#im sorry i had to make a little uptick at the end bc i was getting sad

[vasiktomis]

Number 18 for the otp ask? 😌

!! Thank you Raven!! I don't think I QUITE answered this one properly but I hope there's enough angst in there to be satisfactory.

18. Describe or write a really angsty scene!

Sadly I don't have a scene for you, but a concept lol. Angst dynamic for this pairing that isn't directly attributed to the main plot is something that really interests me, because they both communicate in such different ways and they have the potential to clash in a really nasty way.

Warnings ahead for mentions of dissociation and toxic behaviours!

John and Cora are both creatures of habit. They work hard to communicate, but when you're Montana's two most misunderstood people AND you have issues interpreting the world around you, it can be a struggle. It's difficult for John to find proper balance between outright vitriol and overbearing, all-encompassing, obsessive love. It gets more difficult the closer someone is to his heart. The easier it is for him to get caught up trying to read between the lines. His sensitivities skyrocket. Cora, meanwhile, shuts down completely when she's feeling overwhelmed. While John overflows with emotion, Cora dissociates. When they're both caught at a bad time, communication becomes nearly impossible.

John's used to having Joseph to continually offer him support to set his mind at ease. It's not fair, but his instinct is to expect the same of Cora. Joseph was manipulative about how dependent John was on him for stability, but it was still instant validation. Sometimes he can't understand that Cora isn't emotionally available 100% of the time. She can't sense his emotions like Joseph can, so when he's down and she barely reacts, he loses it. Obviously she doesn't give a shit about him. Obviously this entire thing was a mistake. He needs to pack her things and tell her to leave. He needs to scream. He needs to curl up at her feet and beg her to tell him she loves him and mean it. Tell him he hasn't done anything wrong. Why doesn't she coddle him like Joseph does? Does she hate him? What the fuck is wrong with her?

John melting down can set Cora off just as easily. When she's had a bad experience that day and he insists on clinging to her. When he's clearly upset and expecting her to read his mind. Sort through his feelings with him when she doesn't even have the capacity to function herself. He's so emotional and high-energy and overwhelming and its easier to just retreat into the back of her mind. He needs something from her right now, but she can't help him. She needs to be left alone, and he refuses to let that happen. He's speaking every language she doesn't, and he looks heartbroken when she musters a "go away", because a simple instruction for her is pages of subtext for him to agonise over.

It's not until they're both utterly exhausted from the ordeal that they can be exposed to each other again.

John will apologise. So will Cora. They'll tiredly run through what happened. How they interpreted it. How they can do better next time. Sometimes, the exhaustion is where Cora loses her energy. She'll drop the walls she always keeping up. She wishes she wasn't faulty. She'll cry, and that's enough to make John cry, because his own faults have made her feel this way about herself.

They babble messy assurances of love and appreciation. They find each other again and celebrate that they get better at this every time. It's all learning. They talk and listen on and off about the issue until their thoughts run dry. Until they're on exactly the same word of the same sentence of the same page.