#im still out of town so im not online as much as normal rn but im still checking my discord from time to time :]]

[megatraven]

LOL honestly yeah 1000% for both of them!!! but especially ESPECIALLY alex <333

I see a man (fictional), I am generally like "okay". I see the same man (fictional) being put in a situation, covered in dirt and blood, perhaps soaking wet, actively sobbing and shaking like a chihuahua, and I am saying "yay" and "yippee" and things of this nature

[azumasoroshi]

minidura chapter 2 react (izaya has stopped functioning)

i already forgot what i named the last post whoops

anyway

shizuo jumpscare

as a psychology student who is also taking sociology goddamn do i love the whole community aspect of durarara and the forms. wish i could start a festival in my town just by suggesting it online somewhere. it's so cool how you have no idea of the qualifications of the people you talk to (just like on tumblr except this is all ikebukuro people. and izaya)

i wonder if izaya being the only member of the cast (afaik) to not live in ikebukuro is symbolic of how he feels has to distance himself from the chaos at least a little bit in order to not get swept up in it himself. it's like a self restraint type thing

that's probably really obvious though forgive me im still dutsing off my character analysis lack-of-skills ANYWAY

tom is such a malewife honestly

i dont think ive ever had chocolate bananas before. huh. strawberries sure bananas nah

he looks so cute in that last panel ghghghjhhrhghgghjf

i dont get to see enough of normal laid back shizuo behavior with all the shizaya art i look at lmfAOO

i swear to god if celty's in a kimono 💀 shinra is about to be the most annoying man alive

stupid puns my beloved

the way tom's eyes are drawn in that last panel reminds me of like. american cartoon but i cant put my finger on it

is it arnold from the magic school bus or is it arthur from arthur. who knows

"you absolutely cant get into a fight today" ah so the peace wont last. damn

EGGPLANTZAYA

i cant wait for izaya to show up this chapter and annoy the living hell out of shizuo

maybe i should make eggplantzaya my profile picture (i wont because im too attached to rantaro. not even him as a character just the profile picture) (also because i cant remember where i found the profile picture and im too scared to let it go)

i see that blurb with the really cute izaya picture on the left and im assuming it's just a "this is orihara izaya btw. he's really annoying and shizuo hates him for ruining his life" type thing but god i wish i could read it anyway ill take any crumbs

HERE HE COMES!!!!!!!

oh nvm he's getting shafted for now, we transition to-

WHAT DID I FUCKING TELL YOU

celty in a kimono is inevitable. you cannot escape

she is cute though <3 this might be her first festival since she's irish too damn

that just reminded me god i wish celty talked in a super thick irish accent. some people have already mentioned that but im reiterating it because maybe some abridged series will consider it

wait oh my god is this gonna be another hotpot party type "izaya organized all this because he's lonely and wants an excuse to hang out with people that tolerate him" thing. amazing wonderful i love the izaya slander going on in this manga today

and i was about to say "oh i guess that wasnt izaya's silhouette in the shizuo-tom panel" but he's holding a chocolate banana 💀rip tom's pay i guess

i can imagine how that went but i dont think ill have to imagine for much longer

oh yeah it was right in the next panel lmAO at least you got free food izaya dont complain

"he looks like he's having fun" awwwwwwwwwwwww nothing more fun than ticking off shizuo and not getting hurt in the process

just realized he has the constantly closed eyes pff gin ichimaru lookin edgy ass bitch

he opens his eyes like it's a dramatic supervillain reveal but it's really just him being lonely. thanks for always exposing him shinra mwah

WHY IS HE ACTING SO EVIL. doing the fucking arm spread like this is a bad thing what is wrong with him

i love how mikado shinra and celty are looking at each other like "this fucking guy. cant have one normal conversation"

PFFFFFFFFFFFF

i know shinra is laughing his ass off beneath those glasses rn

izaya's face is amazing actually. you know that one scene in bungou stray dogs wan where atsushi gets dazai a gift and dazai glitches out and stops processing information because he doesnt know how to handle appreciation. this is literally that scene

huh. now i understand why durarara and bsd always get recommended together

KILL HIM MIKADO!! KILL HIM WITH KINDNESS HE'S ALREADY HALFWAY TO HELL

literal proof that izaya ceases to function when someone actually likes him. idc that this isn't canon it's canon because i say so

(side note MAN did they have to give airi noticable cleavage even in her chibi form. come on. you didnt do it for celty you dont have to do it to her 😭 the amount of fanservice with her drives me nuts in the main series)

my man is BROKEN just look at him

local gay baby realizes he accidentally made everyone happy. oops

walker and erika in the background too <3 they're so cute ugh

YOU DUMBASS

i knew itd be another hotpot thing oh mygod he's so. fucking idiot you couldve just tagged along with them 😭

it's only once he imagines shizuo that he snaps too pffffffffft

also namie appearance!!!!!!! hope she appears more in future chapters

10/10 chapter would bully izaya again

oops almost missed the ending drawing!! so cuteeee <3333

[zigtheeortega]

5 writer asks

thank you for tagging me @pixelsandkink and @raleiighcarrera mwah !!

ok so since i write for choices, litg, and twc i’m gonna take all of those into account for this :)

1 story to be proud of & why:

the first one that comes to mind is to hell and back. i hadn’t written for ride or die before, and i pushed myself to write something diverging from canon that had consistent theming, and great angst. i’m still really proud of it. it took me a long time to finish it and all my friends who stan ride or die really loved it so !!!

2 stories that are most popular by readers:

unrequited part one and calm before the storm ! both bryce fics lmao he’s the money maker baby KSDFJKSD but seriously i love writing bryce so im glad it’s fics that i care about that are well received!!

3 stories with the best characters & why:

as good as gold – i just love mal in this fic so much because i was really wrapped up in blades and fleshing out my mc zilyana at the time and this is them when they were testing the waters with each other and getting to know each other so i just <3 they’re babies and also i lowkey predicted some of mal’s behaviors so !!! i think i nailed his characterization

hearth – i think this is one of my underrated favs bc i think i nailed bryce’s flirty side and i wrote a little bit of the group dynamic !!

unrequited part 3 – well i mean bryce is perfect here because i predicted canon so i think i wrote him very in character AND i wrote keiki and i love her so <3 KSJDFKSKD JK i just think since it took me a long time to finish it i was focusing even more on the characterization

4 stories I was excited to write about:

the list, because it’s canon divergent and set in the future with mal and i just! once i had the idea in my head i couldn’t stop

more, because i’d never written mason smut before OR super explicit smut at that LMFAO

mementos, because i wanted to write for rodaw and i managed to put out a good fic 

out of time – i’m gonna sound demonic but i was excited to write this because i knew i was gonna write characters i normally didn’t and give myself the closure i wanted from an off screen character death

calm before the storm – gonna sound demonic again, but i used this fic kind of as a coping mechanism from the loss i’ve experienced this year so !! i was excited to delve into bryce’s motivations because i saw myself in him in the way he handled things

5 of my personal favorite stories:

creature of habit, because i think i captured zilyana and mal’s relationship perfectly and it was a gift fic using my friend’s headcanon so !!! it’s an underrated fav

attached series, because it’s something i haven’t seen before? and im pushing myself to write for two polar opposite characters (mason and felix). and i care so deeply about them both as love interests and characters so !!! i’m really excited to see where it goes.

unrequited series, because it was the first time i was really proud of my writing? i’ve said it a million times before but i really was and still am. people actually wanted more from me and that hadn’t happened before (outside of my friend group LMAO)

asvista cove, my litg college au that i’ve been working on (kind of mia rn but im trying to get back on track). it’s the most ambitious world building i’ve done but i’ve come up with the town, the school, the mascot, the friend groups, the beach hangout spot, the bar, all of it!! it’s so much planning and it’s completely self indulgent and i love it.

i’m gonna add this litg fic on the end, because the one year anniversary of ‘is this fate?’ is coming up tomorrow (i think) – this was the first multi-chaptered fanfic i’d written and the second fic i’d EVER written. i’ve grown so much as a writer and even though i cringe a little at the title, the writing, the repetitiveness, the overall sloppiness of it – it’s something i’m really proud of because i sat down and crafted an au when i didn’t know anyone online, didn’t have anybody to motivate me or push me besides myself and my own mind which was bursting with stupid little cliche ideas that i felt like i had to write down.... and people enjoyed it and wanted more (its about to hit 3k hits, which WOW... how???). anyways sorry this got so long but i’ve come SO FAR in a year and it makes me feel so warm inside thinking about it. <3 

not tagging anybody but if you made it this far, consider yourself tagged - and thank u for reading my ramblings LMAO

[an-assortment-of-forks]

I was tagged by @extraordinary-arbiter-bluebird! thanks :D

when was the last time you left your home?

just a couple of minutes ago for a walk around my quiet neighborhood with my sister :D

what was the last thing you bought? 

.... Starbucks... i know its not smart but i work there and like.... i just needed an iced white mocha ;-; its been tooo long.

is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed?

both equally. i love it and also i need it to stop immediately so i can continue MOVING. everything feels stagnant. but also im just chillin so

who are you spending quarantine with?

my family!

do you have pets to keep you company?

yes my beautiful cat and our stinky old doggo xD i love them both tho, but only the cat is allowed in my room bc dog too stinky now oops.

what are your current responsibilities? 

responsibilities? i dont know her. (chores around the house actually, tho those have become more lax bc my mom gets bored and just CLEANS)

do you have a room to yourself?

yes! i would not survive otherwise

town, country, city? 

town

how’s your toilet paper supply?

