#im still feeling like shit so meh i dont even care what goes on

[yuukei-yikes]

any thoughts on remind blue?

currently, it is my favorite kagepro song (this changes like every week but i digress...) and i really want to make a pv for it but i lowkey have no idea where to start

your analysis/ramblings on things is really interesting to read and see, so also just wanted to let you know that i love all the content you post!! :D

I LOV remind blue. like every kagepro song makes me want to rip my face off ♥️♥️♥️ but this one is one of those that make me feel so strongly that i cant listen to it ♥️♥️♥️ cuz i do that btw. i cannot listen to kagepro songs without preparing myself emotionally and it has to be when i am alone in my room. i could never listen to them in public. that'd be weird. im drawing and suddenly a kagepro song comes on in my playlist and im like this is so fucked up who put this here (<- i did)

songs like summertime record, lost day hour, remind blue and ayanos theory of happiness specifically i basically never listen to because it causes something in me both mentally and physically. im normal though.

TOTALLY support the idea to make a pv!!! i wouldn't know how to start either tbh💔 who would u make it be sung by?? like the song is so good but for the lyrics im like meh like str is already a thing. idk it sorta has the same vibe. its like summertime record and lost day hour's lyrics had a little baby together. which is why i always liked to interpret it as a haruka song but fuck it ig its shintaro's.

i also liked the idea of it being seto's or hibiya's. i think they'd deserve a song like this, especially hibiya!! tho for hibiya the whole "adult" thing is different LOL and even seto, he's just 17... ive always loved haruka being the punchbag for the "im an adult wtf" feeling because he goes from living his whole life thinking he will die and then he doesn't. or well he DOES die but then comes back, and suddenly he finds himself with his whole life ahead. like haruka and his early 20s crisis abt i did NOT think id be alive this long and now i gotta deal with everything those feelings bring me but at the same time i have to pay rent and worry abt what to make for dinner soooo erm fine ig. that's also what i think lost day hour is about, i know jin describes it more like a song abt old friends but girl idk it rly only has a couple lines abt that as opposed to all the rest of the song... erm. what was i talking about again.

i just think it was rly funny how we were all like ok remind blue uses "boku" so it's seto kano hibiya or haruka (or konoha). and then jin was like hehe. shintaro♥️ SHINTARO DOESNT EVEN USE BOKU whatever im pretty sure he also said it can fit anyone and its more a general mekakushi dan song. but tbh so is summertime record sooooo. sorry im sidetracking a lot

i dont particularly care for remind blue so much (LIKE THE SONG SLAPS im still talking about lyrics) bc it's very heavy on the shit abt like growing distant and stuff sortof??? like kagepros ending/str is implied to have the mekadan not grow apart but kinda do their own thing while still meeting to hang out, bc kagepro is also about growing up and with growing up comes maybe growing distant from these friends you love, but they will always be important and one of a kind in ur life and when u meet its like time hasnt rly passed between you. not to mention the whole thing about combining eyes and how all the snakes will always end up gathering by the queen no matter what, meaning the dan will always be bound to make their ways back to each other no matter what, and are connected to one another by the literal narrative that theyre all actually sort of aware of a little bit (they always refer to their tragedy as a "story"..kagepro is a little meta lol). and like that's all so beautiful but also fuck it. they all meet for pizza nights every week. erm. the passage of time am i right

ALSO TY FOR READING MY POSTS:///3 I LOVE KAGEROU PROJECT A NORMAL AMOUNT AND IM A NORMAL PERSON

[nctexto]

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[wh6res]

127 SQUAD AND ROMANTIC BF TINGS

tw a lil bit of suggestive on jae's but nothing explicit

✰ — TAEIL would sing lullabies over the phone or video call. you and him would just be doing your own thing, not talking but enjoying being each other's presence. he'll probably pull out his guitar and start singing random songs until he eventually notices you fell asleep on him. will not end the call and when you wake up in the morning, his snores and his cute sleeping face is the first thing you see. "love? you still there? ... taeil?" then laugh out loud when you hear his snores instead. "okay yeah lets sleep more" the call will only end probably because his phone died. he kinda strikes me as a guy who's phone is always < 50% battery lmao

✰ — JOHNNY is your everything. literally. as long as he has the power of youtube, google, and instruction manuals on his side, he can fix anything and everything for you. we've all seen him do crafty things on jcc lmao so it'll probably apply to relationships as well. will 100% say you now owe him cuddles for fixing something for you. you kinda dont like the fact that he's doing all these things for you so you try doing them on your own without him knowing only to fail big time. "what did we learn today?" "never touch the pipes under the sink" "and?" "and always ask johnny for help" "nuh-uh thats not how i said it" you sigh exasperatedly "always let my smokin hot amazing handsome boyfriend johnny suh get the job done"

✰ — TAEYONG doesn't care whether you take the time shopping or not. in fact, he loves seeing you all excited and giddy for pampering yourself as you should. totally the type to hold the paper bags even if you complain and say you can manage on your own. is a complete angel and will wait patiently outside changing rooms and will give you genuine insight he has of the clothes you picked. "that looks nice. you should get that. the length is just right and the sleeves help accentuate your waist" "really yongie?" "yes love. i mean you look pretty in everything anyway" miss ma'am my heart just fucking melted ?¿?

✰ — YUTA doesn't look like it but will exert real effort into things. would be the type to have a note or a google doc about your favorite orders from restaurants because he just loves how your eyes light up appreciatively and you look so smitten by him. its like a cheat sheet. eventually he memorizes the list with how much time he spends with you and he wont even need it. the type to always bring you food before meeting you (if its just hanging out inside the house). "no way! i was just craving for these!" he smiles before kissing your forehead, volunteering to put the food out its container for you. "i figured. you'd been working since this afternoon. lets eat first then you can tell me about what you've been working on so i can help you, okay?"

✰ — DOYOUNG loves cooking for you. i highkey feel like its his love language? like cooking for you and seeing your eyes light up as it darts back to him after you take your first bite from whatever he cooked just gives him so much happiness. its disgustingly sappy and he doesn't like talking about it. now he understood fully what it meant to see your loved ones eating and being full yourself or some shit. idk how the actual quote goes okay dont come 4 me but u probably get it. anyway the type to always pack you lunch and will get hella mad if you skip meals. "what do you mean you havent eaten yet?" "yeah but i will after i--" "you mean you're going to eat Now?" "what? no maybe later--" "thats it im coming over"

✰ — JAEHYUN would be the type to make you playlists. its really random sometimes he'll send them to you in the early morning for the heck of it bc he cant sleep. most of the time its him being horny lmao the frat boy in him awakening and sending you a playlist called imma blow your back out or something extremely cringey and thirsty pls dont block his sorry ass maybe he'd spell out the words using song titles too! idk jae just rlly strikes me as a guy who's love language is music. "hey babe did you check the playlist i sent you?" "wtf its 4am???" "oh so you havent listened to it yet?" "fuck off" but at the end of the day he'll come over and will use the playlist to,,, you know,,, do the sexy thing ;)

✰ — JUNGWOO always makes sure you walk on the inside of the road. you know when you're walking in the street and he softly nudges your waist? yes. will probably even scold you playfully because with how long its been since you both are together, "babe you always walk on the inside of the road how many times do i have to tell you?" is also the type to remind you to wear your seatbelt immediately after hopping onto his car. would ask you Again while in the middle of the car ride because he forgot that he already asked you earlier. please don't mind him he's just looking out for you bb. "seatbelt?" "yes, babe. already done" "are you sure? i dont think i heard it click--" "babe eyes on the road please" "oh right sorry"

✰ — MARK sends you tiktoks, vines, or memes. this is his love language fite me im calling it. he just wants to see you laugh too okay? thats why he does it. i mean it made him laugh, so maybe it will you laugh too. also because he hopes to make inside jokes with u cuz he believes thats how people really get close and stuff. would definitely love it if you do the same thing with him. you'd be chilling in the sofa while khalid plays on the bluetooth speaker and he'll suddenly go "babe babe babe check this out!" then you both proceed to laugh at a vine for the next thirty minutes <3 #living.the.yn.life

✰ — HAECHAN will do your skincare for you when you're drunk or super tired that you just passed out cold on the bed. would probably come into the room to see you snoring and tutting bc now he has to do it for you again but meh deep down he loves it because he enjoys admiring your sleeping face. its sorta like a healing thing for him? yeah it just washes away all the stress he's feeling and bb is just excited about the idea that this becomes "your thing" with him if u get what im saying? altho the next day he'll probably use it as a leverage to get out of chores :) "no way im not folding our clothes" "and why is that?" "i took your make up off yesterday u know how hard that is? im still tired" "but its literally the next day--" "awww thank you for doing my chores, baby! u the best!" ._.

[th3okamid3mon]

Spies in disguise, weirdly wholesome (Spoilers)

This movie was so freaking weird. I thought Blue Sky Studios was so dead, the only movie I´ve seen from them was Ice Age and Robots, and Ice Age went downhill after the 3rd movie. But this??? This could be their revival.

Sinopsis: 

Lance Sterling is one of the best spies in the agency. He loves his job and does it really well but when a bad guy starts harming different people across the world using his face, Sterling has to clear up his name in any way possible with the help of a young scientist called Walter Beckett. Problem is, though, the same scientist tried a very complex experiment on him by accident which result on him turning into something everybody hates: a pigeon. 

Animation: 

I´m sure Blue Sky has made more animated movies than just Ice Age, but being completely honest I literally only knew that one. I loved that movie, I also like Robots, but the rest they´ve made aren´t as striking to me. 

As an animation studio they know what they are doing, it is really good. The details in the water and rocks, all the backgrounds? They all look awesome!

It´s no Klaus though. In comparison to other movies, this is pretty much blends with the rest of the CGI movies there exist. Ice Age and Robots had a very distinctive style, but this one? This looks like something Pixar would do (they kind of went a bit downhill, Toy Story 4 was not needed and The Incredibles 2 felt off and incomplete, animation was fine, writing meh. I hope Onward and Soul are better. Fingers crossed.) I also thought Dreamworks made it. It´s not very... original as in the style of the animation. 

The lighting was cool as hell!! The first scene in Japan WAS SO FREAKING AWESOME. It had amazing highlights and it was perfect blend in the atmosphere. The darks werent so obscure you couldnt see anything and when a certain light hit the character it was a great contrast. 

The design of the characters were really great, the background characters looked kind of the same though. It was like the main characters were anime protagonists in this case, not only because of the design but because they use more striking and hotter colors in them while the background characters had really opaque palettes. 

Story and Characters: 

So.. Disclaimer: Spy movies taken seriously is not my thing. I HATE Mission Imposible. I HATE JAMES BOND 1, 2, 3, INIFINITE WHATEVER. I hate them, they are boring and the main characters are worst than Superman (Who, by the way, I also HATE. not the animated one, just the live action one. LIKE BATMAN I HA-). That´s because they portray them as all mighty, powerful, type of card of all traits. Making them too useful and too able makes it boring and it makes you question Why do they even have a freaking team with them?

In this case you have the all mighty, hella cool and able Lance Sterling. He works alone, he is able to do everything and anything, right? Well, at least he is charismatic and such. Of course you have to add something to him so he isn´t just a cocky super human spy. What do you do? GIVE. HIM. AN. OBSTACLE. AND. MAKE. IT. HILARIOUS. Thank god this is comedy. 

It was a really weird premise for the super spy to become a pigeon. From all animals, a Pigeon? Uh... Yeah, sure? This director and writer do know how to make this shit work. And BOI was this really interesting. 

So it goes like this: Sterling goes against a bad guy who isn´t even the main bad guyTM. He does his cool fighting montage during which POOF, GLITTER! Glitter..? Da fuq? And he rolls with it because if he doesn´t he COULD DIE. (I know there´s the flashback montage for Walter at the beginning but bare with me). He gets the briefcase, which had a very dangerous and powerful machine which in spanish is called LITERALLY ASESINO (MURDERER) , LA-DI-DA-DI-DA he goes back to the agency and... The briefcase is empty and some agent comes all of the sudden and has some recording where it is shown HE stole it and killed some guys in Japan with it.

But he escaped, relax. 

Now, previously he had fired Walter because he got into Sterling´s things and put the glitter bomb, which actually did his purpose: distract and make everyone happy. 

Walter is actually a curious character to me. He has good intentions, he just wants to make a safer world and all his inventions in comparison to the rest are to minimize damage and to protect not only the spies but also the villains. Now days we have characters who are mostly all in favor to not kill, because killing is wrong. It´s not a new thing, its a pretty old concept, but it is mostly seen in TV shows (at least from the movies I´ve seen, even if the hero doesn´t want to kill, the villain still ends up dead somehow). From all the movies I´ve seen, there were several that didn´t killed the villain but... I didn´t like them at all because the villain didnt even made sense (IM LOOKING AT YOU FROZEN 1 AND THE INCREDIBLES 2, FUCKING WASTE OF MONEY AND VILLAINS, SO HELP ME GO-) 

I dont know why Walter stick to me so much more than any other characters in other movies. His motivations were always for the greater good even as a kid. The biggest inspiration in his life was and is his mother, and I think because of her dead that motivation became even stronger. His whole personality and genuine care into his work to help others leaks in everything he does. It´s in your face, ALL THE TIME, but in a good way? It isnt at the point of being annoying, it´s weird how they manage to make such a nice character with certain points that are quirky without making him annoying. 

Ok, back to the story without spoiling much and going to the point, they both start working out how Sterling as a pigeon can do his spy work and Walter works on an antidote while also helping Sterling with the spy work. Question: Is it original? I dont know. Does it matter? No. 

