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sharkytrash7 · 6 years ago

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My last say. Hopefully not my final essay.

So I've been watching YouTube videos of how to get over ex's and how to deal with break ups. In my heart, I know we belong together. I know the fact that I'm not Christian is a problem. My arguement is that you never fell in love with an atheist. You fell in love with me. Its tough when you refer to me as atheist because I'm so much more then that. You of all people know that. I love you with all my heart. I want to marry you still. I'm not of being alone or being without you. I'm scared of what I am without you. To be honest you were and still are my guardian angel in my eyes. You've changed my life and I hate to see you leave. You keep emphasizing that we might not be together but I still have hope we'll be together. After all, you have my rib. I know things are hard for you at the moment with God. Its tough for me 2. I go to afda and put on a smile pretending I'm fine. You want to be with a Christian. I get that. But no Christian will be as good as I am to you. Even tough I'm not a Christian, I can try to be the best person in the world for you. I dont love for your looks or your voice or cause you give me affection or cause you buy me stuff or cause you did things to me. Its all those things and more. I love you cause youre you. I would never change anything about you. Even your cute toes. Once upon a time I promised you I'd convert for you. I want to make this clear ! I am not trying to manipulate you in any way shape or or form ! Im just venting to tumblr. I'd keep my promise. It wouldnt be for you or for me but for us. Cause your right woman ! Its just better if we're both Christian. I know your gonna be thinking, "hmmmm, hes probably just saying this so I get back with him. He just wants me back. What an ass" and it does look like that. Thats why. Huh. Idk actually. I guess it is kinda fucked up to say this. Kinda shity cause then it would make your life 10 times harder. Okay so ignore that bit. Im not deleting it because effort AND because I said it / typed it with meaning and for a reason.

I get why we dont talk because if your parents find out they'll lose their minds and also because I'm pulling you away from your God things. But like when will I be able to date you. Ya know. Like even if I was Christian, your parents would still hate me. And if your parents forgave me. I wouldnt be Christian. So i get your side of life. Cause thats tough cookie. I wish our love could be enough because it is lowkey for us. Its a rough one. I wanna tell you so many things but i dont wanna jinx your future. I just find it crazy that you think your going to marry someone else. People have been saying its just because your my first girlfriend but I dont believe em. I felt a connection with you. Something I dont see happening with anyone else. You keep telling not to wait for you but its what I feel is right. Just like how you said it feels right to break up. I dont think this will last forever. We'll I wont be able to last much longer but. I feel like we've got this. We've been through a lot together and I'm positive about us. When I said us not being together would be a watse I didnt mean a waste of time or money or anything. I just meant it would be crazy for us to go through everything we did just to let (a big deal) get in the way. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU MY BOO !

Lowkey in the back of my head thinking this

I know I said these things but I cant hold you to anything. You could be over me and my shit and want another relationship. I have to deal with that. If you want some buff white english indie guy to come love you then that the way it'll be.

Deep down I want it to be though. Like I want to be your knight. Your dark knight _wink wink_. I know eternal life is a big thing for you and I'd like to be there with you to. I dont really know if I'll be accepted up in heaven. Even if i am a Christian. Im hard on myself like that. Id rather let more deserving people go to heaven. Idk why I put myself. Its just me. I just see potential in others. More so than in myself. I see my purpose on earth as a chance to help others. You know. Plus im sure when (i cant remember the name of it) the blue lights come down and take people to heaven. Im sure I'll meet you up there. Your just so scared of messing up like one thing and I get it I was like that 2. Id make sure everything was planned out. Truth is. I hd to stop being scared in order to move forward. Like after my car accident. I was terrified to drive again. I couldnt deal with driving. But i had to get over it. And I know you blame yourself and God for what happened. Please dont. Everything happens for a reason. I feel like that stuff taught me a lesson about being calm and calming myself down. It definitely wasnt God punishing you for being with me. Again not trying manipulate you or preach to you or try to change your thoughts. Its just my opinion. All I'm hoping you do is consider what I'm saying. I really truley am sorry about everything but at the same time. Everything that happened has happened and its made us who we are. If given the chance I'd do it again.

