#im not being completely sedentary or anything i just need /more/

[doecrossing]

Girl why have I been so fucked up this past week or so I rlly thought I was beyond this

[dungeons-are-too-cold]

Steve was literally prom king in 1985, he mentioned that to Robin. Yeah he didn't have close friends, like Tommy and Steve, but he was still popular enough. Maybe Billy dethroned him as king Steve, however it was established he's charming. It will take more than Billy for him to drop the social ladder, especially after ditching Tommy and Carol he seemed to appear nicer. He was popular for a reason, people in general liked him I don't think that just goes away, especially because he didn't do anything horrible, besides getting rid of his old buddies. I don't think Steve was suddenly a lonely loser eating alone in the bathroom. Steve is a social person, he knows how to talk to people. The least he had is school friends. Him not being able to flirt in s3 after Nancy is completely different than making friends in general.

i don't remember the prom king line so thank you for bringing that up! i do think he was relatively well liked, im not saying he was like cast aside or dropped to like "loser" or "outcast" levels of like social standing.

that aside though, you can be relatively well liked and still not have like a solid footing in high school. Like, i had tons of friends, people generally liked me, i got along well with everyone, i had someone to talk to and chat with in every class i ever took, was super involved in extra curricular activities, and yet i found myself alone a lot at school, sitting by myself in the library or the bathroom, crying my fucking eyes out cuz i was lonely.

like, being popular and having your people i feel a very different concepts, especially in an environment like high school that operates on this relatively sedentary social ecosystem. If steve always sits with tommy and carol, like we see in season 1, and they are suddenly not sitting together, sitting in the cafeteria might not even be an option anymore because at that point in the school year, theres this kind of established flow of cafeteria life. People sit in the same seats with the same groups every day. Now in season 2 you see he spends time with Nancy in the library, steve probably played basketball at lunch with the team or practiced his sport, but he wasnt really like close with jonathan, ya know? but at least he had nancy. He's still getting invited to parties and stuff, but he spends all of his time with nancy, because yes she is his girlfriend and he loves her, but at this point nancy is all thats like left of steve's people. Its clear theres an antagonistic sort of energy between steve and tommy, and tommy has some social pull still to a certain degree.

back to high school bullshit, when you and someone who operate in the same social circle are fight? it makes that social circle nearly unbearable, but there isnt really a full escape because you have the same friends the same classes the same extra curricular activities, etc.

i do like to try and take comfort in steve being a social person, post season 1 he's probably much more pleasant to be around, but he is not a smooth talker. Tommy was the loudmouth, and steve kinda just reaped the benefits of that i think, cuz you can see in season 2-3 that he's insecure, he's running on a script that doesn't really work anymore, and he's kinda awkward. He's not good with words when he has to be at the forefront of things. Take his essay as the first example of that. When he's left up to his own devices, his words don't exactly make sense or fit together. When he doesn't have a system or script to fall back on, he flounders.

This is seen even further in seasons 3-4 where you see steve relying on these high school systems he's learned to work so well, but now that he's not tied to all of it in this post Tommy and post billy world, its not working.

i'm not saying he's some sort of self pitying sad loser boy, but i am saying he probably didn't feel all that secure ya know? like, he's clearly defeated when he doesn't get to leave hawkins, when he doesn't get in anywhere, because he needs something new. He's stuck where he's at and its not working for him.

idk i didn't mean to like make this a long post lol, but yeah i think that there could be a lot of stuff going on in his head and in his life that might contradict some of the assumed social life of our dear dear steve. I'm not saying hawkins high like threw him to the side and discarded him, he wasn't some teen-movie-john-hughes social reject, but he was probably lonely and probably struggling even if it seemed like everyone liked him well enough, that doesn't necessarily mean you feel close to anyone. Being liked and having friends can be two separate things

this is all just like my brain stuff i like to chew on when im bored and wanna think about steve harrington <3

[sunbvrst]

*  whats up , buttercup ! hi , i’m julia ( 21 , she / they , gmt+8 ) , and i’m so thrilled to be here !! so pls let me introduce my sunflower child ,  seoni  !!!  she’s an old muse of mine but haven’t really had the chance to fully develop her yet , so im excited for that part as well sdfdkjf ,,,, information under the cut are all the information i have for her , i apologize in advance if there are hiccups along the way i promise to fix that ;-;  !! nevertheless , i’m pretty excited to plot w y’all and meet everyone’s muses ♡

( PARK SOOYOUNG, SHE/HER ) ╱ oh looky, if it ain’t [ KIM SEONI ] from [ 304 ]! a busy bee little [ PILATES INSTRUCTOR ], aren’t they? still can’t believe they’re [ 25 ] this year. i heard they’re adored for being [ GREGARIOUS ] but their [ EVASIVE ] attitude can be a pain in the ass sometimes. have they not thought of moving out after [ ONE YEAR ]? oh well, as long as they like it here!

