#im really proud of miss phardigan. but im shy and dont show off about my work enough. but omg i have so much to say look how much i said

[frumdyke]

a breakdown of how i planned and managed this since ive had some people ask:

im writing this just after getting back from a new years eve party. i barely drunkn anything so in theory this should be pretty coherant. unfortunately i have an aversion to commas and apostrophes and also i say the word and way too much. this is gonna be a looong yap i have things to say. oh and the pictures and dates are from me searching through discord messages.

i started planning out the graph at the beginning of july (im going to tit in january.) i used flosscross because im a lil familiar with it but there are probably better programs to use for this because its meant for cross stitch not crochet. i ended up with 17 different colours plus the background. if you include the dark blue and magenta thats 20 separate yarns all together. heres the final graph i worked with (from my discord messages i think this was the 5th of july but i seem to remember spending at least a week on the graph)

before this the most complicated and only tapestry crochet i had done had only three colours so this was a big leap and i didnt know if it would actually work (note that i started crocheting in october 2023.) i knew i would have to keep everything very organised and i would spend most of the time untangling yarns. and i knew it was all gonna be floating yarn but i didnt know at the time that lots of floats and colour changes would make the project smaller. so the cardigan did come out quite tight across my shoulders.

next was gathering yarn. i pulled a few from my stash but most i had to buy. i went yarn shopping in person in two separate trips. i had the list of colours from flosscross which were all in cross stitch terms. as i got home with my first yarn haul i decided to print the colour list and taped some ends to it so i could compare

my printer didnt like this so the colours arent completely accurate. i went back to hobbycraft for more yarn and i had this paper in one hand and the pdf on my phone in the other and i was panicking because this didnt seem possible. i spent a couple hours lamenting that i wasnt in the usa where i have heard about the fabled joanns that has more than ten whole colours in most yarns. i wasnt confident enough to order online because i wanted to hold the yarns in my hand and directly compare the colours. i finally got together a selection of yarns the were good enough.

the plan was to go for all worsted acrylics because theres no way i could afford nice fibres for all these colours. as i went around the shop i realised i was just gonna have to get whatever colours would work and ignore the fibre make up because there is not enough choice of anything in british craft shops. i ended up with lots of different things but surprisingly the fancier fibres where all acrylic blends. so i got some nylon/acrylic some cotton/acrylic and some wool/acrylic. and some yarns were recommending 3.5mm or 3.25mm hooks but i decided to just ignore that and hope. by this point i had decided this was a complete experiment and if it didnt work out i could just learn cross stitch like a sane person would.

i laid out all my yarns and cried a bit because i did not anticipate how much planning i would have to do before i could start making shit. then i decided which yarn would correspond to which symbol on the chart and labelled them all. i was finally ready to start the actual crocheting part (10th july)

i printed the graph out so i could highlight as i went along and got going. here is how she looks now after its all done say hi

the tapestry part was extremely tedious and the yarns constantly got tangled. the rows were only 80 stitches long and some took me a whole hour each. i had to frog some parts but mostly i just left the mistakes in. my tension was really off because of the different yarns weights but i just said "im sure i can block it out" (i have never blocked anything before.) there are a huge amount of yarn tails on this thing so i didnt bother weaving threm in. i just tied them together so they wouldnt unravel and figured i could learn to sew a lining in to hide all the mess away. my number one takeaway from this is do not ever do a project that requires a double digit amount of yarns attached at once. it will suck and you will hate the process.

here are some progress pics. i wish i had taken more but i was quite fed up with the whole project by this point

i thought this was gonna turn out awful at had to fight the urge at multiple points. once i got to their faces i felt a bit better about it but then i got to phil's eyes and had a small breakdown. he is so pale and cool toned with cool toned hair wearing a cool toned outfit. his face and hair just all blends together and his eyes look a little demented here. dan has contrast between his face and hair so he turned out actually quite good.

anyway heres the finished tapestry part (12th august)

dans cheek bulges like that because the pink i used there is the heaviest weight. look at how cinched the middle is though. there were so many yarns being carried across. and the back is just fully spaghetti.

i immediately started planning the sleeves. i knew from the start i wanted them to say "terrible influence" but i had to decide whether it should read from the front or back. either way one side would end up reading "influence terrible". in the end i decided it should read correctly on the back and to also have the writing on the back of the arms so the front wouldnt look too out of wack.

i looked for some patterns online so i could get an idea of where the increases on the sleeves would be. i ended up with 77 rows for the sleeves and i thought "hmm thats seems kinda short but i shall trust the process" (spoiler alert it was too short.) then i went back into flosscross and drew out a whole sleeve and then stuck a big TERRIBLE on it. this part was annoying cus flosscross hides the copy + paste feature behind a paywall. so i had to draw out every letter individually. even the Rs which are literally repeated right next to each other. then i individually drew the magenta shadows in and tried to understand why i chose flosscross of all things to do this. i mirrored the sleeve and stuck an INFLUENCE and then realised id put it in the wrong place but luckily you can select and move bits around without paying.

i cant remember but i think this is when i did the front panels? i thought i did them after the sleeves but from the dates in discord it doesnt look like it. idk. i didnt really do much planning and i cant find any pictures so just imagine some plain blue crochet. i worked up the bottom section pretty fast and just estimated when to decrease by holding it up against my body. then i hated the shape i made so i frogged half of it and started the decreases way earlier and got a nice slope i was happy with.

