#im kinda busy this week so im probably gonna miss a few days but ill do my best Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[jumioxox]

teruvid week day one - secret

[patd--phan]

Wanna Be Yours

Pairing: Dadsbestfriend! Bucky (mid/late 40s) x reader (in early/mid twenties)

Summary: Y/N surprises bucky on a business trip and he promises to be hers.

Warnings: SMUTTY stuff (18+ only pleasee), unprotected sex, creampie, oral sex (m receiving), riding, teasing, significant age gap, reader takes charge, “Doll/sweets/baby/sweetheart”, some cute ass shit at the beginning and end tho

WC: about 3K im sorry I was really H*rny yesterday and I was unable to do anything about it as i was stuck in the car all damn day

Note: So I was really h*rny yesterday and this happened lol I’m sorry. Loosely based on the song wanna be yours-arctic monkeys. Also this will probably be the only smut I ever write bc I don’t wanna become an 18+ blog or make anyone uncomfortable (not that 18+ blogs are bad tho lemme set that straight, most of my fav blogs are)

PS thank you for the love on my first ever fic with Peter Parker x reader, it made me so happy that ppl didn’t think I suck lol ( and i guess i lied saying i would probably never write another one shot lol)

You do NOT have my permission to repost this anywhere, I will come for u if you plagiarize ok bye

It was no secret that Bucky liked to be in charge in the bedroom, and you had absolutely no problem with that. After all, he was older and more experienced; he knew how to make your body sing. But this week you were craving something a little different. Bucky had been away on a business trip all weekend and you really missed him, not just the sex (but I mean…) but just cuddling and talking to him about your day; you were feeling clingy. You decide to text bucky even though you knew he couldn’t answer right away because he was currently in a meeting.

Y/N: I mis youu :( when will you be back tomorrow?

You just wandered around your apartment for the next 20 minutes, casually checking your phone about every 30 seconds just in case bucky was able to sneak in a text. He finally replied after 30 minutes, right as his meeting was ending at 3.

Bucky: Hey doll, I miss you too <3

Bucky: unfortunately one of the investors this morning had to push their meeting to late tomorrow afternoon, so I’m not gonna be home until very late tomorrow night :(

Y/N: dammit :(

Y/N: well good luck at the pitch meeting tomorrow, I love and miss you <3

Bucky: don’t gimme that pout I know your making doll, ill see you tonight on facetime! :)

Y/N: haha u know me so well, and yes you’ll see me tonight ;) (but I still miss u)

Bucky: I know doll I hate it too, see you tonight. Love you <3

Y/n: love you too <3

You didn’t know if you could go until late Monday without seeing bucky. As you laid on the couch smiling sadly about missing your love, an idea popped into your head. He was only two and a half hours away, and he wouldn’t be back at his hotel for another 4 hours at least. Fuck it, you were gonna go drive to his hotel and surprise him. You couldn’t be away so long, you felt super clingy this weekend and you needed to be on top of with him.

You quickly ran around your apartment, packing an overnight bag and you saw the package that arrived earlier on your floor that you completely forgot about because you couldn’t stop thinking of Bucky. You remembered its contents e(a completely evil lingerie set) and threw it in the bag with a smirk on your face.

The drive to Bucky’s hotel felt like forever and you had to remind yourself to stop speeding because you were so excited. When you finally got to his hotel, you had to convince the manager to give you a key to his room, proving that you were the man’s girlfriend with several pictures on your phone which was slightly embarrassing because in almost every picture, at least one of you was half-naked. Worth it. You thought. When you arrived in his room you quickly went into the bathroom to change into a little black dress (with a surprise underneath). Then as you were sitting on his bed waiting for him, you realized it would still be a while before he would get back, so you decided to tidy up his things, packing his clothes and organizing his suitcase. Pleased with your work, you sat back down on the bed and looked at your phone for a while. You finally got pulled out of your Instagram daze when you heard Bucky’s voice in the hallway laughing at something a coworker said. You quickly threw your phone on the dresser, straightened up you dress, and sat at the edge of the bed with a huge smile on your face, giddy to surprise him.

As he turned the doorknob he was still looking behind him talking to the man. When he finally said goodbye and turned his head around, his eyebrows raised up and his jaw dropped, which was quickly replaced with a smile even larger than yours.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, running towards you and throwing his briefcase on the floor.

He picked you up in a tight hug and you squealed, legs immediately wrapping around his waist.

“I told you you’d see me tonight!” you said, still clung to him like a koala.

“W-what?” He replied, still in shock. Letting your legs fall back to the floor.

“I just missed you too much” you shrugged.

If any human could embody “heart eyes” it was Bucky at that moment- he’s such a softie for you. He pulled your face towards him and gave you one of the most loving kisses you’ve ever had in your life. You were expecting it to be passionate and rough, but it was soft, delicate and loving, and your heart melted into a puddle. After your lips parted, you gazed into each other’s eyes before being pulled up in another tight hug. You giggled and wrapped your legs around him again.

“I guess you missed me too huh?” you laughed.

“Oh doll, you have no idea.”

You wrapped your hands in his hair, massaging his neck and he moaned loudly.

“Mm, that feels nice.” He hummed.

“You tired baby?” you asked, he seemed like he needed some TLC (and you were ready to give it to him).

“I am so exhausted.” He replied, making you frown behind his back.

You slowly slid down his body, back onto your feet again, and kept massaging his head. He looked at you lovingly before looking around his hotel room, his eyebrows pulled in confusion.

“Did you clean up in here?”

“Yep, while I was waiting for ya,” you replied, smiling.

His whole face softened.

“Oh, I really don’t deserve you doll.” Making you smile and shake your head.

“Oh yes you do.” You replied making him smile and his heart flutter in his chest.

He pulled you in for another kiss, this one with more fire and longing in it than the last one. His large hands grabbed you ass to pull you closer to him and you moaned into the kiss. You pressed your body against him even tighter and ran your hands through his hair making him moan. You could feel his pants tent start to grow against you and you smirked and moved you lips down to the side of his neck making him groan.

You pull back and look at him, hard and eyes half lidded, it turns you on so much you feel your panties dampening.

“Hey Buck?” you whisper, lips mere inches apart.

“Hmm?” he hums in response.

“I have another surprise for you.” You whisper into his ear before pulling back to look at his face.

“What’s that, doll?” he whispers.

You smirk and step away from him, noticing the confusion on his face before you pull your dress over your head and throw it onto the floor.

Bucky’s jaw drops, making you bite your lip and smirk even more. This was gonna be fun.

“Oh, fuck me,” He groans.

“Oh, I fully intend on it, Buck” you smirk.

He just groans and starts walking towards you.

“Buck?”

“Yeah sweets?”

“Wanna be mine tonight?”

“Fuck, I’ll be yours forever doll.” He says, making you whimper. You pull him against you by his tie, pressing your bodies together.

Your lips crash and tongues swirl together fighting for dominance. Hands moving up and down each other’s bodies like animals. Bucky squeezing your ass so tight you know there’s gonna be marks.

You both pull back enough so you can shimmy off Bucky’s tie and throw it over his head before unbuttoning his shirt and peeling it off him. You then sink to your knees and undo his belt quickly before slowly unzipping his pants, kissing the outside of his member though his pants making him exhale a breath sharply.

“Fuck” he breathes out.

You don’t want to tease him too much (yet) so after another kiss, you shove his pants off and lay down on the bed, his body caging you under him.

The passionate makeout session resumes with Bucky still hard in his boxers pressing against your clothed core. You suddenly remember what you wanted and pull back from the kiss.

“Wait, no” you whisper.

Bucky pulls back, confused and nervous he did something to hurt you.

“What’s wrong?” he whispers.

You take advantage of his confusion and roll him over so you were straddling him with a smirk on your face.

Bucky moans at your actions, core pressing tight against him.

“You said you’d be mine.” You breathe over his lips. Moaning as being in charge is giving you a whole rush of feelings and confidence.

You kiss him, and he lets you dominate the kiss this time, biting his lips and grinding on him. He bucks his hips onto your and you pull back.

“Don’t worry baby, I’ll take care of you, I’ll make you feel so good.”

Bucky moans at your words as you start to kiss all the way down his body, leaving little hickies down his chest. When you get towards his boxers he thinks your gonna kiss his member or pull down his boxers, but instead you go back up his chest, licking a stripe from his belly button all the way to one of his nipples, up his neck, to his lips.

Bucky moans, loud. You give him one more kiss before deciding to stop teasing him (kinda). You quickly kiss down his chest again and then plant a few kisses on his aching cock through his boxers. He bucks his hips and is whimpering under you. Fuck, that turns you on. Your big strong boyfriend who could probably crush you with one arm, whimpering and practically begging under you. Your panties are fucking soaked and you don’t think you can deny your own pleasure too much longer. You pull down his boxers and his cock is throbbing and dripping precum.

“Shit” you moan at the sight.

You lick the precum off him and he gives a high pitched moan that goes straight to your core.

“Baby please, I- I can’t.”

“Don’t worry baby I got you.” You reply as you take his full member into your mouth, sucking lightly.

Bucky moans and bucks his hips into your mouth. You push them back down and suck a few more times before getting off of him. He looks worried for a second before you slide your panties off and straddle his cock.

“Still wanna be mine?”

“Always” he replies.

You sink down onto him, jaw dropping and eyes closing at the feeling. You don’t think you’ll ever get used to him no matter how many times he’s been inside you. You both moan as his whole cock is finally buried inside you.

“Fuck Bucky, you feel so fucking good in me.” You moan, starting to rock your hips.

“God, I’m so fucking wet for you.”

Bucky continues to give low moans as you start to ride him.

“Fuck baby, I love you like this.” He says, making you start to ride him harder, moaning at his words.

His hands come grab your hips to help you ride him faster, harder.

“Baby- shit I’m close already.” He pleads.

“All for me? Shit baby aren’t I the lucky one?” You moan.

Bucky’s grip on your hips tighten and he starts to fuck up into you. He was about to blow.

You moan loudly at the feeling. “Cum in me baby please I need it.”

After a particularly hard thrust into your wet pussy you feel him spilling inside you. He lets out one of those vulgar high pitched moans and grunts that make your brain short circuit and your eyes roll back while your pussy clenches around him. You feel yourself getting close, but you want to give him another orgasm, so you sink down on him fully and slowly ride him, hearing him whimpering and moaning. You feel him get hard in you again (thank you supersoldier serum) and you rock back and forth on him. You reach down to rub your clit, but Bucky sees it and swats your hand away, replacing it with his metal one.

“Oh fuck” you moan at the cool sensation.

You start to bounce up and down on him again, the knot in your abdomen building and heating up. You feel yourself close to being undone as you ride him and his other hand runs up your body and squeezes your nipple through your thin lace bra. You moan and feel yourself clench around him, making him moan.

“Fuck- I’m gonna c-“ you get interrupted by the white hot explosion of your orgasm. Your eyes roll back, jaw hangs open and toes curl as you feel that release knock throughout your whole body, making you shake. You let out those high pitched moans and whines that only Bucky makes you feel.

Feeling you clench around him and watching your completely fucked out face, you feel Bucky’s thick cock twitch inside of you, and you moan as you feel him release in you again. Fuck that makes you feel good. So good you can’t think or move and you start to collapse on top of Bucky, but he slightly catches you and lays you down on his chest, both breathing heavy, with his cock still inside you, cum dripping all down your legs and onto Bucky.

You can’t speak, can’t think, the pleasure totally ruining you. After what feels like forever, you feel your breathing start to return to normal, as does Bucky’s, and you feel his hand rubbing up and down your back, grounding you back to earth from wherever on cloud nine you were.

You hum as you feel yourself finally calm down.

“Holy fuck, doll” you feel him lowly whine in your ear. You can only moan lowly in response.

“Baby that was fucking amazing.”

“Mmhmm.” You hum.

“…but I think I’m gonna lose my mind if you keep clenching around me.” He chuckles.

“oh shit, sorry,” you mumble out. You try to push up off of him but the farthest you got was placing your hands on his shoulders before your body gave up on you.

“Oh my God, I can’t move” you whisper. You’re so fucked out, your body won’t respond to your brain anymore.

Bucky moans at your words and slowly rolls both of you so youre on your side facing him. He reaches down and pulls his soft cock out of your pussy, moaning when he sees a burst of cum leaking from you.

You moan at the feeling of him exiting your body. You look him in the eyes and give him a lazy smile. His eyes sparkle back at you and his hand comes up to rub your cheek.

“Mm” you hum at the feeling.

“That was fucking incredible” he says, making you smile wider.

“I’m not disagreeing” you quip.

He chuckles lightly before saying “you gotta do this more often.”

“What, surprise you on business trips?” you question.

“No” he rolls his eyes and smiles, “Well yes actually, but I was talking about you absolutely taking charge tonight.”

“Oh yeah?” you smirk.

“Fuck yeah doll, I don’t think I’ve ever cum as hard. You looked so damn sexy in charge.”

You look away from his eyes, shying at his words, but also they were giving you the confidence to look right back into his eyes and say “I agree” with a smirk.

“I love hearing those high pitched moans you make, It turns me on so much” you admit.

“You know, only you can get those noises out of me, doll” he chides. You blush and smile at him.

He chuckles and you bring his face towards yours and kiss him deeply, tongues meeting together. You both hum into the kiss as his hand rubs down the side of your body.

When you break the kiss, both of you needing a breath, he pulls your body towards him, resting your head on his chest. You hum in peace as he rubs your back.

“I love you so much Y/N” he says and you feel your heart absolutely burst in your chest.

“I love you so much too Buck,” you reply, lifting your head to peck him on the lips before placing your head back on his chest.

You lay in silence for a minute before your mind begins to wander again.

“Did you mean it?” you ask.

“Mean what, doll?”

“That you’ll be mine forever?” you ask. “I mean not just in the sexy way but that you’ll be with me forever?” you ramble out.

“God yes sweetheart, you’re the one for me.” He responds and you didn’t think your heart could explode anymore, but it just did.

You squeeze his shoulder with your hand before coming up to kiss him passionately again, almost crying at all of the love going though you.

“I promise I’m all yours forever too, Buck” you smile at him.

“Good,” he smiles back, and you rest back on his chest, eyes getting droopy.

“Night-night sweetheart.” You feel yourself smile in your sleep.

“Goodnight my love.” You reply, further cuddling into his chest. Bucky feels his heart combust in his chest. God, wasn’t he lucky to have you. He didn’t know what he did to deserve you, but he knew that he was going to assure you that you deserve the world every day for the rest of his life. He kissed the top of your head before falling into a deep sleep, content with his favorite person tight in his arms.

[wienerbarnes]

Play Dead Until You’re Dead

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Cheek to Cheek)

Word Count: 3,149

Warnings: Lowkey angst ngl but nothing too bad

A/N: YAY im so excited for this part bc I've had this in my head for a while now and it gonna change so much for the story but I'm so excited for one shots in the future! also this is kinda not edited ill go through it again tomorrow :) enjoy!

MAIN MASTERLIST | CHEEK TO CHEEK MASTERLIST

A slow knock interrupts your plant watering and you glance at the time. Bucky said he’d be by in the afternoon, not the morning. You place your cup of water down and walk over to the door and open it cautiously before your eyes widen and a gasp escapes you as you see who awaits you on the other side.

Sam Wilson, dressed in civilian clothing, shoots you a smirk, “Why don’t we go for a drive?”

You don’t have time to answer. You don’t have time to think. Your blood is cold, your hands are cold, and your feet are cold as they slip into the sandals you keep by the door. You silently - and anxiously - step out into the hallway and shut the door behind you, never taking your eyes off of Sam.

“After you.” he gestures with a smile. You walk.

…

Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes have a lot of unspoken conversations. Although the rocky start they got off too all those years ago, they’ve grown incredibly close and trust each other like no one else.

So when Bucky calls him late at night, sounding confused, nervous, and unsure, Sam notices. Especially when Bucky then suddenly forgets why he called and what he needed to talk to him about.

Sam’s first thought was that he was drugged. Bucky was given something that clouded his mind. But when Sam saw him the next day, he seemed perfectly fine. So, he proceeded to his second thought.

Bucky was keeping a secret from him.

When Sam was passed the shield, there was one thing each of them asked of each other. Bucky asked to not be a part of the Avengers full time. Sam asked for no secrets and no lying (which he later asked the same from Sharon).

And since then, Bucky has been solely tasked with training new recruits for their seven week training which occurs twice a year, as well as to help on especially difficult cases called to them by the government. And in return, Bucky has not told a single lie to him or kept a single secret. Until now.

So Sam begins to get unimaginably curious. Bucky hasn’t picked up any new hobbies, and after a quick and encrypted check up, none of his extended family have passed away or had anything big happen to them, either. The last thing that Sam can think of to have caused such an odd change in Bucky is a girlfriend. But, if it is a girlfriend, why wouldn’t he tell Sam? Unless, it was someone he knew Sam wouldn’t like.

And that’s when he knew he had to figure out who it was.

So he waited. Until the perfect clue presented itself.

“No, I can’t tonight, man.”

“Why not? I know it’s Friday night, but, what, you got a hot date, or something?”

“Something like that - look, I just have plans I can’t cancel tonight. How about next Friday we go out?”

That was all Sam needed. The plans he couldn’t cancel. So, he waited until later that night and went over to Bucky’s apartment. He’d figure a harmless cock-blocking will teach him not to keep secrets from him anymore.

Until when he put his car into park and gathered his belongings to put them in his pockets, he noticed someone exiting the front of the apartment building; specifically a head of fiery red hair.

