#im no thoughts head empty sad and relating to Grant

[tempibearxo]

(Btw this is gonna be really rambly im so sorry if you read this) Can we take a sec to appreciate Anthony’s portrayal of the cycle of depression and the pit that people can get put into by traumatic events.

Like ive relistened to Grant’s conversation with Yeet multiple times and something about it that just makes it hit hard is how relatable it is. For anyone who has experienced depression or had loved ones who have been through that experience and can see themselves in Yeet’s position.

I personally can understand where Grant is coming from. He looks back at the past and everything seems brighter he could feel things. Little things made him happy like the smile of a friend or inside jokes that made him crack up but now he doesnt see the same color in the world now its just black and white the only glimpses of color he might see anymore is when something physical happens and that something physical is most often times pain. It was put well when it was said that it was making a binary it really does. Being numb is a horrible distant feeling and it drags you down and suffocates you. And talking to parents is such a hard things to do. No matter how much they say “you can talk to me” its hard to believe because they wouldnt get it they are so strong and they’ve never been in this situation. Like personally my parents are like Carol and Darryl (but more stable) they met in highschool got married when my mom graduated. They never were a queer kid who’s highkey scared to come out because of the what if factor. And i feel like Grant has a pressure put on him (probably by himself) to just be a good quiet kid. The unsteadiness between Carol and Darryl and probably be seem by him and he doesn’t want to cause a fuss with his own problems when he has stuff to deal with. It doesnt help when whenever tried to talk to his dad he was told that they would talk about it later-

In Darryl’s defense the situation was extremely stressful, it doesn’t excuse him kinda pushing off his kid but it explains it. He knew he had a set time limit to somehow try to break the blood pact and he kinda had that “wait till the right moment” mentality. The problem is there is no right moment to talk and open up. Darryl tried to wait for a moment instead of creating one. Which as i said before it’s understandable most of the  tournament was very “go, go, go”

A few things i cant stop thinking about and wanna talk about is all the little subtleties that kinda go over your head when first listening that Anthony buries in there. Such as Grant saying he wasnt hungry despite it being stated that the boys hadnt eaten for a few days. Probably to Grant he didnt feel hungry, he just felt numb and maybe the hunger pains were little reminders that he was still alive and that it was real and that life is real. Once again Grant is so fucking relatable- ive been there, fuck ive been there recently when i realize it’s been over a day and a half since i last ate and im just like ope-

But Darryl is getting better, and the little talk that he and Grant had before Grant talked with Yeet was actually a super good thing. Whats happening with Grant is not a “one talk and its all fixed” thing it’s something that needs to be worked towards. Grant needs to actually believe that Darryl cares and that Darryl will be there.

Anyways i have alot more to say on this but like ope- basically Grant is super relatable and Anthony apparently enjoys making us cry.



THIS POST WAS MADE BEFORE OCT 2020 I FUCKEN HATE DNDADS NOW ASK ME WHY :) PLS DONT LIKE IT

[aquz]

Since you've done Shizuku

How about Mafuyu!Reader with first years

Thank youuu <3 I love your work

Have a nice day!꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡

jackpot sad girl 𑂾 mafuyu!reader

# gn!reader, platonic or romantic, hints to depression/wanting to "disappear"/bad mental health

# ace trappola, deuce spade, jack howl, epel felmier, sebek zigvolt (ortho excluded, i can't make him sad like that im sorry 😞😞)

ACE thinks you're such a goody-two-shows, surely there's another side to you? he often jokes around about how you're probably a badass behind your perfect façade but boy, he doesn't know what's coming to him. he probably also cheats off of your homework whenever he comes over. you're busy with extra curricular activities and studying while he's digging around your schoolwork trying to find the homework that he has yet to start.

