#im feeling sunset shimmer in this chilis tonight

[element-of-empathy]

I have a lot of feelings about the circumstances under which I left Equestria. There was a striking sense of inadequacy as Celestia’s student. I wanted to study magic under Celestia, and perhaps at first it was well intentioned, but in the end I just wanted power. I realized, after so long working under her, that I wasn’t the kind of powerful I thought I would be, and that just wasn’t acceptible as far as I was concerned. And while her heart was in the right place, this was only exacerbated by Celestia’s lessons. She would double down on those feelings of inadequacy in hopes that I would have some kind of a breakthrough and realize that the things I was so hung up on... didn’t actually matter. Or, rather, that if I put aside my inadequacy and obsession with power, that I would finally be able to understand the Elements of Harmony. 

Unfortunately, Celestia’s methods did not have the desired effect. 

I mean, to Celestia’s credit, I certainly did have a break through. I cracked and decided that I didn’t need her, or Canterlot, or Equestria. That there was a whole new world on the other side of that mirror full of people who I would be more powerful than by default. Of course, I was a little off the mark, since I was a deranged sixteen year old in that world, but it was close enough. I had the world in the palm of my hand and no one in that school would have DARED to tell me I wasn’t good enough. 

Of course, it was a band aid on a bullet wound, which is why I stole the crown. I had power in the social hierarchy of a highschool, but compared to the magic I had left in Equestria? Nah. Marry the two and I thought I would feel powerful. I DID feel powerful, real magic in me for the first time in a long time, but there was still that creeping sense of needing to prove Celestia wrong, that I was more powerful than HER now. That I wasn’t inadequate. That I didn’t NEED her lessons to be powerful.

Of course, had my plan at Canterlot high succeeded, I would have moved an army on Equestria and - in the unlikely event that I succeeded - it wouldn’t have fixed the negative emotions that I was harboring. Again, a band aid on a bullet wound. I didn’t know better at the time - not until Twilight showed me. 

Because that’s the thing about the Elements of Harmony. When they hit you they hit you like a freight train. You feel EVERYTHING. 

Not to cross reference but you know that part in the no mercy run of Undertale where it’s like “Undyne felt the hopes and dreams of every monster in the underground”? It’s like that. You feel the collective bond of every living being in Equestria when the Elements hit you, because that’s what their magic is. Every pony and griffon and yak and dragon, all of them have a shared bond, and that energy manifests in the magic of the Elements. That IS harmony. 

When the Elements hit you, you feel them - every other living, breathing, sentient being in the world - and you understand them on a supernaturally intimate level. In that split second, there is no more misunderstanding or confusion or miscommunication. You understand what everyone feels, where everyone is coming from, the reasons people do and think the things they do because that’s what the elemental magic is. And then just as quickly as that overwhelming emotion hits you, it’s ripped from your body again and you become a blank slate. 

Then you start to feel like yourself again, and the really truly hard part happens: you have to choose the right path. 

Because what a lot of people misunderstand about the Elements of Harmony is that they think the Elements just... defeat evil, and make you good again. That’s not the case. They give you a second chance, sure, but you have to take that chance. You have to be brave enough when the rainbows fade to choose harmony over the familiar safety of fear and anger and spite and all of the emotions that landed you in the Element’s path in the first place.