#im going to tell the US border that im visiting to do a book signing tour i love telling the truth to the US border if anyone is reading th

[jurisffiction]

only noticed the other day that someone added new dta book designs to goodreads dot com and now I do not overall endorse adding fanfiction to goodreads dot com BUT seeing my design on there did make me tear up a lil! Bless you

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being T’Challa and Nakia’s child

T’Challa/Nakia x child!reader

warnings:

a/n: thank you anon 💕

prompt: anonymous: “i love your work so much!! can i request a headcanon for being nakia and t'challa's (mcu) child? sending my love to you💕💕”

your parents were very busy people

but they always made time for you

your mother, nakia, taught you tons about strength and kindness

your father, t’challa, taught you how to be humble and honest

they were good at their job

your grandparents adored you, they would spend every second with you if they could

“my son, where is my grandchild? send them my way when you have a moment”

“yes, father, i will”

your childhood was bright, full of love

your parents only feared your curiosity of the world, anything outside of wakana

shuri was your designated babysitter, she had a knack for teaching you vulgar language and hand signs

“ah, shit” -shuri after dropping a part on the ground

“shit”

“no! no, no, don’t say that. auntie shuri didn’t mean to say that. oh, your father is going to kill me”

but she also shared her smarts with you, a powerful weapon, in her book

it made t’challa proud

nakia carried you until you were too big to be carried

she was worried you’d get into some type of trouble just like your father

but she also taught you how to defend yourself

you had many paths ahead of you, one of royalty, one of a warrior, and one of knowledge

your mother was a caring person, she wanted to help others above all, you got your caring nature from her

your father saw much of your mother in you, which he found comfort in while she was away

you were a natural-born leader, as well, fitting for your future

“y/n, one day, you may lead our people to greatness, just like your grandfather”

“auntie shuri told me that i’m gonna be a ‘kickass (king/queen/ruler)’”

“oh, she did, did she?”

“she also showed me this” *sticks middle finger up*

t’challa had to have a word with his sister

family dinners were very exciting, you always sat next to your grandmother

she always gave you a bit of her dessert

“don’t tell your father, this is our little secret”

don’t get me started on okoye, that woman adores you

she would do anything for you

“okoye, can you cover for me if i sneak out for the day? i’d like to see more of the kingdom”

“you know i don’t like lying to your father”

“pleaaaase?”

“...fine. go along now”

you were very persuasive sometimes

your first trip out of the country was a bleak affair, it was supposed to teach you of diplomacy

but at this UN meeting, your grandfather was murdered, sparking a fire in you that your parents couldn’t ignore, you were just like them

okoye was supposed to make sure you stayed out of trouble while your father got his revenge, but something about this situation didn’t feel right

“okoye, i want to fight with him”

“you’re too young, y/n, i will not disobey direct orders”

“i need to do this!”

once your father learned the truth about the circumstances of grandfather t’chaka’s death, you returned home with a few passengers

soon, bucky barnes lived within your borders

“before i am king, i must get your mother”

“i thought she didn’t want anyone in the way of her mission?”

“extenuating circumstances”

“wonderful, don’t freeze up”

“did okoye tell you to say that?”

and your father was crowned king, taking on the mantle of the black panther

and you got to see your mother after some time apart

“my baby! how are you?”

“im well, mother, and you?”

she wrapped you up in a loving hug

“i’ve missed you”

you desperately wanted to be out in the field, you’ve gone as far as working in shuri’s lab on your own weapons and...other tech

“what’s that, y/n?”

“it’s a surprise tool that will help us later”

“you’re lucky im not a snitch”

she encouraged your work as a warrior

“do not waste your talent, my (neice, nephew, nibling)”

and you soon needed to use your inventions to defeat your second cousin, erik

you finally felt your father’s pain when erik murdered him in front of you

nakia rushed you and your paternal family away before any harm could be done to you

“mother, i cannot sit on the sidelines any longer!”

“and i cannot lose my lover and my child in the same day”

but your luck hadn’t run out yet, your father was still alive, barely clinging to life

“wake up, father”

and then he did, with a plan

your suit making it’s debut alongside your mother and aunt

“i don’t know whether to be upset or proud, my child”

“please let it be proud”

proving that you could kick some serious ass out there, which solved your previous ailment

“proud, it is!”

actually ending up worrying over your mother

“y/n, don’t worry about me, worry about yourself”

once the fighting had ceased, your father found you in your battle gear

“what do we have here?”

“...”

“it suits you, y/n”

“you’re not mad?”

“i cant be mad at you for following in my footsteps”

your mother stayed in wakanda for a while, everything seemed to play out well for a while

but time went on and new challenges surfaced

the avengers’ visit resulted in a massacre

you fought with your people and still failed to protect them like you were told to do

“father, there’s too many of them!”

“don’t worry, little one! i know you can do this!”

okoye was protecting you through part of the battle, much to your dismay

when thanos snapped, your father and aunt disappeared, leaving you to the throne

“grandmother, please guide me”

“i will, my dear, but you must follow your own path, as well”

five years went by and you worked to help rehabilitate your country after the loss of so many people, it wasn’t the same

until everyone suddenly reappeared

“father?”

“what happened here?”

“uh...you died?”

“what?”

“you died five years ago, i’ve been ruling ever since...”

“i assume this means we have a fight coming our way”

“i wouldn’t be surprised”

there was a great fight against a thanos from a decade or so ago

it was a rough fight, i’ll give you that, but this teamup was legendary

you were surrounded by an incredible array of heroes that wouldn’t let you down

and your father only worried about you a little bit, he trusted you

you on the other hand? you were terrified of losing him again

but your father was not the one to lose his life, instead it was the father of a young girl

tony stark gave his life so that the rest of you may live

the least you could do was pay your respects

you attended the funeral with t’challa

he let it be known that he was incredibly proud of how you handled yourself in the years he was absent

“oh yeah, well, when we get home, i think our people need their rightful king back”

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartlisbeth // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs //

[belligerently]

walk with me 'neath the rising sky, we will make a choice for love and joy

pairing: bernie/serena rating: pg-13/light m summary: written for Jess Appreciation Day, this is for @ktlsyrtis because she deserves all the good things, and because there’s literally only one person i would have written this for, and it’s her.

s(he) was a stableboy, she was a girl, can i make it anymore obvious?

noble/commoner au (what time period is it in? how old are they? these are questions you don’t need to ask)

read the fic below the cut or via google doc

Horses are the thing Berenice loves most, in all the world. She makes any excuse to take her mother’s old mare out to the pasture, to the town center. She sits in the blacksmith shop while he shoes the horses that come in, keeps the horses calm, holds their faces with her hands, nuzzles against them.

“A shame yer a lass,” the blacksmith says one day, when she’s helping with a beautiful black yearling a calming hand against his neck, dark eyes staring into dark eyes. “Them up there at the manor are looking for a stableboy.” 

“I’m not trained,” she says, her heart speeding up at just the mention of the position, at just the idea that she could work with horses. 

“Not much trainin’ needed to shovel shit,” he says, holding the horse’s foot in one hand, hammer in the other. “All right, just hold ‘im.” Berenice presses her face to the horse’s cheek, breathing deeply the smell of hair and hay, lets herself live in the world where that’s all she has to think of. 

She feels restless after the conversation, not ready to go home, feels like everything is jangling inside her, a plan half-forming in her mind as she walks. Without realizing, she finds her way to the edge of the manor property, right to the edge of their fields. She can see three horses grazing, one shaking its mane, a soft whinny carrying across the grass. Then a colt runs in front of the older horses, all gangly legs, whickering and circling, then stopping next to its mother. 

Berenice could stare at them for hours. But the sun is setting, getting low in the sky, and her mother will be expecting her. Bread and stew for dinner, no doubt, Meager portions from her father’s salary, a few coins sent every month for guarding the borders. But it’s enough, and her work with the blacksmith, the occasional odd job around town, pay enough to supplement, to occasionally get sugar for cooking, or a new book to read aloud by the fire late at night. Her mother makes sweet rolls on Sundays, almost the same as the bread, in the end, but made all the sweeter by their rareness. 

She fidgets in her chair at the table, an idea taken shape. There’s a bit of sadness tugging at her, the idea that this might be her last meal with her mother for some time, But there’s also a potential for her mother to live better, for Berenice to help, to do more. So she eats slowly, carefully, takes in her mother’s face, the wrinkles at her eyes, and she puts the bowls in the bucket, takes them out to the pump with her for rinsing, a scrub brush to get the flecks of stew off the sanded wood. 

She also takes her mother’s shears from where they sit in the kitchen, used to cut vegetables, to do any number of household tasks that Berenice has never bothered to learn. She fills a pail with water, cold and crisp, and bends over to see her reflection, a long plait of hair spilling over her shoulder. Before she can change her mind, before she can think it all through, she takes the scissors to the nape of her neck, the braid falling to the ground, wisps of hair around her chin. 

Her head feels lighter at once, almost bobbing up as the weight of her hair is lost. She doesn’t know if she looks like a boy anymore than she did before. With the scissors, heavy and indelicate, she tries to chop away at it, short enough there’s no way to tie it back. Good enough that someone not paying very much attention could think she was a member of the opposite sex.  

-

It turns out to be surprisingly easy to get the position, once she turns up to the estate stables. The fact that she’s able to calm a horse with a quick pet to the nose, a soft whickering sound from her lips, that’s enough to impress the stablemaster.

“You look awful puny, but you’ve got a way about you, I’ll admit,” he grunts, and Berenice bites back a smile. She tells him her name is Bernard, and he just huffs. “Bernie’s good enough for the stables. You’re not a lord up there in the manor.”

Her first nickname, really.

The routine is simple. She wakes early and opens the stable doors, lets the horses out to the pasture. She mucks the stables for what feels like hours, her back sore, her arms getting stronger. New hay to lay out, bales to roll down from the loft. The same loft where she sleeps, a blanket and a pillow handed to her on her first evening. It’s warmer than she thought, the sounds of horses breathing telling her it’s safe, they’re all safe.

The stablemaster watches her push a bale out to the fields, sun high in the sky, and she knows she’s sweating through her thin shirt, that her breeches must smell foul. But he doesn’t say anything except, “There's more muscle to you than I thought.”

It’s as much of a commendation for her work as she can expect.

Occasionally members of the manor family come down for horses, and then Bernie is shooed away, told to bring the horses in from the pasture and then hide in the loft, or go back out to the field. She only sees the lord and lady from afar, their daughter joining them on a rare occasion. Sometimes she’s called in to help prepare horses for visiting guests, brushes them until their coats shine, saddles them up and then disappears. 

The first time she meets one of the family is when the daughter comes to the stables unexpectedly, in the middle of the morning, when Bernie is still working with the rake, pulling mud and feces out of the stalls. She hears a delicate cough, straightens up, very aware of the streaks of mud on her face, of the odor that must be emanating from her. 

When she meets the daughter’s eyes, she sees the slight wrinkle of the nose, the only sign that she’s not entirely comfortable in her current environment. Her skirts drag against the ground, and Bernie can see the hay stuck to the fabric, the mud encroaching on her clean shoes. 

She almost curtsies, but catches herself in time to turn it into a low, awkward sort of bow. “Milady,” she says, gruffly, pitching her voice low. She almost hits her head on the wall of the stall, uses it to push herself back up, to hold onto as she feels nerves course through her body. She hasn’t had to talk to anyone, really, beyond another stableboy and the stablemaster. It feels like a test.

And the daughter is so pretty. 

“No need for that, when it’s just you and me,” she says warmly, with a smile. “Serena is my name and it’s hardly ever used.” Her eyes are bright, dancing around. “Who are you? I haven’t seen you before.”

“Bernard. Ah, Bernie, ‘round here.” She props the rake against the stall door, stuffs her hands in her pockets, scuffs her foot against the floor. “Can I get your horse for you?” She feels like her whole face is on fire, like the scrutiny of this beautiful noble might make her explode. Serena nods, her lips still tipped up in an impish sort of grin, and Bernie runs a hand through her hair, aware of the ragged ends, the disarray. She never would have made a good impression, not even when she was dressed as a girl, well-washed and hair flowing over her shoulders. 

At a half-trot, she makes her way out to the field, Serena’s horse in the far distance. She puts her fingers to her mouth, whistles, and every horse looks up, ambles towards her. Serena’s horse is beautiful, a pinto mare with a long brown mane and dark eyes that look human in their understanding. “There’s a girl,” Bernie says, when she’s close enough to touch. “Come on then, Elinor.” She wraps a few strands of mane around her fingers and leads her towards the stables. 

Most of the stalls are clean, and that’s where she puts Elinor, brushing her out while Serena watches quietly from the other side of the door. Her head is tilted, her long brown hair touched by the occasional breeze, and Bernie steals glances whenever she can, notices new things every time. The cleft in her chin, the silver necklace at her throat, the sparkle in her eyes, the deft fingers plucking at a splinter in the wood next to her. Every little thing makes her heart clench, and Bernie doesn’t know what to do with it, has never felt it before. 

When the blanket and saddle are on, everything buckled into place, Bernie hands Serena the reins, their hands grazing. 

“Would you help me up?” Serena asks delicately, but Bernie can’t help but feel as if she’s being teased. She kneels down, makes a cradle from her hands and allows Serena to step on them, lifting her until she’s comfortably seated sidesaddle. 

Bernie doesn’t miss that, enjoys the freedom the breeches give her, straddling a horse. She can go faster, longer, feels closer to the horse beneath her. She doesn’t know if she’ll ever go back. If she’ll ever want to. She doesn’t even know what’s next, after this. Will she stay in these stables forever? Will she be discovered? Punished in some unseemly way? There’s so much she doesn’t know, she just tries to think of the horses, of the present, of the life she has now. 

Serena’s looking at her a little oddly, and maybe she’s been away with the fairies for too long. Bernie forces a smile to her thin lips, knows from her mother that she’s far from beautiful, and feels even less so in the presence of Serena, but her smile gets one in return, and that’s not nothing, as far as she’s concerned. 

“Have a good ride, mil-Serena,” Bernie says, correcting herself at the mock-glare on the other woman’s face. With a gentle pat to Elinor’s rump, she helps guide Serena and her horse toward the open stable doors. 

She hides when she sees Serena coming back, doesn’t know if she can take another encounter with the beautiful daughter of the lord of the estate. There are so many differences between them, a vast chasm that divides them. And it feels dangerous to let someone in, to be close.

She can hear Serena moving about in the stables below the loft, but doesn’t come down. Then she hears Serena’s soft sigh and a few moments later, sees her walking back up towards the manor, brown hair practically glowing in the sun, a halo shining against her tresses.

It becomes a bit of a pattern. Somehow Serena seems to know when Bernie is alone in the stables, always appears when the stablemaster is otherwise occupied, when Bernie’s alone with her work. There’s always a little edge to their conversations, like Serena has a joke she’s not telling Bernie, a laugh behind her eyes, a sparkle.

It makes a jolt run along under Bernie’s skin, like a bolt of lightning crackling down her spine. She looks forward to and fears the interactions in equal measure, feeling like she’s teetering on a knife’s edge and doesn’t know which way she’ll fall.

Serena tricks her, in a way, and they become friends without Bernie even realizing. Serena leaves books at the base of the loft ladder, when she learns Bernie can read. She asks how Bernie is doing, how she’s feeling, and seems to really care about the answer. Her fingers trail along Bernie’s arm when she’s moving past her in the stable. They are friends and they are something else, and Serena doesn’t know who Bernie really is.

That’s what worries her, underneath it all, that she’s lying to Serena, in a way. What Serena will think if she learns. And the only way Bernie knows to solve this problem is to shut off communication, to put distance between them. She spends an evening saying goodbye to all the things about Serena that she appreciates.

She says goodbye to Serena’s cleft chin, to those shimmering eyes, to the gently curling tresses. She says goodbye to the fluttering eyelashes. She says goodbye to her soft chuckle, to the way her lips quirk when she speaks with a double meaning. She bids farewell to Serena and hopes her thoughts may carry up to the manor, because she could never say goodbye to Serena’s face.

When Serena appears one afternoon, Bernie anxiously wipes her sweaty palms against her stained breeches. Serena makes a joke, and Bernie forces herself not to laugh.

“Mud in your ears?” Serena asks, craning around Elinor’s neck to see Bernie’s face but she just sucks her head away, gets the tack ready in silence. “Is everything all right?” she asks, moving closer to Bernie, and Bernie takes a step back, drapes the reins across Elinor’s saddle.

“Just fine, milady,” she says, and doesn’t meet Serena’s eyes. But she doesn’t miss the hurt look on the woman’s face, the way she hooks the stool with her foot rather than asking Bernie for help with mounting the mare. And then she rides off in silence, doesn’t even look back once.

It hurts, but it’s what’s right, and that’s what makes her heart ache all the more.

-

Serena doesn’t come back to the stables. Bernie doesn’t see her, even from afar. Weeks go by, and her life goes back to what it was when she came to the manor, a mundane routine of rote tasks, the same for one day as the next, little conversation to pass the time, no surprises at all. 

On a warm day in the spring, Serena and her parents arrive at the stables, and, as is always the case, Bernie is shooed outside, away, too grimy to be seen by people in fancy clothing, too uncouth for the people who live in the manor. These moments are nice, though, for as few and far between as they are, moments where Bernie can enjoy the horses, enjoy the nature around her, unclouded by tasks and to-dos. 

She nuzzles her nose against Dom’s forelock, breathes in the scent of him, and he exhales softly, her hair fluttering in the breeze. She hears a whinny, a little in the distance, and looks down towards the stables, sees Serena standing there, looking at Bernie, a gloved hand shading the sun from her eyes. She hasn’t seen her in so long, and the time apart has not made her any less lovely. 

She half-wonders if Serena will call out to her, but there’s nothing, and Bernie can only think of how much she misses the sound of Serena’s voice. Someone must say something inside the stable, because Serena turns, goes into the dark interior, and doesn’t look back. Dom nudges Bernie with his nose, a push against her shoulder, velvety soft and gentle. 

“Yes, yes, I didn’t forget about you,” she murmurs to him, pressing her lips to his face. She pulls an apple from her pocket and holds it out, fresh-picked that morning, and his lips and teeth are wet as he takes it from her hand. 

She only leaves the field and Dom when the family have left on their ride, sauntering down the manor path, to the forest, and Bernie tries not to think of Serena’s sun-dappled hair, of the way she sits so tall and proper, never wavering in the knowledge that she is everything she should be. 

It’s later that day, when the sun is setting, and Bernie is closing stall doors, lining them with fresh hay for the night, that she hears the footsteps she has come to know instinctively as Serena’s. She turns at the sound, and sees her there, a lantern in hand, hair loose about her shoulders, her nightgown and shawl pale and stark in the darkened barn. 

She’s about to bow, to curtsy, something, because of the shock of seeing Serena has overtaken her senses, the word “milady” already forming on her lips, when Serena speaks first.

“You saw me.” It’s the first time she’s heard that voice in ages, and she tries not to feel staggered with relief. It’s still so husky and lovely, the way the blacksmith’s wine feels slipping down her throat. Serena says the words without a question, they both know what happened.

 “You were the one watching,” Bernie answers gruffly, patting Raf’s head, brushing back his mane, hears Fletch whickering to him from the next stall over. Serena’s hand on Bernie’s shoulder makes her movements halt, makes her freeze in place. It’s the first deliberate touch, real and true, without the guise of reins or tight space, or whatever they were fooling themselves by thinking. 