*   𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖑𝖔𝖌𝖚𝖊   ╱  STATISTICS .

name  :  kim seoni

nicknames  :   sun , sunny 

age  :   twenty  -  five

birthday  :  may twenty  -  seven

zodiac  :  gemini sun , pisces moon , sagittarius rising

place of birth  :  gwanju  ,  korea 

gender : cis woman

pronouns  :   she / her

orientation  :  pansexual , panromantic

nationality  :  korean

occupation  :  pilates instructor 

pinterest  :  found here 

*   𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖔𝖓𝖊 ╱  BACKGROUND . 

looking back at seoni’s earlier life, there wasn’t anything particularly atypical to it. she lived in a quaint home in gwangju, where she was nurtured by a close-knitted family. her mother was a retired pianist who spent most of her time teaching little kids piano within the confines of their home. while seoni’s father was a local literature professor who was the sole reason for her early appreciation for art and literature. 

seoni’s parents were never the overbearing type. although they had been quite vocal about which direction they wanted their daughter to take, it was purely seoni’s decision to choose the options that would make them the proudest. high school went by in a breeze and academically, seoni did exceptionally well considering how determined she was to make her parents proud and graduate with honors. her parents knew for sure she was going to take the direction they dreamed for her to take— everyone was convinced she’s bound to make great things, put her wits to good use, and enter law school; therefore, she tried. 

however, college became a crisis. seoni agreed to study in seoul, as per parents’ wish, and it’s been a struggle. bearing in mind that seoni’s been cooped within her familial nest all her life: options laid out for her, plans designed for her, indebted to the people who raised her; seoni realized she didn’t know how to work for herself. 

many people her age would’ve had their life already planned out in their head, but seoni had gotten only even more inconclusive as time went by. she first took political science, hoping to prompt her well for law school, but ended up shifting to history, then economics, then even landing to communications, completely placing her mind in disarray. her parents were really supportive of whatever decision she chose, although there was no denying the hint of disappointment seoni sees in them when they meet during holidays. no one can blame them though, they had high hopes for seoni. the problem was, it was their hopes. 

in no way does seoni blame her family though, she’s done this to herself without fully figuring out what she truly wants and who she truly is. so, true to her person, she graduates with a communications degree and no direction in life. 

she continued to live in the city, told her parents that she’s working as an editorial assistant in some company, but excluded the part in which she quit because the work was a boring desk job hasn’t been her cup of tea. instead, she did 6 months of pilates training and is now working as a pilates instructor; which by far has been less cluttered and more affable. 

*   𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖜𝖔 ╱  TEMPERAMENT .

as you might have noticed, sunny is quite the whimsical type. one minute she’s there, the other she’d forget the reason why she did something remotely close to the activity a minute ago. it can be frustrating, and it has led to multiple questionable choices and actions from her. 

seoni is so quick to let her emotions influence her, especially in decision making. she’d always consider what her loved ones feel about the situation first, everyone else second, and hers last which is why she’s very evasive when topics regarding her future surface. she’s a strong believer of living one day at a time because in that way, she feels in control. 

she’s a master at changing topics so quick when the conversation’s even an inch closer to unravelling her past. seoni’s very outgoing and has this ability to overshare, but not overshare at all ??? she talks a lot about the surface and decides that’s the most vulnerability she can offer. the past, college, is just a weird topic. yeet. 

on that note tho, seoni’s adventurous side comes from her escapism tendency. she likes to divert the attention to the fun and joys of life and just stays bright and bubbly that it seems like she’s got zero problems. so with that, ig people might not see seoni as the person to confide into which stems from her being clueless in situations that she needed to be empathetic. don’t get her wrong tho, she’s an empath but isn’t really aware on how to apply it. 

basically, just your regular sunshine daisy who never forgets to offer a smile when you pass by her in the hallways, very easy-going and really friendly, so there’s rarely any trouble in that department. on that note tho, she terribly needs to work on opening to people more and just be human for a teeny sec. 

*   𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊 ╱  PLOTS .

i suck at titles ,,,, yikes , and suckier at planning well thought out plots , bigger yikes BUT i do want a plot in which seoni is very much challenged to get out of her comfort zone. seoni values every relationship of any kind however it hasn’t usually reached to a point where she gets to be vulnerable so perhaps, a relationship that would bring the somber side of her would be fantastic. 

she’s been living at andante for a year now so she would absolutely have people she loves to bother lol, let it be dragging them to a midnight stroll, a tolkein film marathon, or mukbang + soju night; basically, her go to person. 

seoni loves to persuade people to try out pilates and to rid of sedentary lifestyle lmao. so perhaps people she teaches or goes to pilates with.

im running out of ideas so i’ll just throw in a bunch of words that might spark inspiration: fluffy best pals connection, sibling type connection, bad/good influences, angsty toxic relationships, frenemies, people she can drag to do reckless decisions with, angst again, the one who she’s attached to the hip to, and honestly im open to whatever :D 

[credulouscanidae]

i feel so endlessly frustrated at myself because i can see the patterns of my thoughts, know the logical and practical steps i need to take in order to fix them, and i just...cant do it. i acknowledge that these feelings cycle; im a sucker for nostalgia. i look at all of these things ive shared with my friends, all these memories and selfies and fun times, and i know i can have that again. and i know that i just look at these things and think that “things were better then”, because its so easy to trick yourself into thinking that when all youre seeing is a condensed collection of happy times. i think 2016. that was easily one of the worst years of my life, or at least the ones with the most changes. it was the 180 flip from child to adult, the year i lost so much of my identity, and gained a new one. i was mentally and physically a completely different person by the end of that year. and yet, i look through these photos tonight and see just how many jokes and fond memories i shared with my friends. maybe because i was 19/20, i still had that immaturity about me so i was able to let loose. maybe being isolated inside for 2+ months has made these selfies sting more. maybe i miss when we were all in school and not at work, when we could all plan get-togethers a little easier. idk.

but this wasnt meant to be a nostalgia rant, but its definitely triggered those thoughts.

