#im just neurodivergent and didnt have any friends growing up

[mewwile]

What cat noise are you most likely to make?

1. Soothing purring…

2. Spiteful hiss!

3. Pitiful mewling~

Stare deeply into your soul for the answer. (It’s important!)

This ask is worded in a wild way that makes me a little wary but I have a chronic need to share information at literally all times so.

(prefacing with saying I am Autistic and a lot of this is from The Autism and growing up more alongside cats than with humans)

As a kid I used to growl and hiss at people to assert my boundaries, since I found that saying 'no' or 'no thank you' would often be penalized or ignored ("don't be rude, it's just a hug!" Was the usual vibe of the response when I said no to people who wanted to pat/hug me cuz I was a Cute Little Girl but I hated being touched) so I found that acting like a feral little cat would actually Get Results because a lot of people would be weirded out and my parents would be Embarrassed and if they pushed me, I'd be more Embarrassing by making more animal noises so they basically let the topic drop. It was very effective!

As an adult, I thankfully don't need to hiss and growl anymore (though when overstimulated or stressed, I will sometimes hiss at startling noises because using words takes Real Effort for me and my first 'language' is always nonverbal body language/cat body language since I did not have a lot of human socialization as a child and teen)

Living with my partner has also let me be more relaxed in communicating via more Unusual ways, and not needing to rev up the Make Words Happen engine. Nowadays I can communicate w sig (@sigelmonn my beloved uwuwuwu) with varying gestures and body languages, along with Sounds that could be categorized as meows (usually just mmmreh or mmr? Style ones that involve a Tone but not specific words since. Words hard) and we've started to incorporate some sign language which is very helpful for me! Id like to learn more sign since communicating without verbalizing is more natural to me and I am losing my hearing/already fairly hard of hearing.

It's kind of funny that it took a while for sig to parse my non verbal way of communicating (I'd only ever lived with family who were used to me being a weird feral little animal who hid under tables and behind chairs as a child) but now that he does and even encourages me to communicate however works best for me, life is a lot easier and I don't have to spend as much energy on the Words Engine!

I wish I could naturally purr, but I'd only like it if it was the same mechanism as cats and not a Weird Throat Sound, since that'd be a lot of effort and the point of purring is to display relaxation and safety. Unfortunately being human has placed certain limits on me irt my favorite cat sound, but when communicating with my cats I'm pretty sure they understand me even though I don't always have all the noises they have. And I can do the mama cat trill, so yay! I only use it on cats I don't know well because it takes focus, but they seem to like the noise and take a moment to examine me more or relax a little.

[spikeinthepunch]

as Craig of the Creek is coming to a close in the near future, i cant help but repeat again and again forever just how fantastic that show was and how i do wish it garnered more attention in tumblr's general cartoon fandom circle. it got little bursts of love when episodes about important topics came out, but it never saw it keep that love consistently- the whole show deserved that high praise.

CotC followed in the footsteps of Steven Universe and did more with that opening to representation and diversity!! this really showed how important SU was for cartoons. CotC has an incredibly diverse cast- in show and out of show. The writers/artists/storyboarders/etc themselves- poc, neurodivergent, and lgbt put their stories into these episodes by writing them into characters. cultures and experiences explored in ways i had never seen so frequently and so deeply in a kids show. i might have some bias but my internship on the show for a summer really let me see even more how that crew as a whole put their hearts into it, and how much that diversity is so important to any piece of art.

poc showing their home lives, unique experiences, and cultures. kids discovering their sexuality and being able to talk with older gays for advice! exploring the struggles and feeling with a kid who heavily implies having autism, genderfluid characters respected and unquestioned (and one being a literal creeksona of the nonbinary board artist Angel Lorenzana!), and overall the wide range of experiences children having with their parents, friends and overall life.

they are children, they write them will and are entertaining to everyone imo. when i saw the show has "serious" plot i mean that these writers care, they care a lot about making these characters mean something in the story, and that being for "kids" wont make them hold back on important messages, deeper feelings, and realistic actions. the world is shown through the lens of "playing pretend" to have those fantastical moments, but they pull back many times to show the reality. sometimes you make mistakes but you learn, you dont agree with your parents but you work it out, you make bad decisions and hurt your friends but you can grow. (in some ways i wonder if tumblr would devolve into old the SU thoughts of 'redemption' on these 10 year olds too and get mad about the 12 year old being redeemed for bullying so, maybe its ok it doesnt have a fandom that big lol). the shows core ideas bring a special kind of nostalgia- one part in the form of seeing myself in the world they made, but also getting to relive a feeling of childhood that maybe i didnt get.

i hope in the future people can discover this show. it was axed (along with its spinoff) in half by the execs. there were at least 7 more episodes ready to be made before they cut it. im so happy they ended up with 181 episodes and a movie, but it deserved to keep going. it got a good 5 years but it shouldve had more, it felt like a timeless show.

