#im really trying my best to like reel it in but meh

[temeyes]

hi my sweet sweet babes mwah~ JUST dropping in to say that i'll probably refrain from posting art for a few days because i'm so sTRESSSSSSSSSSSED like im not kidding, i can feel my stress levels about to burst through my eyeballs

mostly cuz of personal reasons, i've been physically exhausted the past week and!!! mentally strained from bullshit and i haven't had the chance to fully recuperate cuz things are just piling up one after another (mostly coping by playing stardew valley for hours haha)

as much i really wanna draw rn, im just very unmotivated cuz of everything, i assure you all that i'll be back with my stupidity soon!!

I'LL STILL BE ACTIVE ON SOCMEDS, i'm just not gonna post art LOL SO YOU CAN STILL TALK TO ME IF YOU WANT,,,,

[theavatarspirit]

Do you have a recommendation list of wlw books? Could be your favorites or the ones you thought were the best or just anything really. I'm always looking for more of them

of course my dude

lets get the big boys out of the way

this is how you lose the time war by amal el-mohtar and max gladstone. you've probably heard about. you've probably seen quotes from it. i myself was late to it (i read it the other month) but lord is the hype worth it (in my opinion). made me crazy.

the priory of the orange tree by samantha shannon. yes its big. im sorry but it is worth it. samantha the audacity to create sabran berethnet and let me read the book in a 24 period. the yearning of it all.

gideon the ninth/harrow the ninth by tamsyn muir. its aight. im not the person you should go to about gtn tbh but everyone else out there will tell you about it.

my personal favs

a memory called empire/a desolation called peace by arkady martine. yes i am talking about them again. these two books are the best thing ever written. how many hugos can one woman win. it is so intricate and layered and nobody says what they mean and the politics and the brain surgery and the sluttiness of former ambassadors. thinking about mahit dzmare's character makes me feral. three seagrass can be a teixcalaan so personal.

foundryside/shorefall by robert jackson bennett. me once again banging my one man drum about foundryside. please it is so good i dont care if the fantasy magic system isn't for you. there is a shit talking key. there is brain surgery. there are complex morals. there is a wlw romance just for the hell of it. where the plot goes in shorefall to this day makes me batshit insane. i have read shorefall at least half a dozen times in four months. can the third book come out now please mr bennett i am dying.

the long way to the small angry planet by becky chambers. becky chambers my beloved. i would die for you. i am so sorry i haven't read to be taught yet but i will buy everything you write. but about this actual book it is perfect. everything in this book was so good and soft and whenever i thought something would happen that would make me mad. nope. every single book in this series (there are four of them and all are beautiful to look at if you dont live in america) is outstanding. becky chambers and arkady martine duking it out for the hugo next year.

other books i wholeheartedly recommend

the rise of kyoshi/the shadow of kyoshi by fc lee. yes they are fantastic. if you like atla read them.

when the tiger came down the mountain by nghi vo. stunning novella but i recommend reading the first one the empress of salt and fortune first. also stunning but not as gay.

the jasmine throne by tasha suri. the start of a promising trilogy. the slow burn reeled me in lads. but in my honest opinion not as morally grey as what the people on goodreads said.

sweet and bitter magic by adrienne tooley. do you not mind ya? do you like every single trope imaginable shoved into a book? this is the book for you. the angst got to me ill admit it.

the atlas six by olivie blake. some kind of weird dark academia shit going on here. a plot relevant threesome. not wlw but theres lgbt rep throughout.

the library of the unwritten/the archive of the forgotten by aj hackwith. again not wlw but lgbt rep but i adore these books. third in the trilogy comes out the end of the year and i am stoked. cool library concepts is the best book plot and this are by far the coolest.

steel crow saga by paul krueger. a fun read overall. atla and pokemon vibes with some of that sweet sweet complex moral questions with a fun wlw couple.

jane unlimited by kristin cashore. i dont care it gets really weird in the end i adore this book. get weird kirstin you do you. fun chose your own adventure type thing. main character has romantic moments with two of the characters and its not romance heavy.

