#im gonna deck my car out in stickers

[raggedles]

park 3 feet from the curb?? how about i drive onto it cuz i simply cannot park!!

[ierotits]

lrb im selling my car before i go overseas but when i get back in a year or so and get another car when i eventually save enough, im absolutely gonna deck it out in tbe wackiest stickers i can find. yodas fuck off tracktor. sexy jar jar. this man ate my son. rebo ass.

[danatole-headcanons]

Ace, Andy, Kena, and Vic’s Danatole Kid Hcs

@melchirits

* THE KIDS * * helo naught xhildern, it’s danatole child time * THE KIDS: Fyodor(Theo) and Lucette (Lucy) Dolokhov-Kuragin * Dickle * every close friend/relative gets One Name to suggest * all of them are really good and considerate…………..until they go to balaga, a family friend * they tell balaga that he has One Chance……. And the name he choses is dickle * “ok balaga you have one shot at this, don’t fuck it up” * “ok ok hear me out. dickle.” * anatole is dying * dolokhov is having a heart attack in the background, im fucking wheeding * “ok but give me at least three chances” * “hear me out: succulent butterfly or FUCKING NUTMOBILE” “why’d you scream the second one?” “Because it should be in all caps” “get the fuck out” * “you had one chance, WE’RE NOT NAMING OUR GOTDAM SON DICKLE” * “but can the middle names spell dickle, what about troika” * “balaga please get out of our house it’s midnight” * “how about pikachu. Or ash ketchum.” * fedya, screaming from the background, heart attack paused: “YES” “i think i thought of the perfect name” balaga literally gets to anatole’s height by climbing him and whispers, “the loud THX noise from that one movie.”[a] * “name the child the THX noise” “balaga,,,,its been four days please leave” * he Won’t give up * Other balaga recommendations: * FUCKING NUTMOBILE * lucas steele, and variants * paul pinto * razor boy * succulent * marvin * paul pinto in khakis * lucifer * succulent butterfly * lampost * trash can * naruto * pikachu * ash ketchum * kukas steeke * THX noise * fursuit * (anatole kicks him out after that one) * ALSO * “fedya you are the father” * “so are you” * “oh shit true” * the first child (theo) grows up and learns that they were literally almost named fucking nutmobile and is ready to deck both balaga and their dads * balaga is like “im gonna teach your kid how to drive” * anatole astral projects while Everyone it holding fedya back from destroying balaga * balaga teaches the kid how to drive anyway bc fedya and anatole can’t stop him * so the kid gets pulled over by a cop the first time they drive (w/balaga) bc of course * the police person is just like “I KNOW YOU” and balaga screams “FLOOR IT” * “green means go, red also means go probably, yellow means speed up” * “balaga why is my kid crying” “,,,,,,,,,,reasons” * balaga calls theo dickle forever bc he can * Lucy has Fedya’s Determination and she does everything balaga does better * balaga cries into a wine bottle on the pavement * “balaga eating saltines and chugging wine on the sidewalk”~Quote from Ace * one time balaga takes lucy out for night lessons * fedya wakes up as this is happening and has a panic attack because “where is our kid oh dear god” * he literally sprints out into the driveway and balaga screams “FUCKING FLOOR IT” and lucy’s doing all sorts of pro maneuvers * while balaga ends up hanging on for dear life because “oh so this is what it’s like to be my passenger” * “lucy lucifer” * balaga has a corkboard full of parking tickets he never paid, he hoards them like trophies * (balaga voice) speed limit 420 haha nice