ace comes over again, this time unexpected, to ask about the homework and he finds you breaking down. he doesn't know how to comfort you. as you sob into your knees, he sits down and rubs your back. whenever you're done hiccuping and choking on your cries, you tell him about the pressures of being perfect - the pressure of being what someone else wants. you can't indulge in your hobbies or happiness if it doesn't benefit you academically and it sucks. ace can't relate because he's more of an 'all play no work' kinda guy, but from now on, he promises to show you the most fun you've ever had. you're safe from pressuring ideals when you're with hum because you're too busy laughing.

your music group is one ace never would have thought he would be interested in. i'll be honest, he might not listen to all your songs. sad stuff isn't his jam, but he's most definitely impressed by how much emotion you've managed to put into sound. he'll support you (probably just you, not other group mates if you have any) and your musical journey.

DEUCE admires you deeply. your drive to do well in school, help out everyone and balance many activities is absolutely amazing! deuce finds himself offering his help to you often. deuce feels as if you could really use the help, not because you're weak, but because it must be tough doing all you do.

deuce finds you after class in an empty hallway, tucked into yourself. he gets closer and calls out your name, watching you slowly life your head. face covered in tear stains, you put it back down. you vent to him and he feels so... awful. it's hard being perfect, he would know, and he's trying to better himself. he's lucky that he was given room to express himself and his hobbies. he really took that much for granted because he was trying to be like you, a perfect student, when you were struggling to be anything other than one. you want his freedom, and he wanted your discipline. deuce tells his mom and she tells him to tell you that you're free to stay over if you needed a break from home. you can do whatever you'd like at her place.

deuce, much like ace, doesn't listen to sad songs. he likes fast music to ride his blastcycle to. whenever he hears your songs, he hears a pain that reminds him of that one time his mom cried over him. if music helps you vent, he's all for it, but don't be alarmed if you find him crying to one of your songs because of how sad it sounds.

EPEL also thinks of you as a model student, but he doesn't necessarily want to be like you or use you. he thinks you're smart and that's that. he enjoys you for you, and does ask for homework or class help when he needs it. although, he can tell someone is off. nobody can really be that nice and balance all that school work and activities like that, can they?

one day while you both were working on homework, you suddenly broke down. he can tell you were on the brink of a breakdown for a while and doing more schoolwork pushed you over the edge. he panicks and offers you an apple, because... what else does he do here? you told him about the way your mother treated you and your hobbies, and how you have to strive to meet expectations that you didn't care for yourself. the loss of identity because you had no time to think for yourself. epel wants to say he can relate to make you feel better, but he wasn't raised a liar. he decides to practice self care on you (courtesy of vil's teachings) and focus on you for the remainder of your time together.

epel listens to your music when he's alone and missing you. your songs help explain to him what you're feeling since you aren't sure how to describe it yourself. honestly, if you drop a concerning song while you both are apart, expect a few calls from him making sure you're alright.

JACK admires you but doesn't strive to be you like deuce does. you accompany him on jogs, you help him clean up track equipment when the meet is over, you both work together in class.... he just thinks you're a person who likes to be busy. (un?)fortunately, jack picks up on things easily and he can tell exactly when you aren't feeling the best for yourself.

like everyone's scenario, he sees you breakdown. the difference is, you can't explain why. your emotionless eyes and monotone, almost robotic voice scares him. it's such a big difference from your usual personality. you tell him how confused you are on the sadness you feel deep down, nothing happened to make you feel that way but you still feel it anyway. jack suggests that you're stressed and overworked and you have to stop and think about it. years and years of the pressure of being good enough probably got to you. it was to a point that you wanted to quit everything, even your hobbies, and disappear. jack comforts you like a big brother would to a younger sibling, but calls a guidance counselor later on.

jack listens to motivational music, workout music technically. he would never think to listen to your kind of music. he does and he knows it's a coping mechanism, but he has an idea. try to write a more upbeat song. positive messages might do you some good?

