#im like.... really really close so i'm excited and stressed all at once

[transmonstera]

TOP SURGERY CONSULTATION COST + DEPOSIT

"Hoping to raise a final amount of £700 (currently have £2000) so that I can put down a good enough deposit (£2500 deposit + £200 consultation cost) so that a medical finance plan isn't too much to keep on top of month by month when paying back the £8250 for top surgery! Very lucky to be able to get it on finance, but I'm gonna need a bit of help to do it comfortably. If you like my art, writing, or just feel like helping a trans person out, any and all tips are greatly appreciated!"

currently in the final stretch for my top surgery funds! my referral appointment is in TWO WEEKS and my consultation appointment is NEXT MONTH so any and all tips/shares means a lot to me

i also have an etsy and an inprnt if you'd like to buy something instead!

KOFI

ETSY

INPRNT

[quantum1mmortality]

Wiggity wack yo(🍋Crewel x Fem! Reader x Sam🍋)

Real not click bait

OKAY AHHHHH so I was told by my boyfriend that tumblr is gonna think im a bot for a bit I can assure you I'm not so im offering this for peace

Okay uhm now back to the fic LOLO

♧CW!! Fem reader, fem pronouns, fem descriptions for body parts, sex with older sexy men yummy, READER IS NOT YUU!!!, reader is like staff or some shit idk make your own shit up i dont care, penis stuff, what stuff? Idk yet your guess is as good as mine, anal AND vagina sex, at the same time btw, threesome or however you spell it M/M/F, yeah you're getting them both at the same time crazy shit ik, I can take them both, what? In a fight? Who said anything about a fight? We get praised, bc my biggest kink is being loved, I love these two, im used to Ao3 im so sorry for how this is formatted, also I hella ship crewel x sam and they will be together in this fic dont you dare think they won't.

Okay so yeah the CW does have a lot of jokes in it but im nervous bc this is my first fic thats like this but it does have actual warnings btw so please read them

NOT PROOFREAD!!!

Okay now onto the fic. Enjoy, you horny goblin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~

♧It had been two months since you came to NRC for the first time.

Crowley hired you to be a counselor for the boys in the school. He decided that having a housewarden overbolt every so often wasn't worth the trouble and they needed a shoulder to cry on. And that just so happened to be you.

Crowley had made it apparent he wanted you, telling the agency you worked with that it had something to do with "women being better at comprehending emotion." You didn't mind, the pay was generous and the students were sweet enough to make you want to stay.

You already met most of the students by now, having all the housewardens in every other day just to express their family issues was something you had to deal with. Having the vice housewardens in afterwards wasn't very pleasurable either, but you had to make do. Sometimes Crowley would come in just to see how things were going, he'd say it was to "be generous", he brought you food Sometimes too.

You found yourself getting very close to the married couple of the school, Sam and Crewel. They were very sweet to you, complementing your style when you'd come in, hang out with you during break, Crewel would even bring you snacks from Sam's shop when he had the chance. You would hang out with them a lot, and though you didn't want to admit it, you did find both of them attractive, but you would never hurt their marriage.

Every once in a while, Crewel and Sam invited you over to their house. You'd have drinks, play games, get into really deep conversations about how Crowley sucked, the things friends do.

You didn't want to admit your feelings. You didn't want to admit how you'd slightly blushing when they were being nicer than usual. You didn't want to admit how your heart would beat out of its chest when Crewel would stand behind you, snaking his hands over yours to guide them to teach you how to make a margarita. You didn't want to admit how you'd get so excited when Sam would willingly buy your favorite snacks and have Crewel deliver them to you. It wasn't worth losing two amazing friends over two simple crushes.

You had just gotten done a long day of counseling all the first years, Ace and Deuce to get their counseling together. It was just as hectic as it sounded, taking up almost 4 hours of your time with other students coming and leaving when they realized how long the wait would be. You needed a way to relax and get your mind off this job. Luckily, Crewel came into your office at the end of the day and invited you over for drinks.

This was the perfect stress reliever, hanging out with your two amazing friends and having drinks sounded perfect after a long day. Crewel quickly noticed how tired you were, your disheveled appearance quaking from the little sleep you had. He decided to schedule the meet up for later in the day so you'd get some sleep beforehand. "We don't want you falling asleep on us, now do we?" Crewel gives you a small chuckle and a wink before bidding his goodbye and leaving.

Getting up from your chair with an exhausted sigh, you pack your notes into your bag and leave your office, locking the door behind you. Crowley said to always lock your office when you aren't there, something about the students being nosy and may snoop around. It didn't matter though, it was the end of the school day and the start of the weekend, who would spend their Friday snooping around in a counselors office?

Finally getting to the chamber room and walking through the mirror, you're at the part of campus where all the staff lives. Medium sized houses in a nice circle with Treins house being the biggest and in the middle. Unlocking your front door, you sigh and take off your jacket while laying your keys down on the table next to the door. Going upstairs and into your room, you take your bra and skirt off, climbing into bed after setting an alarm.

Crewel was nice enough to set the meet up back a few hours, scheduling it for 10. Giving you a nice 4 and a half hours to catch up on much needed sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After being asleep for around 4 hours, you awoke to your alarm going off. It was 9:25, giving you 30 minutes to get ready.

Getting out of bed you hop into the shower to get washed up. Using the lovely sugar scrubs you usually do and washing your (H/L) (H/C) hair with a wonderful smelling shampoo and conditioner. Getting out of the shower, blow drying your hair and figuring out what to wear.

You finally decided on a nice (F/C) dress, not too skin tight, but leaving enough to the imagination to make it desirable. Luckily it wasn't out of the ordinary for you to wear something like this, so they wouldn't think anything of it.

It was getting to the time of leaving, so you quickly pack your things and head out. Closing the door behind you, you walk across the empty street and make it to their door. Since they lived in the same house, you would often catch them walking out early in the morning. It was convenient to say the least.

Knocking three times before the door opens with enthusiasm, you're greeted with Crewels smiling face as he greets you. He holds the door open as you walk in, taking your bag and coat off and putting them on the hangers near the door. Sam greets you from the kitchen, beckoning you to come and see him.

When you do, he has a bunch of machinery on the counter. "Sam used to be a barista before he started working here. He stopped a long time ago, but his love for coffee didn't. We decided to invest in some machinery to indulge in his hobby. Expensive, but worth it to see him happy." Crewel says as he walks behind you and gives you a smile.

"I've always loved working with coffee, the pure smell alone is enough to drive a man, me, wild. Come here, I'll show you have to work an expresso machine!" Sam says with a huge smile on his face. Something tells you alcohol isn't being involved tonight, perhaps its for the better.

Walking over to Sam he steps behind you and guides your hands to the different cups and powders to make a shot of expresso. Did Crewel and Sam always have similar ways of teaching? They aren't like this to the other staff..

After making the expresso, Sam grabs some coffee he brewed earlier. Pouring it into a mug and the expresso on top, he starts the foam art. Watching him pour the foam in different directions was almost mesmerizing, and soon enough, you had a little foam kitty! How cute!

Sam had finished his and Crewels coffee and you sat down at the coffee table with them. They were silent, more than usual. Their eyes would dart across the room, occasionally landing on you but quickly shifting focus. It seemed as though they wanted to say something, but couldn't figure out how to put it.

"Is something wrong? You guys are awfully silent tonight, I hope I didn't upset you in anyway-" you trailed off, trying to figure out what was going on.

"No, no! Its not you at all!" They both practically shouted while jumping from their chairs, spilling some coffee in the process. Grabbing some tissues and sitting down, they clean themselves up.

"Look, we've been meaning to ask you something- its just- we don't know how to exactly ask about it." Sam says, Crewel still trying to dab some coffee off of the vest hes wearing.

"We think that, maybe, we can open our marriage, but, just to you. We want to try things with you, see what we like, experiment a little." Crewel adds with flushed cheeks. He must be pretty nervous about this.

Sam takes a nervous sip of his coffee before continuing on what Crewel had just stated. "We trust you. We think that you're the only person that could be fit for this, and we're willing to help you explore that side of you. The 'nastier' side, so I've heard the kids say."

Well that was a lot to take in, a bit too much actually. You had felt your entire face heat up as you realized what they meant. A sort of rush of adrenaline creep in. Was this actually happening? You've wanted it bad since you first met them, but you never thought it would actually happen.

Sam and Crewel looked at you as you completely space out. You could feel the tension in the air, their stares getting impatient as their cheeks formed new colors you'd never seen on them.

"We completely understand if you don't want to do this, we won't force you into anyth-" Crewel chimed in after deciding the silence was too much, but was then swiftly cut off.

"I'll do it. I mean- I want to, that is. I've been wanting to, I just didn't want to make you guys uncomfortable. I mean, you're always so sweet to me, I thought we just had something platonic going on, but I had no clue you guys felt the same." You say while practically being out of breath. Pressing your thighs together as an instinct, Crewel quickly switches his gaze to a lovely house plant as his cheeks heat up more.

"Are you sure you want to do this? We'd never force you into anything, but we do want your full consent." Sam practically sighs out. Crewel is still red, but now is occasionally sparing glances at you.

"Yes, im sure. You may do whatever you please." Chuckling, you say with a smile directed to them. Sam gives you a soft smile while Crewel stands up from his chair.

"I'll get everything situated. Sam, if you want to take her into the bedroom and get her situated, that would be appreciated, I'll be in as soon as I'm done getting everything ready." Crewel says while walking out of the room, giving you both a wink on the way out.

"Alrighty then! Let's get you ready!" Sam yells while taking your hand and leading you to the bedroom. When you walk in, you take in the beautiful scenery. Large king sized bed, beautiful red curtains, their bedroom is huge! "Dont be intimidated, Crowley decided to give us extra space. He says we're his 'little gay friends.' We're not even completely gay! Wiggity wack, yo!"

You were so grateful that Sam knew how to break the silence and make you comfortable you didn't even notice he had left your side to go to one of their personal cabinets. "We had been planning this for awhile, we just didn't want to scare you away is all. Crewel and I had picked up a few sets of lingerie for you. You can try them on while we wait for him to get back! No pressure of course. I just figured you may not have expected something like this to happen and you wanted to change into something more... fitting... for the occasion."

Then, it hit you. You were wearing such normal panties, it hurt! Shame on you, shame on you!

Going to the cabinet, you skimmed through the sets of lingerie. None really caught your eye, until you landed on a lacy white two peice with pearly accents. Sexy, baby!

"Oh, you like that one? Thats Crewels favorite. Hes gonna go batshit crazy if he sees you in that! Personally I dont give a shit what you're wearing, you'll be naked and in my arms by the end of the night so it doesn't matter." He says with a smug look on his face. Was that... a threat? Why was it sexy for him to say if it was? He was leaning with his arms crossed on the cabinet, looking for any sign that you were uncomfortable. They really were putting your needs above theirs.

