#im still fucking angry that never amounted to anything other than dick jokes

[minamotoz]

degrassi next class if baaz nahir was allowed to be fleshed out and was given real storylines instead of just shoving him in hunters shadow and making him the asshole no one likes

[ironmansuuucks]

Like Father, Like Daughter - Part 3

dewey finn x stark!reader 

bonour mon petite croissants! okay so like this part is vvv different to the other parts and the ending is really rushed so my apologies. there’s pretty much no dewey in this one its all reader and tony because context and story lmao but it is vvv angsty!!!. sooo i hope you enjoy! also, i tagged you guys because yous have read and commented on the last parts and i hope yous are still liking it lmao lotsa love xxxx

Part 1 

Part 2 

words - 1800

warnings - alcohol, mentions on drugs, angst 

“JARVIS, you up?” Tony questioned his AI as he walked back into the workshop. “for you sir, always”. It was dark and cold in Stark Tower. Tony had been footering around with mark 34 all day, non-stop. He had no idea where his daughter was. In fact you hadn’t spoken in days. It broke his heart but he knew that he needed to wait until you were ready to talk, and the fact that you were both as stubborn as each other didn’t help. As he checked his watch he couldn’t believe the time, 3:20 AM. “yeah, now flip it.. uh huh and push the revolvers up.. more to the left” Tony spoke to JARVIS with a holographic model of mark 34’s chest cavity moving around in front of him.

Suddenly his phone began to ring. “send it to voicemail” he quipped at JARVIS, still spinning the holograph, but the AI hastily responded “uh sir, it’s y/n’s mobile that’s calling you”. “what? Where is she?” he replied worriedly. Tony had a secret tracker on your phone for years and you had never noticed. JARVIS checked and replied “she’s in Katie’s bar sir”. Tony furrowed his eyebrows, folding his arms, expecting some drunken call from his daughter about how much she hated him, “ok answer it”. The AI answered the call and all Tony could hear was the loud, muffled music of the bar.

“hey sweetie how you getting on?” he answered the phone condescendingly, preparing for her shouting and swearing. But the voice he was met with was not his daughters. “uh, hey Mr Stark, it’s Peter, y/n’s friend?”. Tony furrowed his eyebrows again, concern building. “oh hey Pete, everything ok?”. Peter paused for a second. “well uh.. no, not really.” Tony’s heart was racing, his mind spinning and coining the worse scenarios. “I think you may need to come pick up y/n. She’s super messed up, worse than I’ve ever seen her.. and she uh.. she was about to buy.. uh cocaine from these random guys on the streets before we stopped her” Peter replied hesitantly. Tony was furious. Who the hell did you think you were and what the fuck did you think you were doing. He had been down this route before and it was one that he struggled to get out of. The rich and famous lifestyle was not an easy ride, but he would die before he let you fuck up as much as he did when he was your age.

Tony darted toward the door, not even lifting his jacket “uh huh kid, keep her at Katie’s bar, I’ll be there in five”. He didn’t even wait to here what peter had to say. He almost ran out to the Mercedes and drove at a speed that was lethal to get his daughter back and safe in his arms.

* * * * * * *

“yeah well fuck off” you shouted at the bouncer as your friends dragged you out of the bar, stumbling into the back of them. You pulled out of Peter’s grip and slid down the wall to sit on the ground. Your head was spinning. You had consumed a destructive amount of alcohol. You put your head in your hands. “ugh I haaaate my liiife” you almost shouted as your friends stood in front of you, patiently waiting for Tony. Peter bent down and rubbed your knee “you’re fine, y/n, everything will be okay”. You sobbed slightly “n-no it won’t Pete, im.. I’m fucked up”.

Just then was when the jet black Mercedes stopped outside of the bar, the door flinging open. You looked up at the sudden noise of the car acceleration, Peter standing up and thanking the lord that Tony was here. You squinted your eyes as someone got out the car, and then the realisation hit “you dicks called my dad?!?!?” you shouted drunkenly at your friends, who stood in silence. “right, come on.. up you get” Tony said as he attempted to pull you to your feet. To be honest, you didn’t want to protest too much. In your head you didn’t have to speak to your dad, you could just go to your own cosy bed, so you let him pull you to your feet, stumbling into him as you did so.

Your friends stood silent, feeling bad, and severely worried about you. “what has she had?” Tony questioned Peter as he put her in to the front seat of the car. “ugh, tequila, jack, vodka.. honestly a mix of everything”. Tony sighed, shutting the door and ignoring your protests from the car. “ok so just about everything she could lay her hands on? You’ll be the death of me kid seriously” Tony spoke as he walked round to get in the car. “Thanks guys, I’ll let you know how she gets on” he thanked your friends as he drove off.

The car ride home was filled with silence. Tony was too angry, and you were too drunk. You stumbled trying to get out of the car and fell on your knees, Tony went round and helped you up, putting your arm around his shoulder, almost carrying you up to the penthouse.

When the elevator dinged, and you both walked into the living room, you pulled yourself away from him “I don’t need your help”. “uh huh, sure you don’t miss independent. If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t be here”. You rolled your eyes “I’m away to b-bed” you drunkenly began to attempt to walk towards your bedroom but you swayed and fell into one of pillars. Tony crossed his arms and watched you as you slid along the pillar and attempted to walk without it but couldn’t.

“please to god tell me what Peter told me wasn’t true y/n” Tony began, sternly. “w-well I don’t know? How th-the fuck am I supposed to know what peter told you” you snapped, head spinning. Your eyes were closed, head resting against the pillar. “you know damn right what I’m on about y/n. Cocaine? Random guys in the street? I’ll be damned if I let you ruin your life like that.” Tony lectured you as he went to put on the coffee machine. “well you kn-know what they say dad.. like father, li-like daughter right?” you slurred.

That hurt. This was the last thing Tony wanted to happen, for his daughter to end up like him. He had tried his best on his own, and he was so proud of you, but he just didn’t understand. Was it his fault? He walked out of the kitchen area and looked at you. His heart was shattered seeing you like this. His eyebrows were furrowed, and the hurt was seeping out of his eyes. Once you had locked eyes with him you looked away. You knew you were hurting him but you didn’t know how to help yourself.

You started to tear up. All of your emotions coming to fruition. You bounced very lightly against the pillar as tears began to stream down your face. You still couldn’t look at him. “dad.. w-why am I such a f-fuck up”.

