#im honestly not overly pleased with how it came out and im definitely not happy with my design for iblis but yknow

[c0l0ure]

"Hold my hands, we'll dance the twelve step on my grave

I'd kill the man I am for one more chance to be yours, babe"

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

I am curious: what are your favorite scenes from your main ships (date, dair, derena...)?

scenes involving milo don't count, sorry!

for me, it's really not just scenes, but body language & just in general, how they are with each other, you know? dan and serena grin at each other and hug SO much, you can tell that being around each other in s1 made them both so happy, and even after that glow fades the way they look for comfort in each other... top level stuff. the way blair looks at dan... we never see her as radiant at any other point. she was not looking at anyone else like this. and gosh, dan and nate. they're both so comfortable around each other that there's absolutely nothing weird about like. discussing that one ex girlfriend whom they both share AND both were in love with. there is literally no other duo who trusts/enjoys each other's company so much that they're comfortable in a love triangle. (probably because they're more in love with each other than with the girl, but that is not the point. or is it?)

anyway, more specific answers. under the cut. this is one of the longest answers i've ever written on this blog possibly but you KNEW that would happen when you sent this ask, didn't you? (affectionate)

derena: i tagged one of my ds reblogs as 'the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one' and like. look at them! this hug from 1x10 kills me in the best way. they are both the literal embodiment of :D when they see each other! i love 1x10 as a whole moment, their entire thing at cotillion is so sweet and they're both so happy. the fact that he is talking about his chemistry teacher during this kiss in 1x07. that bit at the end of 1x05 when they talk about their siblings (being there for their sibling because of fallible parents being a derena parallel makes me simultaneously really sad and really soft, tbh). 1x05 gives me SO MUCH SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT but the way they walk off together arms around each other does something to me - these are two people who are still getting to know each other but who really like what they see, and who trust each other and. are just having a good time together! back when derena was my OTP, the 1x11 "your story's about me?" was absolutely a fave, too, and i still adore it, albeit in a different, more nostalgic way. i like a dan who writes cute stories about serena. no empty shell sabrina van skoneker bullshit. she is so much like you, daniel! you'd be shattered if she did this to you. don't do this to her. tbh, most derena moments from s1 are just A+ romance. the bit in 2x02 in the jitney is so funny, they're SO bad at being exes. the bit in... 3x03 i think?? i don't remember... on the contrary. when they're talking about dan's fling w/ georgina and serena's relationship with carter, the ease with which they talk and how happy/supportive they are of each other's new relationships... yeah. love to see it.

i also really like any instance of them having honest/open conversations. 1x13, talking about how serena is concerned about blair. 1x08, serena talking to dan about feeling jealous of vanessa. this bit from the touch of eva or whatever that episode is. 4x04 i think. this is the conversation everyone is trying to get dan to have and he's avoiding EVERYONE else. derena interactions in 3x21 (can't find a gif right now) - the fact that dan is with serena when her dad abandons them, the fact that he goes all the way there with her. 2x07, "i'm really glad you're nate's friend. he really needs someone like you right now" (though i'm cheating, that's technically a d/n moment too klhdflkgf). there's a bit in s4 where he's advising her against having an affair w/ colin, i don't remember the ep number, but the way he takes her side so easily and naturally and puts due blame/responsibility solely on her professor... yeah. 4x10 i think this ep is?? idk. but like my tags say, im sentimental about this moment because while what dan was doing was irresponsible, sneaking her out of the ostroff, he was the only person in this episode who was actually talking to her and listening to her and taking her seriously. nobody else was doing that!!

i probably have more moments i'm not remembering, but we're only 1/3 into this answer and LOOK AT THE WORDS, good lord, i'm sorry.

dair: my favourite dair episode is hands down despicable b (5x21) which i have heard is an uncommon answer. i just love the conflict resolution of it all, okay!!! 1x04 & 2x08 are like. standard answers any dair shipper will give, and i'm no different. i love dan being able to give blair advice and blair actually taking his advice even though they're not friends yet!!! be right back, yelling at the intimacy of it all!! 5x16, with their getting together (this little kiss and dan being so startled by it), blair admitting a flaw she genuinely does have and dan saying it's not awful because it's her, which is just. romance at its finest. those vows, good lord. 5x18.... they're having fun! blair showing up at the loft in lingerie for dan... the delight on her face.... (i know this moment blows up in their face but when she's there she looks so happy and proud of herself and this was like THE moment when i was like. oh. dair is really the heart of this garbage show huh).

i think for me, the thing that really sells dan & blair together is the serena of it all. both of them love serena more fiercely than anyone else, and that is what brings them together. (fwiw i definitely think nate loved serena this much and this deeply, too; the writers just wanted to pop the serenate balloon, which even i think was extremely unnecessary and ooc.) but (& i have so much meta about this) their relationship grows beyond serena. their entire s4 arc is SO good. i love how comfortable around each other they are, in such an adult way, in the sense of like. they both bring so much stability to each other? morgan tagged this edit "the marrieds" and like. yeah. b offers to help him shave. they're having breakfast & reading the paper together.

all the love declarations we got that weren't a simple 'i love you.' be your charming wonderful self (how could she not love you/ tell me what would make you happy, dan) i told chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore (you spent your life earning the keys to set you free when you were free all along!!!!) dan's pep talk to blair in 5x21 (already linked a gifset earlier, here's another one if you want i guess). there's definitely more... but honestly, the way the dair arc was executed was so good - while i do have my complaints, i also think keeping those aside, it was SO close to perfect. i love dan & blair's banter and gradually becoming closer and closer and closer. it felt very organic and real and GOSH. the way penn & leighton looked at each other while playing dan and blair...... it's just SO MUCH.

date: this is the hardest, because it's. *screams*. maybe you saw me losing my mind over those 2 seconds of nate handing dan a waffle? i love almost every scene with these two, even the hellish s6 breakup scene. my favourite episode for d/n (& also favourite gg episode in general) is 2x06 - i love the homoerotic subtext of it all. nate pretending to be dan because dan's name is the first name that came to his head. dan flirting w/ nate while tied to that thing, in his underwear. them becoming friends. and 2x07 as a follow-up to that! dan getting nate to live in the loft with the humphreys for a while. i am so soft.

4x09 is a terrible episode in general, especially for serena my beloved, but the d/n moments in that one? off the CHARTS. this weird overly macho flirting, in some ways THE most iconic d/n line. this entire finish each other's sentences nonsense. someone (i think it was ana but im not sure?) compared the energy of those scenes i just linked to the book blairenate love triangle resolution, blairena choosing each other over nate in the books, date choosing each other over serena in the show (if only! RIP.) after the saints & sinners ball, this cute little moment of 'youre the only one who understands me. please tell me they went home together. i mean. how could they not have.

3x07, them watching vampire porn together. a tag i used on ao3 (& also on here, once) is 'nate brings out the himbo in dan'. here is a prime example. 'is she levitating?' i don't fucking know, dan, what do you think?? (i was telling my partner that that's what i love abt dair vs date. around blair dan is an intellectual, a librarian, an art historian, a museum curator. around nate it's like dan is competing to be #1 himbo on the show. can my girlfriend actually fly? i don't know, dan. i can't believe you're seriously asking such a question.)

3x12 pep talk. (sorry about the shitty quality!) essentially nate telling dan that he (dan) is hot and that he shouldn't talk himself down so much.

dan making nate gay in his book. you know. his book from which blair found out he was in love with her. nads (who i will not tag in this billion word long gushy meta, because i value her sanity) once called inside "wish fulfilment' and. i mean. yeah

nate checking dan out at the derena wedding continues to be hilarious. hilarious in the same way as dan sexually fantasising about nate. canon really went 'let's give ivy some special easter eggs' and i appreciate them a lot!

i love the way they are around each other - so quietly attuned to each other. i showed my sister my date!husbands gifset, and she was like. yeah they're so married. and it's just stuff like how dan looks for nate over his shoulder, it's not even an active action, it's as easy and natural and intuitive as breathing, checking to see if nate is still there.

oh, that wasn't as hard as it could've been! okay. cool. im SURE there's more things i could scream about, because it's DN, the fact that they're non-canon makes me THAT much fiercer about them than dair/derena, to be honest. so many dots to connect!! anyway.

[nightswithkookmin]

With the grammy bomb im more than certain that there is a strain between jikook. They do interact but in a way that is so aloof. Their habitual gravitating towards one another doesnt happen anymore. And im talking about all the recent stuff from october onwards. Jk purposefully rear towards other members and i find jimin to be only open towards namjoon. All of his other interactions on cam are to make sure that everything is fine between him and others. And jk purposefully ignores or avoids jimin and doesnt have that unrestrainable affection towards him anymore. I say all this as a longtime jikook supporter. Honestly even if they had their 'fighting' periods i have never seen jk this dismissive. At least jimin isnt as affected as before. I dont understand how no supporter is admitting the obvious distance of jk.

Why are you being mean to me though😭

Please read my blogs. I think I have talked about this topic several times now.

May be I spoke 'too soon' before the loud moments that make these things obvious to most but still, I've addressed it nonetheless.

I feel if I respond to this, I'd just be repeating myself over and over at this point and frankly it gets boring for the people that read me- I think. Lol. I mean, once I start I never shut up. Lmho. So sorry in advance.

I agree with everything you've said, as well as all the observations you've made. I'm with you on it. Except, you made no definitive conclusions I could agree on, rebut, or share an opinion on. There is a strain on their relationship..... therefore? Lol.

I don't mean this in a rude way. I just don't think it's enough to point that out without drawing conclusions- unless you are simply taking notes of those moments? Or are you concluding that the strain is a sign Jikook are fighting, having problems or that they have broken up?

Not every tension between Jikook is a bad thing if you ask me or even as a result of them having issues in their relationship. This is something I keep regurgitating in my blogs. Not to say they don't have issues, they do. Hell, I get dragged by my roots on these streets for saying they fight, or even break up sometimes like any real couple would. They are real and they have real couple's problems sometimes too like any regular joe.

I'm glad you pointed out though, that Jimin doesn't seem as affected by JK's 'dismissive' attitude as before. Shouldn't that tell you that is a sign there is nothing wrong with their relationship this time around? Jikook is not one sided. JK isn't the only party to their relationship, neither is Jimin. They have an equal and sometimes opposite reaction to each other. One person's attitude or change in attitude tends to produce a ripple effect on the other. In my opinion.

If JK were to be 'dismissive' at all, it would emotionally and physically impact Jimin and he would have a reaction to it like he did in run 106. Compared to this, he didn't seem at all affected by JK's 'attitude' just as you've pointed out.

As I said a while ago, I honestly don't think or believe they are fighting or that they are broken up either- not to me anyway. Lol. I mean you could still pretty much see the intimacy between them in that footage. Jikook don't need to engage in skinship or overt and loud interactions to show they are intimate. And most times their overt and loud skinship and interactions are devoid of intimacy. That's the thing about intimacy, you can't fake it or hide it.

Jimin turning towards JK in his fit of excitement is a sign of intimacy between them regardless of whether he actually hugged JK or not. Then later on the couch, you could see him yearning for JK.

There were three people in that room- may be more if you count staff and yet JK was the only one Jimin seemed to want an answer from.

He was the one Jimin was emotionally inclined towards. The one who's comfort and affection he sought after- bless his heart, he hit his head on some solid rock knees and everything trying to pursue his need for physical closeness and affection from JK. If they were broken up or fighting, he wouldn't go to JK for his emotional needs.

He could try and 'interact' with JK, do the fanservice bit with him but he wouldn't go to him with his emotional needs- that would be inappropriate and unfair to JK. Jimin is an emotionally intelligent guy and he has a lot of thoughts and consideration for people's feelings and he is well aware of his limits and just how much he can push or get away with.

And I cite his Log with JK, where he announced he had started developing feelings for JK and then turned to JK to ask if he was ok with him saying that much on camera.

Thus, if he is emotionally 'gravitating' towards JK then it's indication there is a level of intimacy and a mutual understanding between them that JK fulfills an emotional need and ought to fulfill that emotional need for him.

And yes, I agree. Him hesitating when he wanted to hug JK is a sign there is something stressing their dynamics which is something I pointed out when that Grammy reaction video first came out. I knew something was stressing their dynamic but I couldn't figure out what because it was a very short video with not much going on in there.

The behind the scenes however, chilee. Lol.

I mean if you consider the fact JK went from moving a distance to console Jimin when he was crying on stage during the October ON:E concert, and you look at all the moments we've had from their overt flirting in 2021 season's greetings, the sexual innuendos in the BE behind scenes video, JK sniffing Jimin's hair in the Be unboxing video to that moment on the couch when Jimin hit his head on JK's knees- that shit look like it hurt. Damn. JK what is your knees made of! Lmho.

I am uncomfortable discussing a Jikook era or phase when it's on going on. I like to simply take note of certain moments and discuss them in post by reconstructing the timeline to place content in its rightful timeframe.

I can only share with you my working theory on such moments and for the most part, like I said previously I feel Jikook- especially JK is having issues with the company. Perhaps because the company stumbled on something they weren't supposed to see.

As for Jikook's personal development, I think we all saw this development coming, didn't we? After JM's birthday fiasco? I think I hypothesized at the time that whoever was in the 'wrong' in that situation would come swinging hard on their Jikook agenda in the aftermath. And with that whole GCF Tokyo reference, signing his name to JK's name at the pop up, the stealing looks at JK during interviews, checking him out left right left, trying to make Jk 'jealous' with RM at the Be press con red carpet, it's not hard to figure out who did what in that birthday situation.

I plan on writing a blog on this very topic, because I've received quite a few Asks about my thoughts on JK outing Jimin, military service and others that I find intriguing and want to discuss but I also want to discuss Vminkook dynamics, Jikook boundaries and I don't know which one to get into first. When I'm torn between options I end up not making a choice at all. Lol.

All I can say in regards to Jikook and their on going 'situation' is that- I love it. Lol. I love their dynamics, I love where they are at in their love journey, I love where they are heading. Jikook is just beautiful in every sense of the word.

I love what JK is doing. I love where he has gotten my bias to- which is confronting himself and figuring out what he wants from their relationship. Because, honestly you can't have your cake and eat it. It just doesn't work that way.

What you are seeing is just JK asserting himself against Jimin I'm afraid. It's the push and pull thingy all over again.

I keep talking about 'the boy in love with Jungkook' being a facade and persona Jimin hides behind to love JK and most people don't understand.

JK's persona is not the boy in love with Jimin. It's the boy cold and shy who rejects Jimin- well at least that was the persona he had in their early dynamics around debut.

He has since shed that persona and the bold, fearless, assertive JK we see on the screens is him choosing to unapologetically express his love and feelings for Jimin. And jimin enjoys that.

But you take a look at Jimin, and you don't see that drastic change in his persona or the way he expresses himself with JK- I mean let's call a spade a spade.

Do I think Jimin loves JK? Absolutely. Do I think he is being authentic in the way that he expresses those feelings to JK on camera? Only to an extent.

It's obvious who Jimin is to JK or even the way he expresses himself and his love for JK is slightly different off camera than the persona we see on our screens. For one, clearly JK is not used to seeing Jimin prioritize others over him or be overly affectionate with others besides him. I mean it's been seven years. Ten, if you count the periods before. You'd think JK would get used to JM doing skinship with others or showing affection for the others especially since they've lived together over half of the time and yet here we are, frying pans away from the apocalypse whenever any member breaths near Jimin. Damn JK. Lmho.

Do I think his persona is slightly exaggerated? Yes. But I also think JM downplays his love for Jk with his 'Mr I'm available' personality, his Kumbaya attitude, and his I'm just a nice guy on the block character, which often leads to people questioning whether or not he treats JK different from the group. Don't get me wrong JK does this too.

Jimin loves JK. But at this point the question is is he expressing that love in the way that meets JK's emotional needs? Is he allowing JK to love him and express the love he feels for him in the way that makes him happy?

I think that's what the birthday fiasco is all about.

If you don't want JK openly showing and expressing his love for you in a way that he wants to and in a way that holds meaning to him and makes him feel fulfilled as well in the relationship then what is the point of him holding on to the glass closet?

Two can play that game. Lol.

It's JK's needs above the groups and I feel he is putting it right up there next to JM's needs because they are both valid.

You should have seen JK's face when Jimin decided tell the truth about his location on September 1st in that BB press interview.

I remember pointing out that when JM started that narration with the first person pronoun he was going for a well curated narrative perhaps one the group had agreed on prior to avoid confirming his location on the JK's birthday like they had tried to do during the VLive but dropped that and went with the honest truth the moment he started talking about being with Jk and using 'we' instead of 'I' in his speech.

I'm glad the interviewer from his Weverse magazine interview confirmed and pointed out this tell or habit of Jimin when he speaks,

"When he’s talking, Jimin often starts his sentence with phrases like, “I just,” “it just,” “they just …” But then he immediately goes on to open up about his feelings, always providing a sincere response."

At least now we know for sure he wasn't lying about his location- for all those who called him a liar.

Anywho, my point is it makes JK happy when Jimin expresses his love and feelings for him. But it also makes him happy when he is able to show the world just how much JM means to him.

He didn't get those tattoos for nothing. He didn't do the GCFs for nothing. He didn't nibble on his ear in front of thousands of people for nothing- had he posted for Jimin on his birthday, given how he hadn't done that for anyone in a year, it wouldn't have been for nothing either. In my opinion.

When I tell y'all Jimin is gonna wake up one day with JK's ring on his finger and he wouldn't know what hit him. Chilee. Lmho.

Listen, JK is in love LOVE with Jimin. It's my opinion and I'm gonna treat it as fact because I believe it- if you disagree keep it to yourself. I don't wanna hear it. Lol.

That boy is in love with my bias. Ain't nobody gonna tell me nothing. Lol.

