#im fine rn btw im not breaking down or anything im not even crying. just remembering

[haemosexuality]

during middle school i made myself the designated class therapist. i worried a lot about everyone and desperately wanted to help. i talked so many kids down from suicide that rlly sticks with you

[miikapie]

"Its not gonna fit!" with Geto, Choso, Toji and Gojo! (NSFW)

Just posting this because ive been thinking about writing it for weeks. Enjoy this tiny drabble while I stress over college!

Cw:.. fem!reader x various jjk men, they're mean :(( (toji, gojo too kinda..), choso being too sweet, cunilingus (choso), bad grammar ofcourse, SEX SMASHING INTERCOURSE BABY MAKING FUCKING MAKING LOVE i hope you get the point.

/MDNI//NSFW UNDER THE CUT!!

Gojo is so mean to you. If you say absolutely anything related to his size, or not being able to accommodate to his girth, hes seizing the opportunity to brag and belittle you while doing so.

"Awh baby.. it can't fit? hmm? Is my cock too big? Its okay, cutie, I know I know.. Maybe we just need to pay attention to your little clit, and we'll stretch you out too yeah? Im gonna make sure your little cunt remembers every single one of my veins no matter how long it takes to get in aallllll the way."

Geto (sighs dreamily) I LOVE THIS MAN. Totally much nicer than Gojo, but unintentionally mind-breaks you. His voice btw is so sexy can you imagine how husky it is duirng the deed??? drooling rn.

"Oh, what was that? It wont fit, hm? Thats okay, love. We'll find our way around it. Just gotta stretch you out some more so i can hit that spot you love so much, mhm? Right there isnt it? Yeah, I can tell with the way you're tightening around me. Or what about this? Maybe I'll touch your clit a little more. God... I love seeing you like this. Thats a good girl.. lay down juuust like that. You dont need to think for yourself anymore when I've got you."

Toji is SO mean, and incredibly cocky. Despite knowing damn well he's way too big to bottom out immediately in you, he takes this opportunity be snarky fun of you while destroying your insides.

" 's too big? We'll make it fit, doll. Stop moving like that, you know its just gonna hurt more. Give it a few minutes and you'll be crying like a bitch in heat. Fine. I'll be nice i guess, but im still going all the way in. 's not my fault your pussy's too damn tight. Fuck.. so good.. Yeah, see? Told you you could take it, wipe those tears 'fa me and keep your legs up here on my shoulders, yeah?"

Nanami... ah. He tries so so hard to be nice to you, by slowly bullying his way in your walls, but no matter how many times you do the deed it seems like you can never keep up with his size

"Too much, honey? Its okay, sweetheart. Look, I'll put a pillow just under your back here.. and it'll make you feel much better. Whats that? Feels nicer now? Ill take it slow as always honey, just take your deep breaths... God.. you're always so tight... It feels nice when I touch you right here doesn't it?..Feels deeper? Yes, love, thats the pillow under your back helping you relax. We're gonna have to use that trick next time wont we? Thats it, sweet thing, see? Im almost bottomed out and you haven't even noticed at all."

Choso is too much of a sensitive lover to even think about ever possibly pushing your boundaries. If he ever heard you say anything along the lines of 'too big' he'd pull out immediately and instead eat you out as an apology. (even though you've told him its just something you said in the heat of the moment) (he still leaves you shaking tho.)

[kagejima]

This isn't what Kisa and I were talking about btw, that is on its way (not meant to sound ominous at all). This is just a stupid thought I had while walking my dog.

I feel like playing co-gender volleyball with boyfriend!Ushijima and boyfriend!Bokuto would be two very different experiences. Toshi would never let you touch the ball. Knowing how hard his friends spike, he'd work double hard to make sure you don't get hurt and that your team still wins. He knows that he can't get all of the balls, but when he sees you shake out your arms after bumping a powerful receive, the look that he would send the other team would make them dread the next time he was set to serve. On the other hand, Bo would be yelling at you to go for every ball that comes remotely your way. When you feel bad for bringing the team down, he'd get the rest of the team to hype you up and Aakashi can't help but laugh at how the tables have turned.

Wendy: Ohhh, just a silly little thought while walking my dog!

Also Wendy: *proceeds to send me brilliant fully fleshed out idea that she definitely needs to turn into a fic bc i'd devour it immediately*

also im gonna have a talk with you later bc you told me you didnt write and i went on your page and found you have like seventeen things written, i feel betrayed and will read them all soon and devour them like the little gremlin i am bc your writing is perfect and lovely just like you!!!!!!!!!!

FDHJAHASH OKAY BUT YOU ARE SO CORRECT :( more thoughts under the cut

this is actually part of my birthday fic a little bit hehuehehe. well, not exactly this, but ushi teaching her how to play volleyball :) .......nvm, it's not like this at all bc ushi teaching her how to play volleyball is so obvious FAJDFHAJSK im running on iced tea and goldfish rn

Toshi would ABSOLUTELY be getting every ball he possibly could to make sure you didn't have to do anything. You're his precious little one, his lil angel, his baby. He knows all the pain that comes with volleyball and he will be DAMNED if you're going to also feel that pain.

You would notice he was trying to protect you like the perfect prince he is, and you'd be like "Toshi, I can get the ball. Let me get it!" and he would SOOOOO EXTREMELY HESITANTLY stand back and let you receive it, and the serve was HARSH so now your arms hurt :(

the other team might as well have turned to ash with the way Toshi glared at them. but he doesn't want you to SEE he's glaring at them,,,, because he's working on being more smiley and emotional for you and you alone

(you had teased him and said 'do you even know how to smile, toshi?' and when he did try to smile big it was very endearing but very awkward looking and you started crying from laughing so hard)

anyways he only glares at them when you've switched out and you're not on the court anymore and you're taking a little water break, and in the .002 seconds he has of you turned around, the whole other team wishes they were dead. they just wanna forfeit the whole game so they dont gotta deal with whatever wrath they're about to face from him fahdjfhasjklfads Toshi just wants to protect his lil angel

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm bokuto on the other hand.......... your biggest hype man. For literally everything.

You're brushing your teeth in the morning? He's hyping you up. You're eating breakfast? He's hyping you up. You're doing a chore? He's hyping you up. He's like your own personal cheer section. He's all of the cheerleaders and fans and noise makers and poster board signs all in one person.

so obviously this carries into volleyball. of course, HE is getting balls too, but he's so PROUD of you that you are also playing the sport he loves so much and getting better at it every day, so he's encouraging you to go for every ball that comes to you, he's hyping you up so hard just like he does at home and when the other team gets a point and its TECHNICALLY your fault, he's squeezing you into a bear hug and telling you its fine and that you'll get the next one and he gives you little kissies on your cheekies to make you feel better

and you're like "bo, come on, you cant do that here..." all embarrassed BUT HE JUST GIVES YOU MORE KISSIES BC THATS WHO HE IS, BABY, HE CANT HELP IT

and when your team wins, he's the reason for the winning point but with the way he's like crushing you when he picks you up and bounces you up and down in the air its like you made the point yourself and he's telling you how proud he is of you and how great of a job you did and how much he loves YOUUUUU IM SO SOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTT wendy you beautiful lil thing your ideas are always so good

EVERYBODY GO FOLLOW WENDY! YOU WONT REGRET IT :(

[i8jisoo]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉  skz with pregnant!reader

minho x reader | second part of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff

↬ warnings; talk of sex (not like having it but just bein a lil horndog), talk of blood & miscarriage, cursing, labor, and breastfeeding  ˶ˆ꒳ˆ˵

↬ notes; minho such a cutie & his lil kitties i softie

minho and you were planning this, knowing that there was going to be a year break for them, so why not finally do what u to havent been able to do? 

start a family

u both were goin thru tests as if they didn’t cost 3$ each

make his pockets hurt amiright?

finally, a positive test

u were soo excited 🥺 u had gotten so many false positives so u took two more before u knew it was a real positive

ofc minho was at practice, tho there wasn’t anything happening in his career rn he still had to practice

u kinda hated his career now bc that meant u were gonna be lonely asf while pregnant :(

minho walked thru the door to ur guys place, seeing u asleep on the couch

he steps on something like wtf

there it was, the test on the floor that had fell from ur grip when u slept

he ends up just covering you with a blanket n giving u a kiss cause u must be tired right??? ur carrying a baby now, o ff i cial ly so 😳

he decides hes gonna cook dinner but then hes like fuck what if you get sick :(

now hes starting to worry n feels like hes gonna be the worst husband to go thru pregnancy with

hes mad distracted by thinking whether to cook something spicy or like pasta SOMETHING 😳

he feels arms wrapping around him n hes instantly turning around to look at you

“ohmygodohmygod.”

KISSES KISSES KISSES this man is fucking twirling you around in his arms n he is so excited to tell u that he knows

“we’re gonna have a baby!” he shouts, smiling proudly and seeing ur surprised look but nodding at him

just looking at u now he is whipped like frosting or eggs whipped he is just- wow

u were like sorta ABNORMALLY hungry for minho 😭

not just sex but cuddling, kissing, hugging, and anything in general that had to do with him

he was kinda scared u would break since ur body was now more sensitive and u two had to be careful doing even normal day to day things

u were usually the big spoon, just cause u liked holding minho like a teddy bear n letting soonie, doongie, n dori sometimes come up n minho holds them ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

now it was ur turn to be the little spoon, minho starting to like the feeling of this, he’d play with ur hair n shit or he’d watch shows with u like this

ofc soonie, doongie, and dori still came up sometimes but when ur bump started to get bigger u couldn’t let them on top of u to snuggle 🥺

idc minho gets them cat themed shit

im talkin bibs, onesies, lil hats n mittens all cat themed 😣😣

ur pregnancy was surprisingly easy, just the pain towards the end of the pregnancy was horrible

minho definitely took the last few months off, practicing at home rather than going to the studio everyday, he just wanted to keep an eye on u n make sure nothing happened to all of his babies :(

u slept like a log when u were comfortable, minho only waking u up when he thought u should eat or drink something

he loves the little things u ask him to do like grabbing something from the kitchen or helping u with ur socks n shoes 🥺🥺 sure he hates the fact that u know ur upset ab not being able to see ur toes or ur bump blocking things

but u r adorable when u ask for his help n watch him go do what u need

hes a god at massages hes just so soft n gentle with u but he HITS those spots u know he is ACC U RATT E

u went into labor around thirty-four/thirty-five weeks

u were scared shitless because ofc it was the one day u told minho to go out and have a day to himself n u would just be at home watching a movie with ur babies (aka the kitties and the ACTUAL baby)

u were in a shitton of pain n u didnt expect it cause um hello u were just eating some gummies while dori was pushing her face against the bump

u thought she like scratched u or bumped u too hard n u pushed her a lil bit but when u realized it u were quick to scoop her up and hug her

