#im just accepting that i will always get carried away and there is no saving me

[firemenenthusiast]

—“autumn”

jann mardenborough x fem!reader

summary: how many anniversaries could we actually get through ?

warnings: angst. read at your own risk

a/n: this has always been my favourite type of trope so rest assured, im totally fine and so excited to have written one myself (yippee😆)

“But you stuck around when I was down. And I'll owe you all my days”

anniversaries.

anniversaries is such a pure concept. a reminder of the exact day the paths of two stray souls intersect, a reminder for the beginning of a story, a reminder that maybe the universe isn’t pawning off of human misery afterall. jann loved anniversaries, he loved them so much so he went beyond his way to remind you of the day the paths of the stray soul within the both of you intersected. every single year, without fail would he plan something just to get to spend time with you, just to get to see you, in any way possible.

jann loved reliving the day he swore he was gonna spend the rest of his life with you, eventhough the two of you had just met. if he was to be offered the chance to be there again, in that park, bumping into you, he would snatch it off the offering hand so no one else would get there before him. again and again, no matter how long he’ll be stuck in the loop, no matter how much it’s violently clawing away every inch of his being. he would choose you, every. single. time, in a blink on an eye.

conveniently, today’s the anniversary of the day a really tall curlyhead made you drop the fresh pastry that was just handed to you by the nice cart uncle whom you saw almost every time you were strolling through the park. it was a major setback of your day, and you were close to erupt chaos of rage in the middle of the park seeing your pain au chocolat rolling on the ground helplessly, covered in dirt. at that time, the pastry seemed to be the only thing that could save you from a mental breakdown from a hell of a day you had just went through. so when a silly nerd decided he was gonna practise walking for the first time in his life and bumped into you, you felt like smacking him in the back of his head. if only you could actually reach it.

conveniently, the same silly nerd felt really bad about the whole situation, so much so he insisted on getting you a new one from the nice uncle’s cart. but this story would’ve ended right that moment if the nice uncle had more to offer. aparently the filth indulgent pastry on the ground was one of the few last ones he had to carry. it was in the evening after all, nobody were actually looking forward to some flaky, buttery goodness at that time. you were ready to accept everything the universe had planned for your misery that day, to just drag your feet home with slumped shoulders, tired eyes and tastebuds yearning for what could’ve been your sitting-by-the-fountain snack. and you did, but not without the silly nerd’s offer of getting you one the next day, as a repayment of his crooked steps that were the cause of the tragedy to the french, which of course, was the pastry on the ground.

conveniently, when you walked through the park the next day, on the same path you do every day after work, you saw the silly nerd again. only this time he didn’t look so silly, because in his hands were already two pain au chocolats, beautifully wrapped with a sheer paper, just in time for your arrival. it’s like he knew exactly when you were gonna come, and it’s like he knew that you weren’t gonna stood him up on that offer. in reality, it was nothing like that. he couldn’t get the nerves out of his system, and he almost bleed out his bottom lips from biting on them too hard in anticipation on whether you were gonna come.

he had every right to think that after the awkwardness and the clumsiness he displayed the day before, you were gonna think that he’s such a loser. and that such a beauty like you wouldn’t ever dare to even be in his presence ever again. he accepted that fact, he did. but he was willing to risk it, he was willing to appear stupid in that park again, holding two pastries in his hands like some kind of idiot. to his suprise, he got to see that pretty face again. the muscly organ behind his chest beat like it was gonna replace the pastry from the day before, on the ground, rolling in dirt. the universe owe him one for what happened, so what was actually displayed on his face when he saw you was a bright smile. a smile so bright that it was contagious, so bright that it jumped right onto your face too.

the two of you spent the rest of the evening by the fountain, enjoying the pastry together, realising that you enjoyed one another more than the deliciousness in your hands. the doors of your homes at that time welcomed the arrival of two people back home, separately ofcourse, noticing the obvious grins on your faces. it was almost cliche, and the story sounded like it jumped right out of a 90s romcom. only that those always end with a happy ending, making them the definition of cliche.

every thing seemed to be so conveniently sketched out in the story about the both of you, yet what actually made it all possible were the two hearts that tugged themselves towards each other, the willingness to make space for one another, and the fondness that was growing. yes, it all happened in a simple way, but what most people dont get is that simplicity is often overlooked. for the both of you, simplicity is what tied two beings together. loving you was simple for jann. it came almost like breathing for him, and it’s like he was dead for the first part of his life, before he met you. jann liked simple, but not as much as he loved you. if complexity is what he had to endure to keep you in his heart, to keep you close, then he’s willing to be demented for the rest of eternity.

jann had this routine he’d been doing since your very first anniversary, that he without fail would go over, sometimes even adding new things to the tradition he thought you’d like. walking down the pavement below his appartment, towards the cute little flowershop right beside the cafe, he already knew what he would get.

your flowers.

the flowers that he’d told you reminded him of you, and the flowers that he said represented you so well. he told you countless times whenever he’d get you those flowers that even with them beside you, you’re still so much prettier. and as corny as it might sound, you had to conceal the heat and red rushing towards your face.

jann had his way with words, particularly because they weren’t purposely formed to flatter you, they were actually a fragment of his love for you. sometimes he didn’t even realise that he was making you feel all giddy inside, and that his rosy cheeks were suddenly looking all kissable. at this point mrs. anderson from the flowershop already got the bouquet prepared for him, and it’s just the most convenient thing ever. one thing stripping him away from the whole routine is deliberately picking out each stem to build the bouquet. it was around your sixth anniversary had mrs. anderson realised that jann had been walking through her door around the same time of every year.

jann always came in to buy the exact same flowers in the fall, without fail.

so she stuck out and showed interest to the flowers jann had been getting all those years, asking about who was it for, what’s the occasion and all. she learned a lot about you from listening to jann without even having met you. that time when you actually walked into the shop with jann, you were slightly taken aback by how much the woman knew about you. jann was just chuckling in the background at the whole meeting, amusement clearly accompanying him. the both of you had become her favourite couple since then.

because of the season, the flower would become harder to obtain. it wouldn’t be found anywhere else accept mrs. anderson’s, that happened to be right at the corner of his apartment, just a walk down the pavement away. has anyone been keeping the word count on the word convenient so far ? even if the small shop around the corner didn’t carry your flowers, he would be walking to the final edge of the earth if he had to. what could you say ? jann’s a stickler for routines and when the routine involves making you happy, he’d be more than ecstatic.

on this exact date every year, your routine is to put on your best clothes, stand in your most gorgeous pair of shoes, and walk to the park where the two of you met that particular evening with your prettiest face. but that was never a problem. you’d sit on the creaking wooden hazel bench and wait for jann. only that on your anniversaries, jann wouldn’t knock your fresh pastry down to be eaten by the ground. the routine you two had for your anniversary was maybe corny and cheesy to some, but it reminds you of the silly nerd that looked like he was damn near picking up the little snack he’d accidently made you drop to lick all the dirt off of it before handing it back to you. you were forever grateful he didn’t actually do that, because you didn’t think you’d be coming back the next day to meet him in the same spot.

somewhere around your 12th anniversary, 8 years after your marriage did the park became no longer the strategic spot for your anniversary meet up, as it was no longer suitable for the picnic the both of you would set up to just bask in each other’s warmth amidst the breeze of autumn, intertwining your fingers till sometimes they get entangled. even though it was simple, yet it was the date you’d look forward to all year round. it was so special, that you promised each other that the tradition wouldn’t die down, away with one of you. every time you’d sit on the checkered blanket weighted down by the basket and both your figures, you’d talk about the future, and what the both of you hope for each other. it was nice, really nice. especially when jann would bring up the topic of having a mini you around the house, your cheeks would heat up and the cold would always expose the rosy tint away. he thought it was the cutest thing ever, which was why he swore he’d never stop teasing you about it.

it was also in that very park, on a walk the both of you decided to take on a random saturday did he first said that he loved you, to which you told him the same. it was pure, what the two of you had. you were so good for each other, a few fights ? ofcourse, but nothing could infiltrate the depth of fondness you held within your core.

it’s your 15th anniversary today, a huge number yet it feels so small. how fast time flies when you spend the entirety of your life devoted to each other. jann couldn’t help the bittersweet smile creeping onto his face as he walk on the fluffy grass, his hand swiping across the swinging wooden sign when he steps past.

“c’mon, lets go see mommy sweetheart” the little girl clinging onto jann’s large hand seemed to not have anything to protest, as she obediently arranges her new steps infront each of them, eyes focused on her little strawberry shoes.

seeing her so determined sends a tingle in his heart, how could a human this small be so precious to him ? how could a small human that he just met three years ago be so dear to him that if anything were to happen to her he’d ask the devil to lunge his sword right into his chest himself ? well maybe that’s a bit too graphic but he stands by his point.

“hey honey, we’re here” jann announces to you in a sing songy tone, to get the little girl’s attention and to tell her they’ve arrived at their destination.

crouching beside his daughter, jann holds her chubby arms to face her towards you, handing her the bouquet of your flowers the both of them had fetched from mrs. anderson so she could place it on the shiny sleek marble slab, engraved on it are your first and middle name, and ‘mardenborough’ at the end of them.

it’s true that the park was no longer suitable, as you had been forever eternalized someplace else.

“sorry we’re a bit late, someone insisted on wearing her strawberry shoes this morning instead of her favourite purple ones she makes me put on her every single day” jann informs, talking to the non-responding piece of stone with a warm smile, his large hands almost covering the entirety of the little child’s anterior. a pair of amber hued orbs stares back at him, obviously unamused knowing that her dad was talking about her.

“atleast that shows that she’s got fashion sense just like you. i mean, it couldn’t possibly be from me” the end of his sentence is accompanied by a soft laugh, before it slowly trails away. pulling a deep breath, he looks over to the little hand pulling at his curls at the side of his head. the same curls that is also on top of hers.

“hey you wanna tell mommy what we did yesterday ?” the girl nods at his offer, perking up to exercise her speech that has started to get really put together. jann’s more excited knowing that compared to last year, she gets to actually tell you what they did the day before, having only gained her speech earlier this year. they tried telling you last year, but all that came out were mumbles of the words ‘mama’ and ‘dada’. seemed to be all she knew back then.

“we went to picnic in daddy’s park, had pasty” she begins, which also seems to be the end too, earning a light chuckle from jann.

“it’s pastry, but you get it” he informs with a hand gesture, smoothing his hand over her head, the luscious curls moving back against his palm.

trailing his eyes across every inch of your stone, his hand reaches up to graze over the surface, dragging with his fingers the thin dust film. all he could do was smile, forcefully tucking away the heavy, deep longing painfully dragging down his core. the least he could do to show his love for you now is to raise his little girl to be the amazing person he once knew you were. he prays, every single day that he has what it takes to replicate such beauty from within.

the picnic tradition the both of you had changed now, for a slightest bit. instead of going on your exact anniversary date, jann now brings your daughter to the park a day before to spend the entire evening, reminiscing about you. it’s his way of keeping the memory of you always alive for his daughter. and the next day would be reserved to go see you at a totally different location, far away from the park.

seeing as his daughter wouldn’t get to grow up with the warmth of your love as much as he got to, he decided that this will be the way of him sharing what’s left of that love with her, by devoting this tradition to remind his daughter that her mother will always be looking out for her. jann wishes that the tradition of your anniversary will live forever, until the universe sends him the invitation of reuniting with you again, in a different universe.

a universe far away from the one where a love story is so conveniently sketched out, that it was too good to be true.

there’s a reason why two stray souls could only intersect, as they would eventually pass over each other at some point.

taglist: @r4vn @love-me-pls @radioloom @farleighlover @imjustheretoreadsmuthaha @luckystrikerealness @juniperhasfallen @themoonchildwhofell @khxna @fuckshitslover @szapizzapanda @inglourious-imagines

divider creds: @rookthornesartistry

[kittyamore0]

Slashers find out their S/O has killed:

[Part 2]

A/n: IM SO UPSET BECAUSE I DONT HAVE MY REGULAR FONTS 😭 😔 A/n: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH A:n: I COULDVE JUST COPIED AND PASTED OFF THE INTERNET BUT IM TOO LAZY TO RE DO EVERYTHING 😖

CW: Murders, Sexual themes and GN! Reader.

Little note: I was going to add Lester and Bo to part 2 but I was busy while making this so I have to add them in part 3

Billy Lenz 🎄🎅📞

He’s more excited at the fact that you’re just like him, crazy!

He instantly got aroused 😃

Definitely stole some of your underwear’s (or bras) and returned them all sticky, and damp…

the way he found out was when you helped him kill Jess

”Jess, [Name], the caller is in the house,”

but you knew that

you’ve always known

so when Jess started panicking, you found it a good time to surprise her and Billy

It frightened you when she had a weapon, she could’ve killed your Billy!

So, you took the other fire poker

you stabbed Jess in the shoulder when she got dragged by Billy

I cackled when Billy yanked her hair through the stairs railing 💀

And before she could react, you slit her throat

“it’s okay, Billy,”

damn, you were always hot, but with blood on you? 😍

“[Name] saved filthy Billy…?”

you’re smart ass pinned it on Peters and he got arrested

you sneaking back to the sorority house to see Billy - 🏡 ⬅️ 🏃‍♀️💨

Tiffany Valentines 👰‍♀️❤️🧸

[this goes for her human body and doll body]

She honestly wouldn’t care, you kill, she kills, you’re even hotter when you kill.

wait, wha-

she finds it adorable and hot of you when you kill

will literally pull up a soft chair, some snacks and a face mask and sit there watching you take your anger out

“Go baby!”

”You got this, hun’!”

“They went that way!”

“Good job, woo!”

Very supportive

you were a killer when you met her

That’s how she fell in love with you!

“How many people have you killed?”

“34,”

“Hey, you know, you’re kinda cute…”

”I know,”

fell in love with you instantly.

Carrie White 🔥👩‍🎓🩸

You never kept it a secret from her, but instead of telling her that it’s innocent people, you told her that it was people that use to mock and taunt you

she doesn’t think it’s okay, but because it’s you and because they were ‘awful’ people, she pushed it away

also doesn’t judge because she did kill people with her powers, but in her defense, she was so pissed

Also accepts you because you helped her run away from her abusive mom.

every time you come home from committing mass murder, she already sets up a bath and tries to cook

her mom didn’t care about her, so she’s only learning how to cook just now

hey, at least she’s trying 🥰

you end up cooking, but she repays you with nice cuddles after !

