#im sorry i. jxkdkahyeiwiwkskshdhdjsj
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oh so 1x22 really is exactly calculated to make me specifically go fucking feral huh
#im sorry i. jxkdkahyeiwiwkskshdhdjsj#i keep phrasing the start of a coherent post in my head and then getting sidetracked by absolutely fjcking losinf it over something else#jesus. jesus h christ on a motorized bicycle on main street. i was SPOILED for this i KNEW what had to happen and im still gojng BONKERS#what the FUCK#i need to watch like the last 20 minutes of this again right now what the fuuuucl#no actually what i need to do is go outsidr and run some fuckin laps or something but it is the middle of the night. woooargh#ugh. dean. crying wailing#the fact that. sam doesnt notice. he doesnt see anything wrong with john reassuring dean and telling him hes important. because he believes#what demon-john is saying is true.#but DEAN. knows damn well what his father thinks of him.#and then the demon confirms it. they don't need you like you need them. (dean in the motel breathes through sam shoving him up against the#wall says some days i feel like i can barely keep it together - you me dad it's all i've got - )#DEAN ONCE AGAIN THROWING HIMSELF BETWEEN JOHN AND SAM. POSSESSED JOHN OR NORMAL JOHN DEAN KNOWS HOW THIS GOES .#okay if i were to change one (1) thing about this episode i would have the demon pin dean to the ceiling when he nearly kills him. REALLY#lean into the dean mary parallels of it all#GOD. so we agree that sam held off from shooting the second time not because dean going sam no appealed to sam's conscience or anything like#that#sam knew damn well he and john agreed on one thing and that's they'd both die to kill this thing#but sam couldn't do that to dean. because dean's only got the two of them and losing either of them would destroy him#(no. says sam. glances into the rearview mirror at dean blood on his mouth gaze unfocused. not everything.)#natural soup
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