Seriously though, JK loves Jimin and he loves expressing those feelings for him. He goes overboard sometimes with it to the point it's borderline outing but we don't talk about that. Lol.

He's progressed through out the years from hiding his feelings for Jimin, whispering I love you's to JM when he thinks JM is alseep, slipping matching plasters onto his finger, all the way to Rosebowl.

If you ask me, he wants to be Jimin's equal in every sense of the word and as much as he loves to be at the recieving end of JM's affections, he enjoys being at the giving end.

And if JM has the cover of 'the boy in love with the Maknae' and it works perfectly for him not just as a persona but the perfect excuse for loving Jk then you gotta wonder what cover JK equally has for loving JM the way that he does. He has none. His every move is questioned by members, by staff, by fans- why do you film Jimin so much, why not put Tae in there for clicks, why are you constantly with Jimin and other invasive questions like that.

Jimin gets away with a lot of things than JK because of his personality and his persona. People would question the things JK does most of the time while dismissing the things Jimin does as either fanservice or as flowing from his personality. Whereas JK cannot get away with those same things.

We paint JK as Jeonlous and possessive but we forget most times he acts that way so Jimin doesn't have to. Jimin has said he doesn't share his friends and yet somehow we think he is ok with sharing his boyfriend with 5 other members or those 5 members with his boyfriend- this is code, let it sink in.

There is a lot of boundaries he instills there and it's equally an expression of possessiveness. Yet it's so subtle you might not even notice.

Jk makes Jimin look cool. He takes the fall so Jimin doesn't have to. When JK takes a step back that's when you see how whipped JM is- the neediness, the clinginess- PJMs give me a break. *rolling my eyes. It needs to be said. I love Jimin too but shit, it is what is. Lol.

I think it's gonna take a while for Jk to open back up to Jimin, to get in the space where he feels safe expressing himself with Jimin the way that he was doing before Jimin's birthday.

It doesn't mean he hates Jimin or doesn't love him or doesn't want him or doesn't care. But I think Jimin needs to step up to show he is on the same page as JK because JK is all about reciprocity. He ain't about to do the one sided unrequited nonsense. Lol.

Honestly all this is part of Jikook's dynamics. This not the first time Jk's closed himself off. The last time he did it was because they had gone through a nasty breakup- I said what I said. In my opinion nonetheless. Lol.

In the aftermath of it, he was expressing similar behavior. In Suga's Birthday Vlive this year for example, when Jimin was clinging to him and had his hands on his leg he didn't take the bait either- man was it frustrating to watch. Lol. But you could see JM wanted that physical connection with him. Did you see his smug face when Jimin was all over him?

I think he is just going through a phase where he needs reassurance of Jimin's love. Jimin is a big guy and he knows his man best and I think he knows exactly what he needs to do to get him to come around. Lol.

I mean he flew all the way from Paris to see him on his birthday didn't he?

I think we have to leave them to it. Just observe them. I hate commenting on a phase like this especially when it's on going. I'd rather talk about it after it's ended and a new phase has begun for them.

Part of supporting Jikook is knowing when to give them privacy and room to just unfold their story and be human. They are a living breathing love story after all.

Jk isn't being distant. He is just not interacting with JM the way we are used to seeing him do. But I feel that's part Bighit asking them to cool off and part him just wanting reassurance from Jimin.

At this point, I want to ask why you want people to acknowledge JK is closed off? To what end? I don't think anyone is denying that they are going through this phase- well the Kumbaya tradshippers are but why do you want me to acknowledge this fact? I already pointed out that there is something stressfing their dynamics.

They have their own personal stuff going on but I don't think it's much of an issue and at the same time they seem to be having issues with their company- You have to take all of that into consideration to see how that affects their dynamics as well.

You have to be aware of the timeline too. Because content is not released in chronological order, it may seem like a rollercoaster ride when in actual sense all of this may have happened with a specific time frame.

When it comes to Jikook always assume they are much closer than you think. Jikook is fine, I believe. Just take mental notes of these things for posterity. I wouldn't be worried about them.

As usual, this has been my opinion. Don't take it too seriously. Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.

Signed,

GOLDY

[rjhpandapaws]

A Cup of Something Better

Ch7: When Stuck in One Place, Try Another

Hank was in a tight spot, his manuscript was late already, and it was only going to get later. Hank was out of ideas, well, kind of, distracted was probably a better word for it. Somehow he didn't think his editor would take the excuse of 'so I'm gonna need an extension on that deadline because I'm out of ideas, and also the time I could have spent writing I've spent thinking about a guy that I've seen like once,' all that well. Kaya was great, don't get him wrong, she put up with a lot of his bullshit, but even she had her limits. Hank being almost a month late with a manuscript was definitely one of them, that he unfortunately knew from experience. Best to get this over with. After his meeting with Kaya he was meeting Jeffrey for lunch, something they didn't do as often as they should.

Figuring he'd sat outside her home office long enough, Hank turned off his beat up old car and got out to head inside. The sooner he got this over with the better. She met him at the door, her red hair tied back in a bun, her green eyes were narrowed behind wide red framed glasses. He was definitely about to get an earful.

"You're late," she said in place of a greeting stepping aside to let him in, "but im beginning to notice thats the one garuntee with you."

"Good afternoon to you too Kaya," Hank remarked letting the tall redhead lead the way to her office.

She sat in her office chair and Hank took the couch. Kaya waited until he was seated before she spoke, "Please tell me you have something, even just a progress check. You're creeping up on a month and the company is starting to breathe down my back."

Hank cleared his throat rubbing at his beard, trying to find words that wouldn't get him flayed alive, "the college has been keeping me pretty busy, when I've had time to write I havent been able to get anything down. I was, um, I was wondering if I could get an extension or maybe a hiatus period. I honestly thought I'd be done by now, I'm sorry Kaya."

She sighed, an incredibly swdate response compared to the anger that was burning in her eyes, "an extension Hank? You come in here a month overdue with nothing to show for it and you have the nerve to ask for an extension! You never fail to amaze me. I'll see if I can get you marked as on hiatus. I'll cite your being a professor as my reasoning." Hank breathed a sigh of relief, though the feeling was short lived as Kaya continued, "If you do something like this again the company is going to drop you most likely."'

"Thanks Kaya." Hank responded, "I know I'm not the easiest to work with, but this shouldn't happen again."

She watched him stand with a distant expression, "you know what happens if it does."

He nodded as he made his way to the door, "Have a good day Kaya."

"You too Hank."

Hank figured this was a long time coming, but it was still a surprise to hear just how close he was to being dropped. Not that it wasn't deserved, only a few of his manuscripts had ever been on time. For a few months out of the year he could blame it on being a professor, but the main reason for it was just that his writing process was unstructured and slow.

He needed a pick me up if he was going to be dealing with Jeff as well as Kaya. He drove the familiar route toward the university, planning to stop by the cute cafe again. He parked and walked into the cafe, making his way to the counter with plans to try that same latte again with less espresso since he was feeling more human today. There was a different barista working the counter today, Josh, according to his nametag.

"Hey," Josh said with a charismatic smile, "welcome to Hand Brewed Hope, what can we get started for you?"

"I'll take a medium vanilla latte with two shots of espresso," he almost ordered something for Jeff but then thought better of it.

"Connor will have that down at the other counter for you when its done," Josh said handing the cup off to the other barista.

Hank followed the action with his eyes and then his brain froze. It was the barista from yesterday, he figured as much from the name, either the kid from his night class or his twin. He was just as struck by Connor this time as he had been before and it took all of his strength not to just stare. If anything he was more attractive now that Hank was awake enough to take in more than just his eyes.

Connor was tall, maybe a couple inches shorter than Hank. His brown hair was styled back neatly save for one errant curl that fell defiantly onto his forehead giving the look boyish charm. Hank caught himself staring and decided to make conversation.

"So, uh, Connor, was it?" Hank asked in the ineloquent way that seemed to be the usual of him when he was around the barista.

"Yes professor?" Came the almost immediate response and Hank needed a minute.

Hank stared again, trying to assess if he had in fact heard that correctly. Upon the realization that he he had, his stomach turned on itself. Nothing said dirty old man quite like crushing on one of your students.

"Well that answers that I suppose," Hank said, and hopefully he didn't sound like he was choking on his words.

Connor couldn't be more than in his early twenties at best, and Hank was turning thrity-nine come September. On top of being his professor, the age difference would make anyone uncomfortable. This crush needed to be tucked away, it couldn't become anything. He was pulled from his thoughts by the paper togo cup coming into his line of sight. He took it with a weak smile.

"Have a good day professor," Connor said kindly as he turned to leave.

"You too kid," he responded lifting the cup in place of a wave as he left the cafe like the devil was on his heels.

He could already hear Jeff giving him a hard time about falling for yet another pair of pretty brown eyes, as well as the following lecture about appropriate behavior. He rolled his eyes at his own thoughts and started his car heading to their usual place, a diner by the police station. He drank from the latte, deciding that two shots of espresso was ideal, the bitter perfectly balanced by the vanilla.

Hank arrived before Jeff as was usual and picked a table close to the door, somewhere easy to spot. Jeff arrived a few minutes later, sitting across from Hank. He eyed the coffee cup.

"Good to see you're as much of an asshole as I remember," Jeff joked in way of a greeting, "stopped for a fucking coffee and didn't even get me anything."

Hank laughed shaking his head, "I don't see you for six months and the first thing you do is bitch at me for not buying you a coffee. Some friend you are."

"How's the new book coming along?" He asked looking over the menu.

Hank winced, "I asked to be put on hiatus with my publisher because of got nothing in me right now."

Jeff gave him a sympathetic smile, "how's the university treating you then?"

"Good," Hank replied setting his own menu down having decided on a bacon burger, "night classes are pretty relaxed. How are things at the station?"

"Hectic." Came the reply as Jeff flagged for a waiter, "just got a bunch of new academy graduates and they all think they're hot shit."

"You know how it is, give them a few months and the gravity of the job will set in."

There was a lull in the conversation long enough for them to place their orders. Then the topic finally turned away from work. Though Hank didn't like the new topic that much better.

"So you seeing anyone Hank?" Jeff asked right as he was drinking from his latte. His choking must have marked him as guilty because Jeff continued with, "let me guess, brown eyes."

"Its complicated," Hank replied when he caught his breath, staring at the table as though it held the solution to all of his problems, "he's one of my students. I met him here though." He said tapping the paper cup, "he's a barista."

He could feel Jeff's eyes on him and he looked up. "You've got it bad, its written all over your face." Hank could feel the lecture coming, "you know you can't do anything right? At least not until the semester is out."

"I know that Jeff, jesus." The second half took a little longer to catch up with Hank, "wait what?"

"He's taking night classes right? So that usually means older students. Try talking to him outside of class, like at the shop once the semester is over," Jeff said casually, as though he wasn't suggesting that Hank talk to a guy that was younger than him but also definitely out of his fucking league.

Hank was saved from having to reply when their food arrived. Content silence followed as they enjoyed their lunch, though in the background Hank was overtaking what Jeff had said. Could he approach Connor? Would that be okay? Worst comes to worse Connor would just assume him an overly conversational customer. It couldn't hurt to try he supposed, but then again he'd always been a sucker for brown eyes.

They switched to lighter topics until it came time to part ways. Like always they parted with the half empty promise that they would do this more often. Hank giving a less empty promise that, yes he would at least try and talk to Connor when the semester was out.

Hank had left in a better mood than he had arrived in. For the first time in months he felt inspired, he wanted to write. Not for his manuscript, but maybe it was time to start a new project. Something that better fit what he was feeling, something light and happy. A short piece probably, but well worth the wait. Something that reflected the warmth that can be found in warm brown eyes.

[yourlocalslasher]

If you’re still doing request, could I have some slashers finding out their SO cheated?

ahhh fuck not angst im trying to eat my mac n cheese happily ;A; (this became so long im so sorry) (oH and Freddy ends up killing the s/o bc honestly that would happen so-)

Slashers finding out their s/o cheated

JASON

Jason had decided to come home early, flowers in hand, and a wooden ring with a white gemstone in his pocket. Today was the day.

When he arrived at the cottage, he saw a car that he knew most definitely wasn’t yours. This was suspicious...

He opened the door, dropping the bouquet of flowers when he saw the other man.

Your body was on the other man, the both of you lying on the couch. When you looked up, you knew immediately that you fucked up.

Apologetically, you jumped from the couch to retrieve the Jason that now stormed out into the woods, tears falling every which way down his face and mask.

That's when you saw the ring in his pocket fall out, and your heart skipped a beat.

He was going to propose....

And then you too started to cry, and you fell to the ground in the empty forest, clutching the ring to your chest. This was all a huge mess that you could have avoided...

His whole world is shaken now. He won’t eat. He won’t leave the old cottage. Now Jason spends his days sitting by his mothers severed head.

You’d run off, too upset to ever show your face in Jasons corner of New Jersey ever again.

You were furious with yourself. How could you do this? You loved Jason, and he was irreplaceable. He loved you with his whole heart and you went and crushed it.

Jason doesn’t even kill anymore. He intends to sit there until he rots into the ground. There's nothing worth doing anymore...

MICHAEL

Halloween had just happened yesterday, and Michael was overly exhausted. A bunch of new people had moved to Haddonfield this year, there were just so many targets.

He arrived home quite late and approached you in the kitchen. You were giggling and your eyes were glued to your phone.

Silently, he walked to you, hovering over your shoulder to see what the big deal was.

You were looking at selfies and pics a new guy had sent you, and didn’t realize Michael was right behind you. But you did notice when he snatched your phone from your unsuspecting hands.

Michael knew this was not him. These were not his texts. Why were you talking to this other man? He held the phone up high so only he could read it, ignoring your pleas to give it back.

Anger boiled inside him the farther he went, you’d sent provocative photos to this man, the man that was not him.

His grip on the phone tightened, bending the sides. Then he slammed it to the ground.

Your eyes widened, Michaels strong hand nearing your throat. Now there were tears in your eyes as you rethought all your horrible decisions. You should have known Michael was going to find out eventually, and be very mad.

As his hand wrapped around your throat, you excepted your fate. But you were surprised as he lifted you into the air, giving one last hard squeeze before dropping you to the ground.

Michael left promptly, walking to his old house in Haddonfield. You were left in the kitchen, holding your throat which had bright red marks on it. You couldn’t help but lie down slowly, crying to yourself when you realized Michael had just left you. Goddamnit, why couldn’t you just stay loyal.

He says to himself he doesn’t need you. He never has. You were simply another body to him. He can survive easily on his own.

But maybe...there’s just a little part of him...that wishes you were still with him...

BUBBA

It's nice to relax on a hot day in Texas, which is exactly what you and Bubba were doing. A sweet tea in hand, you laughed and talked with him, handing him a flower crown that you put together from the nearby bushes.

Bubba sat back with a smile, shoving the flower crown down onto his head. But in the distance, he could hear a truck, even though Drayton and the twins were sitting outback. Who could be stopping by?

As soon as you heard it, your eyes widened and you quickly set down your drink. You knew exactly who it was, and your heart rate went up when you saw Bubba follow you to the car pulling up.

He couldn't quite tell who it was, but he followed behind you, standing by your side when you stopped at the truck.

Even Drayton and the twins had stood and followed, and now your stomach was churning. Bubba waved at the man who stepped out of the truck, completely unaware the shit that was about to go down

“Please, not right now please can we talk another time-”

The man looked at you with a sneer, causing Bubba to cower behind you further as his smile faded.

“Who’s this babe?” When the man pulled you to his side, you saw Bubba cock his head. Who was this guy? Did he just call you ‘babe’?

Drayton and the twins stood with their arms folded by Bubba, looking confused. “More like who’r you.” Drayton spoke out. This was not going to be good.

“I’m y/n’s boyfriend. Nice to meet you.” You bit your lip, your eyes watering as you watched Bubba’s painful reaction. He stepped back, his lip quivering as he tilted his head again. Big puppy dog eyes stared back at you as your heart shattered.

And oh boy you could tell Drayton was BEYOND pissed. His cold expression glared at you as he took the now crying Bubba into his arms. Drayton normally would never hug Bubba, more or less stick up for him, But he was infuriated.

You knew Drayton was yelling at you, but all of a sudden everything went silent. Just static. Bubba was crying into the arm of Drayton while the twins were going along with whatever Drayton said. The other man had left in all the chaos, but you didn’t care.

You’d frantically ran inside, tears streaming down your face as you packed your bags. You couldn’t take it. The pitiful expression that never left Bubbas face would kill you if you stayed any longer.

As for Bubba, he no longer babbled excitedly, or smiled with giggles when something happened. All he could do was mope around, killing the very few intruders who came by. Nothing made him happy anymore.

He’d often cry himself to sleep, thinking only about you. For once he had trusted someone, loved someone, given them all he had, and now he wished he’d never been born.

FREDDY

You were dreaming about the other man, not even remembering Freddy had access to all of your dreams. As a matter of fact, you’d forgotten he existed.

Walking and talking with the other man, you went about your dream, carelessly smiling and laughing like your life wasn’t in danger.

Freddy had been watching for a good 15 minutes, and he was sick inside. How could you do such a thing. Even though he called you a bitch countless times, he still cared for you. He still loved you. You’d completely betrayed his trust. Eyes burning with rage and sadness, he huffed to himself before deciding to end it now.

Then you heard a distinct tapping noise. One that would have scared anyone else but you. You could tell that tapping from anywhere, its Fred. Oh fuck you’ve screwed up now.

You felt a certain feeling rush over you. It wasn’t fear, wasn’t anger, and it wasn’t sadness. It was guilt.

The shadow with a fedora disappeared, and instead, a real Freddy appeared between you and the other man.

“I should’a known a bitch like you would pull a stunt like this.” You looked to Freddy, about to apologize. He stopped you quickly.