* “Balaga that says 42,,,” * “if i put four engines in my car,,,” * balaga owns a school bus that’s decked out like a monster truck * balaga works for uber AND lyft, like a double agent * one time he gets an uber and lyft at the same time so hes like fuck it and gets them both * fuzzy dice on rearview mirror * balaga’s car is named nutmobile & it has a nut sticker * balaga sleeps in his car in a walmart parking lot at night?? * on lucy’s first birthday balaga teaches lucy how to say fuck and fedya decks him in the street * balaga picks lucy up from school or something one day and he saw her and just yelled “HEY LUCIFER” * lucy whips around like YEAH FUCKASS WHAT DO YOU WANT, she was like 14 * BALAGA IS LITERALLY AT ANATOLE AND FEDYAS HOUSE ALK THE TINE AND HE IS JUST YELLING LUCIFER ALL GHE TIME AND FEDYA ID LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UP BALAGA * balaga runs like naruto * balaga was the babysitter literally all the time * balaga worked as a gym teacher for a month before getting fired * (“what’d he get fired for?” “nothing you can prove”) ~Andy and Ace * someone else parks in his parking spot and he just keys the car * balaga worked as a librarian for two hours before being fired for telling the kids to shut the fuck up * balaga never gets fired from uber no matter what * Review: 5/5. Almost died but i got to my destination, 30 minutes away, in 2 minutes. * “LUCY, HYPERDRIVE” * balaga has completely taken over anatole & fedya’s garage * they try to walk in one time like “is this is fucking dead rat” and he shoots them with a paintball gun and says “no this is covfefe” * Balaga goes as a gc egg shaker for halloween w the kids * “No you just hear the beads and then theres tiny egg man” ~Kalvin * “yeah the guy who lives in our garage uhhhh tiny egg man” ~Theo * lucy draws balaga and he says “hell yeah fanart,” hangs it up on like the ceiling of his car * when lucy and theo play mario kart she always chooses rainbow road * chooses monopoly for Family Game Night * “lucy please we’ve been playing for three days” “no it’s blond dad’s turn” * anatole’s dying on the floor, fedya’s crying, theo’s dissociating * theo’s a hide and seek master

*They watch Buzzfeed Unsolved * lucy & theo go ghost hunting, lucy’s humming the ghostbusters theme and theo’s shaking like a leaf in the corner with ten vials of holy water on him * “hey demons it’s me, ya boi” “LUCY NO” * “COME AT ME DEMONS!” “L U C Y P L E A S E” * Theo is Dipper Pines * lucy is always ready to Deck People (kalvin style) * lucy has a pokeball in her backpack to throw at people she doesnt like * the guys at school call her “hellraiser” and the girls call her “lucifer” * theo and lucy are Not Straight in the slightest * lucy is pan, theo is gay & ace, & also trans * lucy makes so many innuendos she got detention multiple times because of it * theo can play literally any instrument and spent his money on bookfairs in elementary school * Theo knows that anybody who plays violin is a basic bitch so he plays viola instead * “Fyodor jr.!” “Sorry dad, you’re basic.” ~Convo with Anatole * theo quickly become better at gambling than fedya, it switches from fedya letting him win to him actually getting demolished, fedya cries * lucy does the thing where it looks like you’re doing ballet but then you go over to someone and kick them in the face * lucy literally carries around a bag of glitter to throw on people when they say/do something stupid * lucy’s ringtone is the THX noise and it’s always so fucking loud * ippolit kuragin is the cool uncle but also cryptid * is a fashion designer in NY apparently * unrelated: (dolokhov voice) me me big anxiety * theo stans all the murder musicals * also is totally straight for phillipa soo * also stans all things LMM * lucy’s contact pick for Blond Dad is That anatole pic * lucy is team valor and theo is team instinct * fedya’s valor, anatole’s mystic (prettiest logo???), balaga’s instinct * everyone outs poor anatole for being on team mystic * “so uh anatole what team did you pick?” “mystic” “oh because they’re smart and stuff–” “no, they’re the most aesthetic * the kids are highkey competitive about pokemon * anatole does that thing where he does 600000 soft restarts to get a shiny starter * he REALLY LOVES alolan vulpix!! * lucy has an embarrassing collection of photos of anatole * Balaga insists on giving the kids The Talk * theo didn’t talk for a week after but it could have gone much worse * someone: so how’d It Go? * theo, shaking, looking up with the purest fear in his eyes: it could have been worse * balaga teaches theo to curse * also, someone @ theo : “fuck, i mean shoot! im so sorry!!” theo, drinking a glass of vodka: what the fuck you can swear around me i literally fuckimg 21 years old what the shit * theo, quietly: in the heights is better than hamilton * lucy, a floor down: EX-FUCKING-SCUSE ME * once lucy asked balaga “hey do you sell drugs” * and balaga was like “no why, do you need them? bc i can get you them” * everyone sees theo as the calm kid, but if you talk shit about his family he Will duel you in a denny’s parking lot @ 3am hamilton style * there’s always the option to go live in the garaga with balaga * Theo’s secret dating the Andreirretasha kid, Nico(lai) * They are the cutest couple™ * Okay some Mama Helene™ bs * Helene was the mom, Fedya was the dad * “Helene and Dolokhov arm-in-arm,” * Lucy looks like a mini Helene, Theo looks like a mini Fedya * The only difference between Helene and Lucy is while Helene has the green-hairpiece-thing, Lucy wears a mauve bow * On Lucy’s fourteenth bday, Helene bent down to eye-level, look soulfully into her eyes, and said this: * “Lucy, as my daughter, i feel as if you should have this..” * It’s a necklace that says “Bitch” * Lucy was 13 when she started her drunk text collection * On Lucy’s 16 bday, helene gave her her most prized possession * “Lucy, I want you to have this, I was going to give it to you later in life, but you’ve come so far already..” * She pulls out a book from her purse, written in fancy calligraphy on it are the words “Burn Book” * “Lucy this is everything that someone i know has done wrong, treat it with care…” * It was one of the only times lucy has ever cried * You bet your ass there’s an entire section dedicated to Anatole * “Anatole, age 1-6, Anatole, Age 7-10, Anatole, Age 11-13, Anatole, Age 14-18, etc” * Theres even some stuff about Cryptid-Uncle-Ippolit * “Hey dad? Remember when you and uncle Pierre tied to guy to a bear for shits and giggles?” * Theo is on the spectrum * Helene got him a fidget cube * He and Lucy do sibling costumes * Theo is a gangly mess of limbs like how does the kid function * Theo was cis-passing when he started dating Nico * When he told him he was trans, Nico just shrugged and kissed him alot * Yeah so I love these kids and might write a fic

