#im in a special hell for attention seekers

[hungryhyena]

finished 1 piece im really proud of. gotta finish the paired piece before i can post it. finished 1 piece im really proud of. gotta actually print it before i can post it. finished 1 piece im really proud of. gotta wait for good lighting before i can post it

[hanasnx]

I got something for you, Magic Mike Anakin

oh?????

oh really?????

alright so i’ve seen both magic mikes and i gotta say i like the second one better just cos its about men exploring positive masculinity and pursuing their passions for fun instead of profit. also “the kid” annoyed the hell out of me, so did his sister. and ill be honest amber heard’s character in xxl annoyed me too :/ its a give and take really.

i did like XXL a lot because of that groom scene?? hello??? it was with “big dick richie” and it was the only dance that made me have a physical reaction. i was so skdjksjd heres the link

☥ its so very anakin coded to me for some reason. like he’d totally lean in to say something naughty in your ear after you were just “married” and brings you to the stage.

picks you up and hooks his arm under your legs effortlessly

sit you down into the sex swing. chain up your legs. whipping his tie around like he would actually whip you with it given the chance.

picking himself up like that using the bars and pretending to fuck your face. hanging upside down to shake his hair out over your crotch and tickle in between your legs.

☥ this scene had so much good energy to me it looked so fun and juxtaposed the idea of you either get one or the other when you marry— you get a gentleman that marries you and treats you right, and a freak that treats you like the slut you are when its time to consummate the marriage. very anakin

☥ i know ive talked about anakins character not being very sexual unless hes with a person he really likes, but who says this dance cant be between him and you aka his lover?

also i love the idea of a demisexual stripper that just shatters a harmful stereotype “if youre a stripper you must love sex right?” “im basically asexual” “oh” sumn about it scratches my brain

☥ anakin running around with his 501st crew to dance for fun and have beach parties and compete in a drag bar for cash bcos you only live once. he’d definitely be the thrill seeker of the group and the guy that does the most stunts just cos he can. like sets up the stage to like do a bunch of flips through hoops of fire ?? he has no sense of self preservation!! hes doing it!

☥ the way he’d be able to move his hips skfjddsfklj plsss. hed be so fluid and we all know hes already jacked. one of his hobbies is def working out and dancing like this requires a lot of work and training!

☥ not to mention those hips would be amazing in bed,,,,, aye yai yai. he’d push and pull and direct you and position you like a rag doll— hit spots inside you you never thought possible. make you clutch the sheets and drool all over yourself.

☥ he’d revel in the attention tbfh he loves making ladies feel special

☥ he’s probably a fan favorite just because of his personality. also theres a big air of mystery surrounding his scar that only adds to his sex appeal

☥ eeee imagine him flirting with you after the event like “you like what you see? interested in a private show?” he’d be such a tease

☥ he honestly would use any excuse to wear less clothes

[pokeheros-drama]

"Goldie Bear be like: "People dont think im special?" Hell no, you just some regular person with problems."

They're so vain and attention seeker. Most likely don't have a life outside ph and wanna be 'special' online.

[onyxolay]

Hey so I’m taking a slight brake From the Monster memory series/Fic to give y’all some well deserved Archie x Calvin fluff stuff! So to y’all that like this ship, Here ya go!

Okay so; Before we begin this story takes place back when Archie was king, Just letting y’all know.

As the Arch-illager Sat on his throne the Orb was stood up next to him, “you know.. that Calvin is becoming A…” “A what?” Archie responded confused, the Sentence from the orb came out of know where. “A distraction…” Archie whipped his head around fast looking at the Orb. “I beg your Pardon???” “You heard me, You Keep thinking about him And fantasizing about him, And let’s not mention what I saw last night!”

“You’ve been looking through my thought-?!”

“That is Irrelevant to this conversation Arch-illager…My point is I think you should ban him form your court-“ “NO!” Archie spat back, “Calvin is to good! At his job! His looks his personality! He’s-!”

“Ahem…Arch-illager, Who the hell are you Arguing with?”

Archie stood there wide eyed As he looked down at The Evoker who had just caught him arguing with the Orb; it was Walda. “H-how long have you been there?!” “Welllll long enough to hear you talking- sorry, Arguing, with a glowing rock.” Archie looked at her dumbfounded at what she just called the Orb, he(Archie) whispered the Orb: “should I- Shoukd I just execute her..? I mean she did jsut offend you pretty badly there-“ “no..” the orb whispered back, “Keep her…She will he is full down the road…” “but-“ “just trust me…”

“Ahem! Arch-illager your majesty, are you okay?”

“Y-yes I’m fine..you are dismissed!”

Walda leaves and Archie sighs. “So like I said…” “I am NOT Firing Calvin From my court! He is too good at his job! It would be catastrophic to loose him!” “It would he Catastrophic to YOU, if he was gone…” “Well-! No-! I-!” Archie sighed, “he’s just…he’s very important to me..These other Servants, these Slaves, that’s all they are…But Calvin…he’s special…I don’t know why, but he makes me the most proud. He can do almost any job in the palace and always does his Job with pride and enthusiasm that Makes me want to go over and kiss him sometimes..! Ahhh but I don’t know how he feels about me…” “so you have a crush on him…” The orb sounded disappointed at the illager, A little mad even. “Well no- I meant Sort of-! I, I haven’t decided yet!”

“Mmm…” “what’s the matter your highness?“ As The Arch-illager starred down at the floor he lifted his head and teleported to Calvin’s room, Witch at the moment was thankfully empty.

“Ummm your highness?! What are you doing?!”

Archie Walked around a little bit and squealed, finding Calvin’s closet. The Orb watched on confused as it was Sat down on the floor against the wall. “Your majesty! What I’m the world has gotten into you?! I know your an attention seeker but geez!” “I am NOT an attentions seeker..!” He said, Pulling One of Calvin’s Hoodies over his body.

“YOUR HIGHNESS PLEASE STOP UNDRESSING IM WATCHING YOU-“

“THEN STOP WATCHING ME YOU PERVERTED ARTIFACT!!!”

