#im in pain and my head feels funny and i feel like im going ro did

[drop--pop--candy]

ow no bad no no no

[rowavolo]

hiiii !! 2 4 6 and 12 (if you have one) for your obey me s/i? either one! c:

hi hi hi !! :D ty for the ask wheeeee also i MUST compliment your choice of numbers here. these are lovely numbers. some of my favourites genuinely

answers under the cut i KNOW im not gonna be able to shut the hell up !! im gonna do it for angel!ro because hes funny and cool i think

2. How similar is your s/i to you? Are they a carbon copy, completely different or a mix of the two?

Hmm, a bit of a mix, really! But also I do like to try and include my little quirks/idiosyncrasies where i can for my s/is because theyre very much a way that i express myself and explore things that aren't necessarily feasible for me irl . I think the main difference is my s/is are slightly less depressed. though that may be more due to circumstance and stuff. also significantly less time spent laying in bed due to pain/fatigue. but other than that (and the obvious physical differences) I try to keep the personality and vibes pretty similar to myself in real life where i can :3

4. How did your s/i feel when they first met your f/o(s)? How do they feel about them now?

To begin with, my s/i was definitely very ... not exactly intimidated by, but sort of .. anxious around Diavolo. Due to the nature of their relationship and the arranged aspects of it, he felt a lot of pressure to get along well with Dia and be like the 'perfect' spouse, since this marriage had so much riding on it (peace between celestial realm and devildom , blah blah blah, whatever) so at first hes very quiet and anxious and just afraid to speak up or make himself a nuisance in any way, so he'd always just smile and nod along to Diavolo's suggestions and jokes and sort of 'dull down' any gruesome answers to the questions he was posed about the celestial realm (though this is also in part due to the fact that things up there are very much Not As They Seem and the angels are uhh 'strongly encouraged' not to disclose too much information)

As time goes by and he gets more comfortable, however, he lets his weirdness really shine, along with his dark sense of humour. He and Diavolo wind up going through a lot together and sort of bond over that, along with their weirdly parallel upbringings, so they become really close and painfully in love. Like. 'will only use pet names for one another and always be holding hands' levels of PDA. It's obnoxious and codependent. Diavolo absolutely dotes on Ro, and Ro definitely comes to rely on him more and more as like.. 'his person.' He becomes more comfortable with unmasking and asking Dia for help with things (and if Dia can't, then he'll ask Barbs to). Theyre like two bonded cats. if you separate them they'll get depressed and start pining and become physically ill after too long. It may be a little unhealthy but like. theyre just hanging out. they like it that way. they can spend time away from each other, they just don't often really want to. They vibe like the most stereotypical 'straight guys who do really gay stuff for the bit' but they committed fully and are so so in love. theyve been around each other so much that they basically have their own language, etc. and are just so comfy and happy around one another that its obnoxious to look at i think <3 ro loves his big silly himbo to bits and vice versa

6. Has your s/i undergone any design/story changes since they were first made?

Hmm, I'd have to say absolutely yes, but genuinely I can't think of exactly what off the top of my head. He's kind of been adjusted a bit as i've fleshed out the ~vibes~ of the way i interpret the celestial realm, he got given haunted angel cryptid lore and lack of 'flock' attraction lore (theyre intertwined also) and put through The Horrors also. he also has his own more fucked up au with even more Horrors. just like for the funny. Visually though, his design has mostly stayed the same. I'm not really a huge fan of how his outfit vibes, but i think overall i do like his Vibe and hes very silly and parallels nicely with Dia!

Though looking at the pics below i havent entirely decided how i like to draw his hair. which is like blaaahhh bleeeh bluueeueueuh

12. Can we see a picture of your s/i?

tada!!!!! silly nya nya!!!!!

[i-will-physically-fight-you]

Are you going to finish the Tiny Virgil AU? Cause the last chapter ended on a cliffhanger. If you don't feel like finishing the whole thing, you could maybe give us bullet points of what was supposed to happen?

Ahaha whoops, I kinda forgot that fic. at the rate I'm going, it'll take like ten years for that or any of my other fics to get finished. Tbh, I actually have a whole outline for that one? Acantha (@theeternalspace) and I brainstormed the rest ages ago and then I took our thoughts and bullet-outlined it out.

The thing is? Like, emotionally I want to hold onto my thoughts and finish it, but if I am to be completely honest, realistically it probably won't happen. Because I wanna prioritize Gibbous over it and all.

so tldr: I'd like to write more installments, but in the case I never finish it and/or you don't care about spoilers, check the read more for what happens.

warnings: hurt/comfort, crying, morally grey sides (all sides are present so beware idk its been awhile im not up to date with how the fandom handles this sorta thing)

Chapter 5

Anx cant believe he forgot about Thomas!

He was so caught up in Creativity wanting to play with him, he's forgotten about his whole purpose

He goes to the real world, worried about all the things that could've befallen his host without his guidance

Anx is confused to be faced with adult Morality and another...side?

"Thomas?"

Thomas is big, Anx is not

This can't be real, can it? How can he protect Thomas like this?

Roman shows up, but the damage is dealt (Ro and Pat converse a bit)

Virge starts panicking and panics even more when he sees Thomas affected by it

Ro & Pat try to comfort Virge but no use

It's Thomas who gets to him. Who is...helping? Why?

"Wh-why are you so nice? I'm bad, I hurt you--I do bad things."

Thomas looks sad at that. He tries to explaining that he doesnt think Virge is bad, he can be good

Virge doesnt really understand but at the same time...Thomas loves him??

Thomas offers him a hug and he accepts it. Still so confused but at least his host loves him.

Chapter 6

Virgil ends up tuckered up in Thomas' arms

"Crying is exhausting, don't like it" He complains to Roman.

"I know. You've been very brave, little prince."

It's not that late but Thomas seems nervous. "I should go to bed." (Basically feels like if he doesnt adhere to his childhood bedtime, he'll get in trouble aka lil Virgil's influence)

Patton asks if he'd like for him to accompany him and Thomas nods

Roman and Virgil end up back in the mindscape with Patton promising to follow soon after

Roman tucks him into bed

Patton comes back, looking tired, and both Roman and Patton agree to talk with Logan in the morning about things

in the morning with Virgil still asleep, Lo, Pat and Ro talk briefly

Logan shares some theories (Age regression maybe?)

Patton tells them what's up with Thomas

Roman decides to bother the Dark Sides. "If this happened before in the past, they would know, wouldn't they? And if they're behind it this time then I can get them to stop it"

They decide to have Patton look out for Thomas again and for Logan to watch over Virgil while Roman ventures out to the Dark Sides

Chapter 7

Logan mulls over what is happening

Grateful that Thomas is going to bed early at least

He is not worried, he is Logic

Tries focusing hard on his book

Virgil wakes up, disappointed to see Logan and not Roman

Roman ventures through the dark mindscape

infodump detail on how it differs vs. the regular mindscape, quiet, silence nobody is around

"HELLO" Roman screams as his brother pops up

"What do I owe brother dear for this visit?"

Virgil is worried about Roman, but Logan placates him a bit

The two end up doing a puzzle

During which Virgil randomly hugs Logan

When Logan asks why, Virgil explains "You're scared. Hugs make me feel less scared"

Logan thanks him for the sentiment but insists he is not scared

"You're scared, I can feel it. It's okay, I get scared lots of times so you don't have to." Virgil says

And then Logan's fear dissipates

He stares at Virgil, shocked, because did tiny virge take his fear away??

And if so, if tiny virge knows how to do this, has adult Virgil been doing it without them knowing??

Chapter 8

"I know you did it" Roman growls. It makes sense really. Remus did random things for sh*t and giggles

Remus blinked "Oh! You found out about ____, didn't you?"

"What no!" Roman says, disgusted. "I'm talking about Virgil."

"Wait, you think I did it with Virgil? Mr. Emo?"

"NO!" Roman snaps. "Stop playing dumb!"

The two have a scuffle, ending up with Remus having a sword at Ro's throat (who is stuck in green goop)

"I really don't know what you mean." Remus says, "What is it exactly do you think I did again?"

Logic must hate him, Anx thinks, otherwise why would he be looking strangely at him?

but its okay, even if it really really really hurts, Anx has done it before and would do it again to keep from any of them feeling pain

He asks if Anx took his fear away and he nods

surely this must be a happy thing but Logic seems even more upset

the fear grappling tiny virge is foreign. It's so different than fears he's taken before. He finds himself drowning in it. he doesnt quite understand most of it. But there's fears about himself, Logic being scared for him, not of him. (basically oh boy adult fears are much harder to process for a child Anxiety)

Logic grips his hand and asks for his fears back

"I can't" Tiny Virge says, shaking like a leaf

Logan asks it again. Virge shakes his head "I can't, I--I don't know how!"

He really doesnt know how. Usually he just holds it all in until it explodes.

Logic echoes some of what the fear is telling him, that Logic cares for him. And weirdly, it means a lot for him to hear that Logic actually cares.

