#im just saying there is a difference between making a pc who has one human and one tiefling parent

[perilegs]

i think most dnd lore sucks ass and i love it when people intentionally ignore or change parts of it. however the little "hey did you know" man in my brain activates when i see someone do it unintentially

[lovelookspretty]

not so bad

college!rafe cameron x reader au

— in which rafe and y/n absolutely despise each other in public but crush in secret. rafe is failing his humanities class & is assigned y/n as his tutor . . . maybe all it took for this relationship to form was just a bit of forced proximity and some time.

warning(s): ward cameron, slightly sexual joke between y/n and rafe

authors note: sorry for the late update again !! was rearranging my entire room for hrs n then passed tf out ( literally moved my entire pc set up + my dresser + cleaned out a bunch of stuff to make room for my vanity that im ordering im so excited )

okay oops its been like 4 days since my last update but its okay !! this was basically a filler but y/n still got to meet with rafes family + spend time with him

one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine

you’re tracing the outline of your textbook as you’re replaying the memories in your head. the café, the walk, the bench, the kiss. you blush at the thought over and over again every time you bring yourself back to it.

he smelled so good; he always does. but he tastes even better. you can still remember how his hands explored your body during the kiss, gently and carefully groping you. and his lips felt so rough against yours, with the same amount of desire that you had when you brought him back in for more.

he’s all that’s been on your mind since it happened last night. it’s embarrassing really, you just feel like a little kid who’s just had their first kiss all over again. but it wasn’t your first—first in a while maybe. but this one was also different.

if you had to be honest, if you saw him again since everything, you would go for another one. anything to feel him on you again. it’s like he’s a drug that you’re addicted to. that you can’t escape. that you don’t want to escape.

the only thing you don’t realize in the frenzy of all your thoughts is . . .

“y/n,” your professor calls out to you, knocking you out of your train of thought. you sit up in your seat and lock eyes with the man who sends you a polite smile, before he’s going back to his lesson.

. . . the world keeps spinning.

just days later, you’re snacking on cereal as you watch some youtube video. you don’t know the channel but they’re just funny as fuck. you need something to entertain you with all the free time you have that day.

aria is reading and working out at the same time behind you. ideally that sounds great, but she’s working out in the way that has her constantly moving around and changing position, making it impossible to read at all.

you don’t know why she’s still doing this. you told her it was a bad idea an hour ago but she’s persistent.

“—two, three, four—” you hear her count behind you. taking a break to just witness all that is aria, you turn around in your chair to watch her.

her hair is frizzy, sweat coating her forehead and if you look closer, her everywhere too. she’s trying her best to hold a book in front of her face to read it, but it’s obvious that she’s struggling. she’s watching a video on the workout, working out, and reading.

“baby i think you need to just focus on one,” you say as you face forward in your chair, clicking out of the youtube video to find a new one.

aria doesn’t miss a beat. she’s still moving through her toe touches. “actually,” she huffs, “studies show that multitasking—like combining physical activity with cognitive tasks—can enhance neural plasticity. it’s all about training the brain to adapt and process more efficiently under stress.”

you turn back around to look at her, and you see that she finally stops to breathe for a second. “besides, if i can master this, just think about how productive i’ll be.”

“oh yeah, i feel your productivity all over me already,” you joke as you pretend to wipe your back and flick it off your hand, like you’re cleaning off all her ‘sweat’ that got on you.

aria smacks her tongue and rolls her eyes, continuing her workout as she flips through to the next page. you’re giggling as you face forward again, only to hear some screams down the hall.

your head snaps toward your door and you glance behind you to see if aria heard it too or if you’re actually just insane. she’s just as concerned as you are.

you get up from your chair and head straight for the door in a hurry. once opened, you peek your head out carefully before spotting a few people crowding a dorm just a few doors down.

rafe and lorenzo’s dorm.

you look closer, immediately recognizing the bunch as rafe’s dad and two sisters. huh. guess rose couldn’t make it.

rafe is just in the middle of a proper handshake and hug with his dad, a grin on his face as he laughs. you can see the backside of sarah who’s standing right next to them, waiting for her turn. wheezie is curious like usual.

she’s looking around the hall but she spots you within seconds. oh fuck.

wheezie hits sarah’s arm quietly to grab her older sister’s attention. you watch as sarah looks down at her before wheezie’s whispering something. she must be trying to not make a scene about seeing you.

sarah looks across the way and sees you, her jaw dropping. “are you kidding me?” she laughs, heading right for you and completely ditching her brother.

you glance back at aria awkwardly when sarah goes in for a hug that you can’t turn down. it’s brief, thankfully, but sarah still grabbed everyone’s attention when she saw you.

you peer over sarah’s shoulder and see ward and rafe staring directly at the two of you. there’s still a small smile on his lips as he makes eye contact, you return it politely.

“no one told me you go to school here,” sarah says, her hands on her hips as ward comes over.

“sarah honey, let’s leave y/n to her business, you don’t know if she’s busy,” he’s telling her with a light guide on her arm toward rafe’s dorm again. sarah lets out a quiet ‘oh’ as ward looks to you. “it’s really great to see you y/n.”

“it’s great to see you all too, but it’s okay, leave her,” you say about sarah, your choice of words causing sarah to smile as ward raises his hands in surrender. “i’m not busy at all, but it is really nice to see you guys.”

ward joins his son again before he’s stepping inside his room. wheezie, feeling more comfortable to hangout with her sister and you, silently decides to follow sarah.

sarah’s mouth is a little open as she’s taking the sight of you in. “it’s so crazy to see you here. i mean, what are the chances?” she says, and you know that she’s referring to the fact that both you and rafe were accepted in and committed to the same university. “and your rooms are so close . . . rafe isn’t giving you a hard time though, is he?”

oh right, they have absolutely no idea that you two don’t hate each other.

“not at all, here and there maybe, but me and rafe are actually friends now,” you tell her, and you’re not surprised when sarah is.

she takes a moment to process it. “that’s actually crazy,” she says. “given how everything was back in obx, everyone kind of assumed you guys went off to college still hating each other. what? you guys are friends now? that’s amazing!”

the two of you are laughing as she brings you in for another hug, like you’re a sister to her.

you rub her back. “it didn’t happen overnight, for sure,” you say with a chuckle, and she pulls away to let wheezie say hi to you. “but it’s actually really nice to not hate someone. hi wheezie.”

she side hugs you, and you get the immediate feeling that she’s a little uncomfortable with how much she doesn’t even really know you. you let go of her and let her stand next to sarah so she feels more comfortable again.

rafe peeks past the wall, his hand grabbing the doorframe by his chest. “sarah, wheez,” he calls out to his sisters. you can hear what sounds like ward and lorenzo talking inside, very loudly you may add. sounds like they’re getting along. “dad wants me to take you guys on a tour. come on.”

sarah looks back to you. “it was really nice seeing you y/n,” she says, then holds wheezie’s hand to walk back to rafe’s dorm.

they slip past rafe to reach their dad and meet lorenzo most likely. rafe takes a moment and leaves his dorm to head over to you.

“hey,” his voice is soft as he approaches you, and you lean against your doorframe. “you doing okay?”

you hum in response, and rafe gazes down at you with a small smile.

“we have the mall later today with enzo and lara but i have something planned for us this saturday. you think you could clear your schedule?” he asks.

you tilt your head. “i think i could make some room for you i guess.”

he grins at you before leaning down to press a kiss to your lips quickly. there’s an immediate vomit noise from behind you. both you and rafe turn back to find aria done with her workouts, and she’s closing her book and tossing it aside.

“sorry aria,” he says aloud. when you turn to face him again, rafe nods at you. “i’ll text you when.”

“okay,” you murmur, and you watch as he leaves to his room again. you swear you see wheezie’s head peeking out the first second he leaves you.

you close your door and head back to your desk.

“so what, are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend now?” aria asks. you look up at her and feel like laughing to ease any thoughts. you certainly aren’t boyfriend and girls—no labels as far as you know.

but dating?

“no,” you answer, shutting your laptop and placing it on another spot on your desk. “just some really cool . . . buddies. i don’t know. we’re not exclusive or anything. i think we wanna just take it slow.”

“you think? you guys didn’t have any talk with each other?” she asks. you silently shake your head at her. she raises her eyebrows and purses her lips. “you two would make a cute couple.”

her words give you relief that it doesn’t lead to anything bad. if anything you’re happy, but it’s not something you’ve thought about before.

you can’t hide your smile that aria teases you for, so you grab your pillow at throw it at her.

‘ come outside, waiting for you ’

you set down your phone after reading rafe’s text, and you check yourself in the mirror one more time before grabbing your purse.

you walk to the door, double checking you’re bringing the right belongings with you. “i’ll see you later,” you say as you unlock the door.

aria is grinning as she kicks her foot back and forth off the edge of her bed. “have fun,” she sings.

when you leave your dorm, rafe is slowly making his way over to yours. as soon as he heard your door open, his head snaps up and his gaze falls upon you. he sends a warm look your way.

“you ready?” he asks you.

“where’s your family?” you puzzle as you and him begin walking down the hallway.

he shrugs. “they knew i had plans today so they said they wanted to go around vista heights and explore. when we get back, they wanna meet up again for dinner though so i’m gonna be a bit busy tonight.”

you nod. “that’s cute; no problem at all.”

you get into rafe’s car with the others since lorenzo claims he’s too tired from lacrosse practice all morning. it’s fun to hangout with this specific group, you’re starting to feel like, because now that you’re in rafe’s car then you and rafe are the ones in the front with lorenzo and elara in the back.

once you’ve arrived to the mall, you join hands with elara who just seems excited to be shopping with her friends.

“where are you guys going?” you ask as elara begins tugging your sleeve so you can come with her to a chic boutique nearby.

lorenzo scratches the back of his neck and shrugs, “i don’t know but i don’t wanna go in there.”

elara groans, “who’s gonna help me and tell me what looks good on me or not?”

“y/n,” the two boys say at the same time.

elara glares before letting go of you so she can walk over to them. she grabs a handful of both of their shirts and turn around. “come on, let’s go!” she says cheerfully, and she drags the guys to follow you and elara to the the shop she’s had her eye on.

“that goes so well with your skin tone,” you say as you and elara stare at yourselves in the mirror with some new clothes on. elara is posing in her corset and skirt, then she takes a look at yours. “it feels a bit tight on me.”

“we can go for something a bit more air-y!” she tells you, and she holds a finger up to tell you to wait while she hurries to her dressing room. she disappears behind the door and grabs something off the hooks on the wall, then comes back out. “good thing that i grabbed just the thing for you when we were looking earlier.”

gee, elara comes prepared, but you aren’t surprised. she makes you take the pieces and she rushes you back into your dressing room, urging that you dress quickly so you can go to the next store.

you listen to her. after locking the door, you try on the outfit she picked out for you. it’s very . . . elara energy. it’s so cute.

“i like it, i think,” you tell her as you unlock the door and step outside. elara is beaming when she sees you. “definitely more comfortable. the material might be annoying though.”

“obviously,” elara says as she guided you to the mirror in the hallway. “beauty is . . . annoyance! but i like it! plus i think somebody likes it on you too.”

you know who she’s talking about. it’s the only obvious person.

when you look at elara, you can see that she’s looking somewhere in the mirror between you. you follow her gaze and stare into the mirror. rafe is sitting with lorenzo just feet away on a seat in the middle of the dressing room hall.

you lock eyes with the boy who’s been staring at you. lorenzo is talking his ear off—again—but it’s clear that rafe isn’t listening. his focus is on you.

“he’s been staring at you since we got out of the car, eyeing you like you’re sex itself,” elara whispers in your ear, an amused look on her face as she waltzes over to her dressing room.

when you look back at rafe, your eyes soften. a blush spreads across your cheeks as you look back at yourself.

“rafe?” you call, walking over to your dressing room. lorenzo stops talking as he and rafe listen to what you have to say. “you wanna come in and help me put on my next one?”

you’re joking, and he knows it too, but you spot the way rafe lights up yet becomes dumbfounded at the same time as he watches you disappear in the room, and you can’t help but giggle once you’re alone.

@svnsetcrve @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @lalalalala33 @darkcolorexpert @babyflockaaaa @lifeofleasaasa @ilyrafe @mkiverd @wxn-drlst @maybankslover @xxbirkindoll2 @wearemadeofstardust0 @thepopcultureaddict @mounthings @ijustwanttoreadlols @karmasloverrr @lilithblackkk @drewsdirtyslut @rafesno1bae @mfdoomdickrider @pillowprincess4him @lanascokedeal3r

[myrfing]

6.2 MSQ spoiler thread [estinien voice] kumbhira ribeye baby [varshahn voice] did he drop it in dirt

YOUR...BABY HEAD? THE... NO BEARD SCALES?

howling screaming best himalayan salt lamp ever

this is so. LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO

this party comp is nice...yshtola is my forever gamer and estiniens a funny guy. and big varshahn is um. big varshahn. also first time i think they've ever left the autofill as healer for the pc lol

ohhh i looove the twisted surrounds. and god making varshahn pull more in his newly minted freshman meatsuit sorry for the evil

watching his ass use shield lob 5 times in a row for an enemy right next to him. Yea you need to be a dragon

*taking pics of everything* I have to show cylva does she know this lady.

yshtola asking if voidsent appreciate flowers too...man they kind of screwed themselves over by making the void already in CT when their aesthetic sense was erm worse but they really are making the best of it. it looks cool even if halloweeny

common tongue between norvrandt and the 13th...is that the weenis woonis or was there a different babel event. ohh thinking about the golden dhyata now

oh man she's cool.

also people were mad about this line weren't they? i dont get it that's pretty par for the course for the bodyjacker guy

her voice is so nice lol

"are you his friend" "im gourd I dont know anything about that" most ic response laughed like hell. also people said these choices were mean they arent even half as mean as I want them to be sorry to the lovers

YSHTOLA NOT YOUR AETHER LMFAOOO LET GOURD GIVE HIS GIRL YOUA RE FUCKINGGGG PUTTING GAS ON THE PEDAL 24/7

oh so she's like vaulthry

her little hat tilt...moe

why doesnt...like...why dont we just kill the guy or. gourd absorbs the aether. i know suspended disbelief needed here just man

yshtola being the one to give zero her name...the way they. Well.

also she's still cool but she's also very lame. win

...sorry fray

statue of a guy who died doing passage of arms

im lookin for thos deepeyes...

man these little guys can have a little aether. it's fine gourd has a lot and he never fucking uses it except all at once I guess

zero's little sad house of nobodies. love it. yes the house and heart yshtola

SHE'S SUCH A BORN IN A WET CARDBOARD BOX ALL ALONE LMFAOOO HER HIDEOUT...NO NAME...ONLY KNOWS TRANSACTIONAL BONDS...so real. the oc of desolate 12 year olds everywhere

girl you got snot fountain in your mind palace

ok I know barbariccia is naked lady boss #43461 but hi. you're green as hell like pea soup

wtf she killed those little dudes. they were just hanging out

host says they cant seat us until everyones here wol sighs and takes out their azem crystal

snot hair lady a little fun

NO deepeyes in the void :(

aw ciriatto is relieved and says farfarello quieted down after we slonked her shit

SO FUNNY MAKING ESTINIEN CARRY HER? SO FUNNY ALSO PRETENDING THE WOL DOESNT HAVE MASSIVE AETHER RESERVES YET AGAIN

yesss lets feed zero zero feast zero eat

miss hydaelyn bringing me the cool kids wide and far

varshahn (politely) She is a pain in the ass. But that's ok

LFMAOAOAOAOOA YOU CAN BE LIKE I'm going to my island.

aww..zero feeling warmth and light for the first time in ever

nidhana is so reliable she is just everywhere I guess

DO NOTTTT INSULT NIDHANA ZERO >:[_____]

SHE SUCKED THAT APPLE DRYYYYY HELPPPP

also varshahn. Grow up

[jp writers] human connection and belonging is The Apple (Fruit)

...i bet shes going to die when taken outside of her pond and thats why shes okay with it after all that. Zero U Are So

varshahn's customer service voice with her AHAHAHA

fuck thee aethernet we are walking so you get to see PLANTS and SKIES and COLOR and ARCHITECTURE and PEOPLE

im so glad that the first place she sees as herself in the first is thavnair cus it's such a gorgeous and lively place

lmaoaoooaoaao you just got unlucky zero you got a pretty weird guy

WOO YEAH YSHTOLA the 13th as the life will fill the universe again weaping crying whatever

omg let the eyeball goop enjoy thavnair too

Golbez Grip

there's the Promises We Dont Know About again

i like the void's goofy asses. next is the x.3 patch so someone is going to have to eat it raw

[albino-whumpee]

Lies are unsustainable - part 2

This goddamned chapter has been in the back burner FOR SO FUCKING LONG. IM SO HAPPY I FINALLY CAN WRITE IT!!

Anyways, there´s a lot of things that changed. Please, please, go read the first part to get a refresher. 

We start on the whump fest that is the chapter Broken Bridges. :)))

Taglist: ask to be added or removed!

@castielamigos-whump-side-blog @giggly-evil-puppy @cowboysrappin @haro-whumps @burtlederp @neuro-whump @comfortforthepain @whumps-the-word​ @whole-and-apart-and-between @broken-horn​ @rosesareviolentlyread​ @starnight-whump @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @as-a-matter-of-whump  @whumpasaurus101 @grizzlie70 @boxboysandotherwhump @unicornscotty

CW// Pet whump, shock collar, dehumanization, human trafficking, angst, BBU conditioning, hurt comfort, death and funerals, PTSD, nightmares, creepy Whumper and mute whumpee. 

Inside the thick walls of the Facility, Robert´s steps melted into silence. He knew the building and the people inside didn’t care that it was past midnight. For half of them the day had just started a few minutes ago, and they would go through their shift as usual. Yawning, Robert walked past a group of trainees on cleaning duty.

Robert´s eyes fixated on a freckled boxie´s neck. No scars on his neck, but just a black nylon shock collar wrapped around it.

It was odd to say he missed him sometimes. It was a lot less fun without him. He exhaled a humorless laugh. Being alone had never intimidated him so much. That’s why he had agreed to go to the archives to find what the doctor had asked for, as he promised he would stay a bit longer and make him company after the funeral.

After recognizing him as the guy who shared his Cuban cigars with them, the guards allowed him to get inside the maze of shelves with archives that led to a single computer inside the room. Once sat, he just needed to type the date, the company’s password, his password and then, the pet or handler´s number to get their files.

With just a click, he would gain full access to their training videos, their signing video, acquisition details, full medical report and accidents, the handler´s qualification exam scores and percentage of successful trainees.

All of PCS´s information would appear before his eyes. Unfiltered.

Robert doubted a second when the pop up for the pet´s number came up. The man looked over his shoulder to the surveillance camera in the corner, and took a deep breath.

“7, 9, 3, 0, 0, 3” he mumbled under his breath, as he typed and then pressed enter. 

What was a little indulgence?

When the window showed his face, it was comforting in a very strange way. Robert smirked at the name.

“Guess you got really lucky with my name choices” he giggled to himself, noticing the name written on the computer wasn´t the same he heard when he saw his introduction video.

He knew names for custom orders weren´t real in most cases, but Sann´s real name was a dark joke he could crack a laugh at. He held his breath a second when he saw the prospect´s name, but then leaned on the monitor to check if his eyes weren´t playing games with him with the “Social Reincorporation In Progress: stage 2 on hold” line, in bold red letters at the top of the page.

“That motherfucker…” he blinked slowly, pushing his seat away. After a moment, he pushed himself closer again.

Robert cracked his knuckles and neck and then went back to the menu “Ok, whatever. You owe me a big one, Claude” he sighed as he typed “7, 7, 8, 9, 0, and 0” and pulled Sann´s archives into a USB. To go through the videos later. Meaning to put Albus’ in it as well.

The photo of a younger Albus greeted him when clicking enter. It was only to check something as simple as the data about the boy´s surgery. However, when he read through it, he froze.

His eyes widened taking in the date he had learnt to dread every year. Going just a little far down, he found the details of his training and with them, a different name than Sarahi`s on the prospect line. 

“Sirius” he read out loud. Going over the quick order description when making a personalized order, tears sprung to his face as his easy way of talking bled in each word written in the file.

Robert slowly rolled away from the computer. Simply letting his tears run down his face. 

Albus, that pet, was supposed to be his wedding gift. He was supposed to come home after their honeymoon. Beautifully packaged just for him and his husband to enjoy. But it was specifically written that Robert was in no way notified of this. 

“It`s a surprise” he croaked, reading the last part of his description. 

It took ten minutes to stop crying and another twenty to get back into the computer to get the information Claude had asked him for. His guts twisting inside him as he continued with the task with shaking fingers.

He found the date the handler, Ryan Sanders resigned, and when they matched, his skin crawled for answers to questions that suddenly became too urgent to find the answers to. Right at his fingertips reach, he couldn´t hold himself still.

Swallowing hard, he dug further into the web of lies as something dangerous, resentful, began nesting in his heart.

—

That same night Albus was at the studio with Sarahi, holding in his hands the letter Rupert Glass had personally written for him, only folding it up again after he had read it for her.

The woman crossed the room to squeeze the boy’s shoulder with a smile, a smile he took a while to imitate before pulling his eyes down at the letter again.