"Go! Try it on! I wanna see Crewels face when he comes back!" He lightly shooshes you away with a hearty laugh that made your cheeks red. After showing you to the bathroom, he leaves you to the privacy of the semi cold, hard floor room. Getting changed, you heard the door open and Crewel walk in. Sam and him were talking about something you just couldn't hear what. Putting the panties to the lingerie set on, you had realized they untied at the sides. How convenient! Stepping outside, you felt their eyes practically rip you apart.

"Hot diggity dog! I'm so sorry, that sounded so weird oh my god." Sam slaps his face before cupping his eyes in embarrassment. Crewel sent him a death glare before looking back at you with wide eyes and completely red cheeks.

"Uhm.. we should uh.. go over safety precautions. Our safeword is going to be, 'blue', understood?" Crewels voice was shaky and he was clearly avoiding your gaze, but he did sound serious. Shaking your head yes, he continues. "Alright. Remember, any time you get uncomfortable, or you want to stop, or anything, just say the safeword and we'll stop immediately. As for everything else, I got some things for us. Just to make everything a smoother process is all. Lube, vibrators, simply just things to have your body relax. As for protection, both Sam and I can't have kids. In our defense we didn't think something like this would happen."

"In short, you're gonna be fine. We'll make sure you're treated nice and good, don't worry. Crewel and I are, as the kids would say, 'freaks in the sheets', but we'll wait until later dates to actually try those things with you. If you're comfortable, that is." Sam smiles at you. It was comforting to see all the precautions they're taking.

"I'm okay with anything really, I mean, I dont have very much experience but im willing to try things out! It's just, im a bit nervous is all.." Sam looks at you as though he's seen something so otherworldly gorgeous he can't explain it, and he gently takes your hands.

"Hey, dont be scared, okay? We'll go as slow as you want, and if at anytime you want to stop we will. We just want you to have a good time." Sam winks as he gives your hands a gently squeeze of reassurance. Crewel was silently taking off his coat all the while looking at the way the lingerie was hugging your body. Blush was covering your cheeks as you take your hands out of sams grasp and cup them together in a nervous fashion.

"Thanks.. its just this outfit im wearing is starting to be a bit uncomfortable." You say while looking away from their prying eyes.

"Well let's take it off then." Crewel says with a grin on his face while making eye contact.

"Mhm. I agree. If its making you so uncomfortable we should take it off." Sam says while giving you his signature grin. He takes your hand and leads you to their shared bed, sitting you on his lap in the middle of the comfortable mattress. Crewel followed and crawled towards the two of you, while landing front of you and spreading your legs gently.

Sam slowly leans into the crook of your neck, "I'm gonna take these off, okay?" He whispers in your ear as he places the strings of your panties in his fingers. Nodding in agreement, he gives the shell of your ear a soft nip, earning a small yelp from you, making the men giggle.

He slowly takes his fingers and pulls on the drawstrings, Crewel in front of you, watching in anticipation. Shyness taking over, you instinctively shut your legs close when Sam begins to take the peice of loose fabric off.

Crewel places one hand on your inner thigh and pries them open, clicking his tongue while shaking his head in light hearted dissapointment. "Ah-ah, no hiding sweetheart, cmon, you'll be begging to be touched more by the end of the night, we have to start somewhere, dont we?" Crewels voice was laced with last, you had never heard him act like this before, but God you wanted more.

You you began to crawl up Sams lap in a stroke of nervousness, to which he only gave a soft smile at. "You'll be a good girl for Divus, wont you? You'll be so good for him, let him eat you out, right?" Sam says from behind you in a teasing tone, while Crewel waited patiently for your response. Nodding yes, Crewel dove between your legs like a starved man.

A loud moan escapes your lips from the sudden burst of pleasure, earning a chuckle from the man behind you. Placing both hands on Sam's thighs in an attempt to keep your balance, you only ended up digging your fingernails into his skin. Leaving harsh, painful nail marks on his legs, Sam groans at the sudden pain. He takes his hand, interlocking it in Crewels hair and pulling him forward so he can reach deeper parts of you. You moan loudly at Crewel being able to hit spots no one else could, and Sam takes his hand out of Crewels hair and places two fingers on your clit, making circular motions with light pressure.

With all the stimulation, it doesn't take long for you to cum, which you do with a loud moan. Crewel licks all of your juices up and swallow them in a single motion. "Delicious, as expected." He says as he softly caresses your cheek for comfort. Sam begins to rub slow circles into the flesh of your thigh, giving them light pinches every word often.

Crewel begins to unbuckle his belt with one hand, the other still stroking your cheek. "Are you alright with taking us both at the same time? Its alright if not, we can take turns if you'd like." Crewel makes eye contact with you as he asks, making you swallow hard in anxiety. As you begin to think, Sam lays his head in the crook of your neck in anticipation.

"I'm alright with taking you both at the same time, its just please be slow, im a little scared is all... this is my first time doing something like this..." you say as a small chuckle comes from them both. "Of course we'd be slow silly! You're our main priority, so we just want to make you comfortable." Sam says as he kisses your neck and slowly retreats from his resting place on your shoulder.

"I'd suggest you prepare her for... well, anal. You're alright with that, right?" Crewel asks with concern in his eyes. Now THIS was something you didn't expect tonight, but not unwelcome.

"I'm okay with it! But please, please be gentle, I've never done this before." You say as you look behind you at Sam. He gives you a smile before ruffling your hair. "I know I know, I'll be gentle I swear." He says as he begins to let his slender fingers roam to you ass. "Get ready, okay? This is gonna feel weird and possibly hurt for a minute, but it'll get better."

Taking a deep breath, you nod your head. Sam takes one finger and begins to slowly inch his way in, letting you stretch out. You slowly grown out at the alien feeling, gripping Sam's thighs harder than you were before.

He begins to curl his finger in you, slipping in another one as you start to loosen up more. Crewel could sense the way it hurt, he leaned down and started kissing and rubbing your thighs gently, hoping it would help you ease.

Sam could feel you loosen from this, to the point he was able to slip a third finger in, earning a moan from you. He began to curl his fingers upwards as he kissed and sucked on the sensitive skin of your neck. With the stimulation, you ended up cumming after a few minutes.

As Crewel lapped up your juices again, but gently this time as to not overstimulate you, Sam began to praise you more. "Look at you, doing so good for us, taking us so well. I cant wait to have you coming undone on us." Sam said as he placed a light kiss on your cheek.

Crewel took the rest of his clothes off, leaving him in just his boxers, letting you stare in awe at how well built he was. He took your hand and let you sit in his lap. "Just a second doll, Sam needs to undress himself." He says as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, placing sweet kisses on it. After a minute, Sam was done and was also in just his boxers, guiding you back onto his lap.

"Which hole ya wanna take? Rock paper scissors? No, thats too cliche.." Sam rambles on. "I'm fine with whatever, what do you want, y/n?" Crewel tags into the conversation as he scoots closer to the two of you, holding your waist in the process.

"I'm okay with the position we're in right now, with you being in the front, Sam in the back.. it seems fine like this." The men smile at how genuine you're being, voicing your concerns, ect. Its cute to them. They nod and hum in agreement as Crewel grabs a bottle of lube.

"I reckon I won't have to use this as much as you will, Sam. Take it slow, hurt her and I'll beat the shit out of you." Crewel says with a smile on his face, sort of whispering that last part.

"I am gentle! I'm always gentle, some would even call me a gentleman!" Sam says with a playful scowl, taking the bottle from him. You begin to giggle as you see Crewel slowly take off his boxers, reveling his already, very hard member.

"Sorry love, you looked too cute, couldn't help it, yknow?" He says, giving you a wink as his breath speeds up. You feel Sam shifting under you and you feel him take off his boxers, throwing them to the side.

Oh no, they're both huge! Crewels is long, around 7-8.5 with reasonable girth, while Sams is 6.5 and a lot thicker. How are you gonna take them both at once?

"I know what you're thinking, you'll be alright. We'll take it slow, build up speed with time." Sam says as he places a quick kiss on your temple. He squeezes the lube on his hand, rubbing it together to warm it up before putting it on his cock. Earning a hiss from him, he sighs and places both hands on your waist. Lifting your body up, both him and Crewel line themselves with your holes, and wait for your confirmation.

Placing both hands on Crewels shoulders, you nod your head before they begin to slowly sink themselves into you, stretching you out more in the process. Moans from all three of you fill the room as they lower you down more and more.

Once they are fully in, they both huddle close to your body, singing you praise after praise as they wait for you to let them move. After a few minutes pf being out of breath and simply just panting you give them the go ahead.

"You can move, I'm okay now." And with that, they pull their torsos away from you and place their hands on your waist. Starting at a slow pace for you to get used to it, they slowly and gradually add more speed as they both bounce you on their cocks.

Sam rests his head on your shoulder, panting in your ear as his grip on you tighten and his muscles tense. Crewel doing the same, but while bouncing you, he begins to thrust upwards when you come down to make a larger impact, earning a loud moan that makes you tense around them.

Ssm gets jealous of how Crewel seems to be fucking you better, so he starts to do the same, meeting his thrusts with your timing. You were all moaning messes and by the looks of it, none of you could last very long.

Sam grits his teeth as his hands make their way to your tits, softly squeezing and pinching them. Crewel let's his hands wander to your pussy, taking his thumb and rubbing circles on your clit. You dont last long after they begin to do this, and cum for the third time this night, riding out your high as Sam and Crewel chase theirs.

You can feel Sams breath speed up and grow more hoarse as his grip on your thighs and breast slightly tighten. "Shit shit shi-" a loud groan erupted from his chest as he spills his seed in you. Crewel falling seconds after, cumming in you as he thrusts upwards, keeping it in.

You all lay on the bed for a few seconds, basking in eachothers presence while catching your breath. Crewel slowly pulls out, earning a whince from you. He walks into the bathroom and comes back seconds later with a wash cloth.

"Cmon Sam, you gotta get out." Crewel says as he looks at him, with a whine Sam pulls out too, letting both their juices spill out of you. "Such a good girl for us, keeping all our cum in her. You did so well for us dear." Crewel says as he cleans you up. Lightly dabbing the cloth on your now sensitive areas, he softly chuckles at the way your body reacts.

Sam walks to the other side of the room, going into a small fridge and grabbing three waters and a few snacks. "I've got waters for all of us and some chocolates for the girl of the hour." He says with a wink. Crewel is done cleaning you and goes to throw the soiled towel in a wash basket as Sam opens your water and chocolates.

Replenishing your thirst and munching on the surprisingly delicious chocolates, Sam picks you up unexpectedly and moves you to the front of the bed. "What, you didn't think we were gonna kick you out after this, did you?" Crewel says chuckling as he comes back from being in the bathroom.

"Honestly, im not sure what to expect from you guys anymore." You say with a chuckle. Both men chuckle aswell as they make it into bed with you, sandwiching you between them. Shifting the pillows and blankets around until you're all comfortable, you lay in a comfortable silence.

