#im livid today
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nothing makes me wish i had some variety of acme ray gun blaster more than when someone almost hits me on a pedestrian sidewalk on a motorized scooter/ebike easily doing 15+ mph on their phone/headphones/doesnt move or even be aware of actual people walking on the sidewalk around them. where pedestrians are going to be. where pedestrians are supposed to be.
#we've had a high number of fatalities from motorized scooters/ebikes hitting pedestrians on sidewalks this year#and it makes me livid#ive almost been pancaked by one basically on a weekly basis#to the point where im making this post bc sure enough it happened again TODAY#what sucks is this happens in places with all three paths and good bike infrastructure#theres a legal road for motorized vehicles a proper bike lane and a sidewalk for pedestrians clearly and well maintained#but the motorbikes somehow always end up on the sidewalk bc its got less traffic and they can ride faster w/o speed bumps#and fellas#i want to attack them with a branch im willing to even testify that in court#bc again they hit and killed 3 people locally just over summer
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I deserve a gun, perhaps a blade
#guy from the workshop grabbed my thigh under the desk today and i almost throw up on the spot#im still livid lol kinda want to not go there anymore. probably wont
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I think i gotta be firmly offline for a few days ngl
#personal tag#im noticing im like constantly angry again#and while it isn’t uncommon for me to be angry. its noticably worse today#could be the heat could be hormones adding onto stuff#but im also getting fed like. a lot of rage bait stuff again#plus the bungie layoffs r pissing me off real hard#I encourage you all strongly to just fucking drop it. just leave it.#if this is how the company and leadership wants to treat their staff; the game can die.#im stealing my fav characters n I encourage yall to do the same#anyeay im making jokes bc it legit. is making my blood boil thinking abt the amount of people laid off#like idk many bungie people by name but i know who robert brookes is. and ur telling me he got laid off?#insane. i saw a tweet of someone who got laid off today. their maternity leave would start next week#bungie can crash and burn. god. im livid.#anyway yea#that whole situation seems to have fully tipped my brain into Anger Constantly mode#which isnt fun for anyone#so i gotta like. decompress. and not doomscroll. yknow
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had a dream I had a boyfriend and he wanted to come to a therapy session to talk abt smn unrelated to our relationship (this was 100% cool with me) but my therapist instantly hated him and she was like "justify to me why you're here 🤨🤨🤨 name something u like abt ridley and then maybe ill let u talk" like what ���😭 it was just me being a mediator bc they were arguing. Which is insane it was like couples therapy but evil
#it was very strange.. the boyfriend was a completely made up guy also not anyone i know#also like. idr what it was but i wanted to talk abt it with my therapist and he was being encouraging and asked if him joining + keeping me#on track would be helpful and i said yes bc i thought it was/would be sweet and there was so much dread bc my therapist was MAD#i also remember we hadnt been dating for very long so i hadnt talked a lot abt him to my therapist prior but she was livid it was weird..#i also was like. well. if she hates him maybe im stupid and we shouldnt be dating and maybe i should go die in a hole also#it was so strange.... hmmm. i have more thoughts now actually but that may be deeply personal..#i will say my therapist kinda felt like my mom in the dream. i wanted her approval sooo bad. i met with my therapist today btw it was normal#like. i care what she thinks but its not as intense by any means and like. idk. i dont think im capable of having a normal therapist-patient#relationship. not bc of any therapist being bad at their job/boundaries i just get very emotionally invested in them as a person#IDK thats also complicated. maybe ill make that a different post or never talk abt it again well see.#so many thoughts in my brain but probably a bad idea to elaborate heavily. idk. maybe ill talk abt it with friends later maybe i wont 🤷♂️#.ares
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HEY TUMBLR IM ANGRY AND REALLY WANT SOMETHING TO WRITE THAT I CAN PROJECT IT ON TOO. ANY SITUATIONS OR IDEAS? IM TAKING REQUESTS FOR ANY FANDOM IF I KNOW THE CHARACTER I JUST NEED TO WRITE SOMEONE BEING VIOLENT
#writer problems#please help typically writing is how i get all my feelings out#i know that sounds cringe but its true#and like 80% of that time im just sad. hence all the angst.#BUT TODAY I AM LIVID AND I NEED A PROMPT TO REFLECT THAT
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//hi hello
#//my stylist fucked up my hair color snd I'm white hot mad so im...not gonna be online today sorry#like legit close to angry tears oops#going tooo the gym maybe to decompress...idk#🍄|| ooc#its not ugly it's just..... bright red lolol I'm fuckin livid
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Also the fact that it's 4/20. The holiday I "observe" (typically by making jokes) despite not being a weed smoker. And I spent all of today filled with dread, actively miserable, actively distraught, and then vaguely dissatisfied/depressed