Imagine his surprise when he recognizes the face as you.

It doesn’t take long for Sam to figure out where you were. Everyone had already assumed you to be dead, or at least be far away from the country. But now that he knew you were still in New York, a few hours digging into your past and your file led him to a few key locations. From being so separated from society for so long, chances were that you’d find a place you were familiar with, if not the same place, the same area.

Kathleen Grover’s apartment is the first place he checks, but it’s since been turned into higher end condos, a place you probably wouldn’t be able to get away with staying at considering that you probably don’t have an ID or any money. So he checks for the absolute cheapest and low-lying apartments in the neighborhood. Which gives him two results. He just so happened to be lucky on the first one he chose to look into.

Which leads to now, the two of you riding in complete silence, on the way to the Tower, unbeknownst to you.

The only thing that’s going through your mind is Bucky. You hate the idea that he sold you out, because not only would it hurt your feelings, but it would mean those annoying voices in your head would’ve been right.

Yeah, time to put your big girl pants back on. What, you thought you’d live a normal life at some point? Buy a big house? Go out to fancy, populated restaurants? Maybe DisneyWorld? Get a grip! You were always a mistake and a failure. And you’re going right back where you belong, in that box! And Bucky will be right there in that observation room when they stick the needle in your arm and end you for good.

You swallow down the bile that comes up at the thought of going back to prison.

It was fun while it lasted. Decorating the apartment. The tattoos. The new recipes. The movie nights with Bucky. The sleepovers with Bucky. The list with Bucky. The long road trips with Bucky. The music playlists with Bucky. Bucky.

You’ll miss Bucky the most in prison. You’ll think about him everyday. You won’t be able to write him and he won’t be able to write you, not that he’d want to given the fact that he ratted you out, but there was no paper or writing utensils allowed, especially for you.

You’ll dream about his singing when he’d clean, his hugs after waking up, still warm from the sheets, and the unbelievable comfort his eyes provided.

...

“Hey, Sam, how are you?” Bucky absentmindedly answers as he finishes up watering the plants in his living room.

“Hey, man. You busy? Mind meeting me at the tower?” Bucky can hear his car in the background.

“Uh, yea, sure I can. New case?” He asks, setting down his watering kettle and walking towards his room to put on a fresh pair of socks and sneakers. If it’s a new case, there’s no point in getting all done up to listen to Sam debrief him.

“Something like that. Just get here, yea?”

That’s odd.

Normally when Sam calls Bucky about a case, he gives him at least some of the details. That was a part of their plan, their deal. Bucky only joins on missions on special occasions and with specific circumstances. So why wouldn’t Sam give the tiniest hint of what’s going on?

Unless it’s something Bucky’s involved in.

Is Zemo dead? Has he escaped? Some other big Hydra villain that’s come to light?

Bucky’s mouth goes dry like cotton at the thought of something involving you. Did someone recognize you and turn you in? Did Sam find you? No, no, he couldn’t have. The both of you had been so unbelievably careful, there was no way anyone found you.

Bucky lets out a shaky sigh before grabbing his keys and his wallet and heading out.

…

That phone call hurt. Hearing Bucky’s voice, for what will probably be the last time in a long, long time. Even if he betrayed you, even if he turned you in, even if he used you, backstabbed you, whatever. That fifteen second phone call caused an excruciating pain in your heart and it was so hard to hold back tears.

You didn’t want to cry. Captain America and Bucky Barnes had humiliated you enough for you to be crying on the way to the Avengers Tower. They don’t deserve your tears, and you don’t even deserve to be shedding them. This is exactly what you had coming to you.

Although the car ride felt like it lasted hours, the two of you arrived at the Avengers tower sooner than you would have liked.

Sam drove the car up though a back entrance, the back of the building opening up like recognizing Sam’s car. The ride in the elevator was quiet as Sam flashes a crystal-looking card and presses one of the thirty-seven buttons of the building.

He hadn’t put you in handcuffs and it seems he’s chosen a rather secretive way of transporting you here. Granted, you know you wouldn’t win a fight against Sam Wilson, even if you had Marine and HYDRA training under your belt, but, who knows what if you had a knife? Or were secretly an incredibly skilled fighter? What if your powers allowed you to, like, melt people’s brains and he had no idea? That’d probably be your best bet anyway, considering you're in custody at the Avengers Tower in sandals and no bra under your shirt.

The two of you exit out into an empty hallway, quiet, too, you notice. As the two of you approach the end of the hallway, swaying towards the door on the left wall, an interrogation room you deduct from peeking into the small window, a voice stops you.

“Hey, Sam? F.R.I.D.A.Y. told me you’d be here, what’s-”

His voice catches in his throat seeing you and Sam turn around to face him. He feels his eyes widen, his skin pale, his hands become clammy. This can’t be happening. This can not be happening. He walks closer and his steps slow as he’s standing in front of you. He’s literally speechless and as much as he wants to talk, to scream, to question what’s going on, he doesn’t.

His mouth hangs open even though no words come out, and you spit in his face before he gets the chance. He flinches and Sam pushes you into the room before you can react any further.

Bucky wipes your saliva from his cheek and he wants to cry. He wants to choke. He wants to throw a fucking tantrum in the middle of the hallway because he has absolutely no idea what’s going on. He feels a panic attack coming on and uses all of this strength to push it down as Sam exits the room. Relax. Figure out what’s going on so you can fix it; so you can get her the fuck out of here.

“You are going to tell me everything. And I mean everything. Absolutely no one knows that she’s here, or that she’s even alive. Sharon will remain unaware until you give me an explanation.” Sam tells him, his Captain voice taking over, and Bucky silently nods because he’s scared.

This is all so fucked up. And he hopes the truth he’s about to tell Sam will help you more than hurt you.

…

It’s funny how being in a familiar place affects your mind and body, regardless of how long it’s been. In the time that you’ve been in this interrogation room, your nerves have been completely on edge in a way that they haven’t been since being in prison, the voices have returned in your head, chatty as ever, and you haven’t been so angry since you killed that guard all those years ago in that first prison.

You pick and pull at your cuticles until they bleed and chew at the inside of your cheek until you taste metal.

Think they’ll let you decorate your cell this time? Or do you think they’ll just strap you straight into the medical chair and tie your arm up? No need to waste food, water, and a cot on you. Maybe they’ll bring back the electric chair or the firing squad just for this special occasion! Maybe they’ll have Bucky pull the lever-

“Shut up.” You mumble audibly, already feeling a headache coming on.

Spitting at Bucky felt good and bad at the same time. Good, because he deserves it, and more, after doing this to you; giving you the best and freest two and a half years of your life before snatching it all away from you in a second. Did he do it for fun? Did he like the game, the teasing of befriending you, taking care of you, all because he knew he’d do this and have the last laugh in the end?

It felt bad because as much as this sucks, you can’t find it in you hate Bucky. He’s become your best friend, your only friend, someone you actually trust in this new life you’ve been living. You want to forgive him, hug him, tell him it’s okay, that you’re not mad, that you could never be mad at him. Because you couldn’t. And that might actually be the worst part to all of this.

A click interrupts your thoughts and you stare at the Captain as he pulls out the seat across from you and sits down at the small table. How you wish there was a clock in here; how long had you been waiting for him here?

“What are you feelin’ right now?”

“Sorta like how your little wingman Riley felt when he fell out of the fucking sky.” You snap.

Sam doesn’t react. He remembers the way you’d act during the investigation years ago when they would question you in prison; he’d see the way you snap at them, at the guards, at the other inmates, how you’d really dig deep into people feelings and thoughts to say the worst thing to them in order to bring up bad memories. So, he was kind of already expecting that.

You’re upset, that he can tell from your attitude, your chipped and chewed fingernails, and you slouched sitting position, arms crossed across your chest as you lean against the back of the chair. He doesn’t blame you though, he’d probably be pretty upset, too.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., stop all audio and video recording from this room from today and erase it completely from every system, please.”

“Clearance level 1 or 2 necessary for that, Captain.”

“Clearance level 2; Wilson, Samuel T.”

“Thank you, Captain. All recordings have been erased and stopped.”

Huh?

“I have a proposition for you.” Sam begins. Your confusion clouds your mind and you don’t process his statement fast enough to respond before he continues.

“I will announce to the press that your body has been found along the coast of the Pacific after following a lead on your whereabouts, I will clarify that you have been found dead and that you drowned, closing the case looking for you. I will provide you with a new identity; that includes a false birth certificate, passport, and other forms of identification with a new name, new birth date, new everything.”

“Is this a fucking joke?” He ignores you.

“There will be a few rules you will have to follow in return. You will have to stay completely hidden out of the populated public for one full year after this announcement is made. You will have to change your appearance; cut your hair, dye it, whatever. You will stay here at the tower where you will be monitored.”

He pauses, like he knows this will be the part you hate most.

“And you will be required to use your abilities to help on future cases the Avengers are tasked with; the same way you did when we came to you with those two cases in the past.”

You’re silent for a moment, “And if I say no?” Your voice is small. You really don’t want to do this. You want to go back to your apartment, you want your clothes, your plants, your blankets, your mugs.

“Then you will be arrested and sent back to prison, in the same exact place on death row you were before.” Your eyes shut, the headache hitting fully.

“Why.” You demand.

“I talked to Bucky,” A roll of your eyes. “He didn’t rat you out, if that’s what you're thinking. I found you all by myself. And I made Bucky tell me absolutely everything. And from there I’m making the decision myself to offer this to you. It’s not my first time helping a globally wanted criminal. Or my second. Or my third. And it honestly probably won’t be my last at this point.”

Do you believe him? Does it even matter if he’s telling the truth or not? You clearly don’t have a choice here.

He knows this. And depending on how deep he spoke with Bucky, he knows you won’t go back to prison.

“I’ll show you to your quarters. You’ll have your own bathroom and kitchen. Tomorrow morning you will be briefed with your new identity by myself, Bucky, Agent Carter, and Director Fury. F.R.I.D.A.Y will help you with that in the morning.”

The walk was just as miserable as it was when you arrived. You wonder where Bucky is. Does he have a room here? Is he back home in his apartment? Is he coming back? Is he thinking about you? Is he mad that you spit on him?

I mean, probably a little bit. I would be at least.

You take a moment to look around your new room; your new living quarters for pretty much forever. There’s so much stuff; a large bed covered with folded blankets and soft pillows, a folded pair of clothes, a rug beneath your feet that sits under a desk and a large bookshelf, filled with books of differing genres and notebooks, the desk is bare except for a small lamp and a cup of pens and pencil. The kitchenette is to your left and seems to be pretty modern, you can’t imagine it’s missing anything you’d need. The closed door against the wall you assume is your promised bathroom, but you don’t feel like settling in.

It’s strange, living almost all your life with nothing; as a child being poor with your family, having less than that in the Marines, and having nothing in Hydra. When you had your apartment, you had nothing, you cleaned the apartment building to make money to pay your cheap rent, you’d steal your clothes, food, and decorations, everything that Bucky didn’t buy you, anyway.

And now, you’re standing in a room that has everything you’d need, no need to pay rent, supplies and resources at your request; all that’s needed in return is the use of your powers.

But you hate it. All of it.

The colors are dull. The decor is boring. There’s no light. Nothing happy. No colorful blankets, no wacky mugs, no cute earrings, no mismatched socks and labeled underwear with the days of the week. No Bucky.

No Bucky.

[second-chance-stray]

(Split Ends) RP Log: Cravs, Riylli, and Rising revisit Baldur in Limsa Lominsa.

Cravendy Hound - After entrusting Baldur, the ill-fated boy, to the healers based in Limsa Lominsa, the trio decided to head back to the company...at Crav's insistence, really. Every extra second spent in the maritime city was a second too much. And so, after taking the aetheryte home, we find the three on the company lawn.

Riylli Aliapoh lets out a stretch as they arrive, a bit groggy from the teleporting. "It's a shame you missed it Cravs, Rising ran in while I was castin' one of my spells and I knocked her a clean 20 fulms in the air!" She said, grinning with a bit too much pride. She then seemed to remember Rising was still there. "...By the way, you okay?"

Rising Lotus was patched up after their encounter as well, her right arm was coating in bandages, along with some other patches along the exposed skin of her body. She winced with each step, the healers picking all the needles from her form and now leaving her body to do the rest of the healer. She merely grumbled as Riylli spoke to her, putting her weight on her spear to take some of it off her leg.

Cravendy Hound: "Magic and melee don't mix, Riylli. But, er, 'ow are ye 'oldin' up, Risin'? That injury ye got looked somethin' fierce."

Riylli Aliapoh rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, taking that as a 'no'. She turned back to Cravs, deciding to ignore the issue like a mature adult. "So... Y'wanna tell us what that was all about? Why're you goin' so far to help this guy's kid?"

Rising Lotus: "...I'll be fine. Kinda a feel like layin' down." she glanced at Riylli, nodding afterwards "Aye. I'm curious 'bout that too."

Cravendy Hound: "I'm still confused 'ow a cactaur of all things made it to La Noscea. Could be a freak accident, but somethin' about it doesn't sit right with me." She sighs in thought, brow knitted and bothered. "....Ah. Uh. I guess I owe ye all an explanation."

Riylli Aliapoh plopped herself down on the step, ready for a story

Cravendy Hound: "Oi, get up! I-I'm not gonna bore ye with all the details," Cravs stammers. "Look. I made a promise to the kid's father. 'is dyin' wish was to see his son grow strong, with his own strength."

Riylli Aliapoh tilted her head. "...Y'know... It aint really his own strength if we had to step in to help... You sure you should be meddlin' like this? I mean, it was just a little cactus thing"

Rising Lotus "...Someone might not want that. I remember the merchant mentionin' somethin' 'bout some folk not carin' for him or his family or somethin'." she shrugs, wincing in pain afterwards "...also cactuar are from Thanalan, don't know how one would of gotten there."

Cravendy Hound nods to Riylli. "I agree, and originally, I just wanted to see if 'e was doin' okay. But this cactaur business...I think someone /else/ is meddlin' with 'im. And if we meddle to remove the meddler, then it'll cancel out, right?"

Riylli Aliapoh 's ears perked up in interest. "Y'mean someone left that cactus out there to take the kid out? Who exactly was this kid's sire? Why's he got so many enemies that would go so far as to try and kill his kid after he's already gone?"

Cravendy Hound shifts in place, heat under the collar. Unusually, she speaks slowly and thoughtfully, as if the wrong word could set off a mine. "Kid's father was a pirate captain, but one with...'onor, I suppose. Steal from the rich, give to the poor. Which lead 'im to rob from the same, powerful set of targets."

Cravendy Hound: "If ye got raided by Captain Thorne, ye didn't -just- lose yer shite. It was a kind of...a mark. A blow to yer pride, and that didn't sit well the rich."

Riylli Aliapoh thinks about this for a moment. "...So if we know who the targets are, why don't we just hop over an' kick their teeth in? Bet that'd gettem to stop messin' with the kid!"

Rising Lotus huffs, closing her eyes tightly for a few moments before glaring at Cravs. "...So what's gonna happen when these powerful targets  learn we're helpin' the kid? Last thing I need is to be marked like the boy, or if they learn we work for Heartwood an' create problems for the others."

Cravendy Hound: "That's step one. Gotta find who's still got it out for the kid, out of a handful of options." She then turns to Rising. "As long as we don't do anythin' illegal we should be alright. And we can threaten to expose 'ow they torment a kid to keep them from doin' anything to us."

Cravendy Hound: "Nothin' illegal, alright? That means even if they're an ass, we can't just kick their teeth in." Cravs lectures to Riylli.

Riylli Aliapoh frowned. "It aint illegal if they're a bad guy! And ain’t kickin' teeth in how pirates settle their differences anyroad?"

Rising Lotus tried to give Cravs a skeptical look, but just ended up grimacing from the shift of posture, then just looked exhausted. "That ain't how it work if you're rich. Can get away with anythin'."

Cravendy Hound: "That's not 'ow the law works! And while that may be 'ow we settle problems on water, on land...under the Admiral's stink eye, we'd probably cause more trouble doin' that."

Cravendy Hound: "The rich still 'ave their pride. I'm thinkin' if word got out that the bugger pesters a goddamn child for 'is late father's legacy, it'd be enough to twist their arm."

Riylli Aliapoh looked to Rising, then to Cravs, and then up to the sky as she let out an exasperated sigh. "...Y'see? This is exactly why we Miqo'te got our own rules..." She grumbled, before finally looking back down. "Fine! We'll do it your way! But if any of 'em tries to swing at me it's fair game, yeah?"

Rising Lotus grumbled, pretty much done with the day. "Well in the case it does go tits up, we can handle ourselves much better than that boy I 'spose."

Cravendy Hound nods. What an exhausting day. "...well. Ye look like ye could use two days worth of sleep, Risin'. That's all I 'ad to say."

Riylli Aliapoh hops to her feet and dusts off her pants. "Alright! Just gimme a shout whenever you get a lead or whatever. Always happy to lend my skills to a good cause!" She flashes Cravs a grin, and very pointedly tries not to look over to the wounded Rising

Rising Lotus "...Aye. You know how to reach us. Though we ought to expect somethin' worse than a cactuar next time." she sighed and started making her way toward the door.