But noooo he must only care because of Thomas, right?

Anyways this is resolved somehow idk lmao and then Logan is called to help with Thomas

Virgil promises Lo he'll be okay, not wanting to stop him from being able to help their host

Logan promises he'll back momentarily

Virgil squeezes Zola and tries his best to stay calm

Previously on Rem and Ro

Roman spills the beans on whats up

Deadbeat silence

Remus then babbles about how he has no clue what Roman is talking about, but is super intrigued and wants to check this out for himself

He sinks out as Roman grabs onto his ankle, but isn't enough to stop him from sinking out.

Chapter 9

"Hiya!"

Little Anx squeaks, shadows gathering at his feet, ready to strike at....

A Green-Dressed Creativity? He dresses fancily like him.

"Princey?"

Green laughs. "No, I'm The Duke! Princey's my brother!"

And Lil Virge is kinda confused but rolls with it because Creativity pretending to be someone else/splitting himself into two is a very Creativity thing to do and isn't too worried about it.

Roman shows up, fuming

However, because of Virgil, he has to play nice

They end up having a pretend tea party

Roman finds himself shocked that Remus is decent with kids? Or at least a Kid Anxiety??

He still says outrageous things but Virge giggles at them (Basically kids really have no baseline for moral right-or-wrong, they find talk of murder funny)

Roman feels a bit guilty/regretful realizing he never played much with Remus growing up

Eventually, Logan pops up slightly frazzled

He's relieved to see the twins there looking after Virgil

Explains the situation w/ Thomas to Roman while Remus and Virgil play

Patton pops up, looking slightly weary, leading Roman and Logan to insist he take a day off from watching Thomas

Upon seeing Logan & Patton, Virgil runs up to hug Logan, but shies away from Patton

Patton tries to hide his disappointment about this

Remus tries to leave upon seeing Lo and Pat are here

but Virge clings to him, insisting he stays

The Others agree, and Remus perks up a bit.

Somewhere, there's a discussion about Virge again, late at night?

Logan reveals Virgil taking fears from him

At some point it's decided to leave Janus out of it as it's unknown how little Virge would react to him and the fact that Janus most likely knows what's up and has chosen to stay out of it

It's decided that Remus and Roman will traverse the Imagination to see if there's a solution there

Logan will be with Thomas

Meanwhile Patton will look after Virgil

Chapter 10

Patton's POV

Little Virge is upset about both Remus and Roman leaving

they try to placate him but it does little. (Telling him how they'll stay safe and they don't want him going because they want to keep him safe)

Patton's heart breaks but he has to holds back Virge.

Eventually the two have heart-to-heart

Apparently the two had a classic childhood spat, that means a lot to Virge even tho poor Pat doesnt remember the spat at all.

Pat tells them they're the best of friends now, even shows him evidence

Virge feels a little better

Sees a snake stuffy in Pat's room, asks about Dee

Patton deflects

The two end up making cookies together

The Imagination is a bust, although the twins return squabbling in a good mood

And Remus has a "present" for Virgil, who delights in it.

They chat, when suddenly Virgil screams

Chapter 11

Virgil's POV

He's been trying his best to stay calm, to hold back the anxiety gained from Logan and also the other fears swelling inside of him

But it's too much, and push comes to shove. A burning sensation occurs

And it explodes

He has a panic attack and realizes it extends into the real world

Overwhelmed and upset, he runs off.

He runs off to his hideaway and sits there

Getting bombarded with fears

He's there for what feels like hours when--

"Oh my dear Anxiety" A crooning, unfamiliar yet familiar voice says

Virgil looks, surprised, to see Deceit!! There's a lot more scales and he's wearing a funny outfit but it's him

He is happy to see him albeit sobbing into his capelet because of what happened.

Dee holds onto him going, “Shhhh everything’s alright. Shhh it’s not your fault. It’s my fault, I’m sorry—“ and Virgil interrupts shrieking it can’t be his fault, because in his mind Dee would never do anything bad and it hurts Dee to know that young Virge has so much faith in him.

"You'll hate me" But Little Virge refuses to accept that. "You're lying, you don't mean that"

"Okay, you caught me. "We stay best friends forever" OR something along those lines

Dee convinces him to bring back to the others, that they don't hate him

When they return, the others "freaking out" is a mild understatement.

Dee slowly produces tiny Virge out of his capelet.

Hisses at them to keep their distance because crowding Virge will only freak him out

Apologies and misunderstandings are made clear

Thomas summons all of them and they all have a sleepover

Virgil falls asleep snuggled between Remus and Dee

Chapter 12

Maybe Roman's POV?

Along with Thomas, they have a discussion

Dee waits a bit, before revealing that he's behind the reason for Virge's current state.

As his role Deceit, he has access to both truth and lies. One lie is that Virgil believes his kid self died and is no longer a part of him--attempting to actively repress those memories

He then points out the childish aspects of each side's function. (Maybe Logan input something about growing up and stuff)

P: "But why would Virgil think this?" J: "oh gee, I wonder why. It isn't like he was made to feel like an outcast from a very young age or anything"

Instant Guilt for all

Anyways Dee explains some mishap occurred, thus reverting Virgil back to this state

You get the sense Janus isn't telling the whole truth.

Janus says he has a way to fix things, and that's when there's a noise

"Anx?"

Virge is there, standing incredibly still, slightly heavy breathing

"Anx, it's okay, we're not upset"

Little Virge heard everything and is upset but he understands

He knows Thomas needs big him, and the others reassure him that they'll be there for him, each having a small moment with him

Then he starts glowing brightly, causing them all to be alarmed, Janus included

Chapter 13

Virgil is back and boiiiiiii is he freaked the heck out

The Others including Thomas are all there, F*CK how can he ever recover after they saw him like that?

He's both embarrassed and mortified

Not to mention it hurts to have two sets of childhood memories rattling inside his head. One that was lonely and painful, and the other that was happy but fake

He snaps at Janus and ends up fleeing in his room

He doesn't duck out

He cant do that

He just doesnt....go out. He doesn't want to hear the jokes start. He doesnt want the babying or the pitying to start.

He does his job and that is that.

(inwardly he knew this would happen, but not like this)

They try summoning him (Thomas included) but he wont come out. His door is locked.

Patton slips a note under the door but Virge refuses to look at it.

Blares MCR

Somehow Zola appears in his room, and he'd like to tear it apart or something, but he can't help but squeeze the stuffed bat tight and cry for the childhood that never was.

A week passes, and there's a very sad prince at his door

Virgil ends up letting him in because look, he's not a monster

it's very...awkward at first

but they eventually have a heart-to-heart and some snarky banter

and Virgil is very confused when Princey feels the need to apologize to him

They also discuss Janus and Virgil very reluctantly agrees to talk to him

Virgil ends up talking with Janus over tea

Janus doesn't really look at him, staring at his teacup as he explains himself

and dammit, Janus has hurt him (but then again so has Virgil hurt Janus)

But a part of him really misses him. A part of him that has always missed him.

Janus explains he just wanted to know where he went wrong in their friendship, that he went the round-about way because knew Virgil wouldn't talk to him but messed with things he shouldnt and accidentally caused Virgil to revert to the age before their friendship started fraying by accident.

He admits that he almost wanted to leave Virgil that age, to take advantage of it as a way to start again, but ultimately couldnt let himself take advantage of virgil in that way

He also apologizes, telling Virgil "Showing weakness isn't bad. I told you once that you had to stay strong and not let anyone see it, but I was wrong" and that he understands if Virgil doesnt accept his apology right away or if ever

And Virgil doesnt completely accept, not yet, but he's willing to try

It ends happily with them going down to dinner with the others. (possibly Virgil having moments with the others??)

the end

BONUS, Written Scene from Chapter 11 w/ Virge's and Janus's reunion because I was self-indulgent and wrote ahead

“Oh my dear Anxiety,” A silky voice croons, so achingly familiar.

He sniffles, raising his head to meet eyes with the much older face of his best friend; Deceit. It has to be, there is no other side whose left side of face is reptilian in nature. He’s crouching beside Virgil, only one set of arms present at the moment. He’s wearing a funny outfit, but then Deceit has always dressed funny, just like Creativity. Neither of them have ever been worried about standing out.

“Dee!” Anxiety cries out, all but flinging himself onto the older side. The velocity of it flattens the two onto the ground, with Deceit letting a small grunt from the impact. He’d be more worried about possibly hurting Deceit if he wasn’t too busy bawling his eyes out into the strange cape Deceit is wearing.

Deceit strokes his hair, so soft and gentle. Then two sets of arms hoist Anxiety upwards, settling him onto Deceit’s lap. Deceit hugs Anxiety, cocooning him in a warm embrace. For a moment, everything feels normal again. As if they’re all kids still and Anxiety had sought Deceit for comfort after a bad nightmare.