“okay uhm, i— dori do you think i should call him? maybe it’s those practice ones yeah? we can sit here and wait dori.” to which she just pawed at u n she sat there in ur lap

u quickly realized ur pains were not PRACTICE as u felt the sudden dampness

it was not what u were expecting though, seeing the red discoloration which was blood n seeping through your grey sweatpants

u got up quickly, scared of getting it on anything n going to go change as well as needing to get the bags n call minho

u were fine this morning and now ur bleeding? how could this have happened? how could u have gone into labor or had a miscarriage so quickly

ofc minho picked up quickly when u called him, the second he heard come home he was already out of there n didnt need to hear anymore

u just held onto dori, soonie, and doongie like ur life depended on it (u didnt have a death grip on them btw)

it was probably a good ten minutes of you there with all the cats n here comes minho bursting in, panting bc poor baby ran hella fast inside

he gets the bags without even talking, looking at his lil baby on the sofa kinda scrunched up in tears n in pain he feels so fuckin bad for leaving u today

he lets u hold onto him n he just rambling on about how sorry he is and about how everything is gonna be okay

upon arrival to the hospital, u and minho argued literally the WHOLE way

it wasnt because u were upset he just RAMBLED so much and u two were choosing names n shit like u were IRRITATED now grrr

it was a good fuckin distraction from the fact that u were early + u were bleeding n minho decided to keep up the bickering because u seemed occupied and less afraid

then the dreaded, “c-section”, was what you needed

they assured u everything would be okay but this was a precaution they needed to do and that the baby was mostly likely okay with being delivered

minho crying 🥺 he was rly scared at the thought of anything else going wrong

they have the sheet up and hes so nervous while holding ur hand, goin up on his tippy toes trying to watch :(

“alright, they are almost here!”

there wasnt any cries 🥺 ur hearts dropped n u two just looked at each other waiting for the cries

suddenly u two heard cooing and then loud cries, the doctor rubbing their back to get the blood flowing and to help warm them up

“your baby girl!”

so many kisses n tears, she was fuckin perfect

u both had the biggest smiles and tears coming down ur faces while she slowly calmed down and u both carefully touched her

minho later watched you from the chair next to the bed, trying to feed her like the nurse taught u to do

he looked at u, silently asking you if he could help, you nodding and his hands slowly and carefully helped guide her to latch on

he was takin n o t e s from these nurses

she looked so comfortable n he was just amazed at you he couldn’t believe you created something so perfect, this tiny little girl was your person

they were your person ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭*

©️ maysdiors 2020 :: all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[nahoyaglock]

Frobi selfship headcannons

!!sfw!!

shigabi, tenfro, fronaka, frobishima, inuobi, frokuto, aobi, frotani, fromi, ushibi, frobinoya, katsubi hcs

a/n: sorry for these long ass headcanons, i hope yall enjoy them tho?? also sorry for the reoccurring mention of my terrible paranoia </3 im going through a hard time w it rn, pls excuse me

reblogs on selfship posts are super appreciated!

shigabi

video games

i am his baby! he has a soft spot for me :3

lets me sit in his lap while he plays video games

hc that shigaraki is a twitch streamer instead of a villain and he streams with me on his lap

messy hair, black headset, pajama pants and a black hoodie vs pink tank top, white skirt, pink bows and a fuzzy blanket

we own cats named wario and waluigi >:3

we play ow and animal crossing together

he plays shooters and horror games while i play otome games and rhythm games

watching happy feet and cuddling, lets me lay between his legs as he plays with my hair

calls me brat and baby

cooks me seafood

some days i want him to baby me, other days we go run around at 4am

teases me bc of my height, leanes down to give me kisses

randomly tugs on my hair and pretends he didnt do it throught the day

i kick his ugly ass ankles /j

tenfro

baking, cuddling, horror movies and videos games 24/7

both bullied so we confine in each other and comfrt the other well

hes very caring so he always checks in, even when i seem fine

notices my mood changes

"do you need a hug?" and just hugs me bc he knows i do

he likes to rest his head on my chest when he rants to me

booping noses and interlocked hands ♡

ushijima gives us rides everywhere

their manager, so i have to make sure tendou does well

the other team members are happy im dating tendou, especially ushijima

sitting with tendou on the bus to their matches

kisses and hugs after every match and practice match

lets me wear his jersey bc he hates when other guys look at me

one time terushima tried to flirt w me and he made ushi scare him away

fronaka

hand on ass always.

tries to fight any guy that even comes near me

me, ryu and noya, the trio !

walks me to class with his arm around my waist

basically bestfriends to lovers so we spemd all our time together like we did before we were dating

still a slight kiyoko simp but lmao so am i, we admire her beauty together

brags to the team about me, telling them random things about me

"frobis favorite food are clams!" crosses gis arms proudly

"ryuu, you dumbass" insert me slapping the back of his bald head

saeko teasing him and telling him to treat me well

says "hey bae" and probably uses the devil emoji ajxjzjx

plays with my hair, he loves my curls :D

we prolly have a dog, small dog bc ooi dogs scary,, D:

frobishima

always has an arm around me

denki bestie af !

also one that i can relate to so we can share our experiences and comfort each other

top kin so we get along very well and have alot of the same interests

movie nights w/ the bakusquad

cuddling kiri the whole time and making the rest of them feel single

he likes to pinch my shoulder to get my attention

big smiles and playful biting :D

he probably has alot of my clothes left at his house bc i like wearing his shirts

insert kiri cooking while i back hug him <3

likes to princess carry me, and carries me when im sleepy

thigh kisses bc he loves them alot <3

best an comforting, sings me to sleepy and helps me when i have really bad paranoia </3

true loml

inuobi

walk to school together everyday

sometimes we race

brings me a breakfast bar, sometimes his mom makes me a morning snack too

little pecks and hand holding

we're like two energetic puppies in a relationship

i always attend his games and cheer for him and the boys

insert kuroo, tora, kenma, and kai acting like my dads

me and inu doing puppy eyes for little spoon, he usually gives in and takes big spoon

lots compliments and blushing

"inu, y-you look cute today"

"frobi, you look s-stunning"

comfort buddies!

convinces the coach to let me ride on the bus with them to tournaments

sleppys babies on the back of the bus

members have pictures of us sleeping

sharing a blanket that kai gave to us bc the bus was cold and sharing a scarf that inuoka bought me for winter

frokuto

if hes sad, im sad :( if im sad, hes sad :(((

my energy beam, my number one, my ace 🥺

he loves to hold my small hands in his big ones, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb

he'd walk around at tournaments, big star bo with his tiny cute girlfriend

saru, komi, and konoha give me headpats

bo pouts because they didnt guve him head pats

many pats for the ace!! :D

during lunch i hang w him and akaashi, akaashi having to deal w me and bos shenanigans

lowkey, we probably bring him stress

me and bo go on night time adventures, he drives us <3

brings home ramen after a long day of practice

when hes sad he cries into my chest and i play with his hair

"its okay bo, your still my ace" kisses and more kisses and more kisses

he loves to hold my thumbs and kiss my wrists

always looks for me when he has a match, sees me cheering the loudest for him <3

hes my baby, he'll smiles at me and ill cry

aobi

listener

he lets me talk about my interests and day, i let him talk about his

loves to be supportive, my shoulder to lean on

we take public transportation after school to get to our house

he lets me lean against him and sleep, tired from a long day, he'll wrap his large arm around me

he opened up after a while and smiles more, sometimes he'll lightly giggle, one time i made him laugh for 5 whole mins

hes so golden in my eyes, lake dates, he likes to just walk with me

treats me to food whenever we go out

i help him be more open and push him to be himself, but i respect his boundaries !!!

if he feels uncomfortable he'll poke my back gently

i take him away from the uncomfortable situation and ask what was wrong so that it doesnt happen again

people ask why im dating him bc hes "scary"

my response is a punch to the face

jkjk, its none of their business why, but its bc hes very sweet and kind hearted, who couldn't love an angel like my nobu? :]

frotani

complicated hc?? i have like two ways it could go, my top is def still me being a shiratorizawa girl bc lmao canon !!

met him through levy, (@bigger-simp-than-kazuichi) aoba johsais manager

she introduced me to her besyies, kyo and yahaba

"hey, you're the one they call mad dog?" he hates that now but responds with "yes, im mad dog."

levy invites me to alot of their events if im not busy, lowkey oikawa is salty bc im shiratorizawas manager

kyotani stays at my side, we talk about our days and his live for volleyball

we exchange numbers and he messages me at night, we have hour long conversations till one of us falls asleep

late night calls, he just grumbles and scoffs at anything i say and he just waits for me to sleep before hanging up

confesses to me at a match infront of my team, i just kissed him in response

he visits me whenever he can, and brings me food and gifts

imagine aoba johsai vs shiratorizawa, rip kyo lmao ushi get his ass /j

kyotani likes to hold mt hands and wrap my in his jacket and scarf

barks at anyone who bothers me, loves when i sit on his lap btw

fromi

komi will pick me up over his shoulder and drag me to the room when he wants cuddles

loves horror movies, horror movie marathons any time of the year

he likes and kiss my jaw and hold my thumbs

calls me short when he's not that much taller than me

we curse at each other every 5 minutes

insert sarukui climbing through our windows atleast once a month to have a movie marathon with us

komi likes to slap my head

we probably play fight all the time, definently turns into something more intense

akaashi and konoha break us up and me and komi will be confused

"whats wrong? We were just playing"

"yall were strangling each other"

"we're fineee~"

chaotic, we always look like were fighting or arguing

"fuck you, i hate you" "fuck you too bitch"

holds hands and deep kisses the next second

akaashi lowkey hates dealing with us, bokuto loves us skxj

ushibi

shira and hayato convinced me to join at their manager

the original shiratorizawa manager, ceo of the company 😎

they introduced me to the team, and they took a liking to me

ushijima was by my side alot, helped me with my job and carrying thing especially

he was so kind and even spoke to me, asked if i ate, if i slept well, if i needed anything

didn't realize it was different from what he normally was like until tendou asked about it

one time ushi was walking me home and i asked him about it, but he was definently confused

"i, guess so. your attractive and have a good personality. i would date you."

hes so blunt, awkwardly blunt

so we,, started dating, and now he really never leaves my side

i got haterz bc im THE ushiwakas bby girl 🙈

gives me headpats and kisses before everymatch

lets me wear his team jacket, huge on my small figure

he enjoys our height difference, he thinks i look cute when i look up at him :3

teaches me how to play volleyball, even smiles when i land a good serve

patches me up whenever i get hurt, slight frown if i ever fall

hes,, kinda fatherly? a person w no dad calling someone fatherly sjcjxj lmao 🙈🙈

nurturing and caring, ushi i will kiss you, probably calls me by my full name, fro, manager, baby, and sometimes even brat

frobinoya

hes woke, i just know it

all the characters prolly woke but hes woke asf!!

we run around, literally our whole relationship is mainly just running around and being wild

arcade hangouts after school/practice

he loves arcade games so much, and so do i

we take off guard pictures of each other, also chaotic and blurry pictures

he'll kick me in the butt, que me chasing him till i run out of breath

he likes to support my interests, loves to watch me practice dancing

we wear cat ears and maid outfits and take pictures in his room at like 5am when the sun rises

videos of us kissing and cuddling in his gallery

posts on insta to make ryuu jealous

buys me cute skirts bc he knows i love to look pretty for him !!

im his pretty kitty ♡♡

likes to call me his girly~ and his serotonin

holds my hand whenever im feeling sad and strokes my cheek with his thumb

lowkey has a good voice, sings heather to me while he nuzzles his nose into my jaw

katsubi

random kisses throughout the day

pinky holding bc he likes my small hands

leans over me when he wants a kiss

gets teased by the squad and just endures it bc he likes the way i giggle when they do

head pats ! lots :3

likes to show off infront of class 1-b by holding me close and kissing me

brings me lunches he cooked and likes to feed me

always finds an excuse to be on my team for training or being my training buddy

barks at anyone who tries to train with me /j

walking me to school and home, even brings me over

mitsuki loves it whenever i come over and makes cookies when i do

katsuki helps her make the cookies D: so precious

never kisses infront of his parents bc he doesnt want to deal with their teasing and nagging

sings ballads, will sing me to sleep, probably listens to rap and rnb, some rock, but will sing me some khalid since he knows i love him

probably sung me "can i be him" one night when my paranoia got bad <//3

i laid on his chest and he ran his fingertips up and down my back, singing softly to me until i fell asleep

forehead kiss before he drifted to sleep as well, katsuuuu :( <3

@kekozume @nekosvno

[jimimn]