then i actually made the sleeves. i had to frog the influence side because i realised i had drawn the shadows in wrong. i have some progress pics but i remember i was very excited to make the joke "ive made a terrible" and then never actually made the joke (first is 27th august and last is 10th september)

i sewed up the sleeves and shoulders and left it at that for a while. if you saw the wip photos i posted here for october 19th this is where i was up to. except this was still on 10th september

i took a break from this project started work on a jumper for my mum. that i had already been promising her for six months. that came out really small so i had to make some adjustments and ended up taking forever. i realised that my tension had probably gotten much tighter than when i made my previous jumpers. so the stitch counts i was working with were probably way off for both the jumper and the phardigan. i didnt do any gauge swatches and it shows.

at this point it was november. and i was still burnt out on the phardigan. in this break i bought a ticket to a third tit show. and also had some other life advancements like finally getting an insulin pump which i will never shut up about. i made a couple lil amigurumi creatures and then i was like okay im ready to get going. lets get this phardigan done.

the next step was to add a lining. so i thought maybe i should block it before then. i had no experience with blocking but i did my grandpa's steamer and some floor space. i did try pinning the project down to the towel but that didnt work. and i thought "hmmm perhaps it would best to wetblock this actually" but i didnt want to wait for it to dry. i was also very scared to kill the acrylic cus i wasnt sure how fried plastic would interact with the other fibres. so overall it was a very weak wimpy block. here she is anyway (7th december)

this was a rushed job but i had still spent too long sitting on the floor and my disabilities were playing up and i was struggling. so i half-arsed cutting up the pieces for the lining (i used a brushed cotton pillowcase in a close enough colour for this.) i didnt measure i just went for it. and then i realised my poor left handed brain cant cut a straight line on the best of days. but especially with heavy fabric scissors and an already aching body. yes i know rotary cutters exist. no i dont have one. anyway i forced my sister to cut out all the straight lines for me. i had one big piece that covered the back and went over the shoulders to cover the boobs too. the back was to hide all the yarn spaghetti but the boob lining was just so i could wear pins extra securely. i decided to leave the sleeves alone because the floats were short and the ends were neatly weaved in. then i laid out my big lining piece and folded over the raw edges and realised i hadnt actually factored in any seam allowance and it wouldnt cover the whole width. but i still went with it because i am lazy <3. i also cut out some pockets.

before i sewed the lining in i embroidered this little telly on the front. i thought the front was looking a little bare and it matches the tit set. haha tit set on my tits. look at her shes cute (8th december)

the lining is hand sewed. mostly because i have a comfier chair at my pc desk than the desk with my sewing machine and i couldnt be bothered with swiching them. also my sewing machine can only handle straight stitch at the moment. sad! anyways i did it all with a running stitch and doubled over some parts. i also discovered when i had done almost all the sewing that none of the right angles my sister cut out were actually right angles so i was adjusting the hem on the fly (8th december)

the hand sewing felt like it took ages but in reality was only a few days. at this point i was vibrating with excitement because the finish line was in sight. anyway look there are pockets (10th december)

look how curled those corners are. i am getting an awful grade in blocking

then i did the ribbing which is super easy. originally i had planned to do the ribbing in magenta but now after seeing more stuff about tit i think the blue fits much better with the colour theme. i went round the bottom edge in blo hdc and then did the front too with a little pause to figure out where to put the buttonholes (12th and then 23rd december)

notice theres a jump in the dates there. my brother very kindly gave me the flu and i was unable to get out of bed for a week. ive had the flu vaccine and it still hit me like a truck. pretty please dont infect your disabled friends im barely holding it together as it is. oh sidenote btw if any of you come up to me at tit without a mask on i might actually cry at you. please mask please mask please mask.

yah anyway i added more length to the sleeves. remember when i said the sleeves were too short? yeah i had to add 28 whole rows lol. i dont have any pictures because i did this while watching the doctor who xmas special (mid episode btw) but ill take one now because the phardigan is currently living under my pc desk. i did the extra rows in the round so theres a seam that suddenly disappears but i think it looks fine. and then the sleeve ribbing is sc instead if hdc because i wanted to cinch the cuff in a little bit but not too much. i also got to watch the new wallace and grommet film. i liked it but i had to explain to my sister who the penguin was??? she doesnt know any of the lore??

um so after the sleeves were done i just had to sew on the buttons and weave all the remaining ends in. and then it was fucking finished? just like that. at 22:14 on the 26th of december i sent this message

which was last thursday actually!? insane how time works. and then i posted this on friday and it somehow got 400 notes? it was weird when it was complete. it was like finishing a book. with that weird emptiness that comes with it.

i do have to thank everyone in the various phannie discord servers ive been sharing my progress in. ive had lots of people hype me up and cheer me on. one thousand kissies attack to all of you <3

im very glad this project actually worked. and that i dont have to learn cross stitch. because instead i just started learning to knit. which i am very excited about. last night i started learning colourwork and i am happy to report i havent had any insane ideas yet. but we will check in after ive done a big colourwork project and see how i feel then. maybe dnp will announce another tour and then i will have no choice but to make another phardigan.

um so thanks for reading i guess? im sure my rambling devolved towards the end there but im not reading it back 👍i dont think i hit image limit but i wouldnt be surprised if everything breaks when i press post. if anyone has questions please ask away i love yapping about this project. my ask box is open and waiting. its 6am now and lots of americans are wishing me a happy new year. 2024 was most definitely the year of the phannie and im hoping we can get a streak going. i love you, try new things, dont cry craft etc etc

THE PHARDIGAN IS FINISHED !!!!!!

now with a lining and pockets <3 so many hours spent on this thing im glad its done now

i will be wearing her at tit brighton and london so if you see me come say hi i promise im nicies