Then Deceit speaks, saying words meant to be comforting. They are comforting at first, until Deceit says things that don’t make sense. And Anxiety knows Deceit is a liar, that he says things that aren’t true. But he knows when Deceit isn’t lying. They’re best friends after all.

“Shhh, it’ll be alright. Shhh, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s not your fault. It’s mine. I hurt you and I’m--”

“No!”

“No?” Deceit repeats.

“No, it--it--you didn’t do anything bad, you wouldn’t!” Anxiety says, nearly shrieking, “You’d never, ever, hurt me. We’re best friends and best friends don’t do that.”

A strange, choking noise erupts from Deceit. Anxiety looks to see Deceit’s human eye glistening. His best friend’s lips quiver, like Anxiety gets when he gets too scared to speak. Except Deceit is never scared. He always knows what to say in a situation, confident in ways Anxiety could never be.

“Oh, I’ve forgotten what you were like at this age,” Deceit whispers, so low that Anxiety thinks he wasn’t meant to hear it. Then Deceit shakes his head, a weird laugh escaping him. “You’re going to hate me, Anx. Or rather, you’re going to hate me more after this is all over.”

“You’re lying,” Anxiety accuses, his fingers tightening around the fabric of Deceit’s cloak, “You don’t mean that. I love you, Dee, you’re my best friend and--and...Big Me is still best friends with you, right?!”

Deceit inhales sharply, as if there’s something stuck in his throat. Before Anxiety can even grow concerned for his well being, he breaths out a long dramatic sigh.

He rolls his eyes, smirking, “Alright, you caught me.”

“I did?”

“Yes. I was only lying to scare you out of crying,” Deceit assures him, “I didn’t mean to scare you into thinking we weren’t best friends still. Of course we are.”

“G-good,” Anxiety huffs, “don’t scare me like that, Dee, I don’t like it!”

“I won’t do it again, I promise,” Deceit says, his smirk fading a bit as he takes on a somber expression, “it still isn’t your fault for what happened, Virg--Anxiety. Neither I or any of the others think it is. They certainly despise you for it.”

“Despise?” Anxiety’s heart jumps a bit, “Oh! You mean...you’re saying...they don’t despise me?”

“I don���t know,” Deceit raises an eyebrow, “Why don’t you try reaching out? See what their fears tell you.”

Anxiety closes his eyes, sticking his tongue out in concentration. If he thinks super hard, he can envision everyone's fears like spider webs, branching all over the mindscape, interconnected in some ways and in others, completely disconnected in each side's little corner.

And he is the itsy bitsy spider, that scuttles about and maintains the webs to some degree. Because a little bit of fear is good, it helps keep Thomas alive. So he traces the webs and searching for what Dee suggested. There is one thread present, in every nook and cranny of the web, he searches, even in the splinter-offs. One fear that repeats and loops through the whole network that he has never seen before.

"Oh." Anxiety breathes, eyes widening. They're not afraid of him. They're afraid for him, worried about his safety and wellbeing. Anxiety doesn't know what to think of that.

[lordxgrinnyxboy]

listening to the london version, 3/4

a scar is born!

“Grinpayne? Grinpayne?!” Dea...when you find him...kill him.

“something is scorching the air ‘round my head” it’s your thots gwyn weren’t you paying attention

“Is this the truth? Is this the truth, now?” first of all Excellent Vibes but also can we get some Gwynplaine Trelaw + If It’s True in the club? Especially the Justin Vernon If It’s True? i yearn

i love osric. so much.

haha funny how he says he thinks Gwyn is “the only son of God” and Gwyn is fact the only son of Lord Trelaw. could go further but im low on braincells u-u

...this whole sequence is so weird.

“Is this the truth? Is this the truth, now?”   please just go lie down sweetheart you are too far gone right now.

“This exquisite boy” awwwww

i’m missing about 90% of what they’re saying actually

*googles lyrics* oh

the tonal dissonance between the way they sing it all cheerful and the fact that This Is Freaking Creepy As Hell with a side of Really Really Sad is just. :O

labyrinth

alright darling let’s see what you’ve got

The Good Stuff Right There

Theremin = Good

interesting he says “something in me is burning” and, at least in the bristol version, Dea makes comments about the Crimson Lethe ‘burning a hole’ in Gwyn’s heart

In the other one he didn’t really comment much about...anything that was going on, really. He’s just kind of there during the scenes where people react to his wound. But here he has a whole verse about it and that’s...different.

“The people say the Grinning Man’s opened their eyes/can they hear the future in my shattered cries” OOF

“Why in hell would I want to feel it again?”

“what if that monster could also change me” 😭😭😭 i am. *snort* vanquished. i cease to be, to live.

PROTECT HIM

are the ‘scorching’ thoughts supposed to be taken literally in this one i mean they keep bringing it up soooo

oh here we go here we go the Dea part let’s go

“and pain, the only comfort I could find” BABY

“Stories are her way of seeing” god i love this part

BUT SHE WOULDN’T LOVE ME IF HER EYES COULD SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUEH

go off theremin! love you!

“If they find laughter in my face, why should I run from their embrace?” HECK

“The dancing with the monsters in my mind” HECK HECK

“and touch it with a heart that isn’t blind” GWYNLIT FERMAIN TRECHARLIE CLANLAW YOU HUSH NOW

side effects of crimson lethe may include dumbass disease

he flourished the R XD

“FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACEUH”

i am. exhausted. this one can stay. how’d they fit so much more content in this one

Only a Clown

we’re. going from THAT, to- to th- okay

dambit barkilphedrno

“in truth, I felt like singing, so I did” cartoon villain u-u

this is another deeply unsettling one tbh like just the happy way he’s singing but while setting up the nooses and whatnot it’s just eugh

wait so earlier Gwyn says, “can they hear the future in my shattered cries” and here Barkilphedro says that he can “see a bold new horizon”

“imagine the blade of bilboa in your hand” *Legend of Zelda Link Impersonation* Gwynlit what are you doing

oh sh the “NOOOO” and “FATHER” in this one we actually HEAR the reactions? oh heck heck heck

*adds Tiny, Wretched, and Helpless to the ongoing list of things Gwyn has been called*

OH THIS ONE SLAPS they made a whole bop out of

awww he cryin in the background :((((

damn it bark il phed ro

oh heck this is creepier

FRICK SPIKE IS HERE THIS TIME WHAT TH

is spike still played by dirry-moir’s actor in this one too bc That Is A LOT

one small slice bitch you dragged him on that scythe three freaking times

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICIN

SHUT UP SHUT UP STOP PAUSE RIGHT THERE NOPE NUH UH NOT TODAY

brand new world of feeling ( reprise )

hello i am grateful to be here. what a fabulous place to find myself. that is, anywhere but the above. 

u-u Gwyn Makes Bad Choices: The Movie

Josiana CALM DOWN jeez you’re gonna scare somebody

oh yeah she definitely said Freak in this version.

“Love?” see now you’re asking the right questions 

no longer grateful to be here

music’s pretty though

wait no where’s the guard when i need them to show up

THANK YOU QUAKE, THANK YOU.

“Did this brute hurt you” *lizard impersonation* “quite the opposite” i’m going to go climb into my mailbox and die there. Why This. Genuinely Why This.

“The torture chamber, not the nightclub” EXCUSE? PARDON? WHAT?

Josiana i genuinely hate that u can sing like an angel it isn’t fair

the smiling song

what is a smiling song precious we are Not Familiar

ohhhhh nvm this is the “have him hold the giant puppet head and get everybody to surround him so the audience won’t see him putting on a shirt” song

who the hell is this

angelica???

DEA TAKE ME BACK TO THE PLACE

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Call him freak one more time Jojo. Call him freak again.

“I can’t believe that filth-ridden clown soon will be wearing my velvet gown” it’s funny Bark bc Gwynp could actually say the same thing,,,,,

THE DAY I WAS ALMOST A LOOOOOOOORD not as good

something something “Josiana, what did she see, could I see Dea the way she saw me” W H A T

so is he like. awake. in this version or.

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

So I’m finally getting around to writing out a bunch of info about my Sander Sides au so I hope youre all ready--(its like 1 am im so sorry for any spelling mistakes and missed tags)

So its 1 am on a work night and I cant sleep and I’ve had lots of ideas and canon things for this au bouncing around my head for days and now TONIGHTS THE NIGHT ITS HAPPENING IM DELIVERING YOU ALL THE DETAILS AND EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF AND TYPE 

Also please feel free to ask about this! I know I got a few new followers from all my recent sander sides art and also thanks to @sugarglider9603 reblogging some art I made of their au I got the biggest flood of exposure and attention on my art ive ever had and I have so much to thank them for, for all recent exposure ive gotten the past couple days( theyre so sweet and lovely and easy to talk to sugar deserves all the love--) and its given me a huge surge of motivation and confidence to post this. And please, my inbox is always open to talk about my aus or my art! Ask questions, send requests, send headcanons or ideas, send fluff angst im open to anything and I try to do all requests sent to me(sooner or later)

Oh oh! and please id you catch any and all the little inspirations or anything let me know

And finally this au is a LAMP au with Remile and Demus on the side

Ahem ahem anyway onto the au!!!