As you all say your goodnights as the lights in the room turn off, you can't help but think of what situation you're in. Having two men who just fucked you into oblivion now cuddling you goodnight? You could get used to this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: im lorde yaya im lorde yaya

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Your butterfly Howdy- so so so obsessed!! please tell me you thoughts I love him!! The thought of him simply falling from his chrysalis in a big sopping mess is so real™ , true butterfly moment

i would be Delighted to Talk. i always am. i have many thoughts always about everything. especially This. gonna add a cut so there's not a wall of text on my blog

okay so 1) i don't think he'd give any warning that he's gonna turn into a chrysalis. probably because he wouldn't realize it's happening bc like... those good ol caterpillar instincts took over <3 also it probably made him very very eepy

in his perspective, he took a nap and woke up spontaneously Different. everybody else had to deal with a solid few weeks of him being a chrysalis. and it's not like he was resting inside it - there is soooo much going on in metamorphosis, caterpillars/butterflies Do Not Rest At All

so when he emerges from the chrysalis (as a pathetic wet rag of a man <3) he's just... so out of it. his memory is a little fucky for a bit, he's weak, & he's exhausted to the point where the only time he's awake is to eat (gotta get that energy back!). that's it. he's dead asleep, wakes up, demolishes an entire bowl of fruit, and passes back out. can't even speak coherently.

he slowly gains lucidity until he's functional. he has a small period of time where he's kind of delirious/loopy from an overdose on Sleep, and it's hell on earth for everyone to deal with. i like to think that his main Watchers during this time are Poppy and Barnaby, both bc they're both big enough to wrangle him and bc of obvious reasons. (Poppy is a worrier and Barnaby is in love with Howdy)

when Howdy's loopyness wears off, he's still very tired and a bit spacey, but hey! he reopens the bodega! not that he needs to, since everyone was getting stuff from it anyway. he has a lot of IOU's in the never-used cash register <3 and lots of sweet notes. everyone missed him <3

so for a while when he's functional-but-Exhausted, he's a bit of a grouch. he simply does not have the energy to deal with Shenanigans and Excitement. if anyone walks into the bodega he's basically like "get your shit and get out, thank you, bye". he still sometimes nods off at the counter. eepy eepy bug.

and i don't think he'd really like his new appearance at first? i get the vibes that he Didn't want to pupate OH MY GOD THAT'S THE WORD! I'VE BEEN USING CHRYSALIZE WHICH ISNT EVEN A WORD BC I FORGOT 'PUPATE'. FUCK!, so he was subconsciously putting it off and was able to live for such a long time as a caterpillar.

but oopsie! he lost the battle of biological will! now he's got So Much Fluff and wings and claws and longer antennae and like... he's blue now. that would probably be at least a little unsettling, especially since he didn't realize it was going to happen. also he has to tailor all of his clothes to fit the wings and the Fluff.

plus, i imagine butterfly/moth wings are a Bitch to deal with. they don't fold like bird or bat wings, and they're kinda delicate - though due to Howdy's size, i'm sure they're more durable than a normal butterfly's - so i bet they are Constantly In The Way. (Barnaby probably makes a joke about how "Eddie's supposed to be the clumsy one" after Howdy knocks over a display with his wings for the umpteenth time. cue Barnaby getting kicked out of the store)

it takes a while for Howdy to get them under Control. they'd probably give away ever emotion he has. angry/frustrated? fluttering like crazy. thinking happy/fluffy thoughts or daydreaming? slow opening-closing. sad/pensive? droopy wing cape. stressed/high-strung? closed tight like a book. etc.

(similarly, his antennae are Very expressive! this is not something he can control unless he focuses extra hard. within a week Frank has memorized what each curl and twitch means)

but once Howdy has reconciled with his new appearance & has wrangled his wings, He Is So Fruity And Even More Eccentric. he fell outta that chrysalis and went "im gay now! 🧚‍♂️💅" kidding Kidding. kind of.

idk why, just... i feel like he gets a confidence boost. he realizes hes a Pretty Boy™️. he's like "this is what it must feel like for Eddie when he does drag". he's got that extra fruity Flair yk yk.

and sure, flowers are a little more distracting to Howdy than they used to be, prefers fruit over greenery, and he can't resist taking a short break every day to sun his wings, but other than that things are mostly normal. he's just extra pretty now.

[greenhouse-studies]

i’m officially 6 months away to moving to be at my 4-year! i made some spreadsheets about the transfer process from my community college (we have a guaranteed admission process here in VA) and it’s very easy actually, i was stressed about it then i got everything in order and i was like. oh.

i’m gonna miss being in the mountains and it’s gonna be weird being so close to the ocean (i’ll be about 45 minutes away from the beach). tbh i prefer mountains over the ocean because i’m absolutely terrified of fish touching me so when i get in the water i’m constantly jumping anytime seaweed touches me lol. but i’m really excited to be around so many historical sites and have more options for history jobs once i graduate with my bachelors and start working on my master’s before i go into teaching.

it’s kinda scary but the closer it comes, the more excited i get. i’ve been making pinterest boards for the general aesthetic of my apartment because while i’m getting the basics from my parents, like some bedsheets and a shower curtain, ill be getting a lot of new stuff, decoration-wise. i haven't bought anything yet because i haven't settled on an apartment so i don't have a visual of the space, but i know the ~vibe~ im going for

ahhhh im turning 21 and moving out and officially starting to focus on my double majors i'm so happy for me! i was actively suicidal for 9 years, and passively for 2 more years, and thought i'd be dead before i finished high school so this is all so important to me

[sunset-of-the-void]

okay ive been trying to organize my thoughts forever and its not exactly working so. i'm just gonna launch things in as short and concise as i can make it so i dont ramble incoherantly forever (/lh)

so,, i'll start with my perception of norton, because by god i think i should think about him more,,,

i'm not gonna touch on his mom because i have no clue what the fuck happened to her honestly, but i think norton's dad has always been kind of. accidentally distant? like in a way you could tell he cared for his son, but there was probably always an air of stress/tiredness about him (similar to norton as he aged) that got worse from the black lung and aging, and also the way that they were never guarenteed to have necessities all the time was something that occupied his mind a lot. (i imagine personally that while the two were never close, norton could understand the reasons why hence choosing to stay by his side once he fell bedridden)

also, while norton probably didn't work in the mines for his entire life, he'd probably do small jobs on the side to help out with funds, especially considering his lack of an (official? authentic?? i cant recall the word im looking for) education in canon, so you know. he's been aware of the concept of money and status for a while i'd assume, even moreso when he starts working in the mines as a teenager (which i'd assume is when his father's illness starts worsening as well) and people there are just. ruthless i'd imagine. considering in his trailer he looks (debatably?) younger than the other men it's probably from both a mix of him being a newer worker and possibly being worse off than them as well plus the stress on him having to be the only provider for two people, one of which is ill as well, as a teenager proobably doesnt help much with the situation either...... i've not much to add other than this, though touching on his personality in the manor, despite being reserved and a liittle grumpy he is very sweet once you get past the walls he put up! he's the type of person to help someone who needs it (albeit he may make a show of being reluctant about it) but he does know what its like to struggle and how much a helping hand could mean to someone. he's still very empathetic in my mind :]

very very briefly onto andrew because if i dont limit myself this will be soo much longer. but i'll try not to get too excited and i'll cut out most of his life (pretty much all of it up to about laz cemetary)

so basically andrew also had similar situations being born in poverty, while norton managed to gain financial security as he became a prospector (i think?) andrew didnt really. get that at all. even when working with laz (if he did, there wouldnt be a reason to be tempted by grave robbing, right???) and i personally assume people would price gouge him for the sake of him being "impure" or whatever, so even with the pay from mikhail/percy it never really lasted quite long enough,,,,

andrew only left after getting caught by marshall, and fled immediately after the (accidental) murder. (to summarize it shortly andrew panicked and stabbed him a few times with the shovel and then accidentally buried him while he was still alive in a nearby patch of dirt) and he showed up to the manor with. practically nothing. he had a change of clothes, his shovel, and some trinkets that were dear to him, and to me he kind of traveled on foot the nearly whole time to the manor (using the funds he had left from the final deal of the "slabs" to take a train as far as he could with the money)

so now like.. the actual current important thing (sorry dhsjdjfj......)

once andrew shows up to the manor he's in ah. generally pretty bad shape. and people kind of have one of two reactions of either "wow this guys one of the stranger ones" or "this guy needs. a lot of help" (depending on how you look at it) and norton kind of realizes almost immediately from andrew's general anxious demeanour and gaunt figure that he has nothing going for him, so why would he make that worse?? plus in the manor norton kind of gravitates away from nobility/aristocracy i believe and andrew is very. noticably not either of those, andrew is just grateful that norton's not reacting negatively to his very presence and he puts a lot of trust in norton. (like, norton gets a fuck ton of life stories that luca and emil dont hear about) im working on a fic of their first technical interaction and im not sure if i'll ever finish it since ive been stewing it since like.. april but they're cute to me

Hello! Very excited to read through this

To be honest i dont think norton's mom is mentioned like ever. At least in nothing i personally have read. I do agree that hia family would have been distant. They were in living in poverty and it puts a strain on anyone much less a family. To me it aids in norton's cutthroat nature of just having a life of anything but the suffering of poverty.

I would love to read the fic once you finish it! I really like andrew and norton getting each other as they have both been ostracized from society for being poor and then for Andrew being albino! I was going to have a lot more to say but i dont think it would have added much to this. I will be marinating on thoughts for this thank you so much for the ramble friend!

[avakitsune]

Okay so. Time for more emotions because everything is running really high. I'm stressed as fuck but it's literally because I only have five more days until I'm in a hotel room for an entire weekend, face-to-face with someone who has become...irreplaceably important to me at this moment? And I'm going to be gushing and going into extraneous detail here, so like. Don't mind me.

BUT. He is flying across the country to meet me. Which, yes...this whole thing is impulsive and I should probably feel scared. I'm not scared. This feels right, even though it absolutely should not. And I think that's where all the guilt keeps coming from? By all senses of propriety and reason, I should be ashamed of myself for moving on so fast from someone who was so deeply enmeshed in my life.

But let's be real here. The moment I was no longer enmeshed with my husband, we ain't got shit to talk about anymore. That's far from the case here. The guy I'm meeting could talk to me about absolutely nothing and I'd hang on every single word. I love his voice, and I love the things he says. I love listening to the way he thinks and sees the world, and I only really feel more and more comfortable.

So...5 days from now. We'll be on the ride up the elevator, after a long car ride together all alone, but the moment we get into the hotel room, that'll be the first moment that he and I are completely alone. The first moment that propriety is no longer in the room. No one watching. No witnesses.

In a perfect world...he'll likely say, "After you." And I'll step into the room first, and once he's through the door behind me, I'll realize I'm at his mercy. Can't get around him to get back to the door. Panic will set in. I know myself well enough to know that I won't be able to stop the nervous reaction. Maybe he'll get a chuckle out of that, tease me by sliding one hand under my shirt, his hand on my stomach in warning as I find myself pressed to the wall.