because in all these group selfies i saw tonight i saw how insanely different i looked within a year. it was when i developed my starving-orientated disordered eating, it was when i came out as trans and so changed my hair and wardrobe. 2016 was fucking wild. and i saw glimpses of how i used to be, and how despite being in so much pain, that was the year i took a leap and finally did something for myself that would set me up for success, rather than failure. and i dont do that for myself often. and im prouod of younger me for doing that.

because it shows that, no matter how much pain i have continuously been in for almost my entire llife, that i can take steps to improving my life. even though coming out as trans is not the same as confronting trauma, i think living as a truer reflection of who i am has definitely helped me feel more comfortable and confident.

and i want to lose weight again, because the confidence i radiated at my peak ED/lowest weight was unmatched to antyhing ive ever felt before. Ive gained a bit of the weight back (which funny enough since being on hrt i still look different/different weight distribution), but i want to lose it again in a healthy way. and i know i have to get out of my feedback loops and actualy work for it, as hard as fuck as it may be.

i dunno man. im nearly 24. i know thats still 6 years left of my 20s, but if ive learned anything from the past few years, its that they go by fast and i will be pushing 30 before i know it. and i dont want to be fucking 30 years old and still not have worked myself out. i mean, its ok if me or others havent, but i just. i dont know. i dont want to turn 30 and say “aha cool thats 20 years i have been extremely suicidal and self harming and full of trauma and brain rot”

which is why, as hard as it is, im really trrying to get the ball rolling on geting diagnosed with whatever-the-fuck-i-have. getting the ball rolling for me has taken ...well...ive received it, convinced myself its not worth it, and stop it. i cant keep running away from help. its discouraging when your professional is a bit shit so. idk. i know ya gotta keep trying. 

i need to start an exercise routine, just doing my daily walks again would help so much, because my body is in so much pain from a sedentary lifestyle. 

the most ive done is actually start drawing daily, which was previously really hard for me to do. im proud of myself for that. i want to release my webcomic, i want to consistently do commissions, and i cant do any of my artistic goals with my previous workflow i only have just managed to improve on.

and thats the hardest thing about being mentally ill. you have to put more effort in to survive, the odds are stacked against you, and you have to set up and stick to methods that’ll help, even though that means fighting against symptoms that discourage and impact u so severely. and it also means some days you cant fight it, and you have to give up. relapse happens. im just tired OF it happening.

though, i thankfully feel different. as a teen, i felt there was no way out besides suicide, as a fresh adult i realized there is hope, and i have ambitions and something to give to this world, but i was still very suicidal, and still lived wallowing and unable to get out. but as a young adult, i know i have to set up my life now to pave the path for the future. ive always been screaming for a release,and that release used to be suicide. now? my release is mental wellness. and fuck, its the much harder path to take. bpd, cptsd, whatever, it rots my brain and drags me down and makes me act on bad habits and behaviours, but dammit. one day im going to get that release.

maybe not all of it, maybe not till im 40.

but one day.

im going to look back and see how i am now as how i used to be, not what i still am.

maybe one day i’ll experience that release..

[dgsurfers]

(two people in an apartment living room, standing in the kitchen, talking to each other, and eating cereal. it is 9:16 am)

2: hey wait whats that sound?

1: what sound? 

\*building explodes and they both get incinerated*

2: \*wakes up* ..huh? where am i? \*looks around*

2: i'm in my closet... what just happened... was i just dreaming?

2: \*peers through the closet shades* holy shit... that's me, sleeping in my bed... what the fuck? am i asleep now, dreaming, or did i just wake up from a dream? i know i am asleep now, over there, but am i dreaming now?

2: oh... im getting up... this must be this morning, because it's 8:30 now, i can see it on the clock, and i remember this morning because i woke up and was surprised that i happened to wake up at exactly 8:30...

2: i left the bedroom... \*gets out of the closet*

2: i remember at 8:35 i left to chase down the paper boy because he forgot my paper... and i came home around 10 minutes later... i have to wait a couple minutes and then i have 10 minutes to leave the house.

2: \*exits down the stairs and through the back doors*

2: thankfully i woke up in the clothes i dressed up in before i woke up in the closet. i guess i must have encountered some phenomenon, or i'm hallucinating...

2: wait .... what am i supposed to do... i just woke up here randomly, what the hell? am i supposed to start living my life again as a second me? i cant even live in my own house?!?!

2: i guess i could go talk to myself if that was the case. i think i wouldnt mind living with me.

1: hey… hey… hey!!!! what are you doing over here? i thought that i just saw you running the opposite direction… after the paper boy…

2: huh? um… uh… oh, well i got my paper. he gave it to me, and i got it. im just taking a stroll now. i heard it isn’t good to be sedentary after you run, so i’m just cooling down now.

1: oh okay.

2: are you still trying to sell packs of hot dogs on the street?

1: heh, yep. no but seriously, i’ve sold so many. I don’t need a summer job at all, people really love me.

2: i understand doing it at night… when people are drunk, or hungry, or something… but it’s so early in the morning… what kind of people are you trying to sell them to? 1: well, i keep seeing people barbequing, mostly old people, right? so i figure, the only people who are up at this time are old people. and you… and if they want to save a trip to the store later, they can just buy a pack from me.

2: okay.

1: it works because i look very clean.

2: well that… oh crap.

1: what? 2: \*dashes behind a bush* 2 (1): \*walks up behind 1* hey dude 1: huh? \*turns around* you totally disappeared for a second... 2 (1): what?

2 (2): (that’s me… that was me this morning, when i came back from getting my paper i saw 1 outside in the back and went to say hi… and then i asked if i could come over…) 2: ok that doesn’t make any sense because this is the first time i’ve seen you this morning. anyways… do you want to hang out in your apartment and eat breakfast or something together…

1: eat breakfast together? yea… why not.