Jennifer Check ☆💉🩸

how you met was…interesting…

you always had a crush on her

and would always get pissed whenever some boy or girl hit on her

so when someone flirting with her actually kissed her cheek

you lost it.

let’s say that they didn’t have their happily ever after

when she found out, she became infatuated with you

a really devoted, smart, and pretty/handsome person? Sign her up

she definitely confessed first

like Tiff, she also doesn’t care

you kill anyone, she kills boys, no exception

and if you’re a boy, you’re an exception

will cheer you on as well

just more lazily than Tiff

After your killings, she’ll invite you to a lake

you obviously say yes, not thinking too much of it

until you see her naked in the murky waters

definitely pushes you in

mocks you for how flustered you get

yall definitely had a good time 😏

Vincent Sinclair 🕯️🔪🔥

Vinny just finished working and he was looking for you.

a bit worried when he couldn’t find you

then he heard footsteps, your foot steps.

don’t ask me how he knows your specific footsteps

and Jesus, you were a literal bloody mess

you had about 4 limp, lifeless victims

“Vin-ny!~”

you were awfully happy

blushed a little when you happily sung out the syllables to his nickname

pointed to the 4 bodies

“well, I’d thought I’d help you with work and it’s a thank you, for um, uh, everything…”

the silence was loud

really loud

but he nodded and huffed

making you plaster a grin on your face

he’s definitely blushing under hat mask

big bear hugs after work ! ❦

[angelicghostwriter]

fem!reader, talk of pregnancy, birth, jus a lot of fluff and a bit of angst :)

as sanemi had grown older he had realized he was made to protect. protect his siblings from his father and his mother from him as well and at times herself. he protected her from sickness, making sure she was warm during the winter and fall season, and tending to her when she had fallen sick. he protected his siblings from sickness as well, and from neighbourhood children who were as cruel as the demons he faces now.

if only he had been able to protect his siblings from his mother, his mother from herself, and genya from the feelings of abandonment. then maybe just maybe his life wouldn’t have come to this.

on his second chance at redemption he failed. failed to save his friend from the touch of death but had gained hashira status and an unremarkable strength. was it really worth it?

meeting you had made him feel something. something foreign and sweet. your voice was intoxicating like fine sake and your touch was as warm and fluffy similar to his mother’s hugs. it was shocking really how he could find warmth in such a cold world.

you were his everything. he had engraved every moment with you into his mind and every part of your face and body was imprinted in his heart.

a few of his favourite memories of you had happened to be some of scariest and happiest moments in his life. he had never knew what true fear and anxiety was like until he had gotten the message from his crow that described how you had ran into uppermoon 2 and it left you heavily injured. he had ran a whole 6 miles towards the butterfly estate, not caring that his lungs were feeling like they would explode. he had prayed to whatever gods that existed to not take away his soulmate, his love. and it appeared that they had listened this once. been his heart had dropped to his feet again after kocho had informed him that due to the severity of your casualties a possibility was deemed that you may never wake up again. he refused to accept it, you were strong. your his goddamn soulmate! the love of his life! no god was sadistic enough to make him go through a life time of grief and sadness again. right? 

and it appears that he was blessed again. on the tenth day of your coma sanemi had awaken from the side of your bed to find you awake and smiling at him softly, your voice was still as lovely and soft as he remembered.  “good morning my love”

sanemi was never one to believe that he would find true love. that was, until he met you of course. he had always thought that genya was the one to get married, have children and live a care free happy life. but seeing as how the younger shinazugawa brother had followed the older one, it seemed as that was a distance dream as well. 

so who would’ve thought that sanemi would be the one to marry? his wedding was one of the happiest days of his life, it marked an eternity with you by his side. 

but the day he had found out you were carrying his child? he couldn’t have been more excited in his life. he couldn’t wait to care for you during your pregnancy and become a better father then his ever was.  “im going to be a father?” his eyes were wide and his mouth slightly agape. his eyes trailed down to your stomach, his baby was in there.

“i found out today and couldn’t wait to tell you” you smile and giggle at his reaction. you pull him by his hand and press a soft kiss to his cheek. he snaps back into reality and immediately wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer towards him. 

“im going to be a father!”

he smiles fondly as he reminisces about those moments, they had all led him to this very moment he had been preparing for all of 9 months. anxiety had bubbled up inside his stomach as he pasted back and fourth along the halls of the butterfly estate. 

“shinazugawa-sama, your wife and baby are both healthy and ready to see. congratulations on your new baby boy.” the kakushi slides the door open and as he steps in, he feels as if he’s on cloud 9.

he walks towards you and presses a soft kiss on your head mumbling the softest praises and faintest “i love yous” against the yell of your ear. you gently place your new born son into his fathers scarred arms, he’s careful not to move too much wanting to make sure his son is comfortable. as he gazes down at his baby he takes in every part of his face and ingraves it into his mind. his baby has the most beautiful (e/c) eyes, that he got from you, his mommy. sanemi can’t help but admire his sons fluffs of white hair, a very visible trait inherited from his father. who would’ve thought the short tempered wind hashira could be so soft? sanemi has never been more happy in his life till now, this is the cherry on top. he knows he would never want to be anywhere too far from his wife and son ever, not in a million years. suddenly all the wishes and dreams of a happy loving family seemed possible. this was just the firstborn, more would be to come soon. 

this was his third chance. and he would be damned if he were to fail again. 

[tiramissyoucake]

Can't Handle Rejection

Hyoma Chigiri X reader, siren X human AU, all characters are 18+, this story follows the logic of sirens luring in people by singing and then killing them to eat, reader and Chigiri’s families are mentioned but no specifications, 1.6k words

CW: Reader almost drowns, Chigiri doesn't know if he wants to kiss or kill reader <3, little proof reading

Notes: I haven’t written in forever akdkskd I’ve been playing lots of the new Zelda lately- kinda overwhelmed with the freedom the game gives but other than that it’s fun, im not super proud of this but here u go Chigiri content

Chigiri had always been one step ahead of his fellow sirens, whereas they had issues attracting people not knowing their preferences, Chigiri was blessed with feminine features and an athletic masculine upper body to fulfill any fantasy.

Regardless of whoever’s preferences, they would be insane not to accept such a beautiful specimen calling them over, until today when he met you.

Your family thrived on fish selling business, so you were no foreigner to sea legends, your parents had told you stories of creatures that roamed the waters like the vicious Kraken, the murderous leviathan, the most memorable one was a warning tale of sailors mistaking hungry sirens for mischievous mermaids and ultimately they became nothing but siren’s dinner.

Your father had been ill for some time now, so it was up to the rest of the family to pitch in and do his work; today was your turn. You had caught a bountiful amount today thanks to your insistence on sailing further out, yet now as the sun was setting and clouds were greying you figured it was time to go home.

The ride home was painstakingly quiet save for the distant warning rumbles of thunder, you enjoyed the silent comfort the water brought however the stories your family told you lingered in the back of your mind causing you to shake your head and reason with yourself: “they’re just stories from faraway, even if they’re real, they can’t possibly exist here”.

For the majority of your trip, it was ambient sea sounds until you heard a certain sound pierce through the crash of waves and rocking of the boat, a tune, carried by a lovely voice that enchanted your body to stop all operations and look for the source. You noticed a man, roughly your age, flowing hair you’d only assume a mythical creature would have as the color was completely uncommon for humans to have.

He was singing, if you hadn’t known any better you’d say he was serenading you, he laid on one of the rocks near a distinct structure of rocks (your family had simply dubbed this ‘the pile’ as a landmark in case someone lost their way) looking absentmindedly into the distance.

You grew concerned, sure his singing was wonderful but what was he doing out here? No person is supposed to be able to swim this far away from shore. A storm was approaching and he seemed all too relaxed at the situation at hand, you mentally debated if he needed any help to get back to shore yet you were too unsettled by how nonchalant he seemed.

Once he’d noticed you, or at least pretended to, he pulled his sweetest smile briefly stopping his singing, he had to hold back any traces of hunger showing on his face as he noticed you drop the oar. One of his hands came out from under the water and stretched towards you, inviting you to take his hand.

‘Easy pickings’ he thought until he noticed your features slowly contort from wonder to realization, to horror. This alarmed him, did you break out of the trance already? That’s not possible, that’s too quick for a human. He was right as he noticed you fumble to grab your oar and propel the boat away from where he was.

Your family warned you, deep down you knew these stories shouldn’t be taken lightly. You never saw any creatures reminiscent of your parents’ tall tales but every fiber of your being told you to stay away from him, no matter how beautiful he looked, no matter how wonderful his singing.

when you turned back after you’d felt a gaze on you, you found the singing man was gone.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

No human has ever rejected Chigiri’s invitation, every time he would lock onto a target they would soon become nothing but bones, so how were you able to see through him so easily?

He thought nothing of it, if he wasn’t able to lure you then surely the storm approaching would take you by surprise and throw you overboard right into his arms, he followed your boat from under the water.

However seeing you work rapidly against the rising storm both irritated him and intrigued him, you refused to give up against the storm, he would’ve respected that had he not seen so many sailors perish to the might of the sea and the rage of the storms easily.

You moved rapidly between tasks, not taking a moment to even think of your next course of action, as if you were a trained sailor. Chigiri would momentarily poke his head out of the water to watch you before sinking back to continue following you, he noticed you closed in on the shore and a sense of angry defeat filled him; how dare his dinner escape his grasp so easily? You should be flattered that he even spared you a glance.

He couldn’t follow you further, he couldn't risk mankind seeing him, he turned away and sunk below the water, his curiosity had finally been satiated with the boredom of watching you. Yet the moment he was far enough he was surrounded by a burst of water pressure against his back.

Turning, he saw your body struggle through water before seeing your convulsing muscles settle in defeat against the current.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

‘This is insane. This is completely and utterly stupid.’ These thoughts kept echoing in his head as he dragged your body through the water onto the shore, laying you down on the sand as he looked over your features.

No one was crazy enough to leave their houses in this weather so he trusted that no one would see him. Looking at your limp body he settled his hand over your chest trying to feel your heart, moving to press the side of his head onto where it would be to listen closely.

…

Ba bump… ba bump… ba bump…

Relief flooded his chest, he grew confused at the feeling, why did he care about you? You turned away from him, you witnessed a beauty such as him and you turned away, he ought to devour you right now! It was only fair given your species ate from the ocean; so he should be allowed to devour you with no regrets.

Chigiri tried to rationalize; he wanted to stick with his predator instincts but for some reason as he slightly parted his lips and leaned down to your throat, baring his sharp teeth to do what he intended to since the moment he saw you, he couldn’t do it.

No matter how much force he used he couldn’t close his jaw around your throat and sink his teeth into your flesh, he wouldn’t allow himself to. He couldn’t kill you without knowing what caused you to turn away, his pride never felt so damaged. Chigiri couldn’t believe himself, wallowing in self-pity because this ugly human turned away from him!

“… no, you’re not ugly...” he mumbled at his cruel thoughts, you weren’t ugly but you sure did have the audacity to deny him. As he loomed over your unconscious face his hair slid from behind his shoulders draping your face in a makeshift curtain as if hiding his admiration away from prying eyes.

“You’re cute…” He breathed out as he felt the storm’s rain pitter-patter on his exposed back and watched the drops dissipate onto your face and slide down your peaceful features, he wiped away any drops that would cause discomfort if he were to let them run.

“... how dare you turn away from me?” he couldn’t help but ask knowing the only response he would get is your exhausted breathing.

You weren’t dead, thank goodness, he could feel a few harsh breaths escape your lips and fan his face. You were on the verge of death a few minutes ago and yet you looked so serene right now, it made him angry how pretty you looked even after almost drowning.

Chigiri aimed to kill you but ended up saving you, and even now he was only mad for petty reasons. What is this? What is this disgusting feeling? He raised his hand and moved away your hair strands that stuck to your face from the water, how long had he been staring at you like this?

He heard distant yelling over the storm, your family had taken note of your absence, hurriedly backing away into the water as best as he could given he had to hide his lower half, he panicked and looked around rapidly. He didn’t want to leave yet! He didn’t get his damned answers! Mentally cursing at your insistence to stay unconscious he had no choice but to escape quickly.

The storm helped conceal him, he peeked above the water's surface for a moment to see you get carried away by someone as another person looked you over for injuries. He couldn’t hear what they were saying but they seemed both relieved at your survival and shocked by it, as if they thought you were a goner. He assumed they were your family or some close acquaintance, it doesn't matter, he turned away and swam back to his corner of the sea.

Upon return, Chigiri remained quiet at his own family’s greetings of his return, usually, he would boast about his most recent kill and even mock his victims as he usually thought their struggles to escape death were laughable. But today he lost, he had you in the palm of his hand, his teeth centimeters away from puncturing your tissue, yet his ego denied letting you die without an answer and in the end, he failed to even get one.

Chigiri swore he’d return and look for you, he’ll decide what he’ll do with you in the future. For now, Chigiri wasn’t sure if he was glad that he was there to save you or if he was regretful that he didn’t rip you apart when he had the chance.

[shmowderslut]

I recently started a "im going to read EVERYTHING" bachelor playthrough, and im surpriced i havent seen anyone talk about the many-legged fugitive side quest. Im sick and feel like my brain is filled with rats, so here's my unorganized and unholy feelings about it.

MINOR MECHANIC SPOILERS BELOW!! PLOT SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

First of all the house you need to go in is *not* easy to find, it is not the nearest house to the staircase (also theres two of them!) and definetly isnt visible from the stillwater. I have to confess, i needed to look it up online, and even the guide had misplaced the marker! As always, the frustration fuels me, and makes my love this game even more. And this is day 1! Its a nightmare and i love it. If youre stuck here, its okay, it seems like so many people were too.

Plot and character spoilers under the cut!

Okay now into the juicy stuff. Technically not about the quest yet, but we're getting there.

You get the quest talking to Lara Ravel, after learning about her from talking to Yulia in the main mission. A thing i dont think is mentioned a lot is that Yulia dislikes Lara Ravel. Now Yulia being a queer woman in stem (i will not accept criticism on this) She raves about all the other women like theire goddesses (they are) but she sees Lara as ungenuine and almost sad.