Serena’s hand tips Bernie’s face towards her own, her fingers so delicate. She seems all the more lovely for the flickering candlelight on her face, her skin warm, alight in the dark, her eyes all the more sparkling. She doesn’t say anything else, just looks at Bernie with those brown eyes for a long moment, something Bernie can’t quite fathom dancing behind them. 

And then she leans forward and presses a kiss to Bernie’s lips. It’s chaste and short, but for all that, it still sets Bernie on fire, blazing on down through to her fingertips. “Oh,” Serena says, seemingly as poleaxed as Bernie feels. It seems she’s about to lean in again, but Bernie steps back, her heel hitting a water pail, a clanging noise halting the quiet horse murmurs.

“I, uh, there’s something I have to take care of,” she says, the words sounding unconvincing to her own ears, her cheeks bright red, and she knows they’d be warm to the touch, forces herself not to think about Serena touching her face again, those delicate hands, free from callus and wear, gentle against Bernie’s sun-soaked skin.

She climbs the ladder, fumbling in the dark because she doesn’t have her wits about her enough to take a lantern of her own, just Serena’s bobbling light from below to guide her. Bernie leans against a hay bale, head tilting back, straw poking against her neck. Trying to slow her heart, slow her breath, she closes her eyes and tells herself to be calm. Tells herself not to be afraid of this, even though it’s the very thing she feared most. 

She doesn’t move again until she hears a soft, “Good night, Bernie,” from below, and the sound of Serena’s retreating feet, the barn left in darkness once again.

-

Only a week passes before Serena appears again, this time in the afternoon, when Bernie is alone in the stable. Apparently still in possession of the gift for finding the time when no one else is about. She acts as if they never lost time, leaning against the door of an empty stable and watching Bernie. She tells her a story of her tutor trying to woo the newest maid, of how he tripped and nearly got the tap from the water pump outside the kitchen stuck in his rear. 

She makes Bernie laugh so easily, and that sound is so foreign, even to her own ears, except in the company of this woman. She thinks of Serena’s bravery, of the way she leaned forward, and it’s enough to spur her into asking:

“Why’d you kiss me?” 

Serena’s smile deepens the brackets around her mouth, and her eyes look like they’re lit from a light source of their own. She stands, moves toward Bernie again, and it’s all so familiar and still heart-wrenchingly new and Bernie feels as if she’s been rolled from a turnip cart, ass over tea kettle, not knowing which way is up. Serena is close enough that Bernie can feel her breath, those soft exhalations. 

“Because you’re handsome,” she says, her fingers ghosting against Bernie’s hair, shaggy and unkempt, “because you make me smile. Because my horse likes you. Why’d you run away?” She presses forward, some unimagined rid of steel at her back and Bernie would never want to argue with her, knows she would lose in an instant.

She swallows, tries to find the words to say, and all that comes out is an ech of Serena. “Because you’re beautiful. Because you make me nervous. Because I like your horse.” Her smile is small, and there’s the unspoken tenor of her worry about employment, about the coins she’s given once a month, the coins she sends to her mother. “I don’t want to have to leave,” she adds quietly, ducking her face down, wondering if a true man would ever voice these hidden fears, if perhaps her mask is already slipping.

“You won’t,” Serena promises, and she sounds so sure. Bernie envies the conviction in her voice, threaded through with the same steel that runs down her spine. When she steps forward this time, Bernie knows what to expect, and this time, when she kisses Bernie, Bernie kisses back.

She’s been kissed by boys in the village, alternatingly gruff and teasing, but never real, and that’s what is different, the wanting that makes Bernie slide her tongue between Serena’s lips, that makes her push Serena back up against the stable door, that makes her hands tangle into Serena’s hair. 

It’s just as silky and soft as Bernie might have imagined, slipping through her fingers. She feels as if she’s gasping for breath and Serena is the air she needs. It’s like the time she fell through a hole in the ice on the lake near town and her fingers scrabbled and clawed at anything, trying to get a firm hold on something that would help her. 

That’s how kissing Serena feels, like the only thing that will save her.

When they part, Serena’s cheeks are flushed, pretty and pink, and her tongue darts out to lick her lips, her eyes dark and full of want, and maybe even need, and Bernie feels a monster uncurl in her stomach, desire rearing its head.

“Lady and a commoner. Doesn’t seem like a good match,” she says, casting her eyes downward, because if there were ever a time to protect herself, it should have started months ago, but now is as good as ever.

“It’s the only match I’m interested in,” Serena says, reaching for Bernie, those slender fingers touching the sleeve of Bernie’s tunic, but she steps away from her grasp, backwards toward the center of the barn.

“We can’t,” she says, and Serena tilts her head, looks as if she’s considering something, making a decision and Bernie isn’t even sure what the options are.

“Don’t shut me out,” is what she finally says. “I’ll live like a nun in your presence, chaste and pure, only let me still be your friend.” The words are a plea, and Bernie can hear the quiet desperation, thinks for the first time that while she has the horses and the whole of the outdoors as her home, Serena has none of that, a lonely existence inside a stately home.

“Friends,” Bernie says, offering her hand to shake, resisting the impulse to spit on her palm, the way she did years ago with the boys she grew up with, trading buttons for shiny stones.

Serena’s hand slides along Bernie’s, and her touch is deliberate, her face serious, and she clasps Bernie’s hand tightly. Bernie thinks she’ll remember Serena’s expression for as long as she lives.

And they’re both true to their word. Serena still visits, as often as she ever did, maybe more. She says she’s still almost running out of excuses to disappear from the house in the afternoons, that when the weather turns cold, it will be even harder to escape. “Imagine, I tell them I want to do my sewing outside and I can see my own breath. I’d come back an icicle.”

Bernie is tempted to offer to keep Serena warm, but she thinks that’s against their agreement, against what’s good for them both. So she just smiles and says, “I’m sure we’ll think of something.”

Serena starts bringing Bernie books again, and then starts reading aloud while Bernie curries the horses. Her voice carries through the barn, and Bernie even notices one of the boys that’s in charge of fetching and carrying for them lingering to listen to the stories. It makes the day go by, makes the world seem larger and more wonderful.

When Serena can only escape in evenings, when dinner is eaten and the sun is disappearing, she comes with a lantern and climbs the ladder to the loft, skirts gathered in her hand. Bernie’s there to help her up the last few inches, to hold the light as a guide. She drapes her blanket over a bale of hay to keep Serena’s skirt clean, and thinks that she looks a pretty as a painting, perched upon the hay.

It smells sweet and clean in the loft, and Bernie boasts that she can tell which horse is which, just from their snores, their exhalations of breath, and Serena laughs at that, says she’s going to test Bernie some time.

Her face is relaxed and open, carefree, and when her laugh mingles with Bernie’s soft chuckle, the small smile that’s become wider, more brave, over the last few months stretches across her face. And because she wants to, because she can’t help herself, she leans in and kisses Serena, kisses her smile like she might capture that joy for her own.

Relief washes over her when Serena kisses back.

It’s a novel experience, to do this while seated next to each other. She has more leverage, she has more to hold herself up when her limbs feel weak from pleasure.

Serena, too, seems to feel a certain freedom here too, her hands traveling along Bernie’s neck, her shoulders, into her golden hair. Bernie feels a pang when she thinks of a world where Serena could have braided her hair, run her fingers through the long blonde strands. She hasn’t seen herself in anything but the reflection of water in the horse trough, knows how shaggy her hair is, how unkempt, and she’s been using a bit of leather to tie it back, thinks perhaps she needs to find some scissors in the storeroom.

All thoughts fly from her head when Serena’s teeth bite gently against Bernie’s lower lip, when her tongue slips into Bernie’s mouth. It’s heavenly, like the softest velvet, and she wants to bury herself in feeling. She’s lost in sensation, in action, logic and reason gone from her mind. Serena’s hands slide underneath Bernie’s tunic, her fingertips warm, but leaving goosebumps in their wake.

And then she freezes, stops, pulls away, and Bernie flushes beet red, can’t believe her carelessness. Serena’s hands found the binding around Bernie’s breasts, the strip of cloth she took from her mother’s house and has worn every day since. 

“Were you injured?” Serena asks, tentative, unsure, like she wasn’t being gentle enough, like perhaps she thinks she’s made an injury worse. Bernie shakes her head automatically, before she can even think of a lie. This evening that began so innocuously now feels of paramount importance. 

The friendship they’ve built, the companionship, this bond. Bernie can’t lie any longer, can’t go a moment more without telling the truth. Her face still pink, from exertion, from nervousness, from embarrassment, she pulls the tunic up over her head, lays it aside on the floor of the loft, baring herself in the candlelight.

Serena looks at her questioningly, her fingers twitching like she wants to touch, from curiosity or desire, Bernie isn’t sure, has to quell the feeling that rises up at the thought of their bare bodies pressed together. Slowly, Bernie begins to undo the wrapping, shame fading away in the face of the gravity of the moment. She’s never shown herself to anyone, only her mother and any horses that happened to be watching while she swam naked in a pond in the forest.

“You’re. You’re not a man,” Serena says, her voice not tinged with disgust, as Bernie feared, but wonder, a tentative excitement. And butterflies begin to take roost in Bernie’s heart, a feeling like hopefulness. And then Serena reaches for Bernie’s pale skin, still untouched by the sun, even for all the days spent in the field. Serena’s delicate, gentle fingers touch just below her breasts, touch the space in the center of her rib cage.

“I’m not,” she says, her hand coming up to hold Serena’s hand against her skin. The air feels warmer, like it’s holding more weight for them in this moment.

Serena doesn’t say anything, just looks at Bernie with that considering look that Bernie’s come to know so well in the last year. 

“You’re not,” she says again, finally,, and this time, she leans forward to kiss Bernie, her hands purposeful and sure as they travel along Bernie’s bare skin. And she is sure as she lets Bernie pull at the ties of her dressing gown, and she is sure as Bernie lays her out against the hard floor of the loft.

Neither of them are sure about what they’re doing, neither of them experienced with a man, much less a woman, beyond what they know of their own bodies. But Bernie discovers the warm wetness between Serena’s legs, and sees the way her head tilts back, her eyes glassing over in pleasure. It’s a sight Bernie will never forget, as long as she lives.

The late night visits become commonplace, and they learn what is good, what stokes the fire best between them. When Serena decides to try placing her mouth on Bernie, right there, beside her thigh, Bernie feels as if her head might burst from the sheer magnificence of it. Her tongue is wonderful in Bernie’s mouth, and Bernie will never tire of it. But her tongue between her lower lips is another sensation entirely, and Bernie thinks a new galaxy will be born from the feeling that exploded inside her.

Serena finds other ways to help, appearing one afternoon with scissors from her dressmaker, and stands behind Bernie, her breasts grazing Bernie’s shoulders, and trims her hair, wisps of blonde catching in the breeze and floating away. She whispers to Bernie that she’s going to cut a lock of her hair to put in a necklace, to keep her always close.

Along with the scissors, Serena brings more fabric for Bernie to tie around herself, softer material, lighter, even helps her wrap it on occasion, when she’s spent too much time in the loft.

She also tries to think about what’s next, coming up with solutions, endless ideas of how they might be able to live out their lives together. Perhaps Bernie could disappear for a month, come back as a prospective lady in waiting. But they both know that’s not the life for her. She just wants to work with horses and to be with Serena, the only two things in the world that matter to her. She tries to reassure Serena that they can meet in the stables, that this is enough, that it can be enough. She thinks she’s trying to reassure herself, too.

“We could just...ride away,” Serena says one night, the flame from the candle casting shadows about her face. She reaches out and tucks a short strand of blonde hair behind Bernie’s ear. She never seems to get her fill of touching Bernie. “We take Elinor and we go.” 

It’s tempting, so tempting. Her words are lined with hope, and Bernie can imagine the press of Serena’s back as they ride together, their bodies moving with the horse. “You couldn’t leave your family,” she says, because for all that Serena escapes to the stables, Bernie hears the love for her mother, for her sister, threaded through her words and in her stories.

“I would, for you,” Serena says earnestly, pressing her lips to the hollow in Bernie’s collarbone. 

“We have this,” Bernie says softly, “and it’s good.” And she thinks, perhaps, that they have a someday. When Serena takes over the estate, when she can live the life she chooses. There’s a future for them, in this world. She can feel Serena’s eyelashes flutter closed against her chest and presses a kiss to the top of her head.

She’ll wake Serena before morning, and they can watch the sun rise before she leaves. They have this.

[idk-mlb-is-reals-cute44]

MLB Secret Santa Gift Part 5!

For @clockworkgalaxies

Oh boy! Picking up right where we left off because Tumblr cut me off, with some excuse like “oops you hit the word count maximum!” Here we go...

~••~

The only good thing that had happened that two weeks was her friendship with Luka had grown. And she’s been seeing Adrien more often, because Alya was always dragging her off to some tea party or cricket match where Adrien would be.

Alya had to be there because of her job, of course, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t also loads of fun. Alya also seemed to have loads of fun teasing Marinette about Adrien, Which Marinette claimed to resent but secretly didn’t mind (which they both knew).

Still, it was hard to get distracted by itty bitty tea cakes when you had a partner who was basically off the map and a king at the forefront of your county who was probably terribly evil, and you couldn’t do anything about it.

Plus, Adrien didn’t quite... seem himself. He was off. Sadder? Marinette wasn’t sure.

“Are you ok?” she asked him one evening, sitting in the fading light of dusk.

“I’m...” he paused, and didn’t say anything for a moment, “I’m doing the best I can.”

He changed the subject before she could say anything more.

Three weeks passed, and no sign of Chat.

~••~

“This is kind of gross.”

Marinette and Luka were standing in a field of toads. Every square inch of the ground was covered in them for at least a quarter mile around.

“It worked, though!” Luka said.

“We should have tried a different spell,” Marinette protested. “Like, literally anything else.”

“You never know when you’ll need a toad!” Luka said, “And it’s a good spell for beginners.”

“I can’t believe you actually roped me into learning magic,” Marinette said.

“I’m proud of you!” Tikki said. “Not many of my bugs ever did spells on their own.”

“Thanks Tikki,” Marinette smiled. “And thank you, Luka.”

“I’ve been a good distraction, haven’t I?” Luka asked, “From... you know.”

“I know.” Marinette sighed. “Is it weird that I miss him even though I hardly knew him at all?”

“No, that makes perfect sense,” Tikki chimes in, “You two were destined to be partners. It only makes sense that you miss him.”

Marinette sighed and hugged Luka.

“What are we going to do?” she whined.

“I have no idea,” Luka said.

Croak. Croak. Croak.

Toads were annoying.

They were in the forest, and it was nearly noon. Almost lunch.

“I’m hungry,” Marinette said, and Luka laughed.

“We can head back then.”

They made their way through the forest, stepping on amphibians left and right. (“This spell is too powerful,” Marinette grumbled, “Who’s idea was this again?) By the time they reached he edge of the palace grounds, they were late.

“We’re gonna miss out on all the good food if we don’t hurry up!” Marinette cried, pulling Luka along as they ran across the fields.

“Hey,” someone said, kind of quietly, but the very sound of it shook Marinette to the core.

All thoughts of lunch were forgotten.

“Chat?”

He was leaning against a wall, in the shadows. It looked like he’d been waiting for them.

“You’re Ladybug, aren’t you?” he asked.

Marinette wanted to lie, for Tikki’s sake, but, “Yes,” slipped out instead of whatever lie she’d been planning to tell.

“You heard the voices,” he said, “In the forest.”

Oops.

“I did,” she said, cursing her apparent inability to keep a secret.

“I... I’m...” Chat paused, took a deep breath, shook his head, and said, “I’m sorry for disappearing for so long. I’m ready to help out again. What’s the plan?”

Marinette winced.

“We don’t have one.”

Chat nodded solemnly. Resigned and unsurprised.

“I may have an idea... There’s something I have that we could use to our advantage.”

“What is it?” Luka asked.

Chat took a deep breath and mumbled, “Claws in.”

Her looked up at them, mask melting away to reveal a face Marinette knew oh-so-well.

“Surprise,” he said kind of weakly, “Im the prince.”

~••~

The plan was simple, but dangerous.

So, so dangerous. Probably a little idiotic.

They would “kidnap” the prince and hold him hostage until the king showed up, by himself, in a meeting place of their choice.

Hopefully the king would agree. Hopefully he wouldn’t just send the army. Hopefully Alya would let them get away with it.

Lots of hopefully-s. Not any definitely-s.

It was the best plan they had, though.

Unfortunately.

“What do we do when he shows up?” Luka asked.

“Blast him with everything we’ve got?” Ladybug suggested, and then blanched and turned to Chat.

“I-I mean, well I—” she sputtered.

“It’s alright,” Chat said, “I really want to punch him in the face, too.”

Ladybug grinned unsteadily, not sure how much she believed that. He’d disappeared for three weeks, after all.

“Marinette,” Luka said then, “I mean, Ladybug. If the code names are even necessary right now? No one’s here?”

Ladybug sheepishly dropped her transformation. Chat did too. They were in the privacy of Luka’s lab. (If she was being honest, the only reason she was transformed was because she looked cool.)

“Anyway, Marinette, and you too, Adrien,” Luka said, “You should learn more magic. I can teach you how to make a safety charm.”

Marinette reluctantly agreed. King Gabriel has a whole damn army of magical warriors. They could use all the help they could get.

Learning magic was hard. She was either in the forest practicing it with Luka and Adrien, or trying to convince Alya to basically sabotage herself and her job.

“Please?”

“I’ll think about it,” Alya sighed, “You’re asking a lot of me.”

“I know,” Marinette winced.

“I’ve had this job for years,” Alya said.

“I... know...”

“If I loose it,” was Alya’s final point, “I might have to leave the caste and find a new job somewhere else, possibly very, very far away.”

Marinette screwed her face up.

“I know,” she whispered, “I wouldn’t ask this of you if it wasn’t really, really important.”

“I know,” Alya said. “...I’ll think about it.”

And that was that.

“We’re getting nowhere!” Marinette said.

“We’ve got a plan,” Luka said, “And obviously we’re getting somewhere. You guys have freed, like, twenty people!”

That was true. She and Chat has been slowly but surely freeing possessed civilians. Not enough to be noticeable, (element of surprise) but enough that they’d got a reputation with the kitchen staff. (Hopefully The king didn’t listen in to his staff’s conversations.)

Still, this wasn’t anything like the books Marinette had read as a kid. They had known Gabriel’s secret for a little more than a month, but they were stuck in a tug-of-rope war between failures and successes.

There was no showdown. No dramatic final battle.

Just a whole lot of planning.

Marinette wished she could skip ahead to the last page.

~••~

Adrien Agreste has said you needed to dig a little to get to know Chloe—the real Chloe.

Marinette did not think a little digging was a good descriptor for a full scale mining operation.

Chloe was terrible. Actually. And Marinette was the one with a reputation for being able to befriend anyone. But not Chloe.

Chloe hated everyone, except for Adrien, but especially Marinette. The death glare Chloe has fixed Marinette with was enough to knock the girl back a step.