2: okay, let’s go. \*leaves* 2 (2): oh, shit, i probably shouldn’t follow them or anything, i’d just have to be hiding the whole time because i don’t want to have to explain anything… frick... wait, but…

2 (2): oh, my god! they’re going to get to the apartment and it’s going to explode! i remember now! is this a second chance? have i been sent… i’ve been sent from another timeline to save another version of myself…

2 (2): but i’m completely the same… you know i always thought that me from another timeline would be different slightly… oh well.

2 (2): i have to save myself… i’ve been given a task by the universe, or god, or the clouds! i have to go after them to warn them!

2 (2): \*runs in the street and gets hit by a car*

2 (2): ahh.. what the fuck happened? i’m in the closet again? i forgot what happened… why... 

2 (2): oh shit… i got hit by a car… i was going to save myself… my task… my task… my task…

2 (2): it’s 8:29, i can still see myself sleeping in my bed. i got another chance? i really have to save this timeline. it must be important, for some reason.

…

2 (2): okay, i left the house finally… \*runs out through the back doors to outside*

1: hey… hey… hey!!!! what are you doing over here? i thought that i just saw you running the opposite direction… after the paper boy…

2 (2): \*at the same time* after the paper boy, i know.

1: huh? what? how did you know i was going to say that…

1: well, i guess you were the one running after him, so you would know i would say something like that

2 (2): well that’s the more likely answer but this is the truth: i’m me, but another version. the other version of me, the one you know, is going to come around the corner in a couple minutes, and ask to hang out.

1: what???? 2 (2): it’s true. i woke up in my closet, after we were hanging out in my apartment, and it exploded, it literally exploded, and i woke up this morning, because that happens later… you havent had it happen yet, it’s going to happen…

1: WHAT?

2 (2): i’m explaining this bad! i have to say it right, see, it’s going to happen when i come around the corner in a couple minutes, the other version of me is going to ask if you go to the apartment and then you’ll go and eat cereal and talk about anime or something and then the building just EXPLODES!!! i’m serious, and then that happened to me but i WOKE UP in my closet and i’m being given a chance to save myself in this timeline!! it’s a task given to me by god or the universe or something!

1: AAAAHHH THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE YOUR CRAZY!!!!!! \*STABS YOU TO DEATH WITH A HOT DOG SKEWER*

2 (2): oh god, i messed up, i’m in the closet again… what happened? i can’t remember at first...

2 (2): i saw 1… i was trying to explain it, i got stabbed to death i remember now… that’s so scary…

2 (2): and, i get a third chance? i just really have to do this. it feels like a really simple task but i just keep getting killed…

2 (2): maybe, i should just keep living here. and i should just be able to keep living. because what’s going to happen to me after i fulfill this task? 2 (2): but … i have to … i love the universe, and the sky… i never thought like this before but i know that i love series of events, and i will serve my duty. it’s justice…

2 (2): i’m already out of bed now… i’ll head down in just a couple minutes. i’m just going to head over to the apartment first thing, i’m not even going to try and interact with anyone this time.

...

(two people in an apartment living room, standing in the kitchen, talking to each other, and eating cereal.)

2: where did you get this cereal? it’s not english right, it’s a japanese product. where did you get it? 1: there is a store nearby that has a section that is imported products from japan

2: why did you go?

1: well i've been really into slightso flife anime recently… so i wanted to really... “immerse myself in the culture.” you know, i go on the forums right. a lot of people say it’s good to do that.

2: what?

1: huh?

2: why did you say it like that... you said "slice of life" but with like a weird pause... and a "t"... what?

1: what is it supposed to be?

2: it's slice - of - life. like, like a slice of someones life

1: oh... i see now... i thought it was "slightso, flife".

2: why??

1: i thought it was japanese words

2: hey wait whats that sound?

1: what sound?

2 (2): \*runs in* YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!

1: what? why?

2: holy shit- this guy looks exactly like me?!

2 (2): we don't have time guys, this building... is about to explode!

1: WHO ARE YOU? WHAT?

2: what?

2 (2): yes, and we have to leave. i have to make sure you don’t get hurt.

2: you’re me, right?

1: WTF????

2: no, dude, relax. i trust this guy. i think we have to trust this…

1: okay… i trust you...

2 (2): i am you, but i don’t want to explain it all, i need you to get outside!

\*all run outside*

\*building explodes moments after they are distanced from the apartment*

1: whoa!

2 (2): we made it... thank god… i did it, i fulfilled my task...

2: how did you get here?

2 (2): i don’t want to get into it... its for the better... something is happening to me now… i’m fading away…

2: you're going already? but you're me... i want to know more...

2 (2): sorry... it's too late...

2 (2): (to 1) goodbye... \*smiles as a tear rolls down cheek*

1: what?

2 (2): \*fades away*

1: okay. weird.