HI ITS ME WHO'S NOT OVER JJK BLONDE SELFIE AND WILL NEVER BE -💫

HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO <33333333

HONESTLY ITS THE WAY YOH SAY SUCH NICE THINGS AND I DISAPPEAR FOR DAYS ON END BECAUSE INCONSISTENCY BLEEDS INTO EVERY CORNER OF MY LIFE FNEKALKD BUT I'M GETTING DONE WITH MY FIRST LEG OF EXAMS ON MONDAY SO YAY TO THAT!! OKAY I THINK WE'LL MOVE SLOWLY WITH BABY STEPS JUNGKOOK DROPPED SOME SELCAS JIMIN DROPPED SOME SELCAS IN THE WORDS OF THE LEGENDARY JEON JUNGKOOK ALL WE NEED NOW IS "together..BAM!" (THAT'S LITERALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS EVER THE WAY HE SAYS IT 🤧)

YES IN THIS HOUSE WE SCREAM OVER JIMIN'S DISRESPECT HE IS THE PARAGON OF A MULTI-FACETED MAN THAT HAS US WRAPPED AROUND HIS FINGER. THE AUDACITY 😤

CHANEL X JIMIN LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN AND OMG THAT SELFIE THAT DROPPED?? SIR???? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?? I MEAN YES BH SAID LET'S DROP SELFIES IN BULK BUT THAT ONE PICTURE OF HIM IN BLACK(GREY? I DONT KNOW FHSKKAJF) WITH THE SHIRTS UNBUTTONED!!! THEM COLLARBONES ARE FREE AND THEY'RE THRIVING IN THE OPEN IN THAT ONE. ALSO HIS LIPS ARE SO PRETTY. OH GOD LITERALLY HE HAS THAT COCKY SMIRK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE KNOWS HE DOES HOT BOY SHIT LIKE SHUT UP OK YOU CANT DO THAT JAIL FOR U NDNSLSKAJJW

SUCH A FUCKING TEASE THATS RIGHT!! EVEN STRAIGHT MEN?? BRO LIKE HOW DO YOU HAVE ALL GENDERS JUST TRIPPING OVER THEMSELVES FOR YOU IT'S INSANE AND OMG MISS SHIVI HAVE YOU SEEN THAT ONE CLIP IN WHICH JIMIN HOLDS HIS GAZE WITH THESE MEN WHO LOOK AT HIM (i think it was bon voyage?) and when they cross each other he JUST SMIRKS AND RUNS HIS HAND THROUGH HIS HAIR LIKE YEAH OK ALEXA PLAY I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT. AND YES I'LL LISTEN TO EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY ANYTIME 💗💗

12PM KST IS THE HOLY HOUR I TELL YOU ALTHOUGH I REMEMBER WAITING THE NIGHT BEFORE BE CAME OUT WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO COME AND BH WAS JUST LIKE "yea...no" OMG THAT'S AWESOME YOUR COUSIN'S VISITING YOU

HHFJDOSO YEAH IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE THEY DID THE JUMP ALTHOUGHHHH I'M POSITIVE THEY'LL DO SMTH COOL LIKE THAT IN THEIR CONCERTS BECAUSE THEIR PERFORMANCE QUALITY IS JUST.. THROUGH THE ROOF IT'S CRAZY!! WHEN THE PERFORM WINGS?? LIKE HOLY SHIT NO CHOREO NO POSITIONS JUST BTS RUNNING AROUND THE STAGE MAKING THE CROWD GO FERAL I LOVE EVERY WINGS PERFORMANCE SO MUCH MY SEROTONIN LEVELS ARE ALWAYS AT A HIGH THEN. OOHH MY GODDD BS&T IS REALLY THAT BITCH!!!! WHO'S DOING IT LIKE HER TODAY NO ONE IS EXACTLY. AND NOOOO I TOTALLY GET IT WE THINK ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH THAT ACCIDENT HAS THE SAME EFFECT ON ME. IF ONLY YOU'D TOLD ME THEN IN 2016 THAT THAT ACCIDENT WAS THE START OF SO MANY I'D BE PREPARED FOR EVERYTHING THAT FOLLOWED (see: him basically stripping himself that one serendipity performance. holy shit.)

FOR REAL THO CHRISTMAS LOVE DROPPED OUT OF NOWHERE AND DO YOU REMEMBER JIMIN SAYINF uUH iM nOt wORkInG oN a SoLo SoNg aT ThE mOmEnT heHe LIKE ALL MEN DO IS LIE OK AT THIS POINT. BYE. YES TAEHYUNG DID WARN US BUT ARMYS (LIKE MYSELF) PUT THEIR CLOWN WIGS ON AND THOUGHT IT WAS KTH1 LMAO. OMG I HOPE YOU DON'T SLEEP THROUGH ANY OF THEIR UPCOMING SONG RELEASES BUT I'M SURE IT'S THE BEST FEELING TO WAKE UP TO CHECK YOUR NOTIFS AND SEE "Big Hit Labels" BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE FIREEE. DUDE SERIOUSLY I NEED JIMIN TO GO LIVE AGAIN (although we've been well fed by namjoon for now🤧😌💗) LIKE THAT ONE YT LIVE WHERE HE SAID "O...M...G" SHUT UP STOP BEING SO CUTE I'M DHJSWLIFJWKALS

LMAO OKAY YEAH THAT'S VALID YOUR BLOG THEME IS BASICALLY ✨jimin✨ AND I LOVE THAT IT REALLY GRAVITATED ME AND YOUR URL OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD YOUR BRAINNN 💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️

YES YES YES JIMIN IS SO PERFECT AND THE SOCK DOODLESSS 😭😭😭 oooo so when did you get into giffing? how did you start? BROOOOO YOUR URL'S ORIGIN STORY. I LOVE IT WOW YES IT'S DEFINITELY GOT THE REQUIRED ✨pazzaz✨

NOOO OMG THIS URL IS YOUR BRAND LIKE YOU'RE A LEGEND ON ARMYBLR I LOVE IT SO MUCH. BUT STILL!! IT'S YOUR CHOICE AT THE END 💖

OMG QUARANTINE DID IT'S ONE GOOD JOB AND GOT YOU INTO BANGTAN YAY. OMG YOU AND MISS LIFEGOESMON ARE FRIENDSS??? LEGENDS INTERACTING THIS IS SO COOL. LMAO THE PARADIGM SHIFT YOU MUST'VE FELT FROM LISTENING TO STAY GOLD (WHICH BTW THE MV...THE LITERAL CUTEST OH GOD THE LITTLE DOG AND JIMIN'S LITTLE SMILES DHSJAOWO) TO THEN GOING TO BST IN WHICH JIMIN IS BASICALLY STRIPPING AND JUNGKOOK IS UPSIDE DOWN LMAOOO. YES BS&T HAS EVERYONE HOOKED THE POWERRRR. YOU FALLING DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE WITH YOUR FRIEND'S ASSISTANCE OH GOD THIS IS SO CUTE 💓 EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM 🥺🥺🥺

AAAAH OKAY MY STORY ISN'T AS INTERESTING AS YOURS IS BUT IN 2016 BASICALLY ALL I KNEW OF KPOP WAS GANGNAM STYLE AND WASNT WILLING TO CUANGE THAT PERCEPTION (FOOL BEHAVIOUR I TELL YOU) AND WAS TOO BUSY OBSESSING OVER ONE DIRECTION'S REUNION AND SO ONE NIGHT (THE NIGHT BEFORE JIMIN'S BIRTHDAY 🤧🤧) I JUST STUMBLED UPON THEIR BS&T TEARS MV AND I HEARD IT AND I WAS LIKE OMG!! THIS IS THAT SUPER ADDICTIVE SONG THAT I'D HEARD SOMEWHERE AND IT JUST SPIRALLED FROM THERE I REMEMBER SEEING JIMIN AND BEING LIKE 👀👀👀👀 WHO IS HE I LIKE HIM AND JUST HIS AURA DREW ME IN SOOO MUCH AND WHEN I WAS GETTING INTO THEM I REMEMBER WRITING THEIR NAMES IN MY NOTES TO SEE IF I COULD REMEMBER 🤧 AND I STILL HAVE THAT NOTE FROM 4+ YEARS AGO 💓 AND YEAH BASICALLY SEEING THEM DO ALL THE MUSIC SHOWS AND STUFF AT THE TIME WAS SO COOOL AND MIND YOU BH DIDN'T HAVE SUBS FOR BANGTAN BOMBS THEN SO WENT ON THESE SKETCHY DAILYMOTION TYPE SITES LOOKING FOR ALL THE CONTENT I COULD CHURN OUT LMAO

AND YES!! COURTESY OF YOU I DID WATCH SOME RUN EPS!! I WATCHED THEIR CANADA ONES SPEAKING OF WHICH I LOOOVE THAT PART WHERE THEY'RE DOING THAT SONG GUESSING THING IN THE MORNING AND JIMIN SAYS "are you cold?" 🥺🥺 TO TAE AND HUGS HIM URRHRHEHSJSJSH AND I ALSO SAW THE ONES WITH THE PUPPIES GODDDDD I LOVE THE PUPPIES ONE SO MUCH LITERALLY JUNGKOOK AND HIS DOG (MIRI?) OH MY GOD THAT LIL FLUFFER AND ADAM IS MY ICON WITH HOW HE JUST DID HIS OWN THING LMAO.

BUT ANYWAY!! DO YOU HAVE A FAVE ERA?? LIKE DO YOU EVER LOOK AT THEM AND GO "Damn I wish I was a fan then" BECAUSE HONESTLY I WISH I HAD STANNED THEM IN THEIR DOPE ERA BUT I DON'T THINK I WOULD HAVE SURVIVED JIMIN THEN DHKSOWID-💫

FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME!!!!!!! ITS OKAY!!!!!!!! I TOTALLY TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!!!! AND YAYYYYY CONGRATS I HOPE THE FIRST LEG OF EXAMS WENT WELL <333333 AND OH MY GOD you’re gonna make me cry with the together baam goddddddd same one of my fave moments and jimin’s giggles after that 😭😭😭😭 my babies <3 :((((

that..... black suit selca....... that opened button...... like open one more dear sir who’s stopping you... just do it <33333 YEAH he totally needs to shut up with his i know im hot side it just kills me every single time 😭😭😭😭😭

LISTEN THAT BV3 MOMENT  S H O O K  ME OKAY????? THOSE GUYS LOOKED AT HIM AND HE WAS SO FUCKING SMUG ABOUT IT (AND HE SHOULD BE) AND THE WAY HE LICKED HIS LIPS AND RAN HIS HANDS THROUGH HIS HAIR????? LIKE HE KNOWS HE HAS EVERY SINGLE PERSON; NO MATTER WHAT GENDER; WRAPPED AROUND HIS LIL PINKY LIKE THAT???????

OH MY GOD ME TOO I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE THE WINGS STAGE AND WATCHING THEM HAVE SO MUCH FUN IS JUST SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I ALSO ABSOLUTELY LOVVVEEE THEIR ENERGY DURING THE SY TOUR MEDLEY WITH IDOL AND BAEPSAE AND FIRE AND DOPE ZSXDFGFCHGVJBHJN THEY JUST LOSE THEMSELVES IN THE CROWD AND THE MUSIC AND ITS JUST SO FUCKING SURREAL TO WATCH HOW MUCH THEY ENJOY DOING WHAT THEY DO!!!!! kinda makes me want to find that happiness and passion in whatever i do in my professional life <3 and LISTEN jimin said the break the soul commentary THAT HE COULD DO SERENDIPITY SHIRTLESS TOO. THE AUDACITY. HE SAID THAT WITH HIS WHOLE CHEST. 