“It’s…done. It’s official now” Albus whispered.

“Its official, '' she echoed in a sigh. Sarahi’s frown tightened at the cast eyes of her pet “What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy you finally made it?”

Albus opened his mouth, before snapping it back closed and pocketing the letter. “I-I am, ma’am. So much I could…” he stopped himself to look down to his feet again. “I haven’t told him anything about this yet. I wanted to wait to be certain”

“A wise choice” she said.

They both knew the real reason, but saying it was too cruel of a reality on its own. It had been a long and hard fight to find a judge that would approve of what they would do. It was a complete surprise Rupert Glass of all people would be the crucial piece to achieve that.

“It’s only been a few months, but he has grown so much. He’s nothing like the Sann who came back from…there” Sarahi took a deep breath before squeezing his shoulder. “I think he can take it”

Albus took a moment to reply. He looked down for a moment before lifting his head again. Sarahi`s heart crunched at the sadness in his gaze.

“I…I want this for him. I really do, but I just… don’t know if I’m strong enough to watch him go” Albus sincerely told her while his eyes fixed on his fingers pulling knots. “Ma’am, if he wanted to see me after that, if he came back…He wouldn’t see me as different then, right?”

The desperate need for an answer in her pet’s eyes was heart wrenching.

Sarahi took a deep breath before lifting her hand to wipe the tears rolling down Albus’ face. The boy only sniffed as his eyes dropped to the floor again.

“Sann isn’t that kind of person, Al. I’m sure he would try to learn how to fly just to be back to you sooner” she said, prompting a smile to appear in the boy’s face “Don’t worry and take your time to choose how to tell him, alright? I won’t let him go without saying goodbye properly”

Albus flashed a smile as he wiped off the tear tracks on his cheek with the sleeve of his sweater. “Thank you, Ma’am”

Sarahi felt a smile on her face as she went back to re-read her own letter. She couldn’t believe the chairman himself would give her a promotion to executive yet. The man had personally seen that the pertinent documents were in order just for her to accept her new position. With it, Albus would also get a slight promotion.

She knew Albus would keep up the pace, she knew her Pet was more than capable. But she was worried about his psyche to be suddenly alone, but even then, she knew that wasn´t the real problem they would actually be facing from then on.

Sarahi´s sharp eyes lifted from the paper on her hands to look at the young man in front of her. The leather collar resting on his neck was worn out, impeccably taken care of, and a heavy, constant reminder to the people around him of what he was.

“It will be a little rough the first weeks” Albus jolted at the sudden proximity of her hands adjusting the collar, but that didn´t stop her. It never did “We will have a lot more work to do now and you will have more responsibilities'' she let go easily. She had just wanted to touch it, as sometimes she would. A physical reminder serving its purpose when she rubbed it through her fingers.

Albus let out a calculated sigh “A promotion for me won’t be well received”.

“Asserting your authority is always part of it. I’m counting on you to handle it more diplomatically this time” Albus went red in embarrassment as she rested her palms on the desk behind her “Up to the challenge, Chief?”

It took Albus a moment of a deepening frown to look back up with determination in rimmed red eyes “Of course, ma’am”

“That’s my boy” she smiled before she lifted herself up and walked to rest a hand on his collar.

The boy jumped, startled by being touched again, but quickly caught up and lifted his neck to give her free way to the buckles on his leather collar. She took a deep breath as she felt the chafed skin under her fingertips. On the rare occasions it was off, like while he bathed, Sarahi took her time for maintenance.

Her thoughts soured as she worked her fingers to loosen up the collar when she remembered the first thought she had when he came into her room with hair still dripping, was that he looked naked without the leather wrapped around his neck. She could never be made to admit the thought of buckling up the shock collar stored on its box inside a drawer on her nightstand just to fill the space had flashed through her mind more than once.

With a swift pull, the collar hung loose from the boy’s thin neck.

“Tomorrow is gonna be a long day. Get some rest before that. You don’t need to think about telling Sann for now. We can wait until you’re ready” she reassured him with a short squeeze on his shoulder, getting a single nod as reply before he twisted the knots on his fingers again. “What is it?” She asked at the cue, flashing a warm smile.

“Should I order flowers for them too? You will be visiting their graves tomorrow, right Ma’am?” He asked slowly. She stared at him with widened eyes before her face slowly became stone. “I-I´m so-” he started, flinching when she rested a hand over his head.

“I would appreciate that. Thank you” she said with a smile that didn´t reach the eyes “Goodnight, Al” she subtly dismissed him, taking her hand off his head to cross her arms over her chest. “Tell Claude to come here would you? We…have a lot to talk about”

“Understood. Goodnight, ma’am” he said before closing the door behind him and move towards the living room where Claude had lost eyes nailed on the city with a glass of whiskey in hand.

“Is something bothering you, sir?” Albus asked slowly, making sure he didn´t accidentally spook the man. But to his surprise, his rimmed red eyes only drifted to stare at him in complete silence. He stared at him until Albus looked away. “Ma´am wants to speak with you, sir” In his discomfort, the pet couldn´t force himself to hold eye contact as he should. He had the impression he would be slapped if he dared.

His heart raced at the long sigh and the leather of the couch cracking as he stood.

“Got it” He simply said as he walked past him.

“S-Sir! I´m very sorry for your loss, Mister,” Albus rushed to say, turning on his heels to face him. The corpulent man stayed still on his place as he continued “My words may not have much value, but if anything, Mister Rupert appreciated all you did for his health and…Even Mister Robert must be really thankful for your care” as soon as the words left his mouth, Albus felt a fire burning on his cheeks, but his legs became jelly when the man turned around with a tight frown sitting on his face.

The man´s face softened and then hardened as he looked at the ground. The tension in the two meters between them was thick enough to cut, only making the pet struggle harder to hide his trembling limbs.

“Albus?”

“Yes!” The pet jumped to answer in a half choked yelp.

“In your dreams, the highway you see…Do you remember if you had been there before?” the man asked in a somber tone that left Albus speechless.

“How do you know about that?” Albus replied after a second, a bad feeling settling on his stomach and exploding when he had to readjust his glasses to see what the papers in front of him had on them. His heart skipped a beat when he noticed they were his drawings, made in a rush, furiously scribbled away and torn apart, pieced together with tape. “Why do you have that?” he asked almost in a bark, his training slipping for just a second.

“Sann is worried about your nightmares and came to me for a way to help you” . At that, Albus´ anger plummeted, switched entirely with slight embarrassment and guilt. He didn´t have enough time to dwell on the feeling as the man rasped his throat to catch his attention “I´ll ask you again, Albus. I need you to be honest with me. Do you remember anything having to do with this highway?'' The man said with eyes lacking the usual softness both pets were so used to now.

Albus stared at the pages extended out for him and immediately recognized the puncturing throbbing. Warning of a tight white pain buzzing on the left side of his skull, getting stronger the longer he stared. But as he had told Sann when he found them hidden below the mattress, there was nothing but hot, blinding pain when he looked at it.

“No, I´m sorry” he said, snapping his head to the side with closed eyes. Slowly exhaling in relief as he felt the pain recede. Harshly, he grabbed the Albino by the shoulders and pressed so tight he let out a yelp. 

“Dont you dare lie to me Albus” The man growled. The boy whimpered at the tightening of his grip. “You always get a headache when you remember something, don´t you?” that he couldn´t deny but… “Tell me the truth, Albus! That's an order!” the man all but screamed, making him flinch. 

“I-I don´t-” 

“Don´t you remember a Handler named Sanders?” the man watched his eyes blow wide, the pain of a headache so evident when his knees failed him “ah, so you do!” Claude huffed before straightening up. Claude was a corpulent man, stronger and taller than Sann, so when he shoved Albus against the wall, his head banged against it so hard his sight got spotty. “Tell me everything you know, right now, pet”

“Sir, please- I don´t remember! I don´t know!” he pleaded, trying to keep the pain -the memories- away. But he only got shoved to the ground. The shock of being sent flying against the tiles, made the blurry image of being tossed inside a van flash through his mind. 

“What's going on?” Sarahi emerged from her studio, only to find Albus on the ground with his hands covering his head. She knew the telltale signs of a headache when she saw it, so she stepped to help Albus up before Claude grabbed him by the neck of his coat. “Claude!?”

The doctor harshly grabbed his hair and parted it so Sarahi could see too “You see this?” he yelled at her, Albus yelping when he tugged him closer to her. “This scar wasn´t from training at all! Do you know how he got it?”

“What does it matter!?” Sarahi started watching Albus twist under him, the doctor firmly subduing him. “Stop it, Claude! You´re hurting him!” 

He ignored her swatting and went down to talk to the albino, his eyes crossing in pain as flashes of the past rushed through his head in waves of heat. His body's reaction to the Drip´s drugs to erase memories that didn´t belong to him anymore. That weren´t useful for being a pet. 

“Do you remember it, Albus? Do you remember how three years ago you got this scar?” the man said, furious when Albus flinched away with a yelp. “Don´t you remember how you fucking tried to escape the facility?! I would think something like that would be hard to forget!” he laughed histerically. 

“What?” Sarahi asked, freezing in place. 

“Didn´t you? Didn´t you try to run away Albus? Do you not remember getting so far, you actually reached the highway next to the forest?” The man shook him again as Sarahi yelled at him to stop.

Albus was in too much pain to bother trying to decipher what she was yelling that made Claude tug him away. He scrunched his eyes with a whine. The man´s words had made another wave of memories flash through his head. In them, just like in his dream, he saw the highway. He was running away from people in uniforms, and in his rush, he ended up ripping his clothes with the sharp foliage surrounding him. 

Why was he running? 

He remembered the sky, so clear above him, the sunlight almost blinding after who knows how long under the artificial lamps…It was a memory from his first training? But then, why was he outside? 

Sanders…His blond hair and the smell of meat sauce overwhelmed him. Sanders was the handler that gave him position training. Why…Why did Claude mention him? He had been ordered to tell him the truth, but…

“I asked you if you remember jumping into the fucking highway, pet!” Claude tugged on his hair so he could see his tear stained face. 

“Claude!”

The man only tightened his grip. “Hngh- I-I don´t know!” Albus yelled. “Sir, please! Please let me go, I don´t know!”

“Bullshit!” the man said, shoving him to the floor, the impact pushing the air out of his lungs.

He pleaded over and over again, saying he didn´t remember until Sarahi tried to pull Claude away from him, but the truth was, he felt he did. 

Every time he dreamt, he remembered more. It was just bits and pieces. A syringe he pulled to someone´s neck, a man fucking him with the room´s camera turned off, the vast blue sky of a sunny day and lastly, screams. 

He remembered Sanders, he remembered how strong his punches were when he disobeyed. When he was on the asphalt with ambulance sirens drumming in the distance and his shock collar just wouldn´t stop zapping him. 

Albus froze. How had he gotten outside? Why was he outside on the highway?

Claude didn´t give him much time to dwell on it before he grabbed him by his collar, choking him as tears fell on Albus´ face. 

“We lost everyone in one day” He cried as Albus froze underneath him “One moment we were happy and the next…” Sarahi had stopped trying to push him away from Albus to look at her partner with a tight frown on her face. Listening attentively to his every word “We lost my brother, Sarahi lost her kids and her husband. Robert lost his husband and his mother. They all died, because my brother tried to avoid something on the road…”

“Claude,” she suddenly went, delicately grabbing his face and forcing him to look at her. Yet, his fists still held tightly to Albus´ collar, pinning him down “I already told you I don´t remember seeing anything like that. This is just an episode. You´re alright now, ok? We will take care of you, Claude” At every word, he shook his head. 

“You don´t remember because you were unconscious, Sarahi, '' he said, lifting himself and pulling Albus to his feet. “But you do remember now, don´t you?” he looked down at him as tears streamed down his face.

For a moment, silence ruled the place.

“...Pl-Please, let me go” the boy managed to say before he got backhanded so hard his world went black for a second. Only cleared up when Claude stopped him from escaping his grip by grabbing his arm. 

“YOU DO REMEMBER IT WAS YOU NOW, DON´T YOU?!” He stepped forward, making Albus shrink into himself. He could feel Sarahi´s eyes nailed on him, her face shocked. 

“Sir, Ma´am, please! I-I don´t-”

“Albus,” she silenced him, closing the distance between them. She yanked Claude´s hand off his collar then. Without the man´s support, his world still swirled around him, so he fell to his knees immediately. But when he looked up he saw an enraged, disgusted man and a woman who was trying her hardest to stop the tears rushing down her cheeks. 

“Ma´am, please, I don´t-” he remembered running through the woods. Rushing to a highway. “Please, I-I didn´t know” he remembered screams. “I never- I never imagined- I never thought-! “ he saw Sarahi´s face fall as fat tears rolled down her face and his heart wrenched. He saw Claude step forward and Sarahi stopped him by extending an arm.

“Don´t” she croaked before looking back at Albus “...and then?”

“I-” His voice failed him. 

“What happened then?!” she screamed, trying to not choke on her tears. He flinched at the desperation in her tone, tears springing to his eyes as he saw her lip trembling.

“I remember a van and- I didn´t see it until it was right before me, but it turned” and it turned and it turned and it turned, until the screaming stopped. 

There was a silence then and suddenly, stupidly, Albus hoped that memory was a fake one, like he was told all his memories were after being under the Drip. His hope shattered when he heard the exact same screams coming from the two people before him. 

Overwhelming grief making them choke in their wailing, Albus saw Claude pull Sarahi into a hug so tight, yet it couldn´t muffle her screams.

Albus froze on the ground, hearing their helplessness before they twisted in his head. The image of the two grieving people before him blurred and transformed. A tree and a red sunrise appeared before him. His throat burnt. But the reason wasn´t the leather collar, not the scratchy rope he could faintly feel sometimes, either. 

It was the same burning pain of screaming for a full day in overwhelming grief. 

It took only one second for the image before him to focus on the illusion -the memory- of a girl hanging by a branch of a tree, swinging with the wind ever so slowly. 

His screams joined theirs as he paddled away. Mind lost in a haze when Claude kicked him straight on his stomach. 

“What are you screaming for?” the man spat at the boy curling up into a ball on the floor, heaving to catch his breath. The man dragged him up by his coat and then pulled him to their room. 

“W-What are you gonna do?” Sarahi asked, lifting herself up from the floor to trail after them. Suddenly a door opened. She looked at the front door, from where Sann stepped in with shopping bags, trembling in fear. 

“What's going on?” he signed, but only watched Sarahi sprint towards her room when Albus screamed again. He was quick to toss the bags and follow after her.

“NO, PLEASE, PLEASE, WAIT! PLEASE, I'M SO SORRY!” He fought to escape Claude´s iron grip on his collar, throwing him into the bed to subdue him before grabbing something from a box. Sann´s heart jumped at the sight of a shock collar. 

“SORRY”? SORRY IS ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?” Claude yells above his screams and kicks, putting his whole body over him to take it off and quickly change it with the shock collar. “I'm gonna make you sorry” he said purposely tightening the collar so Albus would choke a little before he finished buckling it. 

Stepping out of his frozen state, Sann lunged over him, throwing him to the floor as he picked Albus up and pushed him behind him. 

“WHAT´S GOING ON?!” He signed in short flashes of movement. But before he could get an answer, he heard the door to the garden slide open and when he turned, he saw Albus running away. 

“CATCH HIM!” he yelled at Sann, but when he rushed to grab the sleeve of his coat, he whipped around and twisted his arm so hard, Sann bent over, ripping his sleeve at the shoulder.

Out of breath, Albus looked at the three people before him like a deer in headlights, legs shaking like jello before his eyes widened, noticing what he had done. 

“Sann, I-” suddenly his eyes widened and turned desperately to run away.

He didn´t stop running. Not even when they heard him scream in pain and Sann turned bewildered to find Sarahi, made an ocean of tears, pressing down hard on the shock collar´s remote. 

[bitch-in-a-bag]

can we talk about how the LGBT movement has changed in the past 15 years?

in the light of the events surrounding Chris chan, and people prioritizing pronouns over the rape of a woman with dementia, I think it displays just how... different things are.

i personally feel like it's been co-opted by the more loud and entitled mtfs/ males/penis-havers/whatever pc term exists for the XY chromosome'd, who go too far and aren't reasonably kept in check. I think terf no longer has meaning anymore because it's just become a word we use to silence anyone that disagrees with a trans woman. immediately you're going to call me a terf, I accept that, but please continue reading. I may suprise you. calling someone who's transgender a terf is kinda messed up anyway, and that's exactly why im writing this.

I also think that everyone else (allies, ftms, etc) have followed suit because they've written this messed up narrative that EvErYoNe iS VaLiD. except for trans penis-havers, bc they're the most oppressed and the most valid, actually, regardless of their experiences.

I never used to believe the above because it was always written off as terf shit, and ignoring it kinda benefitted me, but between seeing ftms getting bashed for refusing to follow new "TME" rules as if they aren't trans too, and seeing outrage around Chris chans pronouns, I think it's time to start saying things that may make people uncomfortable. innocent people are already getting hurt by this, and we need to do better. it's time to get uncomfortable.

I want to remind you that perception is both the relying factor, and also the downfall of newer lgbt theory. if my profile were mtf coded, maybe it currently is, you'd call me a self hating trans and I wouldn't be that big of a deal. terfs would probably target me.

if my profile was ftm coded, I would be absolutely skewered for daring to speak out about these issues, even though they do actually affect ftms disproportionately. terfs would try to convince me that being trans is a plague and a mental illness, and to just ~be a cis woman~!

and if assumed cis, I would 100% be assumed radfem terf, and everything I say would immediately be dismissed because of the genuine damage terfs have done. but terfs would still probably flock to this post and berate me for daring to validate trans people At All, because to them, being transgender is a mental illness akin to an eating disorder, and "giving in" to it is "self harm". clearly I don't believe that, so hopefully you'll give me at least some benefit of the doubt.

so, does my identity matter? i have a feeling you'll say yes, because it gives us a good idea of experiences I do and don't have expertise in, and thus room to talk about. but I refuse to directly identify what I actually am because I want the focus of any resulting conversation to be my message and not my self identification. if you read between the lines and figure it out that's just fine, but I would like to be heard first and foremost.

my profile is thus an attempt at being cis female coded, somewhat out of comfort, and that is likely what I'll be assumed to be due to the beliefs I am expressing, even though there is a substantial risk of getting misgendered and dismissed, no matter what my birth sex may actually be. i will give you a hint about my identity: I am transgender, on HRT and everything, and I have been personally affected by all of this. rest assured, this is well within my lane to speak about, and it does matter if you misgender me.

I want you to really think about that. before you respond, really think about if someone saying words on tumblr, talking about their OWN experiences and their take on recent history that applies to themself, really more worthy of being misgendered and harassed than... someone who said they transitioned so they could date lesbians, and then raped their own mother with dementia.

is that fair or just? or is this just a new way of letting people with penises do whatever they want? I personally think it's the latter. we need to hold people like Chris chan accountable without getting caught up on something as minor **in comparison** as misgendering and self identification. Is it sad and confusing that someone who self IDs as transgender became 1:1 with the most dangerous stereotypes that exist for trans women? Of course it is. But it doesn't mean that self identification is suddenly more important than a literal crime being committed.

I would normally dismiss it as a fluke or outright trolling if the evidence weren't so damning that this is in fact a real event that happened. If I hadn't seen this happen to other people, and if I didn't literally know another mtf person who used their dysphoria as an excuse for date rape on multiple occasions and never got any consequences for it.

It's not a one time thing, it's a developing problem that we need to stop before more people have their lives ruined. I can't even imagine how traumatizing and messed up it is for an FTM person to be date raped, by another transgender person no less. When I, an abuse survivor, told people of this MTFs red flags, people violently silenced me. People who didn't know I was trans called me a terf and transphobic. We, as a community, could've protected someone from getting date raped, and we didn't. Trans women can be awful, horrible fucking people, because they are people. Protecting them at all costs is wrong. Protecting them from transphobia is what we should be doing.

That being said, misgendering is still skeevy, and I haven't done anything like raped a disabled woman who is no longer able to consent, or date raped my own partner. if you give a shit about respecting my identity, please use they/them for me. if not, use visual perception and make assumptions that will most likely be incorrect, skew your own argument, and put me on the same level as a rapist, and arguably a fetishist. And I do need to remind you that calling someone transgender a rapist and a fetishist without evidence is still definitely classic transphobia, to the letter, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that.

as someone who is same sex attracted, I also want to bring this up as well.

in the US in the past 15 years, the movement as a whole pretty much went "YEAH BORN THIS WAY" with Lady Gaga, and then jumped ship to prioritize mostly mtfs at every angle. do mtfs need support? absolutely. but they don't need misguided toxic positivity, and that's what it's turned into.

it's gotten genuinely homophobic to the point where actually homosexual people are constantly being erased and demonized via "genital preferences are a fetish uwu", and vulva havers, especially the trans ones, are constantly being told to shut up about their experiences.

as much as you want to deny bioessentialism, its still very much well and alive with newer trans movement sentiments when we classify ftms as not worthy of speaking about their own issues with terms like "TME". it's also incredibly ignorant towards FTMs who pass, but dress feminine for comfort, and get mistaken for MTF, and treated like garbage because of it. They are not remotely exempt from misogyny, transphobia, or the intersection of the two, and it is not anyone's job to tell them they don't ever experience that when they do. Turning ftms and biological homosexuals into our enemies-- especially when the actual cause is transphobia and harmful gender stereotypes-- does nothing good or healthy for our movement.