[windsweptlassie]

a happier year?

don’t reblog, just my thoughts here

i’ve been thinking about it and while 2018 was momentous and important for me in some ways, it was also pretty terrible. it was very hard and in some places completely unrewarding. i spent a good half of the year in a terrible, overworking job that didn’t pay me. i felt as though i lost friends. i made several mistakes that i can’t go back and change, i reached the worst point of my depression several times, but most notably at the very end of the year, when i almost abruptly stopped being able to function on the level i wanted to. i had a rough fall semester that amounted to subpar grades, and i didn’t seek the help i need. i spent a good part of the year dealing with a strained family situation. i gained weight; i spent a month with an unknown respiratory illness that completely sapped me of the motivation to do anything, and that’s not counting the depression. i have reached a point where i am considering if it is more worth it for me to leave academia than remain.

but despite all that i kept going- i am still here. in some ways i did quite well in that fall semester- i finished it! i passed my classes! and i started doing things i’ve always wanted to do. i did make some new friends! i started boxing more, and swing dancing, and sewing. i lost a little bit of weight (and this is not saying losing or gaining weight is good or bad, but the little weight i had gained was a result of. depression and sedentary behavior so when i started working out more it got better. that’s all) i learned some really cool stuff. i redefined my relationships with my family in some ways for the better. i saw some beautiful art. i MADE a lot of beautiful art- it was one of my most productive years. i left that terrible job (and got all my money.) and so on.

the turn of a year does not make things easier. everything is much the same. in a way the passing of time makes everything harder. but despite that i have begun more intensive treatment for my depression, and i am hoping it works. other than that....i’m still here. i’m still living and fighting and trying.

and i am hoping for a happier year. i love you all.

[seouliloquy]

I feel like the universe hates me.

I didnt get the need-based scholarship this semester. I went in to find out what the deal was and they said since i already got it twice they gave preference to other students who didnt get it yet.

Which makes like no sense cause everyone knows that without selling yor body its impossible to earn full tuition by yourself in Korea.

I mean i chose this path so its my fault and i should have prepared to pay the whole thing from the beginning right? But stupid me, relying in my advisor's recommendation letter to help me out I naively assumed i could safely earn half of it during the summer vacation and be okay.

I made the mistake of making this assumption and treating myself to a new workout outfit. I mean i've been exercisig a lot too and making decent fitness progress top so i deserve it right?

Then i find this out.

Which means i can apply for the tuition payment in installments...but that still means that somehow, magically, i need to increase my income by 800,000 won per month to make the payments and still manage 6 major classes.

And then i go to pay my health insurance today and at least get that taken care of because if i'm gonna be killing myself to survive this semester i better be able to pay for my likely hospital visit.

Speaking of which i still havent gotten my eye exam or blood test that I was supposed to get in uh...March....i'm sure my doctor thinks i left the country. But i need the discount on my tests and prescriptions....when i eventually get around to getting them done.

And O is just like "quit the jobs you have now, and stop playing soccer. my friend worked in a bar in Itaewon for 9,000 per hour and she even got tips i will ask her about it"

Okay, 9000 won per hour, in Itaewon, sounds sketchy to me. I dont trust it. Also that means late hours bartending and no tume to study and quitting the single thing i do that makes me happy anymore and having so social interaction with anyone anymore. Also i hate itaewon. Full of greasy scumbag men that will follow me and bother me and i dont even want to breathe the same air as them. And my current sandwich shop job is great, im the best employee and my boss values and respects me. The problem is i cant get more hours from him.

And my taekwondo and soccer classes are done as of today because they dont match up with my class schedule this semester. All of my classes finish at 5pm

She says "just try it this way" so easily. She has a 4.1 GPA and got full paid scholarship this semester and last semester. She hangs out with her friends all the time. She works enough to give herself pocket money and buy stuff online all the time and spend her entire life in the study rooms but she complains about gaining weight while eating chocolte and ramyun noodles all the time and hates exercising. Thats fine on her, she can do what she wants with her life. But for me, being active has helped me so much. Because its part of who I am, i was active my whole life and being a sedentary miserable student has been my downfall into depression and weight gain and more health problems.

I had signed up for a 7km marathon with two korean friends and their friends as a group and now i'm considering selling my ticket to extra cash.

And then to make everything worse, my ARC card is missing and i need to pay my health insurance. If i wait 3 weeks for a new card i'll have to pay for august, september and October all at once and i'll have no coverage until then and who knows wtf will happen knowing my luck.

O isnt planning on going to grad school. She's gonna get married with her bf and live haplily ever after doing who knows whatever. I need to go to grad school. My degree (if i even manage to finish this shit) is useless otherwise. All my time abroad and time spent studying will have no value as an American who can only speak English and decent Korean. I have no other skills except food service. I will graduate with no research or lab experience because my university sucks at having these kind of opportunities (for foreign students) and i will have no time to even volunteer or do an internship because i will have to WORK to survive.

And everyone is like "just take a semester off" like Koreans just dont get it at all and it drives me nuts.

I'm half ready to just pack up my shit and leave forever and just give up. I am just SO exhausted. Everytime anything good happens to me or I do one little thing for myself or makes me feel good (i completely regret going out for chicken and beer after work yesterday) shit like this happens. I'm tired of constantly having to find another job every 4 months. I'm runnig out of adaptability HP.

I just want a real break, for once. Like today os the last day of summer "vacation" and i'm not even excited or nervous about starting the semester but rather freaking out about how i will survive.

I'm not willing to quit my sandwich shop job because it gives me almost unlimited free food and it has so far been the most positive working environment i have had in the almost 5 years i've lived here. And its close to home so no commute cost or time...but getting more hours is the problem.

