#im just alive
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"life doesnt get better, you just get stronger" does NOT include ages 11-17. life does in fact just get better from there. those years are dogshit. like, you do get stronger but its mostly just a factor of not being 11-17 anymore. positive thinking helps but it doesnt fix whatevers going on at 15, you have to brute force through that one raw
#i originally posted this as just a 'hey remember how fuckin bad middle/highschool was? shit was wild' type post but now#there are a bunch of teens in the notes being like 'oh my god are you serious? it gets better? im not stuck in hell forever??'#and im reminded that the only people who told teenage ella 'it gets better' were speakers at mental health assemblies#aka the least relatable people alive who were seemingly born to lie to you#so. uh. yeah im a certified adult who isnt here to lie or sugarcoat the realities of being a teenager#the only thing more certain than the pain is the transcience
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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lesbian situationship vs gay situationship
#arcane#arcane s2#vi#caitlyn kiramman#caitvi#jayce talis#viktor#jayvik#this is so funny to me#they got fucked UP#jayce also high key looking fine as hell#i just need viktor to be alive im so scared#vi arcane#viktor arcane
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crowley!
#on his way to seduce his angel#which won't take much effort#or any at all#I've been working on nothing but my book thes past few weeks#and my brain is fried#so I really needed to just draw a hot demon again#and also let you know that im still alive#good omens#good omens fanart#crowley#crowley fanart#david tennant#david tennant fanart#GO#go fanart#my good omens fanart#digital art#fanart#e
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golden age 👑
#bbc merlins final girls i said i know thats right#merlin#my art#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#guinevere#guinevere pendragon#im gonna do golden age merwaine too just to try convince myself gwaines actually alive#whatever
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got bugs on my brain recently
#hollow knight#hk gijinka#hk#mak's art#fan art#hk ghost#hk hornet#hk quirrel#hi sorry im still alive just busy and tired#i know quirrels outfit is folded wrong i had the canvas flipped while drawing and forgor to fix it#just pretend its symbolic for how his story plays out int the game or smth cries#I MEAN UH#DEFINITELY did that on purpose hahahahahahahahahahaha
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its not my fault i keep playing against Daniel Day-Lewis mfs
#ive got 160+ hours as medic....i know what im doing but some spies are actually just brilliant actors and play in a non meta way#and im so busy keeping your arse alive that if they're going full method on the team - i heal them!#the amount of times people have given out at me is crazy....you didnt spot them either bruv#im not talking about those two times i ubered an enemy spy....corner of shame#ty for the 5k lads#team fortress 2#tf2 fanart#tf2#tf2 medic#tf2 heavy#heavy so annoyed he lives through 3 backstabs to yell
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i'm exactly as normal about him as I thought I'd be
#my art#trigun stampede#vash the stampede#trigun#trigun vash#vash#tristamp#trigun stampede fanart#trigun fanart#idk the tags fr this fandom sorry its babys first trigun#im not abandoning jjk but expect more other stuff sprinkled in!! including trigun <333 including him <3#ANYWAY IM SOOOOO NORMAL ABTHIM IM SO NORMAL I PROMISE#im lying im sorry im feral about him i want unspeakable things done 2 him it was over the moment i heard his voice#but [redacted] thoughts aside#hes so fun to draw oh my god how did they make a character Exactly For Me how did they make one that ticks all my boxes#hes blond but like i can work with it i will get good at rendering blond hair for him <333 hes worth it <333333#i was cruisin along mindin my business having fun learning how 2 draw him and then i get 2 the arm . +24hrs to total drawtime#all my cheats ...my safety net of being able 2 use flesh to disguise th fact that u dont reeeeally know where tendons or joints go...#out th window. this prosthetic is practically an anatomically correct model. u can see EVERYTHINg#put my entire me into trying to figure it out h i think it is ok i think i like it#god i rly cant get over how he's just a combination of all the fun parts of drawing yuuji megumi AND gojo#he is the center of their triple venn diagram and i am EATING HIM ALIVE#sorry ill calm down .... fr now.... smile :)
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#off game#off the batter#off zacharie#off sucre#haiii :^) im still alive#i just dont really have much interest in posting on tha internt nowadayz#im tired most of the time now but i still do kinda draw
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unorthodox murder mystery
#zosan#one piece#roronoa zoro#sanji vinsmoke#fanart#okay so basically this concept is ok so basically#its a murder mystery where those who are murdered on the ship actually turn into VAMPIRES#but theyre like#guys. how the fuck do we not know who the vampire is#like what do you mean you are literally still alive after being 'killed' and somehow you dont remember who killed and turned you#zoro: well whatever. im still gonna be the greatest swordsman#sanji: right ok so hello FUCKFACE. DUMBASS. GREATEST SWORDSMAN THAT IS ONLY AVAILABLE DURING THE NIGHT OR WHAT–#sanji: CAN WE FOCUS ON THE FACT THAT WE JUST DIED THAT WE JUST CAME BACK TO LIFE THAT WE'RE IMMORTAL NOW. THAT I CANT TASTE THE FOOD I MAKE#zoro: wat dat gotta do wit me#sanji would be suchhhh a good vampire feeder but a terrible vampire I think#thats my opinion stop throwing rocks at me what the hell#anyway i dont actually know who the vampire on the crew woudl be#thats the mystery#its a mystery to the creaotr of the au as well obviously... or else whats the point.....