SEBEK thinks you are doing the bare minimum. he might push you to do even more, actually. got a 99% on the test? 100% isn't impossible. he pushes you past your limits without even noticing. you can feel the breakdown coming on. sebek is none the wiser.

he walks in to scold you about missing one question on the homework to find you breaking down, huddled up in your room. now, his reaction was initially to yell at you for god knows what reason, but he stops. you've been working quite hard, no? maybe he's stressing you; he asks you why you're acting 'weird' (his words). you tell him about your relationship with your mother and everything she makes you do and sebek scolds you for talking poorly about your mother who is simply trying to ensure a positive future for you. though, he thinks more again and remembers how nice lilia and his own parents are. you can't relate because you were under stress and emotional neglect from your mom. he tells lilia and suddenly you've gained another parental figure.

sebek is not listening to anything that is not malleus. if malleus tells him to listen to, let's say, bohemian rhapsody? he will absolutely do it. he was not instructed to listen to what you composed. he will not listen. he will ask about your hobbit though, and compare you to lilia because of the music making aspect. that's it, really.

[silverandarsenic-hcs]

Magically Papa Nil, Papa I, Papa II, Papa III, and Copia are all young again (I'm talking early 20s young) What's the first thing they do? How do the Ghouls react?

oh this is gooooooddddd. Also i see this and raise you: they traveled to an alternate dimension where theyre young again but also time went back too so everything is as it was. The ghouls quickly found a way to communicate with them, but are actively trying to figure out how the hell to get them back. 

Papa Nihil: He would do everything he realized he couldn’t do after having kids. Whether it’s traveling he missed out on, or really getting around, or just spending time alone. He would make sure not to take a second of silence in which there was no screaming toddlers or one of his adult sons committing felonies on church grounds for granted. Of course he thinks about all of the things he could have (or should have) done differently in raising his sons. In his relationships with their respective mothers. With Imperator. Oh how things were good with Sister when they were young. Foolish, they say in their old age while reminiscing about the good old days. But that will never stop his heart from yearning to live forever in a world where him and Sister are together, and happy, and carefree, forever.

Papa I: Probably some self reflection. Think about how he could have changed things, and what he would want to tell himself if he could be young again. He thinks about it a lot - everything great he did, everything great he could never accomplish. Much like his father, he would take the time to get some of those things done, and treat every moment like it’s his last before they those damned ghouls find a way to make him old again. He also spends a lot of time thinking about the way he treated his brothers. He should have seen it when II needed his help, or guidance, but was too hard headed to ask. He should have seen when III was struggling with his emotions and coming to terms with the fact that he has to become a Papa one day without a choice. He holds no remorse for the way he treated Nihil though - even with his wise mind, he sees that the way he and his brothers were treated when they were young was unacceptable by any standards. And will not hesitate to confront his old man when the ghouls bring him back.

Papa II: Probably party if im honest. His older body doesn’t recover nearly as well as a twenty something year old body did after several nights of binge drinking and reckless behavior in a row. He sure did get those nights in during his first go around of being young (See: my murder hcs) but he would probably be smarter than the first go around - he can’t really let himself go like he thought he would be able to when he idealized what might happen if he was young again. He put so much of his time and effort into being a good Papa. Doing what was right for the church and for everyone that believed in him. And doing even more to spite those who didn’t. It’s nice for him to go back to a time of such little responsibility for him - his older brother was still Papa, his younger brother was still young enough not to need real emotional guidance yet. He puts his restful mind on autopilot while his body is in some dreadful club getting batshit wasted with a couple of hot chix.

Papa III: As much as I would like to say he would Go Crazy Ah Go Stupid Ahghhh, he would probably attempt to fix mistakes his younger self made in love. He would probably find the most emotionally fulfillment out of all of them. Maybe he would find the one that got away, and make sure to never let them go. To cherish any time he has with them before the ghouls bring him back to what painful a reality it is knowing that they're gone. And maybe he gets the closure that even in another life, another world, things still might not work out. Maybe he could stop a terrible event from happening to himself or someone he loves. Lucifer know’s he’d try. He also really takes the time to understand what his older brothers and father are saying to him - this and that are mistakes, you should be doing this. Even though he knows that things won’t be different when he goes back, it gives him some peace to relive those painful moments through a different set of eyes. To relive it with wisdom no one should have expected a twenty year old to have, back then.