Look, the concept of a character turning into something is not really original and as spy movies we all KNOW in all 9 levels of Mictlan that Spy theme movies are not original at all. Spy Kids? That was slightly more original than any other spy movie I ever seen AND I LOVED IT. The important manner here is and will always be the characters which... Well... Will Smith acted as Will Smith, or well.. I watch in spanish... wait... 

Ok, I already knew Mario Filio was the official Will Smith voice Actor... 

HOLY SHIT, EMILIO TREVIÑO IS MILES MORALES TOO?!?!? 

Where was I...? Ah, yeah. 

As a plot, it had pretty much a lot of dark themes and several heavy spots. For example: The talk between Will- I MEAN Sterling and Walter in the boat, where they talk about how to fight the villain we saw a bit more of them. We already knew the motivation for Walter, but Sterling? The cocky cock has feelings? WHO WOULD´VE KNOWN! He really doesnt want people to get killed and it gets to him, because that form limits him a lot. Walter is so stress too, they both want the best for the people and they argue but in a manner that makes it a bit heavy. Walter is still young and too dreamy, Sterling has worked in the battle field, he tells Walter  you have to fight fire with fire and doing it Walter´s way is not gonna work because bad people doesnt care about the good people. Walter replies that there are no good or bad, only people. (UM... I HAVE A BIT OF A PROBLEM WITH THAT?? But I will discuss it later.) 

There some scenes i did not expect to get emotional and it quickly returns to comedy but not as awkwardly as I would thought. It´s a fun movie, if it wants too it gets a tad heavy and if it wants to it becomes extremely dumb. It´s a weird blend, the concept is super dumb but the plot and the characters teaches you certain things like: People still get hurt even if you acted with the best intentions. Sometimes to solve a problem you need to think in another way. Kindness is a powerful weapon. And most importantly: Weird is good. 

Conclusion: 

So... It was a really fun movie. Weirdly wholesome, weirdly good! Pretty good actually, it didn´t get me much as other movies but it did stick to me. It has good animation, the characters are enjoyable and charismatic, the super good boi is Walter MY GOD, HE DESERVES THAT JOB HE GOT. Sterling is a good pal once he sees the value in Walter. That part with the egg was strange but Walter made it have sense and they both rolled with it and it was pretty cool.

Now, the messages are good. I understand people are people and such. You shouldnt kill because its wrong. I mean, the villain DID kind of had second thoughts after Walter saved him from falling after turning the droid off, which was SO COOL TO HAVE KILLIAN LOOK LIKE THAT. He didn´t had to say shit, just that look of ¨Huh... That kid did save me even after I tried to kill him...¨ Yes, give me more shown not tell. THIS MOVIE HAD A LOT OF SHOW NO TELL, THANK YOU. 

Still, bad people not always want to change. Some bad people stay bad, and sometimes we will have to fight back. We had movies like The Incredibles 2 or Steven Universe: The Movie shown what should we do and what happens to the villains. They had a backstory, they had their motives, as heartbreaking their backstories were what they did was wrong and at least one of them in those examples were punished for their wrongdoing. Steven in the movie fought back instead of getting himself hurt. 

In this movie, the villain was kind of kept a mystery, his backstory wasn´t a flashback or anything, it was told by the character but I think that was a good thing because the pain in his eyes and the anger he felt leaked from his explanation to Sterling. Even when he was explicitly a bad guy from the beginning, before even the movie started, we can see that those bad guys, in fact, are people too, and as the good people they can get hurt too because they have families, friends, pets, interests, hobbies and more. Walter does have a point, they are just people so we shouldn´t kill them. I guess the problem I have with the saying ¨There´s no good or bad, just people¨ is that the people who do bad things, people like Killian, they hurt and murder so many people and I am not fine with those kind of people. I say Eye for an eye, but then again ¨Eye for an Eye and everyone gets blind¨. 

I dont know why or how they manage to get somehow complex in movie where a person LITERALLY TURNS INTO A FEMALE PIGEON. Oh, yeah, by the way. Sterling becomes a female pigeon because Walter uses a feather of his female pet pigeon. 

I had low expectations and came out impressed and howling with laughter even after getting home. I do recommend this movie for his whole ridiculousness and for his weird but wholesome character development, bonding, different characters and final message. 

Weird is good and we need weird to make the world a better, safer place. 

-Sincerely weird, T.O.D 

[percyaux]

Riverdale X Heathers Episode should have been CAOS instead. Hear Me Out.

Now I don't know about y'all, but im okay with Riverdale.

Not the best show, it has problems like all shows. However, my biggest problem was with the Heathers musical.

Why did I have a problem?

First of all Heathers is a dark, satirical play that deals with high school and its dramas. The high tiers of popularity and how a persons suicide could be looked at depending on their popularity.

Why wasnt it for Riverdale?

First of all, it felt like just picked randomly. Maybe it has to do with the popularity of Heathers in the past years due to the amazing Musical and its catchy songs.

I mean Candy Store is a bop and amazing to dance to.

But Heathers doesn't feel like a Riverdale Musical Episode.

Problems with Casting?

The casting of Cheryl Blossom as Heather Chandler made sense.

Heather C. Is the queen bee of Westerburg High as well as, in Veronica Sawyers wording, "A mythic bitch"

But Veronica and Betty as Heather McNamara and Duke, didnt seem to fit.

!!!Trigger Warning here!!!!

Heather N. Is a complex character, she goes through extreme things in Heathers from Date R**e, to bulimia, to suicidal thoughts hence why the song LifeBoat came to be.

Yes, Veronica Lodge has her set of demons but they're not as extreme as Betty's own.

What I mean is that Betty is against a cult who has basically brainwashed her family. If anyone would have suicidal thoughts or actions it would be Betty.

Heather D. After learning of Heather C.'s death decided to be the new Queen Bee. She even wears Heather C.'s scrunchie like it belongs to her and also begins to bully Heather N. causing the aforementioned LifeBoat.

I understand that Camila Mendez and Lili Reinheart are part of the main actors but to just do Cheryls bidding felt off (To me that is). Maybe it they switched them with Veronica as Heather D. And Betty as Heather N. I would he less critical.

Josie as Veronica Sawyer felt meh. I understand why they chose Josie. Shes an amazing singer and her ranges do coordinate with Veronicas, but it felt odd.

I think thats all the problems I have with casting now on to songs.

Problems with singing?

The singing was good but I had a problem with the changing of lyrics. Im not the only one some people I know had the same problem. Some songs didn't feel like they made sense at times.

Seventeen made sense for Betty and Jughead though since it spoke of living life without the worry of shit happening since shit will always happen.

But something about Seventeen did bother me a lot and this is just me.

Cole Sprouse's voice was a bit... Too deep for my liking.

I don't know but when I hear Seventeen I see JDs voice as both deep and high pitched and it spoke about his character. JD is unpredictable you dont know when he's gonna snap or not.

I dont know I guess I didn't like it that much...

The episode was meh. It was fine but not the best.

Why would Heathers be better in CAOS?

Well CAOS is a dark show by itself that deals with religion, sexuality, morality and bullying.

As of the making of this there is one season with the next coming in a month.

Heathers would be better in CAOS because some of the characters in CAOS could be counterparts of Heathers characters.

Sabrina Spellman is basically Veronica Sawyer by the end of S1. She ditches her mortal friends to be with the Wierd Sisters who are the equivalent of the Heathers.

She hooks up with a bad boy, Nick Scratch, and turns into something she isn't.

Her mortal friends (Roz, Susie and Harvey) are the Martha Dunnstock to her Veronica Sawyer.

Roz is the understanding part of Martha who sees why Veronica does things but at the same time is against it.

Susie is the bullied side of Martha.

In Heathers, Martha is bullied by the jocks and the Heathers to the point of her trying to commit suicide but no one cares because she isnt popular and is only seen as an attention whore.

No, I'm not saying that Susie will go to drastic measures as Martha.

Harvey is the side of Martha that still wants Veronica as a friend but backs away from her.

During the Musical, Veronica fakes a letter of Rams to Martha under Heather C.'s order to humiliate Martha. It works and Martha hates Veronica for that.

Sabrina seems to want to help Harvey but ends up hurting him instead causing him to back away from her and magic in general.

The role of the Heathers would go the the Sisters. After all there is 3 of them.

Prudence would be Heather C. due to the fact that Prudence is both a queen and a bitch when she can be.

Agatha would be Heather D. mostly because she seems to be an instigator of things. The incident in the mines is one. Also she would go against Prudence the same way Heather D. stole the scrunchie.

Dorcas would be Heather N. because of her sense of naivete. Dorcas is easily swayed by Agatha to cause the mining incident and is fast enough to blame Agatha when the consequences come back to bite her in the butt.

Now JD would be Nick. Why? Because he seems to be the change in Sabrina as was JD to Veronica. Hes not all of it but he's a factor to it.

Now it can't be Sabrina without Ambrose, Hilda and Zelda. So they will most likely be a Miss Fleming character. Seeing the chaos and not knowing what to fully do.

Madam Satan could also be a JD persona since she made Sabrina sign the Book Of The Beast.

Plot?

I think like a musical at Baxter High where Roz is picked as Veronica, Susie as Martha and Harvey as JD. Sabrina cant be in it because well... The Academy is demanding.

So instead Sabrina watches from the back ground.

The episode would deal with with the cast singing on stage and off about what they think and feel while having a supernatural theme around it.

Also Madam Satan thought of it.

I think thats all. This is just my opinions! Dont take them to heart!

[tskumoyuuma]

ok .... so .. I watched endgame ... and I honestly dont kno how to feel. dont get me wrong, it was a good movie but there was so much stuff that's honestly giving me a headache rn. I'm gonna try to say my thoughts below but its prob gonna be disjointed so be warned n yea massive spoilers below obviously

ok stuff I liked included the massive battle scene at the end I cheered the shit out of that it was the best part of the movie hands down. jokes wer fairly well except for one major thing I'll get into. i also Loved sam getting the shield i screamed when that happened. i also think they did tony good like his death felt natural to me n fit w his character n at least he got to be really happy for five years n got to reunite w peter before he went n like hey he saved the universe too which i was scared was gonna go to steve which i would Not have liked. n yea that's.. p much it for stuff I really liked. most other scenes I was like meh or ?????

ok now shit I have Major issues w ......

1) ok let me get this out of the way now .... time travel always fucks w things. u can never use time travel unless u specifically planned for it since the beginning n even then u gotta be Very careful cause timeline shit is fragile. the whole "we gotta put the time stones back so the timelines dont get fucked EVEN THO BOTH GAMORA AND THANOS R NO LONGER IN THE PAST ANYMORE ??????" I'm sorry but I cant just let that go that's too much to ignore n the fact that steve went back n is still in that exact timeline means that the gamora thanos missing thing applies to that timeline too which would make no sense for infinity war n guardians of the galaxy. its is The biggest peeve I have n I really cant look past that. anyway moving on

2) speaking of the jokes, I Hated what they did to thor. his entire thing was a fat joke. they made him depressed n fat n purposefully ugly w that body prosthetic n played it for a joke. even his supposedly emotional scenes wer drowned out by jokes, n I hated it n was uncomfortable n i am so sad about what theyv done to him especially after ragnarok also fuck u even more u get TWO hammers whatevr

3) speaking of hammers WHY was steve able to pick up thors hammer now ??? like i get it looked cool but what exactly changed from age of ultron to now that had steve become worthy of picking up the hammer cause in my opinion he did nothing to warrant this (uh oh my anti steve side is showing)

4) i really think they shouldve either killed steve or didnt have him show up after going back w the stones cause one it would fix the time thing since hes the one thing thats proving that the whole film is one timeline n two it just i think would feel a lot better. like bucky obviously knew what steve was gonna do he wasnt surprised at all so when steve goes in n doesnt come back out have bucky hand sam the shield n a letter explaining why he didnt come back n that hes entrusting the cap name to same now. i kno it wouldnt have the same idk emotional satisfaction or whatever of having steve himself hand the shield over but i mean i didnt feel that i only felt joy for sam getting this title so i wouldv preferred it the other way just my thoughts on that

5) the whole natasha n clint fighting to see who jumps off the cliff for the soul stone scene was honestly ... really funny to me. like they were throwing things n physically fighting to get the chance to kill themselves n i was holding back laughter i really thought they were both gonna go over n whoops guess wer not getting the soul stone cause no ones left to grab it enfskkds plus i felt nothing when natasha died like it obviously shouldv been her cause she has no one (yea yea except the avengers or whatever blah blah) while clint has an entire family to save so yea not surprised there. (also small thing cause its mostly just me but did really no one kno the requirements for the soul stone ? like u kno gamora died there n thanos got the stone n u couldnt piece the pieces together enough to plan for this ?? whatever like i said its a small thing mostly me moving on)

6) i also think they should have killed more people than they did like going from infinity war to these two deaths felt strange especially w the big ass battle AND the building getting exploded like im sorry but the fact that NO ONE died from those missiles is just sonfjknsdjknfskjd nah

7) ALSO back to the stones thing HOW would steve put the soul stone back. HOW. n like he would have to go back to where they got it which is where red skull is. RED. SKULL. UR TELLING ME WE COULD HAVE SEEN THIS INTERACTION IT WOULD HAVE BEEN GOLD. its like they even though this whole bring the stones back plan was bullshit n couldnt find a way to actually do it so they didnt show it at all n was like “nah nah its fine its fine shh look steves old now” (but i guess it wouldnt even matter anyway cause after 2014 thanos is just gone from the timeline forever i guess)

8) also merged bruce hulk is real weird to me n i dont like it that much. his overall character was fine but the whole combined hulk n bruce thing was too much of a jump for me n one of the main pulls of bruces character is his dynamic w hulk so getting rid of that completely to just have ... one big strong smart green guy just made me lose interest in him real quick. plus he looks like shrek n i hate it. 