“k” O_O;

Archie also slipped on some of Calvin’s sweat pants and Twirled a bit in them,

And almost fell flat on his face in the process-

“Yep…It’s affirmative…Calvin is your favorite..” the Orb said, Vigorously Fustriaghted. “He is Not!” Archie rebutted, “He is simply More privileged in my view than the rest of these scum bags!” If the Orb could face palm, it would have done it. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” “I don’t know!” Archie jumped on Calvin bed and snuggled up on his favorite throw pillow, Meanwhile the Orb rested against the wall, Still on the floor, From across the room. Questioning its Very existence.

Meanwhile Calvin tiredly walked to his room, Ready to rest from a Very Hard working and stress filled day. He opens up his door witch makes the sound of a Soft creak, As he walks into his room, he almost drops his book When his eyes meet his bed. He blushed A bright pink seeing Archie on his bed. Said Bright pink turned into a crimson Red Seeing Archie with His hoodie and Sweat pants on. Calvin’s eyes looked around again, nervous to make eye contact with Adorable king who was laying in his bed at this very moment.

Archie looks Away and then at Calvin again, “I-I just thought your cloths were w-warm…” Archie was also now blushed a crimson red. Calvin sets his book down on his desk, Taking his coat off and hanging it on his desk chair. Archie went wide eyed for a moment, Blushing more as he wasn’t sure what was really happening. Calvin lays down next to him, Laying his arm on the kings side, Putting the covers on them both. “W-what are you doing Calvin..?” “Mmm…I’m tired..I need to sleep..” Archie giggled and smiled looking into Calvin’s Green eyes. “Hehehe! You look so cute with tired eyes…” Calvin blushed again, Pulling yo his blanket to hide his face, “N-not I’m not…” “oh but you are My dear..! Look at you!” Archie cupped the Enchanters face, to witch Calvin pulls Archie in closer to him, Making Archie’s face now at Calvin’s chest, He(Archie) of coursed blushed Harder at this, Given the very short distance between them.

“Haha…” Calvin chuckled, “what’s wrong your highness..?” Archie Looked up from Calvin’s chest. “N-nothing..! Just- The distance-“ “would you like me to be further away?” “No! I-I’m fine with this… really…” Archie yawned as his eyes slowly Shut. Calvin snuggled him close and Blushed hard, Silently squealing that The king, His crush, His everything, Was in his bed, Wearing his cloths, And Sleeping in his bed. Calvin Eventually Calmed down, Cuddling the small king to sleep…

The next morning, Calvin woke up and Looked at The arch-illager, who was snuggled up closely on his chest. The enchanter softly giggled and Gently got up out of the bed and Got his daily outfit on and headed out, Sneaking a kiss to the head and then scurrying away. Later that day Archies black eyes met Calvin’s Green ones and winked, Clavin blushed and went back to his book while the Arch-illager Chuckled. “Ya know Calvin, About last night…We can do that again if you want!” Archie looked at the enchanter smiling, meanwhile Calvin blushed greatly with his face covered by the book he was as reading, Imagining all the stuff they could do together all alone like that.

“Hahaha!” The Arch-illager laughed, “Always So shy, How cute!”

“O-oh hush…” =\\\_\\\=

[kpopseregi]

flowergirl. Chapter 2

(credit gif to owners)

link to chap 1 -- ( flowergirl. Chap.1 )

* flowergirl. Chap. 2

Genre : Soulmate AU

Pairing : Yunho X Reader / Woosan / Seongjoong

Warning : none except light curse words. 

Recommended playlist : Talk To Me- Red Velvet

Words : 1.7k+  

                The morning came. Yunho has never been so energized like that in his whole life. Even if it just for a moment, it’s already been a colorful life for Yunho’s. Just imagine if they were together. Ah, what a heaven. *RINGSS RINGSS* (sorry im bad at imitating those alarm clocks TT) Shit, he was running late, Hongjoong gonna spank his sorry ass. (He likes it tho :p) He wear his usual boyfriend’s look, to impress his soulmate, Nana. Speaking of her, he curious about that Wooyoung guy. Was he her’s boyfriend? Please no. He waited for her long enough. Damn it! Another daydreaming. He gasped after looking at his watch and races to the door.

-

                He arrived at Hongjoong’s place in 10 minutes with hope that he is not going to get killed by that tiny boss. Just his luck, Hongjoong was also running late. “Ayy lover boy, come here, I need you to arrange what Hongjoong has extracted 2 months ago.” Mingi smirked. Yunho was flustered. “What lover? You’re wish.” Too late, San has already informed everybody. As expected, Reporter Choi San doing his duty. Well,this is a big news as Yunho never has a girlfriend despite all his friend has one before encountered their respectful soulmate. ‘Saying about being loyal.’ Mingi shrugged. Heck! Even clumsy Mingi had ten and more before he met Aisha. Ehem.... for some experience. Damn, that tall girl already dominated Mingi’s little princess heart with her boyish charm. Blessed with great figure and athletic abilities, Mingi was so damn grateful. Suddenly...

                *BANG*  As they were about to do some work, Hongjoong slammed the door. Poor those big babies almost has mini heart attack. ‘Well,his expressions doesn’t seem that great’ Mingi and Yunho exchanged looks and thinking the same thing. (plot twist:real soulmate -.-). “Do I looks like someone who would cheat to you?!” That tiny man ask both of them. They just shakes their head. “Right!? How the hell he get that idea that I would cheat with my customers? How the hell did he even become my soulmate? Aren’t soulmate SUPPOSED to trust and understand each other? Why the hell this world has this soulmate thingy? I should just live in somebody’s pocket,” Hongjoong rolled his eyes. Then he slammed his workroom door. Poor doors. 

               “I didn’t even know Hongjoong have soulmate?” Yunho asked Mingi. “Well, how the hell you would know? They broke up just before you came on your first day. That’s why Hongjoong was a bit mean when he interviewed you. But don’t worry, deep down, he is a kind man. Damn, I cringed at that.” Mingi and Yunho laughed. “But... aren’t you supposed to stay with your soulmate through thick and thin?” Mingi just sighed. “It’s the couple decision to break up or to stay. But in returns, your heart is the one suffering. So it’s better to treat your soulmate well.” Yunho smiled. “Nice words, clumsy Mingi.” Mingi grinned.