This broke Tony’s heart. He instantly came over to you and pulled you into his embrace, tightly. “no- listen y/n. You could never be a fuck up. Look at everything you’ve achieved. I’m so so so incredibly proud of you sweetheart”. You sobbed into his shoulder as he rubbed you’re back. “y/n I just want you to realise your worth. You’re so beautiful and smart and you deserve the world. I hate seeing you try to drown your sorrows every night and bring home these random dudes. I just wish you’d talk to me”. He stroked your hair and kissed the top of your head.

“why don’t we make a coffee, if you can stomach it, we’ll go lay on your bed and you can talk to me if you’d like, or I’ll just lie with you until you fall asleep?” he pulled you off of him but kept you in his arms. You nodded, sniffling.

Tony took you to your room and sat you on the bed, you still being too drunk to function properly on your own, then went and made you both coffee. He came back in and sat it on your bedside table “this should help with the head in the morning”. He then went to the other side of the bed and laid down, “here, come rest your bones next to me”, he opened his arms and gestured for you to go and cuddle into him. You instantly shuffled over and let yourself relax into your dads embrace. You began to sob. Tony ran his hand through your hair.

“dad, I just feel like I’m not good enough” you managed through your sobs. “now what in your damn mind would  make you think that y/N?”

* * * * *

You and Tony spoke all night. It was the first time you had both spoken like that in a long, long time. It broke his heart to hear why you felt the way you did and he would pay endless amount of money, and do anything in the world to help you, but he couldn’t. Eventually you both fell asleep, you had needed to get up a few times to be sick, and your dad was right there for you. He never left your side that night, and hardly slept a wink for fear you would throw up and choke in your sleep.

In the morning you thanked him, and you both made a plan. You had promised you would stop going out as much, and you both promised to spend more time with one another, which meant Tony had to stay out of the workshop more. And as time gradually went on, your relationship got better and better. You would both have coffee in the morning together, you both went to concerts again, and you were both cheeky smart asses to one another. You were a new person. You became more responsible, looked after yourself, stopped hooking up with random guys. You were unrecognisable.

“did you ever get in contact with that guy?” Tony had asked you one day as you were both working on mark 36 in the workshop, “what guy? There was that many” you joked. Tony laughed lightly, “no the one who uh, liked all the guitars remember? Had the cool ACDC t-shirt on?”. Dewey Finn. Suddenly you were taken back. Where the hell was he now? It must have been 4 months since that one night, but you would never forget it. That was one of the best nights of your life. “uh, no.. I don’t know if he would want to meet up really, given the circumstances. He probably hates me”.

But little did you know..

tags: @large-unit​ @little-miss-shy-goth​ @paxenera​ @heknowshisherbs​ @thewolfisapartofmysoul​

[simptasia]

hc questions 5, 6, 7, 26, 44 & 47 for any or all of the science team members if you want? :)

oh bless!! thank you!! i’ll go with My Beloved Three, as usual, the sci trio

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

my hcs on this have wobbled over time but overall i imagine dan, char and miles are all like, fairly, neat. tho they all have a tendency to leave papers around

and miles doesn’t make the bed as much. cuz imagining miles napping in rumpled quilts is a very cute mental image. hair disheveled

i think a good term for whats going on with dan and char is Organized Chaos. they’re both scientists (and a musician) for heck’s sake. it doesn’t look like they know what they’re doing but they do. but ur not gonna walk into their house(s) and be like “ugh gross what the fuck”. it’s nice. dan tends to make the bed

and i imagine dan keeps The Rat Room (yes, you heard me) immaculate because you reeeeeeally want that area to be well cared for

as for personal, lets get this out of the way, none of them are yucky. but dan is showering the least, just due to absent mindedness and hyperfixation. like ya really get into a project and then suddenly oh fuck i need a shower. but thats relative. he’s not a stinky gross boy. i imagine miles washes the most because like, he has body piercings and those GOTTA be cleaned every day, especially the downstairs one. miles values his dick, he don’t want an infection

also its amazing how much more you shower/bathe when you have a partner. or in this case, two partners. in general and for sexy purposes. hell yeah

well thats enough of me picturing these three showering, moving on

Eating habits and sample daily menu

its odd how often i’ve pictured these people eating together

dan: eats the least (and for once that isn’t a skinny joke, he could eat cake every day and he’d still be like that) because for the most part he doesn’t have much of an appetite. he eats what he needs, with random bursts of being really hungry (it’s a neurodivergent thing). i imagine he has a extra fondness for pasta and can put a surprising amount of it away when he wants to. tho typically for ease, he’ll stick to noodles. he takes his coffee mild and decaf. i hc him as a vegetarian due to not being able to process meat. his body also cannot handle alcohol and the one time he tried it he needed to be hospitalized. his ice cream preference is vanilla with chocolate sprinkles. or honeycomb. favourite vegetable is capsicum (which he’d call a bell pepper because he’s american), favourite fruit is pineapple. on that note he likes pineapple pizza. overall he eats simple but isn’t against trying new things. he has a very neutral disposition towards food

char: of the trio, i define charlotte as the Loud Passionate One so obviously being a big eater goes with that, likes a big breakfast (eggs, sausages, sometimes french toast!), sometimes skips lunch when she’s working at the museum due to focus, has a ravenous sweet tooth (i haven’t been subtle that i’ve made her ADORE chocolate but in general i see her liking sweet things), she can handle eating less tho because she’s gone on plenty of expeditions and such. so i think she eats a lot under normal circumstances because, like, she can. i don’t think i need to tell you what her ice cream or starbucks preferences are, do i? takes her coffee with three sugars, two coffees and creamy. likes mochas and hot chocolates too. with marshmallows. naturally, her fave kind of chocolate is galaxy because she is an English Woman. another fave of hers is cadbury’s creme eggs. but lest you think Good Lord Sapphire This Woman’s Entire Body Is A Sugar Molecule, don’t worry she does eat well. like veggies, fruits, meats, she’s fine. of meats, she has a fondness for fish (i have no further information, im terrible with fish. but she’s a pom, so...). favourite fruit is pear, favourite vegetable is peas. likes a bacardi, or rum and coke

miles: he eats a “normal” amount but he’s a grazer. which means, not so much Set Meal eating than eating/snacking thru out the day. he takes his coffee black, no surprise, but with sugar! see, its a metaphor. for him. likes fried eggs and hash browns. his fave food is very cheap mac and cheese. i think in general he really likes cheese. he doesn’t have complicated tastes, like, he grew up poor. he likes seafood (in particular fish tacos) but not lobster as he discovered when he got cashed up. he likes salty food but likes sweets too, in particular i can imagine him snacking on m&ms, skittles, gummi bears. little things. doesn’t have a fave vegetable because he doesn’t care enough, to him veggies are things to eat so you won’t die. doesn’t hate him but isn’t excited to eat ‘em. fave ice cream is mint choc. he’ll drink whatever (except for vodka) but is used to beer. thinks pineapple on pizza is an abomination, espech since he really likes pizza otherwise. i consider him a food opportunist, like, oh theres food here? yoink. or like, oh hey, if everybody else is eating, i’ll have whatever’s going on

