#im scared itll reopen something in me that i long have tried to put to rest
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anyway that experience reminded me how mental illness i am so idk what to do with myself now
#my post#probably sleep#it is so hard to explain why this whole thing is so complicated for me#like i must look insane being like haha im scared :'] when it comes to just watching some old youtube videos#i just went through a lot relating to those videos not to mention like. obv the whole thing that happened talking behind the scenes issues#im scared to love those videos again. im scared ill hate the videos.#im scared itll reopen something in me that i long have tried to put to rest#im scared itll help me fix something thats been a problem for me and itll feel like my problem was never real#again i must sound insane. there really is no true full context i could give. mostly because i dont want to#vent#i might watch more. i felt nuts watching those but. i also had a little fun. i mostly ended up laughing at how utterly absurd it gets sjgjd#'that was ugly' 'thank you' like okay stop making me laugh JFJSHGHD
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