                                  The bell rings to indicate new customer has come in. Yunho was about to greet the customer but the customer has backhugged him. He blinked. “Umm... who are you?” Yunho’s heart started to race, this time it’s not that ‘crush-looking-at-you’ kind but ‘shit-is-that-a-burglar?’ kind. “It’s me bro!” San yelled excitedly. Yunho sighed. “Bro you scared me!” Yunho whined. San actually was on his morning break to grab some coffee after his morning weather forecast news but decided to hang out at Hongjoong”s shop instead. “How’s my big babie Mingi doing?” Mingi popped his head from the store room. “Doing well Sannie! Aisha surprised me with a private event last night for our 2nd anniversary.” Mingi excitedly share his story with a dreamy face. San nods. “And you Yunho?” Yunho sighs. “Hopefully I can meet her today tho.” He pouts. “Where is that exactly?” Yunho just shrugged his shoulders. “I met her at the alleyway that goes straight to P.S flower shop.” San squints his eyes. “Is that what I think I heard? She has connection with Park Seonghwa then?” San mumbled. “What?” Yunho asks in curiosity. “Nothing! Oh, look at the time! Chief Kim gonna search for me, take care guys!” San headed toward the door. Yunho and Mingi just waves to his back.

-

                “Yah Nana, look at meeeee!” Wooyoung stomped his foot. “Shut the f up Wooyoung. You know I can’t even look at myself.” Wooyoung suddenly looked guilty. Yeosang nudged him. “Why the hell you said that?” “Sorry! I’m not used to it!” Wooyoung whisper-yelled at Yeosang. “You know she was sensitive about it right? Even she’s pretending like it was nothing.” Wooyoung just sadly stares at her. Yes, even if she was not perfect, Wooyoung still likes her. “Wooyoung, I know you’re staring at me.” Wooyoung just looked away. “When did I do that? You’re mistaken, sis.” Nana rolled her eyes. “BRO, YOU LITERALLY DID THAT WHEN YOU FEEL SAD OR GUILTY ABOUT SOMETHING, I KNOW YOU LIKE THE BACK OF MY HANDS.” 

                                 Wooyoung was startled. “How did you know that?” Wooyoung asked. “Let’s say I use my other sense better after I lost my eyes. Call that intuition. And bro, we literally grew up together.” Suddenly, Yeosang starts to speak, “If you didn’t butt in someone’s business, you probably can still see us you know.” Wooyoung kicked Yeosang’s legs. “Yeosang-ah, don’t be mean!” “What, I speak the facts only.” Yeosang shrugs. Nana bit her lips. “If you didn’t like befriend with someone who likes to butt in someone’s shit, then don’t.”  She left the table. “Sorry Yeo, but you’re being a dick. Wait Nana!” Wooyoung chases after Nana. “I don’t like to befriend with a stupid whose slow with his love life either.” Yeosang sips his tea.

-

                    Nana arrived at the rooftop of her school. Wooyoung quietly closes the door. “Am I being stupid Wooyoung?” Wooyoung shakes his head, ah, he forgot Nana can’t see him. “Nope, no at all, Nana.” “I didn’t even asked to be blind! I never thought it would backfires on me! If only... “ Nana sobbed. Wooyoung hugged her. “No, Park Nana. You did the right thing. You do know that God help someone who helps other people right?” Nana nodded. “Good, and you know Yeosang didn’t mean what he said right? He just worried like me and Seonghwa after the news. He is the one who panicked the most you know? Saying things such as ‘Wooyoung if something happens to my baby while you’re slow driving right now,you’re dead.’ He cares about you like a lot.” Wooyoung shuddered. 

                   “Okay, I should probably search for him.” Nana seems a bit touched and pulled back. Wooyoung saw the snorts attached to his uniform but didn’t say anything. “Sorry for that Wooyoung, to watching me crying my ugly ass” Wooyoung shakes his head. “As long as my princess happy.” Nana smiled. The nickname he used on her still used till today. Strangely, they’ve never fight. Just annoying here and there, mainly Wooyoung started it tho. This special bond they’ve shared till this day never failed to amazed them. 

-

                  They went back into the class. Other students badmouthing Nana right in front of her as they were jealous with how beautiful and smart Nana is before that accident happens. The badmouthing now has worsen since Nana became blind, saying she’s an attention seeker. And Nana just start loosing her confidence. Before, she would retort to those rumors strongly but now she’s scared they will be worsen and she can’t protect herself if Wooyoung and Yeosang were not around. But when Wooyoung came, they changed their attitude. Yeosang can’t stand this kind of behavior. “Hey you bitch one and bitch two. Stand up.” The girls who were badmouthing Nana stands up instantly. If Nana was a gun, Yeosang was a bazooka. That kid never losing a verbal fight even once in his life. Straight up burn everyone with his words alone.  

                   “Wooyoung and me didn’t fail our last year final exam on purpose and retake this year just to hear you bullying Nana. Your face doesn’t get approved even if you just wished to be our girlfriends. Even a tons of make up and plastic surgeries will not cover your ugliness because that comes from your heart. Yet you call an ulzzang and natural face like her an ugly woman? Apologize.” The girls were speechless and stuttered but before Yeosang could raise his voice, Nana grabbed his arm. “That’s enough, let’s go Yeosangie.” Yeosang just let her drag him away to their seat. Just in time, the teacher came in and the class starts.  “I’m sorry for earlier Yeosangie.” Yeosang just smiled and patted her head.

-

                 After the school ends, Nana went straight up to Seonghwa’s flower shop. She called for her brother, well, no one is answering. But, after a while, her heart started to beat fast. ‘Shit,not this again.’ She quickly went to hide behind the counter. The door’s bell were ringing and someone sounds breathless as if they just ran. ‘Fuck, I’m not ready to meet him yet!’ “You’re here right? And you can feel it too. Please, I’ve been waiting to get to know you..” Nana’s heart just a bit melted by his sweet voice. “Sorry, but I’m not ready to meet you yet. If you were willing, can we just exchanges name for today? We can take it slow.” As long as that is what his soulmate wants, Yunho obligated. Even if he’s already know what was her name. (Doesn’t want to sound like a stalker~) “My name is Jeong Yunho, and I’m waited for 20 years to serve my beautiful soulmate.” He said it so cheesily that Nana starts to blush. “My name is Nana, I’m sorry but I don’t want you to see me in this condition right now. Can you please leave? You can come when I’m stabilized myself tomorrow.” Yunho just confused and agreed with it as he doesn’t want to come off as pushy soulmate in their first meeting. After he left, Nana released her breath. She didn’t even realised she was holding her breath this whole time. But, she kind of wondering, what kind of face does he has? Dog-like? Cat-like? Doesn’t matter, she can’t see them anyways.  

