#im furious that my pain is being extended because doctors wont take me seriously

[noircartoons]

really fucking sick of doctors going “well actually 🤔your backpain is just because you lay around in the computer all day 🤣kids these days” like all things aside let’s say that’s the issue. now what? you think i can just walk around outside for more than 3 hours without feeling so much pain i need to lay down on the floor(but clearly i can’t so i just start crying and go back home)? you think i can just stop drawing every day as if it won’t make me fatigued because drawing is my way of mentally resting? for fucks sake

listen, i go to school every day with analgesics. what 17 y/o does that? i have to take an analgesic gel to school, and even pills to take, because a lot of time they can’t handle the job, just make the pain tolerable. my friend hugged me a bit tighter then normal and i started coughing. i tried to fix my posture and i felt my fucking bones burning, and then i went back to my usual fucked up posture and they kept hurting so i was just in pain no matter what. i’ve nearly fainted about 3 times at school because my body pain was so big it was making me unconcious, my vision was getting black and i couldn’t hear a thing anyone was telling me bc it all turned into white noise-and one of them was on the way back home after school, a stranger had to help me and i was ready to pass out at this man’s arms when i couldn’t even see his face.

not to mention it’s my entire body that’s weak and hurting, my back is just worse. and it’s not because i’m sedentary, i dance at home because it’s the only sport i can do that makes me move around enough to be in shape but takes it easy on me enough that i won’t be in physical pain the next day and i can just lay down on the floor or on the bed of my home if i want to. my legs are some of the strongest part of my body thanks to it, but that’s not saying much, they still hurt so much that there are days i can’t walk without a limp and once i couldn’t walk at all and i needed a friend supporting me-i was almost begging for a cane of a wheelchair that day, but ofc the school wouldn’t be able to provide it. there were many days where i’m out with my back, shoulders and thighs all covered in analgesic just so i can simply be, and i’m thinking about putting some on my shoulder at this exact moment. my hands are awfully weak, to the point just a simple game of “throw this ball to me and i’ll throw it back to you” for a minute can make them hurt, or even opening paint cans, my leg can hurt from simple positions that shouldn’t even hurt and i can’t handle anyone sitting on my lap, and the amount of times the people around me have just picked me up and heard the crack on my bones or saw me curl up and hold my back in pain after

the only things that have gotten me somewhere is when my mom actually tried to help me instead of being all talk, she was the one that gave me analgesic and meds, gave me a new bra that could help support my shoulders and back more comfortably, she was the one that put bandages on my shoulders and a belt-thingy to fix in posture. but it shouldnt be her responsability, im begging doctors to do the things that she’s been doing already, and i know they can get farther then her so why won’t they just listen? why won’t they help? they just say “it’s because you use a computer all day” and pat themselves in the back. do your fucking job for once, i’ve already accepted if things stay the way they are i’ll be using a cane or some other device in a few years despite this being something ive been talking about for years! all people do is rub in my face how much this is all my fault-because i didn’t fix my posture at school, because i didn’t go to the gym, because this because that...I DON’T WANT THAT! I’M TIRED OF BEING BLAMED! I JUST WANT  HELP TO BE HUGGED WITHOUT COUGHING IN PAIN, DAMN IT