The way Adrien had explained it, Chloe was one of the daughters of a high ranked noble. As a child, she was one of the only other kids that had been on the Dad Aproved list of playmates. And although Adrien now would often sneak out to the guard barracks to hang out, his friendship with Chloe had never waned, even after years and years. Somehow.

Marinette didn’t even really mind, because the feeling was mutual. Chloe was a spoiled brat, and that was evident within the first five minutes of meeting.

Still, she’d recently returned from her five week long voyage to visit her mother, and Adrien had wanted them all to meet. Her, Marinette, and Alya.

Alya was a diplomats. A real professional. She was polite.

Marinette was trying to say the same about herself, but it was incorrect. Her conversation was bordering hostile.

They were having tea in the gardens. Adrien was laughing at something Alya had said, and Chloe and Marinette were feigning newfound friendship—for Adrien’s sake.

Then they all winced.

The voices.

Master Fu’s cryptic mention of Alya made Marinette pretty sure Alya was one day destined for a miraculous, but Chloe winced too.

Marinette didn’t have time to worry about that, though.

Because the voices were nearing.

That meant something was about to happen—something big, probably.

“Adrien!” Marinette hissed trying to ignore the pounding stream of Marinette! Marinette! Help!, “Didn’t you say, you had to show me the... the thing... at the place?”

Alya raised an unimpressed eyebrow through the headache. (She was a professionally trained assassin, she had standards about lying.)

Thankfully, Chloe was too distracted holding her head to notice the badly crafted falsity.

Adrien nodded at Marinette and they both raced off to transform behind the bushes.

They followed the sound (was it a sound if it was inside their heads?) to its source.

They didn’t find Gabriel, but instead a different woman in a (stunning) blue and green dress, looking rather nefarious at the edge of the forest.

Great, Ladybug though dryly, There’s another one.

“What’s she doing?” Chat whispered.

“No idea. Let’s get closer.”

They split up, circling her, trapping her in and spiraling nearer, nearer, until they were as close as the could creep without risking alerting her to their presence.

There was a feather in her hand. Ladybug thought the feather was giving very creepy vibes, but it might’ve just been in her head. It was just a feather, after all.

The woman was crying. She didn’t seem to be up to anything terribly evil, but maybe this was just the villains version of a smoke break.

All right, we’re paying you minimum wage, so we’ll let you take two five-minute sobbing breaks per day. Any questions?

Ladybug quickly banished the silly thought.

What was she doing?

“Gabriel,” she whispered mournfully.

So she was definitely working with the king.

Great.

As if they didn’t have enough problem.

“For you,” she said to no one, but supposedly meant it for the king who could not hear her.

Then something magic happened—literally. The feather morphed and changed, taking the shape of a terrible, awful monster. It was twice as tall as the woman, with claws and sharp, sharp teeth and an aura of sadness.

Sadness...

Ladybug jolted.

Had this woman turned her feelings into this beast?

The woman faltered and swayed, as though the action had taken more out of her than she could afford to give.

I shouldn’t feel bad for her, Ladybug thought to herself, but nevertheless she did.

“I need you,” the woman said to the beast, “To strike fear into the hearts of those at the palace.”

All the pity Ladybug has felt for her vanished.

Oh no freaking way.

She was sending this after people? This wouldn’t just frighten people. It had the means to crush people with its feet, to kill them easily, even accidentally.

No way was Ladybug letting this get anywhere near her friends.

She stepped out of the brush to face the woman head on.

“My name is Ladybug,” she said, her skirt flying in the wind, “And I swear to the gods you better banish that monster back to wherever the hell it came from or we’re going to have a problem.”

She was thankfull she sounded tough. She was worried all that would come out was an unintelligible squeak.

The woman whiped her tears, turned, and smiled.

The smile was offsetting. It was confident. She looked like she already knew she’d won.

“Why hello there,” she said, “My names Mayura.”

~••~

The beasts lumbered past them, towards the castle.

“I’ve got it!” Chat cried! “You deal with the creep!”

Did he have it? Maybe not, but there weren’t a lot of other choices. Ladybug didn’t want the leave Mayura here alone—who knows what she’d do.

Ladybug swung the first punch.

Which Mayura easily blocked.

Turned out, even when you were misusing your miraculous so thoroughly it gave other people stomachaches, you still got the added benefits like “unparalleled progress in battle” and “grace and agility.”

Ladybug was evenly matched.

Maybe even a little bit out of her element.

Which did not bode well for the success of the rest of the tea party. (No one likes to eat dainty sandwiches opposite someone badly bruised and battered.)

Mayura was good at fighting. No sign of the woman who’d been crying in the forest remained—she hit hard, she hit fast, and she didn’t hestite. There was a glint in her eye.

“What are you and the king doing?” Ladybug yelled as she tried to get a hit in, knowing getting an answer was unlikely but trying anyway, “Why are you hurting my friends and the people who live at this castle?”

Mayura laughed.

“You’re angry,” was all she said. “Good.”

It was then that Ladybug remembered she was dealing with a man who preyed on people’s negative emotions to capture them for his secret army. She took a deep breath (sent Mayura reeling with a really cool looking kick-hit combo) and tried to calm down.

“He has an army,” Ladybug said, her voice labored only by panted breath and not by (too much) emotion, “Why does he need a second force?”

Mayura laughed too, although it seemed a little stained.

Then she clocked Ladybug upside the head, sending the spotted heroine flying.

“You’re asking too many questions,” Mayura said, “And you know too much.”

She illustrated the point by kicking the girl while she was down.

“Great sportsmanship,” Ladybug muttered, stumbling back to her feet.

Mayura didn’t answer, just sent a punch flying.

Ladybug blocked it, and yelled, “Lucky charm!”

A pencil.

“Tikki, what do I do with this?” Ladybug yelled.

No answer. Duh.

Ladybug slipped it into her pocket and threw a punch.

“What are you going to do?” Mayura taunted. “Your partner is gone. I’m stronger than you. And I have more real world job experience than you as an adult!”

“That’s probably true!” Ladybug yelled and decked Mayura in the face.

Mayura said a word Ladybug’s mother would have washed her mouth out with soap for.

“Nice,” Ladybug whispered, shaking out her fist.

She spotted a broach and grabbed her pen, lunging forward and using the pocked clip the hook underneath it, so that she could easily tear it off if she wanted to.

“Get rid of that monster,” Ladybug whispered through clenched teeth, “Bring it back here right now and git did of it.”

Mayura hestitated. She looked down at the broach and then back up at her.

She whispered something under her breath and snapped.

The feather flew from the direction of the castle and into her hand.

“There,” she said.

Ladybug grinned and ripped the broach off of the woman’s (fabulous) dress. Mayura was then revealed to be King Gabriel’s head advisor, who Ladybug has never learned the name of.

Ladybug grabbed the broach, and ran.

She had to find Chat.

~••~

The palace was trashed.

Ladybug stumbled through the halls, looking for Chat, looking for someone.

Silence.

Silence had never been so loud.

There were claw marks in the walls. Doorways were caved in. Portraits were knocked from the wall.

There was no one. Nobody. Ladybug ran from room to room.

She ran into someone.

“Luka?”

“They’re all ok,” he said, grabbing her shoulders and wiping away the tears she hadn’t noticed. “Everyone got away. They ran to the village.”

Ladybug sagged with relief. Then remembered something.

“Where’s Chat?”

Luka looked just as worried as her.

They dashed up the staircase, calling his name.

Finally, finally, they found him.

“Chat!” Ladybug asked, “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine,” he said. He was battered and a little bloody (concerningly), But Ladybug believed him. He looked steady—he wasn’t going to dissapear on her again. And his voice didn’t quaver, even as he said, “My dad. Well. He’s calling himself Hawkmoth. He’s in the forest. I don’t know what he’s doing, but... something big is about to happen.”

“Where in the forest?” Luka asked.

“The place.... the place where we found my mom.”

Part six coming soon!

[theamazingcaptdeadpool]

Sinday Meme for Characters Who Share a Brain

The original meme can be found here: x Characters: Wade Wilson (@theamazingcaptdeadpool), Frank Castle (@mementomorimthrfckr) and Ajax (@cantfeelsht) Warning: An abundance of words, massive TMI, cursing duh, threats double duh, Any complaints may be directed at our lawyer; @hellsainted

Frank scoffed as Wade had spent the last three minutes trying to figure out a title, brainstorming no pun intended with himself – and the result he landed on you already read. “That sounds terrible, Wade.” he grumbled and sipped his coffee. A sort of bribe to get him to partake in the thing. “You come up with a better one then, Skulls, and we’ll use that.” Wade fired back, thankful that Frank wasn’t known for his creativity. “What was wrong with the original title?” Ajax wanted to know and crossed his arms. He was leaning nonchalantly against the wall, watching the other two with what one could describe as ‘calm suspiciousness’. “It was too long.” Wade complained. “Not catchy. And we’re replying as ourselves. The original title suggested that the co-pilot do it for us. Or arms dealer. Or whatever the hell you call her.” he explained, because he could see Frank straining as he tried to work it out. Be nice Wade. I’m always nice.  “Why don’t we just get this over with.” Ajax’s stare moved from Frank to Wade. His former subject was the most keen on this, after all – surely he would kick it off.  “Best idea you’ve had, Francis.” Wade murmured as he counted the questions of the meme. “Alright, there are twenty questions. Let the sinning commence!” he clapped his hands and rubbed his palms eagerly. 

“Jesus,” Frank exclaimed and leaned over the table, snatching the laptop from the merc with a dirty imagination mouth. “I’ll read these.” He glowered at Wade who raised his hands in defeat. There was no point in challenging the Punisher this early in the game.   “What muse needs the most attention on sinday?” Frank read and for some reason found himself looking glumly up at Ajax who shook his head.  “Wade it is then.” It wasn’t that Frank wouldn’t mind the attention… he just wouldn’t actively seek it.   “Yeah, that’s a no brainer.” Wade murmured, he had somehow produced whiteboard signs and written “Me!” on one side and “Not me!” on the other. What? I came prepared. I always do. Yes, that is me being suggestive. He gave one to Ajax who reluctantly accepted.  “Just making it easier for us.” He explained, surprisingly caring.  “Whatever it takes to shut you up,” Ajax looked at both sides to make sure he hadn’t written anything funny on his. 

“Easy, Francis,” Wade began only to be interrupted by Frank who read the next question loudly. “Which muse usually stays silent on sinday?” Frank sniffed. He hadn’t partaken in any sindays, yet. “I’m not it.” Wade said quickly. “I love me some sinday. Actually every day is sinday in my book. Doesn’t always have to be sex. Severe procrastination. Excess eating. Pillows of blow…” “You ever hear of TMI?” Frank put the laptop down on the table with more force than he intended.

  Wade wiped one of the sides of his sign clear and wrote “NO!” only to hold it up for Frank to see. None of them had noticed how Ajax was holding up his own sign reading “Me!” and it took all his effort not to wack Wade in the back of the head with it. “Let’s move on.” Ajax shot in, before Wade could start one of his endless rambles. Frank glared at Wade like a teacher glare at the kid in class that won’t ever stay silent – that they’re afraid to take their eyes off because they know they’ll cause trouble. “Share some headcanons about your muses’ sexual and/or romantic orientation… You want to go first, Ajax?” Frank offered without looking at him. “Francis.” Wade corrected him. “Can’t feel. He can’t get it up – and can’t get it off.” Ajax closed his eyes, his jaw tense. “Wade is right.” he murmured. “I’m asexual. Except for specific muses. That has to be talked over in detail.” “Contracts has to be signed. Very Christian Grey. Wouldn’t play with him.” Wade turned towards the room and whispered to no one. Well, at least none that Frank and Ajax were aware of. They shared a moment of confusion, waiting for something to happen – someone to reply. As the silence bordered awkward Frank nodded and continued with the survey; “I’m bi with a preference towards women, but I’m not really looking for anything.” His voice was low. He wet his lips and averted his eyes, bouncing his foot impatiently. 

“I’m pan – the comics has me paired up with women and Spiderman. Over here, meaning Tumblr, I have a preference towards men.” Wade stated the obvious. Frank drew a breath to read the next question, but then Wade continued; “Men with metal arms. Men that are Avengers. Men that’s purple… Is that even a man?” “You done?” Frank wanted to know. They’d missed how Wade had fixed the other side of his sign – and was now holding up a “YES!”. “What are your favourite ship for your muses?” Frank was visibly confused by the question.   “For me it’s the Millenium Falcon,” Wade answered – hoping it would make it easier for the not so shockingly thick marine. “Oh, and I love my warship.” “I don’t ship.” Ajax shrugged. He saw no need to. “Cablepool, Winterpool, Cappool, Hawkpool – the one with Colossus, I forgot its name…” Wade counted on his fingers. “Thunderpool is kinda cute.” “You any idea what he’s on about?” Frank turned towards Ajax. “You don’t want to know, mate.” Ajax said with a sigh. “It’s a question about who you see yourself with.” “No one.” Frank answered shortly. He couldn’t be with anyone, because whoever got close to him ended up dead or worse. 

“Why so glum sugarplum?” Wade leaned forward. “What about Castlevania?” “Are you…” Frank was about to get fired up but by some miracle managed to compose himself. He cleared his throat and shifted. “Nevermind. The next question – “ Frank decided he best ignore the entire thing; he thought they were done with Castlevania. He was not to be ‘shipped’ as the kids called it – with Dracula. “Which muse is the kinkiest?” “Next!” Wade called – he was holding up his sign. “Me!” it read. And maybe that was the truth. Wade is into a lot of things, after all… “Which muse has the strangest kinks?” Frank read warily. Wade slammed his sign down on the table to grab everyone’s attention and held it up again. He pointed to it and looked between the other two; “Unless you want to list some kinks?” “Next.” Ajax nodded towards the screen. “You sure, Francis? I won’t kink shame. Maybe I could interest you in – “ “Next!” Ajax insisted. “Choose one muse and tell us how they lost their virginity.” Frank read. He thought perhaps they could draw straws or… “Rock papers scissors lizard Spock.” Wade said with remarkable speed and accuracy. 

“I lost mine to and older girl at one of the many orphanages I visited.” Ajax said flatly, wanting them to believe that it hadn’t really mattered.   “You’re so boring, Francis.” Wade pouted. “At least give us some details.” “It was quick, messy and left me wanting more.” Ajax squared his jaw. “Satisfied?” “Unlike you’ll ever be again; yes. Thank you. I’m touched, Francis.” Wade sniffed as if he was sincerely moved, whilst Frank hid a chuckle and shook his head, clearly relieved that he didn’t have to spill the beans.

“Each of us have to share a random sex fact… I…” Frank rubbed the back of his neck. “I like it when the woman is on top of me, so I can see her pleasure and have her in control.” he admitted. Wade gave an approving nod. “I prefer to be the sub – to give up the control, but more often than not I’m taking it because I get impatient – I think. What about you Francis? Any sexy secrets about your preferences? Oh that’s right…” “I get off on watching others emotions. Pleasure – pain? Doesn’t matter.” Ajax admitted – his tone threatening. Wade gasped loudly and murmured ‘Sadist’ under his breath. Frank blinked and tilted his head slightly to the side – as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Remind me again why we haven’t killed this guy?” Frank asked Wade. “You tell me. Hey, Francis, would you like to hurt me a little – how about that, huh?” “Yes, how about that?” Ajax pushed off the wall, his eyes like pits of hell. Dark, angry. A far too familiar smirk tugging at his lips. 

Frank’s arm shot out – stopping the villain from getting too close. “You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Wade taunted him. “Yeah,” Ajax snarled – pressing against Frank’s hand. “If you could organise… Seriously who made up these questions? Are these,” Frank turned the laptop around, unable to mask how mortified he felt. “Are you behind these Wade? Because I swear to god…” “I can take the blame for a lot of things – but not that.” Wade pointed at the screen. “Finish the question. I’m curious now.” Frank sighed and tilted his head upwards, as if he was asking for patience. 

“Alright. Alright… Argh… God. If you could organise a threesome involving three of your muses, who would you choose? I guess this one isn’t for us. And… heaven forbid the three of us ever get put in a room together again. Because the next time? I won’t go easy.” Frank pushed Ajax so he fell back against the wall and stared threateningly at Wade. “Careful Frank, he might like it.” Wade taunted. Ajax pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. He hated Wade for his ability to get to him.   “The next one is for her as well. What muse she’d like to write a ship for…” Frank shook his head again. “What the fuck’s up with all these damned boats? Anyway… I assume she’d like to try me out with Billy.” “Kinky.” Wade purred. “I’m already in quite a few ships. If we’re adding to… pfft.” Truth was, Wade was content with his situation, so it took some thinking. “A Nathan would be nice? And no ships for Francis. His ship sank the day he let Michael Jackson Dr. Killebrew fiddle with his body.” Wade clicked his tongue and winked at Ajax. 

“How can you possibly know – “ Ajax began – cut off by Frank as he read the next question. “What are some preferences when deciding whether or not to ship a muse?” Frank frowned at the screen. “Read the rules, play nice, write well – I don’t know.” Wade hummed in agreement.  “And don’t assume we’ll ship – I don’t know about the other two, but I’m picky.” “You? Picky?” Ajax scoffed and leered at him. “Do you get to be?” “Well – I can’t fuck all the people who’s bummed because you couldn’t get it up for them.” Wade fired back. 

Frank rubbed his face – considering shooting them both. Ajax wouldn’t feel it, but he could die. Wade would feel it and couldn’t die. What a trio they were… “Are you guys DONE bickering yet?” he sounded tiredly. “Never,” Wade answered as he breathed in. Ajax rolled his eyes. “I prefer missionary or the cowgirl or whatever it’s known as these days. I like the intimacy. The control or giving up of. I like to touch, to see…” Frank’s words grew with passion as he spoke. Wade blinked and looked at him. “What are you on about?��� “The next question. I figured I might finish this on my own and get the hell out.” Frank was done with the bullshit.   “What was the question?” Wade put his hands on the table and leaned forward. “Headcanons, sex positions.” Frank scratched his cheek, and glanced up at Ajax. “You outta this one, too?”

“Against a wall… Or relentless teasing,” Ajax didn’t even get to finish before Wade corrected him; “Endless foreplay,” “To draw as much sound from the other part as possible.” Ajax blinked and turned slowly towards Wade. “What about you then, collared and on your knees begging for it?” 

“Actually that’s not that far from the truth. But I like a lot of things. Depends on my partner and whether I’m giving up control or not.” Wade shrugged. “How much time – “ Frank already began reading the next question. “ – none, then.” Wade sighed. “Has she written smut for you guys? Because that’s a no for me.” Frank didn’t take his eyes off the screen – this he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Ajax arched an eyebrow and cocked his head, Wade nodded vigorously. “I suppose neither of you know whether she prefers to write it or not?” Frank huffed and leaned back into his chair. “How are we supposed to answer these questions when they’re not even… yes… Wade?” Much to his surprise Wade has raised his hand. 