[valdczz]

* alexa demie. she/her. cisfemale. ╱ i am pretty sure i saw celina valdez at manon’s party that night. the twenty-one year old is in their third year at west bridge studyingmass communications. i hear they were at manon’s party because she never misses a party. i wonder if they got the same restricted call as us. will they comply? + getting high between classes, disappearing before things get too complicated, eyes that invite trouble.

heyyyyyyy there, y’all ! my name’s claire, and i’m the bitch who’s always late to the party. but, HEY, at least i made it. ¯\_( ᵔ︠ ͜ʖ ︡ᵔ)_/¯ i’m 20, go by she/her, and i live in the est timezone. i don’t sleep tho, so i’ll be around late into the night tbh. i haven’t been in a rp group in a while, but once i heard that pinky was reopening… BOI I FUCKIN RAN !! i’m posting late as hell because my teachers are tryna KILL ME WITH ALL THIS DAMN HOMEWORK FFSBVHB!!!! but anyway hehe, lemme tell you about celina aka hell on heels but my mf baby.

just some stuff ( tw. mentions of drug & alcohol use )

so let’s just right into it. celina's that girl from school that you’d hear about before you meet. she’s wildt. absolutely nuts. she luvs to do bad shit, and that’s her brand. a total party girl with an attitude, and she’s never a missed a party while at west bridge. 

the funny thing tho is that she’s from a family that wants to keep a particular image, one that’s especially family friendly. she’s the heiress to a toy manufacturing company, but she absolutely has no intentions of taking on the business. she’d rather just spend their money and head on out. however, her parents had other plans for her. they were tired of her behavior, so they gave her an ultimatum  — “get a degree and show us that you can get your shit together, or you can kiss your trust fund goodbye.” she’d scoff at this and say it was unfair, but her parents meant business. so, she packed her backs and ended up at west bridge. 

at first, she’d think that west bridge was too small and too boring, but it didn’t take her long to find her first college party. the cycle was continuous — spend the whole night out, go to class the next day hungover, do the bare minimum to stay afloat, and then repeat. she wasn’t planning on letting her parents ruin her 20′s, so she’d keep up a lie that she was doing well and spending most of her time in her room while actually getting cross faded with some randos in the library bathrooms.

she’s majoring in mass communications with a specialization in advertising. she’s not really interested in it, but she’s doing it nonetheless. she figures it’s too late to switch to something else, and she’s just ready to get the fuck out of school.

when it comes to manon, she viewed her mostly as a rival. people loved manon, worked to be her friend, and she had so many people at her side. whenever celina saw manon, she saw someone who she wanted to be. the rich girl who ran the school. the center of attention, so when she had turned up dead, she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. in her head, sure, it was bad, but manon out of the way, celina could take her place... omg celina is fucked up ... 

one thing is for sure, her parents COULD NOT find out about what happened at the party, and they especially couldn’t find out that she was there or involved. she doesn’t care what it takes. she’ll do anything to keep them from finding out. 

the type of person she is

ok so if anyone remembers jade from the last time pinkyswear was open, celina is basically the complete opposite of that. she’s got a nasty attitude and a taste for chasing fun, whatever she deems that to be. she’s not one to hold her tongue. it can get her into trouble. about as much trouble as her impulsive actions get her in. 

she wants people around her. she wants people to like her. there’s nothing more she wants than for people to be see her as the center of the room. she wants all eyes on her. does that make her self-centered? was it caused by her being the last born in a family of 6 and struggling to stand out in positive ways? she doesn’t care.

when it comes to friends, she’s probably bad at it, especially b/c ppl kept her around for her money in high school. she’s not really upset about that, and in fact, she kinda sees it as normal. if she fucks up, she’ll buy you a new fendi purse or an expensive watch. that’s what people want, right? and if it keeps people coming back, she’ll do what it takes. 

celina’s actually pretty smart, but she’s got an unwillingness to actually apply herself to her academics. she’s def the type of person to know some off the wall fact but if you ask her anything from the lecture she’d just heard, she wouldn’t be able to tell you. mostly b/c she’s too busy on her phone trying to find out where she’s gonna be that night. 

she’s a highkey pleasure seeker. whatever it is that will occupy her time and thoughts and distract her from the bad, she’s completely down.

big ol bisexual ! let’s celebrate everybody ! she’s not really a good person to date tho so she usually keeps it to just casual tingz since she’s not really a tied down type of gal.

she’s just a real big mess bvdhjbdsjc.... and it’s prolly just gotten worse 

her ugly wip pinterest is here

i don’t really have wanted connections as of this moment but i’m sure they will come to me & that’ll be a whole other post of me being ssssttupiiddd but :^) until then, i luv to brainstorm so hmu and let’s pop off about our muses

so yeah dats it for now, pals ! more will come as i develop her and plot with all you lovely ppl so hit me up !! if you like this, i’ll fly to ur ims for plotting n tings ! if ur not into plotting through tumblr, i have discord, and i’m down to give it to anyone who asks !! anyway, i’m so excited write with you all!!! 

[briidunviing-a]

[ May is BPD ( Borderline Personality Disorder ) awareness month, & I wanted to drop this here, for my followers — & whole tumblr — to see. Why am I posting this ( again ), you might ask ? Because yes, I have BPD, & BPD awareness is close to my heart. I’ve had it for at least 10 years in various levels of severity. BPD isn’t the only personality disorder nor mental disorder I have either, & I’m not scared to admit it.