😊✌😋 happy 4/20 to a certain dead bastard in particular
#speculation nation#negative/#ok geeze ive made enough allusions to it and i kinda want ppl to know exactly why i got so freaked out by it today#uhm. preemptive trigger tag. it's relevant.#suicide ment/#anyways an employee's step dad killed himself with a gun in front of her late last night. like literally right next to her apparently.#and the other employee was on the phone as it happened & saw the scene after the fact when she picked up the first employee#they were both so distraught & obviously traumatized. scared of losing their jobs if they didnt come to work#but we told them not to worry about it. we'd find a way to cover for them. it'll be fine.#and i hold true to that. no way im forcing them to work after dealing with that.#privately though im distraught with sympathy for these poor girls. it hurt my heart so much to hear them talk about it#and then there's the entire topic of suicide. the image in my head. the empathy for what these girls went through#the first girl. shes only 17. she apparently hated this man. and it's no wonder why.#im filled with so much anger for what he did to her. killing himself would be traumatizing regardless#but to do it RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER? to the point where she apparently had burns from the gunfire?????#im angry. im livid. these are my girls and they went through something no one ever should have to. so young too...#and. yeah that's why im so fucked up right now#the general stress of my life is not helping lol
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Send me asks to cheer me up.
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So the FNaF movie started filming today.
About fucking time-
#livid talks#this is literally all ive seen in my discord group today lmao#ik the movie is probably gonna suck but i will admit i am a bit curious to see how they handle certain... events-#aka the springlock failures. and tbh i wanna see at least ONE of the bites.#i s2g 2014 still-in-highschool me would actually be foaming at the mouth rn trying to find out literally everything abt the film-#also yes i was in highschool in 2014 when the game first came out im fucking old okay-
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"I'm impressed!"
THAT SHOULDVE BEEN MEEEEEEEE
#thoughts#im actually livid#im gonna fucking throw up#good things happened today too though#i just need to work harder
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Y’all ever so angry that you can feel it in your jaw?
Yeah
#i was ranting about an adjacent thing today and then this shit has fucking happened and its worse#im fucking livid#its not even a strong enough word i am in my bed SEETHING#i am having such self restraint right now#this person will likely face no consequences unfortunately#because hes a child and boys will be boys#i am fucking LIVID#louie says shit
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i stfg im gonna start swinging (: these men better watch the fuck out
#personal#between mr handsy a couple weeks ago and entitled asshole today i am..... so livid#and this isnt including the countless men over the last 2 weeks who have spoken down to me in less violent interactions#im at my fucking limit and im gonna start swinging
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got rejected from "affordable" housing for... *checks notes* ...not being able to afford it
#🫀#i hate it here!!!#ive got a full time job and am earning above minimum wage!!!#who is this supposed to be affordable TO ???#if i was making enough to afford market rate w no assistance i would do that!!! id rather not deal with the red tape like this#i cant even just live w family bc im moving out of state for this job bc all the employers in this industry are in one spot! god!#also i DO have a place to live now. i signed a lease at another place. but i got the rejection in the mail today and it makes me livid#who is this FOR ??? how can you call it affordable??#also for the record i WOULD have been able to afford it. just not at 30 percent income#but that's not a reality for most people anymore so. again who is this for
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#have nowhere to vent but i have to cause im fuming#i took my shepherd to the dog park today and my dog is a true gem at the park#very well behaved#she is a total dogs dog#well this lady was walking around the perimeter of the park for her exercise#and my dog walked up to her dog#and this bitch said is this your dog?#and i said yes#and she said my dog doesn't like it when dogs run up to her. thanks#and i was so shocked that all i said was 'gotcha' but OOOOHH BOY#do i wish i chewed this bitch out#like YOU ARE AT A DOG PARK ma'am like wtf is wrong with you?#if you want to exercise without interactions from other dogs MAYBE don't fucking go to a fucking dog park omfggg#im so livid rn
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tw: for implied past emotional abuse, im in my feels today
"What the fuck were you thinking?" Hopper growls. He's not quite shouting, but he's still loud, raised voice echoing through the living room. "She's not ready to drive yet, I forbade it, and what? You two decided that you knew better?"
