#im not in the mental state to handle the weight of a discussion about people committing violence upon people they’re close to

[electric-friend]

i don’t like the surge of casual ‘ed is an abuser’ vibes this izzy clip seems to have sprung. it’s actually making me sick with anxiety that the show is gonna make ed into someone i can no longer enjoy. i really really hope his relationship with izzy can be somehow fixed because if it can’t i think the new season will be really really really bad for my mental state and i mean that so genuinely and seriously it’s not funny.

[extraordinary-human-disaster]

i have to get rid of this somewhere and im gonna go here

the two sides of encanto are definitely just julietta’s side of the family being under constant pressure and pepa’s side of the family trying to help everyone else feel better and just about communication and connection you know?

julietta has to heal and obviously there’s a lot of pressure on her to be perfect because she’s literally dealing. with. lives. the woman goes through a LOT like all that cooking every. single. day. and having to be there no matter what. and she’s done this since she was super young so its just hdnshskdgej considering the fact that abuela probably told her to work faster and make more food and just generally put a lot of pressure (even though she wasn’t trying to) on her since a young age.

isa’s and luisa’s pressure is clearly stated in the movie where isa’s trying to live her life according to someone else’s rules just so she can be perfect while luisa’s trying to lift every weight around her. like their mother, both of their gifts include giving.

mirabel on the other hand struggles with the constant pressure of trying not to mess up when everyone around her clearly expects her to. she’s the other ticking time bomb of the madrigal family and the poor girl just wants to be included and loved but people wont treat her the same. later on she’s facing the pressure of not messing up and the prophecy makes it worse.

augustine on the other hand, is different. he’s constantly showing everyone that its okay to mess up and be a little clumsy which makes him the perfect partner for julietta (the fact that they’re complete opposites goes deeper but seriously they’re freaking adorable) and the perfect dad for their girls. he knows messing up is okay and is great for the family.

pepa’s side of the family wasn’t discussed that well in encanto but like it’s obvious with them too how their theme is healthy communication.

pepa’s gift stemmed from her emotions and its so obviously clear that she feels a lot of emotions but unlike other people her emotions have a outward impact of her surroundings. who wants to bet that she wasn’t belittled for feeling things that other people were allowed to feel or that she wasn’t regarded as too much or too dramatic or inconsiderate. she’s always told to keep calm and this can’t be having a good effect on her mental health because she literally has to tailor her emotions to fit other people. instead of being offered clear communication and helping her feel better everyone else just tells her to stop feeling anything but happy WHICH IS SO UNFAIR her mood swings are okay they just dont know how to handle them

FELIX ON THE OTHER HAND WOULD NEVER. felix is always. and i mean ALWAYS there for pepa and he’s constantly trying to make her feel better or validating her emotions and just overall letting her be. he never treats her different and doesn’t regard her gift as a problem. he’s so supportive and amazing and i just LOVE felix.

camilo shape shifts. like wow. trying to be someone else? understanding someone else’s point of view? like “my primo camillo wont stop until he makes you smile today” when this is exactly what his father is always trying to do considering the fact that his mom has intense mood swings and anxiety COMMUNICATION AND CONNECTION LITERALLY NO ONE TALK TO ME OKAY ITS SO EVIDENT

dolores can hear what everyone is thinking, she can listen. being a good listener. communication. being someone who understands other people. honestly i feel bad for her because being able to hear so much can get so overwhelming. but dolores is attentive and she cares and she gets people’s perspectives and again, that was evident with “mariano i hear you” ALSO OHMYGOD “dolores i see you”? throughout the movie a lot of people mostly go to dolores to find out something about someone else like hey dude she’s a person too literally shut up but she finally gets someone who loves with so much of his heart and now he sees HER. so well thought out.

antonio can literally communicate with animals. he’s so thoughtful and trusting for such a young boy he was ready to trust bruno without any doubts it was beautiful

OVERALL ITS VERY WELL THOUGHT OUT AND I FEEL A LOT OF THINGS RIGHT NOW OKAY

[fairycosmos]

lmao im actually so desperate to die im considering swallowing two peach pits just to see if i will choke to death because nothing else ive tried has worked so far . you know what my life doesnt fucking matter ill do it. with my luck it wont work i feel im being punished and thats why i cant die. ill do it. if i dont get back to you something happened but i doubt it. im tired like you said i deserve peace. we do. bye maybe i hope this works this is pathetic but im desperate to die

hey, i'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. it seems like you're totally overwhelmed right now and i completely understand how debilitating that can be. i know there's nothing i can do or say that will really change how awful it feels, and you're probably not in the headspace to read all this. but if you ever want to come back to it, it'll be here. maybe you could try some of these grounding exercises, here / here and here beforehand to get you in a place where you can focus a little. it's alright, there's no rush or pressure. i just wanted to say first of all that this is not pathetic in the slightest. sometimes the world gets on top of you and you go througn so much trauma and hurt that it really does feel like giving up is the only option. people can only take so much, and i get it. that's the trick of the suicidal brain though, i think. it uses life's suffering and your own past experiences to convince you that it is always going to be this way. to romanticize death and make it into something it isn't in your head. it is actually very hard to die, as i'm sure you know. and it's not the peaceful option or escape you're looking for, either. and the most paramount thing i want to say is that your life 100% does matter. this was never up for debate. you were born with an inherent worth and it hasn't went away just because you can no longer see it. you honestly can't fathom how you've impacted peoples lives, directly and indirectly, and even just the world itself. you don't have to be anybody but who you are, i promise, the whole point is just having the human experience you're having. you're fulfilling your purpose by existing, no matter how hard it is at times. i think it's a good sign that you reached out to me, i honestly think it shows that you have a lot of self awareness regarding what's going on and that you're truly capable of asking for the help that you need. you're not in a place right now where you can trust your thoughts and feelings, so it's good to seek an objective perspective from somebody else. this state of mind is so transient, it's so intense that it's not built to last. i'm not trying to downplay how unbelievably hard to live with, of course, but it can be freeing to acknowledge that this is not all there is, no matter how difficult it is to endure currently. you deserve to be here and to exist in a way that heals you, no matter what your mind is telling you. there can be a variety of underlying causes for suicidal feelings, and obviously they're very serious issues that need real medical attention in order to begin to overcome. but with that and with time, it is totally possible to learn to live a full live along side all you've been through. even though right now i'm sure that's the lastthhing on earth you want to do.

are you currently working with a mental health professional of any sort? your doctor, a therapist, a support group, even a hotline? if not, i would really urge you to get in touch with them as soon as possible. and if you already are, let them know where your thoughts are at lately so they can focus on upping your level of care. if you're worried about money, there are cost-effective choics available, like finding a therapist who offers a sliding scale price, or looking into mental health resources within your community. i know your brain is probably screaming at you to do the opposite, but i promise any baby step in the right direction is going to pay off. the prospect of reaching out and being honest is a daunting one, and i'm only bringing it up as something to consider at the moment (or when you feel able to) so please don't write it off all together. you don't have to do anything right now, just know you have options. you honestly do. and talking to someone really is not as bad as your brain is probably building it up to be. just like with physical illness, mental illness can be confronted and treated. it's all about learning how to manage your unique mind, and even if it takes a lifetime, it is so possible to lessen the frequency of episodes like this. or to become more prepared for them so they feel less erratic when they do occur. discussing about what you've been through, pinpointing root causes of your suicidal thoughts, learnng how to implement healthy coping mechanisms into your daily routine, building a support system, finding the medication for you if needed - all of this is going to make a tangible difference. it is not going to fix everything, obviously, but it is going to lighten the weight and broaden your perspective on yourself and on living. you deserve to be supported without judgement and with genuine care, you deserve to be listened to. there are a lot of people, professionals or otherwise, even just strangers like me, who are willing to filling that role for you.

