#im reading this one post where this woman didnt want kids was coerced into it she hates her life and isnt connected to her kids

[1eos]

reading anon's ask and ur response only serves to remind me how sickening it is for society to expect women and young girls to somehow be "naturally motherly caretakers instantly capable of taking care of children," to the point where mothers are considered the "default" parent and therefore the one expected most to do the child rearing while nothing is expected of men/fathers (in fact they are expected to be bad at parenthood which is why we have the whole "idiot dad" stereotype) 😐😐 reminds me of this reddit AITA where OP got sick of having her identity reduced to being merely a mother: she kept on getting gifts related to motherhood and nothing abt her own interests while her husband got gifts related to his hobbies/interests (like no father related items at all), which shows just how much the "the woman/mother is the default parent" crap has been normalized.

yeah....the 'all women are naturally amazing caretakers' is the bane of my existence tbh. the vagina to mother pipeline is getting a BIT better but the ideals are so ingrained in society it actually drives me crazy. and i saw that aita! that made me fucking sick like other adults in her life weren't even calling her by her name just 'mama'. 😭😭😭😭 i swear the more i hear accounts from women who have kids the more i feel like i would rather die than have kids. ppl really will act like you exist for nothing but popping out kids! dark sided! but this also raises my respect for ppl who DO have kids. like wow............you're made of sterner stuff

and speaking of reddit i feel like that's the easiest way to see just how fast ppl are to shit on a woman for not wanting to take a bullet for literally any child or infant on earth. they will light women UP for not wanting to swoop in and breast feed some other man's child regardless of how weird and manipulative he is abt it. a man could literally bring his children to a strangers house and if she's a woman someone will get mad that she didn't take them in and sacrifice her whole being to raise them when she didn't want to. it's VILEEEE

and even tho my family has.......issues.......i'm thankful p much everyone has seen my lack of """"""motherly warmth""""" from birth and accepted that it's not gonna change 😭 apparently when i was a kid i begged for one of them dolls that acted like a real baby and when i got it and it started crying i immediately asked my mom to get a refund lollllllllll. but even with this bare minimum im INCREDIBLY lucky like soooooooo many girls are basically being harassed by everyone around them to be a mother and if they're not perfect at raising a child they may not have wanted they get vilified.

which is my main problem tbh and shows that most ppl don't respect children like coercing ppl who don't want kids to have them and then do a BRUNT of the child rearing will inevitably negatively affect the kids? the kids you are so desperate for? 89% of shit around children i don't understand but it's like? by forcing ppl via societal pressure to have kids there's a slim chance these kids are gonna have the upbringing they need? and they think oh suck it up even if you resent having kids they'll suffer without you but they'll also suffer.........with you....bc you resent them? children are a gift but they don't raise themselves and the fantasy that everybody w a womb who don't want kids will change their mind when they look into the baby's widdle eyes is literally just misogyny lol

[nothorses]

Your posts about cultural christianity being more of a systemic than individual experience resonate with me alot. My father made christianity forbidden. Im familiar with christmas, but I didnt even know what bible study was until college. when Ive been coerced into attending a church service (bc they wont let me say no for some reason? its really uncomfortable) I learned that I stood out like a sore thumb for looking vaguely confused and tense! I cant even pretend to be christian bc theres so many prayers and bible stories and such that Im unfamiliar with. At most, I thought I knew what christianity was bc of fictional media, but its nowhere close to whats actually believed by christians. unless I convert, which will never happen, I cant describe myself as a christian by any means.

I can recognize that a lot of politcians, media are influenced by christianity. Cultural beliefs about purity work its way through education and recovery centers, too. The systemic ties to christianity are visible the more I learn about it. But on an individual level, I cant relate to christian families or churches at all bc I literally never experienced it growing up!

Yeah! Yes! That’s so similar to my experiences. My religion goes unquestioned until someone learns I’m not Christian- and that’s easy to learn, because I am woefully unprepared to try to lie. I don’t know a damn thing about Christianity, I have not read a page of the bible, I’ve never really been to church, I never watched Christian media...

I have had conversations with friends that grind to a complete halt because they reference some Christian kid’s show or bible story or something and I have to feel like a complete dumbass asking what reference they made- because I am one of ten people in the US, apparently, who did not watch Veggietales.

I don’t know the story of Noah’s Ark, and at this point I’m too afraid to ask.

I was caretaking for an elderly ex-missionary who asked me if I’d found God, I lied and told her I was “interested in learning about all religions but hadn’t really decided on anything” (because lol I’m not going to get into an argument with this woman about how I Do Not want her to convert me- and then get fired). And she waxed on for an hour about how she was gonna buy me some special bible books to read and insisted I come back to work for her, so she could Help Me Find God. I quit, because, uh, no.