NORMAL. lol we arent monsters. (tho we ran out of tissues and my mom did have to buy 40 boxes off amazon bc that was the only option for quantity lol)

what’s the worst thing you’ve had to cancel?

at this point? work. i miss my job and my coworkers and HAVING ROUTINE so bad. and my favorite camp to be camp counselor at might also be cancelled which would be so very sad. (understandable tho but imma still be sad abt it.)

what’s the best thing you’ve had to cancel?

work x’D. i miss it but this break has lowkey been heavenly

who do you miss the most? 

my coworkers/friends?? most of my real close people are online so not much has changed there.

do you have any new hobbies? 

is animal crossing a hobbie?

what are you watching the most? 

literally anything and everything i can find lol. i just watched both princess diaries before my Disney+ ran out. i bought it solely for frozen 2 and just watched whatever i wanted for a month. also a whole lotta youtube. dang i really need some new anime to watch tho lol

are you still going to work? 

nope, wish i was. im very wishy washy on whether or not i wanna be at work rn lol. 

what are you out of? 

DEODORANT. but my mom just ordered some that came in so she’s giving me one thankfully. literally right on time i ran out yesterday.

have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine?

YEAH ITS GONNA BE A MULLET SOON BECAUSE I HAVENT CUT IT BECAUSE MY HAIRDRESSER IS MY AUNT AND HER MOTHER IS VISITING AND ITS TOO DANGEROUS FOR ME TO GO OVER THERE RN. which is totally reasonable asdlkfjalskdfjsd. might be getting someone to cut it on saturday tho! hopefully! (it doesnt actually look that bad BUT I SWEAR IM GONNA BUZZ IT SOON IF I CANT CUT IT LOL. all we have are dog clippers tho that my dad had from before my parents were even married so like maybe not... but.... i really need a haircut )

[anti-pasto]

for the 200 ask thingy, i actually dare you to do all of them. :D

delgaskarthalexhere we go, anon: 

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now, I don’t get them often (if I ever had a crush at all)

199: I was born in: 2003

198: I am really: A 2005 emo kid x a 2008 scene kid x a 2014 tumblr fangirl x Kyle himself

 197: My cellphone company is: Apple

194: My ring size is: Honestly? No idea. Propose to me with a sword.

 193: My height is: Somewhere between 5′7″ and 5′8″

192: I am allergic to: Nothing I’m aware of 

191: My 1st car was:  94 Station Wagon, by request

190: My 1st job was: being this funny is a full-time gig

 189: Last book you read: Bone Gap by Laura Ruby

188: My bed is: “made”

187: My pet: I have a cat, I love her very much and I will show her to you if you dm me a cursed image

186: My best friend: We don’t use “best friend” for personal reasons, but they’ve been with me since I was 5 so, my one and only Bro

185: My favorite shampoo is: anything with “silky smooth” or “strawberries” on the bottle. i’m not that picky anymore.

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox or ps4  xbox

183: Piggy banks are: really useful

 182: In my pockets: wallet, keys, phone, earbuds, black pen/pencil, earplugs, mini flashlight

 181: On my calendar:  i’m meeting a friend for smoothies tomorrow

 180: Marriage is: something we shouldn’t push so much onto people. it’s a declaration of love, not an end-all fix-all to your life. i can’t ever see myself getting married but who knows!

 179: Spongebob can: continue to be a relevant meme

178: My mom: i mean. we function. i can’t really complain about my family at large but i am defiantly looking forward to living literally as far away from them as i can. 

 177: The last three songs I bought were? psh, you think i pay for music? (folie a deux, lake effect kid, believers never die volume two) (those are albums but its okay)

176: Last YouTube video watched: I watched Markiplier play Uno

175: How many cousins do you have? 11? 12? I lost count

174: Do you have any siblings? I have a brother

 173: Are your parents divorced? Nope!

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes, I have been for a while

171: Do you play an instrument? dude HECK yeah! i vibe on piano, guitar, ukulele, clarinet, and im a drum major

170: What did you do yesterday? I went on a drive by myself.

 [ I Believe In ] 

169: Love at first sight: Nope.

168: Luck: Yes, but luck is something that can be engineered

167: Fate: To an extent

 166: Yourself: I’d say overall, yeah. I still have doubts tho

165: Aliens: Mmmmmm yeah

 164: Heaven: Yes

163: Hell: Yes

162: God: Yeup

 161: Horoscopes: without an ounce of truth, they would have died a long time ago

160: Soul mates: the greeks had seven words for love. i think we have multiple soul mates to fit each of those categories. there are definitely people we’re just meant to vibe with

159: Ghosts: i want to say yes but i really dont know

158: Gay Marriage: yes. its 2020. grow up.

157: War: in theory? no. war is kinda messed up. in reality? not everyone is going to be down to nice diplomatic conflict resolution, and not everyone is just gonna leave people *countries* they don’t like alone, so...

156: Orbs: ??? energies are real

155: Magic: vibes are real

 [ This or That ]

 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: i am a child of jesus

152: Phone or Online: online

 151: Red heads or Black haired:  irdc but black hair bc i am Emo

150: Blondes or Brunettes: blonde?? ig?? easier to dye

149: Hot or cold: hot weather + cold rooms

148: Summer or winter: summer

147: Autumn or Spring: autum (screw spring)

 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

145: Night or Day: night

 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges (better to share with homies)

 143: Curly or Straight hair: i dont care but curly

 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald give iced coffee

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate

 140: Mac or PC: pc for vidgya gaemes

139: Flip flops or high heals: ...converse. please. i cant walk properly in either of those

 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 

 137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi

136: Hillary or Obama: this is kinda outdated but obama

135: Burried or cremated: cremated i aint watch spn for nothin

134: Singing or Dancing: singing. at least that gets better with practice

133: Coach or Chanel: chanel (thank u mr frank ocean and also the neighborhood)

 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: whomst

 131: Small town or Big city: big city and if you say small town you’ve never lived in a small town

 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target

 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: who tf is this

 128: Manicure or Pedicure: idk dude probably pedicure i don’t like people touching my hands and i use them for too much to get my nails done

127: East Coast or West Coast: hnngggggggg west coast has more to do but east coast has better beaches and 

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday 

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate bc then i can give u some

124: Disney or Six Flags: ive only been to disney so disney (though i AM a HARDCORE rollercoaster stan so it wouldnt take much for me to say six flags)

123: Yankees or Red Sox: what 

 [ Here’s What I Think About ]

 122: War: unfortunately sometimes necessary but not as a first resort i went over this already 

 121: George Bush: is that the shoe guy?

 120: Gay Marriage:  be gay. do crime. kiss wife. or husband. or partner. basically, hell yeah

119: The presidential election: america need 2 b single and focus on herself

 118: Abortion: pro-choice and that choice should be made by the one carrying the baby

117: MySpace: tumblr’s dad

116: Reality TV: don’t talk to about abt this

 115: Parents: disgusting. go to therapy. 

114: Back stabbers: if you’re gonna stab me in the back, pull my lungs through my ribcage bc that’s what my ancestor’s ghosts are gonna do to you (thanks great (x a few times) grandma viking ily thanks for the hair:) )

113: Ebay: good for merch and selling books

 112: Facebook: zuck my dick, data-theif

111: Work: i like doing work? like- i enjoy completing tasks and seeing my hard work pay off? it’s not that bad?

110: My Neighbors: old. boring. want me to babysit for free.

109: Gas Prices: i cant really complain rn they’re kinda low and im a little broke so

108: Designer Clothes: i vibe to them, honestly

 107: College: not for everyone but definitely for me

106: Sports: marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport but only technically speaking though you can make fair comparisons to sports such as cheer, and gymnastics where the idea is to put on a show and receive a score in the form of competition. 

 105: My family: disgusting

104: The future: the future doesn’t exist

 [ Last time I ] 

103: Hugged someone: god, don’t ask me this

 102: Last time you ate: uhhh like 9 hours ago? it was dinner and i had pizza

 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: three or four weeks ago by best bro came to visit and we vibed

100: Cried in front of someone: i finished twist and shout at school at the end of a very bad week. it was only a few tears but that’s as close as i get to crying

99: Went to a movie theater: whenever the last star wars movie came out

98: Took a vacation: last year i went to dc over summer break to see the Smithsonian, it was a lot of fun. i was supposed to go to altanta and florida this year but that didn’t happen for reasons

 97: Swam in a pool: last week

 96: Changed a diaper: never

 95: Got my nails done: never

 94: Went to a wedding: its been at least 6 years dude

93: Broke a bone: never, somehow

 92: Got a peircing: nope

91: Broke the law: technically, yesterday. 55 is too slow

90: Texted: just now

 [ MISC ] 

89: Who makes you laugh the most: the person in my snap named “junior”

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat

87: The last movie I saw: probably into the spiderverse

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: things going back to normal. or somewhat normal. i need school to have a schedule bc i absolutely cannot force myself to function without outside influence

 85: The thing im not looking forward to: ironically, school in the fall. the way we’re going back is going to wreck me more than lockdown already has

 84: People call me: i only ft one of my bros and they know who tf they are if you ask to ft you’re getting fuckin blocked mate i dont do that shit video calls are for WORK and SCHOOL thats IT. but ppl call me by my nickname irl, i go by screech on here. 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: listen to my parent’s political opinions? live in a small town? force myself to be productive without a physical influence and reminder? put up with that one dude?