“Thank you. I happen to know that she don’t mind writing smut, but she has to feel comfortable with the person she’s writing it with.” “Multiship or singleship?” Frank turned to Ajax. He couldn’t stand the guy, but at least he’d had the decency to explain some of these things to him. “Is no ship an option?” Ajax smirked. It should be pretty clear at this point that he didn’t ship. “It is now. I’m on the fence. I wouldn’t ship with someone exclusively I think.” Frank grimaced at himself, as he was now using Tumblr and games own terms.   “Good call, Frank! For me it’s multiship all the way.” Wade drew a horizontal line in the air before him. “I’m not exclusive either.” “Huh, I think we just answered the next question. So… What is our shipping preferences? Weren’t we over that? Chemistry?” Frank thought that slow-burn sounded nice, but neither of the other guys seemed like the “slow burn” type. He didn’t know how wrong he was in his assumptions. “Yeah. What would you call my ship with Thanos? Because… that’s like… unhealthy. Toxic ships? I guess we’re semi into that? Aren’t we Francis?” Wade winked at him. Damn was he having a field day. Ajax on his end just shook his head and slammed his shoulders back against the wall. “What’s an OC?” Frank glanced up from the screen, relieved that they were close to done.  “Original character. We don’t really do those.” Wade knew that was frowned upon in the roleplaying community, but he didn’t give a shit. “I don’t know about you, but I have more than enough with the canon characters.” On most days, he actually had more than enough with himself. Ajax and Frank both seemed on board with that. 

“So,” Frank turned the laptop off and pulled the screen down. “That’s it. We’re done. Let’s never do it again.” his knees cracked as he stood up. 

“Or the next time we can get naked and –“ Wade began,  Frank pulled his gun and aimed it straight at his crotch. 

“You don’t want to finish that sentence.” his voice was low, barely audible.  “You don’t want to shoot me, Francis might get off on it.” Wade kindly reminded him.  “Oh my fucking…” Frank rubbed his face and headed out of the room. There wasn’t enough booze in the world to make him forget. 

“Hey – are you off to kill someone? Do you have a team yet – hey Frank, wait up!” Wade picked up his swords and chased after the Punisher. Ajax sighed and pushed his shoulders down. Being around Wade always made him tense up. He rolled his head from side to side, then left through the back door – half expecting the two of them to be waiting to kill him.

If you made it this far, please let me know what you think. No, Frank didn’t kill Ajax. Yet. 

[tripsterguru]

What to see in Baku in 1 day - 18 most interesting places

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What to see in Baku in 1 day - 18 most interesting places

Baku, preserving traditions, confidently looks to the future and, changing its appearance with each new era, carefully preserves the heritage of past centuries. Modern architecture here is harmoniously combined with medieval fortresses and towers, ancient mosques – with cutting-edge concert halls, and oriental flavor – with the latest Western trends. Go to the capital of the Land of Lights, and we will tell you what to see in Baku for 1 day on your own, in order to fall in love with him forever and be sure to return.

How to get from the airport to the center

From G. Ailiev Airport, the center can be reached in various ways. Shuttle H1 goes directly to the center. You can buy a ticket for it at the exit from the terminal building in the machine. The ticket costs 90 cents, the journey takes approximately 40 minutes.

Another way is to use the city bus of route 116. He leaves from the airport and goes directly to the center with an interval of 30 minutes. Without traffic jams, the travel time is 1 hour. A ticket costs 20 cents, the driver sells them.

If you do not want to use public transport, you can take a taxi. Book it better in advance using any of the online taxi services. The trip will cost about $ 25 or more, depending on the class of car, and take 35 minutes.

Workshop Ali Shamsi

In the Old Town, on Kichik Kala Street (Malaya Krepostnaya), an unusual house will surely attract your attention. Its facade is hung with many amulets, signs and symbols, decorated with installations depicting a huge lion with unusual eyes, aliens, native oilmen. Opposite the tree grows, the trunk of which is painted with three female faces. Tourists always gather around it to take pictures. In front of the house, two artistic brushes “grow” directly from the ground.

This is the workshop of the famous Baku artist Ali Shamsi. He himself can also be found next to the house. The artist often works in the studio and invites everyone to visit his house with pleasure. Inside the house is no less interesting than outside. There are two rooms in the workshop. The first houses art objects collected by the master, brought by him from other countries or collected here in his homeland, including during excavations in the Old Town.

Subscribe to our channel in Telegram, where we daily post the most last-minute tours and flights. And in the second – the work of the artist himself. Most of them are dedicated to the nature of Azerbaijan, their hometown and, of course, women. He paints flowers, the sea, mountains, portraits of beautiful women – everything that he loves and does not get tired of admiring. His paintings, bright, joyful, very kind, will certainly find a response in your heart. The workshop is located at: Icheri Sheher, st. Kichik Kala, 84.

Museum of miniature books

On April 23, 2002, a unique museum was opened in the Old Town, not far from the Maiden’s Tower, which has no analogues anywhere in the world — it is a Museum of Miniature Books. Here are the smallest books in the world. These are rare editions of Russian classics, Azerbaijani poets and writers (including the great oriental poets – Nizami and Fizuli), books published during the Soviet years in different republics of the Soviet Union and in Europe. There is even a miniature edition of “Criminal Jokes” by Yu. Nikulin.

The exposition presents not only fiction, but also philosophical and spiritual books – for example, miniature Bible and Quran. And in contrast to them – the collected works of V. Lenin. Zarif Salakhov, the sister of the artist Tahir Salakhov, began to collect her collection many years ago, in the Soviet years. And this she began with a collection of fables by I. A. Krylov, published back in 1835.

The museum’s most valuable exhibit is one of the smallest books in the world. Its dimensions are 2 x 2 mm, but at the same time the book contains not only text, but also illustrations. True, to make out them, as well as read its contents, is possible only with the help of a magnifying glass. The museum is open every day, except Monday and Thursday from 11 to 17 hours. Free admission.

Governor’s Garden

The Governor’s Garden is the oldest in the city. It was laid back in 1830. By the decree of Roman von der Hoven, commandant of the Baku fortress, all ship owners and their captains had to bring several bags of black soil from the south so that even crops that do not like the arid climate could be grown. They planted acacia, mulberry, conifers, broke flower beds, and some exotic plants.

The result was a unique garden in which even rare, including subtropical, plants grew. It began at the walls of Icheri Sheher, and when in 1865 the outer wall of the fortress was removed, the garden expanded significantly. For a long time it was the only garden in the city. For ordinary people, entry here was allowed only once a week.

By the end of the 19th century, arbors and terraces for relaxation appeared in the park. The garden was renamed many times, it bore the names of Mikhailovsky, Revolution, im. Aliaga Wahid, but the old name – Gubernatorial – has taken root best of all. Now adjacent to the garden adjacent to the building of the Philharmonic. M. Magomayev, therefore, it is often called the garden of the Philharmonic. It stretches along the fortress wall from Azneft Avenue to the Icheri Sheher metro station.

Kichik-Gala Street, 8 – place from the movie “Diamond Hand”

In our country, the old city is familiar to everyone, even to a person who has never been to the Azerbaijani capital. Legendary Soviet films were shot here: Aibolit 66, Tehran 43, Do not be afraid, I’m with you. But, of course, the most recognizable views of Icheri Sheher are in frames from the films Amphibian Man and The Diamond Arm. Almost all overseas in the film “Diamond Arm” was shot in the Old Town. Soviet Baku at the time of filming becomes Istanbul.

Walking through the narrow streets of Icheri Sheher, you will surely find out where the sultry beauty is trying to seduce Semyon Semenych (“Tsigel, tsigel ai-lu-lu!”), You will see the walls of the Shirvanshahs Palace, against which Soviet tourists are given an excursion. And of course, no one can pass by the famous place next to the Chikanuk pharmacy, in which the main character was smuggled in plaster.

Tourists here are photographed in the same pose and with the famous phrase “Cheort beat!”. The exact address of this place is Kichik Kala, 8 (Malaya Krepostnaya, 8). Of course, now there is not a pharmacy, but an ordinary courtyard of a residential building with its measured life. To find this place, you can navigate by the nearby Thunder cafe at the intersection with Veli Mammadova Street.

Shamakhi Gate

Icheri Sheher (Old Town) is not a millet a piece of the preserved ancient city. This is a unique architectural reserve, protected by UNESCO. The fortress with 25 towers and 5 gates rises above the sea and is surrounded on all sides by strong stone walls up to 8 m high, and their thickness reaches 3 m. Today you can get to the Old Town through the Shemakha Gate. For a long time they were practically the only gates of the fortress. In another way they were called the gates of Shah Abbas.

Once in the fortress there were two tiers of defensive walls. In the XIX century, when the city grew significantly and went far beyond the borders of Icheri Sheher, the governor proposed to remove the inner walls. In 1886 a decision was made, the wall was demolished, and the gates of the inner walls, called the Gate of Zulfikar (named after the shah who erected the inner walls), were moved to the Shemakhinsky.

As a result, the gates now have two arches and are often called the Twin Gates. Through the Shemakha gate you can enter the Old Town by car. But at the entrance you will need to pay 2 manat, and for each next hour to pay 1 manat.

Maiden’s Tower

In the southeast of Icheri Sheher the famous Maiden Tower (Giz Galasy) rises, which has long become a symbol of the city. The thickness of its walls at the base is 5 m, and at the top 4 m. The height of the tower is 28 m. It is divided into 8 tiers, a spiral staircase leads to the very top. In the tower itself in the rock a well is arranged, 21 m deep. For what this tower was erected, historians still argue. According to many, it did not have a defensive function, but rather a cult function, associated with pagan times and, in particular, with worship of the Sun. The time of its construction, too, until the end is still unknown.

According to archaeologists who investigated the mortar and masonry, it could be built in the 1st century. or in the IX century. For a long time the tower served as a lighthouse. Until the 19th century, a flag fluttered at its top, which served as a guide for sailors, and from the middle of the 19th century the lighthouse began to shine. There are many legends associated with the tower. The heroine of each of them is necessarily a girl who, because of unhappy love, rushes from a tower into the sea and smashes into stones.

One of the stones in the sea at the foot of the tower is still called the stone of the virgin. This plot inspired many poets and artists to create their own works related to the legends of the Maiden Tower. Her image has become a symbol of the city. Now there is a museum in the tower, and at the very top there is an observation deck from where you can see the city. The museum is open every day, except Mondays from 10:00 to 18:00. A ticket costs 2 manat.

Shirvanshahs Palace

The Shirvanshahs palace ensemble is the former residence of the Shirvan shahs, a unique architectural and historical monument that was built over several centuries from the 13th to the 16th centuries. It is located on a hilltop in the center of Icheri Sheher fortress (Old Town). In addition to the rulers’ palace itself, the complex includes a tomb, a bathhouse, a mosque of the 15th century, a mausoleum of a Baku scientist Seyid Yahya Bakuvi and a courtyard Divan Khan. Despite the fact that the entire complex was not built at the same time, it is a complete, harmonious ensemble, designed in unified architectural forms and combinations of decorative elements.

Spiral staircases and the main hall are preserved in the palace, which now presents an exposition consisting of archaeological excavations – dishes, jewelry, household items, musical instruments, weapons and the famous Shemakha carpets. Household items can be considered in the remaining 52 chambers of the palace. In the courtyard – Divan Khan – there is an octagonal rotunda with columns. Her appointment is still unknown.

It is assumed that this could be the tomb or the building in which the state council was sitting. The mausoleum of Seyyid Yahya Bakuvi, the scientist who worked here under the rule of the Shirvanshah Khalil-ulla I, was connected with an arch to the old Kay-Kubad mosque, which burned down in 1918 year. In the tomb, the remains of tombstones and 14 crypts of members of the Shirvanshah Khalil-Ulla family were preserved. The complex is located in Ichera Sheher, in Palace Lane, it is open daily from 10:00 to 18:00. An adult ticket costs 2 manat, For students – 60 qepiks (kopecks), for students – 20 qepiks.

Monument to the poet Aliaga Wahid

Aliaga Vahid (Aliaga Mammadkul-oglu Iskander) – Azerbaijani poet, satirist, friend of Sergei Yesenin. Very popular among the people were not only his satirical poems, but also lyrical gazelles. A very unusual monument to the poet stands in the Azerbaijani capital in Icheri Shaher (Old Town) on Kichik Kala Street (Malaya Krepostnaya). Its authors are sculptors Rahib Hasanov and Natik Aliyev.

The monument is the poet’s huge head, which grows directly from the ground – his neck, torso and hair represent the trunk and branches of trees and at the same time the interweaving of human bodies. The monument is very interesting to consider – all the cycles of our life are presented here: birth, love, separation, wedding, funeral. According to the sculptors, all our ideas live in our heads, they decided to “pull” them out.

The monument was opened on October 27, 1990. It was built almost entirely at the expense of ordinary people, admirers of the talent of Aliaga Wahid. The idea to perpetuate the image of the poet belongs to the architect, journalist and writer Arif Mansurov. He also sponsored the installation of the monument.

Market Square

One of the oldest places in the city, Market Square, has always been indicated on ancient maps, but was discovered as a result of excavations in Ichera Sheher only in 1964. Once there was a large eastern bazaar. Gradually, the square began to carry not only trade functions, but also was the center of political and public life. Here the most important decrees of the rulers were read, court hearings were held and their decisions were announced.

However, during one of the enemy attacks, the square was destroyed. After that, it was no longer used for its intended purpose and eventually was used as a cemetery. Here archaeologists found 52 graves. On the top of the hill, under which the market square was buried, the townspeople gradually began to build houses. After archaeologists discovered and examined it, the area was cleared and landscaped. Archaeologists and restorers completely liberated it, restored the arcade, which rests on stone columns with a capital.

Mohammed Mosque

In Icheri Sheher there is also another iconic structure – the mosque of Mohammed, or the Son of Kala, which translates as a broken fortress or tower. The mosque was erected in the XI century. Here, the date of construction of the mosque was even preserved. An inscription on one of the walls says that the mosque was built by ustad-rais Muhammad, the son of Abu Bekr in 471 (approximately in 1079). It was built on the site of an even more ancient structure.

During the assault on the city by the Russian fleet in 1723, shelling of the Icheri Sheher fortress was carried out. One of the shells damaged the tower of the minaret. At that very moment a strong wind rose and carried the ships back. Defenders of the city regarded this as a sign of God. For a very long time the tower was not restored, it became a symbol of resistance and then it got its second name. The minaret is adjacent to the main building of the mosque. Its upper part was restored only in the 19th century.

Haji Gaib’s Bath

As in any eastern city, there are many baths. In the East, a hamam is not just a place intended for hygienic procedures, a visit to the bath was accompanied by a special ritual. And here they often gathered for negotiations and transactions. The bath of Haji Gaib was built in the 15th century in a very convenient location. Trade routes crossed here, and merchants from different countries gathered for ablution and business negotiations. Archaeologists discovered hammam only in the 60s of the last century.

Today, the bath of Haji Gaib, of course, is no longer used for its intended purpose. But tourists can see what a traditional hamam building was like in the Middle Ages. It consists of three rooms. The dressing room has rectangular shapes, and then follows a large central hall in the form of an octagon. It housed two pools with hot and cold water.

Under the stone tile floor, steam passed through the canals, which heated the room. Ceramic pipes also served for this. In the third room, in the locker room, they had tea after bathing, negotiations were held here, cheerful conversations and deals were made. Haji Gaib’s bathhouse is easy to find, it is located next to the Maiden’s Tower, on 5 Boyuk Kala Street.

Park “Little Venice”

Seaside Boulevard is one of the most beloved places in the city not only for tourists, but also for the Baku people themselves. Here, back in 1960, a park was built, which is a network of islands and channels connecting them. It was called Baku Venice, or Lesser Venice. In the post-Soviet years, over time, this park became desolate. Restored it and upgraded only in 2011.

Now cafes and restaurants have opened along the banks of the canals. Here appeared small green areas, flower beds, fountains and openwork bridges. On the channels of tourists carry gondolas. Special marinas were equipped for them. The length of all channels of Little Venice is 1350 m, and the depth is 1.3 m.

Azerbaijan Carpet Museum

In 1967, the National Carpet Museum was opened in the building of the Juma Mosque in Icheri Sheher. In 1992, the mosque was returned to believers, and for some time the museum’s exposition moved to the Museum Center. From 2008 to 2014, the construction of a new museum building was in progress. In August 2014, its grand opening took place. The shape of the building resembles a rolled up huge rug.

The museum has a large collection of not only carpets, but also ceramics, metal products, jewelry, national clothes and embroidery. The most valuable exhibits are a fragment of the Tabriz carpet and the 18th-century carpet “Hila Afshan”. The museum presents carpets from all regions of the country, you can see the most diverse embodiment of traditional national ornaments.

The museum has its own training center where you can learn about the main schools of carpet weaving, their features, the history of the emergence and development of this type of decorative art in Azerbaijan. The museum is located on 28 M. Useynova Avenue. It is open every day except Monday from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., but the entrance for visitors starts and ends one hour earlier. Adult ticket costs 7 manats, for pupils and students – 3 manats

Funicular

In any city built on the hills, a funicular is a must. In Baku, the first lift appeared in 1960. By the Eurovision in 2012, it was not just repaired, but completely modernized: the old cabs were replaced with new, modern ones, which operate completely silently. Now from the Bahram Gur station to the Flaming Towers can be reached in just 4 minutes. And this way only 1 minute passes through the tunnel, and the rest of the time – along the hills of the Green Theater, covered with coniferous trees.

The trailer overlooks the Caspian Sea, towers and green slopes. In the evenings you can see fantastic panoramas of the city flooded with lights, glowing oil derricks and lights in the sea. A staircase also runs along the paths – in order to return to the embankment it is not necessary to use the funicular again, you can go down on foot.

The funicular is located near the Icheri Sheher metro station. It works every day except Monday from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. The fare is 1 manat one way. Payment is only for cash. The cars depart every 10 minutes.

Flaming towers

Since Zoroastrian times, Azerbaijan has been called the Land of Fires and the place of storage of the sacred fire. And the matter is not only in the oil and gas rich bowels of this land. This fire burns in the heart of every resident of this hospitable country. This is exactly what the creators of the modern architectural ensemble Flame Towers – Flaming (Burning) Towers – tried to embody in their work.

These are three tall buildings shaped like flames. The towers are considered the tallest buildings in Azerbaijan and are visible from all over the capital. When the lights turn on in the evenings in the towers, the lights turn on, and the movement of fire is shown on the monitors, from afar it seems that a fire is really blazing in the distance. They built towers for 5 years.

All buildings have different heights. The tallest tower is 190 m, the rest are 140 and 160. The towers house offices and accommodations, as well as the Fairmont Baku at the Flame Towers Hotel. It is most convenient to get to the towers from the Icheri Sheher metro station on the city funicular. It is best to view them from the waterfront.

Ferris wheel

The wheel makes a full revolution at different times – from 10 to 30 minutes, because the landing takes place in 5 booths at a time. Therefore, sometimes the wheel freezes and freezes while moving – do not be afraid, after a while it will continue to move. The cabins are completely closed, air conditioners work in them, a video showing the construction of the wheel is shown on the monitor, information about the height at which it is located and the temperature “overboard” appears.

The wheel is located at the end of Primorsky Boulevard, on Neftyanikov Avenue, next to the National Flag Square. It works every day from 10:00 to 23:00. A ticket costs 5 manat, for children under 6 years old – free of charge, from 6 to 12 years old – 3 manat.

Baku “Crystal Hall”

When the duet Ell & Nikki from Azerbaijan won the Eurovision Song Contest in 2011, the country began to prepare to host the festival. For this, in less than a year, a new concert hall was built. For its unique form, this concert venue was called the Crystal Hall, or Crystal Hall. The external building of the hall consists of light metal structures.