Cardinal Copia: The most interesting of all, I say, would be the Cardinal’s choice. I HC that he was III’s assistant for a long time, even in his 20s, and even brought up in/around the church (i will Not reference canon because I simply do not vibe with it). He would look at things a lot differently. He thought for a long time that if given the chance at a young age, maybe he would have left the church to pursue what might be a more meaningful career. Maybe he would have at least taken a break to build meaningful relationships outside the clergy. Or maybe he would have just taken III’s head off a lot sooner. But when he really goes back, he sees things much differently than he even expected he might. He doesn’t hate III. He doesn’t resent any of the emeritus’ brothers like he used to. Though he’s still only a Cardinal, he’s had to make a lot of hard decision in the church, and he understands the choices each of his predecessors had to make on a deeper level. When he returns to the right time, all he’s left with is sort of an empty sadness. A longing for things to have gone differently. Maybe he could have gotten what he wanted without going to such drastic measures.

The ghouls response: As I mentioned, when the ghouls figure out for only a few moments how to communicate with their disappeared leader, they tell them they’ll bring them back as soon as possible. The girls, Dew, and Swiss think it would do those old bastards some good to see what it’s like to be young again, and maybe they’d be cut a little more slack. Rain is just awfully worried about them even though it’s clear they lived decently well through where they are now. Aether and Mountain are just the ones trying to figure out how the absolute hell to bring someone back from another dimension, nevermind how they got there to begin with. After two weeks of reading every book in the church library and every related webpage they can find, they bring back their disappeared Papa/Cardinal, they’re eager to hear about what’s happened and what they learned. But mostly Dew is just a little pissed off he didn’t have more time to cause more trouble without the supervision of a Reasonable Adult and with Aether busy in the books. 

P.S i know these ghouls were not around for the papas and again, i simply do not vibe with that, so suck it up. 

- Kat, who just posted six new chapters of her book because It Is Wednesday My Dudes huhaggGGHAHHHHHH

[incoherentlynonexistent-blog]

Unfortunate Outcome

Amazing how one person can change everything.....incredible as that same person becomes somebody they swore and promised to never become.....funny how you believed them, and the unfortunate outcome is the consequences you suffer because you trusted their word over everyone and everything....

It's so degrading...to now be where you're at only because you believed in something that wasnt ever real...

Hurtful to actually feel the loneliness kick in.....

Depressing to remember how little of an importance you were to them....

Unwilling to heal and move on because how do you pick yourself up after consistently being there for someone then for it to become abandoned and forgotten.....

It's the Unfortunet outcome to their mishaps that led me to becoming helpless and needy.

Sad thing is, I don't even know what it is that i want

Idk what I need....

I know I dont need this constant bullshit

Unfortunetly because I had so much hope and expectations

Its stupid to look back and realize how naive and oblivious I used to be

Now I guess they can say I made my own mess when they're the ones who lied and ridiculed me because I was drug along for so long

The most unfortunate thing about this is the outcome. Despite how much "better" they find this to be, I won't ever be able to be better....yea I have my good days, but even those arent good.....

Doesnt matter where they go

Doesnt matter the time they let slip by

Hell it doesn't matter what they do .

In still feeling the same things

I doubt ill ever have anything to help me endure this

I live everyday waiting still

I go about each day hoping anyone would love to be here again

I literally feel myself slipping

I'm already dead because of them

Added with how I'm still feeling

I'm not sure of this feeling will subside

It's all mind consuming

I can't just stop about this

It's the one thing that no-one understands

The reason why I'm like this

The answer is simple

Given the empty promises and then being just thrown way like yesterdays garbage

I'm miserable with this unfortunate outcome.....

