#im gonna get things terribly wrong i know
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People comparing CaitVi dynamic season 1 and 2, are we watching two different shows or y'all just forgot what happened in the middle. There was literally a war going on, Cait's mom fucking died like are they just gonna be lovey dovey with all these politics going on? And then one moment they leave everything to just be with each other in that jail cell you are also mad like wdyw?
Also people who say their sex scene is not necessary and/or a bad representation.
Firstly, JayceMel also got a sex scene in season 1 so its not like they invented sex just for these two lesbians.
Secondly, they didnt just fuck. Vi was beating herself up thinking she made the wrong decision and fucking things up like always and Cait told her that she actually let the guards go so Vi can do that exact thing she wanted. Ultimately saying a) she trusted Vi when she said Jinx has changed and wanted Vi to let the girl out b) she wanted Vi to be happy more than she wanted revenge even tho just some months ago she was the opposite.
Thirdly, we see the detail, Cait hesitates when she sees the bandage where she used to hit Vi. We see Cait taking off her clothes and showing her all, being vulnerable because Vi deserves that much from her.
Fuck. I get it, ok? This is a rare time we got a wlw relationship where both are main characters, and in a big show like this so you want it to be perfect and deprive of all flaws. But wouldnt you rather have two well-written characters where they relationship is tangled with the core of who they are than just a wlw couple with no conflict, no personal development no nothing? Hows that a good representation? Their relationship doesnt solve the conflict between them and their politics but is the reason why they were intertwined in the first place.
And dont come at me about systematic problems as well like Im a poc myself living in a white country and a sociology graduate. I understand Caitlyn did terrible things and is a war criminal herself with how she stands aside letting Ambessa did the thing she did and for gasing Zaun just to seek revenge. But she, just like everyone is a product of her sociocultural surroundings, shes a human affected by their beliefs and emotions. Isnt that the point of the show?
I dont think she got her happy ending just because she lives, I think being alive is her purnishment. She has her whole life to make up for what she did and I believe she will. What other fate you think she deserves? Her death will not undo her crimes, so is prison, they will also prevent her from actually fixing what she caused and ultimately using her priviledge for good(which shes doing, you can read my post about it). And Im not about to start the whole ethic debate on prison. How does one define a purnishment worthy? How do one define what a person deserves?
Finally, you know who else was a war criminal and walked away with what he wanted? Singed. Reality is like that, not black and white. People dont get what we think they deserve, ever.
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gonna be reading the husky and his white cat shizun vol 1 for the first time, so i've decided to humiliate my future self by making predictions based on the summary or whatever rn. feel free to laugh at me if i get things terribly wrong
just based on the cover, im thinking mo ran was this determined, loyal, and playful guy maybe? awfully trusting? idk he just kinda gives off jokingly smug energy and is probably un serious most of the time which gets on the other guy's nerves. or, he's just. super dedicated. though maybe he's a little overbearing with it?
in the extra picture, his shizun has this armor arm (but not on the cover?), which, to me, implies that something pretty wack happens, leaving him needing to replace it with that badass magic steel limb. mayyybeee this happened in mo ran's old life already or this is a new thing that surprises him
probably really looked up to his quiet shizun, who can be quite easy to annoy (mo ran annoys him to no end because of his constant yapping idk) but would never actually lay a hand on his disciples? or just be pretty light compared to the other shizuns either bc he prefers to use other ways as punishment or doesn't feel the need to for one reason or another. elegant and refined, but maybe a little lazy. he doesn't really look like the type of person to go out of their way to punish or fight
something happened that was actually just this huge misunderstanding or his shizun had to do something pretty fucked which led mo ran into complete despair, being betrayed by his teacher (trust and abandonment issues? yes please). before, he had a crush on his shizun but didn't really realize it? but now he couldn't care less than to create this super elaborate revenge plan, those unknown feelings either buried or wiped clean away
mo ran was low-key depressed after becoming emperor because it purely just to fuck with his shizun and make things terrible and out of spite or whatever. so then he ended his life because nothing was going his way, expecting to be happy with his path of revenge. but now that he's back in time, he goes, "oh i should play it smarter this time, now that i know of my shizun's true nature! i'll get him back. maybe if i get rid of him early, then i wont have to suffer longer. i'll also get revenge on everyone else earlier!" or smth like that idk
but of course, his plans kinda get fucked and slowly he starts seeing sides to his shizun that he didn't see before bc he heavily idolized him in his past life, ignoring everything else. his newfound hatred has kinda brought a new perspective? which is surprisingly helpful but also not, since he's now villainizing his every move and is super distrustful.. straight up in denial about his shizun's good deeds. maybe mo ran will instinctually save him at one point and beat himself over it, or his shizun will save him even though he really, REALLY had no reason to/actively went out of his way which really messes up mo ran's feelings.
anyways, i'll be off to read it now. we shall see how wrong i am lmao
#im gonna get things terribly wrong i know#idk what else to expect besides that im just yapping#expecting this to be much more serious than svsss#no dick jokes here alright....#looking at u cumplane#i think itd be a cool plot twist if his shizun actually time traveled back in time too/remembered everything#and was nicer to mo ran or whatever. tryna prevent his death n stuff#or because he doesnt want mo ran to become a tyrant#so things change.....?#and then mo ran finds out and he thinks 'that fucker only changed bc of this and that not bc he actually cared abt me'#yeah idk#im a little too used to svsss#lol#mo ran#chu wanning#the husky and his white cat shizun#2ha#2ha novel
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Idk I'm not trying to be a hater but I just don't think that the parentified teenager dying is the BEST ending for his character
#WHAT DO I KNOW#I genuinely hope no one takes this the wrong way#i know y'all are just having fun but I'm a little annoyed tonight I'm sorry#like it gets so tiring with the ur fave is gonna die every time we have a set update#and just his death is such a terrible message#like he truly hasnt be able to live his own life or even figure out what he WANTS#and im sorry tragedy for tragedies sake is shit writing#anyways if you wanna hate me i have an inbox#jonathan byers#stranger things
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lmaoooo maffhew wanting the knot immediately and having to wait for sasha to catch up with that is so deeply funny like. this omega is not subtle and you’re not a stupid alpha babe! can only imagine what benny has to say to maffhew about it once he catches on and stops banging his head against a wall
idiots to lovers is always great but especially when its two people who would be hitched with 10 kids by now if they stopped being dumb for a single second like its that easy and yet...