“I don’t wanna hear it, you’re just another slut that I never shoulda trusted.” The audible pain in his gruff voice made your insides twist and ache. Suddenly, you didn’t want the other man. You just wanted Freddy. But the tears brimming at your eyes held you back for some reason.

He was just mad now. Losing the sadness, or even the jealousy, he just hated everyone and everything. Never again was he gonna love someone. It's just a big fat fucking mistake that ends in pain.

Drawing back his hand he effortlessly impaled the other man, who had been sleeping next to you in real life. Blood coated your face as you screamed, the tears that were pent up finally flowing down your face.

Freddy's head snapped towards you as he gritted his teeth, jamming the bloodied blades through your chest. He got sprayed with your blood, dropping your lifeless body to the ground.

It was over. You and the other man were gone. Dead. But for some reason, he didn’t feel any better. He felt worse.

Killing became a chore for him, his interest in killing teens almost faded. He didn’t need you though. Freddy doesn’t need an s/o. They all hurt him anyways...

[botheredbuck]

hey sweetheart, can u pls make a post for me that is pure infodumping ant this ship that you like so i can learn more about it? thankyou please 💖💖

ayes yes i can very much do that hhhhh

so!! ballum!! an outsider’s rundown. first their individual characters + backstory

ben 

- is a mitchell which is one of like the major families in eastenders, one that has been in the show since it started 

- son of phil mitchell who used to be like a major gangsta but now he’s just kinda old and wrinkly and tries to be scary 

- phil is also an alcoholic and he abused ben when he was a kid, and treated him like shit because he wasn’t overly masculine, is also a bit of a homophobe and was really shitty to ben when he came out 

- ben’s hard of hearing, so like he had maningitis when he was a kid and lost some of his hearing and so he’s had a hearing aid all his life (another thing that phil picked on him for cause he’s an ass) and recently lost more of his hearing in an accident 

- has been in prison for manslaughter oops

- has a daughter from when he was trying to prove that he was straight but it’s okay because lexi is a little badass and we love her. 

- was with this guy paul a while ago who got killed and it was hella sad 

callum

- was also abused by an alcoholic homophobic dad for most of his childhood, but his family aren’t very important on the square. he has a brother stuart who used to be kinda creepy but like i like him now so like yeah

- was a cook in the army for a while (because he was trying to prove that he was straight, although that’s not confirmed canon it might as well be, just like his ptsd) but ended up coming home after getting injured, also he was in love with this guy in the army but he’s dead now as well 

- was with this nice girl whitney for ages but then he cheated on her with ben (they did it in a park oop) and told her that he cheated on the night before their wedding, so the wedding got called off and unrelated but ben ended up getting shot at the wedding which ended up in a lot of angsty pining (he was fine eventually)

- came out to his dad in front of a whole pub worth of people and it was really badass bc his dad’s an ass 

- is now a police offer (EW)

okay so!! general basic storyline stuff (im going to try and restrain myself because ive tried typing this out before and it was 1000 words before i even got to like the start of this year)

ben and callum meet while callum is still pretending to be straight and with whitney, but ben sells him a dodgy car (oh yeah ben’s a criminal kinda) and callum confronts him and ben figures out that he’s gay (that is a really iconic scene if you’re looking for one to watch it’s generally just known as the i smell queer scene). then they’re sort of running around pining for ages until callum cracks, goes to confront ben, and they end up doing it in a park. 

yay.

the next day callum then proposes to whitney (sensible move), cue another good few months of pining until callum and whitney’s wedding, where whitney leaves him at the altar, and ben gets shot at the wedding reception. he’s fine tho (those scenes are also really good, if you just look up ben gets shot on yt) and they agree to go on a date. 

it then takes them a while to actually go on the date bc idk eastenders is weird, and then a little further along the line comes the scene where callum comes out to his dad and like half the square in the middle of a pub, then gives ben a big ol’ smooch in front of everyone (another amazing scene). 

then they’re together!! it’s kinda happy for a while!! callum encourages ben to not be so criminal, he kinda does it for like a couple of weeks 

and then christmas comes and oooh boy 

essentially, in simple terms- ben breaks up with callum to protect him, because ben’s being forced to kill someone for his dad, and that’s really sad. ben gets someone else to kill said guy (except they dont and THAT’S a whole drama) and callum comes back and they do it on a desk and get back together eventually. 

THEN 

the guy that ben was supposed to kill comes back and kidnaps callum, and this whole set of episodes is generally considered as some of ee’s best (at least by me) so i won’t say too much about these, because if youre gonna watch any i’d reccomed these episodes, it was the eastenders 35th anniversary, and it was actually so amazing in so many ways (i could write a whole other post about that but like yeah). 

essentially, something happens and ben ends up losing a lot more of his hearing, which he really struggles with. callum helps him through it, because he loves him (its so SOFT) and then eventually comes the scene where ben tells callum that he loves him for the first time and my fuck that is probably one of my favourite scenes so thats definitely worth a watch. basically, ben struggles with his hearing and the subsequent treatments for a long time, and ends up doing a robbery with his dad to try and prove that he still can, and this is about when ee went on a break over lockdown. 

AND THEN COMES EE SEASON 2

(thats a funny because ee have never been on a break in 35years before the break during lockdown so we’ve termed everything post that ee season 2)

oh and its a whole fucking load of drama. fuckin lot of angst. callum becomes part of the police (ew) and ends up getting blackmailed by his boss over ben, and it’s been really hard on him which is why we’re all anticipating him having a breakdown and it’s gonna be REALLY SAD. 

now there’s a lot of debate over the current sl that callum has, and honestly there have been bits of it that i liked?? my favourite episode has been the one in which callums brother gets married (stuart and rainie are fucking amazing), and callum also beat up a guy to defend ben’s honour. which could possibly get him in even more trouble because now he’s being super blackmailed by his boss :(((

fuck i just realised how long this is oops 

anyways thats about the jist of where we’re up to now?? ee season 2 for ballum has pretty much just been back and forth on callum’s storyline, im kinda liking it tbh?? but there’s a lot of questionable choices unfortunately. 

anyways i hope you enjoyed this lmao because i certainly did but im sorry it’s so long (if you want any specific scenes or bits to wacth feel free to let me know hehe)

anywasy sorry again oops hehe enjoy this <3

[olliethealright]

Three Steps From Home - Update #1

trigger warnings: religious content, abusive relationship, mental health, slight self harm implications, conversion therapy 

disclaimer: these are my own words and ideas, please do not use my words or ideas without permission from me.

Hi everyone! Today I’m going to do a lil update on one of my current WIPs, Three Steps From Home. I’m going to be talking about the first four chapters, aka the first 4500ish words. If you want a more detailed description of the book or the characters, my last post is the introduction to this project, so you can find more details there.

chapter one - casual acquaintances - 969 words

theme song - like or like like, by miniature tigers 

In this chapter, we meet the point of view character, Jude, as well as his love interest, Aaron. This chapter is mainly to introduce Jude’s voice and worldview, as well as how he sees Aaron without really knowing him. The inciting incident comes near the end of the chapter, when Aaron sits down to talk to Jude for the first time and the two strike up a conversation and Jude tries (and fails) to make a move.

“Even my mother’s Saturday night bingo group, who hated outsiders like they hated blasphemy, wouldn’t stop talking about you, or ‘that boy Aaron from the coffee shop,’ as they called you. ‘The cute one with the accent’. On those nights, I sipped spiked lemonade and passed out homemade cookies and tried not to hang onto their every word whenever you came into conversation”

“I supposedly worked from home, but I couldn’t stand home, so I worked from your coffee shop and pretended I wasn’t just another kid with a pile of student debt and a semi-failing career, living with his mother like an absolute loser. I pretended I didn’t watch you every time the production line of presentations got dull, every time the words swam from the page and my brain turned the texture of the dollops of whipped cream you put in hot chocolate”

chapter two - microwave dinners - 1347 words

theme song - untitled, by EDEN

This is the chapter where we meet Jude’s mom, who is honestly a piece of work. Jude is 21 at the start of the story, living with his mother as he saves money and continues to take computer science classes. His mother’s religion is a big source of tension in the story, and their unhealthy relationship is the centerpiece of this chapter. Jude comes home to find his mother watching a televangelist program, which eventually leads them to a fight, implying his mother’s wish to send him to conversion therapy, as well as alluding to Jude’s dad, who is not present in the story for unknown reasons.

“It was my dad who insisted on naming me Jude. He said it was biblical, but not overly so, not like the names my mother had picked. He always told me I was named for the book of Jude so I would remember what would happen if I lost my faith. Really, he named me Jude because it was near impossible for my mother’s native Spanish tongue to get right, and he liked watching her frustrated, he liked helping her get there”

“As it was, we walked on eggshells. My dad was no longer there to be a buffer between her anger and me. His name hovered in the air between us like a bomb, every time I brought him up, she would cross herself and mutter something like a prayer and get angrier by the second. I made myself scarce in hopes she would forget that her no longer perfect child still lurked under her roof like an unwanted animal, taking up the space the man she once loved did not”

chapter three - tea at midnight - 1042 words

theme song - perfume, by mehro

This chapter is very cute and wholesome, it balances out the sad feels you get from chapter two. In this chapter, Jude asks Aaron to hang out, and the two end up at a 24 hour tea shop, where they stay and talk until they have to get ready for work the next morning. There’s not much to this chapter events wise, but it does mark their first dateish thing, and it develops their characters a lot. It’s definitely one of my favorite chapters because of how light and dreamy it is.

“Maybe it was because I picked up a Mandarin-to-English dictionary to prove my point, but you obviously didn’t buy my story. You watched me over the corner of your fourth novel-in-progress, eyebrows raised so high they disappeared behind the rims of your glasses.

You glanced at your watch and sighed. ‘You know I’m going to have to kick you out in four minutes, yeah? Is there something I can get you?’”

“We sat in the cafe until we had created an impressive mound of dirty tea cups and the morning sun kissed our cheeks. We only left when we had to get ready for work. I was exhausted, an important afternoon meeting I had neglected to prepare for loomed like a distant storm cloud, but for the first time in a long while, I was happy, and I think you were too”

chapter four - circles - 1155 words

theme song - they’ll like me when im sick, by flatsound

This is my least favorite chapter in the book so far, and I’ll probably rework it, so everything in this part is subject to massive change (even more than the rest of this post). Basically, this is the chapter where both Jude and the reader get the sense that Aaron has problems he doesn’t talk about. Jude comes into Aaron’s coffee shop at his usual time and notices that Aaron is kind of out of it. Aaron’s coworker eventually convinces Jude to take Aaron home, and Jude spends the rest of the day trying to figure out what's wrong (spoiler, he doesn’t figure it out). This chapter also has a bit of a reflective aspect, as Jude criticizes himself for the things he should have done better. 

Again, this chapter is a mess and I don’t know how to explain what happens well. Sorry about that lol.

 “When I opened the door, your coworker’s eyes widened in a look that demanded attention. She jerked her head at you twice, a spectacularly unsubtle gesture, and then pointed out the door and in the direction of your apartment” 

“Fifteen minutes later, you slipped into the booth next to me instead of across the table, breaking our little routine for the second time that day. You pressed your back into my shoulder and brought one knee to your chest, your other foot dangling over the edge of the seat. I squeezed your hand under the table (always under the table) and tried not to worry”

Well, there it is! I hope you enjoyed this update if you’ve made it this far! As always, let me know if you have any questions about the story. I hope you have a nice day!

-ollie

[malarkis]

TURN drunk/drinking headcanons

had a lil drinky dranks with friends and got thinking about this afterwards. im pretty sure someone else did this though. i think i got everyone, so it’s a bit long and honestly just for shits and giggles. i am very sorry ------------------------ Ben Tallmadge - boy finally lETS LOOSE, but not in a wild way. he’s just overly friendly and will laugh at about anything. greets random people at the party. red as a tomato. first to hit that “oh god why did i do this” stage of sobering up Abraham Woodhull - the absolute madman. there is no dare he doth not do. ends up standing on a table at some point. ends most sentences in “ man” at a certain level of half drunk-half sober. falls off most surfaces. terrible balance Mary Woodhull - cheering on Abe at the start of the night. can probably down more than anyone else there. queen of the shots. drunkenly worrying about Abe by the end of the night. tipsy walks back to the car, but knows exactly where they parked Anna Strong - she and Mary are a force to be reckoned with in any drunken competition, simply abort all hopes of winning. stupidly good at aiming when drunk. probably makes a game out of it and has a few others cheering her on. drunkenly teaches you something. sobers up the fastest and check on everyone. probably one of the last ones and helps clean up and chats with you during Caleb Brewster - no idea why but i see him as the first to start, but also the one who can hold is alcohol the best?? the conscious mother hen drunk. never truly out of control. saving ben from something. mixes random drinks that sound awful but taste gr8. doesn’t know how to use the shaker, but looks cool with it anyway. unofficial guidance counsellor of the night

Washington - doesn’t actually get heavily drunk, but hits that borderline tipsy sometime during the night. actually knows how to use the shaker and looks cool with it anyway. will sit you down for a lecture on different whiskies or something. will call someone son by the end of the night. strong and affirming back pats Peggy Shippen - that one girl crying in the bathroom. but also that one girl you befriend in the bathroom and plan a drunken brunch with. came with andré but lost him somehow. 50+ pictures of you two together looking gr8 and remembers to tag you later on John André - started off strong, but got a lil bit weepy. perked right back up though - what a champ. came with peggy but lost her somehow. the sloppy fancy drunk who everyone had a nice time with. brought some imported alcohol. brings out the flute at the end of the night when about five of you are left. bad relationship advice Alexander Hamilton - one man drunken debate team. would probably win said debate anyhow. see saws between happy drunk to angry drunk in a few minutes. probably brings up conspiracy theories at some point. that one guy who you’ll chill with at the end of the party, probably on a lawn chair or something, just talking as you sober up Abigail - drunk or sober, she’s your Best friend at the party. would try not to get drunk, but let herself have a little fun because she works HARD. will hold up your hair while you vom. drunken witty comebacks and jokes for days Akinbode - can and will outdrink you. probably will compete with Mary at some point. intense drunk. he came to have a good time and he’s having it, but he’s also tired and spacing out. starts out strong, but also the one you need to check on later on and tap on the shoulder to see if they’re alive. dancey dancey Edmund Hewlett - nervously agrees to get turnt, but has a gd ball afterwards. you lose him mid party and find him with some sort of pet. laughing at his own jokes, but its endearing. got drunk on like sherry or something. does ONE dumb thing, quiet regret. Feels It(TM) when Coldplay’s “Yellow” plays at some point. brings out a board game. ends up in the pool but not by choice. John Simcoe - is the one who got Hewlett into the pool by some strange reason. not the first to get drunk, but definitely not the last. bit of a close talker. somehow ends up in a bit of a tussle during the party. wanders aimlessly around the house. forgot what he was looking for. you find him in the basement or den looking through music or something. originally came because Anna did. taking André’s bad advice Lafayette - voted most fun at the party. the endearing and a little clingy drunk. makes like 10 new friends even if they cannot understand one another. random yelling/singing in french. gets his new friends to sing in french with him, albeit poorly. nonetheless he is impressed. “i love you guys so much” x20. last to sober up. doesn’t realize how loud he is. losses all consciousness on the way home. probably sent you a novel of drunk texts Robert Townsend - “I’m so tired of being here”. watching over Abe and the gang, but also getting quietly turnt. actually has really good music and secretly gets to the aux/speakers. designated driver. makes coffee for everyone at some point. it’s probably his house and he puts up the “leave by nine” banner Robert Rogers and Sackett and Papa Townsend - who invited their horribly Bad Influence uncles to the party?? ratchet mixology crash course in the kitchen. pitching ideas to the young’uns. bad jokes. hijacks the music at some point - their choices range from absolute bangers to why do you even have this???? Ensign Baker - still a Good Boy. took the longest to get drunk, but got there somehow. probably took one of the drinks made by Sackett or Rogers and passed out somewhere on the couch. helps Anna with the cleaning afterwards, still drunk yet aware enough to tell you to text him when you get home safely. also insists on walking people out when they leave and saying bye, it’s not his house though Benedict Arnold - the worst drinking companion. everything is a competition and he will hijack several conversations during the night. please dont give him the speakers/aux chord. the spotify DJ feat. unwanted ads. bets galore. news flash, he lost all of them. just as bad as when he’s sober. please go home

[marvelhero-fics]

A Very Happy Birthday

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Request: @fabolous-stark hii can i please request an imagine where steve/bucky (pick one its up to you) pleases a reader bc its her birthday or maybe vice versa haha tysm love your work 💓💕💕(and also dont forget the bdsm stuff please or maybe some denial lmaoo im sorry for my dirty mind) but either way thanks ❤️ hope u get what i mean💕💕

Summary: Steve takes you home after your birthday party and gives you the best present ever

A/N: Firstly thank you for the request, I loveeeeeed it. I decided to pick Steve because I’ve been having huge Steve feels lately. I hope it’s alright??? It’s also very smutty so watch out. Hope this is kinda what you wanted! xx (Sorry it took a while! I’ve been working on heaps of requests!)

Word Count: 3,031 (oops)

Warning: smut, oral (female receiving), fingering, sex, unprotected sex, light bondage, orgasm denial (kinda), heavy smut, like very smutty, definitely R18

“Yea, I was honestly surprised he could drink that much too.” You grinned, your arm linked through Steve’s, your hand firmly holding his muscular forearm. The two of you strolled through the hallway of the Avengers compound en route to your apartment. You mindlessly laughed at his response about Sam’s alcholistic tendencies, too focussed on what you hoped would happen once you two finally reached your room.

Today was your birthday. It wasn’t something you’d really celebrated after your 21st, it just kind of became another day of the year. But once Tony had gotten word that it was your birthday, he’d immediately organised a massive, overly-extravagant party. Initially the guest list was about a mile long, but you’d managed to squeeze it down to around 80 people, which of course was pushing it for Tony’s minimum limit.