Dont be mistaken, though, passing isn't the focus or end all be all here, it's the perception of others that ends up drastically effecting your experiences. There are words like misogyny that imply treatment via birth sex, however this too can be reliant on external perception. If an MTF individual either transitions very young, has an abundance of resources to transition, or just gets lucky and passes well, chances are she will experience a lot more misogyny than people may give credit to. inversely, someone who just started questioning yesterday, but lived as a male their whole life up until then, they genuinely cannot speak about misogyny with that much room because they simply haven't experienced it at an accurate enough angle or for enough time to understand it as a repeated and sociological force.

It works the other way as well, though; someone who's known that they're trans for a long time and haven't had the resources to transition, or do not or cannot pass in the eyes of society; these people suffer pain that we don't neccesarily have a word for yet, imo. It makes dysphoria worse and it makes living seem hopeless. And as a community, we deal with this is in a really messed up way by over-validating them instead of solving the core issue at hand. and people who suffer from this, but also acknowledge they can't claim what they haven't experienced, are left with nowhere to go.

And its important to acknowledge these things because they're integral to the over-encompassing trans experience. Instead of lying to everyone and telling everyone they pass/giving out unconditional positive regard, our focus should be making it so that it **doesn't matter if you pass**. that you're still worth respect and dignity if you're transgender, no matter what passing is or what it means to you, and no matter how you present. But also, if you do something awful, you still need to be held accountable, especially if you use yourself, your body, or your trans status to contribute to other axi of oppression.

Transphobia is a word that encompasses and addresses all of that, regardless of birth sex. "TME" shuts that down in favor of only letting MTF's speak. Which is still very bio-essentialist, and I can't help but feel like we've gone full circle.

Once upon a time you couldn't even get married if your partner had the same genitals as you. in the US, this was less than 7 years ago. and if you care about human rights activism, you know damn well that legal modification is not the end all be all. people who are genuinely homosexual are still oppressed, but the trans movement has started stepping on them to make ground we don't deserve. homosexuals are ok and valid. it's not a genital preference, and the prescence of trans people doesn't make conversion therapy sentiments ok, ever.

we've gone full circle, and it's not right.

[wilhellmine]

Get to know me - Alphabet

DAY 19 - S

1) Samhain

My all time fav pagan Holiday! Samhain is actually the same thing as Halloween, so I think Ive said enough by written about Halloween... Oh! I can just add that I have written my own Samhain ritual to honor my ancestors and Pagan Gods. On my Samhain altar, I always have black and orange candles, chestnuts, dried autumn leaves, cookies for spirits, acorns, cones, pumpkins and a little broom made out of twigs.

2) Saphael

My fav Shadowhunters ship! In the books... yeah, there isnt actually anything to ship, Raphael isnt that much into Simon like in the TV series and he is portrayed quite young in the books, but in the TV series... YAY!!! I love this ship soooooo much, actually even more than Malec! Raphael always cared for Simon and his safety and when they met after a long time in the ending episodes, I cried so much, because their little reunion made me happy... Im very sad that there is apparently a scene, where Raphael caresses Simons face but it wasnt involved in the series! Im planning to do a vid for Saphael, I even started it, but then my old pc crashed down and everything was lost and I was so mad, that I didnt start over, but I think I will do it one day.

3) Shadowhunters

Speaking of Saphael, I just cant forget the whole Shadowhunters-thing. I absolutely love it! The book, the TV series... well, the movie didnt impress me at all. And although the TV series is a little bit different from whats written in the books, I dont care, its just great and Im recommending it to everybode who likes a good fantasy. My fav character is Simon and Raphael and Magnus <3 I never really liked Jace... well, I like him, but I never found him as atractive as other girls did. Oh, and I just hate Clary :D I dont know why, she seems so... dumb to me XD yeah, maybe its because she was just thrown into a new world and didnt know what to do, but... I dont know, I just feel like her decisions and actions were dumb all the time :D

4) Sterek

My fav Teen Wolf ship! I like Sciles too, but... I always thought that Scott had more chemistry between him and Isaac. Sterek is just... TOP! Cute and funny and oh so amazing :D I made a vid for Sterek, sadly, I cant upload it, because of the copyright... :( so I need to figure out how to put it online...

5) Snow

I looooooooove snow and I always had! I remember waiting for the first snow as a kid and I was so excited when I saw the first snowflakes fly through the air! I was able to spend hours playing in the snow outside, completely alone, making igloos. Im still waiting for the first snow even as an adult, sadly the winter isnt the same as it was when I was little, so we dont get that much snow these years :( I hope we will have a beautiful winter with snow again so my baby girl can see what I saw when I was a kid and what I found completely magical :)

6) Supernatural

Ooooh! One of my fav TV shows!!! Its absolutely great and amazing and perfect and... I dont know what else to say! Just go and watch it, if you never did, its totally worth it! My husband is also a big fan of it! Its gonna end soon, so Im incredibly sad about it, luckily, it has 15 season to watch over and over again :D My fav character was always Crowley and I was devastated when he died. And I also love Sam so much <3 and I hope he doesnt get a bad ending, although I feel he will :(

7) Stiles

My baby cutie <3 Isnt he just amazing? I think Dylan O´Brian is one of the most beautiful beings in this world, dont fight me! Stiles as a character is just perfect, he is funny, brave, inteligent and, although he is human, the pack would be totally f*cked without him :D BTW Nogitsune-Stiles was hot as hell *heart eyes* I actually once had a dream about dating Scott (which I dont know why the hell was I dating him, I dont even like him :D Yeah, true alpha... who never really kicked some ass... :/ ), but kissing Stiles XD it felt pretty real... mmmhmmm :D

[teruthecreator]

if you're comfortable, could you say what specifically you hated about the finale? i never got into amnesty but i liked balance so i would like to know how disappointed i should be ://

okay i’m gonna explain this in-detail exactly Once bc i’m trying rlly hard to just forget about the whole epilogue and keep it moving like that shit never happened, so for anyone else who is asking me why i don’t like the finale (and im not saying you’re wrong for asking, anon, it just seems that when you vocally do not like a thing there are hundreds of people who come out of the woodworks to ask you why and i think thats kinda Huh, Weird of everyone but like whatever) i’m gonna lay it all out here on the table and you can take this as you will. 

i’m not gonna be getting into fistfights with people abt this so if you disagree please don’t try and banter with me. i am running on

also, CRITICISM OF ART DOES NOT MEAN CRITICISM OF THE ARTIST. I AM NOT CRITICIZING THE MCELROYS AS HUMAN BEINGS, BUT RATHER THEIR ARTISTIC DECISIONS IN TAZ: AMNESTY. MORE PEOPLE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A SEPARATION BETWEEN ART AND ARTIST, AND ONCE YOU (AS AN ARTIST) POST A PIECE, IT BECOMES SUBJECT TO CRITICISM. I AM NOT BRINGING GRIFFIN, JUSTIN, TRAVIS, OR CLINT’S CHARACTERS INTO QUESTION; I AM SIMPLY GIVING A CRITICISM ON THE SHOW THEY’VE CREATED AS A WORK OF ART. 

oh, this goes without saying, but i will anyway: SPOILERS FOR AMNESTY (IN GENERAL, BUT ALSO FOR EPISODE 36) 

i’m gonna start off by saying, i don’t think the whole episode was a total disaster. there are two things mainly that have ruined the whole experience for me, but for the most part i thought the like first 2 hours of this episode were a lot of fun! the fight scene was a little bogged down in the rolls imo, but it didn’t deter me too much from the overarching boss battle. the intro was a sick concept, i enjoyed the callback bits spliced in w newly scripted bits from mentioned past encounters, that was all well and good. i loved beacon in the episode, and god do i wish he stayed for the whole thing. 

my problem mainly sits with the epilogue, which is why i think the whole episode turns sour in my mind. because the epilogue is supposed to be what satiates your desire to know more, right? not to reference balance too much (bc these are two completely different stories w different premises, and for people to so readily compare them is kinda wack. that being said, they are two stories made by the same people that use an epilogue to wrap up the loose ends, so im gonna make this one comparison), but the epilogue told us, the listener, all the things we wanted to know about after the day of story of song. we got to know what they did, a little bit of their interpersonal relationships, and we even got a big group scene with the killarey wedding! 

this epilogue, though, feels like it left so much still on the table. one of those things i will swing back to later because it is the largest part of my argument, but after all of this time we still don’t know why everyone at the lodge got exiled! no one talks about it! we don’t know how dani ended up there, or jake, or barclay, or moira, or anyone! they don’t reference the banishments at all, which i think is a huge shortcoming figuring that is the core premise as to why these characters exist in our pc’s world in the first place. 

i also feel like the concept of the worlds being divided for a long time is kind of a dumb way to go about framing what they do After The Fact. like, they could have had those scenes happen without the looming concept of them being divided, especially when their big reunion scene is like 2 minutes long and basically does nothing. what would have been a cooler premise is if billy connected the worlds, and the worlds worked together in rebuilding themselves. we still could’ve had the same bits happen (for the most part), but i just think that whole separation bit kinda alienated the pc’s (especially thacker). 

but everything up to aubrey’s epilogue bit is fine. i have some problems, but it’s fine. where i started to completely abandon the work itself though is duck’s bit, and i’m gonna get into it by saying this: I know Justin Mcelroy is not legally required to make all of his characters gay, but this whole scene was just a big reminder to me that this show is done by 4 straight white men

and yeah, my big problem with this scene is the fact that justin had to make Duck/Minerva a thing. because it adds nothing to the story while also being a very skeevy concept in-general, and it reduces minerva’s character down to the Hero’s Girlfriend trope and it’s so comphet and she doesn’t deserve it. 

my first grievance with this: It adds nothing to the story. 

had justin not even mentioned the relationship part of their interaction before the scene actually took place, this scene would be like every other scene involving duck and minerva prior to this. duck says honey once, and even that could’ve been played off as duck just being affectionate to his friends (which is a thing, i call several of my friends “my love” irl and it isn’t a big deal). minerva doesn’t even use pet names, she calls duck by his full name, which is exactly how she addressed him in every other scene! duck’s speech is a genuine heart-puller, but it was completely soured by the fact that justin had to premise this entire scene by saying duck and minerva are a thing. 

my second grievance: it’s a skeevy-as-all-hell concept. 

this whole premise is nasty seven ways from sunday, and it is my biggest problem with duck’s bit as a whole. for starters, and i think more people need to mention this, minerva meets duck on the night of his 18th birthday. which means duck has literally just stopped being legally considered a minor before minerva appears before him. and honestly, i would still consider duck a minor in this case because he has literally just turned 18!!! his brain has not developed past one of a 17-year-old on the exact date of his birthday, and i argue it will not until he is at least in his twenties. keep in mind, your brain does not stop developing until you are about 25. so while in the legal sense, duck is an adult, in both the mental and emotional sense at that exact moment, duck is still a minor. AND he’s still in high school, as referenced in his response to her call to duty: “i got class tomorrow”. and minerva is old enough to have become the minister of defense for her homeworld, go through an entire war, and have several other chosen ones (including leo tarkesian, who is at least 20 years older than duck) before meeting duck. so that makes her much, much older than duck when she meets him. and i don’t care if they had barely any interaction after that first moment (though they did, as justin legit talks about when he introduces minerva as a concept to the show), that still establishes their initial interaction at a massive age difference. which, regardless of anything, makes their eventual relationship so genuinely messed up. 

sure, you can argue that when you get older age doesn’t make that much of a difference, and i would agree. my mother is 53 and her husband is 63, that’s ten years. but my mother and step mother did not meet at 8 and 18, they met at 50 and 60. the initial interaction makes all the difference between “older people meeting and having a relationship” and “a very messed up situation”. 

also, in this same argument, taking the mentor-student relationship and turning it into a romantic relationship IS SO MESSED UP!!!! GENUINELY AND HONESTLY MESSED UP!!! i feel like i don’t need to explain this because there have been so many examples already as to why this is a relationship you Should Not turn romantic, but i will anyway because it frustrates me so much that justin completely glosses over this!!! the power dynamic of a mentor-student relationship, in whatever way it is portrayed, displays a power balance that is heavily leaning to one side. there is not an equal distribution of power amongst the two because one person is teaching the other. the one person is weak to the others wills and whims because of lack of experience. think of your high school teacher or college professor; if you started a relationship with them, people would raise so many questions because you are not at equals to the teacher/professor. even if they treat you different, and even if they no longer teach you, it all has to do with the initial interaction. and minerva was still duck’s mentor up until either episode 34 or 35, when she handed off the title of Herald of the Astral Mind to duck. that means for nearly all of their interactions, there was a mentor-student dynamic. to have that turn into a romantic relationship is so sketchy and weird and leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

my third grievance: it reduces minerva’s character down to a girlfriend trope, and it’s comphet as hell 

my friend tin (@taako–waititi) phrased this so well in the big group chat im in w her, so imma just quote her on this and then go into the comphet stuff: 

“i was dming max about it and they also mentioned, quote, ‘her story was never about romance. it reduced her down to ‘competent woman becomes endgame girlfriend’ trope’ and they are so right it makes me fucking pissed. regardless of any ‘mutual respect’ and ‘emotional intimacy’ kind of thing going on that some people are arguing for, it’s something that didn’t need to happen because minerva’s character becomes that. my thing is mutual respect and emotional intimacy between two people can. exist. without it being. romantic. like. friendship is. also valid. i personally don’t think that mutual respect and emotional intimacy are two buttons that you press to make the machine churn out a romance” 

not only does it reduce minerva’s character to tropes, but it also is extremely comphet for a woman who is so heavily wlw-coded or lesbian-coded and it just angers me. you could argue that she could be bi, but if we look at canon for just its face-value, the only romantic interaction she ever has is with a man, which basically makes her straight. this isn’t like aubrey’s situation, where travis clearly states she is a bi woman who is just in a relationship with another woman in amnesty. griffin doesn’t state anything about minerva’s sexuality and then she’s paired off with a man right at the end. and you could argue that she isn’t wlw or lesbian-coded, but i am not the only one who is wlw and thinks this, so i feel like i have more of a ground to stand on in this opinion. and this just feels so, like, textbook compulsory heteronormativity it made me feel physically sick when i heard this bit in the podcast. 

so that’s my first big issue with the finale, fully explained. my second issue with the epilogue is that ned’s death continues to be disappointing and his character arc is never completed, which just tanks the whole show for me. 

i’ve talked about this several times since ep 28 about how ned’s death was stupid and did nothing for his character arc, but i’m gonna reiterate my main points for the people who find this post without knowing my whole blog:

1. ned’s main interpersonal conflicts are just brought to the surface and never fully delved into before his sudden death. ned doesn’t ever get to explain his history with boyd and why he had to steal shade tree to mama or barclay or really anyone besides vaguely to aubrey. 

2. every character is just immediately expected to feel sad about ned’s death, despite the tension that still remains right up until the very end. aubrey shouldn’t have even known that the shapeshifter framed ned because that’s all explained once she goes to sylvain, but i think travis just assumed she did because he heard the interaction between ned, mama, and barclay. so she should’ve had Way more conflicting feelings about the whole thing, but ned’s death is just angst-bait so that doesn’t happen.

3. ned’s death doesn’t make roll sense because clint rolled a mixed success and mixed successes, by definition, are supposed to be less severe moves than a failed roll (which gives the gm the ability to make a hard move). there isn’t really anything harder to do to a character than kill them, but even if you wanted to argue that if clint failed the roll the hard move would’ve been ned failing and letting dani get shot, it still doesn’t change the fact that clint rolled a mixed success when slamming into the pizza hut sign at full velocity and came out of that alive (severely injured, naturally, but still alive). 

so, yeah, there’s that. and then theres the fact that griffin doesn’t ever give us any other scenes involving ned directly. ned only becomes a reference from 28 on, which is so disappointing given ned’s importance to the other two pcs. and i understand that the mcelroys have a lot of trauma related to death, but griffin shouldn’t have killed ned off then if he did not want to talk about death in graphic detail. we all have trauma. we all want to avoid topics. but to kill ned off and then never talk about his death in great relation to the others is a genuine disservice to ned’s character. 

the day episode 28 aired was the same day i buried my grandmother. i would have loved if death wasn’t brought up, but i don’t control the podcast. the mcelroys do; they had the ability to avoid this topic in a more servicing way to the characters and they didn’t. that isn’t to say they are bad people for not doing it, but it makes the finale even more disappointing because it means we never get the full rounding out of ned’s character arc. he becomes this like brief reference that is, once again, angst-bait or emotional fuel and i feel like he didn’t deserve that. he deserved a genuine reference, a genuine moment. even a dream sequence i would have appreciated!!! 

griffin had sylvain directly point at ned in aubrey’s flashback in ep 35, and then did nothing about what that could have implicated in the finale. it sours the entire episode in a major way and disappointed me immensely. there should have been more done with that topic and there wasn’t and i will never forget how deeply it hurt me and turned me away from canon as a whole. not to be ned kin on main, but ned was the backbone of this show and the exact moment he left was the exact moment the whole thing went downhill. it turned less into a story about growth and adversary and amnesty and more into a waiting game for when this very loose end was going to get wrapped up. 

i wanted to enjoy this episode. i tried so hard, y’all. but just the thought of ned loomed over me the entire time and i was waiting for a more proper completion to his arc, and it never happened. and coupled with that very bad and skeevy duck/minerva bit i was just so frustrated and hurt last night. 

so, yeah, that’s my whole spiel. you are free to disagree with me, but keep that opinion to yourself because i’m not getting into it with anyone. i will just block you; it’s better for us both, anyway. 

[bunnibai]

Hello there, if you’re up to it here’s some more ask stuff :)

8, 9, 16, 18

IM FINALLY GETTING BACK TO THESE HOLY SHIT Okay >:) 

8. What's one weird personal headcanon you have for the character that's not addressed or that you haven't found a way to share yet?

Okay so Ari. Is a fucking nerd. It never gets brought up a lot? But she’s a fucking NERD guys. When she was little she read a lot of books? Specifically, her staff would carry her on their shoulders while she read when they walked in markets.  But in the group, since Rosie has kinda taken up the nerd role, it doesn’t usually get talked about a whole lot! Not that I mind that, though. I do ADORE the idea of the girls bonding over being nerds, though. Maybe they can’t sleep and they just stay up reading books over nothing really important and mumbling about it in a half delirious state. Ari isn’t EMBARRASSED by it per say, but she’s never really interacted with another person who liked reading besides Thallan, who you guys haven’t met. 

9. What are your character's relationships like with every member of their party? Bonus, if you want to write a short blurb on your character's opinion of them.

Oh boy this’ll be a long one.

The best way I’ve heard Rosie and Ari be described is actually through my friend who probably isn’t reading this, but she had assumed Rosie and Ari had a queerplatonic relationship? And at first I was like “nah” but if you look at it they super do. They’re not dating by any means; Ari doesn’t see Rosie that way and I assume Rosie doesn’t seem Ari that way, either. But they do a lot of traditionally more like? Date-y things? They cuddle and hold hands and stay up late at night with each other and in that vein, they’re like. Friends plus. It doesn’t help that they’re both “straight” and there’s nothing gay about wanting to cuddle your best friend nope! Girls are just like that there’s no reason to throw the l-word around guys. 

Canyon is really interesting for Ari for a lot of reasons. This isn’t something she’s. Used to. In Brinatia, race is really tricky. Ari was sort of an oddity because she was a halfling, but her family had “proved” themselves, so they tolerated her being inside and walking in the streets. But other than that and other exceptions, everyone was just. Elves. And if you weren’t, you were seen as lesser. Ari’s guard would be spat at in the streets, Lanna had her entire thing, it was. Crazy. And here Canyon is, and he’s so unapologetically himself that it caused whiplash. He does what he wants when he wants and doesn’t care who’s watching. She really admires him for that. She gets a little chide-y sometimes? But it’s really in good faith. I’ll talk more about it with Quill but her chiding them is actually a way of seeing that she’s comfortable. 

Quill is by far the most confusing person Ari has ever met. Ari has always learned obedience. She learned to keep her head down and do what she needed to in order to appear like she was following the rules. If she didn’t, she would be shot and killed without hesitation. But Quill is so unapologetically chaotic. She met Ari and one of the first things she did was openly admit to assassination and treason? To a near stranger? And Ari had no idea how someone could do something like that. Quill was the most avid, by far, supporter of killing Ari’s dad. She pesters Ari to be less scared all the time and actually do the things she wants to do and to Ari, that’s really special. Ari thinks that Quill is really special. The thing about Ari is that, the more comfortable she gets, the more willing she is to argue. It might look like she’s unhappy with Quill’s antics? With how much Ari hisses, “Quill!” and how often she’ll tell Quill she can’t do something. But Ari just being able to speak up at all shows a level of comfort she’s never really reached with anyone before. She does the same thing to Lanna; constantly chiding and telling her what’s socially acceptable. I think that’s a part of the reason Ari is so comfortable around Quill all of the time. Quill acts so much like Lanna and Ari just generally draws towards those people. 