to me they very much fall around the same time (infatuation at first scent if you will) just that sasha takes some time to get there not because he's dumb (okay he's a little dumb) but in the sense that its like "this person is very interested in me, i can see and recognise that but theres so much cognitive dissonance in my brain right now between knowing that intrinsically and finding that hard to believe so i unintentionally play dumb because obviously i'm reading too much into things it cant be me they're interested in haha that'd crazy but they're being awfully touchy and flirty with me wow"
but also it takes two to tango and we have to acknowledge that and this is when i would love to bring up the ways in which this man decides is the best way to go about that because he is a catholic school girlie... there's so much hilarity to be had here especially because his flirting is very uh how you say... a little ass backwards if you will especially considering dynamics
"I make it a point to keep the door closed when we're alone in a room together! That's basically a clear invitation that I'm down to fuck!!! Im basically asking to be ragdolled on his knot!!!"
and Benny just pinches the bridge of his nose like "I don't know how to explain to you in a way you'll understand that not everyone went to Catholic school."
But saying that Sasha does side-eye the door knob heavily when Maffhew goes over to close it the first time and he starts sweating like he just got dragged into a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven he did not sign up for and he's 13 again and oh god he got paired with a really cute girl, and he hasn't even had his first real kiss yet and-
And then absolutely nothing happens because Maffhew is just waiting with a polite expectant smile (because his work here is done, he did the heavy lifting know it's Sasha's turn) and this is when Sasha's dynamic classes training kicks in and he basically scolds himself for even assuming in the first place because this is clearly a show of trust (correct) not an invitation for extra circular activities (incorrect buzzer noise) and it basically becomes "This Omega really trusts me, I'm honoured especially as Pack Leader that I'm able to be so accepted into such a private space with the inherent knowledge that I will not encroach their boundaries whatsoever because consent is verbal, this is not in any way an invitation to take advantage of them this is deep platonic trust I will guard with my life :]"
and if you listen closely you can hear the lovely sounds of Maffhew bashing his head into a wall about how much of a gentleman Sasha is but also COME ONNNNNN... you know... once Maffhew realises what's happening which (looks at my watch) is not due for another few months really
Battle of wills: unstoppable force (maffhews catholic school understanding of dynamic interactions) vs immovable object (overseas alpha cotillion classes)
And if you think it's an Oh! An overseas dynamic thing! It's not. The Euros are watching the horrible car crash in front of them and doing absolutely nothing about it because it's none of their business, but they will stare at it... maybe judge it a bit but definitely are observing from the tall grass.
and I'm also not saying that luosty lundy forsy and bobby have a current running bet of how long it'll take for maffhew to break sasha in but i'm also not not saying that... luosty goaded lundy in the midst of a gossip session ("It has to be 3 months, right?) forsy happened to be around so lundy turned to him for advice ("7 months.") and maybeeee bobby overheard from all the way over from his stall and puts in his two cents for what it's worth ("6. Captain nice but not that nice. Very impatient." "So 3!" "No. Impatience makes him double the time, and wait longer. 6 months.") (lundy finally settles on a good 5 months because he's indecisive)
And Sasha does eventually pick up everything maffhew is throwing down... eventually... and when he does it becomes more so I want to court this omega the way they deserve I will take this slow and romance them sweetly :) *smash cut to maffhew caterwauling like a cat in heat*
but also once again its not like maffhew is helping sasha in any way this is idiot4idiot and benny would like to enjoy the car crash with the euros but unfortunately that's his soulmate, thats his bestie, his littermate from birth who has been weaned on the same teat as they climbed over each other to get to it, the first girl you kissed in your childhood bedroom because somehow you started play fighting on the bed because she was like i could totally pin you down easy and then she does and you always noticed how beautiful she was but shes even more gorgeous when she's pinning your wrists to your hannnah montana duvet you promised yourself youd changed out before she came over but you forget and well she teased you about it and you cant help but giggle about how perfect this all is and it seems that the natural conclusion to this is to taste the strawberry lipgloss of her lips because whats a kiss between besties huh its tacky and sticky and it tastes like summer and just other apt metaphors to put here about the inherent -isms of their relationship that i nearly cant put to words properly other than girls having fun (they are fucking)
and well anyways benny is watching and he has a lot of things to say about how its been proceeding so far
"You should really use your words."
"I am!"
"Right because smelling like a fucking perfume shop in the middle of October is using your words."
"This usually works with most Alphas okay!"
"Sasha isn't most Alphas."
"Tell me about it." Matthew grouses before he peeks over to Sam, looking up from beneath his eyelashes—the exact way he knows both endears him to Sam but also absolutely miffs him all the same, "Worked on you, didn't it?"
"Oh, is that what we're doing right now? We're calling getting a lapful of a preening O in preheat in the middle of a roadie a normal way to go about these things."
"It worked didn't it?" Matthew reiterates.
"It would work better if you use—"
"Okay! Alright!! I get it!!!" He does not.