EDIT: 9) I ALMOST FORGOT n this also might be answered in far from home but the people who were dusted missed the whole five years right ?? wer still five years in the future from infinity war right ???? so how the fuck is far from home gonna go. r they just gonna be like uhhh no yea all the major student characters from homecoming wer dusted n thats why theyr all still in high school in this movie too n even if they do that what about all their classmates n shit who werent dusted ?? n the fact that prob the majority of the grade r people who were really five years younger than them but r now kinda the same age is fucking wild n i Need them to address this. honestly dont like that the time leap was so big i get they needed that time but also i think a year wouldv had the same affect while keeping the missed time of the dusted people at a low, two years tops would have been good for me but not five whole years. of course if they handle this well in future marvel movies then ill be fine but rn im skeptical 

listen ... i think as a plain just watching for entertainment movie, endgame is good. i enjoyed it as i was watching, but as soon as u even start thinking about the shit that happens in here it all just falls apart honestly. maybe im just running off my anger for the timeline shit n later i might come to appreciate the stuff i actually liked more, but these r my thoughts as of about four hours after watching it.

[missjackil]

Miss Jacki’s Top 30 Favorite Episodes

#6

All Hell Breaks Loose pts 1&2

I believe these are landmark episodes for every SPN fan. Im going to treat this like one episode because it really seems like one single episode. 

A little back history, I came to this show late, it was already in S11 when I started binging fron the beginning. It was by the request of my friend, who had tod me a few times that she thought Id love the show, and I didnt believe her. fanatasy/horror/super hero shows are not my genre. I like dramas like NCIS and House MD but this? This is kid stuff.... not my thing. But I took her advice and watched. She made me promise to watch the first 2 seasons and if I still didnt like it by the end of S2, we could move on. So I did.  I didnt think seasons 1 and 2 sucked, I liked Sam Dean and John a lot but, the monsters, acting, and overall story was meh IMO. S2 was better, at least one or two more episodes from then made it to my top 30, but this one sealed my fate. I had heard a lot about this amazing, unmatchable chemistry these two had, but I wasnt really feeling the love. They fought constantly, Dean seemed too clingy and Sam seemed to not want to be with him much at all. and I wasnt really seeing this epic bromance I had been told about. And then All Hell Broke Loose! Sam mysteriosuly gets zapped away to demon camp, and Dean is desperate to find him. Sam’s side of the episode is very interesting, we are really seeing his leadership skills in action, and how he can be totally freaked out and not let it show. Jake, was such a good character, Im still upset he didnt stay around for a while, even as a bad guy. 

Of course, the most important part of these episodes is that Sam is killed, and Dean’s brokeness and despiration. Im very shocked at first that Sam actually dies. I had thought since the show was in its 11th season at the time, that Sam and Dean cant/don’t die ever, so I never really had much concern for their well being. I learned they could be beat to hell and next episode they’re shiney and pretty as new, and if they’re still on the air, they obviously cant die right? And in a sense its true that they cant die, or stay dead, they still somehow manage to make their deaths very traumatizing. I learned here, that its not so much that one brother died, its more about the reaction of the other. Sam and Dean never know its not final. We may know, but they dont. 

Jake and Sam have this big fight. Jake  is strong af but Sam manages to hold his own. This solidifies the notion I had, that even though Dean is the agressive one, and much faster to punch or kill, Sam Winchester is NOT a wimp. not a “damsel”. He is also strong af, a damn good fighter and has a very high pain threshold. He knocks the super charged “benched 800 lbs stone cold calm” Jake out cold. Almost kills him, but decides against it.... he wont make that mistake again eh? Walking away with apparently a broken shoulder, or arm, he hears Dean and sees him in the distance. DEAN!!! Sam smiles and releif washes over him, Dean isnt dead!! But right in front of Dean, Jake comes in from behind and stabs Sam in the back, and slices.... and severs Sams spinal cord WTF?? This scene is etched in every fans mind forever. Jensens acting here is nothing short of oscar worthy, but lets take a minute to appreciate Jared’s also. He doesnt have a speaking part right here, but he is truly portraying someone with a severed spinal cord. He falls to his knees to be imediately caught by Dean. He cant hold his head up, lift his arms, or even keep his eyes straight.He cant talk or even gasp for breath. Dean knows but is in complete denial. He’s gonna fix it, thats his job!! Take care of his pain in the ass little brother!! Deans shock and denial, along with his honest helpless greif, destroys me! The way he holds Sam and screams his name... and then burries his face in Sams hair and cries. I just cant! Next, we see that Dean has carried Sam’s body to an abandoned shack, and laid him on a mattress. Dean has laid Sams hands on his stomach like he’s resting. For a day or more, Im not sure, Dean stands there and stares at his dead little brother. He refuses to bury or burn him. Bobby doesnt want to leave him alone, he obviously cant handle this situation, but Dean has no shits to give. The person he loves most in the world is gone. Screw everything else.  Dean starts talking to dead Sam and this is heart wrenching. These 2 episodes change everything as far as their brotherly relationship goes. Its no longer just close, and deep its psychotic, irrational, dangerous, and the most beautiful thing ever! Dean doesnt know what to do. This is the absolute worst part of losing someone you love. The next step, what do you do? How can you even begin to try to continue to live?  Dean is beyond desperate. He goes and sells his soul to bring Sam back. And he doesnt get 10 years or even 5, he gets 1 year. 1 year and then he’s damned to eternal torment in hell. They cant try to break the contract or Sam dies again. A terrible trade off, but Dean takes it. When he sees Sam standing there in the room, alive, he gives him such a great hug!! This begins my obsession for brohugs!! Fast forward to the cemetery scene. A lot is going on here, Azazel is griefing them, Jake opens the hell gates (though the boys are blamed for this forever) Azazel asks Dean is Sam is REALLY the same old Sam?? We all wonder if Sam is ok when he stone cold shoots Jake repeatedly, with that one little blood drop on his face. Overall, Sam seems like Sam, but we at least know hes a little more killy now lol.  We get a bonus reunion with John, he touches Deans shoulder, gives him a tearfilled smile, and looks at Sam. For a long time, I was a little bit bitter that John didnt show any affection to Sam, but then I realized, or maybe its just a head canon, but John may have known that Dean sold his soul for Sam, and Joh was silently telling Dean he understood. John sold his soul for Dean, so he was like “The things we’ll do for love, right son?” John did some crappy things, but no one will ever convince me that he didnt love those boys with all his heart.  Sam figures out that Dean sold his soul for him, and hes pissed. But he finally comes out with what I needed to know for 2 seasons “Youre my brother... theres NOTHING I wouldnt do for you”. Yes... Sam is just as irrational, psychotic, and dangerously in love with Dean.And with that.... I was sold on SPN. I dont regularly go back to watch these episodes, but when I do, it still tears me up. Even moreso now that so much has happened because of it.  Sometimes, something big happens on the show and the negative people say that it makes this, or Deans trip to Hell, or Swan Song lose meaning, and it truly doesnt. It makes those things have more meaning. Everything that unfolded after those events up till now makes them more critical and adds the question “if they had known, would they still?” And knowing the answer would be “yes” just makes it all that much more brutally wonderful,  Now, go watch these episodes again, keeping in mind everything that transpired from it, and when Dean sobs at losing his little bro for the first time, allow your heart to break more for the big picture. 

[thatfuzzyfamiliarspace]

I didnt get time to write it down earlier, but im gonna try and do what he asked. 

I’ll write it down here and see if I can relay it back to him later. 

I’ve just gotta try and figure it out myself, first. He called me, after not hearing hardly anything all day I couldnt wait to talk to him and hear his voice. But he just wanted to ask me for a lift... It upset me at first. No “how are you, I’ve missed you, been busy today”, nothing. And we had plans cancelled last night and we havent set a new date to reschedule it. And now he’s got plans to go out. I’m happy he is going out with people, its just the fact that that was his priority over than plans we had. But oh well, thinking about it now its not a big deal, it was just in the moment I got abit heated over it. But yeah, I think the thing that acc upsetted me was that that was it, all he wanted to talk about over the phone was asking for a lift. Like I woulda preferred him acc talk about it? Say who’s going, who brought it up, idk just acc have a conversation. I think its coz Ive heard so little from him today, and yesterday too tbf. I’m not so meh about it now, but at the time of the call it had defo niggled at me. My mind makes me perceive things in the most worst light. It was just a question Georgia, he’s busy at work and its quicker to ask on a call than message me back, plus woulda looked rude to message me that after all the message I sent ? See it makes sense. Why can;t I think like this in the moment ?!?!? I’ve never driven to or thru walthamstow before, that’ll be interesting. I hope he gets drunk. Yes, a drunk Jordan and I can take him home !! I want him to have a good time out. 

what was I even writing about again ? Oh how I felt/feel. Well atm I’m just ill and tired. Atleast I’m super busy at work that stupid shit doesnt have time to affect me. I’ve had some fleeting thoughts.. tryna think of what so I could maybe bring it up to him later... but they have gone, thats the thing, they come and go and then theyre gone. Idk how to talk about sommin that just flashes by in my head. 

And omg yesterdayyyyy ! Like he’s asking whats wrong and its literally like someone in my head put everything in a bag and walked off with it. I had nothing to give him. And tbh I think its the way he asks? and the way he reacts? He thinks if he gets all strict he’ll get it outta me, but it shuts me off. Then he tells me to grow up, ugh I hate that. Again goes back to how he treats me. If I go nonverbal, I need a soft response. Like I have nothing in my head, therefore nothing is gonna come out??? So how is squinting at me and wording things in a mean way gonna help??? (see this is why I cant just let him read my blog, I feel like I word things in sucha mean way and I dont mean it to come across like that). 

And then that just freaked me out more coz then he brings up that his sister wants me over for dinner.... Not like its hard enough meeting her when she knows the history of everything. To then see him be around Lottie.. I’m so scared to see it. To see him treat her how I want to be treated. Him being soft and caring and playful. Like I’ll get upset and jealous and thats so messed up ?? And thats just one layer to it ! I still feel like Lottie will compare me to Georgia. She loved that kid and I know the kid loved her too, I aint that way inclined so like of course shes not gonna like me the same ? And Lottie means alot to Jordan so if we don’t get along enough or whatever that worries me. What if he sees I’m shit with kids and that turns him off of me? Its all just too much. Ik I’ll have to face it one day and meet and interact with her but I really dont want to. You;re probs overthinking it again, but am I really ? Like we know if she gets the soft cutesty attitude and treatment that it’ll be horrible to witness, aint overthinking that ? true. But maybe he isnt like that with her ? Thought of that ? But he mostly likely is.. You’ll just have to grin and bare the experience wont ya. I just dont want little me getting hurt anymore. It’s sucha fuzzy and supressed part of me now. Maybe thats why I havent been okay lately. 

Ive been feeling like I’m lacking something. I couldnt ever pin it. I always bring it back to me overthinking or being overly emotional or whatever. Like everytime I think “oh he doesnt want me as much anymore” or sommin he proves me wrong with his actions pretty soon after. But I still cant help feeling like theres sommin, idk if its missing or im not getting enough or what but idek what it is ? Am I making it up ? Well that’d be dumb, but you know you try to hurt yourself in weird ways. Youre probably convincing yourself youre not entirely happy because everything isnt tip top perfect but like ?? What is it then ? If it was real you wouldnt have to dig to find out, right ? Idk. 