The handle of the door made a click as you turned it, slowly opening the door to reveal your apartment. Steve stood next to you, his hands shoved in his pockets with a comforting smile plastered to his face. 

“Well, this is me.” You smiled back. “Thanks for walking with me.”

“Oh, don’t mention it.” He replied. The hall fell silent. You could feel your heart beating in your throat as the awkwardness arose between you. Fuck it. You stepped towards the staunch Captain in front of you, closing the gap that held your bodies apart. Your hands immediately rose to grab Steve’s face and pull it towards yours, your lips connecting in the middle. After a moment, Steve’s hands finally moved from his pockets to grab your hips, tugging your body even closer to him. Your soft lips moved effortlessly against his, your tongue taking no time to find its way to his, each dancingly passionately around the other. Wow, Steve was a good kisser. Eventually, each of you pulled back, shattering the moment.

“Uhm, would you like to come in?” You asked sheepishly, almost trying to avoid eye contact. 

“Yea, I think that would be a good idea.” He replied, gulping slightly.

“Yea, definitely.” You returned, your swollen lips finding his again, re-connecting the passionate kiss you previously shared. Steve’s hands trailed from your hips down to your ass. He hoisted you up as if your body weight was nothing, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist. Clumsily, he walked into your apartment, not really sure as to where he should be going. 

“Kitchen.” You mumbled into his mouth, pointing in its general direction, neither of you wanting to break the heated make-out. You squeaked slightly when a shiver shot through your spine as your upper-thigh connected with the cool marble of the kitchen island. The kiss became sloppy as the both of you began shedding your clothes. First, he stripped off his jacket while you untied your heels, letting them drop to the floor. He slipped each shoe off while unzipping the back of your dress. Your mouths finally disconnected as he helped pull your dress from your figure. His fingers slipped under the straps of your dress and pulled them down your arms, exposing your lacy bra. You rested your arms behind you to prop your hips up while Steve fully removed the dress from your frame, discarding it to the side. Your hand reached up to grab Steve’s tie, tugging it lightly to pull his body back towards yours.

“Your turn.” You whispered seductively as you undid his tie, stripping it from his neck. Steve’s breath hitched in his throat slightly as he was frozen in his tracks. The two of you had wanted to do this for so long. After a second he regained his senses and began undoing the buttons of his shirt in a hurry. His soft lips returned to connect with yours, his mouth taking no time to force your mouth open, tongues battling each other for dominance. Your legs instinctively curled around Steve’s hips again, pulling his body even closer to you. His unbuttoned dress shirt hung off his shoulders, showing off his chiseled chest, while his length in his pants looked like it was about to rip his zipper open.

The passionate kiss came to a halt as he dragged wet kisses from your lips to your neck leaving dark love bites on your skin. His hands returned to your back to unhook your bra, letting it fall to the ground. Steve’s mouth moved to connect with your nipple, earning a groan from your delicate lips. His tongue traced circles around your sensitive nipple, causing your back to arch, pushing your chest towards him. You bit down on your lip to stifle the moans that threatened to spill. You didn't want him knowing how quickly he could turn you on. 

His rough hands traced down your ribs to fold into each side of your underwear. He tugged slightly, signally for you to hold your body up so he was able to tantalisingly strip them from your legs, leaving your bare entrance open for his view. He pulled away from your nipple to gaze at your heat for a moment. His tongue trailed a wet lick across his bottom lip before he grasped his lip between his teeth with a delightful hum. 

“Like what you see, Captain?” You enquired, a cheeky grin plastering itself on your face as you spread your legs further open for him. There was no reply, he simply lowered his body down so his head sat between your legs. His arms each snaked their way around your legs to rest by your hips. His tongue finally came in contact with your needy clit, earning a deep breath from your chest. Your eyes fluttered shut as he began lightly drawing circles with his wet tongue. Pleasure began arising just below your navel, causing a string of moans to roll off your lips. Suddenly, his hand shifted positions to sit on top of your lower abdomen, his fingers close to the top of your pussy. He pulled up against your skin, pulling the little hood off your clit, exposing the fragile bundle of nerves that sat beneath. He took no time to return his tongue to its previous position, although this time the sensation was so much deeper. The feeling of him directly against your sensitive bud sent arousal all through your body, almost making you orgasm on the spot. 

“Steve... I’m gonna cum.” You whined. 

“Not yet.” He mumbled, his tongue not stopping its cruel movement over your fragile clit. In that moment your whole body felt weightless. Your hands tangled in Steve’s short hair as your body convulsed under his touch, every muscle in your body tensed as you tried to hold your orgasm in. It was no use, Steve’s wet tongue traced over your exposed nerve once more and you completely caved in. Your first orgasm of the night ripped through your body intensely, moans dripping from your mouth like fresh honey while Steve’s tongue continued its harsh dance. You felt juices dripping from your core, your body twitching with arousal.

“Steve... wait...” You groaned, attempting to force his head from your pussy. But to no avail, his tongue kept up its act, trying to force a second orgasm from your body.

“Please, Steve... oh fuck!” Your legs instinctively tried to close to push his head away from you as pleasure built up in the pit of your stomach once again. A tight knot forming as it did before. His hand held your body in place as he ripped another mind-blowing orgasm from your entrance. Your moans were louder than before, juices running down your inner-thighs as the knot inside you completely unraveled. Colour clouded your vision as your body trembled, not used to the extreme pleasure.

Suddenly, Steve’s head was removed from your over-stimulated clit. He positioned himself between your legs, his head inches away from yours. Without warning, he pushed his long index finger into your tight, wet core. Your heart beating so fast you thought you might break a rib.

“Steve!” You flinched, your hand moving to grab his wrist. 

“I don't remember giving you permission to cum.” Steve growled into your ear, sending chills down your arched spine. His finger removed itself from your heat with a slight frustrated groan falling from your mouth. His hands moved to grab your hips, pulling you off the kitchen table and twisting your body around. He forced you down so your chest lay against the marble, the icy sensation making your nipples hard almost immediately. You’d never admit to him, but you loved the way he man-handled you. 

“When you cum without permission, you get punished.” He added, his voice low and husk. Suddenly, each of your hands were pulled together behind your back. You felt Steve’s large hand holding both of your wrists together as he reached over to grab his tie. The fabric felt silky against your skin as he wrapped it a few times around both your wrists, tying it tightly at the top. Subconsciously, you wriggled your hands slightly, seeing if the tie would fall away, but not to your surprise, your hands were definitely stuck.

You were pulled away from your thoughts as you heard the rattling of his belt buckle, along with the sound of him pulling it from the loops of his dress pants. A thunderous sound announced itself in the room as he cracked the leather belt together, making your heart skip a beat. Steve grabbed the tie held around your wrists, moving your hands up out of the way.

“Fuck!” Your entire body jolted forward as the rough leather came down harshly on your bare cheek, leaving a burning sensation. Just when your body had taken it’s time to relax, the belt came down a second time, the heat of the spank rippling through your muscles.

“That’s two spanks for cumming twice without asking.” His husky voice stated as his hand ran over the red belt mark lightly.

“Yes Captain,” You gulped, not wanting him to see how outrageously turned on you were by this whole act. I guess it wasn't new news to you that Steve was a control freak. He was the leader of the team and was always in charge, but you never expected him to be this controlling. To want his way this much. But you certainly weren't complaining.

You were pulled from your thoughts as you heard Steve undressing behind you. Your head turned to take a quick glance at him, he’d shed his dress shirt and black pants into a puddle on the ground. You held your gaze as he finally stripped his underwear from his figure. His long member jumped out immediately, he was already rock hard. Steve’s warm hand returned to your ass cheek, tracing over the belt mark that clearly hadn't faded. His finger traced down to play with the folds of your pussy, making you groan slightly in frustration.

“Please fuck me, Steve,” You whined, your hands straining against the tie that bound your wrists together in an effort to reach out and grab his member. Steve grinned. His index and middle finger finally sunk into your core. He pushed them in and out while slowly jerking himself off. The volume of your moans increased as the movement of his fingers quickened. You forced your head down into the marble kitchen bench as that all too familiar feeling began arising in your abdomen once again. Your muscles clenched up as your next orgasm began building rapidly.

“Steve, you're gonna make me cum again.” You whimpered, your eyes squeezing shut and your breath quickening.

The tight sensation was ripped from your body as Steve pulled his fingers out of your core, earning another frustrated groan.

“Did you cum?” Steve growled. You simply shook your head in response as you tried to fix your breathing.

“Good girl.” He responded, his large hands grabbed your waist as he lined his hips up with yours. He suddenly lined his length up with your dripping heat and began sinking himself inside of you. A huge moan dripped from your mouth as he began filling you up. Steve couldn't stifle the moan that fell from his mouth too as he felt your dripping pussy clenching around him. Both of his hands returned to your hips and he started slowly thrusting in and out of you.

“Oh fuck Steve, it’s so big.” You mewled, his length hitting a deep spot inside you that caused your legs to tremble. You were lucky Steve and the counter were holding you up as your knees became weak as another orgasm built inside you. Strings of moans and Steve’s name fell from your lips as your muscles began tingling, your eyelids refusing to stay open.

“Steve, can- can I cum?” You whimpered, your breathing was all over the place as your nervously tensed everywhere to try hold your orgasm that threatened to tear through you.

“Not yet.” He growled back. Curses piled out of your mouth as you tried to hold it back. Your eyes rolled back into your head and the pit of you gutted tightened so hard you thought you might pass out.

“P-please Captain.” You couldn't even hold your head up straight. Steve grabbed pushed your hips harshly into the kitchen bench to hold your body still as he began pounding even harder.

“Cum.” Was all he said. You immediately let go. Every fibre of every muscle in your body felt like it was melting with pleasure. The only thing keeping you from falling to the ground was the kitchen bench and Steve’s muscular arms as his grip on your hips never loosened. This orgasm was the biggest you'd had all night. You squeezed your eyes shut and practically began drooling as Steve kept you at your high. His long member hitting a nerve deep in your core every time he pounded into you. Your ears were flooded with the sounds of moans and skin slapping skin. You couldn't even think, all you could do was scream Steve’s name as you came all over his huge cock. The pleasure built to a point you felt like you couldn't even gasp for air, you tried to push your hands back against him to stop his pace, but the tie was too tight. Steve had complete and utter control over you.

Finally his pace slowed and he pulled himself out of you, he still clearly hadn't finished. Your tense body relaxed into the surface below you, trying to hold it together as you returned to reality. Steve grabbed your shoulders and pulled your body off the kitchen island. He pushed your hair out the way to place deep love bites all over your shoulder. His hands snaked up your frame to massage your breasts, occasionally grasping your hard nipple between his fingers. Your eyelids fluttered shut and you bit down on your lip, humming through your closed mouth as you flooded with gentle pleasure. Once your legs regained their strength you pushed your hips back so Steve’s member sat against your ass. Slowly, you began grinding into him, his cock still covered in your juices. Steve’s breath became deeper as he tried to control himself. You could tell how badly he wanted to cum. To have that sweet release that you’d had all night.

He flipped your body around and lifted you up around your waist to walk you towards the dining table. Tantalisingly, he lowered you down onto your back so your face looked up to him. It was slightly uncomfortable with your hands still tied behind your back, but in the moment you couldn't care less. He adjusted his body to sit between your legs, his hips perfectly lined up with yours. 

Once again, Steve pushed his cock inside you, slipping it in with ease. You were so wet your pussy practically dripped with juices. You moaned out Steve’s name. No matter how many times he fucked you, you never seemed to adjust to his huge size. It didn't take long before he was pumping himself inside you at a rapid pace, causing the dining table to shake beneath you. 

That pleasureful knot tied itself in your abdomen for the hundredth time this night, with your back arching into the air, and your hips forcing themselves further towards Steve, wanting to feel him even deeper inside you core. Your eyes blurred and crossed each other as you felt your orgasm starting to eat away at your body. With every thrust, Steve’s raging length hit those strained, sensitive nerves deep in your core. 

“S-Steve.” Was all you could mumbled out as he harshly thrust into you, paying no mind to how your body twitched below him. He leant over so his face was near yours. 

“Cum for me again doll. I want to feel you cum all over my cock.” He commanded, you body became numb to everything but pleasure. Colourful stars crowded your vision as you let yourself unravel all over his length. He held your legs to his sides while the shook as you orgasmed. Pure ecstasy took over as his tip hit that spot inside you that made you feel like you were cumming over and over again. Steve tried to hold you at your high as you clenched around him, but his movements became sloppy and he felt himself about to finish. For the first time this night Steve let himself go in the pleasure. He groaned, biting down on his lip as he came inside your tight walls, filling you up. He took a few extra deep thrusts to finish himself off before pulling his length out of you. 

Both of you sat quietly for a minute, breathing deeply as beads of sweat covered your foreheads.

“Happy Birthday.” He said with a weak smile.

A laugh escaped your mouth, “Same time next week?” You added, your mouth still wide open, trying to breathe in as much oxygen as possible. You earned a light chuckle from Steve who let your legs lightly fall beside his waist.

“Except next time I'm tying you up.” 

[akihsulkaz]

Junior Eurovision 2019 Pre-Show Top 19

So this is my first time looking forward to JESC since back then I couldn’t care less but like, hey why not for once? So here’s my top 19 before the show! It was unfortunate I didn’t end up posting my ranking for ESC 2019 but this is what you’ll get for now. 

Do remember that I’ll probably have quite different opinions than what others have. So please don’t go shitting on me for how I ranked/commented on the songs. Honestly the rankings from 7-12 feel quite interchangeable for me since I can’t really decide which I love more. But here goes my top 19 (with shitty commentary that’s probably outdated)!

19. Erin Mai - Calon yn Curo (Heart Beating) 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 I’m gonna get so much hate for this. I just found it utterly boring. Other than that, the percussion seems too soft? And the strings are too loud. I just found it boring and near unlikeable for me for some reason.

18. Joana Almeida - Ven Camigo (Come With Me) 🇵🇹 When the first part of the song came in, I thought this was going to be some Electra Heart rip-off. But then the rest of the song came in and I knew this was definitely getting low. While I know this is Junior Eurovision, Joana's voice is just too…childish for me. Maybe I’m being too harsh since I’m typically not watching JESC. Other than that, I generally didn't like the melody nor the instrumental. The only thing I liked was the lyrics. Which is weird since I usually kinda like these types of songs? But it just didn’t come off as good.

17. Liza Misnikova - Pepelny (Ashen) 🇧🇾 This song reminded me a lot of "Like It," to be honest. Though funnily enough, I prefer Zena's vocals, but prefer this song's instrumentals. I actually enjoyed the instrumentals, the vocals and melody itself not too much. Though overall I'm not too much into it anyway, so yeah.

16. Isea Çili - Mikja ime fëmijëri 🇦🇱 I like the story/concept of the song though the lyrics itself seem pretty eh to me. Albania has some pretty good vocals in general so it's unsurprising even Isea has some, too. Though the song itself is also pretty bland for me, just like the singing itself.

15. Marta Viola - La Voce Della Terra 🇮🇹 I feel bad for putting it this low, especially when I usually rank Italy so high. I personally find it boring. That's not to say it's a bad song. But yeah, it's not that great for me. Marta's voice is good for the song, however. But it just doesn’t stand out that much for me.

14. Tatyana Mezhentseva and Denberel Oorzhak - A Time For Us 🇷🇺 Seeing the title, I was like, "What, like the mass song?" That was just random though, lol. I…actually liked it, and somehow unlike some others' opinions, I actually kinda like Denberel's voice. Though it has a weak start. I personally just really liked the last part and mostly just that, which is why it’s lower than I probably would’ve given.

13. Jordan Anthony - We Will Rise 🇦🇺 No offense to Aussies, but for some reason I don't really have high expectations for Australia's songs. But this song was actually really good in my opinion. Jordan's voice fits in with the song and it's overall just a nice song. Problem is, it's not overly nice nor does it stand out as much. But I think this might end up doing well.

12. Giorgi Rostiashvili - We Need Love 🇬🇪 I'm seeing that this song seems quite underrated. I personally enjoy it. It's a nice "feel-good" song. I always end up swaying my head to this song. Though I don't expect it to win, it's a personal favourite of mine and it's probably the song in the list I would listen to when I just want to sit down and get myself happy and stuff. Just overall a nice vibe.

11. Eliana Gomez Blanco - We Are More 🇲🇹 Me ranking the songs starting with “We” is pure coincidence. Anyways,wWhile I adore this song, it doesn't have as much kick as I would've probably liked for this. Especially for the chorus. The rest is good, and I really like her vocals. Though sidenote, Eliana looks really mature for her age, she probably looks older than I am haha.

10. Yerzhan Maxim - Armanyńnan Qalma 🇰🇿 This is an overly unpopular opinion. But boy, this song comes straight outta a Disney movie. And Disney songs are hella rad. I don't see people liking this song enough. Though that's fair seems it would feel more like a typical ballad. But this kid managed to make me like it. This is one of the songs I definitely don't think will win, but still deserves some love all the way.

9. Matheu - Dans Met Jou 🇳🇱 I have a feeling this song would do great in the televoting because a lot of people will probably get tired of the "SAVE THE WORLD!" message and just want a song about a guy and his dudes chillin' and dancin' with the girl he likes. And while I love the damn other songs, I can't help but liking it because it's such an upbeat and carefree song.

8. Karina Ignatyan - Colours of Your Dream 🇦🇲 This is a really catchy and upbeat song which pretty much says to colour your life with happiness and stuff. The vocals are nice and the beat definitely gets your groove as it stays true to its lyrics of feeling great.

7. Darija Vračević - Podigni Glas (Raise Your Voice) 🇷🇸 Okay, I heckin' love this one. Lyrics are nice, the song is quite consistent throughout, and I just really love the last part where they all drop down and didn't continue the line to say, "Oh look, it's too late now." And just hhhhhhh, I didn't have this as my favourite because while I have high praise for this song, it doesn't seem like a song people would vote for. Plus I feel like it won't stand out enough, plus Darija needs some little bit more improvement in her voice.