They have built a huge number of LED bulbs. With the onset of dusk, the hall begins to glow with multi-colored lights. Thanks to special spotlights, thin strings-rays stretch out from the roof of the arena, which are clearly visible from all over the city. The hall seats up to 27 thousand spectators. Its equipment allows you to realize any visual intentions.

After Eurovision, the hall remained operational. World stars (Rihanna, Shakira, D. Lopez, etc.) often perform here, events are held as part of major sports competitions, for example, the 1st European Games, the Chess Olympiad. The hall is located on National Flag Square, next to the Icheri Sheher metro station.

[wetrumpfeed]

Afternoon MAGAthread: YOUR WEEKLY PRESIDENTIAL RECAP!

HAPPY SATURDAY DEPLORABLES!

This is your favorite Saturday afternoon mod here to deliver you TONS of spicy dankness from the past week! If you happened to miss any past recaps you can catch those here!

Sunday, June 9th:

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

Another false report in the Failing @nytimes. We have been trying to get some of these Border Actions for a long time, as have other administrations, but were not able to get them, or get them in full, until our signed agreement with Mexico. Additionally, and for many years,.... ... .....Mexico was not being cooperative on the Border in things we had, or didn’t have, and now I have full confidence, especially after speaking to their President yesterday, that they will be very cooperative and want to get the job properly done. Importantly, some things..... ... .....not mentioned in yesterday press release, one in particular, were agreed upon. That will be announced at the appropriate time. There is now going to be great cooperation between Mexico & the USA, something that didn’t exist for decades. However, if for some unknown reason... ... .....there is not, we can always go back to our previous, very profitable, position of Tariffs - But I don’t believe that will be necessary. The Failing @nytimes, & ratings challenged @CNN, will do anything possible to see our Country fail! They are truly The Enemy of the People!

For two years all the Democrats talked about was the Mueller Report, because they knew that it was loaded up with 13 Angry Democrat Trump Haters, later increased to 18. But despite the bias, when the Report came out, the findings were No Collusion and facts that led to........ ... ....No Obstruction. The Dems were devastated - after all this time and money spent ($40,000,000), the Mueller Report was a disaster for them. But they want a Redo, or Do Over. They are even bringing in @CNN sleazebag attorney John Dean. Sorry, no Do Overs - Go back to work!

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

Left-wing racism is real

Mexican military begins arresting migrants riding 'The Beast' train to US border - More than 200 migrants got off the train and fled," said the director of the Digna Ochoa Human Rights Center - Many "hid in the bush, so only 25 were arrested," - Its better than our Democrats have done so far

If a straight pride parade is absurd, so is a gay pride parade. It is obviously insane to suggest that a person can only be proud of their sexuality if they are gay. Outrage over straight pride is hypocrisy on steroids.

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

How do “they” Ignore the Most Beautiful FLOTUS Ever?

Good question... how do they?

Still waiting for that apology from Adam Schiff

Old school, kick-in-the-ass presidency!

Monday, June 10th:

TODAY'S ACTION:

Memorandum on Presidential Determination Pursuant to Section 303 of the Defense Production Act of 1950, as amended

First Lady Melania Trump's Visit to the United Kingdom

President Trump Greets the 103rd Indianapolis 500 Champions: Team Penske

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

Now with our new deal, Mexico is doing more for the USA on Illegal Immigration than the Democrats. In fact, the Democrats are doing NOTHING, they want Open Borders, which means Illigal Immigration, Drugs and Crime.

We have fully signed and documented another very important part of the Immigration and Security deal with Mexico, one that the U.S. has been asking about getting for many years. It will be revealed in the not too distant future and will need a vote by Mexico’s Legislative body!.. ... ....We do not anticipate a problem with the vote but, if for any reason the approval is not forthcoming, Tariffs will be reinstated!

When will the Failing New York Times admit that their front page story on the the new Mexico deal at the Border is a FRAUD and nothing more than a badly reported “hit job” on me, something that has been going on since the first day I announced for the presidency! Sick Journalism

Video

Video

Thank you @MarkLevinShow and John Eastman!

Can’t believe they are bringing in John Dean, the disgraced Nixon White House Counsel who is a paid CNN contributor. No Collusion - No Obstruction! Democrats just want a do-over which they’ll never get!

I have been briefed on the helicopter crash in New York City. Phenomenal job by our GREAT First Responders who are currently on the scene. THANK YOU for all you do 24/7/365! The Trump Administration stands ready should you need anything at all.

Congratulations to the 2019 Indianapolis 500 Winner @IMS, @SimonPagenaud and @Team_Penske! @IndyCar🏆🏁

Video

Video

#AmericaFIRST #MAGA🇺🇸

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

Robert Mueller exploited cellphone GPS to track Trump associates

Uber Driver threatens passenger: She replied by saying “Tell me you don’t support Trump or I won’t finish this trip.”

Jim Acosta is a master of the self-own.

Trump: “John Dean’s been a loser for many years” ...as Dean refuses to acknowledge how much money he has been paid by CNN for accusations against the President 🤣🇺🇸

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

To all the pedes down in the trenches, I support you!

PSA: If you have a family member with disabilities, please ensure they have one of these devices to assist first responders

It’s funny because it’s accurate

It Is oN SpEcTruM

Sorry frens, but you have to go back! True frens respect the rule of law!

Tuesday, June 11th:

TODAY'S ACTION:

President Donald J. Trump Announces Judicial Nominees

Executive Order on Modernizing the Regulatory Framework for Agricultural Biotechnology Products

President Trump Delivers a Statement Upon Departure

President Trump Delivers Remarks on Renewable Energy

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

New book just out, “The Real Deal, My Decade Fighting Battles and Winning Wars With Trump,” is really wonderful. It is written by two people who are very smart & know me well, George Sorial & Damian Bates, as opposed to all the books where the author has no clue who I am. ENJOY!

“Jerry Nadler’s Trump Bashing Show Is A Bust.” Headline, New York Post. @foxandfriends The Greatest Witch Hunt of all time continues. All crimes were by the other side, but the Committee refuses to even take a look. Deleting 33,000 Emails is the real Obstruction - and much more!

“Mueller has spoken. He found No Collusion between the Trump Campaign and the Russians. The bottom line is what the Democrat House is doing is trying to destroy the Trump Presidency (which has been a tremendous success), and I can assure you that we’re done with the Mueller...... ... ....investigation in the Senate. They can talk to John Dean until the cows come home, we’re not doing anything in the Senate regarding the Mueller Report. We are going to harden our Infrastructure against 2020!” @LindseyGrahamSC

PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT!

Sad when you think about it, but Mexico right now is doing more for the United States at the Border than the Democrats in Congress! @foxandfriends

The United States has VERY LOW INFLATION, a beautiful thing!

This is because the Euro and other currencies are devalued against the dollar, putting the U.S. at a big disadvantage. The Fed Interest rate way too high, added to ridiculous quantitative tightening! They don’t have a clue!

Maria, Dagan, Steve, Stuart V - When you are the big “piggy bank” that other countries have been ripping off for years (to a level that is not to be believed), Tariffs are a great negotiating tool, a great revenue producers and, most importantly, a powerful way to get...... ... ...Companies to come to the U.S.A and to get companies that have left us for other lands to come back home. We stupidly lost 30% of our auto business to Mexico. If the Tariffs went on at the higher level, they would all come back, and pass. But very happy with the deal I made,... ... ....If Mexico produces (which I think they will). Biggest part of deal with Mexico has not yet been revealed! China is similar, except they devalue currency and subsidize companies to lessen effect of 25% Tariff. So far, little effect to consumer. Companies will relocate to U.S.

Good day in the Stock Market. People have no idea the tremendous potential our Country has for GROWTH - and many other things!

“Why did the Democrats run if they didn’t want to do things?” @SenRickScott

On my way to Iowa - just heard nearly 1,000 agriculture groups signed a letter urging Congress to approve the USMCA. Our Patriot Farmers & rural America have spoken! Now Congress must do its job & support these great men and women by passing the bipartisan USMCA Trade Agreement!

Today, here in Iowa, we honor America’s cherished farming heritage. We salute your commitment to American Energy Independence — and we celebrate the bright future we are forging together powered by clean, affordable AMERICAN ETHANOL!

“Trump administration gives final approval for year-round E15 use”

Beautiful afternoon in Iowa. Thank you to all of our Nation’s Farmers. May God bless you, and may God Bless America!

“Someone should call Obama up. The Obama Administration spied on a rival presidential campaign using Federal Agencies. I mean, that seems like a headline to me?” @TuckerCarlson It will all start coming out, and the Witch Hunt will end. Presidential Harassment!

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

The mad lad is at the Google campus in Austin, Texas](https://www.reddit.com/r/The_Donald/comments/bzgr6o/the_mad_lad_is_at_the_google_campus_in_austin/)

We just cracked 750k PEDES!

Nearly 1,700 Pedos Arrested Nationwide in 2 Months During DOJ Sting OP (6/11/2019)

NEW PROJECT VERITAS: Tech Insider Blows Whistle on How Pinterest Listed Top Pro-Life Site as Porn, "Bible Verses" Censored

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

This is why I love living in Texas.

❄️ Liberals Hate Glaciers Now ❄️

Or tariffs per trade deal made.

TFW you're banned from all of social media but other patriots are doing God's work spreading your message

Wednesday, June 12th:

TODAY'S ACTION:

Six Nominations and Two Withdrawals Sent to the Senate

President Trump Participates in a 2:2 Bilateral Meeting with the President of Poland

President Trump Participates in a Joint Press Conference with the President of Poland

President Trump Remarks on the Opioid Crisis

President Trump Participates in a Joint Signing Ceremony with the President of Poland

President Trump and the First Lady Attend the Polish-American Reception

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

.....The Fake (Corrupt) News Media said they had a leak into polling done by my campaign which, by the way and despite the phony and never ending Witch Hunt, are the best numbers WE have ever had. They reported Fake numbers that they made up & don’t even exist. WE WILL WIN AGAIN!

Despite the Phony Witch Hunt, we will continue to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! Thank you!!

Wow! Just got word that our June 18th, Tuesday, ANNOUNCEMENT in Orlando, Florida, already has 74,000 requests for a 20,000 seat Arena. With all of the big events that we have done, this ticket looks to be the “hottest” of them all. See you in Florida!

The Fake News has never been more dishonest than it is today. Thank goodness we can fight back on Social Media. Their new weapon of choice is Fake Polling, sometimes referred to as Suppression Polls (they suppress the numbers). Had it in 2016, but this is worse..... ... .....The Fake (Corrupt) News Media said they had a leak into polling done by my campaign which, by the way and despite the phony and never ending Witch Hunt, are the best numbers WE have ever had. They reported Fake numbers that they made up & don’t even exist. WE WILL WIN AGAIN!

It was a pleasure to host my friends President Andrzej Duda and Mrs. Agata Kornhauser-Duda of Poland at the @WhiteHouse today. U.S.-Poland ties are at an all-time high. Thank you for being such an exemplary Ally!

Michael Whatley has been with us right from the beginning. A great Leader and @NCGOP Chairman!

Thank you!

Our Farmers deserve this, they are GREAT!

Two Fantastic People! My friends from the very beginning. Thank you D&S.

is = if (Spell)! Not like Chris.

Thank you very much!

“Biden would be China’s Dream Candidate, because there would be no more Tariffs, no more demands that China stop stealing our IP, things would go back to the old days with America’s manufacturers & workers getting shafted. He has Zero Credibility!” @IngrahamAngle So true!

“It’s about peace and Prosperity, that’s how Republican Presidents get elected, and this President has delivered on the Economy and he’s delivered on keeping America Stronger & Safer. Our biggest enemy is not any one of these Democrats, it’s the Media.” John McLaughlin, pollster

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

The man who had revealed Pinterest's censorship strategies has been fired - Project Veritas

President Trump waves Mexico border deal at reporters: ‘It goes into effect when I want it to’

Obama White House Deleted Online Speeches About The Immigration Crisis Hours Before Trump Entered Office: Report

BREAKING: After Democrats Unnecessarily Rush to Contempt, President Trump Asserts Executive Privilege Over Census Documents

Michael Flynn hires Sidney Powell as new counsel

The Madlad: Crowder Hate Speech Isn’t Real Q&A

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

Hey guys

Accurate Representation Of The SJW Movement

Bam! Roasted!

I wonder how many others there are like this?

Trump Derangement Syndrome Medical Journal Entry Prototype

Thursday, June 13th:

TODAY'S ACTION:

A Message from Surgeon General Jerome Adams

First Lady Melania Trump Attends 75th Anniversary Ceremony of D-Day

Historic F-35 White House Flyover

President Donald J. Trump Announces Intent to Nominate Personnel to Key Administration Posts

President Trump Delivers Remarks on Second Chance Hiring

President Trump Has a Working Lunch with Governors on Workforce Freedom and Mobility

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

General Michael Flynn, the 33 year war hero who has served with distinction, has not retained a good lawyer, he has retained a GREAT LAWYER, Sidney Powell. Best Wishes and Good Luck to them both!

Unrelated to Russia, Russia, Russia (although the Radical Left doesn’t use the name Russia anymore since the issuance of the Mueller Report), House Committee now plays the seldom used “Contempt” card on our great A.G. & Sec. of Commerce - this time on the Census. Dems play a..... ... .....much tougher game than the Republicans did when they had the House Majority. Republicans will remember! “This has already been argued before the U.S. Supreme Court, but the House doesn’t want to wait. This is a common thread between all of the Committees - do whatever you... ... ....can to embarrass the Trump Administration (and Republicans), attack the Trump Administration. This is campaigning by the Dems.” Attorney David Bruno. So true! In the meantime they are getting NO work done on Drug Pricing, Infrastructure & many other things.

“Congress cannot Impeach President Trump (did nothing wrong) because if they did they would be putting themselves above the law. The Constitution provides criteria for Impeachment - treason, bribery, high crimes & misdemeanors. Unless there is compelling evidence, Impeachment... ... ....is not Constitutionally Permissable.” Alan Dershowitz, Constitutional Lawyer

The Dems fight us at every turn - in the meantime they are accomplishing nothing for the people! They have gone absolutely “Loco,” or Unhinged, as they like to say!

I meet and talk to “foreign governments” every day. I just met with the Queen of England (U.K.), the Prince of Wales, the P.M. of the United Kingdom, the P.M. of Ireland, the President of France and the President of Poland. We talked about “Everything!” Should I immediately.... ... ....call the FBI about these calls and meetings? How ridiculous! I would never be trusted again. With that being said, my full answer is rarely played by the Fake News Media. They purposely leave out the part that matters.

When Senator @MarkWarnerVA spoke at length, and in great detail, about extremely negative information on me, with a talented entertainer purporting to be a Russian Operative, did he immediately call the FBI? NO, in fact he didn’t even tell the Senate Intelligence Committee of.... ... ....which he is a member. When @RepAdamSchiff took calls from another person, also very successfully purporting to be a Russian Operative, did he call the FBI, or even think to call the FBI? NO! The fact is that the phony Witch Hunt is a giant scam where Democrats,... ... ....and other really bad people, SPIED ON MY CAMPAIGN! They even had an “insurance policy” just in case Crooked Hillary Clinton and the Democrats lost their race for the Presidency! This is the biggest & worst political scandal in the history of the United States of America. Sad!

They’ve been wrong all along!

While I very much appreciate P.M. Abe going to Iran to meet with Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, I personally feel that it is too soon to even think about making a deal. They are not ready, and neither are we!

"It is the assessment of the U.S. government that Iran is responsible for today's attacks in the Gulf of Oman...."

After 3 1/2 years, our wonderful Sarah Huckabee Sanders will be leaving the White House at the end of the month and going home to the Great State of Arkansas.... ... ....She is a very special person with extraordinary talents, who has done an incredible job! I hope she decides to run for Governor of Arkansas - she would be fantastic. Sarah, thank you for a job well done!

Today we announced vital new actions that we are taking to help former inmates find a job, live a crime-free life, and succeed beyond their dreams....

Thank you Jason Chaffetz! #MAGA

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

This past week, Steven Crowder and his team have seen 100,000 new subscribers, 12 million channel views, and new Mug Club members showing their support by paying full price instead of using the discount code. Vox tried to destroy Team Crowder. Instead, they made Team Crowder stronger than ever.

I am blessed and forever grateful to @realDonaldTrump for the opportunity to serve and proud of everything he’s accomplished. I love the President and my job. The most important job I’ll ever have is being a mom to my kids and it’s time for us to go home. Thank you Mr. President!

Sarah Sanders tears up as GEOTUS thanks her and gives her an amazing sendoff. "I will continue to be one of the most outspoken and loyal supporters of the President and his agenda"

Project Veritas Features - Pinterest Insider Speaks Out: "The tech companies can't fight us all"

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

This is Eric Cochran. Eric gave up his cushy high paying Pinterest job to blow the whistle on their plans to silence America. Eric is awesome. Be like Eric.

Michael Flynn’s attorney posted this on Twitter. I thought you all might like it, too.

How to solve illegal immigration

White House Chef Andre “Tiny” Rush is a master ice carver, sommelier, pastry chef, chocolatier, and sugar sculptor, among other specialties. He is also a combat veteran who retired as a master sergeant after 23 years in the United States Army.

Friday, June 14th:

TODAY'S ACTION:

Memorandum on Providing an Order of Succession Within the Central Intelligence Agency

Executive Order on Evaluating and Improving the Utility of Federal Advisory Committees

President Trump Speaks on Expanding Health Coverage Options for Small Businesses & Workers

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

Natalie Harp, fighting Stage 2 Cancer and doing really well, was a GREAT guest on @foxandfriends. Right To Try is producing some truly spectacular results. Proud of Natalie!

I will be interviewed on @foxandfriends at 8:00 A.M. Enjoy! @FoxNews

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to our GREAT @USArmy. America loves you! #ArmyBday

The Radical Left Dems are working hard, but THE PEOPLE are much smarter. Working hard, thank you!

Announcing great, expanded HRAs—big win for small employers and workers. This is a fantastic plan! My Administration has worked very hard on creating more affordable health coverage.

Thank you Senator @MarshaBlackburn for fighting obstructionist Democrats led by Cryin' Chuck Schumer. Democrats continue to look for a do-over on the Mueller Report and will stop at nothing to distract the American people from the great accomplishments of this Administration!

Thank you @senatemajldr Mitch McConnell for understanding the Democrats game of not playing it straight on the ridiculous Witch Hunt Hoax in the Senate. Cryin’ Chuck will never stop. Did Senator @MarkWarner ever report speaking to a Russian!?

Just spoke to Marillyn Hewson, CEO of @LockheedMartin, about continuing operations for the @Sikorsky in Coatesville, Pennsylvania. She will be taking it under advisement and will be making a decision soon.... ... ....While Pennsylvania is BOOMING, I don’t want there to be even a little glitch in Coatesville – every job counts. I want Lockhead to BOOM along with it!

The dishonest media will NEVER keep us from accomplishing our objectives on behalf of our GREAT AMERICAN PEOPLE! #MAGA

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

In honor of FLAG DAY: When Palm Beach Wouldn't Allow A 50-foot Flagpole at Mir-a-Lago, Trump Placed a 30-foot Flag Pole on a 20-foot Hill. USA USA USA!!!!