I dont even feel the same as to when I started writing all this. How tf am I gonna relay this onto him later ? ooooo now I just thought about what he said yesterday, thats a wholeeeee other thing imma be thinking about now. I wanna write it down but I gotta still get shit done before end of work. maybe later 

[dead-oaps-demon]

story time

i know no one will actually read this but only few so im just gonna throw it for whoever wants to hear that story

befor yestday like 4th August

my mom woke me to go with her to the mall and my my u can say i enjoed my day in my way

there was me my mom my bros my sis my aunt and lastly my cousin she's kinda an adult lesbian gal i respect in my way

SO

since we got into the mall my mom and my aunt and cousin went to buy some fancy clothes cuz female stuff ya know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

so my bros sis and i NYOOMED to the candy places so we can be more hyped for vid games and those stuff

my FAT BRO BOUGHT A BLUE TOUNGE AND IM HERE BOUGHT A PINK ONE I WAS SO SAD:( (cuz its blueberry my fuckibg fav )

we went to my mom for some money like

OUR SWEET GODFUL MOTHER 💜💓💖💓💘💛💝💚💚💙 PLEASE WE WILL DO ANYTHING :3

and she said here have some money now shoo away

my siblings and i made a race like daUH CHILDREN XDXD

til we r there and oh boy oh my i stole the card thingy and RAN AWAY

til my bro and i found a cool game that can make us milkshake ya kno xdxd

and seriously he was praying so fucking h a r d and im here weeeing cuz thats what a stupid gay shit does

and we played more games with others til we r out

and my bro just came to me yelling

YOOO THERES SOME VR SHITS RIGHT THERE FAM >:0000

i followed him with others and he was no lying for real

but seriously we were out :(((

so we called our precious momma for ya know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

and then we find her and she give us some and GOES BACK TO THAT COOL RAD ASS ROOM

there r like three shits one vr thingy with some kind floating broad

and one with gun

and lastly there was a cinema one were u can wear a glasses and see like 3d shits

my fat bro started with the gun one and I OF COURSE RAN TO THE BROAD ONE i was really enjoying it

the first ride was meh

but THE SECOND ONE OH BOY OH MY WAS A REALLY NICE TRIP

when my bro tying to play the gun one i was feeling more hunger about those shits so i told my fat bro to join me cuz i dont wanna have fun alone thats selfish >:(((

so there was something called toy ride and thats what were we in ya can watch it from here its really amazing no lies

and then my bro cAME TO ME BEGGING TO DO IT WITH HIM CUZ HE WASNT WITH US so my fat bro went to eat some McDonalds stuff and i was in the cinema thingy with my bro and we both choosed a spooky one like YEAH WE R OLD ENOUGH TO WATCH SOME CREEPY STUFF WHO SAID WE R YOUNG FOR THIS ?? b((

and seriously tHE BEST PART IS WHEN THE CHAIRS R MOVING LIKE WOHA IT WAS AMAZING aND THERE WAS SOME COLD AIR COMES INFRONT OF US AND DROPS OF WATER LIKE IT MAKES US TO BE IN THAT SHORT MOVIE THINGY

and the bEST PART FOR NOW IS THERES LIKE SOMETHING LIKE STICK THAT POPS ON UR FOOT LIKE WOW 9/10 cuz the air wasnt so cold enough>:((((

when we r done we realized that our smol sis didnt come with us cuz 5 yrs xdxd so my bros and i knew that our mom wont let us play the thrid time nO MATTER HOW U BEG OR CRY NO MEANS NO :(((((((((

we called our mha so we can stay with her since we r out like ya know doing nothing so we went to many stores and i found one THAT SALES THEIR CLOTHES WITH $69

$69 YO NO JOKES

i was crying in laughing way so bad and said those people r amazing with those prizes

when my mom bought many clothes i was holding all bags cuz yeah i dont have shit to do til i found a TROLLEY IN THE CORNER I YELLED TO MY FAML

WAIT FOR A DAM SEC I WILL BE HERE

i took that trolley and i put those bags with my sis

AND Y'ALL DONT FUCKING KNOW THAT I'MMA PRO AT DRIVING WITH TROLLEY NO JOKES

IT WAS FUN NO LIES

Til a security guard came to me saying

i was laughing inside so bad til my aunt came and complain that im not the only kid who plays with trolleys and let teens have their rights to have fun befor they got old for this ya know

i love her she's nice

before we go back home we bought some McDonalds stuff and i was vERY HAPPY u have no idea

and then i saw my other cousin with her kids telling me to take care of em i was like look I KNOW IM NOT THAT RUDE AND IM NICE WITH EVERYONE SO I CANT SAY NO TO UR DAM REQUEST:((

so when r almost i was with the trolley kust bored ya know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ DRIVING AND STUFF and seriously many people compliments my skills like wHOA THERE DOOD U R SO COOL AT DOING THIS MAY I JOIN UR RIDE??? like in joke of course

i waS FAMOUS THERE

til i realized that im lost with my sis

my mom knows i can find her so fast without even worrying or shit like yeah he can come to at any min dont worry he used with that shit

so my people were about to leave the mall AND I WAS RUNNING LIKE SERIOUSLY RUNNING SO FAST WITH THE TROLLEY INSIDE OF IT A SMOL GIRL AND SOME BAGS LIKE REALLY FAST CUZ THAT TAXE WILL LEAVE YA KNOW

i was in the 2nd floor and they r at 1st floor like dang it man i cant be fast

so i ran to the elevator and saw a spanish woman with another trolley i bet she had fun

we both had smol cool fun conversation like her english was pretty good ya know

buT SPANISH dAMN MAN

so when the elevator came there was people on it and i ask with no shy is ur station here??? with very hurry voice ya know

one of em said the 2nd floor ?? <:0

and i yell FUCK YEAH IT IS NOW CAN U PLEASE GO MY FAML IS WAITING >:((((( in nice hurry way of course

the spanish woman liked me and then whrn those people went the elevator was so clean like 0 people out there

the spainsh ma'am came with me to the 1st floor i was surprised tbh and she was a good friend no lies sO I WAS RUNNING TO THE FIRST DOOR AND MY MY what i have just seen my aunt and lesbian cousin CHEERING IN YELLING WAY WHERE THE FUCK ARE U??? in their nice worried way

i told em long story my bad :(

and my aunt just said

god dam it jab now I LEFT THE TAXE FOR U U WILL PAY THIS FOR ME jk just dont this again okay????

like yeah she's an amazing aunt

i thought my mom went back home bUT NOPE she is still there worried

OH THANK GOOD GOD I THOUGHT SOMEONE KIDNAPPED U WHERE WERE U THIS ALL TIME???

and i said the same answer with my aunt

and my lesbian cousin just ordered an uber and she said she will go with her sis and kids back to their apartments and my aunt agree like yeah they r lucky:(

so i jumped on the car just looking at the cars cuz i left my phone on my bag and my bag in the home :( so fuck off sey i couldn't say shit to u when i was there

and while i was looking a big surprise on my eyes

THERE WAS MANY FUCKING BLUE CARS

YOU KNOW?? BLUE FUCKING CARS

GOD DAM IT SEY FOR SURE

i was in gay dam mood cuz sey and her idea of mks army u piece of shit ilysm kiddo

so guess wha

[sexxxlovemusic-blog]

Screaming.....

I really dont understand what is going through my head, because it's seriously nothing.... at all!! yet I feel like I want to cry all the time. And I come home to your arms and it all goes away. I'm going to start these stupid pills again, maybe if they make me sick my mind will understand that I'm okay and dont need them or something so I can stop having this constant war in my head. Fuck I have such a headache.... and all I want is the day to be over so I can fall asleep in your arms, even though I just woke up not to long ago.....

I just want it all to be over in my head. I wish help was more affordable. I could probably really use someone to talk to so I can get over everything from my past. I just want to be completely happy. I want my mind to just stop putting me in a dark place even though nothing is currently wrong. Everything is amazing right now, I live on my own with my one and only true love, I have a family and a job and a couple friends I can count on but dont see often enough... Yet i guess i just dont feel good enough to be a part of it all.. my mind makes me feel like a waste of space or waste of time.....

The other day I got a flower from my man, as I look at it now I feel happier and I know for a fact I am loved. And.... like I said.... everything is fine! So, why does my head hurt and not feel fine? I want it to go away!!!! I want to lift this darkness off my shoulders and just watch it disappear forever. Hmmm... maybe I've got like..... a personality disorder or some shit like that. My mind seriously takes me out of anything and just sticks me in a hole of bad and horrible things. And I can be perfectly fine the next day. And just keep jumping in and out of this hole multiple times through the week........ And I feel like I'd bother anyone if I say another word about not being happy when I truly have nothing to complain about....

So here is my rant of nothingness. Meh.... I know I reminisce about the past a little to much, yeah I miss my past friends and wish I could go back for some things to keep..... like my mom for sure is the biggest one.... And there is a big reason why these "friends" aren't in my life anymore and I just need to move on... I know that's not a healthy thing to do and I just need to keep looking at my future and stop turning back...... But my future scares me, I dont know where I'm going to end up, or how bad im going to mess up, if im going to end up with a cute family of my own, or if my kids are going to hate me, or if im even going to have kids........

Will I end up alone and be grumpy like my dad? Or will I end up traveling the world like I dream of doing and have the brightest of days? Or will life get the best of me at a young age like my mom....... It's so scary to think about.

I hate not knowing... And living in the moment is kinda a drag for me, doing the same thing every day, work, sleep, eat, clean, have sex once in a while, the most amazing sex I've ever had. Haha! But, yeah, idk, mostly the same things every day. Maybe I should get into drawing again. Or writing even... even though i am not good at them in any way shape or form. Haha. There's a reason why i almost failed every class i took ever. I want to see something new, go somewhere i haven't been.

Maybe this vacation next week, instead of going somewhere that'll make me sad, maybe we can go to something new. Granted, this place that makes me sad, it also has some of the best memories, it's my childhood, it's my family, its.......not there anymore.......

And now I'm crying...... oh how I wish it was still there..... How I wish my family reunions were still there, how I wish my man could meet all the people who are now gone forever....... The people who I truly loved most, the ones my dad got alone with, my dad doesn't like who's left as much as the ones who are gone.... I'm not close with the family that I have now. I'm the outcast and I know at least a couple who might be judging me for my decisions.... And all the people that are gone were the outcasts too...... my mom, the gay uncle who gave us the best times at the park, my.... great aunt?? I cant remember, but she was so sweet and lovable and cute and always took care of me when I fell as a kid, when she was gone, the house was gone thanks to her nasty daughter...... Then there's all the others who taught me how to play golf which is the closest thing I now have with my dad...... I'm pretty sure every single one is gone now......

I haven't seen any of them in I think over 10 years now..... sigh....... I wish I could go back and just see them all once more and give them all the biggest hug, I was just a kid back then and never got to tell them all goodbye....... I wish I could walk through our house again, play slapjack in the living room and watch the old VHS movies I'd bring every year...... I wish we could go looking for arrowheads again, and pet the horses or play horseshoes even..... listen to the heavy rains in the trailer. Or be huddled up close to everyone in the house as it hailed..... Listen to my grandpas stories again and pay better attention to them, I was the stupid child who always had headphones in while in the car so I didn't listen........or I wish I could play poker with him and my cousins again... I need to go visit him and grandma soon...... He can hardly talk or walk anymore so his stories are all with him now..... God damn.......

......There's just so much, my family was big and I took it for granted, I thought I'd have so much more time, and now it's not so much and it's going to be separated even more...... I just feel like I didn't get enough time with anyone...... I didn't get as many hugs as I wanted. And I know they are gone and there is nothing I can do.... but I wish there was...... just for a split moment even...... its just to hard for me not to think about them all...... I miss it all so much..... They need to come back.....

So hey..... that's where my head is..... I can probably keep going but this post is already long enough...... I am totally fine in the moment, but my past and my future have me in a turmoil in my mind.... there is to much I wish I could have back.... And to be with them again requires death, which I'm not quite ready for.....

I am pretty, I am strong, and everything is fine in the moment.... for the most part.. I'm gonna go cry for a while before work, then I'll pretend like I'm okay and put that fake smile on my face for the hours I am there. Then who knows..... Come home and cry some more in your arms. Or maybe I'll be okay, we shall see I guess...

I'm sorry this is such a long post. But I just needed to post something. And.... well.... this is it..... Thanks....

[twerkhammett]