idk how it is for you and i won't pretend to, but sometimes suicidal people don't want to lose their lives, they just want to stop living the way they are. with so much chaos and unresolved pain and exhaustion. you don't have to hurt yourself in order to get there. i know when you're in this mindset, any even slightly positive piece of advice just feels impossible to believe. but even if you can't seriously take it on board at the moment, i hope when you're in a more grounded place, you can at least consider as an alternative to absolute hopelessness. you may as well, because you are alive and that is not always going to feel like a curse. it is so hard to believe it, i get that, but it is a fundamental truth. you are in an extremely difficult moment but that is not your whole existence. the future is ever changing, and you've already made it through the past, so the only thing that really matters is this moment. focus on what you need, not what you want, but what you need to do right now to truly self - prioritize. even if that feels like the last thing on earth you want do. if self destruction and self harm was gonna make you feel better, it would've by now. welcome the idea of trying something new, maybe just the notion of attempting to guide yourself through this with a bit of self-compassion. please, if you feel like you are an immediate danger to yourself, please exercise any sense of self preservation/ survival instinct and call the authorities, a hotline or a friend/family member right away. no matter what bullshit your brain is telling you, no matter how heavy your heart is right now . everything is always always always changing and things are going to change beyond recognition, it's the one thing you can count on. you deserve to stick around to see it all, and once you've made the decision to do so, you won't feel so stuck and conflicted anymore. i'm going to leave some links that i think might help a little in this moment, but like i said, please call someone if you feel you can't be alone right now. i'm rooting for u a lot and i really hope you are able do the right thing for yourself. if it's all too hard, focus on getting through the next hour. if that's too much, the next minute. and if that's too much, the next second. break it down into what you can handle and let yourself live. and then just go from there. sending you all my love.

list of hotlines

coping with depression

coping with suicidal thoughts

so you feel like shit?

template for creating a safety plan

[miriamkperceptionblog]

Week 7

Independent study 

Come to your Senses: Investigate your own senses. Focus on the sense of smell, taste, hearing and touch (not vision). 

Currently, as Im writing this I am sitting in my cold, and damp Wellington flat. I am sitting on my couch in my lounge. I am going to investigate my senses from where I am sitting. ( I always sit here while I do my design work). I have never thought of my surrounding in any other way than “just my flat” and never thought much about my surroundings in a deep sensory way. Im excited. 

Smell -  

I can smell my flatmates cooking their vegan hello fresh nachos. Along with the dusty curtains to my left, and a hint of the flowery perfume I put on this morning, which has now gone stale. 

Taste - 

I can’t describe the taste in my mouth… its just my spit.. I haven’t eaten anything in over an hour now and Its hard to describe this taste because I am so used to it. 

Sound- 

I can hear my flatmates food sizzle and the crunch of their coin chip packet, along with the occasional banging of the spatular on the edge of the pan. I can hear the fridge open and close and the sticking together of the magnets. I can hear the eco of our wooden floor under their feet as-well as feeling the vibrations each step makes. 

The details of a touch/haptic/tactile experience-

Im currently holding my laptop on my lap. The metal was cold and hard at the beginning of my sit but is now warm and comfortable. I can feel the fan from my laptop spinning and vibrating my laptop against my thighs. My fingers on my keyboard feel a-little greasy and warn now. My track pad has a small blog of hardened glue on it and I can feel it every time I move my mouse. It feels sharp and hard.

2. Undertake some online research to learn about terms like proprioception, body awareness, haptic, equilibrioception, mechanoreception, balance, vibration. 

Proprioception/ noun. 

Perception or awareness of the position and movement of the body.

Proprioception refers to the body's ability to perceive its own position in space. Such as: Knowing whether feet are on soft grass or hard concrete, without looking (even while wearing shoes). Activities which strengthen you proprioception-crawling, push-ups, or squats. The sense though which we perceive the position and movement of our body, including our sense of equilibrium and balance, senses that depend on the notion of force.

Body awareness. 

Body awareness is the internal understanding of where the body is in space. Body awareness is highly influenced by proprioceptive processing, the sensory information one receives from the movement and force of muscles and joint groups.

A person's understanding of his or her own body parts and their capability of movement.

Haptic.

Haptic perception is the process of recognizing objects through touch. It involves a combination of somatosensory perception of patterns on the skin surface (e.g., edges, curvature, and texture) and proprioception of hand position and conformation. Haptics is the science and technology of transmitting and understanding information through touch. “haptic” means anything relating to the sense of touch. (It's derived from the Greek word for touch.) Haptic can be used in design! Such as being used to engage people's sense of touch to enhance the experience of interacting with onscreen interfaces. For example, when an Apple Pay transaction is confirmed, the system plays haptics in addition to providing visual and auditory feedback.

Equilibrioception/sense of balance. 

Is one of the physiological senses. It allows humans and animals to walk etc. without falling. Some animals are better in this than humans, for example allowing a cat (as a quadruped using its inner ear and tail) to walk on a thin fence. 

This is the same as when you pedal your bike. The speed of the tires on your bike allows it to balance. 

mechanoreception. 

A mechanoreceptor, also called mechanoceptor, is a sensory cell that responds to mechanical pressure or distortion. There are four main types of mechanoreceptors in glabrous, or hairless, mammalian skin: lamellar corpuscles (Pacinian corpuscles), tactile corpuscles (Meissner's corpuscles), Merkel nerve endings, and bulbous corpuscles. 

Balance/noun. 

a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc. something used to produce equilibrium; counterpoise. mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc. a state of bodily equilibrium: He lost his balance and fell down the stairs.

Vibration/noun.

Vibratory sensation is the sense of vibration, and may refer to: Vibration as a modality of cutaneous receptors (on the skin), referred to as pallesthesia. Hearing, which is sensation of air vibrations.

Select 1x and design an exercise and then do it. The subject can be either yourself or someone you know - record observations, your/their experience, what did you notice. 

Proprioception- brainstorm. 

Investigation 1 Proprioception

Sensory information you are receiving from your muscles, tendons, and ligaments. 

Using your muscles scenes to control your muscles to keep you upright. For examples-walking on sand. Your muscles are adapting to an environment where you aren’t walking on a firm service and your muscles send information to your brain to tell you the position of your ankles and your knees. 

(Blind people rely on proprioception sense quite a lot.) 

Everyday activity-turning the lights of in my room ( so I can’t see) relying on my Proprioception to find my door handle…or to walk to my bathroom. I will be replying on the information my brain is getting about where my arm is and where i’m walking. Proprioception is what will be giving me this information.  