He won't have to say it. I'll know that I'm not going anywhere. And I'll try to regain control of the situation with charm; giggling, squealing and bargaining...making self deprecating jokes that only end up getting me bitten and licked to make me make more humiliating sounds. His knee might slide up between my thighs and lift me up slightly as he holds me against the wall, since I barely weigh anything at all. And it stings, my all my body weight baring down on my cunt, making my body tilt forward into him, making it easier to grab my face and tease me for how stupidly easy I really am to control.

And then... like nothing happened, the moment I'm clearly worked up, just gently letting me down and walking to the bed. Patting the side next to him or his lap, beckoning me closer. Telling me that this time, I'm supposed to come to him. The door is behind me now. I can leave, though I have to get away on my own means, but I know he wants to see me obey. Be a good girl and come to him. Show him that he can scare me like that, and I'll still want him to like me.

And I will. I'll go right to him, kneel...maybe straddle him and kiss him. Because let's be realistic here: I'm starving for him already, and I know that sitting in the car with him for an hour and half or more is just going to have me going crazy and committing his scent to memory the way I've already done with his voice.

And...God, hearing his voice in person is everything. I don't know how im going to be able to handle hearing him speak in person...up close and right in my ear. It's already hypnotic. The things I'm willing to do just to hear it again...and again...and again. What I'm willing to admit, to bare, to cast aside.

But most of all... I want us to connect. I want to know he's just as excited as me. And that it matters as much to me that it's him as it matters that it's me to him. I'm just excited to know that I'm going to be in close proximity with someone who wants to play with me. And not side by side. It's the same game, 1v1. Someone I know is going to be intense and powerful against me, and to know that the only offense I have is compliance.

But then...at the same time, I know he's someone who I could literally stay up with all night talking about deep questions, existential shit, movies that we each know too much about, cats, music, strange people or places, video game lore. So I may be looking forward to the pillowtalk at least as much, for the record. He's just...probably the most mature minded person I've ever met. And so I want his opinion on everything.

[bwobgames]

Previous First

"Heavens, close the door!!"

"Oh, Im so sorry. I didn't think it would get inside -"

"I understand, but please, stand somewhere else!"

"Ah- yes! Right away!"

" Well, that's a bit funny. I should go back to my snackie business- nevermind he's coming over here."

"Hey, Oliver..."

"This guy is cold, and his eyes are a bit red

Could he have been...

Smoking the devil's grass??? Funny cigarettes?? María and Juana?? Galactic brownies??

Oh, never mind, he just brushed a tear, it was crying. Whoops.

I hope this doesn't get awkward "

"You... by any chance you dont happen to remember me, do you?"

He seems a bit hopeful

"I... I don't know who this guy is.

Did I forget him from somewhere? College, maybe?

He seems to doubt that I remember, I'll just be honest"

"I'm sorry, I don't remember"

"Well, now I feel like a dick"

"Ah, that's fine! I expected it to be honest. It's not your fault"

"So we've met before?"

"Oh, yes, just once, though, so that's probably why you don't remember.

Im... very good at remembering"

He looks away for a bit, something sad passes through his expression

"But, yeah, we've met. I'm a... a..."

"A private detective! Just like you!"

"Wha-! Really?!"

"Yeah! We investigated the same case a while ago, and we talked once, but it was a very stressful investigation, so you probably dont remember. I have been seeing your name in other cases, and, well, I guess I'm a bit of a fan"

"Could it be the case of the ballet dancer?"

"...Yep, exactly"

"Oh, that was such a tiring case! I still can't believe the culprit was the dad all along!"

"Haha, yeah... crazy"

"Did you also go to the region's academy? Or are you from the capital?"

"I'm ... from the capital"

"Aah, this is so exciting!! Another detective? From the capital? A fan of my investigations??? Oh, I hope I'm not bouncing, but there's just so much happy energy in me!"

"Oh, how could I be this impolite? I haven't done the official detective to detective greeting."

"A warm hug between colleagues! The union said so!"

"This guy seems a bit surprised. Has his union not implemented the greeting hug? Maybe things are different in the capital"

"Well, this guy looked like he needed one."

"Huh, usually I'm a bit uncomfortable with physical touch from strangers, but this is nice, must be the bond between fellow professionals!"

"I want to talk to this guy! I should invite him to somewhere more private"

[slytherinshua]

He's just precious. I definitely need to watch some of his live performances! I love it when artists really get into the music. Yechan is quite fun to watch, he seems to get quite into it. And Wonsang!! I love it when he is making faces while playing bass (generally I'm reacting the same way to his parts ahaha)

People are honestly so tough to deal with sometimes lol. I'd become a recluse if I could ahaha. I was talking about this with my brother once, when I finally have enough money to move out (not anytime soon ��) I NEED to live with someone else. Partly for safety, but also because if I don't I'll become a hermit and never leave ahaha (also because I despise cooking and there is a very real possibility that I'll just starve instead lol). I'm glad you enjoy talking to me, I do too! (Feel free to message me anytime too!)

That's exciting, I hope it goes well!! Are you working towards grades or anything? Or do you just go along with music that you want to learn? Lessons on zoom seems interesting, online classes were hard enough sometimes so music lessons must have been something else. It is literally so hard to find motivation to practice! Like I want to be better, but I don't want to practice ahaha. Although I use to really have to practice because my mum taught me for a while so she'd definitely know if I didn't 😭

Oh wow you were so close to them!! I'd probably forget to how to pose as well, although I can't really pose in general without it being awkward lol. That's really cute that he was telling you what he was going to do

i remember my favourite hyunsang song (or maybe favourite song of all time in general) is snowflake and i watched the live of it and there's this one part where he looks back at his band/orchestra behind him and just smiles so widely before he goes up onto the lifted platform to do his guitar solo AND IDK IT MADE ME EMO CAUSE I NEVER SEE THAT BIG SMILE FROM HIM HES SO CUTE (here if u wanna see it btw)

yechan is always so mesmerizing to watch he gets SO into the music and playing you just can't take your eyes off of him!! wonsang always has fun with it and dances, smiles so wide, or focuses really hard when hes doing hard parts on the bass i just love him i could talk about him all day

yeah and its pretty bad i don't have like any interaction irl its all online and im kinda thankful for that because its a lot easier to deal with interactions online than in person its a lot less stressful 😭😭 but i never go outside i swear 😭😭 i feel like i would get so lonely if i was living alone even though i don't tend to think of myself as someone who needs in person social interaction... but i think it would build up and hit hard if i no longer had people around me to talk to even a little every day like my family.... hehe i will its so fun to talk to you ^^

rn i do plan to take another music exam probably grade 6 since that'll be the easiest to do. i need it for a high school credit so we'll see how it goes. i've done grade 3 and grade 5 in the past and got first class honors both times i think but it's still extremely stressful i think i cried both times lmao 😭😭 technically im more grade 8 or 9 piano but i don't want to do a higher level when i don't need to and haven't been playing for a year so we'll see how grade 6 stuff goes.... online lessons for piano were interesting for sure 😭😭 it was harder to do stuff like ear training and having the teacher not like exactly there with you made it harder to progress... i also forgot abt my piano lesson times a lot and would oversleep 💀 i really lost motivation to practice around the same time i was getting burned out because of school idk... back in 2020 i was so motivated with piano i would practice so much and that's actually why after i finished my grade 5 exam i progressed like 3 levels right after. i remember getting the grade 6-7 books but all the pieces were so easy in them all of sudden just cause of how much i practiced lol. but now i think i'm gonna struggle a bit to pick things back up before it gets easy again. damn having your mom as your teacher must've been hard but also nice in a way i assume?? i remember my mom used to bribe me with stuff to get me to practice, and one time i wanted to quit and she would not let me which was good cause i would've regretted it so hard but at the time i was not happy that i couldn't quit 😭😭

i remembered a pose for the second pic we took but for the first one my mind was just so blank, party cause i didn't know we were gonna do group photo immediately and also cause sangyeop was RIGHT there talking to ME. like he literally told me to sit i prob would've been fine if he hadn't spoken but like he did so ITS HIS FAULT FR 😭 i wanted to follow the pose he said he was gonna do and i did for the second pic since he said a heart pose but like damn my brain didn't want to understand what a flower pose was....

[fereldanwench]

husbando still has to work today, so I've enlisted the help of my SIL to do another round of moving this morning/early afternoon, and then tomorrow, she and my brother will also come over for a few hours to help with getting most of our smaller stuff out of the old place

(then we'll probably order some lunch and fuck around bc the four of us are just ridiculous together tbh lmao <3 brother and husbando esp bc they just start riffing off each other and then we're just all on the floor in tears laughing so hard)

we're moving from a first-floor unit to a higher floor in the new place (which I'm actually stoked about, i much prefer being higher up), so we decided to hire movers for heavy furniture/appliances because fuck that noise. we did a 3rd-floor apartment move once NEVER AGAIN

i'm already so sore after just a few runs from yesterday though lmao my legs are gonna be so stiff after this weekend

anyway movers will be here early monday morning. we wanted to do it earlier, but they were all booked sat & sun so that is drawing it out a little bit. we're not gonna bring the cats over until we can sleep there (athena gets separation anxiety & i dont want her stressed in a new place without us around) so we'll bring them over Monday afternoon

but before that, on sunday we'll have sit around for two hours for internet to get setup at our new place, and idk what the fuck xfinity is doing. they make canceling their shit so goddamn difficult. it's not even like there's a chance they can retain us as customers, we literally can't use them in the new place

we've got until close to the end of the month at our old place to clean up, but i scheduled our utility shut-offs a little earlier, so next weekend will be the mega cleanup weekend

and then it'll just be the fun stuff! we're getting a lot of new furniture, and I'm so excited to have a living room again. our current one really morphed into husbando's office/man cave over the pandemic bc there was nowhere else for him to set up a WFH office, and i miss just having a couch to flop on with the kitties

i'm still not 100% sure what i'm gonna do with my new office space--i have one wall figured out, but the room is a little smaller than what i currently have, and i am losing some wall space so i'll have to figure out how to make 3 desks (one for art, one for gaming, and one for work) fit nicely in there. but it's a puzzle I'm excited to solve :D

and we have a good-sized balcony space i can't wait to furnish! that was one thing that was always lacking in our current space. plenty of space to expand my little urban garden and get some cozy seating out there

anyway, SIL will be here in just a few so no more rambling. I'm just a big ball of energy right now IM SO READY

[nightmyst14-blog]

CRK/CROB Valentine's Day 3-4

Part 3, everyone!!! I know im kinda late on, (been busy) , but I still wanted to finish it.

As before, I'll be doing one Romantic, one Platonic, and Familial headcanons. I labeled them so no one can call me out for shipping children with adults (DISGUSTING).