1-154

Holy fuck, good thing I have a long train ride😂1. Full nameAngelica DeLillo2. Age213. 3 fearsFailure, getting snatched up one of these nights im on the train alone, losing the people i care about4. 3 things I loveNik, food, and our cat5. 4 turn onsBiting, slapping (ass face and tits), being tied up or held down, and when he gets that mean look on his face and i know hes gonna be really rough with me ugh6. 4 turn offsI have had these experiences with almost every person I've been with except Nik..bad hygiene, being rushed (you cum yet?), bad oral and when i tell them what would feel good they dont listen..and worst of all sex that feels half assed. They just want to cum real quick, theres no passion or effort, they don't care if they please you at all. Fucking horrible..7. My best friendIn cali my best friend here besides Nik is Ashley, and I get to live with them both its awesome! In Florida I cant choose one cuz ive known them all forever and love those dudes..Mels, Denzel, Brauston, and Alicia8. Sexual orientationBisexual9. My best first dateWith Nikolas obviously 😉10. How tall i am5'611. What do I missMy friends and family back home12: What time were I born3:55pm13: Favourite colorGreen14: Do I have a crushOn my boyfriend😂15: Favourite quoteIdk man16: Favourite placeHard to choose one, maybe my bed😂17: Favourite foodI hate favorites..pizza and wings18: Do I use sarcasmNever :)19: What am I listening to right nowSlayer 20: First thing I notice in new personIf they're fuckin rude or not21: Shoe size822: Eye colorBrown23: Hair colorLight brownish? Auburn?24: Favourite style of clothingBlack25: Ever done a prank call?Yup27: Meaning behind my URLKirk twerkin28: Favourite movieKung Fury29: Favourite songCant choose30: Favourite bandStill cant choose my dude31: How I feel right nowMeh32: Someone I loveNik33: My current relationship statusIn love af its disgusting34: My relationship with my parentsPretty good these days35: Favourite holidayHalloween36: Tattoos and piercing i haveNips, lips, and ears37: Tattoos and piercing i wantA lot, whenever i get the money..38: The reason I joined TumblrMels made me join lol39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?I don't think he hates me, but i hate his bitch ass..40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?I used to get them from Nik but we live together so now he can just tell me lol41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?This morning42: When did I last hold hands?Yesterday43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?15mins, its caffeinating myself that can take time44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?Noooope45: Where am I right now?On BART46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?Nik, been a while since thats happened tho47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?Loud48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?Nope49: Am I excited for anything?For class to be over so i can relax lol...haven't even got there yet50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?Nik, Denzel, Brauston51: How often do I wear a fake smile?At work lmao52: When was the last time I hugged someone?Does my cat count? An hour ago lol53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?This would never happen, but I would go to jail if it did lol54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?Not that i know of?55: What is something I disliked about today?Nik had to work early and I've been sexually frustrated af56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?James57: What do I think about most?Nik and food are tied i think58: What’s my strangest talent?Idk59: Do I have any strange phobias?Eh not really60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?Behind61: What was the last lie I told?Not sure, probably at work lol62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?On the phone63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Aliens yeah64: Do I believe in magic?Nah65: Do I believe in luck?Not really66: What’s the weather like right now?64 and clear skys67: What was the last book I’ve read?Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?Yesss69: Do I have any nicknames?Besides the ones Nik has for me no70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?Cut my knee open71: Do I spend money or save it?That shits gone pretty fast dont get to spend it on anything fun tho haha72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?Nah73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?My backpack has some pink on it74: Favourite animal?My cat😂75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?Fucking76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?Trump77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?Nightcrawler78: How can you win my heart?Be Nikolas or James Hetfield79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?Nothing80: What is my favorite word?Fuck81: My top 5 blogs on tumblrIdk man i like a lot of yall82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?Someone please assasinate the orange one83: Do I have any relatives in jail?Not that i know of84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?Invisibility or time travel85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Not sure86: What is my current desktop picture?Some nature pic bc i havent change it87: Had sex?On a daily basis my dude88: Bought condoms?Yes89: Gotten pregnant?No90: Failed a class?Yup91: Kissed a boy?Yup92: Kissed a girl?Yep93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?Yes, Nik94: Had job?Sadly95: Left the house without my wallet?Fucking yes!!!96: Bullied someone on the internet?No lol97: Had sex in public?A few days ago lmao98: Played on a sports team?Yep99: Smoked weed?This is where my extra money goes..sigh100: Did drugs?Nothing crazy but yeah101: Smoked cigarettes?Yes102: Drank alcohol?Yeah103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?Noo104: Been overweight?Nope105: Been underweight?Nope106: Been to a wedding?Yep107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?Yes lol108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?Yeah109: Been outside my home country?Not yet, but I plan on it110: Gotten my heart broken?Yeah couple years ago111: Been to a professional sports game?Yep112: Broken a bone?My finger lol113: Cut myself?A while ago114: Been to prom?Nope115: Been in airplane?Yes116: Fly by helicopter?No but I want to!!117: What concerts have I been to?Megadeth, Metallica, Exodus, Testament, Carcass, Slayer, Midnight, Kreator, Obituary, Children of Bodom, Rammstein, and a few more but those were the best ones118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?Quite a few times119: Learned another language?Some German and some ASL120: Wore make up?I wear mascara121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?Yeah122: Had oral sex?Yupppppp123: Dyed my hair?Yes124: Voted in a presidential election?Yep!125: Rode in an ambulance?Nope126: Had a surgery?No127: Met someone famous?Nope128: Stalked someone on a social network?A while ago hahah129: Peed outside?Yep130: Been fishing?Yes131: Helped with charity?I donate to greenpeace monthly132: Been rejected by a crush?Sorta133: Broken a mirror?Im sure I have, I def had a big ass mirror fall on my fuckin head one time tho!134: What do I want for birthday?Some dick😂135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?2 max, no idea about names, havent thought about it much136: Was I named after anyone?No137: Do I like my handwriting?Its a bit sloppy but yeah138: What was my favourite toy as a child?Barbies lol139: Favourite Tv Show?DBZ😂140: Where do I want to live when older?The forest, somewhere in Colorado maybe141: Play any musical instrument?Not well lol142: One of my scars, how did I get it?Accidentally stabbed myself at work143: Favourite pizza toping?Mushrooms144: Am I afraid of the dark?No, I need it to sleep145: Am I afraid of heights?A bit146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?Yes lmao, many times by my dad usually147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?Did you mean my last relationship😂😂148: What I’m really bad atProcrastination149: What my greatest achievments areGetting the fuck out of fl, some of my artwork, learning to cope with my depression150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to meProb something my ex said lol151: What I’d do if I won in a lotteryQuit my job, build a house, and open a cave bar (me and Ashley were just talkin about that)152: What do I like about myselfWell i guess i never stop trying even tho i fuck up a lot hahah153: My closest Tumblr friend@stalkhome-sindrone probably😁154: Something I fantasise aboutA stable income...Thanks for that big ass ask my anonymous dude!!😂To the rest of my followers, sorry for the long post and some of the tmi questions😊

[the-goddess-of-change]

Snake charm, Requested.

i dont own the image used, all credit goes to the creator. 

Kyle looked down on his phone and checked the time ''okay so...3 more hours, gotta find a gift before that or she'll get mad...or are you supposed to give gifts ? what about flowers...but she said she dont want flowers...'' Kyle sighed ''ill just get her a nice necklace or something...jewelry is always good'' he cheered up and headed to the closet jewelry store The doorbell rang as he entered and the woman behind the counter smiled at him ''Welcome, can i help ?'' ''Oh...yeah, i'm looking for a necklace for someone'' ''Oh ? do you know what this person likes ?'' she giggles ''i do have an idea in mind yeah, i was looking for something animal themed kinda ?'' ''Oh ? like a cat or dog ?'' ''Nah, she works in a pet shop and has a pet snake so i figured something like that, you know like two snakes crossing or something like that'' ''Oh!'' she smiles and heads in the back room and gets out a silver necklace with two snakes on it'' ''Something like this ?'' Kyle looks at it and scratches his head ''I mean...that was what i had in mind...'' ''You're not the first one, a lot of people like it'' Kyle nodded slowly ''How much ?'' The woman looks at the tag ''Around...100$ is that okay ?'' ''Hm...i guess it is'' Kyle pays for the necklace as the woman puts it in the box and hands it to him ''Want it wrapped or something ?'' ''Nah, i'm fine but thanks'' Kyle smiles at the woman who smiles back ''Take care'' she says as Kyle walks out of the shop and checks the time ''Well, that took...20 minutes...ugh...and i dont really wanna go home but she said to meet her at the park.....ill head over now i guess...'' Kyle shrugged and started to head over to the park, Even though it was already autumn it was still relatively warm outside and the trees in all different colors kinda made it a bit more special ''Hmm...i guess autumn is okay...as long as its not raining at least'' Kyle picked up a fallen leaf on the ground and looked at it for a few seconds before throwing it away Kyle looked around and spotted a little kiosk and headed over to it Kyle went inside and got himself something to drink and something to eat and went over to the spot where they were supposed to me, a bench right next to the pond, kinda secluded  away from everyone else as well Kyle sat down on the bench and got out his phone again ''2 more hours...damn...this is gonna get boring, i should have gone home and just waited but...meh..'' Kyle sighed and lied down on the bench with one foot hanging out ''Bored bored bored....'' Kyle checks his phone debating to text the girl or not but after 10 minutes of mindless thinking he drops it ''i cant...im going to look desperate if i text her, she said 18.00 so ill just have to wait'' Kyle takes a sip of his drink as the jewelry box falls down on the ground ''damn it...'' Kyle sits up and picks up the box and opens it to look at the necklace ''why snakes...? i mean...i dont hate snakes but like...well...not my place to question i hope she likes it...'' he picks it up from the box and looks at it in more detail ''Like...it looks kinda cool i guess'' Kyle laughs quietly to himself ''i hope she likes it....'' Kyle smiles and looks out over the pond then back at the necklace ''hmm...maybe i should try it on...if she likes it maybe she wants me to get one...or something like that....maybe i'm insane thinking to deeply into it'' Kyle shrugs and puts the necklace on then takes a bad selfie with it on ''Uhm...i look like a poser but...yeah it's kinda cool'' Kyle smiles as he notices something One of the heads on the necklace is shining a gentle red color ''oh..cool, it has diamonds in it, probably why it cost that much'' ''Oh wait...uhm...snakes...i think they are considered luck in some places ? maybe ? i think so ? maybe Egypt ?...snakes and Egypt ? makes sense...or was it like some Asian country...i dont remember'' Kyle shrugs and tries to take of the necklace when he notices something weird ''Huh ?'' Kyle strokes his hand across his neck but...the cord is gone ''what ?'' Kyle tries again but still no cord he then looks down at his chest and sees that both snake heads are now shining a gentle red color ''Huh ? how...how is it in place without the cord ?'' Kyle touched the necklace with his finger as he feels a strange burning feeling in his hand and notices the necklace slowly fusing into his skin slowly turning into some kind of tattoo or marking... ''What the...? wait ? what ? wait wait wait wait....WHAT ?!'' Kyle rubs his hands against the tattoo but nothing happens instead he starts to feel something weird His legs have turned numb Kyle stands up from the bench but once he does he just falls down as his legs wont support him anymore ''What is this ? for real ?'' Kyle slaps his legs a few times but nothing happens ''Ah crap...'' He looks around furiously and takes of his pants and notices his legs are bright red ''What the hell is this ?!'' Kyle runs his hands across but still feels nothing ''i cant...i cant even move them! what is going on ?!'' Kyle reaches for his phone as an intense pain shots up his legs throughout his body Kyle clenches his eyes shut as he feels something strange happening to his legs yet again Kyle forces his eyes open to see his legs slowly starting to fuse together by the feet and upwards ''....This....what the fuck ?! That is not normal! that is not normal! i gotta call someone!' Kyle picks up the phone again but once again before he can text the intense pain comes back ''Ngh..!!!'' Kyle forces himself not to scream in case someone would find him in this...weird predicament ''okay okay okay....deep breaths...deep breaths...'' Kyle closes his eyes and takes a deep breath and looks down on his legs again they are not completely fused together and his feet are no longer there as they seem to more resemble some kinda tail more than humans legs now The bright red color is still there but it looks like the middle part is turning a gentle red-ish pink color and...his flesh is getting...scaly ''Wait what the shit ?! Scales ? that's...wait...what is going on ?! what is this!'' Kyle panics trying to make sense of the situation even though...its far behind sense at this point Scales starts to cover his entire tail as it seems complete he pushes himself of the bench and immediately falls on the ground ''okay okay...either i'm tripping really now or...this is a dream...a very...lifelike dream because like...my bottom half is like...a tail.....'' ''....wait...the necklace ? snakes.....No no...this is definitely not real'' Kyle laughs weakly and tries to move the tail a bit and slowly manages to control it as he is able to kinda sit on top of it ''So...okay...uhm...okay'' He looks down and notices his...manhood and butt is kinda gone as well ''Eh...i....i'm totally tripping, there must have been something i ate or drank...'' Kyle closes his eyes and takes a deep breath ''okay...i'm tripping...i have to be...'' ''Yeah, that's it, there must have been something in the drink...i bought...from the kiosk......Yeah...okay...so this is real...'' Kyle looks down at the tail and notices something else His shirt is way to big for him now for some reason Kyle takes of the shirt and looks down, sure enough he is a lot skinnier, his waist is smaller ''okay okay...no comment there...'' Kyle says nothing and notices something else as he looks down at his stomach, something is starting to...block his view Kyle keeps looking and notices his breast is starting to grow...larger and larger as it starts to form two very well developed breasts As they finish growing they bounce gently as Kyle just looks down at them dumbstruck to even open his mouth ''......'' No matter what he tries, his mouth wont open Kyle slowly moves his hands and cups the breasts with them Sure enough, they are real ''....holy shit...'' Kyle finally manage to say before struggling to say something else Kyle lets go of the breasts as they slowly bounce a bit as he does ''N-n....'' Kyle still cant utter a word as he crawls over to the pond and looks at his reflection in the calm clear water and notices something His face is starting to change going from a square shape into more a triangle shape, his teeth slowly changes as two small fangs protrude out from the top of his jaw His eyes turns bigger and his iris changes color from brown to orange and his pupil changes from round to a straight line going upwards instead Kyle just keeps on looking in shock as his face keeps on changing turning more and more feminine with each passing second ''N-n..no...'' Kyle stammers and closes his eyes and splashes some water onto his face ...''..dont...dont...'' Kyle tries to speak as the burning sensation inside his body returns in full force He opens his eyes and writhes around the ground in pain as he can feel something on the top of his head ''Ahhh!!!'' he screams in pain as the pain slowly goes away ''F-Finally...'' ''W...wait...my voice ?'' He says as he notices his voice is...well, clearly its not his voice...its the voice of a girl instead Kyle slowly opens his eyes back up and looks at his reflection in the water again and notices his short black hair has not turned long and red set up in a high ponytail ''....what...?'' Kyle speaks in a soft scared and confused tone as some fabric starts to wrap around his chest and waist slowly turning into some kind of kimono to the best of his knowledge with his cleavage severely exposed ''N-no...this is not real!'' he starts to cry violently and curls up and cries into his arms ''This isn't real...this cant be real!!!'' he screams and sobs loudly Kyle keeps sobbing as he hears something ''H-Hello ?'' a voice says as Kyle looks over where the voice came from a woman with blonde hair, wearing a skirt and a top looks at him ''M-Maya....?'' Kyle says in a low teary voice ''....what ? who...who are you...? what...what is going on ?'' she slowly steps back as she's speaking ''D-Dont...Dont go...it's...me...its me Kyle...'' ''....Kyle ?'' Maya says as she stops walking as kyle forces himself to stop crying and tells her what happened ''....'' Mayta says nothing but just looks at him ''You...you bought a necklace for me...you tried it on...and that happened to you ?'' ''Mmm...Y-yeah...i dont know why...'' Kyle stammers ''....if you really are Kyle...prove it...'' Maya says Kyle points over to his phone lying on the bench as Maya walks over and looks at it Since she already know his code she gets into his phone and checks the texts ''O-okay...so...it is you'' she says in a bit more of a cheerful tone ''Yeah...'' Maya walks over to kyle and pokes his tail, its kinda soft... ''And you got turned into...what ? this snake girl thing ? ''Y-yeah...i...i dont know...how or why..'' ''...it makes no sense but...maybe its temporary ?'' Kyle's face lights up a bit ''Maybe...i hope so...'' Maya smiles and looks at him Kyle looks at her ''W-what...? ''i dont know...you look...cute'' ''C-cute ?'' Kyle stammers ''Yeah...your tail is soft like a pillow and its comfy'' Kyle looks at her but wriggles a bit with the tail so she can sit on it Maya smiles and sits down on it and looks at him ''...i think its cute Kyle...i mean...uhm...its not like i uhm...you know but...'' ''...what ?'' ''Nothing! im just saying you look cute! is all okay ? you look adorable!'' Kyle blushes a bit ''Cute ? you...you mean it ?'' Maya nods ''Yeah! and i mean...i still...you know'' she giggles ''you did invite me over for a date right ?'' ''Well...yeah'' ''So then, is it still going on or is it cancelled ?'' Kyle looks at her shocked ''You...You like me ?'' ''Like i've said, i think you look adorable and you're cute..not that...you know that means everything but you're still you and i like you'' Kyle smiles at her ''Y-yeah'' ''all that's different is that you're a snake girl now silly'' ''i think its called a Naga...or like a lamia...'' ''Lamia ?'' Maya says confused ''Well you know...ive played some games before'' ''Oh, right right!'' Maya giggles ''Well then Kyle...or maybe Kylie for now ?'' Kyle not sure what to think about it just shrugs ''Well i cant call you Kyle...its kinda weird now isnt it ?'' she giggles again ''I...I guess'' Kyle or Kylie now says Kylie smiles at her as he slowly wraps his tail around her ''...if i got you Maya..i can deal with this'' ''I know you can Kylie, and you know i love you'' They both look into each others eyes as they slowly embrace in a loving kiss After its done they just keep looking at each other as Maya strokes a finger across Kylie's cheek They say nothing and just keep smiling and occasionaly kissing each other ''But..what will others think...?'' ''I dont know but...if this happened to you, maybe it has to someone else as well but..if you're brave enough Kylie...just accept it, it might be temporary or permanent, we dont know'' Kylie looks at her then up at the sky ''maybe....and i will Maya'' They both smile as maya gets of him and giggles ''Then let me sit on your tail as you take me home then i want to cuddle up in your soft cuddly tail!'' Kylie smiles and nods at her as she sits down and kylie starts to slither out of the park, but confusingly enough, no one is really staring at them ''No one is looking?'' ''Huh...maybe...i dont know...'' They both shrug as kylie manages to get Maya home They both get inside as Maya starts to move some furniture around and makes some space in the living room as Kylie tries to make his tail as comfy as possible as Maya walks over and sits down then cuddles up against kylie's chest ''So comfy...'' she yawns ''Tired ?'' Kylie asks ''Mhm...sorry...'' ''Its fine...im tired as well'' They both smile and kiss each other as they both drift into deep sleep Time passes and goes by as usual but Kylie never changed back into a human or a man for that sake... Slowly getting used to being a Lamia, Kylie and Maya did end up together as a couple not shortly after the event that happened and as far as we know, they still are.

