#im just sick of being injured and frustrated with slow progress

[werewolfsmile]

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[stepfordgoth]

In this thread: bitching and whining. Poor me!!!

I am actually so angry about my fucking knee hurting. What do you mean I have a fucking MCL injury. What do you mean the most common cause of this injury is a forceful blow to the lateral (outer) side of the knee???? That didn't even happen to me. I was carrying my laptop up a flight of steps yesterday and my knee just started fucking hurting, sudden sharp pain in the medial collateral ligament (inner side of knee cap) and it hasn't stopped hurting for almost 24 hours now. You're telling me that just HAPPENS? WITH NO PROVOCATION????? And it can take MONTHS to heal up????????

I think I'm especially mad because I was JUST getting my gym confidence back after having my fucked up hip tendon from October to January. I was JUST starting to feel like Im making progress at gym again, and not just there to remediate my hip. And for the first two weeks in February, I was sick as a dog and I didn't get back into the gym until this past week. And now I've got this fucked up knee ligament and I have to start all the fuck over finding what works for me at the gym, AGAIN, because of my stupid shitty lower body joint parts. I'm almost positive I didn't hurt my knee at the gym yesterday either, other than some time on the elliptical (WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO BE GENTLE ON YOUR JOINTS, THATS THE WHOLE REASON I USE IT FOR CARDIO INSTEAD OF THE TREADMILL THAT I LOVE) I didn't do any lower body work. And my knee didn't start hurting until several hours after the gym too.

This is probably the emotions talking but I'm kinda starting to wonder if the gym is actually helping me at all because it seems like I have spent more time sick and/or injured since starting the gym in August than I ever was before I started. I think I posted about this last night but I turned 30 in November and I think I have maybe had a total of 3-4 (nonconsecutive) weeks since then where I haven't been suffering through an injury or a cold or a fucking flare up of my chronic issues*. And goddammit! I gained a pound in the last month! It's not fucking fair!!!!!! (To be fair, I am still down two pounds from my Heaviest Ever Weight that I saw back in September. But its such slow progress and it's extremely frustrating. In late October I was down almost 10 pounds from that Heaviest Ever and I know winter weight is a Real Thing but come the fuck on!!!!! I'm doing my best! I'm doing all the stuff I should be doing!!!!!) Also I'm aware that since starting birth control my tits have literally, honest to God, gotten a little bit bigger but I strongly hesitate to believe that I gained EIGHT FUCKING POUNDS OF TITTY. That can't be true. They definitely haven't grown that much.

*on this note, I have now been on birth control for over a month in attempt to control my chronic issues and I am very excited to report that it's been AWESOME. knocking on wood, I have had zero problems with my chronic issues since starting birth control. And obviously I just said I've gained a little bit of weight but actually I feel like I'm the skinniest I've looked since probably 2021! I can't believe how much bloat my body was holding all the time for so long. My tummy is flat again (albeit with stretch marks now, from being so bloated all the time for so long 😮‍💨) and my face and arms even look slimmer I think. Thank god for that at least. This is why I'm so hopeful that my recent weight gain is just winter weight and it will melt off easily once spring hits and I'm outside a lot again. That usually what happens for me, or it did when I was in my mid-20s (pre chronic illness) anyway.

Keeping my fingers crossed that once again spring will heal me.