....i feel like whenever i write hcs about these guys my brain takes on their tone. like, that was a lot of short, eh whatever, sentences for miles there

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

dan:

- reading (really depends on how you define Wasting Time). also he composes music and when he was alive, that was considered wasting time (ugh)

- sometimes even just doing hobbies or work or whatever, even then, he tends to have this feeling of never doing enough due to his Perfectly Healthy And Supportive Upbringing [seethes] so uhhhh basically, anxiety? like this was a dude raised to think anything other than his work was a waste of time. it didn’t exactly work but a decent amount of that Pressure has to still sit with him

char:

- watching tv, espech star trek

- not a waste of time if you’re enjoying yourself

miles:

- card and board games (weren’t expecting that, were ya? i’m not saying that's his Fave Thing To Do, but he considers that a good chill out thing to do. something to do when ur bored but you don’t feel like watching tv or having sex)

- “it’s something to do”

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?

dan:

for original lifetime dan, it was Do Science, Make Mom Proud (tiny voice: and maybe spend the rest of my life with charlotte. if i’m lucky. maybe. please? love?) cuz i imagine dan, although very focussed on the future, actually doesn’t think/care about HIS future. i just don’t think he cares about himself enough

limbo dan is like Make Music, Love Charlotte. which is fair. and then Love Miles on top of that. so yeah, just wants to be a good musician and husband. and one day, father. with char actually in his life in this world, thats def on his mind. he won’t bring it up tho, he’ll wait for her to mention it :3

(dan’s canon contingency plan for things not working out is hydrogen bomb)

char:

alive char, like, ADVENTURE! ISLAND! SOLVE MYSTERIES! that makes it sound like she’s a fucking scooby doo character. i mean, her Goal was to find the island and find out what the fucky duck is going on. she did that. and overall his goals seem like adventure/career orientated. i hc that this version of char never intended on getting married or having kids. she wasn’t Against the ideas and she’s certainly had romances but she was more thinking of other things. (that and i think deep down char thought nobody would ever wanna marry her)

in limboverse There Is No Mystery but she still has her great job(s), that is she works at a museum and i think she goes on expeditions sometimes. so theres that, she’s got the great career. really, her Plan for the future in this world is live the live she couldn’t before. she (and dan!) died young so they’re gonna like, actively adore each other and get married and have kids. and also miles is there. ha, that sounded so rude. she loves miles too. (besties/fuck buddies turned Hey You Wanna Join Me And Dan’s Relationship and miles like... yeah sure)

miles:

step one: get money to fill gaping hole of sadness in chest

step two: ????

step three: die

and even my limbo miles whomst i’ve put with dan and char doesn’t have any plans for the future, besides like, do his job and maybe become a dad again (context: i hc that miles had two kids with richard when he was alive). so he’s still chilling but without the depressing ache of loneliness and bitterness

so basically long story short for all of them (in limboverse): Love & Family

Superstitions or views on the occult?

ohooo i like this one

dan: didn’t grow up believing in magic and such (which is super ironic because his mother is a fucking other) but he has a very open mind. i think he’ll believe it if he’s thrust into the situation. it’s interesting really, dan is known as the science guy and that's great but he’s super fucking accepting of not science shit. tho of course, he’s not seeing the island time travel as magic but science. but more importantly, he regards miles’ powers with zero doubt or questioning. he doesn’t even seem confused, he is absolutely on board with miles being able to talk to dead people. this all implies miles told him off screen and dan believes him

so basically he’ll accept whatever is presented to him as true

which honestly, is what a good scientist is like. the trope of the scientist character who is ultra non believing of the supernatural, even when they’re seeing it before their eyes, is annoying. like, you know the ones? the ones who get angry about it. the overly skeptical scientist. hate that. dan is not that

and his character arc includes embracing free will over destiny so there's that

char: she’s not superstitious and doesn’t believe in magic or the supernatural at all. tho thrown into bizarre situations she’s like ???? but has to accept it. and she KNOWS something is up with the island. she knows its different. i just mean, under normal circumstances she’d regard magic stuff as funny nonsense. i hc that char, in living life, doesn’t believe miles can speak to the dead. really fucking weird this isn’t addressed in the show but hahaaaa they wasted char! anyways and like, if presented with the concept that dan’s brain damage is being healed by the island, she’d look confused, say thats impossible but she’d think on it

what i’m saying is she’ll rule out magic concepts at first, on reflex. but would grow to accept them, especially with stuff she knows/has repressed

she doesn’t believe in ghosts, psychics, visions, magic healing and all those exist in her world, so it’s all a matter of experience

miles: WELL WHADDYA THINK

actually it’s funny. miles has magic powers but he’s 0% superstitious and i imagine outside of his own powers, he really doesn’t believe in the occult. i hc that until he personally proved otherwise, he grew up thinking he was mentally ill. and once he realised it was true, thought he was some kind of freak

and he’s incredulous when he finds out hurley has powers too. tho miles, being miles, does roll with the punches a lot in the show, he’s skeptical when it comes to hurley's power. and i find that interesting. also i fucking love how when hurley describes his power, miles says “thats not how it works”, like ???? babe???

but overall his attitude on the island is like “well. this is happening”

i do think thru his life, despite his power, he doesn’t believe in All Magic or occult or whatever. i also hc that he attracted those kind of people who are REALLY into astrology and auras and stuff like that and he found them exasperating. (i think he’d be a lot more okay with it if it was claire who was talking about astrology and palm reading with him. he’d be endeared when its her)

and i think he thinks other psychics he’s met or seen on tv are straight up bullshit. he can believe he has it but he’s skeptical of other people. just assumes they’re scammers. hell, he was a scammer. who just happened to have the power. he was like “well i have this, i may as well get some use outta it”

oh and in limboverse, they all kinda have to accept their situation. and they take it with ease due to appreciating getting happier lives

How do they express love?

