle pieces together after that I thought he might take me out then and there-’

‘You’re sick.’ You whisper, fear letting any and every thought fall from your lips as you continue to exhaustedly drag yourself back through the grass, your heart racing faster and faster with each step he takes towards you, his movements like a lion as it hunts prey, shoulders arching behind him as his pitch black eyes focus solely on you, tongue coming out to run over his lips, and breaths becoming audible to you as blood appears to drip from his mouth, the sight startling you, but not making your heart attempt to break its way out of your ribcage as badly as his next words do.

‘I really am going to miss playing with you, Y/N, you’ve made this game so much more enjoyable for me, and i am quite sorry to see you go…’ he sighs, eyes dancing over your body where you were pretty much laid out for the taking, your shoulders suddenly coming into contact with the bottom of a hedge, and the second you look back at the long perimeter of the bush, and you see the sparse dent in the leaves a few meters away, you finally realize you were as far from the castle as you could possibly get.

‘…but im afraid, now its time for the hunt to come to an end; …I cant control the thirst anymore.’

As soon as he says those words you force yourself to your feet and scramble toward the gap, crying beneath your breath when you hear his animalistic growl behind you and lunging forward through the leaves. You didn’t have a plan; you knew the clearing didn’t go anywhere, but simply seeing the sight of the flowers, the space you’d shared with your prince, and the edge of the cliff conjuring the memory of how he’d saved you from falling down to its depths; the image instilled some inhuman sense of peace within you, and so despite the way you continued to scramble across the ground, before suddenly being forced onto your back and having the sight of Taehyung, fangs bared in a smirk, greeting you…

…somehow it made it seem like your prince was still with you.

‘Im sorry, Hobi.’ You whisper, seconds before Taehyung is leaning over you and his fangs pierce your neck.

The last thing you remember was screaming.

‘Y/N…Y/N…please…please, jagi….please, don’t leave me.’

His voice was too far away, it sounded like it was coming through a pipe; like no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t get any closer to him; could only hear him from a distance.

Hoseok.

‘Beautiful, please don’t leave me…please…I cant- you cant die on me…’

Some urge within you springs you forward in your mind, and the bindings over your vision suddenly don’t seem so heavy anymore, the lead weight of your eyelids gradually peeling back with the more effort you put into trying to see him, until his angel’s face finally appears in your vision.

‘H-….Hobi….I-‘

‘Shhh, Jagi,  its okay…you don’t need to speak…you don’t need to-‘

‘I cant move, Hobi…’

Its the first realization you make. 

You hear the way he cuts his sob short at your words, the way his face crumples in determination as he closes his eyes momentarily, before looking back up at you with the attempt of a reassuring smile as his warm brown eyes sat dimly in his face, the sight instantly telling you that something was very very wrong.

‘I know, Jagi…’

‘Why-‘

‘Don’t worry about that right now, Y/N. Just-Just look at me, Beautiful girl.’ He pleads, a tear rolling down his cheek too quickly for him to wipe it away before you could notice, but despite seeing it, you become distracted by the way you found yourself laid in his lap, the faint feeling of his arms clutching you to him making you frown in confusion as you try desperately to look around you- but to no avail.

‘Hobi…where are we?’ you ask, your voice croaky, and you find your emotions getting the better of you as you force yourself to attempt to swallow down tears, beginning to become aware of the feel of emptiness in your chest, your entire body feeling cold despite being clutched in Hoseok’s warm arms.

‘…We’re in the meadow, Beautiful girl. …We’re in our meadow.’ He whispers, where he had his face pressed to your forehead, his lips touching your skin, but the feeling barely being tangible to you makes you begin to panic, your breaths coming in shallow pants.

‘Hobi…please…tell me what happened… he was going to kill me-‘

‘Shhhh, Jagi, its okay…you’re safe now. …He cant hurt you anymore…’ he explains quietly, pulling away from you slightly where you were clutched in his arms and smiling sadly as he brushes your hair from your eyes, gaze raking slowly over your face as though he was trying to memorize every tiny detail of you.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t believe you, Hobi.’ You breathe through the tears that were clawing up your throat, wanting to reach up to touch his face, and becoming frustrated when you couldn’t, tears dribbling down your cheeks as you pitifully continue to try over and over, only becoming more and more frustrated when it feels like your whole body was out of your control.

‘Its okay, Jagi…please don’t be sad…I know you were scared…I know, my beautiful Jagi-‘

‘Why cant I move, Hobi?’ you ask again, this time the question wheezing from you as it battles against your want to cry out, Hoseok leaning down to press a hard kiss to your mouth curbing your need for an answer momentarily, until he lets out a stuttering, scared breath against your lips.

‘Tell me-‘

‘I got to you too late, Y/N.’