like benny here is unfortunately an active listening participant in the going ons of the fuckery if not because hes involved by proxy because of maffhew because who else will hold his hair back as he calls him a dumb bitch you know
#ask#i dont think we nearly take enough advantage of maffhew going to a catholic prepatory school#my friend who went to catholic schooling his whole life until highschool (where we met) dropped the bombshell of the door thing on me#to which i went you have to be fucking with me that cant be real and then i was like well i guess its good we're both boys then-#and then he goes oh my mom knows im queer the rule applies to boys too#and i just nervously looked over to the door knob like well uh maybe we should open the door? i dont want your mom to be mad-#and he was like oh shes convinced we've been fucking since we met so this is allowed youre the only boy she lets do this (the door thing)#a couple of years later when he moved out i found out friends weren't allowed over if he was alone in the house but i was the only exceptio#and i felt like the equivalent of a roving tomcat who keeps wandering into the gardens and got the neighbours cat daisy pregnant#i dont think i could ever look that woman in the eye after all that#this is all to say catholic schooling does things to you man#anyways i do have to reiterate every kitty is fucking each other on a normal basis and in an abo au it gets even worse#making our whorehouse a whorehome#ive always said this but flirting with a virgo is like flirting with a brickwall#actually thatd be an insult to the brickwall because at least the brickwall would give you something to work with#the humble virgo looks you in the eyes before they crush your ego with a single word and youre like thank you mistress may i have another#i feel for maffhew i really do#theres just so many funny ways this just goes terribly wrong because both maffhew and sasha are inherently messy people#matthew and sasha on a team outing sat next to each other in a booth and matthew gets a little tipsy and starts rubbing his cheek#on sashas shoulder and sasha is just looking over to benny like please. help. and benny just snorts and blatantly ignores#him as he continues to sip on his beer and sasha just turns to ekky and silently pleads with his eyes. PLEASE. HELP.#ekky huffs and looks away very much not thrilled about being involved in any form whatsoever and hes not gonna change his mind about this#*5 minutes later* and ekky finds himself switching spots with sasha with a cuddly maffhew on his arm and he's a little disgruntled about it#but its very hard to stay upset when maffhew keeps mumbling about how nice he smells and keeps trying to scent him#all over like he has any right to lay a claim when hes been in the pack for such a short time#and yeah okay maybe he preens a little bit at the compliment like just a little#and maybe he does like being treated like a glorified scratching post but matthew doesnt need to know that (matthew knows that)#well anyways
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hmm I think instead of feeling bad I will simply project this bad onto The Character . for funsies .
#just blahs#not gonna do anything abt it bcs idk how i could but ovuehncke sparrow with scrupulosity ocd <3#just consider with me sparrow being terrified of accidentally saying anything wrong or offending literally anyone#and her completely accidentally saying smthin offensive and trying to figure out how to properly deal with that#without just making the whole situation about herself rather than the person she actually offended#bcs shes afraid that makes her a bad person who just didnt care enough to be aware of herself#gets a bit venty past this point but guys im literally pinky promising you rn I'm ok and ill figure it out please no one bring it up to me#and nobody think about the fact that im projecting rn just think about sparrow ok#this is my way of dealing w similar stuff w/o making it about me bcs ik that thats a shitty thing to do and i need to work it out myself#aughhncns literally every time goddamnit . i accidentally do smthin wrong and then someone (very kindly !!!) tells me hey that was wrong#and then i have a breakdown about it and feel bad and overthink it for the next like week#jesus fucking christ ok it's fine im being patient with myself and i know no one thinks im a bad person#and i know that they know i didnt mean it#and i know that i did say smthin insensitive and thats just something i have to be aware of#and the fact that i said it doesn't mean that im a terrible horrific irredeemable person#i'm trying my best now to be aware of it and be better and think abt whst they said and that's all i can do and thats ok#its fine .#anyways .#also hi cookies if you see this genuinely thank you for telling me tho like i do appreciate it and i am ok dw
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And on another note despite what I’m focusing on I do think it’s abhorrent to assume everyone who voted for or supported Harris is chill with genocide like yeah that’s like. What blew up online that tori maya shit was stupid as fuck but due to the disorganization and lateness of this campaign there was REAL misinformation being spread especially to our elders by ppl misconstruing info and a large number of ppl genuinely RIGHT NOW believe she’s pro Palestine called for a ceasefire etc. Like that’s a big chunk of the issue happening rn - where ppl literally made up policies for her or suddenly fell for “neutral” talking points bc it’s on someone they like and spread that. Like idk I feel like until everyone can be honest and humble nobody’s getting anywhere
#I lost my point at the end damn#guess I’m just bringing it to ppls attention#ig Im very against ‘this chunk of ppl are exactly like this’ which is why I overly specify#guys if I’m talking about someone I promise I just say exactly what i mean#when I say ppl who voted with XYZ in mind that’s exactly who I’m talking about there’s no strays to be caught#anyways I’m thinking of this bc I’m seeing so many ppl saying vile things about Palestine and saying ‘well this is what you wanted’#like no and that attitude is part of what lost that election bfr#this is what I meant yesterday by terrible timing#bc black women are rightfully exhausted and saying we’re not showing up for everyone else.#and it’s just masking a complicity in a genocide some of you already has#Some of you ALREADY said fuck Palestine so pretending it’s bc Harris lost is so#like I’m sorry this is still about that tori girl#not even her the fanbase she curated#of ppl who genuinely think democracy would save us Harris had our best interests at heart and that genocide is smth to breeze over#and that Maya girl is a weirdo too don’t get me wrong#like it’s that thing where they’re both dead wrong but one person was a biiit more wrong than the other#that didn’t make the other person right at alll#And that Madeline person#I unfollowed bc despite what they were saying#some of which I agreed with#a lot of the FANS got racist fast#guys deleting comments is an option stop letting ur fans be bigots and pretending you can’t control it#y know it’s follow the leader delete the first signs of racism and they can’t fuel eachother hello#anyways that’s a collection of thoughts on ppl ig my point is.#genocide is bad and the way ppl react to that along with other circumstances and factors is never gonna be palatable#especially to ppl calling a politican auntie and BIG SIS GENERAL#fucking crazy btw that last one#and also a lot of ppl were desperate to see a black woman take care of everything so they ignored any flaw she and her campaign had#when these flaws were huge contributors to the loss#and also. with the big ass gap atp I think it is kind of useless to argue amongst ourselves
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books that changed my brain chemistry at age 9. tbh.
#the animal povs the magic povs the haunting nature of it the way both povs weave together perfectly in the end#despite feeling so different#i still think about the hummingbird :(#this book isnt really. that related to what im about to say. but i was thinking abt the part where night song and hawk man have their baby#and the prose when hawk man holds his daughter and feeling like his entire worldview was shifting and expanding beyond his comprehension#and it was all centered on his baby and his love for her and augh. i think that passage specifically affected me profoundly#and i dont even want kids. i think its why i like writing parent characters#i should reread this....#echoed voice#wait i forgot to say the thing i wanted to say. i was gonna say that prose is seeping into how i write flamberge and valerie#bc flamberge is like. a terrible person dont get me wrong theyre not a good person. and valerie wouldnt have totally fixed them#but flamberge's entire world shifts when they have their daughter. like they didnt think they were capable of caring for someone that much#but knowing someone as kind as valerie- someone they put in the world and wouldnt exist without them- changes them#they end up loving like they never felt they could before and its like a big step for them for becoming a better person
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a week ago i was ready to give up on kings blood and today i just finished outlining each new chapter of the restructuring/rewrite im doing 😌.....