I didnt get closure

Instead I get the only thing that's never changed

Them leaving my life.....

Something promised against but in the end

They all prove to be the same person that leff you to begin with ......

It's hard living and feeling like this

I have no faith

I don't have confidence

I'm trying to find a purpose

But I can't get far or enough to cease the memories....

They're just haunting to me now...

Only because of how and what I've done

You really think I can just magically become better

No.

It's not possible unless you actually are willing to be here

Or unless you actually gave me the closure I've been desiring

Until I'm given that

I will not get better.

I will not heal

This unfortunate outcome will be my life sentence

This isn't what I what wanted

None of this is

I don't want the depression

I dont care for the desire.

I just want to feel happy again.

I want a reason to actually smile and feel good about myself......

I just wished someone would hear me out

After asking for three years now...

I cant just move on

God Damn it man

If they only knew just how bad I really am

I wonder if things would be different....

I wonder if anyone wouldve left....

I just want someone to be here for me

Irs not ever been about my sex life or being in a relationship

My goal was to only be around the people who want to be here

Maybe ive beckne to fucked up to obtain that chance again

Unfortunate outcome is me being treated in such manner when the pupils who inflicted all that hurt and damage are the ones at fault for me becoming this way. They shut me out because I'm still fucked up over it. I was the original victim that became traumatized and untrusting, but I wouldnt be this irritable bitter suicidally depressed person that's unwilling to move on if it weren't for their actions.

I don't trust anybody any more

I don't even crack a smile

You know who you are

The person im addressing anyway ..

I hope you're happy

I hope you feel accomplished at what you created

With the unfortunate outcome that you refuse to have anything to do with what you started and fucked up numerous times......it leaves me like this.....

Idk how else to stress this fact

Because I cant get that little bit of respect....

When I shouldn't have been involved anyway

I should've walked away

I should've listened to the voice in my head

"Don't worry on going to the laundry mat

If I'd knew then what I knew now

I would've never showed up

I would have never existed

But its thanks to you ive gotten like this

Thanks to you I sit all day every day for the past few years pondering about whats wrong with me

Why am I not wanted. Why does everyone leave....see that's the difference between us, you're the one who does all the leaving. I linger because I believe in equal opportunity especially when so much effort was put into it in the first place. I believe in those who remain loyal and true on their word, but you seem to still believe in empty promises. You're using you're ears to see and you're eyes to hear. You're the most cruel and cold hearted creature. Not human.....because with human emotion, I couldnt do what you do, I cant lead them on, shut them out, I cant make someone feel like their the one for me, but then shut them down and out when the one I want is around. I will never understand you're selfish decisions and with how you know youve done wrong but you still don't bother to change.

Maybe I've become an unforgivable asshole, but that's the unfortunate outcome when someone so heartless just takes you for granted then you're the bad guy for not only reacting actually a little more civil than you should've, but because god knows whatever words come from my posts or even texts, god forbid they remind you consistently of what you've done. Everything I am and everything I do now is because of you..

Days I'm angry, I blame you

Days I'm depressed, It's your fault

Days I cut, blamed you because just the little bit of open honesty wouldve prevented me cutting myself, but only to relieve that pain that I cant get out through crying.

Its the pain that makes your chest ache and have the urge to just scream in agony. Its that lodged in lump that swells in your chest when everything that was promised, shared, and enjoyed together now sets this darkened, and dead look to it. I find myself shying away from every and any little thing that you had any relations to. My music has changed. My faith in life itself is nonexistent. Ive become so angry and bitter, that I am constantly snappy.

It doesnt matter how angry I were to get with anyone else, because every one probably tells you I'm fine.....

I'm not fine

Im not ok

I'm suffocating myself

Its hard to not still be bitter....