6. Anna Kearney - Banshee 🇮🇪 I feel like I speak for everyone when I say this song is probably better than most of the songs Ireland has recently sent in the ESC. I like this song as well, but I have fears that people might sleep on this. Plus I have a soft spot for fantasy-esque songs so lol. Anna’s voice is great and the message itself I find really nice.

5. Mila Moskov - Fire 🇲🇰 The chorus was stuck in my damn head the entire day. I love a good lot about this song, and I wished it was longer. But unfortunately, it isn't. I honestly don’t know what else to say about this, other than maybe the lyrics would’ve been nicer, but it’s still decent.

4. Carla - Bim Bam Toi 🇫🇷 I think everyone liked this song. And I agree. It's super duper fun and catchy and I actually like the dance in the music video and how much fun and enjoyment Carla has. It's a personal thing that I'm not too much of a fan of the non-singingish parts, but that's really only because I can't sing them without sounding/feeling too awkward. And I like singing the French songs since I actually can read partial French so yeah. Overall, really neat song, but not my winner.

3. Sophia Ivanko - The Spirit of Music 🇺🇦 This song is the number one candidate of "songs that need to be longer." I love it. It's a nice and simple song and boy, I just love those "hoo"s. Maybe because I just like birds and to that owls, but I really do. It's my favourite part of the song.

2. Melani Garcia - Marte 🇪🇸 A lot of the entries this year pertains to saving Earth, but Marte focuses more on saving the ocean in line to saving the world. And can I just say how much I love the high notes? This kid can sing! I was actually contemplating if I would put this in first, but ended up putting it at a close second.

1. Viki Gabor - Superhero 🇵🇱 You know what always ends up being such bops? Pop songs about saving the world, that is! This was one of the songs I instantly loved from the moment I began listening to it. I can definitely feel myself dancing along to the song and such. This was also one of the songs I wished was just longer.

So yeah that’s all! Good luck to everyone^^

[letsperaltiago]

I give up, I'm in love crying out to you |Jake x Amy|

So this is the post ”Yippie Kayak” fic I talked about! And honestly... I’m not super happy with how it turned out, compared to what I had in mind, but... I hope someone out there will enjoy it. Maybe

xx!

word count: 2.8k

The red and blue lights coming from the remaining police cars reflected back off his slightly pale face as he started the car, carefully driving away from the surrounded Goodwin’s before turning down the main street. Since Jake had quickly been pulled away from her to get checked by a paramedic as soon as they pulled back from their passionate reunion kiss, neither of them had gotten to say much to the other after Jake escaped the hostage situation. He’d quickly shrugged off his leather coat then hoodie before giving her the latter before he was pulled aside. Since then Amy had spent the time checking up on Gina and Charles, secretly feeling unsettled and almost burdened even though Jake was clearly safe and sound. Why?

So she wondered still as they quietly drove off and away from the chaos. It was just the two of them in Jake’s car. Maybe she didn’t say anything but on the inside Amy felt like screaming and crying, almost like she wanted to speak out but some unknown force pushed the words back down her throat. More than anything she didn’t want him to notice, because then he’d worry and he was the last person who should worry about someone else. He’d just been beaten by robbers and held hostage, for God’s sake! Although it probably didn’t help keeping her messy state of mind secret that she uneasily, shuffling in her seat, kept looking back and forth between the bypassing streets and his focused, slightly bruised face. Either his mind was somewhere else, which was completely understandable, or he chose to bite his tongue and not comment on it.

“Should I drop you off at home?” After such a long silence, his voice almost startled her, causing Amy’s head to quickly whip away from the window and in his direction instead like a deer caught in headlights. They usually slept at her place, almost everyday besides a few times a week whenever one or both needed a bit of me-time, so this caught the young woman a bit off guard. Did he ask because he wanted to drop her off and go home alone? Or was he just being polite? During the 7 months they’d been together, Amy had never turned to overthinking like this and it scared her. Jake would never have ulterior motives when it come to her - or anyone else, for that matter. What was wrong with her?

“Ames?” Without taking his eyes off the road for too long he allowed himself to take a quick glance of her, obviously confused by the lack of response he got from his otherwise always very clear and palpable girlfriend.

“Oh, sorry. I just-“ she bit her lip, silencing herself with her thinking. Honestly she wanted nothing more but to tell him no. No, she didn’t want him to just drop her off and act like nothing had happened. Actually the very last thing she wanted after coming so close to losing him was to go home alone - without him. Then she remembered that her bag (having held clean, warm clothes) from the polar swim and stinky, soaked jacket was still in his trunk, and last-mentioned item probably needed a good wash. She also did happen to have a full day of Christmas celebration with her enormous family waiting for her tomorrow on the 25th, so… Though every signal within herself told her that she didn’t want to, that it was wrong, it probably would be easier to just go home and get the last chores crossed off her mental list.

“Uhm, yeah. My place is fine.”

Out of the corner of her eye she could sense a nod, immediately sending her heart crashing into her gut. First the polar swim, then the hostage situation and now this? What a shitty Christmas eve. 10 minutes of silence later, he pulled over in front her apartment building and turned off the engine. Neither of them seemed to be able to break that eyes, staring straight ahead out the front window with stiff postures and mingled thoughts.

“So we’re here,” Amy finally mumbled, slowly and almost unwillingly reaching for the door handle.

Jake turned in his seat, scanning her up and down with his tired, yet always so gentle eyes.

Words were burning in her throat, making it feel like a muddy mixture of feelings and tears balling up in trachea. It was pure agony and it just wasn’t worth it, when she was with this wonderful man who’d never laugh at or dismiss anything she said. She needed to calm down and trust him.

“Would you mind coming upstairs with me? Just for a second,” she finally managed to almost gurgle out and finally looking back at him.

“No, of course not.” He smiled weakly, pausing for a moment, before leaning over the gap between their seats to peck her temple. “Let me help you with your stuff.”

So there they were, just 2 minutes later, after climbing the few stairs to her first floor apartment. The flicking of a switch by the entrance door drenched the living room/kitchen in a soft yellow light, which allowed them both to make their way to the center of the room.

“Should I just put it on a hanger it in your bathroom?” Jake asked sweetly, making Amy’s heavy heart do summersaults because of the fact that he’d read her mind before doing anything else.

She sent him a grateful smile, “Yeah, thanks. Just make sure to-“

“Hang it in the shower, so it won’t drip on the floor?”

Amy could tell by the way her boyfriend’s  eyes light up and his lips morphed into a crooked, boyish smile that he was proud of the fact that he’d managed finish her sentence just right. Sometimes she forgot that not only had they been dating for 7 months, but he’d also been her best friend for longer and partner against crime for even longer. There was no denying that he, more than anyone else and even herself, knew her the best. A weak smile growing on her lips at the thought let him know he was right, and then there was nothing else for her to do but to follow him with her eyes as he walked off to the bathroom with her icy ocean-coat.

Everything was so good between them and there was absolutely no denying it. Then why did she slump down on her couch with a heavy sigh and an even heavier her, she wondered. What was it about today; about her; about him, that made it seem like she was holding back and onto some kind of secret. A heavy slump back against the back of the couch seemed appropriate for the situation. Few steps wandered down the hall towards her, coming closer and closer. Next thing she knew he was back, standing by the kitchen at the opposite end of the room, freezing in his track when he noticed her hopeless expression. A staring contest between the two seemed to be initiated, but truth be told, she was not taking in just his eyes. Also the dark circles that surrounded them, his short, but nonetheless curls very messy from the day’s actions, his posture only emphasised how he probably felt - yet Amy Santiago had never before been so sure of one thing.

“Amy, is everything okay?”

Okay, the jig was up. He’d definitely noticed her being way off the entire night. Maybe he had been so too, but he, on the other hand, had an actual excuse.

“Yeah,” the following sigh did not reassure him. “Come sit with me for a second. Please?” She let her hands dance across the empty space by her side.

It truly did feel like walking into the belly of the beast, but ready for whatever she was going to throw at him, the eager detective made his way to the empty spot beside her and placed himself facing her. One leg bent on the couch, the other hanging off the side as he rested his side against the couch’s soft back. Another silence swallowed them both. Right in front of him, so close that he could reach out and touch her even though he didn’t dare to right then, Amy was nervously pushing her hair back behind her ears. Normally a double-tuck was a good sign, Jake couldn’t help but notice, but the current moment seemed to be way off and inconsistent.

“Ames, you’re kinda freaking me out here. Are we okay? Are you okay?”

The fact that he emphasised the ‘you’ more than the ‘we’ once again told her that he was the greatest man alive, obviously caring more about her than himself and them. A smile was not to be held back and her left hand, rebelliously in the name of love, expressed the same intractableness by reaching forward and cupping his cheek. Like a tear, though they weren’t present, Jake felt her thumb dance downards across his face and a million butterfly were set free in his stomach.

“Yes,” she nodded softly. “Both me and us. More importantly: Are you okay?”

He nodded softly into the her hand’s fingerhold, secretly wishing she would elaborate instead of redirecting the worry towards him. “I’m okay. Tonight was scary, but now I’m here with you. And though it might seem cheesy, it’s what matters to me.”

She nodded back, and though her mind was racing, trying to fight and make sense of all of her thoughts, her lips parted with willingness to speak. “It’s okay to be cheesy. It’s what matters to me too: Us…” She hesitantly allowed a pause, breathing in and unconsciously ran her tongue across her upper lip, considering if she should continue. This was Jake Peralta. With them it had always been this weird game of ‘in-between but never quite there’. The years of pining, the ‘never-single-at-the-same time’, keeping it light and breezy, almost breaking up twice within their first week together… It all came rushing back like an avalanche, pushing Amy over the edge of her emotional mountain. This time she wasn’t going to stay stuck in the middle; she was going big or going home - and she was already home, so there really was no way around it. “… Which I guess is why I’ve been so weird all night.”

Jake Peralta tilting his head slightly to the side in wonder was somehow the cutest and worst sight in the entire world - worst because she knew he did it out of confusion and precariousness. Amy Santiago wasn’t one to be overly confident with men, but these 7 months together had definitely taught her that she held his heart in his hands. His secretly very fragile, loving heart. On the other hand though, she also knew that he also held hers. Vulnerably and firmly all at once.

“You…” along with a heavy breath, her hand dropped from his face into his lap to hold his. Her gaze followed behind. “Being in danger like you were tonight really got me thinking about how important you are to me.” Her sincere brown eyes finally looked, to his relief, back up at him as those last words danced off her lips. Tender yet alert eyes and an understanding not from her boyfriend let Amy know that he was listening - he usually did whenever she spoke - and pushed her to continue. Taking this leap meant that there was no turning back around. “Li-,” her breath hitched, when tears suddenly welled in her eyes with urge to leap over the edge and down her cheeks. “Like it just got me thinking about the fact that just barely 3 years ago, I could never live with you. Never share a life with you, never be in the same room as for more than a few minutes without going absolutely insane,” she squeezed their joined hands in reassurance. “Never touch you like this. We seemed to be two opposites in all the worst ways. Impossible to unify.”

Though it was obviously with caution, seeing how affected by the matter his girlfriend was, Jake smiled remembering how they used to be cat and mouse. Those times seemed so far away these days.

“And now, today,” the hitch in her voice repeated itself; this time causing a tingle tear to stream down her face. Even soaked in tears, her eyes never left his and if Jake wasn’t completely delusional from all of the surfacing emotions, he could’ve sworn tears were welling up in his as well. “It just really hit me that I could never live without you.”

Almost like a bomb, silence dropped and blasted through the space around them. It sucked them into a black hole of everything from utter vulnerability to raw emotion and everything in between. Amy quickly noticed how her boyfriend’s eyebrows had cocked upwards, along with his suddenly much more awake eyes, in surprise.

“There’s before, now and after; me before you, me with you and I never want there to be a ‘me after you’, Jake Peralta.”

His jaw failed to keep his mouth shot, allowing his lips to part in awe like a kid having just discovered a secret treasure of gold, diamonds and pearls.

Her heart picked up pace as well as her termbling voice.

“God, I don’t know if this is moving too fast; if it’s right or wrong… But I’m just gonna say it. I desperately need you to know.”A brief pause pierced the moment, the three words welling up inside her mouth.

“I love you.”

His lips slowly merged back into a soft smile, his eyes glistening with joy as he brought his strong hands across the distance between them to hold her face and look into her eyes.

“I love you too, Ames.”

Finally, turning out to be what she needed more than anything that night, he used the hands attached to her face to pull her into a soft, tender kiss. A heavy weight suddenly dropped from her shoulders, her chest becoming lighter and fluttering as well. Within seconds her fingers wrapped around his wrists which were attached his hands that still cupped her now also smiling face. Their lips pressed together still, sparks flying like it was the first time instead of somewhere within the millions - probably - Amy knew she’d made the right decision. She loved Jake Peralta and he deserved to know.

His forehead pressed against hers, never disconnecting, as their lips parted and a dynamic energy travelled around them and the room. Amy could tell he was smiling; she was too after all.

“Tell me we’re end game?”  

When he slowly tilted his head just an inch back, Amy felt the tip and bridge of his nose gently stroke up her own. Upon having finally tilted it up and back far enough to reach her forehead, he pressed a tender kiss to it. It lasted longer than their rare, but yet sweet, little forehead kisses usually would. It almost felt like his lips had gotten stuck, but then suddenly to Amy’s secret dismay, he pulled his whole upper body back to look at her properly with glistening eyes and a happy grin. Amy’s heart on the other hand was anything but calm, thumping louder and harder than she ever imagined possible. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Maybe declaring her love like that was a bit too much for an otherwise emotionally cut off person like Jake. Maybe she should’ve just stuck to “I love you”… Or just nothing at all; she should’ve sent him back home and slept by herself tonight.

Yet suddenly it was clear to her that the confusion and anxiety must’ve been clearly written across her face, because once more and always preferably, Jake Peralta’s hands were buried deep within and messing up her glistening black locks like they were the last sensation he’d ever experience. His soft soft lips grabbed hers, telling her that she’d never be alone ever again though she still sometimes feared she would. More. She wanted it all and more, so she quickly reached across, grabbing the collar of his famous grey hoodie. If it was even possible by then, seeming to be as close as possible, she pulled on it and him. His lips scrunched into a smile against her desperate kiss. Suddenly his kiss wandered off too the side, onto her cheek; her chin; her hairline before ending on the top of her head with her cheek resting securely on top of his shoulder and arms wrapped tightly around her frame. Like they should be. Always.

“Amy Santiago, we’ve always been end game.”

[wileds]

after the fall spoilers! please be warned!!

hot mess incoming im still processing and NERVY AF ASJDKLDFHJ

ok.  my muse isn’t canon of course so i am focusing on the vacuo revelations.  

1) it is very nitty gritty and super survivalist, the wildlife was more dangerous than expected, shade being described as the only source of order makes much more sense now.  in v4 sun expressed surprise that menagerie didn’t expand inland and blake said that menagerie’s desert wasn’t like vacuo’s - it was inhospitable, and had wildlife more dangerous than average.  if that’s still true then holy shit.  the grimm, harsh nature, lack of resources, and wildlife we get exposed to in this book?? vacuo is a hard fucking place to live.  

2) vacuo organizes itself mostly around settlements which was surprising to me too, i didn’t expect nomadism to be that much of the norm even though it’s forced due to grimm attacks and sandstorms / other natural disasters.  it just brings a nice contrast to the utter luxury of love’s upbringing, being landed outside of vacuo city.  they have had the means, money, fortune, luck, security etc to give up nomadism.

3) added headcanon: love’s tribe definitely has their own small cct support tower.

4) i hummed at some of the more callous/uncaring descriptions and stereotypes of vacuans...

surviving is what we do here, or we don’t. we look out for one another but if it’s down to your life or someone else’s, you choose your own. no hard feelings.

the only home you have in vacuo is the people you keep close.

settlements described as honestly meagre places. “there was no way is could ever compare to beacon, let alone any village in vale”

but i’ll take em since they came from the mouths of vacuans, from their experiences living among different settlements.  still, just the first page had trite stuff like  vacuo: the wrong place at the wrong time  and  a terrible place to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there.  SO I STARTED OFF SQUINTING REAL HARD. i was really scared of just .... not liking the vacuo we get, after all this time of waiting and worldbuilding on my own.  i was terrified that my hype would fall apart or be disappointed by some mad max wild west bullshit.  and terrified that i’d feel overly protective of my headcanons or salty if others suddenly started paying attention to vacuo thanks to cfvy, who aren’t even from there (bar you know you), so vacuo would just become a theater again.  

5) but fox and slate especially brought a lot of feeling and sense and heart to these sayings and environments, so i really wound up liking it! (“no matter how long you’ve been away, you’re always part of your tribe, and your tribe’s always part of you,” slate said. fox smiled.)

6) although i liked much less the judgments made by coco & velvet when they’d only been living there for a little while and obvi are there because their hands were forced after the fall.

7) i guess the clarkia tribe’s strong ethics and emphasis on hospitality can be a product of their wealth too. they can afford this generosity, whereas a lot of others need to focus on survivalism.

8) most vacuans wore simple, light-colored tunics and linen cloaks and head coverings for crossing the desert. ...  inb4 love really is extra Extra for his sense of fashion.

9) the bits on vacuan attitudes on leadership vs authority were very interesting and i have old headcanons that i need to dig up and think about. fox said most tribes and settlements don’t have elected officials which...personally feels incredibly yikes and unsustainable. incredibly. “it’s even more unusual for a tribe to have a leader that they trust” honestly, i don’t like this canon. i’ll trash it when it comes to love. on slate’s good leadership, from coco’s thoughts: “it was because she cared more about them than she did herself, and that was a rare quality in vacuo.” ... like, objectively i know this attitude is probably true but god do i hate generalizations!! i felt like this when rping ciel too, on generalization about atlas that was all rly about class.  ah!! oh well. i’ll think about it.