As I said, BPD awareness is important to me. I see myself as an unaffiliated BPD advocate — I educate people on BPD matters, I defend & support fellow survivors. I try to make sure I tell to every single person I plan to become a closer friends with that I have this disorder, & ask them to try to understand me the best they can if my emotions get the best of me. Hell, even I sometimes don’t understand myself. Because of this ( or these ) disorders I have always been more or less misunderstood, & I have never really “fit the norm” how people should behave. I just didn’t understand how emotions work, like many other BPD survivors. I didn’t know how to voice my emotions out in other way than anger or over-reacting, that stems from neglect & trauma I had to endure ever since I was a toddler — that is how I learned to survive in the middle of abuse, that is how I learned to defend myself — by attacking back when I feel threatened, like an abused dog. I am not saying this as an “understand me because I am a special snowflake”, no, everyone should try to understand  each other regardless.

How can you become better at understanding BPD survivors ? By listening. By asking us questions & not second guessing. I dare to say, we survivors actually like to enlighten our disorder to those who are curious & want to  learn, to make people try to understand us better. Educate yourself on the subject — if you have a friend, a family member or anyone close to you that suffers from BPD, or, educate yourself even if you don’t, the more knowledge the better. Knowledge counters stigmas.

Some people are confused what ‘personality disorder’ actually means. In short, it’s as simple as this: personality disorders are disordered  versions of normal & common personality traits. Most people meet at least some kind of symptoms of any personality disorder at healthy levels ( because many traits are normal ), but when these traits become overwhelming & severely disturb one’s functionality in life, then it becomes a problem – a disorder. If you meet the symptoms it doesn’t necessarily mean you actually have a disorder. Many of these traits are fine at healthy levels, but the keyword is “overwhelming” when figuring out if any of the traits are literally disordered, & meet personality disorder criteria. For example, fear of abandonment. I dare to say that nobody wants to be completely alone, humans are social creatures, & the fear of losing someone we care about is completely normal — but when you obsess, get excessively jealous, possessive, & use hundreds worth of money in a month on someone to bribe them so they won’t leave you, that’s when it becomes — you guessed it — overwhelming.

Now to the stigmas. I’m tired of people stigmatizing this disorder, & I want to debunk the following stigmas from a fellow BPD survivor’s perspective. Sometimes we stigmatize without even realizing we’re doing it, which we should try our best to break free from. Stigma 1: We’re not selfish. Being selfish isn’t an inherently evil thing — sometimes it’s good to be healthily selfish, to put yourself first & take care of yourself. I, & many other BPD survivors, have too many things we need to deal with every day, so we might not be the best people to put other people’s needs first as well as someone that isn’t dealing with extreme mood swings that can last from literally 15 seconds to couple of hours. We do care about you, we promise. We just sometimes don’t have the strength to carry both of our burdens. We won’t & shouldn’t sacrifice ourselves, sabotage our own mental well-being, & set ourselves on fire so you’ll stay warm — that is called healthy selfishness. Stigma 2: We’re not manipulative. We’re afraid you’ll abandon us in a blink of an eye, throwing us away like we’re trash, just like we feel everyone else in our lives have. We just don’t know how to voice our excessively strong emotions right without sounding hostile or pushy. We’re not down-right abusive & evil, we don’t mean to be abusive & lash out at you, but what can we do when we’re on the edge all the time, scared, when we’re constantly being tortured by our own minds ? What else can we do than scream from pain ( sometimes unfortunately at you ), if we simply don’t have any other way to cope ? Stigma 3: We’re not attention seekers. Once again, we just might not know how to voice our emotions out early enough before we’ve bottled everything up, then everything just explodes because we become so overwhelmed, & it seems like we’re making the situation a horrible shit storm of drama. Due to the abuse we had suffer, we don’t feel like we’re anything, our self-esteem is extremely low, we just need someone to love us, we crave the validation we were deprived of before. We’re desperately crying out for help, unfortunately most of the time in a very inappropriate & overly dramatic way. Stigma 4: We’re not treatment resistant — from a personal perspective: I thought I was, but my medications are set & suit me — actually I feel so well I’m working on weaning myself off of them. I attend CBT trauma therapy, & have for 2.5 years, & it helps so much. I do not abuse alcohol, drugs, or sex, I am actively combating self harm & suicidal thoughts every single day. I will never be completely cured, but I will get better. There is recovery. Stigma 5: Only thing in this list I can agree with is BPD people being difficult, because being difficult is subjective. We as humans don’t have an “one size fits all” base for our tolerance — all of us tolerate certain things to certain extents. Some tolerate yelling, swearing, & lashing out fairly well, & some don’t tolerate it at all. Neither are inherently wrong.

I am not a monster.

Unless you really know me & we have a mutual understanding between each other you have no right  to even try to determine what kind of a person I am. So many people start to abuse me, hurl drama, & tell how horrible person I am because I’m behaving in a certain way — because I just might not know better. I might not know how else to behave. & I know it’s wrong when I behave badly, I’m not perfect — but neither are you, & you still have no right to verbally abuse me. You have no right to do that to ANYONE.

My disorders do not determine me. My disorders are not ME.

Stigmas just make everything worse, for everyone. These stigmas surrounding us make us BPD survivors AFRAID to admit we have BPD. We are AFRAID to seek for help. We’re AFRAID to even talk about the subject in any way & we keep suffering, feeling alone in this hellhole of a world that might never understand us.

Don’t succumb to the stigma. Don’t be afraid of someone with BPD, because some of us suffer in silence & struggle internally, & some of us voice our emotions out in a very immature way — we’re not all the same. Imagine someone whose most outer layer of skin has been peeled completely off. You are red & raw. Even a soft breeze of wind hurts, even the smallest touch can make anyone scream from pain. That is what BPD emotions are like. We know how we behave is not right, but most of the time we just can’t help it. We learned these ways to behave from trauma — we had to do SOMETHING to survive, & now we are stuck with a certain way of behavior, a survival method that might get triggered by even the smallest things that remind us of the abuse we had to endure. We feel like we are in serious danger & we need to defend ourselves at least somehow. We know how we have learned to survive doesn’t work anymore, some of us are in so much better place than we were before, but we just can’t break free without professional help or dedicated self treatment, such as mindfulness, yoga, betterhelp.com, & meditation.

Not all of our bad behaviors are BPD based, but it’s very likely most of them are. Try to remember, that our bad behaviors stem from intensive pain. You don’t need to understand us & you never fully can unless you’re in our shoes, but just at least try to. Sometimes even trying is more than enough.

