#im having a little mini renaissance here for this thing

[cosmicrhetoric]

genuinely starting to think that if chapman hadn't been violently hungover in the bathroom all through the entire events of the stiff'd conference he would've been on his knees clapping and cheering and weeping during rudyard's 'to be an undertaker'. the second the mandolin comes out it's over

[puckpocketed]

hi!!!!! im maybe perhaps a little interested in following th la kings...what th vibes are who th characters are etc n was wondering if u knew of any good primers at all ? :3 !

there are no primers here please return to your seat

serious answer: i am currently occupied with another big beaugtiful baby of a primer ! but. i will commit to a short slideshow that’s funnier + with more pictures at some nebulous point in the future!! deepest apologies 😭👍 i am NOT your kings source. idk who the kings source would even be, but it aint me!!! below is a cross section of my posts so u can vibe check us - click the non-news articles for funnies :)

here’s a tiny one i did for one of our prospects . eurotrap weed dj. just a little guy

Our kids have a history of getting injured right as they’re set to make their big step up. UNLUCKIEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD. btw <3

articles + archive links: x / y - x / y - x / y - x / y

Most recently: Arthur Kaliyev - who wanted to be traded somewhere he would have more opportunities - is freshly, guess what.,... INJURED and just as he made his peace with no trade + turning a new leaf with LA !!!!

the vibes are. LA Kings Youth Movement (soon) (SOON) (<- lie!!!) (PLAY THE KIDS. PLEASE... GOD...) (take my hand. let’s slash rob blake’s tires together <3)

Two Staches

Jordan Spence and QB by @korshrimpski

^ Phillip Danault and his two sons

Raccoon Jesus who does not understand rizz + is having a brat summer !

The vibes at practice + HQ Juice unicorn pic (same day)

[ID: The 2023-24 L.A. Kings celebrating their post practice mini-scrimmage. The forwards, having just scored, celebrate in a puppy pile against the glass. To the far right, Adrian Kempe (#9) also known as Juice, skates into the scrum. He holds his stick to his forehead as though it is a unicorn horn. /. End ID]

The Ghost Of Pierre-Luc Dubois (to ME). a lot of prospects were traded away to acquire him and he um. did not do very well here.

many lak fans in other spaces have strong negative feelings towards PLD (as is their right!) but he’s my failgirlhorsewife and he’s our very best friend and he got traded for Darcy Kuemper over the summer, and i WILL be haunting the cap.s lb because of that. no one on kingstwt will shut up about him so i think they're taking the breakup well 👍

on the topic of Kuemper. sorry i keep linking my own posts but Darcy and Dave. big. natural. <3 our gonjeous double d's...!

these posts aren’t super informative and its a lot of Me... i’m so sorry </3 i just shuffled through my lak tag and tried to remember what was funniest. legitimately cannot find old Kings blogs that are still regularly Posting and Participating so theyre all very new things... we are building these train tracks as we ride HELP.... (I genuinely have no idea what happened to nuke the community on here since i just arrived myself. lak secret community if you’re out there please speak to us … god… it’s so dark in here…....)

it’s been a mini goal of mine to breathe a little life into the tag. this isn't my primary team but i am very fond of them!! i can count on my hands every kings blog ive met here, i legitimately think i know them all?? we are so small i don't even know if we can be counted as a community. but i hope to help make the tag a warm and fun place where we can yell about our failteam <3

2024-25 LAK RENAISSANCE RAAHHHHHHH

[w0nd3rb0ii]

GOOOOOOD MORNING MY MENTALLY ILL POOKIES (5.5.2024)

my life is suchhh a mess helloooooo im back

im just gonna post a little life recap because last time i was actually active on here was like may

june '23: binged ALL MONTH but was like leftover skinny from getting down to like 118 , life was insane, partied a ton, rehearsals all the time, was 6 months into a relationship

july '23: kept on eatingggg, broke up w my gf and started dating this guy frankie (shameless namedrop) which was a whole like plot arc a year and a half in the making, wizard of oz happened (i was tin man), i went to x games, also new york!