Also lowkey I'd love to celebrate 2 years with you. #nopressure. Like seriously I'm being serious but at the same time dont stress you cute little head about it. If it doesnt happen it doesnt happen.

My eating habits have gotten worse. Idk. Im lowkey scared im dying. I want to go to the doctor but its expensive and I've been such a burden on my parents. I'm pretty sure I can wait a couple years before getting it checked up.

My new glasses are cool. You have to see yhem in person. That another thing. I thought i wouldve seen you by now just driving or something. But i guess you only really drive to church and home. Or to someones house or like a party thing.

Happy 21st birthday baby. Wow. Your getting like so old. I still remember falling in love with the 19 year old you. Look how far we came. A whole 2 years. Youve grown so much since then. Firstly you don't bump into cars xD. Jk. You really have become such a grown up and I've been blessed being there with you. You became independent and youve become yourself. Its was a wild trip but to see you come out on top has been worth it. You deserve the world. And if anyone tries to hurt you / stop you, send em my way. Youre one of the most beautiful intelligent cutest amazingest bestest person in the whole world. Happy Birthday Boo.

The boo tattoo. We getting em together ? Also all your stuff is still here so if you do move out invite me over sometime so i can drop off these things. Lowkey your life is amazing and spontaneous and I have huge FOMO (fear of missing out). You don't to worry about me tho. I've been waiting to do things with you.

Moving out. Yeah. Its a big possibility next for me. I remember you originally said we can't live together which sucked but made sense. So. If you ever need a place to stay. Call me. I'll set up a guest bedroom for you.

I wasnt going to with your dad a happy birthday because you never with mine I dont think. But im not a monster like you. Jk lol. You probs just forgot.

Also it really sucks you cant speak 2 me. Your not an asshole. I just wish you could've helped me calm down.

Im sorry this was so long. I'm sure Ive forgotten things and said things I shouldnt have but tbh its been kinda theraputic for me. Like I feel a lot better having got thise things off my chest. You dont have to reply to anything yet. Cause I know your brains busy atm. If you can acknowledge that you seen it that would be nice. But ja. Please dont take anything Ive said personally or strongly. I just blurped things out and yes things do have meaning. But it takes two to tango. I desperately want to tango with you though.

Ps I love you

Pps Im sorry

Ppps take me back

Pppps jk. not jk

Yours truly

Triston Kyle Pillay (Penguin)

3:36 Vala is today. Shhhh

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legerdeman-blog · 7 years ago

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increments of 2, skipping the family questions //

((it took me 2 hours to type all this on mobile and then i had to drive home so yall better be grateful for my sacrifice))

8. How does your character feel about religion?Dirk is extremely atheistic despite growing up under an oligarchy. He thinks that religion is interesting enough to study but doesnt understand why someone would actually believe any of it.

10. Is your character street-smart, book-smart, intelligent, intellectual, slow-witted?Dirk is very book smart, but has very little in the realm of instincts and sometimes even common sense. He tends to think a bit too analytically and cold, which can often benefit him sometimes, but also burdens him in situations that call for a more emotional or instinctual approach.

12. How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations?Dirk pronounces everything perfectly and speaks very clearly. Slang sneaks its way in but for the most part hes got a mouth ready for court and a vocabulary ready for a theoretical physics conference.

14. Were they involved at school? Sports? Clubs? Debate? Were they unconnected?Dirk isn't big on groups. He received plenty of offers for academic teams (and some sports teams because lets face it the guy is swole af) and might have visited once or twice, but hes really too awkward to put much effort into integrating himself with a group of new people. He was definitely a chess champ at least one year without even joining the club at least once though

16. What does your character do for a living? How do they see their profession? What do they like about it? Dislike?Dirk is a wizard, or, to be more precise, a professional student. He doesnt actually make a living off of this at the moment, instead receiving a stipend from his father for living expenses as long as hes at the academy. Which he actually isnt anymore but shh. He enjoys his line of work a lot and generally cant think of one that he would prefer

18. What did they find abroad, and what did they remember?About 8 years ago when dirk was the equivalent of a late teen he visited the human kingdom with his dad and little brother. They didnt travel much as they were mostly on a diplomatic mission to cooperate with a human businessman. He and dave spent most of that time with the businessmans children. What dirk found was the little sister he never asked for and a good friend who also happened to cause the last of dirks inklings of heterosexuality to slip away into the wind. Whoops?