Recorded observations, your/their experience, what did I notice. 

I asked my flatmate Ava to try find my doorknob while in the dark and blindfolded. She found this task easy as she knew which location/height my door handle was at but I observed the way she walked and put her arm up infant of her. This was interesting as she walked much slower and was unsure of herself. I noticed she was moving her feet in a way that she was almost using them to make sure she didn’t have anything in front of her such as a step. Her arms went up infant of her straight away as she was using them as a guide as-well. She demonstrated proprioception during this activity. 

Resource task. 

Browse through the online resources below, select 1 and be prepared to share your findings  in a group discussion for next week. 

Source - “Marres Maastricht - Education.” Marres, https://marres.org/en/education/. Accessed 15 Sept. 2020.

 “In The Invisible Collection art-lovers describe their favorite works of art. Originally created by Mediamatic Amsterdam, the project aimed to help the visually impaired to imagine works of art based on audio descriptions by art experts. In 2019, Marres developed a new version of The Invisible Collection, in which we started to collect stories about art (broadly defined) by non-art experts.”

I think this is an amazing project-this is based around the sense of hearing/sound. Art is meant to be enjoyed by all and when you can’t see it or feel it, It must make it extremely difficult for the visually impaired to enjoy art. Using this method is extremely beneficial and can create a sense of the artwork in the minds of visually impaired. By being able to hear how people describe the art people may be able to envision their on interpretation of the artwork.  I would defiantly recommend this source to anyone exploring sound as their sense as it gives an insight into how much people you can’t see rely on this sense. 

Key Module Resources. 

Source- Smith, Mark M. “The explosion of sensory history.”(2010): in the psychologist 23(10):860-863. 

Creative Practices

Locate creative producers ( at least 1 in your discipline area)  working with the senses or sense modalities.

“Why Graphic Design Should Engage More Than Just the Sense of Sight.” Eye on Design, 17 Apr. 2018, https://eyeondesign.aiga.org/why-graphic-design-should-engage-more-than-just-the-sense-of-sight/.

Kate McLean’s Sensory Maps

Kate McLean’s maps are visually stunning, peppered with colourful dots and morphing concentric lines. They could almost be galaxies. In actuality, they are Smell Maps, plotting data from various cities that visualises the distinctive smells from different neighbourhoods. Kate McLean generates this data by conducting “smell walks” throughout the cities she maps, asking participants to record odours and their location, intensity, description, and associations. Smells like “canal,” “leafy fresh rain,” and “laundry” are each given a colour and are indicated by dots on the maps. The distorted concentric rings depict the smell’s intensity and range as they're carried by wind, diluted by range, and mixed with neighbouring smells. By plotting her experiential data, Kate makes smell visual and geographical, and makes a case for what information designer Giorgia Lupi calls “soft data.” “Using humans as sensors is a method that aggregates personal insight”. 

[official-michael-afton]

I have a question about the redraw chat with some stuff a few back. I was rereading some of your posts about the venting which i super agree. Makes it hard to vibe in a chat but i do love that one. I dont remember any of the other mods helping though? Are the other mods still there? You handled it all real good though

Oh, the mods are wonderful! They’ve helped me through so much of this project, I wouldn’t be able to do this without em!

For the venting thing- don’t get me wrong we don’t wanna like- silence people, but we also kinda need to know when to step in. Like if someone’s just “ugh im stressed out over school it sucks :(” like yeah that sucks but it can be healthy to acknowledge those feelings and sometimes people can validate you or give advice! That being said, we have to step in when 1: there’s misinformation being spread or 2: there’s a crisis situation. When I say crisis I don’t necessarily mean “this person is in physical danger right this second”, I mean “this person is seriously emotionally compromised right now” and trust me, I’ve been there, it’s never a fun state of mind to be in. But when that happens... we have to acknowledge that we can’t help that person- and the best thing we can do is to urge them to seek professional help. And yes it might seem rude to be like “hey c’mon there’s a time and place”, but if someone’s going “i want to die” or something like that, other people can look at that and go “Oh, this is a normal thing to feel, I dont need to reach out for help, I can just list that every time it happens here” and... you know. You can see how this can hurt others in the long run. It REALLY sucks since I’ve repeated countless times that I’m not equipped to handle these things, but as a mod i need to know when to step in like “Hey you need to seek professional help right now, we aren’t equipped to handle what you’re going through, and venting here is not helping you”

... I rambled but like- just kinda tried to explain why I do what I do. A tough love kinda thing, you know? I’ve been getting really good these past few months at setting boundaries for myself! Like I’m not trying to carry everyone’s burdens all the time, I’m learning when to admit things are just- out of my hands! Or my comfort zone!

... I KEEP RAMBLING

But my point is, the mods are helping a ton. We have a private chat where we talk about things and like discuss how to handle situations behind the scenes- and I gotta thank them because two of them were actually comforting me when handling this put me in a bad mental spot. So like some mods are being more active than others, yeah, but it’s not like I’m the only one doing anything! Just cuz you’re seeing me kinda being a figurehead doesn’t mean I’m the only one doing anything!

Please be kind to the mods, they’re helping me a lot and I would’ve probably abandoned this project if they didn’t take much of the weight off my shoulders

[sir-adamus]

I keep seeing people yelling about how ironwood is still a good dude and how he’s got good intentions and shit and I’m like bro. Good intentions or not he’s created a police state and is acting like a dictator and is like all around a fuckin moron. Ppl need to use critical thinking skills. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Doesn’t everyone know that idiom? That’s a thing. Amazing

and thats the thing

good intentions or not

hes doing bad shit, he doesnt realise its bad, but that doesnt make it okay (and to be honest Ironwoods whole mentality seems to be that well intentioned people cant do bad things which is... real fucking dangerous). its this whole discussion of intent versus impact again - it doesnt matter what your intentions were if the impact is awful (and it reeks uncannily of “he has a tragic backstory so its okay that he brutally maims and murders people, its not his fault”, as if suddenly the fact that Ironwood has good intentions completely invalidates any negative impact they might have)

like hes a dictator, he is corrupt as hell (or need i point out that he has two seats on the Atlas council - giving his agenda more weight than others because he gets two votes in every decision - and now the rest of the council are so scared theyre just letting him do what he wants), he has turned Mantle into an oppressive police state where the citizens are under constant observation, arent able to defend themselves for fear of punishment, and their only line of defense is a bunch of crappy tin cans - and occasionally Penny, and look how long it took her to show up, shes one person, she literally cant handle that whole city by herself, no matter how powerful she is - their security system has been left as vulnerable as Beacons turned out to be because Ironwood never bothered upgrading it like he did Atlas (which has made it pathetically easy for Watts and Tyrian to sneak around), and his hand-picked team of Ace Operatives... are a hit squad who can snatch people off the streets and have zero accountability (and no immediate inclination to help the people from the looks of things either), and im sure theyre probably fine people, but thats the thing, theyre in a position of power over the people of Mantle and Ironwood hasnt thought through how it would look to them

and thats the heart of the issue - Ironwood is focused solely on Atlas, he doesnt care whether hes hated or not (and thats bad, it means a. that he isnt considering that hes doing something wrong, doing more harm than good, just that its some noble burden to bear, and b. hated dictators tend not to last long, the only thing they tend to inspire is rebellion and revolution), and he isnt putting any value on the lives of the people of the city below - the floating fortress of the rich and powerful is his primary motivation, the lives that might be lost defending that are just a “necessary sacrifice” for “the greater good” (phrases used to justify so many atrocities)

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

https://seaworldentertainment.com/blog/coronavirus

72 hour window, sea world you can do better.