More under the cut so I dont flood your screen too bad!

Ok so! 

This Au was originally inspired by @residentanchor‘s amazing fanfic A Lesson in Practicality and also a little bit by @prettyinaccurate‘s fanged virgil au( I’ll get more into that further down) 

So it takes place in a (currently) unnamed bigger city I based off San Francisco and Sacramento( because I live in Cali and those are the two major cities ive really visited ya know?) The boys are all in various stages of their twenties when they move into a four bedroom apartment together: Patton Foster is the oldest of the roomies at 27, then Logan Masters at 26, Roman Prince at 24, and finally Virgil Collins at 22. They move in together because it all works out for them really, the apartment is in a good distance to all their current jobs, whether by bus or even in Pat’s case in walking distance and with all four of them it was well affordable and was pretty nice. I mean hey it even came with a little communal balcony ( since theyre on third floor of the building) 

Things are understandably a little rocky at first , i mean isnt it always though?

Virgil has alot of anxiety and so he tends not to talk really at all at the beginning unless he ABSOLUTELY had to, mostly communicating in noncomittal noises and soft grumbles, and he was fresh out of collage and barely two years into his job and out on his own for the first time and he wasnt really ready for it either like christ too many people

Patton was bright bubbly and caring. This wasnt his first rodeo with roomies, I mean cmon, hes been sharing a room with his older brother Damian(deceit) on and off almost all his freakin life, nor was it his first time living on his own with strangers(hes lived in two different parts of two when he was job hopping before he settled down in his current part time job)

Roman was extroverted loud and exciteable, he too was used to sharing his living space( he had TWO siblings after all) and before he had moved into the apartment he had tried living on his own and with other roommates while he attended collage, but those just didnt work out well ( he ended up staying with his older brother Remy in his studio apartment across the city while he finished out that semester and searched for a job to keep an income.

Logan was serious minded stern toned and confident, he had a minor degree in teaching that he was slowly repursueing and had been out on his own for awhile before he had moved in. And though cold at first he soon found his group of housemates...enjoyable.

Its about a month into them living together that they learn exactly why despite slowly getting close and getting to know each other Virgil still kept a wide distance: He had entirely sharp teeth.

“ I dunno....I was born with them..theyve always been a sharp pain in my ass...” - virgil, about his teeth

Of course just having sharp teeth wasnt bad enough oh no. You see a few years back when he was about 18 he was young and dumb and made horrifically stupid and reckless decisions under peer pressure and ended up doing something that not only pointedly (haha oh god im not funny) chipped his front teeth but it fucked up his teeth pretty majorly, he went from having a normal overbite to almost having a goddamn underbite and crooked all his teeth, and the only way to fix it( because somehow miraculous for all the damage done it turned out to be mostly reversable aside from the chipping) was getting braces to realign his teeth. So he’s had pretty purple braces over his fangs since he was 18 and they werent expected to come off until he was AT LEAST 25 and he was insecure about them. ( he got mocked for them through his two and a half years of junior collage)

Once the gang finds out they are understanding and helpful and dont make a big deal about it( though virgil gains a significant amount of more vampire related nicknames from roman)

Once they get close and comfortable around each other the apartment is pretty warm and lively! 

Virgil works at the art store as an assistant manager and head stocker( a bit of a dream come true since he was an art student)

Roman works as a part time waiter at a family resturant as well as working at a nearby theater( he was of course a lovely theater major) 

Patton worked at a nearby cafe and bakery as a bit of everything! He helped wait tables, serve behind the counter, and helped in the back in the kitchen( the owners were family friends and he’d been working there almost four to five years at that point, boi knows how to do everything) 

Logan worked at a big name bookstore, and also provided tutoring sessions for highschool students on the side by commision

More FACTS~~

Family ages for the big families go as follows:

Fosters: Damian(28), Patton(27)

Prince: Remy(26), Roman(24, older twin by 10 minutes), Remus(24, younger twin)

Emile is 27 and is a licensed therapist and works as a counselor for young adults that volunteers at the nearby library to ready to children

Remy works as a coffee barista in Emile’s building

Remus does alot of odd jobs, kinda working as an independent for hire and gets a surprising steady flow of work and pay. Hes still a trash man though, but hes a successful trash man( partly thanks to Damian calling in favors with connections)

Damian works at a law firm slowly moving into the position of prosecutor

Virgil doesnt really get along with his family and at some point Emile offers to take virgil in as his adopted brother, with Damian assuring him if he wanted concrete legal papers to start changing his last name, cutting ties with his family, anything needed for it he’d see to it that they’d be providing(something our boi really appreciates)

Remy visits Emile on his breaks since hes literally just...two hallways down and vice versa

Damian and Remus live together in the next, slightly smaller city over because Damian’s work transferred him to a different office in order for him to keep moving up in the ranks so to speak. 

Hes also good at what he does.

Family nights happen whenever they can

Patton got to teach them how to cook alot of complicatied dishes from scratch, a bonding time he adores

Roman got Virgil an Espeon hoodie after they all start dating and virgil loves it and wears it alot around the house because its a thicker hoodie and warm( though he tries to ignore the big ears and the obnovious tail

Virgil also loves visiting Roman’s work on what Ro likes to refer to as “ hellish days” AKA kids day which means goofy kid friendly theme days. His favorite was probably alice in wonderland day when Roman was Tweedle Dee

Roman played J.D at the local theater and likes to hum some of the his songs to switch up the Disney

The balcony is covered in houseplants and and a corner of old blankets and pillows to sit and chill on

Once a month Logan and Patton have what is affectionately referred to as the Cat Discourse

After any particularly rough days at work Patton tends to massage Logan’s shoulders and back to make sure Lo doesnt get any really bad stress knots

in return when Logan sees Patton’s head a hard day he makes Patton’s favorite drink and pulls him into a hug and let the older man fall asleep in his arms while they watch movies

Pat and roman sense each other’s bad days and order in some cliche diner food and hole up in pattons room with Pattons computer and relax the shittiness away with comedy specials and movies 

Likewise Virgil has a knack of picking up Roman’s bad days and always grabs a couple glasses and a bottle kinda cheap wine and they end up curling up together on Romans bed marathoning Disney movies on Virgil’s laptop 

and when Virgil closes himself off more than normal Logan manages to lure him out of his room and they end up sitting out on the balcony quietly talking and stargazing

so loving and fond and soft with each other

you hurt one of them you gonna get BEAT by the others. 

Speaking of getting beat, never EVER mess with Roman or Remus in Remy’s proximity

Remy Andrew Prince can and WILL fuck you right up if you hurt his little brothers. He’s protective.

and where Remy will rearrange your face Damian will ruin you mentally and legally if you so much as mistreat a single freckle on his little brother’s face, despite knowing that Patton is fully capable of taking care of himself. 

Everyone protects Virgil, dont mess with or hurt virgil or you have the pack coming for ya throat

aaaaaaaaaaaaaand thats all I have for right now! Of course more will be added but now its almost three in the morning and I have work at 1:30pm and im sleepy finally! But I hope you guys like this! And please, feel free to talk to me about it, my inbox is always open!!

Taglist: @phantommoonpeople @sweetsweetemo @loganberrysanders

[askthetotallynotsquad]

*sneezes on michael* pls become more sick and die rn

ACT 1

Jeremy: *sobs* NO STOP

Rich: I fEeL iRrEllIveNt iLl jUsT LeAVe *puts gun up to head*

Jeremy: RICH NONONONO *hugs him*

Rich: wth mAn iM trYinG ro leT u aNh mIcheal bE alOne *still has gun up to head*

Jeremy: Rich please stop. I love youuuuuu- PLATONICALLY

Rich: wEll tO bAD *moves gun to stomach and pulls trigger*

Jeremy: Rich-

Rich: sh-shit that w-was a bad idea wasn’t it..*starts bleeding* f-fuck

Michael: omg rich!!! *speed dials 911*

Rich: hah.. *coughs up blood* t-thit

Michael: rICH YOU GOTTA BREATHE PLEASE

Rich: *coughs more* o-ok god well… nice kn-nowin ya…. *tries to breathe*

Michael: uM THINK ABOUT JAKE??

Rich: h-heh *smiles a bit and coughs more*

Jake: oMG RICH??? *sobs* DUDE BRO??

Rich: *hugs* i-its ok… *dies some more* ou-uch…

Jake: omg omg omg ok bro dude you’ll be fine right?? it’s like the fire??? you’ll be fine???

Rich: y-yeah…. *passes out from so much blood loss*

Hospital people: OMG!! QUICK GET HIM IN THE VEHICLE FOR THE HEALTH!!