20. What were the most deeply impressive political or social, national or international, events that they experienced?Dirk isnt really old enough to have witnessed any significant events by elven standards. Although reparations with the humans has been an ongoing project his whole life.

22. Who are their friends? Lovers? ‘Type’ or ‘ideal’ partner?Dirk has very few people he considers friends. Hes not the best socially by far, although he does tend to be a bit better over the internet, most if not all social subtleties seem to elude him. His best friends are the roxy and jake in his timeline, although the latter he hasnt spoken to in several years. He has a pretty good relationship with his jade too, mostly based in a mutual love of explosions and tinkering. Hes slowly growing fond of several people on tumblr but not enough to consider them close yet. Hes never had a real romantic relationship, although hes dated once or twice and had a few encounters. He is demiromantic so hes only ever had a crush on one person but his ideal man can be described as “alive”

24. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?Dirk doesnt attend any functions and in fact has hardly any interaction outside of his golems only on the rare occasion he leaves the small house hes renting to buy food

26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?Dirks personal grooming is impeccable. His living space is sparse and well kept, except for his work area which looks like it got hit by a tornado at all times

28. Who is your character’s mate? How do they relate to him or her? How did they make their choice?Dirk isnt dating anyone, but he sometimes wishes he was. He craves the closeness of a romantic relationship but thats partially due to the secluded lifestyle hes forced himself into

30. Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive?The only grudge hes currently holding is against the academy and its headmaster for kicking him out. Its not that hard to piss him off though and if you manage to do it youre fucked forever.

32. How does your character react to stress situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively?Depends on the source of the stress. Stress caused by social situations, which he experiences frequently, he generally just tries to avoid. Any other problems he will attack head on with a generally cold line of logic.

34. Does your character feel self-righteous? Revengeful? Contemptuous?Self righteous? Yes absolutely. Vengeful depending on the sleight. Contemptuous to a degree.

36. Do they like to suffer? Like to see other people suffering?Is this the s&m question. Im gonna say no to both, although he does get a certain amount of satisfaction from seeing people he doesnt like, or people who have sleighted him, get fucked over.

38. Are they basically negative when facing new things? Suspicious? Hostile? Scared? Enthusiastic?I wouldnt say dirk is especially positive or negative. He tends to weigh situations fairly objectively and so generally considers both positives and negatives in an equal light. He gets suspicious very easily and approaches most things with caution and a half dozen plans in mind in case it goes badly.

40. How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?Dirks sense of humor is...well. Difficult. He has that trademark sense of strider irony that allows him to be amused by a wide variety of things but only under specific circumstances.

42. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?Dirk has an inherent need not only to learn but to tinker. He loves having plenty of self made projects to work on, and if you give him something he can take apart, read, or otherwise study he will instantly lose interest in everything else around him. He has a deep desire to forge new paths and innovate in his chosen field. He feels that everything, no matter how good it already is, can be made better with enough work and whats more he has the drive and desire to put in that work. This extends, obviously, to not only himself but other people and the workings thereof. He also feels incredibly lonely, but thats only partially related.

44. How badly do they want to obtain their life objectives? How do they pursue them?Dirk will do nearly anything in the pursuit of his goals. There are few people he wouldnt use as fodder if the need arose and those few dont include himself

46. Is your character tall? Short? What about size? Weight? Posture? How do they feel about their physical body?Dirk is short for an elf and a human. With the average being closer to 6 feet for elves and 5'10" for humans, his 5'8" leaves a bit lacking. Although his overall build tends to make up for it, being that hes fucking stacked. Hes pretty happy with himself physically, and why wouldnt he be when he can probably bench more than the rest of us combined? He doesnt tend to think about his height until hes around people who are taller than him but when that happens he does get a bit self conscious. His posture is also remarkable until he gets involved in anything, then he tends to hunch a bit.