finna by nino cipri. novella about two exes trying to get through inter dimensional ikea. yes that is the plot. yes it is good

books that i haven't finished/read yet but have heard they are good

she who became the sun by shelley parker-chan. ive read the first couple chapters and was meh but everyone else ive seen that has read it loved it. is said to be mulan meets the song of achilles, which are two things i have not seen/read so.

one last stop by casey mcquiston. i have read 2/3s of this but ill be honest the sex kinda threw me out of the book. if you dont have this problem and liked rwrb you will also like this.

the liars dictionary by eley williams. if you like pretentious english kid speak. really neat idea for a book is you can get past that.

the councillor by ej beaton. ugh i wanted to read this one so bad but i found it at not a good reading time for me. sounds like it is fantastic though. politics heavy book.

unconquerable sun by kate elliot. if you like greek retellings and can stand tense changes (i cannot).

black sun by rebecca roanhorse. have heard nothing but good things and is hugo nominated and yet i have not finished. shame on me.

these feathered flames by alexandra overy. russian folklore inspired fantasy. dont know whether it is classified as ya but has ya vibes.

fireheart tiger by aliette de bodard. i haven't even started this one but its short and has politics, yearning, and yearning while doing politics.

[minblush]

why jimin who is under umbrella completely wet but hobi who is running through the rain is dry, or am i seeing things

they both seemed wet to me tbh? but i think it’s just poorly connected there, i think he just raised the umbrella only after having chased after them, that’s why he was wet, but it gave rise to some cute stuff lol

Anonymous said:like i want to refuse to believe the thing with jm and jh could be a love triangle like.. come on. its 2017.. but its what it looks like and :/ god

Anonymous said:i don't hope it's that simple, imma piss my pants then because they can do so much more than "oh i lost a girl to my best friend now i'm gonna cry in the rain"

that’s what it seems like on surface level and that’s really all we got so far, so yeah 3:

Anonymous said:Don't tell me what to do. Newsflash: You can't control your followers and I can unfollow at any time.

lol... what? where is this coming from...

Anonymous said:these vids are highkey disappointing me,,,,nd any1 i talk is like loving it so its comforting to see u have the same opinion,,,srry jus wanted to share i guess

Anonymous said:im disappoited and have no idea what to expect from the next video.. people are making me feel bad for being disappointed ): and i just hope theres more to it than what it looks like right now. please bighit dont ruin hyyh like this for the love of god. but on a good note jimin is the most beautiful man alive

more people are disappointed and worried, don’t let people get to you or make you feel bad for it, your feelings are your own! i think there’s plenty of reason to feel sad about it... bUT YES jimin is so gorgeous gosh ;; and the way he shows sadness through his eyes... ;-; amazing

Anonymous said:In all honesty this vid didnt seem all that straight to me (except for jin). It works in a "theyre just friends" perspective too, unlike the first highlight reel, which was definitely aimed to be seen as romantic.

i don’t know,it seemed very explicitly romantic to me with jk, namjoon, yoongi and jimin and jin like you said especially, i only think it’s questionable with tae and hobi, with him i didn’t get romance as much as like? a protective brother sort of feeling? 

Anonymous said:ummm have you seen how some ppl are trying to make those who dont like the videos look like crazy shippers and fetishizers of Asians mlm? They are literally trying to lie in order to shut down any criticism.

yeah i have seen it, it’s one of the reasons why i wrote that text posts urging people to always think for themselves before

Anonymous said:i honestly didn't think at first that they would do romances with these girls because look at how young they are?? they're like '00-'03 liners and bts are pretty much adults. but now after seeing this hr, i'm pretty sure they're going that way for jihope's girl and i'm just :///

yeah thinking of jimin crushing on a 16yo makes me highkey uncomfortable negl

Anonymous said:At this point im just thinking this whole love yourself kdrama cliché is just a way to Bighit to showcase the boys acting skills and get some of them acting gigs in actual kdramas. All of this seems to be just a huge advertisement/casting/job placement thing lmao

now THAT’S a theory lmao

i complained on twitter about how bighit might go the cliché route, but my mutuals were basically like "you're bing overdramatic" "bighit won't do that"....lol. i'm disappointed tbh everything in today's highlight reel was cliche and i feel kinda let down. at this point i'm only here for hoseok's background with his mom.