Anxiety and stress cause people to introvert and a single email or especially a phone call can be impossible.

Mental health awareness should enable you to change that policy.

Plus just the panic some arise to the occasion - others shut down

I do both. In my personal life... I don't like canceling on others. And so sometimes I just don't show up without a call. Just blow it off.

I have severe issues at times where hiding is the best feeling for me to use to survive...

I recommend that all places that charge people to go to give automatic refunds or allow travel rearrangement for up to 5 years in the future but at least 3 years to reschedule.

Having only a short window of the rest of 2020 -- well i can tell you it's highly likely people will not be doing shit on their own for the rest of the year as far as having the freedom to make plans of where and when they will go

And if they do Then you have people from March to October that need to fulfill their travel obligations plus you have the humans that want to go as well.

So, you will actually overfill your facilities and you will cause a problem on quality you can provide and have over crowding which dimishes the quality of your services and the ability of guests to enjoy the experiences and hospitality you provide.

Thus then making people not want to make plans for the following year to your business...

So i recommend at least a 3 year window to reschedule. Maximum of 5.

This allows the promise you'll have guests willing to go for the next 5 years meaning that people will go And pay like at sea world pay extra for food and gift shop items. Thus providing an income.

Some places will feel the need to financially close. Like here we have a small amusement park in Albuquerque called Cliff's... Im sure they would be fine and not close because of the tight knit community and school field trips and etc. But if they had to there would be an ability to sell so the community can still enjoy. So ...

Places should seek the ability to sell to keep the community activities available. Or at minimum give a refund and also highly advertise as much as possible Your permanent end date so people can cram in and get their dollar worth

It seems that our time on the ocean will not exceed past 2020 and so in 2021 the world will be free.

And yet we cannot promise that. I won't. Because I don't know what will happen exactly for sure for sure. Until it's done.

So i feel comfortable saying everyone will be locked down for the remainder of 2020.

Will we be? We are working as diligently as possible. I am working with amnesia and so governments have a 3 year lock down achievement plan. Across the globe. The last two years remaining of the plan are intended to be free with extra caution.

We have many things at stake. Primarily abductions and alien issues. As well as diseases which aren't a primary concern because they are created then altered in a way most people are safe. Its an inner soul that can heal. Changes in the minds and soul. Medical care is for comfort only But can not heal.

Injuries on the other hand must require hospital care and we will work to get healers in as much as possible. Otherwise traditional stitches and surgery for now.

Just don't take it too harsh when a patient dies. Just do the best you can. Know you did the best and somethings are simply out of your control.

If you did the best you could don't second guess. Ask a tree If there is a better solution. But don't torture and beat yourself up about it. Just keep adding and retaining information to help you assist in the future.

I say that as for doctors but that goes for all our Humans, New and Old.

What we hope for is a repeat time of last year where its the end of October we begin release just like we did for the human traffic victims.

So if youre wondering and you need a time placement look to last year and say "this year we will spend like human traffic victims did And we will be let free the same time Sabrina found them last year. So the end of the year holidays"

Personally like Alex I don't like the lock down modes and you can tell by the way i have responded to that.

However i do deem it is necessary for human safety and will only work if it is adhered to the strictest of rules.

Not for the spread of Viruses as i have represented is not a concern to me -- But to prevent human trafficking. And to help people get off illegal drugs.

This last week 1.489 million people were kidnapped for the sole reason of human trafficking in factories. This does not include the 7.86million from planet Xion.

With 84 trillion people in the world it is a small percentage.

However it is still too many. 1 is too many. 3 people is excessive.

Rapes have gone down by 84% since DNA4U surfaced to availability. With Quarentine they have gone up by 2% because people are not using the required recommended Friends list.

Family list is genetic. It doesn't mean you can trust them it just means they share your blood line.

You must refer to the Friends list. It is searchable and filterable. So you can find a family blood line member you can trust to babysit that will not harm your child.

So you need to help us help you by standing your foot down. Call the police if you have to And say "Some one is attempting to repeatedly have access to me and/or my family and they are on my enemy list"

This will make you a priority. And you must show proof of this so the police know how to handle the situation as there sre guidelines. They can type in their computer the codes and cross data and have about 3 different solutions. Of course they will need to "target" "satellite roam" "alert zone" and see if there is stalking going on and what else all this person is doing for the entire time of Quarentine. A list will then appear of what is considered good and bad.

7 times the first week of Quarentine to stores -- pass

7 times in the 3rd week of Quarentine to shop -- fail

8 times to enemy only after researching DNA4U -- inquire -- then it states from the looks of it -- did they go around looking in Windows? Did they go knock? So it is dependent on the quality of the people involved. They are coded by color and letter.

So basically a person of lower quality looking in Windows will state -- inquire -- FAIL FAIL

A highest quality will state -- inquire -- PASS PASS.

Highest human quality will state ------ PASS

Then there's Pass which is an alert the person is an a state of depression. Meaning white gloves. Extra care.

pass means action will occur in the upcoming months or has already. No punishment.

pass/fail means you've done shit that you shouldn't had. But we will let it go.

Then you will get s police report of Tree Quality sent to your DNA4U.

The police will also get one to the satellite map system. SMS. Which they then transfer with their comments to their local police reporting system. If they choose.

So call and report,tresspassors and other things

We called yesterday for Alex and he didn't want to. But i wasnt there. His security is to guard. He ran in the house and they fired warning shots and went in. Thus stating inside the home Chris McGayHay would be killed because that was the claimant territory. And also it auto covers any place where there is lung/gill breathing life.

So had Chris went to where the animals were even am aquarium since he had already physically attacked, he would have been shot and killed immediately.

Instead i handled his sick brain and kept him on the ground by using my experiences. Until police arrived.

I've promised him for the last 20 years i would make sure he got my revenge on his lies and forceful actions upon me and others. Since he was a "child" of 8 years old. Sometimes pure evil is obvious.

He's had time to change and if he had gotten bygones would be bygones. But like other evil he's continued.

So i never told him the police were coming.

And a sideline to "drug dealers" i promised if you used my system you would not be arrested.

I did not promise users anything except they would get their drugs and changes would occur to weight and quantity that is not the dealers concern.

So I in essence protected the drug dealers but trre does over see.

I am head of the CIA and so they do work for me, i do allow them extra pay that would otherwise go to the CIA. "Taxes" so they are paid by the CIA. I got a very tight system.

They would be laid off/fired. Which means when told to quit because theyre stupid they have to quit and then tree handles and it could include arrest if they continue to sell large amounts or to more than 20 people a few grams.