[muwapsturniolo]

https://www.tumblr.com/muwapsturniolo/761092106641129472/i-understand-a-lot-of-people-are-pissed-about-what?source=share

PREACH!!!!! this escalated to body shaming nick and wishing death upon him rather than the actual topic on hand. im a nick boy 4ever but what he said was wrong and he needs to be aware of that. however that doesnt mean ppl should hate on nick for no reason. ive seen like for real body shame him now, like real nasty stuff. as someone who had body dysmorphia and an ED, reading those comments really hurt and they weren't even abt me. ppl need to focus on the ableist thing he said. even before this comment ive seen ppl hate in nick repeatedly for no reason and like say shit to him that was actually too far, especially with the comments about his body. as somone who also has autism and stims a lot i truly didn't find harm in his comment and i found it funny cause me and my friends joke around like that as well, but i understand why it would hurt someone out of 7 million ppl. i feel like he truly didnt know the meaning of what he said and said it with no malicious intent l, but he needs to know what he said was wrong and he needs ro be held accountable. however this doesnt mean that ppl should say he should die or call him a fat pig or loser (ive seen comments like that and worse a bunch) bc thats js not right. as someone who grew up w out any neurodivergent ppl around u cant just hate and go off on someone if they say something rude or disrespectful when they truly didnt know what they were saying or didnt know any better, the important thing is to tell them that's saying stuff like that is wrong and rude. nick is 21 years old so he should be held accountable but shouldn't be called fat, ugly, or an evil monster (once again true comments ive seen). once again i feel like this some ppl in this fandom like year ago and up until now found things to hate on nick like say some really messed up shit w out any reason or sense into their words. (most of them are just fueling the their parasocial relationship with matt and chris bc nick was slighty mean around them). nick should 100% be held accountable for this, but he shouldn't be degraded and shit on to this degree. a lot of them (not all) didnt like nick in the first place and started body shaming and saying that he shouldn't even be a part of the sturniolo triplets at all, which is taking thing out of proportion. i do hope nick says smth about this bc ppl out here are saying some really nasty shit that even flared my insecure ass's negative mindset off, and it wasnt even directed towards me. moral of the story imo nick said smth fucked up, even if he did it unknowingly or w out bad intent or just even didnt truly know what stimming meant, and he should understand how it hurt ppl and should say smth about it, but that doesn't mean ppl should blow things out of proportion and body shame and ridicule him just bc they dont like him (and some want to fuel their parasocial relationship w matt and/or chris i fear). the focus should be abt the ableist comment itself. sorry if this is too long i just wanted to put my side of this debacle out here and i really hope this made sense, love ya a bunchhhhh

This was a lot but I agree ! Body shaming and calling him all these names is doing way too damn much! And telling him to die is insane! People have hated on Nick from the jump and just want to ridicule him for everything!

I have a theory that people are growing out of the triplets/ the hyper fixation is dying out and they hate that they are growing out of it so people start hating to justify it.

Like it’s ok to pick out the wrongs your fav has done, but to start going this hard by wishing death on him, calling him fat etc, it’s too much.

[muma-kitty]

i was tagged by @illusionaryneil to list 8 shows to get to know me better so here they are:

1. Powerpuff Girls- this show was my entire personality as a child and i count it as my first special interest. buttercup was my idol and i wanted to be just like her. and yes, i am very disappointed in the remake and am adamant the original is vastly superior.

2. Ed, Edd, n Eddy- not as influential as the first show on this list but definitely an important part of my childhood. being the lonely kid i was i fantasized about having a ragtag group of friends to cause mischief with, especially regarding the construction of weirdly complex stuff like the eds were known for. i also think the kanker sisters were the coolest, especially marie. also, is it just me or did everyone i know think that double d was a girl at first?

3. Death Note- jumping ahead to my middle school years we have this absolute classic, and the beginning of my interest in anime, basically required reading/watching for any fan of japanese media. i have fond memories of spending weekends with the friend who introduced me to this show and staying up until 4 am watching adult swim for this to come on. now i know i probably should not have been watching adult swim in the 6th grade but you know, kids hit 13 and think theyre grown. also this is nowhere near the worst thing you could show to a young teen.

4. Code Geass- this is the other defining show of my middle school years, and this one stuck with me for far longer. also something i really shouldnt have been watching at that age, and i really didnt even understand the political themes of the plot, i just wanted to watch the main character blow shit up. watching it again as an adult is a much different experience and i have developed more of an appreciation for it over time.