16. What jokes/memes do you have about your character? Are there any jokes that accidentally became canon in the universe?

We have so many that it’s frankly ridiculous but I do wanna talk about the juice thing the most because it’s very sweet. But before I do, shoutout to the Ari meme about her hating vampires. For the uninitiated, Ari’s dad has turned into a vampire and Ari is Extremely Not Happy About It. She’s decided she hates vampires for the rest of her life but at every turn people have decided to make vampire jokes at her expense, and she always gets extremely flustered over it. It’s my favorite thing ever. 

The juice thing started when Josh, unknowing about my Thing with alcohol, gave me the goddess of temperance among other things. So she was ALWAYS drinking wine, and her kind of goal for the campaign was to get Ari to drink it. I said I was confident Ari would never do that, and that was of course about my trigger. Ari will never drink alcohol because I would get uncomfortable. So time goes on and Sarenrae keeps pressuring Ari, and then one day Josh finds out that I have an alcohol trigger! He asks why I never told him and I told him it wasn’t a big deal, but Josh insisted that my comfort is ALWAYS a big deal. So instead of having Sarenrae drink wine, he created this plot point that she actually ended up turning to juice, and now that’s what she likes to drink because Ari likes to drink it. And I just think that’s very nice. 

Other jokes include humans being cryptids in-universe and Ari being Definitely Absolutely Straight, yes sir. 

18. Have you made any fan children between your character and an NPC or PC? Is their relationship canon? Tell us about the kids if you want or have them! Tell us about the characters' lives together!

I have not and this is an ABSOLUTE SHAME because I love designing fan kids. But when it comes to lovers and lives after the campaign, I can tell you a very interesting idea I’ve been playing with. 

After the campaign, we obviously... don’t know what’s going to happen, right? So we don’t know what will be the same or different. So this is going to have a lot of assumptions. But the Order is defeated, Noxus is either dead or redeemed, etc. etc. And the party quietly retires to their various places, either together or separate, and in Brinatia... There’s a power vacuum. Her dad is dead. Ari is respected as a champion and, technically, is the next in line after her father. So what if she actually became queen? Ari and her wife (all too ready to commit arson on the city) aren’t the most beloved rulers by the high elves, but are by far the most beloved by the underdark standard. She does a lot in terms of social justice and equality, and although she’s been attempted to be assassinated a couple times, really. How can you go up against a champion? And she lives a nice life doing good for as many people as possible with Lanna until she eventually retires and passes on. 

[journaloftomfooleryandjapery]

All the TOP 10 OF THE DECADE posts made me want to make one of my own, so here’s my 10 fave games this decade:

Yakuza 0  Shovel Knight  Nier Automata  Metal Gear Rising  Gunvolt Chronicles Luminous Avenger IX Final Fantasy XV   Scott pilgrim vs the world the game Undertale Persona 5  Doom

Danganronpa 2, New Vegas, Touhou Luna Nights, Katana Zero and Mario Odyssey all only barely missed out, and it was a tough decision not to include them. I loved the shit out of those games but thinking it through I decided they were just slightly less loved by me than the above.

Below the cut are some extended thoughts (of varying length) on the games included:

Just CTRL F if you wanna find a specific one

Yakuza 0

Every Yakuza game is delightful and this is definitely the best one, in my opinion. The Yakuza games appeal to me for a lot of reasons: the combat, the story, the variety of activities, the look of it all and the music. I feel like its a very unique game experience with its blend of weird in-depth side activities, serious crime drama, manly man masculine combat friendship melodrama, metal gear-esque convoluted conspiracies and a surprisingly compassionate view of the world it takes place in. 

The combat is what drew me in initially because it just feels good, the feedback of stomping on a dudes face in yakuza is delivered perfectly, and the attacks are brutal, hard and flashy. Its a very solid and satisfying combat system and in 0 its the best it has ever been. The ability to switch between 3 different and equally fun fighting styles on the fly really lets you mix things up and adapt your approach, every style feels fun and useful. If i had to pick a favorite it would be slugger, but its a tough choice, and they are all very viable and FUN.

Yakuza 0 also gets big points for having the best story in the series. The protagonists feel much more interesting in this era, the fights feel more earned in this game than others, the relationships are incredibly touching (I’m almost mad majima didnt stay with makoto) and the substories (and some parts of the main story) are the funniest they’ve ever been. Stuff like the quasi-stealth mission where you have to make sure women don’t see you buying a porn magazine for a child, and the extended scene of kiryu trying to guess the right business manners for a meeting had me laughing so much i was i was almost in physical pain.

The extensive business and host club substories get you tons of extra game content and are good enough to almost be there own game. The other games in the series have extended side activites of varying quality, but i think 0 had a rare case of all of these being, basically, perfect. The team obviously agrees since host club management came back repeatedly, but never as good as it was here.

Being set in the 80s elevates almost everything in the game because of the outfits, money flying out of every enemy you attack, the classic sega games you can play at the arcade (Outrun is so much fun and I’d have never have given it a proper go otherwise) and the disco minigame everyones made a meme out of (that music is so catchy).

As a final note this game has the best boss fights and music in the series, which is a very high standard to surpass when you look at the rest of the series. The dual final boss fights, the recurring boss for kiryu and almost every majima fight are highlights of the entire series for me. 

0 is going to end up being one of the few games I’ll never sell my copy of because i want it available for me to play forever, its a complete delight.

Shovel Knight

This game has been analysed to hell and back, so i wont have much original to say i suppose. Admittedly i did enjoy the first campaign but it didnt completely win me over, plague knights campaign and beyond was what really made this an all time greats for me. It’s one of very few games that gets the NES+SNES platforming appeal 100% right and essentially surpasses most games of the day, with almost perfect pacing, challenge and level design. IT helps that the whole world and story and look is charming as all hell. It’s an easy game to love and the more you play it the more that feels justified. Being PACKED with great content is also a plus. If you liked the first campaign you can just keep going through a set of campaigns about as good that only really rehash some level assets. I would say its one of the best 2D platformers ever for me, if not quite my true number 1.

ALSO JAKE KAUFMAN KNOCKS IT OUT THE PARK WITH THIS SOUNDTRACK

Since i have little else to add to the shovel knight discussion, here’s my ranking/thoughts on each campaign

Plague of shadows. BEST storyline, great levels with a really cool gameplay gimmick, the characters are all cute and the ending really makes me feel for him. both sorry for him at first and then a very real AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW for LOVE

King of cards. king knight is just fun as hell to play as, he doesnt have that many tools but his movement is just crazy fun and i love the flair in all his animations. also has that rad final boss. joustus is ok i guess.

Shovel of hope. uuuuuuh what can i even say about this. its good, and the melancholy dream bits add a lot to the mood of the story. we’ve already analysed this campaign within an inch of its life i dont think i can say anything new. wish we could fight the battletoads on pc.

Specter of torment. still fun and i appreciate the tone change, but i didnt care as much for the characters and the mega man-esque level select doesnt suit shovel knight imo. specter knight has a lot of fun movement options though. mainly i just love GRINDING and the diagonal slash. i dont give a fuck about reize

Nier Automata

I feel a tiny bit ashamed i have so little to say about this considering it is one of the most emotional experiences i have ever had with a story. If i lsten to the final version of weight of the world i still cry just from remembering this game and how it made me feel. i think its one of the greatest narratives of the century but i can barely get across the appeal to anyone who hasnt already played it. its a story about hope, despair and the nature of the human race that never feels like its preachy or pretensious or taking on more than it can handle. it made me feel all kinds of emotions deeply and intensely, it genuinely made me burst into tears about 10 times, maybe more. even putting aside the ggrand narrative, theres so many cool character moments and bits of world building and visual eements and tragic little side stories that you would need a whole book to talk about them all while doing any real justice to them. i loved it so much that im paying £70 to see an orchestra do the soundtrack live. I want to hug and kiss 2b and 9s better. i just love it deeply and i find it hard to explain why it makes me feel that way, but its a dark beautiful and hopeful story where every moment feels earned. the despair of the story giving way to genuine hope with the rest of the world helping you fight for it is such an intensely emotional moment that you could never replicate outside of this kind of story and medium. how the fuck do i explain that to anyone that doesnt already get it. I’m glad this game exists

Metal Gear Rising 

Well, complete tone shift here. Platinum made a lot of great action games in the last decade that all dig into that same itch for DODGE SLOW MOTION BANG BANG BANG alongside great soundtracks, visuals and awesome set piece moments. Just intense, flashy, awesome combat. Picking a favorite of the decade was the hard part, because a platinum game had to be one of my faves of the decade. The closest was transformers, but mgr has a couple of things about it that put it above the rest of the platinum catalog for me.

The story actually works very well at still being metal gear while in the platinum formula, its about the cycle of violence and FINDING YOUR OWN PURPOSE and it works weirdly well. The strangest part is that it feels like a legitimate sequel to metal gear 4 tonally while still being the crazy action game it is

Raiden is just super fun to play as, while I’ll always miss the DODGE SLOWMO in a platinum game parry and zandatsu give a great flow to fights and there’s real exhilaration to parrying a hard chain of attacks and tearing out a bunch of enemies spines at once every time

raiden is also just  a fun protag, it truly allows me to embrace that kind of stereotypical edgy cool anime swordsman he embodies

BEST PLATINUM SOUNDTRACK DO NOT @ ME

Bosses just rule

one of the best final bosses ever, in my opinion? maybe that’s controversial, but armstrong gets an insane amount of characterization and pure PRESENCE out of such a small amount of screen time and the fact he feels like such a perfect rival to raiden so quickly is kind of nuts to me. within about half an hour you are ready for the ultimate final showdown with everything at stake, and then the gameplay 100% delivers on that with a fight that is challenging as hell and just feels climatic and intimidating. its a little thing, but having this dude just smack you around with his hands and almost no fighting skill after a game filled with crazy flippy cyborg ninjas makes him feel TOUGH and the way you finish him off? it just rocks, plain and simple. I don’t think i need to justify slices a massive dudes chest open and ripping out his giant still beating robot heart as the music climaxes and our cool edgy protag literally says WE’RE DONE HERE. truly, it has to be this way.

Gunvolt Chronicles Luminous Avenger IX 

For fast twitchy 2d platformers this barely beat out Katana Zero and Touhou Luna Nights, but i think its just a little better. The skill ceiling on this game is high as hell and once you really get to grips with it, its an experience you cant find anywhere else. its just satisfying as hell to be able to get through the point where you can ZOOM  through these levels by making use of copen’s dash and lock-on and weapons well enough. once you get good enough to get through a hole level without touching the ground, you just cant go back. I liked this enough to get an S rank on almost every level. this game just rules, man.

story, art and music are all great as well. but they pale in importance next to zippy jetpack zoom zoom fun time.

also great for having a cool twist that i genuinely did not see coming at all

Final Fantasy XV   

For context, my experience of FFXV was not the base game so i cannot personally address the concerns of the version at launch, which i hear from others was a total mess! The game has been updated and changed so much that it is probably almost unrecognizable aside from the absolute base aspects of it. The version i am talking about is, as far as we know, the “final” version released right before Episode Ardyn. There was of course an update after this, but it only added DLC compatibility and a few items, so it means very little in the grand scheme. I also played all of the dlc and watched all the periphery material to get the full, messy disjointed experience. it is also worth noting that the only other FF game i have played is the classic title Mario Hoops 3 on 3 Basketball. I feel it important to tell you this before getting into things so that you can have a full idea of the perspective i come at the game from.

This was chosen over Mario Odyssey and someone will probably kill me for that. I just think its a great emotional story that does a fantastic job of making you care for all the characters, and the world feels massive and full of cool stuff to see. It’s my favorite open world game and i love The Boys.  its not the kind of thing i usually play but i think it genuinely had a great story and its a very fun game to just explore and spend time in. ffxv truly understands the emotional bond between The Lads and it is fun to kill big monsters with your party

(they kinda ruin the last cutscene in english, in japanese he says I LOVE YOU GUYS and it makes me cry but in english he goes U GUYS ARE THE BEST which just isnt the same. a small nitpick though. a lot of this game made me cry regardless, its just great at creating an emotional bond)

I admire the insane level of ambition in the visuals and scope, and i bought every dlc for it because it was just that good. the ifrit boss fight and all the giant monsters are just amazingly epic in scale. the “found a cool rock” post is what i truly admire about this game summed up. 

all the ancillary material for the game is great and worth getting into, with the exception of the Comrades multiplayer expansion. Everything else adds depth to the story and the world without being entirely necessary for you to get through the story. the anime and the dlc all really feel worth getting into without being something you have to see to get The Full Experience

the giant monsters are cool

Scott Pilgrim vs the World: The Game

Being from 2010 this game only just makes it in, but it was my favorite beat em up this decade and a source of great nostalgia for me. It had a pretty big impact on music and art tastes in regards to games, and in retrospect this games existence was very much a dream team scenario. Paul Robertson is a great sprite artist who does a lot of good work, Anamanaguchi have gone on to become one of my favorite bands (another winter is still one of their best tracks imo) and at the time this came out i was obsessed with scott pilgrim. That plus the beat em up gameplay makes this kind of a perfect blending of a lot of my specific tastes. Playing this brings me back to the time in my school life that i played it very distinctly, a more comfortable time in my life for sure, and i think the game still stands up excellently. I hope that someday it will get a rerelease so others can enjoy it. I give this another play through every year or so, but i wish id gotten the dlc while it was still available

Doom

ITS VIOLENT ITS FAST ITS FUN ITS METAL

i like this game because of the intense adrenaline rush and violent catharsis it gives me, essentially a constant dopamine rush

fun game good

Undertale

I’m glad i got to this before the massive wave of spoilers and popularity came about. It’s a great story with some fun gameplay, and i think SANS UNDERTALE was one of the best boss fights this decade. Its a shame that for so many new players this experience is going to be ruined by spoilers

Persona 5 

Danganronpa 2 and fallout new vegas were close contenders for this last spot. I actually made a post about my thoughts on this game before https://journaloftomfooleryandjapery.tumblr.com/post/184341270554/nue-is-great-love-his-goofy-design-when-life-will but essentially 

Essentially, its got a great cast of characters, a cool slick look, great monster designs, a fun gameplay loop of collecting monsters and grinding stats while waiting for the next big event, and a surprisingly good story

No idea if royal is any good, but its on a pretty small list of games that i might actually take the time to replay

[rontra]

do you have any recommendations on how to like. Take In Umineko. I think it looks really cool and I’d like to get into it, but there’s a lot of things that are confusing (like all of the different games, the manga, the anime, ect.) and I’m not really sure where to start watching/reading it. Do you have any advice on where the best place to start is?

HOH BABY NOW THIS IS A GOOD ASK

Basically, a lot of this depends on you and how you prefer to take in media. People are different after all; some people like reading long novels, some prefer comics, u know! So let’s just go over all the avenues and how to get at them, and the rest is up to you!

I’m gonna make this post very long. VERY VERY LONG. IM SO FUCKn SORyr

First, I’ll talk abt what umineko is; then I’ll discuss the various media; finally, at the end, I’ll write down what I typically recommend to newcomers! SCROLL REALLY FAST TO THE HEADERS IF U HAVE NO TIME FOR MY RAMBLING LOL

So…here we goooo

READING UMINEKO: UNTANGLING THE WEB

OR: what the fuck is umineko and why do you want me to read it, diesel?

Since this is a general To Whom It May Concern post: Umineko no Naku Koro ni (Or Umineko: When They Cry, alternatively When The Seagulls Cry) is a murder mystery/fantasy/metafiction visual novel published between 2007 and 2011. I know “murder mystery” and “metafiction” sound pretty boring when you combine them, but trust me–Umineko’s unlike anything you’ve seen, and defies explanation. Still, I’m here to do my best!

Umineko is about a rich and complicated family, and their annual family conference–and the year it goes super duper badly. On an isolated island, in the middle of a typhoon, tragedy befalls the family–on a massive scale! Someone is killing them–all of them–and the only answer that seems to be rising is–

“Beatrice did it.”

But Beatrice isn’t supposed to really exist. Not for real!! No one by that name is on the island. It’s just a story! She’s made up–Beatrice is a legend. A witch who has lived for a thousand years–who loaned the family patriarch ten tons of gold, an insane amount of wealth, in exchange for his soul. Now she’s collecting on that loan, taking everything back, with interest–the lives of the family included.

Is the culprit a human, or not? Does the witch exist, or not?Is the culprit one of the 18 people? Does a 19th person exist? Or…?And, most importantly–when the typhoon passes, will anyone remain alive on the island?

[YouTube: Umineko opening]

I’d super-recommend Umineko if you enjoy: strong characterization, a solidly built mystery (with plenty of smaller mysteries to try your brain with along the way ;) ), complex and nuanced characters, hype magic fights, Logic-Based Combat(???), deep discussions of trauma and its consequences, large casts of characters, Genre Fuckery, coping, Meta™, and milfs Complex Lore

I would, however, NOT recommend Umineko if you are triggered by/can’t stomach reading about: body horror, gore, death, trauma, child abuse, bullying, discussion of suicide, discussion of sexual assault, etc (you can message me for a more complete list of warnings; I’m happy to provide super-specific ones if there’s something specific you’re concerned about, or even give you specific scenes to watch out for. I kept this vague on purpose, but if you message me off anon or via DMs here or at @aceyasu, I’ll be happy to answer anything!)

Overall it’s a pretty dark, emotional story, with a lot of Themes™–but it’s also full of love and genuine heartfelt Feelings. I don’t think any story has touched me the way Umineko has! Of course, everyone’s experience is very unique to them, but I think Umineko has something for everyone (provided, of course, that we’re taking into account the content warnings and excluding people who can’t/don’t want to encounter those things!). The characters, music, story and message–it all has a lot of heart and it all is very important to me as an individual. Obviously no media is flawless, but I think Umineko’s good outweighs its bad…YMMV though of course :p

Also, hype magic fights.

OKAY WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY

Umineko’s story is told over 8 arcs–styled as “episodes”. I use “arc” and “episode” sort of interchangeably! Specific ones I just call “EP#” though. All you really need to know though is there’s 8 of them, of varying length, and you have to read them all for the full story.

Thankfully they’re numbered, am i right?? HAFDmgkdfmg

Each episode has its own focus within the overarching narrative and comes with its own fun mysteries and harrowing developments just for you! yay! But basically, the important thing is that they’re divided into the Question Arcs (1-4) and Answer Arcs (5-8).

Sometimes, to make things confusing, the Answer Arcs are also called “Core Arcs” or “Chiru”. I will use “Answer Arcs” here, but if you encounter those two elsewhere, that’s what they are. :p

ACTUALLY EXPERIENCING UMINEKO

(now that im done YAPPING)

The anime

Generally viewed as a poor product. It’s a bad adaption that fails as a standalone, too, because of the amount of important scenes that are missing. Don’t watch the anime first if you really want to get into Umineko. It’s a fun watch once you know how it’s supposed to go, though :p Covers the Question Arcs only, ends with EP4–so even if it was good, it would only be half the story… press f to pay respects. The opening fuckin slaps though, and all the VAs are solid.

The manga

Each Episode has its own manga adaption, usually done by a different artist (with exception of EP1, EP3, and EP8, which are all by the same artist). Generally solid; gets the most important parts. For people who want to get through quicker, the manga helps a lot.

The primary cost is that a lot of characterization doesn’t get to shine AS bright, as there’s simply no time to get into the nooks and crannies (still a great cast, though). However, the art is usually fantastic–since the artist changes every EP, it’s easy to deal with even if you don’t like a specific one’s style. It’ll be gone by next Episode!

A lot of moments get punched up by the more visual format of the manga. You really get a better sense of the characters interacting physically with one another! You do, however, run into the Scanlation Problem…..

I know, I know–most people, when given the option to, don’t want to pay for things. So when given the choice between fan scanlations and the official release, a lot of people would choose the scanlations. And they’re fine…for the most part…except for the parts that aren’t. Some parts (notably in the Answer Arcs) are…bad. Really bad. Even I can’t really understand it sometimes, despite knowing this story inside out… LOL

If you’re good at parsing Scanlation SNAFU or can’t afford/don’t want to buy it, you can find Umineko on MOST manga hosts! I don’t know which you prefer so I’m not gonna link ‘em hahahafkgmfh I usually use Manga Rock but that’s because I usually am reading on my phone and I like their app. The episodes are all numbered, so it’s pretty easy to find your way around!

On the other hand, if you have a hard time understanding poor translations, reading inconsistent typesetting/fonts, or simply Can afford it/prefer buying media, the manga is being officially released in English by YenPress! As is standard nowadays, you can get them in both physical volumes and digital e-books! However, YenPress’ release is currently ongoing–the first volume of EP8 is slated to release in March.

[YenPress link]

The visual novel

Ah, here we are–the head honcho himself…! This is the original version of Umineko. These are the ones we call “games”, and why we sometimes say u “play” Umineko, but. Really. It’s just reading. They’re kinetic novels. Its literally just reading. So I don’t know why we complicate things like that.

(“if she an .exe, shes a game”, I guess… xD)

This is where the characterization and voice of Umineko really shines! The style is often simple to read, sometimes even comically casual, but it cuts deep when it wants to. Even really simple lines can have a really strong impact–it’s a really pleasant style to read, IMO…pretty easy to understand most of the time, but emotionally resonant all the same!