a dan who loves you will pet your face and look at you like ur his entire reason to live. a char who loves you will squeak at your jokes and will never once let you feel bad about yourself. a miles who loves you is sorry he isn’t better at this stuff but he really is trying... sure we can cuddle if you wanna, that’s cool v///v

the dan and char we saw in the show was them holding back and i find that very amusing because they were HEART EYES AS FUCK for each other and so affectionate and so soft hearted, like oh my gosh. canon show dan/char is them when they’re pining... when they’re not even a couple (yet, damn it)

imagine them at full power

i figured it out, dan/char couldn’t be an Official Couple because then jeremy davies and rebecca mader would have destroyed us all, especially me

anyways. they’re both very protective of each other. they... they touch each other a lot. like a lot for people who aren’t dating and whomst don’t think the other one loves them. like char is surprised when dan says he loves her. that fucking astonishes me. HE’S NOT SUBTLE. char are you okay???

dan is more open about the love than char, seeing as he said it. and double downed on it. char i feel was holding back for different reasons than dan. dan was holding back (fucking barely) because of eloise’s Love Will Only Bring Pain upbringing, which’d give somebody a serious complex. so he was adverse to actually pursuing a relationship AND i figure he thought “she wouldn’t wanna be with me anyways”. but char i imagine, a deep seated insecurity and need to be defensive, but also! dan was like REALLY mentally unwell before the island. and that's the dan that char knows (and loves) but she’d feel guilty if she pursued anything with him. like she’s taking advantage of a brain damaged person

ah fuck i went on a big thing about why they didn’t become a couple instead of like.... the question. how do they express love? like they did in the show. smiles, touches, longing gazes, protectiveness. they would die for each other

as for miles, how does he express love? Not Well. at first

whoever is the first person he fell in love with (i imagine richard), he was not good at... being open about that. i don’t think miles is good with love. lived his life pretty detached/bitter about the concept, which i imagine is due to having cynicism about life and death. everybody you love is gonna die, so why bother? (his mom dying hit him pretty hard) so uhhh its gonna be... baby steps

slowly becoming more open about liking somebody, becoming more affectionate, more... uh, couple-y (and later throuple-y). it’d take time and he will always be miles, but hey, he gets there. he’ll still always have his snark but he won’t be a Genuine Asshole to people he loves. heck, i imagine he’ll be downright soft in the right situation. and he can be gentle and kind. he’s a salty boy not a cunt

but i digress. basically he’s a little “yeah, yeah, i love you too, shut up” about it but he does have that soft gooey center. basically those who know him, and love him, know his true heart. it’s just a part of being miles “defensive walls” straume

feels love (and even that takes him a while to realise, cuz he hasn’t been a romantic relationship kinda guy, most of his life his relationships have been a Just Sex thing), not Great at like... Doing Love, you know what i mean? but like once he’s used to it, he can be quite a tender little pudding cup, actually

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Alex Laughlin: i always wondered why she played with my balls when she gave me a blow job! She hated -- hates doing it!! Id tell her "give me a blow job babe" and she would smile and say "okay" i must admit she did look real greedy saying it tho, like this Grinch gleam in her eye. In 2008 i complained she was messing with my balls too much and i wasn't Saint Luches. She stopped. Looked me dead in the eyes and said "i play with them or you dont get none" I been begging her for 3 days so i wasn't gonna complain. But i never knew all this time she hated it. Tree how many blow jobs she give me?

Great Tree of Knowledge: 348

Alex: and you don't even like it. You really must love me

Me: and I do

Mark: and me??

Great Tree of Knowledge: Jesse Tony James: 894. Saint Luches: 746 Matt Hagan: 4 Mark: 1472

Alex: man somebody owes me something.

Me: but you got other blow jobs and you liked them better

Alex: omg shut up.

Saint Luches: yeah from me

Me: and you're not even into oral that much. You like wrapping your arms around me and feeling and having that full experience. You like oral, yes. You like the attention that I give just to you to perform sexually on only you so you feel all the love and adoration that i can give only you. Not for had about me, too. Its me unselfishingly loving only you. But you like the whole thing. You don't like just watching me bob my head up and down. You said you can go to the lake and throw in a line off a fishing pole and jack off and watch the red and white bobber go up and down in the lake water and to you it's the thing as watching my head go up and down in your lap. Yu want the whole thing. Kit and caboodle. Ass grabbing. Hair pulling. Tit sucking.

Mark: okay alright

Alex: you really love me, you know so much about me.

Me: i love fucking you. The bruises make me wet the next day.. Like omg he bit my tit so hard im all bruised all the way across it and i look beat and i need 4 tons of concealer and I love it. It didn't even hurt. I didnt even feel it in a painful way that way. And you didn't even notice, you just kept fucking and loving me as violently as you could. But without violence. A great amount of passion and possession that you couldn't even control yourself. All yoh know you had to do was love me as best and as most as you could every second until our bodies were exhausted. And I love it more than anything. You ever fuck me differently, I'm gonna punch you in the face.

Saint Luches: I love her!

Alex: whips and chains excite her!!!

Saint Luches: so what you said is you don't care he bites the shit out of you as long as it doesn't hurt?

Me: see... It does... It feels the same as if he bit me to kill me. But the Thing is the brain releases so many endorphins and all the good feelings are so extreme that the pain is dulled. So when he bites it hurts but it feels so good because it's only for an instant. Its like eating chocolate candy and salty pop corn. Its so fucking good. Its just the orgasm. It changes the way the body feels and expresses itself. Procreation, survival of our humans is so important that say you get stung by a bee, the central nervous system says you need to pay attention you got a Problem. But while good sex is going on the body says oh I'll give you a bruise and remind you to check for other damage like may be you have a bee nest under the window you need to be aware of. And while shes not even ovulating you need to keep having sex for the day she does ovulate, she can get pregnant. Because sex is more important than anything else -! While you are having good sex -- because if you can have good sex then there's a compatibility between two people so good and amazing that they'll be able to raise kids together with attention and passion and goodness. So yeah my sex with Alex is that way.. It doesn't matter he's kinky and violent he is because hes a gentle person. It just possession and obsession that a soul mate has for another soulmate. Makes good parents says the body. So it's not like gonna be true -- its the body's way to keep producing children. It doesn't even care who you are one would expect -! But it does. Like my ex husband MT. he couldn't even get it up because he knew what a bastard he was. A lot of rapists can't get it up. So it really does care. Especially when someone is praying to God.

Alex: that's exciting. I got a new email about foreskin. He said he went to go pee. Hadnt read, was half asleep, just got outta bed. Didn't look or turn on the light. And the skin was pinched closed all ready to unwrap his present. And the force and pressure from the pee busted through but he was peeling all over himself, all down his hand and all over the toilet seat. So he Turned on the light to look and he screamed "oh my God!! What happened to me!! That bitch owes me a Dick and a Maid!!! I'm not joking wjat the Hell is this thing on my Dick?! What did she do to me?? Was it aliens?!?!" He said he was so scared!! So he pulled up your post with the images of the foreskin. So he took off his bottoms and sat on the toilet tried to read but he still had to pee so he didn't know what the Hell to do! So he began to cry. He got in the shower and began to masturbate and then he realized why he got foreskin and he's no longer angry at you.

