#im so fucking sad pastell

[to0thache]

i feel a possible arcane brainrot approaching..the twinks have bewitched me...and not to mention the women oh my god the women uarghhhhh

[thedumestflower]

okay so, like a year or two ago i made a really bad rant about the boyfriends webtoon and i fucking hate it, its written in bad taste and i was way to incoherent but i do wanna say this:

the boyfriends webtoon shouldn't have gotten the amount of hate it did, the creator shouldn't of been harassed or anything like that, alot of people hated it because it was gay, and alot of people hated it because how it showed gay people, but its just a cutesy and fluffy and overall harmless little comic about gay people. And you cant fault it for that, i can however, talk about my very subjective and influenced view of how is overall kind of mid as a story.

The characters feel very weak and not very realistic or intriguing to me. The creator gave them real problems and issues but the fact that everything is so cutesy and pastel, and everyone is so supportive and loving that no problem really feels like a problem, it usually gets resolved in a couple of chapters anyways, none of them are really flawed, like actually flawed in any realistic way either, im not saying they should all be tragic and sad and all hate eatch other, but i just feel like its missing a lot of things in its story. it just feels like its detached from reality. And i know its because its ment to be a comfort thing, but from my subjective and very influenced veiw its just not that good of a story.

Another thing very me specific is that the gimick that the characters have are based off of highschool tropes, and that in itself would be fun, but the creator doesn't do anything to intresting or creative with them, and they barley even conform to the tropes they claim to be, and i know the creator tries to subvert those tropes but it feels like its just falls flat (again with the characters haveing no dimension to them and feeling very disconected from reality) i could talk about this in more detail but this is already gonna be long as shit so i wont.

another problem with the story is that the characters all got together within the like, first 15 chapters of the story, and the rest of it is them just dicking around, and that would of been fine but the characters aren't interesting or intriguing or anything enough for me to care about them, and because its a romance story, i think the "will they wont they" should of been stretched out a lot longer.

something i also wanna touch a little bit on is that im not the biggest fan about how the asexual character was represented, and i know the creator is mega projecting onto him, but as a aroace myself i dont think i like the fact that the asexual was also sexualized, and again im aware that this character is a projection of the creator, and i do understand that people who are ace can and do have sex for any reason and that they are still valid, i also wanna say the main ace representation in the boyfriends webtoon, the ace representation who i feel is very sexualized, and who the creator drew actual porn of, is not a very good representation of asexuals and personally makes me uncomfortable

at the end of the day, the boyfriends webtoon is harmless, its just a cute pastel webtoon, and if you like it? then hey! good for you! you can engage in media you enjoy without other people telling you what to do, and i respect you for that! I hope you keep liking your little gay webcomic.

have a good day everybody

[youngestdaughtersyndrome]

Tagged by my darling @glassangels <3<3<3

1. Are you named after anyone? Im named after a kinks song which is a massive win for me personally. They almost named me rosa after the pixies album (which wouldve made sense bc we do in fact surf) but one of my moms friends was already knitting a sweater with the kinks-name on it and she convinced them to keep it. My middle name is also my paternal grandmas middle name so i guess that counts too

2. When was the last time you cried? No idea tbh. That thing where you lie down on your side and then your eyes start leaking happens to me a lot but a proper sadness-induced cry hasnt happened for months. I will say that sometimes i say something made me cry, and although it technically didnt due to no tears falling, it did make my soul hurt and crying is the closest phrase that expresses that <3

3. Do you have kids? Thank god no

4. What sports do you play/have you played? Soccer, ran track for a bit, ultimate frisbee, swimming, fencing, fighting (mma, kickboxing, cage, etc), equestrianism (im including my brief and unimpressive time vaulting here), did some stuff with a circus briefly (contortionism, aerial arts, lyra), and then the usual outdoorsy shit (surfing, bouldering, hiking, skiing, and since caving is technically a sport, caving). Also danced for a bit (ballet, contemporary, and jazz). Yeah man idk either

5. Do you use sarcasm? Technically yes but its less "sarcasm" and more "inability to express a truth about myself without making it into a joke". A bit of sarcasm when the time calls for it is always fair game though and i will indulge

6. What's the first thing you notice about someone? The way they carry themself says a lot about their temperament and emotional state and whatnot so thats typically where my eye is drawn. Second place goes to wherever theyre keeping their valuables on them and how expensively theyre dressed though

7. Eye color? Blue but ive got a bit of yellow central heterochromia so they tend to look green if its bright out

8. Scary movies or happy endings? Kill them <3 scary movies 4ever

9. Any talents? Party trick-wise i did retain some contortionist ability and so thats always a good one to break out. Also can spit water up to 30 ft for tooth gap reasons. I am the type of person whos just naturally good at a lot of things (sorry) so i consider that a talent too