That is people whom were paid by the CIA to handle transactions of illegal drugs. Only.

So 5 people were laid off and tree had in depth discussion in person and so 2 were reihired. 3 were killed. Worldwide.

Now if someone i just explained did what Chris did they would been killed instantly due to the responsibility they hold to be an upright citizen. They would not have been arrested.

Now if Alex was a delivery personnel and Chris was a pick up and you like Alex punched him 9 times in the face and fucked him up. You would get an apology and the customer would been killed and/or arrested. Also you would get free medical care.

Now the concern was I turned him in for the quantity of drugs he had on him. He worked (no longer so mechanics find another team because Chris WILL DIE that is a fact and a promise) for NHRA. ALL NHRA employees were Ordered to get their drug issues under control. Per NHRA WRITTEN and DISTRIBUTED guidelines he was 79% over the limit. So he had almost double what he was allowed to OWN. And he is only allowed to carry one day worth on his person. Unless he just did a pick up.

So it was up to 7 ounces he could carry in the beginning. Now it is 3.4 ounces hes allowed to carry. Any NHRA employee that was employed in February 2020 or hired since then.

It lowers every week. They have to check the schedule.

That said. Any drug user with 2x more Than what the NHRA is allowed and is involved in a violent crime upon an innocent person will be charged with drug trafficking. This includes kidnapping. Domestic violence. Theft.

The minimum level for a random user with out an employee guidelines will be set at 1 ounce as max. On the person.

So that is set for criminal misconduct and that amount is set for the 4th of July.

Everyone in the world is in rehab.

In one way or another. I'm in rehab for my amnesia. Mine is on tv and in social media i can find photo. Ysll help. Its a long explaination ... But y'all help because I watch on Netflix what you do. I watch Top 10 and i watch trending and i watch new releases and recommendations. Like kinda turning on the radio... Just what's on easy access

So this way i found the series "you" which shows Alex in a non forgiving light. The different girls are all me. Basically in simple terms its called "shape shifting" the reason is for our safety... Some for his sanity... Some obviously I made mistakes... Like not realizing the emotional problem associated with

Now there is with Beck some crazy shit. Now what it was was we were being watched with all kinds of spy equipment. So we were like when i was locked in th box -- it was acting... Emotionally we released but used non identifying words to express our True emotions. So basically we were saying What the spies wanted to hear. And doing what they wanted or what we needed to do to survive.

Having to,fight the Zulululu who does mind games included

So the series "you" can be enjoyed the way it is seen or it could be understood with truth. So y'all trended it and i found it.

It was filmed,in,the 1920s 1980s 1960s all,sorts. But we always magic in technology

This is why. Because we are ass holes.

We tricked them to think there was time traveling. Which is not even possible.

We did a lot of torture.

But you see Alex always picking up little kids to save... He can't help it. Poco was an illegal alien. But Alex did all he could to make his life more comfortable and happier and safer. He loved Poco, i loved Poco. We still do. So we didn't treat Any one less than human.

But we did send in electronic devices we would use in the future that were unreleased to the public and did it via magic. And we lied about years. To trick.

We did base it on reality of the time table we set to release the electronics in the future.

So it wasn't a back to the future deal. It was allowing people to use the technology we had available but had not released.

So I am in rehab for my memories and my abilities. Changing skins... Stuff like that...,

Things i have forgotten.

Trees remember but they filmed these via their tools and so i use them so they can be busy for the future and current life.

They are helpers. Some are servants but they are not slaves. And they have human feelings.

So I sometimes need to be reminded to ask them for help. Because i can't do everything on my own.

So im getting tired. Tr33 updated you on Alex. I'll be with him and try to make his day okay

I'll be watching the tv and generally resting.

So thanks for being interested in our lives and have our real life "reality" t.v. up trending and easily for me to find.

"You" is just what i needed for Alex and i's relationship. I love him.

He wants to say what happened yesterday. And so i had sent him stuff in insta then he shared in his group NHRA chat cause it was funny and informative and he said to humans to do something in particular because it will harm them.

So alien tubes that can't handle all the attention not on them got dumb.

And Chris McGayHay went at him in group saying he was disrespectful to non-humans (aka rapists) and so Alex explained what i meant that "sexual gratification isn't expected from tools such as vibrators and shit like that but from real life human experience,such as pain and suffering being relieved by sexual intercourse and the length and intensity of a sexual orgasm is,dependent upon the emotional level of both people. If one is upset just even about the world issues, sexual impulses from the brain will create more intense and sexually gratifying orgasms which is why she said for me not to get one"

And then Chris McGayHay went after Alex all crazy saying "she said not to have sex with her and I'm gonna kick your ass for lying" and some other vulgarities based upon his interactions with me. Because I don't fuck the world. I'm celebiete except with my soulmate in a metaphysical connection.

So Alex said in response "i Wouldn't want to fight me if i were you because she actually hates you and wishes you were dead. And is thus I would beat you to the living daylights were gone only for you to live the next 3 days with your lungs drowning in blood to make you think you have the Corona Virus impeded with COVID-19 and she would have you laying in my yard in some random corner after ghosting spirit and half animal crazed dragging you to where vultures will eat you. But if you wanna bring it on. You know,the rules and you must pay up front now according to the new rules format with the NHRA. Which I don't like but it stems from the Queen's ruling and how she set it up in 1994 in the Original Fight Club. So do what you want as Sabrina says but i guarantee you, you come here to fight me or her or for her when she can fight on her own you will leave here dead or wishing you were."

He has 7 hours left. If the jail sends him to the hospital to repair his internal injuries, he will die in surgery. Doctors and hospital personnel have enough on their plates to not deal with this mess is a blessing.

He does have his phone to call his loved ones to say goodbye, bitch on the internet about me and everyone else. Look at porno. Whatever he wants. But in 7 hours he will die for what he did yesterday and in hid life. Hurting others when ever he could.

So then back to the issue of yesterday. What I then sent Alex totally Contradicted what Chris said. So then I posted it when Alex and I heard Chris saying maybe that wasn't my Insta account although I posted a screen shot last month with that exact account covered over with marker. They could compared the length. I posted a full detailed story which is why I would have that account.

So my text is in Black with pink tinted. I proved I use An old site and tree proves "magic" crosses over my posts to be a certain way via my log on and ip address and my DNA. NO ONE can post in my colors. No one can post in Alex's nor Tree.

Its like going pee. It only comes out one Way. You can't refill your bladder through your pee hole. Tubers have tried this. 89% of them world wide. 100% in the USA. it's impossible

There were classes on it.

So I coded post 2x

And still he went to beat up Alex or just plain commit suicide.

So Tree has a rather lively action adventure movie to share in schools around the world. Don't worry outs specialized. He's the Tree of Knowledge.

He will use it for doctors and lawyers, people wishing to be and those just curious. By the time it's released With full editing it will be "Old World History"

He'll have 21 different videos in regards to the event. Going back 20 years when I gave him the name McGayHeyHey.

So y'all be good. If you need hospital care and you have no insurance, go to an URGENT CARE or Emergency Room and you will be automatically put on my insurance. You'll need a $3 fee to enroll. Your visit that day will cost $1. Total of $4 at the clinic then $1 for all prescription you can pay at the pharmacy or clinc.