The way he whispers the words in the past tense has your brain slowly working to try and work out what he meant, the fact that he was there before you, clutching you to him, proving that he’d managed to save you, despite what he was saying, and therefore all you can do is frown up at him in confusion, watching him closely as he leans away from you slightly, continuing to avoid your eyes.

‘They pulled him off of you; knocked him out and bound him so that he couldn’t hurt anyone else…but it took us so long to find you, to realize where he would have taken you, that by the time we made it through the forest…by the time I found you lay here-‘

‘Hobi-‘ you croak, still not understanding where he was going, but sensing the fear and lack of hope in his voice, and finding the tears brimming over in your eyes as you watch him, locking eyes with him as he goes on.

‘Do you remember when I first brought you here…a-and I told you about my power…how I only thought I could turn back time? H-How I hadn’t worked out how to pause it yet?’ he stutters in a whisper, the raspiness of the question causing you to take a few moments before you realized where he was going, and together with the inability to move your body, the lack of air flowing around you, and the silence you were encapsulated in within the meadow, the puzzle pieces slotted together in your head.

‘You-‘

‘I dont know how I did it....but it was the only thing I could do. …the only thing I could do to stop you from-from dying.’ He breathes, the tears continuing to run quietly down his cheeks as his eyes bloom a faded white, veins of red decorating the orbs with how emotional he was, and all you want to do is hold him, comfort him in some way so that you didn’t have to acknowledge the truth;

He’d managed to stop time…to stop you from dying.

‘…what happens when-‘

‘-Don’t-‘

‘…What happens when you let the world resume?’ you continue, having to ask the question since you knew you couldn’t both sit there forever, too tired to refuse truth any longer, but still managing to conjure a small smile when he touches his mouth to yours again, his lips quivering against your own.

‘Im not going to.’

‘Hobi-‘

‘I cant.’ He whimpers, his forehead touching your cheek as he crumples over you, a sob escaping him, his chest jolting against you as he does so, and the movement causes more tears to fall from your eyes as you force yourself not to close them again, not knowing if you’d be able to open them once you do.

‘I could hear your heartbeat the moment I touched you; its so weak, Y/N. …I froze it, and i froze you, when I froze time…but you wont survive if I unfreeze everything again. I dont know how this works, how you’re conscious right now, but i do know that....’ He whispers, his lips brushing your chin as he talks, and you get side tracked by the strange sensation of being able to breathe without feeling your heart beat in your chest, or hearing it thunder in your ears.

You’re both quiet for a moment, the night sky above you calming you as you think over everything, wishing you could go back to the ball, wishing you would have found the real Hoseok in the crowd of people instead of Taehyung’s perfect mimicry. You think back to the night you’d shared with your Prince, hating the fact that it was marred with the events that unfolded the next day, but pushing them aside for the feeling of him cradling you in his arms after you’d made love, kissing you gently and holding you like he was never going to let you go.

‘...But we can’t stay like this forever, Hobi.’ You whisper, biting your lip in denial of the words, and feeling your chest ache as he shakes his head sadly against your cheek, pulling himself up heavily so that he could look you in the eyes, and drawing in a deep breath that rakes into a sob as he lets his head fall back to look up at the sky, the sound being the most heartbreaking thing you’d ever heard.

‘I don’t want to let you go, I cant let you go, Y/N-‘ he whimpers, allowing the cries to leave him as he bows his head once more, crumbling against your chest, and holding you tightly to him as you fight against your own tears at the sight of your Prince breaking down, the fact you couldn’t comfort him in any way making you focus on what you wanted to say since words were all you had left.

‘You can, my Prince. …You have to keep the others safe…and you cant do that by letting us keep this moment forever.’ You whisper, smiling sadly at him despite the way he continues to sob into your chest, ignoring the tears that streamed from your eyes and pulling in a breath to clear your throat so that you could go on.

‘You just have to remember…that I love you. I’ve loved you since the moment you kissed me in the dining room, since the moment I understood how gentle, and compassionate, and warm you are. I’ve loved you with all of my heart, and I will forever love you…even if I have to do it from a world away.’ You whisper, watching him closely as he lifts his head, and looks up at you, suddenly stopping your words with a kiss, and you allow yourself the moment to sink into it, wanting to memorize the taste and feel of him, despite the fact that you soon wouldn’t be able to remember anything.

‘And will you-…will you remember how much I love you?’ he whispers raggedly, his thumb stroking over your cheek as you smile sadly up at him, willing a sob not to escape you as you see the truth being acknowledged in his eyes; the truth that he’d have to face the inevitable sooner or later.

‘I feel it in my heart everyday, Hobi….I don’t think I’d be able to forget even if I was forced to.’ You breathe, swallowing thickly past the tears before he places another kiss on your lips.