But my Christian friends told me I should’ve just pretended to be Christian to get her off my back, and... how? I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t want to learn enough to be able to. I’d feel grossly, massively uncomfortable pretending even if I did. But folks just assume everyone at least knows enough to do that, because Christianity is the default, and atheists are just Christians without the God part.

My experiences are vastly, obviously, glaringly different from a Christian or ex-Christian’s. I’m not “culturally Christian”, I’m an atheist in an atheist family in a society that is culturally Christian- which is part of the problem.

[misterbitches]

Im not intelligent at all. In the conventional sense. The ramblings of a girl who just has sooo much going in in her head it's constant. But im not a genius. Or that confusing.

It just sounds like I am bc fandoms have this issue where they can JUSTSO point out the issues in soletiing. They can pick and prod and go oh problematic! But then you go to name the problems and the difficulties within society like for ex: the idea of representation in general. Salivating over it. How fucking sad that is. How we are trained to accept it. So in a BL and also RACE in the bl genre they exploit viewers naivete both domestically and internationally. Ive seen tons of people liken being asian to being a person of color. However, in their predominantly homogenous society (or intentionally publically homogenous society), they are not "poc" (also name the of color; i dont use bipoc idc if u do but it's called being asian guys cos yall aint talkin about black ppl lmao)

They as humans seeing other humans who look like them everywhere, engage with the world differently than an american in asia or asians living outside of their home country (like bae doo nanwhen she worksnin the US is not the same as the bae doo nanworking on a korean program) I dont complain about it in everything i see bc ppl say it ALL THE TIME. but it is NOT the same. Being a person of color is very distinctly an american concept. This is all stuff people will get to know on their own if they choose to dig more.

I do my best to underline what my ugly little eyes process. How i figure things out as a black female american artist too! Im hard on shit cos i should be. I take it seriously. And even if i dont take it seriously bc THEY dont then thats their problem.

I know this is a complaint that I am not alone in. I know it's the internet. I just don't get how people can write really heavy analysis but they refuse to actually probe the underlying issues. Not everyone is me, or like my friends, but if there's way fewer people talking about this stuff it seems absolutely glaring when theres few people engaging in the way i do. It seems like im the glitch but I am thinking just as much just differently.

I really loved where your eyes linger but there was little deep class analysis. I remember few convos a bout it. I know a lot about korea (sigh being a black ex kpop fan lol mess) and i love the history but all ofnit matters! Korea's relation to labor!

People bringing up thai actors snd actresses leaving the industry and doing acting as something quick. As an artist~ who went to film school with insanely wealthy ppl and isnin tons of debt you have to understand how shitty that is. People have monetary access and they just fucking do whatever just because they want to. Meanwhile you have young people being coerced into this bullshit mainstream life to LITERALY just make money bc they dont come from a rich background. The wealth gap in thailand is BAD, theres a dictatorship, they had a fucking coup. The governments like here do not respect their people. Their marginalized groups. Trans thai women, black thai ppl, poor thai ppl. And it LITERALLY CANNOT DO ANYTHING EFFECTIVELY IN CAPITALISM. No nothing can be perfect but if it's going into our eyeballs and we can view the worlld critically then why the fuck not!???

I dont say the things i see are wrong always. I reply when i think i need to. I try and engage with others but not to kuch avail. I just want to rb stuff and tdhink lajfhhdjwhjej.

But like yea theres a lot of just wrong or misguided stuff. A lot of the times it is just historical inaccuracy in framing or idk. A refusal to think outside the box. I dont care. Theres more to life than just sort of looking and not thinking especially for othrr artists.

Idk im sorry. I dont see how i can change how i view things. I really wish people would expand their palettes too and go deeper into other means of art from places! Things not in the mainstream! Theres a lot of good thai artists and a lot of them critical as fuck about their country as they should be. Authority, austerity, patriarchy, capital, racism etc like that is central to a power thats interested in growing gains and fiscal and social power. Theres rly radical or left leaning etc ppl out there in the world and these countries in these communities. So they exist. No people in these countries dont have NO clue whats going on. Cultural relativism is alsos something people should understand. I had a good talk with ppl on here a while ago about that. Talking about shit, critiquing, but being respectful to a group. Part of thay is realizing these groups CLEARLY know their own issues and all our cultures share the same goal. Guess what it is. It rhymes with acquiring wealth. Money means you hurt people. In the post, we talked about use of "wife" and "husband" which is a stupid joke that has been "explained" a billion times and yet the explanations still dont seem to answer or justify a minor problem (it's very funny to me that a language that doesnt have gendered pronouns is now very specific about two men. Hmmm wonder why. It is annoying.)