[hotfitnesstopics]

Mark's Daily Apple I’m No Longer Anxious About Not Having Food Available It’s Friday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Friday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading! I’ve been athletic and thin my whole life, 5’9″ 145 pounds. Nine years ago when I was 22-years-old I started noticing that I was running out of steam when road biking. The problem was solved with eating more, things like granola bars and gels. Over the next 8 years I kept having to eat more and more to feel satiated. I stopped road biking and going to the gym, I had no energy to be active even though I was eating tons of tons of food (carbs). We’re talking about eating four bagels at work, in addition to 3 large meals a day. Going on trips I would have loaves of bread on the ready. I had seen an endocrinologist, had many things tested, I appeared to be completely normal. No medical explanation. My A1C was 5.7 and when occasionally checking my blood sugar it would always be between 70-130. I eventually hit the point when I was having hypoglycemic-like incidents every 2 hours while being completely sedentary. Eating would solve the issue for 2 hours. I was a slave to food and was scared of what was happening to me. I was struggling to live a normal life. Last year I turned to Dr. Google and I found the ketogenic diet. It seemed to make sense, your body will run off of ketones and your blood sugar will not be all over the place. Within a week I had my life back. Boundless energy and endurance. Doing more research I found your site and The Primal Blueprint. The Primal Blueprint and fitness clicks with me, much more than just limiting carbs. I’ve been primal for a year and I am feeling better than ever. My yearly physical showed my A1C at 5.2 and I’m no longer anxious about not having food available. I am now 31-years-old and I can look forward to living life. Something interesting that I can’t explain is that I never was able to gain weight, before primal and even now. Maybe I have a very fast metabolism, I don’t know. If I don’t have time to make breakfast in the morning I am able to skip breakfast and have also experimented with fasting for 24 hours to see if I could do it. I’ve found that a small amount of healthy carbs gives me that extra gear for when I need to be very active. My current activities are chasing after my three children and cutting up firewood, no easy tasks. I can tackle these with ease, thanks to primal. I’m certain going primal can cure just about anything! The post I’m No Longer Anxious About Not Having Food Available appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple. more info...

http://www.fitnessclub.cf/2018/08/im-no-longer-anxious-about-not-having.html

[weannoyingbouquetgalaxy-blog1]

Whats a really good health insurance for college students?

"Whats a really good health insurance for college students?

I was wondering what is a good health insurance company to get a plan with. Im a college student and im in nursing school so they want us to have health insurance in case we get hurt or exposed to anything at any of the hospitals we work at. Im not required to have it but i would like to look around and see if there is a good plan that I could afford. So in case something like that would happen i wont be paying for the required treatment completely out of my pocket. Thanks for the help.

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolution.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Cheap basic health insurance for 21 year old?

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Car insurance for 17 year old??!?!?

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Hi, im 14 and starting to get interested in buying a car, i want a old muscle car type like a stingray Corvette, Mustang, or Camaro, something of the type, like models 60s to 80s, i asked my dad about insurance on something like that and he said it would be expensive because of the fiber glass bodies and other things, i just wanted to see if he was right or wrong. so if someone could tell me all about that, i would appreciate it thanks!!!""

How much will my car insurance cost (please read) !?

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Lack of heath insurance in Georgia?

My friend's husband got into a motorcycle accident recently and ended up going to the E.R. Problem is, they don't have health insurance because he was fired from his job. I've been told that the tax payers have to take care of the cost. Are there any consequences for him, or he just doesn't have to pay anything?? That seems crazy. Why would anyone have health insurance if thats the case?""

Insurance rates????

my insurance is way too high...I have insurance with a nationwide company....and I have to have full coverage because I'm financing the vehicle. My question is..where can I go to find some cheaper insurance? I heard that smaller companies around where you live usually offer cheaper rates? Is this true?

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I was wondering what is a good health insurance company to get a plan with. Im a college student and im in nursing school so they want us to have health insurance in case we get hurt or exposed to anything at any of the hospitals we work at. Im not required to have it but i would like to look around and see if there is a good plan that I could afford. So in case something like that would happen i wont be paying for the required treatment completely out of my pocket. Thanks for the help.

Car insurance?

i currently have a car and am insured fully comp on this. my partner is about to purchase me a new one but as i still own the other one i'm not sure what to do about insurance. i'm tempted to take out another policy with a diffenret company for fully comp and run them both until i sell my old one. any suggestions

Insurance for first time motorcycle driver?

I'm 16, female, & am looking at the Kawasaki Ninja 2009. I would be the primary owner, and I'm wondering whether the color of the motorcycle will affect the rate of insurance as well? Thank you!""

Car insurance deductible question?

OKay so I was rear ended on Fri thr 13th! ha! I already called my insurance company on Mon morning. Taken care of, and I can get it fixed as soon as I want (tomorrow). I'm also trying to call the other insurance company of the car that hit me so that they pay my deductible ($500). Do I need to have this done with before I take my car in? Their insurance company is a very small one and is giving me a lot of crap over the phone. Should I just call my insurance company and have them deal with it? What should I do? thanks!""

Added my newborn to my insurance after 30 days?

help ! after i had my new baby things wre so hectic for me. he had jaundice and in and out of doctors.. my toddler had dental promblems . i had post partum issues myself and by the time i called to add baby to insurance it was abt 12 days after the 30 day period . my insurance is united healthcare thru my previous employer that im currently on cobra with.. they denied adding my newborn and said they wll send me a letter so i can appeal but im afraid that wont help . any advice on what i can do .. i cant imagine nt hvng insurance for my baby..especially we just got home from the hospital yestrday bcz he has broncholitus .. so i wl be billed for that . i know i called to add him late but hopeflly there gtta be something i can do. i means its for a child i live california .. any advice on how to handle this

Am I obligated to keep homeowners insurance?