‘I don’t know if I can.’ He breathes, leaning his forehead against your own as he cradles you in his arms, picking one of your hands up and clutching it in his between both of your chests, the move making you smile thankfully as you will yourself to keep looking at him, to watch him till the very last moment and not to acknowledge the fear of death as it clawed at your mind.

‘You can, my prince. You have to do it for yourself, and for the others…

…you have to let me go…’ you whisper, locking eyes with him as the words fall from your lips and feeling the air escape you slowly as the wind suddenly begins to caress your face again, letting your see your prince in all his glory once more as time resumes around you and the air curls through his hair, the sound of nature mingling with the sound of the other prince’s heavy breathing nearby as they struggle with Taehyung.

In the last few seconds you manage to squeeze his hand, telling him silently that it was okay, and you’re rewarded when you feel the full pressure of his lips against yours, just as your eyes slide shut for the final time.

‘…but I don’t have to let you go like this…’

.....................

As he climbs from the carriage, he can feel his hand trembling against the door, quickly letting go as he straightens up, and forcing a pleasant onto his face as the crowd of people cheer for the Princes as they appear before them. He nods at Namjoon as he comes to stand beside him, staring into his eyes that were none the wiser to what had gone on, for the first time since the brothers had learnt of his power, his obliviousness leaving Hoseok alone in his grief.

He’d only allowed himself that morning to cry, simply not having it in him to use his power to rewind past that point after he’d found himself alone in the meadow once more, the pain of letting her go crippling him as he’d curled into the grass, and allowed the sun to curl in around his limbs, reminding him of her touch.

He couldn’t bring himself to look out at the crowd as his brothers line up beside him, Jimin standing next to him, and beaming at him excitedly when he catches Hoseok’s eye, forcing the older prince to grin back, despite deep inside feeling his heart in pieces. When he peers at Taehyung a few feet away he could see the tense expression on his younger brother’s face, the other prince already showing the signs that Hoseok should have been aware of before, signs that the younger prince ended up hiding only too well from his brothers.

Its takes the entire 10 minute introduction ceremony for Hoseok to prepare himself, the sound of her voice reaching his ears as it cuts easily through the crowd of gleeful shouts and applause, and causing him to grit his teeth as he readies himself to face her...

…knowing it would be the last time he did so...

It had been whilst he was laying in the meadow a few hours before, numbly staring at the clouds after his sobs had been swallowed by numbness, that he’d made the decision.

Because even though he was prepared for Taehyung to turn this time, even though he knew how the story played out- had lived the darkness and devastation, Hoseok knew that the same events would play out again, and he’d still have to wait for Namjoon to realize what was going on before they could do anything about it, since his brother wouldn’t believe Hoseok when he was unaware of the events that he’d caused never to happen.

And its because he knew the danger was still there, that he knew she could still maybe become sucked away by his brother; even if they maybe restrained him, or they maybe imprisoned him and kept her away from him…Hoseok knew now, that his brother’s power was stronger than they’d ever thought possible…

…and he wasn’t ready to sacrifice the love of life for a maybe.

Its with that thought, and his final acceptance of his decision that he looks up, his eyes drawing to her corner of the crowd like a magnet and seeing her joyfully grinning up at all the Princes on stage, expression turning to awe as she takes in their inhuman grace.

She looked so beautiful.

...and that was how she would forever stay in his mind.

‘Hey, its your turn.’ Namjoon suddenly murmurs in his ear, informing him that it was his turn to select his princess, and while every cell in his body screams for him to choose her, to keep his eyes on her, to grab her and never to let go, he forces himself to look away, eyes scanning the crowd blindly, and picking the first pretty face he sees.

He doesn’t dare to look back toward her, he doesn’t dare to look anywhere but at the floor as he wills the tears not to fall, forcing himself to smile as he blinks his vision clear once the ceremony was over, looking up without seeing as he waves at the crowds politely.

Moments later he climbs back into the carriage, and with one last glance out of the window he sees her standing sadly in the slowly dispersing crowd, eyes catching his momentarily.

But it was too late.

He was already gone.