(Cravendy Hound) seems a good place to timeskip to next scene? any last posts and then :P )) (Rising Lotus) I'm good!)) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Timeskip ready! (Cravendy Hound) AAAHH that outfit!!! )) (Cravendy Hound) the blade harness xD )) (Rising Lotus) Oh yeah I don't think you've seen her in it yet!)) (Riylli Aliapoh) (No fair, its so hard to get glams for Riylli ;-; (Cravendy Hound) it looks extremely good )) (Cravendy Hound) *timeskips in same outfit* xD )) (Cravendy Hound) HERE we can at least start in the company so it doesn't feel like, literally seconds after xD )) (Rising Lotus) Guess we'll have to have a fashion montage for Riylli at some point)) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Yknow what, its totally canon that RIylli only has one set of clothes (Cravendy Hound) ahahaha )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Oh, I DO actually have a glamour change! (Rising Lotus) so pick out something new then we can figure out how she got it!)) (Riylli Aliapoh) (alakazam (Rising Lotus) mask (Cravendy Hound) fjkdslf just the gloves?! )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Theyre bandages ^o^ Shes been practicing the fire spell! (Rising Lotus) Damn I thought you were just going to throw that mask on xD))

Cravendy Hound - A week later, Cravs has reached out to Riylli and Rising for company (or maybe help?) again. It's related to the business in Limsa Lominsa, and she's wearing her disguise dress again. Oh boy.

Rising Lotus was eyeing the bandages wrapped around Riylli's hands. "...How's that fire spell going?"

Riylli Aliapoh grins to Rising. "It's goin' well! I got the basic formula down, just gotta work on intensity and duration!" She beams proudly, giving Rising a bandaged thumbs up.

Cravendy Hound: "That...looks painful."

Riylli Aliapoh gives a mock bow. "You gotta suffer for art y'know"

Rising Lotus couldn't help but smirk at Riylli's enthusiasm. "...We'll get it down before you touch anythin' we fish up..or the lava." she turned her attention to Cravs, holding back a snicker at seeing her dolled up again. "You find out more 'bout the boy then?"

Cravendy Hound: "Seems ye got some more sufferin' to do then," Cravs notes in a bright tone.

Cravendy Hound: "Right, the Baldur business - I narrowed it down to a couple of names. But that's as far as I can go gatherin' information out 'ere. Thought it'd be more efficient to ask the kid 'imself. Which means." Cravs gestures to her outfit. "I'll need some escorts to talk for me once we're in Limsa again."

Riylli Aliapoh was clearly enjoying the attention, but quieted down to let Cravs speak. "Why not just talk to the kid as Cravs? If he's lost his sire, it... might be nice for him to know he's still got people close to him out there..."

Rising Lotus "Hmm...'spose maybe she doesn't want him to turn her in for the gil? If he really needs to be supportin' him an' his mom anyway." she shrugged. "Doesn't look like the type to sell out someone who's helpin' him though."

Cravendy Hound went as white as a sheet at the suggestion. "A-ah, that's...Uhh, we've got, um. A misunderstandin' between us. If 'e knew it was me, 'e'd flip out for sure. Trust me, it's easier this way." Cravs clears her throat and then hurries out before Riylli or Rising can ask further.

Cravendy Hound - The trip over is pretty awkward. If the subject was brought up again, Cravs would simply pick up the pace and pretend not to hear. And, once the trio were in Limsa, her lips were sealed, clarification frustratingly out of reach. That said, she was definitely walking somewhere with purpose.

Rising Lotus gave up askin' fairly quick, she knew she wouldn't get anywhere at the moment. She'd pry it out of her later though, one way or another. "So... you know what he'll be up to today? Or you jus' hopin' we run into him?"

Riylli Aliapoh wouldn't bring it up again, at the very least smart enough to see Cravs didn't want to talk about it. Instead, she would offer fun facts of things she had learned so far in her research. "...So, did you guys know that a forge runs hotter than lava?"

Cravendy Hound mimes holding something heavy and swinging it around. And to Riylli's fact, she gives the miqo'te a doubting look. Really?

Riylli Aliapoh nods. "Yeah! Turns out lava is only like... half as hot as your average blacksmith forge! It aint even hot enough to melt iron! Makes my job easier, but it's kinda disappointin' y'know?"

(Riylli Aliapoh) (Thank you for subscribing to Lava Facts)

Cravendy Hound desperately wants to ask if that's how Riylli has been testing her fire shield spell - by dunking her hands in a forge. Cravs moves her hands around as if dipping them in something.

Riylli Aliapoh tilts her head, unable to figure out the mimicry. "Can't you like... at least whisper or somethin' when were alone? Surely they don't got ears everywhere?"

Cravendy Hound looks around and finds it acceptably empty. "Did ye dunk yer 'ands in the forge to test yer spell?!" She whisper-yells.

Rising Lotus narrowed her eyes at Cravs "...So he's... carrying somethin'.. then puttin' it in the oven?" she seemed to be combining the conversations. Then Cravs actually spoke. "Oohh you're talkin' 'bout that. I hope you didn't do that, use a fire or somethin' first Riylli."

Riylli Aliapoh blinks at her. "What? You crazy? What if the spell failed?" She said, shaking her head. "Nah, I've been usin' a campfire! Got a problem with the magic runnin' out too fast though..." She muttered, rubbing her poor cooked hands

Cravendy Hound stifles back laughter, and pats Riylli on the back. There there.

Rising Lotus: "I can get ya some cream for that. Know a gobbie that makes some quality stuff. Don't worry it works too, used it after gettin' a nasty burn from some giant bug sparyin' me with gunk."

Riylli Aliapoh grumbles and glares up at Cravs at the treatment, but lets it slide since she couldn't tell if it was meant to be mocking or not. "...That'd be great, thanks. I don't gotta pay for it, right?"

Cravendy Hound: "Bug....gunk? Bug gunk...That sounds. Hm." Cravs raises a brow at Rising but doesn't say more.

Rising Lotus "Well I ought to considerin' how you made me a pin cushion on our last outin' together." she snickered a bit, the first time she cracked a joke about it. "But nah, he owes me one anyhow. Next time I'm up there I'll grab ya some." she gave Riylli a firm pat on the back.

Riylli Aliapoh grumbled again, but couldn't really argue back. "...Thanks." She muttered, not exactly enthused about all this back-patting she was receiving

Cravendy Hound had earlier given Rising a notepad with names written in it. One of them, hopefully, belonged to the person who was harassing the kid. Her heels clicking on the docks, Cravs would eventually lead the little crew to a dusty corner of Limsa where the kid (B) was presently practicing his form with the ax.

Cravendy Hound - The heavy ax is far too big for the kid. Every swing pulls him comically forward with the weapon. He stops his 'practice' and looks up at the approaching trio with a wide smile. "I remember you two! You helped me with that monster the other day."

(Cravendy Hound) more back pats )) (Cravendy Hound) i demand more )) (Rising Lotus) I feel like Riylli and Rising would have back pats that would eventually devolve into a hitting contest)) (Cravendy Hound) actually cravs and rising would have to squat down to pat Riylli's back ahah - otherwise it'd be a head pat )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Cravs and Rising know it's too dangerous to headpat Riylli, they'd probably get bit (Cravendy Hound) sometimes my tall friends would use my head as an arm rest.....annoyed me, and yet I can see Cravs doing that to Riylli lmao )) (Rising Lotus) I've done that to my shorter friends before xD))

Riylli Aliapoh perked up as she got recognized by the kid, offering him a friendly wave. "Hey! How are you holdin' up after all them needles?"

Rising Lotus watches the boy fling himself with his strikes, smirking with every swing.  "Aye that was us." she eyed up his weapon for a few moments. "You ought to get somethin' a bit lighter by the way, gonna leave yourself open if you take too long liftin' your weapon."

Cravendy Hound - The kid bashfully itches the tip of his nose. "I'm doing fine, thanks to you all...Woke up on the softest bed I've ever been on in my life, healing expenses all covered." Baldur's eyes drift over to Cravs, and then back to Riylli and Rising. "Oh, I plan to! I'm just using this old thing because it was the only thing I could afford. Once I earn enough, I'll buy a better one...after everything else, haha."

Cravendy Hound turns away, avoiding eye contact. It's overkill given that she's wearing a mask.

Rising Lotus eyed Cravendy, she had to pay for the needle removal out of her pocket. "...well I'm sure them healers were excited for the chance to de-needle someone. Don't see many cactuar over here after all, bit strange." she nodded as he brought up upgrading his armor and weapon. "A good set of armor is jus' as important as a good weapon, smart thinkin'."

Riylli Aliapoh nudged Rising with her foot to try and bring her back to the task at hand, snatching the list out of her hands. "Hey, so... Were kinda lookin' into something, think you might be able to help us out? You know any of the names on this list?"

Cravendy Hound - Baldur nods enthusiastically, dreads bouncing on top of his head. Admiration for Rising and Riylli is practically gushing from every inch of the kid. "So that was a cactaur? I've never seen one before."

Cravendy Hound - Baldur snaps into attention. "Oh, right away! I'd be thrilled to help you two out. Let's see..." He takes the list and scans it. "Only this last one. Mindred Rot. She's who I go to if I need a loan."

Rising Lotus "Aye, I grew up 'round them, used to hit them with sticks then ru-" she glanced at Riylli as she bumped her and had the list snatched away.

(Cravendy Hound) dfsd hit them with sticks and run???? chaos child )) (Rising Lotus) She didn (Rising Lotus) didn't have toys or anything xD Played with bugs and lizards and cactuars))

Riylli Aliapoh raised her eyebrow at the name. "...'Mindred Rot'? Well that's a bad guy name if I've ever heard one." She said, nodding along until she remembered Cravs' full name. "Er... Right, anyroad, what's she like? If she lends you money she can't be that bad, right?"

(Riylli Aliapoh) (Poor riylli about to learn the horrors of capitalism)

Cravendy Hound - Baldur smiles as he hands the list back to Riylli. "Oh, yeah, her name's pretty rotten. But in some ways...she looks after me. No one else'll give my family loans."

Rising Lotus "You need to get out of the woods more..." she shook her head at Riylli's comment. She hummed at Baldur's words about the woman. "Hmm, how generous of her."

Riylli Aliapoh wrinkled her nose. "Honestly I'd rather get out of the woods less... How in the world do you lot handle that salt in the air?"

Cravendy Hound - Baldur's gaze wanders to Rising's axe, and then to Riylli's staff. "So, you two must be adventurers, huh? You think you could teach me a thing or two? Punch better, smarter, harder? Oh, and! I didn't mean to be rude." He turns to Cravs. "Who's your friend?"

Rising Lotus Grinned, giving him a nod. "Aye! Do a lot of guard an' merc work. Takin' me all over, mostly back an' forth between Idyllshire an' places though. This one is still gettin' her footin' for it though." she snickered a bit as she eyed Riylli. "Oh, an' that's Singin' Gull. She's uh...a great singer an' has to save her voice most the time. We're guardin' her on her...singing journey?"

Riylli Aliapoh puffed her chest out. "Yup! Name's Riylli, Warrior of Earth!" she declared proudly, possibly forgetting Cravs and Rising were in earshot. "I'm a master of earth magic, but I'm sure I could give you some tips! Oh, and this is..." She trails off, staring at Cravs as her mind blanks on what her alias was. Thankfully Rising was there to have her back, though the Roegadyn still earned herself a glare from her little comment

Cravendy Hound 's frown twitches slightly. Singing Gull the Singer. Really? But she goes along with it anyway.

Cravendy Hound - Baldur's mouth forms an 'o' in awe. "Idyllshire? Never even heard of the place. Sounds cool though...And magic? How would I even start?" He turns back for a second to rest his rusty axe against a crate, and then hops right back into the conversation. "Like, just think really hard and magic happens? Hrrrghhhh.."

Riylli Aliapoh shook her head at the kid. "Nah, it aint that simple. It's more like... Y'know how you can move your fingers with your mind? You basically do that, but you move your aether about instead, and get THAT aether to move the aether OUTSIDE of you, and... Honestly I might not remember all the lessons, it's kinda just a reflex at this point. But you shouldn't be wastin' your talents on magic anyroad! You're a highlander right? You're gonna have plenty of muscle when you grow up, you should use-

Riylli Aliapoh -that instead!"

Rising Lotus could talk for hours about Idyllshire, but she resisted and tried to steer the conversation back on topic, which of course meant giving Riylli a light smack to the arm to get her to focus up. "Anyway, you know were we could find this Rot lady? Gull here is lookin' for gil for her next performance an' were hopin' to find some donations."

Cravendy Hound - Baldur is trying so hard to follow Riylli's explanation, but it leaves the poor kid's brain all tangled. "Huh, what? Huh? Uhh, oh, you want to meet Miss Rot? She's usually really busy so I have to schedule in advance. But I can ask if she's free to meet you all next time."

Riylli Aliapoh sighs. "Y'mean we gotta come all the way out here again..? Fine, I guess... Not like we can just go kick the doors down and demand to talk to her after all..." She muttered, offering a small glare to Cravs out of the corner of her eye

Rising Lotus cleared her throat, glaring at Riylli as she glared at Cravs "We'd appreciate that, jus' say that..uh..an up an' comin' singer is lookin' for fundin'. " she gave Baldur a nod, hoping that selling Cravs like that would make her the perfect target for a loan shark.

Cravendy Hound looks similarly annoyed, but shakes her head no to Riylli. It's not like they could go in there with wild accusations anyway - seemed worth strategizing over first.

Cravendy Hound - With the night fast approaching, Cravs motions with her hand to signal her intention to head home. Without bothering to wave goodbye to Baldur, she walks on ahead.

Rising Lotus watches Crav hurry away. "Uh sorry..." she put her hand to her mouth to muffle her words "Sort of a diva that one. Good luck out there lad!" she gave him a thumbs up before hurrying after 'Singing Gull'.

Riylli Aliapoh sighed once for not being allowed to rampage mindlessly, then once more as Cravs walked away without saying bye to the kid. She offers Baldur a wave. "You keep practicin' okay? We'll come by and see you again later, and maybe I'll share some of my adventurin' secrets with you!"

Cravendy Hound is a good distance ahead. As she passes by a stranger, there's some kind of odd collision that ends up tripping Cravs. Her mask drops off and rolls a few ilms forward as the stranger awkwardly, but quickly, makes their escape without even a sorry.

Cravendy Hound scrambles to recover the headware and fasten it back on. By the time Riylli and Rising have caught up, she's still kneeled over on the floor, troubled.

Riylli Aliapoh pretty much has to run to keep up with Cravs' long-legged walking, blinking in confusion as she notices her state. "H-Hey, you alright?"

Rising Lotus hurries to catch up to Cravs, quickly stepping in front of her to shield her face as she glanced around. "Aye..did you know that man or somethin'?"

Cravendy Hound: "I'm fine. Rattled is all." She whispers as she wobbles back up and takes a deep breath. ".....no, I didn't recognize them."

Rising Lotus looked around at the few bystanders eyeing the scene. "Maybe it'd be best to get out of here...before there's a chance to cause more of a scene." she said the last part in a whisper. Last thing they needed was the yellow jackets upon them.

Riylli Aliapoh raises her arm up seemingly to try to comfort her, only to hesitate and lower it back down. "...Let's talk outside of the city, all this salt is starting to make me sick..." She says, awkwardly attempting to give Cravs an out

Cravendy Hound: "...Right. No point in worrying about it now. Let's just get out of 'ere." She mutters.

[selfcareparker]

hi bae <3 reading that last ask i’m realizing i have no grammar? lmao

glad university is funnnn, when you said linguistics i was like 🤨 but then i googled it and it does sound interesting lmao

the too much free time part though... :( its like you expected to be thrown in and like WOO BUSY and WOO purpose (purpose may be going too far lol) but i totally get what you’re saying. ESPECIALLY when you expect to be busier and you’re not it’s like :/ ok. (& girlllll it’s fine to complain, it’s how ur feeling)

and bc of covid you have eVEN LESS STUFF TO DO, which sucks. the social part may help? even just a little bit, but maybe having some socialization.. it could be somewhat uplifting? idk gsjshsj

where i live the vaccine is for 16 and up right now but for the younger kids (12-15) it hasn’t been ✨FDA approved✨ yet so my brother is still waiting for his 🤠

okay really quick, how does drivers license work there? here you learn to drive at 16 and you can like actually drive (sometimes even alone in the car) by 17... (also burneks?)