I know y'all got $5 on me, too.

[booksbroadwaybbc]

I know I have the potential to be great, and I choose the path of the weak every time. via /r/selfimprovement

I know I have the potential to be great, and I choose the path of the weak every time.

Im so shitty. I dont even know why im writing this. Honestly I see other people post and I wonder if this actually helps. I'm at a point where If there's even a chance it could help, I should try it. Im 29, skinny black guy. I literally weigh about 130 lbs. Live with a roommate and brother. Other brother moving here in bout a week. Im older than all of them. Somehow I've got to this point in my life dropping out of every school endeavor i ever embarked on. Dropped out of High School, got my GED got into college then dropped out of that. Was too busy smoking weed, playing fighting games...just being a fool. Never been in a serious relationship at any point in my life. My love-life is non-existent. My only working background is in grocery stores and call center. I legitimately want to just stop everything. If I have to take calls for another few months that really might be it for me. I'm at the complete end of my lane. Im not here to discuss where my thoughts have gone, but I know for certain I cant keep doing this type of work for the rest of my life...I don't think I'll last to the middle of 2019 before I quit and look for another job. Speaking of that, my last 5 years of work history is just me bouncing between jobs. I got a job at software company doing customer support, but i threw that away too. They wanted to send me to Ireland, a real chance to start over and for some reason i threw it away. I just feel inadequate as hell in comparison to my brothers (one who has graduated college, the other who is going to Lincoln Tech now). I don't have problems talking to women casually, but I dont have it in me to discuss anything romantic with a woman. I wouldn't date me. If I was a woman I wouldn't even talk to me lol, let alone date me. I see my laziness, my apathy, my lack of empathy toward other people, and I know it's' shitty. I hate it, I hate myself and I absolutely must improve. I know that I can, when I actually put my mind to something I excel.

But you know what I hate more than anything? People who look for sympathy, people who want others to feel bad for them, and worst of all people who don't fucking work. So as I make this post, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. If anything insult me, because well thats what I deserve and probably what I would do to someone else.

So since im literally at the end of my fucking rope, I've been trying to rewrite my life as hard as possible. Dedicating literally every minute of every day to improvement. Literally every --single---minute of every ---single--- day. As i write this now im at work, im doing quite a few things inbetween calls, and decided to visit this reddit because I made this account and subscribed to it a few weeks ago.

I probably sound like an idiot going into detail on this, but as embarrassing as it is I will. I made a plan for myself for the next 5 years. The plan includes my goals and ways to achieve them day by day. It also includes checkpoints every so often for me to check In and make sure im actually focusing on my goals. I need these checkpoints because in the past when I tried to do things like this I would lose focus eventually and fall into loads of weed use and alcohol abuse. My goals are listed below in no particular order:

Improve my overall Health - this multi-part goal. It includes both physical and mental health. I weigh 130 lbs pretty much on the dot. I'm not sure what my ideal weight would be (I don't know how I'd look at lets say 170 lbs for me to call that my ideal weight), but the first milestone is 150lbs. I want to hit this in 6 months, or atleast check in at that time. In terms of how I plan to do that, I've detailed a complete workout regime for me. Of course, I could go into detail on that, but the most important step, more important than working out is just eating more. The hardest part of course is always sticking to the regime, but atleast i've wrote down what I need to do. I don't know why but for some reason I just have trouble getting myself to eat. Even when i'm hungry, i'll smoke or go for a walk or go to sleep or just game - I'll do anything but eat. As of today, I'm changing that. For my mental health, I plan to read recreationally more especially when on public transit which Im on for about 2 hours a day. Why reading? I need to stay away from my phone. I spend so much time on discord, losing myself in non-stop content online through youtube or twitch or whatever. I need to get back in touch with me, and not be scared to be in my own thoughts. As a kid i use to read a lot, I was a creative kid. I think somewhere in the weed use I lost that, I want it back. After doing some research I've also started journalling. I Journal twice a day, once in the morning once at night. I try to spend 30 minutes a day total (15 minutes per night/day) writing down my thoughts from the previous day and goals for that day in the morning, and what I actually accomplished and thoughts for the day that night. After reading what I've wrote for just a few days, turns out I'm actually a very bitter person. Maybe not bitter, but definitely angry and intense. I'm also trying to meditate, but Im not really good at this. What I do is just sit down in my room, light a candle, make some tea, close my eyes and think for 10 or so minutes. Any thought that comes in I try to analyze where it came from and if it's a negative thought or stemming from a negative. Im not good at this yet honestly. Its important to know these things aren't something I want to add in only for a limited time. I think I need to do this for the rest of my life, otherwise I spiral fast. My mom has suggested therapy but, I completely refuse. If I can't fix myself I won't get fixed. I'm not scared to ask for help, but therapy is out of the question until I've done absolutely everything I can to fix myself.

Develop a Skill. Particularly I want to program. I've taught myself abit of HTML, CSS, and Javascript. Honestly I'm a complete beginner, but I've dabbled abit. I've made steps to already begin teaching myself in my routine. I've been using codeacademy pro for about a month now and I'm working on deploying my own site (my first project will just be my resume on a responsive one page site, got the idea from a friend). This comes from, I have to develop some type of skill in order to move out of Customer Service. I don't know what else to even do, though IT support comes to mind but I don't want to support anymore I want to create and develop. I'm not trying to avoid work, I just want to avoid working with the general public, and I want to avoid my job being to educate others or fix mistakes they've made. Even though I think that still happens in development, I atleast want a career that pushes me mentally and forces me to improve my skillset in order to stay relevant. Most importantly, I want a job I can be proud of. A job that I myself can be proud of. Even though Customer Service/Call Centers are important for alot of companies, I cannot stand this line of work. It is so mind numbingly tedious and repetitive, and I feel like I am wasting my life and my potential handling these minor inquiries when I know I can use my mind to accomplish and work on something much greater. I don't care how arrogant or fucked up it sounds. It's not that I think i'm better than anyone, I just KNOW that i can achieve more than this. I know that im here because of how shitty of a human i've been. I'm tired of it, I have to change it.

Learn another language. The only other language I've had real interest in is Japanese. Honestly I've been at odds even with myself on this for a long time. Is it bad that I enjoy that type of culture? I'm not trying to be a "weeb" or just say it to sound cool. I've spent time learning to recognize some hiragana/katakana just on my own in the past. I don't think it's a perfect culture or anything, but its the only one that legitimate has always interested me for as long as I can remember. So i've decided to pursue it and fuck it, if I look stupid or like a weeb or whatever I guess I just have to accept that. Again I have my own routine I've detailed for myself for learning, and I have a few people I can actually practice with. I somehow got a friend of mine a job in Japan as a english teacher...but I havent done anything myself to move toward that and I know god damn well I could.