Btw, these are all MY headcanons and thoughts. Don't leave any hate messages here if you don't like something.

Romantic- Oyster x Captain Caviar

(2nd favorite older couple, love them)

-tall wife x short husband

-Met as kids/teens, she found him working on one her family's ships loading cargo and scrubbing floors. She offered him and gave him lunch, even though he declined many times. Then on, Caviar will always repay her kindness.

-Siren x mershark supremacy, they go on nightly swims together. ( In cookie form or mercookie form, that's up to you, I'm good with both)

-Oyster always tends to his wounds whenever he comes back from his trips (Caviar's usually fine, but he's not gonna stop her doting on him)

-Adopted Sorbert Shark as their kid. Caviar isn't a fan of Sorbet wanting to become a pirate, but supports him nonetheless by teaching them how to run a ship properly. Excellent stepfather to Oyster 's daughter, Bubble Pearl.(@queen-rainy-love 's oc)

-For nicknames, Caviar calls Oyster " his seashell or treasure" Oyster doesn't really do many nicknames beside " my love or dear" but sometimes she will will him " Captain" sweetly just to make him flustered

Platonic- Werewolf, Crunchy Chip, and Red Velvet

-Dog/wolf best friends!!

-tend to share the few braincells they have between each other ( sometimes Werewolf has the most)

-Werewolf met Crunchy while visiting Dark Choco in the Dark Cacao kingdom (DarkWolf supremacy). Crunchy Chip thought he was a threat until the prince explained. Became fast friends after that. Soon met Red Velvet after White Lily visited the Dark Cacao kingdom once again. Velvet was skepical at first, thinking that they would be put off by his cake-beast features. But the two actually liked his odd features. Finding him to be very cool, much to Velvet's surprise.

-Crunchy and Velvet are helping Werewolf to get comfortable with his beast side slowly, even got him to shift in front of them for short periods of time

-Velvet gets kinda jealous whenever Crunchy and Werewolf talk about their boyfriends. Meanwhile, the two are trying to find Velvet a date

-Late night/ Midnight howling sessions are constant between the three

-will fight each other over the last piece of steak and then immediately make up afterwards

Familial- Hollyberry and Dark Cacao

-Known each other since they were children. Dark Cacao's father had remarried to Hollyberry's mother, making them stepsiblings. Dark Cacao is the older sibling.

-Their bond is the strongest between the 5 ancients

-Hollyberry was actually a shy girl when she was young, due to her mother's harsh and high expectations on her. Dark Cacao helped her become more open and expressive as they grew up together. Became extremely close, almost like blood-related siblings.

-Ran off when they were adults to escape their parents rule, ending up becoming two powerful rulers

-Dark Cacao likes to braid Hollyberry's hair whenever she was stressed or sad.

-When Hollyberry is upset, she goes to Dark Cacao for comfort and quiet. Whenever Dark Cacao needs a laugh, he goes to Hollyberry for one.

-Dark Cacao was excited he was a great-uncle to Hollyberry's grandchildren, one time sending a gift to Princess's 22nd birthday. It was a coat for whenever she decides to visit his kingdom.

[stayxlix]

helloooo my dearest!!🩵🩵 I am so sorry for not responding for so long! I had a really great time with my friends, but I can't lie, I've been missing you A LOT, Alex😭🩵

I have no idea where to start, so I'll just go on with responding to your reply and we will see how long it will be since I still have to talk about the amazing bomb of a chapter you dropped!!!

I honestly see the thing with having a hard time with showing emotions, but after chap 5, I can assure you that you writing emotions is a literal gift sent by god himself. Thank you. I would also like to point out that I'm getting a little suspicious of Hyunjin in otde but we'll get to that later...🤨🤨

I am honestly so glad I can somehow express how amazing I truly think your writing is! It's really worth every minute that I spend reading it, and I love the fact that I can show you my love for not only your writing, but you too like this🩵🩵 I definitely see why you were so stressed about this chapter, but I honestly have to say that it broke me in half and I want it to run me over. This chap was HEAVEN. so while I do see why you are so nervous, I can still fully assure you that the chap was great and I'm so so proud of you🩵🩵

I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T LIE TO YOU. I LOVE THAT YOU DIDN'T SPLIT THE CHAPTER UP. I ACTUALLY CAN NOT. i was so happy when I saw the word count. I literally slurped up EVERY.SINGLE.WORD. you saying that I'm a gift has also brought me to tears. I'm just so glad that I found you! 😭💗 I love writing my asks, it makes me so excited to see your response later, and I love to also go back ans read through your responses🩵

AND DID YOU JUST SAY THAT MY OPINION MATTERS THAT MUCH TO YOU?!?!?!? I AM LITERALLY DYING. i just appreciate that so much, you don't even know. I honestly had a plan to go through and thoroughly write you every single thing I liked about this chapter, but then it got really long and I realised that maybe I was getting a little too carried away☠️☠️ I wanna say it in some.. shorter way, but now, I have no idea how to put it into words. So here come my feelings about this chapter (VERy VERY shortened down for your own safety☠️😭💗)

FIRST OF ALL. THE TENSION. I TALK ABOUT THIS ALL TIME I KNOW BUT GODDAMN WAS IT SOMETHING ELSE IN THIS CHAPTER. i was getting so nervous when I realised that Chan knew it was mc who killed that guy, and I'm honestly unbelievably curious about Felix's past. Like.. it's a problem😭 but moving on, I really loved how you described their feelings of leaving the hotel behind, and basically driving themselves to an unknown place. It gives off.. really ominous vibes, if that makes sense?? I mean, they have a vague idea of what Miroh should look like, but they don't actually KNOW anything, and that just really hit the spot tbh. The whole feeling of uncertainty kept crawling over me and it felt so ENGAGING OMFG. It feels really dark AND I LOVE IT.

So, moving on to the departing.

I was honestly kinda mad at mc for not going with Lix, but I think that's my personal problem if anything☠️☠️

The growing connection between mc and Jisung is UGHHH IM THRIVING ON IT TBH. I feel squishy about Hyunjin tho bc why🤨🤨are🤨you so🤨🤨close to🤨Felix🤨 BUT I ALSO LOVE HIM SO I'LL LET IT SLIDE JUST THIS ONCE. (If something ever happened betwen them then I'm. I'm gone. Vanished.)

I like how all the boys seem to be growing warmer to mc, and I felt like I WAS GENUINELY RHE FUCKING MC THIS WHOLE CHAPTER BC IT WAS SO INTENSE. i think it might be because the feelings are finally surfacing but OMFG. it feels so real i don't even know how to describe it.

Did I mention that I love jealous Lix???? the way he kept staring at her and omfg when the mc started feeling sick bc of the pollution and jisung comforted her and FELIX WAS JUST LOOKING THEM. OH GOD. I WAS SHAKIMG AND GRIPPING MY PHONE.

Excuse my screaming I'm just not.. over this chapter yet. I'm probably never gonna be over any of those chapters bye.😭🩵

WHEN THEY GIOT TO THE VALLEY?!??! OMFJAKWKWKWNEBWJWKQK THE FIGHT THE EVERYTHING.AJKQKQKWKWK

I somehow really like.. idk felt??? The longing between mc and Lix.. it was literally palpable. (I'm honestly so excited for when they grow more accepting of their feelings and will eventually reach out for each other before others' eyes😭) but it was OH GOD.ALSO HYUNJIN SAVING MC MADE ME FEEL SOME TYPE OF IDK RELIEF????

WHEN THEY HAD TO LEAVE THEM THERE??? I WAS FUCNING UNWELL. UNWELL!!!! FELIX TELLING THEM TO GO LITERALLY BROKE MY HEART GOODBYE. I WAS SHAKING.

I honestly knew that Hira friend was trouble from the beginning😪😪 BUT HEY AT LEAST YEONJUN CAME

I was on the edge of my seat and shaking in anticipation the WHOLE FUVKING TUME BEFORE YEONJUN CAME BACK AND SAVED THEM GOODBWKQOQOOWOWJHW

But before that... Hira taking mc's hair and calling it beautiful made my heart skip a beat. Like.. the tension?? AND I DON'T MEAN LIKE MC AND LIX TYPE OF TENSION. i mean like the type of tension where everything just stops and the confusion slowly sinks into you??? Does that even make sense😭??

The little sparkling connection with Seungmin makes me warm tbh I LOVE THEM😭😭

I feel like Hira is the definition of sinister.. I don't even know why.. but the vibes.. the way you described the mc to feel (which is literally how I was feeeling?? wHY ARE YOU SO GOOD AT THIS??) is just so sinister.

NOW WHEN I SAW HYUNJIN'S NAME IN CURVISE I DIED. I FELT SO MUCH RELIEF THAT AJWKWKKEKS I AHJWJWJWJS I ALMOST SHED A TEAR.

LIKE?!??!!??! THEY CAME BACK!!!! THEY SURVIVED!!!!!!

I totally get why mc couldn't just run up to Lix and hug his soul out of him BUT DAMN DO I WISH SHE DID. The way they are only looking at each other, and they both feel like they can finally breathe after finding out that the other is safe and sound reall fucking hit me tbh. Got me in the feels and shit 😭😭 i love how they are just unconsciously drawn to each other and don't leave each other's side. Them sitting next to each other at the table MADE ME SO HAPPY!!! LIKE YES GOO LIX!!! NOW NOW NOOOOOW THE TENSION!!! I LOOOOOVED THE WHOLE SCENE AT THE DINNER TABLE!!!! YES!!! it was everything I could ask for. Thank you for this scene bc I pmfajjwkwkwjwjw

"She. Stays. With. Us." he growled through clenched teeth, putting sharp emphasis on each individual word. The roll of bread in his hand crumpled beyond repair as he used every muscle in his body to keep his restraint. 

OH MY FUCJIJG HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUVK IN THE FUVKINGQ QKKWLWLWKSKEJEHE I LOVE THIS. I STAND NY TNIS.. THIS IS MY RELIGIINAAAAQK!!!!!?!*×*×

Sorry for the little break down but wow did this particular paragraph get me to my kness.

When she started to laugh, I literally felt the chills in my bod like goddamn woman...😭😭😭 okay now.. I am actually speechless at the smut scene. I don't know what to say other than HolY FUVKING SHINQHQIQOOWP1PP2P2P20282U3G4VRBSNSKAKW929U3UH3EVBE I CANT DO THISm!??!?!?!? What IN TE ORLDKQKQOQOOWKSK?!??+(+[+[2>2<2<3_÷^#

"What, were you worried about me princess?" He mused, poking his tongue into his cheek.

RUN ME OVER!!! THE TINGUE IM CHEEEK!!!! THE NICKNAME!!!!!!))

Anyways. I loved this scene. It was OG GOD. I made sure to listen to half of my heart because OF COURSE I DID. them in this chapter scream half of my heart, thholyghst and again so BAD. LOVED THIS. i really want to elaborate on the smut scene some more but fuck im just so???speechless???wordless??sentenceless??? AND WHEN HE SAID HE'S GLAD SHES OKA Y TOK??!?!?!?!?!