I filed a theft claim earlier this year. Now my insurance company is telling me that they will not continue my coverage due to the claim. Im going to other insurance companies and gettting quotes, but they are stating that due to the claim, they will not cover me either. So my question is if my finance company will obligate me to find coverage on my home. (1st time homebuyer)""

Will getting one speeding ticket increase my insurance bill? Will it show up at all on the bill?

I have Allstate if that matters at all..

Insurance costs for new driver in canada?

I just got my g2 and im wondering how much will insurance be for a new male driver on their own vehicle, with no collision coverage? I know it varies!!! So just give me like a general answer... BY THE WAY I UNDERSTAND THERES WEBSITES THAT WILL GIVE YOU A QUOTE! I TRIED THESE AND THEY DONT WORK! SO DONT BOTHER TELLING ME TO LOOK AT A WEBSITE LIKE THAT!! theres still going to be a wise guy who does thou...""

Do you need car insurance for this?

I want to get my car the 2014 sticker but I currently don't have insurance because I've been jobless & I just started working. I payed for the license plates on June . & I just wanted to know if not having insurance was gonna be an issue

What CAR INSURANCE should i use?

whats the cheapest? its just me im almost 19 (2 door 95 celica GT). I live in Arizona i need full coverage

How much would insurance cost for a 2010 Camaro?

My mom told me if I get a 3.0 this semester and throw in about 5,000 dollars to help then she would get me a 2010 camaro for christmas next year. She said it has to be the v6 base model. I'm 16 years old, a junior in highschool, a guy, my grades are decent, and the cars gunna be white with black stripes, not sure if that affects the price, but its gunna be automatic and my First car. I know some people think are gunna say im stupid for spending soo much on a first car but I really don't need to hear that from you. All I need to know is how much insurance is going to be since im the one paying for that with a part time job.. so what do you think is the cheapest my insurance will be?""

How much would insurance for cars be around for 18 year olds ?

How much would insurance for cars be around for 18 year olds ?

What insurance is best for women?

I don't currently have insurance, but I want to start going to a gynecologist to see why I'm not getting pregnant. The co-pays are horrendous, like $150 per visit w/o insurance! I cannot afford that every time I walk in, but I can afford about $80 a mo for insurance, but IDK what kind or which to choose that will help me through the gyno visits, and possibly a fertility specialist. If anyone knows the best route for this kind of medical attention, please provide websites or names of insurance companies that apply to this. Also, I live in a small town in GA and there are NO near-by specialists or anything as such, so I'm sure to have to travel at least an hour or more to get the help I need. No, family planning centers, no women's health centers, nothing! So if there's anyway someone could give advice for that, please do. Thanks so much.""

How does an Insurance Claim work?

How does an insurance claim work. Let's say I get up one morning walk outside and my car has been stolen? The police come out and take a report, then they leave. How long would it take insurance cover this and how much would they cover? For example, if I have a car that I'm financing that is worth $24,500.00 dollars that had full insurance coverage. Basically, how does it work? Since it's being financed, I'm sure the insurance company would pay out the remaining balanced owed on the car to satisfy the loan with the finance company but what happens to me afterwards? Lets say I have $100,000 dollars in coverage that covers me in case of theft or something like that. Being that the car was fully covered and insurance was able to pay back the loan, would they give me the money to buy a new car at equal or face value of the car that was stolen? Insurance is so friggin complicated...if someone could explain the process to me I'd appreciate it.""

Looking for cheap car insurance?

I havent done my test or anything yet but wanted to see how much a vaxhaull corsa 1998 or something was noone in my family drives and id park my car outside my front , i tried doin a quote to see how mch it would be and it came up the cheapest was 3 grand , im only 18 aswell , does somebody think im putting something in wrong or is it just really hard for me to find cheap insurance ?""

What is the average limits that you have on you auto full-coverage insurance?

I live in Chicago Illinois. The lowest limits are 20/40/15.

Who offers cheapest auto insurance for 25 year old males in la?

give insurance estimates

Cheapest car insurance for a 17 year old?

Hi i am 17 years old and have just past my test 2 days ago and i am currently trying to insure a 2003 ford fiest 1.3 lx petrol 3 door. I know it has quite a big engine (1.3) for a first car, but only has 8 valves and just creeps into insurance group 3 due to electrical equipment inside, which is nothing really. I have been looking around and i am getting ridiculous qoutes of around 5000, however i have found ikude insurance which is only 1800 but iyou have to have a box, which i would really rather not have but might have to. I would like to spend nor more than 2,500, help please????""

Insurance coverage for stolen car?

Car was stolen, then recovered, with some damage. I have comprehensive. Insurance company is sure to cover body work. Will they also check and/or compensate me for less obvious damage (i.e. the wear and tear to the car incurred from being drag-raced for several hours)? Will they compensate me for items of value stolen out of the car? How does that work?""

Im 17 and getting my liscense soon how much will car insurance be 4 me with a used car that will b in my name?

I will be getting my drives liscense soon and my parents are putting limits to where i can drive and when and i wont be able to drive it when ever i would like, how much is car insurence gonna be with me for a used car that will be in my name ?""

How much would insurance cost for a '92 ford thunderbird?

How much would insurance cost for a '92 ford thunderbird?

Insurance when buying 1st car?

How do i go about buying a car (private or dealer) without insurance to test drive it 1st, as i'll only get insurance once i know what car i will have (i live in the UK).""

What are some cars with easily tunable engines and low insurance?

i need a car that i can make faster but i don't wanna pay alot f insurance. specific models please

Should I get life insurance for my children (13 yrs & 8 yrs. old) ???