YAYYYY GIRLLL i remember you telling me about how you haven’t seen your family in England in such a long time 🥺🥺🥺 i really hope you get to see them soon!!!! and that covid eases up so you can see them frequently again 🥺🥺🤍

i’m gonna tattoo that to my forehead “not being friends with your parents is unhealthy” EXACTLY!! the people saying that stuff are usually not close to their parents so 👀

i’ve been really busy (unfortunately imo lol) with my dance recital coming up and this singing group (which i don’t like at all) and my final tests bc of school i’m EEK but it’s a good eek i think? maybe? idk lolll, i can’t wait for everything to be over though so i can CHILL. after school however i have a missions trip in north carolina? don’t quote me on that, but yeah 🥰 i’m really excited about it bc i’ll be without my family (like on my own :)) and it’s this whole thing and i’ll get to know people and i’m gonna buy a new bathing suit that makes me look gooooood cuz i’m tryna cop a boyfriend while i’m there HAHAHAH but besides that... more acting and singing camps probably? most likely a summer job.. i don’t have any plans reallyyy set in stone but ya know (ACTUAL i do have a few things planned. but those are things i don’t want to do. so i will be ignoring them <3)

that was a long ass paragraph- but PLEASE UR RESPONSE WAS FINEEE & i love you 💓💓💖💞💘💓💞💕 literally watch me buy a ticket to germany rn

- lovely anon (or catherine? i feel that lovely anon is iconic now tho so. kinda like how i call you aria in my head not your real name lol ALSO I PROMISE IM GONNA RESPOND TO THAT REALLY SOON, it’s just really busy rn) <3

what’s wrong with tumblr i just saw this a minute ago 🥲🥲🥲🥲 they don’t want to see us together ✋🏼 but fuck them 💘

Whaksk wait wdym by you have no grammar? 😭😭hejsjs

Honestly I’m so surprised that I’m enjoying linguistics but i think since i speak english and german i’ve just always been interested in language and esp english since it’s just my second language so i was forced to learn more about the language than just words and grammar, because it’s such a big part of me and also i didn’t always have a british accent so i kind of had to... develop a british accent, and it was natural but also kind of wasn’t??? Anyway why was this one sentence like 17 lines i’m sorry

YES OMG EXACTLY and obviously i’m missing out on the whole uni experience i mean I’m introverted anyway but i don’t mind going to a party every now and then? but i haven’t talked to a single person from my uni (except in class when we had to analyse a poem or something— okay technically some of my friends go to the same uni as me but they’re all studying other stuff)

But yeah I’ll definitely try to meet my friends more often 🥺 but we all have really different schedules rn so it’s really hard to find days where we both/all are free and not too tired and yeahssjsksj but i mean.... i can pay 50% of your ticket to germany? and then we can hang out? 🥰

I think everyone over 18 can get their vaccine from Monday on so I’ll try to call (okay, my mum will call sisjsh) and see if i can get an appointment. but i think everything will be super full because previously only people over... 50?or 60? or people with like illnesses could get it and now everyone over 18 can get it??? Like that’s a lot of people who can suddenly get the vaccine sksjjs but at the same time they’re getting quicker with it (i think today over 1 million people got the vaccine???? Like i know the US probably gets wayyy more people done so idk if that sounds like nothing to you but obviously Germany is much smaller so to me that sounds like a lot???) and also one of my father’s friend’s wife (djdkdj) works at a hospital or something? And she said she’ll ask if I can get it done there so yeah 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Isksmsjjs it took me so long to figure out what burneks was, i googled it (very weird results?) and then i realised i made a typo.... yeah no idea what i was trying to say lol

So in Germany (as far as I’m aware) you can start at 17 and you can’t have your test before you’re 17 years and 6 months old (idk why) and then you’re not allowed to drive alone until you’re 18 and then you still have two years on probation(is that what it’s called?) and you’re not allowed to drink a single sip of alcohol before you’re 21 (and drive) (cause in germany you’re allowed to drink when you’re 14 (if your parents are with you and allow it), then when you’re 16 you can buy beer and wine, and when you’re 18 you can buy everything. But you’re not allowed to drink and drive (even if it’s just 0.01 promille) until you’re 21)

(Okay I just googled and I don’t think you say pro mille/per mille in english sksjsjs but like the percent (or something...) of alcohol you have in your blood (idk biology sorry) (not that you asked about drinking and driving anyway? 😭 but there you go lmaoo)

Also idk if that’s just a UK thing or you also have it in the US? But all of my relatives from England keep asking me how often I’m driving with my parents (for practice)... and in Germany that’s.... not allowed? Like in england you can get these L (Learner) plates that you can stick on the back of your car and then you can drive anytime with your parents, but in germany you can only drive with your driving instructor during a paid for and legally organised driving lesson so. Kksskaj

Yess, the good thing now is that i can go to england anytime? Because Uni is all online anyway so it’s not like i have to wait until the holidays to see my family, i really hope i’ll see them soon🥺 it was my nana’s bday today and my grandad’s a few weeks ago so i’m painting two pictures for them tomorrow and sending them as a (late) gift next week 😌 (i’ll do like an impressionist ✨field of flowers✨ (that sounds awful sksjsjsj for reference i’ll look something like this: (it’s not mine i just found it on the internet while i was looking for some inspiration

for my nana, and something with a waterfall for my grandad) (looking at it now i don’t even think that’s impressionism? Idfk i had art as my subject for my a levels (like one of my final exams) and i actually got an A 👀 but it was mainly architecture and i don’t even remember that so

Ahhh I hope it’s a good eek!! Sksjj hopefully you’ll be done with everything soon and i already know you’re gonna do really good in all of your tests😌 but still: good luck ❤️❤️❤️

Idk if it’s actually cool? But North Carolina sounds so cool to me (but honestly you could have said any state and i’d think it’s cool sksksskm) And girl I still think it’s so amazing that you just sing and dance and act and omg ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(I’m imagining us in a montage (?) like they always have in films while we’re shopping to get you a hot bathing suit😌😌 and then they always come home with like 6 shopping bags in the movies—)

This is gonna sound so dumb because who tf wants to work? But I’ve always wanted a summer job 🥲 like nothing too exhausting obviously but i’ve never earned any money by myself? I haven’t had a single job in my life (not that I’m that old and like only one of my friends has worked in her life like we’re young sksjsj) and yeah i think it would be really cool to have a summer job and earn some money 😌 but during the summer holidays (they’re only 6 weeks in germany) we’d always go to england for at least two weeks and then we’d drive to bosnia to see my dad’s family for a few days and then to croatia and then to Bosnia again sksksksms so i never had time for a summer job (obviously i’m aware that it’s a fucking privilege that i’ve never had to work and that i get to go to multiple countries during the holidays but yeah)

WHY DO I TALK SO MUCH AUSSKKSSM

Like I said I’ll pay 50% of your ticket 😌 i’ll be here stuck at home anyway, just let me know when you’re coming so i can come pick you up😌 (this emoji djskksks— but i mean it fits so i’ll use it as often as i can 😌)

Lovely anon IS iconic 😌✨ but Catherine is more than okay too🥰 so just say whatever you prefer ❤️

(And omg you never have to apologise for responding to my long ass, full-of-mistakes responses late sksjs take your time (i mean i wouldn’t be mad if you just didn’t respond to some of them i talk too much anyway <3333)

[drkcnry67]

its time you all know the truth (day 6)

A/N: @obxmermaid​ this is my day 6 this is gonna be a ride to remember and keep in mind that in the last part Draco and YN told their friends about their relationship and swore them to secrecy.

pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

prompt: being asked what you are thankful for during the holiday season (telling the professors at the christmas feast)

tags: none that i can think of at this time.

mentioning @obxmermaid​      &     @sweetness47​

25 days of hogwarts

the owls over and done, you and your friends were relieved, you all felt a sense of accomplishment, meeting once more in the astronomy tower to laugh and goof off. it was also when they (your friends) could see how happy you and Draco make eachother. 

this was the night of the holiday feast. this is the night where no one eats before hand other wise no one eats too much of the wide spread of food at the feast. 

Draco: we should all get going the feast will be starting soon. 

YN: ooops i am supposed to be there already. i have a surprise for you love. dont worry this is a good surprise. ill see you all at the feast. 

you leave in a hurry you head to stand before the professors and staff in the great hall. you enter and the hall is all decorated. 

YN: sorry im late, i was celebrating with my friends. how did they turn out. 

Minerva: see for yourself.

you see her place a stack of certificates on the podium. these were your official you have successfully completed term 1 of tutoring certificates. it was a new thing you and the professors were all trying. as well as the marks of their owls. 

you would be the one to present these during the feast before you ask the students to say what they are thankful for. you didnt want to say anything rash so you were gonna play cool and say the first thing that came to mind. 

minerva: are you prepared for this feast YN. 

YN: professor can i transfigure myself into my outfit so i save time. please. 

minerva nods her head and smiles as she turns a blind eye to you transfiguring into your outfit. Minerva turned around and smiled. 

Minerva: YN you look absolutely radiant. 

YN: thank you professor, i just want this to go well. professor, do you believe in fate?

Minerva: as a practicioner of magic, i have always said to believe anything is possible including fate.

YN: no matter how horribly wrong and against the rules it might be... does that still apply then?

Minerva: yes... but not without consequence. its very hard to say on the matter wihtout knowing the whole story. are you alright YN your shaking. 

You kinda straighten’d up before smiling

YN: im okay its probably some jitters, im a little nervous about speaking before the entire student body. 

Minerva: you will do good up there tonight YN. we are all very proud of you. 

You move away from the professors and head to join the students in the receiving line.

You walk in with your classmates. You sit with your classmates as Dumbledore comes up to speak.

Dumbledore: this first term has been especially trying for most of you but we have a bright mind among us one whose using those gifts to help you all in different ways. She made an impression on me and the other professors. so we call up YN now to present her with a hogwarts coat of arms as the first Magics Education Assistant. Please give her a warm shout of praise and honor for all she has done.

The hall roared with praise as you walked up to the podium and smiled as Dumbledore handed you your certificate and your owls marks.

Dumbledore(to you): well done YN we are so proud of you. Now say a few words and do the rest of your certificates.

You step up to the podium using your wand to make your voice expand through the hall.

Yn: thank you headmaster. I hope I continue to earn this honor in the upcoming years and for all my eternity. This past year and a half have been especially hard for me. As I've had to live on my own away from my parents. They wish me to marry someone I don't love, I am standing before you all today as a sign that your destiny is what you make it to be. I have some certificates here for those that I helped tutor through this first term. These certificates are something new we are trying. All those that I tutored this term please come up and stand in front of me here.

your students lined up in front of you and Draco’s eyes caught your own. 

YN: in these past few weeks ive had the opportunity to get to know each of you and your individual strengths and help each of you realize your potentials. so as each of these lands in your hands please let us hear the roar of applause from the student body as these students are the first to recieve their owls marks as well as the certificates for completeing tutoring term 1.

the student body errupted with cheers as the tutoring students held up their certificates. you step up to the podium once more to start the thankful toasts. 

YN: every year round this time the professors and a few select students say what they are thankful for this year. well i have been asked to start this tradition off this year. im most thankful for the love of my life, my best tutoring student, my faithful friend, most loyal rival, i love you Draco and im so thankful that you are apart of who i am and will continue to be. 

it wasnt till you finished what you said that you realized what just came out of your mouth. draco’s eyes were in shock. you and Draco were taken out of the party and appeared a few seconds later in dumbledores office in front of Dumbledore, flitwick, minerva, and Snape.

Minerva: that was not expected

Snape: mr Malfoy and miss Yn are obviously under some sort of love charm... otherwise there wouldnt be such insubordination.

Flitwick: perhaps there is a logical explanation for this i mean its possible that through their rivalry they developed a bond...

Dumbledore: or they are just in love. as YN confessed on that stage. i could see it in both their eyes as they looked at eachother. it was clear on their faces. they are indeed in love. it has been a long time since ive seen a look like that. perhaps we should let them tell us about how this happened. then we will vote on the matter. children you may approach now.

you and Draco hand in hand approached and sat in the chairs to make yourselves more comfortable for whatever would come next.

Minerva: why dont you both tell us how this came about?

you took the lead on this one. 

YN: well it was the summer of last year we met in Diagon Alley. he was avoiding his parents and their shady business. he asked me for my help so i helped him escape and that was it. we have been together ever since. 

Minerva: and over this almost 1 & a 1/2 years did either of you think to tell anyone. 

YN: many times we wanted to make sure we were gonna last before we started telling people. i didnt want to lie to everyone thats why we had our rivalry so no one would suspect anything. we just wanted to see if we would work before we told anyone or even brought it to you the faculty who guide our education. all we want is to be happy and together we are. 

Draco: had i not run into YN in the alley i wouldnt be with her the way i am today. and yes what we did was wrong, but it doesnt change the way we feel about eachother. 

Yn: please understand that we were afraid of what our relationship would bring upon us if we were discovered. Guess christmas miracles really do come true. We will do whatever you guys wish in order for this not to reflect us passing this year.

The professors just looked at both of you and Dumbledore smiled and approached.

Dumbledore: nothing to be done, both of you will complete your year here and can remain here over Christmas break if you so desire. But apart from this you both have our blessing to be together in the open.

You and Draco stand and exchange a lingering hug, you both stop when you realize that the professors were still starring at you.

Yn: thank you, all of you. This means so much to the both of us.

You and Draco left the office and went to sit in the courtyard hand in hand. The other students just started but you and Draco didn't care, you both sat down on a bench and watched the fresh snow fall.

You both kissed as the snow hit your faces and heard the gasps of happiness as well as shock.

~to be continued~

[cupidmarwani-archive]

Big News

Summary: Sarah and Ava have big news for the groupchat.

WC: ~1.5k

[Other Bekker renamed the chat “HOUSE PARTY”]

Other Bekker: it’s official

Other Bekker: i own a house

Other Bekker: with my WIFE!!!!!!

Bekker: We’re throwing a housewarming party and everyone’s invited!

Dr. Lanik: What’s the dress code

Other Bekker: casual if you wear a suit ill kill you

Ethan Choi: When? 

Bekker: We were thinking it would start at around six or seven? It would mean a lot to us if Crockett could make it.

FreeWilly: Will there be alcohol?

Other Bekker: some of us are sober. No

no-ah: I’m in

Maggie<3: Wait who’s sober other than Crockett?

Dr. Lanik: Me

Other Bekker: me

connor: @OtherBekker there was an open bar at your wedding

Bekker: Circumstances change

Ethan Choi: This is such a fun conversation. Let’s not have it.

April: So back to the party… details!

Other Bekker: ill send the address in a bit but its gonna be potluck style. Everybody brings food. itll be pretty casual so dont be that asshole (@Dr.Lanik). starting at six ish and ending at maybe 10 or 11 depending on how tired we all are

Ethan Choi: Crockett’s program usually ends at like 5:30 so we might be a little late?

Other Bekker: ok sounds good. how is he btw

Ethan Choi: Pretty well. He’s outpatient for another few weeks and then his doctors are going to discuss long term options. Hopefully he’ll be back at work soon, too

April: Tell him we’re proud of him?

Ethan Choi: As soon as I pick him up tonight.

-

Sarah: are we telling them tonight?

Wifey: I was thinking so, yes. I mean, we have our house, and the paperwork went through.

Sarah: im so excited

Wifey: Me too, honey

-

Nat: Not to alarm anybody but whoever’s in charge of Connor right now, come to treatment 4

FreeWilly: love the implication that we take turns babysitting him

Dr. Lanik: We kind of do. I think it’s Maggie’s turn.

Maggie<3: I’m not at work. Who’s next in line?

April: @QueenElsa

Queen Elsa: Fine

connor: im a big boy i can take care of myself

Nat: You literally have a concussion

Ethan Choi: Why?

Nat: He fainted after a surgery. His sugar is low on the finger prick and he said he hasn’t had any water since his shift started

Dr. Lanik: @connor We’ve talked about this

connor: ok boomer

Dr. Lanik: @connor Stop calling me a boomer! We’re the same age!

connor: ok

connor: boomer

Bekker: Can you grow up @connor

connor: no

Queen Elsa: Update for everyone, Connor is getting a CT. He’s eating a Snickers bar right now and we’re pushing fluids

FreeWilly: youre not you when youre hungry

Dr. Lanik: @Bekker @OtherBekker What day will your housewarming party be? My daughter’s birthday is Friday.

Maggie<3: IM SORRY YOUR WHAT

Other Bekker: ?????

Bekker: We were thinking Saturday.

April: @FreeWilly Did you know about this???????

FreeWilly: uh yeah?

no-ah: Why did none of us know you had a daughter?

Dr. Lanik: I just don’t see how it’s any of your business.

Nat: How old is she? Who’s her mother? What school does she go to? How did we go this long without knowing?

[Dr. Lanik has sent an image to the chat]

Dr. Lanik: This is Emma, she’s almost eleven, and this is the most information any of you will ever be getting about her.

Ethan Choi: Well this has been a wild ride

Other Bekker: now taking bets on how crockett will react. $10 says he thinks its a joke

no-ah: Coward. He knows everything. $20 says he already knew.

Other Bekker: youre on

Queen Elsa: ...Anyways, Connor’s CT came back alright. It’s a minor concussion; he’ll be fine soon. 

Maggie<3: That’s good

Dr. Lanik: @FreeWilly and I will look after him.

Ethan Choi: Just picked up Crockett, he says hi. He also has letters for each of you as part of his process

Nat: That’s sweet

Ethan Choi: I have been assured none of them contain nudes

Other Bekker: thank g-d

Ethan Choi: I’ll be giving them to you all at work.

Ethan Choi: Crockett will be cooking something I won’t even try to pronounce for the housewarming party

Other Bekker: his cooking is all so good...

no-ah: It slaps

Queen Elsa: Is it that pasta thing??? With the crawfish????

Ethan Choi: Honestly, I don’t know.

Nat: Owen and I are bringing cookies.

Bekker: Important question, @Dr.Lanik… will Emma be coming?

Dr. Lanik: No. I don’t want her near any of you.

connor: hes got a point

Maggie<3: Have you never, in your life, had to bring her to a doctor?

Dr. Lanik: We use East Mercy so that you all keep your noses out of my life.

FreeWilly: ouch

April: I mean, if I had a daughter, I wouldn’t want any of you near her either.

Nat: Harsh, I trust you with my son

April: You’re different.

Bekker: Do I hear wedding bells?

Nat: @April What if we kissed in the doctor’s lounge… and we’re both girls?

Nat: Haha just kidding

Nat: Unless…?

April: Did you just hit on me with a meme

Nat: Did it work?

Other Bekker: another win for the gaydies

Other Bekker: THEY BOTH JUST WENT INTO THE DOCTORS LOUNGE JHGFKHFRH

Ethan Choi: Crockett laughed 

connor: do you read these messages to him?