august '23: disney trip w frankie, week long beach trip with my friend whos super hot and skinny and it made me sad but i got a tan and it was super fun overall, i was literally js getting fatter and fatter tho, so yea. also i went to scotland and got cast as ms trunchbull in matilda! also school started so that was fun

october '23: relationship was still slaying, i was still fat but not getting fatter, i went to hoco and school was schooling

november '23: mini relapse got me skinnyish, school existed

december '23: binged consistently, was ugly, bf was still amazing, school was scary but ended up fine

january '24: pregnancy scare started a christianity arc for me, i joined choir, i consistently was only eating like 400 cals and i was feeling pretty good ab my body but then after matilda show weekend i started binging like crazyyy (show weekend slayed but everyone got sick during tech week)

february '24: winter formal happened and was sm fun, dance comp season started, still fat, me and frankie went on a break at 7 and a half months because we could never see each other, spring semester started at school, i went to church camp and broke up with him on the way home because religious guilt about all the stuff we had done together (so we lasted almost 8 months)

march '24: aftermath of breakup was a lot, i auditioned for this crazy hard to get into choir at school AND GOT IN (!!!). kiiinda messed up God era because this guy i met at the start of spring semester and i started talking and it became a whole fwb thing WHICH WAS FUNNY because i definitely was not and am still not all the way over my ex. but me and the other guy started dating! (on my bday actually lol), ALSO I GOT CAST AS CINDERELLA IN CINDERELLA FOR MY LAST SHOW AT MY STUDIOOOO

april '24: still fat but i feel like ive gotten a little prettier recently, school is terrifying because i cant make myself do anything productive, me and the guy slaying but we got into like 2 fights over spring break but we fixed it both times! (it was my b bc i lied to him ab drinking and vaping), we went to the renaissance faire and it was sm fun!

may '24: i found out my ex bf might have been talking to another girl towards the end of a relationship, theyre going to prom together, theyre a thing now and its like really hurt which is dumb bc ive fully been in a relationship for like a month now but idk if im fully even in it because the bf is transferring and going to college in the fall and im staying at our community college bc performance opportunities and choir. and i kinda have a crush on the guy thats my prince for cinderella but im not doing anything about it because if anythings meant to come from it hes coming to my school next year soo yea well see idrc. but yeah so that happened, me and the current bf saw john mulaney last night, im js now getting back into caring ab my body because i do NOT WANT TO BE FAT FOR SUMMER. so yeah. idk how much i weigh. ill figure it out as soon as i can but my mom hid my scale. well seeee

so yea thats my update ill try to be active on here bye pookies

[lilatreus]

im new to the ac fandom and i didnt know there were any books should i be reading them?? or are there certain ones that i absolutely need to read or would i be okay if i skip them?

Yeah it’s okay to skip them if you want! They’re mostly there to give some more insight on some of the characters. If you want to read them but you don’t have to money to buy the books, you can read them here. I actually have all the books already on paper copy so I would definitely recommend buying them if you really enjoy them.

There’s also some comics and graphic novels about them too which I have included in on the master list. They actually follow the modern storyline of you want to read up on that. If you want to read them just do readcomicsonline. They have them all, only watch out for ads.

Anyway here’s the master list, it’s pretty long won’t lie:

The books, in order of strictly historical events:

Assassin’s Creed Odyssey by Gordon Doherty (2018)

Basically this books gives the canonical story to assassin’s creed odyssey following Kassandra around Greece. If you had the “best” or good ending from the story then you’re probably going to be upset with the book. I actually liked it and if you were ever confused about the game then this is definitely for you to read.

Assassin’s Creed Origins: Desert Oath by Oliver Bowden (2017)

This book takes place years before Origins. It follows Bayek who a teenager at the time. We learn how Bayek and Aya start their relationship and it kind of explains some of the side missions that talk about Bayek’s past. If you love Bayek and Aya’s relationship you will love this book.

[ insert for whenever an ac valhalla book is written ]

Assassin’s Creed: The Secret Crusade by Oliver Bowden (2011)

This book is the one I’m currently rereading, so it takes place with the father of Marco Polo talking about Altaïr’s life. It talks about his—Altaïr’s—dad within the first few chapters, events that happened in the game, and then what happens after. It gives more insight on what happened between the events of ac one and the little bits of scenes we see in ac revelations of Altaïr in game. If you want to know how Maria and Altaïr got together you’ll like this book it’s very sweet and I love how smitten Altaïr was. If you love Atlmal (Altaïr and Malik) you’ll also like this book but it will crush you.