10. Where were you born? The top left corner of the USA, not including alaska

11. Hobbies? Writing, journaling, watching movies, reading, various textile arts, going for walks, playing assorted instruments, and occasionally traditional art (im particularly fond of ballpoint pens and oil pastels). Would say listening to music but thats a job to me and i clock into that shit like i get paid

12. Any pets? Maeve the most anxious dog in the world who i love very much <3

13. Height? 5'8/172 cm

14. Favorite school subject? I was a school hater so it really depended on the teacher... in high school i did have the same teacher for like three years in a row (she taught me english in freshman year, history in sophomore, + health in junior) and she was totally awesome so all those classes were great. Typically the classes i had the most fun in were english and history just bc there was more room for fucking around. In the single semester of college i took i did have crazy amounts of fun in my film class though which i will say was mostly because my professor rocked and i got him on my side early so i could kind of do whatever

15. Dream job? Due to the Issues and also common sense mainly i just wish the government actually took care of people and i wouldnt need to work. But if i have to chose a job than itd be a) writing a book or two that are good enough i could live off the royalties and film rights and whatnot for the rest of my life or b) pulling an enya (dropping some widely beloved and largely incomprehensible music and then disappearing totally from the public eye to live in a castle in the middle of nowhere)

Idk whos already done this so ignore me if you have lol @supersonic1994 @nothingrhymedwithcircus @hauntedwoman @halogenstreetlight @evebabitzgf @serethereal and anyone else who wants to <3<3<3

[linabirb]

i see the mizu5 is hitting ..... ask game top 5 pjsk cards/events maybe ......🫡sorry to bother.g

SO SORRY FOR A LATE REPLY BRAIN DEMONS FOUND ME and thank you sm for asking!!

going with cards bc im going to be honest i actually don't play pjsk (it doesn't work that well on my devices and i just started to find it a bit overwhelming...) and im very very biased so im afraid that i would just end up choosing only wxs and niigo events 😭😭

feelings that i've realized (trained)

SECRET DISTANCE YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS love this card sm it's so pink so pastel so linacore i love mizuki cards a lot in general and i often use them as desktop wallpapers :) really love mizuki's expression here it's such a cool contrast with all the pastel pink color palette like yes the card looks so cute but mizuki looks so sad... the details are insane though ofc newer pjsk cards became even more detailed but still very impressive!! i love all the secret distance cards but mizuki's one.. chef's kiss

2. an evolving tone (trained)

as you can see. i fucking love pink. another card that i've had as a desktop wallpaper for a while!! very pink, i love the cherry blossoms and i love miku's expression and pose and idk this card is just very comforting to me as someone who was into vocaloid since i was like 10-11 y/o and im 22 now so vocaloid characters and songs are very important to me and it's like. idk. ig it reminds me of my own relationship with miku in a way :)

3. abyss of memories (trained)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. AAAAAAAA. A. i love saki so so much she's such an important character to me and we have so much in common so her cards and events related to her often make me go :(((( i love all the details, i love the expression she has here and the color palette is so interesting to me like it's pastel in a way but it's also so muted but still kinda dark im not sure how to explain but to me it feels like it's trying to be softer and more "cute" but it can't. the whole "saki wishes she could've done so much but. the illness" symbolism is also so heartbreaking. amazing 10/10 would cry again

4. the best specialty shop in town (trained)

THIS WHOLE SET IS AMAZING I LOVE ALL THE CARDS SO MUCH but i just have to go with kanade's she looks so silly like look at her face. i need to poke her cheeks NOW. love love love how the colors look here and how they go with her design it's very satisfying and looks so so pleasing to me.

5. distant warmth (trained)

I STILL ENDED UP GOING WITH MOSTLY NIIGO CARDS PUNCHES THE WALL. idk why but i really love the colors here they look so nice and i really love the vibe though again i love all cards from this event a lot mafuyu's one is just my fav one :) really love the atmosphere and i love how mafuyu looks here she's so cute and her wearing glasses here makes me happy as someone who has to wear glasses all the time and as someone who has a mafuyu fictive ahem also love all the details like the aquarium and everything!

honorary mentions!!

[potato-goose-tornado]

Okay, okay, okay

Soooo

I forgot to post another prompt last night (ruining my two day streak >:(( ), apologies from the deepest, darkest, cardiac artery that I own.

Anywho

Soulmate au, for funsies

The specific au I'm thinking of is where wherever your soulmate touches you first, you have a black mark signifying where they're going to touch you, and when they do, it turns into a bright, colorful, mark before slowly fading into some more pastel colors over time

There's a few different scenarios I can think of for this, ofc

•

1. Modern/College/General Adult au, characters do not know each other remotely, and they are both independently at the same party. One character (A) has their mark on their face, in the shape of a handprint, and have gone through life thinking that their soulmate is going to fucking slap them once they meet, while the other (B) has a (normal) mark of their palm being black (usually, it's a handshake or high five).