yeah tbh, i really wish i were wrong, i’m still hoping i am! with the interpretation i said before, that seems to be plausible to me even with the romance plots being meh, and just now i came across this thread, and while some of it is a stretch i really like the idea at this point, i hope it’s something like that, guess we’ll know for sure tomorrow ;-; i still have a glimmer of hope believe it or not... just the tiniest one though 

[myinnerletters]

date number 1. 

I have had a hard time differentiating how ive felt over the last 24 hours after our date (almost to the minute). I can’t work out how i feel about you, or any of it. At the beginning i couldnt really look at you, and i think thats a nerve thing. I dont know if im attracted to you, although in parts its like i can see how i could be. And in other parts you look to me almost like Liam which makes it feel like im just like copying jacqui or bringing home the same type.

Am i confused again because i dont feel i deserve the niceness? Or is it cause you’re me. We are so similar, and i feel like theres an established connection but it seems either like its growing or maybe i percieve the comfort cause i see you like a friend. For one, i didnt really have anything to complain about, and i always do. fingernails unkept, an annoying laugh, i mean at times maybe a part of your voice annoyed me, but nowhere near as much as others.

Did i pull back because i was nervous? did i feel vulnerable? it came out of nowhere, i didnt feel that connection yet, the hand hold felt too fast. Too like we were trying to be a couple, and i felt like i didnt want to be out suddenly. Like it was all moving too quickly. Which is rich from the girl who used to make eye contact with a guy in a club, not even know his name and start playing immediate tonsil tennis. I didn’t want to be touched. Your touched felt intimate. I could see it in your eyes. It made me uneasy. I could see how much you liked me, or percievably the me thats putting her best foot forward.

You’re a nice guy. It’s like i dont feel i deserve that. Like i deserve the bland, nothing “I Don’t know” of Lee’s, or the “Calling me out on my bullshit” Sam’s, or the straight up lieing, feed to your face what you think you want to hear and make you open up just to take it all away and date somoene else’s Tal’s. I think i’m still reeling from Tal. Like i felt for the first time that it was going to happen, and i felt comfortable (for the most part), and i opened up and felt things i hadnt felt since i was 15, and the same garbage was said back to me but it was empty words and i believed it. And now it’s like im confused as to whether there are feelings or whether im just terrified again. Absolutely petrified to let someone in. I feel lonely, and yet the idea of being taken is meh. or just terrifying.

And in you i see a slice of intimacy, in your eyes and in your presence i see how it all works out and i dont even know you. I see the future and what that holds and it seems nice, i sense the longing and the want for a partner and i just dont know if i feel that attraction or if youre just a pal. During the date, a hinge match pings for a noteably jewish boy and that seems more of a pull than the date where im being asked all these questions and i tell you all this shit that im telling someone on a first date verses people ive known a long time and i have no clue where my feelings are at. Except that at 10:16 when i check the time, i know i want to be in bed and i dont want to be out and i want to sleep and i need an idea for my future cause at the end of the day thats what i care about and i just dont know. I dont want to string you along, i dont want to spend time working out how i feel. Did i just fall for the fact that youre mature, and can think rationally when a girl tells you she doesnt want to go to the yarra cause she doesnt want to be dropped in a river (And you rightfully are horrified and terrified that thats a reality that ive considered, and not angry that im mentioning you in this scenario but just that its a scenario as a woman that i face) or is this one big ego trip? and I enjoyed the fact that someone was rooting for me and cheering on my show? maybe because when someone kept telling me how great it was, and i rattle it off with excitement, i realise its me who needs to be my own cheerleader, and not wait for a man to do the cheering for me.