48. How are your character’s gestures? Vigorous? Weak? Controlled? Compulsive? Energetic? Sluggish?Dirks gestures, the few that he makes, are very halted and methodical. Hes been known to fidget, but can just as easily stand stock still when hes in more formal situations. Hes been described at formal functions as intimidating and intense, when in reality hes just trying really hard not to fuck up to the point he suppresses literally every movement.

50. What are the prevailing facial expressions? Sour? Cheerful? Dominating?Dirks overall facial expressions are about as restrained as his gestural ones. Ranging widely from "stony bitch face of death" to "vaguely uncomfortable but were not sure why". Its pretty difficult to make him genuinely smile without holding himself back, but there are a few who can always manage it.

#OOC #memes #headcanons #rammeup

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simonsperalta · 8 years ago

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100 questions

100 Questions

1. Are you young at heart, or an old soul? middle

2. What makes someone a best friend? Funny, caring, someone who makes you happy and good taste in things

3. What Christmas (or Hanukkah) present do you remember the most? Xbox 360

4. Tell me about a movie/song/tv show/play/book that has changed your life. . Ghostbusters(2016) and Scream tv cause they have shown me how fuckin gay as fuck i am

5. Name one physical feature that you like about yourself, and one you dislike. Eyes and weight

6. Would you like to reconnect with any friends you’ve lost contact with? yes

7. What’s more important in a relationship: physical attraction or emotional connection? . emotional

8. Name a movie that you knew would be terrible just from reading the title. Justin Bieber : Never Say Never

9. What holiday do you most look forward to? . Halloween

10. How is the relationship between you and your parents? My dad can be a dick and unsupportive but he tries

11. You’ve got the TV on, but you’re not really watching. What channel is the TV on? Sports

12. Name a song that never fails to make you happy. Debarge -Rhythm of the night (Im trash )

13. You know at least one person named Michael. Tell me about him. Curly haired and knew him in year 8

14. Have you ever read the “missed connections” on Craigslist? Have you ever posted one, or wanted to? ???

15. If you could pick anywhere to live the rest of your life, where would it be? JAPAN

16. Can money buy happiness? Nope but it can buy food and does that count

17. Do you drink? Smoke? Do drugsWhy, or why not? nope because 420 no blaze it

18. Is there anyone close to you that you know you can’t trust? You don’t have to give names. . Yes

19. Where was your favorite place to go when you were a little kid? BREWSTER FUCKIN BEARS

20. Have you ever spent a night in the hospital? . nearly

21. Do you enjoy being with only one or two friends, or with a large group of people? one or two

22. Do you like the type of music your parents listen to? Do your parents like the type of music you listen to? meh and nope

23. Have you ever been bullied? Yes

24. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? chicken

25. If your partner wanted to wait until marriage before having sex, would you stay in that relationship? yes

26. Do you believe in a god? nope tbh

27. Of all the social networks in the world, why use Tumblr? because its fun as shit

28. What’s your favorite Tumblr tag to track? #HOLTZMANN

29. Would you call yourself/your family “middle class?” Mehhh

30. Name a TV series you didn’t enjoy until after it ended. Telletubbies, that shit scared me

31. Have you ever bought a product from an infomercial? nope

32. If you could give up your car and never have to drive again, would you? nah

33. If you go back to one point in time to give advice to yourself, when would you go and what would you say? back to the end of 2015 and tell myself to not run into that wall

34. What’s your “quirkiest” habit? a few

35. What is “normal?” Are you normal? nope lmao

36. Someone close to you is dying. You have the choice to let this person live for 10 more years, but if you do, you cause the death of 10 strangers. You don’t have to see them die. Do you take the offer? Yes because I cant afford to lose another family member, plus those 10 people could be evil and plus many people are dying in a second anyway

