#im so angry writing is my biggest passion and im losing all hope and happiness around it

[cassi-eats-cockroaches]

not 2 be angry on writeblr but. my writing is so much worse than it used to be

[mollytheswiftie]

Happy 30th Birthday to the woman that kept me alive ❤️

Dear Taylor,

I don’t know how to write this, and honestly, I’ve been scared to write this. But when you said you felt like tumblr is a little neighbourhood, I feel like I felt the same way. And therefore I felt safe to post this here and somehow hope you read this, it would mean the world if I knew you had.

I started listening to you when I was 8. I asked my parents to get me the Fearless CD for my birthday and they did. I used to play it on my Hello Kitty CD player and my favoruite thing was in the introduction to Change, I used to scream the word CHANGEEE because I thought it fit really well and I was so cool for doing it... newsflash... it wasn’t cool😂

I remember starting to teach myself how to accompany myself singing on the piano. I used to print out all the chords to your songs, at that point it was a mix of - Dear John, Last Kiss, Enchanted, Crazier, White Horse etc. I used to learn the songs via lyric videos on YouTube and then try play them. You sparked alight my love of music, for that I’m entirely grateful.

I remember them starting to write my own songs, lyrics would fall so effortlessly onto the page infront of me. I found something that I enjoy and that I was good at. Thank for you helping me find my passion and biggest dream. Song writing has helped me so much you have no idea.

When I was 17, I was sexually assaulted by someone close to me. It was the hardest thing to deal with, because I was about to lose my best friend, my Grandma. She died a week after it happened. I remember wanting to be there for my family, wanting to support them, but I was in so much pain. It happen a week or so before you won your trail. I remember looking up at your strength hoping one day I would have the same.

One day, I did. Scared of having to see him again I spoke to a teacher of mine at school. I spoke to the police. YOU gave me the strength, because YOU proved to me it wasn’t my fault. You didn’t give up, you proved a point that it’s not okay and I should speak up for myself - and I did because of you. Thank you @taylorswift.

The summer after I came to see you live for the first time in Wembley. I cried the WHOLE WAY THROUGH and it was so magical. I got my first item of merch, I was so happy. It was right after my exams, and singing and dancing with you was the best celebration ever.

I then got into medical school - IM GOING TO BE A DOCTOR TAY!!! I remember finding out and thinking how proud you would’ve been of me if you knew. That night I went out and got a little too drunk and requested you so much to the DJ he got angry at me - turns out when you’re drunk you think you’re a wizard, when I’m drunk I think I’m taylor swift...

You’re now 30... and it’s crazy! Next year I’m 20 and that’s even crazier to me. I’ve spent 2 decades with you Taylor, and they’ve both been amazing. You’ve inspired me in so many ways, I can’t count them. Have the most amazing birthday because you truest deserve it. I love you so much @taylorswift ❤️

[notabikerider]

Its tag time!!! i found this randomly and i tag anyone who wants to do this too

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?  there is a light that never goes out, my kind of woman, crazy for you, love will tear us apart, weird honey

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? 

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.         “Is her finger on the Stop button, hoping for the strength to press it? What is she doing? I can’t hear!”

4: What do you think about most? honestly movies, food, and my boyfriend

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? “I know I love it”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? clothes on i am not a sinner

7: What’s your strangest talent? I can do a mean angry new york mom impression

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) no, this one is dumb

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? both yeah

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? today no shame

11: Do you have any strange phobias? terrified that whenever im in an enclosed area with a lot of people that someone has a gun and is going to start shooting. irrational but true

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? no??

13: What’s your religion? agnostic 

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? going back inside

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind, i love taking pictures and doing film

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? bitch i cant answer that

17: What was the last lie you told? i don’t remember??? i try to avoid lying at all costs

18: Do you believe in karma? yeah, what goes around comes around

19: What does your URL mean? self explanatory but i made it when i was a lot sadder than i am now 

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? weakness: emotional. strength: emotional

21: Who is your celebrity crush? a lot of people but probably mac demarco the most

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? no

23: How do you vent your anger? by complaining to friends and family or writing it out

24: Do you have a collection of anything? i have a lot of journals

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? video chatting, i like to see people’s expressions during a conversation

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? 1000% yes

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? i hate the sound of sports announcers and i love the sound of running your hand through still water.

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? what if i would have had the courage to talk to the people i wanted to throughout high school?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes and yes

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. my computer

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? the ice cream im eating

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? fucking middle of nowhere nevada

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? west coast purely because i live here and i haven’t been to the east coast

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? mac demarco

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? happiness and love 

36: Define Art. impossible?? the point of art is that it can be anything, it’s subjective.

