#im so lucky no one has written something more intense i would DEFINITELY be worse than you in that case

[spaciebabie]

Still have it worse than you, huh?

yes. its like actually no competition. you received MOANING in your inbox monnie. which begs the question, are you thinking about it?

[illfoandillfie]

when will requests open?

short answer....officially, probably never but feel free to send in a little idea or two if you have them

long answer....

My bio has said requests are closed since sometime in 2019 - I don't remember when exactly but someone sent an ask in August that year mentioning my requests being closed. For context, I started this blog in Feb 2019.

I closed them at a time when the fandom was very active. I was full of ideas and a little overwhelmed by them all, and having random suggestions appear in my inbox uncontrollably made getting anything finished harder. The fandom is less active now and I don't think i'd get as many random requests as I used to. But I still don't want to officially open them again.

I take requests as I want them, whenever I feel like doing a little blurb event or the like (which i have been doing for the last week, though obviously less intensely than i used to). I am also totally okay with you submitting a request out of the blue, at random. What I don't want is for someone to send me 20 different requests at the same time, unless i ask them to. My inbox is already full of things I haven't written and may not ever get around to writing. Even with this latest bday blurb thing i've been doing, I have got way more requests than I could fill, even if I was seriously attempting to write 29 of them (like i semi joked i might.)

The truth is, I'm not really as....I don't want to say i'm not as passionate about writing as I used to be because i fucking love writing and i don't want to give it up. But it has felt harder to do lately. I think theres a few reasons why:

it's not always easy to stay motivated to write in a fandom that is much much less active than when I started writing.

My interests have shifted in the last 4 years, as is only natural. Which is why i've also started writing for pedro because hes my current celeb crush and he's doing a lot of stuff that keeps me fuckin fed.

tied into interests shifting, i've been making an effort to get back into reading lately and i find that sometimes it can be difficult to be both a reader and a writer because there are only so many free hours in a day and so much i wanna do.

my work sitch has changed a fair bit in the last 4 years - i work at a new school and im working more hours now than i used to. I no longer have the sort of environment where i have the space to spend an afternoon writing at my desk instead of my real work. I do have 1 full day off a week now but often im kinda worn out and not necessarily in a good writing headspace. (plus, the end of last year was so draining and the start of this year wasn't easy because of staffing changes)

I've not talked about it much but i've been kinda stuggling with my identity lately, especially in regard to sex. I know i am attracted to men and (some) women, and getiing into writing all this smut stuff was defs something of a sexual awakening for me. But i am also very aware that irl i stuggle with sex stuff. I have a lot of anxiety related to sex that i probably should talk to a therapist about and which definitely impacts how i approach sexual situations. and sometimes it can get in the way of writing smut. it's something i've dealt with basically since i starting writing for this fandom but it seems to have gotten worse lately and its defs been impacting the sort of sex i feel drawn to reading/writing about.

So yeah....harder to stay motivated to write.

I really wanted this bday blurb thing to be like it would have been a year or two ago where id just pump out blurb after blurb after blurb. Instead i've been lucky if I get one posted a day.

So, officially, requests are closed and will remain closed. If I want suggestions I will ask for them. Until then I have the massive series im working on (ADKoE), the small series/one shots that are in my wips folder, and plenty of previously requested ideas from this bday event and other blurb events i've held in the last however many years.