"She pities everyone she comes across, for she knows they will all die just like her dearly departed. She sees a corpse in everyone she looks upon"

And maybe i havent been paying attention, but this is very different from how Lara is usually portrayed, as a literal angel and a philanthropist. She always stood out to me as a surprisingly simple and good character is pathologic, so i was exactic to find out this detail of hers. Also the relationship says a lot about Yulia and her no-nonsense attitude, that she values honesty over good deeds.

Then we finally get to the quest in itself, where Lara tells you the children have brought an old dangerous game back. They used to play doctor using a dangerous mix of medicine and pretend healed eachother. She asks you to find a secret stash these kids hid and destroy all the shmowders (again, i went a lil insane trying to find the house). Unfortunately the bachelor is just too late, again, and the stash has been distributed among the children.

Theres 2 dogheads you can talk to, one of them tells you more about shmowders. That they doent believe in shmowders and its the little kids who are playing epidemic with deadly conjuctures. They blame Capella for distributing them, and all the kids should just go to the polyhedron to stay safe.

The second doghead tells you that yes, the shmowders do work and they came in use the last outbreak. That the kids were safe in the polyhedron, but some of them wandered out and made shmowders. Shmowders that were stored in this stash, but have now disappeared. Also as a fun fact, he tells you the spesific people who made the shmowders. Now i dont recognize these, but if you do please tell me.

"The original ones were made by Catchfly, but they were no good; the disease would pass, but the person would pass away along with it. But then Beaker's brothers made some nice ones. Crowfoot's weren't too shabby, and neither were Flanky's..."

I just think its neat to have an in universe reason the pumpkin girl sometimes carries a shmowder. Also this plays into what i think is the most prevalent pathologic theme, two impossible truths existing at the same time. The shmowders are a live saving medicine AND poison. Its childrens imagination AND real. You get the jist, my head hurts and im going to sleep

Also if you read this far, thank you?!? I am in no state to check this for clarity, but im pretty rambly (battling to not write a fanfic about this quest) and this is not my native language

[old-poptart]

Hello it’s been awhile! ^^ Can I request Yashiro, Kou, and Mitsuba(alive) with a rich s/o who just loves to spoil them to death. Like giving them with so many gift and take them out to random places that are expensive?

(Take your time and have a nice day💖)

a/n: HELLOOOOOO!! it has been a while! IM SO SORRY IM DOING REQUESTS THIS LATE I JUST NOW HAD MOTIVATION 😭😭😭 school is rotting me to tha core 🧟‍♀️ ANYWAYSS ONTO THE HEADCANONZ!

warnings: cute stuff :3

Yashiro 🐠, Kou 🍽️, and Mitsuba (alive) 📸 with their rich s/o:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yashiro 🐠:

"oh, you didn't have to!"

dawg this girl is HEAD OVER HEELS for typa stuff

like... you attractive, go romantic things like taking her out on dates n such, and spoil her?!? who are you bro cmon now

at first she was a lil hesitant n nervous to accept these luxuries from her s/o but she was soon accustomed to it 🤭

she finds it soooooo sweet and charming, it's a nice way to tell her you love her!

i can tell that she absolutely geeked out sm when you took her out on her first expensive, fancy date

scratch that, her actual real first date where she doesn't do all tha work 😭😭😭

(real tho)

she will try anything and everything to pay you back, even if she never truly will in her eyes

the fact you're so attentive to details too when doing your gift giving just baffles her and sends her right back to la la land

"i saw these earrings that matched your favorite brooch, they're not as big and fancy as the other ones i've given you but-"

"MARRY ME."

overall she thinks that your love language of gift giving is very sweet, but nothing can top your love for her awwwww

Kou 🍽️:

"for me?!"

oh it's a competition for this boy

we all know our young lil exorcist comes from money

he loves your gift giving! he saves every gift you give him, they remind him of you 🤗

he'll even save the receipts from expensive dates and pin em to a board or take pictures of them and save them in an album on his phone

he has to pay you back somehow!

kou is determined to make you feel just as spoiled and gifted as he is

he fights offers to pay for meals, gets you jewelry, buys you new makeup/hair products when he knows you ran out, overall homeboy is a sucker for getting you back unknowingly you're gonna get him back in a bigger and better way

bro is blushING whenever you take him out ona cute cheesy date

you'd def take a picture of him and he's in the most awkward, goofy agh pose but it's so cute ugh he's adorabul 😓😓😓😓

like HE LOOKS SO TENSE BUT HES SMILING SO NERVOUSLY N HIS FANGS RGAGAGAGAGH

mb got carried away but yes this boy is a ray of sunshine take him out more spoil him to death

Mitsuba 📸:

"of course you'd spoil a cute guy like me!"

i don't know much about alive! mitsuba, but i do have a grasp that he isn't as cocky and is actually kinder

of course i feel like he'd show his true colors when he gets more comfortable with you further down the relationship LAMAOOA

dawg is so flustered n genuinely cheesing when he accepts one of the many expensive gifts from you

"FOR MEEEE?!!!!"

as yall get more comfortable with each other, he starts getting more snarky with his comments and reactions 💀

like like liekeoiek

"these hair clips are cute, but they'll never be as cute as me! obviously you'd wanna see me wear these so you can photograph me and save it for later!"

deep down he really admires the thought and effort you put into these gifts n spoiling him

blud was so nervous on his first fancy date LAMOOOO

he did NOT know what to do, bro couldn't even pronounce the dishes on the menu 😭😭😭

help him sound them out please

he'll try to make an attempt to give you back but horribly fails, at least he'll always have pictures of you at those dates to save

HOPE YOU ENJOY!

-ooga :D

[pascalslvt]

Tangled Alliances

Summary: When faced with sickness in your community in an already post-apocalyptic world, it is up to the strained professional partnership of you and Joel Miller to embark in a perilous and difficult journey in order to retrieve life-saving medicine. With your destinies intertwined, shrouded in tension, you confront the unforgiving challenges of your environment together, gradually forming an unexpected bond. Will that be enough?

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!Reader, f/m

rating: 18+, minors dni

series warnings:, pre!ellie, during outbreak, set in TLOU 2022, age gap (28 & 52), swearing, mentions of violence, also actual violence, mentions of sickness, heavy angst...., fluff, trial & tribulations, severe weather, a lot of fucking animosity and hostility, enemies to lovers ???, infected people, tension...TENSION!!!, bickering, copious amounts of alcohol, inebriation, y'all don't get along...but y'all also have to, smut!!!!...a semi-slow burn, anxiety, exhaustion, NO USE OF Y/N.

chapter warnings: Mentions of backstory (involving the death of readers parents), bickering, bad langauge, tess is mother, mentions of sickness and death, aclohol, sharing a tent (wink wink), cheeky morning wood, just a sprinkle of smut if you squint its not really smutty but not completley clean, bad luck ??, tension. lots of it, intrusive improper thoughts.

word count ≈ 8,3k Estimated reading time: 37 minutes, 4 seconds (225 wpm)

a/n: This is the first part of a series i am writing!! I haven't actually written fanfiction since i was like...15, so be very very kind and gentle and patient with me because i am literally just a girl.....i have dusted off the cobwebs & busted my writing out of its retirement to create a story to quench my current joel miller obession. This storyline is actually inspired by a dream i recently had and i am very excited to reeeeally get into the series as i have a lot of plans that i cannot share with you right now.... also sorry if the tags are wierd i gennuinely have no idea what the fuck to write. Part two will come pretty shortly (don't get used to it) because after i awoke from the dream i literally wrote almost 20k words in one sitting so im splitting it up and giving this one some time to see if people are even interested in reading more...please enjoy!!!!!!

Part One: Hostile Beginnings

You were nearly seven years old when the outbreak started. To you, the world crumbled before your feet in what seemed like an instant - shattering the very ground on which you stood. One day after school, you saw your own mother's jugular be ripped straight out of her neck from the mouth of your neighbor, an old and fragile woman who used to babysit you from time to time. Before running away in fear, you saw your mother bleed out, right there on the lawn you used to play in. You never saw your father that day, and neither did you ever again. You always accepted that your father's fate was that he most likely died in that little cubicle he worked in. Or that he now spends the rest of his life infected. Whichever the case, it doesn’t really matter to you, you don’t think about him anymore. 

You got away with your life by the skin of your teeth that day. That little girl ran until her tiny legs could carry her no more. Your English teacher, Theresa, had found you in a ditch, sobbing. You had been wearing the same outfit you did that day in class, a purple shirt with a flower on it, along with some blue pants. Theresa didn't have the heart to leave the little girl behind, so she took you under her wing.

Throughout the years, Therese - or ‘Tess’ as you liked to call her - taught you how to survive this very unfortunate world disaster. While you were still young, she taught you to crawl into small holes to retrieve food or water, and to hide whenever you felt something was wrong. She taught you to trust your instincts. She taught you to be resilient. Resourceful. In later years, you were taught to use a gun, to mend knifes, to defend yourself - how to navigate this apocalypse safely. 

When you got older, Tess made use of you in her line of work. Smuggling. And you were good  

This is how you got to know the man named Joel Miller. A cynical, gruff man of very few words. But, he always got the job done. You and Joel didn’t interact much. Now that you think about it, you hadn’t met him more than.. what? 5 times before today? even less so had you spoken with him. Tess didn’t want you to work alongside Joel as she believed his methods could sometimes be…taking unnecessary risks. He could sometimes be reckless. And you were not a risk she was willing to take. Not yet.

Ever since finding that shattered little girl all those years ago, Tess always felt an unwavering, deep sense of responsibility to keep you safe. She owed it to you, and she owed it to your parents. You were now a full-grown woman, 28 years old - and Tess knew you had a strong head on her shoulders. With the years, the fierce overprotective nature gradually softened. She gradually unfolded her wings of trust, and sent you out on more and more jobs. But, it wasn’t until recently that she felt comfortable enough to let you work with Joel. Nothing big, none spanning more than a day or three. To her dismay (but yet also relief), the two of you ended up ultimately proving to be an incredibly efficient team. However, the two of you could not get along even if your very life depended on it. 

It was a silent alliance. It had to be. Otherwise, you’d end up getting on each other's nerves and damn near kill one another. Joel always made it incredibly clear that you weren’t friends - he wasn’t there for pleasantries, he was there to finish a job. Not that you objected. The less condescending shit you had to hear him say, the better. You didn’t care much, either way. You were a professional - after all, you had done this since you were a child. This was your reality. You never had much choice.

Lately, a lot of people in your community have fallen very, very sick. It is some sort of pulmonary bacterial infection that starts off with a fever, and will leave you coughing up blood a couple of months later. A slow killer, but a killer nonetheless. Some of the older folk have already started dying.

“No, absolutely not, Valerie” you heard Tess’s voice come from downstairs. You just happened to walk past to hear it. “It’s way too risky”. These words piqued your interest. “She is our best option, and you damn well know that” Valerie, a woman you live and work with says, a stern undertone in her voice. You slowly walks towards them, walking down the stairs without making a creak, eavesdropping.

“This would take months to complete..” Tess sighs, adding in, “We don’t even know if we have that kind of time, folk’ are already dyin’. We don't even have no idea how heavily surveilled it is”

“Do we have a choice? We’ll run out of our own supply within a month if we’re lucky. They will all die” 

Tess is quiet, you could almost hear her thinking if you listened hard enough. You enter the room, “What’s going on?” you ask 

Tess stands still and shares a look with Valerie before looking at you, sighing and crossing her arms. “We have received intel that there is a massive supply of vital medical equipment as well as medication, medication that we need. It’s In a settlement controlled by some sort of… faction. They call themselves the ‘reclaimers’. Nasty bunch. We need the medication, and well.. If our sources are correct, which they haven't failed us before, it’d be enough to not only cure the folk round here; but we could also sell for an enormous profit. We could make a lot of money. Maybe buy a new truck. Supplies. Guns….”

“I’m in.” you say, without hesitation, cutting her off. Tess shakes her head, she opens her mouth to speak, but you interrupt her before she can “I can manage myself, you made sure of that.”

Valerie looks at Tess with a ‘I told you so’ look. “You’d have to walk for, probably, months on end just to get there and back. They’re west, somewhere in Montana, located deep into the forest. You have never been on a mission that lengthy, and it's fucking cold as shit - and it's only going to get worse” 

“What’s our other option here? Let people die?” you ask, and pause. They stay silent. “I wouldn’t accept if I didn’t know I was capable of handling something like this, Tess….”

You look at each other for a long time. She knits her eyebrows together, somberly, and shakes her head. She doesn't know if she can let you do anything like this. Not because she doubts your ability - rather, she cannot get herself to put you in that type of danger.

“You heard the woman…” Valerie says smugly. 

“Fine”. Tess says, slightly annoyed and probably feeling very protective. “I need to stay here and take care of some things, keep track of the radio and such.. Valerie needs to tend to the people here. It…It would be you and Joel.” 

This takes you slightly aback. On one hand, even though Tess might think his methods are unconventional - she trusts him, and you trust her. Besides, you have worked professionally very well before and always get the job done. But on the other hand…it’s Joel fucking Miller. 

“Months on a job with Joel Miller? Fuck me…” You scoff. Tess’s lips curl into a slight smile evidently trying to hold back her laughter. She knows the kind of disdain you feel for him. 

“There’s no one else I’d trust to send you away with on a mission like this. Except for me, of course” Tess says, leaning against a wall. “Are you still in, even if it’s him?” “Well.. i don’t really have a choice now, do i?” you say, and they chuckle. “When would we leave?”

Tess pauses. “You’d have to leave tomorrow” she studies your demeanor, waiting for you to opt out. Hoping in a sick, twisted way that you would - since that would mean that you’d be safe. You don’t hesitate. “He doesn’t know…yet. But, I know him. He would not turn this job down. Besides, he owes us too much, he can’t” 

You nod. “Well…he’ll probably be as pleased with working with me as I am with him” you say, rolling your eyes. 

“It’s about time the two of you get over that little feud of yours” Valerie interjects, you send her a warning look 

“Ain’t my fault he’s fucking unbearable” You point at her, gesticulating your annoyance already brewing by the mere thought of him. She shrugs. 

“I’ll call him on the radio - let him know.” Tess says. 