10) velvet dabbled in fortune-telling when she was younger can we TALK about this.

11) all the grimm were beautiful by the way, beautiful and terrifying and fucking everywhere, though that was mostly because Plot. gotta remember that that high level of threat is not typical, but due to Plot.

12) speaking of plot: someone seeking out people with strong semblances?  love has a Strong Semblance.  his semblance, in fact, has a whole mound of its own lore and celebration behind it. pls fuck him up, or warn him that this is happening.

14) descriptions of shade, too, i am on the fence about. “It felt like everyday at the school was a test to see how good you were, to prove that you deserved to be training to be a Huntsman. Survival was more important than teamwork, and it was more competitive than Beacon Academy- even within your own team- placing CFVY at a unique disadvantage” / “...focus on survival and results rather than teamwork and studies.” ... we get it, you have to survive. why the fuck wouldn’t teamwork and studies be important to survival and training career huntsmen? i just don’t get it and it doesn’t quite align with my views, though i know that attitude certainly exists in vacuo, ffs it’s not monolithic. in a huntsman institution?? i don’t buy it. idk!!

15) “Vacuans were typically more respectful and less wasteful than anyone else.” !!! A GOOD ONE!!

they acknowledged several times that vacuo’s problems has roots in other kingdoms taking advantage of them!!  “Their whole existence was centered on picking up and moving on. And it was the other kingdoms that had created this situation for them. No wonder they didn’t want to get involved in Remnant’s politics.”  I FUCKING STOPPED AND CHEERED AT THIS PART. AAAAAA GOD FUCKING BLESS. i have added legitimacy to how love doesn’t at all sign onto the grandeur of being a huntsman especially if it leads him out of vacuo, he does it for other and personal reasons.  the goodness is a happy bonus.

i’ll stop here or else i never will. big takeaway: i fucking love fox alistair. i love him. i adore him. every time fox alistair did anything i wanted to scream. also, i’m upgrading my velvet cosplay. also, brnz. also sssn. FUCK.

[all-at-once-you-are-the-one]

Stream of Consciousness Lover Album Reaction

I wrote out my first thoughts while listening to the album and put them in one big post. I hope you find them as funny as I do lmao

1. I Forget That You Existed

LOL so that’s what the drake Easter egg was about!

Who is this about????

NIIIIiiiiiiiiiIIIiiiiCE

SHE SOUNDS SO GOOD

I JUST FORGOT WHAT THEY WERE LMAOOO

HER LAUGH!! SO CUTE!!

This track is somehow savage and adorable at the same time

So......yeah.......

ShnfhKJHGKSHDKGHSKGHSJG

2. Cruel Summer

This is giving me Katy perry vibes

The devils roll their dice line is from this?? Didn’t expect that

This is maybe the catchiest song I’ve ever heard

Why is this not a single??????

STILL DONT KNOW WHAT SUMMERS A KNIFE MEANS

EXPLAIN TAYLOR

This also kind of gives me Jonas brothers vibes, why???

Again.....what is this about???

OooOOoooOooWhoooooAAAAhh i loveeee this

OOOH no you know what this gives me GETAWAY CAR vibes

Wait...do we think that at the beginning joe wanted to keep their relationship private and Taylor agreed but then changed her mind? WAIT NO.....is this about her having to keep her love for joe secret at first the summer they met because she was with someone else/it was too soon??

3. Lover

Ok SUPER WEIRD transition into lover but OK

As much as I love albums with a clear narrative like rep I also like being all over the place so this is fine

CAN I GO WHERE YOU GOOOOOO

FOR EVER AND EVER ANDIIIII

YOURE MY MY MY MYYYYY LOVER

I wonder what inspired her to use the term lover? Does she not know that normal people don’t speak like that?

WAIT IS THE REASON LOVER COMES AFTER CRUEL SUMMER because of the 3 summers line?? Like look how we started...now were here

Does the album begin with i forgot you existed because its like ok this Kanye situation happened...but now were gonna forget about that and talk about the realer real story of the past couple years of my life rather than seeing it through the lens of that story like on rep

4. The Man

THE ACCURACY

THE ACCURAACCCCYYYYYYYYY

IT HUUURRTTSSS

Honestly though i actually thought this one would be more savage, i thi

DID SHE JUST SAY BITCHES AND MODELSSSS?????

SLJGSHUKGHKDG

Never mind this is as savage as i wanted

I should know better than to judge a Taylor song before the bridge

Again why isn’t this a single.....it better be

5. The Archer

The emotional whiplash this album is giving me is insane.

It’s like RED but with synths

Is the archer placed here because part of her lack of self confidence comes from the things the media says about her (because she’s a woman not a man?) INTERESTING THOUGHT

Don’t have much else to say about this, we already know

.....

Wow the cake i bought for tonight is somehow way too sweet

6. I Think He Knows

Definitely didn’t think i think he knows was about being horny af

But this is so catchy

Why is everything so catchy?? Literally every song should be a single

BOY I UNDERSTAND the confidence!! After the archer!! I love that he makes her feel that way1!!

I THINK HE KNOOOOOOOWWWWSS

This gives me teenage dream vibes and i fucking love that song

7. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

Ok time for the one with the weird title

I love how she keeps comparing her current feelings to how she felt as a teenager!! How its the same and different....very good.

SHES A BAD BAD GIRL

More dice!

Is she imagining what it would be like if she was in this relationship in high school? Because I DO THAT ALL THE TIIIIME GIRL SAME

THATS MY WHOLE WORLD SOOOO CUUUUTE

YOU PLAY STUPID GAMES YOU WIN STUPID PRIZES

VOTED

MOST

LIKELY

TO

RUN

AWAY

WITH

YOU

I really like this one. I didn’t expect I would.

This should be a single.

8. Paper Rings

THE VOICE EFFECT

She’s singing so fast on these songs!!!! I CANT KEEP UPP

UH HUH

THATS RIGHT

This is so retro and i loooooooooooooooooooooove it

DIRTY DREAMS??????? TAYLOR PLEASE

OMG THE COLOUR WE PAINTED YOUR BROTHERS WALL

THE PICTURE

THE PICTURE

FROM THE REP MAGAZINES

SDIHGUSHGUKHDZRKUGHKUDZHGUHDZGHDKZHGYIDZJLGJLDJGJSDJGDHZGHLGHLSHGHDG

II LIKE SHINY THINGS

THIS SONG IS SO FUN! ALL THESE SONGS ARE SO FUN!!

Ok baby boy that’s kinda weird but you know what..

....

....

Ok its still weird but maybe it will grow on me

This should be a single.

9. Cornelia Street

HERE IT IS!!! THE FIRST TAYLOR PRODUCED SONG

I NEVER WANT CORNELIA STREET AGAIN?? WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?? THEIR WORST FIGHT? ANOTHER RELATIONSIP? QUESTIONS

The storytelling!

Wait......is this about before they ran away together in CIWYW?? Like she thought he didn’t really want her so she was gonna run away alone...but then he was like no i really do lets go

I totally thought that this was the one with the staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town line was from

She ended it with the line she started with (i think)? Ike she used to!

Kinda feel like people hyped this one up too much but i do like it

10. Death by a Thousand Cuts

The piano!!!!

Like a thousand notes a thousand cuts

Look through the windows of this love - like the heart on her eye! I get it I GET IT lmaoooo

If this song was on red it would have the saddest production but on this album its a bop

11. London Boy

IS THAT JOE??? OMG lmao

HER ACCENT LMAOOOOOOOOO

I don’t know if this song is supposed to be as hilarious as i think it is but i really do think its hilarious

What does like a Tennessee Stella McCartney even mean????

I kinda feel like this song is too specific to her life to be relatable so maybe that’s why i feel that way about it?

12. Soon You’ll Get Better

Ok great... so we went from that to the sad one

I have to prepare

I didn’t tell you i was scared....

Cause you have to...

The fact that this is the country song...

I cant

GOD NOW IM CRYING THIS IS SO SAD

That was the only song so far i had to actually stop typing for. God....I’m so sad for her and her family.

13. False God

I can barely take this song in because of what just came before.

But i really like it. And i really like the theme of religion on this album

14. You Need to Calm Down

NOW YNTCD IS PLAYING

??? IM LITERALLY SOO SAD FROM SOON YOULL GET BETTER STILL

I CANT

PROCESS

THIS

This album is literally all over the place, i keep trying to assign a narrative to it and its not working out so I’m just gonna give up

Sometimes albums are just collections of songs and not a coherent, linear story and that is ok! Even if its not what i prefer

It certainly didn’t bother me on her first few albums.

The one thing i take away from this is like...no wonder she’s so determined to be so overly positive, i think for her its that or break down crying in the face of what’s happening in her family

15. Afterglow

I really love this song!!! Hashtag relatable

......

Man..you can really tell even just from my typing that my heart isn’t in this anymore after that song

Like

Fuck

I think I’m just sad for me too, because i know that i will go through that too sooner rather than later and I already have friends dealing with losing a parent.

16. ME!

My only thought on this is god bless brendon Urie for injecting so much additional joy and energy into this song and making Taylor happy, i just get the vibe that she really needed that

ALSO WHAT THERES REALLY NO HEY KIDS SPELLING IS FUN

TAYLOR EXPLAAIAIIIIIIIAIAIIAN

We’ll see if its on my physical cd copies when they arrive...if not then maybe it was always planned to be a line only in the single version

17. It’s Nice to Have a Friend

Ok I don’t really like this song that much but i really like the messages she’s trying to send like...real love feels like hanging out with a childhood bestie, so comfortable

18. Daylight

I WAS LIKE MEH

BUT THE FUCKING BRIDGE

THE BRIDGE

IM EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED

Also something about the chorus reminds me of the chorus of starlight

STEP INTO THE DAYLIGHT AND LET IT GO

YES

I WAS LIKE NO IS THAT NOT A LYRIC??

BUT IT ISTHANK GOD

THE END

YOU ARE WHAT YOU LOVE

THAT WAS LIKE

MY MANTRA FOR A COUPLE YEARS A WHILE BACK

BECAUSE

I LOVED SO MANY PEOPLE BUT THEY DIDNT LOVE ME

AND I WANTED TO BE DEFINITED BY THE FACT THAT I LOVED THEM NOT THAT HTEY DIDNT LOVE ME

IIIIIIIIIIII

I

IN CONCLUSION:

My feelings are everywhere. Some songs disappointed me but some blew me away - soon you’ll get better is basically the new Never Grow Up for me which is saying a lot. Everything is catchy a hell though even the songs I didn’t like as much. Ultimately i would have liked more songs about varying subject matter esp. self love but as it is, it is still somehow so all over the place. It really just shows how many emotions and phases can be contained within one relationship (i mean I’m assuming every song about a relationship is about joe). I really think that the song about her mom maybe should have been placed somewhere else...I don’t know where I would have put it but that shit is HEAVY. I am so honored that she and her family would share that with us though. I have a million question about how Andrea is doing and if my theory on why tour hasn’t been announced is correct...maybe she will explain more in the interviews/secret session audio we’re getting in the next couple days. I think my favorite song is Lover but that may change. I don’t think any song on here tops my current all time favorite Taylor song though which is CIWYW. That’s a little disappointing but not every song or album has to be my fave! And this album will probably grow on me esp as i hear Taylor’s explanations of it. Rep did. I really did nooott feel good about most of rep at first, it took a few days.

[fluidityandgiggles]

Sleep Is For The Weak - Chapter 2

Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1

Notes (I guess): I am equally in love and in deep hate with some (a lot) of what’s going on in here, and I am terribly, terribly sorry. And also there are some characters I wanted to explore a bit further than what had been in this part, but... I’m working on it. Give it a bit and I’ll get there. Again, credit to @broadwaytheanimatedseries for screaming at me to write this, and to @whatwashernameagain for Keep Him Safe, and also a tiny tiny lil bit to @anony-phangirl and @asleepybisexual for their general support and for being such great sports about me annoying them with my ideas... (oops).

(I’m trying to find a way to write my notes, so bear with me until I find a way to… it might take a hot minute.)

(KHS) Tag List (sort of): @em-be-lievable, @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2, @adoratato, @supremestoverlord, @royallyanxious, @madly-handsome, @hanramz-the-fander, @the-incedible-sulk, @poisonedapples, @virge-of-a-breakdown, @winglessnymph, @princeanxious, @smokeyrutilequartz, @im-bad-at-life (if any of you could tag the rest, please do! I’m improving my memory from day to day, but… yeah…)

Tag list: @bunny222, @ab-artist, @secretlyanxiouspersona

Trigger warning: period appropriate transphobia (the early 00s were not exactly trans-friendly). This chapter in particular includes some very heavy misgendering and deadnaming (if you get what I’m saying). Please be careful.

—————

Science of Living Systems 20 actually wasn't as bad as Remy thought it would be. It was rather cool, actually.

Well, at least he hoped it was.

The head of the department was… an interesting individual. Remy met with him during the application process. The man insisted on calling him "Miss Harris" and speaking to and about him in girl pronouns, and Remy understood why.

For some reason, though, Remy expected all the professors to be like that. And not such was the case.

"Rebecca Harris, I want to see you later in my office."

Doctor Gilliam was in his late thirties, called everyone by their first and last names, thought that being single was hilarious, made really bad puns in his lectures (though Remy heard, not as much outside of them), and tried his best to be "hip with the kids". It was worrying, to say the least. And… yeah, Remy was slightly terrified.

"I'm kind of worried, kid," Gilliam said the moment Remy walked in. "You don't look too-"

"Excuse me, Doctor, but I don't know what this is about."

"Have you heard about shadows and personae, Rebecca Harris?" Remy shook his head, terrified to say a word. "Well, it's quite an interesting concept. According to Carl Jung, you'll learn about him later, the persona is the mask you wear in the world. It's what you want others to see. The shadow is your innermost self, the parts of your identity that you wish to hide from others."

"Okay, and?"

"I think your persona might be cracking."

What… was going on?

"I'm not making sense, am I? I'm sorry. There's a lot that goes into that theory and I shouldn't confuse you this much, at least not until we get to it."

Yeah… it was weird.

"So, my point is… you can talk to me if anything is making you uncomfortable, okay?"

"Okay… I guess."

"Well, that is all," Doctor Gilliam said, fixing his glasses.

That… was weird. But okay. If that's how he wants to do things. Remy wasn't going to complain.

He was definitely better than the head of department.

—

There was a knock at the door.

Abby, their RA, was over earlier. Apparently Katherine had a bit of a scene right after class. So naturally, Remy assumed it would be Abby. No one else could be knowing on their door at ten thirty pm-

"We don't have your bunny this time. You can go."

Oh.

"Oh, no, I just…" Remy could hear that… kid? Whatever his name was, from the door. "I just need… I need someone to help me with something. And…"

"Oh. Remy can help."

"No I can't," Remy replied. "I need sleep and so do you!"

"It won't take long, I promise!"

"...fine." Remy got off the couch - the nice, comfy couch, where there was a blanket and his sols20 book - to the door. Where that kid (Emile? Emile) was looking at him with those big blue eyes and…

Yeah, Remy regretted unbinding. (Well, no. He did not. But also kind of did.)

"Hey… Rebecca, right—"

"His name is Remy."

Emile seemed shocked for a moment. Oh shit. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't know. I just… I see you in most of my classes, so… never mind. So… how are you with baking?"

—

"So my sister Julie is LaVeyan—"

"Aren't we supposed to be baking cookies, babe?"

"Yeah, but… the stuff's all in the cabinets and I'm looking!"

Emile was a disaster child, Remy decided after only five minutes alone together. He brought a violin and his bunny to the kitchen in the pursuit of baking cookies - like, what even? - and he just seemed so… energetic? Happy? Whatever the word was. A couple minutes ago he was talking about the cookies, sure, but then he switched it to the importance of guided imagery, and then why Li Shang from Mulan is bisexual, and now… what was he even talking about?

"So my sister is a LaVeyan Satanist," Emile repeated himself, almost climbing on the counter to reach a cabinet. "It's kinda funny, actually. My dad's side of the family are all Catholic, and— can you put the sugar on the countertop, please? Thank you!"

"Sweetie, for the eleventh time this past ten minutes, I understand nothing you're saying."

"Am I speaking another language or something? Because if so I'm sorry!"

"No, it's just…" How does he not hurt his feelings? "It's just… you talk fast and about a lot of subjects at the same time."

"Oh. Okay. Sorry."

Maybe he thought Remy couldn't hear, but there was definitely a "this is just one of the things that are wrong about me" thrown in the air.

Emile didn't speak to him for the rest of the process. Maybe once or twice he pointed out a step or an ingredient, but overall he did not speak. At all. And then the cookies were in the oven…

And then he pulled out his violin.

"Is this really necessary?"

"I'm not talking to you."

"Emile, is it because of something I said?" Emile, still pouting (as he had been for a good hour and some now), nodded. "Well, I'm sorry. Please don't silent treatment me."

"I talk too fast and too much."

"Not what I said. I just said I can't follow you. I didn't say it's your fault. Please don't—"

Emile pretty much just ignored Remy (uhh, rude!) and positioned his violin, and started to play something… quite angrily.

After a minute and a half Remy recognized it as Once Upon a Dream from Sleeping Beauty.

After another three minutes, he dared open his mouth again. "I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean to. Do you accept my apology?"

"...fine."

It was not fine. Absolutely not.

"Thanks for the help with the cookies," he said as they separated at the top of the stairs, all one-hundred-and-ninety cookies (Emile insisted on quadrupling the recipe) safely packed in plastic boxes and hidden away. "I… I'm gonna go now."