The idea that American embassies would ever even consider flying a pride flag on the same pole as the American flag is just absolutely ridiculous. American embassies represent America, not your sexual orientation.

We all out here celebrating Trump’s birthday in Myrtle Beach, SC

Attendees in the White House Rose Garden sing Happy Birthday to President Trump as he arrives for event on expanding health care options for small businesses.

Trump campaign plans outdoor carnival with food trucks and a party band before he announces re-election bid at Orlando rally

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

Double Standards!

I heard that Gibson family won their lawsuit and was awarded $44 million dollars for being falsely smeared as racists. Here's a picture of Nick Sandmann for no reason at all.

Happy 73rd Birthday to the BEST PRESIDENT EVER!!!!

It's time for President Trump's yearly call to Ben Rhodes... He still won't say it.

Saturday, June 15th:

🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:

“The latest Polls find 51% of Americans approve of President Trump’s Job Performance. Last month a Democrat Pollster said President Trump’s approval rating has been the most steady of any President in history!” @OANN

“With over a 50% Approval Rating at this point in his Presidency, analysts believe re-election in 2020 looks (very) promising!” @OANN Hey, we have accomplished more than any President in the first 2 1/2 years, WHY NOT?

Despite the Greatest Presidential Harassment of all time by people that are very dishonest and want to destroy our Country, we are doing great in the Polls, even better than in 2016, and will be packed at the Tuesday Announcement Rally in Orlando, Florida. KEEP AMERICA GREAT!

All in for Senator Steve Daines as he proposes an Amendment for a strong BAN on burning our American Flag. A no brainer!

“President Trump to launch 2020 Campaign in Florida!” @foxandfriends Tuesday will be a Big Crowd and Big Day!

The Trump Economy is setting records, and has a long way up to go....However, if anyone but me takes over in 2020 (I know the competition very well), there will be a Market Crash the likes of which has not been seen before! KEEP AMERICA GREAT

SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:

Trump Admin Takes First Step to Demand Payback From Sponsors of Immigrants Who Use Welfare

Giving driver's licenses to illegal immigrants will make New York a safer place, says worlds biggest retard.

The Left is trying to steal 2020 with Massive Voter Fraud, this must be stopped: Illegal Alien Population Booms in Red States Ahead of 2020 Election

This is pretty awesome 👏👏👏

🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:

Whoever wrote this had a time machine.

Ah yes

2020 WE'RE FAST APPROACHING MEME WAR ROUND 2, ELECTRIC BOOGALOO - CALLING ALL 2016 MEME WAR VETERANS AT 0500 FOR TRAINING

Simpler times

WEEEEW LAD!!! SO MUCH WINNING!

Without further ado, some tunes to get you jamming through all this winning:

Country Roads

My Girl

Isn't She Lovely

I Wanna Dance With Somebody

Africa

MAGA ON PATRIOTS!

submitted by /u/Ivaginaryfriend [link] [comments]

[robgrayofficial]

HAPPY SATURDAY DEPLORABLES!This is your favorite Saturday afternoon mod here to deliver you TONS of spicy dankness from the past week! If you happened to miss any past recaps you can catch those here!Sunday, June 9th:🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:Another false report in the Failing @nytimes. We have been trying to get some of these Border Actions for a long time, as have other administrations, but were not able to get them, or get them in full, until our signed agreement with Mexico. Additionally, and for many years,.... ... .....Mexico was not being cooperative on the Border in things we had, or didn’t have, and now I have full confidence, especially after speaking to their President yesterday, that they will be very cooperative and want to get the job properly done. Importantly, some things..... ... .....not mentioned in yesterday press release, one in particular, were agreed upon. That will be announced at the appropriate time. There is now going to be great cooperation between Mexico & the USA, something that didn’t exist for decades. However, if for some unknown reason... ... .....there is not, we can always go back to our previous, very profitable, position of Tariffs - But I don’t believe that will be necessary. The Failing @nytimes, & ratings challenged @CNN, will do anything possible to see our Country fail! They are truly The Enemy of the People!For two years all the Democrats talked about was the Mueller Report, because they knew that it was loaded up with 13 Angry Democrat Trump Haters, later increased to 18. But despite the bias, when the Report came out, the findings were No Collusion and facts that led to........ ... ....No Obstruction. The Dems were devastated - after all this time and money spent ($40,000,000), the Mueller Report was a disaster for them. But they want a Redo, or Do Over. They are even bringing in @CNN sleazebag attorney John Dean. Sorry, no Do Overs - Go back to work!SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:Left-wing racism is realMexican military begins arresting migrants riding 'The Beast' train to US border - More than 200 migrants got off the train and fled," said the director of the Digna Ochoa Human Rights Center - Many "hid in the bush, so only 25 were arrested," - Its better than our Democrats have done so farIf a straight pride parade is absurd, so is a gay pride parade. It is obviously insane to suggest that a person can only be proud of their sexuality if they are gay. Outrage over straight pride is hypocrisy on steroids.🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:How do “they” Ignore the Most Beautiful FLOTUS Ever?Good question... how do they?Still waiting for that apology from Adam SchiffOld school, kick-in-the-ass presidency!Monday, June 10th:TODAY'S ACTION:Memorandum on Presidential Determination Pursuant to Section 303 of the Defense Production Act of 1950, as amendedFirst Lady Melania Trump's Visit to the United KingdomPresident Trump Greets the 103rd Indianapolis 500 Champions: Team Penske🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:Now with our new deal, Mexico is doing more for the USA on Illegal Immigration than the Democrats. In fact, the Democrats are doing NOTHING, they want Open Borders, which means Illigal Immigration, Drugs and Crime.We have fully signed and documented another very important part of the Immigration and Security deal with Mexico, one that the U.S. has been asking about getting for many years. It will be revealed in the not too distant future and will need a vote by Mexico’s Legislative body!.. ... ....We do not anticipate a problem with the vote but, if for any reason the approval is not forthcoming, Tariffs will be reinstated!When will the Failing New York Times admit that their front page story on the the new Mexico deal at the Border is a FRAUD and nothing more than a badly reported “hit job” on me, something that has been going on since the first day I announced for the presidency! Sick JournalismVideoVideoThank you @MarkLevinShow and John Eastman!Can’t believe they are bringing in John Dean, the disgraced Nixon White House Counsel who is a paid CNN contributor. No Collusion - No Obstruction! Democrats just want a do-over which they’ll never get!I have been briefed on the helicopter crash in New York City. Phenomenal job by our GREAT First Responders who are currently on the scene. THANK YOU for all you do 24/7/365! The Trump Administration stands ready should you need anything at all.Congratulations to the 2019 Indianapolis 500 Winner @IMS, @SimonPagenaud and @Team_Penske! @IndyCar🏆🏁VideoVideo#AmericaFIRST #MAGA🇺🇸SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:Robert Mueller exploited cellphone GPS to track Trump associatesUber Driver threatens passenger: She replied by saying “Tell me you don’t support Trump or I won’t finish this trip.”Jim Acosta is a master of the self-own.Trump: “John Dean’s been a loser for many years” ...as Dean refuses to acknowledge how much money he has been paid by CNN for accusations against the President 🤣🇺🇸🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:To all the pedes down in the trenches, I support you!PSA: If you have a family member with disabilities, please ensure they have one of these devices to assist first respondersIt’s funny because it’s accurateIt Is oN SpEcTruMSorry frens, but you have to go back! True frens respect the rule of law!Tuesday, June 11th:TODAY'S ACTION:President Donald J. Trump Announces Judicial NomineesExecutive Order on Modernizing the Regulatory Framework for Agricultural Biotechnology ProductsPresident Trump Delivers a Statement Upon DeparturePresident Trump Delivers Remarks on Renewable Energy🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:New book just out, “The Real Deal, My Decade Fighting Battles and Winning Wars With Trump,” is really wonderful. It is written by two people who are very smart & know me well, George Sorial & Damian Bates, as opposed to all the books where the author has no clue who I am. ENJOY!“Jerry Nadler’s Trump Bashing Show Is A Bust.” Headline, New York Post. @foxandfriends The Greatest Witch Hunt of all time continues. All crimes were by the other side, but the Committee refuses to even take a look. Deleting 33,000 Emails is the real Obstruction - and much more!“Mueller has spoken. He found No Collusion between the Trump Campaign and the Russians. The bottom line is what the Democrat House is doing is trying to destroy the Trump Presidency (which has been a tremendous success), and I can assure you that we’re done with the Mueller...... ... ....investigation in the Senate. They can talk to John Dean until the cows come home, we’re not doing anything in the Senate regarding the Mueller Report. We are going to harden our Infrastructure against 2020!” @LindseyGrahamSCPRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT!Sad when you think about it, but Mexico right now is doing more for the United States at the Border than the Democrats in Congress! @foxandfriendsThe United States has VERY LOW INFLATION, a beautiful thing!This is because the Euro and other currencies are devalued against the dollar, putting the U.S. at a big disadvantage. The Fed Interest rate way too high, added to ridiculous quantitative tightening! They don’t have a clue!Maria, Dagan, Steve, Stuart V - When you are the big “piggy bank” that other countries have been ripping off for years (to a level that is not to be believed), Tariffs are a great negotiating tool, a great revenue producers and, most importantly, a powerful way to get...... ... ...Companies to come to the U.S.A and to get companies that have left us for other lands to come back home. We stupidly lost 30% of our auto business to Mexico. If the Tariffs went on at the higher level, they would all come back, and pass. But very happy with the deal I made,... ... ....If Mexico produces (which I think they will). Biggest part of deal with Mexico has not yet been revealed! China is similar, except they devalue currency and subsidize companies to lessen effect of 25% Tariff. So far, little effect to consumer. Companies will relocate to U.S.Good day in the Stock Market. People have no idea the tremendous potential our Country has for GROWTH - and many other things!“Why did the Democrats run if they didn’t want to do things?” @SenRickScottOn my way to Iowa - just heard nearly 1,000 agriculture groups signed a letter urging Congress to approve the USMCA. Our Patriot Farmers & rural America have spoken! Now Congress must do its job & support these great men and women by passing the bipartisan USMCA Trade Agreement!Today, here in Iowa, we honor America’s cherished farming heritage. We salute your commitment to American Energy Independence — and we celebrate the bright future we are forging together powered by clean, affordable AMERICAN ETHANOL!“Trump administration gives final approval for year-round E15 use”Beautiful afternoon in Iowa. Thank you to all of our Nation’s Farmers. May God bless you, and may God Bless America!“Someone should call Obama up. The Obama Administration spied on a rival presidential campaign using Federal Agencies. I mean, that seems like a headline to me?” @TuckerCarlson It will all start coming out, and the Witch Hunt will end. Presidential Harassment!SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:The mad lad is at the Google campus in Austin, Texas](http://bit.ly/2IKRcuo just cracked 750k PEDES!Nearly 1,700 Pedos Arrested Nationwide in 2 Months During DOJ Sting OP (6/11/2019)NEW PROJECT VERITAS: Tech Insider Blows Whistle on How Pinterest Listed Top Pro-Life Site as Porn, "Bible Verses" Censored🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:This is why I love living in Texas.❄️ Liberals Hate Glaciers Now ❄️Or tariffs per trade deal made.TFW you're banned from all of social media but other patriots are doing God's work spreading your messageWednesday, June 12th:TODAY'S ACTION:Six Nominations and Two Withdrawals Sent to the SenatePresident Trump Participates in a 2:2 Bilateral Meeting with the President of PolandPresident Trump Participates in a Joint Press Conference with the President of PolandPresident Trump Remarks on the Opioid CrisisPresident Trump Participates in a Joint Signing Ceremony with the President of PolandPresident Trump and the First Lady Attend the Polish-American Reception🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:.....The Fake (Corrupt) News Media said they had a leak into polling done by my campaign which, by the way and despite the phony and never ending Witch Hunt, are the best numbers WE have ever had. They reported Fake numbers that they made up & don’t even exist. WE WILL WIN AGAIN!Despite the Phony Witch Hunt, we will continue to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! Thank you!!Wow! Just got word that our June 18th, Tuesday, ANNOUNCEMENT in Orlando, Florida, already has 74,000 requests for a 20,000 seat Arena. With all of the big events that we have done, this ticket looks to be the “hottest” of them all. See you in Florida!The Fake News has never been more dishonest than it is today. Thank goodness we can fight back on Social Media. Their new weapon of choice is Fake Polling, sometimes referred to as Suppression Polls (they suppress the numbers). Had it in 2016, but this is worse..... ... .....The Fake (Corrupt) News Media said they had a leak into polling done by my campaign which, by the way and despite the phony and never ending Witch Hunt, are the best numbers WE have ever had. They reported Fake numbers that they made up & don’t even exist. WE WILL WIN AGAIN!It was a pleasure to host my friends President Andrzej Duda and Mrs. Agata Kornhauser-Duda of Poland at the @WhiteHouse today. U.S.-Poland ties are at an all-time high. Thank you for being such an exemplary Ally!Michael Whatley has been with us right from the beginning. A great Leader and @NCGOP Chairman!Thank you!Our Farmers deserve this, they are GREAT!Two Fantastic People! My friends from the very beginning. Thank you D&S.is = if (Spell)! Not like Chris.Thank you very much!“Biden would be China’s Dream Candidate, because there would be no more Tariffs, no more demands that China stop stealing our IP, things would go back to the old days with America’s manufacturers & workers getting shafted. He has Zero Credibility!” @IngrahamAngle So true!“It’s about peace and Prosperity, that’s how Republican Presidents get elected, and this President has delivered on the Economy and he’s delivered on keeping America Stronger & Safer. Our biggest enemy is not any one of these Democrats, it’s the Media.” John McLaughlin, pollsterSIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:The man who had revealed Pinterest's censorship strategies has been fired - Project VeritasPresident Trump waves Mexico border deal at reporters: ‘It goes into effect when I want it to’Obama White House Deleted Online Speeches About The Immigration Crisis Hours Before Trump Entered Office: ReportBREAKING: After Democrats Unnecessarily Rush to Contempt, President Trump Asserts Executive Privilege Over Census DocumentsMichael Flynn hires Sidney Powell as new counselThe Madlad: Crowder Hate Speech Isn’t Real Q&A🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:Hey guysAccurate Representation Of The SJW MovementBam! Roasted!I wonder how many others there are like this?Trump Derangement Syndrome Medical Journal Entry PrototypeThursday, June 13th:TODAY'S ACTION:A Message from Surgeon General Jerome AdamsFirst Lady Melania Trump Attends 75th Anniversary Ceremony of D-DayHistoric F-35 White House FlyoverPresident Donald J. Trump Announces Intent to Nominate Personnel to Key Administration PostsPresident Trump Delivers Remarks on Second Chance HiringPresident Trump Has a Working Lunch with Governors on Workforce Freedom and Mobility🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:General Michael Flynn, the 33 year war hero who has served with distinction, has not retained a good lawyer, he has retained a GREAT LAWYER, Sidney Powell. Best Wishes and Good Luck to them both!Unrelated to Russia, Russia, Russia (although the Radical Left doesn’t use the name Russia anymore since the issuance of the Mueller Report), House Committee now plays the seldom used “Contempt” card on our great A.G. & Sec. of Commerce - this time on the Census. Dems play a..... ... .....much tougher game than the Republicans did when they had the House Majority. Republicans will remember! “This has already been argued before the U.S. Supreme Court, but the House doesn’t want to wait. This is a common thread between all of the Committees - do whatever you... ... ....can to embarrass the Trump Administration (and Republicans), attack the Trump Administration. This is campaigning by the Dems.” Attorney David Bruno. So true! In the meantime they are getting NO work done on Drug Pricing, Infrastructure & many other things.“Congress cannot Impeach President Trump (did nothing wrong) because if they did they would be putting themselves above the law. The Constitution provides criteria for Impeachment - treason, bribery, high crimes & misdemeanors. Unless there is compelling evidence, Impeachment... ... ....is not Constitutionally Permissable.” Alan Dershowitz, Constitutional LawyerThe Dems fight us at every turn - in the meantime they are accomplishing nothing for the people! They have gone absolutely “Loco,” or Unhinged, as they like to say!I meet and talk to “foreign governments” every day. I just met with the Queen of England (U.K.), the Prince of Wales, the P.M. of the United Kingdom, the P.M. of Ireland, the President of France and the President of Poland. We talked about “Everything!” Should I immediately.... ... ....call the FBI about these calls and meetings? How ridiculous! I would never be trusted again. With that being said, my full answer is rarely played by the Fake News Media. They purposely leave out the part that matters.When Senator @MarkWarnerVA spoke at length, and in great detail, about extremely negative information on me, with a talented entertainer purporting to be a Russian Operative, did he immediately call the FBI? NO, in fact he didn’t even tell the Senate Intelligence Committee of.... ... ....which he is a member. When @RepAdamSchiff took calls from another person, also very successfully purporting to be a Russian Operative, did he call the FBI, or even think to call the FBI? NO! The fact is that the phony Witch Hunt is a giant scam where Democrats,... ... ....and other really bad people, SPIED ON MY CAMPAIGN! They even had an “insurance policy” just in case Crooked Hillary Clinton and the Democrats lost their race for the Presidency! This is the biggest & worst political scandal in the history of the United States of America. Sad!They’ve been wrong all along!While I very much appreciate P.M. Abe going to Iran to meet with Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, I personally feel that it is too soon to even think about making a deal. They are not ready, and neither are we!"It is the assessment of the U.S. government that Iran is responsible for today's attacks in the Gulf of Oman...."After 3 1/2 years, our wonderful Sarah Huckabee Sanders will be leaving the White House at the end of the month and going home to the Great State of Arkansas.... ... ....She is a very special person with extraordinary talents, who has done an incredible job! I hope she decides to run for Governor of Arkansas - she would be fantastic. Sarah, thank you for a job well done!Today we announced vital new actions that we are taking to help former inmates find a job, live a crime-free life, and succeed beyond their dreams....Thank you Jason Chaffetz! #MAGASIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:This past week, Steven Crowder and his team have seen 100,000 new subscribers, 12 million channel views, and new Mug Club members showing their support by paying full price instead of using the discount code. Vox tried to destroy Team Crowder. Instead, they made Team Crowder stronger than ever.I am blessed and forever grateful to @realDonaldTrump for the opportunity to serve and proud of everything he’s accomplished. I love the President and my job. The most important job I’ll ever have is being a mom to my kids and it’s time for us to go home. Thank you Mr. President!Sarah Sanders tears up as GEOTUS thanks her and gives her an amazing sendoff. "I will continue to be one of the most outspoken and loyal supporters of the President and his agenda"Project Veritas Features - Pinterest Insider Speaks Out: "The tech companies can't fight us all"🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:This is Eric Cochran. Eric gave up his cushy high paying Pinterest job to blow the whistle on their plans to silence America. Eric is awesome. Be like Eric.Michael Flynn’s attorney posted this on Twitter. I thought you all might like it, too.How to solve illegal immigrationWhite House Chef Andre “Tiny” Rush is a master ice carver, sommelier, pastry chef, chocolatier, and sugar sculptor, among other specialties. He is also a combat veteran who retired as a master sergeant after 23 years in the United States Army.Friday, June 14th:TODAY'S ACTION:Memorandum on Providing an Order of Succession Within the Central Intelligence AgencyExecutive Order on Evaluating and Improving the Utility of Federal Advisory CommitteesPresident Trump Speaks on Expanding Health Coverage Options for Small Businesses & Workers🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:Natalie Harp, fighting Stage 2 Cancer and doing really well, was a GREAT guest on @foxandfriends. Right To Try is producing some truly spectacular results. Proud of Natalie!I will be interviewed on @foxandfriends at 8:00 A.M. Enjoy! @FoxNewsHAPPY BIRTHDAY to our GREAT @USArmy. America loves you! #ArmyBdayThe Radical Left Dems are working hard, but THE PEOPLE are much smarter. Working hard, thank you!Announcing great, expanded HRAs—big win for small employers and workers. This is a fantastic plan! My Administration has worked very hard on creating more affordable health coverage.Thank you Senator @MarshaBlackburn for fighting obstructionist Democrats led by Cryin' Chuck Schumer. Democrats continue to look for a do-over on the Mueller Report and will stop at nothing to distract the American people from the great accomplishments of this Administration!Thank you @senatemajldr Mitch McConnell for understanding the Democrats game of not playing it straight on the ridiculous Witch Hunt Hoax in the Senate. Cryin’ Chuck will never stop. Did Senator @MarkWarner ever report speaking to a Russian!?Just spoke to Marillyn Hewson, CEO of @LockheedMartin, about continuing operations for the @Sikorsky in Coatesville, Pennsylvania. She will be taking it under advisement and will be making a decision soon.... ... ....While Pennsylvania is BOOMING, I don’t want there to be even a little glitch in Coatesville – every job counts. I want Lockhead to BOOM along with it!The dishonest media will NEVER keep us from accomplishing our objectives on behalf of our GREAT AMERICAN PEOPLE! #MAGASIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:In honor of FLAG DAY: When Palm Beach Wouldn't Allow A 50-foot Flagpole at Mir-a-Lago, Trump Placed a 30-foot Flag Pole on a 20-foot Hill. USA USA USA!!!!The idea that American embassies would ever even consider flying a pride flag on the same pole as the American flag is just absolutely ridiculous. American embassies represent America, not your sexual orientation.We all out here celebrating Trump’s birthday in Myrtle Beach, SCAttendees in the White House Rose Garden sing Happy Birthday to President Trump as he arrives for event on expanding health care options for small businesses.Trump campaign plans outdoor carnival with food trucks and a party band before he announces re-election bid at Orlando rally🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:Double Standards!I heard that Gibson family won their lawsuit and was awarded $44 million dollars for being falsely smeared as racists. Here's a picture of Nick Sandmann for no reason at all.Happy 73rd Birthday to the BEST PRESIDENT EVER!!!!It's time for President Trump's yearly call to Ben Rhodes... He still won't say it.Saturday, June 15th:🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:“The latest Polls find 51% of Americans approve of President Trump’s Job Performance. Last month a Democrat Pollster said President Trump’s approval rating has been the most steady of any President in history!” @OANN“With over a 50% Approval Rating at this point in his Presidency, analysts believe re-election in 2020 looks (very) promising!” @OANN Hey, we have accomplished more than any President in the first 2 1/2 years, WHY NOT?Despite the Greatest Presidential Harassment of all time by people that are very dishonest and want to destroy our Country, we are doing great in the Polls, even better than in 2016, and will be packed at the Tuesday Announcement Rally in Orlando, Florida. KEEP AMERICA GREAT!All in for Senator Steve Daines as he proposes an Amendment for a strong BAN on burning our American Flag. A no brainer!“President Trump to launch 2020 Campaign in Florida!” @foxandfriends Tuesday will be a Big Crowd and Big Day!The Trump Economy is setting records, and has a long way up to go....However, if anyone but me takes over in 2020 (I know the competition very well), there will be a Market Crash the likes of which has not been seen before! KEEP AMERICA GREATSIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:Trump Admin Takes First Step to Demand Payback From Sponsors of Immigrants Who Use WelfareGiving driver's licenses to illegal immigrants will make New York a safer place, says worlds biggest retard.The Left is trying to steal 2020 with Massive Voter Fraud, this must be stopped: Illegal Alien Population Booms in Red States Ahead of 2020 ElectionThis is pretty awesome 👏👏👏🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:Whoever wrote this had a time machine.Ah yes2020 WE'RE FAST APPROACHING MEME WAR ROUND 2, ELECTRIC BOOGALOO - CALLING ALL 2016 MEME WAR VETERANS AT 0500 FOR TRAININGSimpler timesWEEEEW LAD!!! SO MUCH WINNING!Without further ado, some tunes to get you jamming through all this winning:Country RoadsMy GirlIsn't She LovelyI Wanna Dance With SomebodyAfricaMAGA ON PATRIOTS! #robgray