--

“With her?!” You hear Joel’s voice boom down from the hallway, annoyance evident on his voice. ‘yup. i was right’ You think to yourself, chuckling as you’re eavesdropping from the other room. They start start walking towards the kitchen, where you are stood. When he sees you, he nearly rolls his eyes, stopping in his tracks. “Well. Looks like we’ll be partners.”

You smile tight-lipped, nodding and holding back an eye roll of your own - trying your best to be civil. “Seems that way”

“We leave at 8. ‘Expect you to be ready by 7 forty-five” He commands. You nod at his instructions. ‘One minute of a partnership, and he has already taken the leading role. Fucking jackass.’ you think to yourself. “Better get some rest”

“Yeah, no kidding…” You mumble to yourself, sneering. He gives you a warning look. One that says ‘don’t start’.

Knowing there’s no point in furthering this conversation as tensions are already high, and you have months to argue with him, you turn to walk “I’ll go pack then” You announce, turning around.

“And try not to piss me off” Joel says loudly as you walk away. You just hold up your middle finger and leave the room. “Real mature!” He scoffs as he looks at Tess with a look that says ‘can you believe her?’, she just shrugs. 

That night you packed all that you would need - supplies, food, weapons, a tent…the everyday outing must haves in the midst of an active apocalypse, also…for the cold. Of course, you are not a total stranger to it, living here in Boston, but you also know that the cold here won't compare to the temperatures you are about to face - as you know walking through the north of the US in late autumn, early winter will not be an easy feat - and in a little tent, at that. It was estimated you would be gone for about a couple of months, at least - which is by far the longest job you’d ever been on. But, it was essential. 

That morning you wake up particularly early, to make it a point not to be late. Wouldn’t want to give Joel the satisfaction of berating you. You can already feel yourself wanting to spite him. Tess helped you carry your things down, not that you needed help, rather she felt bad for sending you to do something like this. Capable or not, she had a …. Somewhat motherly instinct for you. She also gave you the map with the places you’re headed, where you’re meeting the informants, where the safehouses are located and so on - and gave you the same rundown as she did for Joel, keeping the both of you informed. You are now stood in the kitchen, with your things in your arms. She paused and looked at you, having trouble finding the words, feeling herself getting choked up by the reality of the situation. Before you can diffuse the fears you see swirling in her head, she holds you tight. “You be real careful of yourself, got it?” 

“Yes m’am.” You say, voice slightly strained by the suffocating tight hold she has around you. She lets go of you, and cups one side of your face with her hand, and smiles with glassy eyes. She shakes her head as she takes a step back, as if to snap out of the sentimentality. 

“Now go and get that medicine.” she nods, trying to sound emotionless and strong. You nod and turn to walk out the building. “Oh, and… give him a tough time. Joel, I mean” She laughs

“You know I will” You wink, as you finally leave the house. Tess stands there with an awful feeling inside the deepest parts of her. She was meant to be the one to protect you, and here she is; sending you off to a mission where she doesn’t even know the magnitude of the threat it poses to your life. But, it’s too late now. Way too many people are depending on you. 

You continue walking out, as you lean against the truck parked outside. You’re not going to drive far with it, only 10-12 hours or so. They wanted to transport it somewhere else to sell (since the ongoing surge of illness has eaten away at your community fund), and since it was on the way Tess figured it would not hurt to cut down the length of the trip just a little bit. You stand there for a while, until you check your clock: ‘7:46am’. You snigger by yourself. Without noticing, Joel was walking towards you, gear in hand

“Right in time, for once” He mumbles. 

“You’re the one who is late, Joel” You correctly point out. 

“It’s one minute, stop yappin’” He says, walking over to the truck, throwing his stuff into it and getting into the driver's seat, slamming the door. What a cheerful man. 

You throw your bag into the car “I don’t understand why you’re the one driving” you mutter, getting into the passenger seat

“You know exactly why. Now shut it before I rip off ‘ya jaw and shove it up ‘ya ass.” He says, matter-of-factly, putting the keys in the ignition, turning it and starting the engine, looking forward. 

“Ooh, very kinky, Joel” You say sarcastically, taunting him.

He puts his foot on the clutch, as he shifts the gear. “Keep talkin', and I'll leave ya here.” he says and starts driving. 

“If only I’d be so lucky…” You mutter silently, watching out of the window as he pulls out on the narrow road through the tall buildings, keeping away from the major roads as they are heavily used by FEDRA.

“I heard that” He said, pointing at his ear, eyes on the road. 

“I’m glad your hearing is working, old man. Gives us a bigger chance of survival” you chuckle

“Old man?” He asks, insulted by what you said. “I'll show ya old man if you don't shut the hell up.” 

You roll your eyes, and decide to sit this one out. You know it’s not worth bickering, as you have a long, long road ahead of the two of you. “That’s better” He said after a little while of silence. You roll your eyes once again, deciding with all your will and might not to respond with a snippy comment, as you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of giving him the reaction he so obviously is searching for.

You two drive for hours and hours without saying a word, sitting in the thick tension that is between the two of you. It wasn’t necessarily a comfortable silence, rather a silence that comfortably didn’t mean you had to talk to him. After 7 hours, you can start seeing the shift in the sky, the colors indicating the impending sunset that's occurring. 

“Maybe we should find somewhere to find shelter? Suns going down. “ You point out.

“I could work that out myself, thanks” He mutters. “We've still got a few hours left of daylight. Push on.”

“So I’m guessing your plan is that we sleep in the car?” You question, looking at him. He doesn’t leave his eyes from the road. 

“Yup.” he says. Well, you couldn’t think of any better plan, to be fair. A truck is not a bad place to sleep given the alternative. 

After about an hour or so, the car starts suddenly sputtering. “What the fuck?” Joel mumbles, as he quickly checks around the dashboard to see if there’s any indication as to what’s going on. You look over at him, quizzically. “Fuck!!” He shouts, hitting the steering wheel so hard that it honks, as the car comes to a halt. “That’s just…that’s just fucking great” He says, trying to restart the engine - to no avail. 

“So much for your plan on ‘pushing on’” you said, looking out at the quickly darkening sky, mocking him. He looks annoyed at you, as he gets out of the car, to check the hood. When he does, a light amount of smoke seeps out. 

Well, that sucks. But, you try to remind yourself that this truck was always going to be a temporary luxury, and you got 8 hours into the 12-hour trip. Oh well, more time with… Joel.. Sigh..

“Engines out” He grumbles, waving the smoke away from his face as he closes the hood again, standing and watching hopelessly at the car with one hand on his hip. “We’re not too far from the trucks drop off spot, guess we’ll have to walk the rest of the way.”

“So we just leave it here?” You ask

“Got a better idea? We’re in the middle of nowhere, nobody gonna steal it.” He answers. 

“It’s your head, miller…” You mutter. He chooses not to answer to your snark.   

“I say we still sleep in the car. It’s better than a tent.” 

You nod in agreement “In the middle of the road?” You ask, looking at an already annoyed Joel. He grimaces, whilst he mocks what you just said

“No, you idiot, we’ll have to push it” he stated, looking around the road to see a good spot, and ended up pointing at a spot by some trees a couple meters from the road. “And it ain't an easy feat. Let’s see if you got the strength to push a two tonne vehicle, little miss” 

You shrug. How bad can it be? Joel gets in the car and makes sure its gear is in neutral, as the both of you stand at the back of the car, starting to push. It takes some time, and Joel was right that it was, indeed, not an easy task. By the time you got the car by the trees you’re both catching your breath, Joel sweating profusely

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” You say between breaths, holding your hands on your hips. He’s bent over in exhaustion. 

“Oh bite me” He hisses. You try not to laugh. “We’ll have to leave it here, try to radio Tess somewhere along the way, so they can pick it up - at least before someone steals it” 

You nod. It’s gotten dark, it’s time to sleep. So, you climb into the truck and start leaning back your seat to get as comfortable as you can. Joel does the same.

“So…” You say, breaking out the map. “We’ll have to recalibrate… it’ll be…what I'm guessing… 2 to 3 weeks to walk to our first meetup spot with the informants.” I sigh, already tired. 

Joel nods. “I'll carry ya if ya get tired” He teases, looking over at you as he lays back in his seat.

“Right back at you princess” You answer without a beat, changing the pins in the map, folding it back and lying on your side, away from Joel. He smirks at your answer. 

“Y’sure got a mouth on you” He says.

You roll your eyes as you close your eyes “night”, you mumble, ready to sleep. 

“G'night” he lies back on the seat and put his hat over his face before falling asleep.

--

The morning after, you wake up in a stir. The car was very cold, and the sun was just rising. You look around, and find that Joel is not in the car. You blink the sleep out of your eyes, and realize he’s popped the hood to check if there's any way to salvage this car. He sees you move around your head and peaks on the side of the hood

“g’morning, darlin’” he smirks. Is he more annoying than usual or is it because you just woke up? You can't decide. You furrow your eyebrows. He chuckles to himself at how displeased you seem to be awake. You were, after all, never a morning person. “We gotta get movin’”

“Yeah, yeah..” You mumble, getting out of the car to stretch and go to the backseat to collect all your things. Sleep still in your system, the two of you start walking along the road. After a while, you opt to walking through some hills, as Joel got more and more paranoid of meeting someone on the road. You walked for what must have been…14 hours, only taking a small break to eat something small that Tess had packed, sitting on two different places and not exchanging any words. The sun started setting, the sky turning an orange tinge.

“We better find shelter..come on” He said, looking around and seemingly found a spot not too far away - yet secluded enough to sleep for tonight. He increased his walking pace in a determined manner. You follow along not too far behind. Suddenly he stops dead in his steps. 

“Jesus fucking Christ” He whispered to himself, anger and frustration very, very evident in his voice

“What?” You ask, eyeing him a bit worried about his reaction.

“God fucking damn it” He whispers to himself “Dammit - I forgot my tent. We'll have ta sleep in the open. Hope you ain't afraid of the dark…” 

“Speak for yourself. I brought mine. I ain’t sharing.” You say, resuming your steps. 

“You're a real treat to travel with you know that.” He says, looking at you stood still, frozen by his own frustration as he is kicking himself for forgetting that damn bag.  

“I bet I am!” you yell, as you have managed to walk a bit further along than he has. He sulks as he continues walking. 

You both decide on a safe spot to make a shelter. Joel and you start instinctively preparing to make a fire and collecting anything that will burn. To his dismay, a light downpour of snowflakes suddenly fall from the sky. You look up and laugh at the sheer irony of the situation, the frustration of the day just piling onto Joel. And it’s only the first day at that. “Ain’t that a bitch, huh, Miller?” 

“Gotta be fucking kidding me” He groans. “That’s just great” 

The two of you start a fire, and put two cans of soup on it for dinner. He is sitting against a rock, drinking whiskey, looking as happy as you could in his situation (spoiler alert, he is sulking). You are putting up your tent, which you dutifully brought (unlike Joel) and you pause as you catch a glimpse of the sad man who seems to be very stressed with the current predicament he has found himself in. He is visibly freezing his ass off. You feel strangely bad. He can't sleep in this cold…

“Look, miller” you pause, he looks at you. “You’re going to die in this cold. Let’s just share tents. Ain’t nun weird.”

He scoffs, and looks back at the fire, taking a sip of the whiskey “I'm good”  

You sigh. “Stop being such a fucking Stoic and get over yourself. If you share your whiskey, I’ll share my tent” you say. Maybe by making a deal out of it, it’ll be easier for him to accept your help, you thought. 

He thinks for a while. He weighs out his options, as if there is not only one he can realistically go with - which is to accept your help. “Fine. Half-and-half?”

You nod, somewhat happy that he accepted, yet less happy of the reality - which was that you have to share a tent tonight. “Half and half” You repeat, nodding. You walk towards him and sit next to him. 

He gets another cup from his bag and fills it with his cheap, illegally brewed scotch, and passes it to you. “That’ll warm us up nicely” He said. It tastes like piss and firewood.

“Aye” You say. “How did you manage to remember bringing your whiskey, and not your tent?” You ask, with a slight hint of laughter to your voice. 

He huffed. “Priorities” He smirked, turning to you. 

“Well. I hope you have brought enough to maintain your end of the deal” you say, taking a sip. He silently lifts his bag, emitting a number of clinking noises, entailing he has probably got enough to last him weeks. Maybe a week now that you are involved. 

“Seems like an unnecessarily heavy weight to carry” you remark, taking a sip of the strong liquid. 

He stays silent for a while. “You’ll understand it soon enough” is all he says. Not knowing what he meant, neither caring all too much, you shrug and kept drinking aside each other in the dark silence. You eat the soup when it’s done, too. You pulled your legs to your chest to maintain more warmth, as it feels as though its getting colder by the minute, a few stray snowflakes falling onto the ground and quickly melting away. 

“Didn’t think you were so damn sensitive to the cold” he suddenly said.

“M’not, it’s fucking freezing” you say, breathing out. 

“Don't think I don’t see you shivering, princess” he says, with a sly smirk on his mouth

“Right back at you, princess” You say, mocking the way he said it to you. “Don’t fucking call me that ever fucking again, by the way”

“Someone’s a tad touchy, ain’t they?” He laughs, taking a swig from his whiskey

“Shut up, Miller” 

“Why? M’igetting on your nerves?” he asks, sarcasm swelling in his voice.

“Always have been” You quickly retort. 

“I’d say it’s mutual” 

You nod, as you kept drinking. The whiskey has become a lubrication for the regular anguish you’ve felt in the presence of Joel. Now you felt no more than subtly irritated. The drunker you got, the happier you were of the deal you did with him. You kept drinking in silence, until you’ve drained about a quarter of the bottle - which might seem like a little, unless you calculate the amount of food you’ve ingested compared to the whiskey you’ve drank. Your cup is, once again, empty - and you guide the cup towards Joel, who dutifully fills it with more. 

“Here ya go, princess” he says sheepishly, and you turn to give him a warning look

“I’m serious Joel, I’ll knock the teeth right out of your mouth if you keep calling me that.” You say, rather aggressively. 

“I’d like to see you try” He snorts out. 

You decide not to answer, as he is clearly getting a rise out of antagonizing you. You roll your eyes and chug the rest of your cup. So did, Joel.

He, again, filled your cup. “You seem happy I brought the whiskey. Like you could use some of it” He comments

“No shit. I’ve got two to three months on a mission with you. And it’s only the second night” you  shrug. “Not to mention that we have to share tents…”

“I ain't that bad” He chuckles. 