Ethan Choi: Sometimes. He likes to be in the loop.

FreeWilly: hot take but. we could just add him back to the chat?

Ethan Choi: He’s not ready for that yet, but he does like to be updated on your lives and one-on-one texting is stressful for him

Other Bekker: we spend more time talking about crockett now than we did when he was in the chat

no-ah: Sweet I have my Crockett letter

Ethan Choi: I'll put them in your lockers. My shift is starting so I'm turning my phone to silent. 

Other Bekker: Crockett Time

Bekker: Did he write me one?

Other Bekker: @Bekker both mine and yours are in my locker i think. one is for "blonde bekker" and one is for "brunette bekker"

no-ah: That's what he has your contacts saved as 

Queen Elsa: Mine is just a smiley face sticker in an envelope?

Other Bekker: jsyk we should probably keep these private! this is important to him

Maggie<3: I'm so excited to see him again on Saturday, I've missed him.

FreeWilly: He's been busy. I think his program is like eight to five every day but Sunday

Nat: What's that even like?

Other Bekker: they have an in house aa group that meets a few times a day and theres a ton of other support like therapy to get to the root of the problem. i mean before he got sober the first time he was self medicating 

Other Bekker: he does a lot of art therapy i think. when he was inpatient he kept mailing paintings to my wife and i 

-

Curry (Not Dr.): Hey, it's Elsa Curry from Med. Sarah gave me your number. I was just wondering why you gave me a sticker?

Crockett: dont u put them on the inside of your binder? the one u put ur case notes in at the end of ur shift 

Curry (Not Dr.): How did you know that?

Crockett: u pull ur binder out when ur stressed to reference old cases. i thot u might like another sticker so u know ur not in this alone

Crockett: :)

-

[crickett has renamed the chat "dick bros"]

crickett: @connor do u wanna fuck again this weekend lmao

connor: ???

connor: i thought that was a one time thing

Ethan Choi: It doesn't have to be. 

-

Maggie<3: @Bekker @OtherBekker Sorry I'm running a little behind! I couldn't find my keys

Bekker: No harm, no foul!

[Bekker has sent an image to the chat]

Bekker: Definitely hurry, we're having so much fun!

-

Crockett: baby

HUBBY: I'm sitting right beside you.

Crockett: ik but im feeling kinda overwhelmed 

HUBBY: Do you want to go home?

Crockett: i think i just need air will you cover for me if someone comes looking

-

Other Bekker: THANK YOU @Maggie<3 FOR ACTUALLY HELPING CLEAN UP 

FreeWilly: sorry!

connor: sorry ahhhhhh i didnt think about it 

Nat: Congrats again, you two, this is huge!

April: ^^

no-ah: Will we get to meet her, or will she be a secret like Laniks daughter?

Bekker: You'll all definitely get to meet her, but let's not do so much at once? Adjusting to a new home is hard, and from what the adoption agency tells us, she's had a rough go of it.

no-ah: Of course! 

Queen Elsa: No little girl could have a better home! Congratulations on your daughter and I wish you really good luck. If you ever need help, we're all here!

Dr. Lanik: She's about eight, right?

Bekker: Yes

Dr. Lanik: If she needs help adjusting, let me know, and maybe Emma and I can help. She was about that age when I adopted her.

connor: the Lanik lore we are getting today omg

Dr. Lanik: You'll both be great parents, and @OtherBekker don't hesitate to let me know if you need extra time off. This is a big deal and you shouldn't have to stress about work when you should be worrying about your family. @Bekker I'll also ask Dr. Latham to be lenient with you as well.

Other Bekker: thank you from both of us <3

connor: who knew lanik had a heart. 

[ofphcenixes]

BLUE & LIBBY - text thread 001

texts from 3:55pm to 7:01pm

blue

hey lib. (: havent talked today. just wanted to drop in and see if u were doin alright i have memes if u need them

libby

i mean, technically we did talk. i reminded you of the moment the world stood still: when valentine and you made contact (1) time. are you okay though? you seem a little, weird

blue

i maintain that valentine was an alien in a spider suit that wanted to destroy me but u know what I mean djdjdjd just chats between us. the gc has been a june holden fest lately lmao hope it works out for them tho anyways i am always weird in ur eyes djdjhd. but im fine. shit was crazy that night and we never really got to talk about what happenedand if u wanted to talk i just want u to kno im here ABOUT NADIA bc yeah kdjdjjd

libby

don't talk to me or my son ever again yeah, wow, okay so holden stayed over the night. i only know that because i saw his stuff in her room? i think she mentioned that like, it was a one time thing but i feel like... he might be coming over again which.. is Interesting oh. yeah, no i think i'm okay. i guess just in shock. june is very broken up over it, so i'm doing my best to be a good pal, and bring loads of ice cream and kisses. /: do you wanna talk? about nadia? i know that she like, meant something to you

blue

ok good luck getting me to stop talkin to u but as for valentine? bye Felecia! is that right. hmm well he doesn’t seem like much is goin on so maybe they were just,, hanging out. bringing a bag over is pretty damning tho. and if he does come over and u see him tell that bih he owes me $ bc he ate my fucking chorizo salad ): r u proud lib?? I ate a salad by choice well I would have if Holden wasn’t a lil birch bitch DONT CENSOR ME fuck. im sorry. ): i actually wanted to see june today tbh. but if u need anyone pls let me know alright? id skip practice if u needed me, lib WELL. i mean ok i was sorta close with her in middle school and she’s always been a friend and I just. I’m just fucking numb tbh. I really can’t believe it

libby

i'll have you know that valentine died shortly after my 18th birthday so ): idk idk, why would they hang out in her room if they were "hanging out"? like they have history. i feel like thats, a little too ... suspicious given the context. in a good way though. like i hope it works out theyre both so miserable without each other. oh my god!! look at you go! so proud of you, dude! ( even if you never got to it lmao ) no, no, it's okay. june needs all the support she can get, and i don't wanna impede. i'm really fine, i just sort of need to accept it and i guess reflect on how terrible it is. she was a really sweet person and fuck i really cant believe any of it i guess

blue

fuck what kdjdjdnd I thought valentine just yeeted shit that’s not a good way to put it fuck but. im sorry lib ): ok I take it back Valentine was alright. still scared the fuck out of me tho all i know is that if i loved someone as much as holden loves june, i wouldn’t let you go **THEM fuck Damn phone Typos Djdjhdi can’t believe u make me eat green stuff its truly CRUEL whomst? I only know nadia just didn’t fucking deserve any of this. shit even daisey didn’t. i just want to protect everyone and i don’t know HOW it goes without saying that im happy to be ur uber driver for the indefinite future

libby

no omg, i took good care of my boy. idk what happened, they can live up to like 15 years so i was pretty bummed tbh. i was a bad mom he appreciates your support from the grave though i mean, i guess. but not everyone you love is going to love you back, i think that's where holden's at. not everyone wants to be clung to, and june seems reluctant besides, you know all about that. holden, the love of your life, loves june. how sad it's good for you!!! i'm helping i ... feel so badly for both of them. i can't imagine how their families must be feeling, fuck. i hate this. i'm moving to spain ah, dude you don't have to do all that. you probably are busy with practice, and holden, and work. thank you tho

blue

im sure ur a great mother. ): but still valentine was lucky to have u. and im sure he misses u in his weird spider heaven web of flies and whatever it is spiders like idk ill dm peter parker and find out i mean... guess that’s true. I suppose I dont get to see how june feels most of the time. i just wish they’d talk about it and sort it out at least. they both deserve to be happy holden is the loml that is true aksjjsjd. holden has enough room for both me and june in his heart. so i mean technically i can love someone else too?? but enough about that lmfao you definitely are helping. even coach has noticed dkdjd. making me better without even trying u can’t move without me who’s gonna get me free popcorn ): you’re just as important as practise and holden to me, lib.

libby

god, i miss him. you think the girls would be mad if i bought another one? like, to keep in my room.  i know! they're both obviously still in love, you can tell. i can't wait for them to overcome this and get to be together. also, im grateful for the amount of sleep i'm able to get now that... the room next to mine is less loud welp, i hope you find someone who is willing to share you with holden lol oMG, REALLY? IDK WHY THAT MADE ME IRRATIONALLY HAPPY LOL. WE CAN GET SALAD LATER let's go, we'll go to spain and take on a new identity. we can live along the coast and work in a bakery or something. get a puppy don't show holden that text he might cry. but dsjflk thank you, you're very important to me too. kinda my best pal

blue

u would have to ask. but if you did get another what would u call it? thanksgiving? funnily enough valentine is only a few weeks away. a sign?? i mean fuck ive known holden for years and can confirm he is happiest when he’s with june. when she’s not roasting him at least lmfao. and if my MasterPlan works im afraid things will get bad again djdjdj. I can take one for the team and try to get them to come over here tho - u don’t need to deal with that shit i hope i do too tbh. and who would I want it to be u ask? that’s right. danny devito. LETS NOT GET TOO CRAZY IVE ALREADY HAD THREE VEGETABLES THIS WERK AND ITS ONLY TUESDAY. I think it’s popcorn time 8) bold of u to assume i know where Spain is dkdjdjdjdj well he’s gonna catch on soon enough we spend every day together at this point lol

libby

i was gonna name this one patrick, after st patricks day actually lol. yes you know what's also approaching that is more important? your birthday! i know, it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure that out. he's v much a relationship kinda dude, actually bc he's also kinda slutty lol. but even june is sad and its just, SO HARD. i hate when people are clearly, happiest together are like, nO IM GOING TO PROLONG THE MISERY. i feel like we're in a rom-com. how do we get them back together? i'll let him know. my v-day gift from me to you oooo, should i get the skittles ready too then? popcorn is kinda of a veggie if you think abt it omg, okay well now you can't come with me. offer rescinded. im going with the hot cop lslsfkjdjkldfs i mean its not like we're doing anything weird, so its okay, right?

blue

ur so cute wtf. although if u did do this i hope u know im calling him patrick star. also how the fuck do u tell if its a female or a male spider theyre so small and gross. fuck it is too lol. i dont have any money so im gonna let ppl down on the party front lmao. ud still come tho, right? how can he be both slutty and relationshippy. like not to be weird bc i know hes ur cousin and all dkfjgg but he doesnt.. have people over anymore. unless hes someone learned not to stomp around the house WHICH I DONT BELIEVE. and ha hA im already on plan 384 to get them back together get on my level lmao.  we just gotta force them to spend time together tbh. does that mean i have to give u the hot cop for valentines bc i mean. i would if that's what u wanted but im sure u can do much better than him OH FUCK UR RIGHT OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN A LIE TO CONVERT ME TO VEGGIES HASNT IT r u breaking up with me? well fine, ill take the dog ): it's... it's not weird unless we make it weird. and we haven't. have we?

libby

fdsjfjdsl shhhhh, back at you. Patrick Star will be his full name, i promise you this much. as for gender idfk, i am honestly assuming its pronouns lol. i'd be sued by the LGBT community if they knew. also dude, of course. i'll make you cupcakes. plus i know what i wanna buy you! i  can't wait dude what? really?? i thought he was seeing people this whole time, holy shit. dude he's really messed up over this huh? wow, okay, we need to kick this into high gear and have them get back together. tell me your plans. omg, no you clown. i don't even like him that much, he's just pretty. i do like... some personality and he has 0 GOD MY PLAN HAS BEEN FOILED. I CANT BELIEVE IT like i'd ever let you take the dog. she's mine sdfjlkdsfjlk iDK DUDE. I MAY HAVE MADE IT WEIRD BUT WE'RE BAD AT TALKING ABT STUFF, SO WE DONT HAVE TO LOL.

blue

do spiders even have gender i thought they were just the minions of evil lmfao lib u rly dont have to get me anything, really. altho now im curious tbh. but get ready for me to get a lit gift in june >:) ill even wrap it myself which says a lot bc i cant wrap for shit but i want it to be personal lmao not many that im aware of atm. will give u info is this changes. huh we r spies lib. >:) but i dont have any current plans except trying to force them to go in a photo booth together or something when we eventually go to the arcade djsjdh omg how did u know. but idk everyone speaks about him like hes gOD he’s just a dude. eyebrows on fleek tho I will say that IM SO HURT UD USE ME LIKE THIS LIB. ALL THIS TIME WE WERE GETTING CLOSE AND U WERE ONLY HERE FOR THE VEGGIES so u get Spain AND the dog. what do I get, sadness ???? you haven’t made it weird lib, i promise. not to me, anyway. maybe we both wanted the same thing. maybe. oR MAYBE NOT LMFAO but yeah we can talk about whatever lol

libby

don't talk about nate like that omg! i want to, plus its a surprise so no asking what it is. also wow i cant believe you remember my birthday, lol. you dont have to get me anything. you can buy me an ice cream though oh my gOD THAT'S BRILLIANT! aw, what if they take one of those cute kiss pictures in the photobooth like in the movies? i can't wait for them to love each other again, they're so cute. are you jealous that no one is talking about your eyebrows? you have nice eyebrows and nothing to be jealous abt GOD, IM SO SORRY. ROY HIRED ME. HE WAS WORRIED ABT YOUR HEALTH. IM SORRY YOU HAD TO FIND OUT THIS WAY. I THOUGHT YOU NEVER WOULD /: you get the memory of what we were to keep you warm right, cool. noted

blue

why do u talk about the string bean all the time i know u grew up with him but seriously he's like a pale pipe cleaner that i dont need in my life ofc i remeber ur birthday lib. dont u remember ur 10th?? probably the best day of my life lmao. and if u get me something i get u something thats how this works as long as june doesnt say anything mean and holden say anything stupid, its a pretty solid plan tbh. im not jealous HOW DARE ROY PLAY ME LIKE THIS. cant believe u betrayed me lib, after all we've been through ;-; but what if i want something to sell off now that u took the house oh fuck lib i didn't mean it like that. just... pretend i said nothing ok and. yeah talk about something else

libby

hey sorry, i gotta go. talk tomorrow.

blue

oh is everything ok? but alright talk tomorrow then i guess bye lib

libby

night

blue

its 6pm lib but okay night

blue

lib if i did something u dont have to tell me but pls know i didnt mean it, whatever it was. i hope youre okay. but i wont bother u again i promise. just. yeah

libby

it's okay, dude. i'm fine. it's honestly my own fault, it's not you. you're always great. i'm sorry. it's fine

blue

i dont understand what ur talking about but i can tell u dont want to so ill just... leave this. but you're always great too lib. the greatest, in fact. just let me know if ur still coming to the arcade later or not yeah

libby

i guess i'll go. i like pacman.

blue

if u... if u change ur mind i understand. but i really hope u can make it.

[theres-no-paradise]

Sorry not Sorry

Chapter 8  Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5  Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 9 

Summary: A random number wakes you up early on a Saturday morning. But it doesn't stop there. The stranger keeps on sending messages, and you have no idea what is happening, when you start to develop feelings for the unknown person.

Pairings: Tom Holland  x Reader [submit your name: How it works]

Y/N your Name

Y/F  your friends name

Word Count:  1932

Warnings: There will be swearing for sure, lots of sarcasm

A/N: Chapter 8 is done! A little late, sorry for that, but I hope you like it. We are slowly working our way towards the main plot, so stay tuned on the upcoming chapters. Feel free to let me know what you think, too! Im so Happy about all the feedback I get. It really helps me to stay motivated and write for you :)

It was a day after the Incident in the pub and you were laying in bed and staring at the ceiling for what felt like an eternity. Your phone was on the nightstand next you, silent since the last message from the night before. The only sound in your home were loudspeakers, playing some music from your Spotify playlist.

‘Things will happen while they can, I will wait here for my man tonight. It's easy when you're big in Japaaaan. Oh, when you're big in Japan, tonight Big in Japaaaan, be tight. Big in Japan, ooh the eastern sea's so blueee’, you sang along and tried to not think about your embarrassing encounter with Tom. Afternoon was slowly creeping by and you didn't do anything all day until your phone buzzed for the first time that day and you turned over to grab it from the stand.

The Spiderman: I’m leaving in two days to Montreal. Wanna meet up properly this time?

You immediately sat up straight in your bed, staring at the message that came from Tom. You giggled a little at the new Nickname in your contacts. The whole situation seemed to be unreal, you still couldn't imagine that the Tom Holland was the person who messaged you by accident. And yet here you were, reading a message from him once again.

You: I swear, I’m living in a fanfic or something …

The Spiderman: ?

You: Nevermind lol . Yes, I’d like to meet. Any idea what to do?

The Spiderman: Do you like dogs?

You: Positive.

The Spiderman: Fancy a walk in the park with me and Tess?

You jumped out of your bed and ran over to your wardrobe to get some clothes, at the same time you typed in your response. A walk in the park sounded just great for a sunny afternoon date. Meet? Just a walk? What were you supposed to call this? You were unsure if this counted as a date or not so you just shoved that thought into the darkest corner of your mind and chose some casual clothes. Jeans and a simple T-Shirt would do for a walk in the park.

You: Sure! Where and when?

The Spiderman: Richmond Park. And whenever you’re free

You: I’ll get ready and let you know when I’m about to get on the train.

You showered, dressed up and put some decent make up on your face before you rushed out of your apartment. Usually it took you a little longer to get ready but this time you didn't want to waste any time. What was happening with you?

The Spiderman: Alright. Ill pick you up from the Station.

You: Omw. See you!

The Spiderman: in a bit! X

The time on the train passed by quickly and you arrived in no time at the station, that was closest to the Park. You’ve been here before, so this area was familiar to you as you got out of the train to meet Tom, you remembered the buildings and surroundings.