Well, whoopsie doodle, A ends up having something happen to them (they're overwhelmed, their partner breaks up with them, they just got a bad grade on an assignment, ect. ), and they get incredibly upset and leave to go quiet down and have a cry.

Well, coincidentally, B also leaves to do something (smoke, get some air, ect.) and they find A, and rush to comfort them, ultimately (and gently) putting their hand on their face, until it starts fucking glowing and they freak the fuck out

This would just be a cute little rp, domestic, funny, nothing too serious

•

2. Again, a modern/General Adult Au, one character (C) is at a bar, wallowing or doing something alone, when the local band sets up and plays. For some reason, C is *obsessed* with the band, and especially the lead singer, who is the other character (D).

Long story short, the band plays their set and wraps up by going backstage, while C runs to the bathroom (for whatever reason, to escape from the noise, to throw up bc they drank to much, whatever), and ends up in the dressing room of D. D is mildly annoyed at first, but sees C's state and takes it upon themselves to help C and/or get them home.

They both only figure out the next day that they both had their soulmarks activated (is that the right word?) in exactly the same spot as the other touched them/they touched the other, and they have *no clue* who they are (as C never told D their name and D was in a *very* small indie band that didn't have anymore gigs due to life events, and had an alias instead of their name).

They're both sad and decide to move on, until a few years later when (ultimately) they meet an *extremely* annoying person at their job and they decide that that person is the bane of their existence, (personally, Im thinking of them both being high school teachers, but thats just me).

You can see where this is going

Adversaries to Lovers as they slowly realize, hey, I might actually like this person, to them getting together, to maybe thinking about their soulmates and how they are still in love with them, but also love their partner (this could be one person's dilemma as the other wonders why their partner is so distant), until it's revealed that D was the lead singer of an indie band (perhaps if teachers, through the kids finding out about it and spreading it), and then it's a decently good ending :>>

•

(Yes, this was heavily inspired if not slightly ripped off of this jmart fic. 100% read it, it's soo good)

3. Friends to Lovers (again) human au.

Now, and I've saved best for last (debateable), this one CAN BE A FANTASY AU

Bc those are so popular /s

Anyhow, doesn't have to be fantasy, just has the capacity to be fantasy and would be cool/interesting.

Basically, one character (E), and the other (F) are best friends (from childhood, or just like tweens, or since highschool, SOMETHING), and for some reason, they have not touched ever before (for a multitude of reasons, one character doesn't like touch, they both aren't touchy people, or (if it's a fantasy au) maybe it's not favorable to ever touch royalty in any circumstances (especially if there's a *culture* around soulmarks))

But, they both have crushes on eachother, but don't want to risk their friendship by confessing and receiving a rejection that they believe is inevitable. Until, one day, something happens (can 100% be dramatic or mundane) and WHOOPSIE they've been soulmates the whole time!!

If you want, this can end there, if not, one could try and insist that it 'won't change their friendship' and have a whole OTHER level of drama surrounding their relationship bc of the miscommunication, really up to y'all.

Okay, okay, okay, now I get to talk about the FANTASY ASPECTS OF THIS LETS GO

SO SO SO SO

So many ways to do a fantasy thingie! You could have a royal advisor that grew up to be the heir's closest advisor and friend and have fallen in love with eachother, you could have a royal be childhood friends with a knight that either saves them occasionally, or they both are warriors, you could have a baker's child become friends with the heir bc of them sneaking into the kitchen to get snacks, and have it all cute and lovely

SO MANY OPTIONS AND SCENERIOS, OML

Anyhow, as usual, courts in the past had a HUGE thing about not touching and stuff, especially if someone is your 'better', or just Royalty in general, unless you're their personal servant. Soooo, the heir would have likely never been allowed to touch anyone, or they would have been covered head to toe at all times, and unallowed to take their clothes off to touch their friend's skin.

This can be a cute courtship thing, or OR, it could turn into *drama*, where the heir, having broken the rules, finds out that they are going to be married for a political tie, and they have to figure out a way around it to still be together

(I don't know if I have to make this clear, but any Fantasy stuff will not have homophobia in it. It's unnecessary and I don't want it in my silly little fantasy world)

•

ANYWHO

That's all I got for now, feel free to use these with someone else or DM me, my preferences are in the pinned post

Drink water, have a good nighttttttttttt!