Heath vehicle people: *throws rich in the heath vehicle*

Jake: *intense sobbing*

Rich: *passes out still*

Heath vehicle people: *gets in front of health vehicle about to drive*

Jake: *stops the health vehicle* let me go with my bf pls

Heath vehicle people: sure why not kid don’t kill him though or else we will lose some money

Jake: *cartwheels into the heath vehicle with rich* babe omg awaken pls

Rich: *tumbles on over to Jake and hugs him still passed out*

Jake: omg rich ily bab *kiss*

All the healthy bros working at that heath place: *fixes rich*

(1 hour later)

Rich: *wakes up*

Jake: *hugs rich* omg babe you almost died I missed you

Rich: *hugs tighter* i-im ok *smiles*

Jake: *all the kisses* please don’t do that again rich

Rich: I won’t d-don’t worry *still shaking a bit*

Jake: *breaks the health place rules and lays next to rich bc he needs all the hugs*

Rich: *hugs* your great

Jake: *kisses our favorite short boy on the nose* so are you

Rich: *cuddles*

Jake: *gently cuddles and whispers v nice things to rich*

Rich: *falls asleep cuddling jake*

Nice classic time skip

Jake: *carries rich to Rich’s house*

Rich’s mom: WHAT’S THIS RICH

Rich: *wakes up* NOTHING MOM

Rich’s dad: I THOUGHT U WERE TO MUCH OF A LOSER TO HAVE FRIENDS

Rich: *sobs a bit* y-yes dad I am..

Jake: rich it’s okay— *plays with Rich’s hair bc our boy* it’ll be okay

Rich’s mom: EXCUSE ME CHILD BUT WHY ARE YOU HARASSING MY SERVANT

Rich: *sobs*

Rich’s dad: QUIT CRYING YOU PIECE OF SHIT

Rich: *holds back tears* yes dad

Rich’s dad: CALL ME SIR

Rich: yes sir…

Jake: *angry Jake pulls a jake* eXCUSE ME SHITHEADS BUT WHY ARE YOU HARRASSING MY BOYFRIEND BC IF YOU DO I WILL SLAP A BITCH OR TWO

ACT 2

Rich: *clings onto jake*

Rich’s dad: SERVANT WHAT IS THIS PEASANT TALKING ABOUT

Rich’s mom: ARE YOU GAY!!!! *pulls out shotgun about to shoot jake*

Rich: *v v v scared* —- MOM NO

Rich’s mom: WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU BITCH

Rich: b-because I love him!!!!

Jake: *shields rich bc oh no*

Rich’s mom: *boom boom tries to shoot rich but oh damn she shoots jake*

Rich’s dad: good job wife you killed it

Rich’s mom: yeah

Jake: *passed out oops*

Rich: WHAT THE FUCK MOM *starts sobbing* YOU ARE ALL FUCKING BATHSTARDS AND IF I COULD YOU WOULD BE DEAD BY NOW *v sob* stay with me Jake… it’s ok….

Rich’s mom: FUCK U *trys to shoot rich but has no bullets* SHIT

Rich’s dad: LET’S GET OUT BEFORE THE COPS COME!!

(Rich’s parents run away)

Rich: s-stay with me… *calls 911*

Jake: *jake wakes up a little* I’m f-fine— rich I’ll be fine— *passes out again*

Rich: *screams to 911* GOD FUCKING DAMNIT HELP ME *starts sobbing over jake*

(Health vehicle people arrive)

Heath vehicle people: ugh u agian. Get him in the heath vehicle u are not coming

Rich: *slowly pulls out gun* do You wanna be the next one in the health vehicle?

Health vehicle people: OK YOU CAN COME JEEZ…

Healthy health people: *fix jake*

29 hours later

Jake: *jake awake* rich-?

Rich: *jumps-ish onto jake* I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD *happy sobs*

Jake: oW- *hugs rich weakly sksksk* I told you I’d be okay— *haha weak laugh*

Rich: *hugs tightly telling Jake jokes*

Jake: you’re so small and perfect… *boops Richard Goranski Bc that’s the tea*

Rich: *crosses eyes for a moment and blushes* your perfect too

Jake: I wanna sleep—- *woah Jake falls asleep*

Wreck it Ralph thanos hobo guy: *fortnite dances in* hey kids want a beverage *gives rich a “perfectly normal” drink* I’m a healthy health bro so you can trust me ok bye

Rich: ooooo drinks *drinks the drink* wait. This is.

Wreck it Ralph thanos hobo guy: MTN DEW >:)

ACT 3

Rich: *starts screaming and rolling around on the ground and overall dying*

Jake: *screams and wakes up to his bf having a seizure omg* rich?? babe??? bro??? are you okay??? *panic panic panic*

Rich: AWUHHDHXNHRNCJDBJSNWKDNEONCIENXLWNDOCNEKCNIENCJDBDJSMLAHHBSHHhHHhHHHhhhhh *rolls around holding head* H-HELP JAKE HELP…!.! A..A.AJHhh d9g xhdhxudnkshJHHJDHDBIDNRIEW

Jake: rich- Richard what’s wrong?? Tell me please- talk to me— what’s wrong-

Wreck it Ralph thanos hobo guy: *yeets himself out the window*

Rich: *stops screaming* hhh….* turns to jake crying and sweating* i-its back jake… it’s back.. *has a panic attack and moves closer to jake* j-jake it’s b-back *keeps crying*

Jake: rich- rich come here- it’s going to be alright- I love you babe- *kisses rich on the top of his head bc our boy*

Rich: *cuddles up to jake still sobbing a bit and shaking*

Squip(dark Kermit): OK first order of buisness. Ditch this goon.

Rich: WH-what!! Never!! *still sobbing and holds onto jake tightly*

Jake: *hugs onto rich tightly* it’ll be okay—- I’m here— you’re okay-

Dark Kermit: disgusting. You seriously want this… thing? Nah- go for… chloe?

Rich: n-no!!! He'th amazing!!!

Dark Kermit: mutters- optic nerve blocking on- fine. We’ll have to do this the hard way.

Rich: j-JAKE!! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH JAKE!!

Jake: Rich? Why’re you yelling- it’s okay-

Dark Kermit: STOP WITH THE LISP! Jesus… you’re such a bad person.

Rich: *sobs* i-im not that bad…

Dark Kermit: why would this hooligan hang around you if you aren’t bad

Rich: HE'TH BEAUTIFUL!!

Dark Kermit: yeah, just like you right?

Rich: … *silently crys* i-im not- not that bad……… im not b-bad..

Dark Kermit: your terrible. The lisp make you worse. And this whippersnapper. He makes you terrible. Cut him off

Jake: rICH? RICH THIS ISN’T FUNNY. TALK TO ME-

Rich: WAIT WHERE DID JAKE GO- JAKE WHERE ARE YOU!! WHAT HAPPENED!! JAKE DON’T LEAVE ME PLEASE….. don’t leave me alone….

Jake: *hugs rich* I’m right here— I’m here-

Dark Kermit: ew push him off you

Rich: I-i can feel you i just can’t thee you… Kermit heth…. I can’t thee you please….. just…. *sobs*

Jake: I’m here- that’s all that matters- I’m here- it’s okay *all the kisses* lemme call up my homie Michael *calls up his homie michael*

Michael: yeah sup

Jake: I need mtn dew red

Michael: yeah come to my house

Jake: why

Michael: I’m comfortable

Jake: fine

Rich: d-don’t leave me!!!!! *moves around trying to find jake* don’t leave me!! *tears up*

Jake: I’m going to pick you up, okay babe? *bOOM picks up rich bridal style bc owo* *runs on over to his homie Michael’s house* MICHAELLLLL

Michael: I’m in my room, bitch

Rich: *clings onto jake*

Dark Kermit: ok I’m back from japan and my spa. What’s been happ- OH MY GOD YOURE IN THHE PRESENCE OF TWO LOSERS! GET OUT OF THERE.

Jake: *runs to our homie michaels room*

Dark Kermit: im done *starts to take control of rich’s legs

Rich: *clings onto jake tighter* he’s gonna t-take control *starts moving legs trying to get up* j-jAKE DON’T LET ME GO WHATEVER YOU DO WHATEVER I SAY DON’T LET GO OF ME *clings tighter*

Jake: *hugs rich tighter sksksk*

Dark kermit: jfc this is boring uh—- *makes rich punch Jake in the nose* thereee

Jake: *gasp-* ow— oW *cries*

Rich: I’M SORRY *sobs* I DIDN’T MEAN TO *sobs a lot and clings onto jake v tightly* PLEASE DON’T LET ME GO…. u-unless I hurt you agian…. I don’t want y-you getting hurt *v sob v sad*

Dark Kermit: *makes rich kick Jake in the ribs bc this is the tea* hah hah hah

Jake: ooWwww *drops rich and doubles over bc ow pain*

Michael’s first mom: Michael your friends are here!

Michael’s second mom: Michael your friends are fighting!