5. Hetalia- now i know what youre thinking: "oh god a hetalia fan *blockblockblockblockblock-*" listen, im not going to defend this series and im sure as hell not going to defend its fandom. i dont associate myself with those fascist-fetishizing yaoi-addicted freaks but this show was still a big part of my high school years and long story short i may have never created the fursona i have today without it. (no i am not joking)

6. Villainous- this is a brand new very recent show that is far from being finished but definitely ticks off a lot of my interests so im definitely excited for the day it finally comes out dubbed in english. makes my inner edgy teenager happy. definitely want to go out and wreck shit with demencia.

7. Invader Zim- now i know im a bit late to the party on this one but unlike most people my age i didnt watch a lot of nickelodeon growing up and in my adulthood i decided to revisit the things i slept on while they were popular. its true what they say, queer and neurodivergent culture really is just spending your 20s being the teenager you always wanted to be. and i wanted to be a scene kid.

8. Making Fiends- much like the above, i didnt really watch this until recently. unlike the above, its a tragically short series that never aired more than a handful of episodes before getting canned. even worse, the creator cant do anything else with it bc nickelodeon still holds the rights, even though they never do anything with it besides air reruns every october. thankfully the whole series can be easily found on youtube, including the original webisodes. also, if i had a nickel for every angry little green girl i found relatable id have 2 nickels, which isnt a lot but its weird it happened twice.

Bonus: Dan vs.- another tragically short show. its great. just go watch it.

im passing this on to @hangatyr and @thechthonicmother and whoever else is interested. idk who else i know who hasnt been tagged already.

[dreamerwriternstargazer]

Okay now I’ve sort of managed to calm down a bit

and to help me calm down more

All the Good Things ™️ from yesterday ^_^ (not necessarily in chronological order because we jumped the tracks of a dozen different conversations XD)

- getting to talk to people my own age from the same background as me

- childhood friends!

- cat mom talk 🥰

- UHM SO I HAD THE CHANCE TO REMINISCE THE SAME WAY TALKING ABOUT OUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENTS

“You were there for mine?”

“What no-“

“Underwear.” (I WASNT PLANNING TO SAY IT BUT XD IT WAS FUN AND I WAS COMFORTABLE)

*cue groans and CRIES of STAR IM SO SORRY THERE WAS SOMETHING GENUINELY WRONG WITH ME WHO DOES THAT*

(🤭 I’m lowkey like hey I got the Moment ™️, the bit where you all know without explaining the Drama from the Old Days 🥲)

- accountability - I think she was a bit too harsh on herself but like, talking about how we were when we were younger and acknowledging how she could have been nicer and more considerate to me, like that was really reassuring even though I’ve always thought quite well of her but it was nice to have someone acknowledge it. Like no one from the old days has ever actively sought out my friendship let alone talked honestly about how they treated me so it’s so so so heartwarming, ESPECIALLY WITH THE INCIDENT

- new perspectives! Like my friend telling me her perspective of the Incident and aunties being very protective of me WHICH I DIDNT KNOW and I was so embarrassed but it’s like, heartwarming to know how people care for me.

And perspectives outside of apparently the lad talk, which is in general “Star is a Good Girl” and I was very surprised but pleasantly so about that. Like their mums love me and would encourage them to hang out with me like oh Star’s so nice ^_^ and the way they’ve always talked about me, like even talking to me they were really admiring and kind and just 🥹

- learning about their lives and really getting to know them. Growing up together is quite passive as opposed to knowing them, and now I feel I know them a lot more and being trusted with their lives and wow we have a lot more in common now as grown ups

- shared passions, talking about art!! I feel like I’ve found people in my real life that I can talk art with!!!!! MAYBE ART SESSIONS TOGETHER? 🥺

- THEY BROUGHT UP NEURODIVERGENT CULTURE AND KNEW WHAT IT WAS IM ???!!!?!?!?! BONDING OVER SOCIAL ANXIETY AND BEING BIG TALK PEOPLE AND INFODUMPING AND UH WE MIGHT ALL BE NEURODIVERGENT THE FEELS I AM FEELING I felt very comfortable in casually going like yeah I might be autistic and they were like awesome!! And that really makes sense!! 🥹 I’m-

🥹

- bonding over shared trauma :D religious and otherwise

- Gen Z casual therapy sessions over coffee and dessert LESGO

- being mindful of breaking generational trauma

- KINDNESS AS A CHOICE MENTALITY THANK YOU FINALLY PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND I AM NOT A UNICORN OR I AM BUT I AM WITH OTHER UNICORNS other people who understand unconditional kindness 🥹 and also standing up for yourself. Just… the validation like no not just that but the *understanding* and the way we all look at our struggles the same way like yeah people may wrong you but it’s with Allah and we aren’t wrong for being kind

- When You Actively Choose Religion. Like yes any kid raised Muslim gets this but like they GOT it the same way I did the caring about it and practicing and struggles and similar struggles