So im not the only person on the planet doing this. Or the few ppl ive seen that do. Im not new my thoughts arent new. Ive gotten to see another side to a culture i knew not much about and that means i can put the context of my beliefs and life and try and understand thheirs. For ex i learned from ITSAY because of a sign that said 'french food' that they were the only country to not be colonized back then. Do you know how integral that history is to their region? That was an interesting detail (i didnt finish itsay bc ihad a lot going on and i was rly upset that i would see hownrich they are and i hate that.)

Anyways thats my complaint. It used to feel like a sting of rejection. I left online for months in 2019, i started organizing more, joined a union, trying to do some panther work shit like that. I learned a lot in those months and it changed my life! But when I came back, I felt so isolated. It wasnt my true friends tho sometimes theyre ANNOYINGGGGG (love u) but it was me being like "if we are going to complain guys then lets put our money where our mouth is" lets be fucking serious about it then. No say it with your chest dude. It isnt difficult. Go with the fucking flow, talk about it, critique it, think. You can still fucking like itnor love it.

I am BLACK ok and i love rap. I am a black woman. I will continue to clown black men that cant seem to not clown themselves and listen. No i wont support monetarily: drake is a creep and i hate him but i bump that niggas song. Thats fucking LIFE. I got so sick of hiding myself and it became clear that it wasnt that i wasntthinking well or hard enough. They just didnt like that i said we need to commit class suicide and inspect out middle class sensibilities and middle class wealth hoarding (google it) if thats what we engaged with. Every part of you, antagonize it. I still have my privileges; class, skin color, even my father being a nigerian immigrant, me being cis, im not str8 but not a lesbian and those are differences.

Insecurities in general but some shallow thoughts (?) on discussion in "fandom" space. FYI, this will most likely stay the same. I tend to stay in my own bubble socially IE me and my friends are similar in our views. During this awful year while running my union's account, im surrounded by like minds. Me and my friends? We changed together. We grew up and saw what we didnt like and what we want. We do our best.And i CHOOSE my life to be that way bc it should be. There is no solution. I dont believe in solutions because the solution is to abolish capital or just divest. Abolishing capital and labor are a huge one and i will die before that happens (but so help me as long as im alive? Black women to FREEDOMMMM is my motto!) so making your own path in life is the best thing an artist can do IN MY OPINION.

However with technology and stuff this puts another layer onto things. Tech, social media, this shit....it THRIIIIIIIVESSSSSSS off of conflict and shallow readings of the world. We are literally primed for it. Engagement in bites. Impossible for me with my brain; i got used to it and i paid for it by limiting my scope. Not being encouraged to THINK AND READ before just speaking

(For ex i am in iww, i helped form a branch here. It is a radical union. Unionism is imprative to me-if ur interested u should read up on some. Look up peter cole! Google inthesetimes Ilwu. Gives you some understanding. Ive always been progressive and now i am....very left idk ic ant label myself. But even in my progrssiveness i had the gall to tell my white friend, whoa has her privileges but i had mine with our class disparity, that we dont need unions, i have WORKED retail. Ive done barista work for sonoing and i do gig work. So i wasnt out of touch. I had been stiffed even with a shoot i was working on by rich kids. So i had a frame of reference . But i didnt know what the FUCKa union was and why it is imperative. Then learning about anarcho syndicalism and all these other things. It changed my fucking life but two years earlier i was this idiot spouting shit like that making one of my best friends fucking upset. We DO AND CAN CHANGE. Think!!!!)

So were i a creator for tv id just constantly try and push the buttons if i need big money. Make them sell into me (thank you sonic youth!) theres Endless possibilities guys which means theres SO MUCH TK EXPLORE!!!! When i wanna have fun with it i just have fun. When i want to think i do. I dont understand why we are so dedicated to upholding things and doing mental gymnastics to end up in a space you dont need mental gymnastics for. What about these critiques makes you uncomfortable? Saying we're all part of the problem as spectators? Im sorry but we will always be. Thats LIFE. God fuck. Fuck me. I feel so fucking worthless and stupid sometimes. I know I am not. I know i am talented and intelligent. I know my friends and family. I know how to approach ppl. I know how to tell people if they are rich but want to be progressive whatsup. I choose how i live part of that is being ok to say what i want.

Ironically consrrvatives say this shit alot. But they arent ever alone bc their ideology is default. But yea it does feel shitty. It even feels shitty when ur in left circles but people STILL dont even wanna do that. These perspectives really arent ss many as they should be. I dont want to feel so alone with it. I know there are more. I just love art and the world so fucking much, endless possibility. Endless pain but endless good.