Rich: I-IM SO SORRY I-

Dark Kermit: *makes rich y’all ooo the tea*

“Rich”: I hate you ew you’re gross go die

Jake: rich??? that- that’s mean…

Michael: CAN YOU GUYS KEEP IT DOWN IM TRYNA FIND THE MTN DEW— AND WATCH HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL

Rich: i- I didn’t mean it it was the squip I swear!!!!! Please just find the mtn dew.. I can’t hurt you anymore…. *single tear*

Dark Kermit: mmm nahhh

“Rich”: just leave omg I’m lying to you. I’ve always hated you, douche. Go die—

Jake: riCHARD!

Michael’s mom pt. 1: Michael who do you hang out with?!

Michael’s mom pt. 2: Do we need to have a talk??

Michael: CAN EVERYONE SHUT UP?!

Rich: i…. i

Dark Kermit: you’re so bad at this

“Rich”: just leave. Leave!!

Michael’s moms pts 1&2: this is like a soap opera omg

Michael: Jesus why is my room a mess..-

Jake: rich please stop…

Rich: I’M TRYING!! *sobs* HE'TH TAKING OVER…

Michael: bAM FOUND IT *michael makes an entrance dododo* here— *shoves that tasty mtn dew red down Rich’s throat*

Jake: riCH?

Rich: *still sobbing* he- he'th gone…. *hugs jake* I’M SO SORRY… ALL OF THAT WAS NOT TRUE I-I DON’T KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME

Jake: it’s okay… it’s okay… I’m here… *hugs rich bc he deserves all the hugs*

Michael: can you guys get out of my house bc jere is coming over—

Jake: jfc *picks up rich and kisses his nose uwu* lets go babe

ACT 4

Rich: *holds onto jake* thanks for that… you know.. getting rid of the squip and all for me *kisses Jake bc he is a hero*

Jenna: *has filmed entire thing from ACT 1 to act 3* heh heh heh heh >:)

Jake: I love you so much babe- *all the kisses sksksksksk*

Jenna: *still filming all this hot tea*

Rich: I love u to :) *so much of the kisses*

Jenna: *stops film* YO GAYS

Rich: *turns around* thit-

Jake: oh- um- *lets go of rich* hiii jennaaaaa———

Jenna: look what i got *holds up camera*

Rich: no no no no no no no it’s not what it looks like…

Jenna: OK so I’ll go tell Madeline Jake is single then ok?

Rich: —————–JAKE IS MINE

Jake: Jenna, what’re you going to do with that recording? *hugs rich bc iconic*

Jenna: oh idk, defiantly NOT show the school… yeah! Because I want to not be cool. Sure…. NO. I am showing EVERYONE!!

Rich: *hides behind Jake scared*

Jake: J-Jenna! You wouldn’t do that- right?? Right??

Jenna: Yes I would! In fact, I already shared it with clohe, Brooke, and Madeline! They will share will share with evreyone else since they are v popular.

Rich: *continues hiding behind jake*

Jake: *hugs rich close to himself*

Chloe: *screeches and jumps outta tree* oH MY GOD!!! THAT IS SO GAY!

Rich: *hugs Jake sobbing* why do we have to c-come out by gossip…

Jake: *rubs Rich’s back* it’ll be okay, babe. I’m here… *kisses Rich’s head bc my sons*

Jenna: this will be the talk of the school tomorrow! I can’t wait!

Rich: i-i don’t wanna be cool anymore… *hugs Jake tighter*

Jake: shhh… it’s okay…

WOW LOOK THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL

Bully McGee: *slides on over to Rich’s dms and life tbh* hey gay. you’re gay. haha dummy

Rich: ……. *moves closer to jake*

Jake: *punches bully mcgee* go away.

Jenna: oh it’s my second favorite gays! How are you two?

Rich:(sarcasm alert) oh you know, bullied here, getting called a faggot there. Good times, good times. *leans on Jake*

Jake: *kisses rich on the nose* Stop being so angry *laughs*

Madeline: *stomps on over to jakey d and rich* jAKE. HOW COULD YOU DATE ME, AND THEN JUST THINK YOU CAN CONVERT TO A FAG? I CANT UNDERSTAND YOU.

Jake: Madeline- calm down-

Madeline: NO. I WILL NOT. YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME. *sLAPS JAKE BC TEA* *sassily walks away*

Jake: *cries* I didnt mean to hurt anyone…

ACT 5

Rich: thes a bitch jake, don’t let that get to you *hugs jake* if it makes you feel any better, you know I love you *smiles*

Jake: mhm… *digs his face into Rich’s hair bc wow*

Hobo’s cousin: hey bitches it’s me 😏 who wants a nice quality tic tac

Rich: no thanks I’m good

Jake: idk gimme one *inhales a tic tac*

Hobos cousin: oh yeah take mtn dew *shoves it down jake’s throat*

Jake: *intense screaming*

Rich: JAKE ARE YOU OK *holds jake*

Jake: rich- babe- th-there’s a man behind you— he’s— scary— *cuddles into rich* rich I’m scared— what happened???

Live action squidward (SQUIP): why the fuck is this short little asshole touching you ew

Jake: uH?

Rich: *holds Jake tighter bc he’s special* i-its ok dude…i think it’s a thquip…

Jake: *sobs into Rich’s shoulder* I want it to be gone- it’s- it’s scary- and mean-

Squidward: ew you make me want to poop

Jake: *screaming*

Jenna: wow this is tea *films Jake literally dying*

Rich: *plays with his hair to calm him down* i-its ok bro it’s fine I got u man… (in his head: THIS IS NOT FINE)

Jake: *sits on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest* rich— I’m scared—

Squidward: hi I’m a robot beeply booply

Rich: Its ok bb i got u.. *sits next to Jake pulling him closer*

Squidward: what does this fag think he’s doing. Get him away he might give you rabies

Jake: *hugs into rich* go away squidward—

Squidward: *makes Jake push rich away* there you go

“Jake”: what am I doing? I should be with Madeline

Rich: w-what…?

Squidward: hehehheheh

“Jake”: yeah! YOU DO realize no one likes you right? You just a flat out loser. I can’t belive I Dated you

Rich: n-no… it’s the thquip… *starts to cry*

“Jake”: no, this is just me. Plain. Old. Jake.

Squidward: nice job me! Well thank you me

Jake: rich I- *BAM the squip shuts off his vocal chords bc omg tea*

Squidward: I am just so good at this

Rich: you what….

Squidward: heh heh heh

“Jake”: I hate you.

Rich: o-oh yeah cool….. *looks away crying*

Jake: *starts sobbing and hugs rich*

Squidward: hehehe 😎😎

Rich: t-thorry for being alive….

Squidward: look what you did to your friend. You’re such an asshole

Jake: *intense sobbing and shaking*

“Jake”: you should be sorry. you’re the ugliest, stupidest, worst person I’ve ever met. your short and you have a lisp which is ugly af

Rich: F-FINE I N-NEVER LIKED U ANYWAYS… *runs to Jake’s house sobbing and shaking*

Squidward: *BAM wow look Jake can talk again*

Jake: RICH WAIT- *sONIC RUNS AFTER RICH* RICH STOP I DIDN’T MEAN IT- IT WASN’T ME-

[kyohiba]

yi city trio swords spirits au

BUT IMAGINE XXCS SWORD N XYS SWORD???

May 25 FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

IM IN

i love those weapons having a soul and personality stuff 💯💯💯

lmao... what xxc's sword felt when he stabbed sl... :^)

yeeting patriarch WILL WE EVER GET OVER YI CITY ARC? NON

oOOOH NOOOOOOO I HADNT THOT OF THT

wow yi city is just angst on angst on angst no matter how u look at it

ssyifpfff🌙 imagine xxc sword all those years under xys care

May 25 me, as usual: How About Some Painnn? (in the history of japan video)

yeeting patriarch VOICE*

LMAO

ssyifpfff🌙 me: some happy bakery, no pain pls you: how about i do... anuwayyy~~

May 25 i basically throw the flour and eggs on the wall and unleash my Suffering Sword to attacc

but im Crying at how xxc's sword mustve felt about It All

HNNNNNN IMAGINE... XY'S SWORD BEING MORE... A REFLECTION OF HIS TRUE DEEPEST FEELINGS

yeeting patriarch NYEEHAW

ssyifpfff🌙 XYS SWORD WANTING TO INTERACT W XXCS

May 25 ssyifpfff🌙 cant rmmbr their names lmao

May 25 yeeting patriarch BUT XXC'S SWORD REFUSING HIM BECAUSE OF WHAT HIS MASTER DID

ssyifpfff🌙 also did xy use more xxcs sword thn his own?? how did xys sword feel abt tht? :(

May 25 me, a furry: imagine xy's sword having cat features

yeeting patriarch SADDDDDDDD

woke

ssyifpfff🌙 xys sword is his fursona send tweet

May 25 im imagining xy's sword to be just a sad boi

yeeting patriarch JGEMEODIGEBLEOSYBEKEPSYVELDO YELL

SAD CAT SWORD

n its funny bc the meaning of its name is like "ro bring destruction" or something and the sword itself is just. sad

"master pls dont kill those p- oh no"

ssyifpfff🌙 "master pls dont fight w daozhang- oh dang"

May 25 yeeting patriarch *ears down sadly* master........

ssyifpfff🌙 xys swrod seein xue yang fall apart after xxc dies.................