#s.txt#here's the timeline of events. it takes me what? six months to do a first draft#i'm happy with it its good its great i move onto the sequel i move backwards to a weird prequel/in between thing#i spend way too long on that thang#i rewatch jupiter's legacy and i'm like. [biting lip emoji] split timeline narrative would kinda slay wouldn't it.#throw the prequel bits into the first draft it totally FUCKS everything up#its fine its okay because that first draft sucked ass anyways its so terrible its embarassing#i want to kms and break my computer etc etc no you know what [delirious] this could work...#i spent way too long on the wrong parts of it.#hate it. love it. complicated relationship with it. hate it again. SCRAP the introduction change so many details#only like 25% of the first draft has survived the purge its fine its good#break the first chapter into smaller chapters. kinda banger w the split narrative. kinda slays.#figure out how i need to restructure the rest of it.#and now i have all 40 chapters planned out babeyy the themes and motifs will kiss with tongue#i might name the parts really stupid things with total sincerity no one gets how funny heir to the sun / revenge of the night would be#as part titles. like its so funny. it's SO funny.#i'm delirious#revenge of the night revenge of the knight heir to the sun heir to the son its funnnnyyyyy#anyways. [unintelligible gibberish]#no one cares about kings blood i know no one cares about kings blood but how do i explain its literally#the only thing ive thought about for an entire year. im obsessed with it. not even gonna lie.
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Just out of curiosity, anyone else get like elevated mood, insane evergy, or like unhinged focus while on their period?
#i dont know what to call it to try to search what that would even be#it doesnt happen all the time and i dont think its like mania bc most of the time it doesnt really feel good#it feels like i want to run around in circles screaming and kicking things#most of the time i get fucked up and anxious but every so often my body is like. here as a treat u get enhanced focus#and then i feel my my brain is gonna vibrate outta my skull. but this time its actually nice bc i just feel kinda happy?#but like with an edge of. something feels wrong and i have too much energy but also i wanna lay down#ay. today was supposed to be my day off. then i got roped into helping with sampling#maybe if my mood stays stable i can try to get an appointment with a psychiatrist Tomorrow morning#but i am currently impaired by lack of sleep lmao#i should say. the upward moodswing thing isnt usually worrying. i mean it makes ne feel nuts but it doesn't make me do anything terribly#irratic or dangerous. its just weird and im sure if it happens to me it happens to other ppl so im curious#unrelated#tw periods
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#i haven't played bg3 in weeks because i have so much anxiety that im gonna say the wrong thing or go the wrong place at the wrong time and#fuck up the story and miss shit#i already had to go back on a save because i said the wrong thing and the game thought i was trying to romance someone#and like i don't know how to play every class so idk what im doing in have the character building#and i Really don't know anything about spells#what if i give gale an item that's actually really useful for one of the characters#what if im using a terrible party for my tav's class and build and we all die#what if i use up too many health potions before we can get to a shop and i don't know how to make them or find Ingredients or i run out of#money?#am i taking to many long rests? is that possible?#i don't know enough about this game but i don't want to look stuff up and see a bunch of spoilers#and every guide is like 'make sure to go to this (place i've never heard of) or you'll miss (thing I've never heard of)
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IMPORTANT POST PLEASE READ
Im gonna be honest and open for a sec, and please do not take this as "oh I HATE my community or I dont like the people who watch me" but honestly as of late (and I did highlight this during the mcc bit), ive felt like I havent been able to really be in my own community simply because of the constant way that "discourse" is handled. Making vague posts and not really tackling issues in a good way, all that is going to do is just show people a big "THIS COMMUNITY BAD" sign and not actually help anything within the community, all its going to do is have the good and potentially good people leave or not join in the first place. The way that discourse is treated that ive seen has been the main reason why I have started to try to distance myself, which has been the most heartbreaking thing I have had to do. I want problems to be solved in a mature, civil way, with either a dm or a reply, not an entire vague thing that only says "bad things are happening" and doesnt elaborate on anything or barely elaboratesa and only gives people on both the inside and outside a bad sign of what the community is. Making posts whenever something happens being like "here we go again" is only going to highlight the wrong things, and actually DOESNT help the issue at all! The problems should be discussed directly with the people who are doing said problems FIRST! Bring attention to behaviors and things that arent good DIRECTLY! And also, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO!!! It is not your duty as a viewer or fan of me to be involved in any of this if you do not want to! Just enjoy the content and make silly posts! As someone who constantly tried to fix and get into every problem as it was happening, it took a huge toll on my mental health, and I want you guys to just be able to enjoy the content without having to worry about what you say about it! Be constructive! Dont make posts again just being like "wow this community is so bad" because that doesnt solve literally anything! If you have enough passion to make the posts saying "wow this community is bad" then only post about that, you are only spreading that negative message, and not uplifting anything of actual value! And if the person you are trying to help is not willing or not listening, BLOCK! MUTE! DONT BRING MORE ATTENTION TO THE PERSON IF THEY ARE NOT BEING A GOOD PART OF THE COMMUNITY!!!! I know I say that if I see problems I will call them out, but I shouldnt have to babysit every single time a thing happens within the community as that just isnt a healthy way for a creator or a community to be handled. This does not mean that I do not care about the issues or dont want them fixed, rather it shouldnt take me having to make some grand statement every single time something happens it should take only your own self reflection and self awareness. And to add onto this, make sure that every once in a while no matter who you are you think and have that self reflection, you should be open to being willing to learn and grow as a person! And again, I do NOT want anyone taking this as "Wow this community is terrible" but rather that we just have things that need to be fixed and changed and THAT IS OKAY! I do not hate the community, I care so much about it that I want it to be a silly place for my content again! I want it to be the reason why people get into what I do because of it again! And I want to be able to just have fun and relax without having to worry about how every single thing that I may say could have someone stirring things up that simply dont help or solve anything! Take care of yourselves. And this isnt coming from a place of "I hate the community as a whole" but rather again I want to be able to exist and make content that we can all enjoy without having to worry about walking on eggshells around me or around eachother! At the end of the day im just a fella that wants to make silly videos for you all, and you are people who enjoy said videos. Nothing more. Nothing less.