We are not perfect. You aren’t perfect either. We all make mistakes, some just more than others. Deep down inside we BPD survivors are just like you, just more sensitive. We are human, we are flawed, & we feel emotions. We are trying our best to be “normal” & not hurt anyone.

To other BPD survivors — there is hope. You’re not a sufferer — you’re a survivor. Someone loves you, & you should love yourself, too.

This has been a PSA. Thank you for reading. Thank you for trying to understand.

Still got some questions left ? Need support from a fellow BPD survivor ? Feel free to IM me. ]

[kimboly27]

People are strange........

I’ve been meaning to get back on here and just say whats on my mind and so im going to start with the interesting world of people and us as humans. Some of this may not make any sense to anyone and thats ok but for me, i like to just talk and see what happens.

But before i get to where i am now with people,i sort of have to go back to where my thoughts on people sort of changed over the years......

November 4th 2011 and i lost my dad in one of the most horrific traffic collisions to happen in the UK. The first 3 to 4 years from that were hell and i can easily admit that. From that day my whole life was turned upside down and changed. Going through court cases,enquiries,the press hunting you down,people either being there for you or not being there at all. Something like that effects people differently. I’ve seen the best in people over the years and I've also seen the worst for whatever reasons. But my attitude to people has changed since then and continues to do so.

With all that going on as well i also went through a real shitty relationship with a right bastard. Im not sorry for saying that either as he really was. He was a narcissistic wanker who took full advantage of me going through some real shit stuff to then being his punching bag. Thankfully only mentally but the damage was done and its taken me a few years to get over such a person who treats another person like shit. When you are one minute made to feel like the most important person in the world to then the shit on the bottom of someones shoe,oh boy does it mess you up. But saying that,the best thing that asshole ever did was end it with me and F off somewhere up north. He will forever be a F up and continue to abuse people/woman because he is just pure evil and will never get help for his many many issues and will NEVER be happy and that tbh makes me happy,but of course i dont think about that waste of breath anymore,but soon it’ll be i think 5 years since he ended it and i got away from all that bs and i could not be happier. Yeah sure i had to start from scratch mentally on myself as that f***er took every bit of confidence i had in me and destroyed me, but i can now at least say i have never been happier.

With becoming happier and more confident again i see the attitudes and responses i get from people. After dealing with a narc my view on people,male or female is well lets say guarded i guess. If you know me well enough,you’ll know i’ll talk to anyone about anything,but for me it takes me a while to make sure whoever this person is,is a good person and actually will have a positive vibe for me to go with. That might sound crazy and like ‘’Wtf kim you cant judge people like that’’ but actually i can. Its a simple thing of i dont have time for bull shitters,attention seekers,time wasters,two faced assholes,backstabbers etc. Within a short space of time i make up my mind about people pretty quickly on if i want to spend more time with them or not,and its shame we live in world where people get so bloody upset by this notion. Its simple really. If i think you are an idiot or not someone i want to spend my time with then i wont and there is nothing wrong in that. Relationships will always facinate me and amuse me because my life is so different from others. Example point - Actually being someone again. I am very independent nowadays and tbh for anyone to try and break through that then bloody good luck lol But i am single by choice because i do actually really love being on my own but also i know deep down i cant commit to anyone due to being a full time carer to my mum. If anyone special came into my life they would have to deal with being second best as my family come first and foremost before anything else. If they can deal with maybe seeing me once or twice every few weeks and stuff like that then go for it. But i dont think there is many people that could deal with my lifestyle. I am use to the crazy of it but its wrong to ask others to be in my life with all that i have on. Yeah sure i’ve met some wonderful people i thought maybe it might work out with but sadly it was not meant to be and im ok with that as they are still very dear friends to me.

This may sound crazy too but i have rules,as it were,when it comes to people/social media things like that. Now yes social media to me can be a blessing and a curse. I have all sorts of pros and cons over the years of it,but normally sadly it does come down to the stupid people on the other end of it. One example of many. So i go to a lot of comic cons and have done since 2015 when i first met Matt Ryan at Wales comic con and fell in love with the Assassins Creed games. Since then i have been so lucky to meet a few of the Va’s of the games from older to newer games and continue to do so and also support them in any other work they also do. Anyway coming back to social media and at cons if there is an AC guest there i will,if i can try and get said guest(s) involved in AC cosplay meet ups and i have been SO lucky to have had the chance to work with some fantastic VA’s over the years and make it happen. Sometimes i’m not even holding the meet up myself but the VA has asked me if its ok to go along and i take them which im so so humbled by. But anyway back to the example of idiots and social media. Before the last AC game come out,i had taken a little time away from gaming all together due to home life taking a more important role to play that needed my time and attention. Now any normal human being would actually understand this and respect this but i did try and keep people posted on any cons and events the AC cast were appearing at. I was in one AC group that sadly was run by some real ego maniacs and people that cant organise a piss up in a brewery and also just very bitter and jealous people when it came to others achieving something in the AC world. Like my god the attitude some of these assholes would show, was just disgusting and it killed my passion and excitement for the new game. They would make fun of cosplayers that had worked bloody hard on their cosplays in the messenger we had set up for the FB page that i was apart of and just talk shit most of the time,and other times not even AC related. But anyone like i said last year was a bloody hard one for me mentally with things going on at home and i had no time or patience for idiots. 

Last May just as i was on my way to London MCM i found out on the bus itself,that the game shop i was working in was going to close and i was gutted. Now i had ONLY decided to go to MCM to see the lovely Victoria Atkin and Patrica Summersett who are fantastic ladies in the VA world and have been in many games over the years so having been asked by Vic herself to be there and also part of the meet up that was happening,i got myself a friday and saturday ticket. London mcm is always a manic one but ok if you know where and when you need to get done things like that. The friday was more of a chilled day con wise and time to see Victoria and meet Patricia for the very first time and she was just fantastic! (More on that later) also some other VA’s as well that i hadnt met before or had seen and wanted to catch up with. Now before Vic and Patricia were announced i wasnt actually going to attend but was basically asked to by Vic so should and Patricia could come to the meet up. Great! No problem at all i though.........

