#im scrabbling at the edge of a cliff and i have weights on my ankles
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#personal#you know that feeling when theres just a hole in your chest#and a pit in your stomach#im scrabbling at the edge of a cliff and i have weights on my ankles#all the coping mechanisms and therapy wont help you#if youre actively seperated from those that make you feel at peace#and theres not any easy solutions#i cant just move back#i cant just make friends here#ive been trying that for 3 years and the one i did make doesnt talk to me any more#thats a lie i have some friends#but when theyre retirees who all have other priorites#its hard to get together to do stuff#they dont want to just go to the museum or the botanic gardens#and i could go by myself#but when thats all ive done for ages#you want to share your life with people#you want to share your joy and good times#honestly id love to dress up and go to see the orchestra#but going by myself doesnt have that same appeal#i dont go out anymore#i dont talk to anyone#i just curl up and try and stave the loneliness off with video games books and cross stitch#it isnt working#it hasnt worked for a long time
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