I would like to say that the ending broke me. tHE LAST PARAGRAPH?!?!?!? I' EPSECIALLY??? I'N UNWELL.

So safe to say, this chapter was beyond amazing, and I honestly can't eveb put into words just how great it was.. I really loved it, and I think it deserves the world, just like all the other chapters. I never really mentioned this before, but I really love how you name the chapters and how you put the little poem (???) before the chapter starts. It just.. really speaks to me?? ThaT SOUNDS WEIRD BUT IZ JUST REALLY SETS THE VIBES TBH. i loved all of those 21.1 thousand words, and i will gladly reread it seventy more times.

Thank you for this amazing chapter, Alex🩵🩵

SO.. THAT WAS MY RANT ABOUT THE CHAPTER!! i feel like I'm so far from saying enough, but I tried😭💗

YOSIWJE I WANT TO SHOW OFF YOUR RESPONSES TO EVERYONE AND BE LIKE SEE THIS??? SEE HOW THIS AMAZING AND KIND WRITER ANSWERED ME?? SEE HOW SHE IS THE CREATOR OF OTDE???? Aaaand yes I do write😭😭 it's more of a small hobby, though, because I can never keep a story going for longer 9k words, which could be enough, but it's like once I reach that, my thoughts literally vanish☠️😭 BuT IF I EVER DECIDE TO POST SOME OF MY WORKS I WILL DEFINITELY LET YOU KNOW!!💗

YOU SAYING. YOU. THE CREATOR OF THIS FUCKING MASTERPIECE SAYING. THAT MY MOODBOARD HELPS YOU THIS MUCH LITERALLY KILLED ME. I've never been happier😭😭 I'm so glad I could make something like that I'm honestly pretty sure I will never forget about you and otde.🩵 this story and you brought so much light into my life that it's actually unreal😭🩵 i love supporting this story, and I love showing you my love💗 AAAAND!! THE RED VERSION IS SUCCESSFULLY HERE.

https://pin.it/33YhAC2

I decided to keep it shorter than the last one, since I feel like this already shows what I feel with red💗 though, I am planning to change it up a little bit.. (i was gonna add a red vans pic BUT THERE ARE LITERALLY NONE THAT ARE EVEN CLOSE TO FITTING THE AESTHETIC 😭😭) i hope you like it and I'm excited to see your opinion for it🩵💗

" like even before they SEE each other, maybe they’re just casually at the beach or walking around on the street and suddenly this intense feeling washes over them and they’re like wtf is going on??? why do i feel like this??? and THEN their eyes meet and its just like…..oh.  "

OH MY GOD!!! I literally died when I read this. This is literally what I imagined???? wHY IS THIS SCENARIO SO GOOD???

I have no idea what the fanfic was, and it's pretty devastating😭

AND YES IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL 😭😭 i literally think of mc and lix with this trope in mind.I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE AGREEING WITH MY IDEAS?!?!?!?! I love coming with all these universes where reunite again, and again. I'm so glad you think my ideas are that good😭😭 (AND YES, THAT PIC OF FELIXW WAS EXACZLY WJAT I WAS THINKINV ABOUT WHILE WRITING THAT)

I feel like 2019 worldtour Felix is literally built for the role of a reckless racer. Let's say, the mc dislikes him so much bc she feels like he doesn't appreciate life enough. She's from a not so well off family and he's THE rich guy, like he has it all. He dislikes her because she judges so quickly, but what he loves is that he can't have her. She loves that she can't have him, too. YOU SEE WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS?!?!

Another brain rot of today is: ginger lix (I am WHO era) gives off teenage dream by katy perry vibes. it's the type of love where you show each other what it feels like to love. To feel. To touch. To explore. To hurt. I'm literally never letting go of this. Like it's the type of love where not only are you two what you've ever known (childhood best friends who had always been more than just best friends typa beat OMFG) but it's what you'll always know. You give each other your firsts and your lasts. You go through everything together. You're so close that it's like each of you has the half of the other's heart instead of your own. You're so close that you don't even realise how you unconsciously drive everything to fit the other. You do everything to stay together. It's the type of love where you go into a clear lake and just stare at each other, because what is world if not you two? The kind of love that's consuming and neverending. You ruin each other for anyone else. YEAAAH I LOVE THIS.

NOOOW shorter dark mullet Felix with the two longer pieces in the front??🤭🤭 see, this is the one where he's just a simple stoner. Maybe a bit of a bad boy, but it's mostly just messing around with weed. You meet him through a party that your friend had invited you to. This one's kinda simple, bc I'm not too sure how to make it more poetic but you guys are just basically a complete mess together 😭😭 like doing stupid shit together (and kinda ruinimg your lives but it's fiction so where's the problem??🤩🤩)

OMG YES. I HAD TO CHOOSE YARROW!! yarrow symbolizes healing and (everlasting) love, but what it also symbolizes is heartache, war, and cure for heartache SO I'M GUESSIMG YOU SEE WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS😭😭

The tattoo is an amazing idea and honestly IF SOMEONE DID THAT FOR ME I'M ON MY KNEES.

" omg okay in this parallel college/uni world that we’ve created i love this idea that he’s totally obsessed with her (and she’s a bit oblivious lol). like with the hair tie she definitely notices that he never took it off which is just a bit peculiar..but then like you said she starts to notice his fridge is stocked with all of her favorite things and maybe she casually mentions a scent she likes and the next day she catches that specific scent and he’s just like oh yeah just a new shampoo….🤭🤭 (i could go on and on forever but you get the idea) and im totally with you on the fact that thinking about different past lives of theirs might just have become my new favorite obsession.🫢 "

THIS WHOLE PARAGRAPH. I AGREE WITH THIS. WUTH EVERY FIBRE OF MY BEING. This is literally my new obsession wtf I can't. It's the type where he's lowkey like, "everything I do is for you, in a way."

I'M SO GlaD YOU LIKE THE ADDITIONS TO THE PLALIST!! with half of my heart, I feel like I really found the gem tbh. There is also an orchestra version of the song and.. I really can't lie, I'm thiking VERY VERYYY deeply about adding that to the playlist too. The vibes of it are literally perfect I'm dying.

Thank you so much for calling my song choices perfect, you have no idea how much I appreciate that🩵 I try to always find a song that fits the vibe perfectly, and I get so happy when I realise that it really DOES fit, and your face by wisp just kinda hit me. YES SEEN EMOTIONS OVEr HEARD EMOTIONS. The fact that you appreciate my song additions to the playlist this much just makes me AJWKJWSJ I wanna squeal and kick my feet around..😭😭 hearing that I can help you with motivation in a way just makes me happy beyond belief tbh.

(This is so long... I'm sorry😭😭)

I love you so, so much Alex!!🩵 I am again really sorry for answering so late, but I also feel so happy ans excited now that I answered you😭💗 I just wanted to say, that the chap really was amazing( and earth shattering, let's be honest..) and I'm so proud of you!! I'll always try my hardest to support you through your writing, and your blog overall🩵💗 and don't ever be sorry for not sending out the asks the next day, I'll wait for as long as needed🩵 thank you for being so kind and loving, I really and truly wish you the absolute best, Alex.🩵

I love you so very much too. You deserve the world🩵 as always, stay safe and take care. I'll be happily waiting for your reply💗🩵 have the best rest of your week!!🩵

HI HI HIH I🩵🩵🩵🩵YOURE BACK YOURE BACK AHHSODFHOWEKNF😭🩵 i was missing you too last week but im so so happy you had a great time with your friends, and you never ever need to apologize for that!! however long or short it takes you to respond, im always here💕

im so happy to hear that you liked the chapter, the second i released it i was waiting for this very moment so i could hear your thoughts🤭 i really do my best to convey the emotions in this story authentically (despite how difficult it may be) so to hear you say it is “a literal gift sent by god himself” has me S O B B I N G.😭😭😭😭😭 (oh and hyunjin is definitely a bit suspicious isnt he?👀👀) as always my 🩵 your words are so kind and heartfelt, and you express your love for this story SO beautifully. your support is everything to me..and i am so incredibly thankful that we’ve found each other!! its a privilege to me just to be able to know you in this way.🩵🩵 im so sorry that the chapter “broke you in half” lmao i was definitely nervous to release it but i guess this means i must have done something right?😂 not that i actually want you to break in half (or be run over💀) but you know what i mean lol. your encouragement and reassurance mean the world to me, it makes all the hard work and (occasional) stress worthwhile💕💕

AND IM SO GLAD YOU WERE HAPPY I DIDN’T SPLIT THE CHAPTER UP😭 I LITERALLY FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOUR ASKS. so i promise even if you had left your ask the original length, i would have “slurped up” every single word too😂💕 because your responses and reactions quite literally inspire me to write.….so let’s get into this shall we??🤭

i love to hear that you're enjoying the tension in the story!! i feel like it’s such a crucial element in creating a kind of immersive narrative which is definitely a big goal of mine, so this means a lot🥹 and i can’t blame you for being curious about felix’s past (i can assure you it will slowly unfold more as the story progresses🤭) im also in love with the way you talk about your feelings when reading, like especially when you mentioned the group having to leave the hotel and head into the unknown. i really did my best to create the sense of uncertainty you described, so im really happy it resonated with you and i stand by my words when i say that i can totally tell you’re a writer lol. the way you describe your thoughts is so poetic in its own way💕💕

“I was honestly kinda mad at mc for not going with Lix, but I think that's my personal problem if anything☠️☠️”

LMAO right??? I could NEVER.����😭 mc is way stronger than me, without question.

The growing connection between mc and Jisung is UGHHH IM THRIVING ON IT TBH. I feel squishy about Hyunjin tho bc why🤨🤨are🤨you so🤨🤨close to🤨Felix🤨 BUT I ALSO LOVE HIM SO I'LL LET IT SLIDE JUST THIS ONCE. (If something ever happened betwen them then I'm. I'm gone. Vanished.)

oh god hyunjin hmmm i think i should just keep my mouth shut here😂😂😭 jisung is my bias wreckerrr (and let me tell you, he does a damn good job) so its a bit of self indulgence that he has such a strong building connection with mc🤭 but im glad you liked that too💕💕AND WHEN YOU SAY YOU FELT LIKE YOU WERE ACTUALLY THE MC IM SHAKING BECAUSE IT IS LITERALLY MY GOAL WHEN I WRITE TO JUST PROVIDE SOME KIND OF ESCAPE FOR ANYONE OUT THERE WHO NEEDS IT YOU KNOW????😭😭😭😭 SO FOR YOU TO SAY THE STORY FEELS SO REAL TO YOU MAKES MY HEART THREATEN TO CRUMBLE INTO A THOUSAND TINY PIECES (in the best way)

JEALOUS. LIX. DONT EVEN GET ME STARTEddED if i could fill every chapter with lix being jealous then that is what i would do.😂 seriouslyyyyy. (also the way im envisioning you shaking and gripping your phone is EXACTLY how i reacted to seeing your asks in my notifs lmao) it’s so rewarding to know that the emotions and dynamics between the characters are resonating with you, especially mc and lix. and i completely understand your excitement for their growth and acceptance of their feelings. i know its a bit of a slow burn…as much as i wanted them to hurry up and admit/accept their feelings for each other in like part 2, i have to try and make it at least a little realistic i guess..🥹🥹

WHEN THEY HAD TO LEAVE THEM THERE??? I WAS FUCNING UNWELL. UNWELL!!!! FELIX TELLING THEM TO GO LITERALLY BROKE MY HEART GOODBYE. I WAS SHAKING.

