#im so sick of being lonely and unattractive and crying myself to sleep everynight

[psychotic-nightmare]

I just needed to get this out it’s been eating at me for a couple days...

Don’t you dare fucking say I didn’t want you then. That’s a god damn lie and you know it. I spent every waking moment talking to you, and all my time was spent with you. I worshipped the fucking ground you walked on. Just cause I’m a little different and didn’t want things as often you, you consider that me not wanting you. Go fuck yourself. If I didn’t want you why do you think I still fucking cry, why do you haunt my thoughts all the time, why do I have this fucking depression with out you? Why is it I used to beg for you to come back everytime we talked. Or when we talk once in a blue moon I talk about how much I miss you and your body. Why is it I try to “flirt” a little hoping you would want me back. Oh right that’s not me wanting you. If you need to think that to justify ripping my heart in two and stomping on it. Then I guess that shows your true colors. I was 100% faithful in our relationship unlike you. I hope you remain as lonely as I will be. You’ll never get love like mine, you’ll never find another person like me. But guess what asshole, the things I didn’t want then I want now. These months on my own all alone made me branch out and understand a lot. They made me realize that I’m a lot more open than I thought. And I am proud of how much I have changed for the better. But you don’t deserve me, I realize that now. You won’t get to know the new me. You’re the one who fucked up in the end, you lost a genuine, down to earth, funny girl. I know I’m not pretty or attractive or anything to brag about, but I was always true I was never fake, and I was there for you 110%. I hope you regret losing me. Just remember I didn’t want you. I guess this is me moving on? I hope so. You moved on, why can’t I right? I say this now but once I cry myself to sleep I’m gonna wake up and feel totally different.

Adding to this after calming down. Like im glad you’re happy don’t get me wrong. I accept youre definitely gonna find someone real soon because youre amazing and really attractive. It really hurt to know you say I didn’t want you. That’s such a bullshit lie. I don’t regret saying all this but I do at the same time? I don’t have anyone to talk to about this stuff, so this blog is my place to vent. I just wish I had a second chance. I wish I had confidence I wish I knew how to pick up a man. But I just need to learn and accept the fact that I don’t deserve to be happy, and I’m unloveable and unattractive. I just need to accept that I’m going to single for the rest of my life. I’m just so lonely, and I want sex and physical intimacy and to be cuddled and to be loved and to be happy again. But that’s asking for too much.