(I'm sleeping now omfg)

[gender-roles-can-suck-my-dick]

HELLO DEAREST SKELETONEST S.S. DEV I HAVE SONG RECOMMENDATIONS BUT THEY'RE IN SPANISH

I can only promise you they're amazing adn quite sad. This is what we call "divorced middle aged woman with good taste" music

The next one isn't divorced middle aged woman music but incel music in a "i can't believe i have to agree that this song fucks greatly"

This last one is actually not so sad :)

VAL

OHMYFUCKINGGODJDKSBSJHSJSKSKS

IM HAVING SO MANY EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW THESE ARE SO UNBELIEVABLY GOOD AAAAAAAA

TU FALTA DE QUERER AND MI BUEN AMOR ARE SO BEAUTIFUL THANK YOU SO MUCH

[jellyaibo]

ok wow its been a hot minute since i posted abt any of my dreams, mostly cuz they are either . too short so i cant rlly remember them orrr just nightmares i dont wanna talk about LMAO but dw i have a funny dream:

so i shouldve wrote this the second i woke up cuz now i dont remember EVERYTHING but uhmmmm ahah im cool . anyways in this dream i was watching a new tpot episode? or a tpot short i dont exactly remember but i think it was the latter cuz it really only focused on winner & losers backstory.

it starts off with clock talking to winner while everyones in the middle of a challenge and winner seems a little miffed by it because clock keeps asking them kinda personal questions? with one of them being "why did you leave the spotlight?" their answer to this was kinda funny, they went "you really wanna know why?" and immediately started immitating the sounds/speech of paparazzi that theyd be swarmed by. i dont really remember what they said here but i swear it was some shit like "hey hey [immitating camera click sounds] winner winner hows the 1 1 1 2 2 7 7 3? [click] [click] .how do you feel about the the [click] [click]" and. other things like that idk. this made them start giggling and clock joined in too, then once winner stopped giggling they got a little more serious and started to actually explain their…backstory with loser which went like this:

cue the wobbly transition w that one harp sound and theres a flashback to winner and loser as kids? they look much smaller and their colors are more pastel-ish than before, they were both wearing stupid little boy scout outfits and i think they were in some kind of a summer camp together? and i think thats how they met for the first time?? then theres this shot of them playing while their parents are in the background, which fucking freaked me out cuz they did NOT look like their parents bro (at least the parents me and CD designed obvs) OH and also there was only. one parent for each (which is fitting for winner . sad ! but not loser!) and they did nothing but just stand there while the two were playing it was so freaky . BUT also really fucking funny look

they pretty much just looked like that AHAH (and after this part they just. never appeared again btw)

also i decided to . draw their parents for comparison SJKDHFSJDKHF also cuz its been a while since ive drawn them :3

anyways after this part i think theres a timeskip in the flashback? but this is where things start getting foggy for me, so im not sure but i know this is when winner starts actually talking about their breakup so yeha . that is all

[pineappleciders]

I just saw your OC drawings post and damn, they look cool! I'd love to hear more about them (if you want). :)

-🪐

erm. yes please.

tw for some maybe dark topics like eds and menyal health. also school shootings. also huge infodump wanring.

this is MAX hes 13 and i think they r my favorite. he is non binary and uses he/they and alex is his bff. theyre kinda like edd from eddsworld personality wise. like theyre the main character and kind but also sarcastic and likes to pull pranks. i love him so dearly. he is bisexual

he is african and has two moms. max is rolling with the lgbt. them and alex have a very sibling like bond as they met when they were young and maxs family took alex in as if she wwre their own. they didnt adopt her her parents r just so neglectful that they judt took care of her. they are the bestest friends ever.

max deals with a toxic relationship during thhe show (its basically this show i made up in my head so im gonna say show) whereas this guy takes advantege of them and it fucks them up big tome. and theo is sad the entire time because he has feelings for max. more about theo down below!!!!vv

the one on the left is alex!!! shes 13 she has black hair dyed pink on the ends and shes autistic and obsessed with bombs and shes trigger-happy. shes like kind of obsessed with violent stuff but she radiates sunshine and shes literally batshit insane but i love her. she is a lesbian as seen from this photo

she is half filipino and half mexican. her father is absent and her mom is lowkey neglectful as fuck. shes also missing an eye and wears an eye badnage rhing. she dealth with lots of bullying when she was younger and actually is very dangerous she shiuld be locked up.

one on the right is sam and shes a trans lesbian. she is really kind and nice and uust goes along with everyone, but she has like a dark side n lets her walls down around her gf alex and her friends. she struggles with mental health issues and is also autistic and has a hard time showing her emotiosn and speaking. she can be serious sometimes and its kinda scary how she switches from being dark and brooding to all nice and talkative. basically she masks super hard but shes a rlly good person i love her.

she has an eating disorder. i havent decided what one but she struggles with body dysmorphia and body dysphoria. she is struggling all over

she has dark dark brown locs with gold rings in them. she has dark skin and usually wears a yellow tank top, a purple jacket and blue jeans + white shoes. pastel color scheme

sam again ^

this is theo i have way more photos of him but im too tored to go get them. hes 14 and trans and gay and i lvor him. hes kind of the smart one think tom from eddsworld. he has a goofy side thoigh and really cherishes his friends. he is autisitc too and he behaves very differently from how he thinks. he doesnt mean to come off as rude and cold but he cant help it. basically i am projecting very hard. i love him.

he has grey hair and green eyes and tan skin. his mom is white and his dad is black so he is mixed. his roots are a dark brown

he has some family issues and lives in a low-income house. he is so cool thougj i love him.