How can I not still be angry when you left once again.....ive been irrational and disrespectful, but I never thought that this unfortunate outcome would involve me getting worse....I figured at some point within these four years .....I figured you wouldve not done this so much that I'm probably permanently fucked up....I mean fucking look at me...have you ever seen anyone so pathetic and humiliating?....

Loving someone is so beautiful but sad, because when you fall for someone, there's some part of you that breaks too, its gone for ever because its with that person you wanted to give your whole heart to, but they'll only always have what's actually left of you. For some reason being in that persons presence or just respected enough to be even thought about by them, makes life worth living even if I were to spend it alone. Its not because you lack feelings or really the past that I held over your head....I just wanted for someone to finally treat me differently.....

You wound up treating me the same

This is my unfortunate outcome

Its been a battle especially the last two years

I've never in my life have I ever felt so much pain

Ive never loved anyone as much as I love you

The unfortunate outcome for you is me being gone when you want to come back

I already know how it's to be

Its why I never understood you

But I still kept trying to

Maybe that was my mistake

Because my unfortunate outcome is the distance between us and how little I've meant within the last couple years....idk myself what you could ever do to make things better.....

Unfortunate outcome is what's done is done....

Its ruined

We're ruined

Were gone....

The end....

Hope you're doing well.....

Sorry for being impulsive and annoying

I'm sorry for being a fucked up mess.

Wishing you a lifetime of happiness....

Wishing you luck on your endeavors

Ill miss you

I have been already

Life just won't ever be the same. I just know if it was went about differently I would be able to handle the sudden blocked phone and Tumblr better than what I am now. I'm wasting mt time is the sad thing because I'm sire you're thought is why if I'm to be the way I was before, well, it would be nice to have at least that wanting to talk to me or even asking things sbout my life. I literally have been wanting to fit in, and I'm sorry I tried to get in your way. I'm sorry for being this way period.....in sorry I can't bring myself to be better.....I literally feel like I have no other place to go or anything to do.....I should be doing soemthing with my life, bur in not.....only bevause I spend every day trying to avert seeing or even tbe chance to see you kr anything related to you That will rip my chest right then and there.

It's those things I want to feel better about.....I want to be able to see you without getting so severely depressed. That's the last unfortunate outcome, because of that, how I feel.....I think it's best if we just never saw each other ever again......Obviosuly you're already on that route but if that's really what you want, then you really will not ses me ever again. I mean you can scream yell my name. I will not look at any part of you.....I'm prudent because maybe youre right, just sticking with avoiding them, and I guess you do lose some feeling. I hate being like this. Idk what else to do. I dont need your help. I need your understanding. I dont need to be questioned, at least at what I'm doing, because idk anymore.....I get flustered easily because my mind stays so caught up on you that I fuck up everything I touch or work on.....then it goes back to the angry blaming you thing.....never ending......so how can I get better? What do I do? You just left. You didn't leave a note, you didnt say goodbye, and of all things I've ever done for you, you never helped my unfortunate outcomes...you rejected me time and time again.

I just idk how to be ok.....

I just feel like I'm losing touch with my existence

As in because you live in my mind so much I try to avoid that too....I've become a blank spaced emotionless robot....I'm depressed but I look solemn. I then break soon as I snap.....I'm getting worse.....idk its so hard to put into words. I just feel myself losing control over everything including my decisions.....

Whether you believe me or not.....I don't care to convince you anymore. Honestly I'm not even doing that now. I just needed to get what I could out....atleast While its flowing....well it was....I think I explained the best I could and linked the way I think...

Respond or don't respond

Respectfully, I'm refraining from tagging your blog name in the post. If you see it and or read it then its actually ok if you don't ever speak to me again.....I mean you're the one in charge and I know if you don't soeak first, then there's just nothing left to do but just hope you enjoy life.

Take care of yourself Kourt.....thanks for everything.....