“You’re drunk” you add. 

“So are you” he quickly responds.

You nod, and sit in silence for a while - both, quite drunk. “I’m fucking tired. You tired?” 

You feel a bit loopy from all the alcohol, but stand up and agree, walking over to your tent. The closer you get to the tent, the more you realize just how small it really is. I mean, it’s small for just one person, imagine how cramped it is for two? Surely, the both of you cannot fit in there - what the hell have you gotten yourself into? You think to yourself. 

Joel walks slowly towards the tent as he watches you look into the tent, worriedly. He looks himself, and the same thought passing your mind right now has suddenly dawned upon his, “Oh, boy….” he mumbled

“Yeah, I know.”. You are both stood there, looking, for a while - until you initiate and climb into the tent, and lie down on the right side - making as much space for Joel’s body as you can. 

“This ain't gonna be comfortable, not one bit...” he says, as he lies down next to you in the tent, in a clumsy and stale motion. 

Your bodies are uncomfortably pressing together, without there being enough room to move away, nor was there to shuffle to a more spacious yet also non compromising position. You tried lying back to back, as it seemed the natural and least intimate way to lie next to one another, thus facing away from one another. Still then, there wasn’t enough space to spare personal space - not in this tent. 

“God this sucks.” you mutter from one side. 

“You got that right.” He answers from the other. 

You groan, as you try to get comfortable, nudging your elbow into his back in the process. He huffs out of pain. “You're making it worse.”

“Shut up. I’m just trying to get comfortable” You say, feeling an unrest in your body - one that the whiskey was not strong enough to numb. 

“So am I” He gets more irritated as you keep nudging into him. 

Finally, you settled to lie on your side, facing away from Joel. He takes the newly found empty space and lies with his arms against your back. You groan. “Your arms are hurting my back”  he does not seem to care, and stays silent. You finally give into defeat, as the mixture of the sleepiness and alcohol slowly seems to overtake your body and you both fall asleep.

Somewhere at night, you had rolled over. Joel was very warm, so naturally, subconsciously, you drifted closer to the source. With your face against his chest, he was softly awoken by the warm breaths coming out of your mouth, in small snores. He looked down, and saw you sleeping peacefully, right against him. He lied completely still, not sure if he should wake you up. The snores were not loud enough to keep him up, so he presumed that is the price he’ll have to pay to sleep somewhere warm tonight, so he tried closing his eyes and fall back asleep, repeating in his head not to look anymore at you - and just go to sleep. 

Suddenly you wake up, the morning after, head plastered against Joel’s chest, with his arm slung around your body, and your arm slung over his shoulder. It felt comfortable and warm….strangely.. Good lying like that, but you didn’t know how to react. It was utterly intimate and had crossed the border to cuddling very long ago.  And oh god…is that your saliva on his shirt? Did you drool on his chest?! You were so close to him that you could smell the stench of whiskey on his breath, no less your own bouncing from his chest and back to your nostrils. You were basically on second base with the man, without ever remembering if you fell asleep that way or if you had done it in your sleep. I mean hell, you barely remember getting into the damned tent…’we must’ve gotten very drunk’ you thought to yourself. You must’ve rolled over and not thought about it.

You lie frozen, unsure what to do in this situation. If you jerk too much, you’ll wake him - but if you don’t move… he’ll see what you are seeing as of right now - which is you two in an extremely compromising situation. Maybe you could turn around? But then it would border spooning…curse this god-damn tent! 

As if awoken by your thoughts, Joel’s body moves as if he’s waking up - and in a hasty and rushed move, he jerks his arm away from you - as if he just went through the same train of thoughts you did when you woke up. “What the fuck” He groaned, looking at you in an.. Almost disturbed manner. 

“Fuck.. Uh, mornin’..” You peep out, embarrassed. Kicking yourself for not acting faster before he woke.

“Morning” he says in a rushed voice as he looks around, slightly panicked. None of you know what to say, an awkward silence hanging over you. He is quick to peel away from you to climb out of the tent. “We gotta get going” he announced.

“Y-yeah” You say, sitting still in the tent, processing the situation. When you have mustered enough strength, you crawl out of the tent too - stretching as you stand up. You pack up and walk alongside each other in silence, might as well have been miles apart. The weight of your unspoken closeness from the previous night's ‘cuddling’ lingers in the air, you were both a bit thrown off, sharing the occasional glances at each other, unsure of how to address what had happened, or whether it was better left unspoken. There wasn’t much to say, to be honest. I mean, what was there to say? 

You got quite accustomed to the silence, to hearing nothing but the sound of your footsteps, wet against the humid grass. You’d think that walking for hours on end without the distraction of conversation would be something that would bother you, it proved to do the opposite. Without it, It was as if the world around you had muted its colors and sounds, leaving only the barest minimum of sensory input - which made time somewhat fly by. The aching in your feet and legs slipped to the back of your mind. You wondered if Joel was quiet because he was doing the same. 

You also wondered what his thoughts were regarding this morning, and how you woke up. You didn’t talk about it, that’s obvious enough…but, what was he thinking about? Maybe he didn’t think about it at all - it was, after all, innocent, you rationalized. Was he also trying to decipher the mixed emotions you were feeling without giving them too much weight - since that might make them real, after all? You can’t deny just how safe and comfortable you felt, regardless of who it was. 

Joel spotted you glancing at him here and there, he was equally aware of the tension. He, too, couldn't shake off the memory; He couldn’t help but to replay the events of last night in his mind, wondering if it was merely a product of shared body heat or something deeper. I mean, he could have just pushed you away…yet the unexpected warmth of your body against his, the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest as you slept, your breath hot against his chest.. It had been an intimate moment, and he couldn’t help but…enjoy it. However, he was as stubborn as ever, unwilling to broach the topic nor delve into the act itself. Instead, he focused on the mission at hand, pushing the awkwardness aside, shaking his head, not wanting to think too much of it either.  

As you continued on the journey, the trees began to thin out, and you found yourself standing at the edge of a clearing, the sun going down behind a mountain up ahead. You looked at Joel, who seemingly had the same thought you did - it was time to find shelter. He took the map out of his bag and looked around. “We aren’t too far away from a safe house” he grumbled.

You nodded, taking out a map of your own, trying to help him in the search of said safe house. As you slowly approach the road leading to the building the weather began to change. Dark clouds gather in the sky, and the first few raindrops fall, pelting against your clothes. The urgency of getting under a roof became more apparent, so you quickened your pace. 

Your breaths are visible in the cold, damp air, and the water has seemingly seeped into your clothes - leaving you feel colder and heavier. The cold made your thoughts kept circling back to the tent. The unexpected warmth of Joel's body against yours.. ‘God damn it. Get a grip. it's not even day four, and you're losing your mind.’ You thought to yourself. 

Finally, you reached the safe house, which wasn’t what either of you had hoped for. It was an abandoned decrepit building, a relic of the world before the outbreak, with a roof that had seen better days. It was a stone building, partially hidden away by the tall unkept grass surrounding it, as well as tall trees huddling around it, vines growing on the walls. It was probably old 20 years ago, let alone now… The building was leaking from the roof and had gaping holes in the walls - making the shelter far from ideal. It offered some protection from the rain, but not much else. It was, however, better than getting drenched in the pouring rain and being exposed to the elements. You closed the door behind you and took a moment to catch your breath, looking around. 

“Well.. This is the best we've got for now” He finally muttered as the wind howled through the gaping holes in the walls. 

You look around and find it was pretty empty. There wasn’t any furniture, just a chair. Floor filled with scattered garbage and miscellaneous, dusty items from people who have been here before. The water is dripping from your clothes onto the stone floor beneath you, creating a puddle. "We need to get out of these wet clothes," he finally stated, his voice practical and no-nonsense. 

You knew he was right, but the timing of it made it slightly uncomfortable. He knew he was straining on the already strange atmosphere that has been looming over the two of you since you found each other in the brace of one other. However, you also knew the reality of the situation. Your pride was warring with the necessity of the situation. The chill in the air and the knowledge of the dangers of hypothermia prevailed, and rational thought found its way back to you. You have months left to travel with Joel - and undressing in front of him to ward off sickness should not be an embarrassing thing, it ensures your survival and should be nothing more - is nothing more.

He could see the hesitation in your eyes, as you shivered, teeth chattering. He looked around for any dry fabric he could find within the safehouse—tattered old blankets and worn-out jackets. It wasn't the most comfortable solution, but it would have to do for now. He picked up a jacket. “Here.” 

You nodded in agreement and began peeling off your drenched attire. Joel did the same, his back turned to maintain some semblance of privacy. Finally free from the soaked garments, you are quick to put on the jacket, zipping it, covering your body enough to feel more comfortable. You start wringing out the excess water from the clothes you wore, leaving a puddle of water there. You avoided even looking in the direction of Joel, who you know is (most likely) currently butt naked. Instead, you find a moth-eaten blanket in a corner of the room that the rain hadn’t reached. Shivering uncontrollably, you wrap it around your waist, covering your exposed legs. You could see a not so naked Joel who had found some pieces of clothing to cover himself, thankfully. He was now hanging his wet clothes against the singular chair that he moved to one of the few dry spots in the house, so you opt to do the same. The room was still far from warm, and the leaky roof didn't help matters, but, at least you were in dry clothes, if you can call them that.

You spot the ever so tiny wood burning stove in the corner of an empty adjoining room. You check if there’s any wood in there, and to your surprise there is - however, not much of it. Enough for tonight, and that’s all that mattered. You started a small fire and quickly huddled up against it for warmth. Joel walked into the room, as he’d seen the light from the fire from the corner of his eye. He nodded in approval as he silently walked towards you, sitting down next to you to also keep warm. You both sit there in silence, waiting for the clothes to dry. 

Joel broke the silence, his voice softer this time "We'll have to wait out the storm here, and then we can continue our journey." You nod, agreeing.

As the night wore on, the humidity in the room strangled the feeble fire you had managed to kindle earlier, ultimately snuffing it out. The temperature inside the safehouse plummeted, and it became apparent that you couldn't rely on the fire for warmth any longer “Damn it” You mutter, shivering once again, trying to revive the fire - to no avail. 

What was also apparent was that the two of you were so obviously treading around the one thing you knew would help warm you up, very much proven by last night. Unsure, feeling awkward, you didn’t know if you should bring it up. Proudly, you both sat there in silence. The memory of the previous night and the warmth that entailed lingered in the back of both of your minds. It had been an unspoken but undeniable source of comfort in the midst of the harsh world you inhabited, and now, with the cold seeping into your bones, and the urgency to get warm overtaking the awkward tension looming over you, the thought of that shared warmth became impossible to ignore.

Without saying a word, you shifted closer to Joel, seeking his body heat. Joel, initially surprised, looking over at you, understood the unspoken request and shifted to accommodate you. It was an unspoken agreement, a silent acknowledgment that you needed each other's warmth to survive the harsh, cold night. 

With a shared understanding of practicality and mutual vulnerability, you created a makeshift sleeping area consisting of zipped up sleeping bags, dry blankets and whatever else fabric you could spare that would dampen the solidity of the cold, damp floor. This was where you settled as you finally lay side by side. You tried to find a comfortable position, mirroring the way you had slept in the tent the night before, with him against your back. Your bodies pressed together, and your breaths synchronized in the cold darkness, neither of you speaking about it, rather you let your bodies instinctively gravitate closer, seeking the heat that the other provided. 

In the quiet of the night, as you shared body heat to stave off the biting cold, the tension that had lingered between the two of you began to seemingly fade. Despite the uncomfortable surroundings and your strained relationship, you both found a strange comfort in your shared warmth and the familiarity of each other's presence. There was no need for snark, nor sly remarks; pissing each other off. Neither did you have to discuss the somewhat uncomfortable, albeit innocent yet necessary, situation you’ve found yourself in. The cold was unforgiving, and your priority was to avoid hypothermia. You were, after all, nothing but two survivors making the best of the harsh and unforgiving circumstances given to you, finding solace and comfort in each other's company, even if it was unconventional.

He hesitantly kept his arms to his side. Joel broke the silence, clearing his throat, his voice barely a whisper, "I never thought I'd miss that damn tent." trying to diffuse more of the tension. 

You slightly laugh, feeling a slight cramp in your body from the duress of the situation. The laugh eased up some internal tension you didn’t even know you were holding onto. “It was for sure warmer than this” You chuckle. 

He smiled. And that was that. You were both admittedly exhausted, and drifted off into a very well-earned sleep, lulled by the heat radiating between the two of you. Secretly, you couldn’t help but to wish for the extra warmth that came from his arms around you, as it did yesterday, holding you impossibly close, keeping you safe in his big strong arms. Little did you know that he was thinking the same, but it was simply a line that Joel couldn't bring himself to cross. You had already navigated enough awkwardness and unspoken emotions that night. That didn’t stop him, however, from subconsciously doing so in his sleep - just as he did the night before. 

Morning came, and you were awakened by the sun shining through the window, and onto your face. To your surprise, you felt your body be wrapped in the warmth of Joel's embrace. He must have instinctively put his arm around you whilst he slept. At first, you felt a sense of contentment. It was strange, but also undeniable. It was a reassuring feeling, knowing that he was there, holding you tightly - just as you had secretly hoped. But, as your senses fully woke up, you became acutely aware of something else - a firm pressure against your back that couldn't be ignored. You froze, your eyes widening in shock, and your heart raced as you registered the presence of Joel's erection pressed against your back. Joel was still asleep, as far as you were concerned. His breath heavy and warm on your shoulder, light snores leaving his mouth. Your mind raced as you tried to process the situation. You two had already crossed so many boundaries during the night to stay warm, but this felt like an entirely different kind of boundary altogether. Was this intentional? Or just a physiological response to their proximity? 

Was there a sick, twisted part of you that engulfed your mind with fantasies of alleviating the pressure burning in the pit of your stomach with the (from what your back could feel was a very appropriately sized) dick prodding at your back? Yes. You were only human, after all. Were you going to do anything about it? No. You knew this was not intentional, not realistically. You’re a grown woman and know that he couldn’t control it just as much as you couldn’t control your deep guttural reaction to such an… event.