basically theyre all Utistic and go on wacky adventures Nd theyre all frienfs. theres more characters in the story and i will post them when they get named. anyways ive made like a future au for them, there are two different 'endings'for the story ive deciided

basically one is like they all be normal and max starts a company and gets all successful and alex is like super tech savvy and mechanical so shes like a worker for him and he pays her and theyre like a business duo. and theo is like a successful scientist too and i think sam is something idk but i have a deisgn for her and shes all goth snd pretty but idk what she does in tje fuyute.

the other ending (bad endging warning!!) is alex (the really unstable and trigger happy one) loses it and shoots up their school. she goes to prison for a long time and max and her friends are really bretrayed. and then they meet in the future when she gets release and their friendship is never the same and. its justnlike really angsty and sad and it makes me sad and i feel like its mean to put them througj that so i consider the ending where they grow up happy as the canon one. i still like the idea of alex going crazy so ill probably make some stuff for that

anyways tjx for listening i LOVE my ocs and i never get to talk about them. probably gonna post them more because of this. this post took 30 minutes to weite

[darlingpwease]

shh shshshsh– im happy you do like my writing tho :))) you sound like my friends like that, but it's pinching with them lol

Oh, well I guess we do all do different things for 'me' time. My brain usually shuts off when I do those things lol,, I'm glad that what you do is helps shut off ur brain for a bit :)) I do hope ur work isn't too stressful (I couldn't even forget it rn even if I tried 😒) was it really in yesterday's post?? The only thing I can think of that was somewhat smooth was the Yuuta addiction thing???? Idk–

(I feel like I've aged 10 years because of this haha :')) /hj I know that some of the group members wouldn't be pleased but I'm to drained to really care atm. Good news? We managed to do quite a lot yesterday and now we're just organizing everything. Bad news?? We're all super fucking exhausted and are still stressing that we have a very short amount of time for post. bunny face?? I do, but when you go around being too sweet, of course I get at least a few from you >:(( /t)

I slept in so I think thats a good thing, right?? Once I finish this I'm gonna sleep as much as I can.

...ah... WORM???

I do try to be flexible lol, but I really do like that!! I love when colors mix together well, but things such as earthy tones, nude tones, pastel ones, just soft and/or nature-like colors in general I guess?? are some of my favorites. But I really like different shades of them too,, I also like how they all can correlate to some things or match with things as well, I could go on lmao /neu What?? Of course not!! Do I have to reiterate what I said??? /ht

I can't tell which one would be worse <//333– probably the first one times a trillion well of course I'd stay with the box. I think dying in it would be unsightly tho

-panna cotta

ajshjs don't shush me!!! i'm in great sadness, fruitcake wrote to me again, ahahah, do I have to read and be touched again??? how awful :(((( 🤨🤨🤨 look at him, he looks as if he immediately switched from an anxious mood to a complacent one🤨 that is, it's not pinching with me??? I, I feel betrayed; I will try to follow their example!!! obviously, someone (ex. cocotta) react to the method of punishment more than to encouragement, which is very contrary to what the modern school of management says, you know? it's outrageous 3:<<< /t /hj

... you doing??? my brain calms down only when I don't allow anything to analyze or reflect,,,, If I have to communicate or think about myself, it's always making plans and calculating the best moves — especially if it's games or future... on the other hand, I think if you used your brain more, you would be more tired & would understand the principle of sleep, — and would be taller, — so your brain is more of a curse😔 /t /j [work in the sense of "brain activity", not in the sense of "somewhere where they get money or work experience" — I can still afford the life of a rake😋 not counting volunteering, donating blood, working with some documentation...] (I could say the same about our past messages, but given your forgetfulness, I'm afraid I have to make sure that you remember that you sent me a message yesterday🤨🤨🤨) ... wow, is that your social skills & hint recognition getting... better?😦😧😯😲 impossible...... /t /hj /pos

(apparently, now you're the senior sibling instead of me, huh? /t /j well... but this is the experience of working in a very short time. most deadlines at work will sound like "when did we have to do work?" "yesterday," so it's good if you get that kind of experience early, even if it's, um, not the best way to get it</3 just make sure you're not trying to go ahead of the engine and rest, okay? don't make me crawl out of the blanket to carry you there<//3 yes, a bunny face. when you look with frightened innocent eyes, as if you are trying to convince everyone around you with a more temperamental personality to "attack" you; I'm sure when you're nervous and scared, you make that face ://// /t /hj me? sweet? didn't you tell me I was a 'rotten crumb'? so fickle, so fickle~ don't blame me when we both know it's you too sweet<333 /t)

... does this mean that you will sleep 'a lot' or 'a little'??? because in your case, it has a lot of interpretations, even if I'm sure that this cocotta brain probably assumes "a lot" — I know how cunning you are, I can't let you slip like that ://///

you were caught by the tail of course!!! don't you remember how you agreed to become a worm~?<3333 /100% srs & 100% gen hehehe silly forgetful panna cotta >:3333 /t /j /nsrs

