#im going to open this app in the morning&this wont exist bc this isnt real
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#turbo is gone. my heart isnt beating anymore i think.#my face+eyes are so raw that i can feel them hurting through the crushing numbness&disassociation breaking my heart in half.#i cant even be angry that i cant even afford to cremate him. just. watching myself from outside my body#going through the motions to get the money together to have his body taken off my porch before i go insane#&trying not to think about him. gone. after a decade together.#turbo is gone. this cant be real. ill wake up and this note wont exist bc he will be fine. i am not doing emergency work#to scrape together the money to have him cremated. that would mean hes gone. he isnt gone. this cant be real.#im going to open this app in the morning&this wont exist bc this isnt real#it cannot be real.
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