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hmm.
#ack. i wanna but a scale so bad but idk how much money i have rn#well at least since im restricting again ill have more money since i dont spend it all on food#wish i could get a job but id have to walk to it and i cant in the weather so im gonna wait till spring or summer#might wait till i turn 18 bc ill have way more options so i might aswell. its only like 2 months off from when i could even get one at all#hmmm. ill have to ask my mom to tell me how much is on my card bc i cant check it myself. im kinda regretting letting my sister not pay me#back immediately for $30 bc then i could buy a scale rn but she doesnt have much rn so whatever#going another month without a scale wont kill me. for the majority of the time before i recoved it didnt have a scale so whatever#but i remember feeling so awful not even knowing if the pain i put myself through did anything so idk if its worth that#i fall ever enough as is with my pots so idk if i wanna add starvation to tye mix when i cant even see the numbers drop#well. ill find out how much i have today and if i have a fair bit then ill buy one soon but if not then ill just cry ig#idk. i feel stupid for relapsing. i KNOW.it feels terrible and i dont even care much about getting skinny. i just miss starving myself#its not about getting skinny its just about seeing the number go down and hurting myself and i know it doesnt actually feel good but like#idk. my life has felt chaotic and out of control recently and i need something to hold on to even if it kills me#i dont even wanna die anymore either. i used to but now i dont. i have life plans that i wanna pursue. im not stuck in a moldy house with#people who abuse me. i live with my only friend in a place where i can actually go places. not many places but theres at least something#idk. i think itd be easier to be ok if i had other friends but i just have my sister. i dont even know how or where you meet people#everything i read either says scool for minors or bars for adults which is useless to me. the only others things are things not around me#idk. i guess ill have to get a car eventually and when i do that then i can go places. i feel so bleh lately#i just. i wanna be sickly and skinny. not bc i think im ugly but bc i wanna be sick. i dont dislike my appearance. im relatively thin#not that it matters bc theres nothing wrong with being fat but like. idk. i used to hate my appearance so much but i dont now#so it feels so weird that im relapsing anyway#idk
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Zombie apocalypse face au I've been thinking of...
Thoughts/details on the AU and an alt color vers of the first drawing (luring you into my evil cave) ⬇️⬇️⬇️
Face as unrelated parties... All normal humans. Caname and fruk (separately) wandering the world after generic zombie outbreak. Theyre some of the last ones left so they rarely meet people and need to depend on the other party heavily. Blahblah its miserable everyone is sad and hurt and tired. Francis had to cut off Arthurs leg to prevent an infection. Arthur has to learn to lean on Francis for a lot of stuff and they learn to get over past grudges and such... 😇 Alfred is bitten at some point and hides it from Matthew. Matthew knows, but he's basically lost any will to live and is ready to die whenever Alfred turns because. Well. "I'm only living for him anyways..." type of sentiment... They ignore it and it's never brought up but it's like. I know you know that I know that- Anyways. So those two are trying their hardest to live out their last days in relative happiness. Doing fun stuff. Appreciating the simple things, landscapes, each other's company, etc... That is until they bump into Francis and Arthur in a totally horrible state. And it's like "Well... We can't just let them die can we? We have nothing to lose anyways." So they watch over the two and care for them and once they're all in okay health they decide to stick together and move on. But Arthur and Francis are clearly more determined to live than Mattie and Alfred and they're good fighters. So they wanna keep em around, all while hiding that Alfred is slowly dying and is eventually gonna kill them all. Milking Francis and Arthur's good will... Eventually new relationships form between the four and inevitably weird "betrayal!" and jealousy type feelings show up... Francis is tired of just sleeping with Arthur and when he gets mad he flirts with either of the twins... And the like... Well I haven't thought the whole thing through but these are the important emotional bases to the idea I guess...
I wrote a scenario for many different possibilities of first-to-dies (because i find them all interesting and bcuz twitter oomf asked and i have no restraint. lole)
Alfred dies first: Most obvious scenario (like hes already a bit zombified and clearly hes getting physically weaker) Im imagining a terrible scenario no matter what. Matthew probably finds him first all hunched over and stuff womdering whats wrong before realising that it's finally the end of the line. Francis/Arthur aren't far behind and they blow "Alfreds" head off without hesitation. Obviously causes a rift between the two and Matthew, who broke their trust by hiding this from them. Matthew is inconsolable for a few days, he thought he had more time. Despite the lie I think Francis and Arthur would end up feeling sympathy. They try to keep Matthew up on his feet but frankly I think this would end with him blowing his brains out eventually anyways... 😊
Alternatively Mattie has been mentally preparing himself for a very long time and he immediately kills "Alfred" and then himself in quick succession. Francis and Arthur are haunted by the memory of the two for the rest of their trip.
Arthur dies first: Similarly, I think its easy to imagine this. He's missing a leg and mostly needs to be near someone else to survive zombie attacks/ambushes. Would probably accidentally get separated from the group and get overrun... Might use himself as a distraction to allow the other three to get away in a particularly dire situation... In a way he thinks hes just dead weight anyways and he wants to see the other three live knowing that he doesn't have much left to offer them (Francis would disagree). Francis is obviously very upset and he loses sleep over the memory of Arthur, his last "real" link to his normal life before all of this. But I think Francis is stable enough to prioritise the twins he took under his wing. He knows they need someone to keep them together, so he toughs it out. Everything is fine till Alfred turns some many months later. By then, Francis developed a strong attachment to the two and doesn't have any regrets. Would probably struggle against Alfreds strength to allow Matthew to escape or something along those lines...