“You look nice”, was the first thing, Tom said and immediately you felt your ears turn red and warm. You hoped for your cheeks to stay pale.

“Thank you. Even though I’m not wearing anything special”, you laughed, a little nervous.

“But you still look nice.”

“Thank you Mr. handsome”, another giggle escaped your lips as you approached the pair. You embraced Tom in a hug, before turning all your attention to the dog, that was sitting well behaved next to him. “And who are you?” you asked even though you knew Tessa already from Photos on the internet. You stroked her chin and head before getting up again. “That’s my dog, Tess”, Tom answered and you smiled, giving the dog one last pat on the head. “She’s gorgeous. Take good care of her or she might be gone later”, you joked, smiling wide. “You think someone could steal her?”, Tom wondered and motioned you to follow him out of the building. “Oh absolutely”, you grinned, winking at him. ‘It’s easier than I expected’, you thought to yourself as you walked next to the guy you’ve been talking to for the past few weeks. After the incident in the Pub, you were over thinking so much about your behaviour earlier. That you weren't even capable to say a proper word. You believed, that meeting him again would be so awkward after the first encounter but you were glad, that it wasn't as you expected it to be.

“Wanna hold her?”, Tom’s words threw you out of your train of thoughts and you stared at the leash for a second before realizing what he was saying. “Sure”, you answered while taking Tessa’s leash, holding onto it tightly so you wouldn't lose it because of your clumsiness. “So, how was your day?” Tom asked casually, as you walked in the direction of Richmond Park.  

“It was good. Silent and nice and yours?” you didn't tell him the part where you stressed yourself out because he asked you to meet. You tried to play it off cool.

“I had a few interviews this morning, so I’m a little tired”, he admitted, with a small smile on his lips.

“You should rest. You’ll be busy again once you're back at work”, “But that’d mean I’d miss some quality time with a certain girl”, his laugh made you look up to him with a questioning look on your face.  

“Oh you can just hang out with your dog all day at home?”, you joked, totally getting his saying.

“You're a dork”

“Naaah, I got your intention”, winking at him you walked a little faster so that you could reach the park and let Tessa run. “But I just don't like to play hah”, you added.

“No games here any way!”  

You both walked through the park, enjoying the summer sun on your skin. You let Tess run around freely, make her get the sticks you threw or play fetch with her ball. Tom was looking at you many times in silence, you felt it but you didn't say anything. The silence between you two was nice and not awkward at all and you enjoyed the attention you got from him, even if it was him staring at you.

“Would you have ever imagined us to actually meet?”, the brunette asked after a while as you decided to walk back slowly.

“To be honest, no.”

“Why?” “I don't know. I think I was scared? If you would've asked to meet before we saw each other in the pub, I would have declined”, you admitted.

“Hmm”

“I didn't know what to expect. Sure it somehow excited me because I actually enjoyed your texts.”

“Oh, you did? I knew it!”, Tom laughed and you joined in.

“Sure I still do. But whenever I tried to imagine our first meet, I couldn't”

“I understand. It's hard to think of someone when you haven't even seen their face before.”

“Exactly, but now I'm kinda glad we met.” your words weren't louder than a whisper but Tom seemed to understand everything without a problem. “So am I!”

You kept strolling through the park, talking about everything that came up to your mind. Tom asked you about your job and what you did in your free time, except for texting him. And you asked him the same. Especially about the past weeks as he was traveling the world. He told you about all the places he went to and you were in awe. You liked the glimmer in his eyes as he talked about traveling to all the places he hasn't been before. “Are you excited for Montreal?” “Oh absolutely. It’s gonna be busy with all the work there but I'm looking forward to it” he was genuinely excited, you could tell and suddenly there was a weird feeling in your chest. As something was stinging you.

“I'm a little jealous, I admit”, you said, laughing a little.

“Oh, I’ll bring you something or sent you a card if you want!” Tom suggested and you shrugged.

“No, you're busy enough. You don't need to get me anything” ‘please do bring me something’, you thought to yourself.

“I’ll do it anyway. No discussion” ‘Yes!’

You were slowly approaching the Neighbourhood with the train station just around the corner and it made you a little sad that the day was about to come to an end. “Wanna stay for dinner?”

“I’d love too but I don't want to-” you couldn't finish your sentence which was pretty much about bothering him more. Tom must’ve felt this because immediately he said: “Okay, come on, we’re getting Dinner at mine!”

“I hate you so much.”

“I know.” You both laughed once again. As you did many times this day.

There was tons of Chinese takeaway spread out over the small table in the living room. You sat on the brown sofa, legs crossed and a box with rice and chicken on your lap as you watched Sons of Anarchy on Tom’s big, old TV. When will he get a new one anyway? This model seemed to be from the early 00’s.

“I enjoyed today a lot. Thanks for inviting me over.”, you mumbled shyly, after finishing your food.

“It was my pleasure. We should hangout again sometime” Tom suggested as he stuffed some more noodles into his mouth. You smiled softly and nodded: “Id actually like that a lot, Tom.”

“Good, maybe I can make some room tomorrow?”, he wondered and you felt your cheeks warming up the probably hundreds time this day. But last minute you remembered, that you were  and not able to hang out.

“I'm afraid I'm busy. Can't miss my meetings”, you shrugged. You would’ve loved to hang out with him, but work was calling for you and you couldn't just call in sick because of some random guy. Okay, Tom wasn't random at all but still, calling in sick just for him to meet up with you wouldnt work.  

“What a shame.”

“Just give me a call once you're back in town and I make sure to make time”

“Sounds like a deal”

After you boarded the train, you sat on a free place next to the window, as it started to move towards your destination. You recalled the past hour and felt the heat overcome your body once again, as your mind wandered off to the brown eyes that stared at you for the millionth time that day. You remembered how Tom’s arm felt behind you, as he rested it on the back of his sofa. His fingers slightly touching your shoulder as you scooped up a little closer to him, trying to not make it too obvious that you enjoyed his little touches. There wasn’t much interaction between the two of you while watching Tom’s favourite TV show, which you learned that night. It was just the two of you, enjoying a Series and being close to each other. It wasn’t awkward or weird in any way, just nice and comfortable over all. Deep down you wished, that he would’ve made a bigger move and one thing could’ve led to another but that would either mean you’d become friends with benefits, which you obviously didn’t want, or just a one time fling and he’d be gone forever because you couldn’t look him in the eyes once again. You liked the slow pace, you both unconsciously decided to have with the whole ‘getting to know’ scenario and you wouldn’t want to have it any other way. But there was one thing worrying you: The Distance.  

Taglist:  @hollandorks  @beardedsteveslut @ilivefortomholland @casualprincess77 @agirlwithpointlessideas @isabellamozarella03 @MENDES-HOLLAND @thiswildfire @wastedheartnat @hollandbaby @moonofmy-life @smileylaurens @random-fandom-lady @heartoftheadventure @blackazkaban @augurydemon @homecomjng @punkass-potato @unfoldingdaydreams @thefriendlyneighborhoodspidey @rivedale @tiffanypooh

[thattaekwondoblog]

My Martial Arts Story (TKD)

2020.04.26

today i miss my dojang extra... i woke up from a dream where i was supposed to spar but didnt have my dobok?? and one of my instructors handed me a.. dobok skirt?? and i was like? and he was like yeah u right this isnt gonna work sdbsmdfjsdd i dont really ever have tkd dreams (i think bc i usually am always doing tkd) but since i stopped for a bit the dreams are coming out. it made me miss sparring so much :( so below i wanted to talk about my tkd story in more detail. Enjoy!

i've actually always been a martial arts nerd, but moved around/focused on studying too much to commit to one until recently. I was talking to my mom the other day and neither of us can really remember what got me into it. I just remember wanting to be able to defend myself and be/feel strong from a very young age, and i knew martial arts was a way to do that. As a girl I also received a lot of messages that my gender was ‘weak’ and needed ‘protection’, which i really didnt like (it made me hate being a girl for some time). This is why i wanted to try martial arts. I discovered taekwondo when I was around 10 years old at a small dojang in my hometown. I loved the school & the master, who I remember always had a bamboo stick he would play around with when the kids started being rowdy (he never hit anyone, it was just his way to say ‘dont fck with me’ haha). but had to stop going after yellow belt because i was the oldest out of all the kids and i tried to go to adult classes for a while but i remember not liking it because it was ‘too slow’ for me and my mom couldnt drive me to late night classes. I was swimming a lot at the time too (fun fact i almost competed in synchronized swimming as a kid but had to stop due to illness (am totally fine now and it wasnt bad dont worry)). 

I didn’t do any martial arts in middle school, and only had brief encounters when i started high school. I dabbled in kick boxing (which i still love) through an intense week long training while i was on holiday with family, and then did a bit of karate, for which sadly i had not such a great experience with the instructor which made me distance myself from the sport. The instructor brought up a heavy personal life event during class and i broke down (what did she expect i was like 15 and that event was really hard). When my mom picked me up, she shook her head to her and said ‘girls...’ in a very demeaning way, as if me crying because she re-awoke trauma was a result of ‘feminine weakness.’ i have not forgiven that person for that comment yet. she shouldn’t be a teacher if she treats students like that in my opinion. High school was very competitive and intense so i focused on studying and didnt really do sports then.

In college I really want to do more martial arts, but the lack of proper clubs or instructors made it difficult. I then went to study abroad in seoul and thought to myself if i dont try tkd again in the literal birthplace of the sport what am i doing with my life. i had good experiences with classes at uni; the two masters i had had very different personalities (one was very outspoken and funny while the other.. you could FEEL the power of tkd when he touched your arm slightly to place it correctly sdhfskdj he was very nice though). I had to stop because i was focusing on my academic projects though. 

i then graduated and moved to the city, where finally there were plenty of martial arts opportunities! the first thing i did after moving to the city, even before moving into my apartment, was to visit my current dojang. i audited a class and in my head was like ’oh my god i MUST join them right now give me a dobok let’s GO’. I signed up for classes that day. The dojang master (my dad. my father, the love of my life (in the most platonic way)) was a seoulite (we bonded over that) and realized I hadn’t started my job yet so he gave me a discount, which i felt incredibly surprised by and grateful for. I started lessons the next day. at my dojang beginners usually get 3 private classes at the beginning to get the basics down before joining the group. after my first, the instructor said that i was probably ready to go with the group if i felt comfortable doing so bc i already had basics. i went every day until i moved into my apartment, when i had a mental and physical breakdown and got really sick for a week (like.. i dont remember feeling this weak and sick my entire life). 

But thankfully i got better and pushed myself to go to dojang again. and it was hard. it was the summer and i hadnt used my body really in years, if ever at that level of practice. three times a week as Difficult for me, physically. i remember being frustrated that my ego wasnt satisfied haha (i thought i remembered a lot more than i did). but i loved the instructors a ton and practice was a great safe space/stress relief for the other sht that was going on my my life. I do remember that i was ready to graduate from white belt and start feeling better about my moves by the end of that summer (i was pretty frustrated that i couldnt do higher level moves, though mostly at myself). 

i finally got yellow stripe and tkd things went uphill from then. i got to know ppl at my dojang better, started to go to practice more progressively. I got my yellow belt and decided then that i wanted tkd to always be in my life as much as possible. I started going to practice every day or almost every day. my tkd friendships were developing, there were small disagreements too but overall i fell more and more in love with my instructors, the dojang master (again, my dad) and the sport. we laughed so much, sweat so much, lived well.

after green stripe, my self consciousness during practice spiked a bit more than usual. this is probs bc my life outside of tkd was stressful and i was looking at my friend fellow tkd members who were higher level more. i wasnt jealous of them, far from it, i just felt small compared to what they were able to achieve and felt bad that the instructor had to stop to explain the technique to me Again. in case it wasn’t clear, i am no prodigy; i learn slowly and with long consistent practice. the two disagreements i had with my closest member friends (two separate very different reasons; we kept things civil on both sides but having to deal with that was a new experience for me so i wasnt great at it haha) didnt help my anxiety shut up during practice. i still kept at it. in january my school has an attendance challenge where you win prizes if you go every day or more than 20 days out of the month. I almost made it, but got really physically tired & kinda sick 3 days before then end of jan and had to miss one session. i was also mentally drained by life stuff so i decided to prioritize grad school applications and did less tkd in february. but that experience of going every damn day was so fun; i realized I needed to do this so much more. if there was a tkd seminar where they send you off somewhere to to tkd for like 3 months i would be down. that is when i realized my love for the sport, and the significant changes in my body that had been occurring over the past months really revealed themselves. i hear you thinking there’s no way i could fall more in love with my instructors but guess what... spending every day with them really made the love Explode dudes. In jan and fed i also really started loving sparring, even though im not great at it. 

and then... march came. i got lucky to have been able to celebrate my birthday a few days before they decided to close my state down. at first i was still able to go to my dojang with smaller classes and different format of classes that respected health guidelines, but eventually everything was moved online. during that week of limited classes, i got to hang out with friend members and instructors for what would be, unbeknownst to me, one of the last times. one night after (6 feet no contact) starring, me, 2 friend members who also went very frequently and an instructor had a beer on the mats just talking and chilling. we said that we would do it again the week after. and then the state decided to shut down small businesses. i was helping the dojang transfer their classes to an online format with another student for a week (we two were the members with the highest attendance in the recent times), but then the instructors decided they should not let students come in anymore. 

i was angry, i was sad, i was devastated. it was the sound solution to take and all these closings are essential and needed for public health safety, but emotionally i was not ready to let go of the dojang. i was angry at the circumstances for taking away the one thing that i truly loved and kept me going all those months of less than ideal job situation and lost of existential questions. the dojang had been my challenge, my rock, my family. i was especially angry because i had to mourn the loss of it a lot earlier than i wanted; i was already supposed to leave in june of this year. the closer june came the more teary eyed i got when i thought of leaving the dojang, but after the news i had to stop going now... i broke down. i cried so hard and loudly, alone in my room. i realize now it was the first time in my life that i cried because of love. pure, unaltered love. i thought to myself ‘how lucky is it that i felt this amount of love for something and some people’. ive moved a lot in my life but rarely felt sad when leaving a place; i often had made my goodbyes and knew it was just time to go. there were few or no things keeping me back, or i knew i would find those things somewhere else. it was also the first time i had let myself fall in love with something and people only for me. i love studying and learning for example, but when i started doing it it was mostly to make my mom and family happy, not for me. i didn’t feel like i had had a passion that i completely gave in into, a truly ‘me’ thing no one asked me or expected me to do but i just did not to have a better resume or be perceived better by society. until tkd.

now, i am still following online classes but mostly have my own training routine because it’s still hard to deal with the emotional stuff; i dont really do to live classes cause it hurts. it probably sounds strange but ive already done the emotional work of distancing myself to make the leaving less difficult. i also didnt really like the the idea of practicing in my room in front of the camera. seeing the other students on zoom would also make me feel v sad. im slowly getting out of that state of mind though and might start taking online classes again in a bit when i can’t do my regular training routine. im not sure when things will go back to normal but before i leave i will definitely send them gifts and goodbye messages, probably by mail. but yeah as of now i mostly follow my dojang’s videos, do my practice routine, and scroll through tkd tricking videos on instagram to keep motivated.

it’s kind of a sad note to end on but my tkd story does not end here. wherever im headed next I will find another dojang where i will continue to practice. i can only hope it is half as good as the family i found here. and of course now I have this blog! and will continue nerding out about kicking endlessly hahaha.

thanks for reading if you made it this far! you can ask me questions if you’d like! also tell me your tkd story!! its so cool to hear how life lead people to kicking.

[magicalgirlpropaganda]

Srry very emotional because ive been working a lot and i dont think im taking care of myself like i should be. Im alright, but i have a heavy workload so im working a lot. And im alright with that and im very proud of myself because i have A's in all my classes but I need to rest. I like to cram all my work into a few days so i have a few days to just rest and perhaps some light studying or planning for next week. But mostly rest. So i have a longer weekend (i get fridays off) but a much busier week. All i have is mostly art projects to do and study for a quiz tomorrow (it's on Friday. I usually dont work then because its an online class so i just get it done in one day but for Quizzes they are due Friday. )

I like working the way i am and its a good schedule but im exhausted now. And my friends are also busy so we occasionally meet but not as much as the first week or so. And so i kinda miss them. We meet for dinner sometimes but i have a friend whose actually way busier and i don't understand how she finishes all of her work. She's so busy and tired and i just miss her a lot... And im just thinking back to middle school and stuff and i rlly miss my friends because im lonely and exhausted. Ill get used to it though. Im not being overworked, i just choose to work at a fast pace because thats what works for me due to adhd and anxiety. Its exhausting but its going well.

Anyways im going off on a tangent. Im gonna finish up some homework and start on my two art projects. My art classes are my favorite so while I'd rather be doing something other than working, i don't mind doing work for my art classes. I also should study history for my quiz but i will probably do that after I rest.

Idk i have had a few friends on discord and stuff worried but im alright. Same amount of work as everyone else is, maybe even less than some. But i just work differently. I just need to learn to pace myself a little more than i am so i can take care of myself. Aaaaaaaaaaa

Kind of a nonsensical rant thats all over the place. Im rlly exhausted and emotional and hungry and i should probably sleep because ive been working a lot and i forgot to take my medicine and im rlly emotional.