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heiress eternal
#so many thoughts about her#the handmaid#the handmaid homestuck#homestuck ancestors#damara megido#homestuck#egg art#according to hussies book aradia was in contact with the handmaid to receive game instructions#which is interesting considering megidos can speak to the dead and the handmaid is one of the few ancestors alive#so either handmaid channeled a dead aradia or future aradia channeled a dead handmaid#handmaid could of also just manipulated the timeline to make sure aradia was the catalyst for the game being played#or something less more or equally complicated#and without this we just have to assume its maid powers allowing aradia to have flawless instruction of what to do or shes just a#level 3000 gigabrain girl genius at 13 years old#and instead of putting that interaction in the story we got. the dancestor flashes#so im a little miffed about it really
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Sometimes girlhood is matching hello kitty oodies with your mortal enemy
#I have such a back log of jjk drawings i need to upload here#im somehow more active on twt even tho everytime i post i feel like i'm being flayed alive#idk just girly things#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen#ryomen sukuna#sukuna#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#hello kitty#bnha kept trying to sneak its way into my tags#babe this??? isnt about you????
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lighthearted.
if this comic resonated with you, please consider donating to this palestinian escape fund (vetted by @/nabulsi and @/el-shab-hussein) as it is less than $7,000 away from it's goal.
i turn 24 today. To celebrate, I made this comic to be a spiritual successor to lead balloon, a comic in which I talked about the darkest period of my life so far.
A lot has changed since my 23rd birthday and this one. My priorities have shifted a lot, in ways that I think are mostly good. But i think the best part about today is that suicide has gone back to being a far away notion. I'm really lucky, and I'm grateful for that.
#yet another largely personal comic that kind of only has real impact to maybe four people#it's crazy what a difference a few months makes#and a trip to the beach that makes you glad you're still alive.#the last page is just me drawing my friends and I as our respective art sonas#credit to my best friend for inventing the designs#i keep copying their shit but its their fault for always having good ideas#ugghhh i love the people in my life so much and im so thankful for them#one of my friends gave me a vintage camera for my birthday#im going to take so many photos i could paper my walls with them#thank you for reading#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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sometimes you gotta lure your overly-studious ravenclaw gf into spending time with you 🥰 📚 ( from 'Every Teardrop is a Waterfall' by Kat_12739 on ao3, GO READ IT!!! the first story is about seb falling sick and still pushing himself/not admitting he's sick until he ends up in the hospital, the second story is about the birth of seb and clora's daughter and seb's reaction to clora almost dying in childbirth, and the third is about dealing with a fussy newborn lewis😭🥹THEY'RE SO GOOD AND SWEET AND SOMEWHAT SAD (not to mention beautifully written) so go check it out!!💖💖 )
#READ SO I CAN YAP TO SOMEONE ABOUT THEM🙏😩💘#the seb sickfic made me realize how much i needed barely functioning and sick seb (but him still trying to be tough)#theres also a part that cracked me up bc at one point seb is so sick he cant even see straight but he just thinks to himself:#eh its fine.... ill just ask ominis how HE functions without vision later🤷 LMFAO#so stubborn...JUST LET CLORA TAKE CARE OF YOU MFER🤺🤺🤺#defs gonna be drawing more from it especially sick seb LMAO but also seb having a tea party with celeste🥹🥹#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x oc#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian x mc#hogwarts legacy fanfiction#sebastian sallow fanfiction#hphl#choccyart#also i was never planning on writing anything about clora giving birth or abt the kids so to be able to read it WAS AMAZING#THERES A PART WHERE SEB IS HOLDING CELESTE AND CRYING AT CLORAS BEDSIDE THAT I NEED TO DRAW😭😭#LIKE SRSLY seb being conflicted and not even wanting to HOLD celeste bc he doesnt know if clora is alive or not... IT WAS SO SAD BUT GOOD#i honestly dont know what seb would do if clora died in childbirth tbh.......i could honestly see him resenting celeste#esp since she looks so much like clora😭😭#LETS JUST NOT THINK ABOUT IT!😃👍#(still thinking about it)#like this line in the fic: “Sebastian hesitated; if this was Clora’s last gift to him he wasn’t sure he wanted it.”#😭😭😭ITS SO GOOD UGHHHHH😭 TY AGAIN FOR WRITING THESE💖IM SO TOUCHEDDD💖💖
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it's time to go, my love (ID in alt)
#vashwood#trigun maximum spoilers#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#ruporas art#been in a very bad Art rut lately... the fatigue is finally catching up so i turned to my very trusty muses#to bring me somewhere. somehow its vol 10 i always return to. though i thnk this is the first time im posting v10 art#i have so many in my drafts but this vol always made me emotional. It's been a year now so my emotions#They've cleared up. Somewhat.#i think i just delusioned myself into a place where ww is always alive bc i draw him well and healthy all the time. his death is such an#essential part to the narrative though... i'll never be able to run from it completely :']. anyway. im not too sure how to elaborate my#Thoughts on this one but i am quite Happy with the blueness of it all.
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hhh thiming about biting (dbf) simon’s neck during missionary, digging your teeth into his skin so hard they leave an indent—
he pulls away with a snarled hiss, his cheeks flushed and his pupils blown wide, only to pause at the drunken look in your eyes.
“mouth getting too empty f’r y’r liking, love?” he croons.
and when you nod, mewling mid-tears, all simon does is chuckle, his gaze shifting into something so soft it makes you ache.
“alright, then,” he murmurs, nuzzling close, before tilting his head to the side, giving you room to slot yourself into him again.
every drag of your teeth and every puncture, every suckle—it makes simon hiss in pleasure, his breathy rasps reverberating from where his chest is pressed onto yours.
#oral fixation rambles part ??? i dont know guys im just unwell#dbf simon is back and alive and he wants you so bad i swear#simon ghost riley smut#simon ghost riley x reader#sun rambles
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