Francis dies first: I can also see him just getting killed by sheer numbers. I think he grew very fond of the twins pretty fast + had to be Arthurs protection for a long time and so he developed this feeling of "I need to keep them all safe at all costs". I don't think itd be as much of a letting go type thing as Arthur. It's more calculated and would only happen in a worst-case scenario. I think Arthur would be pretty irritable for the next few weeks, a lot of things remind him of Francis. It bothers him since he wants to just forget and move on, but he finds that his feelings are more difficult to control than he initially thought. Yells a lot at Matthew and Alfred and gets into petty fights. Its not pretty, but they have their moments... In the end, it's not like he wants to make them suffer. They're all he has left now. Hes trying his best. Has a lot of days where he just wishes he had been the one to die instead.
Matthew dies first: Honestly I'm imagining a non-zombie related death, like an accident with one of the guns or some unrelated illness or like. Falling onto a branch? Falling from high up in general? Setting off a trap? Lol idk. Something that allows Alfred to hold Matthew during his final moments or at least look into his eyes. I think hes also the most liable to flip out on everyone and just kill the four of them all together idk ❤ Crazy girl ❤ It shocks Alfred immensely. He expected to be the first one to die and he's really upset about the whole thing. Outwardly, he cracks jokes and tries to convince the other two that he's fine but he's very much not. Doesn't really know what tk do with himself. Just goes through the motions every day. Francis and Arthur notice the slight change in behaviour but don't really say anything and pretend everything is fine. Playing at being a normal family. Arthur and Francis try spending lots of time with Alfred but nothing really helps. Eventually Alfred turns without ever telling them he was infected and they all die the end. Alternatively he kills the other two and then himself on like a random Tuesday. ❤
Bonus: Everyone except Alfred dies lol. Alone in the desolate empty landscape. Welp!!! What now!!!
If you saw my first post of this text part no you didn't im editing this and putting it here with the drawing its more organised ❤ okay ❤
#hetalia#fruk#caname#hetalia canada#hetalia america#hetalia england#hetalia france#ukfr#amecan#myart#zombie au#arthur kirkland#francis bonnefoy#alfred f jones#matthew williams#AUGHHH I LOVE ZOMBIE AUS#Ive been thinking about this for like the whole week#the insecurity#the hopelessness#the dependence#its good 😊#txt
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Hiii, I saw you are accepting requests so I have one. Joel and the reader are married and one day they have a stupid fight but she gets really mad. Joel doesn't want to apologize and she decided to make a sex string. She starts to tease him. She starts to change clothes in front of him, she starts to use nice lingeries and put lotion on her body before go to sleep. One day Joel gives up and says sorry and then they have sex.
Sorry for writing a long request . Thank you 😊
Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader
Warnings: sexual tension and allusion to smut
a/n: Whoever you are anon, I owe you a HUGE apology. I am terribly sorry for the wait, really, i don't know what happened, im sorry
You weren't someone who took things personally, nor did you deem yourself touchy, but everything has its limit.
He had called you a neat freak. I repeat, a neat freak
You, his wife, who he was supposed to love and support 'till death did you part.
He had called you a neat freak just because you had(rightfully) gotten mad at him when (for the millionth time) he had left his clothes all over the bedroom floor.
And you had (again, rightfully) gotten mad, but he (for some godforsaken reason) didn't even want to think of the possibility of apologizing.
So you had done the most reasonable thing,
You started to make him pay
Now Joel Miller was a strong man, he remained unfazed by whatever life threw at him, he was not a man who was easy to put in a difficult position, but most importantly, he was not a man who liked to surrender.
But to every strength, there's a weakness, and Joel Miller's only weakness, together with his daughter... was you
Or more accurately,
The fact that he couldn't resist, you
So when you started changing in front of him, when, at the end of the day, you stripped slowly right in front of where he was lying on the bed... when you stopped wearing shorts to sleep and started only wearing panties and the tiniest tops or one of his shirts... when you put on that sexy little lingerie you had bought as a surprise for his birthday just before bed, biting down a smirk as you watched his jaw fall slack when you propped one of your legs on the bed so you could slowly massage it with lotion...
all those times, you saw his reaction, you saw the way his eyes darkened, the way he palmed his crotch thinking you couldn't see. But even as he approached you, his hands just as sultry as his voice you had pushed him away, because he hadn't done the one thing you wanted to,
and until he was going to admit defeat and do it, he was gonna have to suffer.
But today... today as you applied lotion to your whole body, his hands felt especially good.
"hello there" he murmured from behind you, his lips already on your neck and his hands on your waist.
"If you think something's gonna happen, you're wrong Joel"
"c'mon sweetheart, you've been torturing me all week" he breathed, his hands trying to lower down to your butt before you slapped them away
"I haven't been torturing you" you corrected "You've been torturing yourself." you watched as he frowned, his eyes too busy drinking every inch of you to look into your own "If you want this to be over, you can simply apologize"
And you would have liked to be able to say that you didn't expect what he did next, but the truth was that Joel Miller was incredibly predictable for someone who knew him as well as you did.
And the truth was, that it was a miracle he hadn't caved in the first day, and now he had reached his limit.
He was so tired, and god but he had missed you
"I'm sorry darlin'"
You didn't even bother to hide the smug smirk erupting on your face.
"say it like you mean it" you encouraged, placing the bottle of lotion on the nightstand before turning towards him, finding him inches away from your own face.
"I mean it, I'm sorry sweetheart" he promised, his big hazel eyes only helping him out right now "I won't do it again. I apologize"
"I'm not a neat freak?"
"no" he shook his head, one of his hands going to your cheek to stroke it while the other remained on your waist "You're not a neat freak sugar, you're the most amazing wife anyone could have asked for" he murmured, meeting his lips with yours "and you're so hot you drive me crazy"
"mhh, am I now?" you hummed, a mischievous tint in your tone and in your fingers in the way they played on his chest.