[estuarries]

baby’s first liveshow commentary

hello lads i have decided to attempt doing @nihilist-toothpaste​ inspired video commentary/write up/review thingies!!!! welcome to ramble-y fun time

phil’s liveshow on august 10, 2017

his smile in the first minute makes my heart so happy i love him so much

i love the eye-tongue-eye emoji stop being mean to it

he’s a bit late bc he just finished filming a new ap vid!!! it took him longer than he thought it would to finish filming bc he was rambling. this is a #relatable brain thing

“i just said goodbye and now i’m saying hello again!” wrt filing and then doing a liveshow makes me rly happy bc i wouldn’t have thought abt it that way. i love phil’s brain

new vid clues: paper bag(?) and bubble wrap. amazingphil asmr part ii??

dan’s not joining the liveshow bc he has a headache but phil’s gonna hop into dan’s next one

closed eyes and happy gesticulation whilst telling sleepy-morning “unexpected window cleaning man frightened me” story

phil’s fight/flight/freeze response is freeze

“imagine if i had decided to make breakfast naked! ...if i was that kind of person…” its okay m8 we know u like to make nakey bro brunches w danyul

are the emoji pants the only pair of graphic pj pants he has now ??? why are they being featured so prominently lately ???? phil IS an emoji is the only phnnie conspiracy i can support now

in the ap vid phil did SCIENCE and REACTED TO THINGS (chemistry . reaction . hehe :3)

he’s out of tv shows to watch ….he and dan have watched so many series together over the years ..... i am emotional

phil hasnt watched in a heartbeat EITHER !! BLASPHEMOUS BOYES!!!

re: rick and morty. i strongly agree and it makes me so nervous that rick burps all the time i cannot focus on whats happening in the show bc rick gives me so much anxiety

he misses the cherry blossom tree in thehowlter’s front yard and they are hopefully going to put it in when they have money

“you’re all like dan! not everything has to be symmetrical!” thank u for these affirmations that not everything has to be perfect thank u for being chill. a chill phil. 

“i dont mind a little bit of wonkiness!” “i’m at a bit of a wonk!” “is the entire house wonky?” the only real phil branding is ~WOnKy~

phils hands are so beautiful???? i love them?????? @ 8:50ish

him trying to figure out his best side and saying “one? or two?” as options like at the optometrist when ur getting ur eyes checked. 

someone in the chat: “both!” phil’s cheeky grin/”don’t flatter me!!!” response

someone in the chat: “side three!” i snort laughed along w phil this is truly Good Content. dark!phil RISE

phil doesn’t think he really has a bad side and his easy neutrality wrt his physical appearance is dreamy. i love him and i love that he’s comfy w himself like this

phil had an eye infection and this is the first day he’s been without glasses…… why does he glasses-bait us like this …..

it’s really hard for him to concentrate with dilated pupils so that’s why he was being a wee bit wonky in the last liveshow

his eye is no longer infected and is “white and ready to see!”. the tone of his voice, his accent, and the phrasingof that reminded me so much of my british grandma who i havent seen in a few years and now i want to call her i miss her

wicked was “as the kids say...Wicked.” I SNORTED AKLHFAEIHKF

also i cannot believe that he and dan used the same silly phrasewhen talking about their opinions of wicked. is it still #copyrightinfringement if its your bf blatantly enterprising ur intellectual property?

phil was feeling a bit meh going into wicked but now he’s converted and a fan

he loved defying gravity :(

phil: every audience is important! me: crying

phil loves coming-of-age/college/highschool aus … Me Too

phil remix: the top fans to the tune of mad world “all around me are familiar faces...lillyphanstuff, joteleena…”

he’s had “mad world” and also that fuckin. ditty song stuck in his head

“...is one thicc bih - NO!” is the best thing ive ever heard

im so sad that phil hasnt experienced the joys of ditty. apparently he doesn’t have it downloaded and doesn’t really know what it is

14:07 is my new ringtone (he sang the ditty tune in “doot doot doot”s)

“bandicussy” IM DEAD

phil thought it was a good family activity to see dunkirk but it made his parents very emotional bc his maternal grandad was in the war

making your entire family cry is apparently the phil way to entertain

neither he nor dan understood the timelines of dunkirk upon first watch

after filming his ap vid he sanitized using vanilla cupcake hand sanitizer

he watches zoe’s bath and bodyworks candle/lotion hauls??????? ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

apparently b&bw has some ~priiiicey~ candles. phil is the coupon clipping, consumer reports reading dad

he said that livestreaming games on dapg would be “dope”. i am reminded for the millionth time that he is a 30 year old white man. i am moderately uncomfortable.

jk it was someone in the chat who said it he was just reading the comment

“hi to the ‘phan’s moving boxes’ group chat”

facterino according to the nature man on tv: in england nature has decided that it’s autumn already. this is evidenced by blackberries coming out in august. because fall isstartingso early they’re expected to have a harsh winter but its fine bc he is excited for snow!

some climate change discourse

he’s not a big doctor who fan but his fav doctor is david tennant

he’s excited for the “lady doctor” and i’m uh. not a huge fan of that wording

23:02 pre-sneeze noises and hand motions are Delightful

apparently it’s southern england peeps who pronounce scone with a hard o (scOHne) and northerners pronounce it with a soft o (scAWn). phillu doesn’t know which pronunciation he uses

my mom grew up in cornwall (and moved to america when she was a teen. i’m american btw!) and pronounces it the northern way. we’ve had the scohne vs scawn debate!! lots of #britishfamilythings in this liveshow

philly homework motivation song @ 24:52

his first response to ppl being sad about school starting in a week is to calculate how many seconds are in a week so they can re-frame their time left in a way that feels more plentiful. i love this ???

i also really love how he tries to read premium messages from different people every time. idk that’s just really thoughtful and as a fan i really appreciate it

he knows that black makes him look good …. GOodBYe

today is world lion day!

phil is the one who puts the funny/random holidays on the dnp calendars. of course it was but im still so happily surprised  

doinganap’s sicth/sixth discourse

he’s reading people from the chat’s bdays and telling them what funny holidays are on their birthdays! i love how he finds different ways to get ppl in the chat involved every liveshow. i appreciate him so much !like yeah i know its a marketing thing but let me pretend its solely phil’s care for us

he wants to go back to japan

he can’t read or edit and listen to music at the same time! me neither

someone asked what a good pet would be and phil went on a lil tangent about how it’s important to have enough time to take care of the pet you choose!! dont get an exotic pet or a breed of non-exotict pet that requires a lot of time, money, or energy to care for it if you’re not at a point in your life where u can take care of it to the best of your ability! <3

hedgehogs are one of the most common animals in the uk??? what the heck?

he can’t remember whether or not he’s seen a hedgehog irl so he texts mum lester to ask <3 why is this the sweetest thing in the world . like seeing a hedgehog irl would be an experience that his family facilitated or even if he was moved out when it happened it would have been so exciting that he def would have told kath about it. so any way it happened she would know about it. my heart is Warm.

he’s not a huge summer candle burner but as soon as it’s september he’ll be on the pumpkin spice train

mum lester texted back and apparently his grandparents had a family of hedgehogs in their garage and his granddad built them a little hedgehog house to hibernate in :( wow!

phil might play shelter 2 … with dan. No Thank You. let us have some phil-only time plz 

shelter 2 is more of an autumnal game so he might do it later when he can cozy up with some cocoa and herd the badger babies

he feels a coffee buzz after five (5) chocolate-covered coffee beans. r u sure u even drink coffee phil????

rye bread is worse (in phil’s opinion) than regular bread and is ”claggy”. i busted out laughing and texted my mom IMMEDIATELY bca LOOOONG time ago we were at a family christmas party with my dad’s extended family and all of the Adults were playing scrabble. my mom ended up spelling claggy and everyone else was like THATS A MADE UP WORD WHAT THE FUCK!!!! and my mom was like ???? no its not? my dad’s family is from the eastern us and had never heard the word claggy before and i remember my dad giving my mom shit about it for YEARS afterward because she caused such an uproar. idk if it was a regional thing or if americans just don’t say claggy but REGARDLESS. my mom and i had a good laugh over this description of rye bread and we both love phil

he’s nervous abt what dalien is going to look like and become as he grows up. phil’s general reaction to dalien has been one of caution and nervousness and idk ?? someone more thoughtful analyze that please

his advice for making the most of the last bits of summer: do something you haven’t done before! immediately after bestowing upon us this Wise Advice he giggles and becomes self aware of his parental tone. Our Dad Is Becoming Self Aware

he doesnt swear around his parents?????? my mom says fuck all the time :0

2018 calendar and season two pastel plushies are in the works!

he’s singing another song to list the top fans. suggestions include toxic, the ditty tune, and the tetris theme. he goes with the ditty song and starts laughing in the middle of it so makes a seamless musical transition to toxic

if everything recorded properly with his new vid we should see it in the next few days!

he hopes that we have a lovely weekend and that whatever we end up doing brings us a bit of happiness :( i love him thank u phil

tiny little bonus song after he covers up the camera. schrodingers phil.

all in all i love phil’s liveshows and this has been the highlight of my day. thank u for reading!