May 25 yeeting patriarch HEEHEE

ssyifpfff🌙 xxc sword seein it too n Realizing

May 25 yeeting patriarch imagine if xxc's sword's personality is kinda the opposite of his

ssyifpfff🌙 xxc sword is just a big bastard lmao

May 25 yeeting patriarch IM LIVING FOR IT

like... he takes soooooooo long to Understand & Realize how xy truly feels

since the boy is a mess it is indeed hard to figure out if u dont pay attention to the details

yeeting patriarch and he also takes too long to notice the sadness xy's sword carries (openly, in his master's place)

hes so blinded by anger for so long

yeeting patriarch fukc i wanna remember the swords names

hold on

xxcs is Shuanghua

ssyifpfff🌙 and xys is Jiangzai

May 25 saved for future reference due to bad memory

shuanghua and jiangzai...

what about song lan's?

me: *makes it poly even with the swords*

yeeting patriarch i cnat resist

song lans has such a pretty name, its Fuxue

ssyifpfff🌙 and it means To brush away snow

May 25 fuxue... cute

yeeting patriarch i love the meanings

ssyifpfff🌙 fuxue is the glue tht keeps Shuanghua from assassinating jiangzai

May 25 yeeting patriarch IFEBKSUZGJEOZYIS FAVE

ssyifpfff🌙 fuxue is the voice of reason uwu

May 25 yeeting patriarch lmao unexpectedly but expectedly we suddenly started a sword au

ssyifpfff🌙 we cant help ourselves uwuwuw

May 25 fuxue's personality... how can he be like

jiangzai is sad kitten

shuanghua is angery bastard

yeeting patriarch we need something that mirrors song lan

song lan is like very low key, mayb his sword is super extravagant

omg mayb his sword is a wise drunk

ssyifpfff🌙 fuxue: *downs a bottle of wine* reality is a social concept

May 25 IGRNSOXYGEMSLDYKS IM YELLING

this is funny but i need Angst

yeeting patriarch not even their swords escape my paws

tht why fuxue is the voice of reason, when Shuanghua is blinded by hate towards jiangzai n its master fuxue has to come in like *rafiki voice* "no..... look Harder"

ssyifpfff🌙 but fuxue cant always be all brains n reason, i suppose it feels complicated towards Shuanghua bc well....................

May 25 yeeting patriarch bc he fucken pierced his master

ssyifpfff🌙 right

May 25 idk how to explain myself i have 2 braincells but. i picture fuxue w the kinda personality tht just accepts what happens ans Sees deeper but at the same time feels a lot, so fuxue must feel strange bein around 2 swords tht hurt song lan.... bc jiangzai cut song lans tongue lmao

ssyifpfff🌙 wow im stanning fuxue out of nowhere in this chillis tonite

May 25 HV3NSIDYVENLSUSGJW IM LOVING THIS

yeeting patriarch im a jiangzai stan bc how could I not

yeeting patriarch but i see ur point and love it...

fuxue Understands what they didnt isnt exactly their fault but he cant help that complicated feeling

and upon seeing the Extremes each are, he Has To be the voice of reasonm ?*

yeeting patriarch jiangzai im so sorry i turned u into big depresso

YESS he sees tht neither of the other two have the emotional maturity to try and move forward so he has to push down whatever way he feels and Be tht mature sword

it makes sm sense for jiangzai to be Depresso Esspresso

and it makes sm sense for Shuanghua to be a repressed bastard

ssyifpfff🌙 from like, everything xxc respressed thru the years

May 25 RIGHT

yeeting patriarch it reminded me of what wuxian had said about wen ning

RIGHT???

ssyifpfff🌙 not sure how swords work but i assume they have some deep connection w their masters souls? isk

May 25 yeeting patriarch well it's such a magical word so i suppose the weapons do have some sort of connection to their masters cores

yeeting patriarch ANYWYA, THE SCENARIO:

yeeting patriarch imagine one day shuanghua losing it... worse than usual... and snapping at jiangzai and he is like head hung low during mostly the entire thing but then he suddenly interrupts both shuanghua and fuxue (who was trying to make shuanghua stop) and yells. for some reason i picture jiangzai being soft spoken and quiet. and he yells at them "I DIDN'T WANT TO DO ANY OF THAT! BUT MY MASTER... HE... HE..." then the explosion kinda dies out and he continues "neither did he want it, but he didn't understand it..."

JIANGZAI DESPERATE FOR OTHERS TO SEE THT HIS MASTER NEEDS EMOTIONLA SUPPORT

ssyifpfff🌙 xue yang @ jiangzai: 'mam thts my emotional support cat sword

May 25 fuxue prob stays silent and evaluates the situation and shuanghua wants to storm out (can he?? can the swords just leave?? lmao)

n after a while fuxue goes to talk w jiangzai and asks him to explain everything he can abt xue yang

ssyifpfff🌙 "we're all under his care now, he need to know him" (this would b during tht time xue yang kept song lan as a fierce corpse

May 25 i imagine the swords selves being like... spiritual? to humans, ofc. but they can touch, hit and etc each other

and i guess they could "leave" within a determined space? as long they arent being used in battle

yeeting patriarch like if they're inside a building they can go to other rooms

yeeting patriarch im sobbing so much at the thought of jiangzai explaining to fuxue what he can about xue yang. parts of xue yang the man himself doesnt know how to face and understand

ssyifpfff🌙 but jiangzai Knows bc hes connected to xue yangs core........... im weak

May 25 ssyifpfff🌙 and fuxue sees tht jiangzai is sincere when he says xue yang didnt really want to do all tht he just felt he had to other path to walk, no second chances

May 25 he explains bits of xue yang's past and how the incidents that occurred during his early years shaped him into being that way

yeeting patriarch that they worsened his nature

and that mostly of all xue yang didn't know how to face his emotions with sincerity. because he couldn't understand the essence of some things for not having properly experienced them when he was growing. that at this point, his self was already too hardened

and how much it saddens jiangzai

yeeting patriarch most of all he explains he does not excuse his master's actions, but he does understand why he does things in his messed up way

jiangzai goodest boy

im sure fuxue would at least try to understand, like at least he ha sthe interest in learning abt their new keeper

ssyifpfff🌙 but shuanghua would take far longer

24h 24 hours ago yeeting patriarch fuxue: adapt to survive

since it was xue yangs actions tht led to xxc to stab himself w his own sword

ssyifpfff🌙 shuanghua must have a lot of guilt somehow even tho its not his fault

24h 24 hours ago yeeting patriarch he directs it all into jiangzai since he cant... yell at xue yang

it was so much harder for make him see deeper into the factors

yeeting patriarch took so much longer for him TO START to let some stuff in and analyze it

that's why mostly jiangzai just... accepts shuanghua's outbursts? he feels responsible for his master's actions even though he has no power nor influence over him

yeeting patriarch but that one day he yelled the boi was going thru so much accumulated shit so he exploded back

got shuanghua all shooketh

shuanghuas wig flew

mabybe he was sneaky listening to fuxue n jiangzai talking

ssyifpfff🌙 and at first even if he cant bring himself to even have a smallest bit of sympathy towards xy, at least he can start to see tht his masters actions were beyond jiangzai, and he couldnt do anything abt them

24h 24 hours ago yeeting patriarch lmao he surely sneakily listened to the talk the other two had

yeeting patriarch he starts to soften bit by bit, slowly, towards jiangzai

SOFT IDEA FOR SOME WARMTH

yeeting patriarch what if the swords "spirits" can interact with animals?