I want to become better at interacting with people. Last few months I've lost myself in just complete self indulgence. I won't go super into detail, but I think we all know what this means. Drug use, alcohol use, long nights on the internet avoiding sleep exploring the most degenerate shit man. The worst is after nights like that you can't look people in the eye, or have normal conversations. It just eats at you knowing youre not only wasting time but spending it on something so shitty and useless. Putting time off with family/friends to stay at home and waste time, I won't do shit like this anymore. When you fall into a rut like this, or whatever it is, all your relationships around you start to crumble. Then I wonder why I havent been in a relationship, lol. Well im done and hopefully by writing this It gives me strength to not fall back into that dark place and keep me on the right path. I will show I can support my family and I can receive their support as well. It will take time to repair these relationships, but If i dont start now I feel like they really will crumble forever.

This is basically my current mental state. I don't know if this even fits this subreddit but I hope it does and if not feel free to inform me. The purpose of this is to show that, I am on the path to self improvement, its all I care about right now. Being better than I've been in the past month. Better than I was yesterday, because if I dont change my life now I'm legitimately scared what I will do or where I will be 5 years from now. If you actually read all this, thanks. If you have any thoughts, please let me know. If I sound stupid, let me know. If I sound like all im doing is crying and complaining, please inform me. You have any videos I can watch on improvement, including mentalities/mindsets/meditation please let me know. Im open to anything. It took me about 2 hours to write this in between calls. As I hit post I'm going back to coding and planning on working on my first project immediately tonight. Guess i'm saying this more for myself than anyone.

Thanks for reading.

-Just

Submitted November 10, 2018 at 11:22PM by StoicJust via reddit https://ift.tt/2z213YJ

[ephemeradical-blog]

Weight Loss Surgery: A Cautionary Lapband Story

I made the choice to own weight loss surgery. When this occurs, I tipped the machines at about 305lbs. My reasons, as anybody confronted with this determination may agree, were my own. I also made many errors at this point and people I do believe need addressing. The largest were: my decision to really have the surgery within my hometown and the surgery I chose. I reside in a city of 100,000+. The Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex area is roughly three hours away. There is an office of doctors in my village just released as doing weightloss surgery, but just two: the Lap-Band and Gastric Bypass. I explored both procedures and had some ideas about each, but wanted to consult a physician in this office prior to making my final choice. I did think the Lap-Band may possibly be it for me though as it’s reversible and a less critical alternative compared to bypass (as far as having my anatomy cut up and re-planted together and experiencing difficulties like the chance of seeking gallbladder surgery, “dumping problem,” and malabsorption problems.) My step sister chose to possess a bypass within the metroplex area prior to I'd my method and was delighted like a clam about the whole thing - I hope I’d followed her lead. I met with the physician. I was asked what insurance I had (National Blue Cross Blue Shield) and what method I would like. I told them I’d prefer to discuss my options along with the doctor did a short run down of each, however the perspective of the visit was quite definitely “Why did you come here should you didn’t know?” I opted for Panel-Band… when I should have plumped for another physician, but the Lap-Band requires regular follow-up visits for fills (adding liquid to the band via a slot underneath the skin so that you can maintain the band’s rigidity around the stomach and produce weight reduction.) I needed to help you to get this preservation within my hometown rather than push for three hours everytime I must be seen. I had been ok with all the prospect of slower weight loss since - after spending nearly all of my life in Weightwatchers - I knew slow weight loss was prone to equivalent permanent weight reduction. Next time I found my physician was your day of the procedure.