You debated over your next moves, unsure of how to navigate this uncharted territory. If you move away, he will wake up, realize he has a boner and think it scared you off. But if you lie there, hoping it goes away, and he wakes up with a raging boner still in full swing rubbing against you - he’d be mortified. Him, being a proud man would never live that down, and would probably not talk to you again, or at least not know what to say, in the midst of his own embarrassment. After yesterday, and the progress you made in your ‘partnership’, you couldn’t help but to dread the deafening silence that came with the impending awkwardness. You’ve been through so much already, and have yet to even get close to finishing this mission. So much left yet to go through. You have crossed so many bridges, this is just one of them. This was just a fleeting moment and not as significant as it might feel in the heat of the moment. It’s not a big deal, not really, just bodies doing body stuff. Or at least that is what you are telling yourself.

Carefully, you adjusted your position ever so slightly, shifting your body away from his rock solid member to relieve the pressure between your bodies, all the while ensuring that you didn't wake him from his peaceful slumber. It was a delicate maneuver to maintain the pretense of sleep, but you hoped it would be enough for you to potentially feign ignorance, just in case he was awake. You, flustered by the situation and the thoughts lingering in your (albeit perverse) mind, could not fall back asleep. Rather, you lied there letting your thoughts run wild. Couldn't hurt to indulge into harmless fantasy?

A couple of moments later, you could feel shifting next to you. Joel slowly woke up, feeling the oh so familiar throbbing that welcomes him in the mornings from time to time. Joel comes to his senses as he gently wakes up, quickly remembering the way he fell asleep against you and how much of a compromising position that would be for him right now. He quickly snapped his eyes open to see, to his relief, that you had moved away in your sleep, or at least so he thought. ‘Phew’ he thought to himself. He quickly sprung to his feet, leaving the room - hoping it goes away before you wake. He was not entertaining the idea of taking care of it, it could be too risky. 

Him waking up reminded you of his existence, which filled your lust driven mind with an enormous guilt and shame regarding your thoughts. He didn’t have control over that, and your insatiable mind went and ran with it. You quickly shook the thoughts off and tried to think of something else as you laid there, unsure how to proceed.. 

You laid still until you heard Joel packing his bag. You took it as an indication that you were out of the woods, and had dodged a bullet - even though the both of you are flustered by it, without the knowing that the other one knew. You get up, and start folding the cloth and blankets that made up your ‘bed’, and walked out to the room with the bags and packed. Joel didn’t say anything. 

“G’mornin’” You announce your presence. He, already hyper aware of it, hums as a response. You don't look much into it, relieved he isn’t treating you differently considering last night's sleeping arrangements. When you packed up, you put your backpack around your shoulders, your rifle around your neck and the rest of your gear clinging to the bag. You look at Joel, who is watching you as you pull the straps of the bag. You look up and nod. “Let’s go?” 

He nods. You’re off.

[kholnt]

Oooo, talking about Lost, I'm in!

What's his relationship with the chain, specifically Warriors, Time and Twilight?

Or anything else you want to talk about!!!

lost's thoughts on wars n time are similar for entirely different reasons hes,, adverse to both of them. not in the sense that he doesn't like them (he actually thinks both of them are pretty cool in their own way) but rather because he's afraid of them. lost has a Complicated history with authority, and that affects his relationship with the both of them

lost's situation with wars has been talked abt at length here & has been given context here (tldr is lost has bad experiences captains, and while he's not afraid of wars, he's afraid of his title and what that carries) HOWEVER. his situation with time is something that has been vaguely mentioned Once in a shitpost and something i will yap abt here! lost has issues with authority & generally doesnt accept help. long been established, a shock to no one. another shock to no one is that time is seen as authority who really wants to help lost HOWEVER. context is missing. because while time being an authoritarian figure (no matter how much of a mess he actually is) is a playing factor, it's not even close to being the main reason of lost's fear. as a kid lost generally kept to himself (not from a lack of trying, he just recognizes patterns) and he had a lot of time to do nothing. outside of playing with his sister, helping his mom around the house and his dad teaching him swordsmanship the days he was home (to lost's insistence), he didn't exactly have a lot to do. he was a kid who had a strive to learn, and enjoyed reading so that's what he did. he picked up a few books, and suddenly he's knee deep in the myths about the heroes of old. at first it was basically fairytales made for kids' bedtime stories, but the older he got, the further he went into the actual recounted history of these stories. he had a clear favorite and it was the hero of time. he thought it was neat that fairies had recounted both of his stories so they weren't lost to time, it made him realize how nonlinear time as a concept is (and challenged him into making a timeline when he got older. hes still working on it even after totk), how terrifying time loops are, and it made him want to be mask's friend, because he thought mask was lonely, and he was lonely too. the hero of times' stories were some of the first he actually started getting into, and they always remained his favorite because of the courage he thought mask had. it also made him realize that he never wanted to be a hero. shame how that turned out, huh? (he has more thoughts abt his idealized version of the hero of time, but i'll save that for when i yap abt lost's childhood if i ever get the chance) 112 years later, enter him becoming a part of the chain where the hero of time is RIGHT FUCKING THERE. he doesn't have that childlike curiosity anymore, he hasn't read a hero story in half a decade (plus a century) and yet he still doesn't think he could ever amount to the hero of time. theres a part of him that still idolizes him, and that drives him away. it's just now he has an unhealthy way of thinking and continuously compares himself to the others. so he's afraid of authority, yes, but also that's his childhood idol. (his wife practically adopts lost, so that novelty goes away. and the fear of authority thing gets worked on later so he basically becomes a glorified dad. joyous day for everyone) NOW TWILIGHT. WHOOO BOY THERES MANY THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THESE TWO THAT IM NOT GOING TO DUE TO SPOILERS. what i will say though is that lost has 0 issues with twilight. he adores wolfie. he doesnt know (remember) that they are one in the same. twilight actively avoids lost due to Reasons. they are all fucked up

[web-novel-polls]

Trans WN Character Tournament

Last Checked: October 30th, 2024 - Please check the original post for updates

Submissions End: TBD

Rules: 

The character must be from a web novel or an adaptation of a WN (common adaptations like manhwa/manhua may be accepted, just within reason)

They don't have to be canonically transgender. The reasoning can be anything from them explicitly wanting to be a different gender/sex or just vibes 

Just stay away from offensive gender stereotypes in propaganda, especially Western gender stereotypes on Asian characters (Ex: Nie Huaisang being more interested in art and fans than fighting might be a more "feminine trait" to Western readers, but Chinese fans have explained that it actually fits with the male scholars of the time period). 

You can still submit any character, but remember to be respectful & conscientious

Tournament Tag: #trans wn character tournament

Jang Hayoung / Jang Hayeong from Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint

Gender Identity: Transfem / MTF

Canon Pronouns: she/her (she gets misgendered for a big part of the novel in the unofficial english translation, but when we're in her pov it's she/her)

Submission 2: a woman that got isekai'd into a boy body. learns female swordsmanship, is always correcting people about her gender

Submission 3: She's so fun and silly, unfortunately doesnt get as much time in novel as the main cast, but shes genuinely so funny

Wiki Link

Ling Fengxiao from The #1 Pretty Boy of the Immortal Path

Gender Identity: transfem & nonbinary

Submission:

(tw: transphobia)  i am not claiming that this a good novel by any means & this is kind of nonsense but hear me out: main romance lead of this novel spends like 90% of the time happily presenting as a woman, and this is a vague spoiler but at one point mc and his wife are both "pretending" to be women (ngl i could also submit mc here. much gender to be had but it really has to be unintentional bc of later transphobic plot points) and come across a plant that only blooms valuable flowers when attended to by two beautiful women (ok. whatever) and they're both like "well IM pretending to be a woman but lin shu/ling fengxiao ISNT so she'll carry me across this finish line" and it does bloom! like, it does! the author is like "ohhhh its sickly and this is forcedddd" <- but it does bloom. and the flower spirit that comes of it is fairly explicitly a trans woman, even if she's an object of ridicule. my grasping at scraps theory here is that all of the "you're actually a boy. accept it" said to the spirit is a projection of internalized transphobia. there are three women here but only one of them is willing to say so. if the author was willing to write where the previous characterization led we would have a different story. 

Luo Binghe from The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

Gender Identity: Transfem / MTF

Canon Pronouns/Gender: He/Him, Male

Submission: Scum Villain is a satirical transmigration novel where the protagonist transmigrates into the in-universe novel Proud Immortal Demon Way, which is a male-fantasy novel. Some themes/topics include toxic masculinity, not putting people in boxes and the harm thereof, abandonment, motherhood, identity, and there are several instamces of body snatching/changing. During the plot, due to both the toxic masculinity themes and the author poking at gendering in danmei novels, both the protagonist and binghe are described very femininely. Instead of a usually anti-toxic masculinity plotline where instead it talks about healthy masculinity, scum villain basically just says that the mc and ml should instead stop repressing their natural feminity so they can be happy. Also the novel has transphobic parts but somehow they even wrap around to implying that these two are trans women. Binghe is indirectly described as a trans woman (in a transphobic way) dont get me wrong the transphobic parts are transphobic and shouldnt be in there but its still pertinent. After a certain point, binghe is constantly called maiden-hearted, described as a younger sister reaching out to her elder sister pleading for help (the elder sister here is the protagonist) and is described as being very much like his biological mother in appearance and personality, and as a pretty boy. (His mother su xiyan is described as having the aura of a tyrant, cold and ruthless, as well as masculine, especially in comparison to his biological father, who is described as the runaway young miss in comprison to su xiyans wealthy young master. Also binghe is described as physically similar to her, including her tall height, except for his fathers eyes which makes him not too feminine.) Binghes bio father is described as maidenhearted like binghe. Uses his special blood, which is compared to menstration, in text, for many purposes. When asked his gender he refuses to answer (intext the unreliable narrator says that its due to it being a simple and obvious question but unreliable narrator so who knows for sure) and he is also called bingmei, or younger sister binghe to distingiush him from the original timelines toxically masculine, unhappy bingge, or elder brother binghe.

Wiki Link

Mui Lysander from Unlucky Clover

Canon Pronouns: they/them

Submission: Mui is a canonically nonbinary character in Unlucky Clover. Their existence as a nonbinary person is never a focus of the narrative, but rather just an accepted fact about them. They have a complicated relationship with their family but it doesn't have anything to do with being trans but rather to do with their family having unreasonable expectations of them. Mui lives their life happily as a librarian and lends their strength either in defense of books or for their friends. They appear to be feminine presenting but it is never established what their assigned gender at birth was. It is also unclear whether they always present in a feminine way as there is limited art of their character and limited descriptions of their clothes. 

Image Link

Nirvana Moebius from Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint / ORV

Gender Identity: Nonbinary, agender

Canon: pronouns indifferent in canon, agender

Submission Propaganda: a reincarnator that had incarnations of so many genders and entities that identity isn't real to them anymore. 

Ruan Nanzhu (阮南烛) from Kaleidoscope of Death

Gender Identity: transfem & nonbinary

Canon Pronouns: he/him outside of the doors, she/her in drag

Submission: 

This might be considered spoiler-y, but I can't think of another way to bring up important details here. It's part of the premise of the novel if that helps: there are other worlds that the protagonists have to survive for [REDACTED] reasons, and in these worlds there's a certain amount of identity obfuscation—basically, you'll look a little different from your real appearance no matter what you do, but the way that you dress will also affect the appearance that you end up with. Ruan Nanzhu takes every opportunity to dress in feminine ways when they go to these worlds. Yes, there is a secret identity reason behind it, but there's also this clear difference in how Ruan Nanzhu acts as a "man" and a "woman" that it just reads like a form of gender euphoria to me. The novel itself isn't always kind about it (could be that it just depends on the translation you're reading! I couldn't tell you what connotations the original Chinese wording has) but I think it's fairly undeniable that it's a freeing experience for her. So it's not exaaactly canon, but Lin Qiushi (林秋石) uses the right pronouns out loud and in his thoughts as it is signalled to him at the time, so that's nice.

Carrd Link

Shen Qingqiu from The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

Gender Identity: transmasc / FTM

Canon Pronouns: he/him

Submission:

he invented xianxia panty liners also he was literally obsessed with a stallion novel that was supposed to be like. be a power fantasy about a cool strong man. I'm not saying he liked pidw I'm just saying he did make the choice to read a stallion novel and was obsessed with Luo Binghe. Sometimes gay thoughts can also be gender envy. SVSSS also looks a lot at like. masculinity and its performance and perception in a way that really slaps if you, like me, think Shen Qingqiu is the Worstest trans guy ever of all time. I'd like to be clear that he is not good representation. He is literally the most dogshit rep. He's homophobic and gay hes transphobic and trans hes the most insufferable trans person youve ever met. He's probably definitely a transmed. Instead of medical transition, sqq got that transmigration transition, and he is absolutely has a weird ass superiority complex about it. also he's a TRANSmigrator its literally right there in the name. Do u see my vision.

Shi Qingxuan from Heaven Official’s Blessing / TGCF

Gender Identity: Transfem / MTF, Nonbinary, Genderfluid

Canon Pronouns: She/Her and He/Him

Submission 1: Canonically switches between female and male forms due to personal preference. Also theres alot of gothic doubling on her plotline as well. 

Submission 2: 

Genderfluid rep Goes by any pronouns depending on form

Trissy from Lord of the Mysteries

Gender Identity: Transfem / MTF

Submission: #1 canon trans character (her class of powers forcefems the user) and war criminal she’s my beautiful blorbo and can do no wrong she should be allowed to kill anyone she wants

Wiki Link

Wu Xie from Lord Seventh (Qi Ye)

Canon Pronouns: he/him

Gender Identity: Transmasc / FTM

Submission: I just think he's neat

Xie Lian from Heaven Official’s Blessing / TGCF

Canon Pronouns: he/him

Gender Identity: Transmasc / FTM 

Submission: He's been trans in my head for so long that it's just kind of part of his character now. 