YOU KNWO WHAT I THINK JIMIN WON’T GIVE US A HINT BEFORE DROPPING PJM1. HE’LL JUST DROP IT ONE FINE DAY OUT OF NOWHERE LIKE HE DROPPED PROMISE AND CHRISTMAS LOVE (i wasn’t here when he dropped promise but i read that on twitter sdfghjkl) AND NO PLS NO I DO N O T WANT TO SLEEP THROUGH JJK1 OR KTH1 OR PJM1 OR KSJ1 OR NAMGI MIXTAPE 3 OR HOBI MIXTAPE 2 OR ANYTHING BASICALLY YOU GET IT i had slept through dynamite cb because i had NO CLUE that they were gonna drop it at 1pm kst rather than 12 am kst. i was under the impression that since they dropped all the teaser pictures and the teaser itself as 12 am kst, the mv will drop at 12 am kst too. and I woke up like two hours after the mv dropped (which was almost noon my time) and i felt like A FUCKING FOOL AND I JUST 😭😭😭😭 NEVER WANT TO FEEL LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN 😭😭😭 

AND YES BABIE NEEDS TO COME LIVE SOON PLS I MISS HIM SO FUCKING MUCH :((((( AND HIS O...M.....G HAD MADE ME FUCKING SOBBBBBBBBBBB his yt live god he looked sooooooo fluffy with his hair and his tiny hands and his puppy eyes and soft voice im just so 😭😭😭😭😭😭

NO NONNONONONO PLEASE IM NO LEGEND DON’T SAY THAT IM EMBARRASSED im just a normal fangirl who makes okayish gifs 😭😭 and ok yes so i started giffing LONNNGGGGGG time back on a different public fan forum from my country but i never knew the right process and stuff so obviously the gifs were shitty lmao BUT ANYWAY i got into gifmaking PROPERLY this in july last year and obviously struggled a lot in the beginning because i didn’t know shit about colouring and stuff lmao but i kept practicing and even though im not perfect rn i do think that i got better. i love giffing tho. its such a nice creative outlet and whenever i gif the boys it brings me so much happiness :( <33

AND YES ASDFGHJKL ME AND HER ARE FRIENDS SINCE A VERY LONG TIME SDFGHJK LIKE LONG BEFORE BOTH OF US GOT INTO BTS SDFGHJ and ah yes the whiplash lmaooooooo and you’re right god the stay gold mv is SO FUCKING PRETTY THE COLOURS IN THAT ENTIRE MV HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AND JIMIN AND TAE AND JOON WITH THE DOGGO JUST EVERYTHING SDFGHJK <3333333 AND BS&T DUDE I GIFFED THE MV YESTERDAY AND IM 💀💀💀💀💀 (like i just giffed jimin from the mv but i did watch the whole thing 5647589 times <333333) AND GUESS WHAT!!!!!! I WAS A LILLY SINGH FAN (IDK IF YOU KNOW HER SHE’S A YOUTUBER) BACK IN 2016 AND PEOPLE BACK THEN HAD REQUESTED HER TO REACT TO BS&T MV AND I HAD WATCHED HER REACTION VIDEO AND (although it didn’t stick with me back then because i was a fucking fool) I DID SOMEHOW REMEMBERED THE JIN AND STATUE KISSING MOMENT AND WHEN IN 2020 I SAW THE MV AND SAW THE KISSING MOMENT MY BRAIN JUST!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT I HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE SOMEWHERE AND THEN I REMEMBERED I HAD SEEN THIS IN THE REACTION VIDEO LMAOOOOO i wish i hadn’t been a fool and gotten into them back then :((((

AH NO OMG YOUR STORY IS SOOOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEEE ATLEAST YOU WEREN’T A FOOL LIKE ME TO NOT GET ATTRACTED TO BS&T THE FIRST TIME OF SEEING IT!!!! I WANNA HIT MY 2016 SELF LIKE DAMN YOU YOU FOOLISH ASSHOLE AND yes omg how did y’all do the subs thing damnnnnn i can’t imagine

AND YES THE CANADA RUN EPIS ARE LOOOVVVEEEE and that vmin moment plsssssss i cry everytime 😭😭😭😭😭 it is just so soft and innocent and tae’s little smile after jimin just turns around and hugs him 😔😔😔😔 i love soulmates 😔😔😔😔 AND MIRI YES OMG EVERYONE WAS SO IMPRESSED BY THE LITTLE CUTIE AND THE WAY JUNGKOOK JUST KEPT ADORING HER THROUGHOUT MADE ME SO SO SOFTTTT and bro adam is me. i am like that. lazy and un-motivated AF. although if i were a dog and jin were to be my owner i would listen to him so well and jump on him every chance i’d get 😌😌😌

GOD YES RED HAIR DOPE ERA JIMIN 💀 BABIE BUT MAKE IT SEXY 🥵🥵 AND OMG YESDGFHG MY FAVE ERA IS HYYH. ORANGE HAIRED JIMIN. PLS. HE’S EVERYTHING. I WISH I HAD GOTTEN INTO THEM DURING THAT. LIKE THAT ERA IS ..... SOMEHOW SO FUCKING WILD AND STILL SO ASSURING AND CALMING ????? KEEPS ME ROOTED LIKE IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN DFGHJKL AND WINGS TOO DAMN I WISH I WAS HERE TO LIVE ALL THOSE AMAZING ERAS. but even though i wish i had gotten into them earlier... i think i found them when i needed them the most. I was going through a very difficult time last year and they somehow they made me feel so fucking safe and at home that the connection was instant. honestly i’ve never stanned or felt a connection with any celebrity as strong as the one i feel with bangtan. its like... they don’t know i exist but they still know EXACTLY what im feeling and what to say or do at that time to make me feel comforted. Its weird god but its true :((( SORRY I GOT EMO I JUST LOVE THEM A LOT SDFGHJKL

[inctlife]

since you did chenle and renjun as husbands/dads, how would the rest of the dreamies be as husbands/dads? (p.s. i know requests are closed rn, so please don’t answer this if you don’t want to)

aha no it’s fine!! i’ll answer things like this lol, just not take requests for scenarios :)

find chenle & renjun ‘s here

jeno - as a husband he’d just be really reliable ??? like you can always depend on jeno being down for anything and everything like he’s literally willing to die himself for you???? like sometimes you have to be like ‘nah, jeno i’ll do it dw’ bc he’s about to fucking jump infront of a train so you dont have to go to work

and then when you find our ur pregnant he’s just so happy!!!!!!!! i imagine him being the type of person to actually pick you up and spin you round when you say your pregnant cause he’s just that happy lol

as a dad he’s kinda strict ? but only when he needs to be, otherwise he’s down for anything also if the kids are like ‘daddy look at this thing i learnt’ ‘daddy wanna know what i did at school today’ doesnt matter how busy he is he’s just all ears to his kids

to him you and his kids are more important than himself🥺🥺

jaemin - he’s so in love. that’s all you need to know.

so you got pregnant before you two got married so ur all like ugly crying and proper panicking but jaemin’s just so loving and is like ‘what?? you think im gonna leave you ??????????’ he’s like lowkey offended that you’d even think that bc tbh i think jaemin’s the kind of person who if he doesn’t see the relationship ending in marriage and babies, he’ll break it off bc he just doesnt wanna waste ur time and his

so yeah, ur pregnant and jaemin’s just right here by your side. the whole time. he knows the best foods for you to eat, he knows the exercises you need to do, he’s just here knowing more than you about pregnancy and babies lol (he just cant wait to meet his child like omg thats his child !!!!!)

and then after two kids he finally gets the chance to propose and he goes ALL OUT also in korea weddings are lowkey quite small but jaemin is having a foreign wedding. there aint no way this bitch is over in two hours

donghyuck - so another one who gets you pregnant before marriage. yay.

but for real i think that donghyuck might panic a lil when he first finds out your pregnant, but after just spending like a couple hours in his bedroom he comes back and is like crying and he’s just like ‘i love you so much thank you for carrying my baby’

he’s crying a lot through the whole thing tbh and sometimes when you ask for something he’s like ‘no wtf get it yourself’ before he realises his mistake and is up in 0.0000127 seconds being like ‘soRRy what was it hahaha’

and then you two, being like you are, end up having two more kids and ur just like ‘no more! no more! i’m not doing this again!’ and donghyuck’s like ‘that’s fair’ and then he’s like (ur looking after three kids at this point btw) ‘marry me?’ and this bitch just has a ring in his pocket (he’s had it since you got pregnant the first time) and ur like crying like ‘yES’ and ur kids are like ‘wat’ but it was really cute and you realised how in love you are with duckie tbh

and then you have another kid just to spice it up, you know

but fr duckie’s such a sweet dad and he just plays with your kids and when their sad he’ll sit and cuddle them till their better and he’s just great :(

jisung - okay so jisungie is very unexperienced in basically everything bc he spent his younger years being a trainee :(( but ur like his second/third girlfriend and he’s like ‘i am good now’ and when it comes to proposing and getting married he’s just so ready to prove to the hyungs and the whole of sm and all nctzens that he’s grown up now so he does A LOT for you

sometimes you gotta just baby him but that’s just like cuddles and lil smooches but he always loves that its not cause he’s a baby it’s just cause thats nice everyone likes that🥺

but ya he’s a really great husband tbh and he actually is very mature and he cries when he finds out ur pregnant with sunmi because oh my godㅠㅠㅠㅠ he’s getting a childㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ even before chenle and markㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

lots of crying

as a dad he just loves his kids sm and he just basically spends his whole time being like ‘wow i’m a dad’ like his kid will be like ‘dad!’ and he’ll have to take a moment and be like ‘... that me’ but apart from that he’s really chill and just likes hanging out with his children

[strangest-things-lover]

Stop (Billy Hargrove x Reader)

A/n: Sup peeps! I’m literally crying rn bc I made a fanfic and accidentally pressed delete and I worked on it for more than two hours! It’s okay tho bc I wrote another one! Hope y'all enjoy it! Btw REQUEST ARE OPEN!

Summary: You and Billy have been dating for quite a long time now and he’s been avoiding you. You see him wandering the halls and took advantage. What seemed to start good, turned out bad.

You were waiting for Max at her locker for god knows how long. It was class time so there wasn’t anyone around. You heard footsteps coming from your right and turned to see Max. She looked confused but still kept walking.

“What brings you here?” She asked as she opened her locker.

“I need to see your brother right now! Do you know where he is?” You asked curiously, making Max laugh. She put her hand on your shoulder and spoke.

“You need to calm down! He’s probably walking around like an idiot.” You nodded your head.

“I’ll pay you back I swear!” You said before running off. You ran to your locker and decided to put all your things into it. You slammed the door and saw someone from the corner of your eyes. Billy. You made eye contact with him, before slowly walking to him.

“Hey sexy!” He said grabbing onto your hips, only to be rejected when you pulled away. You grabbed his arm and led him into the girls washroom.

“I need to talk to you.” You spoke softly. He smiled and moved forward, pushing you against one of the walls.

“Why don’t we keep that for later huh?” He snaked his hands to your butt and groped it harshly, pulling you closer to him. You wanted to get out of his grip but he was too strong.

“Billy, seriously! Stop!” He looked at you, before bringing his lips against your neck.