Reading the VN is somewhat of an undertaking, because of the amount of hours required…It’s a far longer read. Depending on your reading speed and whether or not you pause to think/talk about things as you read, people clock in 100-200 hours to finish it.

But, on the upside–because it has so much more time than the manga, the VN can really get deep into the characters, their dynamics, and their inner conflicts. You really get a deep sense for everyone’s character and it makes most of the cast feel fleshed-out enough that you appreciate all of them to some extent (whether positive or negative :P)

Oh, actually–the original Umineko branded itself a “Sound Novel”….as opposed to a Visual Novel, where the emphasis is on, uh–Visuals–Umineko leans more heavily on audio to create its atmosphere. And the music? Fuckin rips!! The Umineko soundtrack is huge and has tons of absolute bangers. It’s easy to see why it decided to market itself as a Sound Novel rather than a visual novel–the graphics of the original PC version are simple, but the atmospheric sound effects and BGM really shines.

Here’s some enticing tracks to pique yr interest (be careful about the comments/etc though, there’s Definitely spoilers in there xD)[worldenddominator] [dead angle] [dir] [system0] [hope]

The VN nowadays is split into the two halves; if you get EP4, it’ll include 1-3 as well, essentially. Picking up Question Arcs (or EP4) and Answer Arcs (or EP8) gives u the whole 8 episodes. Easy peasy! Because we live in the future now, and retroactive inclusion of past games is just convenient!

There is an official English release now, which is a brand new luxury. It’s even on Steam! Wow! That’s the easiest way to get your paws on the hands-on experience. The translation has been slightly updated as well! Also, they added a new set of toggle-able graphics that are…um…I mean they’re certainly new…#BarelyContainedOpinionAlert

If you don’t want to pay or can’t afford it…uhhh….I used to have torrent links but they’re all dead. :T still, you can probably just find them, if you know your way around torrents. For the translation, you’ll have to either get a pre-patched version of the game, or use the translation group’s instructions to patch it yourself. 

If you can’t do either of those, or just don’t really have a preference, or…any number of reasons, you can also find all the games fully recorded and uploaded to YouTube (with or without commentary)!

As for the links, I’ve got them right h–

Wait–oh, sh–the graphics are bad?!? You think the graphics are bad? Or you think plain reading is boring? Y-you can’t understand what the background image in this scene is even supposed to be? Ah…the post-2007 struggle….

The visual novel, Part Deux: AH, THE JPEGS edition

OKAY SO I SPLIT THIS APART BECAUSE IT*S IMPORTANT

If you wanna spruce up your VN-reading experience, here’s the thing: they ported the game to PS3, with brand new graphics and–get this–full voice acting. Wow! There’s even CGs now…Jeez!

These are NOT the same graphics as the new ones from the official English release! That’s important!

SO, if you wanna spruce up the graphics a bit, or you enjoy voice acting with your novels, you can do that! People took apart the PS3 games and made patches for the PC version to enjoy the new graphics and voices. And now it’s available for the Steam version as well!

[SPRITE COMPARISON: ORIGINAL PC | PS3 | STEAM]You pick your favorite!

ALSO VOICE ACTING! WOW!! Remember how I said the anime got two things right and they were the OP and the voice cast?

SAME CAST, BABEY!!!! They are all excellent and do a wonderful job! It can really add some more interest if you struggle with staying focused on “plain” reading.

Okay so NOW the links:

You’ll have to dig up torrents yourself if you want those, bc its 6am and I’m too sleepy to… uzu

QUESTION ARCS[Physical Eng release] or [Steam page] +[PS3 PATCH]

ANSWER ARCS[Physical Eng release] or [Steam page] +[PS3 PATCH]

YOUTUBE[Non-commentated, with PS3 patch] you can find more just by searching but this one looks good to me :p

RONTRA OPINIONS / SUGGESTIONS

Personally, I favor the VN for most scenes, but the manga for my light casual reading. Y’know? The VN can be pretty…um…dense, at times.

Ironically, I think EP1 itself might be the biggest hurdle for total first-timers. It’s definitely paced as a “part 1 of 8″ for the first solid portion! By which I mean, it really takes its time establishing the cast and their individual situations. Which isn’t a bad thing–especially in the overarching scope of how long the story is–but if you aren’t sure about the premise, format, or if you’ll enjoy Umineko at all, it can be sort of…challenging.

It all really depends on the individual–things like attention span, investment, and personal preferences, imo. Some people just don’t enjoy reading that much text at once! And that’s fine! Some people love it and that’s fine! Some people think the intro is too long, some people think it’s intriguing from the start. Some really like watching character building, and some prefer to see action happening. Either way is fine, so it’s really up to you!

Usually, if someone isn’t sure, I suggest they try EP1 in manga form first, just to see if the general premise entices them; it’s fully possible to jump back and do the VN if you decide you like it! It sacrifices some characterization in exchange for exploring the main premise a little faster.

Similarly, if you just can’t get into the VN–you can read the entire thing with manga too, if you favor action over the deepest character lore. It’s still a good time and a good experience!

Though, in EP1′s favor–if you ARE sure about it, and are able to dedicate your attention to the first 10-13 hours of set-up, EP1 has one of the most rewarding escalations I’ve encountered! If you are able to sit and read a fairly long-winded introduction, you are rewarded with the most buck wild Popping Off you can imagine.

So there’s nothing wrong with jumping right in there with the VN, if you enjoy reading!

However, if you do find that the VN is dragging too much for you, you can go in reverse too–and finish EP1 by manga, then decide if you want to jump back to the VN or not. I promise, the novels pick up the pace too–it’s just getting all the introductions down that can be daunting, when the initial cast size is a staggering 18 people (plus the LORE has to be established too)!!

Just for you–if you want to get into Umineko, but struggle with EP1, I’ll offer my private archive of YenPress manga rips for EP1–read the manga, official english translation, for free thanks to your dealer friend, rontra,You will have to message me about it, though–off anon or via DMs, here or at @aceyasu.

My favorite setups when I play by myself are either Original PC Graphics + Voice Acting, or Full PS3 Patch. I personally really like the original PC graphics, but I understand some people think they’re kinda…um…Rough, to say the least xD PS3 graphics are a close second for me though.

I don’t really like the steam version’s new sprites. Some people don’t mind them, so it’s up to you what you prefer, but I think they don’t really convey the feeling as well as their counterparts sometimes… :/

But hey, everyone’s got their own opinions!

I also prefer the EP8 manga to the EP8 VN. If I have control over someone’s first playthrough, I always push over to the manga for EP8! In my opinion, it’s a rare instance where the adaption is better than its original. People have different opinions on this, of course, but since this section is My Opinions Central, that’s my opinioooon!!! :D

SO BASICALLY MY OWN PERSONAL PREFERRED STRUCTURE IS

->TRY EP1 (jump over to manga if struggling; if enjoyed manga ep1 until the end, hop back into the VN at EP2 and come back to EP1 if you want to later)

EP2-EP7 VN

EP8 MANGA(EP8 VN if desired afterwards, once the dust settles)

But you’re free to do what you want, of course. ;9

And then after that there’s some spinoffs that I didn’t talk about because that’s a post for another time. (There’s a fighting game! It’s packed full of spoilers.)

AFTERWORD

All in all, Umineko is…big. its very very big. it has a huge cast (the final count comes out to like, almost 70 characters!) and a huge story. and huge feelings.

The manga and the VN are the main avenues of getting into it. It’s easier than it looks at a glance; and yet, more daunting than it seems…

If you have the time and energy to pour hours of your time into it, Umineko is a super worthwhile story that tackles genuinely difficult material with a delicate but honest hand.

It clowns up sometimes and stumbles over its own demographic–see: Weird Vaguely Unpleasant Anime-brand Sex Comedy that springs up a lot in EP1, some in EP2, and then largely disappears save for a few dumb jokes here and there–but overall is a solidly built and solidly delivered story about trauma, love, loss, and getting your family ritual-murdered by a thousand-year-old witch who may or may not be real.

And if you have any questions at all (or just wanna talk Umineko), you can send an ask or IM me here or at @aceyasu–you can ask for my Discord too if you wanna really get into it. Or DM me on twitter! I’m happy to answer any question or elaborate on anything you’re confused about. I tried to go over this post quickly, so if I was too vague on something, feel free to ask!

The same of course applies to content warnings; if there’s something specific you’re worried about, I can answer it for you, whether it’s “does [specific thing] happen/appear” or “how much of [thing] is there, i can handle a little bit”! Anything! Of course I want people to read my favorite, but I also more than that want u all to be safe.

I’m very sorry that this post is literally three thousand words long. Umineko’s been my special interest for almost ten whole years. I get chatty! But hopefully my passion shines through and gets you excited!!!

LOVE, A BIG NERD

[simkjrs]

msa asks (chap. 4  & onwards)

masterpost of msa asks that have been piling up, starting from when chapter 4 was published. thanks for your patience everyone...

answered in chronological order (first sent to most recently sent). i might have missed a couple, sorry about that

Anonymous said: IT'S OUT IT'S OUT IT'S OUT IT'S OUT IT'S OUT IT'S OUT IT'S OUT IT'S OUT

Anonymous said: *INCOHERENT SCREECHING AND FLAILING*

ah, the halcyon days of innocence, before everyone finished reading the chapter

Anonymous said: *just finished chp4* uh Yeah about that what the fuck? simk whAT THE HELL DID YOU POUR GUNPOWDER ON YOUR PC? LOAD 14 BULLETS ON EVERY KEY ON YOUR KEYBOARD? SEND KILLER ZAPS TO ANYONE WHO SCROLLS UNTIL THE END OF THE CHAPTER? I WAS SO EXCITED ABT THE UPDATE THAT I COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT U WERE ACTUALLY A MURDERER IN DISGUISE? ANOTHER BEGINNERS MISTAKE, BECAUSE EVERYTHING U WRITE FUCKS ME UP ON EVERY FUCKING LEVEL? SO YEah what i wanted to say is that i love you

to date this is still one of the funniest asks i’ve ever gotten and it’s going in my testimonials

Anonymous said: me @ the new msa chapter:👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

thank you, i do my best

Anonymous said: OH MY GOD! YOU REALLY PUT THE SNAKE FASHION THING!! :DDD :OOO

it was too good to pass up!! if you want to message me w/ ur name or url so i can credit you for inspo/the prompt, feel free :p

Anonymous said: I actually thought in the middle of the chapter that temple-dog would help Izuku escape so he would get captured by the other side of the coin and now i'm just crying

fjdlfkjsldf im sorry im like this. i do this 

Anonymous said: in just a few hours the comments went from 5 to flipping 23 25

yeah im very lucky to have so many people follow & support my writing!! im grateful to everyone who comments.

Anonymous said: I wonder how being sick works for MSA Izuku. In that odd state of not being as aware as usual and your mind being foggy, would he hear that star song easier or any other odd spirit shenanigans?

he’d just be kind of out of it and more susceptible to... things 

Anonymous said: SCREAMS?? I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH AND THIS CHAPTER WAS ABSOLUTELY STELLAR, THANK YOU FOR IMMEDIATELY BRIGHTENING MY NIGHT! I HOPE YOU HAVE A FANTASTIC TIME!!

ahh im really glad you enjoyed chapter four that much!! thank you!!!

Anonymous said: IM HOLLERIN THE NEW CHAPTER WAS SO GOOD WTF??

fjldkfsldf thank you.... 

Anonymous said: When I first commented on Ao3 I felt like looking at the other comments and I noticed all of them (at the time) had a line along the lines of "he needs a break" so I ended up imagining him just sunbathing on some tropical beach (read deserted island) sipping coconut Juice and sighing happily with noone to bother him.

that would be ideal. i think izuku also would not know what to do with himself

Anonymous said: MSA Izuku ch.4 summary: Kirishima: Hey are you ok? Izuku, literally on fire: Why, what's wrong?

GHFLKDFJLSDF IM LAUGHING!!! YOURE NOT WRONG

Anonymous said: I just finished msa ch4 and im?? Its 0 dark 00 and I have a 7 hour shift later Toda but I had to put it down and gnash my teeth over how GORGEOUS and HEARTBREAKING this chapter was before picking it up and finishing it. God im so stoked that it came out. Alright my pal, I hope you have a good time period of indeterminate length; take care of yourself yo!!

thank you im so glad you enjoyed it!! and i hope things have been good for you!

Anonymous said: ffuuuUUUUCK THAT TEMPLE-DOG YO WHAT AN AWFUL ICKY THING TO DO

correct, although in its defense, if izuku had just been another spirit, their connection would not have had that kind of effect 

Anonymous said: Uh, sorry if this bothering you, this has something to do with Msa Izuku, but not the new chapter (love it BTW, poor Izuku got captured by Overhaul. The cat is a new bar.).So, I would like to ask, just for fun, what would Izuku sees if he meets C/astiel face to face and how would the spirits react?

i think my worldbuilding and spn worldbuilding would conflict in so many terrible ways, but... izuku would prob be able to see c/astiel’s wings and true form? only for a bit before his eyes started getting itchy, and then started bleeding... dont think the spirits would like angels very much. spirits are a very prideful and arrogant bunch who don’t like to be intruded upon or interfered with

Anonymous said: who is Senshajou other than an amazing creature which I love already

senshajou is plato’s ideal cat. they are not exactly a spirit. they just are

Anonymous said: I'm suuuper curious about what the One for All spirit looks like in MSA, because my first thought is that it'd have to be this massive chimeric mutant due to the nature of it's creation and the fact it's been bonded to eight separate people.

coming back and reading this is incredibly funny because like. yeah. ofa is a chimera. not quite for the reasons you think, but yeah

Anonymous said: You know what I'm thinking right now? What of kiri and deku met in public after The Arrest™. The sheer chaos it would bring. The Confusion ™. I'm sure deku would just take one look at kiri and just. Book it. Also ch4 helped inspire me in my endavour to write about my etheral starlight dragon god for a original story i've been thinking up. You're really good at describing creatures beyond Imagination, you know.

you have correctly predicted this scenario. 

also im glad ch4 was able to help you in your writing endeavors!! best of luck!!

Anonymous said: whenever i read msa i always picture izuku wearing like, some kind of grey cloak, with the hood always up and shadowing his eyes no matter the context/location/surrounding temperature. It doesn't make any sense given the general fashion in bnha but I can't help it- msa!izuku is a cloak kinda guy imo

you’re right but msa izuku would also hate the attention that would come with wearing a cloak. he is definitely a hood-up kind of guy

Anonymous said: msa au in which Deku escapes the villain alliance, breaks into Kirishima's home, and just, fucking collapses on the couch. Kirishima gets up the next morning to see the fucking cryptid he'd hunted for days just, sleeping on his couch like a giant cat. What the fuck. What the fuck.

hold that thought

Anonymous said: So I'm reading ch 4 and listening to "I appear missing" by queens of the stone age and it works ridiculously well ngl (also like gd this chapter is so good the hype is real👍👍)

thank you!! this is a p cool song

Anonymous said: In MSA does everyone have a spirit? Have people always had spirits? Do you know how quirks started? Do even quirkless people have spirits? Why don't they have quirks? Could Izuku open their channel, or is the quirk canceling bullets different from quirkless people? So many questions!

most everyone has a spirit but not everyone, people have not always had guardian spirits, i do know how quirks started, quirkless people have spirits, they don’t have quirks because their bodies have not adapted to channel their spirit’s energy adequately, and izuku can try something with unlocking quirks, but it depends on what there is to work with already. quirk cancelling bullets rewind the bond between spirit and human but they don’t erase the adaptations to the body. quirkless people dont have that adaptation in the first place... hope that makes sense 

Anonymous said: dunno if this's been mentioned/acknowledged or asked about before, but wheres izuku's guardian spirit?

he ain’t got one. but why... 

Anonymous said: CHOO CHOO IT'S THE UNRESOLVED EMOTIONAL ISSUES TRAIN COMING IN AT 242379 MILES AN HOUR THERE ARE NO STOPS THERE ARE NO BRAKES WE DIE LIKE MEN ON THE HELL EXPRESS ~bakugous spirit

this is a joke but actually, yes. actually, this is very applicable to msa izuku himself, and so many characters i write, actually. this is an icnredibly funny ask and i love the phrases you use  and i would not be surprised if i subconsciously absorb this phrase and accidentally use it in the future. thank you for this

Anonymous said: question: if msa izuku and kirishima were in a dangerous situation and izuku almost got hurt very badly/died but he managed to escape. BUT kirishima didnt see him escape and didnt know he was okay. how would kirishima react

in typical kirishima fashion he would be very worried about izuku and would probably try to figure out a way to rescue him

Anonymous said: im ppl have been talkig abt izu's guardian spirit lately, but wht abt allm's? i like to imagine that when shimura died, she became toshi's guardian spirit

shes not allm’s guardian spirit but shes Around

Anonymous said: ok but the part where msa izuku says release it rly reminded me of cardcaptor sakura just sayin

never watched cardcaptor sakura but thats p cool 

Anonymous said: I'd like to think if MSA. Izu/ku got hit with a quirk erasing bullet it wouldn't kill him, just like knock him out for a good day or so until he wakes back up through spite and the universe just hating him and being like "man thanks for the nap gun guys gotta get me one of those"

Anonymous said: I had a dream that msa!izu/ku was standing in his cell and staring at a nearby guard and the guard is wondering wtf why is he staring like that but actually he was just really tired and fell asleep. Standing up. W/eyes open.

HEY THIS IS INCREDIBLE AND INCREDIBLY FUNNY AND IF SOMEONE WROTE A SNIPPET WITH IZUKU DOING THIS I WOULD ABSOLUTELY BELIEVE IT

Anonymous said: I'm sorry but I have to tell you “Would you like to sit?” “No.” is the funniest interaction I have ever experienced in my life I woke up my grandmother at 3 am cause I was laughing so hard and she's doesn't even live on the same floor as me

im so glad that izuku being a bullheaded and troubled teenager can bring some amusement and laughter to your day

Anonymous said: i guess you could say that in the lastest chapter, msa izuku is kicking ass... /and taking names/ BA DUM TSHHHHHHH

HGJDFKJSDLGSDF IM LAUGHING!!!! STOP THIS

Anonymous said: In the MSA verse when someone doesn't like their quirk for example like your OC Mitoki and they don't use their quirk how does that affect their spirit?

doesn’t really affect their spirit except like, psychologically or emotionally, because they would Like for their charge to be able to use their powers in order to defend themselves, but their charge Is Not

Anonymous said: What would Mitoki think of MSA Izuku?

msa izuku: says Anything msa izuku: pulls Those Stunts msa izuku: does stuff of gray legality without bothering to explain himself, ever msa izuku: also is grudgingly a good person mitoki: this guy is hilarious and a fucking RIOT, i have to adopt him immediately

Anonymous said: i imagine after hearing the music of the universe msa izuku doesn't like human music anymore, huh?

i think he isn’t very fond of any music that reminds him of that experience, and how he nearly lost sight of his sense of self. normal, mundane music with absolutely nothing out of the ordinary is probably a relief

Anonymous said: Just wanted to drop in and say that I really love MSA!!! It's a super refreshing read, and I LOVE how you write everyone. I'm so hooked, you have no idea. Thank you so much for all the work you put into it!!

thank you for dropping in and letting me know!! i love feedback like this, makes me happy to keep writing and sharing stuff. i hope you enjoy the next chapter!

Anonymous said: someone: *gives izuku positive attention* izuku: you come into MY HOUSE

yeah that’s pretty much exactly it

Anonymous said: This might be a little weird and specific, but how would MSA Izuku react to someone who does similar stuff to him? Meaning, constantly does weird eldritch shit while sassing away any attempts to figure it out. And also assuming that they keep crossing paths no matter how either party feels about it.

probably kind of uncomfortable, but if this person is reacting to said eldritch stuff the way msa izuku reacts to spirit stuff, i think he’d just recognize this person as someone else who’s going through a lot of stuff and just wants to be left alone, and then msa izuku would proceed to leave them alone. maybe quietly give them a coffee if they look like they need it, then leave.

if this person was enjoying eldritch stuff, i think msa izuku would be kind of envious of them, and resentful, because hey, this person gets a way better deal than me in terms of eldritch mysteries, why do i get stuck with all the bad stuff? 

either way i don’t think msa izuku would spend a lot of time with them, he has a lot of his own stuff to deal with.

Anonymous said: Holy hell. Did Izuku, like, frickin ABSORB afo or some shit??

Anonymous said: Did izu/ku discover afo's spirit's name? And then proceed to destroy afo

Anonymous said: If I was Aizawa, or any other clever member of the hero crew, my assumption would probably be that Izuku is the product of a quirk that makes physical manifestations of other people's quirks. The person with said quirk probably used it on themselves, thus Izuku. It would reasonably explain why he's so dodgy about his identity, can fix/alter quirks, talks strangely to nothing, and is so effected by the eraser quirk. (It's fun manufacturing wrong but reasonable theories!)

oh thats a really interesting theory!! hmm yeah... it could work, but if i was aizawa i would wonder why izuku didn’t just disappear if he was just a temporary manifestation of a quirk. i’ll deffo consider this though and if it proves useful to the story i hope you won’t mind if i use it? 

thank you for writing in!