Assassin’s Creed: Renaissance by Oliver Bowden (2009)

This follows Ezio through assassin’s creed two. Literally just the book version of the game. Does talk about how Ezio and Cristina got together and a few of the memories you get to play in Brotherhood are in this book. I like it. It pretty much follows the game exactly so if you want to skip it, you can but still a really good book that I recommend reading.

Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood by Oliver Bowden (2010)

Follows the plot of the game. It’s pretty similar to it as opposed to a few differences. While I like this book, I will always say the game is better than this book entirely. Still, it’s pretty good and explains a lot of plot.

Assassin’s Creed: Revelations by Oliver Bowden (2011)

It explains why Ezio is doing what he does in the game. Why he’s there and what is reasoning is. You get a little small bit about Claudia but that’s it. Ezio does, in book, visit Leonardo on the last few days before the artist dies :( that’s pretty much it. Only some minor differences to the game. If you’re looking for something about Desmond, you won’t find it in this book.

Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag by Oliver Bowden (2013)

I’ll be honest I only read this book once so my memory is pretty poor on it but from what I can remember it’s about Edward and Caroline and how they got together. And then there’s something about Anne Boney and Edward towards the end I believe. Kind of explains his backstory from the little scenes we’re shown in the game I think? (Correct me if I’m wrong on this one but I’m certain that’s the gist of it).

Assassin’s Creed: Forsaken by Oliver Bowden (2012)

This one was the first assassin’s creed book I read. Now fair warning: if you do not like Haytham Kenway, I strongly advise you to not read this book. It is all about Haytham until the final few chapters and then Connor takes over the book once you’ve killed him in game. This book explains how he (Haytham) came to be apart of the Templars and how Edward dies. It talks about his relationship with Ziio and how he built the Templar order up during the seven years war. I’ll be honest it was okay when I first read it because I was like 11 and the only other thing I had read was like just percy jackson. Looking back on this book though, it’s not that great. I do not like Haytham at all so I, personally, would not recommend this book. I went in reading it expecting for it to be about Connor and I was very disappointed and upset that it wasn’t. So you can skip this book if you like because the only thing it does is give insight to a lot of what Haytham does.

Assassin’s Creed: Unity by Oliver Bowden (2014)

This is my favorite book. This is about Arno reading Elise’s diary after she passed. There’s little bits where Arno writes in here and there throughout the novel. It’s pretty sad I won’t lie. Explains how Elise grew up, what she did during the parts where we didn’t see her in game, and talks about how she felt during the parts where we did see her in game. Basically at the end of the book it’s Elise asking Arno to please help seek unity and stop the war between the Templars and Assassins.

Assassin’s Creed: Underworld by Oliver Bowden (2015)

This book follows Jayadeep Mir, also known to us as Henry Green. There’s two parts to this book. The first part takes place six years before the events of syndicate and you get to really learn about the twin’s father and then the second part takes place during the events of the game. It talks about Evie and Henry’s relationship during the second part and it’s pretty good!

There are no books about assassin’s creed chronicles (ac China, India, and Russia) if you’re wondering why they’re missing :(

The comics:

*most of these take place during the modern storyline I’ll try my best to explain when they come in and how it adds up to the new our modern storyline at the end

Assassin’s Creed the Fall

There’s three issues with this it’s just a graphic novel honestly. Takes place with the main character from AC Chronicles: Russia

Assassin’s Creed the Chain

Graphic Novel sequel to the Fall

Assassin’s Creed Brahman

Written by the same people who wrote The Fall and The Chain, however this focuses on Arbaaz Mir who is the main character from Assassin’s Creed Chronicles: India.

Now from what I’ve seen, correct me if I’m wrong, but the templar and assassin comics pretty much take place around the same time.