... peacemaker<///333 yes, yes, I realized that you are harmless and accept and love any color & shade, stop being so sweet</3 I myself am about to start caries from you</333 /t /j /nsrs pastel shades and gold are the best honestly but what about snails?🤨🤨🤨 what did you say? what won't you say when you have someone??? I can't trust your words — what if I kiss the already taken panna cotta??? I can't be an 'other crumb', I'd rather be not-kissed and lonely, but proud</33333 /t /j

because it's not one of them!!! I know you don't mind, hey, don't be shy<333 we haven't sorted out your clothes yet and the fact that people are naked under their clothes, so don't be so timid, we still have so much to discuss<3333 /t /j wrong. none of them. you didn't pass this test 3:<<< ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? why??? aren't my pocket and my hands better??? I'm going to recognize this as tyranny and insubordination, besides the fact that you've already shown how unfaithful you are!!! 3:<<<<<<

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

what does it mean to be free?

i think we were meant for just that . i think kurt cobain was right when he said people were evil but some people were just straight up basic. and how that brings others into this weird way of viewing themselves where they’re abstract and have to hide from others the fact that they’re just so abstract. it’s an awkward conversation when you try to bring that to the surface so you might as well just dodge it. i think it’s not just self-wallowing when you find that you’re quirky. but i think i’ll take upon the responsibility to make sure every basic and normal person finds their inner weird and inner abnormal because that’s what i think would make the world a bit more harmonious.

what confines humans to a mortar shell in this prison incel of a society , modern cage of iron - are concepts of money and guilt. that money is something to be afraid of losing, something to keep on gaining. survival is a rat race and fight of the fittest. i was in 7th grade in mr Gouldes science class that i absolutely abhorred with every other class except art and english but i somehow won the game of darwinsim we played as a class. i just know when we came to this earth we were nothing but babes, naked and innocent and afraid. bloodied from our mothers wombs , without social branding of numbers and personal identifications and silly little cell phones that heard us talking to curate more silly little ads. but i don’t think we were meant to live like this —in a robotic like state. and you know what i don’t give a fuck anymore? i don’t give a fuck about the structures and timelines that i ought to succeed here and ought to do the things i ought to do in those certain little ways until i breathe my final breath and just die — because i quite frankly don’t think it would matter. ill die in a rapid and tremendous yet small way and i’ll die in my honesty that i still think we were meant to be free.

free to love , free to nurture , free to do as many as the drugs we want because nature vs nurture couldn’t have prepared us for the amount of fucking bullshit that life herself had devotedly surprised us with … like a gift wrapped in soft pastel tissue paper. i think some of us are too fucked up to live sober and that’s ok. i think some of us won’t ever be able to understand that and that’s ok . i think some of us will stand in the in-between carrying the guilt and the shame from not knowing how to think about sobriety and drugs but the solace in the fact that we could die from medication because we tries to kill the pain. and im utterly convinced once again that nothing matters. and once again, i am convinced nothing matters. but love. and that that’ll be the only reason why i choose to live, for love.

though my inherent values defy this world and call it breaking the law, call it unabiding or even uncivil. just as i am a published writer n i still don’t know how to spell basic words. i write for me. i let my words be for me. i let them mean what they want for me. i will live my life FOR ME.

they tell us not to smoke, not to drink, to be drug free …. but what they don’t tell us is how good it feels to be finally relived. what they wanted from me was to be an adult and by that they meant to take the child out of me. but why take the final parts? im too “immature im too young im too naive.” i think ive heard it all to the point where i interpret it as i kant simply just Be.

. …. i want to live like the kids of nostalgia, summertime sadness and godsent blue where i take risks and impulsive decisions because i really just want to. my therapist says that not all impulsive decisions means you’re self harming. i want to be in the back seat of my moms dodge chevrolet again with my headphones and big frown wrinkling my forehead wondering if ill feel this way forever and hating it but never realizing just how easy it was to just think that was all there was to feel and even that felt like the weight of the entire world. but years go on and you realize not every feeling is like another. and freedom isn’t always living in the wild eating berries n dreaming of electric fans. i think it’s just so funny when i feel the most enlightened when i’m crying and dry heaving after these drug binges but i know i’d miss a lot of things if i werent here today and tomorrow and forever. but i don’t want to live forever, i want to live everyday ….. with the sound of my friends voices vibrating through my ears as my brain comprehends their language to words to meaning to feelings like 8 track memories

i want to make absolutely no absolute promises because i really don’t know when it’ll stand true at the end if i’m honest. i want to live fully freely and safely with no one taking that away from me. i want to be free.