ME WRITING THIS PART. IT WAS SO HARD TO WRITE.😭I HAD TO STOP TO KEEP TAKING BREAKS I SWEAR. im glad you liked the yeonjun cameo🤭 and you hit the nail on the head about hira, i know i can’t give too many spoilers but you’re always in my head so of course you knew she was trouble..and hyunjins appearance got you, huh?😂 it was quite a relief for me too that they survived (even if I knew they were going to😂) i really tried so hard to make it evident how much mc and lix care for each other without saying a word in this scene (which goes back to some of the different versions of them that we’ve discussed in past conversation, so this is just another example of how you’ve motivated me time and time again🩵🩵) and the dinner table scene was SO fun to write ah im so happy that you loved it too ahhhhekjwjh we stan protective rebel lix who stands up for his woman😭💕(your breakdown cracks me up too, please never change🥹)

as for that smut scene...oh lord lol writing those intimate moments is alwaysssss a challenge for me, but knowing you liked it gives me the confidence to keep including scenes like this in the future.🩵🩵 i enjoyed stepping out of my comfort zone a bit too.

RUN ME OVER!!! THE TINGUE IM CHEEEK!!!! THE NICKNAME!!!!!!))

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHEN FELIX DOES THAT TONGUE IN CHEEK THING IT PUTS ME ON MY KNEES EVERY SINGLE TIME.😭 SO THERES NO WAY I WASN’T PUTTING IT INTO THE FIC SOMEWHER.E AT LEAST ONCE😭😭😭

 I made sure to listen to half of my heart 

I LISTENED TO THIS SO MANY TIMES WHEN WRITING THE END OF THIS CHAPTER. ALSO-i have another song I think might be your style🤭it’s called Stick Around by ENVYYOU (i randomly stumbled upon it but i think it totally fits mc/lix so i added it to my playlist too, and the style made me think of you)

AND WHEN HE SAID HE'S GLAD SHES OKA Y TOK??!?!?!?!?!

ahhh although i had the last paragraph written for a while, this was a last minute addition, so im glad i left it in there🤭 and what you said about the chapter titles and the little poem-like intros makes my heart so happy, they're just kind of my way of trying to set the mood and create a specific type of atmosphere for each part of the story. sometimes the chapter name is the first thing i do, and sometimes i have such a hard time with it that i don’t even pick it until the very end (same with the quotes) but i always try to start out with a theme in mind and go from there. so it really warms my heart to know that they speak to you and add to your reading experience.🥹🥹

i can't thank you enough for your continuous support and love for the story🩵🩵 i’ve said it before and ill say it again, thank you for all of the motivation to keep me writing and exploring these characters. your enthusiasm and dedication mean EVERYTHING to me, and i am so grateful to have you with me on this little adventure. because i truly don’t know where this story would be without you.<33333 your asks and messages are such a highlight to my days. i genuinely look forward to reading them and responding to you as well, and im truly touched that you enjoy going back to read my responses, because to be honest i find myself doing the same thing quite often🤗💕 thank you for being an incredible part of this journey, and thank you for bringing so much joy and happiness to my heart. i can't wait to share more of this little story with you.🩵🩵🩵

 YOSIWJE I WANT TO SHOW OFF YOUR RESPONSES TO EVERYONE AND BE LIKE SEE THIS??? SEE HOW THIS AMAZING AND KIND WRITER ANSWERED ME?? SEE HOW SHE IS THE CREATOR OF OTDE????

YOU. ARE. SO. SWEET. MY HEART.😭😭😭 IF I WASNT EMOTIONAL BEFORE THEN I CERTAINLY AM NOW. THIS IS JUST ENOUGH TO BRING ME TO TEARS. 😭😭😭 AND THE RED MOODBOARD?!?! WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT ITS BRILLIANCE. you know that ominous/dark feeling you were talking about earlier??? well you PERFECTLY embodied that with this moodboard. and it is SO my style its ridiculous. a fuckin gmasterpiece omfg. im absolutely in lOVE with it. the red aesthetic is so captivating and haunting and it perfectly captures the emotions and atmosphere of otde. the mix of images and the overall vibe you created (with both moodboards) is too good, i can literally see the effort and thought you put into making them and choosing each and every picture<3 (even without the vans, it’s still absolutely incredible🥹) your moodboards have been SUCH a tremendous help in visualizing the world of otde for me that i would recommend everyone who stumbles across my story to take a look at them too<33 and when it comes to your own writing, even if your thoughts vanish at 9k writing is all about enjoying the process and expressing your creativity!!! so whether it's short stories or longer pieces, the most important thing is that YOU find joy in it<3 (but please do let me know if you ever decide to share your works, i would be thrilled to have the opportunity to read them and support you just like you have supported me🩵)

when it comes to our little parallel universes i’m so glad you like my ideas too🥹🥹 i have so much fun bouncing ideas off of each other like this, your ideas are pure genius and can promise you that if you ever did turn them into fics (no matter how long or short) i would read them over and over and over again too. ESPECIALLY one about 2019 worldtour racer felix. the way you described the relationship between the two of them in your ask has me on my knees like i will literally BEG someone to turn this into a fic😭😭 I WANT MORE😭😭😭 PLEASE. AND I LOVE HOW YOU DESCRIBED GINGER LIX TOO. WHY DOES TEENAGE DREAM FEEL LIKE IT WAS MADE FOR HIM.😭 i’ll always have such a soft spot for first loves. the type of love thats innocent but still just as deep and all-encompassing that it's hard not to get swept away by the emotions it evokes, even if they’re young. and the idea of childhood friends who have always been there for each other, who have always looked out for each other, is so heartwarming🥹 like maybe one night childhood best friend lix confesses his feelings for mc, and she looks back on the years they’ve grown up together and realizes he’s been the one constant in her life. maybe she’s had trouble at home or with school but felix has ALWAYS been there for her. that steady safe place. and he’s been proving his love this whole time, she was just too caught up in growing up to realize it until now.🥹🥹 so they become each other's firsts and lasts, experiencing life's highs and lows together through their unbreakable connection. UGH i can see why this idea is taking residence in your mind. and same with stoner lix (i may have a bit of a type, and this is IT). they haven’t known each other forever but they meet at a party (introduced by a friend, like you said) and the next time that same mutual friend wants to hang out, mc and lix are already hanging out and they’re like wait what??? how did I become the third wheel???😂😂 it’s also the perfect setting for adventures with a bit of reckless fun. which is what young love is all about right??? all of these tropes you’ve come up with are the kind of love stories that leave a lasting impact, and i’m so glad you shared them with me. its all such a testament to your creativity and i’m so excited to see where your imagination takes us next.🤭

the yarrow symbolism you've chosen is absolutely beautiful!!! as is making it a tattoo, a permanent mark of their bond, reminding them of the moments they've shared and the love that's blossomed between them even when they’re apart🥹 I CANT GET THIS OUT OF MY HEAD. and i’ll definitely have to check out the orchestral version of half of my heart because i didnt even know there was one!! its incredible how the right music has the power to evoke feelings and set the mood you know???

and there's absolutely no need to apologize for the length of your ask, your words bring me so much joy and happiness, and i truly cherish every message you send.🩵 im over the moon to know that you loved the chapter and that it had such an impact on you and i can't thank you enough for being such a wonderful and dedicated reader and friend. your kindness, understanding, and patience (with waiting for my responses and my slowwwwwww writing🥹🥹) are so very appreciated, sometimes life gets a little hectic but just know im always here💕 and im beyond grateful for your support for my little blog. you have claimed a very very special place in my heart, and im sending all my love and best wishes your way. take care of yourself, stay safe, and have the most wonderful rest of your week/weekend. i love you so so SO very much, and thank you again for EVERYTHING<333 until we talk again, sending lots of love and virtual hugs to youuu🤗🩵🩵🩵

[1d1195]

Im lowkey spiraling just by thinking how much i need to review for these exams lol But thank you! Your wishes mean so much to me ❤️🥰

oh it was A LOT like i broke down once i finished Paramore's album lol I listened to Harry's first because I was just so intrigued how his first solo album come out , like he was part of the biggest like modern day boy band?! that's so much pressure! Plus I was just starting to get into Harry because I was just never really interested in 1D, like I had NOTHING against them at all, my brain could not just hyper fixate on them lol But I had friends who were into them so of course I know somethings about them! Sorry i got off track lo

ANYWAYS the soulmate trope will always get me! like imagine knowing that the universe created you and another person solely because they needed your souls to cross paths and like be in love in the current lifetime?!? HOW IS THAT NOT SO SWEET?!

Omg I hope you have a lovely break!!!! You for sure deserve a break and I hop you enjoy it as much as you can! And I have always hyped up snow days in my head so i get giddy every time I think about them!

now bestie part 2 of my friend's Toyota... ONCE AGAIN YOU DID NOT DISAPOINT!!!!!!!!! LOVED how there was like a sprinkle of angst in it too! It was really nice to know more about the MC in this part! And her revealing that she is essentially not as "experienced" as Harry, is a really nice way of how they were both so obsessed with "love" that they took two completely routes, and ya know what I love that! Of course it hurt knowing how she was starting to feel insecure because of those rumors and how it brought up bad memoires :( Also kinda crazy I also experienced something like that with a guy in high school, thankfully though I was not even close to being in love lol BUT STILL NO MATTER WHAT THAT HURTS AND I FEEL FOR HER!

But of course Harry just had to be so sweet😭I loved how he handled her opening up about that and not making her feel weird about it! AND THEY KISSED BESTIE😭AND THEIR PICNIC DATE 😭THAT WAS JUST TOO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Loved reading this so much! SO excited for more!

Hope your break starts off well Sam! Love you lots!-💜

I have a feeling since we're so similar that you're probably spiraling unnecessarily (I don't mean this in a bad way. Obvs I LITERALLY understand.) I studied REALLY hard for exams and I always did really well and everyone in my life made fun of me for stressing because they knew I was going to do well too. But for whatever reason they never understood that like ? I have to study for me to know all this?? Idk sometimes I worry I don't make the best friendship choices. Or the most understanding friendship choices if that makes sense. (But we can unpack that another day) HEY HOW'S HOT PROFESSOR?