Assassin’s Creed: Trial by Fire

Assassin’s Creed issue #1, #2, #3, #4, #5

Assassin’s Creed Templars: Black Cross

Assassin’s Creed Templars issue #1, #2, #3, #4, #5

Assassin’s Creed: Setting Sun

Assassin’s Creed issue #6, #7, #8, #9, #10

Assassin’s Creed Templars: Cross of War

Assassin’s Creed Templars issue issue #6, #7, #8, #9

Assassin’s Creed: Homecoming

Assassin’s Creed issue #11, #12, #13, #14

Assassin’s Creed: Uprising

Common Ground Vol 1: issue #1, #2, #3, #4

Infection Point Vol 2: issue #5, #6, #7, #8

Finale vol 3: #9, #10, #11, #12

Assassin’s Creed Reflections (pretty much a stand alone I would say, focuses entirely on past assassins but canon to the templar comics).

Reflections 1: modern story focuses on Otso Berg historical story focuses on Ezio where we learn Ezio is implied to have hooked up with the woman who in the Mona Lisa painting.

Reflections 2: same thing for modern story but now Otso is looking into Altaïr’s story. We get to see Maria, Altaïr, and their son Darim.

Reflections 3: Otso is now looking into Edward Kenway.

Reflections 4: Otso looks into Connor and we see him with his daughter. It’s super cute this issue is my favorite.

Last Descendants

The Last Descendants (Novel)

Locus: issues 1 - 4

The Last Descendants: Tomb of the Khan (novel)

The Last Descendants: Fate of the Gods (novel)

Assassin’s Creed: the French Books (these have all been translated into english and theyre all graphic novels).

These books I would say to skip. If you want to read it you can, however the modern storyline has been said to no longer be canon anymore. The historical storyline however is still canon but not actually necessary to the plot of anything.

Cycle 1

Assassin’s Creed 1: Desmond

Assassin's Creed 2: Aquilus

Assassin's Creed 3: Accipiter

Assassin's Creed 4: Hawk

Assassin's Creed 5: El Cakr

Assassin's Creed 6: Leila

Cycle 2

Assassin’s Creed: Conspiracies

This takes place during WW2

Vol 1: Die Glocke

Vol 2: Project Rainbow

Cycle 3

Assassin’s Creed: Bloodstone

This takes place during the Vietnam War. A follow up on Conspiracies.

Vol 1: book one

Vol 2: book two

The last two I have listed (Conspiracies and Bloodstone) are canon to the comics’ modern storyline as well as the historical. Cycle one is not. They’re both graphic novels. Also I want to say that I have not read these two yet so idk if I’ll be allowed to recommend them but they’re there. I have no idea where they’re placed in terms of modern storyline bc these two are very confusing seeing as they originally were canon then told they weren’t and now they are again.

Other comics that I really have no idea where to place but they do exist if you want to read them:

Assassin’s Creed: Origins (mini series)

Four issues for this comic takes place following Aya and her journey. You get to see what happens with Cleopatra. I personally really like this comic you get some lore on the Brotherhood and Aya so it’s good. Read this after the video game. (Pretty positive it takes place after the game events but before the DLC: hidden ones)

Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla: Song of Glory (mini series)

There are three issues in this. Haven’t read this one yet, however it focuses on Eivor. Read this alongside the video game.

Okay so for canon timeline purposes here is the exact order of everything I’ve listed and where they fall in for strictly the modern storyline:

1 The Fall and the Chain (also called subject four which is just the two of the books into one)

2 Desmond’s story

3 Brahman

4 Assassin’s Creed: Trial by Fire 1 - 5

5 Assassin’s Creed Templars: Black Cross 1 - 5

6 Assassin’s Creed: Setting Sun 6 - 10

6 Assassin’s Creed Templars: Cross of War 6 - 9

7 Assassin’s Creed: Homecoming 11 - 14

Assassin’s Creed Reflections (stand alone don’t have to read if you don’t want to but if you do, read along side the templar stories.)

8 Assassin’s Creed Syndicate modern storyline takes place here

9 Assassin’s Creed: Uprising

10 Origins modern storyline starts here and continues for assassin’s creed odyssey and valhalla*

*If you’re confused as to why Juno isn’t in the game plot anymore the comics explains it. Ubisoft has completely moved her story to the comics entirely and in doing so completely finished the story.