[hindsywrites]

Bill and Gabe’s Excellent Adventure: A Gen Story

Some people say there was bound to be at least friendly competition. Two famous babies born so close together, it was going to happen. Look at Suri Cruise and Violet Affleck. By the time they were four, they were exchanging insults in the tabloids. The real surprise was that Pete and William were such close friends and it still turned out the way it did. When Ashlee finished peeing on the stick, the first person Pete called after Patrick was William. "So, how did you keep Gen a secret for so long?" People talked, especially in Chicago, but anything surrounding Gen had been mum until well after her birth. "Hello, Pete, it's nice to talk to you as well. Things are going fine here, thank you for asking." William always had to do the polite portion of the conversation. Pete was too busy being his own muse, biggest fan, and harshest critic. "Hey, Bill. Always good to talk to you. How's tricks? Now, how did you keep Gen a secret?" "Oh my God! You knocked her up!" William almost dropped the phone from between his ear and shoulder. "Dude, shut up! There are five people in South Africa who didn't hear you say that." The rest of the conversation was more of the same, William trying to keep from dropping either Gen or the phone while talking to Pete about making an honest woman out of Ashlee. It was a cute little convesation and Pete promised that as soon as little Wentzbryo was hatched, it could have a playdate with Gen. The screeching from Ashlee over the name of her unborn and unplanned miracle halted the conversation before it went any further. * The wedding came and went and so did spring. By mid-summer, Pete was back to making emo blog posts, often talking about how no man was an island but that he'd fight the tide to prove the poets wrong. When no one could figure out what the posts meant, they turned to the one person they knew would be able to help them. "What do you mean you don't understand the post? No man is an island. How were you in AP English, Bill?" Patrick balanced Gen on one hip and let her touch the soundboard in front of him. He looked almost as bad as Pete these days, dark bags under his eyes and hair falling lank beside his face. "All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language blah blah blah. I know all about the interconnectedness of mankind, Patrick, I just want to know what the H-E-double-hockey-sticks he's quoting John Donne for. Especially in relation to proving the tide wrong." Bill pursed his lips and reached for his daughter. He was fairly certain he'd just seen her pull off a knob and put it in her mouth. Patrick just held Gen closer and blew a raspberry on her stomach until she dropped the knob she had indeed taken off the soundboard. "Haven't you ever made a mistake, Bill?" "Well, of course." Bill just rolled his eyes and sat down on Patrick's seat. "Okay, but the difference is that you didn't marry yours." Patrick raised his eyebrows in a way Bill was sure was meant to be significant. "So. OH! You're saying he didn't want to. Whoa. You don't think he'd be with her if it wasn't for the baby?" Bill had not been prepared for that conversation when he went to see Patrick. All he'd wanted was reassurance that Pete wasn't going for another drive in the suburbs. "Come on, do you really think this is someone he really thought he'd spend the rest of his life with?" The look Patrick accompanied the question with was designed to make William feel about two inches tall. "Well. I mean. He talked about her the same way he talked about Jeanae." Bill shrugged off the look. He wasn't Pete's best friend in the entire world, it wasn't up to him to know the inner workings of his mind. "Jesus, Christine lets you out of the house alone with Gen?" Patrick sets the aforementioned baby in Bill's lap and shook his head at him. "Yes, exactly. He talks about her the same way he used to talk about Jeanae. And who did he end up not marrying?" He knelt down in front of Bill and tickled Gen's stomach as she sat on his knee. "Oh. Oh! I get it, all right. So. They're only together because of the baby. That's. Wow." Bill rubbed his hand up and down Gen's back when she started to fuss. "Very good, Bill." Patrick did the unthinkable and removed his hat to allow Gen to play with it. "Gen, when you get older, I want you to start telling your dad that it’s a good thing he’s pretty. Don’t worry, I’ll teach you how to say it." He kissed the top of her head before she burbled and tried to put the hat on her head. "Hey, don’t go corrupting my daughter. That’s not kosher." Bill stood and cradled Gen to his chest, trying to keep her from reaching out and grabbing at Patrick, or worse, the knobs. "Right, that’s Uncle Gabe’s job." Patrick rolled his eyes and turned his back to Bill. "You two are off to see him, right?" "No, we’re off to see Uncle Travis first. It’s almost naptime and she likes when he raps Public Enemy for her." Bill returned the roll of eyes for an entirely different reason. "And then we’ll go back home and see what Mommy did all day, right Gen?" Bill cooed at his daughter and couldn’t help but to smile when she smiled at him. "Never thought I’d see the day when you were whipped for a kid." Patrick just smiled fondly and ushered the two out of the studio, choosing to ignore the fact that a baby was walking out with his hat. * Nobody blamed Bill. That’s what everyone told him, "we don’t blame you." Christine had wanted to leave, had always wanted to. Even when she and Bill had started dating, she had always said she wanted to leave Illinois, leave the states. The only shock was that she’d done it so quietly and that she hadn’t taken Gen. For the first few weeks after, Bill’s mother had decided to stay with them. She had only wanted to help Bill get on his feet and learn how to properly take care of a baby without someone there to pick up the slack. When that seemed to be failing, she didn’t know who to call but Patrick. "Mrs. Beckett, with all due respect, I’m not sure that him having the baby is the best idea. I mean, he loves her but…" "I know, Patrick, I know. I just don’t know what else I can do. He misses Christine, it’s obvious, but he’s not pulling himself together for the baby." Berniece looked over at her son, sitting in front of the Game Show Network and watching a Bob Barker tell someone to come on down. There was a half-empty bottle of whiskey next to him. He hadn’t touched it in a few hours, but he was still only bordering sobriety. "What he needs is to sober up and realize there’s a kid who is depending on him. Gen shouldn’t be raised by her grandparents, no offense. She’s Bill’s responsibility now and he needs to own up to it." Patrick thought of the visit a few months earlier and shook his head. "You know, you’re right. And I think I know the right way to do that." Berniece nodded to herself and quickly said her goodbyes to Patrick. That night, while Bill slept the deep sleep of the drunk, Berniece went through the apartment and gathered up all the liquor bottles and any questionable baggies she could find. The morning found a sink that smelled like alcohol and thirty dollars of recycling money on the counter, along with a note that read: William, I’ve dumped your liquor out and gone home. It’s time for you to be responsible for this child. She loves you and you won’t even look at her. Christine will be back when she finds what she was looking for and until then, you need to be the strong one for Gen’s sake. I’ve left some formula in the fridge and there are instructions for food taped onto the door. I love you, but I can’t watch this and I won’t take a child away from both of her parents. Mom After a moment, Bill recognized the noise that was filtering through his ear as Gen crying in her crib. He walked into the nursery and looked down at Gen as she wailed up at him. The stench in the room made it clear what her problem was and Bill tried as hard as he could to remember where the new diapers were kept. It had been more than two weeks since he’d even been in the same room as Gen. She looked too much like Christine, all wide smiles and soft blonde hair. After feeding her some formula, Bill rooted under the couch for his cell phone; it was vibrating and Bill couldn't be sure it wasn't his mother calling. There were several messages from Gabe from the past week. bilbo, heard about christine, sorry man. if u need n e thing, txt me. hey, havent heard back, u doing ok? beckett answer ur msgs, jfc. if i dont hear from u 2morrow, im coming there. im @ the airport, b there in 20 mns. The last message had a time stamp of five minutes earlier and Bill nearly dropped Gen again. Gabe was going to be there in a matter of minutes. Thanks in large part to his mother, the apartment wasn't too much of a mess. In fact, the only mess was the nest of a couch Bill had spent the last few weeks on. "Gen, Uncle Gabe is coming. I'm going to put you back in your crib with a bottle and as soon as I figure out why he's here, I'll come get you." Bill wasn't entirely sure why he was instructing her like she could actually understand him but a memory hit him hard for a moment. Gen was in her crib and Bill was babbling at her when Christine had told him not to do that, it was damaging to a child's development. She needed to be spoken to like she was fully cognizant of what she was hearing. Gen just burbled back at him and tugged on his hair before he set her down in her crib. She made the universal sign for 'pick me up!' but Bill had too many other things to worry about. He couldn't understand why Gabe was going to show up. Had he really cut off that much contact with the outside world. He scrolled through the missed calls on his phone. Some time in the past two weeks, he'd found time to answer a call from his mother, a call from the Butcher, and a call from Spencer. He didn't even know how Spencer got the number. Eventually there was a knock on the door. Bill was still looking at his phone, looking at the texts he'd ignored, even one from Tom that said "mike says u wnt answr his msgs. dnt know y u wud answr mine. call him, hes worried." The knock startled him out of his reverie and he walked over to the door. A quick check of the peephole showed him Gabe on the other side practicing some dance moves. Bill had a few choices. He could open the door and allow Gabe in, resulting in some horrible nursing back to health. He could keep the door closed, resulting in Gabe calling his mother and yelling at Bill through the door that he knew he was in there and if he didn't answer, he was calling the cops! After a moment of debate, and Gabe saying 'I know you're in there, Bills, I can hear you moving around', Bill decided to open the door. The worst that could happen was Gabe deciding that he couldn't leave Bill alone for five minutes and then handcuffing him to the bed while he left for groceries. It used to frighten Bill how well he knew Gabe's thought processes. Eventualy, he just chalked it up to having spent too much time around him during a specific period of his life. "William Eugene Beckett, if you ever disappear like that again, I will cut your balls off and feed them to a snake at the zoo." Gabe threw down his bags and wrapped his arms tightly around Bill. Stumbling slightly, Bill took a step back and tried to worm out of Gabe's grip. The physical contact after so long without was almost too much and it made Bill's limbs feel atrophied. Gabe didn't let go and it was all Bill could do to not have a panic attack right there. "I'm sorry." He didn't offer any more of an explanation than that. Gabe could draw his own conclusions when he saw Christine's half of the closet, empty save for the bag containing her prom dress. Gabe just nodded and kept a hand on the small of Bill's back as they walked into the apartment. "And where is the littlest cobra right now?" Gabe looked around the living room, trying not to let himself be distressed when he saw the state of the house. It was like Bill didn't want to clean it up, like if it got messy enough, Christine would have to come back not because this was the apartment she'd left in Bill's charge but because this was the home she'd tried to build with him. "She's in her crib. I-I wanted to talk to you first, before she saw you. I wanted to find out why you were here." Bill didn't meet Gabe's eyes, looking down at the ground instead. There were baskets of clean laundry, something he was left to assume his mother did before she left. Even so, looking at it now with Gabe next to him, Bill realized how much he'd actually let the place go. DVDs were strewn around the TV, out of their cases and just waiting to be scratched. All in all, it looked like Christine had jumped ship and left Bill to fend for himself. "Bills, I'm here because you need me here. Like you invented me in your mind and here I am." Gabe was trying for levity, he was, but he couldn't quite lift the corners of Bill's mouth high enough. "I'm here because you didn't answer and I figured that maybe I could help out around here while you needed it." Gabe shrugged and let go of Bill as they approached Gen's room. Bill just nodded and opened the door, looking at Gen trying to hoist herself up and stand. She grinned at Gabe and looked between the two of them, falling back down and reaching her hands out to them. "She needs a bottle, I think." Bill disappeared into the kitchen as Gabe crossed the room and hoisted her up. Cradling the small child close to him, Gabe paced the room and let her press her ear to his heartbeat. "Don't worry, Gen, we're going to fix this." "Did you say something?" Bill reappeared with a bottle, handing it to Gabe, who recoiled back from it. "What's wrong?" "You have to test it on your wrist." Gabe used his free hand to turn Bill's arm over and tap some of the milk onto it. "Her mouth is sensitive." It was almost as though Bill had forgotten everything about how to take care of a child. He knew all of this, Gabe was aware of how Bill had attended parenting classes. Gabe let Gen curl up to him and rocked her slowly back and forth, allowing her to nod off. "Bill, you can't just let this swallow you up. You have a kid." "Everyone keeps saying that! Everyone keeps saying that but they don't understand what this feels like. Nobody understands what it's like to see a child and think the worst things imaginable. To wish that she wasn't here. That she hadn't been born." Even as Bill was talking, he was reaching out to stroke Gen's hair. "You don't think that. You can't think that." Gabe wrapped a protective arm around Gen. "Come on, you need to sleep or something. I'll clean up around here, just take a nap or something." Gabe continued to hold the sleeping baby as he led Bill to the bedroom. His place in New York is too minimalist to be messy, so he needs to organize the clutter of Bill's apartment. "Do you have a back or chest carrier for her?" Bill was already out like a light. "Okay, Gen. It's time you learn about how to keep an apartment clean." Gabe looked around the living room and settled on putting Gen in a baby romper while he tidied up. * If anyone could've predicted Bill's reaction to Gabe staying there, everyone else would've laughed in his or her face. With someone watching Gen again, Bill returned to his trusty bottle and steady diet of The Price is Right and Wheel of Fortune. Gabe did his best to keep Gen away from it. He had nothing scheduled coming up, so he didn't feel bad about staying there longer than he initially said he was going to stay. A few weeks turned into a few months and before long, he had set up a cot in the living room, and he'd taken the baby monitor with him. No one in Bill's band could say anything because they didn't know what to say. He'd been heartbroken before, but he'd bounced back stronger and better than ever. While Gabe was at home having tea parties with Gen and listening to her babble in a mixture of Baby and English, Mike and Johnny took turns picking Bill up from bars around the city. It wasn't long before everyone was called to a meeting at Bill's place. Even Pete was there, as distracted as he was by the messages constantly coming in on his Blackberry. They'd conferenced in Victoria, Alex, and Nate. Ryland was out buying groceries when the call actually came, but he said he'd be back in half an hour. "Look, guys, we're just going to have to put things on hold for a few months. I want to make sure he- Gen is okay. I mean, she already had Christine leave, I can't just go now. She's used to me." As he spoke into the speakerphone with Mike and Siska at his side, Pete still pacing the kitchen, Gabe clutched Gen protectively. "He'll snap out of it soon, he wasn't ready before and I don't think it's going to be a slap and then he's fine. He just needs a little more time." "Are you sure this isn't you just wanting to be the hero?" Alex's voice sounded very far away through the speakerphone. "No, it is. But. I can't just leave them, okay? I'm sorry and I'll explain it all. Or you guys can come out and visit, but I can't just leave Gen here until I know Bill is okay." Gen was starting to babble in more words now. Pete and Patrick were no longer interchangeable, she'd developed enough of a vocabulary to call Pete "Monkey" and Patrick "Lunch." Needless to say, Patrick still didn't find his nickname amusing. "I'll come out there and I'll check the situation out." Victoria hadn't had much to add to the conversation, but she felt that it was important that she add this. "It's really admirable what you're doing right now, Gabe. I'll back it as long as it doesn't put me out on the streets." "It won't." Gabe felt relief rush through them. As long as she knew what was going on, she'd understand enough to pass the message along to the rest of the band. When he'd hung up, Gabe turned to Mike and Siska. "I'm sorry, I'm doing the best I can with him." "We know, man. It'll take some time. Maybe you should go pick him up tonight and we'll watch Gen." Mike extended his arms to the sleepy baby and grinned when she reached for him in return. BLAHBLAHBLAH Gabe and Bill get together and raise an awesome daughter.