(Tw islamaphobia, sexual harassment, religious discriminatio , venting about trauma)

Honestly other than the bullying and waking up early, i didnt rlly mind high school. I hated it and it was genuinely rlly fucking awful but that was because people didn't treat me well and i had to wake up early and i was struggling in classes. Like if people were nice to me and i could wake up just a bit later, i would have had the high school experience that people have in movies. Like i would've had such a good experience. Because hard assignments suck ass but i genuinely do enjoy that sort of stuff. Now i dont appreciate how in college i have tons of work and i work for hours a day in my dorm to get it done, but i genuinely enjoy going to a lot of my classes and look forward to them because like. Humans like learning. Humans dont like school but they like learning. Idk like i just enjoy college because its rlly hard but the people here treat me like a person. They're like "you're an adult. You have to treat me with respect, but you're an adult". And like. Yeah, i think if teachers treated students in high school and below as people it would be better. Like not like an equal because there's a power dynamic, but just with basic human respect (Megumi Sakura from School Live being my comfort character bcs of that) And there were tons of teachers in high school who did that (I miss my german teacher so much, at the graduation walkthrough i saw her and like i almost cried I MISS U SO MUCH 😭) but like i think all teachers should try to be like that.

And also some ppl might dislike it because high school is fucking hard (for me i did okay but i struggled in some classes but i know plenty of ppl who struggled much more than me) and i wish teachers were more understanding and knew that they weren't just troubled kids who wanted to be bad to look cool. Most of them genuinely try so hard and whenever i see a kid struggle with school, it breaks my heart because i struggled so much in middle school and i know that its so damaging and you feel so stupid. But those kids aren't stupid, they're really smart most of the time. And sometimes they even understand the work but just have trouble because of a bad home life, bad mental health, bullying, heavy workload, or other factors in general. I knew a person who was my friend (they were kind of a bully to me and others and that was wrong... But he was a kid and i hope he can get more mature. I do not forgive him for what he did to me and everyone else but he was my friend and he was just a kid and i hope he's in a better place now, even if he was toxic and a bully. He probably learned his lesson by now and i just hope he's happy.) He was struggling in math and i think he got held back and hasnt graduated yet because of it. But he worked so hard every day and had a job and took care of his siblings and was always tired. And he worked harder than almost anyone i know so i dont like ppl calling kids who struggle "lazy" because they're not.

I struggled in middle school because i understood the concepts but i had a lot of missing assignments due to bad mental health and bullying. And i genuinely am a big nerd and i loved science but in my first year science class, a group of juniors/seniors catcalled me, sexually harassed me, discriminated against me due to my religion (i was an athiest back then. Not saying athiests are oppressed, but i was bullied for it because i lived in the bible belt and everyone was Christian. But i got bullied for being an athiest, who are widely accepted in America for the most part. And like. Off topic but i had a friend who was muslim and in 7th grade i hung out. In 8th grade i was excited to see her again but i heard she moved. Then after that, i heard ppl calling her a terrorist and saying that they're glad she went back to her country. And i think i got in trouble a few times for yelling at them but i miss her so much. She moved away... I think it may have been because she was bullied so much. And i try to be accepting to everyone but i really fucking hate everyone at my middle school/high school who was like that because they were mean to everyone who wasnt like them. And i miss her so much and i dont know what happened to her and im so mad that those kids were mean to her. I just wanna see her again and know that shes better because she was my friend when almost nobody else would be and she was there for me when i was going through a tough time. If it wasnt for that small group of friends i had, i wouldn't have gotten through middle school. High school was way better but it still sucked and idk. I know its off topic but i want to know that she's alright ig.)

[pinksausageduo]

Hey I noticed you have been kinda inactive recently and I was just wondering if you're okay :) the site seems a little empty without my fav writer - notif anon

AHHH HEYYY NOTIF ANON IM SO SORRY FOR NOT BEING ON and yes i’ve been very inactive haven’t answered any of my mutuals in like a week or two  (sorry i still love you all). i’ll be honest i’m not that great SCHOOLS BEEN SO HECTIC cause I’m back at school i was on holidays before, i just had my pool party yesterday organising that was a pain the ass, i also had a dance recital which has been months of preparation a few days ago and just generally having a really busy social life, lots of parties, catching up and also a lot of personal issues like mental health has be a problem lately. and i also have felt sooo lonely and no inspiration to write which is why i haven’t written anything. and like i don’t blame my mutuals or anything and i love them to bits but like i just wish a few of them would be like oh you haven’t been on are you okay? like that tumblr kinda missed me? you and another anon have been the only one that asked lmao because i’m the one that nearly always starts the conversations w most of my mutuals and it’d be nice if some people showed they cared like some people did ask how was i and that was so nice of them but i wish someone noticed i was gone?? but i still love them and maybe I’m being just really selfish i probably am. wow you just had to deal with a ton of emotional shit I AM SORRY 

ALSO IM LIKE COMING BACK SOON IN LIKE A FEW DAYS AND THE FIRST FIC THATS GONNA BE UP IS 

a jaehwan enemies to lovers then a sungwoon enemies to lovers then 

another thing which is I’m nearly to 1k which is ridiculous since I’ve had this blog for like 2 months and a half?? and I’ve been inactive for like 1 month and a half? WHOOPS so I’m gonna be doing a recommendation of like my mutuals and favourite blogs (like basically everyone I’m following) but on top of that ill be giving in a few choices for my next series and set up a poll for you guys to choose 

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Indie

Rio: Have you seen the paper yet? Indie: ive heard Indie: word be around Rio: 4 years, really weren't fucking around this time Rio: you alright? Indie: it aint 14 least 🍀 him Indie: im good ✌✌ Rio: True, still Rio: Longest he's ever been away, isn't it Indie: yeah Indie: most chief he been tho Rio: Also true Rio: They even gonna trust him to deal on the inside at this point, like Indie: nah hes proper owned himself w this Indie: 💔💔💔💔 like Rio: Shame, could easy get up to the lucky 14 when he was caught, they hate that shit Rio: Well, least we know now Rio: Ma's already talking to the relevant people, making sure they know you're officially staying with us like so no one need come sniffing 'round now your 'caregiver' is away Rio: Laughable Indie: it aint no thing 4's nuff to be all grown Indie: safe Rio: Yeah but you ain't yet babe, you know how it is Indie: to the feds but how you said imma be covered its chill Rio: It will be Rio: You know we've got you Rio: D'ya want some time off School, 'cos I can so ask Rio: they don't need to know we'll just be chilling and not 💔 Indie: i aint tryna dash that idea bitch Indie: what kinda tourist is i Rio: Yeah, I didn't reckon so 😏 Rio: I'm out shopping rn so I'll get your faves in Indie: 💖💖💖💖 Rio: I love you bitch Indie: innit tho Indie: cant swerve me now youre wifed fr Rio: Never Rio: Anyway he's busy 'til end of June so party at ours fr Indie: wen daddys away 😏😏😏😂😂😂 Indie: u gon b 💔💔💔💔 over thats how you need me off school mama i 👀 you Rio: Exactly 😉 Rio: Cheek! Rio: I'm so concerned, how dare Indie: i aint kno how you b letting him back in dem posho ends looking that 🔥🔥🔥👑👑 is what im chattin Indie: he be even more peng since you 💍 that Rio: It's the tan Rio: Don't reckon he'll have much time to be cheating, babe, we good Rio: Daddy not going nowhere Indie: & the ink 😍😍😍😍😍 Indie: only on his exams 🤞🤞 boy gotta hit dem high grades Rio: 😂 Cool it bitch Rio: where's the love for my ink? Indie: ive seen yours long Indie: blind to it bitch 😂😂😂 Indie: nah but he virgin so u kno Indie: poppin his 🍒😏😏 Rio: Okay I'll give you that 😋 Rio: I make good choices Indie: he gon bring me a daddy downgrade posh boy back from london or nah? Indie: cos bout it Rio: Probably breaks some kind of trafficking law, babe Rio: and the monkey was cuter Indie: that 🐒 aint gonna 💸💸💸 me no ferrari tho Rio: Maybe Rio: take it down beach and charge people for pics Indie: you savage 😂😂👑 boss moves Indie: 👌👌👌👌 Rio: Gotta think big picture always baby 💖 Indie: tru 💎💎💎 Rio: I'll let you drive it 'round farm later Rio: but I'll be putting mattresses on every tree like Indie: serious? Rio: Yeah Rio: Don't be telling Buster and don't be tryna break the land speed record Indie: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Indie: OMF Indie: the lads are gon 💀💀💀💀 wen they been knew Rio: can take some pics for the flex on them, naturally Indie: this is so sick Rio: I know Rio: It's crazy Indie: wed never have believed this madness wen we was rollin in the 24 a few back Indie: dis how you livin girl Indie: 👑👑👑👑 Rio: I could never park that in the 24 Rio: Thank God these flats have got a garage Indie: innit tho Indie: your mans tryna get you merked w you just wed Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Rio: is it? Rio: get some insurance on me first, damn Rio: hardly worth it Indie: you worth more livin 💖💖💖😍😍 u kno Indie: he all bout dat brag too Rio: Aww Rio: So sweet 😂💘 Indie: fr Indie: gotta let me do my maid of honor tricks fore he dashes you or imma be vexed Indie: & gimme 👶👶👶👶s cos im hyped for all the youngers Indie: best big sister vibe innit Rio: 'Course Rio: I'll get to work asap, like Indie: ✌✌✌✌ Indie: u gon visit him or fr be here amp af til his schoolin done? Rio: Dunno, depends Rio: maybe for a weekend like but tryna let him concentrate and be here, like Indie: he not gonna concentrate if you aint there to ride him Indie: boys extra Rio: 😂 Rio: Oh babe, you saying the fate of his results lay in my 😻? Indie: 😏😏😏 u married him you aint need me to tell you how he do Rio: You funny Rio: I gotta be here though Indie: ?? Rio: For all y'all Indie: nah man Indie: days gone aint no drama Rio: Even if you good, Edie still ain't Rio: I should be about to help the 'rents out yeah Indie: if thats how you want it Indie: she been told? kno she aint reading no paper Rio: I think Dad messaged her but she never replies to them Indie: she get it from them least Indie: shit to hear it from the wasteman around Indie: heads @ school are loving chattin to me rn 🙄🙄🙄🙄🖕🖕 Rio: I know Rio: People are dicks Indie: so is drew Indie: gonna get chatted Rio: yeah, like you ain't been knew Indie: they aint care what i kno or say they just wanna talk what they wanna Indie: its bait Rio: yeah well you ain't gotta be 'round it now Rio: i got you a week off Indie: hectic Indie: you a real one like Rio: Literally the least I can do Indie: o that mean i can get more? 😂😂 Rio: I'm all about the hustle you know this Rio: depends on what you want tho Indie: imma think on Indie: make it good Rio: ✌ That's the attitude Indie: u kno Rio: Right, Imma get home and get cooking Rio: still wifey even if not in title Indie: 😍😍😍you soooooooo wifey 😍😍 Indie: mckenna best kno what he missin on Rio: No doubt Rio: who wouldn't miss all this? Indie: & he aint no tourist to it Indie: got this down u two Rio: Like to think so Rio: 😊 Indie: trust Rio: It is weird when he goes back to School Rio: how can you get married, legally, and still be in school, mad Indie: innit tho! i forget you aint proper 👵 &👴 Rio: 😂 Rio: imma have to start getting botox, like Rio: give me a complex Indie: naaaaah that aint how i mean Indie: u look 🔥🔥🔥🔥 but Indie: he got you domestic af Rio: Nuuh Rio: Ruuuuuude Indie: it cute Indie: jam ma Indie: 💘💘💘 feel the love 💘💘💘 Rio: Always be out here telling me I ain't a cool Ma 😜 Indie: roll w me now your mans away & we'll 👀 Rio: I'm 👏 letting 👏 you 👏 drive 👏 my 👏 new 👏 car Indie: aint mean you can hang in a party mood Indie: gotta keep up baby Rio: Bitch I taught you how to party Rio: The disrespect Indie: but when bitch Indie: it been long Indie: 👌👌👌👌 Rio: You gotta lay low-ish if I've jailbroke you but alright Rio: where we going Indie: cos im keepin on the dl ill put feelers out Indie: go further Rio: I can't drink though 😕 Rio: I'm on antibiotics rn 😒 Indie: is it? you can have drinks tho they just hit quicker Rio: Yeah, true Indie: ill keep you straight its all good Indie: trust Rio: 👍

[gulescamisade]

Virginia:  Day 10

DAVENFORTH: -Does this university have a gym? It better. Well, Dave is in there. Not that you can see him, there's a heavy punching bag taking quite the abuse. There's flurries of hits, but their source can't be seen.-

HIGHBLOOD: =Watching this. He's here. He's maybe always been here. Crunches nacho slowly, loudly.=

DAVENFORTH: -When the fuck did you even get here-

DAVENFORTH: -Flashes in and kicks the bag, sending it flying into a wall. He lands, huffing, sweating.-

QIRIN: =she comes in eventually, sitting quietly on a bench with her hands open in her lap, watching Sonic the Hedgehog beat up a gremlin.=

HIGHBLOOD: =hands Qirin cheesy nacho chips= :o)

DAVENFORTH: -He hasn't noticed the audience yet, walking over and hoisting the bag up, placing it back on its rack.-

QIRIN: =....thanks. She nods and takes it, not wishing to be the one to disrupt the silence.=

HIGHBLOOD: =loudly crunches chip again=

DAVENFORTH: -Looks up. Oh. He gives a sup nod-

HIGHBLOOD: you tirin already brother, shit just got good =eats more chips and nods at him=

QIRIN: =waves gently. hi, she read the news.=

DAVENFORTH: Nah just didnt realize i had an audience

DAVENFORTH: -Rolls his shoulders and goes back to punching the bag, normally this time. He's putting a lot of effort behind these swings, the impacts very audible in the gym-

-----------

ERIDAN: -Somewhere in the first floor of the university science department, a fish troll has made his headquarters. The door of a lab is thrown open while music plays, if it could be called music. It was muffled and the signal was terribe with static. It was obviously a radio hotwired to pick up whatever far off-planet station that dared to air all the way to Earth. A small sign of life in the otherwise gloomy dark school hallways.- 

ERIDAN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=And-yo5jwko

ROXANNE: -Obviously if she was going to tour around anywhere to distract herself from the stress and danger it would be the science building. It would be like a blast from the past. When Roxanne had still been in school she spent all her time in her campus science department or observatory (good place to study, really quiet.) She walks aimlessly around the empty halls of the first floor peeking in through a window or two until the sound of shitty music gains her attention and she follows it until she is looking in through the open door to the lab.- 

ROXANNE: Huh. -Looks like they were re-purposing rooms.-

ERIDAN: -Repurposing the rooms in a manner of speaking. The tables were lined with Eridan's "meager" collection of assault weapons. Everything ranging from harpoon guns to muskets, photon, and of course, the standard automatic was laid out on display.- 

ERIDAN: -Eridan himself was half sprawled over the professor's desk, having fallen asleep over maps of the Washington battle grounds next to his honest-to-god duct taped radio hull. The source of the static music.- (zzzz)

ROXANNE: -What a hero, what a pro.- 

ROXANNE: -Maybe she should just let him sleep, but tickle her curious at just why he was napping in a slightly redecorated lab while leaving dangerous weaponry about.- ROXANNE: Hm. -She knocks on the frame of the doorway to see if that will wake him up.-

ERIDAN: -SNORTS AWAKE, hunting knife almost instantly in his hand. Maybe he fell asleep with it? He lifts his head to peer blearily around, glasses askew.- zzzuhfuck -Spots Roxanne at the door, eyebrows furrowing until he's giving a mighty stretch at the desk.- 

ERIDAN: oh dammit 

ERIDAN: justa human -yawns toothily, using the pointy end of the knife to scratch at the base of his horns.- wwhats the commotion

ROXANNE: -Yep just a human 8) - 

ROXANNE: -Briefly flinches when he wakes up with a knife of all things.- Jeez ya' expecting certain company with that tooth pick? ...horn pick?

ERIDAN: surprised you aint similar wwise givven your situation -The horn pick feels good actually.... he casually keeps sweeping the blunt end along the wwavvy shape of his horns. The amphibious insectoid that he is, totally half asleep.- 

ERIDAN: mess hall aint this wway if youre lookin

ROXANNE: Man I'd be real dumb if I was lookin' for a bite to eat. 

ROXANNE: Surprise Im here to steal the guns you left out on the table for absolutely basically anyone to come and get. -jabs a thumb at the arms display. Do you get her point.-

ERIDAN: -gives her this LOOK.- wwhat 

ERIDAN: do you think im sendin these folks out there empty handed 

ERIDAN: kinda presumptuous a you assumin im runnin that kinda operation here

ERIDAN: takin is wwhat theyre FOR

ROXANNE: Right right i get that, but no sign in sheet or nothin'?

ROXANNE: Dang its like you got no respect for 'em. -Steps all the way in and eyes the collection close up. Some of these are nice.-

ROXANNE: Also seems dangerous.

ERIDAN: yeah probably thats also in essence the point -rubbing his eyes under his glasses and then reaches under his desk. Time to pour himself a drink.-

ROXANNE: -Picks up the automatic and looks it over, is it in good condition?- ROXANNE: Then you run a risky armory.

ERIDAN: meh -Damn. He has no more cups. Just swings back this rock n rye flavored faygo with a grimace.- 

ERIDAN: -All the rifles are in good condition. It's one of the few things Eridan gives a shit about enough to invest and maintain.-

ERIDAN: run your owwn armory if you wwanna criticize

ROXANNE: If I had plans ta' stick around i might. We could have a whole competition, best arms dealer wins.