Anonymous said: Goodness, I love your work. A part of me silently lives for the day when MSA!Izu and All Might spend time together and AM's just?? Immune to all of Izu's snark, while still being such a dad. Like "Deku my boy, where's the hoodie I gave you? It's getting cold out."/"Based on the trajectory of the moon and sun, in a garbage bin somewhere."/"Oh! Well it *was* my old highschool hoodie. It was probably getting too old to wear anyway"/*Cue frustrated-mortified screams of the little cryptid child*

frankly i don’t think msa izuku would be able to handle someone knowing About Him and genuinely looking after him at the same time, he’s only ever had one or the other at a time, if all might did this msa izuku would short circuit and have a minor crisis because he doesn’t know how to accept affection from someone who accepts him for who he is. this thought hurts me and i regret thinking about this. really good ask, thanks for sending it in

Anonymous said: Your fic ‘know what i’ve made by the marks on my hands’ is a power move in of itself.

fndlfksldkf THANKS, im putting this in my testimonials

Anonymous said: Ever since the beggining of MSA I can't get rid of a certain though. Bakugou's Quirk something horibly adorable and comepletely enamored with Izuku. Like, the moment it sees him, it just jumps at him with hugs and kisses, possibly some purrs. Izuku avoiding the duo because he's so done and tired of the vilent love and explosive heatred mixture.

izuku hates it because both of them are giving him some form of attention and he just wants them to forget about him and be done with it

Anonymous said: Idk whether this was asked but how do names come across in the second intonation?? Like if izuku was saying senshajou (?) would the name come out in japanese or does the second intonation have a way of saying names without actually saying them? Basically would listening in on their conversation reveal a bunch of static and then just "carwash" in the middle of the sentence??

intonations aren’t a new language, just a manner of speaking, where the fourth intonation takes the most energy and the first intonation (normal speech) takes the least. effectively, izuku and all the spirits are speaking japanese, but the intonation they speak in will take their words to a different energy level. if that makes sense. so, no, ‘carwash’ would not show up in the middle of a sentence

Anonymous said: SIMK IM CHOKING!!!!!! YOUR ART LEFT ME SPEECHLESS ITS SO GOOOOD!!!!

thank you so much!!! this is very flattering, and makes me very happy as well

Anonymous said: Hey have you ever played OFF?? Idk the first pic you drew for MSA rly reminds me of it

i have not! but i love the art i’ve seen for it

Anonymous said: so are the guardian spirits in msa bound to their humans in a distance sense? like can they just wander off to somewhere far away from their human or would they hit a boundary somewhere?

yes, spirits are basically bound by proximity! they can leave their charges behind and go gallivanting to another continent but it’s Not A Good Idea for a few reasons and becomes very unpractical. they can travel pretty far from their charges if the necessity arises, though.

Anonymous said: there is a lot of things i could say about your my spirit academia art but the first thing that i thought of was "wow izuku looks good with nail polish"

fjdlkfjsldf

everyone looks great with nail polish!

Anonymous said: msa!izuku's flirting: you're slightly less terrible than everything else happening in this situation right now

izuku says this stiffly and without looking at the other person because expressing emotion and vulnerability is difficult for him

Anonymous said: Honestly msa!izuku is the most relatable au Izuku. I too wish I could just fade from everyone’s collective knowledge and become the local ghost story middle schoolers dare each other to test. *izuku gets ding-dong-ditched but only because local children are too terrified to stay to see the beast that lives in that apartment*

Wait what does Izuku do for halloween anyways?

i accidentally deleted the second half of your question so that’s just a paraphrase sorry!! but yeah, i’ve infused msa izuku with some of my more cryptid-longing tendencies, i find it hilarious that this has carried through. i love the proposed scenario. it’s incredibly funny and absolutely something that would happen to izuku 

i dont think halloween is very widely celebrated in japan? but if it was, izuku would probably just shut himself in his room for the night because he doesn’t want to deal with any aspect of the holiday

Anonymous said: heya!! i just read your msa fic and i absolutely adore it! the whole idea is just awesome in the every sense of the word and ive found myself already completely immersed in it! your writing of izu/ku is very relatable for me and it only makes me love the fic more?? ahh im just head over heels for it!!!!

ahhh im really glad to hear that!!! i hope you continue to enjoy future chapters, as we explore more of izuku’s character, and possibly, his past :^)

Anonymous said: u have probs already gotten this question before, but was msa izuku (or his soul) merged with his guardian spirit at birth? Cause izuku basically says that something went terribly wrong at his birth... so I'm thinking he somehow merged with his spirit????

something like that! there was spirit fuckery involved.

Anonymous said: I cant help but think prototype!izu/ku's hair would match msa izu/ku v well

im laughing because ive actually drawn msa izuku with a hairstyle DISTRESSINGLY similar to prototype izuku’s hair. msa izuku has got that unhappy, emo vibe about him that just naturally attracts the kinds of vibes that prototype izuku’s hair gives off

Anonymous said: is izu/ku's guardian spirit like nessie or bigfoot or something? cause i swear to fuck he's such a cryptid omg

HRNGLDFLKSDF IM LAUGHING

nah, izuku doesn’t have a guardian spirit. only... himself

Anonymous said: Did All Might give Mirio One For All in MSA?

no idea, haven’t thought about it, won’t figure it out until i actually need to address it

Anonymous said: I just wanna say that I love msa and kirishima is trying

kirishima *is* trying and we are all loving and supporting him for the amazing work he does

Anonymous said: Say, would Shinsou’s quirk work on MSA!Izuku?

you will find that out in, sports festival msa au, wherein msa izuku accidentally takes his canon counterpart’s place right after he’s finished the obstacle course event in the sports festival. i need to get through the end of the sports festival before im satisfied with publishing it... but i’ve finished the shinsou fight. so! you’ll see :p

Anonymous said: Hey I sent you an ask a while ago but idk if you saw it or not, but I just wanted to say that I really liked your latest chapter of msa! The music that you described in the chapter was really amazing and it made me think of this song called “the heaven’s flock” sang by the Texas all state choir. Obviously it won’t be anything close to the ethereal other-worldly music that you describe in the chapter, but it’s what came to mind while I was reading it. You can find it on YouTube, hope you like it!

hey im super glad!! i spent a lot of time editing those paragraphs for Maximum Spiritness, it’s always gratifying to know someone enjoyed them. and yes, i checked out the song on youtube, and it’s pretty cool! choral pieces usually don’t interest me a lot but this one was fun. thanks for telling me about it!

Anonymous said: i just found your ff and I love them! Tired(tm) Midoriya is great and I love him.

thank you!! izuku who is tired of this bullshit and calls it out when he sees it is definitely very fun. 

Anonymous said: where is msa!izuku's physique in comparison to the cannon timeline? is he closer to how he was at the very start of series, or while he was training with All Might before he got One for All?

he’s pretty lean and wiry with plenty of stamina, so i’d say he’s about on par with canon izuku after training with all might pre-yuuei. he probably doesn’t have as much raw strength but i think he has more stamina

Anonymous said: Msa izu/ku escapes from the Precepts' clutches and starts booking it around the tunnels and just. Stumbles upon Eri. Stops and takes the time to fuckin wrangle her spirit to stop it from unexisting him and just books it with her "I'm taking her now bye"

this is hilariously close

Anonymous said: you used a lyric from meet me in the woods for the 4th chapter of msa and god thinking about it that song fits the au?? at least as much as i've seen about it.

thank you!! and yeah, i’ve actually got that song on my msa playlist. specifically, my msa kiri/deku playlist, because it fits so well. [sips that heart hurting juice] im happy someone caught the reference!

Anonymous said: just read the quote from Morrison 'she utilised violence in a purely feminine way' by chucking hot pokers at people and all I can think of is msa!izu/ku being so done with everything and being violent 'in a purely deadpan way', chucking his collection of spray paint cans/ art supplies/ occasional chair at the spirits because he's just so done and LET HIM SLEEP OR AT LEAST TURN UP WITH COFFEE GODDAMIT.

you are not, wrong 

thats what his scripts are for!

Anonymous said: Msa! Izu/ku's laugh sounding like a dead rustling/ raspy monotone that is simultaneously eerie and extremely concerning to the point you want to wrap him in marshmallows.

msa izuku’s laugh sounds very, very tired, which is arguably the same thing

@iamlikecain​ said: Hi ! I juste wanted to say that I love your fic My spirit academia and sassy Izuku is what I now live for. Btw, he doesn’t deserve to suffer omg that poor baby and uuugg I hope he’ll be happy ;—-;

haha thank you!! i’m glad you like msa izuku’s shenanigans!! and yeah. he really doesn’t deserve any of this. things will, hopefully, look up for him soon! i am not setting out to write a pessimistic story, eventually things will get better

Anonymous said: Your my hero academia spirit AU is super frigging interesting??? Im dying to read more :DDD

thank you! im super glad you enjoyed it

Anonymous said: What are your favorite msu!izuku headcannons?

just the fact of him existing in this unrestrained, unintentionally chaotic state of being wherein he does what he needs to and may even do what you want him to, but in a way that makes him and you and everyone else involved feel like you’re all just a bunch of clowns. heres a couple more facts about him though

his goal in life is to become a famous reclusive calligrapher who has retired to the isolated countryside to do calligraphy, where no one can bother him

secretly still really passionate about heroics but kind of embarrassed about it so if you find out or bring it up he WILL try to kill you

messy and not very good at cooking, but doing his best

knows some kind of weird trivia that you wouldn’t really expect

Anonymous said: b r u h what would inko's quirk spirit creature look like?? soft and playful and curious about all sorts of smol trinkets/objects??? would they be combative w izuku too??? ;-; or reach some sort of grudging acceptance of their presence??? smol green abomination belongs to my beloved human, so no fighting little abomination

honestly i haven’t given a lot of thought to inko’s guardian spirit, other than that it’s probably pretty small and not one of the most powerful spirits out there. it’s kind of distant from izuku, bc izuku makes it uneasy, but it cares about izuku in its own way. 

[sassiperere]

Sex Tape

Title: Sex Tape Pairing: Akira Kurusu/Ryuji Sakamoto Rating: M (implied sexual content) Word Count: 3712 Summary: futaba gets a hold of some compromising information and it all goes downhill from there (chatfic)

Fucking i dont even REMEMBER how we got to this conversation in the pegoryu discord server BUT WE DID and we semi rpd this whole thing at 11pm all the way through midnight and i was writing this thing based on that conversation at like 2 am so im actually very embarrassed but anyway enjoy this fucking chaos of a fanfic

READ IT ON AO3

GROUP NAME: ✨ PHANTOM THIEVES ✨

MEMBERS: Capable Leader™, -` RYUJI ´-, ANN~, Yusuke K., Makoto, [hacker voice].

TODAY 00:47 AM

[hacker voice]: Gee, futaba, what do you do with all your amazing hacking skills?

[hacker voice]: I leak government secrets, destroy anonymous organizations and hack into my old neopets account because I forgot the password and I wanted to feel nostalgic

Makoto: What’s that?

[hacker voice]: children’s website. You had to adopt a “neopet” and raise it kinda like a Tamagotchi. It had some really fun features like games and events and shit. It really kept me entertained when I was younger

[hacker voice]: comfort site, if you will.

Makoto: Sounds nice!

Capable Leader™: you played that? I thought it was really boring when I tried

[hacker voice]: with all due respect wtf is wrong with you?

Capable Leader™: I dunno, all the neopets looked kinda ugly…

[hacker voice]: you have a dick with tentacles as a persona and you’re calling neopets ugly????

Capable Leader™: I never said Mara was pretty

[hacker voice]: point taken

[hacker voice]: but like my point is

[hacker voice]: kacheeks

Capable Leader™: They were kinda cute but I abandoned one for a soy sauce or whatever was that dragon one

[hacker voice]: that’s it

[hacker voice]: that’s where I draw the line

[hacker voice]: you’re dead to me

[hacker voice]: I’m leaking your nudes

Capable Leader™: WTF?? HOW DO YOU HAVE THEM?? I DON’T EVEN HIDE THEM IN MY PHONE ANYMORE??

[hacker voice]: oh my god you actually have nudes?

Capable Leader™: oh…

Capable Leader™: woops…

ANN~: knew it

ANN~: @ -` RYUJI ´- pay the fuck up

-` RYUJI ´-: wtf? WTF??? WTF AKIRA???

-` RYUJI ´-: WHY DO YOU HAVE NUDES??

-` RYUJI ´-: ARE THEY YOURS OR LIKE NUDES YOU RECEIVED?

Capable Leader™: Listen

[hacker voice]: update I got them

Capable Leader™: do you really?

[hacker voice]: four of them were taken on the same day cause your nails were painted black and the other two are from a different angle and your underwear has paw prints on it

Capable Leader™: fuck.

-` RYUJI ´-: FOR REAL??

Makoto: Excuse me what kind of nonsense is going on right now?

[hacker voice]: I hacked into Akira’s PC and got his super secret dick pix

Makoto: I expected better from both of you

ANN~: Guys I’m heer im just slaughging so hard I cant se

-` RYUJI ´-: WHY DO YOU HAVE THESE?? WHO ARE YOU SENDING THEM TO??

Capable Leader™: does it matter who I send my genitals to?

-` RYUJI ´-: UH YEAH?? I CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE WORRIED ABOUT THIS CAN I??

Yusuke K.: What seems to be the matter?

-` RYUJI ´-: AKIRAS BEEN SENDING NUDES TO STRANGERS AND FUTABA GOT THEM

Yusuke K.: Akira I did not know you had nude portraits of yourself

Yusuke K.: You should have informed me. I would gladly appraise them.

Yusuke K.: I would love to paint you too, if you so desire. I’m sure your form is marvelous to capture on canvas.

-` RYUJI ´-: dude…

ANN~: I FEEL BAD THAT IM LAUGHING

Makoto: @Yusuke K. it’s really not what you think…

[hacker voice]: ryuji are you

[hacker voice]: jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeealous?

 PRIVATE MESSAGE: the blonde fuckboy one

the blonde fuckboy one: yo futaba

the blonde fuckboy one: do you actually for real have akiras dick there?

You: YOU ARE I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS

the blonde fuckboy one: stfu

You: yeah I do have akira’s nudes for real, here I’ll send you a sneaky preview as proof

You sent AKIRA_NUDE_1_CENSOR.jpeg

the blonde fuckboy one: oh my god

You: interested in the full, uncensored ver? For a mere fee of 400y you can have it

the blonde fuckboy one: no wtf im not gonna do that to my bro akira

the blonde fuckboy one: but how big is he

You: im speechless

the blonde fuckboy one: is he bigger than me?

You: dunno need material to compare

the blonde fuckboy one: ok

the blonde fuckboy one: wait

the blonde fuckboy one: youre gonna threaten to leak mine too fuck you

You: worth a shot

 PRIVATE MESSAGE: Emo Bob Ross

Emo Bob Ross: Hello, Futaba, I am interested in Akira’s nude portraits. Are you perhaps offering them?

Emo Bob Ross: Ryuji did say Akira was sending them off to strangers so I would imagine he has no quarrel with me evaluating it.

Emo Bob Ross: Should I pick them up at Leblanc?

You: I don’t even know where to start

Emo Bob Ross: Any of them would be fine. It would be difficult to take multiple ones to the dorms regardless.

You: I feel bad now

Emo Bob Ross: ?

You: yusuke… you should go to bed…

You: you’re typing a lot please don’t make this into an art rant thing

Emo Bob Ross: Futaba must I explain once again that nude portraits have no perverted undertones and are about the portrayal of the human being stripped of all it’s factors back down to it’s core, thus revealing it’s innermost self? The true self. The self an artist so desperately seeks to represent and very few up to this date have been successful. My eternal search for the perfect and realest form has me in need of diverse- both physically and spiritually – models that are willing to bare their very souls to me. I am not looking at this experience as a lustful, carnal desire. I would never dare take advantage of someone who has been brave enough to let me gaze upon their being so intimately for the sake of art. We have been through this. I have been through this with several people, in actuality, I’m starting to get a little tired of explaining this over and over again but for the sake of deconstruction of societal standards that block my advancement in the unexplored road to artistic perfection I will gladly do so.

You: holy shit

You: im sorry yusuke but its 1 am im just skimming through this

You: the thing is not that I doubt your passion to your study of the arts

You: the thing is that what I have… is not art…

Emo Bob Ross: I’ll be the judge of that

Emo Bob Ross: Not to offend you but I have a trained eye

You: you know what

You: do you have 400y? For that much you can have the digital copy. Physical copy is gonna be at least 600 depending on the material

Emo Bob Ross: I’m low on cash but I’ll keep you in mind if I manage to rake in the money.

 GROUP NAME: ✨ PHANTOM THIEVES ✨

[hacker voice]: @Capable Leader™ lets make a deal

[hacker voice]: give me a copy of every nude you make willingly and I wont leak these

Capable Leader™: why tf would I do that

[hacker voice]: cause your dick is magical and I’ll split the spoils 20/80

Makoto: Stop this at once. There’s no way this deal is good news. Akira knows this.

Capable Leader™: I demand at LEAST 50/50

Makoto: AKIRA

[hacker voice]: I deserve more?? I’m doing ALL the work?

Capable Leader™: It’s MY dick??

-` RYUJI ´-: he’s right tho… the dick is like 90% of a man’s identity…

ANN~: Whats the other 10%?

-` RYUJI ´-: the balls

ANN~: I’m sorry I asked

[hacker voice] 40/60 is the MAX im willing to go and that’s me being GENEROUS because I recognize you have magic juju dick pix that already fished in two possible buyers

[hacker voice]: and also youre my friend and I love you

-` RYUJI ´-: I never said I’d buy it???

[hacker voice]: sigh

Capable Leader™: Ryuji…

-` RYUJI ´-: UH

Capable Leader™: Bro…

-` RYUJI ´-: I MEAN

Capable Leader™: If you wanted my nudes…

-` RYUJI ´-: I ALSO ENVER SAID I ASKED FUTABA FOR THEM DON’T GET THE WRONG IDEA

Capable Leader™: You just had to ask…

-` RYUJI ´-: LISTEN I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WERE BIGGER THAN ME THAT’S A MAN THING

-` RYUJI ´-: wait really

ANN~: omfg

Makoto: I feel like this conversation is about to get very intimate

Yusuke K.: I would like to request permission to ask for your nudes as well, Akira

Capable Leader™: oh

Capable Leader™: well that’s a surprising turn of events

Yusuke K.: I fail to see how that surprises you considering you know how I am a fan of the erotica genre and it’s artistic disposition to strip a human bare to it’s very core.

-` RYUJI ´-: no dude…

-` RYUJI ´-: like this is not the nude art thing you keep talking about...

-` RYUJI ´-: this is like

Capable Leader™: (implying I’m not art)

[hacker voice]: touché

-` RYUJI ´-: a dick pic

-` RYUJI ´-: like its just a picture of his dick taken with his phone camera that’s it

Yusuke K.: Well, anything can be art! Art is subjective! I would like to evaluate the photograph!

-` RYUJI ´-: LISTEN MAN, AKIRA DIDN’T TAKE THAT PICTURE TO BE ARTSY, TRUST ME.

Makoto: Yusuke I strongly advise against this

Makoto: If anyone online offers to send you “a nude” please do not accept it…

Yusuke K.: It does intrigue me why anyone would simply want a picture of someone else’s genitalia when you could get the full view…

Makoto: remain intrigued

Makoto: not everything in life needs to be understood

Capable Leader™: Hey Futaba, I accept payment in Ryuji’s nudes as well

[hacker voice]: the contract has been sealed

-` RYUJI ´-: WTF AKIRA

-` RYUJI ´-: I DIDN’T CONSENT TO THIS

Capable Leader™: Come on, Ryuji… my bro…

Capable Leader™: This is just a bro thing…

Capable Leader™: Whomst amongst us never seen their best bro’s dick?

Capable Leader™: You’re my best bro, Ryuji… I wanna get to know every part of you…

Makoto: this is a public chat

[hacker voice]: gross

Capable Leader™: The very deep and intimate connection between two bros is nothing to hide, Makoto…

ANN~: You should hang out and deepen your bond

[hacker voice]: don’t think I don’t know what youre doing ann, that’s cheating

ANN~: ;)

-` RYUJI ´-: bro…

-` RYUJI ´-: If you wanted MY nudes bro…

-` RYUJI ´-: you could have just asked, bro….

Makoto: I can’t believe this is a thing that is happening right now

ANN~: ive turned off the TV this group chat is too lit for me to take my eyes off it

Makoto: it’s 2 am we should prepare to bed

Capable Leader™: [MESSAGE DELETED]

[hacker voice]: FUCK

ANN~: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS IM RAKING IT IN TONIIIIIIIIIIIGHT

ANN~: WAIT WHAT

Capable Leader™: what? I didn’t delete that?

ANN~: FUTABA THATS CHEATING!!

[hacker voice]: YOU CHEATED FIRST! YOU INSTIGATED HIM!

ANN~: I INSTIGATED THE IDEA BUT NOT WHO WOULD BE SAYING IT???