[akakailisiandrago-blog]

Expression

ex·pres·sionikˈspreSHən/

noun

noun:

expression

; plural noun:

expressions

1.the process of making known one's thoughts or feelings."his views found expression in his moral sermons"synonyms:utterance, uttering, voicing, pronouncement, declaration, articulation, assertion, setting forth; More

2.the look on someone's face that conveys a particular emotion."a sad expression"synonyms:look, appearance, air, manner, countenance, mien"an expression of harassed fatigue"

3.a word or phrase, especially an idiomatic one, used to convey an idea."nowhere is the expression “garbage in, garbage out” any truer"synonyms:idiom, phrase, idiomatic expression; More

4.the production of something, especially by pressing or squeezing it out."essential oils obtained by distillation or expression"synonyms:squeezing, pressing, extraction, extracting"essential oils obtained by expression"

5.GENETICSthe appearance in a phenotype of a characteristic or effect attributed to a particular gene.

the conveying of feeling in the face or voice, in a work of art, or in the performance of a piece of music."eyes empty of expression"synonyms:emotion, feeling, spirit, passion, intensity; More

MATHEMATICSa collection of symbols that jointly express a quantity."the expression for the circumference of a circle is 2πr"

the process by which possession of a gene leads to the appearance in the phenotype of the corresponding character.noun: gene expression; plural noun: gene expressions

----------------------------------------------------------------------

A word that has made itself known to me for the last 6 weeks.... the word EXPRESSION is quite elaborately expressing itself in my life lately.

First it was a sore throat. For weeks. At first I thought it was, well, just a sore throat. Maybe too much gym? Too much drinking? Too much hanging around other sick people?

I tried everything. It would go away, temporarily, and then come back. I dont think I was sick sick, just this, sore throat.  I started to question it. And then my friend Krista and I pulled some healer angel guide cards and the one I got that day was suffering. It was a warning to be careful. But that whatever hurt, pain and suffering I might feel physically, could lead me to recluse in order to heal. 

I told her about my sore throat and then said, maybe it was a Throat Chakra blockage. Only half kidding. And then I looked it up....

“ Throat Chakra Blockage

A blocked throat chakra can significantly impact your ability to communicate effectively for fear of ridicule and judgement. A throat chakra blockage can also manifest as the inability to express and realize your truth in the world. When the fifth chakra is open and balanced, you are able to express yourself clearly and honestly in any situation with confidence. Common Signs of Throat Chakra Blockage: You may find yourself unable to speak your truth when you need it the most, or holding back on expressing your needs and desires. Perhaps, you long for realizing your dreams and living with a strong and clear purpose, but seem to not be able to quite get there. These are common signs that your throat chakra  does not function at its optimal level.

When the throat chakra is blocked or otherwise imbalanced, energy flow is hindered and can lead to physical symptoms affecting the head, mouth, throat, and neck. It is not uncommon to experience neck pain, headaches, hoarseness, and sore throat when the flow of energy through the throat chakra is disrupted.

Some common physical symptoms of blockage include:

chronic sore throat

frequent headaches

dental issues

mouth ulcers

hoarseness

thyroid problems

laryngitis

Temporomandibular disorders of the jaw (commonly known as TMJ)

neck pain

Consequently, the blockage can also impact your physical health. When you experience such signs of physical discomfort, healing practices focusing on the upper body area, in particular your neck and shoulders, can bring relief and allow energy to move more freely. Of course, for serious and recurring symptoms, please consult a physician whom you trust.

Emotional Signs of Throat Chakra Blockage

When the throat chakra is imbalanced, the blockage can also manifest through non-physical symptoms that may impact you at various levels from psychological and emotional, to psychically and spiritually.

Non-physical signs of blockage can be more prevalent. Among the more commons signs are:

fear of speaking

inability to express thoughts

shyness

inconsistency in speech and actions

social anxiety

inhibited creativity

stubbornness

detachment

For instance, perpetuated blockages that are fairly significant can cause one to become arrogant, deceptive, domineering, or manipulative. On the contrary, energy that flows freely through the throat chakra promotes effective, truthful communication. You are able to “find you.” You are confident, responsible, and can easily find the right words to express your thoughts.