“You look hot today baby! I can’t help myself.” He kissed your neck to your jaw, he moved to your lips, but you turned your head. He pulled his body away from you and waited.

“What’s wrong with you?” He asked, sounding annoyed.

“What’s wrong with me? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?” You lost your patience, your soft gentle voice now a harsh growl. He looked a little taken back and he didn’t like the fact you’re raising your voice.

“Who do you think you’re talking to?” He asked in a low, intimidating voice. He slowly moved closer to you, blocking you between him and the stall door. 

“You, asshole.” He raised his hands to slap you, but stopped midway when he heard a teacher. He looked at you, covering your face in fear.

“This isn’t over.” He said before moving away towards the door. As soon as you heard the door close, you slid down and hugged yourself. What have you gotten yourself into? After about half an hour, you saw Max walk in.

“Y/N!”She yelled before running to your side. You looked at her with puffy eyes and she didn’t know what to do other than hugging you.

“That monster! Wait till I tell dad.” You held her wrist tightly, signalling her not too. You brought your hands to your face and wiped the tears away. You stood up and faced Max.

“I-I need to b-break up with him.” Even though you were stuttering, Max knew you meant it. She looked scared, for you, for what’s going to happen.

“You can’t do that, not with him. Make him break up with you Y/N.” She was panicking for some reason and you were confused.

“Why?” You asked, barely getting the question to leave your lips.

“Let’s just say that his ex moved to another school cause of him…” You needed to know more but you didn’t have the energy too. You hugged her tightly since she would be the only one who would understand.

“I love you so much Maxine! Thanks for the help!” You pulled away and she smiled.

“You too! Just, please try to avoid him for a while.” You nodded your head. She was about to leave but you pulled her back.

“Wait, are you guys going to hunt down the demogorgons? Cause I’ll come with you.” Her face lit up with excitement which answered your question.

“Meet us at Will’s house! I’ll see you then and hope you feel better!” She gave you one last hug before she left. You looked at yourself in the mirror and took a deep breath.

7 o'clock at the Byer’s House

You stepped out of your car and moved towards the door. You stood at the front, debating if you should go or turn back. Before you can choose, Steve opened the door and smiled!

“Y/n! Come in!” It was funny because now that Mrs.Byers is gone, Steve has been acting like a mom. You laughed and entered the house to see everyone’s face in shock. You turned behind you to see nothing.

“Hello?” You questioned and they all looked at each other. They all shook their heads and waved at you. You walked towards Lucas, plopping down beside him.

“What are you dipshits up to?” You asked as you turned to face “the squad”.

“We’re actually trying to plan how we are suppose to attack or lure the demogorgans into the centre. We have to go to the farm and go down the hole, light it on fire then come back up.” Steve and you looked at each other in confusion.

“And who’s driving?” Steve asked only for all of them to point at him. He rolled his eyes and grabbed the towel he had over his shoulders.

“This is not happening! Do you understand that? I never agreed to this! I promised to keep you guys safe and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. If you go out there by yourself, don’t expect me or Y/n to save your ass’.” They looked at you and you nodded your head. The phone started ringing and no one bothered to notice because they were too busy fighting. You got up and went to answer the phone.

“Hello?” You asked to hear a female voice on the other side. You looked down at the number and it was coming from your house.

“Yeah! Y/n! Honey! A handsome young man came looking for you and his sister Ma-”

“WHAT?” You yelled through the phone and everyone around you turned their attention to you. Your body was heating up from what your mom just told you.

“It’s not a big deal, Y/n! I told him you both should be at the Byer’s house and he’s probably on his way. Make sure to not scare him!”

“DID YOU GIVE ALL OF OUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBERS TOO?” You asked as anger was boiling through your entire body.

“Y/n im so-”

“SAVE IT!” You yelled and slammed the receiver down, cutting her off. You looked towards the others in worry, especially Max.

“Max, you need to come with me right now.” Max didn’t even ask you anything and followed you. Steve moved in between you and the door, curious to know what’s so serious.

“What happened?” He focused mainly on you, analyzing the way your body was stiff and trembling.

“B-billly is c-coming.” You said through your stutters. Max gasped and moved away from the door.

“NO! HE CAN’T FIND ME! DO SOMETHING!” She yelled as she ran towards Lucas, who wrapped his arms around her. 

“Why are you guys scared of that guy?” Your head shot back to Steve and he moved back a bit.

“You don’t understand. He’s one son of a bitch Steve, you even know that. He’ll hurt Max and kill me!” Steve pushed you back, far away from the door. You started pacing around the living room. Sitting on the couch, getting up, pacing for a bit, and doing it all over again.

“Steve. I need to get her home before he com-”

You were cut off when you heard an engine roaring from outside.  “Billy.” Both you and Max said in unison.

“Okay, stay here with them Y/n! If he gets in, you need to defend them.” He said before opening the door. As soon as the door closed, all of you ran to the couch that was below the window and looked out. You being the tallest, had to get up and look from the top. You noticed how Billy was constantly looking at the window then turned to look at the kids. You looked again and noticed Steve swing his head back to the window.

(Ignore the subtitles)

“SHIT! Did he see us?” Dustin asked as he slid down the couch like the others. You went near the door and slightly opened it to see Steve on the ground and Billy walking towards the door.

“NO!” You immediately pushed your body weight against the door, but Billy was pushing on it real hard. You looked at the ceiling to see cracks starting to appear. You knew you had to let go before the entire door breaks.

“GO AWAY BILLY! MAX IS NOT HERE!” You shouted as loud as you can and heard a chuckle.

“PRINCESS! YOUR HERE TOO? WELL ISN’T THIS A LUCKY DAY!” You regretted even speaking. He shoved the door a little harder and you landed right on your ass. He slammed the door open and looked down at you.

“Well, well, well, who do we have here? Is that Lucas Sinclair?” He moved dangerously close to Max and Lucas and eyed them. You pushed yourself up and shoved yourself in between Billy and the kids.

“The doors behind you. Leave!” He laughed before wrapping his hands around your throat. You can hear the kids yelling and trying to pull him back but he was determined to get what he wants. You tried to pry his hands away, but it only got tighter.

“Watch yourself, Y/l/n! You might be signing up to see the bitchy side of me.” His face was probably a few centimetres away from yours. You snickered before saying,

“Aren’t I already?” His face slowly started turning red and before you can process, he threw you to the ground. You landed on your back and laid there for a few seconds, trying not to pass out. You could tell he was moving forward and just as he bent down, Steve opened the door, standing above you. You smiled and looked back at Billy before punching his face, nice and hard. He grunted as he fell back and Steve took the chance to bend down and punch him multiple times. You pulled Steve up and told him to get out of the house with the kids.

“Steve! Take them and start your plan.” Steve was hesitating, but he knew you would be fine. You straddled Billy’s hips and held him down, giving the others a chance to escape. Steve gave you one last glance.

“Are you sure?” You huffed.

“I’m positive Steve! Now get the fuck out!” He closed the door and you heard the car come to life and drive off. Billy took this chance to push you off of him and picked you up. He brought you to the couch and dropped you, setting himself on top of you.

“Get off of me!” You squirmed beneath him as he laughed evilly. He pulled your hands above your head and held it there.

“Give me one good reason to.” He seemed serious. You teared up and almost began to cry.

“You don’t love me.” The words left your lips as it made its way through his mind. As it hit him, he let go of your hands and stood up.

“What are you talking about? Of course I love you!” You stood up, maintaining the same eye level.

“Lies.” You shoved past him to the door, ready to leave this place but he pulled you back.

“You’re not leaving this place without explaining yourself!” He backed you up against the wall like he did earlier, but there was no sexual tension, only anger and sadness.

“Y-You haven’t been talking to me! You don’t even bother to checkup on me! You have been ignoring my texts. You have been partying with our school sluts when you told me you’re tired!” You didn’t even take a breath in between and just looked at Billy for an answer.

“I don’t understand so clarify this, you’re the one who took an interest for me first right?” You waited for an answer but he just looked at you blankly, lost.

“ANSWER ME BILLY!” He nodded his head and you can tell, he knew this was going somewhere bad and because it was all his fault.

“You’re the one who asked me out, am I right?” He nodded his head and looked down at his hands, looking at the promise rings you swapped with each other.

“You’re the one who gave me the promise ring and said we should always keep each other as a first priority!” He looked at you in shame, hating himself. You both didn’t even notice the fact that Billy, is now backed up against the wall.

“I didn’t know you felt that way… I’m sorry.” For the first time, you actually heard something from Billy that he meant. You sarcastically laughed.

“Wow! That’s the first thing you’ve actually meant!” He looked at you with tears in his eyes.

“I wasn’t doing anything with those girls anyway, even ask Max! I called them cows! I promise I’ll make it better.” You raised your left hand in between both of your faces and slowly took the ring off. You shoved the ring to his chest and gave a weak smile.

“You already broke it.” With that said, you kissed his cheek one last time and moved towards the door. You saw a single tear run down his cheek and you wanted to hug him, hold him, but both of you knew it’s not possible.

[ua-monoma]

[[ hi here’s a text convo me and dani were having during the iimono text convo woohoo feelings ]]

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:16 AM

iida's definition of alright is "im not completely hurting to the point where it is hard to do or think abt anything else"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:17 AM

THATS A BAD DEFINITION IIDA

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:17 AM

if he can do his duties without being hindered he's "alright"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:18 AM

like tbh monoma's big feels rn are like 

 1) i wanna communicate but it feels like iida doesnt actually communicate with me ever 

2) i wanna be honest but it feels like iida isnt being honest with me 

3) i've been opening up a lot which im! proud of!! i can face my emotions now! but iida isnt facing HIS emotions with me and i thought uHh being a couple means we do that together so i guess i'll go fuck myselfsdfskhdgbg

but ALSO from an outside perspective iida Does Communicate and Is Honest... way more than monoma perceives it but monoma sucks. at being able to identify it

A L S O he cant stand iida taking care of him so much sfhgbsfbhsg hes starting to feel rly coddled and he Does Not Like It

and thats largely just cuz hes so unstable and feels guilty about it now that hes more aware of it and wants to either just shut down and stop emoting around iida or, like, he wants to get to take care of iida if/when he ever breaks down cuz then it'll be Equals

kdfgdfhbdfgs i just had a hunch and it was right, monoma is actually older than iida sdfbjhgs

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:22 AM

WAIT HE IS

HES OLDER,

rickyLast Sunday at 4:27 AM

but yeah i think the other thing is that monoma wants stuff from iida but like has not been able to rly voice it (i feel like this is the first time he has ever talked like This Much about emotional bullshit) but also TBH he feels brushed aside every time iida gives him one of his lil speeches

cuz he doesnt respond very well to positivity and also will just latch onto the negative aspects

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:30 AM

WOW then u have iida whos just like "dude im not a fuckign mind reader tell me what u want"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:30 AM

WHICH I KNOW BUT HE'S WORKING ON IT.....

iida: communicate pls monoma: ok heres a big rambling post about stuff i feel iida: ok thats nice. can you communicate with me pls tho monoma: I JUST DID HSDFKGGBDFSG I'LL JUST GO FUCK MYSELF THEN I GUESS--

^ is how he feels

also hes scared of the Boyfriend Conversation

which i think i've told you before, hes scared cuz of the sex addiction thing but also,

ppl keep coercing him to sex and he doesnt wanna date iida and then be coerced into Officially Cheating,,, pseudo cheating isnt acceptable either but at least like,,, hes Technically not betraying him,

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:36 AM

THE RAMBLING THING isnt clear to iida bc its like yes that is how he feels but he is not telling me What He Wants From Me

rickyLast Sunday at 4:37 AM

YEAH thats what i noticed today +_+!!!