Me: so why did he cry?

Alex: he realized some one you love had a problem and its the only way to fix it is replace the foreskin. And he hated you for it. Because he didn't have a problem. But some weird part of him, he says, began to grow 3x it's size. His penis, mind you. No but really he realized he never had a choice. Never as a man nor boy experienced foreskin. And he said it was a gift from Heaven. Once he was in the shower he for sure knew it wasn't aliens. Because it felt too dam good. So he wanted to thank thou and hopes his mom will mom will mop in the morning.

Me: he's welcome. I hope she does, too.

Alex: yeah she don't work, he pays for every thing. He said he wants his charity to be with underprivileged youth in poverty neighborhoods in California, his home state. He wants Snoop Dogg to give him advice as to where to put race tracks and how to transport because Snoop is the only one that he knows that does anything like that and he wants to take Snoops kids as a training for him.

Me: he's gonna make me cry. Snoop says he can't wait. I can hear him. He wants to open like a free gocart place...

Like 3 people: quit! You have like no money! Stop!

Me: im like one every 5 square miles with Abu on the corners so the kids could almost walk... Y'all know. Sometimes I probably should stop. Oh you know what's fun? Shopping carts. Ohhhhhh!!÷! You know schools here have no woodshop until high school. They could build box cars at the school!! Then race!!

Mark: well that's a great idea.

Me: i mean there's 365 days a year.

Alex: that's why I love you

How you love it now, Chandler?

[rayaarchive]

about

THINGS RAYA DOES:

1) Raya sneaking up and blowing frost on Fae’s neck after a bath and he’s still damp enough for it to suck 2) Uses fire magic to give rly warm hugs ?? 3) When she has nothing to do: looks for Cole even though she knows she won’t find him while knowing he will just appear in these situations. She just wants to make sure he’s not alone being sad. That’s it. She just talks to him or tried to get him to play a game with him. 4) She can play the Zhaleika… when ever she can find one. 5) She keeps a spoon on her somewhere. Not always in the same place but just somewhere, be it in her braid or shirt or apron.

You might think it’s for cooking but mostly it’s thrown at people. 6) Raya knows everyone's favorites foods and makes them when they're having bad days. Raya doesn't make a whole lot for herself when she's down, but she does make a mess when baking to make herself feel better 7) I’ve thought about this a few times but I’m not sure if it’s a normal thing or just me; my scars r rly sensitive, and since over 50% of Raya’s hands r covered in burn scar, I think her hands r incredibly sensitive and naturally she’d rly like soft things…. so I imagine she loves playing with ppls hairand that’s a big reason y she tries to get Fahleon to bathe, but also it’s just a thing she does to everyone. 8) The Ravens: …. reasonably, Raya has a separate garden full of sunflowers and corn purely for the birds so they don’t eat the stuff she cooks with “A little birdy told me” is a running joke in skyhold because apparently EVERYONE has a bird Raya notices the birds come to the dungeon often and gives them parcels to take down there when she sees them in the ‘bird garden’. She always asks them politely. There is a ‘bird dish’ outside one of the kitchen windoes where Raya has melted the metal and stone togeather so no one can take the bowl away any more. (Bird or person.) and it’s mostly for Ada with meat, but all the animals end up getting to it any how. The cats terrorize the birds n the garden and there isn’t much she can do about it tbh. They also keep the mice away so she won’t shoo them off 9) Medic edition: Oh your hurt? BITE ME. Shut up, im working. Cauterizes wounds with her HANDS. enjoys your pain because fuck you for being stabbed is the most aggressive pacifist ever Completely silent and quick/efficient during this, she knows what shes doing and shes got like 50 things going through her head and probably just as many things going on with her hands doubles the kitchen as a walk in infirmary HOARDS YARROW - DO NOT TOUCH, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT will probably call you a ‘fuck nut’ or something. WILL SMACK THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR WOUND IF YOU DON’T LISTEN TO HER. uses the ‘five-flower remidy’ as a cure all tbh  [ Clematis, Cherry Plum, Impatiens, Rock Rose, and Star of Bethlehem ]

10)   It’s just occurred to me that Raya has no concept of age. It’s pretty much just “it’s a baby”, “old”, “not old” and like, all the vague area inbetween. Like ur either n diapers, ancient, or “not old” and that’s the only concept of age that registers most of the time.

A list of bullshit that is canon: Raya is a ‘hero of ferelden’ fangirl … not high or low key, but like mid-key Actively tries to make the anxiety bomb that is levy, not have anxiety…. by accidentally giving him anxiety Thinks it’s cool that Fahleon is a warden. Thinks he’s a bit of a dolt for not knowing anything about wardens. Finds it absolutely hilarious that blackwall is better at it than Fahleon so says nothing when she catches on that he is n fact not a warden. Even though Raya takes lessons from Morrigan, she’s petrified of her… More so of Vivienne While not in private, Cullen and Raya still act like dicks to eachother. Tossing barbs at eachother has become something like a game. Raya can’t sing to save her life! Her spacial awareness isn’t the greatest She’s not ticklish at all She made Cullen promise to keep ‘them’ a secret… ppl found out any way. She doesn’t trust most people. That’s why she’s so clingy and tolerant of Fahleon: she trusts him. Both enamored by and scared shitless of dragons Likes collecting bones for no real reason Weird = cool Not very smart outside of plant things

about:

Name: Raya Galina

Age: ~19

Race: Half elf

Status: ex-slave / cook

Raya, if nothing else, is bouncy! Bouncy hair, bouncy clothes, bouncy toes! She’s always bouncing about no matter what she’s doing. She’s an ex-slave, born into it because her mother was a city elf owned by a jeweler. Not a kind man in any sense, but Raya grew up helping and wanting to help. She’s mainly a cook, always has been, but cooking requires a good amount of knowledge with herbs and spices, so she’s a fair herbologist as well. Now that she has her freedom, she’s much more ‘exuberant’ than she has been in the past, which causes some problems, but her freedom is new and important and she’s over excited to fight for it and maintain it….

Raya is a half elf (half human). She’s fully aware but doesn’t mention it until someone else does first or its to defend herself / correct someone. She doesn’t hide her more elf like traits and prefers elves to humans for many reasons. She’s fully aware of her advantages and disadvantages to being a mixed breed.