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

 81: My zodiac sign is: scoprio/leo/gemini

80: The first person i talked to today was: the potential bassist for our potential band? 

79: First time you had a crush: uhh im still not sure if it was a crush but i wanted them to myself and they wanted (and got) someone better. we were just friends so it doesn’t really matter

 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: the person on snap named “the great oracle”

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday, it was my brother

 76: Right now I am talking to: in order of snap names, “vibin ~[^.^]~”, “russian umbrella”, and “mom” (not really)

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully, a job that makes me happy

74: I have/will get a job: as soon as i know what’s going on with school. but like as an adult? wherever will hire me and pay my fairly. being a barista would be fun, but at a local place (not in my current town)

73: Tomorrow: ???? time for bad poetry: tomorrow i will see my friend/ admist this lasting chaos/ we will be each other’s solitude/ while sharing fruity drinks/ and when we both come home/ a smile we will bring

72: Today: idk what this means so more poetry: today i will be sleep deprived as always/ i will think of them and weep/ but no tears will fall from my eyes/ for i know there is a reason/ we went our own way

 71: Next Summer: i fr dont know whats goin on so: next summer i will be/ as happy as can be/ because i will be in pain no longer/ the earth is sure to heal/ and i will heal with her/ so i can enjoy/ the heatwave of next summer

70: Next Weekend: next weekend i will spend/ my days wasting away/ maybe ill finish hannibal/ again/ not that serial killers make the dopamine stay/ i will not see my friends/ or talk to my family/ i will seldom eat/ and live off coffee/ this has been my life/ all quarintine/ god someone please help me

 69: I have these pets: i have four cats, three chickens, and a dog

 68: The worst sound in the world: my dad and grandpa talking

 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Them

 66: People that make you happy: snap name time: the great oracle, junior, vibin ~[^.^]~, russian umbrella, mom, hero, booby-king 48, go to bed, son, pooper trooper, mac&cheese, plain egg biscuit, apple pie

 65: Last time I cried: i dont cry bitch (last week over officals that cant make up they gottdamned mindes)

64: My friends are: my family and i would die for each and all of them

 63: My computer is: an old hp but it play gaemes real good so it okie

 62: My School: is trash but the band pops off

61: My Car: old, fast, clean

60: I lose all respect for people who: are my dad

 59: The movie I cried at was: i cried over big hero six

 58: Your hair color is: blonde

57: TV shows you watch: supernatural, good omens, hannibal, parks and rec

56: Favorite web site: this hellsite or youtube

 55: Your dream vacation: out of the country with beautiful beaches, amazing food, and my best friend

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: the time i split the back of my head open, the time i split my chin open, and the time my then best friend said they didn’t want to talk to me anymore. i’ll let you guess which one hurt the most and which one i think about every fucking day

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium well. 

52: My room is: clean and a reflection of myself, or so i’ve been told

51: My favorite celebrity is: i do not engage in celebrity worship. ill follow them and reblog gifs/interviews but i dont really have a favorite. the less i know abt them the better.

 50: Where would you like to be: my own apartment in nyc

49: Do you want children: FUCK THEM KIDS BRO

 48: Ever been in love: i dont know if it was love. i dont know if it was a crush. what i do know id that i was attached and they didn’t feel the same, and why would they?

 47: Who’s your best friend: we dont really use best friend bc but “the great oracle” “junior” and “vibin ~[^.^]~”

46: More guy friends or girl friends: its 50/50

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: goin fast, the beach, playin video games

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: them

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: go to college, earn degree

 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: commit arson

 41: Have you pre-named your children: FUCK. THEM. KIDS. BRO.

40: Last person I got mad at: they do not understand that they do not know everything about something they’re not even involved in yet

39: I would like to move to: new zealand

38: I wish I was a professional: artist? musican? youtuber? who knows

 [ My Favorites ] 

37: Candy: nerds

36: Vehicle: 1970 mustang gt

 35: President: jfk only bc his assassination is the only good thing abt american history the rest of it is fucked up and shouldn’t have happened. also jfk’s song in assassians the musical goes hard

34: State visited: california

 33: Cellphone provider: verizon? apple? idfk

32: Athlete: what is sport

31: Actor: i don't watch shows or movies

30: Actress: i do not consume media

29: Singer: alex gaskarth or alexander deleon

 28: Band: fall out boy 

 27: Clothing store: hot topic (i will not apologize)

 26: Grocery store: okay harris teeter fucks but lidil’s has aloe vera juice and target at 9 pm energy so idk man 

25: TV show: supernatural...

24: Movie: big hero 6

 23: Website: tumblr or youtube

 22: Animal: snow leopard 

 21: Theme park: busch gardens bc roller coaster go fast

20: Holiday: christmas

19: Sport to watch: snowboarding bc its like skateboarding but on snow

18: Sport to play: anything with havy footwork (marching band is a sport)

17: Magazine: i do not condume media

16: Book: the ranger’s apprentice series as a whole makes up my all-time one favorite book

 15: Day of the week: friday bc its game day baybey

14: Beach: cocoa beach in florida but also i have so much left to experience 

13: Concert attended: i havent been to any notable gigs but i was supposed to go to hella mega

 12: Thing to cook: pancakes

11: Food: pizza or shushi

 10: Restaurant: chiplote

 9: Radio station: i like my local rock station and my local edm/top 40 station

8: Yankee candle scent: anything smoky or vanilla idc

7: Perfume: chanel no. 5 if i even wear it

6: Flower: Hydrangea

5: Color: orange

 4: Talk show host: cecil palmer

 3: Comedian: john maulaney

 2: Dog breed: yes

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ;)

That was a trip. But it was fun, please do things like this more often. Also, I don’t consume media by choice. I’m not sheltered I just can’t be bothered, and I have enough going on. That being said I will now be sleeping. Thanks again, Anon, I hope you have fun reading this :D

[chonkyspacekitten]

No reblog please

Idk i just wanna update on my life at the moment. Its been a while. I dont really like to talk about my relationship in public forums online and i also wanna give my mutuals an explantion for my splotchy texts cause i have like 80 something messages on here rn. Ive just been so busy and emotionally drained. Sorry if i message you after like a month, start a convo but then just trail off, then respond to that response 3 months later and trail off again-

sorry sometimes yall just miss my social window yall gotta be quicker😅😅😅

Kidding kidding, but once its closed, its closed until further notice. im sorry and im trying i cherish yall a lot, my mutuals and people i still text on here. But god texting has gotten so hard the past year idk why...

My regular texting sucks too so yall arent missing much btw but happy to obliged, it if anyones interest lol, along with my messenger im on FB a lot.

But anyways. My life for the past year.

Me and my girl are in the closet, everyone knows we are dating, besides her dad and town. He doesnt know and wow it feels like we're really getting away with something LMAO

We are long distance but we kinda do this back and forth thing whenever we can. Usually every 2-3 months. Like we'll stay at each other's houses for like weeks, and its become my 2nd home, and their parents love me, my dad loves her.

We are currently trying for jobs. We both have mental illness obvi, so its hard. Really really hard. But we are trying. We're saving up to move in together. Our situation isnt ideal rn we, dont really expect to even think about moving for about a year or 2, for multitude of reasons. It just isnt realistic.

I'm also trying for disability. Doing odd jobs like mowing the lawn...really relaxing.

Am In between saying fuck it and just getting a job RIGHT now or just waiting. I first applied for social security december of last year. Denied twice. Wish me luck, i may even have to get a lawyer.

Apparently you can have a job while on disability so long as you don't make too much money...and i want a job man, but with the way my mental state is...it would do me good to actually leave the house and try to get more human interaction besides just grocery shopping myself and going to the thrift shops by myself lol or the occasional movie outing with my gf

I now have a resume. And wanna work at the gas station, library and/or Dollar tree near me. All of which im pretty comfy at. Wish me luck.

My mental health recovery...this has been a year of breakthroughs man im really making strides

Im discovering more and more traumas. Learning how to deal with shit. Its been hell for my depression but ive been growing and evolving and becoming more in tune with myself and my emotions and shit

Me and my partner are doing okay. We are okay and healthy. They have a therapist too now!

We are doing so good. We are able to be so vulnerable with each other. We talk for hours until we figure out a miscommunication. She holds me like a baby, she just squeezes the pain out of me , ive never had anyone try to understand me the way Amy does. And i give the same back. I cant keep my eyes and hands to myself. I have to look away when i stare at her for more than 2 seconds, i just cant

My heart feels with so much joy that it scares me and it feels like im gonna burst

Ive never felt this way before, about anyone

My ex? Whos a guy? And any other person ive had interest in?

The fact that most of the people ive been into have all acted "feminine", been fellow genderqueer, but AMAB at the time, and 2 have both come out as trans girls at some point...shouldve been a sign lmao. But nope, "i like guys...i like girls but cant imagine myself being romantically involved with a girl, only sexual . Guys more so emotionally i guess. *has literally never imagined actively living with a man before, getting married. Didnt even want to meet my first bf irl. But looked at boobs and was that 12 year old with a lesbian porn and hentai tiddie addiction*....yes im straight :)"

Actually coming to the realization that i can have a wife...wow that shook me. Id never considered. Or thought realistic. i was "normal", what compulsory heterosexuality wanted me to believe.