- Laurie Drama and again, perspective like they heard about it and they were happy for me and then when talking they were like oh that’s your side (abridged) and being respectful and supportive! And like yeah our brothers LOVE the guy but clearly not right for you GOOD ON YOU FOR LISTENING TO YOUR INSTINCTS

- I must extend on this, the emphasis they had on being supportive without even knowing a fraction of the full story despite the fact they know the perfect image of the guy, knew him better growing up around him or the guy’s side only just no it wasn’t right and they immediately understood and didn’t need justification because it’s enough to listen to my opinion because 1. my choice 2. Star’s judgement LIKE DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT

- Talking about marriage stuff and when it’s Right you are comfortable, I will say these girls are a bit more perceptive in like nah I think you’re definitely a marriage person apparently my detached anti marriage vibes never stuck with them XD which like, fair maybe so surprisingly being honest like sure I’m up for it when I am sure and ready and most importantly trusting.

- Girls need to stop rushing into marriage (just cos we say we want to doesn’t mean ANYone and it doesn’t need to be right away and like THANK YOU SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE NORMAL ABOUT IT honestly all through this meet up I just kept feeling yes oh my gosh same page 🥹 girls who get it’s a friendship for life)

- critical over men AGAIN THANK YOU FOR BEING NORMAL IT AINT JUST ME lamenting over yeah those stupid rumours were probably just GUYS being guys “you know if you smile at a guy he thinks you want to marry him”

- defending me again like no completely not your fault people are silly

- critical of suitors the same way I am (IT IS NOT JUST ME THANK YOU IT’S COMMON SENSE i mean same with the rest of my friends but they’re not as aggressive as me these girls get it)

- friend’s cousin saying how her brother wants to marry me or her mum wants her brother to marry me and I was like nooo and she was like THANK YOU NO WAY WAS I HAVING THAT

- racism talks and the Coffee Cup Story XD nah cos like their FACES when they realised how FIERCE the good girl is “I’m too shy to run after like islamophobes” “I have a story for you”

“:O GO OFFFF”

💜💜💜💜 general warmth and comfort 🥰 it was unexpected and to be seen and understood is so rare and to find it in people who I grew up with it just feels special

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Insha’Allah I think we’ll probably get together more and I’m planning to share stuff with them about their fundraising and art I’m doing in Ramadhan Insha’Allah, they come from these families of really strong, awesome women who started a lot of support systems and organisations and charity work for Muslim women in loads of different ways, women’s help escaping abuse, mental health support, career support, nurseries for underprivileged kids and so much more and I’ve always had this great respect and admiration for their mums/grandmother and they really get it too I mean that’s WHY they get it on some level and why I felt comfortable to share my Unicorn Feelings so yeah it’s been a long time since I felt so… comforted by a friendship ^_^ and it’s really heartwarming

[unironicduncanstan]

[UNI’S LPS LORE DROP BITCH]

so ,,, i used to collect littlest pet shop (mostly the 1st and 2nd gen ones bc yall i am old) and theyre long gone now but. these are some of the lps i remember playing with and giving distinct personalities growing up. most of them didnt have names at all so im just referring to them with numbers and pictures. also warning it gets pretty Dark bc weird kid culture but here we go;;;

the first is #11 and #86. they were my absolute FAVORITES, a mother and daughter duo, a lot of their stories revolved around the kitten getting lost and the mom having to get to her, or the kitten dying and the mom having a mental breakdown. 11 mostly acted as a single mom but sometimes id cycle out different potential dads, usually the dog lps bc i did Not care abt the actual scientific lack of interspecial breeding possibilities

#25. a basic white picket fence ass dude, really common choice as the ‘dad’ in the above situation, he also was not immune to being ‘killed off’ for angst. was also cheated on a couple times by 11 (THOSE WERE AUS THO,,, DONT CANCEL HER ITS OK TO KEEP STANNING)

#200. she was #11s best friend, I think her name might have been hannah??? anyways if the mom and dad were killed off sometimes she’d “adopt” #86. but usually only after #86 fell into the custody of a terribly neglectful parent for a while and had to be rescued bc again, in my gay neurodivergent little brain peace was never an option

#487. another love interest for #11, usually competed with #25 in an almost edward vs jacob type battle of cool brooding boy and average mcfamily man. he was a big fav

#672. number #487s sister! usually either helped him get #11 like a wingman, or i’d flip the cards and make her manipulative and sabotage 11 bc she didnt think she was good enough for her brother. the personality switches id give characters were rly like. getting the bad ending in a video game,

#44. YET ANOTHER,, LOVE INTEREST FOR THAT ONE CAT,,,, but it was one sided and he always lost. poor friend zone ass simp im sorry man idk why you deserved that 😔 i think sometimes though id pair him with #200/hannah at the end. cant get the girl date her best friend idk i was 8 my morals were not always applicable to the adult situations i created

#14. SO I,,,, i ended up with three of these. and in the end i made them triplets that performed for the circus and were unhappy in their life of exploitation. i think sometimes they would. form a sui pact to escape their torment.