She recognizes how had it is for both the Dalish and the city elves but she does have day dreams of visiting an Alienage to learn more about her mother’s culture. She’s rather disgusted by humanity and parts of their cultures, but knows it’s the easier life to live.

Raya is darker than most humans on Thedas, yet paler than the elves, with ears also somewhere in the middle. Her hair is pale to nearly white like her mothers. She has large ice blue eyes like her mother (sans the color), as she was an elf, yet her nose is more human. She’s a lean girl with small breast and no hips to speak of, yet her arms and core are toned from years of tedious kneeding. Scars cover her back from being punished with a whip for years… she hides them rather easily with her dress though.

Her hands are burnt on the palms and up over the edges where learning to use fire has licked away the definition in contrast to her feet that are callous from never wearing shoes. And her left eye and cheek are covered with a brown tattoo of her patron god.

Raya’s hands might be dainty because she’s small, but they’re leathery and fuck ugly. They’re covered in scars and burns from learning how to cook and do magic at the same time. Plus I think she forgets that real fire burns (as Opposed to fire she makes that will avoid her) Not all her cooking is magic, just the things that don’t take long or take much effort. I.e. would hand cook biscuits and a small bird but anything bigger than a dog gets to go n the oven

Raya is not religious at all. She knows the varying kinds in her world, likes the idea of them, but doesn’t believe what she doesn’t see. She has faith but not in a religious figure. She has faith in the potential of humanity.

She isn’t very smart (unless it involves food/herbs), she’s illiterate, mildly street smart, but runs mostly on intuition / gut feeling. It’s why she steer a clear of Solas and never takes her eyes off when he around. She has no reason not to like him but she doesn’t trust him at all.

She is ALL emotion. She doesn’t think first before displaying them and her heart is in full view. The only emotion she tries to hide is sadness and even then, she only tries so much. She doesn’t believe in hiding or dimming them and her mother is the one who told her never to bottle emotions or they grew out of control. (Can you imagine if she did and how disasterous itd Be?)

) How do they move and carry themselves? Pace, rhythm, gestures, energy?

Raya has too much energy; she never stops moving. Even when she’s standing still, she’s not still. She’s fidgeting something or another, wether it’s grasping and re grasping or worrying the hymn of her dress or shifting back and forth on her feet. She walks in the same constant movement; her pace is a little off kilter and her speed is inconsistent. She also tends to talk with her hands, either flailing with excitement or her wrists banging her hips when angry.

) How do they present themselves socially? What distinguishes their “persona” from their “true self”, and what causes that difference?

She tries to be very happy for others, and generally is a happy person, and she feels all of an emotion at once. When she’s happy she’s nothing but happy, and nothing but sad when she is, so she hides. She’s incredibly bad at hiding emotion so she will excuse herself with out waiting for an answer if she is upset over something.

) How do they view and feel about relationships, and how might this manifest in how they handle them, if it does?

She doesn’t rly think much about it. If it happens it happens (and she honestly might not notice it happen) but she doesn’t chase it and has no will to chase it. She’d rather have friends than obligations any how.

) What do they wonder about? What sparks their curiosity and imagination, and why? How is this expressed, if it is?

EVERYTHING. She wants to know! If you’re doing something she doesn’t know about she wants to learn, she might not always ask but she will always watch and maybe figure it out herself. She’s also very into animals -accept horses and bats- and isn’t very scared of them at all. She could never tame an animal by waiting because she’s too hyper, but she is persistent enough to in other ways if she can find those other ways.

)How does your character feel about religion? She doesn’t really subscribe to any but she likes both the elven version and the human version(sorta) so when Solas destroys elvish religion, she isn’t all that fucked up over it. Just sad.

)How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations? She’s never been educated? She can’t spell for shit even after she’s thought to read and definitely says “yall” Very much a ‘sound it out’ person.

)Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive? She is very much so afraid of her dad and that won’t ever change. She’s terrified of anyone recognizing her and taking her back and it’s partly why she stayed with the inquisition.

)Does your character have a guilty pleasure? this is probably going to sound fucked up, and maybe obvious if you’ve ever seen the stuff where she fights? But the only thing close to a guilty pleasure she has, is being able to decimate her mana supply while fighting. Shes so hyper all the time that being able to expel all her energy feels weirdly good

) What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded? it actually was one of the possible names for my daughter and I still loved it so i decided to use it for an OC

) What would be their favorite physical trait about themselves? she of course likes her ears because they got a little bit pointy but she wishes they were more, she loves her legs though, she’s gotten compliments on them before and for her that’s a big deal

) Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday? she likes the spring for the rain :)

) What are your character’s sleeping habits? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker? she likes rly big soft blankets, not rly Cus she needs them but they’re just nice to wrap up in. She isn’t a blanket hog when she’s with someone else, but she definitely burritos herself when alone, and she’s not a heavy sleeper like waking the dead but she’s not a horribly light sleeper who wakes at everything either. If u call her she’ll wake but not from just walking around. Also a very clingy bed mate xP

) In their own words, how would your character describe what their lover is like? “He’s a fully capable fumbling idiot and it’s adorable.”

) Does your character have any medical conditions? Are they serious or minor? Do they affect their day to day life? she’s got some trauma -see horses and scars- but generally she’s alright? Nothing affects her everyday life, just situational.

) Is there a particular event that would emotionally devastate your character? her mom died in front of her, she’s trying really hard to not fall apart because of it so if she had to deal with one more death she’d break entirely

) Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious? she’s not an overly jealous person but she’s extremely jealous of Dalish’s looks

) If your character confessed love to their crush, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc, what would they say? in general I’m not sure, but specifically Cullen; “…. skip the stuttering and just kiss me? I do have work to do you know.”

1.   What techniques or spells do they tend to use a lot?

raising roots to trip people, heating things with her hands and when she figures out how to use a bow and arrow she lights the arrows on fire when they let loose. She constantly regulates her body temperature so that shes comfortable enough to wear a dress, but she can also heat or freeze her body to get people off of her.

10.  Are they worried about hurting their allies by accident during combat or is it up to their allies’ responsibility to look after themselves?

If/When she does something beyond her normal skill level, shes terrified, she doesnt know how to work it and she fears hurting people on accident. Shes’s very emotionally run, sadness freezes the air and makes it hard to breath and anger runs hot and you cant get near her or the air stings with heat.

11.  What’s a weapon they either won’t use or can’t use?

She cant really use a sword or a maul or anything. shes weak, her arms are strong enough to haul a carcass and pull a bow string, but not enough to draw a sword to proper height.