[saltandsilverstories]

Gargoyle

A blob of hand cream, pale pink and scented more like FreBreeze than the cherry blossoms on its packaging, rolls onto my palm. I cap the tube with my teeth, rubbing the cream into my skin. February’s chill had seeped through my gloves, drying out my hands. The cream seemed to coat my fingers more than repair the damage the cold had done.

My legs vibrate against the seat, the keychains on my purse jingling just louder than the rumbling of the subway car.

Most people were sitting, while one or two people stood up, swaying in place as the subway turned down a tunnel. Someone’s music was turned up too loud, the faint screeching of electropop prominent over the shuffling of shoes and crinkling of jackets. Someone down the car coughs, the sound overlapping the voice of the PA system.            

“Arriving at: Museum. Museum station is this stop. Doors will open on the left.”

I drop the hand cream back into my purse, swapping it for my phone. The train jolts as it stops, the doors chiming as they slide open. Bodies change places beyond the threshold of the doors, a biting breeze slipping in between them.

My phone lays in my hand, face down. I flip it over, my finger tapping the screen twice. We flood its blackness. 10:24 in bright white rests on our heads. Me and you, the “One Year Sober” chip between your teeth, the stick of a lollipop between mine. Your hair’s parted in the middle, mine a bit to the right. Our outlines are fuzzy, blurring us into blobs of grey sweatshirt and blue jeans.

---

You had a few of the same sweatshirt, keeping them on-site for convenience, you said. You wore one at the graduation party, its sleeves and chest all dotted with stickers of stars and moons.

They didn’t have a lot of food at the clinic, so I left ten minutes after I got there to pick up a cake from Fortino’s. They were still setting up decorations -- sad, droopy things -- when I got back. Staff placed the cake between the cups and plates, the bubblegum pink and canary yellow of the streamers making the room look a little more like it was meant to house a celebration.

“Jackie!” You held a celery stick in your fingers like a cigarette, bouncing on the balls of your feet.

Your hair smelled like dad’s shampoo when we hugged. “Hey.”

With how often I visited, you didn’t bother with a tour, but instead brought me to your dorm.

“No cards today.” You were rooting around in a drawer where the deck usually was.

“Why not?” I shifted where I sat, trying to see over your shoulder. “Hey, wait.”

“What?” A pair of socks landed on the tiles.

“You’re making a mess.” My arm reached for the socks.

“Stop it,” you swatted me away, “It’s fine.”

“Okay, okay.” My legs crossed themselves.

“Here. Look.” You held a package, wrapped in napkins from the cafeteria, held together with tape and elastic bands.

In my palms it seemed so tiny. “What is this?” My voice was tinier still.

“A lil’ something.” You hooked some of your hair behind your ear. “A thank-you.”

The elastics came off easy, and the tape didn’t resist my tugging at all. The bare box seemed like it used to house earrings, or maybe it still did. I popped off the lid.