Im still struggling coming to terms in my sexuality. Been in straight up denial since i was early teens but ive known i was different since 8. Im growing in this area too, im trying. We both are actually.

1 year, 7 months ❤

We are both genderqueer demisexual sapphics/wlw❤❤

To all my sapphics in the closet with partners, i wish to you my luck and blessings

We are allowed to be happy, no one can change us

We are allowed to have happy endings, and we can whether the straights like it or not.

Tl;dr: doin really good, hard year of growth but making strides in my sexuality, relationship, goals and ambitions. Pretty grand.

[hockey-yesplease]

Young Marriage

Player Mat Barzal (mentions Anthony Beauvillier and Jorban Eberle)

Requested? Yes 

Warnings: body insecurities, swearing, cheating, steamy,

Word count: 1800

Gif from Tenor

People always tell you that 21 is too young to be married, but you and Mat had been married for about a year now. Everything was going great until a few weeks ago. You knew that being married to a NHL player would not be easy, but you didn’t think it would be like this. It's the offseason and you were so excited to be able to spend more time with Mat, but it seemed like he was never home, he was either working out, doing promo shoots, or doing somethings with a few of the guys that were still in town. You don’t mind him doing these things of course, you aren’t this crazy wife that only wants him to yourself, but a simple text message letting you know he wasn’t going to be home for dinner would be nice. 

That’s how you got here, making dinner; there was enough for two since you assumed Mat would be home to eat. You had his plate made and sitting at his spot at the table and your’s was at your spot next to his. After waiting an hour and a half, you decided to just go ahead and warm yours up and eat. After placing Mat’s in a container and placing it in the fridge, you warmed up your food and ate. This was at 9 o’clock at night. You checked your phone for any messages or calls you might have missed, there was none, but you did have a notification from instagram. You open your phone and go to the app, and what you saw broke your heart. A girl, one who was actually nice and happy for you and Mat unlike many others, that followed you, had Dm’ed you a picture and said, “I know you don’t know me personally, but im at the same club at Mat rn and thought you needed to know.” You click on the picture to make it bigger just to see your husband with a girl in his lap and her lips on his neck. And a smile on his face that you haven’t seen in weeks. 

Growing up you had a terrible temper and it still takes all your power to control it, so you decide to be passive aggressive. You grab your HP Sprocket and print the picture the girl sent you and set it on top of the container of his food that you placed in the fridge. You felt numb, you thought everything was going well. That he was just busy with his normal offseason schedule. Well, he was busy, but you weren’t sure what from now, actual work things or other women. You can’t help but pull up the picture again and compare yourself to her. You realized that your not a skinny as her, but you weren’t overweight either. You’re an athlete, you had played volleyball your whole life and still play it at NYU where you go to school full-time so you were thick but it was muscle and toned. You have wavy brown hair, she had pin straight blonde hair. You are 5 feet 9 inches tall and she might be 5 feet 2 inches tall. You have always wondered why Mat chose you, you never saw it. But he loved you enough to marry you. You can’t help to wonder what you had done wrong. You took all online classes for the summer that way you could spend as much time with him as possible this off season.

You hadn’t realized how long you’d been sitting on the couch thinking until you hear the door to y’all’s apartment open and close. Mat walked over to you and leaned down to give you a kiss but stopped, “What’s wrong babes?” Deciding to still be passive aggressive and not having noticed that you had been crying, “Nothing Maty, just stressed with a couple assignment for my online class. Your dinner is in the fridge if you’re hungry.” Mat placed a quick kiss to your lips, “Thanks babes. I’ll warm it up after I shower.” You hum your response. “Okay, really what’s wrong Y/N?” You decide to just tell him part of whats wrong, 

“I miss you Mat, the only time we see each other anymore is first thing in the morning before you leave for the day. We haven’t had a meal together in months. I took these classes online that way we could spend time together, since we don’t get much time during the season.” Mat looked at you, “I’m sorry I actually have a job to do to pay our bills Y/N!” Mat yelled at you. You looked at him in shock, all during your relationship, he has never raised his voice toward you. And he has never made a comment about money, he always had that he wanted you to be able to focus on school and volleyball. That is why he convinced you to quit the small job you had in the first place. You slowly get up off the couch and make your way to the balcony of your apartment knowing that your anger was boiling over right now and didn’t want to say anything you’d regret. Mat doesn’t follow you, instead he makes his way to the bathroom that is in the master bedroom. As you sit, the anger starts to wash away, but is replaced by sadness. Completely heartbroken, you start to sob. Uncontrollable sobs leaving your body surprised even you. You hear the front door open and closed again and assume he left, so you don’t bother getting up and going inside, but then the sliding door that leads to the balcony where you are sitting opened and Tito’s smiling face appeared but vanished quickly once he saw you. Your brother has always been there for you no matter what. He is your twin after all. “Y/N/N, whats wrong? Wheres Barz?” “Teets, I think he’s been cheating on me,” you say as another sob leaves your mouth. He makes his way to pull you into his brotherly embrace,“What makes you think that?”  You explain everything to him, and even show him the picture. “I’m gonna kill him.” “No, Teets, he doesn’t even know that I have this picture yet. I printed it out and put it on his container of food in the fridge.” 

You two hear Mat, “Hey man, what are you doing here?” Anthony turns to look at him, “Just needed to talk to Y/N/N about our mom’s birthday gift. I gotta go now though. I’ll see you later man.” You’re glad he made it seem like nothing was wrong. As he left, you closed the sliding door again, and Mat made his way to the kitchen. You know it was a matter of seconds before he saw the picture. 

You begin sobbing again, not understanding what you did wrong. You had been sobbing so hard, it begins to make you gag, so you run to the bathroom and vomit. After you are done and you brush your teeth, you walk out of the bathroom and see Mat sitting on the bed looking at the photo. You can’t tell what he’s feeling until he looks at you standing up, “WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE?!” Still heartbroken you yell back for the first time in the relationship, “HOW ELSE COULD I GO ABOUT THIS MATHEW!? I FIND OUT YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME FROM ONE OF MY FOLLOWERS ON INSTAGRAM! YOU’RE NEVER HOME AND WE NEVER TALK SO I BROUGHT IT UP THE ONLY WAY I KNEW YOU’D SEE IT!” Mat sat back down on the bed, “I’m so sorry. I’m so so so sorry.” “YOU’RE SORRY?! THAT’S ALL YOU CAN SAY?!” You begin sobbing again. He looks at you “I wasn’t cheating on you babe, I swear. She threw herself onto my lap and started kissing my neck. I was trying to nicely get her off. Right after this happened I pushed her off of me.” “You sure seemed to be enjoying it, Mathew.” “No Y/N this was right when she there herself onto me, I was laughing at something one of the guys said. You can call Ebs and ask him what went down.” You could tell by his voice and look that he was sincere, but you still called Ebs and he explained everything to you. 

“That doesn’t explain why you’re gone so much Mathew. Off season is your break, there’s no way you’re working out that much or have that many promos to do.” He signed, “You’re right, babe. I’m so sorry I’ve been a terrible husband and so distant lately. But being distant was the only way to not tell you what I was doing for you.” He get up and walked over to his dresser and opened a drawer and pulled out a folder. “I’ve been planning a trip for us and working with an agent to make sure I can do everything that you want. I was going to give it to you this weekend for our anniversary, but you deserve it right now. I’ve been a major ass lately and didn’t even realize the effect it had on you. I’m so sorry baby, please please forgive me.” You take the folder that he is handing you and open it. It is a whole 3 week backpack through Europe all planned out. “I know this is something you’ve wanted to do ever since you were little and I wanted to do it for you since you put up with me. You support me when no one else does. You believe in me when I can’t even believe in myself. You sacrifice so much for me. And you do all this while being a sexy, beautiful, smart, athletic, endearing wife. I want to do so much more for you because you deserve it, but I knew you’d probably be aggravated at me with how much this is, so I decided to not plan the rest and just go with the flow.” 

You can’t believe what you’re hearing. You are an emotional wreck right now, completely speechless, you pull Mat into a passionate kiss. Soon you realize how much you need him and he realizes how much he needs you. He pulls you into a bruising kiss while walking you back to the bed until the back of your knees hit the bed, “Please let me show you how sorry I am and how much I love you baby.” You nod and he gently pushes you back onto the bed and crawls to hover over you. 

This day had turned from terrible to simply amazing, and you knew the night was about to get even better.

[kxnnyduncan]

Alright pals, so here’s kendedy. He’s kind of a legendary asshole from the old redwood who i’ve decided to bring back cause i just overflow with muse from him and he’s just a lot cooler of a dude than carter ok? ok? So yeah- click below if u wanna read my old intro for him thats super long and boring and may have a lot of typos cause i didnt proof read years ago and im still too lazy to rn? <3 

PERSONALITY

Kennedy drips with confidence. Everything about him shows how self-assured he is, and that draws people into him. People love being around him for the simple fact he knows how to make himself look good. With his self awareness comes with an overbearing sense of cockyness everytime he opens his mouth though. He’s one to not think before he acts or speaks. Although he does know how to say just the right think in order to get what he wants in life. He believes he is the greatest thing to walk this earth and no one could tell him any differently.

Other people see him as an egotistical douchebag with a big mouth and nothing to show for it. Sure, he can bang a lot of chicks. But he sees himself as a legend in the world of men. Romantically though, he doesn’t know his heart from his penis. He lacks any type of true compassion in a romantic way. The guy doesn’t speak love or even know what it is outside of family.