[veganvagabond88]

Overland to Laos

On the 1st of February our visa for Thailand ran out so we made our way in Laos. I was surprised it went pretty smoothly by Asian standards. We took a small bus from Chiang Rai to Chiang Khong which is a couple of hours away at the border, this was really cheap. You then have to get a Tuk Tuk to the actual border which was 50THB each, from then you fill out a couple of forms, hand over $40 and a passport photo for your visa stamp, you then walk through to passport control. We waited around 15 minutes for a coach which drove us over the “Friendship Bridge” into Laos. This is a relatively new way across the Mekong River into Laos, before this was built you had to get a small boat.

We hadn't booked any accommodation so decided to wing it and followed some Israelis as they had somewhere booked in Huay Xai already. Another Tuk Tuk later and we arrived into the town, town is an understatement its basically one road with a few (basic) guest houses and a handful of restaurants. There's nothing to do here so we used it as a resting spot for the next couple of days.

View of Thailand from Laos across the Mekong River

We walked up to this monastery in Huay Xai, the monks were really friendly and liked to speak to tourists about their life as Buddist monks.

Cutest little monk, he was happy to have a photo taken

Even though I was only a stones throw from Thailand it was really evident that we were in a totally different country, I don't know why but because its so close to Thailand I expected “same same” but it really wasn't, the country itself is just as beautiful as Thailand, if not more, but you get a different vibe here, its not as friendly and its lacking the “Thai smiles” that we had got so used to and grew to love over the past month, so this was a bit disappointing, it feels a bit more third world to Thailand. Rubbish litters the streets and even in the countryside along the main roads is full of rubbish which is so sad. There's definitely a lack of education here and my first opinion of it is quite similar to what we experienced in Nepal.

Nether the less we enjoyed a couple of days there, then decided to head to Luang Prabang, this was by overnight bus. Id heard mixed reviews about these so called “VIP sleeper buses” but we decided to go for it as its the cheapest way to get there. We met an English couple (Molly and Jon) and an American Steve who had met them at the border on the Tuk Tuk to the bus station. It was nice to get chatting to them, we had a couple of beers before the bus which I instantly regretted as we got on to the bus only to find our “VIP” bus had no toilet and our seats were occupied by a couple of rather sweaty humans!. Eventually we settled into our reclining seats and endured the worst 12 hours or so of my life, after everyone was on they squeezed some locals into the aisles and proceeded with the dangerous journey.

Beer Laos.... defo a mistake!

Cosy!

Its supposed to be a sleeper bus, but trust me unless your doped up to the eyeballs then you wont be getting much shut eye, after a couple of hours the driver stopped to let a local go to the loo so I got off to do the same, I was busting but as soon as I started he began to move the bus! After just gorping at me squatting at the side of the road, he yelled at me and started moving the bus again. I panicked, stopped mid flow and got back on the bus, for the next few hours I tried to sleep but the pain of wanting to go was so awful I asked him to stop but he wouldn't. I started to have an anxiety attack, I was crying and sweating I needed to get off!. It wasn't until Ben told the guy I would wee on his bus then he eventually pulled over, much to the delight of the other passengers who needed to go. Relieved we all got back on and tried to sleep a bit.

Eventually we had an official stop for dinner… just don't even bother if you are a veggie, I asked for a veg noodle soup and was presented with that plus some nondescript meat mixed into it, after explaining to them they took it back. I tasted it and could tell they had just picked out the meat and given it back to me, it was vial!. I demanded my money back to which they tried to give me back dollars after I originally paid in Laos Kip!. After an argument I got it back and we carried on with our journey, god knows how we all survived there was some serious near misses, I just closed my eyes and listened to music but by the movement of the bus and me it was clear he was an absolute lunatic!.

Eventually we arrived in Luang Prabang at 5am, no where to stay we made our way to the centre with our new found traveller friends and hung out in their booked hostel lobby until some places opened for breakfast. First impressions were not that positive, however we found somewhere to stay and shared a dorm with our new friends.

Moons House, great little hostel

We had a good walk around to find our bearings then in the evening checked out the night market which was pretty good. We got an all you can eat veggie buffet for 15,000kip. Happy and fed we found a cool bar called Utopia, it has a real Bohemia feel about it which I liked. The next day we were all still pretty traumatised by the whole bus experience so we had a chilled day and sat by the pool of the hostel.

Amazing Veggie buffet

Awesome cakes, with vegan options!

Luang Prabang is a nice place but there's not much to do here besides your usual temples, markets etc.

However the main reason we stopped here was to visit the Kung Si waterfalls which had been recommended on nearly all of the travel blogs that I had read. We grouped together and got a Tuk Tuk to the falls. We were informed by the lady in our hostel that the price should be 20,000kip/person for a group of 6. However trying to get that price proved difficult. One of the drivers actually said this to us “you white, you pay more!” which I thought was pretty racist, we soon learned that this sort of thing would happen a lot more on the remainder of our stay in Laos, which was pretty sad and left a bitter taste in our mouths.

Besides this these were the best falls that I had ever seen, unfortunately it was packed with bus loads of tourists however we did go at lunch time so id suggest going early morning to avoid the crowds.

Stunning falls

As you walk through to go up to the falls they have a rescue centre for Asian black bears which I thought was great, they had lots of space to chill out and play to, there was a couple of young ones playing which was very cute. You can make donations here and buy things which goes towards the care of the bears.

We made our way through a forested path and was greeted by the first lagoon and small falls, we had a picnic of watermelon before making our way up to the main attraction. The Kuang Si Waterfalls is the biggest in Luang Prabang, it has three tiers which lead to a 50 metre drop into the beautiful pools which flow down below.

We all climbed right to the top which was pretty sketchy along a narrow overgrown path, you can get to the top pools which hang over the edge of the falls. Your actually not supposed to go this way, we went through a no entry sign to get to it, but everyone else was doing it so we thought we would to. It was still quite busy up here and eventually a security guard came and shouted at everyone to get out, we felt like naughty school kids. I wasn't feeling great so didn't go in but Ben jumped in numerous times much to the guards discretion and captured a lot of this on the go pro (ill upload this at some point)

Sketchy way up

We only had a few hours here but you could make a day of it and bring a picnic, there are tables and shelters near the lower level pools which is good for families. Besides the falls you can also walk up to a pretty impressive temple which leads up to a spectacular viewpoint. Its a bit touristy so again id suggest going early morning, but we did go for the sunset which was stunning. The cost of this is 20,000 Kip which isn't a lot but Im sure if you go up on the side of the market you can get up there for free. We took some awesome photos before making our way back down for some dinner at the market.

View from the top

Top of the Temple

Besides the food markets there is a long row of clothes and touristy stalls which is pretty cool. I actually bought a keyring which was made from aluminium from disused bombs left from the war, a few stalls sell these as well as other items such as spoons, rings and other nicknack's. This is a way to make money for the local Laos people from the recycled material.

Aluminium keyring

As well as the night markets there are plenty of cafes, restaurants and bars to have a good night in. one of the most popular is Utopia which we went to nearly every night with our new friends. One of the strangest things is the bowling! The bars shut quite early and the only other place to go is the bowling alley where you can drink and its a pretty funny night, everyone goes here, a local Tuk Tuk takes you from Utopia about a 10 minute drive from the town. It certainly was an experience, id never dream of going bowling on a night out drinking, its definitely a must if you are here.

Chilling in Utopia

Molly <3

Jon, Ben and Stevo at the bowling alley

The gang in Utopia

After a few days in Luang Prabang we made our way by bus to Vang Vieng. We was keen to do the Vang Vieng Challenge which is a two day trip into the jungle. The trip consists of a big hike with rock climbing, abseiling and zip lining. We booked this at a cost of around £100 which isn't too bad as it includes everything, food, water, accommodation and guides for the two days. It really was a challenge, we started trekking in the morning and it was scorching hot, plus we had to carry 2, 1.5 litre bottles of water, a sleeping bag (which is given to you to borrow) plus the harness with various straps and clips for the activities as well as a safety helmet and gloves.

About half hour in we were sweating buckets, we had a few stops along the way including one for lunch, before reaching the waterfall later in the afternoon which was at the top of the mountain, this would also be our resting spot for the night. Id never abseiled before so the thought of going down a running waterfall was pretty daunting. I let a few people go before me before clipping in and standing on the edge of the falls. Im not sure why but I couldn't face doing it, it had been an exhausting day and already I had been pretty apprehensive about the safety of it all. I ended up chickening out and climbed back down to the camp. I was a bit disappointed in my self for not going through with it as usually I’m not scared of things like that and will always try something new. Ben climbed down and even he struggled a bit with his footing as did the others in the group, it was very slippery and difficult so in a way I’m glad I didn't do it as I didn't want to hurt myself and put myself off doing anything else on the trip.

Selfie at our camp

Matt, Ben and Toby

Lovely dinner

Setting up camp for the night

After everyone had finished the guides started setting up for dinner and served us hot coffee which was boiled inside a piece of bamboo on the fire. It was interesting to see this kind of authentic cooking, they also served the drinks in small bamboo cups that they had made within minutes. It was lovely and a real insight into how different cultures get by with no electric and gas. The whole dinner of rice, veggies and meat for the carnivores haha, was made on an open fire. It really was one of the best dinners id had, maybe because I was starving :p

After dinner we watched the sunset overlooking the mountainous landscape of Vang Vieng and talked with an ex monk who was acting as a guide for an American couple. He talked about pretty much everything to do with Buddhist life, it really was a special evening and one ill never forget.

Tents were set up for everyone on top of the tree house (this is currently under construction which is why we had tents but I think it will actually be like a guest house eventually). We fell asleep after star gazing and listening to the lively sounds of the jungle night life.

The next morning I woke up feeling pretty groggy and achy. I cant say I had a great nights sleep, however they say that sleeping in nature makes dreams more vivid which I think is true as I had lots of weird dreams. It still was a great experience, after a good breakfast we started our second day, a little more climbing before descending down by zip line and abseiling. After a few goes at abseiling I started to feel more confident and enjoyed the rest of the day. We reached the bottom and after our last zip line had lunch together in a quaint pretty clearing which has a river running through it. Our lunch was served directly onto a big banana leaf on the ground. Sticky rice, fresh cooked greens and a spicy sauce which we ate with our hands! Id never done this before with food like rice so that was new, I actually enjoyed it and it was good to experience this cultural way of eating. I might take to this way of eating when I get back home its less washing up of course :p, although I don’t think I could tackle a roast dinner like this haha.

Our group was great and we made friends with them all straight away so it was nice to share this experience with like minded people. After lunch we hiked back to where we began and got the Tuk Tuk back to the main town, where we then made plans to have dinner and a drink with Toby and Matt which was fun.

There's lots of sporty activities to do in Vang Vieng as well as tubing where you go down the river and stop at various bars along the way, we decided not to do this but a few of our friends did. We went on a kayaking and caving day trip instead, this was pretty good and included lunch along the river which was very picturesque. I wasn't so keen on the caving as you have to get into a rubber ring then pull yourself along it through a dark cave. It was so busy with lots of screaming Chinese tourists that it put me off a bit and I didn't like that I couldn't see what was beneath me, I freaked out a bit which made Ben laugh. Other than that it was worth the money and was a good way to spend a day.

The river we went down was also used for tubing but it was evident that this is a dying activity here as the bars on either side of the river was now abandoned and dilapidated, it has a very eerie dated feel about it. About half way down we were made to stop at a bar which was pretty awful there was no one there except a hand full of tourists and a rotting snooker table. I was ready to get back now, kayaking really takes it out of you especially doing it in the heat. Plus the sights along the river made me feel a bit sad, the once bustling bars were now disappearing and collecting rubbish. I think this might be to do with the safety, apparently 27 westerners died in a year here from various things like tubing/partying etc so I think its put people off a bit, plus the government have probably clamped down on it.

A few of our friends went tubing and had a great day but they were taken a drive away to a different stretch of river. I think the people of Laos are pretty pissed off with westerners because of how they behave. It was quite embarrassing to witness at times, girls walking down the road in the day time in a bikini and no shoes?! Bus loads of noisy drunk Koreans, then the rest. There's also a huge problem with drugs here I lost count how many times I was offered something, even the so called herbal highs can kill you!. So best to stay away. I went out drinking a couple of times which was fun but to be honest the local beer as cheap as it is is pretty toxic and unregulated so I decided not to bother in the end. It wasn't worth the hangover after only a few beers. My whole reason for coming here was to explore the nature and to see the country for its beauty not to get rat arsed, if I wanted a boozy night out I would of stayed at home and gone out in Southend.

Away from the main street Vang Vieng really is paradise, you are surrounded by lush green mountains, rivers and caves, it really is stunning.

Caves at the blue lagoon

We rented scooters with a few of the guys one of the days and explored the blue lagoon and some other caves which was fun, we managed to get lost a bit in the caves which could of been pretty dangerous but we were fine and it was a laugh trying to find our way out again. This is the best way to see what Vang Vieng has to offer, after a busy day scootering around we stopped for dinner at an Organic Restaurant which is just outside of the main town, we ate on the river front which was lovely, I really recommend doing this, I had a mulberry smoothie which was delicious as well as a fresh vegetable soup.

Brody!

Stevo and James

Mariooooooo love this guy

On our last day we booked to go in a hot air balloon to see the views and to experience such an amazing thing that else where in Europe would cost a ridiculous amount of money. Id never done it before so we had to do it here with it being so cheap ($90 each) we went up for the sunset which was wonderful. We didn't go up as high as you usually would because of the wind direction and pressure that day, but it was still high enough to get a little rush and the weird sensation you feel from floating up into the sky. We could see for miles around and even the mountain that we had climbed up for the challenge. It was pretty cool, you have no idea where you are going to land either which adds to the excitement, we had spent a good hour or so before chasing down the balloon by Tuk Tuk as there is no set landing.

Eventually after some very good piloting he brought us down safely amongst some tree and a little village. We were actually caught by the ground crew who had been chasing our route and attempted landings for quite a while now. The crew grabs a cord that is attached to the balloon and pulls the envelope over into the tarp, when it was down on the ground they then started the surprisingly quick process of pushing out the air and folding away the balloon, these guys work so hard it really is a physical and complex job. We waited here a little while before being picked up and drove back into the main town.

The next day we had arranged for a “VIP” mini bus to drive us to Vientiane, VIP my ARSE!. It was absolutely ludicrous. After being told we were leaving at 1:30pm we didn't leave until after 3! then the driver packed us into this bus like sardines, we managed to get the front seats at least, however mine was a fold up seat on top of the gear box, with no belt! Although I have got used to this after travelling in Asia this long, to get a seat belt in a vehicle is very lucky and privileged. Haha.

Cramped up at the front trying not to die

The rest of the journey was pretty horrifying at times, the driver a complete menace like the majority in Asia, repeatedly swerved around oncoming cars, children, dogs, cows, chickens etc. We had one stop before arriving in Vientiane around 4 hours later. This is where the day gets even better…..

The bus drops you off around 8km from the main town so you have no option but to pay another 20,000 kip to a Tuk Tuk driver and injure another joyous journey. We then arrived at our hostel only to be told that there was no availability! Even though I had booked a room, not what you want to hear at gone 8pm when all you want to do is shower and get some rest. I was pretty furious as the guy on reception just laughed at me!.

After a good hour or so we finally found the Orange Backpackers Hostel and got into a 3 bedroom dorm for the night, it was basic and the bed like a plank of wood but it was cheap, clean-ish and good enough for now. The next day we changed to a private room which was a lot better and at least we could leave our stuff in the room locked during the day.

Good tip! If you are travelling as a couple it often works out the same price or a little bit more to get a private room, we've hardly stayed in any dorms for the whole trip which has been nice and puts your mind at rest when going out.

We ended up staying here for a few nights purely because we were waiting for a visa for Vietnam to go through. After the last few bus journeys and after reading horror stories about the bus from Vientiane to Hanoi we decided to fly. This cost around $100 or £85, pricey and double the price of the bus, but a lot safer and quicker, which is worth it in the long run.

Visa Process: You can get a free 15 day visa on arrival, however we wanted up to a month. Firstly you have to fill in an online form and pay $18 each, this is the first part and is for your letter of invitation into the country. They say this can take up to 2 working days so make sure you give yourself plenty of time. Once you get the go ahead in an email you can print off the letter and visa forms which you have to fill in and attach a passport sized photo to. Once this was done we were ready to move on.

Vientiane is the capital city and besides eating/drinking and a night market there isn't that much to do here plus its quite expensive. We used it as a relaxing few days and to sort out sending some more things home (avoid doing that in Laos if you can as it seems to cost a lot more than Thailand)

Traditional Laos cuisine, Larp!, usually done with meat but i had a tofu version, it was amazing!

Randomly on our last night I ran into a friend of mine from home, she was staying just near our hostel and was making her way to where we had just come from Vang Vieng, we had a good catch up and It was refreshing to speak to someone face to face from home as I’ve been feeling quite homesick lately, missing my friends and family a lot.

My friend Tara and a cute poochy at the hostel

It was finally time to leave Laos, we got a taxi to the airport which was only a few dollars, this was a private really nice car organised by the hostel, it even had seat belts and a friendly driver. Arriving in style at the airport we made our way through check in and grabbed a coffee and snack before going through to passport control. The airport isn't huge but it does have a couple of nice cafes and a duty free! We tried to get rid of our remaining kip but it was really expensive so settled for some dark chocolate and put the rest in a Red Cross charity box.

Boarding the plane

The rest of the journey was surprisingly smooth, the flight with Laos Airlines was great and probably one of the better short flights I’ve been on. If you are a veggie make sure you tell them when booking, I didn't know we would be getting lunch as its such a short flight but everyone got a sandwich and cake as well as drinks so that was pretty good, luckily I had some snacks as there was only tuna sarnies! The plane smelt like a fish market after everyone dug in haha. Blerghhhh.

The next part took a little while getting the visa stamp. When you arrive in Hanoi airport you have to hand over the invite letter plus the forms you filled in with your passport, then wait until your name is called as well as a big screen displaying your beautiful passport picture. (luckily only Ben's was displayed for us both). They then exchange your newly stamped passport for another $25. Make sure you take some American dollars as they don't take card or any other currencies.

Waiting patiently, took a sneaky snap :p

This whole process took around an hour or so, if you can make sure you get off of the plane first to speed things up.

Id already booked a hotel and car to pick us up, so that was comforting, we were picked up and driven into Hanoi which takes around an hour, this cost $15 for us both. Its best to pre book a taxi as there are a lot of scams outside the airport, for instance a friend of ours got a bus which took longer and cost him £20!

Hello Vietnam! Driving over a bridge into Hanoi at sunset!

Vietnam to be continued.....

Thanks for reading

lots of love, Jessica xx