THE END

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-

-

(Epilogue, coming soon)

[failinginvestigativejournalist]

Dont freak out, itss just writing

i grew up fast (so fast) (too quick nigga) (wish i went through when i was just a bit bigger) can you tell me who the parent is uh ya the first time i drove a whip i was a fuckin kid, (96 suburban nigga) (yo yo, did you tell em why) oh ya shit my fault my mom was bleeding from her chin i dont know what from or what about, scared to death i took that drive to the ER (Medical SHIIIT) (mom got too drunk again and feel out) (wheres dad? in his room his doors locked, figures i dont expect, as i try to knock (no answer nigga) i dont blame em he removes himself from the sitiation so he dont hit her) ya i fucking grew quick, ya i fucking tryed some shit, the first time i dropped out and took some shroomies i was age 6 plus 6, thats 12 for the illiterates, actually aas a matter a fact it was fuckin pleasant as fuck as i drew back the droe and took another hit. now that i think that was the day, older brother came and gave me cig i obliged no way to say nay, i was still trippin and it was a sensational feelin, it left me stumblin and dizzy a head rush like no other i was hooked for live to the day and i dont blame him, i dont think he knew what he had started, adding to the compilation of the monsxter inside that took refuge and started, poison in his mind, the drugs altered his brain activity but he was buckled up and commited to the ride.Shit i just said in third person let me apologize to yall sometimes the ideas flow together like two fortune five mergin, these feels of hate be strong ya im hurtin, i cant blame no one, i cant choose the family i was birthed in, started sniffin ups felt my blood surgin, gotta big head but my nemisis, the evil inside myself was bigger aboutt the size of a white sturgeon, like some northern ish that canadain shit like british columbia or somethin idk, alls i can say is that BC bud out that bitch is my fav to blow, the sour D, diesel to be exact for you niggas who waana try to nit pick or correct my personal facts, let me just speak at you,  all the hatin niggas tryin bring me down, bad news, i do drugs like steve from fuckin blues clues, but my rents always on time when that xshits due, any ways i side tracked speaking of tracks just lined some shit up did with speed did with need i did it with tact, im dextrous and shit i always have a unique train of thought oh shit trains again trains derailed at this point hhaaha i crack myself up sometimes with the wit in my words leh-let you in on the pun so you can join in my fun, about the lines the lines are no more you didn arrive in time i promise these raps have rhythm they have rhyme i aint spittin to waste your time, i aint spittin to catch a dime, bag or bitch, it really dont matter, niether last long but they are still my niche, come here bitch come hit this shit, this time dont have a fit, mind over matter just stick yuh nose in these rails sit down for a bit, drink some wata, go to your happy place we are gettin to old for me to have tote on yuh just from hitten lines but i put up wit it, you got that 50 thou boat on yuh, not to mention your ride, that shit is so sweet i cant decidddee which id rather seed, as in inseminate with my seaman as i play the part as a seaman workin for seimans on a marine voyage i aint like you im a higher being, i dont know whatchu talkin whatch your eyes be seein i am a divine heathan i really cant fucking believe a niggas still breathin im a florida boy born and raised, i sit the fuck back drink my beer in the shade, high as i usually am a rinny tin tin rinscotts tale \down the rintin like a shark fin poatched by commercial fisherman thrown in a bin, no regard for life the human race is so greedy, people just aint my type, say what you want i know me best and i know im right. my creative talents on the other hand be outta sight, im my own worst enemy to cross the bridge pay the fee, trollin in the hood for that g, withdrawin, shakin i drop to my knee look up to the sky ask god if he sees. hear the sound of humming, huh must be bees, or im trippin out maybe its a flash back i dont remmember. whats th-this street, tremblin think my heat skipped a bit, or a couple shakinso bad my knes begin to buckle, anxiety can be dibilatated held me back from so much in life thers no debating. unfamiliar route. made it to this bar ordered a stout got to thinking, you may ask what about, this is why i like solitude to be on my own to answer to noone to depend on myself and live it to the fullest while im yung, my mind will reel, replaying all i know every single memory, that im capable of bringing back, i compare my brain to a file cabinet, i keep it hidden like in an office towards the back. A photographic memory is a gift and a curse, ill tell you whatat, if you dont keep it in check you will end up in a herse, sure you can remember the happy shit the good things in your life but you cant fucking forget the huge hits the fucking bad bitch the one who broke your heart? dounno how to forget you but i think i know where to start, i thought it was drugs, i numbed my body with chemicals little did i know with every shot the metaphorical shovel scooped out some more dirt from the inconcievable whole i fuckin dug. my life has been weird kinda like an opriental from a flee market an awkward rug, with no real spot in the house, was always the black sheep in the fam i tryed to tip toe as quiet as a mouse, some tom and jerry shit my mistakes and regrets cbhasing me around like tom the cat from that shit, I hide in my hidey whole, disconeected from any social environmeent i often found myself cryin, but self loathin is kinda like