An envelope lay inside, folded, bent in place with two bobby pins. They clattered inside the empty box as I fished open the envelope.

“Dear Miss Evelyn Santos, we are pleased to inform you…” My voice tapered off so my brain could process the meaning of each word. “Do mom and dad know?”

You nodded, your smile warping your tone. “Called them when it came in the mail. I wanted to tell you in person, though.”

“Evelyn, holy shit.”

“I’m back in action, baby!” Your arms went up in a cheer.

A giggle, mine. The first of the day. It built beneath my tongue until laughter broke free. I embraced you, tighter this time.

“U of T, huh? You’re really cleaning up.” You let go of me. I hoped you could hear how proud I was.

Your left cheek dimple peeked out as your smile deepened. “Wouldn’t have tried if not for you, so thank you.”

“You know I’ll always look out for you.” I handed you back the envelope. The letter had details you needed for registration, or I would’ve kept it in a frame.

“I know, and I hope this, uh, shows you that I’ll be okay. You’ve done a lot for me, and I’m gonna be fine now. It’s time you get back to focusing on you, Jackie.” You placed your hand over mine.

In the main room an hour later, you stood on a fake stage, behind a podium, and a mic on a crooked stand. Your sponsor was right beside you, hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt.

You tapped the mic. “I just wanna say something real quick, if that’s okay?” There was four of your voice, all in different pitches, all muddled by the prehistoric speakers they’d dug up.

Your sponsor nodded.

“Uh, so, heh. I guess, one year ago, this isn’t where I thought I’d be. I was supposed to have graduated by now. From school, not here. There was a point where I, like, wasn’t really myself at all, not even just because of the morphine. It came after, and I don’t remember a lot of it, but I do remember my sister, who’s here with me today--” You pointed me out like I was the one graduating. The warmth that blossomed somewhere under my ribs… If I could’ve bottled it I would have. “--just about dragged me out of our house and got me here. I’m on this stage because of her, and I promise you, Tony and Jackie, and everyone else I’ve come to support here, that once I leave here tonight, I’m never gonna be back.”

Someone else beat me to starting the standing ovation. It died down too quick, just as your sponsor handed you your chip.

You brought an extra lollipop with you when you came back to your seat. Yours was gone by the time the last of the graduates had finished up on stage. I saved mine for after, when you hooked your arm through mine and pulled me over to the windows. The sun wasn’t out anymore, but the streetlamps were, dropping spotlights every few feet along the sidewalk.

“Here,” I handed her my phone, putting the lollipop in my mouth. Rainbow didn’t really have a flavour more complex than just ‘sugar.’ “Take a photo of us.”

Your eyes got really wide as you took the phone, holding it out in front of us. You held the chip between your teeth, maybe trying to match me and my lollipop stick.

“Don’t do that.”

You turned your head before I could grab the chip. “Shh! Just smile.”

We did smile, yours wrinkling by your eyes. You tapped a few things when you were done, holding up the screen for me to see after.

“It’s your lockscreen now.” The chip was in your pocket.

“It’s perfect.”

---

Our selfie vanishes, the screen tired of waiting for my input. My reflection blinks up at me from within the confines of my phone screen. I tap the screen again, opening up WhatsApp. Nothing new greets me in our chat. There’s no service anyway.

“im out w friends”

                                                                                                        “Do they use?”

“it doesn’t matter m’m not like that anymore”

                                                                  “Yeah, but what if you get hurt? You’re 

                                                                                    almost done your master’s. 

                                                                     Don’t let all our  hard work slip away.”

“relax if i was gonna relapse i woudlve already”

                                                                                     “I just want you to be safe.”

“i am safe i am more than safe u gotta let me live a little”

“Now arriving at: St. Patrick. St. Patrick Station is this stop. Doors will open on the left.”

I blink, glancing at the blinking lights of the line map. Just two more until Union. I lock the phone, shoving into my coat pocket.

Laughter trickles down the car until it’s beside me. I follow it to its source: two girls, one in pink earmuffs, the other in a black toque, hunched over a phone in earmuff’s hands.

My gut folds itself in half, sharp edges digging into the inside of my abdomen.

---

I was in the bathroom. Listerine sloshed around inside my mouth, my study sheet taped up on the mirror. Still had to get to my skincare, and floss before going back to review the rest of the review notes I’d left lying in my room.