[hacker voice]: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ANN~: SAY IT AGAIN AKIRA

Capable Leader™: @ -` RYUJI ´- come over

[hacker voice]: I hate that im partially to blame for this

-` RYUJI ´-: woah akira

ANN~: no bitch no matter how this conversation went it would end the same way cause im ALWAYS RIGHT

ANN~: I’m making it rain Monday morning. I’m taking Shiho to that fancy cake place she wanted to go.

-` RYUJI ´-: isn’t it kinda late for that??

Capable Leader™: I’m alone and Boss doesn’t open shop tomorrow

Capable Leader™: I can show you the goods myself

Capable Leader™: You know?

-` RYUJI ´-: SDSDMX,X CM SALÇ DAÇSD

-` RYUJI ´-: DID YOUJUST BOOTY CALL ME??

Capable Leader™ sent MAYBESO.gif

-` RYUJI ´-: BRO

Makoto: Gross innuendos publicly aside: finally

Makoto: It was getting frustrating seeing you two obviously pinning on each other

[hacker voice]: and don’t even talk about the baton passes…

Capable Leader™: I mean he hasn’t accepted yet…

ANN~: oh he will

ANN~: he better

-` RYUJI ´-: why should you decide

ANN~: cause as your best friend I know whats best for you and I know for a damn fact you will not get a better score than akira

-` RYUJI ´-: thanks I love you too

ANN~: FUCKING LOOK AT HIM! HE’S OFFERING HIMSELF ON A SILVER PLATTER!

-` RYUJI ´-: THIS IS REALLY AWKWARD FOR ME MAN…

ANN~: don’t embarrass yourself in front of your crush like that

Capable Leader™: I like when they get shy

ANN~: oh my god youre such a slut

Capable Leader™: ;)

-` RYUJI ´-: bro…

ANN~: WHAT ARE YOU DOING STILL IN THE CHATROOM GO ANSWER THE GOD DAMNED BOOTY CALL ALREADY

-` RYUJI ´-: IM REALLY NERVOUS OK

ANN~: RYUJI YOU USELESS BISEXUAL

-` RYUJI ´-: GDI

Capable Leader™: you don’t have to come for real it was just a joke

ANN~:  wait really?

Capable Leader™: @ -` RYUJI ´-

Capable Leader™: wait is he actually coming??

[hacker voice]: yeah he left 5 mins I traced his phone rn

Capable Leader™: oh fuck…..

ANN~: was it actually a joke??

Capable Leader™: No I just didn’t think I’d actually get this far??

ANN~: YOURE BOTH USELESS BISEXUALS AND I HATE YOU

Yusuke K.: Akira may I join you both? If you’re willing to model for me I will certainly not pass on this opportunity

Makoto: Please don’t.

Capable Leader™: oh my god yusuke

Capable Leader™: not today

Capable Leader™: maybe some other day

Capable Leader™: wink wink

Yusuke K.: I understand. Take all the time you need but please consider my request.

[hacker voice]: I can’t believe Ryuji’s about to get the succ

[hacker voice]: according to my gps ryuji should already be at leblanc??

Capable Leader™: oh he’s here alright. Just nervously prancing in front of my front door.

Capable Leader™: I haven’t called to him yet, let a man be ready

Capable Leader™: (I also don’t know if im fully ready so…)

ANN~: oh grl you got this

ANN~: you’ve been training all your life for this

ANN~: besides its not like hes gonna know the difference between a good bj and a bad bj lol

Capable Leader™: youre right

Capable Leader™: but I also you know, care about him a lot

Capable Leader™: I wanna make this a good experience cause I care about ryuji a lot… like in a very gay way…

ANN~: Aww!! :)

Makoto: I want to take no part in this conversation but that was adorable

ANN~: srsly im talking to ryuji rn on private and hes freaking out cause of the same thing

ANN~: wants it to be really good to you bc he loves you sm and youre so hot and hes already semi just thinking abt you

Capable Leader™: I’m flattered

ANN~: he’s super overwhelmed cause its his first time and with a boy he loves so like admsadsa damn ryuji youre so cute

ANN~: almost makes my cold blooded bitch heart feel something

Capable Leader™: I’ll give him all the time he needs!

ANN~: you should really open the door for him and at least put him inside cause its cold and there was a robbery in your street earlier this week

ANN~: and you know ryuji hell stubbornly stand in front of that store until the sun comes up if hes wallowing in nerves

Capable Leader™: youre right…

Capable Leader™: im gonna go do that…

Capable Leader™: @[hacker voice] if you have any cameras in my room turn them off!

[hacker voice]: for how much?

Capable Leader™: FUTABA, PLEASE.

[hacker voice]: calm down theyre already off. Havent been on since we became friends.

[hacker voice]: just thought youd like to have your fond memories engraved on tape for your enjoyment…

Capable Leader™: …

Capable Leader™: that’s… tempting

Makoto: are you out of your mind??

ANN~: YOU’RE SUCH A SLUT, AKIRA

Makoto: God, you’re hopeless. At least talk it over with Ryuji first.

Capable Leader™: I just did. He’s cool with it.

Makoto: Somehow I feel like this is an oversimplification of the conversation.

Capable Leader™ changed his username to Tapable Leader <3

Tapable Leader <3 changed the group name to AKIRA & RYUJI’S SEX TAPE

Makoto: I’m leaving.

Makoto: Only talk to me when you want to group up from now on.

-` RYUJI ´-: I ONLY AGREED WITH IT IF ONLY ME AND AKIRA GET A COPY!!

-` RYUJI ´-: ITS ONLY FAIR CONSIDERING YOU’RE ALREADY SELLING AKIRA’S NUDES!!

[hacker voice]: I’ll make three copies of the sex tape

[hacker voice]: 600y each

[hacker voice]: first come first serve

[hacker voice]: no reservations

[hacker voice]: you show me the money the tape is yours

[hacker voice]: those are my terms

Tapable Leader <3: even if Ryuji and I get copies there’ll still be one in the wild for someone to buy?

ANN~: isn’t that thrilling tho

ANN~: one other stranger youll never know about can be watching you

ANN~: and if futaba agrees to take down any reuploads of the tape its like your very own secret but like… shared with a stranger… that’s a kink isn’t it??

[hacker voice]: yure right…

Tapable Leader <3: holy shit

Makoto: This is so irresponsible…

[hacker voice]: thought you wanted no part in this?

Makoto: I can’t simply not take part. You guys are worse unsupervised…

Tapable Leader <3: Futaba, it’s a deal if mine and Ryuji’s copies are free of charge

[hacker voice]: fair enough

Tapable Leader <3: nice. We’re going upstairs now.

[hacker voice]: camera’s ready!

ANN~: lmao I cant believe this is actually happening

Makoto: so much for reputable thieves…

Makoto: I swear if this sex tape leaks and we get found out because of it…

Makoto: What’s worse! Akira’s on probation! That will most definitely spell trouble for him depending on who gets their hands on this tape!

ANN~: Guess we have no choice but to buy it ourselves!

Makoto: Or don’t do the sex tape?! At all?!

ANN~: Nothing’s gonna happen, Makoto! Chillax!

ANN~: How can they possibly trace a video of Akira sucking Ryuji off back to the phantom thieves?

ANN~: What kind of evidence even is this?

[hacker voice]: Akira’s jacked??? I didn’t know he worked out that much??

ANN~: he looks really skinny right?

ANN~: did ryuji come with his stupid neon pink and green watermelon bullshit panties?

[hacker voice]: they stopped to talk rn

[hacker voice]: ryujis like flipping

[hacker voice]: asking if akira had done this before

[hacker voice]: apparently akira has sucked “some dicks”

[hacker voice]: AT LEAST TWO ARE FROM HIS CLASS

Makoto: Do you really need to keep us updated?

ANN~: yes

Makoto: sigh

[hacker voice]: @ANN~ ryuji’s wearing the pink underwear

ANN~: god I hate those

ANN~: @Tapable Leader <3 burn them when youre done

[hacker voice]: I hate doing this. This is just like when you’re watching a movie and there’s a unnecessary kissing scene and the entire scene is like 3 minutes of uncomfortable schlepping kissing noises.

ANN~: yeah that must be pretty awkward

[hacker voice]: it is super awkward. Akira owes me one

[hacker voice]: oh my god

[hacker voice]: ryuji scared the crap outta me he legit screamed right now

[hacker voice]: I don’t even need mics for this ryuji’s so loud

ANN~: whaaat? Ryuji? Loud?? Who would have thought…

-` RYUJI ´-: IM SORRY OK IM REALLY LIVID HERE

ANN~: WTF???? WHAT AR EYOU DOING TEXTING US???

-` RYUJI ´-: IDK WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS!!

ANN~: YOURE USELESS. I CANT BELIEVE YOU.

Tapable Leader <3: you can pull my hair, its fine

ANN~: HOW ARE YOU TEXTING EVEN??

Makoto: It’s been a while since we got an update.

[hacker voice]: do you want em?

Makoto: No, I simply worry how long this is lasting.

[hacker voice]: it’s gotten to a really graphic point. I’m not even watching anymore, its really really awkward… if you want the full juice you’ll have to buy the tape!

[hacker voice]: oh theyre done

[hacker voice]: they just threw the dirty clothes on the floor and went straight to sleep

[hacker voice]: orgasming must be really tiring…

ANN~: @Tapable Leader <3 @-` RYUJI ´- CONGRATS ON THE SECS!! We’re all really happy for you!! You guys deserve each other, really! If anyone says otherwise I’ll punch them!

Makoto: @Tapable Leader <3 @-` RYUJI ´- regardless of how reckless and utterly stupid this whole thing was, I’m genuinely glad you guys worked it out and are finally being honest with each other. It was awfully unhealthy for the team dynamic to watch you two dance around the issue of your attraction so, congratulations!

[hacker voice]: @Tapable Leader <3 @-` RYUJI ´- im not as good with expressing things as the other girls but im also happy I somehow brought you two together. Don’t worry I wont actually sell the sex tapes to anyone btw

[hacker voice]: (or will i)

ANN~: omfg

[hacker voice]: Yusuke’s typing a lot im concerned

Yusuke K.: I did not fully grasp the concept of what was truly going on in this chat tonight but after extensive research and questioning Ann on certain topics I now understand. Futaba’s attempts at prostituting Akira have somehow led into a nuptial encounter between Akira and Ryuji, the kind of which both parties have been secretly interested in for a long time. I also congratulate you both in your achievement for the act of intimacy born from fondness and admiration is one of the truest forms of adoration our kind have come across. I only wish for more of these enjoyable moments and if any of you would be so kind as to model for me the most beautiful sensation of your endless love I would be very thankful.

[hacker voice]: holy shit

[hacker voice]: just looking at this is making my eyes heavy

[hacker voice]: im going to sleep folks

ANN~: same

ANN~: we have to wake up before ryuji and akira to surprise them at leblanc

ANN~: we’ll bring a congrats on the sex cake

[hacker voice]: I’m in

Makoto: guess it won’t hurt to check on them

Yusuke K.: I would love to discuss this over some cake!

ANN~: deal, then! Good night, thieves <3

-` RYUJI ´-: you fuckers are gonna see some dicks

ANN~: that’s the plan dapper dan

ANN~: now go to bed!

thx for your time i hope you enjoyed it ideas that we did in the rp and i couldnt find a way to put here: > futaba leaks the nudes on the phan site > mishima warns akira of the thing and says he has a nice package > akira gets arrested for publicly posting pornography and akechi recognized him by the dick > "whats wrong with a little dick pic" "its not little" > makoto buys a copy of the akira/ryuji sex tape and resells it at school > mishima buys a copy

[yuanstuff]

Chaotic Interfaces @ Babycastles

The Babycastles gallery is only open on Saturdays from 12 PM -6 PM and Mondays from 6 PM -12 AM. Already very chaotic of them. On Friday night, I texted one of my friends: 

wanna go to babycastles tmrw? theyre a video game gallery and have an exhibit rn called chaotic interfaces 

I have never been more intrigued by the name of a gallery in my life omg. is it expensive bc im poor

my ta from last semester cofounded it and theyre strongly anti establishment and read a lot of communist theory so i think its free

AMAZING

We met in front of Babycastles at around 3, or as in front of it as we could, considering it was in the basement of an apartment building. It took us a minute to figure out how to ring the basement, but we eventually got in. We were greeted by a volunteer who had the misfortune of having to set up all the pieces and make sure they worked. He offered to help if weren’t sure how to play any of the games, but admitted that he wasn’t too sure how some of them worked either. Not all of them came with clear instructions, and they were meant to be chaotic, after all. 

We didn’t get to play a few games, sadly, because they were out of order. It gave me IMA show flashbacks. Of the ones we did play, though, I have some opinions. We started from the back and worked our way back to the entrance, so the first game we played was this:

I forgot to get a picture of the staging, which is unfortunate because even though they were mostly just props, they added a lot to the feel of the game. There was a little table with an ashtray filled with cigarettes, an old radio, and the other trappings of an old-fashioned detective. You controlled this game with only your voice, so you had to speak into a microphone. The voice recognition was pretty good, and it caught what we were saying even if we weren’t speaking super clearly. The objective of the game was to find a 4-letter code hidden in a photo. It took us a few rounds before we were able to figure out the best strategy to win, which was to tell it to “enhance” before moving around or resizing the picture. After that, it was pretty easy. I quite liked this game – the visuals were appealing, and it made me feel pretty smart each time I found the code. The fact that it eliminated physical interaction was also interesting. It’s kind of comparable to the Nintendo DS microphone that some games made you speak or blow into. It was impressive on a technical level, but I think the fact that it relied on just voice recognition meant that it was pretty restricted in terms of play. It’s fun until you get the gist of it and rounds start to last about half a minute. I feel like this could be taken a step further if it were made into something like “Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes”, where it’s multiplayer and everyone has a little bit of information that they need to communicate to each other in order to win the game. 

The next game we played was a bit like QWOP, but much much worse and also very good, and the volunteer said that the file for it was just called “butt game”:

You had to sit on a big box that you could kind of rock around on, and that’s how you controlled the torso-less body onscreen. It was agonizing, and I was very bad at it. Neither of us got past 2 meters. Still, we kept coming back to it. It was fun! Even if we kept failing, which was kind of frustrating but still fun, probably because of the visual of a butt and legs rolling around on screen after you fell. It had to be recalibrated at some point, so I caught a glimpse of a Wii Fitness Board at the bottom. Revolutionary. I thought they’d used a tilt sensor or a 6DOF or something, but it was a Wii Fitness Board, and it just made it so much better. It was like I was witnessing a rebirth since it’s essentially a technological relic at this point that I thought no one really thought about anymore. But here it was, and someone had made a game with it. You could argue that the play was even more restricted than the last game, so why did I seem to like this one more? Part of it might have been the weird visuals, and the Wii Fit Board definitely captured my attention. But it was mostly just fun in how ridiculous it was. It’s great to watch your friends shake around furiously on a big box, and we did come up with a few different ways of playing it: rocking side to side or back and forth, or getting up and holding the sides of the box instead. None of them worked super well. I assume you can “win” the game by reaching 100 meters or something, but there was something freeing about playing a game that’s almost impossible to win.

I wasn’t able to get a good photo in the dark, but this game was pretty great too:

This one had a name: “tussletron 2038″. The controller is just an old PC trackpad duct-taped to the back of a controller that had been ripped apart. The game is played in Chrome between two people. It is an abomination. And it was great! You won by clicking the other player’s icon until their HP hit 0. Why is it so much fun to fight over a cursor with someone else? Since it was in Chrome, you could also resize the screen/images so you could get to the other person quicker or keep the other player away from you. I’m not sure if this was an intended part of the gameplay or something that was emergent, but it added a layer of strategy? to a game that was just about clicking?? and fighting over a cursor??? the whole thing was strangely mesmerizing and strategic. Something my friend and I both ended up doing to thwart the other person’s attempts to click was to move the cursor around erratically so they couldn’t keep track of their own movements until we could steal it back. Video game developers keep trying to make games more and more complex, but humans just like to click things and mess around. This game is really low-fidelity and looks kind of dumb, but it’s a good demonstration of the engineering fallacy in games, the idea that once we’ve reached the height of technology, games will be perfect and high art. 

Overall, I really enjoyed the exhibit. While I wish we could have gotten to play more of the games, I had fun with the ones we did play, and I got to experience some unexpected forms of alternative controllers and physical computing that reminded me of the importance of elegance in creative endeavors. I guess it’s oxymoronic to describe an exhibition called “chaotic interfaces” as “elegant”, but I think that for the most part it’s the aesthetic that’s chaotic. At their core, a lot of the games relied on simple controls that led to interesting experiences. In my own projects, I tend to be pretty extra and put a lot of “stuff” into it, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing; however, it does mean I have trouble conveying messages with subtlety. I want to work on taking some of that fluff out and putting my efforts towards figuring out what would make an interaction really meaningful instead.

[ratbone]

ALL of the questions

im putting a read more for this you heathen

Sunrise or sunset?  sunrise!!

Are you mentally ill? yea p much

Are you physically ill? think so

What is the most expensive thing you have bought? my pc!! fuk!!

Do you have a job? i do not. im gonna sound like a bum.

Are you in school? nope

Are you a dropout? nope

Are you in college? not for the moment

Introvert or extrovert? i think myself an introvert

What do you think when you look at your body? pls dont look at my body unless u want me to cry

What have others said when they look at your body? oh boy idk if u wanna know this one, let that suffice as an answer

Do you have a particular song that you feel deeply? yeah!! it changes sometimes, but atm its this song: pvris - seperate

Talk about a time in your life where you have felt most alive? i hope this doesnt sound cliche or anything but i honestly dont remember.

Are you confident wearing a bikini? hell no

Can you look people in the eyes while talking? sometimes

Has anything terrible happened to you? lmao yeah you bet

Has anything wonderful happened to you? my friends

Favorite part of your personality? ive been told im empathetic

Least favorite part of your personality? most of everything yeah

Favorite part of your body? eyelashes

Least favorite part of your body? all of it

Favorite quote? sure. “I aim to be lionhearted, but my hands still shake and my voice isn’t quite loud enough.”Michelle K., Earning Your Roar

Do you have friendships with all genders? hell yea

Do you have a good relationship with your father? i guess, im distant from most of my family though.

Do you have a good relationship with your mother? as good as it can be until she’s pissed off.

Do you have a good relationship with your siblings? nah, they hate me and keep trying to convince me im adopted.

Have you ever been hurt physically or mentally by a family member? looks at parents.

Have you ever had a near death experience? ive almost drowned twice in my life time, when i was much younger.

Do you know anyone who has taken their own life? yeah, i do.

Have you ever tried to take your own life? no.

Biggest lie you have told? ill do better.

Do you follow any conspiracies? not really

Do you believe in a New World Order? eh?

Do you respect your government and the way your country is run? oh boy i have a lot of issues with this bullshit im not gonna dive into

Is there currently any strife in your country? a lot???

Have you ever been displaced within your country? ehhh

Are your friendships healthy? id like to hope so.

Are you currently fighting with a friend? no, i am not.

Are you jealous of a friend? Why? most friends, but its because they are happy, but its not like i dont want them to be or anything, i just wish i could be too.

Do you believe in the Illuminati? ahhhh!!!

Do you think any celebrities are associated with the Illuminati? Who? me. yes its me.

How can people tell you are nervous? Visibly tense, unable to make much eye contact, shaky voice, fidgeting my fingers.

How can people tell you are sad? i cry. lmao. or i distance myself for long periods without wanting to talk to people. but uh, i do this when i need to take a break from being social too.

Do you ever express your true feelings? no i shove them inside a paper bag and stomp all over them. i try to avoid most human emotions.

Regrets in your life? a lot, no joke.

Achievements in your life? i graduated highschool lmao.

What did people say about you in school? OHHH BBBBOY. i was weird or a freak, made up random shitty stories about me to a point where i just didnt talk to anybody my last year.

What did you say about people in school? i dont have anything to say about them. idk. fuck that school.

Is there something you have never told anyone? ya probably.

Have you committed an illegal act? my uncle let me puff a cig once when i was 5. i never did that again.

If you had two days to spend one million dollars how would you spend it? PAY OFF BILLS!!!! GET NEW THINGS!!!

What were your aspirations at age 5, 10, 15, 18? to answer all of them: to be a dragon. k? ok.

Describe your first kiss? Was it how you imagined? it was gross, and no it was not.

Growing up were you in a wealthy, average, or low income household? i think my family started out with low average but once dad lost his job we became low income, etc.

Are you from a broken marriage? my parents are still together

Have you been raised by a solo parent? no

Do you know both your parents? yes

What colour eyes, hair and skin do you have? blue eyes, brown hair, vampire skin

Have you abused drugs or alcohol? no i have not.

What languages can you speak? english. AND VERY POORLY: german, spanish. idk if i can really count those yet.

Do you conform to your societies standards? i gotta if i wanna stay alive i guess

Do you cry often? a lot, actually.

Do you tell people what you think of them? yeah, i certainly try to let people know how i feel.

Are you comfortable accepting compliments? no, i have a very poor self image and im used to thinking the worst about myself.

Are you comfortable giving compliments? yes!!! i try to give my friends compliments

Is any mental illness hindering your life? depression. could be more, but im not sure in all honesty.

Is any physical illness hindering your life? i need to see a doctor lmao

Do you keep up with current events? not really, i kinda drift along time and space and hope for the best.