being a a gay with some dicks hes blowin, givin a ski job pitty is the lube hatred is the tube the vessel to carry out a deed the fags not sure about, hes experimentin comparable to some situations in my life cept wont catch me with two dudes in a shower, that was just a metaphor. you feel me? im sure the haters will hop all over that verse but just fuckinh hear me. I got my shades on and these bitches special, haters they block, they keep you no fun, sticklers out of sight out of mind like spf 75 sun block, that industrial shit, factory born hear the lunch bell on the horn, an  hour passes the busy bees come back to the floor to join the others to join the masses; the hoard., here the hum of the worker bees at work as they sneek rum in there flasks stuck it in to the hive got it past the queen time to catch a buzz to make this pain stop while i avoid the fuzz the narks at work, cant control it even if they wanted to stop. i dont want to hurt. this was a metaphor for the endless rut of a reality ive become accustomed to; succomed too, the low of the low. comparable to a german trench on the frontlines., my life feels like a conveyer belt, makin the same product running the same direction never really goiong any where, now thats was an analagy, keeping up? yung unsensitive how many? 0 fucks, 0 fucks giveen, 0 blights forgiven, spiteful to death and mornful for noone, nothing left inside just another no-go, malfunctioning product family be like feeling “ i feel like they robbed us” of our brother our son and our friend , dont worry fam im still with you in your hearts up to the end. im tired of our society with all its malice and fallacy, thinking to my self how sad it must be, to be washed in the brain to be hypnotized, this shits so insane.you want that shit super sized? of course nigga watchu you sayin. A glutonous society obsessed with self indulgence people actually still believe good people are in abundance. Speaking of which, fuck the people for a tec, have you looked around lately, this earth is a wreck, mark my words we headin straight for destruction, We are not being good care takers, we fuckckin actin so careless what doesdo the opeople in power really expect?? just pass it on to the next generation “ohh, its not our life time we will leave it for you” Thats a big fuck you to the generations after you undeserving self entitled fucks finallyy croak. get the fuck outa here, tell me when you sold your sold, you heartlesxs bastards would give anything for xsome more of that paper thgat rules all, the pressure you have put on everyone, no one is an exception, to support ourselves and loved ones to provide for our own and multiple other peoples nees, the urge to make money looms over our heads like a pestiliant storm cloud of angst and uncertainty, boreing a fucking whole in our moral, making peoplpe desperaate rising crime rates because people get desperate, people need to survive and they will do dam near whatever it takess to make the money they need, for whatever purpose.  ill whipe my ass with it throw in your cards i will win you better fold. i have freeedom, you ask what? anominity you fuckers, i can moldd my own life i have the freedomm of choosing, i certainly dont have to wait for legislation to pass a bill which you bribed for votes to do so anyways, to do something something much worse than im capabloe of ever doing, intentionally ruining the environment and turning our planet to mars just for paper with and idea (with a “hey, take our word for it, its worth something “””WE PROMISE”””” fucks) behind it not even gold bars, fuck you niggas mark my words illl bring all you mother fuckers down, ill run you fucks out of town, you hear that sound? its a train. its my passion and my determination to take you out, maybe ill use a fuckin plane? i mean its o.k. for the CIA to do it, right? Create this ridiculously elaborote ruse this plot, thyat fucking fooled all the ignorant and brainwashed americans you have already sucked in with your cancerous propaganda, kids lost to your bullshit through social media and the fucking criteria you make teachers teach young minds, we are taught from a very young age that “ huraaahh america is number one! Terrorists bad! Environmental destruction of a planet good!” how about we help some of the third woorld countries (which you know we wouldnt have to be gunning down women and children in the streets) we could just like give them the water they need? help them gentrify there communities teach them how to develop better skills, teach them more efficient ways to take advantage of their land, maybe bring some seeds to food sources that can be grown creating a bit of self sustainability that may not be indigenous but would grow in their country?? you greedy fucks just want oil, when we have enough in our reserves in alaska/canada to last north america 500 years falsey blame others, create an imaginary war “the war on terrorism, which infact is a fucking cover a false entity, to entice patriotism to loosely keep this crumbling empire together the last attempt, the only thread left in the button holding up the pants we call america, you forgot to tell the word all that shit is just whack  [ simply a meticulously pplanned and executed ploy to spur interests in the middle east, control the oil and power will return back east, return to u, Cause god knows you tax the fuck out of us for EVERYTHING especially mnother fucking gas, so we can pay for wellfare and pay for fucking solar power for rich fucks who e==inherited wealth, people who hdont know what working a day means and never will be, never had a problem, never been broke “oh shit my fucking croket set is missingg a ball” lose the pretense fuckers, you cocksuckers, arrogant low lives.. Money makes you any better then the hard working man that cover your tax breaks pay like our fucking ppolice forces (who are a bunch of ROTC drop outs with a badge and sense of power nnow being unfair and crooked taking some kind of revenge on the idea of the kids who picked on them all through out school” Motherfucker its harder to become a plumber, the learning and process is longer/more rigorous then a 6 month police academy which is fucking my lil pony world ( ith ink there is a fantasy kids show for my lil pony with their own fantasy dimension/world)compared to a military bootcamp.  