16.  Complaints they might have about their comrades. What annoys them, what endangers them, what don’t they like, etc.

“Sera talks weird and its annoying but shes a good person even if she does hate elves. “Varric should hide less behind stories and ask for help when he needs it rather than busying himself with helping others. The Chargers are loyal only to The Iron Bull and she fears that; she stays on Bull’s good side for it. “Fahleon just needs to speak! He woudnt be so hurt if he just said it!

What would completely break your character?

Being alone. Rejection isn’t the same as being alone, being rejected hurts but it’s not nearly as bad as having no one at all. To have no where to turn and no one to talk to or care about or get advise from. Her biggest fear is to b left alone with nowhere to go and no one to just be with.

What was the best thing in your character’s life?

The affection and attention her mother paid her.

What was the worst thing in your character’s life?

Her mom died in an accident…

What seemingly insignificant memories stuck with your character?

Her dad winding metal with a fire behind him before he noticed her standing there, and the look on Fahleon’s face when he saw the rip n the sky the ‘first’ time.

Does your character work so that they can support their hobbies or use their hobbies as a way of filling up the time they aren’t working?

She works because she’s a slave. Then because she needs a reason for The inquisition to keep her, and then to make money to keep up the House. But she also enjoys her work…

What is your character reluctant to tell people?

About her dad. Mildly less so that she’s a slave because she’s scared she might be sent back.

How does your character feel about sex?

Doesn’t want it ever again. Will possibly kill u.

How many friends does your character have?

Like 4-5 depending on ur definition.

How many friends does your character want?

All of the friends

What would your character make a scene in public about?

If u shit talk ppl she cares about or if ur hurting someone. Get wreckt

What would your character give their life for?

Her friends or something she sees as a just trade

What are your character’s major flaws?

Doesn’t always understand boundaries or when to shut up. She sees lines that shouldn’t b crossed but doesn’t always realize she’s crossed them herself.

What does your character pretend or try to care about?

Other ppls opinions….

How does the image your character tries to project differ from the image they actually project?

She tries to only show that she’s happy and chipper, as that’s what her master/father wanted for his business, but she is very full of emotion -and over the course of the inquisition she loosens that fake mask a bit- and feels things 100% of the way.

What is your character afraid of?

Other than being alone, horses.

What is something most people in your setting do that your character things is dumb?

Racism n general.

Where would your character fall on a politeness/rudeness scale?

35% polite, 65% BITE ME

Bedrooms Imagine the first time any one tries to find Raya’s bed in Skyhold. They’ve been there for a while and it’s had time to accumulate things. And while she does share a room with other women of the same or similar status, her section is just glaringly different.

Everyone has some personal items and dodads about their space but Raya’s is kind of extra. Not extremely extra, but it’s really not necessary to teather sculls to your bed posts with twine, or have scavenged jewels about. It almoat looks like a stark contrast to the happy person she tries to be.

The near by window sheds light on the fact that she has scribbles all over the floor around her area; or to most people they look like scribbles. They’re protection runes. They keep people off of her things and it becomes very evident that she is, in fact, a home taught mage.

[isaacathom]

ok this is actually a fun bit of writing here, even if the preceding shit was kinda garbage

tl;dr this bitch has to rant about this stupid book because i naively want to learn something about my family’s history and this is the only fucken way to do it

‘When he discovered he had to work to help provide for this instant family of a large flock of children, ‘Mick’ showed his true self and devotion to the family.

Within a year of the marriage, he left the fold, leaving his wife to fend for herself in the daunting task of raising her children.’

like.aside from just being kinda awkwardly worded (he bangs On and On about how his mum was the 11th of 11 children like fuck i get it its a big family, holy shit) i think thats just. a good concept there. the space really sells the punch. wouldve been better if we hadnt been told beforehand that Mick was a cunt, yknow. but thats nice

also lets keep going. ‘6 step brothers and 4 step sisters’ theyre actually her Half Siblings. they all share the same mother. theyre related. she’d be step if she was adopted, which she was not, because if she were, surely we wouldve been told about those circumstances.

‘[his mother] easily met that high standard as she was a very pretty young lady’ please dont perv out over your fucking mother you pig of a man. also you would hope ‘jock’ (his name is fucking robert but ok, Jock) was interested in more than how pretty Nellie was when they got together, right......... like there had to be more to it. am i naive? perhaps

‘scottish clan gordon’ the what. but we arent gordons???? are you. are you hundred percent sure. are you positive about this. are you sure thats why your name is gordon. alright buddy

‘according to buzzy’s story’ please never refer to yourself in the third person

‘hotels rarely burn down’ ?? i dont buy that at all. my guess is this famous hotel (which.... you didnt name so ok)

ok so theres a picture in here of my dad standing at some random gate, and he says its the same gate as a picture of his dad..... where is THAT picture??? this picture means nothing without that historic context, and it feels hollow if the actual picture isnt there.

granddad you dont. you dont need to wikipedia article dump me information about glasgow??? i mean sure, cool, id rather just be reading the wikipedia article.

jesus christ. so hes talking about his dad, right. who he’d technically set up earlier by saying he came to melbourne at 19. before he launched into a whole thng about his mother and shit. and suddenly hes come back to his dad to explain that his dad (so gordons grandfather) used to beat him! and its like, wOAH, where the fuck did that come from??? shit dude. thats rough. but he just mentions it suddenly out of nowhere. oH JESUS actually. sorry. i misread (yknow, because its written like shit). he means.... his brother??? right, he means his Brother Robert, was beaten by his dad, also named Robert, who was the one who came to melbourne aged 19. ok. ok that makes slightly more structural sense but ooof. ouch. poor robert (the younger). in my uh, defence, this book is written awful and i've never met robert? (my.... understanding is that he probably died before i was born? like with mary, who i dont recall having met either)

ok uhhh ‘most of the gorbal’s tenemenets were eventually demolished by the wise founding fathers many decades later, in the 1980s’ the WHOM. this isnt fucking america, this is scotland, what in the actual fuck are you TALKING about????????????????????????????? ‘modern day replacement improvements and architecture designed to achieve, what?’ fucker they were trying to fix the mistake they made in crowding 90k people into the fucking gorbals. maybe they didnt succeed (they didnt) but they were trying, it was naivete rather than fucking malice, you bitter old fuck. like, you visited in the 1980s.... and published this book in 2007......... without thinking to check back......... like hey maybe theyve gotten better? (newsflash - they fucking have) sooo... fuck

‘could the [my family] be related? [to the mcdonalds]’ yes??? we literally are. theres no question of that. being a sept of clanranald, we are Literally related to the fucking macdonalds. you absolute buffoon. yea its distant, and maybe thats your point, but when combined with you launching into this giant diatribe about rhw Campbells for shit that happened long ago, it seems youre picking and choosing how close ‘related’ is. we are. literally. related to the macdonalds. also it wasnt thought up in glasgow, they were from fucking new hampshire. but sure. 