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:38 AM

its like monoma is offering his stance but not a solution or a compromise

rickyLast Sunday at 4:38 AM

monoma doesnt rly know that's what he's supposed to do hjbsjfsg

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:38 AM

does iida have to spell it out

rickyLast Sunday at 4:38 AM

y es

like, the last thing iida said kind of made monoma be like

wait lemme look at it again

ok he said he wanted to know the reasons behind his actions and monoma was like,,,,wha--

cuz... 1) theres like never actually a reason and 2) he didnt know iida wanted that from him

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:40 AM

H

rickyLast Sunday at 4:40 AM

like monoma barely even recognizes half his actions cuz theyre all based on impulses and tbh if nobody pointed them out he'll just move on like nothing's happened

like he compartmentalizes,,, s o much,,,,,, and then represses it like instantly like TBH

like barely anyone talks about monoma's growing alcoholism so he just keeps doing that, and no one has had the chance to tell him to stop communicating with villains so he kept doing that too but like. Because it wasnt pointed out he barely has a problem with it and can function fine

everyone harps on him for the sex stuff tho so he's just like Drowning In Guilt

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:44 AM

is there literally-- any way iida can actually help him because, i just , wow

rickyLast Sunday at 4:44 AM

sfjgkdfg 

iida: here's a list of questions to communicate with, pls answer monoma: dissociates instantly 

whOH YEAH DEFINITELYi know that sounds all depressing sjhsdfghthe fix is honestly super easy tbh

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:45 AM

HE ASKED TWO WHOLE QUESTIO-jvhcfdjsjcxsdjhds

god im glad there is indeed a fix

rickyLast Sunday at 4:45 AM

I WAS TYPING UP MORE META I HAVENT GOTTEN TO IT YET

monoma's problem is literally just that he doesnt have the vocabulary for, like, anything

what he wants is an open relationship but he doesnt know what that is and TO BE QUITE FRANK his only knowledge of one is fucking sen and kosei

so like, he's only hesitating so much cuz he doesnt know how to voice what he wants cuz Tbh monoma hates not sounding smart and being emotive means bumbling around like an idiot

he still feels brushed off tho,

iida bls be sad around him more

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:02 AM

IIDA DOESNT LIKE BEING SAD

its weird for him

he always like

how do i put this

he takes his sadness, pisses on it, and sets it on fire

rickyLast Sunday at 5:02 AM

oh God i just realized iida is doing the same thing the guy i was gay for did FUCKMeJFBJHFBGDG

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:03 AM

oh he pissed on his  sadness too? worm

rickyLast Sunday at 5:03 AM

he did the 'im alright is actually crashing and burning in super slow motion for months at a time' thing

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:03 AM

iida is hollow more often than he is sad

1JDCKCDSNHSDSNDSCJ

rickyLast Sunday at 5:05 AM

meanwhile i had the loudly has breakdowns and then gets upset about being taken care of despite him insisting because of his Fetish for taking care of people thing

me: glares at iidas Fetish

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:06 AM

ok this is more of a hc but

iida likes taking care of ppl bc his parents rarely took care of him uwus

o hes like

rickyLast Sunday at 5:07 AM

CRIES

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:07 AM

being the Dad and Mom he never had

rickyLast Sunday at 5:07 AM

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

see that Sucks cuz my hc is that monoma was raised to be as self sufficient as possible as Fast as possible which meant wow we aint got time for emotions fam just Put Them In A Box

oh is the box overflowing, put the BOX in a BIGGER BOX

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

emotionally stunted boys sure are great

rickyLast Sunday at 5:08 AM

i k r

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

only in theory tho,

rickyLast Sunday at 5:08 AM

LOL

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

irl i wouldve just

choked them

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

sobs angrily about iida

share your emotions biiiiiiitchhhh

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:09 AM

hits the back of monoma's head

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

hEY

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:09 AM

just tell him what u want u stupid fuckJCDFJDSSD

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

HE WANTS YOU TO SHARE HIS EMOTIONS HSFBGJHFGS HE SAID THAT!!!!AND IIDA WAS LIKE, NAH

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:10 AM

IIDA ISNT RLLY THAT SURE OF HIS EMOTIONS EITHER THATS WHY!!!

HE THINKS HES THIS BUT HES ACTUALLY SOMETHING ELSE

rickyLast Sunday at 5:10 AM

THATS MONOMAS PROBLEM TOO YOU BUTT DFHBSDFGJGSG

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:10 AM

FUCK

rickyLast Sunday at 5:11 AM

OHMY

GODSTRANGLES THEM BOTH

IIMONO: FEELINGS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:11 AM

w iida its more like. he knows deep down but he doesnt , think , its important enough , to be addressed

rickyLast Sunday at 5:11 AM

i i d a b l s

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:11 AM

"as class rep i must be a leader before anything else!!!!!"

rickyLast Sunday at 5:12 AM

monoma is honestly like 'iida help this is the very first time in my life i have felt Guilt what am i supposed to do with this!!!!!!

iida: whats wrong monoma: IM SAD????  WHY DIDNT ANYONE EVER TELL ME WHAT A CONSEQUENCE WAS iida: ,

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:14 AM

JXVCDJXCDSAHJSDSDJ

rickyLast Sunday at 5:15 AM

and t b h he kind of is like, automatically expecting like... a Reward for getting this far but iida just kind of keeps being like 'okay cool. and what else'

and monoma is like HJSFBKHBFGS THAT TOOK ME 3 WEEKS TO FIGURE OUT B L S

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:28 AM

fuckcdncnddxjsn

rickyLast Sunday at 5:28 AM

,,,, in person or continue the text

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:29 AM

CCCCONTINUE...they rarely text god pls

rickyLast Sunday at 5:30 AM

TBH YEAH...

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:30 AM

iida has no Time for his phone he needs to read 30 chapters ahead so he doesnt fall behind!!!

rickyLast Sunday at 5:30 AM

monoma is Traumatized by all their other text convos so he doesnt--

im including the times when i post this btw because God Damn i love that its likefucking 5am over here

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:31 AM

GO TO BED?

rickyLast Sunday at 5:31 AM

this is 500% a 'im sad texting my bitchass pseudo bae about my feelings at fucking sunrise after they kept me up crying all night' conversation

whats a bed

[goldenkiva]

unfiltered rambling (this is a (long) vent post; cw for some irl death mentions, sui and self harm mention (nothing in reality), bad mental health time, all that jazz

well it’s 7:30 am and ive been awake since 4 am. which is an improvement really. i slept at 12:30am ish, in contrast to constantly sleeping at 8 am or later the past month or so. and it’s been taking a very bad toll on me lately mentally. everything has been building up and probably toyin’s death (yes the one who was found dead, we were classmates in middle/high school...) was my breaking point as i had a very bad panic attack a few days after. that lasted a good 22 hours before i fully calmed down. it always takes me 5-9 hours to calm down from anxiety or trauma related bad times as i have no real coping mechanisms and i will just literally do nothing but stay huddled up in bed until the unbearable feeling goes away. but that one. was just really bad. i think i also accidentally upset one of my best friends before that which also attributed to it (we’re fine now.) it’s been a bit since i had that panic attack but i still feel so bad all the time. sometimes i joke about wataru giving me chest pain bc i love him so much but i feel like i havent experienced physical emotion in so long i just want to feel it even if it’s painful. i dont self harm so dw about that btw. but i rarely shed even a single tear anymore when ive always been a total cry baby. i only cry full on tears and sobs now when im being over stimulated during a conversation. i just genuinely want to feel physically excited or happy or sad or whatever. i want to feel physical emotion again and not just numbness with an occasional laff or on the verge of getting watery eyes but not even real crying or whatever. 

i also had to get a new phone bc my dumb clumsy self dropped my phone flat on the screen a second time and it was unrepairable which makes me sad bc i only had this phone for two years and it still ran perfectly well. i wanted to keep it for 3-4 years at least...i got a new one ordered yesterday and im splitting price with my dad n i just feel bad i had to get a new one at all bc because of covid and shit my parents are only getting half the usual business and we already dont make a ton. thankfully my parents and sister are the type to not spend recklessly in general (i am prob the biggest spender...) but that wont stop my dumb of ass generalized anxiety disorder from making me worry about bankruptcy or poverty or some other extreme. i hate it bc i cant do anything about these thoughts except just what feels like sitting in mud and i slowly sink in. i wish i was an artist with more clout because i desperately want to be have consistent (or any) income. even before covid i always feel bad about not having a job. ik it’s hard to balance school and work anyway so it’s fine if im not working but it sucks. american college is a scam. at least i didnt go to an art school. (well. i am in art program in college. but not going to an arts dedicated school like ringling. which is significantly more expensive. if i went to art school id be significantly more likely to end up in very heavy debt) but i hate having gad. i hate not having any real coping mechanisms. i feel frustrated and a little annoyed when i asked about coping mechanisms for my anxiety with my therapist she just told me breathing exercises. which ig can be valuable but ik in my heart this wont help me at all. perhaps it’s un-dx’d adhd with rsd making me feel that way that makes me refuse to even want to do them. all my medical and health issues are also a contribution to my gad and financial terrors. sometimes it makes me wanna die but i wont do that. bc my friends and family would genuinely be very heartbroken if i were to suddenly be gone especially if by my own hand. i wouldnt want anyone to blame themselves either...

the only things genuinely making me feel anything lately is wataru and buck tick. it almost makes me a little upset how little amount of things make me happy or even feel anything rn. im reading a tragedy visual novel rn (which is very good and well written and i generally like tragedies and i find them indulgent) that i am enjoying very much yet i feel barley anything while reading it. i immensely miss the buck tick concert streams so bad. watching them over the month and half they streamed every saturday morning really put how much they love making music and performing in a brand new light to me, and watching that last concert bestias locus solus was just. so amazing. i dont know how to talk about it other than i was genuinely touched. they went all out playing at that concert stage bc it was their first time performing there (at the time in their 31 year career, 33 this year) and the unplugged performances and sakura especially got me so hard. im not good with words so im not doing a good job at all expressing how much that concert (along with the day in question 2017) made me feel. i miss it. i want to buy the dvds so bad but theyre so expensive and now is not a time for reckless spending. but one day i will attain them and experience the happiness they bring me again. im sad my friends arent rly into them the same degree i am but ig it really is such a personalized feeling. i was already in a state of dread and depression when i got into the band. but im still glad my other friends enjoy them and tell me they enjoy their music. their stuff slaps. theyre just an amazing band. a band not restricted by genre. a band who makes music because they love it and love performing and love their fans and dont get warped in the ideas of fame or fortune, and are fully okay with being normal people...a band with the same line up since their pro debut in 1989 because the members all love and care about each other so much. theyre still going strong in their mid to late 50s as they were in their late teens. they make me so happy...

well it’s 8 am now and if youve read this whole thing, thanks i guess? that sounds rude, but im just kinda sittin in the mud. im still in the midst of cleaning my room. i am not someone to recklessly hurt myself or anything like that so dont worry about that. i’ll be fine. probably. if you wanna listen to buck tick heres their spotify :) i recommend their albums atom miraiha no. 09, no.0 (especially the live performance version), kuratta taiyo, darker than darkness style 1993, aku no hana, and their kemonotachi no yoru/rondo double single. they slap so good. also spotify is missing literally like 15 years worth of their music from the 00s-10s. you can find downloads online though. theyre also releasing a new single in august im very excited for it. also, the singer of the band (atsushi sakurai) did a collab with sheena ringo where he sung the bg vocals of her song elopers, which was also made in sakurai’s image and she got it really dead set on tbqh. sheena ringo loves bt so yall should too :)