A doctrine instilled to stop the spread of communisim wherever and whenever it may presenet itsxelf? when is the fighting going to stop in that area of our dying earth, thjey have been fighting eachother since lifes initial birth, what whoever was in power or in charge of trading the petroleumn to us wanted to charge an extra dollar 4 dollars  aBARREL instead of 3??? whaa you fucking greedy cunts,? so we invade and take control put there people on dog collars?? for wshat a dollar difference in productionfreedom of speech as you mothers suck the livlyhood from our home like a blood sucking leech, so careless, you know exactly what your doing, you just dont care it aint your problem your headin towardcs the end your death is brewin, well im the reaper of death cloaked in black i always get my man like a cold inwe can hardly co-exist and efficiently function. We are on world one love bob marley shit im getting tired of going throught the motions im all fucked up inside and shit. Early development can be a lynch pin. to either set a strong first corner stone, ceremonial placement of the first corner stone, free mason shit, corn and vegetable oil, so many customs and traditions are goin down a fuckin hill catch em rollin. Early  life is so fucking critical for a young kid, childrens minds are like a sponge they are looking up to their elders they are developing mentally they consume everything around them and retain more than you know, give your kids a healthy and stimulating environment and they will let there talents grow let there talents show let there brilliance flow let there inhibitions go, gone like dust in the wind, never catch em in trouble nothing, not one sin. They will begin to get older, be super organized, super focused for school, every class haxs a folder. As you watch them grow you will feel it in your heart you will fuckin kno, atleast you did this at least you used your parental guidance for good. when you die you know youll be missed, your kid dont throw fits, not one bit, hes such a chip off the old block that was cliche as fuck haha tuck em inh for bed his forhead you kiss. I just might fucking shed a tear, I cant fight this urge to drink a beer. I cant deny this fucking fear, I must look like just like headlights shinin onm a deer, jock strap aroun d my ankles, dumbfounded, look in  my eyes, perplexed, look on my face as it hits, you get a certain taste in your mouth this race is coming to a close suddenly your filled with doubht, seriously you should be care free, yuou did your duty as a parent, im jealous wish that was me, chill the fuck out go drink some fucking relaxing tea or something, sobrietyy seems to be a good mixture along with love and rationality to make a family function like a well greased machine, like a mechanisim freshly whipped down with some white lithium grease. tuned and ready to go, temped to huff the fumes and left everything go, turn your car on shut the garage door, let death grip  you, dont seem to care anymore, I cant change the past and i have no regreats, will i make it to thirty? “right over here people!” “place your bets!”, ill take my tickets to my Life Show and just scalp em make some extra cash, im already absent, so detatched;incapable of feeling. even if im there aint nothing going on emotionally in there (guarantee you im smilin an nodding i really dont give 2 fucks no more”, take that money right to the plug i promote fucking drugs not hugs, or why not both? why does the saying have to be one or the other when sxometimes its both you desire the most. Take the scalpin’ money from the tickets to the play of my life, go on down to the hood, pick up some bags mis amigos habla “Drogas” los hermanos tambien, this urge is hard to fight. Its a romance [a ritual of being, so0mething un explainable i wish i was never a part of, im always metaphorically bleeding. My poker face is strong, fuck showing weakness i alwayxs thought it was to show emotuion. wrong....... but its not, it can save your life, can \get you through, throw you a life jacket, get you out of that tide you fought, that frigid water no warmer than dry eyes.. Ive always been a loose cannon, I go with the flow, not lookin back, been chillin with the old heads they were suprisxed i could hang and, back to the point haha literally or figuratively is the question... im not gonna keep you waitin or leave yall hangin, i hate cliff hangers, make me wait 45 five minutes leave me jonesin’ its slow goin like grindin that ‘crete in the hangers polishin’ that baby out and coatin with some apoxy, its a process, i just get my drugs, whate=vers around and hit bangersz til i pass out, thatsx how my life has been goingg, i feel like im in the chambers just waiting to be gassed out. Flip the fuuckin switch you fuckin pussy end all this malcontent and hate, make itt black, eternal reest at loast.. dress me up real nice maybe a sharp vest, go through the processions and go through the motions fucking burn my body bitches, i want to be in the ocean ive always felt drawn to it, like an unexplainable,, unatainable unfakeable feeling or notion. im happiest sippin a coctail right by the ocean,  