‘his sheila wife of his’ excuse me?

‘so the name was related to a buzzing bee i suppose’ ? i still dont get it. like, he then explains that apparently his twin sister had difficulty saying Brother, so she called him Buzzy. that makes sense to me. i can understand that. but the buzzing bee thing? not sure i follow, given the prior context he provided. i dont get it. this is written like garbage. theres no structure. we went from jumping forward in time to the birth of my uncle Dale (my dads older brother) and suddenly we’re talking about Mick’s running career and gordon’s childhood! what the fuck happened.

‘coupled with the bigoted attitudes that were rife during those periods’ says the man who got angry at a black (i THINK, mightve been a separate story)  frenchman who couldnt speak english in France because ‘we saved them’. fuck off. youre just like them, you old codger.

also hes decrying his grandfather mick for being ‘no true irishman’ even though micks dad was full irish? by that exact same metric i can call my grandfather no true scotsman, because his dad is full scottish and thats it!!! you fucking fool. no true irishman, holy shit, how little self awareness could this man have.

‘then excessive drinking liquor isnt for me’ but is Is for your wife, is it gordon??? drinking wine when shes on antibiotics??? fucking incredible. god theyre. theyre so stupid.

‘not proceeding as a scholar as i could have’ you literally admitted like 5 pages ago that your twin sister was Far smarter than you, but sure! ~scholar~. if you were meant to be a scholar surely you wouldve bounded back from missing days with a vengeance. youre talking complete tosh.

im confused why theyd be doing bombing drills in South Yarra.... in preparation from a japanese air raid.... like im sorry, if the people north are doing their jobs, theres no physical way they couldve gotten to south yarra....... but ok. thats not his fault i just think thats strange.

im 110 pages in and he hasnt actually gotten to the point where he meets eleanor??? aside from a few time jumps forward and a brief mention of ‘meeting her in a milk bar in south yarra’ so like. hoi vey? the fuck.

oh jesus thats. thats a heavy thing to just chuck in the middle of a sentence??? like ‘oh yea after Skete the next scout leader was a paedophile who abused me and the others’ wwwOooahhh there buddy back up. what???? holy shit. ouch. thats. thats rough.

‘absolutely belted this poofta bastard’ yknow what? fair. id also beat the fuck out of a pedo with my boot. thats Relatable. good going on that, i suppose.

ooh thats full third person, weird.

one thing that is definitely kinda interesting, and very telling about his relationship with his family, is that he only ever refers to Nellie as ‘mum’, but refers to Mick as, well, Mick! rather than ‘granddad’ or anything of the sort. like its just sorta interesting when you get this big family photo and Nellie is the only one not called by her first name.

‘returning to those earlier days’ NO! FUCKING MOVE FORWARD IN TIME YOU GIT!!!! holy shit i just want to read about new fucking shit.

......... so like, at some point while playing footy, an opposing player kicked him in the leg and caused a fractured tibia. so a few weeks later... one of gordons friends took a mark on that player and kneed him straight in the head, with that player never playing again. and he’s PROUD of that!!! he’s proud of his friend for ruining a guys footy career. like yea, the guy was a dick, he broke your leg and it was at least partially malicious, but like........... you fucked him up????? hardcore?????? a straight up ruination. but go off i guess.

its interesting that he doesnt go even remotely into eleanors history beyond the fact (so far) that her father Leo didnt say much but was a good dude. then again the books all about him soooo fuck it i suppose.

‘recognition of our scottish heritage’ eleanor isnt scottish tho. shes irish. shes an o'donoghue. what the fuck. like yea naming them dale and glen is a ‘clever’ nod back to scotland (i actually do think thats cute and clever, joking aside. its the exact sort of ‘clever’ shit i love pulling) but............. shes not scottish. unless we’re waiting for volume 2 all about eleanor.

hE USED TO LIVE OUT HERE??????? IN SPRINGVALE????? fuck me. no fucking wonder we live here, huh, jesus. that. certainly explains something, i suppose. like ‘if you were raised in holbrook and YOU were raised in thomastown, why do we live in knox?’

OHHHHH HERES THE FRENCH THING!!!! OHHHH HERES ONE OF THE FRENCH THINGS. OH BITCH behold

so granddads being a dick, as usual, and he’s on some tour in paris. and the tour guide launches into a long thing about the glory of france, like french history and the fighting record, etc. and granddad calls out and tells him to knock it off, because ‘our australians died by the thousands for your country’

i. eh... uhh............... is he. is he aware? of how many french people died???? for france?????? how many????? il tell you how many - apparently 1.44% of the total population of france. thats 600000 people. how many did we lose? around 35k. thats, uh, a smaller fucking number. than the amount of french people. who died. for fucking france. you fucking idiot.

it kills me. is he gonna include the french speaking one too???

oh hell that sure is a picture of my father. good heavens. holy shit my brother really does look like him. thats uncanny, man.

‘one son Scotty’ his name is Scott, actually. not scotty. but cool, i got a really small shout out, weirdly BEFORE my older cousins did???? oh dear is he gonna talk about my uncles divorce actually. oh god. thats. thats terrifying to consider. oh, cool, he didnt in that small section, hopefully it doesnt come up haha (i can only IMAGINE what sort of vile shit he’d say about cathy)

also, ooh, more nuggets on grandma’s family. her dad was a freemason! thats cool.

ooh! he was the president of holbrook shire council! thats kinda neat actually.

ooh! the glenndale motel actually still exists! thats cool as hell. not that granddad told me that i just googled it

OHHH ITS THE FUCKING FRENCH SPEAKING STORY OH MY GOD

Ok first off ‘i slammed my fist into the counter and said very calmly’ yea no fuck that, youre fucking lying. theres no way you slammed the counter and spoke calmly. you almost definitely abused this poor french metro worker who, being a French Man living in France, is not required to know english. you fucking babboonnnnnnnnnn

apparently he nearly fell off a mountain innnnnn geeermany? austria, austria. and as he mentions my dad pulling him back up, he words it as ‘stopping me from falling to my final destiny’ what fucking wording IS that. my god.

uh well ok thats. about it i suppose. there was a big hullabuloo about like, hotels and shit, and there was probably some racism about Islanders in there (like i find it hard to believe there wasnt but im not gonna go back and double check, because this book reads like absolute garbage). but eh. yea?

uuhhh so that was an Adventure, for sure