#im just in a lot of grief @ the hand i was dealt in this lifetime
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#things are a mess mentally & its just weighing in hard tonight yet i dont even know how to put it into words.#exhausted. really exhausted. ig.#a lot of it involves M & also that one other ex who was like M kinda.#& also some stuff wrt that one former overly religious spiritually abusive ex friend who i met @ 13/14 while she was 21/22#idk just a lot is weighing heavy & then my health being bad also just. tanked things. ig.#ig its just this wishing i could be happy. idk. in the sense of like ig not weighed down by shit rn or idk.#im just in a lot of grief @ the hand i was dealt in this lifetime#i wish id been dealt a better hand than this#& ig i wish i could actually have a shot at being happy in this lifetime rather than how ive watched the universe repeatedly strip me#of that in the past#just treating me back then as its piñata LMFAO#at least i have interesting lore ✨ thatll maybe make me interesting ✨ & not easy to discard ✨#… i dont know. i mm. sure itll pass ig.#ishtar rambles ;
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