He’s smooth, he works his way with the ladies and has a charming personality when it comes to them. He has a smile that works wonders for hims. He isn’t completely horrible he just doesn’t know how to act when around certain people other than women, which gets him most introuble. Towards elders, men, and others he was a slick mouth and he cannot control himself. He’s rude, disrespectful , and pretty much a nuisance to everyone else.

Although he is a horrible person to many people, he’s extremely intelligent when it comes to being book smart. He was one of the top ten in his graduating class while sleeping his way through class and still maintaining almost straight A’s. He’s somewhat of a walking encyclopedia, holding all kind of knowledge in his attractive little package.

He could easily make someone love or hate him, it really just depends on the day for him. Kennedy is a complex package that is wound up very tight and super hard to understand.

BIOGRAPHY

Growing up was never the easiest for Kennedy Duncan. Being born to Richard and Lisa Duncan, life for him lost it’s simplicity at a very early age. His father being a drunken asshole and his mother running away from her duties never made things easy. Being the oldest of five siblings and coming from a family who lived in poverty made things ten times harder on him.

His father was the type of man who worked all day as a Sheriffs deputy , being well known in town and being well liked  to come home and drink his life away. Their mother was addicted to drugs which made for an interesting combination at him. At the age of ten he had taken on many responsibilities for his younger siblings. His two little sisters that were five, his two year old brother, and his one month old brother made life very hard.

Kennedy was the one to cook dinner, keep the house clean, make sure the kids were dressed and fed, all while trying to be a normal kid. It wasn’t long though until Richard Duncan had left Lisa along with his five kids behind, no longer wanting to hold the responsibilities of a father.  At the age of fourteen his mother remarried to a very snobby upper class man named Miles Archibald. Kennedy and his step father were constantly bickering and going back at forth at one another.

The man was trying to take the place of Miles dad in Kennedy’s eyes. He moved Lisa and the five kids into his fancy house, he treated Kennedy’s mother nicely. Got her into rehab to handle her drug addiction. He was doing everything that Kennedy’s father should’ve done, and it made Kennedy bitter. He was angry and spiteful towards the man. There were many times when the two along got into physical altercations up under Lisa or his siblings had gotten in the middle and pulled him away.

Kennedy had been the man in his house for a long time after his father had left that having this new guy around made him hate it even more living under another mans roof. He had taken care of his family, he had made it his whole life to care for them and now Miles was just sweeping in and doing his job? No. Kennedy hated it.

It was was Kennedy was fifteen that he had finally moved out to live with an older friend who was twenty two at the time doing online schooling and traveling through his real dads money. He had been making threats for a while that he was going to in hopes that his mother would leave Miles, but by then it was too late. Lisa had fallen head over heels in love with Miles.

At sixteen when his real father wanted him to stop screwing around and go to a real college, he called the police on Kennedy saying he was a ‘runaway’ and wanted his child back home. So, he was scooped up, shipped off to redwood where he was going to ‘get off the streets , learn how to be a man, and become college ready’

[angeladdict]

so storytime

my sister had a dream full of symbolism basically

she was awake in the dream and looked over at me still awake irl and thought to herself she needs to go to sleep rn so she can be here in this dream with me

she was in the bottom of her bunk bed with two angels on the top bunk, and they had to go to sleep to go to an alternate reality. my sister however was awake, and could still see what the angels saw in the parallel universe.

the angels were observing a bright purple storm being caused by a random guy standing in front of it.

my sis was snapped out of this alternate reality bc a guy and a girl came in thru her bedroom door (in the dream) and put a pot full of stones at the foot of the door so she wasnt able to leave.

she kicked the pot over and left the house

when she left all she saw was a river of lava. she began to float down it and was joined by some man, and they went down the lava unharmed. it didnt burn them at all

the lava ended eventually and led to a lake of murky muddy water. there were multiple plant boxes scattered throughout the lake. small sprouts were growing from the boxes, but there were gaps underneath the boxes that some random girl kept getting stuck in and drowning. they had to save her multiple times bc she kept getting stuck and almost dying.

my interpretation of this:

the whole dream seemed to be symbolic of my current life circumstance. i think i was supposed to be sleeping and having this dream, but instead she had to explain it to me. i wouldve normally woken up from the dream and understood the meaning instantly.

BACKSTORY:

so, theres this guy i met online 5 yrs ago and became enamored with within a week basically bc we quickly became engrossed in eachother, texting every second we were awake. we couldnt get enough of eachothers company

the bliss only lasted a month bc we mutually became triggered over the smallest of things, and he said he didnt sign up for this, and would come and go. we would bicker, hed leave for a week and return later to give it another shot.

well the coming and going gave my now codependent ass some serious anxiety that snowballed into full blown panic attacks

i broke my literal heart forcing myself to stop talking to him as i felt myself entering a depressive episode. i had zero mental space to talk to him or much less anyone at all.

a month after i left to heal, he gets with his current best friend. the first day theyre together, he posts on his blog "i only really want Your attention" that was the first red flag and threw me into a fit of rage that started small and grew larger and larger as i saw him subposting me and it was so glaringly obvious he was using her as a distraction and to fill the void of my absence bc he missed me and didnt know how to be alone or process the grief

i only think he even experienced grief in the first place bc of songs he would add to playlists and id look up the lyrics and would be like bruh. he started this whole journey of realizing my worth about a week after i had skipped town to heal. my parting message included that i was in love with him. he never replied.

a week after i had gone, he made a playlist and added some g eazy song "im in love with these tumblr girls" and i was like okay so you couldnt even reply though? do u just think its too late to bother bc im already gone? anyway so thats when the process of realizing my worth began. but a month after that he was in a new relationship which was super dumb and totally a rebound

well, i saw from day 1 she was a rebound and tried to tell her. she said i was batshit crazy, belonged in a psych ward, and that even if it was TRUE that he wasnt over me, she actually couldnt care less. this shocked me. she didnt care if he was into his ex? thats not normal. like AT all.

so fast forward FIVE entire years, theyre still together, hes still not over me, and she ignores the signs he leaves in the form of tumblr and twitter subposts ab me. she either doesnt realize theyre about me, OR she has a hunch and doesnt give a fuck.

now, i dont believe shes that stupid. i (personally) think she knew the entire time, and didnt care he was depressed and unhappy bc he couldnt get over his past, over me. she was content to continue dating him AND not address the elephant in the room. talk about selfish and uncaring for her boyfriends mental and emotional health.

on the flip side, she was oblivious bc he is an excellent liar and blamed his depression on genetics. to this day i have no idea what the truth of the matter is.

as of right now he is realizing theres a possibility she knew why he was so sad their whole relationship, and didnt bother to help him heal from me, just used him to fill her inner void and lack of self esteem bc of her childhood trauma.

he is currently questioning everything bc he isnt sure what her intentions were with him this entire time. he has no idea but is beginning to. i have my hunches, which i have expressed to him, but he is processing and coming to his own conclusions.

the main reason i dont believe she ever truly loved him is because she said she didnt care if he was miserable and not over me. she didnt care. i tried to tell her he wasnt over me and was miserable and needed help that SHE wasnt giving him by IGNORING his pain. she said i was lying and psychotic and jealous. no, i was trying to warn you. most girls would want to know their bf was emotionally unavailable. she didnt. THATS why i dont believe she had his best intentions at heart. she wanted to use him. she wanted him to be a trophy on her wall, a reason to view herself as better than me. why? because she has such low self esteem bc of her childhood and needed a reason to fuel her ego and feel better about herself. she BEGAN with pure intentions. it quickly turned into something much, much more sinister.

she was so volatile and rude, saying he only loved her and never loved me. she knew NOTHING of our experience, however brief it was. why? bc She Never Asked Him. why? bc She Didnt Care. why? bc she was never in it to care about him, but rather to care about herself and her need for validation and deprivation of love.

she is narcissistic. period. she has used him for their entire relationship (albeit the first week before i alerted her) to fuel her ego and sense of entitlement and feeling ~above me. ~better than me. she would gossip to her friends about how i was just jealous of her life and wished i was her. (they told me she said this). that is the OPPOSITE of the truth.

so all in all, she was a rebound for him, and he was an ego boost for her.

theyre mutually using eachother for selfish means.

OK BACKSTORY FINISHED

the dream interpretation:

[mendesstg-blog]

1 - 200 I WANNA KNOOOW 😊💕

Took all day, but she answered mine so I’ll answer her’s ❤️

200: My crush’s name is: Shawn Mendes ofc


199: I was born in: Wisconsin, USA. Date: Aug 26


198: I am really: Passionate about music, caring, and shy until I get to know you


197: My cellphone company is: Sprint


196: My eye color is: Brown (sometimes hazel or green, but usually brown)


195: My shoe size is: Depends on the shoe. I range from 6 to 8.5


194: My ring size is: 6


193: My height is: 5'1" (yeah ik I’m short but I like my height lol)


192: I am allergic to: idk, but I have seasonal allergies


191: My 1st car was: Haven’t gotten it yet


190: My 1st job was: babysit I guess (if that counts)


189: Last book you read: Sherlock Holmes


188: My bed is: a futon at my dad’s and a normal bed (? lol) at my mom’s. They’re both comfy


187: My pet(s): 1 dog, his name is Koby


186: My best friend: Is amazing and I love her so much. She’s helped me through a lot. 