37. What is one thing you could never forgive? A person

38. Would you rather be in a relationship after the honeymoon period ends, or be single? relationship

39. Is it possible for guys and girls to be just friends? yes

40. Where do you and your friends go to hang out? i stay at home alone so lmao

41. Write the first paragraph of your obituary. This person was in love with many things and the poor bastard could never get a date rip

42. What is the best TV theme song ever? HERE I AM ONCE AGAIN FEELING LOST BUT NOW AND THEN I BREATHE IT IN TO LET IT GO AND YOU DONT KNOW WHERE YOU ARE NOW

43. When you were young, what would you dream you would be when you grew up? A juggler

44. When you’re alone in your own home, do you walk around naked? fuck no

45. What gets you out of bed in the morning? food

46. Do you want to have more friends than you have right now? no

47. What part of the past year sticks out in your mind? February

48. You win a scratch-off lottery game that gives you $2000 a week (after taxes) for the rest of your life. Do you keep your job? yes EXTRA MONEY BOIISS

49. Could you be in a long-distance relationship? If you’re in one, what makes yours work? I think so

50. What’s the best route to your heart? . kindness

51. Have you ever met someone through the internet, then met them in real life?. No unfortunately

52. What is your favorite sport? ping pong ;lol

53. What has been troubling you lately? . my problems ahahah

54. Did you enjoy your high school prom? not been yet

55. What do you use more often: your intuition or logical reasoning? logical

56. Do you know what makes you happy? Ahemm..... kate mckinnon and bex taylor-klaus

57. Tell me about the last book you read. SERIAL KILLERS

58. What is the nicest compliment you’ve ever been given? hair looks nice

59. Who was your first crush? Either Misty from Pokemon or the blonde cheetah girl

60. Do you believe that there is life on other planets? probso

61. Predict what your life will look like a year from now. dissapointing

62. Often, people will ask how your last relationship ended. I want to know how it began. lmao ive never been in one

63. Where is your favorite place to go out and eat? mcdonaaaaaaaaaaaaalds

64. What is something you want to change about your current situation? Singleness lmao

65. Early bird or night owl? night owl m8

66. Are there any childhood possessions you still hold on to? idk

67. Give me an unpopular opinion you have. . i dont like naudrey

68. What was the last song that was stuck in your head? Blue Ocean Floor - Justin Timberlake

69. Where do you live? YORKSHIRE

70. Do you believe in giving kids medals and trophies for participation? Mhm

71. What was the longest car ride you’ve ever taken? to bognor reigis

72. Have you ever taken part in a protest? not yet

73. Would you ever use an online dating service? merh

74. What is your ethnic heritage? Atheist

75. Describe a person that inspires you. Many people

76. If you earn minimum wage doing what you love, would you? Sure

77. Do you believe in luck? meh

78. Describe the last time you were very angry at someone. When they said I dont resemble Pidge smh

79. Do you want to live until you’re 100? kinda

80. Do people change? If so, how do you keep a relationship together when both of you start to change? no idea

81. Have you ever risked a friendship by telling someone you liked them? yes

82. Would you rather be alone doing something you enjoy, or doing something you don’t like with your best friends? enjoy

83. Do you practice what you preach? nope

84. If you take precautions to stay safe, do you ultimately act more recklessly? yes

85. What do you value more in a significant other: Attractiveness or intelligence? .intelligence

86. Are you hard-headed? idk

87. Have you ever laughed uncontrollably when it was socially inappropriate? yup

88. When have you felt most alive? when i was born

89. Would you prefer to live? A city? The suburbs? The countryside? The mountains? mountains

90. Do you often skip breakfast? yes

91. How do you know what true love is? tbh no

92. Would you want to know the exact date and time you were going to die? no

93. Where is “home” for you? my room

94. What song best describes your life right now? any depressing one lmao

95. Do you want to be perfect? What have you never tried, but would really like to someday? nope

96. What’s holding you back? bed

97. How do you express your creativity? . no idea

98. Describe your neighborhood. smells of weed and cow shit

99. Name something you only liked because it was popular. Call of duty

100. Give me the story of your life in six words. Single, obsessing, tubby, sad, boring, gay

#questionares #questions #bored #lol #funny

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