thats where you put me to rest... ill be pissed as fuck dont treat me like a fucking ruck; i beenn aroound, age is but a number, my knowledge is  vast and profound, ya thats right bitch im fuckin educated, know more tthan you will learn in your life time and im 20 years, old get what im sayin? i dont got a big heaad im actually humble,  just at my  breaking point. if i was a volcanoe you would feel the rumble; the pre-emptive signs of an eruption pre-determineed in the creator’s mind he took his divine time to find a wayy to grin away the time it took to find the book i bind when al i want is to be stress free and unwind but im the opposite wound up liike the grandfather clock i wish i could stop , the wheels are in motion the gears are set to full speed the feels keep comin i got this itch; this notion, this inkling to stop minglin, stop wastin my time with u useless fuccks. i think its time, its not the end my journey, just started this epic tale of sorrow, my feelings have departed, im fuckingg frozen over colder than ice, dry ice. cant touch me im full of hate and vice, addictive personality on a suicide mission like a ffucking missionary willing to die for his faithh,. i wish man willing to be a martyr for his religion.. ya bitch i smoke stoges in the hotel room just send the  bill to him if it comes to me itll end up in the fucking rubbish bin with a looggie on top coughin up brown shit to young for that talk, to young for heart disease pack and a half a day to try to keep my miind at ease, the stress is buildin im like a tickin time bomb, im so wound up like a clock rigged to blow mount vesuvius, a test nuke... the alarm is soundinn off. A  bright flash like a million lightning strikes, bout to pop off.. but atleast with style got my limited eddition nikes, listen to me i soound like them, listen to me bitching like a fucking fem, bottle it up, thats what society saays, male suicide is at an all time high like two polar opposites due to wed, its never gonna work im always going to be sad im always going to hurt, no fuck it, im a lock it up and throw away the key, im gonna forget about all this shit and be a fuckin G, be hardcore like the brothhers, leave bitches cryin in the street like aall our fuckin mothers, 32 degrees ferenhiet tatted on my left pec it signifies the tempture of my heart no longer warm and red, its frozen over, it hardly beats, that shit is smaler than the grinches, i turned into what they want me to be, a danger to society, getthe fuck outa myface before i shoo,t b, I got nothing to lose, living for nothing, nada, goose eggs nigga dont give a fuck reckless, no regard for life i dont give two fucks a partridge in a ghetto street, aint no merry christmas song, i like my biches thick and dirty wearin'n some fesh tomy thongs, i use em abuse and enthuse them then ruse thm excusse them fuckin confusethem "why you so distaant all of the suden" keep the vow of silence, like a monk on a holy missio, a friar on a divine quest, sending telepathic messages look into my eyes and see, get the fuck out i was never real these feelings meant nothing to me manipulator, manipulationist making up woprds never been a relationist, the masster of his craft a ventrilliquist or a puppet master you were to blind to see, mama was right just a socio path, ya bitch tell your 7 year old child that; see how long his chipper attitude lasts, im lower than nothing, not even a worm maybe i could bbe a fucking tick suckin blood, noting left of the kid i used to be, no more self worth, i cant love you when i cant love myself, how you expect me to support you when all i do is grab a spoon andd melt all the money thaat comes my way, a junkie, bum destined for an early  death and you think yous my bride to be, sorry hun you reaad me wrong, i know its hard cause bitches never know whats goin on inside my head, as i lay in bea,d staring off to somewhere, anywhere but next toyou, staring off into space thinking about my drug abuse, asking myself why, but i know the answer ready to die, but i think ill get a lapper frm one more danceer, i wanna go out in style, not som lame shit maybe go up to a mountain and stand on a cliff, look down, see wher im destined to end up as i take the safety off, finger carressing the trigger, a cool wind blows as i prepare to leave my loved ones bitter, surprised they sstayed aound thislong only ever let em down ever since i was young, never good enough always disappointing this rap comes so easily writing it like noothing, to get this off my chest as theend comes near, i shaped my own destiny i chose to die, now i chose to die here, fuk your beliefs and your faith in gods plan i took my life intomy own fucking hands, i think we all know einstiens theory of insanity, i been doin the same shit fr so long now exspectin shit to change and, i guess im insane.. i took my brilliiant, my sharp mind and put it to waste. its time to pull the inevitable, the good die young idk in this case if thats viable, im scummy i did whatever it took to get my fix to kill that pitt  in my tummy. i hurt people close, i stole from my famil.y.. its time to end it, like i caqme into the world, by myself always alone, soemthing that my father toldme that really stuck, its cynical as fuck, but he was right. he said stay out of the bullshit the groggy muck. Only lookout for yourself son, ive been arounnd awhile, [people dont give a fuck about anyone else they care only for themselves, in the end at the most critical time they will always choose them instead of some one else. We are alone in this wrld and its the hard truth jut learn not to ddepend on others while you are still in your youth, ive been fucked over to many times by people i thought i was very close to. now im out to