37: Do you believe in luck? undecided

38: What’s the weather like right now? way too fucking hot

39: What time is it? 9:07 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? no and no

41: What was the last book you read? a heartbreaking work of staggering genius (my favorite)

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? no and i dont understand how people do 

43: Do you have any nicknames? jill

44: What was the last film you saw? boyhood

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? dislocated knee, three different times

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? no they spook me up close

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? movies

48: What’s your sexual orientation? bi/pan honestly whatever you want to call it, i like all genders

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? yeah

50: Do you believe in magic? no

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? depends on the situation

52: What is your astrological sign? gemini cancer cusp (my bday is on tuesday!!)

53: Do you save money or spend it? both, spend some save some

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? clothes

55: Love or lust? love

56: In a relationship? yes im in love with harry gillette 

57: How many relationships have you had? 3 serious ones including the one im in now

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? no

59: Where were you yesterday? my friends’ grad party 

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? yes my socks

61: Are you wearing socks right now? weirdly related to my last answer but yes

62: What’s your favourite animal? dogs and cows but i love all animals

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? my humor and my awkward/spazzy nature

64: Where is your best friend? home probably?

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. @lxvebad @edgarallenidunno @sedatedtaylor @perpetually-mediocre

66: What is your heritage? white

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? skyping pals

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? what kind of question is that

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? yeah i have

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? yeah i feel like im a pretty A+ pal

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? RUN TO THE DOG TO SAVE IT AND LOSE MY JOB FUCK THAT I CAN GET ANOTHER JOB THE DOG CANT GET ANOTHER LIFE

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? this question is too scary i dont want to think about it next

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. trust, love without trust isnt love at all

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? there is a light that never goes out by the smiths. i love that band and its impossible not to sing and dance to that tune

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 8493

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? trust, love, passion, respect

77: How can I win your heart? be harry 

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? yes but that doesnt make insanity positive 

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? taking my first film class freshman year of high school

80: What size shoes do you wear? 8

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? dont wanna think about that

82: What is your favourite word? ambivalent or serenity  

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. love

84: What is a saying you say a lot? hows it hanging & solid

85: What’s the last song you listened to? drunk again by reel big fish

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? dark red & pale pink

87: What is your current desktop picture? a picture of nate who i miss every day

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? donald trump

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? 

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? well if they dont pose a threat to me id just leave my house for the time being and wait for them to leave

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? teleportation!

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? a half hour of talking to nate

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? my “best friend” completely leaving me behind

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? mac demarco 

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? london

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? no

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? no

98: Ever been on a plane? yes when i was 8 

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? be fucking nice to each other and accept everyone.

[thebeingofpoetry]

Can I Balance

Tonight I wear long sleeves

Not because of scars

Those have healed over

But because of the black paint

That write a truth no one ever wants to comply to

Because it's a question of many versions

Many answers

Can I balance?

Can I balance the weight of happiness

On my unbalanced

Tired shoulders

I can barely stand straight

With my own problems

So would adding someone else's

Make me fall

The heaviness

Of someone else's joy

Already getting to me

I stumble

My back aches

Stand tall

Smile

The pain just means you're still alive

But does the numbness mean you're close to death?

Im balancing between fake happiness

And genuine fear

The fear of never being able to be loved again

Hugged for the pity

But I never held a party

That would offset the balance

What if my hand is never held with passion

Or is never held with at least a wavering warmth

If I never hold a shaking body

Who really needs to be held

Do I deserve this medal of breakthrough

When im the only one who made it here

Or is everyone else the ones who made it

And this is just a participation trophy

For trying to be okay

Last one to find a ride home loses

Last one to fall asleep crying wins

First one to fail because of someone else

Gets the biggest prize of them all

All the small things

Not the hidden things

The obvious ones

Make me feel dizzy

The 9 of swords

Sitting on my bed

Looking up upon the sharp objects that impaled my soul

Leaving empty spaces in between

Tired of stitching up the wounds

I leave this heart open

Stupidly, of course

Ready for another rip

The needle and thread have run out

They are beside the balance beam

Just barely out of my reach

And im not flexible enough to try

Bend back and grab

Break my back

Stab

I sit down

Then flip upside down

Wondering if it'll turn my lips upright

But it just makes the world look angry at me

Maybe it is

The upside down king

Hung by the neck

With a broken promise ring

Finally my shoulders look straight

My eyes blank and airless

My hair looking careless

Can I balance?

This time I believe not

But maybe the thread will come closer

If I hope for a circus to come along

Make my smile real

Make the paint wash off with the elephants powerful blast of water

The clowns squeaking their red noses

The lion tearing the ring around me off

The dancers kissing me on the cheek allowing me to breathe

And the conductor

Tipping his hat and telling me to join the show

But I made a promise

To stay beside one thing

Even though the swords pierced my soul

They helped me fight my way

Out of a castle I felt trapped in

So this circus I will watch

Waiting

Practicing

So when im finally ready

I can join them

And give up this fight