[saintkimora]

ok……..here is the long awaited post of what happened on saturday night! (Last Saturday night btw not yesterday night) ive been too busy to post about it until now but it is juicy

so as i said on saturday, joel and i were texting on and off that day but it was weird as usual. so after i showered i wrote out a text to him saying that even though we havent been communicating much recently i still miss him and think about him all the time and that i appreciate the chances i do get to talk to him. so i sent this message but literally the second it sent i got a message from him. like we sent our texts at the same time. so i started reading his text and it started with “perry……im really sorry but what we have isnt working out” skafjhkajdhfkjads so i felt like a jolt in my legs and had to sit down. so he sent this long ass breakup text and here are the basic points that he used

he isnt ready for a relationship/exclusivity (even though HE was the one who literally deleted all his dating apps the day after we met bc he wanted to focus on pursuing me)

he hasnt been making the effort and i deserve someone who does

he hasnt been opening up and he is aware of that bc he knows he isnt ready

i deserve someone who is in a better place in their life than he is rn/someone who has their stuff together

i dont deserve what hes putting me through

he wants time to be single and make mistakes and regret them (stupid ass reasoning btw)

he knew using texts was the wrong way to end it but he wasnt strong enough to do it in person

he apologized if i feel like i wasted my time on him/if i regret anything ive done w him (since the last time i saw him before this was when i had sex with him)

hes sorry that he isnt treating me better

not my fault at all

so yeah that was the text! i didnt even read it fully until later on like i skimmed it and called him immediately and asked if we could talk in person (ofc i got all choked up trying to ask and almost started crying over the phone) so he said yes he owes me that much so i grabbed my tissue box, tried to put on my shoes (my mom had to help me bc i was shaking too much) and drove to his apartment and then sprinted to his apartment from where i parked a block away. i got there and his roommates werent home so it was just him. he opened the door and i said hi and he let me in and it was v solemn so we went into his room and sat on his bed and this is where the drama really started

so i was like “can i have a hug” and he was like “yes” so we hugged and i started crying. so we hugged for a while and then we separated and i was like “ok so explain why you want to end this” so he started explaining it to me. i was crying and he was crying too but i was crying more obv! i was like bawling. his eyes were red and tears were falling and he was sniffling but he wasnt like crying hard

so he just explained that he was in a bad place when he met me and he still is in that bad place (in reference to his depression) and how its not me its him and how i deserve someone who puts in the effort and doesnt distance themselves from me and actually has the time to see me and i was annoyed bc caleb did the same thing and i am sick of other guys telling me whats best for me like *vicki from rhoc voice* how do you know whats best for me? and like obv just bc you have depression doesnt mean you dont deserve love, like he said he still liked me and wanted to be with me and how it was breaking his heart to have to do this so i did not want him to end something just bc he felt he didnt deserve me or that he wasnt worthy of my love or anything like that 

so he also explained how he wasnt ready to settle down and i was like sis we arent even officially boyfriends yet, its not like im asking you to marry me and have kids lmfao and he said he wasnt ready for exclusivity so i was like “does that mean you wanna fuck other guys?” and he was like “i dont know” so ????? and he was like “im feeling conflicted” so i was like wtf is going on in here on this day

also i asked if his roommates were home and he said no he was home alone tonight and that was part of why he was feeling so bad and its like sis…..if being alone makes you feel worse then making yourself even more alone by breaking up w me doesnt seem like the best way to fix that! and i told him that i was free tonight and he couldve just invited me over if he was feeling lonely and he was like “i thought you would be busy” like sis literally the only times i am ever busy on saturday nights is when im with him!! lmao

he also said he wasnt opening up bc he couldnt/wasnt ready for it yet, but like i wasnt asking him to open up like all i wanted was for him to put a modicum of effort into our conversations just to show that he cared, like we can just keep doing fun things like im not asking him to get all deep and vulnerable with me (although i would love that too)

so we just had a very emotional time, i was crying my eyes out nonstop and he was lightly crying as well, there was lots of hugging and holding and stuff so like i was really really REALLY losing it like i was so MESSSSSSSSSSYYYY like i was just getting all in my feelings and saying all the things im gonna miss about him and like apologizing for anything i did wrong/apologizing for not being enough for him and like it was really really bad. but i was still also cracking jokes like a dumbass throughout the whole thing lmao bc i like to find the humor in things

i decided to mention that i was originally planning to ask him to be my bf officially on our next date (that plan had changed since he became cold and distant the past week or two but originally i was planning on doing it on the next date after i got back from the retreat) just bc i was being emotional

at one point he was laying on the bed and i was sitting on the edge of it crying (and covering my face bc im an ugly crier even though he’d already seen plenty of footage of me crying at this point) and he held out his arms and was like “come here” and i was like “no” and looked away and he was like “please” like that was very satisfying bc it showed that he needed comforting as well at that moment

at one point i was just laying on my side rolled up in a ball scream crying into my hands now THAT was messy. it was nice though bc joel moved in behind me and tried to hold me and calm me down. speaking of calming down! there were some points where i got like………REALLY bad like i was breathing so hard and fast it was troubling but whenever i had a wave of that joel held me and tried to soothe me and help me breathe

i even offered to have an open relationship if he wanted (bc this was during the exclusivity convo) bc i was just trying to grasp at any straws i could at the moment in the hopes of reaching an agreement or just stalling for time so i could move past his walls and get through to him. in reality i would never even consider it bc it is definitely not for me but at the moment i was desperate. he said no though bc he knows i wouldnt want that and he said he didnt want me to compromise myself for him

so then this is when we reached the turning point. so joel was laying down and i was like half sitting on the bed/half laying on him. and i said something along the lines of “you dont have to go through this alone, i wanna be there for you” and like when i said alone he lost IT! like we had a breakthrough he started bawling just like i was this whole time!! obviously it was hard for me to see him in that state but it was also kinda nice to see how much he cared 

but then he started breathing really fast and he was like “i think im having a panic attack” so i was like uh oh so i was like omg do you want me to get off of you or something but he was like no stay here so i kept holding him and tried to help him ride it out. but then he choked out the words “i think im making the wrong decision” like !!!! i have never felt such a strong feeling of hope in my life! but i was just like its fine dont worry about it just breathe and btw during this event he was laying on his side so he was looking to the side while i was kinda on top of him so i was like at him. so then he turned to look me directly in the face and………………………

he said “I love you!” like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hearing that made me SO so happy so i was like “i love you too!” and we hugged and kissed and then he was like “ask me!!” and i was like “ask you what???” and he was like “ask me what you were gonna ask me before!” and i was like “OH! joel……will you be my boyfriend?” and he was like “YES!” and then we hugged again and laughed and made out and it was really really passionate even though we were both gross with tears and runny noses, like it might have even been the most passionate kissing ive ever had! it was a very emotionally intimate moment and i loved it

so then he was like “im sorry” and i was like dont worry about it lmao so then we just continued cuddling and kissing and stuff for a while. he told me that he knew i loved him back bc during my breakdown i said “i really really really really liked you” and he said he knew i wanted to say i loved you lol

he also said hes gonna try to open up more and put more of an effort in so!! that was nice

so it was hot in his room and we were all sweaty on top of being gross from crying so we showered together which is always fun. and during the shower he was very touchy and he would like press his body against mine and give little kisses on like my chest or my back which i really loved. we also did some sexual stuff too

then we got out and dried off and he finally said he would watch flavor of love with me!! so we watched a few eps and it was super fun. then we cuddled until we fell asleep holding each other which is always one of my fave parts of our dates. he was very affectionate and sweet and i really liked it. then we fell asleep and in the morning i had to go home bc i had work or something

so yeah thats it! it made me really happy that he said i love you (and that he said it to me first!!) and i made sure he knew that he could always ask me for anything he needed if he was feeling down again or something. so now fast forward to today he is back to texting me every day and being an active and engaging texter! and i went over to do homework with him on monday night which was fun! and then on friday night he invited me over at like midnight and we got checkers and then we hung out and cuddled and watched more flavor of love. and then we did some more sexual things which was really fun! he was really really into me again and he literally is the hottest guy ive ever met so i enjoyed getting to make him feel good and stuff

on friday the 13th i am taking the gsa eboard + jami w me to go see the addams family musical at his school since he is part of the pit orchestra so that will be fun! i am very happy to have joel back and i am even happier that we are officially boyfriends now! and its so so so nice to get i love you texts again!! overall i am very happy with how things turned out and i am glad i fought to make it work instead of just seeing the text and being like ok bye

[teddy-feathers]

My dads a bully and an asshole. I cant raise my voice when excited and talking to mom about something without getting yelled at for yelling. Mom tells dad to hush im not yelling just empathic - actually true. Dad yells back that he doesnt care if its mothers day or that she has a broken leg - she needs to shut the hell up. Just for Christ sake if you can raise your voice and growl and throw things that displease you onto the floor - and expect me to pick it up - then you can deal with me being happy talking about shit you dont give a shit about a little but louder than my " inside voice " . For god sake you expect me to talk to you about anything? Like the other day we go out to dinner for whatever fucking reason - i dont want to go but i get told to stop complaining because theres something in it for me (i e the food I'm not hungry for and would rather not eat rn when there are left overs) - and we start talking about star wars. I like TFA better than Rogue one. Even aside from the fact they tanked all the cannon outside the movies (dad is all the salt about btw) he doesnt like TFA because to him its the SAME story, at least Rouge one was NEW. I disagree. "Defend yourself" like he LIKES arguing about fun stuff too but I mean not liking i dunno fandom drama online let alone irl aside this man has made damn sure throughout my entire life up to present day making sure I want to cry ( reguardless of intention thats what he did ) when i THINK hes upset let alone disagree or back talk or be disrespectful... So you really think I'm going to get into even a "friendly debate" with you when you ROUTINELY tell me my opinion is wrong, that other people are stupid or ignorant or... Just not no but hell no. I mean seriously just since Friday anytime we've disagreed with something he's said its "when are you going to learn I know what I'm talking about" and moms "lied" to him by ommission which IS a thing I grant you but you know what lies take fucking intent and mom was a bit distracted what with feeling stupid over falling down a mountain and breaking her god blessed leg. Maybe she SHOULD have thought more before letting herself be bundled into an ambulance when we could have gotten her but again kinda not at her best right then - more to the point I'll bet you dollars to donuts youre REALLY more mad at yourself you didnt ask more questions when she said she fell. And now youre TRYING to start fights for me Im honestly assuming because Ive somehow managed to strike a lovely balance of "im tired and letting your bs sweep by me as I treat you like an obstacle" attitude without actually quite crossing into being disrespectful. I mean we both know that by your standarda im being disrespectful but i havent given you anything to really work with so go me and heres hoping i can keep it up. I mean seriously. Moms dresser is coveres in things to be put away. Dad calls me cause moms legs broken and he's on the bed with hed cause back pain. So i pick up a sweater. Mom: that gets hung up Dad: well how tf fuck are yougoing to do that when you have no hangers Me: thats what you think **leaves to get hangers from my closet** Dad: when the fuck are you people going to learn I know what I'm talking about **leaves in an obviously upset state** A) had hangers. Maybe mom didnt but i did. B) isnt it YOU always on about asking stupid questions and thinking before i speak and paying attention? C) WHAT DO YOU MEAN HOW AM I GOING TO HANG UP THE SHIRT OBVIOUSLY ID GO GET ONE FROM THE LAUNDRY ROOM IF THERE WERE NONE UPSTAIRS WHY ARE YOU PICKING A FIGHT WHEN I'M DOING WHAT YOU WANT And its like that with EVERYTHING. We are all hard headed and stubborn and want our way. Welcome to the fucking Hyde family. But its only okay when its YOURE dumb ass pride that gets us into trouble? Fuck that. Youre a grown ass man. Youre married which is a partnership not a DICKtatorship. But fine. Youre both adults and if mom doesnt want to fight and let things slide FINE thats yalls business. But I'm a grown ass adult how you treat and act and speak to me and my mother is disrespectful as hell and im tired of being threatend everytime my tone and temper get away from me. Im tired of you saying my shits unacceptable when its only a fraction of your own behavior thrown back at you and not only did i learn it from you youre the one driving me to it with your bs. I am tired. And yeah I'm not in a good place financially rn. But I've been homeless before and did paasibly well for myself. And I've noticed that since I've come back you havent said a word about your house and the door. You do and I'll leave. You grab me ever fucking again and I'll leave. Your behavior gets a smidge worse and maybe Ill fucking SHOW you yelling and then leave. Hell the only reason I'm putting up with you is because of mom and I DO want a functioning relationship with my family. And i know thats what you want too so why the fuck are you doing everything possible to.make me hate you? Why cant you pull your head out of your ass? I CANT fucking tell you what youre doing to your face because youve ensured youre never fucking listening when ive tried and turned it into a lecture about something else. Or gotten a stick up your ass about my tone when YOURES is what goaded mine. Youve made sure i feel weak for getting upset and crying or having any issue at all with you. I feel guilty because I should "know better" than to get upset and show it or tell you anything because youll turn it around and use it against me. I didnt magic up these fears and issues. Im not playing the victim. Im not making them out larger to be than they are. No you havent actually abused me. Yes youve helped me out. Yes youre not charging me rent or anything and let me live here and just need me to help out. But youre attitude and behavior and just... I get sick, literally nauseous with anger and upset and fear and guilt and everything just being in the same room with you for too long - especially if there isnt an active chore to be done. Im so fucking done. Youre a grown man you need to fucking act like it.

