#im just glad I didn’t get pregnant by my toxic ex

[allofuswantgwinam]

i once again need to vent into the abyss of tumblr hello

i have a friend and i hate her fiancé sm he is literally so fucking toxic but they have a baby (AND A BABY ON THE FREAKING WAY I KEEP FORGETTING) so it makes it harder for her to leave 😭😭 and i don’t get to see her a lot anymore bc she got a new job so idrk if he’s doin the same shit he has been doing BUT I s2g he is bc I texted her last night about how this dude messaged me last night that I am almost 1000% sure we have talked about him before and this woman only said “idk who that is” and didnt even ask for the tea or anything and y’all wanna know why!!? Wanna know effing W H Y!? bc he is such an insecure POS that he’ll get mad about if one of her friends even messages her about a male person that has nothing to do with her … like im so pissed rn I hate him. I wish she would see her worth already and dump his ass but I don’t think that will ever happen and it makes me sad bc she deserves better than the way he treats her.

[raw-ugh]

July 5, 2019 AM thoughts

im sitting here in bed listening to the song “its you” by ali gatie. the first time i heard this song i was in love with it. i learned all the words and the next day i was driving while listening to this song on repeat. that day, a little over a week ago, i was blasting it and screaming it and thinking about a special someone. i think of him often and my heart races. but lately i think about him and my heart gets sad. i guess i just want more. on another note, i noticed myself getting angry and i’m not sure why. whenever i see my dads girlfriend i get angry which i think is justifiable given all that she has done to me. but also, finding out that my ex is having a baby has made me think of him too and whenever i do i get angry and sad. our relationship was so toxic and he tried to trap me in by getting me pregnant. he told me he wanted to have kids but im so glad that i was on birth control because that was not something that i was down for. there are other things that make me angry but those two have been the biggest triggers lately. i want to be more positive but i’m finding it harder to be more positive when negative energy is constantly around me (my dads girlfriend). i talked to my dad about it a little bit yesterday, about the things she’s done and how she’s caused problems with the family. he didn’t really know what to say, which kinda upset me. im ready to go live with my mom at this point, and thats saying a lot because my mom drives me crazy. a big part of me wants him to break up with her and for her to move out but the other half of me gets sad of the thought of my dad being in this house all alone while im away at school. i wish he had a different girlfriend. 

on a more positive note, i got a car the other day! i’m supposed to get it today but the people have to fix the zipper on the seat. the guy at the dealership told my dad that they would pay for it and have the guy come out to us and fix it but now my dad wants to wait for me to bring it home until they fix it because he doesn’t want the guy to go back on his promise so i’m not sure when i’ll be able to bring her home but i hope soon because i am so ready to have my own car again.

[yesbabygirl1posts-blog]

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I’m in my last and final trimester and i can’t wait for this to be over being pregnant for a entire nine months has brought me ups and downs more ups than downs and t’s crazy that i even made it this far due to the fact that i was considered high risks so i’m at least grateful for that part as for the rest it has been very stressful and my baby father  hasn’t been nothing but frustrating and it’s clear that he still hasn’t grown up yet....18 years old and he’s still playing the same old tricks that he was year ago not that it bothers me personally but im thinking of my unborn baby girl and how much it’’s suck for her to have an ass for a father....and that’s partly my fault because i dated and almost married the guy but i’m starting a new and fresh life ad turning a new leaf.......Its crazy how when u gave your all to a person ad they take it for granted and the second they lose you they are acting as if they can’t life without you when you’ve been there for them and they never noticed you once and at the end of it all you get the blame for breaking the relationship up just because you didn’t ant to take their sorry good for nothing ass back. In all i feel good about every decision i’ve made since i found out that i was pregnant and letting my ex go was one of the best things i’ve every done because i feel more of myself, i feel more in control of what i do and how i do it and that’s something i always had to push to the side because he was number one priority and putting myself first is the best thing ever..........now i’m just waiting and excited to meet my little girl because she’s what kept me going when everything and everyone else was going against me, she gave me the drive to recognize that what i thought was best for me was not good for me and that i had to move on with my life just because i know my worth and i know what i deserve and being with her father was the most toxic thing i’ve ever been in....... in my life and thats saying a lot because i’ve been through so much growing up as a child, things that no child should go through but i’m glad that i made it and lived to help other people who is still going through it and that’s something that i would protect my daughter from every day of her life.