"you are" he nodded, slowly pushing you onto the bed, and crawling on top of you
A soft laugh bubbled inside your chest as you wrapped your ankles around his back "What else am I?" you murmured to his ear, as he busied his mouth with your neck
"You're always right," he said, one of his hands groping your boobs through the fire-red bra "And you're smart... much smarter than me" he groaned when you grinded up on the hard bulge probing from his boxers "ad you- you're-fuck-" his breath caught as your hand seeped underneath his underwear and freed his cock
"What?" you asked
"You're fucking perfect sweetheart"
"mhh" you hummed happily, biting your lip as you guided him to your entrance "and don't you ever forget it again"
#joel miller smut#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fic#joel miller fanfic#joel miller fluff#joel miller x fem!reader#joel miller x y/n#joel miller x you#smut#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#fluff#joel miller imagine#joel miller x female reader#joel miller blurb#joel miller angst#fanfiction#the last of us#tlou#the last of us hbo#tlou hbo#joel miller pedro pascal#joel miller hbo
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SWIM — SIM JAEYUN
sim jake x fem!reader genre. friends to lovers, fluff cw. suggestive, borderline smut lowk lol wc. 1.8k notes. y’all i cannot write kiss scenes im so sorry
‘the water's getting colder, let me in your ocean, swim’
The lights on the pool walls illuminated the blue water while reflecting onto Jake’s pretty face. He swam around the pool happily, his eyes gleaming and his lips pulled into a small smile. You watched him from the edge, kicking your feet lightly in the glowing water. Jake begged you to join him earlier, but you denied, not wanting to get in with your sweatpants and t-shirt.
“It’s our last night together and you’re not gonna join me?” Jake whined, looking at you with his infamous puppy dog eyes. He knew that you were unable to resist them, so he typically used that to his advantage when he wanted something.
You, being a childhood best friend of Jake’s, had visited him for one of Enhypen’s tour stops. You had been vacationing in LA around the same time of the concert and Jake knew that he couldn’t pass on the opportunity to see you again. It had been a couple months since you two last reconnected in Korea and he had missed you more than he’d like to admit. Your soft giggles and electrifying touches often occupied his mind late at night so to experience it in person again, Jake was sure he was on cloud nine.
“I don’t want my sweatpants to get all wet. It’ll be uncomfortable.” You mumbled, pretending to pick lint off the fabric so you were looking at something other than Jake’s intense gaze. It’s as if he wanted for you to fall even deeper in love.
“You can take them off.” He suggested, smirking when you gasped and splashed water in his face. The idea was highly suggestive and you didn’t expect such words to come from the boy. Others would’ve assumed that Jake suggested the idea innocently, but the glint in his eye said otherwise. Knowing Jake since you both were climbing playgrounds made it easy to catch all of his tells. It was impossible for him to lie to you, and it was also hard for him to say one thing when he meant something totally different and you not catching on.
Jake knew that, which gave him the confidence he needed to finally make you his.
“I’ll take off my shirt if that makes you feel better.” He spoke up, tugging on the black tank top he wore. Your eyes widened slightly at the suggestion. You hadn’t seen Jake without a shirt since the two of you were splashing in the ocean waters back in Australia. Of course you hadn’t thought anything of it at the time, only focused on hanging out with the boy you called your best friend.
But now— seeing Jake slowly pull the article of clothing off his body made your mind travel to terrible places. You tried to convince yourself that he was only your friend and that having such thoughts about him was wrong. But the way his muscles flexed due to his movements made any logic you had fly straight out the window.
“You um…you don’t have to do that.” You choked out nervously, watching as Jake swam over to you, shirt long disposed of on the side of the pool.
“I just wanted to make you feel more comfortable. But if you don’t want to, that’s okay.” Jake replied, giving you a reassuring smile. You couldn’t help but smile back at him, his grin infectious as always and of course he had been very thoughtful. Jake never forced you into anything, or made fun of you for not joining in on his festivities. That’s why you felt so drawn to him, he just seemed to care about you more than anything.
“No, I’ll join you.” You decided, standing up from the edge of the pool. As soon as you grabbed the hem of your t-shirt, Jake turned away to give you some privacy (and hoping to hide his flushed face). You then took off your sweatpants before immediately jumping into the pool, scared that someone would see you. It was one in the morning so that wasn’t very likely, but you hoped if anyone did happen to walk out that they would assume your underwear was simply a bathing suit.
You swam over to Jake, tapping him on the shoulder so he could turn around. As soon as he did, he kept his eyes on yours, knowing that you would catch him if he tried to let them wander somewhere else. Jake sucked in a breath, suddenly wishing that he hadn’t suggested the idea of you joining him. He wanted to focus on your eyes, he really did, especially when you were explaining how amazing your trip had been. But the way your boobs sat so perfectly in your bra was making Jake’s mind go haywire. He swore he couldn’t focus on anything else, not catching any of the words falling from your pretty lips.
“Jake, hey! Stop looking down there, you freak.” You scolded the boy, suddenly feeling self conscious under his gaze. You knew that he wasn’t judging you, he would never. But his gaze looked almost hungry, and that made you feel slightly insane.
“I swear I wasn’t being weird I was just…admiring your bra color, is that burgundy?” He lied right through his teeth. You slapped his hand away when he reached out to touch you, laughing at the ridiculousness of his answer. If there was one thing you definitely knew about Jake, he couldn’t lie for shit.
“Yeah, yeah. Can we just swim now?” You asked shyly, making Jake nod with excitement. He tried his best to ignore the growing desire he felt settling in his stomach, and it worked once the two of you engaged in a splash war. It felt nice to hang out with Jake, you missed all of the quality time you would spend together back in Korea. He never failed to make you laugh with his dorky jokes and you were positive you hadn’t felt so happy since you last hung out.
“I’m getting bored, we should go back in.” You commented after about an hour, observing your fingers that had shriveled up like raisins. Jake whined, pouting once more at your words.
“C’mon, just a little bit longer. I mean, how can you ever get bored with that view?” Jake asked, pointing to the gorgeous skyline in front of the hotel. You sighed and shook your head, knowing that you weren’t planning to leave against his wishes. Jake just had that kind of hold on you.
“What more is there for us to do in here?” You asked, mentally going over all of the games you both played along with pausing to rest against the ledge and catch up with each other. Jake watched as you slowly ran your hands through the water, waiting for his answer. The boy felt awe struck for a second, observing your pretty features and body that he so desperately wanted to see twitching against him and covered with marks from his mouth.