[punkscowardschampions]

Edie & Buster

Edie: oi my sister there Buster: She's at work Buster: Are you alright? Edie: tell her come home so everyone get off my dick Buster: I can't tell her what to do Edie: ha yeah u can Edie: i know how she is Buster: Come on Edie: What I thought you want everyone 2 know Edie: or that not include me Edie: wouldn't be the first Buster: 'Course you're included, Eds Buster: Alright fine, I'll be honest Buster: I don't wanna tell her to come home Buster: Do you get that? Edie: oh i get it Edie: its fucked up but i'm with it Buster: Call me a selfish cunt if you want but that's how it is Edie: Why'd I call u that Edie: u didn't do that shit den bounce on us Buster: Yeah but I want her to stay here Edie: yeah u getting ur dick sucked Edie: i said i get it Buster: It's not like that Edie: it is tho man Edie: i'm sorry to tell u actual Edie: but whatever she chat, you ain't special to her, you know Edie: that's just how she do Buster: Nah, babe Buster: It's different Edie: oh mckenna mckenna Edie: thought you was smart Buster: I am Buster: That's why I know what I'm saying is legit, yeah? Edie: the timing ain't got u fucked Edie: oh no i'm in trouble, here's another distraction, like Buster: Like I said, it isn't like that Buster: Me and her have been together long before Drew did what he did Edie: and she's wanted drew to pipe her long before you Edie: ain't none of us believe that just came outta the blue Buster: Don't Buster: She's never wanted him like that Buster: It was one sided, all from him Buster: Yeah, he's been playing that way for a while too but Edie: I'd hear her and Indie talking you know Edie: now that's fucked up, catch her talking to me like that and he ain't even wanna be my dad Buster: What do you reckon you've been hearing? Edie: 'low it, KNOW what i hard Edie: heard, whatever Edie: she thought he was soooooo hot, like every other bimbo in this family Buster: Maybe for one second when she was a kid Buster: It doesn't mean anything other than that Edie: oh boy you drank too much koolaid Buster: Nah Buster: I've been there when he's been acting up, I've seen it for myself how much she wasn't about him like that Buster: Trust me Edie: obvs she ain't gon be wid it when you're about Edie: like at the baby shower Edie: she ain't thick Edie: smarter than u Buster: She isn't ever Buster: It's fucked up Buster: He is Edie: save the spiel baby Edie: he's this family's scapegoat for when they wanna do the fuck shit they wanna do Buster: He's a cunt regardless Edie: u cute Edie: don't let her play u the same Buster: You wish, babe Buster: I know exactly what I'm doing Buster: Do you? Edie: haha Edie: babe, is it really that good it worth dis Edie: i always know what i'm doing Edie: whatever i want Buster: It's worth way more than this shit Buster: Believe it or not Buster: Like it or not Edie: no one like it but what they gon do right Buster: They can do whatever they want Buster: So can I Edie: dun know who u think u preaching at or why Edie: i don't give a fuck what u do Edie: came here cuz i need em off my dick and back on hers and i'm outta here Buster: Why are you chatting at me then like you wanna save me from her or something? I don't buy it, Eds Buster: You could have just said that and left Buster: You care Buster: So talk to her Edie: i care bout me Edie: they're pissing me off more than normal Edie: shame if they get u too but ain't gonna be crying over it baby Buster: Come to London Buster: You can stay here Edie: i dont like u like that mckenna Edie: soz Buster: Shut up Buster: You know what I mean Edie: rahhhh u actually so fucked up lmao Edie: i got places i wanna be Edie: thats the point Buster: You want your fam off your back I'm offering you somewhere to be where they won't be Buster: That's the point Edie: who she Edie: just cos she wanna try out for new step mum Buster: Aint I always had your back? Come on Buster: She isn't gonna give you grief like that Edie: you alright but dont get it twisted u ain't know me like that Edie: i don't wanna see her again at all Buster: I'll get you a hotel if you wanna come then Edie: hell no u cant buy me Edie: i ain't no hooker like ri be Buster: Don't call her that Buster: You know it ain't true Edie: it is tho Edie: she can do what she want but i aint gotta respect it or call it by a diff name to make her feel good bout it Buster: Don't be stupid Buster: You ain't a kid, you know how this all works Edie: she gets paid for her company Edie: what u wanna call it Edie: what makes u feel better Buster: Forget it Buster: I'm not trying to hit my head against the bricks Edie: hahaha thats what they always say when im right Edie: well if she aint gon go back for them she should know her man going pure apeshit, wilding out again like he think he the age he feelin Buster: Nah it's what they say when you won't be told. Not the same thing, like Buster: For the last time, he ain't her man. She doesn't give a fuck what he does or doesn't do Edie: meh whatever you say boy Edie: someone needs to go cheer him up Buster: Not our problem Buster: You do it if you're that bothered Edie: well he won't speak to me will he Edie: i ain't that fuckable, clearly Edie: or he got more morals than yous, either or Buster: Fuck's sake. Don't say shit like that to me Edie: awh mckenna only playin Edie: it's kinda funny tbh Edie: she act like she give the most shits about this fam Edie: and then she ruin it like that cos she wanna bang Buster: Hilarious Buster: She hasn't ruined anything Buster: Behave Edie: yous don't know u ain't here Edie: i'm tellin ya, why u think i'm jumping ship Buster: Neither are you, babe so don't act it Buster: If anything's fucked it's cause Drew fucked it Buster: You should be used to that as a concept Edie: didn't fuck himself mckenna Edie: all yous carry on blaming him til he the only one left tho Buster: I'm blaming him for this 'cause it's his fault Buster: I'm not trying to go any further back in time Edie: what u so whipped for Buster: Fuck off Buster: I know you'd love it to be that simple but it ain't Edie: u actually serious u think u love her Buster: I do love her Buster: I know that Edie: gon take up heroin next mckenna Buster: Grow up Edie: not the one still playing kissing cousins Edie: cute Buster: I don't care what you think Buster: And if that's the best you've got, don't bother, like Edie: good Edie: me either Edie: easier init Buster: Sometimes Edie: don't do halves Buster: Me either Buster: But you ain't the only one getting grief and feeling over it so Edie: fair you are chucking one in your fam, what u expect Edie: i've not done shit Buster: Whatever you say, babe Edie: ha tell me dickhead what have i done u reckon Buster: You're a bit of a cunt honestly Edie: boohoo Edie: if i was i'd fit right in Buster: You are and you do Buster: Deal with it, like Edie: all i do is deal with the unfortunateness of it trust Buster: Don't we all Edie: well bondings been fun babe but i got to go Edie: tell 'em all fairwell from me if you could tah u a real one Buster: Not your errand boy, sorry about it Buster: But not Edie: oh well Edie: they'll deal with not hearing it Buster: Since you ain't giving 'em a choice, yeah, they'll have to Edie: since when did u have to Edie: i ain't had 1 Buster: You've had plenty Buster: There's always choices Buster: Don't chat that bullshit to me Edie: nah Edie: god bless thank god u pretty Buster: Yeah Buster: On both counts Edie: i never had any it was all decided 'fore i even got here Buster: Nah Edie: yeah, mckenna Edie: he ain't want me, ma did Edie: i don't want her Edie: what a sad lil circle Buster: That's a cop out Buster: None of us got to pick our parents, babe Edie: least yours picked you Buster: Your ma picked you and Caleb Buster: You've got a mum and a dad same as I do Edie: well i don't want either of 'em Edie: so i'm offski Buster: Like I said, choices Buster: That's yours Edie: yeah it is Edie: finally Buster: Alright Buster: So stop wasting both our time with this chat then, yeah? Buster: It ain't going nowhere and you've decided you are Buster: Somewhere to be, like Edie: oooh Edie: touchy Edie: i'm waiting for my ride n my time Edie: what u even doin Buster: You don't care so what does it matter Edie: long as it matters to you babe Buster: Cheers Buster: Good insight Edie: ikr Edie: talents are wasted on this town Buster: You and me both Edie: shut up dickhead Edie: streets are paved with gold are they not Buster: Again, you wish it was that simple, babe Edie: why u even invited me then Edie: n u don't wanna fuck me Edie: rude Buster: I can only offer what I can offer Buster: I said it was an out from your fam not a fix all paradise, like Edie: lame and untrue to boot Edie: unfortunate but happens to the best of yas Buster: Whatever Edie: you might be ignoring the family tree like Edie: nothing in it for me Buster: Fine Buster: Don't come Edie: wasn't gonna Edie: doubt we got enough disel to get that far Buster: That's what planes are for Buster: But you know Edie: you know i ain't got that money Buster: I wasn't suggesting you paid for it Edie: kai has less than me lmao Buster: Him either Edie: mckenna mckenna mckenna if she's really doing that bad a job there's places you can go, people you can see Buster: This is boring Buster: You're just repeating yourself now girl Edie: you ain't my first choices either baby it's cool Edie: he's picking up Buster: Very gentlemanly Edie: like i ain't paying for it lmao Buster: If that's your way of saying you need money, make your mind up, like Edie: i'm saying that's where my money goes and is why he ain't getting on no plane Edie: paranoia man it'll get ya Buster: Yeah Buster: I bet Edie: Poor baby Edie: and Charlie thought he left all that behind him Edie: unlucky Buster: Can't say he don't know how to handle it at least Edie: that's a joke init Buster: Are you laughing right now? Edie: Big time Edie: got even less of a handle than ali and caleb Buster: Sure the judgement really helps too Edie: who's judging Buster: You Edie: Nah Edie: I don't care enough for that, I'm just laughing at the mess, not commenting on it Buster: Whatever you say Edie: how much would you give me Edie: outta interest Buster: How much do you want? Edie: ha you're such a bullshitter Edie: wouldn't stall if u was serious Buster: It's a serious question Buster: I don't know how long you're going for or where Buster: Not just gonna pull a number out the air Edie: for good and wherever we end up Edie: guess there's no ballpoint on that eh Buster: That's what you're saying now but if you're gone for a day and I give you a grand its not you who looks like a mug Edie: you a mug thinkin u get to tell me what to do with it like her Edie: its drug money mckenna don't act dumb Buster: Have I said shit about how to spend it? Nah Buster: Be serious and I will Buster: Tell me how much you want Edie: wow you really are dumb Edie: be careful out here baby Edie: even i ain't gonna play u like that but so many will Buster: Fuck off Buster: You're all talk, kid Edie: i'm serious Edie: ain't got your rents biz head have u jesus Buster: You don't know shit about what I'm got or not, Edie Buster: Don't act like you do Edie: you showed enough cards Buster: Nah, I'm showing you I can help you Buster: But be stupid Buster: How far you think you're gonna get with no money and no way to get any? Buster: Unless you're gonna play it the same way as Rio does whilst judging her for earning it Edie: you can help me get high? you and half the punters in this postcode, my da included Edie: ain't special baby and i ain't tryna enter yours so i don't need much Edie: plenty ways of getting cash that don't involve selling your ass Buster: Yeah, you're really smart Edie: aw thanks Buster: Cheers yourself Buster: Not a waste of time at all Edie: You're precious Buster: I know Edie: I reckon we've talked for sufficient time you can play you tried to stop me now Buster: I'm not gonna bullshit anyone Buster: That's for you to do Edie: as you like Edie: oh, tell ri gracie keeps crying, like ALL the time Edie: more than usual Buster: Tell her yourself Edie: alright Edie: she didn't reply last time i wrote her tho but worth a shot Buster: Try saying something worth reading Buster: I know it's a stretch but Edie: aw darn, i really thought i was smart Edie: oh well Buster: Bye, Edie Edie: laters mckenna Buster: Unlikely from how you're selling it, but sure Edie: see i don't know what u reckon the point of u is if you ain't gonna let me hit u up on the reg for cash Edie: you ain't know how this works Buster: I'm not trying to be anything for you Buster: Not my job Edie: knife thru my heart Edie: she always got the best of everything so used to it Buster: yeah yeah Edie: there u go again 💘 Buster: Poor baby Edie: u got jokes Buster: I know Buster: Pretty, smart and funny Edie: when u suck urself off that's somehow grosser than the incest Edie: eurgh Buster: Hilarious Edie: no jokes Edie: i reckon that's hurting your chances more Buster: I didn't ask and I don't care Edie: awh so in love is it Buster: Even if I wasn't, not gonna take advice from you Edie: why not Buster: Not gonna write you a list either Edie: i get laid Edie: by people i ain't related to n all, craziness Buster: Well done Edie: why thank you Buster: Sure your boyfriend wants to talk to you more than I do Buster: So on you go Edie: probably not if he's started without me but you know Buster: Well all the more reason to catch him up then Edie: ha you really don't like me do you Buster: You're not as stupid as you sound Buster: Good to know Edie: its chill b Edie: i dont like me either Buster: Do something about it then Edie: who for? Edie: this cunt Edie: i think not Buster: For you maybe Edie: that's the cunt i was referring to Edie: keep up Buster: You're just being so edgy right now, like Buster: How can I? Edie: we all know u aint vanilla now boy quit playin Buster: You first Edie: what u chattin i'm bein painfully real Buster: You're trying too hard, babe Edie: at what lmao Buster: This game Buster: Been there, done it Buster: You ain't been real this whole convo Edie: tragically i have Edie: soz you found it disappointing but same Buster: Disappointing ain't the word Buster: If you wanna put any in my mouth, try even harder Edie: you should save the wiser older brother bit tho Edie: ur actual sis would probs benefit Buster: I'm not trying to be that for her or you Buster: Unlucky Edie: now who's not being real Edie: it's cute, don't be ashamed Buster: Why should I be real for you? Edie: u shouldn't Edie: just a bit weird to be lecturing me Edie: unless you really tryna kick it daddy and its all do as i say not as i do Edie: i'm with you Buster: Weird ain't the half of what you reckon I am so why do you care? Edie: why do you Buster: Why do I care about you? Buster: Don't be stupid Edie: i'm not u got no reason Buster: Yeah I do Edie: ha sure Buster: Whatever Edie: you're as bad as her aren't you Edie: i got it fucked feeling sorry for you at the start Edie: you gonna chat like family means anything, god, at least i thought you were committed mckenna Buster: She ain't bad, that's your first mistake Buster: She's better than me, that's your second Edie: three strikes and i'm out? Edie: fun Edie: lemme think Buster: If we were playing that you'd have been out ages ago, babe Edie: good to know Edie: underestimated myself again but that's life Buster: I wouldn't know Buster: Not how I'm living Edie: hmm i wouldn't peg you as a total jump the gun cum in your pants type but if you insist Buster: You ain't got a clue how to peg me but it doesn't matter Edie: i been in the know on that but like i said Edie: don't like u like that Buster: Good Edie: lmao gotta draw the line somewhere mckenna Edie: glad to know it's at butt stuff Edie: on that note, peace Edie: my ride here Buster: Bye again Buster: Been a pleasure, obviously Edie: put it on my tab Buster: 'Course

[rosefromc0ncret3]

been feeling really tense this past month and its been hard for me to pinpoint exactly why I feel the way that I do. to start off my post on a good note tho, I finished my first year of grad school and I cant believe how fast time has gone since then. I still remember when I got in and I really cant believe how things have just been go go go since then. im wondering what my next move will be.. deciding if im gonna stay home or move. im scared. I know I want to move out, but im wondering what it’ll be like when I step out there and see what its really like to live on my own. ive been wanting this forever and now that I may have the opportunity, im afraid to take that step. I know it’ll be good for my growth. and a part of me feels so stuck here sometimes. like feeling stagnant even tho im doing a lot. I guess lately thats how ive been feeling? not really sure which direction to go in life and there's so much happening but nothing happening at the same time.. how can that be.. its really been a while since ive journaled and im hoping that I'll feel better by the end of this. thinking a lot about how I just think too much lol. I wish I could just let things be. I find myself getting so mad and annoyed over the little things, which could be said that that always happens anyway. but I really find myself wanting to take that space for myself and be alone so I dont take it out on anyone. or just let myself feel these emotions without having to think so critical about them. I know I should just let my emotions be and not find a whole theory behind them. sometimes its necessary, but its also important to differentiate when I need to figure out my emotions and when I should just let myself be. Im back to work in person now and its sucha ambivalent feeling. ive been wanting to be back in person cuz I know how much easier it would be, but im also scared for my health and its been so long since ive been in the office and its hard to just get back into it and be so go go go. im scared that I won't be able to do my job effectively anymore. plus, being around hella people again physically after a period of time makes me feel anxious. I guess thats why ive been super sensitive to things lately too? especially since ive just been at home alll this time. granted ive been super sensitive to everything during this time. I hope I can just let myself be. I keep saying that throughout this whole post but its all I really want for myself. I want to be able to feel my emotions without feeling guilty for them. I want to provide myself a space to just be alone in solitude and not feel guilty for that either. I want everything to fall into place the way I want it to be.. lol but I know that cant always be the case. im just hoping that things work out for me. I hate feeling so tense all the time. I hate feeling so on edge and feeling so triggered by every little thing. im trying my best to navigate it tho and trying to find ways to take care of myself. which looks different every day really. missing my therapist extra lately cuz Im experiencing such heavy emotions again and I wish I could talk about it with her and help me get my head straight. and feel capable and empowered to take on my world. sigh. I know I truly have to believe in it myself tho. been listening to music a lot lately and been going on my walks. tryna find ways to stay active. hoping I can still find ways to stay active this summer despite being back in person for work. hoping I can find ways to just take care of myself especially when transitioning being back in person. sigh. lol. I find myself wanting to keep these thoughts to myself a lot, or actually being careful with who I tell this shit too cuz I know not everyone wants to be drained out by it. been reflecting a lot on my friendships with people, which is honestly another theme of this year. I feel like I used to hella hold onto people because I just wanted them to remain close. I wanted to have a lot of friends and feel like every single person in my life needed a special role in my life, when in reality, it really doesn't have to be like that. and its not realistic either. been thinking and reflecting on the people in my life and how I dont have to overanalyze every single detail of their being in my life. they could really just be there. and the special people in my life I can hold onto. and I know my gut feeling will always tell me who is sticking around. along with how my body responds to them. I know the people who truly matter will not make me feel guilty for setting boundaries and wanting the time to just be there for myself and let myself feel my own emotions. as time goes on, I realize that the people I once needed and felt so lucky to have in my life can also dwindle as time goes on. and that also changes for the different people in my life. and thats okay. I used to feel so sad about it and I guess I still get really sad about it. and im in the process of just trying to let that shit go. cuz there's really no point in hella holding onto it. when there's no solution to it. and there's no need to yearn for the past when its just there. I know I can just cherish what I had with them and learn how to move on from it while still being present in the moment. sigh. what a trip. im not sure if these are just emotions about going back to work, but I feel a bit restless and feel meh. idk if its because its been two years of me working there now and maybe im just getting comfortable? granted, I know I won't be working here forever and this is def a stepping stone in my career. I guess there are days where I just feel like im watching the clock tick. I love being with my students and teaching the content with them, but it just starts to feel like any other day sometimes. sigh lol. another sigh. grateful to be in school tho and learn everything that I need to excel in my future career. im not sure what the future holds for me in terms of that area in my life, but im feeling hopeful! I think as long as I keep working with youth, I’ll be happy. and I know I should just focus on that and enjoy it in the meantime before I get to that graduating point in my life.. which is literally a year from now lol. sigh. I hope I can continue to have this mindset moving forward. I hope I can learn to just accept being in the moment and focus on things that make me happy. and def listen to my own intuition more and know when I need time to myself but also know when I need to reach out for support. hoping for abundance and good fortune in my future, for me and my family. hoping we can move forward in confidence even when faced with struggles and just know in our hearts that everything will be okay. right now, I feel a bit lighter. and I truly believe deep down in my heart that everything will be okay. sigh (a good one this time).

[celestialallstars]

Episode #7: “That was what we in the business call a "bruh" moment.” - Stephen

NEVER MIND HE DID IT THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN DID IT HE USED THE VOTE STEAL SUCCESSFULLY AND GOT KORI RIGHT OUT OF THIS GAME. IN YOUR LIFE HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT?

Oh I am so PUMPED! Kori leaving has all but confirmed most of the things we all thought already- Michael/Drew/Matt/Chloe are together. On top of that, Alyssa and by extension, Jack probably is also with them. Which leaves the remaining 4 of the OG Tuatha group (Rhys/Mitch/Stephen/Bryce) then Mitch. This also leaves Bryce/Loris/me. What does this tell me? I can't have Orfeo lose because it is sudden death for Bryce/Stephen/Loris...so I need to make sure my tribe loses. BUT I also need to make sure one of Jack or Alyssa leaves. Whether they are numbers for the others or not, I need people I'm with to gain upperhand before it is too late and if Orfeo keeps losing, even if we get to merge, I don't think it will matter because they will get numbers. So Operation: Snakegrass is now in effect

That was what we in the business call a "bruh" moment.

KORI WAS SLAIN! Not by an idol like I worried, but by an advantage that was much more powerful in that given situation! My game has effectively changed here on the Orfeo Tribe. I'm no longer trying to form an alliance that controls the outcomes of votes, I can only really look out for myself.

Michael, Matt, Drew, and Chloe are very likely to let go of the majority now that they have it. They aren't my rivals anymore. Not until the merge, anyway. Unfortunately, that means if we lose another challenge, Bryce and Loris will need to be the people who go home, barring any insane changes. I'm going to need to pander like I've never pandered before. I can't be mad with Michael until his time comes. Don't worry though, if I have any say in it, he won't make it past the first merge vote.

But, that's assuming I survive that long! I'm sure Bryce and Loris are just as freaked out as I am, so I need to out-pander them. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but that's just how the cookie crumbles.

Operation: Snakegrass so far got the first half downpack with us losing. Jared talked with Mitch who says he is close to me and Rhys. With Zach in the mix, we might be bale to get something going, but now we gotta be careful...anything can happen at this tribal methinks!

WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP. Safe again! It’s so good to be back on the immunity train Choo choo. It’s also really good because I really don’t want to vote out anyone on my tribe and all the people I’m not as connected with are on the other tribe so keeping my tribe safe even tho I know Stephen and Bryce may not trust me 100% right now is CRUCIAL for my game going forward.

likeee ok. i have some hot goss i suppose. so i knew kori was leaving pre-tribal. bryce leaked the vote steal (michael - > loris - > bryce) and so it was meh. i was truly fine with either kori or matt leaving though because those two are legit like 2 of the only 3-5 people i dont feel like i got a connection with.

throughout the time between tribal results to challenge, i get asked by a few people to throw [bryce, loris, drew, stephen somewhat, chris]. chris mainly proposes that bryce and loris are with us and they're in danger, which is likely true. i just like.. i didnt throw because im triggered by that but i also like probs didnt try my hardest. who knows ! not me. anyway. AFTER I FLOPPED I LEGIT HAD LIKE 4 OF THEM PM ME SAYING 'THANKS FOR THROWING KING' LIKE FUCK OFF LKSDJGLDKGMLKDSGMLKDSG I DIDNT THROW but tbh i might play that up so they think im a generous queen xx

chris seems to want jack or alyssa out, as does jared. chris/rhys made alliance with me them jared and mitch which is cute. i feel like i should leak bc someones going to but im also too lazy to.

im lowkey really anxious though cuz i dont want my tribe to snap at me for thinkin i threw or blindside me. like NNNN and we're so close to merge.  BUT if things go accordingly, one of alyssa or jack should leave. i like both a lot but i think i'd prefer alyssa out. we have a 'f2' or smth but we dont rlly talk and i feel like because we never were on the same tribe til now, our allegiances just fell elsewhere (which is fine but its just hard to maintain that).

i dont want to get blindsided/voted off yet. 14th isnt cute... and like... im so close to merge. my guess is merge will be at 12/13 so... im so close. (its probs f8 but who cares). i just hope i can be safe enough that i dont go. i feel rlly good with chris/jared... rhys decent too. mitch not so much but im gonna try to forge a stronger bond. i think the girls are gonna choose 2 rid of jack but idk.. i hate this cuz i really like jack and getting to meet him beyond just a VL was great n i truly enjoyed this. so if he ends up leaving, and he reads this, i want u to know u are great n i love u n playing w u was fantastic!! same with anyone. like everyone left is fairly active and deserve to be here so im content.

god. anyone wanna speak up is gonna come out when i get blindsided LOL.

Sooo the 24 hour puzzle challenge cracked some things out of the water. Alliances got exposed left and right and now im in a 5 man alliance with og orfero and og tuatha against og cyrena. This is all becauase sharky leaked an alliance in one of his screenshots consisting of drew/michael/clohie/alyssa/jack/matt or some varient. In order for their numbers to weaken, we need to get rid of jack or alyssa. It doesn not help their case that they have not been on a tribe with anyone outside of og cyrena except drew and michael (who are on the other tribe). Right now, my alliance is debating on splitting the votes or making it unanimous but we are afraid of idols. We think that regardless of what happens, the one og cyrena left standing won't trust us any longer. I am excited to see where this tribal goes because the game is finally picking up speed!!!!

this game is carzy i hate it im legit. this is a video of me:

Hello I’m typing this compassionate with them with voice to text hello and say do you want to be your day because Drew Carey dick completely but now I’m scared Zach is going and I don’t want him to which is sad and I don’t know at the last round nothing at the boots that I thought he didn’t I kind a got fucked over

ok that was a disaster I give up. hi . drew carried immunity thank god. but now I’m scared Zach goes because I love Zach. umm I’m basically guaranteed merge unless I get super blindsided because I can just legacy if I think I’m going :^). I voted Matt just in case his vote steal was fake because either he lied and went home or he told the truth and lived but like the thing is Michael and drew don’t want me to tell Matt I knew so I can’t justify why I voted him to him MEANWHILE I told Bryce about it. and Bryce tells Matt he knew completely throwing that out the window but oh well. I love chloe... Bryce.. Michael.... Zach... drew..... Jared... Mitch..........I definitely forgot someone there oh RHYS.... love him and idk I think I’m good with a lot of the cast wooo because I like everyone else too 💗💗💗 when I win we won’t be shocked

The other tribe is super boring like I don’t know what’s happening and there’s like an hour and a half left so like I’m just sat here bored as shit like DO SOMETHING!

Audio might be bad, so basically, Chris has taken me under his wing as maybe his most trusted ally, and pitched me on a side vs. side type deal.

Side 1- Chris, Bryce, Loris, Zach, Mitch, Stephen, Rhys Side 2- Alyssa, Michael, Drew, Jack, Matt, Chloe

I am fully feeding into Chris' game at this point because for myself, working to advance his plan puts me in a much more powerful position than I believe he is anticipating.

Having incredibly close relationships with the Chris/Zach duo, a F2 with Bryce, an alliance with Mitch/Stephen, Rhys confiding in me about his game fears (and Rhys' thoughts being fed to me by Bryce), and an idol--- I really just need to work on Loris some more to establish myself with the most powerful position.

So, I've been very busy. But this tribal I have yet again sat back and haven't done much into it as I have been preoccupied. However it allows other people to take the heat, and I'm aware I'm not doing a lot. So I can spin it into a winning case as long as I do enough come the merge.

The vote is set to be a split on Alyssa and Jack, However Alyssa and Jack havent spoken about the vote which scares me. Which t hen puts me in a paranoid states as I've spoken to people less today. But we just made a new 5 person alliance (chris, me , jared, zach an mitch) which seems super extra if theyre planning on blindsiding me.

It is 7:18 PM and I have no idea who is going home. This is the most stressful fucking tribal I've ever been to

omg so alyssa going home wooh? she talks to me more than jack so i wish he left but like one has to leave so w/e. chris is a king i love him so much he threw for me zach is so annoying and didnt throw said he was but like he literally was trying 80% like girl just throw. i love rhys still and jared.. hope he still likes me idk we feel off. wooh yaa um like loris and i hate that michael and drew both told him about the double vote but not me like isnt that so quirky we hate those elara girls (is that the season they played)

JARED AND MITCH ARE SNAKING ME AND ALYSSA WITH THEIR NONCOMMITTAL RESPONSES I CAN FUCKING FEEL IT IM GOING HOME

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Alyssa is voted out 3-2-2.