I don't blame you for not getting into 1D at all. Worst financial, social, and mental decision of my life 😭 I had just come off a HARD Twilight fixation and I was like "I don't need another obsession." But then I watched the WMYB music video and it was like the universe was all "MWAHAHAHAHA"

Snow days are actually really lovely. They add on to the end of the school year which is ANNOYING. But they're pretty nice in the moment. Especially when you DON'T lose power from the storm and can do whatever you want. Especially on a TUESDAY 😍 mid-week days off are the BEST.

I am so glad you liked MFT Part 2. I thought it was very BLEH by the end of it. The whole inexperienced thing was kind of random? I am interested to see where my brain takes me. The heart of the story that I had planned out after listening to the song was basically parts 1 and 2 so I'm going to have to get creative for parts 3 and 4 hehehehehe I'm glad you find it sweet 💕 that's definitely the goal of this one after an angsty little Italian restaurant couple 😉

Good luck studying! Love you!

xoxo

[hiraethinhaven]

its kind of insane being in my early twenties because I am in my internship and working towards this highly important degree. I'm handling so many responsibilities and meetings and being everywhere at once while also dealing with the most gut-wrenching emotions and struggling against my own sense of cosmic identity. Im questioning myself, my religion, my parents, and also everyone I ever met and talked to. I constantly have these moments of extreme anxiety and I balloon out of my body and see myself from a third person perspective just sitting. just standing. i feel so insane and on the edge of something truly unavoidable. it feels like I'm constantly waiting on something bad to happen. its exhausting and taxing and mentally draining. I talk with my mentor teacher, my students, and my classmates. and then I sit in my car alone. and I just feel like none of this matters. on paper I can write yes of course this matters, you're working towards a degree, you're impacting these kids lives, you are establishing professional relationships, you're doing everything you possibly can! and yet. I feel so. resigned almost. like I’m just going through the motions. and all of this will fade away, none of it will Really matter, and I'll still end up sitting in my car. alone. I get in these moments of stabbing anxiety and my whole being buzzes and feels so insanely on edge. and these moments happen everywhere. when I'm laying in bed. when I'm driving. God I get so scared when it happens when I'm driving. I feel like I'm gonna explode. my head hurts. God its never stopped hurting. all this and I still just go to work. go to class, sit and read, stand and teach. I make food and eat it and feel nothing. I make tea and hold it close to my chest and all I feel is that physical warmth. nothing translates. nothing helps. yet I don't feel hopeless, just resigned. I just need to finish this. but then what? what happens after? what do I do? who am I even becoming. what do I get excited for anymore, nothing and everything. everything is overwhelming and I hate to think past my own hands. and maybe I'm just rambling and this doesn't even make sense to me but I’m sitting in class and trying not to freak out. I have a daily fear of passing out from the stress of it all. I get dizzy and disoriented just talking to someone because that anxiety grips me so deeply and fuck I don't know what to do!!

writing helps. its the one thing I come back to. writing helps. I talk and talk and so much of it is just bullshit and I overthink and overthink and so much of it is waste. I write and I feel relieved. like I’m not the only one with this burden. I'm handling it over to you.

[hexonthepeach]

so so so excited to hear you already have eight chapters somewhat up and ready-ish to go! working ahead like that as a fic writer is no easy feat. especially because i get some impatient with my own self that usually when i have a chapter done i just go ahead and post it. or else it will sit in my drafts forever and i will start to second guess every word. i know you can't please everyone as fic writer especially when exploring something niche like sci-fo but i just want you to know that the girlies (gender neutral) who get it, get it, and those who don't, don't. but it's okay cause you're such a versatile writer that even if this series doesn't suit their taste djj series or dark and stormy series is right there for their enjoyment! so all the perks to you for being such a good writer that all different types of fic lovers can appreciate and enjoy your work!

it has been so hard not to post everything i have i am so impatient to share it 😭 but im glad i waited because im entering the rough times (monthly pmdd hell, stressful work conditions) and it gives me a boost to feel like i can keep sharing stuff even im literally spending an entire sunday curled up under a blanket staring into the ether.

i also second guess every word! i know i have a habit of abusing vocabulary but i think what's nice in self-insert is ive seen such an embrace of free-form and flow and immersion over perfect grammar and structure and that has been very liberating. historically all the writing groups ive belonged to have been incredibly nit-picky about quirks (understandable if you are aiming for publication) but it zaps the soul and verve out of my writing process and i think it's better to get it down than be meticulous. drafting should be messy, and by extension posting if it's something you're sharing for free

and thank you for the nice words about having something for everyone. i'm really excited to continue the other aus once i hit the goal on agtbtb (probably close to 100k but it's getting there 🫣)

[in-my-feels-probably]

Congrats on 900 followers!! It's well deserved 🥳🥳🥳

I was  wondering if I could get a romantic match up with someone from HP (marauders era), please.

I'm straight my pronouns are she/her. I'm a shy and very quiet person, kind of nerd in school who get flushted easily. However with friends I tend to be more talkactive. Well my zodiac sign is capricorn. I'm an infp! My hogwarts house is Slytherin.

I'm medium height, dark raven hair, big brown eyes, pale color skin and I have freckles on my cheeks.

Hobbies: I love drawing and reading books, I enjoy cooking meals especially desserts, cooking helps me when I'm stressed. I love listening to music ( my favorite genrens are pop and rock) winter is my favorite season and sunflowers are my favorite flowers.

Thank you so much lovely! 💐

hi!

thank you for participating :)

i ship you with james!

there’s something about house rivalry that i think he’d enjoy. lily may be a gryffindor, but she’s got the wit of a slytherin (same as harry, who i think should’ve been sorted into slytherin, but that’s another conversation). so i think at first with james, he’d be slightly hesitant just because of your house. but at the same time, he’d be intrigued by you. especially because you don’t mouth off like a lot of the slytherins tend to do (im one too btw 😌). he’d find himself wanting to talk to you. you’d have classes together, and he’d purposefully sit next to you so he could pester you. but rather than telling him to piss off, you just make small talk or don’t know what to say. he’d find himself wishing you’d talk to him more, wanting you to open up around him. as you became friends with the group, that started to happen more. he’d have remus put in a good word for him, because i think you’d get closest with remus first. remus would get tired of having to be the wingman, and tell james to take you out himself. which would spark your one on one time with him.

on your first date, james would bring you sunflowers. he had bombarded remus until remus finally came up with some things you’d said you liked to him. i think james would struggle with coming up with things to talk to you about. i don’t think he’s much of a reader, but he would love the way your eyes light up when you talk about a book you’re reading. watching you get all excited would be enough for him, and he’d ask you about your books all the time. might even have you read to him every once in a while, just so he could listen to you talk. james might not know much about books, but he knows tons about eating. he’d nearly fall to his knees thanking whatever god is out there that he picked a girl who could cook, especially sweets. that’s another date he would set up, cooking and baking with you. he’d pick up a new record for you, letting it play while he pretended to know how to cook. you’d have to teach him, and promise you wouldn’t laugh at his lack of knowledge. he’d have to remind you that he’s a pureblood and that he had a house elf doing all that for him. that or his mum.

i cant decide if i think he’d have a favorite season or not. it’s always a bit cold at hogwarts, but winter could be really cold. i think he’d whine a bit the first time you went to hogsmeade together, but he’d warm up to the idea when he’d have to hold you close for warmth. the snow flurries would fall down and land in your hair, making it sparkle. you’d look absolutely beautiful, and his cheeks would go pink at the sight of you.

“are you alright?” you’d ask, brushing your thumb over his cheek. “your cheeks are rosy. are you cold? we can go back inside.”

he’d just smile, shaking his head. “i’m fine, love.”

“what are you so smiley for?”

he’d wrap his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him. “i’ve decided winter is my favorite season.”

“yeah?” you’d ask, wrapping your arms around his waist, pressing your cheek into his chest.

he’d chuckle as he dusted the snow out of your hair, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “yeah.”

—

hope you enjoyed it! thanks again for participating :)

[palajae]

this ask might get long so...

i don't know how to thank you and I will always treasure you too, because you are my first friend on this hell site. i've been here since May 2021 and that's so long.

and since then I haven't made friends as I was scared to talk to people online but I grew my guts and started talking to people on anon. and then I learned that you can assign yourself an emoji or a word.

I've been ANON on several blogs but most of them deactivated and some are inactive like totally (they used to come once in a blue moon) so I felt like I had no friends or someone to talk.

then I found you, because I just needed somebody to feel love/friendship with. even I don't know why I texted you and become an anon in the first place. my intuition strongly said "gotta be friends with this marshmallow right here!" my brain thinked in English all of a sudden.

i texted right away and I felt really excited to talk to you, so I was intrigued by your netflix template so I just asked like that and then I thank you too. the next day on 29 Dec 2022, I sent an ask saying I wanna be your anon.

you are literally the sweetest person and you've entered my life at the right time because I felt really down the past few days. I have decided right away to make you, a best friend I would never leave. maybe we could meet irl who knows?

and tysm for believing in me so I will definitely do my best and live up to your word. even you should do well for your exams if they are on the line next. all the best for your exams and prepare jae, stay hydrated and positive.

i was reading your asks and I felt possessive and jealous 😳 idk my maybe because I'm a jealous person. I get jealous easily only when my nearest people are taken by somebody else. Well, you know I'll make you mine 🤪

that was the only part where I used emoji and I am not the type to use emoji. I have a lot to say but I'm afraid it's long and you might get annoyed. I'm the type of person who gets afraid to talk much and some people wronged me for that :( and even for that irl too.

life never treated me right. idk why I am crying but I don't feel better these days, maybe it's because I'm stressed. I hate it because I'm like this and for the mistakes I have committed in the past, I was innocent. I didn't know anything. everyone pointed out at me.

i hate this life jae, I wish to die but that's not the case. even if I die it won't make any difference so I chose not to think bout it anymore. but I wanna tell you this story and its been an year since I've had thoughts like that — suicidal thoughts.

i had them for 3 consecutive days, all the nm3 nights I haven't slept and thought of jumping out from the apartment. I never knew if it would benefit me but I wanted to enjoy my life. I wanna get this off my chest and I wanna tell you about this, the amount of struggles and sadness I've suffered.

maybe I should stop now and I should learn how to live from others. you are only my friend here on tumblr but irl I had only 4 friends and they betrayed me 😭 this is so much to handle. I'm sorry jae.

— 🐈‍⬛

first of all, im glad that you reached out to me and asked to be my friend/anon bc that takes a lot of courage! so thank you and you’re welcome too lol

and regarding depression, it’s such a complex and difficult topic to talk about, esp as someone who also deals with it, but i hope that things work out for you. i personally think if you can, you should talk to someone, whether it be family/friends/therapist as i am definitely not someone professional trained or anyone nearly as close to being one haha. what i will say though is that i know it’s hard but you are not alone. reach out to anyone you know personally or find any resources that you think would be helpful. that’s all i can do as of now as someone you know through the screen :)