"Emile, please." He turned around, still looking quite pissed. (It was probably the hour, Remy tried telling himself. It's already past one am. This is not good.) "Are you mad that I said I'm confused?"

"To be honest with you, yes! Yes, I'm mad. I know it wasn't your intention but I heard you say shut the fuck up when you said that. And it hurt. Very badly."

...oh.

"I'm going to forgive you, but it's going to take me a bit, so please don't be mad at me, okay?" Emile honestly looked close to tears. "Good night, Remy. I'll see you in living systems tomorrow."

And then he went to his suite, violin and bunny with him.

Remy just got himself into a huge mess.

—

It was a beautiful afternoon in Boston when Remy found himself at the rather posh Italian place his mom wanted to meet at.

Before their divorce in late 1999, just after Remy turned fifteen, his father started contacting a charity organization dedicated to help transgender youth. He educated himself. Tried to educate his wife as well. But… apparently it was the last straw for Linda. The very night he tried to even just explain that it's not her fault, that it's how he was born, she packed up her things and left.

The divorce papers came in less than two months later. The divorce was finalized in November 1999. Remy did not see her since.

(Yeah… that was a lie. He actually hasn't seen her since Christmas 2001. But that was still a very long time. Almost a year is a long time.)

"Well, at least the weather's nice." And there she was with her new boy toy. Glamorous as ever, with her stupidly huge sunglasses and her bright red (disgustingly fake, makes India's hair seem real) curly bob, looking exactly the same as she did that day Remy came out to her.

A few hours later, though. When she thought he was asleep and left the house to go to some party.

"Well, at least you're still not very nice, Linda," he said with a smirk as he sat down next to her boy toy (he actually looks kinda nice, for a forty-something year old). "But much unlike the weather, I don't think this is a thing that can change so easily."

"Where are your manners, Rebecca?"

"The same place those diamond earrings you forgot when you left us are. At home with Dad, probably watching South Park."

"Well, at least we left the girls at home." Linda took off her sunglasses and replaced them with a normal, frameless pair of glasses. "I don't believe you met Stephen before, Rebecca."

"I don't believe I've met a Rebecca before, Linda."

"Are you ready to order?"

It took about two minutes for all the orders to place (of course Stephen had to order something overly fancy, because why the fuck not) before she started yapping again.

"Rebecca, I didn't ask to see you for you to be so rude to me."

"I didn't ask to see you, period."

"What would you like to be called, then?" Stephen asked. Well…

"Remy. My name is Remy."

"Your name is—"

"My name is not Rebecca! I haven't gone by that name since I was fourteen. Dad never called me that since the day I asked him to call me Remy. You're the only one who ever insisted, how do you think it made me feel?"

"How do you think it made me feel, Rebecca?" Remy hoped no one was looking. "My own daughter. I jeopardized my own high school graduation to have you because your father was dumb enough to forget the condoms. I gave up life-long dreams just to raise you, because that retard of a father you have couldn't. Is this how you repay me?"

There was a very awkward silence, that was broken by an unfamiliar voice - deep, with a southern drawl - and a confused "Rebecca?"

India. Without her makeup, her hair pulled back.

Looking almost perfectly manly.

"Excuse me?" Linda straightened her glasses, glaring at India. Oh, how Remy did not want this to happen… "And you are?"

"Ian McGinty, ma'am. I'm her boyfriend."

Oh.

"Your father didn't tell me you have a boyfriend," Linda spoke slowly.

"Because he doesn't know everything. And my name is still Remy."

"Ethan and I are gonna go now," India said, her voice still lower, still more southern than normal. "Text me when you're done, we'll go get ice cream?"

"...sure."

And then she leaned down and said, in the voice Remy grew to know and absolutely adore, "we're going to talk about this. Don't worry, I got your back."

And then she was gone.

"So a boyfriend, huh?"

"...so how many men have you fucked before meeting Stephen, Linda?"

—

"I'm so sorry about your mom, baby."

India's brother, Ethan, looked nothing like her. Well, he looked like a more manly, less boyish version of ‘manly' India, but also nothing alike. He also didn't talk much. So that was fun.

India took them to get ice cream indeed. (And much like her music taste, her favorite ice cream flavors - burnt caramel and earl grey - were rather… interesting. But she did swear that Toscanini's was probably the best ice cream in Cambridge, and who was Remy to argue with her?)

"It's alright. She's always been like this."

"Doesn't make it alright." Ethan grunted in agreement. "Take it from me, Remy. It's never alright."

"Does he have an Esther?"

India's eyes rolled so far back. "Do you think that every trans person have to have an Esther, Ethan? Do you truly think it's how we realize our identity?"

"It's how you did yours."

"I knew I'm a girl since the moment I understood who I am. Any related accidents after that are purely incidental."

"India, I think I fucked up." She looked up at him from her half-melted ice cream cup. "I told you about Emile, right?"

"You're still stuck on that?" Remy nodded. "Look… that kid told you he forgives you. You saw him in class since then, he didn't say anything to you… you're doing fine, sweetie."

"Is that his real boyfriend?"

"Ethan, shut the fuck up or I'll call mom. Remy…" India turned to play with his hair.

Yeah, it was very calming.

"He sounds like a very sweet kid. Trust me, there's no way you fucked anything up. You'll be okay. You'll get to hang out with him again, and it will be okay. Now eat your ice cream, you have the best ice cream, and then we're going back to your dorm and we're going to watch Priscilla. Or Hedwig. Whatever suits your fancy, okay?"

"...okay."

"Now, let's talk more about your mom and why it isn't okay that she treats you like that."

And for a bit, everything just seemed alright. Well, almost.

[briteboy]

okay i’m gonna be real with you. i have...a LOT...of messages. going as far back as like...january? probably? i know...i’m so bad...don’t crucify me. i tried to get through all of them but there were a lot that i didn’t have a worthwhile reply for so i’m sorry if i didn’t answer something you sent :{

so here we have: a lot of nice things, a lot of santisms, reactions to the lou and cillian punchout, a few responses to my portfolio and other stuffs...i wanted to put astrology asks in at the end but it’s...a lot more than i thought it was and it’s 3 am so i’d rather die than answer all of those LMAO sorry. i’ll get to it next time

Anonymous said:

u can delete the snorting cum asks but it will still follow you for eternity

okay so I saw the ask about snorting cum and it reminded me of a time that cum came out of my nose. It was gross but my boyfriend and I laughed it off. idk. I thought it would be a funny thing to share!! i'd understand if you didn't want this on your blog!! (maybe it makes you laugh!!)

wELL. WE’RE OFF TO A GOOD START HERE. i’m screaming at this...i hope nothing EVER comes out of my nose ever in life...i hate this but ur right it did make me laugh

(Winry anon again) Also, did you get her name from FMA Winry Rockbell because if so I love it

hehe...yes...

hornybodies

this is what bartsim calls me and i hate her for it

whats the truth bitch

I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THIS IS ABOUT BUT I’M LAUGHIGN

i never realised how much i actually missed santi but now im CRYING AND I WANT HIM BACK IN EVERY SINGLE POST WITH LOU BY HIS SIDE LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER PLEASE

I missed santirat's beautiful face there are literal tears rn

me too...i hate that i miss him so much it’s so freaking dumb...i haven’t cried to my own story in a while but i bet i’m gonna once santi’s comeback rolls around. i’m already bracing myself

nvm u can have the lovely rat back, that way my heart wouldn’t be hurting like it is now

honestly yeah that’s fair

Been silently following your blog and though I'm more of a "ghost"(? What does that even mean¿) follower, I can't help but express just how chocked I am to see Santi again OMG. Gutted Lou has had a flashback, she does not deserve this. :'(

hello casper the friendly ghost...i love having santi pop up with surprise flashbacks hehe...ur right though she DOES NOT NEED THIS in her life, but it will get better for her soon do not fret my ghoulish friend

I need more pics of Lou and Santi together I’m not satisfied, thankssss

ELI AND MIYU GETTING SO EXCIted WHEN LOU TOLD THEM SHE LIKES GIRLS MY HEART :’)

HEHEH i love it cause that’s literally how my friends and i act, it was fun to write in a scene :~} i’m glad you liked it :’}}

Yeah when I cut my hair short everyone assumed I liked girls I found it kind of odd, but I didn't care too much. It mostly just made me end up realizing all the shit lgbt people go through, one time a guy literally went up to me and my friend, my bff who no one really knew was a lesbian was terrified because he said "oh dont worry lesbians are hot, but gay guys are just disgusting" it ended up he was talking to me, i just rolled up a piece of paper as tight as I could and smacked him on the head

EWW first of all that guy can take his weird fetishization and homophobia elsewhere thanks...i’m glad you threw a paper ball at him LMAO. but yeah on one hand, coming from ignorant/straight people it’s like “uhhhh why would you assume that about me”, within the lgbt community it’s like...common ground...an inside joke...i guess? so it’s weird. the link between hair, clothes and sexuality is can definitely be harmful in certain circumstances

fiona is my spirit animal and i love her ok thanks for coming to my TED Talk

that was illuminating thank you

i re-read santis story and i s2g i've read it so many times idk, but like its so easy to read i dont mean like emotionally but it flows really well. and like its not too confusing i hate when people make overly convoluted stories in an excuse for being deep its some good shit good job my dude

AKJSDKGKSJD THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i never expected anyone to read it oNCE let alone REPEATEDLY...that really makes me so happy though because it’s definitely something you have to go back and read to catch all the details. ahhhhh thank you so much, i never ever want my story to be too complicated so i’m glad you don’t think it is!!

im crying because your recent post reminds me so much of my relationship with my mom when i was younger... she was always out of a job and sometimes we had to resort to living with other family members, it was all really hard on her and especially with having a kid she had to take care of at the same time. even though these are fictional characters, it’s comforting to know that other people have gone through the same situations i have. i love fiona and lou so much, they’re my heart and soul <3

OMG ;_________; i’m crying i’m so glad it resonates with you...i had a lot of friends growing up who were in similar situations and i think i kinda based lou and fi’s relationship on that, so you’re definitely not alone <33 i’m so glad you love them i love u

basically what I’ve learned from these asks is that Gianni is a perfect god-like human and I want one

he is. one time an anon told me they were like santi but they wanted to be rooney and i was like “i’m both santi and rooney on different days and i want to be gianni.” now u know why

hi, i just wanted to pop in and say that i really, really love your blog and i admire your editing skills SO much, i think you are EXTREMELY talented and i don't think you get told that enough. i've been following you for awhile now and i am in love with ALL of your stories, characters and edits you've put out! you're really an inspiration to me and i hope someday my edits can turn out as good as yours!! i don't have reshade so it's harder for me, but i'm trying to learn!! ok have a good day :-)

OMFG ;-; I DO GET TOLD IT A LOT AND IT STILL SEEMS FAKE...you don’t have to go out of your way to compliment me ;___; but thank you so so so much i’m crying...it makes me so giddy that i might inspire someone like WHAT...i don’t even know what i’m doing half the time i edit so u will definitely be able to catch up to me one day even if you don’t have reshade, i know it. i edited without reshade for like 2 and a half years on this blog so you can do it i promise!! have a good day/night/life i love u

fuck my succ

I'm in need of some giannti in my life

we all need some gianti in our lives

Hey! I just wanted to say that ur an amazing writer. You portray everything so well, it’s insane. I want to be a writer someday and I hope my writing is at least somewhat close to yours. Have an awesome day my dude💕

WOW I’M CRYING...i still have a lot of room to grow and so do you, i hope you are able to become the writer you want to be :’} and thank you so much for the wonderful compliment i’m emo have a great day as well

aver is my queen, confirmed.

avey is everyone’s queen confirmed

oksy but listen, look up the model Charlotte Ray Spencer

i did but i couldn’t find her?? all that came up was ray spencer obituaries in charlotte, SC LMFAO...charlotte spencer is an actress tho it seems, is that...who...? omfg

MAY I JUST OFFER THIS NEW SONG OF THE NEIGHBOURHOOD CALLED VOID BC I HAVE A FEELING SANTI WOULD LOVE IT (it's also meant for my aggressive sadboi oc)

OH I LOVE THIS IT FITS PERFECTLY WITH THE PLAYLIST I’M MAKING FOR THE NEW ERA OF SANTI...THANK YOU I’M TOTALLY ADDING IT

I had a ectopic pregnancy when I was seventeen but I feel like I got off lightly compared to Molly. Your story is so beautiful in so many ways, I think it’s incredible how much character development you’ve managed to pull off honestly I’m amazed. Thank you ❤️

omg ;_______; i don’t even know what to say to this, but it means so much to me i can’t even put it into words. thank you thank you thank you so much, and i’m so sorry you had to go through that as well. molly was an extreme case and i hope no one has to go through what she went through. i’m glad you’re okay now, and thank you so much for reaching out to me and reading my story at all ;-; <3333

just a heads up: the links button on your ccfinds blog goes to the femmefinds url still

oh yeah i know i’m gonna be real with you...i’m too lazy to fix it lmAO

Luv your stick n poke tats u posted!!! Could u do more? Maybe on diff places on the bod?? Ur so talented. Xx

omg that was FOREVER ago...maaaaaybe in the future...we shall see...but thank you <33

Can u do a family portrait for all ur characters like u did w Lou!!!

oooooh hehe i probably will in the future!!

Kill v maim is one of my favorite songs of all time omg it makes me wanna wear ripped jeans and a leather jacket and cover myself in glitter and smash some windows with a baseball bat MMMMMM

HELL yeah me too...i become a cyber punk alien vampire when i hear that song

maybe do a casting call posted here ? u have many followers and im sure a good chunk live in ur area and would be willing to model ^_^

omg SCARY...i probably could tho tbh that’s a good idea, thank you!

hi sunny, what program do you use to merge your cc and what do you use to detect and remove broken cc that just doesn't work in game anymore? thanks!

i actually haven’t merged on my new laptop yet but i used s4s for merging and there’s the mod conflict detector!!

My game hasn't been working since the first Cats and Dogs patch but I uninstalled and reinstalled and it finally works again 😭

sunny!! would you recommend your computer to play ts4 on? has it good graphics, can handle the highest settings and so? i really need a new computer but i have no idea which one to go for

yes i would recommend it!! i have reshade, ultra settings and like 8 gb of cc.

thanks for answering my ask eee ur story is probably the best ive read on here and yeah. i love how everything connects and everyones just so real. you dont have to post this i just wanted to thank you for being my inspiration and making me smile, laugh, cry, and scream in the middle of the night with your characters.

I LOVE U...it still sounds so fake to me when people say i inspire them, i don’t even know how to respond to all this ;-; just thank you for sparing a glance my way and resonating with my creations. <3 we scream and cry 2gether

I listened to Separator by Radiohead on repeat whilst reading Santi’s story and now that song just reminds me of him and Lou. I’d totally suggest listening to it’s so good! As is your story :3 xxx

oh radiohead that’s good sh*t...i’m listening to it now and i feel the santou vibes...especially when santi’s feeling out of his mind and she’s the only one who can calm him...haha cool..anyways THANK YOU!!!!

how do you make poses for the roof? i'm not sure how i can know if the sims will clip into the roof or float

honestly i just...eyeball it...because all roofs are different and you can’t put them into blender so. i just winged it lmao...i just made a pose that looked like it could’ve been lou climbing out the window, only the rig was still ground level, and then i used alt + 9 to lift the teleporter onto the roof as best as i could. that’s why it probably wouldn’t be a very practical pose to release, because i have no way of making it easy to use 

Lou punched him and I knew it would happen. 😀👌 nice, nice I like Lou whopping ass.

hehe i’m glad you enjoyed it...who knew she had a freaking hook like that

ok a theory... santi went to look for molly's mother and yea

omg tell me cillian sings every other freckle at some point

OMFG well...that song came out in 2013 and the current flashback year is 2008 so. i would personally murder cillian myself if he was still in lou’s life 5 years after this honestly

hey kitty girl! i was wondering if you could answer this teensy lil question i got. im writing a "story" anddd i was trying to figure out how to make some parts not cliche. like i hate reading about whatever and being like girll ive done seen this before so i just needs to know. kisses

i absolutely love how this is worded and the fact that u called me kitty, very cute. anyway...this is pretty broad, perhaps you could clarify what kinda cliches you want to steer clear from? a lot of the time when i know something is gonna be cliche and there’s no avoiding it, i just kinda own up to it and try to subtly point out how cliche it is and somehow that makes it work out better...like being self aware somehow adds another more realistic element to the story that makes it better? idk...anyway dm me if you need help!!

so.... lou can remember more of what happened? this is good! go 2 the police bitch! tell them!!!!!!!

she should!! but the only problem is she doesn’t have proof. so... 🤔

how do you write your stories in a way that everything is organized and you're certain and not confused with everything? i mean, do you have any way for writing that let you develop your stories with not so much difficults? i'm trying to write an story for months but i only have a few of the most important events on my mind, i don't know how to develop another important details, i always feel that everything is confuse or crap

hmmmmm well my mind is very ah convoluted so it’s a wonder any of this comes out even somewhat cohesive? but basically i have a very good memory and utilize google docs a lot hahaha. i’ve gone in depth about my writing process here!

whats a good way when it comes to starting a sims story? i mean like the first post? :/

ummmmmm maybe test the waters a bit and just make a post introducing your character(s) first? or dive right in and get sh*t started. it could go either way tbh

boyish by japanese breakfast is a santixlou bop

oh sh*t!!!!!! i love japanese breakfast!! and i love this thank you!