The exhaust fan was on, and it clunked every few seconds. The squeak of the knob on my bedroom door was only just louder than the fan.

I spat the mouthwash out, wiping my mouth with one hand, the other unlocking the bathroom door.

The light was on in my room. A shadow flitted around inside. Papers rasped, drawers groaned open and shut.

You were in jeans and a shirt I didn’t recognize. Your hair was up in a bun on top of your head, off-centre. You knelt by my bed, one of your arms lost beneath the space between it and the floor.

My lips pressed together, leaning against the doorframe. I faced the hallway.

The box scraped along the hardwood as you unearthed it.

Maybe you’d leave the change in there. Maybe you’d only take the change. Maybe you’d only take what you needed. Maybe you were adding to my savings. Maybe you’d pulled out a normal shoebox instead.

Coins jingled, and any other maybes dissipated.

           The photo of us, of me, you, mom, and dad, hanging by the stairs was obscured. The glass caught the light leaking from my room, blotting out the four of us.

The box replaced itself, your footsteps dampened by your socks.

The light switch clicked. The door shut.

Your eyes were on me, and mine were searching for you in a photograph.

---

“Now arriving at: Union. Union Station is this stop. Doors will open on the left.”

My legs wobble as I cross the car, the motion of the train working against my heels.

The walk to the Tim’s is short, or maybe it’s long and I’m fast-forwarding the in-between. My phone buzzes in my coat pocket. Once, twice, again.

I forget to check the caller ID. “Hello?”

“Hey. You close?” The inside of the store spills out with your voice.

“Yeah, I’m coming in now,” I huff, my breath blooming in front of my face. I pass through the cloud, pulling open the door.

“Jackie!”

I turn towards the call and see you in a booth for two, one arm waving me over, the other placing your phone into the pocket of your scrub shirt.

I drape my coat over the back of my seat. A French Vanilla sits on my side of the table, mirroring yours.

“Cold out there, huh?” You start, pulling your drink towards you.

I nod, taking my seat.

Your scrubs are clean and without wrinkles. You iron them. Your hair is smooth and curled at the ends. You style your hair. Your eyes are lined with thin wings, your skin airbrushed. You do your makeup now.

My jeans were bought two years ago. My hair is in a bun. I’m bareface and in a sweater I wore two times this week.

Chatter and a grainy remix of Bad Romance fills the space between our words.

“How’ve you been?” I ask right away. It’s all I really need to know.

You sip from your drink, nodding. “Good, good. Work’s good, I’m good.”

Are you using? “That’s good, yeah.”

“What about you? You guys working on anything new?” You sound curious. Genuine.

“Uh, not yet. We’re between projects right now.” I rotate my cup with my fingertips. “The last game didn’t do very well, so we’re just brainstorming.”

“Ah, okay. I’m sure you’ll figure out something.” A smile.

I return with my own smile. It ends at my cheeks.

We take a sip from our drinks.

“Okay, I’m just gonna say it before I can’t.” You exhale sharply.

“Say what?” I hear myself ask.

You look down at your drink, then at me. “I can’t do this.”

“What do you mean?” I regret drinking anything at all.

You nip your lower lip, pushing some of your hair behind your ear. You match the tiny photo of yourself on the ID pinned to your shirt. “I can’t… If… I don’t want us to not talk, you know? And if you’re gonna freak out and try and micromanage me again…”

My head bobs. “I get it, Evelyn. I… I will always look out for you, but I get it, and I’m trying. I’m trying to give you what you want. Youve gotta know why I worry, though.”

You hold your drink with both of your hands. “I know, I know, but sis, it’s been like six years. I’m around the stuff every day and I don’t have urges. I don’t wanna be where I was before. I’m okay now, and I need you to know that, like, really know that if I’m gonna let you back in again.”

What if you get hurt? What if I could stop you but I don’t? A long exhale escapes through my nose. “Okay. Yeah, okay. I, uh. You’re right. I backed off for this long. I trusted you, I do trust you, and yeah. I get it. You’re okay now.”

You don’t need me anymore.

“Thank you.” You take my hand across the table, squeezing for a second before letting go. Your smile is large, pushing even your eyebrows up higher. Those used to be untrimmed, bushy things, but now they were slim, framing your eyes. You’re okay.

I smile back. It goes a little farther this time.