185: My favorite shampoo is: Head and Shoulders


184: Xbox or ps3: Xbox
183: Piggy banks are: Cool. I still have one and I just emptied it for the Shawn Mendes concert lol


182: In my pockets: don’t have pockets on my pants rn


181: On my calendar: School events, vacations, college stuff, and weddings.


180: Marriage is: beautiful when you see two people absolutely in love with each other


179: Spongebob can: give me a crabby patty. Seriously. I’ve been waiting since I was 5
 

178: My mom: Annoys me sometimes, we don’t agree on certain things, but I still love her. 


177: The last three songs I bought were: Havana by Camila Cabello, Kiwi by Harry Styles, and It’s a Vibe by 2 Chainz


176: Last YouTube video watched: makeup videos lol


175: How many cousins do you have?: 9


174: Do you have any siblings?: 2 younger brothers


173: Are your parents divorced?: yes.


172: Are you taller than your mom?: We’re the same height by she argues that she’s taller


171: Do you play an instrument?: Clarinet, violin, piano, ukulele, and guitar 


170: What did you do yesterday?: spent all day with my school’s marching band and ended up looking like neopolitan ice cream because i got so burnt


[ I Believe In ] 

169: Love at first sight: idk


168: Luck: yes


167: Fate: yes


166: Yourself: YES OFC


165: Aliens: yes


164: Heaven: yes more or less


163: Hell: yes more or less


162: God: yes more or less


161: Horoscopes: idk, I occasionally read mine


160: Soul mates: idk


159: Ghosts: yes


158: Gay Marriage: YES 🏳️‍🌈


157: War: fuck no


156: Orbs: maybe? Idk what they are


155: Magic: idk


[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: depends. Hugs i guess


153: Drunk or High: neither. You can have fun without alcohol or drugs


152: Phone or Online: both


151: Redheads or Black haired: both


150: Blondes or Brunettes: both. Honestly hair color doesn’t matter


149: Hot or cold: both


148: Summer or winter: summer but like winter is beautiful too (i just don’t like shoveling)


147: Autumn or Spring: both


146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate


145: Night or Day: both lol

 
144: Oranges or Apples: apples wellllll oranges no both (IM SORRY FOR BEING INDECISIVE)


143: Curly or Straight hair: curly


142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds


141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate:both


140: Mac or PC: Mac


139: Flip flops or high heels: Flip flops for everyday wear and heels for events


138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor


137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke


136: Hillary or Obama: OBAMA!!!


135: Buried or cremated: idk


134: Singing or Dancing: both


133: Coach or Chanel: Coach


132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: idk


131: Small town or Big city: Both


130: Wal-Mart or Target: i like both but I shop at walmart more


129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam Sandler


128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure


127: East Coast or West Coast: hard choice


126: Your Birthday or Christmas: hmm


125: Chocolate or Flowers: which ever


124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney only because I’ve never been to six flags


123: Yankees or Red Sox: Red sox


[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War: I think it is dumb. Fighting over cultural difference shouldn’t happen instead it differences should be embraced. Who knows how many different wars there will be in my future let alone my future children’s.


121: George Bush: I honestly don’t have one


120: Gay Marriage: Everyone should be able to marry whomever they love. Why does it have to be voted on whether they can get married or not? Just let them live, be loved, and be happy.


119: The presidential election: It amazes me how he was elected. I am team Hillary. I have my opinions and you have yours. I respect that, but I’d rather not share mine.


118: Abortion: It is 2017, almost 2018, and women still don’t have control of their own bodies. I’m pro-choice. Abortion should be given as a choice to women. My mom had an abortion before she had me because she was really ill.


117: MySpace: haha never used it so don’t have an opinion about it


116: Reality TV: yeah it can be fun to watch but honestly what’s the point? Everyone’s own lives are hectic too


115: Parents: Some are great, some are bad. Some are controlling, some don’t care enough.


114: Back stabbers: I’ve dealt with many of you, but it’s your fault that you lost out on a great friend. Hated you guys for a while because I thought we were good friends, but I’m thankful toxic people like you are out of my life.


113: Ebay: is the shit. I got a crap ton of barbie clothes for my dolls when I was younger from there. Haven’t gone on there for a while tho


112: Facebook: the go-to app for when parents are around. That’s the only most censored app I have that I go on when they’re around


111: Work: wish I had one because all of my friends are making money, but once I get one I’ll wish I didn’t have a job so I can have more free time. It’s not like my parents will let me get a job anyways.


110: My Neighbors: Never really talk to any of my neighbors at my dads or my moms. Pretty sure they get annoyed with how loud I play my music


109: Gas Prices: i remember when it costed $5 or $6 a gallon. Please stay at $2.35 


108: Designer Clothes: hella cool but also hella expensive. Thankful for cute cheap stores because I’m about to be a broke college student


107: College: thankful for the opportunity to get a higher education, but it’s always super expensive. If more jobs require a degree, why can’t we just make it more efficient to get a degree with less money? But that’s also too much to ask for


106: Sports: I like watching it and playing it is also fun. 


105: My family: My parents divorced had me go through shit mentally and physically. (no they didn’t abuse me, their divorce was just difficult) I hope one day you two will stop acting like children and not beat down the other parent when we spend the night at your house. But I know it won’t ever end. I’m thankful my younger brothers won’t remember your divorce and they’re what keeps me going.

104: The future: I can’t wait to see what you hold. I can’t wait to go to college. I can’t wait to go into my career choice. I can’t wait to meet that special person. I can’t wait to start a family. I’m just excited for you
[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: An hour ago when I put my brothers to sleep

102: Last time you ate: idk 2-3 hours ago


101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in a while: a year ago


100: Cried in front of someone: yesterday


99: Went to a movie theater: 2 years ago


98: Took a vacation: idk if you count it, but my school trip this past spring 


97: Swam in a pool: 2 years ago


96: Changed a diaper: 4 years ago


95: Got my nails done: I think I was 7? Idk I do my nail myself now


94: Went to a wedding: 12 years ago


93: Broke a bone: never broke a bone


92: Got a piercing: I got my ears pierced before I turned 1 and I got my nose pierced on my birthday last year


91: Broke the law: idk
90: Texted: like 5 min ago


[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: my brothers or my best friend Kate


88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Brothers or my doggo


87: The last movie I saw: Boss baby


86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: going to college, interning, and getting a job in my career (Ik it’s 3 things but I’m excited lol)


85: The thing i’m not looking forward to: Moving away from loved ones


84: People call me: Mia


83: The most difficult thing to do is: Forgive someone who hurt you badly. Like truly forgive them 


82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never gotten a speeding ticket


81: My zodiac sign is: Virgo


80: The first person i talked to today was: My dad


79: First time you had a crush: 5 or 6 and it was on Zac Efron


78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: idk, maybee my best friend


77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Yesterday 


76: Right now I am talking to: my internet besties ❤️


75: What are you going to do when you grow up: something in the music industry


74: I have/will get a job: whenever my parents let me


73: Tomorrow: I will get up early, ride on a bus for 3 hours, and march in a parade


72: Today: I cut my hair short AND I FUCKING LOVE IT


71: Next Summer: I will try to spend as much time with my bestfriend before we leave for different colleges


70: Next Weekend: I get to spend with my best friend


69: I have these pets: Beagle- Eskimo cross


68: The worst sound in the world: whining when they don’t get what they want or smacking gum


67: The person that makes me cry the most is: honestly whoever cries in front of me I will cry with them


66: People that make you happy: Family, my dog, and my friends


65: Last time I cried: yesterday


64: My friends are: honest and caring


63: My computer is: an old macbook pro but it still works and I love it


62: My School: is full of fake people and drama


61: My Car: Don’t have one


60: I lose all respect for people who: lie, cheat, and treat people like they are less than them


59: The movie I cried at was: I can’t remember but I think TFIOS


58: Your hair color is: brown


57: TV shows you watch: Shadowhunters, Raven’s Home, Jane the virgin, Riverdale, and others I can’t remember


56: Favorite web site: Tumblr or twitter


55: Your dream vacation: big city in new york with my best friend or toronto with my grand parents/aunts


54: The worst pain I was ever in was: during my parents divorce 


53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium rare


52: My room is: boring, cozy, and a little bit messy


51: My favorite celebrity is: Shawn Mendes, duh


50: Where would you like to be: Somewhere where I can say “I finally made it"


49: Do you want children: Yes!! I can’t wait to have kids


48: Ever been in love: I don’t think so


47: Who’s your best friend: Some beautiful, crazy, weird girl named Kate i guess (let’s see if she reads this later)


46: More guy friends or girl friends: I have more girl friends than I do guys, but I wish I had more guy friends


45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music


44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My grandpa


43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I guess yeah, but it’s very loosely planned


42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no


41: Have you pre-named your children: thought of names, but not planned them lol


40: Last person I got mad at: idk


39: I would like to move to: Cali, New york, by my grand parent in canada, and where I am now


38: I wish I was a professional: something in music


[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: Sour gummy worms or cinnamon bears


36: Vehicle: Jeep
 or Range Rover

35: President: OBAMA


34: State visited: Illinois or Florida


33: Cell Phone provider: Sprint


32: Athlete: Jose Bautista 


31: Actor: Rupert Grint


30: Actress: Zendaya, Lucy Hale, or Emma Watson

29: Singer: Shawn Mendes or Selena Gomez


28: Band: R5 or 5SOS


27: Clothing store: Ross or American Eagle 


26: Grocery store: Walmart


25: TV show: Shadowhunters 


24: Movie: HARRY POTTER SERIES


23: Website: Again, tumblr or twitter


22: Animal: doggies or dolphins


21: Theme park: no clue


20: Holiday: christmas


19: Sport to watch: Baseball


18: Sport to play: Baseball or volleyball 


17: Magazine: Vogue


16: Book: The Mortal Instruments Series


15: Day of the week: Friday


14: Beach: Clear water in FL


13: Concert attended: Illuminate tour (on Aug 6th, 2017)


12: Thing to cook: Pasta anything


11: Food: chicken alfredo or pasta anything or anything really I’m not picky
 

10: Restaurant: Chinese restaurants 
 

9: Radio station: idk
 

8: Yankee candle scent: idk lol that pumpkin one??
 