#137. HIS NAME WAS FUCKEN CHEESE

Groovy goat / unnumbered. I remember she was spanish to me but spoke mostly english, this decision was made bc i was an extremely white american child, and she was almost always involved somehow in a story bc she was my favorite design ever. anyways she usually was a model that would give a struggling lps a ‘makeover’ like that one scene in any dramatic disney live action film ever made

#464. another fav bc of her design omg. she was like a little sweetheart and would often play the role of ‘baby’ for any species i didnt already have designated ‘babies’ for. BUT, when i’d play with the other hamsters (we’ll get 2 them in a sec), i made them all the same age and theyd all crush on her at the same time lmao the DRAMA

#34, #35, #36. they were brothers and in order from left to right;;; biggest brother and a leader+positive role model, then the punkish middle brother that didnt like to listen and would often get them all in trouble, then the youngest nerdy brother that was naive and soft and did w/e he was told. they stuck together thru all their antics, except when #464 was involved, then theyd have a classic ‘fighting over a girl then realizing thats ridiculous’ arc. rly loved these guys cuz i always wanted a hamster so id pretend they were real animals sometimes too loL

#693. i got thsi in a mcdonalds happy meal but anyways she was a princess/queen/whatever and was very spoiled royalty. probably tried to behead some of the other lps idk. all she wanted was drama and money

#112. punk boy,,, usually paired with one of the ‘popular’ girls,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, oh my god did i government assign this dog duncan kin b4 td even existed yet

#48, #79 #42. !! HUGE FUCKEN BITCH ALERT !! (popular girls trio lol), i think a couple times i like, aged down #11 and got rid of the kitten for a ~highschool au~ where these girls bullied her but she ofc ended up stealing the middle ones man. and then other times i just paired the middle girl with #112 in a genuine ‘opposites attract’ ship . where were u guys when i was making duncney lps a thing tbh

#59. i love this guy but he was just an eccentric dork and mostly used for comedic effect

#43. love interest for #59 that he goofily fawned over till he eventually got the girl at the end of every story bc i loved cliches

#673. usually a mysterious adventurous girl from out of town that meets the mains in my story and befriends them/helps them out. also a close friend of the groovy goat character

“Paws off diary” Bull Terrier. ok this ones weird but he came in this lil electronic diary right (you can google how it looks to see what i mean) and there was this like, plastic bubble on top that he came in and you could stick him or any other lps in there and shut it securely cuz it was a diary so i. used it as like. a prison almost where id trap lps and the other characters had to ‘save’ them like they were rescuing a princess from a tower or smth. but it was usually just this lil guy. also he was given a name but i was kinda cheating skjdfsdf it was, “Max” bc that was always his name in the commercials for the diary--

#646 and #647, twin orphans separated at birth. did a lot of princess and the pauper esque ‘long lost siblings from different worlds’ reunion stories with these two

#94. so this one came with a head bandage and a little medical looking case to carry them in. i used the carry case as like an ‘ambulance’ or med helicopter to put ‘sick’ pets in and carry them to the hospital, and this pet had chronic illness so they were always the roommate patient at the lps hospital.

#10 and #142, the goldfish couldnt be taken out of the bowl if i remember correctly so. he felt sad and isolated but the seahorse was his best friend who was able to go anywhere so id stick him in the bowl with him a lot to hang out n make him feel better. solidarity

#463. i LOVED her design, so i used her a lot as just a friend to whoever i was playing with. she was also one of the bigger birds so shes the only one i remember really utilizing as a ‘this character can literally fly’ plot device. she also might have been magic i dont remember. ik whenever i did the circus story she was always in it

#37, #38 and #39. i lost the ‘girl’ one early on, like completely lost it and never found it again so idk what happened to it. so the story was the other two were brothers in a constant search for their long lost sister. sometimes id either have another lps be their sister or make a ‘found family’ trope out of somebody

#331. i had two of these and they come with little hats but i lost one of the hats so. evil twin story babey the regular one was a nice old pirate guy but the one with the hat was evil and nobody could ever tell the difference

#641, IM THE TRASH MAN! I START EATIN GARBAGE,

[scatterpatter]

15 w Corren!

15: What is your characters background story?

OHOHO, so I’m going to leave One Detail Out because there’s one part of his backstory I don’t wanna spoil for Jazz yet, but... >:3c

Also it’s under the cut because i totally infodumped and then some OOPSIE

oh also cws: serious illness, death, domestic violence, depression

Corren Hartwell grew up the youngest of 3 siblings, the oldest being his big sis Mila and the middle child being his bro Julian. Their parents were pretty detached emotionally, but that’s pretty par for the course where he was from, and they provided for the kids so it really wasn’t all that bad. Not a perfect family, no fam ever is, but they were happy.