Yoo Joonghyuk (The Punisher) from Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint

Canon Pronouns: he/him

Gender Identity: Transfem / MTF

Submission 1: 

1. inexplicably fights with the strictly girl-only sword fighting technique. is the only 'guy' to ever learn it and the only other person who is a discipline is a canon trans girl so 2. has an ability where he can become a woman and when he uses it it's said 'it was still Yoo Joonghyuk. No, it was even more than before' ??? there's no cis explanation for that. also he's canonically the hottest person in the entire universe as a woman based on MC's attractiveness rating 2.5 described as feeling 'conflicted' over the gender changing thing when thinking back on it. I THINK he's conflicted bc he likeeeeed ittt 3. whole arc is about breaking free from her chains and gaining autonomy over her own life and story despite what other people think she should be (trans narrative) 4. there's a binary in the universe (incarnation/constellation) to which everyone is forced to confirm to, but there's a special category of people who refuse to be a part of this and carve their own path in life (transcenders). guess what Yoo Joonghyuk is. thats all i remember shjfjsk she's just in general VERY transfem coded story wise 

Submission 2: his girlification canonically allows him to access a level of power he can't as a man (this form is called The Punisher). brokers a deal at one point where he must undergo transformation into a girl for a certain amount of time every day for a week. goes out of this way to hide said girlification from the main character (Kim Dokja)

Wiki Link

Rejected

Nimona from Nimona

Reason: Not from a web novel

Honeypaw from The Exiled

Reason: Not from a web novel (fancomic)

[whumpypepsigal]

Hey, love your posts! I really recommend wedding season series (hulu,2022) it has 8 episodes and it was good with the main characters whump too. I would really appreciate it if you could make some gifs from episode 4 or 5, thank you so much <3

hi my dear anon! thank you :)

gotta say, i went in just to watch the whumpy episodes you mentioned but the first episode already got me hooked. i stayed for the plot! the show is so so good! im surprised how little it’s mentioned on social media or anywhere.

the main character is so endearing and he is such a poor little meow meow i can’t. first of all, he is an orphan, has a core friend group that’s his found family (THEY ALL HAVE SUCH GOOD CHEMISTRY WITH EACH OTHER! ONE OF THE BEST FOUND FAMILY DEPICTION EVER), a doctor, a hopeless romantic, he always wants to be accepted, loved and belong somewhere, he falls in love with a girl that puts him through a ringer, she’s a mystery/a heroine and has so many secrets so she puts him in so many dangerous situations— he gets punched, beaten up (multiple times), intense interrogation, kidnapped (multiple times), tied up, shot at (multiple times), heavy angst, a fugitive, survives assassination attempts TWICE, bruises all over his face, body and robe burns (pretty sure the make-up artist is a whumper because the attention to details is just exquisite *chefs kiss*), lied to and manipulated throughout the episodes and THAT CLIFFHANGER WILL MAKE HIM TRAUMATIZED FOR A LONG TIME BECAUSE THAT WAS SO AHHHHHHH! JUST WHEN HE WAS FINALLY HAPPY WITH THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE :(

the thing i love about this show is that he is the damsel in distress and she is the heroine who is this mysterious person with dark past and keeps putting him in or saving him from dangerous situations. love this kind of trope. and the actor has this natural charm that makes you feel for him… (plus he is so cute and hot and that accent *heart eyes*)

i mean look at him all cute and happy before the shit hits the fan… his little cute dance has a grip on me im weak

that being said, yes anon, i have made the gifs you asked for and then some hehe as always i got carried away. THANK YOU FOR THIS AMAZING REC 🧡

[evintide]

✧.   get to know the author !

name : zeta

pronouns : she / her

preference of communication : im’s via tumblr atm! i’m on discord but i am EXTREMELY shy so that is currently saved for mutuals at the moment.

most active muse ( s ) : as of right now midna is my main gal! though i’ve been feeling very tempted to pick up lumine since it’s been awhile. i have a few other muses that are burning a hole in my pocket (along with an oc or two) but they’re either a) a passing fancy or b) i feel... way too embarrassed to even think about offering them to anyone. LOL.

experience / how many years : as if i didn’t feel old enough turning 30 in June LMAO... i would wager at LEAST twenty or so years at this point, but i’ve had a lot of irl things that took me away from writing for stretches at a time during all of that.

best experience : hooo this is hard... probably back when i was writing in my original fandom and i found a writing partner with an awesome au that i just clicked with really with. we don’t talk much any more but i still care for them deeply, and i loved working off their ideas. we even had a single thread that continued for MONTHS. wild to think that i had the mental stamina for that! also i was in a group chat (same muse) and someone mentioned that our thread (albeit a short one) felt very in character and i was just. beyond touched at the time. small things like getting asks and stuff were always a big treat too! (and still are!!)

rp pet peeves : when people don’t give me anything to work off of. rp is a two way street, and while i know not every reply has to be a novel or move the characters in a certain way every time, if i’m left carrying the scene on my own it dries up my interest very quickly. also, not fully rp related but over complicated blog themes. i love themes! coding is absolute wizardry to me and people who can make and/or edit stuff beautifully are magic! but if i have to highlight the page to try and see where links are or have to copy/paste text onto a text document due to eye straining colors? nah dog. i’m outtie.

plots or memes : i ADORE plotting! not every detail has to be hashed out but getting a feel for the direction for the rp or if there’s some sort of idea you’d like to talk about and experiment through writing? LET’S GOOOOO!! though that can also easily be brought up or be inspired by memes so! kinda both? is that an acceptable answer?? i’m admittedly prone to getting super hyped to talk about plots and then... have my mind go blank from a stage fright response, LMAO. so having memes to work off of can be INCREDIBLY handy for me. the two more or less go hand in hand in my book!

are you like your muse ( s ) : yes and no? IT’S A BIT HARD TO EXPLAIN. but at  least one thing midna and i share is that we care very deeply but expressing it, especially through words is. very difficult. or we make it more difficult than it should be. :,D at the very least i know for a fact ALL of them would disown me the minute i started spitting puns (which is very, VERY often.)

tagged by. @hyruin thank you friend! ♥

tagging. @riwrite @twilitae @cyclebound @legendryhero @silenthime @calamight and anyone else that reads this! >:D

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] going by quaggyday's ask if that's ok to intercept- but tbh i agree with that perspective too!! like gosh if anything it's actually a really nice depiction when it comes to defining how xiao's karmic debt works in a realistic sense. cus like, to me in my dumb poopoo terms, that karma is the residual corrupted power from the dead gods yeah? and this comes from either those that are stronger than him or not. what lumine can or cannot get rid of with her purification abilities depends too, and even for her she doesnt know the extent that this unknown ability provides since the start (since it's pretty sudden but useful trait when treating dvalin)

there's plenty of interpretations and fics that get me a lil pressed that ppl wants his karmic debt to ~~disappear completely~~ for a happy end, when how i personally see things it doesnt need to be the case bc its all about his growth. not that xiao needs to be in constant suffering when he already is, still, but that highlights so much of the importance of his support system, the people who can guide him and help lessen the pain with whatever they can manage. and it doesnt have to center to lumine too, which is another common thing that gets me a lil icky in their stories that she's the only person who can save him (and other ppl with the purification ability, which i dont need to mention who).

putting a difference of whats inside karma, between the gods power and chronic pain as an effect is super good and is what i thought of too!! and true as heck that it's something xiao's body has been accustomed to and even if the corruption chips away bit by bit, it doesnt completely rid of whats already damaged and even then, healing comes so slow for an adeptus. especially if the source being dead gods of higher power. this is something his siblings couldnt overcome long enough in their lifespan, and what xiao is still trying to push back (or accept it, and in turn he suffers more of its effects). so like!!! it just makes sense this way imo

i love pondering of his karmic debt being a metaphor of chronic illness cus man is he fighting so hard for it, and the clock always ticks down for him faster than anyone, even as an immortal. which is sad as hell, and we all copiums together how to at least make it a lil easier for xiao yknow. explodes too

"when it comes to defining how xiao's karmic debt works in a realistic sense" real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god and with lumine not knowing the extent of her own ability,, and yeah no like. in my perfect world the karmic debt is very under control and no longer agonizing or life threatening but i dont think i could ever believe it going away Completely, and i think that if it DID vanish completely itd be a huge disservice to. everyone involved, xiao included. no he does not deserve to be in pain 24/7 but this is something hes willingly accepted and carried with him for so long, something he probably feels has shaped him, i just. idk itd feel so fucking Weird for it to just magically be completely gone ?? it does something and sends a message i cant figure out how to put into words, as opposed to being able to live with it and in spite of it and show that you dont need to be ""cured"" just to be able to exist and be content and supported and loved.

"the clock always ticks down for him faster than anyone, even as an immortal." IM GOING TO SOB THIS HITS SO HARD AND HURTS SO BAD GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD what if we exploded Together. what then.

[selamat-linting]

there was a few things i missed and got wrong on my homestuck liveblog yesterday. first of all, i mistook terezi with kanaya with that morallegiance chat with vriska. makes sense, they used to be roleplay buddies until that mess of an incident. not taking away vriska's responsibility from that clusterfuck but, wonder how much of it is doc scratch influence. good god girl, why are you gambling with a literal god? also WHY rose is trusting that white ball asshole? i dont like him at all. he's basically responsible to a lot of the mess the trolls and beta kids is going through.

anyway, at the last page i left off, terezi and vriska's attitude towards each other is largely shown in the boy-off with dave and john. with karkat screaming in the background (he always screams in the background). so its easy to miss that theyre very much in a weird complicated, frenemy state with each other. that in between space where you're not sure if theyre genuinely fucking hates each other or theyre ribbing on each other like two meanspirited friends do. i've been there sister, i've been there.

speaking of vriska (again, because she is my child who has every disease), oh her relationship/friendship with tavros is very conflicted and, i dare say, delicious? this is something that im sure would hit even harder if tavros wasnt relegated to the butt of ableist jokes more than he's treated as a character but. trust me. imagine youre tavros. your friend(?) is vriska. she crippled you, she saved your life, she berates you at every turn, she kissed you. deep down she only wants best for you. she wanted you to kill her. she wanted you to hate her enough to do it. she doesnt want to bleed to death alone. she's begging you to kill her. she's could have forced you to do it but she doesnt. because this is for you both to grow stronger and survive. thats all she wanted all along. for you both to thrive in a world that eats you alive. she needs you to kill her. oh god *head in hands*

-so its really really sad to see vriska being so lonely after killing tavros. she dug a hole too deep to get out alone and the remaining friends she had that could have accepted her again are all dead or too burned out of her. i wish they both can meet each other again. just to talk and find closure. like, tavros deserves to be angry with vriska and he deserves to have that peace he always wanted from her. and vriska deserves to start being a better person and getting some peace of mind. she deserves a chance, is all im saying. like, its okay if tavros cant give it to her. but some of her friends could. maybe terezi? the worst they ever do to each other in terms of direct harm is the eye injury. or maybe karkat? oh god i dont want to hear them arguing, i would go deaf!

-at least vriska has john! its nice to see them being friends with each other. Tbh john has been a breath of fresh air (hehe) in all the doom and gloom. im not looking forward to him meeting his dead dad but right now, my boy is walking around the village with one of the finest music i heard so far. and then he drive a flying car with WV. its just, he is so positive and amidst a set of characters who lost all of their innocence, he remains as the one guy who tries to enjoy the game and take everything in stride. he felt smug when the salamanders keep referencing in his title, he bought everyone hats and snacks, he gave moral support to vriska. the harley and egbert family is so positive about everything and its so endearing!

-AND JADE! fuck yeah she's starting to show how awesome she is. YES JADE say fuck you to karkat! its been long overdue!!! she also should say fuck you to vriska too as a treat. and fuck you to tavros too. and fuck you to that prince of hope (more like doom lol) who blew up her computer. she deserve monetary compensation to deal with that troll polycruel.

-special mention to dave btw. i dont remember him doing anything particularly exciting lately but i believe he's the one carrying the team. john and jade had to do their quest to be effective in defeating the english demon guy (the brits are all demons lol) and rose had to be their prime researcher and strategist, so he basically did the save everyone's ass part. i cant wait to see him hang out with terezi. Also is it bad of me to want him go godtier? Like, it would be interesting.

-and other time aspect characters i want to appreciate, aradia! babygirl have finally get rid of her hopelessness and come back to life! and now she's bringing the gang back together!!! and putting the pieces on why gamzee suddenly breaks. too bad gamzee never had a chance to show his personality. anyway, im starting to think i was wrong about lil cal. like, i think it was posessed but oh no its just bro moving him around, but somehow that fucking puppet is the one wrapped up in literally everything. aradia finds that shitty doll and somehow its connected to gamzee losing it and the game sgurb and doc scratch and... whats going on????

-in conclusion, timebound kids are always the one carrying the team. they are hard to find but theyre the one who could determine how you win or lose the game.

-but how can i forget? kanaya! she came through. i really thought she was dead! but she is alive, and she kills people with a chainsaw than apply lipstick to her bloodstreak lips. she is trying so hard to be Hinged. final girl behavior fr. i wonder how she's going to meet rose again. i hope she talked rose out of that suicide mission.

-and can we talk about karkat? man, imagine leading an army of kids who did kill and maim each other before the game even starts. imagine being the lowest of the social hierarchy and trying to make the most toxic friendgroup filled with racists and murderers to listen to you. imagine being able to do that despite all the odds, bring them to victory, and have the price right on your hands only for it to be ripped away and your friends devolve into chaos and murder several hours later. its a failure of untold magnitude. no wonder he's so disturbed and angry at himself and everyone.

-okay now that im done with the characters. i want to compliment how good everyone looks. the art and the fashions are all sooo amazing. the talksprite is also wonderful. im inclined to change my pfp into feferi's talksprite because i like her design so much. also because hooray! She's just dead, not corrupted by horrorterrors. in my mind she is laughing at tavros and doomed dave rap battle while surrounded by beautiful scenery

-also, i cant believe infinite stairs are referenced AGAIN with sollux and karkat. and SMUPPET ASS JOKE? on tavros dead body? lmao. okay i need to see smuppet ass on dave again. he was just so funny with it. and karkat shipping craze with jadesprite and jade. the jokes are really good, fr

[sleepy-achilles]

This starts with the ending of the fuck dom story, incase you wanna read that

Always find me.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Roman senses him straight away. "Leon." He mutters as the man stands next to him. The men look at each other. Leon smiles widely, and Roman finds himself smiling. "Welcome back brother." Leon holds his hand out. Roman glances down at the hand. "We have a lot to discuss." Roman states accepting the hand. To his surprise Leon pulls him into a hug. "Yes we do" Leon whispers as roman hugs him back.

Roman remembers the first day him and Leon ever hugged. He closes his eyes as he squeezes Leon.