7: Perfume: Signature by Shawn Mendes or Bombshell by VS
 

6: Flower: Pink hibiscus 
 

5: Color: aqua
 

4: Talk show host: Ellen Degeneres
 

3: Comedian: Jo Koy, Kevin Hart, or Gabriel Iglesias
 

2: Dog breed: honestly any breed
 

1: Did you answer all these truthfully?: of course 💕

[ch99rry]

1-102? 😁😁😁

omg ur gonna kill me

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

i think the last person who told me they loved me was my mother lmao so im pretty sure she meant it

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

mmmm i mean i would if they were comfortable with it. im 17 so its not that much of an age difference but im still underage but idk

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

LMAO NGL IT WAS WHEN I WAS SITTING NEXT TO MY BOYFRIEND (i feel like its too early to call him that......) DURING LUNCH. AS MUCH AS I WAS HAPPY THAT HE WAS THERE I WAS ALSO RLLY MAD THAT IM SO AWKWARD WITH HIM

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

i mean??? yeah???

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

omg yeah probably coughdominiccough

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

yepppp it was where are you by taeil i think

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

uhh my caltech hoodie and some gray sweatpants

8. How often do you listen to music?

like every minute of everyday. i will always listen to music

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

probably sweats since i dont normally wear jeans during the week (i have uniforms at my school)

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

...what?

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

both??? im very social and open with my friends but its hard for me to talk to groups of people (even if its just like 10-15 people) and people im not that close to

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

hmmm nope

13. What about ‘R’?

nope

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

UM NOPE PROBABLY NOT

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

g o d y e s

16. Are you going out of town soon?

i dont think i am

17. When was the last time you cried?

uhhh tuesday? yeah tuesday

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

yeyeye

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

mmm maybe... i kinda want a lighter brown but idk

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

PARK CHANYEOL PARK CHANYEOL PARK CHANYEOL PARK CHANYEOL PARK CHANYEOL PARK–

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

uh well the day im having is over so

idk what i disliked tbh. maybe during lunch when my bf’s friends forced him to sit with my friends and i while at the same forcing me to sit with them

that was so embarrassing lmao

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

YES YES YES YES YES except i got acne and shit on my forehead so its kinda gross

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

mmmm nah

24. What are you sitting on right now?

my bed

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

yeye!! my best friend aleks!!

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

GOD Y E S

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

aleks!!

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

nah

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

caltech

30. Does anyone hate you?

yeah definitely lmao

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

nah

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

eh not really but i’ll watch them anyway

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

nah

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

probably freshman year

35. Did you have a dream last night?

none that i recall

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

yesterday?? i think

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

mmm probably not

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

umm yes?? hopefully my bf???

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

y e s??? h ope f u l ly my b f????

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

mmm yeah! i would consider it a good day

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

nah

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

mmmm i dont think i will

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

mmm probably aleks but idk i dont remember. in a romantic way, no one

44. What’s the best part about school?

def my friends

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

yep

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

mmm nah bc all my teachers have been so chill with my friends and i bc we’re like the smart group of kids

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Y E S

48. Were you single over the last summer?

yep

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

oh god no. if my life were anything like two years ago i would probably be dead by now

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

sleeping lmao

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

nahh

52. Are you nice to everyone?

i try to be but if someone pisses me off lmao i’ll go off on them

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yepppp (i had a crush on two of my gay friends lmao)

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

ofc!! cheating is literally the worst thing you could do in a relationship (besides kill them...)

plus i dont wanna hurt jaydon by cheating on him omg :((

also who tf would i cheat on him with wtf

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

mmm yeah. not so much online but in person im p good at hiding my feelings

56. Do you think you like someone?

uh???? yes????

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

GOD I WISH

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

lmao this is a dumb question

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

probably franchesca

60. Do you hate anyone?

GOD YES

61. How’s your heart?

its... p okay rn i guess. i got some insecurities still but im in a good place rn i think

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

yeah kinda

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

lmao who do u think i am? of course i have

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

probably zu

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

nah

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

mmm i hope not!!

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

i mean. sure? if he did it in front of me, i’d be glad that hes being open but i cant imagine jaydon crying lmao

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

nah

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

mmmm rene or kat

70. How do you look right now?

like a mess

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

yes!!!!

72. Can you commit to one person?

OFC

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

mmm yeah

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

oh my god yes

75. Did you wake up cranky?

today? a little bit

76. Are you a jealous person?

yeah i get p jealous and paranoid easily

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

yes!! maybe not if u get rlly bad paranoia and anxiety but im trying to work past my paranoia and rlly enjoy this

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

nope

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

y e ss

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

go to a roller rink!!

81. Last person you cried in front of?

uhhh i dont think ive cried in front of someone in y e a r s

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

my best friend from 3rd grade

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

lmao i would like to think he is but im not sure, i’d have to ask

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

probably watching a movie. i rlly wanna watch train to busan with someone (preferrably him lmao)

85. Are you over your past?

more or less

i still think about the past year or two with kat, alex, and tay but everything before then im p okay with

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

y e

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

yep

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

first true love??? uh??? true love is a dumb concept???

also my first love already apologized for being a dick to me and i already accepted it lmao

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

uh no thanks

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

mmm nah

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

i hope so!!

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

yepp and hes a loser senior :^)))

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

nope

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

nope

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

i mean??? i guess?? he was also kind of a dick

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

ye shes p cute (it was aleks lmao)

97. Who do you have texts from?

what does this even mean

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

i would honestly cry but even if i felt crushed (which i would be) i wouldn’t be surprised bc i think all the time that im not good enough for him. besides that, i feel like the last option tbh. like after leeloo and franchesca, its me, and i know im probably overthinking that but i cant help but feel that way. so yeah i’d probably tell him its doesnt surprise me but i’d still be upset

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

nope

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

uhhh thats chanyeol

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

nah

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

yes!!!!

[viralhottopics]

‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Last Week They Took An L, But This Week They Bounced Back Kinda

Welcome, welcome, welcome. After last weeks very entertaining trainwreck, I gotta say I was pretty fucking pumped to revisit the AYTO cast. Nothing makes these recaps easier to write than failure of other people. Lucky for me, this cast not only fails but also does some straight-up stupid shit in the process. I mean, between Tyler and Carolina these recaps practically write themselves.

Anyways, Im drinking cheap wine and my laptop is charged. Lets begin now.

AFTER BLACKING OUT AND LOSING A SHIT TON OF MONEY

Carolina has produced enough tears to give the town of Flint some clean water. Shes literally moving from one location to the other just fucking sobbing. Joeys pretty upset toonow hes a loveless trashman. Sad!

They are both like kneeling on the floor, praying to sweet baby Jesus that they can overcome this horrible hardship of losing your love of two weeks. Joeys low-key kneeling down to pick up some trash off the ground because you cannot take the man away from his livelihood, goddammit.

Kathryn/Rushboobs is like ARE WE DONE?? to Ozzy and its like, uh, is this a trick question? Oh duh, I forgot shes an education major from FSU. Someone needs to basically fucking spell out how this game works for her.

Ozzy tries to let her down easy and she storms off because how dare he try and focus on the whole object of the game!?

Kam, the girl with the grey/purple hair as my mom calls her (like, mom its a three fucking letter name), is like “OKAY EVERYONE STOP FUCKING CRYING.” I am Kam, Kam is me.

Rushboobs cant help that she has a lot of feelings and the fucking mentality of a 14-year-old.

Tee is like “I WANT A BOYFRIEND WITH A BRAIN.” And when you want an intellectual boyfriend the first place you should go is an MTV reality show. *cough, cough BULLSHIT cough*

Shes into Oswaldo, who is low-key hot but also looks like Austin Ames friend from (the one in the middle). YEAH, I KNOW, IM FUCKING RIGHT.

He is talking about how he wants to be a businessman and watches Animal Planet because knowledge is power. Yeah, I bet watching episodes of is really going to put you ahead in your fuckin career.

Honestly, I cannot hear him saying anything besides diner girl.

THE CHALLENGE

Can I just saylots of slow motion running this season. We get it. You use special effects.

The game involves the casts social media and they have to answer questions based off their profiles. Apparently they all are fucking crazy online too, further solidifying the fact that they will never get jobs in the real world.

Except Joey. Trash collecting doesnt have a lot of requirements to it.

They all are asked the same questions and need to find the answer for their partner in a maze like web that Ryan so cleverly calls the inter-net.

Whenever Ryan says something fucking cheesy that cast cracks up like its the best shit theyve ever heard. I imagine producers are standing behind them with like guns pointed to their backsfucking laugh at Ryans pun or Ill murder your family. Carolina, shed a tear if you need help.