What’s the latest news in the world you have heard/read? the hurricanes and the fires, flooding in other countries, and the possibility the bees are making a comeback.

What have you done today? I ATE, SLEPT, AND SAT AT THIS COMPUTER. i am totally productive.

Do you sleep well? lmao no

Do you sleep badly? yes

Have you ever hurt anyone because you were hurting? i think that depends on the situation. i can lash out at people sometimes if i felt they’ve really struck a low cord with me, but you really have to be trying tbh.

Has anyone ever hurt you because they were hurting? god, probably, i dont remember. i guess my mom counts. she takes out her emotions on everyone.

Have you ever had to end a friendship/relationship? Why? yeah. idk for various reasons? like it didnt work out, there wasnt really anything there, or i was too boring, we stopped talking, we kept arguing, or i just didnt feel strongly towards them anymore and vice versa.

Have you ever stopped someone from hurting themselves? ive tried.

Has anyone ever stopped you from hurting yourself? they’ve tried.

Do you like your laugh? its a pretty random laugh, but its ok i guess.

Are you preparing for an apocalypse? And what kind? no. but im waiting for nuclear winter.

Do you have any funny family stories? most of them are my dad going into a store and making cat noises, so people end up looking in the vents and shit.

Are you religious? no

Do you like to watch true crime shows or movies? not really

Are you interested in cults? no thnx

Would you like to raise a family in your country? uhhhh i dont wanna have to raise any child ever. and idc about the location where i try to be happy at.

List some things you wanted in your childhood but never got? to be a dragon. seriously isnt that fucked up??? realism is fucking rude.

Is there a large age gap between you and a sibling? im 24 while most of my siblings are well along into their 40s, so yea.

Are you from a blended family? no

Do you believe in marriage? Why/Why not? idc. get married or dont it really doesnt make a difference to me.

What is the nicest thing anyone has said to you? literally any little compliment.

Do you keep a journal? nah, i dont write down shit at all.

Would anyone be hurt by reading it? if i wrote things down in it? probably.

Do you have children? HELL NAH

Have you been pregnant? FUK NAH

List your favorite movies? Lord of the Rings, Interstellar, Arrival, The Fountain, and most Disney movies.

List your favorite people? MY FRIENDS.

Talk about the birthmarks and scars on your body? my biggest scar is no more, i got it when i was 11 from falling off a tree i was climbing, but its near impossible to see now. ive got stretch marks.

Do you look after yourself? lmao no tbh

Do you put yourself or others first? i always try to do things for everyone else.

Are you happy today? im alright.

Are you loved? i try to tell myself that i am. it keeps me going.

[meiizumi]

Castle of Shikigami: An informal rant nobody asked for about my most obscure obsession to date

STOP i spent like 2 days writing this post and im only posting it on tumblr because it’s the one website i’m a member of that can hold the most text. i wanted to infodump somewhere...... read this to learn something i guess (´･ω･`)

Bad voice acting is the Peak of comedy to me, and while I was looking for something to laugh at one day, I found this game called Castle Shikigami 2 for the PS2. The US version of the game's dialogue is rife with machine translated text that makes no sense, and awkward voice acting to boot. They even have voice actors saying the wrong lines, voice actors speaking implied commands, and a few voice lines are left in Japanese. Apparently, Roger Craig Smith (Sonic the Hedgehog's current voice actor) was in this game but I don't think he's even credited?! I think I know which character he voiced but I’m not exactly sure.

The history behind this game’s localization is REALLY weird. Castle of Shikigami/Shikigami no Shiro was originally an arcade bullet hell shoot em up game. The series was created by Alfa System and it was one of Alfa System’s main IPs. There are three main shmup installments and a text adventure game for the PS2, Nanayozuki Gensoukyoku. Nanayozuki was practically fanservice for whatever number of CoS fans there were back then. Each main game in the series was originally an arcade cabinet, but they were all ported to PC and home consoles. In CoS 2′s case, it came out on the PS2, Gamecube, and Dreamcast, but only the PS2 version got localized. The western publisher, XS Games specializes in publishing quality budget titles such as “Bass Pro Shops: The Strike” for the Wii. I theorize they didn’t care too much about the actual content of CoS 2 and were more focused on selling a game quickly for a low price, so they just machine translated it and adjusted a few things. If you’re wondering if Castle of Shikigami 1 was also translated this badly, the answer is No. XS Games instead removed all the dialogue from the western release of CoS 1, and released it with the title “Mobile Light Force 2″.

“Wait, what do you mean ‘Mobile Light Force TWO’ if Castle of Shikigami 1 is the first game in the series?” If you want to know what Mobile Light Force 1 was, it’s GUNBIRD; another shmup game, but by a completely different developer than Castle of Shikigami. I don’t know why they did that. What really kills me though is that both MLF 1 and 2 use the same boxart, which is COMPLETELY unrelated to the actual contents of either game. AFJQHJFOKLJFDS look at this

There’s more hilarity behind Mobile Light Force that isn’t hard to find so you can search that up if you’re interested. But thankfully, Castle of Shikigami 3's Wii edition got more of a proper localization by Aksys Games.

Now I would bluntly say something like “stan castle of shikigami” but:

1. This series’ lore is insanely convoluted. It’s an essential part of this expansive fictional universe referred to as “Mumei Sekaikan” (I don’t know what this translates to in English) where there’s like, 7 different parallel worlds. There’s more obscure ass games and manga that are tied to this universe, and I think there’s even a tabletop RPG made based off it. Have you heard of “Gunparade March”? Most likely you haven’t; it’s an obscure video game made by Alfa System that also got adapted into an anime, and I feel it can be described as Mechas x Persona. One of the characters in CoS 2 is just one of the GPM characters going undercover to find her senpai who traveled to the CoS world. Or something like that. The 7-world universe isn’t explicitly talked about in the game but they make so many references to it without defining anything that it’s like you Must know about it. There is NO documentation in English about the Mumei Sekaikan I could find on the internet, although there is a wiki in Japanese where I got a ton of knowledge from (GOOGLE TRANSLATE IS MY TRUSTED FRIEND) I feel like I might be THE person in the United States who has the most knowledge on the Mumei Sekaikan, and I could go on another tangent talking about what I know so far (and who this one specific dude Shibamura Yuuri is) but I won’t.

2. The writing isn’t excellent and can be pretty Unwoke ™; the first game came out in 2001 and the third game came out in 2005 if that gives you a sense on what era these writers were in. As far as the games dialogue goes, the characters appear kind of flat. CoS 1 and 2 Kotaro (i refuse to use the official “Kohtaro”) is stupid and driven by JUSTICE to a point where it’s annoying. I can’t tell if Hyuga is trying to be a Ladies Man in CoS 2 and 3. Kim, a religious tae kwon do instructor, spends CoS 2 thinking about how he should atone for his sins, then he turns himself into jail at the end. Sayo’s backstory is that she was a shrine maiden raised as a “human weapon” to have no emotions and her only goal in life was to kill god and then die, something like that. However, after CoS 1, she gets a crush on Kotaro because he actually treats her like a human and Of course that’s what you’d expect from the main teen girl and boy in the series. In CoS 3, Sayo's character is mostly played out to be a major tsundere for Kotaro even though surprisingly HIS character in this game changed a ton compared to 1 and 2 (he had to kill an illusion of his older brother, who he learned actually died earlier, and now he has to kill an illusion of his childhood sweetheart... damb that shit sucks :/). He’s still stupid though

There’s a gag in CoS 2 that I can’t clearly remember where it’s like, Niigi makes Sayo and Fumiko, who are both romantically interested in Kotaro, think that he’s only into little girls? Meanwhile, Fumiko’s magic goes wrong and her appearance turns to that of a child though in response she’s like “hee hee maybe Kotaro will like this”. basically more On-Brand early 2000′s anime unwokeness than average. Speaking of Fumiko, she’s a 400+ year old militaristic witch who constantly teases Kotaro (who’s like 16 or 17) and she wants to marry him for his magical potential since he’s like one of the candidates for becoming God??? From the official CoS 3 character descriptions, “Her hobby is to steal the men from other women. Her second hobby is trampling upon people.” She canonically stole her stepmother’s husband from her stepmother (the 3rd boss of CoS 3). I don’t get how that shit would have worked

3. The game itself is HARD af but to be fair I’m a scrub gamer. I can’t get past stage 3 on easy difficulty without continuing. Yes i bought CoS 1 on Steam, Yes it has a port on steam i feel like i should have mentioned this earlier

4. Besides CoS 1 having a port on Steam, CoS 2 and 3 might be hard to obtain legally. The poorly translated CoS 2 was apparently super cheap back then, but since it’s an old game, its value might’ve increased. When I tried looking up prices for English CoS 3, all the listings were like at least $40 and being broke I wouldn’t want to spend more than $29 for a Wii game in 2019... honestly I just emulated CoS 2. shout out to PCSX2

Last month I was desperate, bored enough, and deep enough in the Shikigami rabbit hole that I tried to find the manga based off of it online. The CoS manga only tells the events of the first two games so I still don’t really get anything about CoS 3, like who Mihee, Batu, and Emilio are supposed to be. However, the plot events also differ. For example, Roger Sasuke exists as a character in CoS 3 but in the manga he literally Dies. There’s 11 total volumes of this; 3 volumes dedicated to CoS 1 and the latter 8 (the “Twisted Castle arc”) dedicated to CoS 2. Only the very first 3 chapters were scanlated to English all the way in 2011. Fortunately, I did find the entire manga uploaded though............... in CHINESE. So you know what I did? I “read” the entire thing using my phone’s Google Translate OCR app to take pictures of each page and comprehend the translations. Of course I still don’t understand CRAP because of the Mumei Sekaikan jargon + machine translation but I understood enough to get emotionally attached to some of the characters. I wish I hadn’t. At least through the manga I learned that the characters DO have some depth and pre-established relationships. For instance, the reason why Roger Sasuke became a ninja is because when he first landed in Japan as a kid, he was getting bullied or something and he didn’t know Japanese then Kotaro saw this and told the bullies to stop. Then after Roy /sorry i mean Roger learned that he was set to home-stay with the Kugas in the first place, he decided to dedicate his life to Japan in order to protect Kotaro back. I think. DO U SEE HOW ABSURD THIS SHIT IS Anyway Nanayozuki takes place between the second and third games and sets things up for CoS 3. There’s a full playthrough of it uploaded to YouTube and I think it contains a lot of juicy lore, but it’s just too much to go over with Shitty Google Translate OCR. There’s also Shikigami no Shiro novels which apparently contain the most backstory, but I have a 0% chance of finding these online for free. Not to mention that these would ALSO be too much effort to Google Translate.

in conclusion: You don’t HAVE to play Castle of Shikigami. Like, I’m not gonna recommend it for the content, but if you love shmups and are looking for a shmup game you haven’t heard of then I will recommend it for the gameplay (old touhou mutuals assemble theres a POWER-UP-BY-GRAZE MECHANIC). I’ve counted like 4 total fans outside of Japan that like this series for the story, and I don’t think that number is going to increase because I doubt CoS 2 will ever get retranslated and ported. I just want you to know that this series exists and that there’s a ton of wacky shit behind it besides the bad Castle Shikigami 2 dub. also if someone knows enough japanese or chinese and has an INKLING of interest in this series umm talk to me and help me decipher stuff

I‘m kinda sad that the series is pretty much Dead though. This is the most recent piece of official Castle of Shikigami art I could find, and this was for the 2018 New Year. The next most recent piece of official CoS art I found was also drawn by the character designer Sonoda Miku all the way in January 2008, commemorating the end of the CoS manga serialization. Alfa System released a spiritual sequel to Castle of Shikigami on the Japanese Switch eShop called Sisters Royale, with character designs I think are still by Sonoda. By “spiritual sequel” I mean that it has some of the EXACT same shot types as CoS and the same mechanic where grazing bullets increases your power and score. This is the closest we’ll get to a Shikigami no Shiro 4. I wonder what the business decision behind that game was but it actually looks like fun and I want to play it so OK Go off i guess

[shadowmellow]

Let me tell you about Ray Gigant

this is just a general, probably spoilery rant post about this game i just need to puke out my thoughts about it somewhere

warning: very long post im so sorry

okay so i first saw this game in a youtube video recommending jrpgs which i cant find anymore. it just recommend interesting, not fantastic games that didnt get the light of day. it mentioned that the game had its flaws but was worth a look.

so i put it on my steam wishlist and forgot about it til the steam summer sale. When i saw it was on sale I thought “hey just five euros what can go wrong” and just bought it for the sake of it.

So now, having played it for 10+ hours and having to watch the last dungeon in a let’s play cause i had to send in my pc to repairs and couldnt wait the 4 weeks til i got it back to finish it, I have a few things to say about this game.

it starts off well enough, with the world having been attacked by huge monsters fittingly called gigants. all the major cities were being destroyed until one teenager named ichiya manages to fuse with a being called a yorigami and defeated the gigants attacking tokyo. Now, six months later, ichiya is released from the hospital and is sent straight to the front lines to fight to save humanity, being one of the few people able to fuse with a yorigami. having been just thrown into this situation with no idea whats going on and no choice, he is naturally apprehensive about the whole thing and doesnt want to risk his life like that.

from there, you expect ichiya to meet others fighting for humanity, grow as a person and in the end win the fight and save the world. well, that kind of happens. sort of.

first, ichiya is not the protagonist. he is one of three protagonists. the others, kyle and nil, are also yorigami users and each get their own part in the story and of course in th end they all come together to defeat the ultimate evil. that in itself is not a problem, split narratives are a good opputurnity to show conflict from different angles and make the player question the morality and validity of each character’s actions. the problem comes when it’s handled poorly.

since each character has their own story part and a party consists of 3 characters plus one operator, each story has at least 3 new characters in addition to the protagonist of that part. since the story is very linear and there are only a handful of conversations between dungeon crawling sessions, there is not a lot of time to establish each and every one of them and get the player attached.

so what do you do when you have to have a lot of characters and dont have a lot of time to establish them? you fall back on the good old anime character tropes. you have ichiya, the typical shounen protagonist, mana, the stock female childhood friend (who ironically only knew him like for a year in third grade and then forgot about him so does that even count), kazuomi, the hardworking serious one, chiharu, the little sister, kogarasu, the polite transfer student, eri the teacher and nanashiro the mysterious leader of the whole organisation.

when you look at those character list, you might think that they only seem so superficial and tropy. that maybe as the story goes and ichiya grows and learns from them that they show depth and grow.

now take that and throw it out of the window because ray gigant doesnt play by actual story rules. at the beginning of kyle’s chapter, only four characters from that list actually stuck around. mana, because she is now a hostage because of course, kogarasu, because she is revealed to be a spy for the organisation kyle is working with, and nanashiro and ichiya who are probably the only fucking constant in that in this game.

the rest? eri and chiharu are stuck in japan cause they arent important enough and i guess fair enough but kazuomi? yeah, no, he died. in a really halfassed way too. he had a brief character arc about how is actually afraid to fight but has to to honour his father who died in the first gigant attack protecting humanity.

mind you, he was the only one who had character development at that point and they just killed him off. he had a short conversation about his reservations with ichiya where they seemed to be able to come to an understanding but that was it. there was no more development because despite having the ability to look around the base, the game doesnt allow you to talk to other characters. the story is the only way to get information on the characters and that is all you get.

and this pattern continous through every other story part. one character, in addition to the main character, gets development, that character dies maybe in addition to others and we move to the next story with half the characters.

the worst offender is probably the third story part. story two ended with the protagonist fleeing from an attack and crashing into the sea. story three begins with... a girl waking up another girl. girls we have never seen before. okay. they find out about what happened in the last story part but decide to do nothing about it it. okay. you then proceed to play for 4 hours until there is even a hint about the other characters appearing again.

story two at least had the decency of letting their main characters appear in story one as minor antagonists. story three had no forshadowing, no buildup, no previous appearances except for one character who is pretty inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. we spend hours with these girls (+mana) who we know nothing about before the plot moves anywhere because they need to clear like 2 dungeons first which are ridiculously large. not to mention their dungeons are very obnoxious and i hate them.

the worst of it is that the girls dont even get that much development. in story one and two, the characters that got development were only the boys. since they wanted a full girl team for part three, they couldnt do that but they couldn’t let the girls jump too far from their tropes either so their development is weak.

Our protagonist Nil starts to question the views of her father, who is the leader of the anti-gigant organisation on the island. that in itself is fine and dandy but she doesn’t really grow from it. she is the same naive girl as before, just now she knows her father lied to her. the designated dying character, her little sister may, only gets that she has no memories from before coming to the island and really loves Nil and their father. thats it.

compare that with ichiya who learns to step up to his responsibilities and kazuomi who confronts his weakness. compare to kyle who (kinda?) gets over his hate for humanity and connor (oh yeah story two’s dying character is a gentleman named connor) being a war veteran and finally breaking free form the chains of command. yeah, their arcs were rushed as hell but at least they had arcs. the girls get a lesson any child learns early on at best and most of their development post mortem at worst.

I could hold a long rant of how shitty this game treats its female characters in general (for example how when ichiya and kyle activate their super mode they look in control but when nil does it looks like she is passively being sexually pleasured) but that is a rant for another day i believe.

with how rushed the story is in general, it should come to no surprise that the deaths are barely glanced over, if they get mentioned on screen at all. kazuomi’s death naturally has a huge impact on the emotional ichiya, who cries and mourns the death of his friend (we never really see them being friends but lets leave that for now).

the way it’s cut and how the other characters react, it feels like the game wants us to see ichiya as being dramatic and that he should suck it up. mana tries to justify it by saying that she had grown numb to death due to how long she had been fighting gigants but that doesnt justify her belittling ichiya. no one ever shows him any consideration for his pain except for connor, who helps him overcome his grief. in one conversation. but hey at least he helps.

speaking of connor, his death is only mentioned at the end of story two where both ichiya, kogarasu and kyle thank him for his sarcfice and kyle even calls him a friend before he dies. he is never mentioned again after that but at least we got a moment where the characters accept his fate.

cant say the same as another important character in kyle’s story, annie third. annie third is an AI that operates most functions of the base the story takes place in. she was the one who found kyle’s compatibility for the yorigami and recommended him. kyle, having previously been abandoned by his mother, immediately gets attached to her and talks to her every day. during the story, she is a major factor for kyle’s character development, calling him out on his refusal to see the good in people and how it made him similar to his abusive mother. it’s again only one conversation. she decides to blow up the building at the end to save the protagonist from gigants, having come to care about kyle like a son despite being an operational ai.

all that makes her sound very important to the plot, right? like something the rest of the game would build on, maybe even show the pain kyle feels about losing his mother figure. nope, instead we get one offhand comment about kyle crying when he found out annie died in part three. seeing that kyle is the most abrasive of the protagonist, it would have been a good way to humanize him, maybe make the other characters sympathise with him over their losses. but nope, just one joke and thats it.

and nil. poor poor nil, who lost 3/4 of her family in the span of a day. she has lost by far the most and reacts accordingly, crying and wailing. kyle, being the dick he is, tells her to stop crying and focus on the job like her entire world hadnt been shattered. thankfully ichiya points out that they should let her grieve for a moment.

after that though, she returns to being a bubbly airheaded girl. the characters point out that its probably just a defense mechanism because she doesnt want to worry anyone and how fast things are moving. it’s a good reason, it’s a real thing people do but, again, her pain is only confronted in one conversation. chiharu, who still isnt over her brother’s death in part one understandibly, finds nil sitting alone and they bond over the loss of their family. there are no other mentions of their pain outside that one conversation besides a short dialogue between ichiya and chiharu.

you could chalk it up to them not wanting to worry anyone but they could have at least shown some hints of it. small moments, like nil hesitating when talking about her family. or chiharu flinching when kazuomi is mentioned. the game is too busy telling you about what characters feel than actually showing it.

and then there’s nanashiro. nanashiro, whose character is probably the only one with decent build up and payoff. he pulls a heroic sacrifice at the end, saving ichiya and giving him the power to defeat the boss. ichiya is allowed to grieve him for a short moment before having to go right back to battle. after its done, he says farewell to nanashiro and the game ends. after the credits there is a short epilogue about what become of our main charaters and nanashiro’s death is not mentioned again. which is really frustrating because he was probably the one good character to come from this game.

in addition to that, the game doesnt utilize the split narrative in an interesting way. you cant question the morality of the characters because the game makes it blatantly obvious who is a good and who is bad. you cant even say you can see the same even happening from two perspectives because it’s chronological with no overlaps. the split is only used to move from one charater to the other which is just... really boring.

and the worst part is that the game had potential. i love the “humanity’s last stand” scenario and it had decent elements it could have worked off of. some forshadowing there, the ability to talk to characters outside of story events here and this game could have gone from rushed and unsatisfying to a good story with sympathetic characters.

it wouldn’t have saved the game completely since the gameplay is very repetitive, a dungeon takes one to five hours to finish, part three’s dungeon reek of padding and the pc port is awful to the point that the rhythm minigame (yes there is a rhythm minigame in this dungeon crawler) is so desynced that you literally play the last third in complete silence. not to mention the issue where putting the game in fullscreen can break it.

its an unsatisfying game with an awful port with good ideas but poor excecution. now if you’ll excuse me i will be off writing fanfic for this game because boy if the devs dont want to fix it then i will