[doctorhomo]

re: dark fantasy novels

yes!! violent men are Not It! it's not what we're here for! it's weird! especially when they start by the Big Scary Man threatening the fmc (who is of course small and fragile because of course) somehow, with like. genuinely physically very violent things? THAT'S NOT IT NO THANK YOU. LIKE IF YOU PERSONALLY THINK THAT'S HOT OK NO JUDGEMENT BE SAFE BUT LIKE IT SHOULDN'T BE THE DEFAULT.

and! i know the whole Social Media and such has basically shrunken everyone's attention spams but my dudes if you don't want to read a whole book you don't have to. but the point of a story is to tell a story and if you just want the smut then by all means get your smut but don't complain about the rest of the story being there! (in fact, i think the average tumblr user might be able to point out easier ways to get your smut than skimming through a book. just saying).

i genuinely think it's sad (&worrying?) that these people seem to think this is the only worthwile book/romance book/smut option that there is. like i know it's the loudest genre right now in this field but i think the people deserve portrayals of relationships that are...good. not sure where i was going with this but i guess i want to broaden everyone's horizons. i think we should lessen the Big Mean Violent Man x Fragile Tiny Often Helpless Woman population

yeah i get you!!! i also absolutely HATE the defence being “it’s fiction” and “adult women know this is not healthy and therefore dont want it” SHUT UP

1) fiction can affect real life relationships and mindsets

2) it’s OBVIOUSLY not the adult women people are most worried about???? these books are designed to look more like YA novels and are constantly being recommended to young women, how many teenagers have read these books and found it romantic?? how many teenagers are building their idea of a perfect partner from books like this???

also, yes, adult women know this is fiction, no one thinks they dont. but it does seem like it’s doing Not Great things to their mindset.. the amount of women i see saying “ughh i want a stalker boyfriend” or making imagine posts like “ughhh imagine he breaks into your house when you’re at work and is waiting to fuck you when you get back” LIKE????????? YOU WANT A STALKER BOYFRIEND?????????

anyway. my main point is that the content of these books should not be as mainstream as they are. liking porn is fine. liking sexy books is fine. writing porn and wrapping it in a pastel YA romcom aesthetic and having tables and tables of it in every bookshop isnt great. call it what it is (porn) instead of “spicy romance” and stop making it so readily available to young people who havent even had experiences of their own yet and are potentially using these as a litmus

(i also saw a twt post the other day saying something along the lines of “gen z turning on sex scenes in movies and dark romance books is part and parcel with fascism” which i think is insane sorry. there is a definite, worrying rise in puritanical ideals, but saying that books portraying sexual violence and abusive relationships shouldnt be marketed as mainstream romance is not the same as saying sex is bad outright, and im very tired of people equating the two)

[mx-mongoose]

I should prob write this in like a journal or something but idc. I feel so spoiled or entitled when I think stuff like this but like- all I really wanted for my birthday was to go out lunch or get coffee, get my hair cut and dyed, and then watch a movie at home. I’m not really asking for presents either since the haircut would kinda be my present in the long run.

But idk when my mom suggested that “how about you just get your hair cut and bleached there at the place, and then we’ll dye it here”, I just felt frustrated internally. Normally I wouldn’t care, it’s a money saver, and it doesn’t matter since my hair will prob come out the same way either way except the green in my hair won’t be pastel like I wanted. I normally really wouldn’t care and wouldn’t give it a 2nd thought.

But idk I just wish I felt special on my 18th birthday, be a little bit pampered just for the one day. Where it felt like my mom was trying to make the day feel special since I was turning a milestone age, and after a whole years worth of working, crying, and trying to be the best I could be would be worth it for that one day of appreciation.

Where I could forget the time she couldn’t come to my year long animation program graduation because it was too late in the day and she didn’t want to leave my siblings alone, where I could forget the time that she didn’t want to buy the professionally already taken pictures of me in the first musical I was ever in because she “didn’t know how the pricing worked” (it said right there on the website) and told me to call the studio myself or ask my dad just to buy them (but it wasn’t the photos that I was thinking about really), where I can excuse the fact that there’s only like two pictures with just me in them on the wall compared to the dozens of pictures of my baby siblings that I gotta see everyday, where I can forget that the moment my family came home from a week long trip to Michigan where I was left behind because of my transphobic step-grandparents, I got scolded because I didn’t clean a portion of the counter correctly even though I was cleaning the house for hours that day to make it perfect for them, let alone taking care of the whole house and our animals (WHILE STILL GOING TO SCHOOL EVERYDAY) for that week with no pay expect for the Wheatley plush that came like a month or two ago because I had to earn it first. Where all I got when they came was “Well i didn’t expect you to do it perfectly, i’m sorry” and then sent me to my room. Where I can forget the fact that my fucking ROOM was taken away so my sibs can have a room they’re barely in since they still sleep with my mom and its basically just a room for toy storage and a mattress on the floor.

I can forget ALLL those things if I could just be a little bit pampered and appreciated for that one day. Where I can relax at some hairstylist place and sip on some coffee. That’s literally all I want. Not asking for a car or a trip somewhere from their parents like most of my friends are. Just a day where I can be spoiled just a little teeny tiny bit by my family or my mom.