Thats not really a thing, you fucking idiots.

It goes like this:

Question: Biggest turnoff in a guy?

JOEY: I know KARI likes a guy who listens, because I listen. ALSO JOEY: I know KARI likes a guy who eats food because I eat food.

Joey, be a doll and never speak again. Thanks!

Question: If I won the lotto what would I buy?

NORMAL PEOPLE: A plane ticket anywhere in the world! NORMAL PEOPLE: I would donate to charity! NORMAL PEOPLE: I would pay loans! HAYDEN: ME BUY LARGE TRUCK.

Question: Whats a gross habit you have?

OZZY: Im just here to fuck Carolina, so Im picking the first thing I see *picks wipes boogers on the wall* CAROLINA: Omg he knows me so well!!!

Note to self, never, ever go to Carolinas booger house.

Hayden and Rushboobs get in first, Joey and KARI get second. To make it even more awkward, Ozzy and Carolina get third. Oh, I love this.

Ryan tells them they are all going hiking with monkeys and Ozzy has to act excited, like he doesnt do that every other day.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Michael is like I WAS AN EMT BUT I QUIT BECAUSE OLD PEOPLE, AM I RIGHT? Thats like being like I WAS A VET, BUT ANIMALS, RIGHT? Michael, further implicating himself as unemployable.

Gianna is like, still having a lady boner over Michael and Hayden has developed a city on Friendzone Island where he is now the mayor. Shes like, laying all over him and totally loving the fact that hes more whipped than a girl in BDSM porn.

Carolina is in love with Ozzy faster than President Trump can delete the LGBT Rights page from his website. Quite suddenly, hes the hottest guy in the house and she liked him the whole time she was with Joey. Hmm, sounds like alternative facts.

Shes like “MY PARENTS WOULD LOVE YOU” hes like “mmmm okay, Booger rubber.”

Also, when talking to the camera separately, Carolina seems like the most boring person literally ever. Was she on a sedative? Why do I feel like they put her on this show like, mid-wisdom teeth removal?

Rushboobs is pounding wine, honestly same, while Ozzy and Carolina start making out.

Tyler, this seasons resident fuckboy, is like Shannon is fun and flirty! Which is the way of saying easy! Shannon, you seem nice, but when you speak I want to throw myself in front of a fucking train. Her voice truly sounds like everything annoying in the world just took a massive shit in her vocal chords. Did she do the voice over for Bubbles in ?

Taylor is like “dafuq is this?” And straight-up calls Tyler out. Shes like you didnt even get to know me very calmly and Tyler is like WOAH.

TYLER: YOU ARENT MY GIRLFRIEND TAYLOR: I know, I just wanted to get to know you because you seem cool TYLER: WOW, WHAT A CRAZY BITCH

Rushboobs is talking to Ozzy about how she still cares about him and shell never forget the 14 days they had together on a reality show, where everything is pretty much superficial.

Carolina comes in hot and is like “RUSHBOOBS DOESNT KNOW IF IM GOOD FOR OZZY OR NOT! not even understanding that they arent talking about her.

Joey comes in to defend Rushboobs and mostly just shit talk Carolina. Joey starts yelling at Carolina about how she juggles guys and shes crazy and all this other bullshit. Joey, pull your tampon out and quit being a little baby about this. Move the fuck on. Youre a single trashmanyour life can only go up from here!

Joeys like “WHY DONT YOU TAKE A FIRST CLASS FLIGHT HOME WITH OZZY!!!!” And its like, ooooohhh good one, bro, and Ozzys like uh, Im from here. Ozzys mom will be picking him up after the show, thanks for the concern though.

Shannon is talking to Tyler and I swear I have heard more interesting shit come out of a Baby Born doll. Why do you sound like you survive on a diet of rainbows and helium? Whatever, they annoy me. Moving on.

THE DATE WITH ALL THE LITTLE BIRDIES AND THE MONKEYS

They go to play with the monkeys and Carolina is like we took food out and the animals attacked us. Wow, groundbreaking.

She and Ozzy start making out and its like, could you just chill for a second? There are fucking animals eating corn off your head.

Joey starts complaining to KARI about Carolina and shes like I think you still like her. KARIs in med school man, dont fuck with her. Also, she can literally see into your mind with those big-ass eyes of hers.

Hes like “I SWEAR ON MY LIFE IM OVER IT! I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER LOVED THAT I AM SO OVER THAT HORRIBLE, HATEFUL, CRAZY BITCH CAROLINA.” The trashman doth protest too much.

KARI leaves because she doesnt need this bullshit. She can fucking read minds and save people. Time to move the fuck on.

Am I watching ? Because I swore I just heard Joey say can I steal her for a minute? Joey, do not fucking try to hybrid my reality shows rn!

He pulls Carolina aside and is like KARI WONT TALK TO ME BECAUSE OF YOU!!! Uh, wait what? Carolina starts yelling and this is just a goddam mess. Honestly, the sexual tensionyou could cut it with a knife.

Ozzy goes to save Carolina before she starts rubbing boogers all over Joeys face.

THE TRUTH BOOTH

Carolina and Ozzy are in the Truth Booth, thank god. Put me out of my fucking misery.

But wait, Ryan offers a deal where they dont send Ozzy and Carolina and they take $150,000 bucks instead. But if they take the money, they can never send those two in the truth booth again. Damn Ryan, back at it again with the shitty trades.

The house is divided with Kam being like CAROLINA IS CRAZY TAKE THE MONEY and everyone else being like hmmm idk.

Ryan asks Derrick, who is like the unofficial spokesperson of the house, what their plan is and they decide to not take the truth booth trade. Damn, Ive heard stupider shit come out of Kellyanne Conways mouth.

And lookie here, NO MATCH.

Moral of the story: Listen to Kam. Listen to me. Never make a decision on your own. Bye!

Carolina is crying again. Someone put a Brita filter under this bitch.

Rushboobs is like wow this is so sad *smiles* *dances* *throws flowers around the room* *throws party*

Joey and Rushboobs bond over alcohol and their hatred of Carolina and start flirting. This is how it goes, I shit you not:

RUSHBOOBS: Stop! JOEY: No, you stop *leans in closer* RUSHBOOBS: No, you stop *leans in closer* ME: NO SERIOUSLY, FUCKIN STOP.

Ive seen better flirting skills from a fucking third grader. Where did you learn to communicate with the opposite sex, Rushboobsyour students? Joey, I dont even want to know how your livelihood has affected your lovelife.

Tee is like “I CANNOT WAIT TO FUCK OSWALDO,” and its like, wow okay. Shoutout to her parents. But also, do you girl #womensmarch

KARI and Tyler start talking. Tylers playing the role of the victim like I cant help that every girl wants to bone me! wow, life must be so hard for you. How do you even get up in the morning?

Tyler is hot though, dammit. Always the pretty ones. KARI ends up straddling him and they go to bed together. Well. Okay then.

Meanwhile, Kam and Eddie are hanging out and giving me couple goals. If they arent a match Im fucking throwing hands.

MTV: Kam and Eddie, you are not a couple ME: CASH ME OUTSIDE, HOW BOW DAH

THE MATCHUP CEREMONY

The girls pick tonight so hopefully it wont be too much of a shit show.

Rushboobs picks Joey, a trashy match made in heaven.

Tee picks Osvaldo, the knowledgeable son of a bitch. I imagine he is just whispering animal facts into her ear all night.

Hannah picks Derrick/Kellyanne.

Casandra and Jaylen. Yawn.

Kam and Eddie, because duh.

Shannon picks Tyler. Yuck. Ryans like Tyler, hows it going? And Tylers like “I GOT TO KNOW KARI INTIMATELY!” Okay. Not the question but whatever. So classy. Goddam, I want to kiss your face but also hit it with shovel???

Hes like I was sauced and tries to act like it was a drunken thing. Very cool of him. And STOP USING THE TERM SAUCED. Like I literally just picture you rolling around in marinara.

KARIs like fuck it, yeah I gave him a handjob. Wow, okay MTV youre really doin the damn thing. Honestly, who hasnt given a regretful handjob?

Taylor is crying because shes like wait you never even spoke to me! Everyone, including me, feels bad for Taylor because like, Tylers fucking gross.

Tyler: The funny thing about a conversation is give me a handjob.

Tylers like I guess Im the bad guy and its like, hmmm, what gave it away? I shall play you the worlds smallest violin. Can you hear it?

Carolina picks Hayden and Giannas like “WTF NO.”

Gianna picks Ozzy and Ozzy literally looks like he wants to kill himself. Relatable.

Alicia picks Mike. Cool story.

Taylor comes up and crying and Ryans like how do you feel? Uh how do you think she fucking feels? Is the crying not a clue? Shes like I feel disrespected but honestly, when am I ever not. This is like a speech from a movie.

TAYLOR TO TYLER: But waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointing. (name the movie)

Taylor picks Michael as her perfect match.

Andre is like “Taylor is hot and sad. I make happy. We bone. Yay!”

Im endorsing that couple RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

Andre and KARI are left.

They are all like we cannot get another blackout! and Im like just fuck me up, fam. Give me another blackout, make my goddam day.

But alas, they get 4 BEAMS. Not bad for a bunch of pretty degenerates.

Cant wait to see what fuckery next week holds!

Read more: http://ift.tt/2keySPB

from ‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Last Week They Took An L, But This Week They Bounced Back Kinda