I was nervous about telling the idiots in the fb group i was with,that i was going to be bringing along special guests because my god this lot dont have make easy things more bloody difficult. So it was about maybe 3 weeks before London MCM and i dropped in the messages that even though i was being quiet i was catching up when i could and that a guest was going to join us for the meet up. Now this fb group were so bloody anal about who ran meet ups. They always had to be done by someone on the admin/mod team (which i was so against tbh. If people wanted to meet up then bloody well let them) so whilst i was with this group i did mcm birmingham and a couple of wales comic con as i was a mod. I was keeping Vic updated on things once timings and location had been sorted and also to make sure she could come along as well. The time for the meet was basically decided a few days before the meet when the mcm schedules had gone up which was fine,but before this the miserable lot didnt want many people knowing that really this meet was happening. Tbh no one in that sodding group had great social skills as all they ever did was make it more stressful then it needed to be. On the years i didnt go,so many people told me how messed up the meets were and lots of shouting ect went on and tbh i wanted none of it. It was my first (and thankfully last) meet up being in that group of last year. Back to no one wanting people to know about it. Their reasoning's were they didnt want every tom dick and harry to come along unless they were in the AC group,they didnt really want anything on social media said about it either but i was very against that as Vic was so good at letting people know when meet ups were happening on twitter and instagram so that more people could join in on the fun and rightly bloody so too! So anyway the day of the con and the admin decide to change the sodding location of the meet so they think less people will turn up from where they normally have it. Bad move as that would later unveil. So i am at the event on the saturday and im messaging Vic to say about the new details and she is sharing away as well so thats fine by me she can do what she likes. Anyway on the saturday before the meet,there was a AC panel with Vic and Patricia and it was great and really fun and right at the end Vic announces that the meet up was happening right after the panel and to come along and follow me and two of my friends. I wont lie this next bit looked amazing haha. So the girls come off the stage and then Patricia asks me if its ok to come along which of course i say yes more then welcome. We wait for security who were fantastic btw,and really enjoyed the walk to the meet up. So at the front of this parade was my two friends in their ezio and jacob frye cosplays,then me in my frye twin mash up holding my prop up so the girls could see me. Then two security guards,then the girls and their handlers and then more security. The way that people moved out of the way for us was just fantastic. It was like parting of the waves and peoples faces were like so in well surprised at what was going on but also followed along to the meet which was cool. Anyway it was a bit of a walk but we soon get to the meet up and i introduce Vic and Patricia to everyone and there was some very happy faces and really lovely people asking me how on earth i keep getting VA’s to come along lol I dont do anything special i just ask them haha. So anyway pictures are done with the girls and cosplayers and its all good fun and they were with us for about 15 mins if that and we did cosplay stuff and also admin/mod photos with the girls too which was fine and social media stuff for the girls as well which was fun. They soon leave and i feel like collapsing to the floor after tbh weeks of stress trying to sort things out and it was a huge relief things went ok for them and i thought everyone else. There was a few omg moments but not to do with me thankfully but it didnt look very well lets say professional and that was bs because the meet had moved and others didnt know so some shit kicked off but yeah that was not my problem to sort.

Anyway i go back into the venue not long after the meet to basically see some folk and also was asked by the girls to swing by again before i left the con as i was only there the friday and saturday due to money and having just lost my job i wasnt in the best of moods but they did help so much. A few days of the con pass and pictures are posted up as usual blah blah but the messages within the group about the meet up are well not great. The vibe i got was basically they werent happy with how Vic was somehow but they werent saying that exactly so i basically said in all the times i’ve met any voice actors and got to work with them there has never been any ego’s or bs just a lot of fun. They didnt really see what i was getting at as i know they didnt get my involvement with who i had worked with so far and were beyond jealous it was so damn easy to see. But yeah their slight digs at Vic pissed me off so again went back to ignoring the messages coming through as it was just all nonsense chat.

Another thing this pathetic group didnt like was other members being in other AC groups and this is what finished it for me cos it got so stupid. Now before the bs happened which i’ll explain next, i am and still in over 30 plus other ac groups or ac cosplay related groups and have done meet ups in other countries ffs so you should not be told who you can and cant do that with. Anyway what happened was a little before MCM London i got asked on twitter by the lovely AC United Kingdom page if i would like to help them out on their social media sites to which of course i said yes. This group have been so amazing to me since they asked me to join and its been a blast with people that are so supportive and love what i do to help promote stuff for VA’s and things like that. I was very honoured to be asked. Anyway the older group found out i was added and also another mod and f*** me did they kick off. When i then explained how i ended up in this group they soon shut up for a while and backed the F off. Now i know the other mod didnt like getting added and thats fine as being added to groups can be annoying so she left the new group i was now apart of as well and thats fair enough. Again i said my piece and left the chat as it was all going back to more rubbish talk.

 A few weeks went by and i had saw that the guy who added me to the new AC group i was in was blocked from the old group i was i and i asked why. Oh boy that shit storm hit hard. Because i hadnt been that involved in the group chat or on the fb page they basically started on me which was hilarious to be honest. Now they booted my friend because he was adding their members to his own fb which was a big no no. I had also added members because i asked them if they would like to be apart of it. When i said this they were quiet for a little time and then went on this pity party of ‘’Well it doesnt matter as it seems lots are jumping ship and so we are going to close the group anyway. We’ll keep it open but no more meet ups or anything blah blah blah’’ It was literally like they had a toy taken from them and they were reacting like a shitty child. With that,and watching the melt down this lot were having my last message was something like ‘’well its been nice knowing you all take care’’ and that was it. Soon enough i was booted from that chat and kicked out of the group hahahaha. I was then informed they put a post up about closing the group as people were leaving and they couldnt be bothered with it anymore and just really stupid stuff tbh but they sounded so butt hurt it was unreal. So now comes in one of my rules. The second anyone walks out of my life,that is it for them. I dont chase people or find out answers i just let them do what they got to do and i do my own thing. I then deleted and blocked all of the admin and mods but one off of my fb because i wasnt going to let them kick me out of the group for their tantrum and then think its ok to watch what i do with me life. I dont f***ing think so. The next day a good friend had sent me a pic of one of the admins trying to play the victim card and butt hurt again that they had been removed from my life. Its simple. You walk out you never get the chance to come back or watch what i do. F*** no! So yeah i easily cut stupid people off.

