#im not tagging this with the word because that will inevitably attract bots dfasd

[dire-vulture]

omg picking my guardian dilf was incredibly easy but

despite having lots of middle-aged tundras, i actually had a really hard time deciding who was my pick for tundra dilf dfadsf so let’s go through the candidates....

Tarragon - Yeah. doing it in lair order and we gotta start here dfdsaf. Well.... Tarragon is in his 40s, is an actual dad with three kids, and Moraine at least would definitely say he’s sexy.............. but he’s also definitely a twink, and a question that I’d have to answer here a bit is..can twinks be dilfs?? i don’t know if i can answer that. i don’t like putting firm restrictions with labels and while dilf suggests more masculinity than the average twink would have, there’s no real reason for those labels to be mutually exclusive..but. calling tarragon a dilf feels like committing a felony and i’m just not ready for that.

Paragon - In his 40s, and unlike Tarragon, Paragon is very well-built, buff but gotten a bit chubby as he’s aged, so he gets the dad-bod bonus. He’s not a dad, but he is an uncle, and he has an almost mentor-like relationship with one of his nieces so that’s..close? I think he might just barely qualify despite not having much dad-like energy.

Sugarpaws - In his mid-30s..I generally would say dilfs start at 40+, but some would argue that 35 is just old enough so I’ll throw him in. But..he has no interest in having, raising, or just ever being around kids and is basically a gay city twink on a country retreat..he is not dilf whatsoever.

Psoron - Psoron was the one I picked to be my (trans) dilf tundra rep for the bingo card! honestly his being somewhere on the nb spectrum helped me decide to pick him so I could get the trans bonus afasdf. Anyway, he’s in his mid-60s, which is probably a bit older than people would usually say, but I think it’s fine. A bit androgynous, nerdy, romantic, and hunky! Not the most traditional dad-like qualities but I say he works it. One of his bfs is Tamarind (dilf4dilf!) which would make Psoron basically stepdad to Tam’s kids, so he can qualify for the actual dad part! Honestly I need to flesh out his relationship with the kids more but they’re definitely on good terms. All in all a good wind-dad, and definitive dilf in my mind c:

Brightsoul - Brightsoul! When making the bingo post he was absolutely Psoron’s biggest competition tbh. A big and burly tundra in his mid-50s, and a foofy and lovable math teacher. So even though he doesn’t have kids of his own, he does work with kids a lot and is good with them. But..teacher energy and dad energy aren’t quite the same. Having stepkids really gave Psoron the boost over Brightie haha...

Brondelle - 40, so they just meet my age requirement. A definitive bear tundra too, so they get the dadbod bonus. But, honestly I didn’t really consider them at all omg. They don’t feel like a dad whatsoever. They care far more about mushrooms than children haha,, and with their bfs the three of them together I tend to see as more youthful even if Brondelle is approaching middle-aged sooner than the other two. Probably doesn’t help either that they have their mom and younger siblings in the lair haha. doomed to be a big child forever fsadfs

Mykytyn - Probably a bit redundant with Brondelle but at 38 years old, he probably is worth mentioning. Actually, I want to say he feels closer to being a dilf than Brondelle does, if only because he seems more established in a career with his life sorted out, compared to his partners Brondelle and Kayleigh who have been ambling in their life a lot more. I don’t think Mykytyn is especially interested in having kids, but he does get along well with Brondelle’s 18 year old brother! Also I don’t think I’ll bother reviewing Kayleigh separately. He’s 35 and definitely has the most youthful energy of the triad fasdf

Brigitta - Just in the abstract with their snapper-y design I feel like that gets points but. sdfsdaf they’re a birthday dragon and i consider my birthday dragons like..halfsonas so. im not ranking myself a dilf even if this guy technically meets the 35+ requirement adsfasdfds

Ahavah - I actually really wanted to pick Ahavah for the dilf role but. he’s only 22 adsfasd he has like. such older man energy honestly?? just a sleepy looking boat captain that sounds perfect haha but no..he is way too young to be a dilf. come back in 15 years dude.

Glacier - 51 years old, spirited and adventurous motorcycle dude. Definite dad bod, and even though he’s not a literal dad, he does have a 22 year old kid he’s taken under his wing, in addition to being an uncle* to his second cousin Moraine’s kids. I feel like he qualifies in spades! Heavily considered him as my pick for dilf in the bingo post, but it just didn’t feel quite right for whatever reason. Just way more of a cool uncle than a dad I suppose haha. *he’s actually a second cousin once removed to Moraine’s kids but for everyone’s sanity they just say uncle sdafsd. why is english like this.

Pavo - Honestly I considered them! I just don’t know enough about them yet tbh. i feel like they have really the vibes though! dilf peacock...

Bryony - Another one I considered, but probably too old haha. 85..grandilf.......... just a guy who loves bugs and i love them. they’re a dilf in my heart.

Willehad - my bear tundra. would definitely be a contender but i also don’t know enough about him yet. some day......

anyway sdfdsaf if you read any of this thanks. just. no time like the present to explore dilf tundras!! sadfasdf . i spent way too long on this to not hit publish so here we go