[gulescamisade]

Minnesota:  Day 4

JAKE: -Another night is going by, he's pretty sure. And he's so sweaty, hungry, and thirsty. If their captors had left food or water for him, Jake promptly turned it down as he felt was the NATURAL THING TO DO. He heard what became of those mushroom tests from LOWAS. None of this was exactly ideal... He groans miserably, rubbing his tum of awful hunger pains. The headaches and dry throat.-

JAMES: -continuing his meditation and fasting. Energy continues to be conserved and though he is hungry, it's not the worst he's experienced. He only hopes the fact that it's gone quiet these past few hours can only be a good thing. No news is good news, James tells himself. It's the only thing he can do.-

ROXY: =Things seem quiet..... she leans against her wall and tap tap........ who's next to her. TAPS=

JAMES: -The only one who is paying attention is James. Leans back to the wall and taps in response.-

JAKE: -curled up in a ball, having cried himself into another headache nap.-

ROXY: =Baby no........ she taps out [HOLD ONTO YOUR BUTT] in morse code then POOFs over into the next cell.=

JAMES: -sitting crosslegged with his whole button up and slack combos. Professional even in these dire circumstances. James looking a little haggard what with his hair out of place, but still alert. Ready for action if need be.- ROXY.

JAMES: ....I AM RELIEVED TO SEE YOU.

JAMES: YOU ARE NOT HURT, ARE YOU?

ROXY: =She's definitely been sweating but she didn't wanna flaunt her powers too much since they expect shit of her but... she can't just. Let them go without. Whoever else is here. She rushes over to him too= glad 2 see u too im fine

ROXY: u gotta grocery list? im ur gal call me target cuz wal marts 2 trashy and im the height of supermarket class

ROXY: not whole foods class tho thats borderin in2 pretentious

JAMES: -knits his eyebrows.- ...ARE YOU OFFERING FOOD?

ROXY: anythin u need that u can hide and food definitely

JAMES: -nods promptly- WATER. DRIED FRUIT. CRACKERS. PROTEINS. ANYTHING WITH NUTRITIONAL VALUE.(edited)

ROXY: gotcha =she finger waggles up a storm dropping two sturdy sacks of water, dried fruits in thin bags along with crackers and little bite-sized pieces of protein bars=

JAMES: -seems to be wiggling something out of the sole of his shoe.-

JAMES: -as it turns out, it is a single playing card. Flips it over the supplies as kind of single-slot emergency sylladex and stores it away.-

JAMES: I CANNOT EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE. BUT QUICKLY.

JAMES: TEND TO THE OTHER PRISONERS. JAKE IS HERE.(edited)

ROXY: =That's so cool... and a good idea= hope u dont mind me stealin ur idea.....

ROXY: =gestures to the other wall= is he over here u think? =taps??? TAPS=

JAMES: IT'S QUITE POSSIBLE. -What with hearing him yowl up a storm before.-

JAMES: TREAD CAREFULLY.

ROXY: never but ill try =two finger salute and BLIPS into the cell next to James'=

JAKE: -lying huddled in his corner like a sad dog, his back turned towards the door. Something about the BLIP stirs him awake, however, and he begins to wake up. Squinting with a bleariness around.- ....Rock and rolloxy?

ROXY: .....baby...... :C

ROXY: i gotta make it quick but do u need a hug?

JAKE: -it even hurts to cry but he's doing it anyway, rolling up to sit.- Yes... 8'C

ROXY: awww cmere =quickly shuffles over to give him a big strong hug=

ROXY: tell me wut u need and we can work it out... idk where we are and idk how many of us are in here....

ROXY: idk where everyone else is

JAKE: -weeps into her shoulder. Two smelly baras hugging it out.- Ive no idea either. Its—

JAKE: Cant i know if my sons are alright?? Oh rox its so cruel.

ROXY: i... wish i knew jakey boy.... if i could id get us a thing to try n get in2 this system but... that needs time and theyd be onto me lol...... not lol

ROXY: but well get outta this mess

JAKE: -scrubs at his face, so blotched and red with tears.- Well... well bust out of here! I know we will!

JAKE: And when we do they wont even know what hit them!

JAKE: Id do so right now if you gave the word. -looks off.- Maybe...

JAKE: Someone can help us?

ROXY: maybe but right now we can help each other =cups his face and kisses his forehead= ROXY: ill go scopin later.... try 2 see whats up

ROXY: maybe i can find every1

ROXY: but rn tell me what u need

JAKE: -smiles for the first time in a few days, warmed by the gesture. But then remembers what he's doing.- Shit uhh—

JAKE: Water and substantial edibles i think is a good start. -rubs his sad empty tum.-

ROXY: its the best start =smiles back at him then gets to work just giving him the same supplies she gave James= just hide em when someone comes u kno

ROXY: prison smugglin drills

JAKE: !!!

JAKE: Cripes this is just like magic...

JAKE: ... -looks around his cell.-

JAKE: Where ought i hide it?

ROXY: mmm ..... i might hafta steal a idea i saw from james hes ur neighbor btw

ROXY: =focuses......... tries to make the one dump sylladex card= this might work i think slip it in ur mustache lol or just like somewhere discreet

JAKE: Holy moly! -accepts the 1 dump sylladex card if she manages it.- Is this what i think it is?

JAKE: -Automatically believing that it's a 1 dump sylladex card so whether she DOES manage it, the card is already what she intends it to be.-

JAKE: -giving it a look over- :D

JAKE: -tucks it into the safety of his back pocket. Sitting on it now.-

ROXY: =bless u jake= good beans bby

ROXY: ill be back sometime keep ur spirits up ok?

JAKE: Yes ma am o whamma! -salutes her swiftfly. His spirits are in much better places than they were before.-

ROXY: good! =poof, she's outta there=

JAKE: -brimming with hope now and makes swift work of these dried fruits. Chugs what he can of the water.-

JAKE: -wiping off his mustache, he feels his willpower RENEWED. Better than ever.-

JAKE: -And if Roxy can pull her magic off, why the blazes can't he??? Jake rolls to stand, channeling that spark of hope to manifestation.-

(DIRK): -he puts the MAN in MANIFEST. extends leg, here is brain ghost dirk.-

(DIRK): Hey, that's the first time you summoned me consciously and not as the result of a homoerotic fantasy. Good job.

JAKE: -jumps as his voice comes up but brightens his scruffy self up immediately.- Dirk!

JAKE: Brain ghost! Youre here!

(DIRK): Yeah.

(DIRK): What are you gonna do with me now that I'm here? -lol and then what-

JAKE: -swiftly whaps the ishades off his face.- Give me that!

(DIRK): What the fuck. -covers his face. DON'T LOOK AT ME. he's being ironic mostly-

JAKE: -thrusting them onto his own face. Instant computer.- Hoo. Alright now. I need to contact the crew.

JAKE: Mind if i hornswoggle you of your pester client? Of course you do! -logging into his account.-

(DIRK): My pester client is imaginary, but alright.

JAKE: Huh? No its not? -It's not, Dirk. Look at it working. How??? Magic is how.-

(DIRK): -fucking incredible-

(DIRK): -obnoxiously hovers behind him-

(DIRK): It's almost like you have the ability to make anything a reality.

JAKE: -typing frantically, heart hammering as it actually DOES seem to work.- Shut up will you???

(DIRK): A dude summons you into his realm of existance just to tell you to shut up. Nice one.

JAKE: -Seeing everyone online makes his insides lurch painfully so he's only half paying attention to BGD. His franticness making his eyes water again as in the middle of the message, the connection severs.- Its—

JAKE: Its breaking up! -says with his concentration fizzling.-

(DIRK): Well don't give up.

(DIRK): Do something about it.

JAKE: Im trying damn you! Cant you see?? -says, clutching at the shades.-

(DIRK): And I'm telling you to try harder.

(DIRK): You have it in you to do this.

JAKE: -practically choking with frustration and wills the last bit of connection out of sheer spite. The last message gets through before cutting off completely.-

(DIRK): ...

(DIRK): There you go.

JAKE: -He is just never going to stop being tearstruck at this point. Obligatorily hands BGD his shades.-

JAKE: -His vision is swimming as his hand drops, looking at brain ghost now. Dirk knows Jake loves him doesn't he? Of course he does, a voice tells Jake predictably. It's what he wants to hear, it's the truth that he knows deep down in his heart and it's what BGD was basically scripted to say.-

JAKE: -So why was he still so miserable? He's gotta ask anyway.-

JAKE: He knows i love him right? Id do anything for him?

(DIRK): ... Of course he knows that.

(DIRK): He's probably driving himself up a wall cuz he can't tell you the same thing.

JAKE: -wipes at his nose.- I miss him something tremendous.

JAKE: You would think dodging near death experiences on a regular basis would make this easier to bear. But it doesnt.

JAKE: It really doesnt.

(DIRK): They're coming for you, you know. -he knows this because jake has to know this.-

(DIRK): ... -offers jake his hand to hold-

JAKE: -takes the hand, too dried up to cry in earnest anymore. His shoulders only sag.- At least i have you.

(DIRK): You'll always have me.

JAKE: -keeps their fingers twined together but gives up once their shoulders brush. Just rests his head against BGD, tired all over again.- Jeez louise dirk....

JAKE: Youre always so.

JAKE: You.

(DIRK): It's no coincidence. -leans on him too-

(DIRK): That's the way you want me to be.

JAKE: Shucks. Then i must be stock full of good ideas. -lets his eyes start to drift closed...-

(DIRK): Must be. -yes shhh sleep. it'll get better soon. just believe in that, jake-

JAKE: -having close company to fall asleep with is infitintely better than sleeping alone. Jake has decided this here and now.-