I have other rules too and another is that if i have had no contact with someone on line or on the phone in over 6 months i delete/remove/block them from all my social media and also if their number is in my phone book i delete numbers too. Now tbh this should not need explaining to anyone but here is example two of why people just f*** me off.

Now i get on with anyone and everyone as i said and blokes especially as i’ve always been a bit of a tom boy and so girly girls i dont really get on with. Now i’ve made some great friends from the netherlands the last few years who are just wonderful and mean a lot to me and i will always do my best to go see them if i am over there or if they are going to festivals things like that i will go and support them. Anyway last may something happened at an event which was just blown out of proportion it was unreal. Lets use person A and person B as i dont like to use names. Now person A is from the netherlands and person B is from the UK. I have known for a long time that person B has liked person A and thats fair enough. Person A is still a great friend of mine and person B is no more. Now then at an event last year i got a little drunk with person A and it was a good laugh. Whilst walking together i happened to trip over something and my friend caught me and then heald my hand to help me walk as i was pretty drunk. That was nice of him. Now then at the same time this happened person B saw this happen and knowing the sort of person they are (a complete and utter immature asshole btw) i then get a message from a outside person saying i was a bad friend because i know how person B likes person A and what i was playing at blah blah blah. I laughed at the message as it really was BS and replied politely the event that had happened with the falling over and also hello im gay so back the fuck off im not interested in person A. Said messenger soon backed off and that was it. Thankfully i didnt see said messenger rest of the event. But anyway there was no need for that. What happened was a laugh between two friends nothing more nothing less.

Event ends and everyone goes their own way and back home and funny enough Person B does not really talk to me much after and tbh i didnt care. Yes i get they liked person A but ffs grow up and maybe ask what happened before getting someone else to fight your battles for you. I think it took a few weeks before i heard from them and they were still in a piss when they really had no right to be and left it at that. Move on about 3 months and i knew what was coming and it was the usual messages of ‘’Oh im so sorry for being a tit back then it was so silly of me blah blah blah hope we are ok’’ i explained to person A that i had no bad will towards them at all and its all over and done with and forget it and move on.No problem at all. That was the last time i heard from person A. Going back about 8 months now.....bare that in mind......

Now last November i went to the Netherlands for a gig and to see person B and his new gf who i had got to know over the internet. They had taken me in for a few days and it was lovely before i went to amsterdam. Now when i got back to the uk i did a instagram post saying thank you to my friends for a great time. I was scrolling through fb not even an hour after my post and i saw a shitty post from person A saying ‘’Oh looks like i’ll have to take some people off of my fb as i dont want to see things like that as they hurt’’ and some other bs. I knew instantly this was aimed at me and low and behold the next day after their fb post i was taken off of their instagram. Why you ask? Well because i had had a lovely time with my friend and his new gf!!!. This was now also 6 months after the BS at the said event before as well. FFS get over person B already as its been 6 bloody months and you knew he also had a sodding mrs and no interest in you and you didnt even talk that much. I get it feelings for someone can mean so much but to be so petty against someone else because they hung out with your crush and their new gf is f***ing stupid! So there comes into my rule of if you walk away from me or out of my life in anyway you do not get to see what i am up to anymore so i blocked person A from my instagram after that immature bs and at that time also muted them on fb as i no longer wanted to see the shit they were posting. Xmas and new year comes and goes and no messages. Not a problem i had already moved on with my life.

Same event comes around this year where shit kicked off last year but this year i didnt go. I knew plenty of folk that did and are in the same clicky group and noticed person A was hardly in much pictures which i thought was amusing tbh as they are all such attention seekers. So i went onto Person A’s fb page and saw that i had been removed from their fb page. Fair enough i thought not a problem at at all since it had been 8 months since we talked and they had already walked out in one way so the trash took itself out which was perfect for me. Again i had no problem with this due to their behaviours before hand and also i had moved on so didnt care. So with that and knowing how creepy they are on social media i block them as well. Done and dusted i thought.........

A few weeks ago i suddenly get messages from person A (comes up as unknown number on the app it was on but i knew who it was) asking if i had taken them off of my social media and why. I didnt reply to the message as i feel  no explanation is needed for such a thing. Life moves on and people grow apart its pretty normal tbh. So anyway another week goes by and i get another message asking the same thing but this time less jokey about it and more demanding. I ignore and delete the messages again. Another few days goes by and the third message is 1) damn creepy 2) proves my point on how crazy they are. The message basically said person A can see me on another accounts i have and so know i am online still and that they have talked to other people about things and they have said to let it go but they cant do that because they want answers. I literally lol to this message because it was just so needy and whiny but also damn creepy. Ffs who watches someone else from other accounts to see if they get a reaction or not?! Like grow up but the main thing that actually pissed me off about this was the pure nerve this person had to ask for answers when they were the first one to walk away many months back. Now did i go to them asking questions and why? No i did not as i dont care and still dont. Yet here is person A demanding to know why i have blocked them?! F*** right off. Again it comes back to you do not walk out of my life and expect to then keep an eye on me. Thats just all sorts of messed up and their messages just proves how f***ing crazy they are for checking up on me other profiles. If i could find these profiles i would block them too but tbh i dont care. I am happy and living my life. But how f***ing dare anyone demands to know anything from me when they f***ed off first. Not going to happen. I am hoping person A soon gives up and just leaves me alone but time will tell. If i get one more message i will then block them from what app they have contact me on.

You may wonder why i’ve wanted to rant about this and i’ll tell you why. The last few weeks i have got friends who have gone or going through life changing things. One has brain cancer and has maybe 2 years to live,another her ovarian cancer has come back and dont know the full scale yet and another a family member went through something horrific and its made me stop and think about life in general. I knew that life was short after i lost my dad but with all this happening and also more going on its made me think that again and gone bloody hell you never know what will happen to you. It makes you think about the important stuff and things that actually are important and not the BS of social media and things like that. I want my life to be filled with good people that are there for me and also support and love me for what id do. Not whiny pathetic people that moan about sweet f*** all when they should be more thankful for what they do have. I dont have time for people that have no positive effect on my life anymore. I wanted to be lifted up not heald back. I want to be pushed forward,not worried about other peoples opinions. 

So now i am taking time out from a things again for my well being and looking forward to the future :-D