[riddlebot]

okay taz fucking liveblog all in one post under the cut so no spoilers happen here we goooo

i’m listening to it w/o downloading it first which is gonna mean my internet is going to be SO SLOW but its worth it i cant believe he fucking ended it on episode 69 griffin is a monster i just realized this shit is 3 hours long and cuts right through lunch so i know imma be on my way out to eat a bunch of twinkies in about an hour in to the episodes thank YOU griffin mcelroy, this podcast got me out of the most horrible depressive episode (along with the fallout 4 monster factories) and i love it so much. shut ur face you wonderful boy.

okay okay okay okay okay okay im not ready its about to start i’m not ready here we go

FUCK IT UP DAVENPORT YOU WILD BITCH THE GREATEST STARSHIP CAPTAIN THAT EVER LIVED im literally already crying this music is so good also is it greg grimauldis oh wait no its john hi john!!! you goopy boy oh no he’s bad blast him boys blast him boys 

“it’s just one guy shouldn’t be an issue” “it’s a nice suit tho”  “i stole your cousins shoes” TAAKO “if you’re mad about it direct it at that man over there” “i’m wearing the shoes” “CAN YOU GIVE US A MINUTE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT SHOES”

griffin’s excited dm voice mixed with this fucking awesome music “LETS ROLL INITIATIVE” djaklfjkl;asdjfkljlKJALKJFLKDAJLFJDALKJFLKJL;J

merle starting out strong with healing for once i’m so proud of him and maxes them the fuck out NICE MERLE “the first death, who knew it would be so painful” “hey merle i know i give you shit - thanks for healing!” “oh! ‘s good to be appreciated” MERLE BB

i wonder if garyl will make an appearance in this 3 hour episode bc i miss him a lot

GO MERLE WITH THE CIRCLE OF KNIVES AND HURT nat 20 on the swing “yeah sorry trav i’m SO good at magic” jesus trav with the the fucking 6 attacks what the fuck  “where was i at? 92-” “fuck off” john hitting them w/ the fus ro knife  if john gets ahold of that sword i s2g magnus you should have held onto it OH FUCK OH FUCK GRIFFIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING griffin u are describing the sexiest tar monster hello new fav enemy like hi johns fucking tarsona  “ultimate john!” “demi john-” “sephajohn”

i saw justins tweet about them dying i swear to god griffin mcelroy griffin sounds way too delighted to be describing merle feeling back fire burn inside him EXCUSE ME DEATH SAVES FOR MERLE ALREADY bangs my head on a table they are rolling so bad oh my god they’re all gonna die taako you beautiful flip wizard thank god you avoided that  “regular non magical amount of fear” taako HIT EM ABRA CA FUCK YOU IM CRYING AHHH THATS MY BOYYYYYY clutches my chest merle please please please get a success  NOOOOOOOO MERLE COME ON BUDDY PULL THROUGH if merle dies i die

rip blue orb and also fuck you  magnus has so many weapons okay john weird face beam thats p cool “hey! my armor, finally works”

i wonder where griffin got the inspo with this boss fight, his boss fights are always so interesting? like the orbs and stuff are such an interesting concept imo TAAKO IS OUT TOO WHAT THE FUCK THEY’RE ALL GONNA DIE AND JOHN JUST HEALED WHAT THE FUCK GRIFFIN THEY CANT DO THIS they’re all fucking out oh my god whats happening i cant i’m gonna cry this is horrible  i’m gonna puke griffin what the FUCK who is merle gonna choose  its PAN god thats so gay merle/pan otp rip my soul IM ALWAYS GONNA BE THERE FROM NOW ON FJALDFJKLSDAJFLJASLDFJLASJF I LOVE PAN SO MUCH im fucking sobbing

TROOOOOOOOTHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHH THATS MY MOOOOOM

puts my chin in my hands time for taakos bond huh YES YES YES YES YES YESY ES TAAKO  LIGHT ‘EM THE FUCK UP THIS IS SO AWESOME HE IS FUCKING DOING PHARAH’S ULT I’M SCREAMING I CAN NOT

why didnt they destroy the green orb first god boys please clint is such a cute dad  let him summon garfield!!! i love griffin refusing to describe garfield  “i cant handle that emotionally”  FREE SAMPLES i’ll put it on your taaaaaaaaab

ROSWELL ROSWELL ROSWELL ROSWELL  roswell’s music swelling is making my heart hurt roswell is so pure

i swear to god taako who are you about to fucking call TAAKO YOU ARE SO DUMB I LOVE YOU SO MUCH “you’re all double blind!”

this fight has gone on for an entire hour aldfkjladjf;sjfl;djaflkdja;fd

merle is so good this episode god this music is beautiful 

“wait before you go do you see the mask i made that looks like a bear face?” ME TOO MAGNUS NO THE BOND ENGINE 

THE BOY S IM CRYING THEYRE ALL HOLDING ON TO EACH OTHER AND IM FJADLKFJLKADJFKLJDS IM SCRYIN SO MUCH IM FUCKING SCREAMAING AND SOBBING OH MGY DO AHHHHHH i literally am crying so much my eyes burn

“you got it buddy” f uck my heart

what happened to davenport ajldfkjakldjflk the ship ATE HIM

as soon as time froze i was like istus is here yall

taako what are you doing bb KLAAAAAARRRRG THEY’RE WINNING taako oh my GOD

pls save lucretia 

YOURE GOING TO BE AMAZING

how is there still a fucking hour left of this episode oh my god

RIDING ON GARYL’S BACK WOOOO YEAH FUCK IT UP

im crying again this is so much oh my god i literally dont know im so emotional i buried myf ace in my hands and sobbed this fucking podcast is so much

awww scuttlebuddy why are in the rockport limited omg  “just like you left it” griffin they left it destroyed “i’m not god” “thats exactly what god would say” “mhm” “mhm” what is going on my head hurts lajdflkajdflsj;f “i’m so proud of how you turned out” “thank you jeffandrew”  “i’m getting a migraine” god me too

oh thank god davenport is okay JEFFANDREWWWW they’re so dumb

“hey everybody! johann was right! WE WON!” i’m a fucking wreck and THERE IS STILL AN HOUR LEFT WHAT THE FUCK im legit sobbing over dryad lesbians did he say mayor cassidy oh my GOD angus is my fucking smart and perfect son AND HE’S GOT SO MANY FRIENDS AND HE PLAYS SOCCERA FJALDKFJALSJFLAJF IM CRYING davenport made me start giggling and sobbing at the same time LUP AND BARRY ARE FUCKING GRIM REAPERS NOW FUCK YEAH BARRY AND LUP AHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHH AHHHH AHHHHH AHHHHH AHH IM SOBBING AGAIN still 50 minutes left how?????  “i think you forgot to make it taste good” “it’s kinda artisanal-” “you’re full of dog shit sometimes y’know?” “that’s what it is, i put dog shit in it” what part of that sounded like i was joking JUSTIN taako’s hogwarts  “students in my school have to duel constantly” ITS MAGICALLY DELICIOUS  ren is perfect and i am dead “i should mention my boyfriend is death and he’ll be staying over from time to time” AHHHHHHHHHHH taako you’re GOING ON VACATION TO THE AFTERLIFE JAKLFJDA;LFJAS i hope someone draws taako on a beach chair in trunks next to a pool of souls “i promise not to take you anywhere too spooky” “you know what? i’m a big boy” “i know you are” BIG TALL BOY ANGUS AJDFKLJALDF;ASFJ HE’S GROWING UP I CANT “i’ll have my people talk to your people sir!” “you changed my life” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH “i know about silverware” this boy is too smart for all of us

i love merle with my whole entire heart i can hardly stand it merle basically started adventure camp thats adorable  i wish clint mcelroy was my dad he’s so adorable and sweet and funny and good i’m having a moment help me i am like weirdly fond of lord sterling  magnus and taako constantly try to get in touch with merle but he’s too much of a dad to ever realize it i’m SCREAMING earl merle  I LO VE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH HE’S SO SILLY merlegaritaville  VINE LOVERS HE NEEDS TO STOP merle i love you “mookie’s the BEST” they all love the best npcs AUNT LUP AND AUNT LUCRETIA AND UNCLE MAGNUS AND UNCLE TAAKO AND UNCLE BARRY FUCK THIS IS SO EMOTIONAL IM GONNA BE SICK NO I DIE

my eyes have not stopped leaking since the episode started  oh my god this fucking episode ends on a lesbian WEDDING GRIFFIN MCELROYYYYYYYY im going to DIE im gonna D IE IM GONNA DIE “if you all excuse me i- have to shit” JKLFDSAJKL;FJADL;FJL;SJL;FASD hammer and tails (a dog school)

okay holds up a hand griffin fuck off with this death shit excuse me travis i heard you break up a little there and literally cant handle a second of this THIS IS DISGUSTING AND SAD FUCK WHAT THE FUCK im sobbing so loudly fuck im glad i’m home alone fuck i cant breathe oh my god im gonna throw up i already know where this is going  thank god they’re all friends with death i caNT TRAVIS IF UR CRYING I SWEAR TO GOD I’M GOING TO DIE i cant take this  its so emotional im literally leaving my body FUCK “you lived so much longer than i thought you were going to” GIRL SAME griffin literally descended from heaven to give underdeveloped characters some personality when no one else would  god i need to fucking blow my nose  “he said he was a cleric but we can never be sure” as magnus rushes in GRIFFIN MCELROY fuck that was SO GOOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODY fuck i CANT BELIEVE WE GET THEIR FUCKING WEDDING IN CANON GRIFFIN YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN THIS MUSIC IM HYPERVENTILATING AJFKDAJDLFJALDJF AHHH

i’m light headed 

god this is beautiful thank you griffin thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you so much 

that was the ending you earned

ooo this music is cool. fisher!!! where are you and junior off to huh

god...what an adventure this has been. what an amazing end. it was beautiful. thank you, boys.