-

Roman stumbles backstage, immediately fussed over by people. "How are ya?" Hunter asks. "Weird. Not being in that ring...it won't feel right." Roman whispers. "You get better, you know you'll be welcomed right back." Hunter promises. "I know thanks." Roman smiles turning. He pauses at the sight of Leon stood there staring at him. "Leon.." Hunter warns. "Why didn't you tell me?" Leon asks moving closer. "Because you can't save everyone Leon." Roman sighs. "But I can try." Leon's voice sounds uncharacteristically weak. Small. Roman stares at him. His eyes tearing up. Roman chuckles slightly and lowers his head. "Ill never understand you Leon Michaels." Roman admits, raising his head. Leon tilts his head. "Just..keep being yoh okay? Keep carrying this company on your back, make the next generation proud." Roman tells him. Leon nods and steps closer. Roman pats his arm. "Always find me, yeah?" Leon whispers.

Roman stares at him as the tears build. Because despite the hell they've put each other through since childhood, roman couldn't of asked for a better rival. He wants a Leon in every life. Every universe. He doesn't want to imagine a life without him.

"Im not going to leave you behind." Romans voice breaks as he pulls Leon into a hug.

Hunter watches In curiosity as Leon's eyes squeeze shut, tears rolling down his cheeks as he hides his face against Romans neck.

They don't do this. This isnt their dynamic. And yet, here they stand, in a crowded room, crying in each others arms.

-

They don't do this.

Roman stares down the long hallway. His cousins screaming and play fighting behind him as their parents talk action plans.

Roman stares at the small mute child stood against the wall outside his parents lockeroom.

His head is hung, hair falling into his face as muffled yelling comes from the lockeroom. Roman can't help but move closer. He pauses as the door swings open. "Im not doing this!" Undertaker yells before storming down the hallway past roman. Roman stares in shock before looking back to see Shawn stood in the doorway. "Yeah well fuck you! Go run back to Paul!" Shawn yells, tears staining his face. "Fucking humans." Taker grumbles.

Shawn slams the door again.

Roman wonders where John is and why Leon is stood alone. Then he remembers that Randy is here with his dad, so John must be with him.

Roman sighs.

They don't do this.

They aren't friends.

Roman walks up to Leon, grabbing his wrist and pulling the crying boy away. Leon looks at their hands before at Romans face. The taller boy drags him towards the canteen, not uttering a word.

Once he reaches it, he moves towards the candy stall. "Roman! Leon! A pleasure" the woman smiles. "What can I get you boys?" "One lollipop please. Cherry flavour." Roman answers. "Just one?" "Yes please." Roman accepts the lollipop before dragging Leon away towards the bin. He lets the boy go briefly, knowing he won't go anywhere. Still, he quickly opens the lollipop, binning the wrapper before grabbing his wrist and dragging him towards the ring.

Leon just watches in confusion as he's pulled into the empty ring. Everyone else is off preparing, sparring sessions having ended s few minutes ago.

Roman drops down to sit and pulls Leon down next to him. Roman hands him the lollipop, glad the boy has stopped crying, even if it's out of confusion.

Leon accepts it. He doesn't normally eat. Doesn't eat sweets either. So he's surprised when he enjoys the cherry taste.

They sit in silence before roman breaks it.

"Do you want a hug?" Leon looks at him. "My dad says brothers hug sometimes because it's easier than talking and makes you feel better" Roman explains, keeping his eyes down.

He's rambling. He knows that. "Sorry. Shouldn't of-" he grunts as his back hits the mat. Leon hugs him tightly, his head knocking Romans. Roman huffs and hugs him back. He smiles slightly as he feels the letters traced on his back. 'T,H,A,N,K,S'

-

He can't help but chuckle as the man traces letters on his back. 'T,H,X,S'

"Your a fucking dork" roman scoffs pulling back. Leon just smirks. "Ah let's go back to hating each other" Leon chuckles fist pumping Romans chest and saluting Cody before walking off.

"Ill never understand you Leon Michaels." Roman whispers watching the man.

------------

Notes

I'm bitter sweet about roman x Leon.

They are bret and shawn, do they love each other, do they hate each other, only they know. (They don't even know)

But also I think about it, everyone has rivals but Drew.

Like, Leon has punk, because punk clearly wants drew.

John has Cody. Randy also has punk.

Taker has bret. Shawn has Jeff.

Cassie has liv, complicated as rhea,liv and cassie are bffs. Rhea has Austin.

But Drew hasn't got anyone who's really competition for Leon's love. Because it's clear Leon only has eyes for him, except for the weird tension between him and Roman. The same tension that led to drew and Leon getting together.

[furinuris]

personal

Im pretty sure you don't remember this username anymore—even tho you were the one who made it for me, nor are you actively looking into how Im doing so I know you'll never see this but in the off chance that you do, I mean every single thing I wrote here even if it's coming from a place of deep seated hurt, resentment and anger, guilt and fucking embarrassment. im not sure why im writing this, I guess I just want to dump it all here for the last time,

At one point, i know —you loved me, as best as you could and it was amazing and freeing and healing. I never knew someone would go through all that effort to try and see me and considered me, and accepted me. to be loved is to be changed and considered and seen, and you, at some point in time did. And I'll forever be grateful for that, forever hold on to those memories and cherish them for they taught me the beginnings of self love. if someone as amazing as you could love me, why couldn't i love myself the same? And to be looked at with such affection despite me feeling my body was ugly made looking at myself in the mirror more bearable. I could finally smile at my own reflection. So i know it wasn't all this bad, yes?

you will forever have a place in my heart, i believe, and somehow i will always carry a piece of you with me. you dont get to love someone as genuinely as that and not have them be a part of yourself somehow. and so i know this hate will dissipate in time, but for now, let me. Let me resent you, as you have asked so many times before so i could finally walk away from this suffocating hold you have over myself. Let me hate your choices, the way you gave up, the way you chose to keep me in the dark at the end, and let me hate you so i may forgive you. Let me hate you so i can finally stop running away from this hurt that color my days gray. Let me hate you so I can finally heal.

You said so yourself before, you fucked it up —yes you did. I did not deserve to be ghosted for a month. I did not deserve to be led on that everything was okay, and that maybe you just needed the space for yourself for the boards. I've been witness to the heaviness you carry on your shoulders N, and I didn't want to, as much as i could help it, add to it. Im sounding a bit petty now, it feels as if I'm trying to wash my hands of any responsibility i might have had a hand in this falling apart but was I not good to you?

But I get it, people grow and sometimes you outgrow the people you loved. I understand, falling out of love is no one's fault—i don't blame you, nor hate you for it either, even if that hurts like hell. I do hate you for not telling me when you could've, for running away, for being a coward at facing the truth of it. For making me think you were needing the space for it (maybe you did) but knowing you could juggle being an admin, making new friends and even going on group watches with them while I sit at home hoping you're fine and the anxiety eating at me if we're okay or if we're ever going to end up okay or if you're doing well or if you're having a relapse or just.

I have never stopped you from doing the things you want and making new experiences, yes? and so please know, im happy to know you're growing, and making new connections and putting yourself out there. This version of you looks amazing. I just really wish you had the courage to tell me you were falling out of love with me then, it would have saved me this much pain. While you had the time to walk away and mourn the death of a relationship, I was waiting on you to comeback because the last time we talked we were okay weren't we? and isnt that unfair of you?

And haven't I been nothing but honest to you? Didn't I say, tell me if you dont want to and i will gladly let you go, as long as you're happy i wouldn't beg you to stay. If that was your way of figuring out your emotions then N, wasn't I worth even an emoji back then? If you couldn't stomach telling me. Was I not worth a single update; hey, i need time to think about us, please give me time and space. Was I not worth any of that? But there's really no point in asking now right? no point in dwelling because what has happened, has happened, and we both understood this was for the better (or atleast that's what i would like to believe)

I guess, I really just want to voice that truth out—I listened to what you said; Im not being pragmatic anymore, nor am I holding you at a pedestal. I am allowing myself to see things as they are, and I am finally allowing myself to embrace the truth that yes, I do hate you for this. I hate you, I hate how even after all of this—I will still find it in me to justify everything. I hate feeling guilty over hating you. I hate how I have to resort to this to take the step at walking away from you. I hate how I have to understand and hurt at the same time. I hate how, after all this, i still love you. I hate you, N. I don't want to, but this honestly broke me in ways I didn't know I could break.

You say, dont be a stranger because at one point before all of everything we were friends and you'd like to still have that part in your life right? You say dont be a stranger, but you ended up being one anyway. Maybe, someday, when I've made peace with what happened I'll take you up on that offer, but for now I do think it's best I turn my back for now. Im sorry.

I wish you nothing but the best, N, goodluck on those exams (I know, you'll push through it because you have always pushed through life and Im proud of you for that). I wish you'd find that peace and happiness you long for and deserve. I'm happy you've found newfound love. Im happy you're surrounded by people who love and care for you and support you. Happiness looks beautiful on you, it has always looked good on you gha. I hope the days are kinder and you get to enjoy and indulge in that pink feeling of new love and to enjoy your friendships. I will always be rooting for you.

Thank you, you were a wonderful experience.

maybe next time, in another life or whatever crazy ass astrology shit they talk about—we get another chance and maybe there we get it right, but if that doesn't exist well then it's been quite a ride ;)). Take care 🍊

I will always love you, in time that may grow into something less than it is now, but know that I will always have a space for you. (and somehow i kinda hate that too lol?)

-H

[genobiagon-helary]

My childhood memories are never been forgotten because at that moment we feel like i dont like to grow up but that life we didnt get to young but that memories is in my heart forever,And growing up is another mission us to face we need to learn,grow,and be open to our self to accept challenges to come.

Hi I'm Helary Genobiagon 17 years old i live in lo-oc locatha llc, my childhood memories is traumatizing at the same time fun. i dont like my brother and i always teasing him or joking around him, but at the time i slowly love him as my brother. we became so close every afternoon were going out at our backyard because were playing sand and hide and seek.I like going to school because i have many friends there and i can play anytime and to learn, When im gr 2 were going to a small island to celebrate fiesta and i enjoy the time because i didnt got another chance to swim in the beach everyday,but that place is leave at me a bad trauma.

When were about to go home im not feeling my best,my body is so heavy and headache i want my mom to carry me because i cant handle the pain,and we got home i have a high fever but my mom didnt worry because maybe its just a normal fever that gone after a week but 2 weeks after i have still my fever so my lolo and lola but panicked,my lolo immediately borrowed a jeep to take me to hostipal and while driving my mom told me that i dont a pulse anymore like im about to die but my lolo was so panicked and worried about me so he drive so fast as he could,then when we arrived at hospital the doctors got angry to my parents because why did they take so long to take me to the hospital if my lolo didnt bring me immediately i could die, i got my second life thanks to my hero,i couldnt stop saying thank you to my lolo he save my life he was my hero since that day.

When im gr 3 this is the day i didnt forget my in whole life my father got a call from my lola saying that my lolo got to the hospital because he was like chilling outside while laying at the duyan and my lola got confused because my lolo is so quite and then she saw my lolo is touching his heart like he couldnt breathe and she immdiately call a ambulance then the nxt day my whole family my aunties,uncles,cousins are going to hospital then when we arrived my lola go inside at the hospital because were not allowed to go inside, then an hours after my lola came back and shes crying then at that very moment i just realized that my hero,my lolo past away she didnt get a chance to say that my lolo past away,after we sa her crying we ended up all crying.

Every third sunday of january were going to cebu to celebrate sinulog wth my father side i have a lot of experience try new food,buy anything ,and got a chance to see an a celebrity and the traditional dance of sinulog

When you grow older you're mind is full of couriosity and question about life,and when you experience things that you didnt experience when you're a child you can say that im growing a d im not a child anymore,that when i got my period in gr 6,i like im 11 years old or around 12,were sleeping and i need to get up because i need to go to the cr and theres something got my attention when i look to my underwear and i see blood and i panicked i look to the bowl and all over the bowl gcover wth blood and i shouted and my mom got scared and ran into the cr and she laugh when she saw my underwear,she immediately said the rituals if you're having your first period and then after a month i dont have any interest going outside and play around my friends ,i just want to stay inside our house watching tv

I realized that were not going to have a same feelings,thoughts,and interest like were at the young age because i started doing some makeup² making my self pretty and girly stuff ,i have my taste of style and i got my first crush at gr 7 like i literaly stalking him and always admiring him because were roommates his room is beside mine and every breaktime i always go to his room and give him a snack then i admiring him until gr 8 but my feelings for him is faded and gone, and theirs someone have a feelings for me but it is she,she always gives me snack,flowers,chocolate, and that the time i questioned my sexuality or identity because i have something sparks feelings about her but i didnt show to her because i confused about my feelings to after how many months she ask me can i be her girlfriend and i answered yes but we didnt have a serious rs its like a puppy love.

Gr 9 thats when pandemic and my parents seperated its hard to have a broken family, my parents always arguing about financial and they decided to ended up because their not happy to each other anymore and if their going to stay together were like pretending a happy family even though were not,i always jealous to my friend or other family their truly happy even at their lowest point and complete but i nvr get mad or upset to both of them i support their decision and im still thankful because even they seperated their always at my back and now they okay nothing hard feelings to each other.

So my father went to his home town and i always visited him,because im at my mother house and as i always visited him i get closer to my auties, relatives,uncles because i didnt grow there and they didnt see me often,they treating me so so well like a princess and i make many new friends there and i have meet someone that hook my heart,she's is a friend of my friends she introduced me to her and as i always go to my fathers place i always hang out with them specially wth her because shes my fathers neighbor so we can hang out anytime until i fall inlove wth her but i didnt knew that she fell inlove wth me first but she didnt confess her feelings wth me but she confess her feelings to me to our friends and i confess my feelings too to our same friend and after we know that were fell inlove wth eachother she courted me twice and the last i said yes

We're still dating now, she always supporting me cheering and comforting me, she loved me without judgement in her eyes and she accept me for who i am even though im not perfect and i know nobodys perfect but she accepts me complety ,that's how i am, i accept her completely and only now have i experienced being loved like this and i dont need to pretend that im happy because im actually happy wth her,even though thre are many people who object to our relationship because were the same women, i dont listen anymore because i let my feeling exist more because their is no type or form of love,their is no choice of people if you love you love,so if you love someone and you are afraid to fight,fight them because dont rely on people who interfere in your life,you know yourself better than others.