get mines me and only me you and only you, get that fucking look on ur face sorry for beeing real and telling the truth, im trying to prepare your for whats ahead, im tryig to prevent you from depending on a brutus who will fill you with lead, stab you in the back for their own personnal gain, being to trustworthy is a heroic flaw like being egotistical, wanting to help your friends to much, being aragont ect. kryptonite to super man pease dont be batman and let it be yourr bane, bane as in the villian to let you know. im back, here are my words again not my dads, ji really do miss all the relationships i had, havent spoken to my dad in years tookk one for theteam stayed with mama dukese inj the ssplit to save faace, foir my innocent younger brothers. you know what shes also my motheer, shes not capable of surviving alone i didnt think i would abandon her ever i thought id never do that, i stuck with her out of evveryone, a family oof six she looked out for me in times of strife wish i could give her one last kiss, just shot my last 20 and i fucin missed, absesses dont matte any more i bet this 45 shoots true time for the finale,  no way i can miss, as the curtains close on my young life one last thought people really took to me, like white on rice, women were drawn to me the mystery i had them enticced, June baby as a cancer i am hard to understand i met a chick once who had a spot in my liifes bnd, she knew me we had a connection so much love we were never disrespectin im glad i could atleast i could teach hersome shit before she ripped my beeating heart out of my chest and stepped on it. Loved hermore than life and i still do i promised her one day i would find her and marry her, walkher down that isle say the words ido, she felt what i felt i know its tru, wasnt ready fgor commitment baby i wil alwayslove yo never orget you if i can i connect with you, like a disease i infected you i aways broght you downi was just baggage extra wait holing you down dragging around im glad youo saw through my snake charming ways saw me for who i was a bumm who couldnt change noot in a short number of days, someone so crippled by pain and grief it was beyond belief, she was the only one i wore my heart on my sleeve for , she lef me sobbinig, crrying violently without end in the door the doorway to more pain. i know she had no choice she had to live her lifee i was just in he way, i was obscuring her focus. eye on the prize isthe only way to achieve your goals and tnt them fuckin boulders, in your way, today i die babe, long time comin bet yall thought i was here to stay. baby l dontshed a tear kno i died drinkin a beer haha but nah you were my last thoughts thinking about all the time we spent getting lost in eachothers eyes and gettin so close we read eachothers thougts, illl miss or idk if ill be concious or just nothjingness, i guess ill fnd out when i finally stop being a pussy and proced with this, see ya velma ill always be your shaggy thinka bout me and dont forget what i made you see, in your self im just another memory on our shelf but let it bbe one thaat sticks we had somethingthat made ssense just clicks somethin that felt so right im really gonn miss, everythinig abnout you im sorry you couldnt trust me but i dont doubt why. i know the truth ive never denied a thing in my life, dont getme wrong everybody tells a little white lie, but you know what its a sign of intelligence not to be afraid to say idk not to lie for the hll of it. Ill see you soon in the nxt life or two i hope reincarnatiuon has a possibility of being true, godbye cruel world th ride is over it was a hell of a whirl, i leave you with absolutely nohing conntributted i was just a part o the cancer people had to live with, butnever acknowledgedd, acted ignoant to ther surroundings as daddy paid for college, i burned bright and hot and had a lot of fun, i had alot of life experienc got alot of shit done, nothing productivee of course in ssocieties eyes but i did fullfill atleast some personal goals, important things in my eyes, the curtains are almost done descending as my pittiful life is ending, but keep your pitty mother  fuckers i dont want shit from any of you i dont give yoou nothin dont be so self righteous you look like a bunch of fools, greive for me or celebrate my life i guess its on you how you chhoose to rfemmeber a nobody that nobody knew, a couple feet before the curtains drop, is that? myy eyes decieving? me? no i do see that a single rose descends from the skies, i stare intently at the work of art, a rose is soo beautiful, a representation of love, from the heart, so delicate with its velvet petals, easily ruined a boket wouldve been nice, but who am i fooling, thats a beautiful thing, that was really nice. the product bubbles as i take my last hit of ice, cant takemy eyes off that rose.. its so beautiful... the gun on my forhead now, looking at each individual pedals.. dew from the early mornin forming a small puddle around that naturral phenom, that iconic organic, spectaacular symbol of sometthing real, somethin that matters, something sensual. 

As the bits of his brain splatter behid him, arms spread; with grace, almost angelic.he falls off the ciff a hundred feet now for falling, weird but there was a look of peace in his eyes; on his face, maybe he wll finally find happiness.. he fell with nobility and so much grace the floor he hit, his finall restingplace, what cuold be a better box then a natural setting, a  beaauty of nature, crawling all around and he will return to the earth, the mother wll  take him back just as she gave birth, i thinnk this shit is over now its not my story to tell, inside voices kids no reason to yell. shhhhhhhhhhh. 

dont depend dont believe the [enter here]