His race’s culture is super inclined to intelligence and studying technology, the mind, etc, so Corren spent his childhood being a total bookworm. Studying history, arcana, all sorts of stuff... he never really minded it, though. He was actually quite good at what he did! 

Mila was a spellcaster- I honestly forgot what school of magic she was in OOPS, and Julian dual-classed as a Necromancer and Bard! Jules and Mila were both pretty close in age, and they were like besties on top of being siblings, and they’d often team up to do small adventuring jobs: hit up the help wanted board in town and take care of short deliveries or a monster stalking a farm or something like that- both for the thrill and to also earn some extra gold for the family. They loved Corren, but they couldn’t take him with them because it was too dangerous for him since he was still just a little kid. Still, Corren admired them and wanted to be just like them(better, even?) when he grew up! ... Oh yeah I always forget this detail but Corren’s totally trans XD He came out pretty young but his family was chill with it so like... ayyyeee

Though one day, Mila started getting sick. Corren doesn’t really know what it was, but for whatever reason she wasn’t able to heal from it with simple healing spells. It was a slow process, but she was just getting worse instead of better, and one day she passed. The family was a wreck, understandably. The issue is... Corren and Julian had... different ways of grieving. Corr was still young, the equivalent of like someone 10-12 in human years, so he didn’t fully grasp the concept of death just yet. He retreated into himself a lot, had trouble grounding himself to the present and really struggling with depression. Julian, about the equivalent of someone 16-18, had a better understanding of what was going on, but he was wrecked. He wanted their sister back, and was so upset he couldnt do anything... but he wanted to try. He ended up doing something rash, and... well, spoilers ;) (dont worry he didnt hurt Corren or anyone else, but... he Fucked Up in what he tried doing)

Things quickly went downhill from there for the Hartwells. There was often a lot of fighting between Julian and their parents, or Corren would be chided for being unable to focus, like, at all, and... Corren and Jules never really fought, but there was a clear rift between them after what happened. They still loved each other, but it was so obvious their relationship would never be like what it was when Mila was still around, and that hurt both of them so much.

A few months later, things reached a boiling point and Julian was kicked out of their home. Before he left, though, he found Corren and gave him something: a small amethyst pendant on a necklace chain, something Julian used to always wear. They made a promise that this wasn’t gonna be goodbye, that they’d find each other again, and then Jules was gone. It was just Corren and his mom and dad.

Things were still strained, and Corren just did his best to keep to his studies to distract himself from everything. Not wanting Corren to end up like his brother, his parents forbade anything necrotic in the magic he learned. The problem was... Corren still loved Julian. And still wanted to be like him, to a point, so... he would study necromancy in secret. It was kinda like his little lifeline like “hey Jules is still here to an extent if I know the spells he does”, and things seemed to be going okay, for the most part

Well uh... one day his father caught him practicing his necromancy and... well, was far from happy about it. An argument quickly erupted between them both, a lot of yelling back and forth, and before Corr could react properly, his father grabbed something from the desk and struck him with it, giving him a pretty bad cut across his right eye(the smol scar I always draw? Yeah...). In a panic, Corren’s flight of fight kicked in as he cast a magic missile at his father in retaliation. Corren isn’t sure if his attack just stunned, knocked out, or killed his father, but the flight of fight-or-flight kicked in as he just ran from the situation. He had no idea what he was to do or where to go, but he just knew he couldn’t go back home after that.

SO this poor kid, probably the equivalent of a 14-15 y/o, is out on his own now... and he sure does his best. He mainly spends his time hopping from town to town, taking up small jobs to get some gold in his pockets, and is just... focusing on surviving. Going from this sheltered lifestyle to suddenly on the streets was a wake-up call and then some, but he found ways to make it work. Luckily his background of studying all the time gave him enough intelligence to take up tasks others weren’t as capable of, but it was still... far from easy. But he made it work!

One day he’s in a city known as Lilenthemar, just taking a break in one of the town squares, when an Elven man takes a seat on the bench next to him. They both sit in a comfortable silence for a while... but the elf then strikes a conversation. Corren, socially awkward like no tomorrow, tries to keep up the conversation... key word tries. The man introduces himself as Jethro, and I imagine the conversation took a turn like this:

Jethro: I don’t see many Marelienths around here, are you new in town?

Corren: Yeah, just passing through I guess. ... Gotta say, wasn’t expecting to see the Dragon Saint of the Green as I came here, though.

Jethro, laughing: Ah, yes, Raerose. Don’t worry, he’s a kind dragon. Though, it’s certainly surprising to those who are new to the city.

Corren: Oh, no, I know all about Raerose and his connections to this city and the Edgewoods. I just wasn’t expecting to... you know, run into his path as quickly as I did.