Idk im just tired mad and sad rn

[the-devils-wife-blog]

Lucifer told me to read my Devotional.

"God Sees Her"

Zir? Hir?

Does he see them too :P

Yes soo anyway.

I am on Day 10 of a 100-Day Devotional. I was so into all this journaling and writing and everything, now Im struggling to belch, from suicide attempts in the past. IN THE PAST. Years ago. Devoured a bottle of aspirin. Years later, tried again. An entire bottle. Yes. And then , probably years before that. Im taking Charcoal pills to get all that out my system. I didn't know being a woman hurt this badly. I did not. I did not.

TRENT REZNOR SINGING;

HELP ME

I BROKE APART MY INSIDES

I GOT NO SOUL TO SELL

NIN - CLOSER

I use to hang with these dark sort of men. And I thought. I thought they would Love me, I thought I was different in regards to matters of the heart, with him or so, and it was absolutely fucking terrible and we are ALL gay now :DDDDDDDDD, I became "the side chick" and everything, and >__< I want the keys to the house, keys to the cars, and etc... He wants a baby... I cannot do this. I thought these dudes could get revenge on the fucker-heads that messed up my existence.

I am his Queen. I am transgender. I am a ftm transman, and actually, he's my Queen and Princess. <3 <3 And we are switching, cause we tied. tired. tried. Hahaha. I have hung with him for hours. We both are just, shooting the breeze, I am waiting for a few dollars to get cigarettes. Or something. Would be nice if I could quit.

My eyes only saw scales of Grey. Colors all, sucked away. Siphoned. By darkness, by pure evil. Maybe... Some Daemons never let go. Not of their Wife. Or something. I want to see the colors, I buy literally colors of pencils, and pastels, paints and crayons, my life "was sad but [i] lived it anyway" I mean i see the f******* shades, but it's a bit hard on the ol' peepers.

[pmpwbrrs]

YAAAAAY I'VE BEEN TAGGED 🎉🎉

Last song: sped up «Washing Machine Heart» by Mitski 😁

Favorite color: hmm i think it's pastel blue/sky-blue and warm yellow... Orangey yellow

Last movie/TV show: um if it's about something new then it's Trolls 3(i was so tired of pop songs by the end...) If it's about generally the last thing I watched then it's Kung Fu Panda.. also 3

Soon im gonna watch 7 season of Rick and Morty... apparently it came out 2(?) months ago.. Lol

Sweet/spicy/savory?: oghhh i looove spicy foooood... I am so happy when tasty food makes me cry and turns my face fucking bright red

Relationship status: Singlee.. and not looking for any

Last thing I googled: ao3 rain world coaltly

Current obsession: some 2d platformer about wet rats and sad robots or something I can't remember the name

I throw rocks at you(in a respectful friendly manner): @nickeeree @shitboss @wintry-tempest @ksenya-and-the-artistic-cucumber @sapphicdib

Nine people I'd like to get to know better

Tagged by @meghawhopp <33

Last song: Down by the River by Borislav Slavov from the Baldur’s Gate 3 Soundtrack (or more specifically the cover of Down by the River by Nerissa Ravencroft)

Favorite color: Blue and purple!

Last movie/TV show: Seinfeld, I’m currently on season four!

Sweet/spicy/savory?: I have a huge sweet tooth, so sweet things

Relationship status: Single

Last thing I googled: I searched up the show “Arthur” because I was trying to find that one meme where Buster was like “You really think someone would do that, just go on the internet and spread lies?”

Current obsession: Fragaria memories and tears of themis mostly^^

Tag Nine People: @kyaruun @xinieeee @deadmansbistro @florapot @hunita812 @scuffle-with-spirals @rexonalapis @maxellera @manicpixiedoomedgirl

[moodywyrm]

horsie update from 💤 anon!

the horsies do in fact wear jackets (the correct term is blanket or rug but who are we fooling, its a jacket!)

its super warm today, so i actually opted for something called a fly sheet for them, like a mesh jacket. (they also double as raincoats!) They get so sad when it rains it just breaks my heart!

im currently tearing apart my closet rn because i dont own a single pink article of clothing and im seeing barbie tomorrow 🤯🤯

-💤

The horsies!! A lighter jacket for the horsies 💕 blankets!! no that’s so cute I’m 🥺 they don’t like the rain!! poor babies :(

we’re both seeing Barbie tomorrow!! I’m so excited 💕 I also tussled with my outfit like all fuxking day, but I’m sure you’re gonna look great honey 💕 I feel like light purple or general pastels also go with barbie!! Or you could say fuck it and be Allen. We love Allen.

[nnobara]

“don’t make me say it again… get outta here jujutsu sorcerer!”

𝐜𝐡. 𝟐𝟔 : 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐚𝐲