#im still dying a lot and have to have bestie beat the levels for me sometimes

[borrelia]

ohhhh so adventure 2 really is that good. it really is THAT much better than adventure 1 huh. okay

[ohburrryoureabsolutelyridiculous]

GLADIATOR II

My official review (that absolutely no one asked for):

👑👑👑👑 - I claim this film for the glory of Rome

🗡️🗡️PLEASE NOTE THIS REVIEW WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS. PLEASE DO NOT READ UNDER THE CUT OR THE COMMENTS IF YOU HAVEN’T YET SEEN THE FILM & DO NOT WANT SPOILERS.🗡️🗡️

Words I think best describe what you see: A whirlwind of action packed thrill ride that left me either on the edge of my seat or literally leaping out of it (don’t worry I was in the back row & only my friend to the right of me) whenever you might think this film is going to go, its probably not what you thing. I went in with one idea & while a few things did happen, there were a lot of moments that left me gasping for air, throwing my hands on my hand, leaping out of my seat, & at one point during one particular scene, my heart was beating so fast it reached 136 BPM - don’t worry we’ll get to that.

Denzel Washington & Paul Mescal command attention & they get it.

Denzel’s Macrinus had me despising him not once did I find myself rooting for him & as a LONGTIME Denzel fan this is a first. The fact that he was so quick to manipulate & found it so easy to put everyone especially Caracalla against Geta & even assisted with his murder was CRAZY. I’ve never wanted to punch Denzel Washington in the face before, then he helped slit my boys throat & literally saw his head off. I will be genuinely shocked if he is not nominated for best supporting actor for this role & I will be shocked if he does not win (depending on his competition)

Paul’s Lucius is powerful & breathtaking. You can feel his pain of losing his wife at the hands of his soon to be found out stepfather, remembering who he is, then collectively watching his stepfather & mother murdered in front of him. His mother dying the same way his wife had previously. You not only mourn with him but push for him to fight to avenge the fallen. Paul still an up & comer I think has a great career ahead of him & will now identify myself as a fellow Paul Mescal fan.

Pedro’s Acasius is tired & heart broken of all the wrong he’s had to do and continue to do in his life for the vanity & glory of his emperors. Pedro is Pedro so of course he’s eye catching but his character & portrayal left me wanting more. His action scenes are great. He commands the scenes he’s fighting in but in all other aspects of his character I just wanted more & it felt pretty lack luster. His interactions with Joseph, kissing his hands & talking shit about them had me laughing because no wonder he calls you such a shit head Joseph, your Geta ordered him dead & your boys shot him full of fucking arrows. (I’d hold a grudge too we’re Aries!) I was on the fence about Acasius dying I wasn’t sure if he would die or wouldn’t. I was convinced if he did it would’ve been an act of sacrifice, but I did not expect him to be murdered by a mirage of arrows nor did I expect him to be the first one out. I literally gasped, cupped my hand over my mouth & grabbed my Pedro besties shoulder for about 2 minutes just in utter shock.

Stand outs besides Denzel, Paul, Pedro & Joseph: Fred Hechinger. He needs more recognition, in general as an actor but also for this role.

He played Caracalla so beautifully deranged & sick that near his end I really felt sad for him. The way that the issues in his brain made him so fragile, afraid, & easy manipulated by Macrinus that he was driven to madness to murder & dismember his brother made me sad to think what would have become of him had Macrinus kept him alive.

Fred is one of those people I think is just starting out but someone we can potentially see big things from. I think he’s got a great future ahead of him & hope that this role helps land him some more supporting & even lead roles.

Yeah yeah yeah blah blah blah Burr what did you think about Joseph’s performance: Of course you’re going to say I’d biasedly only praise him because it’s him & im 😍 for’em & maybe you’re right. But if you asked me on a deeper level I’d say I thought he played this role wonderfully well.

He was deliciously devious but I could’ve used a bit more character development (while acknowledging he is NOT A LEAD in this film) I acknowledge why we got what we got. Opposite what you know (or might not know from Roman History) about Geta & Caracalla these two almost seem codependent on each other. They’re constantly with each other every time we see them.

When Caracalla flies into a rage when Acasius’ plan is revealed & he laughs it’s Geta who goes after him to stop him, screams for everyone to get out & talks him down. When Macrinus puts in Caracalla’s head that Geta is the one who is blaming him for the downfall of Rome & what would happen to Dondas, it’s Geta who is begging & pleaded for his brother to return from his madness not to spare his life. I think there’s a bit of a soft spot for Caracalla to make him appear more levelheaded & human than Caracalla.

His death scene; I went into this knowing he was going to die. If they were follow Roman History I was fine with it. I DID NOT THINK HE WAS GOING TO GET THIS THROAT SLIT / HACKED AT & I DID NOT THINK THAT THEY WOULD CUT HIS HEAD OFF!! I LEAPT OUT OF MY SEAT(don’t worry no one was behind me or to my left) MY HEART WAS RACING. SERIOUSLY IT WAS BEATING 136 BEATS PER MINUTE after this. Insane. I do think they also cut away too soon I would’ve liked to have watched him actually die 🥴🫠

Also… that prosthetic head… Ridley ALL that money you spent to make this movie as beautiful as you did, you couldn’t find someone to make that fake head look more like Joseph/Geta? Very disappointed in that.

HERE COMES THE BIAS: Joseph Quinn is just such a treat to watch. I love seeing him in these different roles. Each movie he’s done has been something different from the last. He pours his heart & soul into his characters & it’s reflected on film. He’s a beautiful actor.

Denzel said it best: “what the difference between evil & wicked? They were just awful but they did it with a smile.” Which is why my main tag for Geta is you’re awful I love you. I just love him.

So in conclusion: when you have a chance go check it out & circle back to me & we can scream about it if you want. I think 9/10 problems in this movie could have been solved if:

1. Someone got rid of Macrinus immediately

2. Geta & Caracalla agreed to step down & got adopted by Lucilla & Acasius & got to spend life with Lucius telling them how they were all “big brave strong boys” got hugged a whole lot & went to therapy - they need all these things

3. Everybody kissed each other 🤷🏼‍♀️

10/10 would recommend

I can’t wait to see it again on Saturday