Jethro: Oh, so you’ve done your research, I take it?

At that point, Corren does what any neurodivergent would do when asked about his hobbies: Infodumps the hell out of what he knows. He’s far from a great scholar, considering he’s only the equivalent of someone 16-21ish at this point and spent quite a few years away from studying in favor of surviving, but he was still very intelligent and knowledgable about what he talked about. Jethro, picking up on this, decided to offer Corren a temporary position as a Family Historian. Jethro was actually a noble, something Corr somehow didn’t pick up on, and not only could’ve used the help... but also, he kiiiinda picked up on the fact that Corren looked like a kid who could use a place to stay for a while. Corren, not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, immediately accepted the offer.

Now, Corren wasn’t intending to stay for long. A few months, maybe a year or two... but. He realized he was building a pretty stable life by having a consistent job for the elf- it didn’t make much sense to just leave that in favor of hopping from place to place with no purpose. Not to mention, he was actually growing quite close to his boss. They’d often spent time together during off-hours, sitting in a comfortable quiet, just taking comfort in each other’s presence. Jethro’s actually the only one Corren ever opened up to about his past, and over the years Corren really grew to love him in a strong platonic way. They both struggled with their own grieving, Jethro with his passed wife and son he hadn’t seen in years, and Corren with his passed sister and brother he hadn’t seen in years, which only helped them grow closer, since they understood each other’s pain, in a sense.

He still struggled with depression, but overall Corren was doing pretty damn well in life. ... Many years later, Corren being 44(idk which human-equivalent this would be. Mid-Late 20s? Early 30s?), actually gets to meet Jethro’s son, Jericho, and the party he traveled with... called the F.U.C.K.s. ... I couldn’t make this shit up even if I tried. They needed help getting to a place called the Menoa Tree, which Corren happened to have studied for a long while, so he offered to help the party. ... They totally broke him with their antics. He proceeded to have a mental breakdown in front of them, and essentially went “FUCK THIS IM GOING HOME AND TAKING A NAP”. Jethro got a laugh out of the furious rambling Corren came home with.

... But despite that, something stuck with him. He just couldn’t quite get the party out of his mind. Something about them, as frustrating as they were, was almost... magnetic? ... Well, weeks later, word came to Lilenthemar about a war that had been raging on for years now... but specifically of a battle at a city known as Joshua, the forces being lead by Jericho alongside many others. Jethro was of course worried about his boy... and Corren... well, something in him changed. He wanted to know more about the FUCKs and just WHAT their deal was, and he wanted to ease Jethro’s worries, so... he grabbed a sniper rifle and decided that he’d go help protect Jericho and his friends as they fought. 

He eventually caught up to the party, convinced them to let him help, and after many battles... the war was won(Corren kinda came in at the tail-end of it all). The only thing is... after that, Corren didn’t really want to go home just yet. He actually enjoyed spending time with the party... and then it clicked: They were powerful adventurers who were totally crazy, stupid, and had no sense of self-preservation... they were just like Julian. And Corren loved it, even when they drove him crazy. He felt alive, which is something he realized he hadn’t felt in a long time... and quickly grew attached to his party, Alistair now taking the reigns as leader as Jericho retired from adventuring. And, well, he’s stuck with them ever since!

He still has Julian’s amethyst, as they’ve yet to reunite(yknow, assuming Jules is still alive even), but... certain events are causing some concern with the story I’m telling. Mainly... Corren is slowly facing Aboleth Corruption(he doesn’t know this yet, but is starting to suspect there’s something wrong with him), and that’s causing parts of his memory to be... patchy. Certain things aren’t lining up, and there could be more(or just different altogether) pieces of this story than what I’ve just told... but we’ll have to wait and see until we get to the quest that deals with that before we find out what’s REALLY going on ;)

... HEY UM I HOPE YALL DONT MIND THE IMMENSE INFODUMP IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR THEN THANK U FOR CARING ABT MY BOI ;-;

[guyfierisrealwife]

yall mind if i fuckin uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh cw for fuckin abuse ig

im so fucking lonely and i hate living here so much like im seriously at my limit idk what to do anymore like. theres really no safe place to be? like some of my friends have offered to let me stay with them for a little bit and that is extremely kind and generous of them and i love them very much and if either of you are reading this thank you so much ily ily but like i cannt do that to you and i also cant leave my mom alone with her ex as much as id want to leave this place and as much as i appreciate the offer i cant leave her

but at the same time both my mom’s house and my dad’s house are unsafe places for me to be at but i cant leave and i dont even know if ill be able to go back to school in the fall like rn idk what’s going to happen and like if the virus isnt like. less. by then i cant go. like i have severe asthma like it gets set off by anything and if i get it i might go to the hospital or die or whatever and its just not worth going back to school for a semester if i might just fucking die but also i Hate being home and i dont want to fall behind where i want to be with school and i dont want to be a semester behind all of my friends and graduate late like i know thats kind of stupid but i dont want to yknow