A blockage of the throat chakra can cause you to become stoic, quiet, and fearful. The imbalance may also create feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and shyness when it comes to self-expression and speaking to others. Public speaking can cause near paralysis when the issue is a blocked fifth chakra.

An imbalance in the throat chakra can adversely affect many aspects of your personal and professional life. You may find you avoid social situations and are more comfortable alone. You may even become distrustful of your inner voice.

What To Do About A Blocked Throat Chakra

Clearing the throat chakra involves learning to let go and trusting your inner voice. Not a small task for a lot of us! Check out the general guidelines for throat chakra healing for practical ideas on how to restore balance in this center.

A few basic steps to clear this chakras include:

Working through and releasing all negative emotions, including guilt, hurt, and resentment can work wonders to restore energy balance in the throat chakra. Sometimes a good cry can also help alleviate a blockage of the fifth chakra.

Practicing mindful speech, action, and deeds can help you maintain throat chakra balance. For example, talk openly and honestly with others on a regular basis.

Meditating on and incorporating the throat chakra’s color, blue, into your life can also calm emotional upheaval. For instance, introduce blue-colored flowers or decor to your home environment. 

http://www.chakras.info/throat-chakra-blockage/

All of this was totally relational to me. I felt right at home in that damn webpage. I had the AH HA! moment even. But then the question was, how the HELL DO I MAKE IT ALL STOP! How do I FIX THIS?

Krista’s gave me some crystals that seemed to help....

But there was more, there still IS more. SO much more. 

My first day in Sydney I found myself drawn into the ONE stone/crystal/psychic tarot card reader shop in all of the WestField Mall. And if you know anything about Westfield malls.... in Sydney, then you know what I mean. Not long into mosey-ing around the store I felt myself drawn to aquamarine - I mean, I knew it was my birthstone, but I read the card and felt like it was the one. So I grabbed three raw stones all of beautiful symmetric shapes. Mosey-ed around a little more and came up to the counter. Teagon - the young woman working - grabbed this smooth, round stone that had a hole carved into it. Beautiful light blue with darker blue waves, like the ocean. She said - Here, hold this up to your throat for a moment. - So I did. I felt a rush of emotion move through me. But it started in the lump of my throat that burst into tears after asking her why she felt I needed that stone there. Her reply - I felt some type of blockage there, something about your expression....  Blue lace agate, this stone, is very good for clearing that. ---

And that was it, just like a tidal wave, I burst into tears. She just hugged me. I think she does that kind of thing on the daily. She doesnt need to know if she is right or wrong. Shes just there, dressed in all white, like a perfect messenger angel. 

Left that mall with all I needed.

Later I decided to look up the deeper meanings of aquamarine. Low and behold - the ultimate throat chakra healing stone. Who would have thought! I guess im pretty in tune with what I need too. ;-) But.. was this giong to fix all my “expression/throat chakra blockage/public speaking/need to be heard problems”?

Since then, the term expression for me has come up several more times.

Ill have to add in all the details later. But fast forward to tonight.

Here I am, in Bali, and a friend I have been feeling the need to connect with, walks right into the same restaurant where I am eating. Just like that. Granted I knew he was in Bali, but I did NOT tell him where I was eating. We get to talking, and through everything said, the final answer is that our purpose in life is to express ourselves. That is the GOD CREATION and CREATOR. He said he realized this through his own struggle with expression. And then I realized later tonight, after I got home, that it wasn’t about the answer, or the fact that he had been there. It was exactly what he said when he first sat down... That he was there for me. He was meant to be there for me. 

So what - What with all of this. Well, funny thing is. I still dont know. I am not quite sure where I belong, where I fit in, if i fit in at all or if im even meant to, but right now, thats ok and I dont need a clear answer. I think the path has made itself know and its all about EXPRESSION. 

And so.... Here I go....