As soon as you looked up from the water and met Jake’s gaze, he finally felt the confidence to act on his urges. Jake moved closer and reached over grab your waist, making you shiver at the contact. You hadn’t expected Jake to be so bold, but you weren’t complaining.
“I can think of a few things.” Jake said in a singsong voice, watching as your eyes widened slightly and your breathing began to pick up. Your chest moved up and down rapidly, causing Jake to look down again. He held back a groan, his shorts feeling tighter and tighter as he waited for your reply.
“What-what if someone sees?” You stuttered, suddenly feeling very warm in Jake’s grasp. He moved even closer to you, his nose rubbing against yours. You gulped, closing your eyes in anticipation. You hoped that Jake couldn’t feel your rapid heartbeat— but he could probably tell how nervous you were as it had been quite obvious.
“We’re not going to get caught, I promise you. But if you don’t want this, I’ll let you go. Don’t be afraid to tell me what you want.” Jake said, his eye contact making you feel dizzy. You didn’t say anything, running your hands through Jake’s wet hair before pulling him into a kiss. About an hour ago you would have never been so bold, but with the dark look in Jake’s eyes and the way his hands caressed your skin, you concluded that he felt the same way.
Jake groaned against your mouth, closing the already tight distance between your bodies. This kiss was feverish and desperate, with your hands intertwining deeper into Jake’s hair and his gripping your body hard enough to leave a bruise. You felt your mind short-circuit, your stomach twisting as Jake’s lips molded against yours. The moment was perfect, and his kiss felt even better than anything your imagination could conquer up.
Jake ran his tongue across your bottom lip, making you whine against his mouth and open yours to him. The kiss became sloppier as your tongues overlapped each other with urgency, and you moved your hands to lightly tug on Jake’s hair. He let out a soft moan against your mouth before grabbing your thighs and making you wrap your legs around his waist. Your body was flush against his and it became easy to feel how aroused he was.
“J-ake, w-wait.” You gasped out, suddenly becoming very aware of what you two were doing.
“Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me that you don’t want me and I’ll back up right now.” Jake sighed against your mouth, his hold on you still tight. You didn’t want him to leave, his warmth and pillowy lips were absolutely intoxicating. Jake seeing you at such a state was just a bit intimidating and it also meant that the two of you needed a long talk on where you stood with each other. Best friends certainly didn’t makeout and grind on each other in a pool. But Jake looking at you with such desire pushed any doubts and fears you had into the back of your head.
Oh fuck it.
“Please, don’t stop.” You whispered, barely letting the boy get a word out before your lips were on his again. Jake let out a low whine, the sound traveling straight to your gut and where you needed him the most. Suddenly detaching his lips from yours and leaving a messy trail of spit, Jake began to move his head down to your neck. You let out an airy moan, your hips snapping against his in response. Jake let out a choked sound against your skin before continuing the assault on your neck and meeting his hips with yours.
“Feels good?” He asked, continuing to lick and suck on all of your weak points. He seemed so skilled at the act, his teeth nipping your neck followed by his tongue gently sweeping over the sore spot.
“Yeah.” You sighed, watching as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth when he fingers slowly slipped past the band of your underwear. You already looked incredibly fucked out which amused Jake considering he hadn’t touched you yet.
“By the way, don’t hold back. I wanna hear all the pretty sounds you make.” Jake said before moving your underwear to the side. You nodded and a shaky breath left your lips, making the boy chuckle and kiss your cheek to help calm your nerves.
“Good girl.”
dts; @junityy for listening to me rant about this fic nonstop and @en-fvr for helping me with the makeout scene lol anddd @jaeyunverse who wanted a tag i love u guys
#enha x reader#enha imagines#enha fluff#enha reactions#enhypen imagines#jake x reader#jake sim x reader#jake sim imagines#sim jake x reader#sim jake imagines#enha jake#enhypen jake#sim jaeyun x reader#sim jaeyun imagines#enha smut#enhypen suggestive
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and if you're going for socially acceptable across political spectrums: every fat person ever would like to have several words with op, along with little people, children, people with addictions, people who can't care for themselves, intersex people, JEWISH PEOPLE for goodness sake, and probably several others I haven't thought of, as well as everyone for whom one or more of those identities intersect.
Did you forget that people frequently cite eugenics as a solution for fat disabled people as a joke, including hardened leftists? Or do you just not see them as humans, or humans worthy of the things every human deserves?
Making fun of short people is the last social taboo seen as acceptable
#byrd chirps#THANK YOU#fuck-you-showerthoughts#i was wondering when you were gonna get this one#and yes i included children on there#do you want to know why child predators are so prolific among right-wingers?#it's because right-wingers and people who don't see children as humans still learning how to function are often one and the same#so (and don't take this as advice because it absolutely is not) all they have to do is literally treat children the way children deserve#for a pretty insignificant amount of time#in order to get the child to trust them and bond with them#children are a vulnerable demographic. that should not be a controversial statement.#but yeah if you act normal with kids and treat them like full humans they'll trust you and listen to you and that scares the shit out of me#because it means that they got lucky if it was me since im not going to ever hurt them#(except in rare accidental cases and certainly never the way a predator would)#and i have to hope that their parents treat them this way too#that their parents listen to them as full humans with appropriately granted but inherent autonomy#because if their parents don't listen to them someone else will#and i just have to hope that whoever that ends up being is. you know. safe for them.#it's also why im terrified by the groomer rhetoric going around#because while i constantly advertise that im terrible with kids#i actually tend to do really well with them when they're not a sensory nightmare#because i do listen to them! because their voices however small deserve to be heard!#and that scares me because any concerned person with any level of knowledge about these things#can misconstrue that. and then the right-wingers will pick it up and run with it#and then it's just a self-fulfilling prophecy to them without me so much as breathing wrong#or maybe im just paranoid. i really fucking hope im just paranoid#but you can't ignore the axes of oppression here and that's what keeps me thinking about it#because with the metoo movement well we're supposed to believe victims and i agree!#i was on that side of the metoo movement! i still am!#but conservative adults like to speak for children instead of to them and i worry that they'll use a kid as a vehicle
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