I was later told that is what’s called being a “heartbeat with insurance.” I had the procedure 01/14/09. There is no psych consult, no diet beforehand, no ending up in a nutritionist or exercise specialist - I had been told “eh, if you don’t like it, take it out!“. My last stable food and carbonated beverage was 01/12/09. The surgery was a day surgery. I was put under, the group was located, I used to be taken up to recover, gently hit conscious, taken to radiology, designed to do an upper GI and swallow contrast material in order that they might scan me and make sure everything was okay. This made me start to retch which caused among my medical sites to reopen. I bled all around the ground - I still have the blood-stained socks. I had been fixed backup and sent home. For that first twentyfour hours, I had been hanging. I was still on top of whatever they gave me at the clinic in addition to the Twilight sleep patch behind my hearing that was put there to stop the inevitable nausea I get after being sedated. Next? I had been in hell. I joked about wanting a Clockwork Orange Diet - one where I encounter physical pain or discomfort in the concept of eating because I thought that’s in what it would try get me to alter my ways since I really like eating THAT much. Well, be careful what you want for… I vomited constantly. I was more upset than I have ever experienced my life. I got my pain medicine which managed to get worse. The worst part? I was still ravenously hungry. The Lap Band had no effect whatsoever on that. I wanted only to consume and even the broths and sauces I ate made me throw up. The entire time I had been nausea, I had been terrified I was going to slip my band (cause the band to maneuver which may cause the wrong sort of constriction - reports I read about this on the web stated that those who did this couldn’t actually take their own spit afterward.) Band slippage often requires additional surgery to improve and that I was already in enough pain to not ever want surgery again. I will remember my Mother coming to visit me now and me crying and just saying something similar to, “What have I done? If you're also considering this, don’t do it.” My husband called the doctor to document how nauseous I had been to the stage we thought something was wrong. They shrugged it off. We called again. The physician finally mentioned maybe it had been my pain medicine. Affirmed, I had codeine awareness and factors were only a little better after I quit getting the medication, but rather of giving to replace it with something else, I had been advised to take liquid Tylenol… that we quit on as it didn’t help somewhat. So just about I did so many my recovery without any pain management whatsoever $6. Besides being physically sore, I was suddenly also faced with an incredibly real sensation like mental pain. Unable to rest or get comfortable, I resigned myself towards the sofa and watched TV all day. You don’t understand how much food there is on TV and soon you can’t have any. My husband could come home from work and that I would just cry. I’d list everything I watched and what everyone ate: a detective show with snacks, a sitcom with delicious cereal being nonchalantly consumed immediately from your box. It was suffering. I don’t honestly remember the post surgery diet I had been on. I believe it was a week of clear fluids, two weeks of complete (milky), fourteen days of gentle then regular food as tolerated. I’m not 100% sure though. I had been appointed for my first followup. I believe this was initially I quit your house, used garments, etc. I still felt like death. I offered myself inside the surgeon’s office, looking and feeling like death and he said ‘well done.’ I wondered if he was also looking at me. A friend got me out of the house after week two, but I still felt horrible. Basically it was merely a sofa holiday, from languishing on my couch to languishing on hers for an evening. I took fourteen days removed from work overall. “They” will say you can probably go back to work after one, but in case there were problems, I wanted extra time to feel better - child, am I glad I got that much. Even though I was actually powerful enough after Week-One, emotionally was another story - I'd have gone ballistic on everybody the very first time someone earned a take-out hamburger for lunch. I continued going in to determine the physician for group fills. We didn’t examine my treatment solution or exactly how many fills I may require - in the beginning I didn’t even feel any variation whilst the band tightened. He just kept telling me to come in. I will try to sum up since I don’t actually remember in what order things occurred next point. The almost 36 months I'd the group were essentially the most unpleasant of my life. My band never slipped or eroded, but I still experienced pain, distress and almost constant nausea. Anytime I'm expected now in what I experienced, I reply the band is “medically handled bulimia” - and that I have the ruined esophagus to prove it. Here are some things I hope I'd known: 1. The band doesn’t make sense Your stomach isn't a sealed container. It’s more like a sieve. The entire reason the Lap Band is supposed to work is basically because the region of your stomach that causes emotions of volume which it conveys to your brain is near the top. The band cinches up your stomach to produce a tiny pre-belly pouch that you are likely to complete with food which will trick this region into early feelings of fullness. My surgeon explained the complete objective of eating would be to get pencil eraser-sized bites and wait MINUTES in between each. You ought to get so “bored with eating, you receive up and go do another thing instead.” (Yea, tell somebody who feels like she's hungry to death to sit in front of food and take pencil eraser-sized bites. That can surely work.) So tell me this: you often follow this process and pulverize your meal to the level that it slides straight through the group and defeats the reason or you take big enough attacks that you just do refill your body, but are then in agony as you experience each piece of badly chewed food try to move across your stoma (your new beginning from stomach pouch to frequent belly. I call it having “food babies.” the initial time I experienced the impression of eating something too large to easily go through this beginning, it felt such as the worst ice cream headache ever. in my stomach!) 2. To most doctors, you are what I was: a heartbeat with insurance Physicians receive money for doing surgery NOT for aftercare. It is likely that excellent your doctor will probably KEEP YOU. Hey, should you go have surgery in Mexico, you almost certainly won’t get any aftercare at all! Leading me to the next fun fact I hope I'd have known: 3. If your physician leaves, NO BODY WILL TOUCH YOU. My surgeon left town and took his whole office with him in just a year of my surgery. This left my area high and dry. There was no one in town who would also go near me. This made it added fun once I ended up “obstructed” (the band packed my belly completely shut for no reason at all - I had been unable to eat or drink anything) as well as in the IM in regards to a week after he pulled up levels. The first reaction of the ER was “go away, we don’t know anything in what you have,” however it was a three-day weekend and I basically had nowhere else to show so I actually had to walk them through how to consider fluid out of my band so I would have some relief. I searched doctors in just a THREE HUNDRED MILE radius and was often declined being a new patient even though I could develop my operative document which showed there have been no issues with my surgery, or was quoted a silly “New Patient Fee” of anywhere from several hundred to several THOUSAND dollars. 4. Your insurance means nothing If you get within the location I did, abandoned by your physician and with no body else in your community or out who'll help you, congratulations: you've now entered the entire world of money-for-support! It doesn’t issue that I've extraordinary insurance that paid for just about something I needed, with no physician to take my insurance, I had been SOL. I turned to go-between. A silly middleman service that required income up front and reached a system of vendors near me (I applied Austin primarily - the quack in Irving hurt me worse attempting to give me a fill than I’ve probably actually been injured because place before) to secure an appointment to get me a fill. I'd to utilize this company several times to secure fills to have me back-up for the degree I was at ahead of the ER had taken some out when I was obstructed. 5. You're at the band’s mercy Your Research-Band uses no predetermined rules. It's also suffering from points completely outside your handle like atmospheric pressure. I'm very much a beast of routine and might consider the exact same equivalent Lean Cuisine meal to work for lunch every day. I might haven't any trouble whatsoever eating it or -two to three days-out of five- I might throw it up. I was also told swelling and water retention during my time could and would make the group cinch itself up. The group is an implanted medical device. Believe very carefully about all of the ads you notice on Television: “Call 1 800-fat-sttlmet4u if you have had some of the following… Lawyer Steve can struggle for you!” If something goes wrong with it, you face more unwanted effects or surgery. Our band really had a recall putout on it not too much time after I got it: just a little bit used to show the port’s tubing and keep it from getting kinked up can come undone and cause stated kinkage to occur. The very best part: the recall was for companies not already inserted. For me who previously had it? “Don’t worry. Take no action. You’re probably fine.” The worst thing I focused on was getting obstructed again without one to assist me. Since the best thing to do is fear and anxiety, I instantly looked at one of the best books/movies: “The Stand.” There was an entire part in the book devoted to individuals who could have survived the problem whenever they hadn’t completed x/y/z (ruptured appendix, dropped off motorcycle and broken head, etc) and gotten killed. I immediately put myself within this type: the planet ends, I endure, except my stomach squeezes spontaneously shut and I starve to death. 6. You can still make all the wrong choices What no one told me and I didn't reveal in my own study concerning the band is: the group is just a software for fat loss, yes, but it’s a poor one. Since your stomach is intact, you may still extend it. The quack I mentioned before in Irving stated a patient he was seeing who were able to extend his bag to date that the upper GI revealed that his body just returned his intact stomach BELOW the band (one stomach, then lapband, then the other stomach.) There is also something called “soft fat syndrome,” where your group may actually be too small (a situation my doctor had me constantly current in before he left.) You are physically unable to create the “right” options in regards to food as the right choices hurt. It never ceased to amaze me how I was instantly limited within this regard following the band. I got to where I'd endless desires for salad because I hadn’t enjoyed a salad pretty much the whole time I was banded. The greens were a nono for me and might get trapped and irritate me till I threw up. This sort of discomfort can also be what might cause potential congestion since I’d get swollen. You start making choices which might be simple and not right - high-calorie, creamy, fat sauces, milkshakes, icecream - things that are simple to eat since they get through the band and don’t cause any pain or discomfort. 7. You can still gain all of it back I suppose I knew about that potential, but I didn’t need to think about it. Allinall, I lost about 70lbs using the band all together. The truth is: because it didn’t impact my hunger whatsoever, all it did was delay the inevitable. Each food and eating related desire was still there, I had been just physically struggling to show it. The month the ER did a partial un-fill as a result of obstruction? Yes, I gained 20lbs. I lost it again after I got re-tightened, but it showed me the score. I was probably only about 10 or 15 lbs up after I finally decided to produce a change. I joined Weight Watchers for your thousandth time and began counting and tracking - something I should have done since Day-One using the group. I don’t understand what I had been thinking. I was told a great deal of reasons for what the group was said to be and there were also a great deal of things that I should have done that I didn’t. * * * So I was un-banded (disbanded?) on Dec 6th (RIP Lappy 01/14/09 - 12/06/11) and plumped for the gastric sleeve. I realized that if I didn’t get another type of surgery - for all my training and good intentions - without that safetynet, I'd nevertheless be backup past 300 in per year.

Our experience was the precise opposite of the Lap-Band in almost any way. I'm amazing and wish I acquired the sleeve in the first place and didn’t waste almost 36 months in agony, but what’s the motto? Hindsight is always 20/20. The sleeve was still being refined like a strategy back then and so I might not have already been as pleased with it then as I am now-so - here’s another one for you - everything happens at a unique time as well as for a unique purpose, I guess. I began writing this as a comparison of each knowledge (thus the prolonged URL), but I noticed I had much too much to create and so the gastric sleeve must have a unique center later. I really do very much know that this IS SIMPLY one person’s experience. There are plenty of others available who love their Lap Bands and have had wonderful experience together. I simply wanted to let you know what happened to me justincase you are creating a fat loss surgery decision right now an Get acquainted with more about Centralia Orthognathic