So is lou like into cillian in a way? Making him kinda be in her type

as of right now (in the flashbacks)? HELL fucking no. but you’re right, she did say those things in the future to santi. so 🤔

Everyone guessing shit stupidly annoys me haha. I'M UNOBSERVANT AND I DON'T WANNA GO BACK AND CHECK SHIT, LET ME LIVE. *Like* if you a ~dum~ reader who doesn't want every bit of foreshadowing called out. lol

i respect this honestly whenever i drop the hottest foreshadowing of 2018 i never expect my inbox to flood like it does but here we are and i am amazed

CILLIAN NEEDS TO FUCKING FIGHT ME (TYPING THIS ON MY COMPUTER BC I SAW HIS DINOSAUR ASS AND CHUCKED MY PHONE OUT THE WINDOW)

i’m screaming...i’m so sorry it’s my fault about your phone but like also i’m poor i can’t pay for that

i'm studying your latest posts because they're beautiful and my hatred for that long necked bitch is intensifying -- what makes me burn even more is that he's still wearing her necklace, can we say let the bitch burn?

burn babey burn

Why don't you use quick tags?

i’m dumb is why

CILLIAN IS SUCH A SHITASS I HATE HIS FACE WHY R U DOING THIS TO ME

BRUHHHHH THE DINOSAUR LOOKIN ASS BOY IS B A C K run

WAIT THE NECKLACE. HE STOLE THE MCFUCKING NECKLACE BROOOOO

What if Fi's blue eyes are from... Cillian..?

wHY did you have to make him cute and fucking cool though? I still hate him but it's harder.

NVM I JUST LOOKED AT THE POST AGAIN HES WEARING HER NECKLACE INHOPE SHE CHOKES HIMS WOTH IT THIS TIME

I SCREAMED AT THIS SERIES OF QUESTIONS OISDFNGJKDSKJN yeah sorry he’s conventionally attractive but unsettlingly so and i feel uneasy when i look at him and plus the fact that he’s literally evil so .

im like, to 90% sure that cillian is in ace joker. so that song might have reminded lou of him...

this was sent right after that scene of lou hearing the song at pippin’s, so

My conspiracy theory is that cillian is Lou's father. Speakimg of which are we gonna get to that soon, I'm dying of curiosity;.;

I’M LAUGHING I THINK U MEANT FIONA’S FATHER AKSJDKJGDSJ but yeah well. You’ll See

what do u resize ur photos to?

whatever 33% of 1920x1080 is i forget. i have a resizing + sharpening action so i just run that

im about to kill those kids if they keep fucking with my baby

THESE BITCHES BULLYING MY BABY LOU? CATCH THESE HANDS

me @ these ugly kids:

Who are the best creators for mens clothing? I struggle so much to find good cc creators with men specifically!

badabing badaboom

I’m not sure if you’ve converted things before but do you know any good sims 3 cc to sims 4 tutorials? Or your followers?

errrrrr i have no idea i’m sorry :x

would you consider making like a photoshop psd file with all the layers in your editing process?

omg...heck no it would be so unhelpful OMFG mostly because my editing is just my own action + shading and highlighting unique to that pic

would you ever do an editing timlapse of your gameplay pics? 💖💖

ahhhhh maybe!! probably in the future!

OMG HEATHERS WAS FILMED AT MY HIGH SCHOOL AND IM JUST HYPED UP SEEING IT BEING MENTIONED ON THIS ACCOUNT!!

OMFG THAT’S RAD...i’ve literally only seen it once tho i’m fake

I'M SHOOK. my friend kinda asked me out and I wanna say yes but my parents won't let me date. I'm 18! I need your advice! -signed 18 and alone anon

um UR 18 BUDDY UR AN ADULT...DATE WHOEVER THE F*CK U WANT HONESTLY

Can you pretty please link some photoshop tutorials you recommend? I really want to make my photos more cinematic and like your's without totally copying you or someone else. All I do right now is sharpen, color balance, and add some noise and then resize. I really need some more ways to get better looking photos such as yours.

ahhhhh the problem is i don’t know of any i’m sorry...lmao this is totally unhelpful :\ i have my own editing tutorial which is outdated but can probably help you out with the basics of lighting effects and shading n stuff?

Heyyy, I saw that you answered a question about making a ps action like your reshade, and I just wanted to say that I would love that! Unfortunately Mac users like me, can’t use reshade unless boot camping Windows onto our computers...☹️ and your reshade is just soooo pretty...

i don’t know if i’ll be able to replicate the reshade effect totally but i could release the action i’ve made for myself? it warms up screenshots but is totally adjustable to your liking for different color tones so in that way it’s kinda similar to the reshade. i’ll seeeeee what i can do...i know the woes of mac users all too well, my friend

i just wanna give lou a big ol cozy hug :o((( pls

pls hug her she needs it.

Do you post on tumblr from your phome or from your computer? Just curious.

mostly from my computer, sometimes i answer messages on my phone while i’m out and you can tell because autocorrect actually makes me use proper capitalization for once in my life

how many hours have you played the sims? for me i have 4,070 hours. haha help

OMFG i think mine is like...900 or something...i can’t tell if that’s too much or too little, but it’s definitely inaccurate

if i could only look at one person's tumblr from now on it would be yours. ur literally the queen of tumblr #shookaf and also i really hope i die before you ever say ur leaving tumblr cause when u do, i will legit die and bury my own grave. i really appreciate u and hope one day i can be on ur level but rn im at level 1.5 while ur up in the millions :D

I’M SCREAMING PLEASE I AM A PLEB.............i cry u flatter me too much ;-; i genuinely hope i never leave this place because it’s been so fun and it’s helped me evolve so much as an artist and a writer, plus i made some of my greatest friends on here. so i hope that day never comes!! but who knows life is wild. anyway i’m sure you’re actually like at level 578 and are just being modest. it’s okay you don’t have to be humble

i think its so cool that you and wanderlust and other simmers use multiple worlds to make your own town and stuff. idk why but thats just so cool to me and i would have never thought of it. love your blog and story <3

omg!!! well i couldn’t resist, i love a bunch of them and can’t limit myself to just one ya know. plus the more i thought about it, the more my gen 2 story kinda centers around these kids from this one town and the town itself is very relevant. so i felt like i had to make my own!! and i’m very excited to get started with that hehe

I just met a guy named Rodrigo Santiago and I sCREAMED HOLY SHIT

Update (tho idk of you got the first one): I just got a text from a classmate named Rodrigo Santiago. I'm sCREECHING

no freaking way. there’s no way i don’t believe...i want proof...

YOU SO FUCKIN PRECIOUS WHEN U SMILE

dont worry about posting this or do idc but i just wanted to say you should write about whatever you want and not care about whether people think you condone it or not. if i (a gay male) were to write about lesbians its not like im saying YOU HAVE TO BE LESBIANS BLAH BLAH BLAH you know what i mean? or if im writing about a robbery doesnt mean im like condoning robbery so like idk you do you boo and keep it coming ;D ilysm btw

OMFG no yeah i get it, i mean i think now especially in this online environment, people are hyper aware of Problematique things and so they’re a little too quick to point fingers without looking deeper than the surface. and whatever it’s fine people are always gonna be like that because people are mostly inherently judgmental, especially when it comes to consuming media. artists/writers face stuff like this all the time because people refuse to look past the surface, hence why works have gotten misconstrued all the time. but yeah i really appreciate this sentiment, thank u i love u

hope this isnt a weird question but what is the image size that u used for your character page?? thnk u 💕

omg it’s 300x300

have u listened to visions of gideon by sufjan stevens i was listening to it while reading ur stories and it made me so :(

oh my boy sufjan aka gianni’s personality claim i love him...and this song is :{ but i love even if it’s from the nasty age gap peach fucking movie

If i was married to Jamie and he treatin’ our daughter like that… oh I swear HES GOT TO GO!

it’s 2 am i’m so tired answering all of these i forgot who jaime was for a sec i was like um why are we talking about GoT anyways good night

how does alpha hair work with reshade? it seems so good in your screenshots and i’ve seen that in others screenshots it looks bad? whats the secret?

well good morning haha jk i never went to sleep anyway here u go

hooow do you make adorable toddlers in ts4?? teach me, gimme some advice please :(((

chubby cheeks! big eyes! small faces! little but plump lips! a good skin! dats all

how did u get ur sim onto the fire escapes?

ze teleporter mod, that’s it

I snickered at the, THE RETURN OF SANTI. Like I imagine it written in red horror lettering and santi just busts down the door and says ho ho ho im back bench, Did U miss me?

honestly i own a calendar and if i knew a definite date u already fucking kNOW it would be up there

ahhh im sorry for asking but im wondering how you find voice claims?? i'm looking for some for my sims, but it's tough to find one that's *right*, you know?? and your voice claims are great!! thank you <3

OMG voice claims are HARD, i literally just like “collect” them over time...i have a list in my phone of voices i like/may use in the future lmao, but try to think of actors or musicians and search interviews/movie or tv scenes with them speaking!!

i don't even read your story but i still follow you because i love your personality, sim style and just your whole entire tumblr

u follow me for ME? UM...what are u doing here...i’m so sorry (i love u...)

do you have a different reshade preset for flashback screenshots and for the present ones?

i do not!! i just edit differently

what happened to the honeycomb?

OMFG it’s still there...but we legit haven’t seen it since girooni’s wedding so um...it’s gonna have to get a makeover. i’m gonna do it when girooni come back home so i can finally show rupi working there like...wow...she deserves to be seen

lou's dad is the biggest asshole and i am waiting for the day that bitch dies

us when he dies

shit theory: caroline goes to find and confront cillian about what he did in teen lou timeline. care ends up forming a crush on cillian and goes back to meet him several more times, but cillian ends up liking lou more which makes caroline jealous. and that's why they don't speak currently, 'cause cillian ruined lou's life in more ways than one.

uM holy fuck that’s all i got to say

pls tell me that Caro killed the dude that choked Lou (or beat his ass)

god i hope so !

how many people do you follow? are you “strict” with who you follow?

i follow 264 people and yeah i’ve gotten a bit stricter with it just cause like...i only want to follow people whose content i truly care about/will actually notice on my dash

would you ever do a sim dump?

probably in the future, it seems like people want more male and female sims from me SO

ramona got some moves tf

the girl is out here bobbing to the chicken dance like nobody’s business

have u seen the end of the fucking world? if u did what are your #thots

UM......................i watched the first episode ‘cause i heard so much about it and um.............................it was so bad OMFG i hated it. way too edgy for me. completely missed the mark. not into it at all. hard pass

CAN LOU PLEASE HAVE A MAN IN HER LIFE WHO IS NOT A COMPLETE TWAT PLEASE

HOPEFULLY ezra will follow through with that and i don’t necessarily mean in a romantic way but like...as her new roommate MAYBE he will be a blessing we can HOPE

I'm not sure if you've been asked this or not, but your poses are so good and I was wondering if you have ever considered making a pose pack? Sorry if this came off as rude! I love your posts!

i will probably in the future!! but first i gotta figure out which ones i’d actually include

okay so this is random but I just wanted to say that I absolutely love your sims stories. Everything is so perfect and I'm forever shook because I can't believe the "sets" you use are actually the game. Your sims are so fleshed out and you are a huge inspiration to me. Anyways sorry if this was weird but I'm like obsessed with ur blog. bYe

AJHSDHJFSD THANK YOU!!!!!!! yes somehow we work miracles into this game can u believe it...ahh but thank you so much, it means everything that i would inspire you in any way...like what...omg

Santi is actually standing outside present Lou’s apartment wondering where the fuck he went wrong

he’s been there for 6 months just on the street standing there please someone let him in .

LOUUUU OH MY GODDD SKKDSNSJDH MY BABY. SO THATS HOW SHE GOT THE SCAR. WOW

there it is fellas. this message is sooooo old i’m so bad

Have you read/heard of The Lunar Chronicles

i have not!! but i’ll jot it down!

I was wondering if you’ve ever had any problems with skins? For me some on the palm side of the hand it’s noticeably darker than what the skin is supposed to be.. like the rest comes out find but the hands are darker.

hmm...that’s weird, i haven’t seen that. i think it probably depends on the skin? or maybe your sim detail settings?

santi my daddy, honeybodies my mommy, lou looking like a cutie when she saw dat tiny puppy. my name is rappin anon, and i just wanted to say, ur are my favorite simblr basically saving my day. rappin anon OUT

o...my god

i love u

i love u...

[bartsugsy]

Oh Lo. Please teach me your ways. I mean I'm not even overly negative about everything, but how can you always be so excited./see the positives with each new spoiler/quote? I wish I could lol. Cos seriously, IM's definition of 'fun' and mine appear to be vastly different. This mainly boring scheming Robert plpt continues into next year? We're not getting a reunion til 2018 are we? Lord, they really want to test our patience don't they? Have we not paid are dues yet? haha! Who's exit you think?

do you know what anon, it’s weird, but i was actually thinking about what i would say to someone earlier today, if they asked me how i tend to stay positive???? it’s like our brains just know sometimes lmao - but that’s why you’re about to get a weirdly deep answer instead of what i usually say here

and honestly, i was thinking about this because i was thinking about life in general and how much i believe in the power of positive thinking? and how incredibly well it works? in fandom terms particularly, it’s a life saviour - in life it’s can be a lot more of a struggle to remind yourself but yk we’re not getting that deep we’re just talking about a soap

i get that it sounds like bullshit, but it works for me literally every single time. i’ve found that complaining about things is literally giving voice to negative thoughts and giving voice to negative thoughts is giving power so that they can breed more negative thoughts and before you know it, you’re sinking down this weird self-made hole of sadness - and not only that, but it spreads to other people, because humans are like feelings sponges and we feed off other people’s emotions a lot - it’s hard to be the lone person feeling one way in a room of people feeling the other. it’s like subconscious peer pressure.

but then the opposite - looking at the positives, being as steadfast and determined and strict with yourselves to look at the good sides of everything, is fucking life changing. there are like one thousand and one ted talks on this - like, you wouldn’t believe how many damn ted talks there are. anyway, because i was in this weird mood this morning and reflecting on it, i watched one that used a quote from wayne dyer - “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

THIS IS SO EMBARRASINGLY DEEP FOR WHAT IS ESSENTIALLY A CONVERSATION ABOUT FLIPPIN EMMERDALE SPOILERS BUT IT’S TRUE OK 

it’s true. if i look at spoilers andlook for the positives and literally refuse to give voice to the negative, pullmyself back to the positives whenever i do, and beyond that encourage thatpositivity in others through humour or happy thoughts so that maybe it spreads - and if i do it enough times that it becomes natural to me, a natural response to anything and everything, then… well… everything gets a hell of a lot more fun and enjoyable and those things that maybe i once thought were negative and worrying somehow turn into positives. and that’s not me desperately trying to tell myself something is good - it just genuinely does become something that inspires good feelings in me, happiness and excitement and whatever. i can’t really explain how well it works - you have to experience it. but like now? now i literally fucking love that rob and rebecca had a one night stand lmao. like. i love that god damn story beat so much. it’s just about changing the way you look at things - so when i used to look at that scene, all i ever saw was jfc why i don’t actually want this - but after really and honestly thinking about it in every way, by about acknowledging that i can’t change it and then looking at it from every angle, i look at that scene now and i see the show committing to showing just how affect robert is about everything, and also playing out a soap trope in what is literally the most shippy way possible. i see a scene that is, perversely, entirely about robert’s love for aaron and also a scene that gives me a great look at who robert is as a character and the way he reacts in situations. 

it sounds ridiculous? like, it really god damn does, but like… actually, why does it matter if it sounds ridiculous if i’m having fun and hopefully making other people smile occasionally lmao

also, beyond this, i’m also all about accepting the things i cannot change - and the writing of emmerdale? that’s a thing i cannot change. so why fight it? why not just buckle in and enjoy the ride? what the hell else am i gonna do? 

so yeah, anyway, it’s not about paying dues or anything, it’s not about making us suffer for our crimes of loving too much lmaooo  - they’re just…. it’s a soap and they’re telling a story that ultimately has robert and aaron interacting regularly and still being stupidly in love and eventually reuniting properly. so all i can do and all i want to do is find ways to enjoy the journey - and this is true of every storyline ever. 

and the result of me giving as much voice as i can to the things i enjoy and literally just ignoring any thoughts i may have or thoughts other people have about what they don’t because i don’t find them helpful (sorry all other ppl i love you i just gotta do me) - is that what we’ve had so far has been so much fun for me. i enjoy aaron and robert interacting in a - in a way, very abuse era-esque manner, obviously in an entirely different context. like - they both want to be together but they can’t - and now the feelings are there but only tenfold and so their scenes always have that bubbling underneath. a little bit of subtextual love and angst is fun. yes i want them to get back together and make out and cuddle and all that good and lovely jazz but like… that’s not the only way to enjoy their scenes, i don’t think. why would anyone ever rewatch the lighter relationshippy aspects of the abuse storyline if it was?

like - the smitten kitten scene? maxine’s episode where they go to find sandra? rob dealing with aaron leaving to see family in ireland for a bit (#parallel) and literally just trying to get info about how he’s doing out of chas on a daily if not hourly basis? they weren’t together during any of that. so why do they need to be together as a couple to have amazing, wonderful scenes now? why does them being split up automatically mean we’re in for months of no robron at all? because that hasn’t been what i’ve seen so far and from everything that has been said, that isn’t what they seem to have in store for us going forward.

obviously, you know, you gotta do you etc etc but… yeah, this is literally my secret lmao. just… idk. it took me a long af time to learn this and i had to go through a lot of sadness to get there but… idk the idea of being sad about a soap all the time just isn’t something i’m interested in for a way to spend my free time. so i don’t spend it that way. 

basically, what i’m saying is, this isn’t just innately me, irrationally excited about all things ever. it’s something i learnt to do and it changed my god damn life for the better in every damn way.

(i think it does make me a horrible person to try and be salty with when it comes to plot or spoilers though because i will, with all the love and good intentions in the world, probably refuse to let a conversation wallow in that misery and probably change the subject to something happier in order to preserve the hard work i’ve done on myself)

idk idk hopefully this doesn’t sound like a flipping lecture or whatever but this ask just came at a hilariously appropriate time for where my head has been at this morning