If yes, Do you know of any trusting life insurance companies that are affordable ?""

Health insurance providers in the state of ohio?

i am trying to get health insurance quotes from as many companies as i can in the state of ohio. so far i have came up with: anthem aetna united healthcare humana anyone that i am missing? thanks

What's the criteria on whether or not car insurance is high?

I'm 17, looking for my first car, and I want something that won't cost my parents a fortune on car insurance. But how can I tell if insurance is going to be high? Would 2003 Acura RSX give high insurance? I've completed a Drivers Education course too, if that counts for anything?""

Whats a really good health insurance for college students?

I was wondering what is a good health insurance company to get a plan with. Im a college student and im in nursing school so they want us to have health insurance in case we get hurt or exposed to anything at any of the hospitals we work at. Im not required to have it but i would like to look around and see if there is a good plan that I could afford. So in case something like that would happen i wont be paying for the required treatment completely out of my pocket. Thanks for the help.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/normal-car-insurance-cost-more-than-previous-year-even-sigrun-sharpe"

[seleniumd]

random health stuff, just me typing it all out bc it seems to help. hopefully a few months from now this will all be a thing of the past. 

ok so i’ve been doing lots of research in hopes of figuring out what is wrong me. i’m not trying to self diagnose, but at least get an idea as i wait for a doctors appointment. plus, research is the only thing that seems to keep me from freaking out when i experience these things. i’ve been dealing with 2 main issues for at least 3 years now. 1) extreme fatigue after eating & 2) random heart palpitations.

as far as the fatigue after eating, it makes sense for it to be sugar related? I mean, i deal with it EVERYDAY. its the reason i dont eat out/at school etc etc. I only eat real meals at home because I know I’ll feel horrible afterward but I can at least drag myself to my bed and lay down. It’s much more than the typical ‘yum that was a good meal i want a nap’ no this is more like ‘hi leave me on the couch to die see yall later’ lol. it’s sooo bad and It’s always after eating, typically after my first meal. I wake up fine, go have breakfast and bam, i feel like crap.

so for breakfast, i just have a banana. i tend to be fine after that (explains my obsession with bananas. i can eat it and not feel like im dying) but if i were to have a sandwich later for lunch? #dead

it makes me feel like the only way ill get better is if i completely change my eating habits? i dont eat super unhealthy or anything, but at this point it seems like i wont be ok until i just eat fruits and veggies all the time. i’ve considered it being a sugar issue, like diabetes/hypoglycemia and such.

anyway, one solution ive thought of is exercise. i live a very sedentary lifestyle and thats horrible!! i’m extremely skinny but that doesnt mean i’m healthy, i need to get some cardio into my life.

and that brings me to my next issue. the heart palpitations. i’m afraid to work out and purposefully raise my heart rate because what if the palpitations begin? i can go from resting to my heart jumping up to the 140′s, so what would happen if i were working out and then it started? 

with the most recent incident i had come home from a long day at school. once again, i usually dont eat much when im out bc it leads to me feeling so fatigue and dead. all i ate at school was some candy and a bag of lays. when i got home i went to go share some dinner and someone in the house yelled something out which seemed to frighten me horribly bc my palpitations started instantly. instantly! and ive dealt with it for years now, i stopped going to the hospital for it. i usually just shake it off and walk around to try to ignore it. but this time it was bad. it just felt so weird. ngl, i did shed a few tears but its such a scary thing to go through. it sucked bc i had always just dealt with it but this time it was just so intense. i did go to the hospital bc it wasnt getting better and i was getting really anxious about it, which doesnt help my heart thats already beating through the roof. when i got there my blood pressure was super high, heart rate super high as well and my ekg did come back abnormal. my potassium level was really low. this genius hospital gave me potassium to raise it back up, but never took blood again to check to see if it had actually gone back up. it was so low you’d think they would keep an eye on it and make sure i dont die but ok. idek what caused me to have such low potassium. maybe because i hadn’t really eaten much that day? the abnormal ekg and low potassium are pretty significant, but no one ever looked into it seems and thats annoying. i’m over the hospital trips, im looking forward to finally seeing a doctor in an office who will really look into everything and help.

there’s been times after simple garden work or bike riding and i just feel crappy. ill take a shower afterword and experience a few heart skips etc etc. it’s scary and it makes me not want to do anything, but at the same time i feel like that makes it worse. the less i move is the more out of shape my heart gets.

as far as whats causing it, idk. i’ve had 2 echo’s done which come back good. thank god. my most recent EKG was abnormal though, but finally, after months, i have an appointment with a cardiologist coming up. this also makes me not want to exercise until then. i feel like i should play it safe and wait.

i’ve considered it being the vagus nerve and anxiety (which doesnt make much sense. yes i am an anxious person, but i never experience the palpitations when im actually nervous. it tends to happen when im completely chill and OK).

the doctor said it could be a wiring of the heart thing, so i should be seeing the electrophysiologist. 

so yeah. this post is probably long af but it doesn’t matter. i’ve been dealing with this stuff for years and its so frustrating. its not something i really sit down and vent about, so just typing it all up really distracts me from the situation and makes me feel ok. its getting even more frustrating bc im 18, in college and i have to turn down so many opportunities because im afraid of going out and having to deal with this. i cannot live my life until this stuff is resolved and im so excited to just figure it out. i just need to hear that im going to be just fine. if i could hear that, it’d be like starting over. i’d start getting active and not have to be scared and all that.

based on the good echos and the fact that i havent died yet i feel like it shouldnt be anything major. i just wanna get to the bottom of it.