Eddie rolls his eyes, but gamely keeps quiet. He knows Hopper's less upset with Ellie taking a spin through the parking lot and more upset about the property damage. Eddie's on her side though, that phone pole came out of nowhere. Must have been pretty rotted out too, to fall over that easily after a little love tap.
Ellie had done a damn good job fixing the huge dent in the bumper.
But if Hopper wants to be dramatic and chew everyone involved out, Eddie's not going to stop him. Whatever gets the guy's blood pressure back down.
"You're supposed to be responsible adults! Especially you, Steve!"
Rolling his eyes again, Eddie glances over, hoping to share a commiserating look with Steve.
Except Steve isn't looking anywhere but down, shoulders and spine ruler straight. Eddie stalls there, stuck on the way Steve's standing, tense from jaw down to his ankles, his hands balled into tight fists flat at his side, knuckles white. Hopper keeps ranting, pacing a wide circle in front of them, but Steve doesn't flinch, doesn't look up, doesn't react. It's like all the color has washed from him.
"Are you even listening?!"
"Yes, sir," Steve says tightly. He doesn't look up. Hopper keeps going.
Eddie watches as Steve's throat works to swallow, like he's choking. Like he can't breathe.
"Hopper," Eddie snaps. "Shut the fuck up."
Hopper whirls on him, livid, but Eddie's not looking at him, fixed on Steve as he reaches out. Tries to take Steve's hand, just holds his wrist when Steve can't unclench his fist, gentle as he touches him. Steve is tightly wound and trembling under his fingers.
When he looks, Eddie finds Hopper with deep regret on his face, struck silent. He doesn't say anything when Eddie leads Steve away, back out onto the porch. They sit on the swing, Eddie's arm around Steve's shoulders, rocking back and forth until the muscles loosen and Steve slumps, strings cut, into Eddie's side. They'll sit like that for a while more, watching the woods as the sun sets and listening to the dusk settle, crickets and cicadas and chats calling the moon up, filling their silence with nighttime music.
Later, Hopper will come out, temper cooled, and sit on Steve's other side. Will ruffle Steve's hair when Steve starts to stiffen. Will apologize when Steve eyes him warily.
Later, Eddie will scowl and glare, but ultimately keep quiet, unwilling to make the whole thing worse for Steve, another fight, another shouting match. Will stiltedly tell Hopper good night and take Steve home, wait patiently until Steve finally speaks, when he finally tells Eddie a little more and a little more, until Eddie's holding him tight.
That's later though. For now, he digs his heel into the porch, rocking them back and forth, and waits for Steve to breathe.
#steddie#hopper historically yelling at traumatized kids vs steve ircc i've never seen you talk to an adult male the entire series FIGHT#i love hopper tho he's got a gray morality and a temper and i like that in my dilfs#shout out to el for knocking the power out in half of hawkins and probably triggering half the town's ptsd#NOT with her powers tho#she's multitalented like that#imagine with me: her steve and eddie all screaming as she rams right into the light pole at 30 miles an hour#she had so much time to break#shush mal#my steddies
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Okay you know what. People with shit phones and horrible data connection shouldn't be held accountable for the bullcrap of "yeah well it wasn't sent on the deadline, sorry lols!" NO? I WAS THERE. IT SENT. NOT MY FAULT MY SOCIAL STATUS TO AFFORD INTERNET FAILED ME OKAY I NEED THIS. C'MON. I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR AN HOUR. AN HOOOUURRR. STOP RHIS MADNESS.
#Im losing my mind yall#I was applying for this scholarship thing and it had video submissions right. Today was the deadline and i only had to send in#The very last video and#(actually bow im more angry BECASUE TAGS HAVE A WORD LIMIT AND KM SO LIVID LIKE IM ALREADY PISSED OFF FUCK OFF TUMBLR)#And and I JUST. IT WAS TAKEN FROM ME. THIS OPPORTUNITY. BECAUSE WHAT? I HAVE SHIT WIFI AMD NO STORAGE?? FUCKK OFFFFFFF#i hate capitalism#I hate jate hate hate money#Aegrgrhrhrhrhr this is a complainant from a poor poor rat that is on the very of curling up to sob and die.#chaotic bastard#yeah#bangerbug in the tags
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