ROXANNE: -Puts down the automatic and picks up the harpoon gun, inspecting it in quite the same manner and then aiming it at the opposite wall. Her finger isnt on the trigger of course, but shes never shot one before and wanted to try holding it.-

ERIDAN: run me outta business fine 

ERIDAN: so long as the job gets done -The safety's on and it gleams sharply in the flourescent lighting. A deadly harpoon, especially in the right hands.-

ROXANNE: -Noice. Its got a good weight to it.- Those are the words of someone plannin' on losing. 

ROXANNE: -Turns her head to flash him a small smile.- But like i said not stickin' around to do your job for you.

ERIDAN: yeah -What he's agreeing to, it's not apparent. He's just chugging more faygo, eyes drooping heavily.- mmmmh

ERIDAN: ought to pick one you like or somethin

ROXANNE: Hm? 

ROXANNE: ....Are you just gonna' give me a gun? -How sleepy IS this guy.-

ERIDAN: -fingers are knotted into his hair as he gives himself a massage around the temples- ...fuckin 

ERIDAN: yes i am 

ERIDAN: it aint that goddamn complicated sometimes a request or a question is just simple 

ERIDAN: not wwarrantin the necessity to react like youre batshit insane 

ERIDAN: i already had to deal wwith one a you

ERIDAN: or else just drop it clearly attempts at generosity or concern at you humans just aint wworth it

ROXANNE: Sorry consider me a lil' hesitant around strangers lately. 

ROXANNE: Thanks for the offer though, ill take ya' up on it. -Shes putting down the harpoon gun and taking one of the automatics. sure the spear was cool, but this would be a lot more useful later.-

ERIDAN: -reaching under his desk again. This time pulling out a twinkie, peeling apart the wrapper.- least you got your senses about you -mutters.-

ROXANNE: -Tucks that gun away safe and sound in her sylladex now before turning to watch eridan snack.- 

ROXANNE: So... besides hand out guns an' chug shitty soda brands, what else do you get up to in here?

ERIDAN: i aint in here most instances 

ERIDAN: im out and about runnin the operation a course 

ERIDAN: the fuck else wwould i be 

ERIDAN: besides sittin square wwith my thumb up my ass

ERIDAN: dealin wwith local patrols and organizin scouts for supplies and shit a that nature

ROXANNE: -She shrugs.- 'Dunno what else you would have been doing thats why I asked. 

ROXANNE: -Did they get rid of any of the tech in this lab?-

ERIDAN: -grunts. Nah, they didn't. But they did disembowel the computers for various things. Mainly so they wouldn't be used.-

ROXANNE: -She doesnt care too much about them being gutted, she just wants to look at them. She takes a seat at one of the counter tops and fiddles with the ripped open technology.- Hah. Ya' know its kinda' nice to see that not too much has changed in the sense of the standard open to public campus computers.

ERIDAN: i wwouldnt fuckin knoww 

ERIDAN: i aint gone to no humanclad univversity

ROXANNE: You sure missed out then.

ROXANNE: Human uni. is where it is at.

ERIDAN: -just. Stuffs this whole twinkie in his mouth. Chews balefully.- sounds like its a baised drawwn conclusion but alright

ROXANNE: Oh it absolutely is but its also the damn truth. 

ROXANNE: You ever had a "Week of Welcome" wherever you studied?

ROXANNE: Its crazy let me tell you.

ERIDAN: -fixes her with a dubious frown.- a wweak of wwelcome sounds like the traditionalistic ritual of testin the constitution newwly ascended trolls 

ERIDAN: vvia drowwnin their heads in load gapers and seein if they resuscitate afterwwards

ERIDAN: guess humans got more spine to them than i thought initially

ROXANNE: ......Wowie. 

ROXANNE: Nah we didn't do any of that. 

ROXANNE: It was basically a week of clubs an' academic society groups tryin' to out-do each other with fun or dumb activities.

ROXANNE: You could pet like seven dogs by the library. 

ROXANNE: Or get free pizza or cup cakes for shaking a teachers hand.

ROXANNE: Although sometimes you got to pay $20 to smash a car with a sludge hammer but that was more often around finals.

ERIDAN: so 

ERIDAN: youre sayin there aint some kind of mutilation or murder plots invvolvved 

ERIDAN: not evven a little

ROXANNE: Not usually.

ERIDAN: evven the recreational shits got some bite to it 

ERIDAN: ...huh -sips faygo thoughtfully.-

ROXANNE: Yep. School is a place for petting dogs, makin' the grades, and getting sloshed on a thursday night when you know you have a 8am lecture hall.  

ERIDAN: suppose i relate on some level -hmphs, unimpressed.- 

ERIDAN: but nothin too solid

ROXANNE: Thats okay. Lets agree to leave it as a cultural difference I guess

ERIDAN: fairs fair -sloshes down the rest of this lukewarm faygo. Disgusting.-

ERIDAN: im eridan

ROXANNE: -If its so gross dont drink it.- 

ROXANNE: -She turns around on her stool.- Nice to meet ya'. 

ROXANNE: Im Roxanne.

ERIDAN: uh sure -He DOUBTS it's nice to meet him but accepts this introduction anyhow.- dunno if i ought to point it out or nothin ERIDAN: but you aint lookin like the battlefield type so ERIDAN: noww im wonderin wwhat the shit youre doin taggin along the assassination brigade for

ERIDAN: it aint exactly the equivvalent to pizza and pettin puppies or wwhatevver the fuck

ROXANNE: Ya' aint wrong there. 

ROXANNE: Its kind of a long story. But to summarize why I'm goin' along on this crazy shoot the duo president mission is to make sure the dad of my infant daughter doesnt get himself killed in the process. 

ROXANNE: Plus I got no weekend plans.

ERIDAN: -He understands these words individually and is trying to piece them together into something comprehensible.- so outta obligation to your mate aka the sire a your offspring

ROXANNE: Mmmm, not technically either of those things. 

ROXANNE: But close enough. 

ROXANNE: Derek is my ex, and we adopted a lil' girl while we were still together.

ERIDAN: so it wwas a beforan style cullin ritual 

ERIDAN: wwherein the twwo a you havve obligation ovver some helpless wward 

ERIDAN: all the wwhile ditchin wwhat i presume wwas a romantic entanglement 

ERIDAN: but its enough for you to pledge loyalty enough to head facefirst into the troll davvy jones locker of suicide missions for 

ERIDAN: ...

ERIDAN: wwho the hell is this guy anywway

ROXANNE: Bingo. 

ROXANNE: Derek Strider. You'd know him if you met him. 

ROXANNE: About yay tall -Gestures the height.- kinda' full of himself. 

ROXANNE: Triangle shades.

ERIDAN: oh 

ERIDAN: him 

ERIDAN: .... 

ERIDAN: i dont see it

ROXANNE: -Snrks.- Dont see what? Him being a dad or the relationship?

ERIDAN: wwhy the shit hes wworth you dyin for 

ERIDAN: you aint even invvolvved anymore

ERIDAN: the risks real possible just FYI

ERIDAN: but on top of losin a dad your grubs riskin losin its mom too aint it 

ERIDAN: wway to fuckin go the both a you

ROXANNE: Yeah i know. 

ROXANNE: But hey if we both die then i dont have to tell my baby that her daddy died. -Yes, just smile the real truth away.-

ROXANNE: Nah but... caring about someone can make ya' do crazy shit.

ROXANNE: We may not be together anymore but it doesnt change the fact that I still love him in other ways.

ERIDAN: crazy shit like a plea for attention if i evver fuckin saww it 

ERIDAN: hey blowwhole look wwhat im puttin at risk for you 

ERIDAN: -snorts- bet he dont appreciate it none

ROXANNE: -Snrks.- Even if it was a cry for attention, 

ROXANNE: Which its not. 

ROXANNE: He might appreciate it at least a little.

ROXANNE: Or at least feel damn well guilty when its all over, haha.

ERIDAN: not appreciativve enough to vvalue your grubs livvelihood it dont look like ERIDAN: smfh wwhat do i knoww 

ERIDAN: just got a general sense a wwhat a guardians supposed to behavve to compare it to 

ERIDAN: and i wwas reared by a goddamn skyhorse scrod rest his fuckin soul

ROXANNE: Ya' probably know just about as much about proper parenting as me, to be honest. 

ROXANNE: Still workin' on that whole "Perfect suburban mom" deal.

ROXANNE: But he cares about her a lot. I think he just got his head dragged into this mission.

ROXANNE: Keep hoping he's gonna' snap out of it but maybe its his feelings from how hes about to have another baby with his wife that makes him feel like he needs to save the world.

ERIDAN: -grunts- i guess 

ERIDAN: still a fuckin shame says i 

ERIDAN: pitys gonna only go so far and in the ends its gotta be you and your owwn hide 

ERIDAN: the shit youre invvested in or wwhatever 

ERIDAN: wwardin the grub 

ERIDAN: cant be a bad thing 

ERIDAN: but youre wwastin your fuckin energy expectin anybody to change for you wwho aint done shit to try 

ERIDAN: except ask you to be there and vvalidate you feelin needed or wwhat not 

ERIDAN: makes the cycle addictivve -sighs out, staring off. Time to break out more faygos.-

ROXANNE: Well damn.

ROXANNE: This is some impromptu broken relationship advice or what.

ERIDAN: no -turns to her to deadpan.- its advvice on survvivin past tomorroww

ROXANNE: Oh i know im gonna'.

ERIDAN: the credits goin to you then 

ERIDAN: or him rather 

ERIDAN: hes the one in the front lines aint he 

ERIDAN: suspect much -asks it like a question. Suspect much??-

ROXANNE: Yeah he is. 

ROXANNE: But while derek has a big talk I also know he has the skills to back it up. 

ROXANNE: And I'm mostly tagging along to provide immediate cover for the kill group.

ERIDAN: right... -Sure Jan. He believes you.-

ROXANNE: What ya' dont believe i can do it?

ERIDAN: wwhats it matter wwhat i think 

ERIDAN: im the guy leavvin my wweaponry lyin strewwn about wwilly nilly

ROXANNE: ...... -Chuckles.- 

ROXANNE: Fair point.

ERIDAN: -slorps a new faygo. This one a grape flavored one.- 

ERIDAN: doesnt matter wwhat i say 

ERIDAN: its you and your time and wwho youre puttin it towwards 

ERIDAN: hope you get it back at the end of the day is all

ERIDAN: -says this because he's totally judging you, Rox.-

ROXANNE: -Seriously, How many sodas is this guy going to drink.- 

ROXANNE: -She shrugs. He is free to judge away, the plan is stupid and risky and she knows that by going into it she might die. But if there was anything she could do to help minimize the chance of any more casualties on this suicide run it would be worth it.- 

ROXANNE: Ya' know we've talked a lot about me, but what about you Eridan? 

ROXANNE: I could be wrong but ya' dont seem like the type to be visiting earth to get a load of our, albeit currently dying, culture. Is it the soda brands that caught your attention?

ERIDAN: the only thing wworth a damn to come outta earth if you ask me -snarks but it lacks bite. He just shrugs.- 

ERIDAN: just so happens i got a free wweekend too

ROXANNE: Aww really? Thats all you enjoy about it?

ERIDAN: you got decent pastries i guess -Don't aww at him...-

ROXANNE: Pastries and soda. 

ROXANNE: Well. Everyone's gotta have their favorites.

ERIDAN: sos you 

ERIDAN: it just so happens yours got pointshades

ROXANNE: -HRGH.- 

ROXANNE: Pft... Nah.

ERIDAN: youd die for it so 

ERIDAN: wwheres the fuckin lie tee bee ach

ROXANNE: I'm not going to die for him, because we're not going to die. 

ROXANNE: Also like I said before you can care about someone without them being your favorite.

ERIDAN: guess youre right 

ERIDAN: wwith that logic im layin my life on the line for a mime

ROXANNE: Is the mime your buddy?

ERIDAN: hell no 

ERIDAN: he dont evven like me and frankly i dont care for his foot wwear

ERIDAN: wwho am i kiddin 

ERIDAN: at least its consistant -just B/ at himself.-

ROXANNE: Pfft. 

ROXANNE: Hilarious. Well I havent met this mime but ill be keepin' an eye out for what shoes he's wearing.

ERIDAN: -lowkey fist clenching memes.- youll see it

[schlouu]

Hello guys,

I am so sorry. It has been about two months I think since I last wrote something and there is no other excuse than pure laziness and being busy with other things but to make up for that this post will be extra long, so many things have happened since I last posted. Lapland with AFS, Wanhat, Lapland with my host family and more. Right now I’m on my way to Helsink again! I’ll be there for the weekend and stay with a friend, another exchange student I met in Lapland, and I’m super excited. Can’t wait to see Helsinki again, especially for the first time with snow! (Edit: In Helsinki “downtown” there wasn’t really any snow since there’s so much traffic. But it was great to have some time without snow.)

So, I think I’ll tell you a bit about what has happened in these past two months. First of all, I’ve been here for nearly 7 months, isn’t that just crazy? Over half a year, I can’t imagine that.. and I also can’t imagine that it’s only gonna be a bit over 3 months until I will go back to Germany, I really don’t want to leave at the moment. I’m really happy at the moment to be here and I love Finland and my people here so much, I don’t wanna go. I can’t imagine going back to my old life, I have moved on from that such a long time ago. But I just had the idea to write another blog post about that at some point because I think that might actually be something that people would like to hear about as a seperate post.

Now, Lapland, this past month I have visited Lapland twice. First with AFS at the beginning of February and it was simply amazing to meet all the other exchange students from all over Finland in person (we were over 80 people).

This is when we all met Santa.

What did we do? We went to a reindeer farm, got a reindeer sleigh license and got to ride on the sleighs. Also, we petted them (of course) and took some cool pictures. Reindeers are honestly so cute.

They only come when you give them food, though, no other chance.

And we went downhill skiing! I was so, so scared because I went crosscountry skiing before and it was horrible because I nearly died (at least it felt like I did but I tend to exaggerate sometimes) and I thought downhill could only be worse but the first time that I went down the baby hill (Idiotenhügel in German) I actually managed and had fun and dared to get on the lift, since then I really love downhill skiing (I went again the next day and this week), it’s so much fun.

It was really cloudy throughout the whole week so we didn’t see much on the hills and no northern lights at night. It was still so much fun and I miss the trip, really. Also! I went to sauna for the first time (I know I’m crazy, after 5 months of being in Finland) and avanto which is swimming in a hole that was made in the frozen lake/river. And it was both amazing, I went twice in that week and the second time I even jumped into the snow which is actually worse than avanto because it was hard snow so I just fell on top of it and the small crystals just peeked into my skin.

A few days after coming back from Lapland we had the Wanhat at our school which is a kind of prom with tradiotional dances that we performed together with our dance partners. It was a really great day but also extremely exhausting because we had to dance three times (one took up to an hour), once for the middle school, once for the high school and in the evening for the parents and everyone who wanted to come. We had practiced for a few months and it felt kind of weird to finally be able to show what we had been working on. I had to get up super early because I had my picture session around 8am so two of my friends came over before 7 to do my make up and hair and we were basically just trying not to die of tiredness.

Please ignore my face in most of these pictures as for some reason we all always looked like we were having the most annoying time of our life. On the first picture is me, on the second one am I with my dance partner, the one beneath that is from our group dance, the one next to that is me dancing with my host dad (after the last dance in the evening we had extra music to dance with first the parents and then someone of choice) and then the ones on the bottom are my host sister, host brother and me. :)

It was definitely worth the experience and I think if you have the chance, go do it, for sure. It’s so nice to have your name announced while walking out and looking into the crowd to see if you know someone and smile at them, I don’t know, it was great.

But I can tell you, being able to get out of that dress and into that hoodie was the best thing of the whole day. The dress cost 99 Euros which is expensive but certainly not as bad as I expected, most people pay about 400 Euros. I got lucky and found a sale kinda thing in a store called Zazabella in Oulu.

  And now, the last thing I want to tell you about in this post is Lapland trip number two. It was amazing. To summarise: I saw northern lights (!!!!), drove snow mobile, went snow shoe hiking, went to Sweden, went to Lumilinna (a castle out of snow), went downhill skiing again and more.

Well, I think Ill start with what you’re probably interested in the most, the northern lights. Yes, I have pictures. Basically the sky was really clear in the first and second night. We already saw amazing ones in the first night but I didn’t tak my phone/camera and in the second night they were even more amazing and crazy. It was so unbelievable, I cried seeing them the first time. It was my dream to see them since forever and I actually managed to! It is still so weird to think about.

  Well, here I am, continuing to write my blog post after my Helsinki trip. I’m currenty waiting for my bus back home and I literally became one if those people to sit in Espresso House and write a blog post. Helsinki was amazing, but I’ll publish another post about this trip.

I’ll put some pictures of Lapland here and leave you with that because it really is time to publish this post already.

  Oh yes! We did the coolest thing as you can see on one picture: We sat down in that children’s glider/sleigh kinda thing and held on to a rope that was attached to the snow mobile. The place where you can see the snow mobile is a frozen river with lots of snow on top of it. Cool, isn’t it? Im sorry for the dirt on the camera lense.

Well then guys, see you in a post about my trip to Helsinki,

Lou

        Back from the dead Hello guys, I am so sorry. It has been about two months I think since I last wrote something and there is no other excuse than pure laziness and being busy with other things but to make up for that this post will be extra long, so many things have happened since I last posted.