#im rly only scared of bees. but bc of how my mom acts with other bugs like tics and bc ive had them in my pants before -
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Mn. I really wanna leave and go somewhere. If I wasn't terrified of most bugs I probably would instantly. But where?
#gotta do everything i want before i die#diary#personal#hm. i like camping. but theres just so many bugs. hm. where to tho? i dont mind camping around here - but maybe somewhere better is nice#i guess ill look into it. and maybe a therapist to help with my insect phobia thing.#im rly only scared of bees. but bc of how my mom acts with other bugs like tics and bc ive had them in my pants before -#im just generally scared and alert around bugs.#haaaah. not much to be done.#maybe i should go somewhere farther away?#i have one place in mind. but how would i get there?#theres like this stupid family emergency going on round where i wanna go so im sorta hesitent to ask for them to drive me.#hm. well maybe ill talk to my mom and see what we can do? once im camping ill be fine anyways.#all i rly need to eat is granola bars that i like. anything else is a bonus.#and i could take a break from all this *vaguely gestures around everywhere*#i could write and draw and take plenty of pictures. i should have enough room on my camera afterall. maybe i should check tho#i think this would be the cheapest option but also one of the more fun.#i dont have a passport rn so maybe i should start the application process? hm. i think ill go to japan next maybe.#or somewhere else perhaps? theres so much i wanna do suddenly lmao.#i can tell im still quite depressed. but idk what happened - most likely its that mentality#but rly i just wanna go have fun somewhere.#idk. i love to travel and with covid and everything i havent been able to and it makes me feel trapped.#i dont wanna be here forever. i sometimes hate it here... but. i just wanna go. yknow?#haaah. i rly wanna know whats wrong with me. like. not that i feel its something inherently wrong#just... i wanna know whats going on so i can better accommodate it yknow?#either way a short vacation sounds nice. like a 5 day or so one. of course this doesnt mean that ill just jump ship lmao#but hm. where to go? i cant drive so i gotta plan around that in the end. hm hm hmm. well i guess ill browse around.#i think ill research more on my break? or whenever i have free time lmao. even tho its not much. haha.
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