but most importantly with that i dont want to lose my fucking job if i have to take the semester off like thatd be devastating to me like my father isnt helping me pay for school and my mom is helping a little but i want her to save her fucking money like id rather be in debt than have her live with chris any longer than she has to so working is really important and i love my job a lot and im like Good at it and i dont want to lose my job

idk im just worried and if my dad screams at me one more time or makes some weird sexual comment or like moans loudly in our shitty small apartment where i can hear everything he does im going to fucking lose it like please im Literally Begging you to shut up like i hate living here i hate it but i dont have a fucking choice and like i know that there are solutions to this but none of them can like. work because i cant leave and move away without my mom being able to do the same

plus my brother screams at me for doing literally anything and he steals money and food from me like sometimes ill have like alcohol in the house bc how the fuck else am i supposed to cope and he just Takes it and he steals money from me even though he doesnt fucking need it like he’s not going to school and if he needs something my dad will get it for him bc mikey is physically the largest and strongest one of us so my dad is just like “here have whatever you want”

and my dad literally doesnt care about anyone but himself i was like “if your friend is in the house can you please have both of you wear a mask” and he lost his fucking mind at me which is like. cool. ok thank you. i mean there’s a pandemic and you and i are in high risk groups and i know the only thing you’d care about if i died would be that i wouldn’t have any more accomplishments you can take the credit for and if you fucking cried when i died id haunt you for the rest of fucking time you disgusting pervert id make your life hell like the fucking hell you made me grow up in but whatever

also we’re fucking poor which honestly does suck like a lot of the time like im not allowed to shower that often bc my like 10 minute showers every other day take ‘too much hot water and make the bill too high’ but if mikey takes an hour long shower every day he doesnt say Shit, and he’ll buy himself a lot of new shit and make fun of me for buying a computer with the money i made by working (at a job he doesn’t think is like a ‘real job’ even though it. is?? like i dont get his logic?? is it bc i work for the school i go to? whatever.) becauyse my computer broke beyond fucking repair and id had it for like 5 years and the new one i got the fucking person at the store was like “you need this one” and it was on sale because parts of it dont work so i was like “yeah ok sure” and my dad is like “um :-) you cant say anythign bc you bought a new computer” and its like yeah and i dont pay the water bill so whatever if you want to complain abt something complain about how you drink a 12 pack of beer a day and scream at your kids about how when we ask for food it’s too expensive because we’re like “can we have milk and sandwich stuff in the house?” and youre like “literally die i hate you i hate you. im such a good dad :) you are so ungrateful :) no one helps with anything in this house :)” even though i literally do?? like so much??? and if im like “im going to wash dishes” since we dont have a dishwash machine he’s like “NO DONT FUCKING DO THAT YOUD USE HOT WATER” and its like please im fucing begging you to have a brain dude like im really begging you to think for once in your goddamn life about literally anything

not to mention hes a huge homophobe and fucking ableist even though he has a gay, mentally ill daughter and a neurodivergent son that he refused for YEARS to admit has some kind of neurodivergency and didnt let live with my mom because he “didnt want to lose his only son” even though hes abusive to him and all 3 of his fucking daughters lmao and he wonders WHY heather and alyssa hate him so much its because he says things like “youre so hot” to his daughters and then screams at them and says shit like “ladies shouldnt fucking swear” and threatens us and screams so much and thinks that an “im sorry...................you know how i am...........i was just upset..............why are you so angry that i screamed at you until you cried and then got even more mad that you were crying............................. i didnt do anything wrong and you should forgive me even though i never will change.” like dude i told you it made me anxious when you came into my room when i was in 6th grade and you laughed in my face!!! you laughed at me!!! when i was clearly nervous and visbily afraid you were LAUGHING at me

AND HE FUCKING LIES SO MUCH!!!! HE LIES TO EXTENDED FAMILY MEMVERS TO MAKE THEM THNK HES A GOOD PERSON AND HE ACTS SO BELITTLING i hate him so much i literally hate him and the times that im so fucking lonely bc i have no one else i live with to talk to i say something to him and hes like “shut the fuck up and go away” and its lik :-) ok. how do you expect any of your kids to talk to you if you tell me to go away as soon as i say anything

and dont look at my goddamn ass and legs and dont look at other women like that either and dont masturbate with the door open just FUCKIN STOP YOURE DISGUSTING I HATE IT HERE

also mister “i NEVER hurt any of you” like yeah ok THATS why you screamed about hitting us and threatened us and literally?? did??? hit us with your fcuking belt? like what lmao do you have fucking memory loss ??? like do you not remember like ik it was a while ago but think back like. i remember clearly you slapping my brother across the face but ok lol

anyway i Do hate it here lol