#im feeling joy in my creative process again!!! this got me to wake up this morning not wanting to be dead!!!

[way2gosuperrstarr]

im the most annoying person on earth w sharing wips but im just !!!!!!! really happy w this one so far !!!!!!!! so !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! heres the wip !!!!! this is cleanup sketch pass 2!!!!!! (first iteration was my scribble mess, then i did cleanup 1, and this is cleanup 2! hoping to start lineart soon! i wanna attempt figuring out csp's vector layers.....)

[thisispsychogirl]

I’m tired.

So very tired.

I work for a company that doesn’t appreciate me doing a job I never wanted to do in the first place. It was my major but nit the branch I wanted to focus on but when you’ve just graduated college, a job in your field is a job in your field.

I’ve been working there for 4 years and they’ve done so many illegal things. Giving people jobs without posting them, rescinding job offers that were accepted but then offering them a lower hiring start rate.

I can’t stand this company.

I’ve been trying to leave for 2 years. Coming up on my 4 year anniversary in a little while.

I’ve changed my resume a million times.

No interview offers yet. Not a single one.

There was a company that wanted more information, but it didn’t go anywhere.

I want to leave my hometown.

I have bills that I can barely pay because my job for not pay me well. I’ve done my market research. I should be making at the very least an additional 10k doing what I do with my skills and experience.

I feel so unwanted. And so stuck. I keep telling my Bf to get a job in one of the cities I could easily find work in that way I can move there and have quicker access to job opportunities. He doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. So he’s staying at his job that he loves.

He finally has friends, good friends. Good influence on him. He gets paid almost twice as much as me and never even finished college. Maybe I’m feeling a little resentful - I do have two degrees and I’m not even making 40k a year. Plus he loves his coworkers and his boss. I’ve doesn’t want to stay here forever, but in my field, the longer I wait to get into it, the harder it becomes to be successful.

I have a small business that I run. And I’m right now I’m running into the ground because my full time job takes away so much of my energy. Like a dementor sucking the soul from my lips.

I used to come into work on time. Only 5 minutes late. Now I struggle to leave before my shift technically starts. I get such a bad feeling going into that building. Another day of getting taken advantage of by an evil company that’s made a lot of negative press.

It’s quarantine time now. I get to work from home. Something that my job has always told me was impossible in my position. They made it happen in 5 minutes. I struggle to even get through the day. At first it was fine, but then they added even more work on top of what I’m already doing.

I had my review in March. My boss says to keep up the good work. Just gotta go a little faster. I was supposed to get a raise that took effect in April. It’s May. I understand the cut backs from COVID-19 - but I still feel like I should have gotten my raise. I know at least one of my other coworkers did, along with a shiny new title.

Yeah he got promoted. Which is great for him. Doesn’t actually mean much other than the raise and the title. I’ve been trying to get a promotion for 3 years. Usually the same roll but I always lose to either other men at the company or outsiders.

I want to cry right now. I’m in the middle of my shift - yeah I know not great but I need to pour this out before the tears come.

I’m the only girl on my team besides my boss. I am one of the only people of color that works in the whole company.

I’m so tired of trying so hard for this company.

Everyday I wake up wanting to quit. Each night I lay awake, unable to sleep, knowing that when the alarm goes off, it’s another day at the office.i was such a hard working employee until about last spring. Almost exactly a year ago actually.

Two new hires right out of college. I was supposed to train them. I trained everyone except for one guy on my team. I’m the second most senior staff. They were hired on at 40k - and I had gotten a little raise to 36k. Oh but when I found out (one of them was my friend and I asked with complete honesty of my intentions), that’s when it took HR a week to straighten it out, call them up and recind their offer and only offer them 35k. They said it was a paperwork error. I know it wasn’t. I know who has to sign what in order to make that call.

The first time I tried to get a promotion, I trained for the positio and was almost fully qualified. It was great. I was in year in and really moving through the company. Then when the position “opened,” and by that I mean the woman who trained me switched positions herself in the company and I was the only person in the running and she was recommending me, her former boss said that someone else was given, yes given, the position. He knew I had been training for this job and coming in every day just for it. Everyone knew. But he was just given this position and I was left in the dust. There was no job posting, no interview process. It’s just what her former boss though “made the most sense.”

Ouch.

I’m dying inside. I’m a creative who is boxed in. I’m trying to claw my way out, but the world seems so against me.

Every time I submit a job application I stop and think- will they not accept me because I’m a woman? Because I’m black? Is my name too black sounding? Or am I actually not good enough?

Very few of the applications I have put in give me an email back saying I wasn’t selected. At least then I knew. I knew not to hold out any hope on what seemed to be the perfect position.

I’m in a relatively smaller town. Not small, there is a lot major university here. However, not many people have actually heard of our twin name. Are these big city companies afraid to hire a “small-town-girl” like me?

I crave diversity. I crave the fast-paced environment. Every time I go there, I feel at home. Comfortable. I come back to my apartment and I’m sad. It doesn’t feel like home. It feels like a long-term AirBnB. 

I’m so tired. I started crying while writing this. I’m not usually allons in my apartment so I don’t really get to cry when I need to.

I don’t want to work here anymore. All my friends that have left this place praise about how much better their new jobs and situations are. Their jobs have their ups and downs, but it’s nothing like what whatever hell this place is. Everyone who leaves here is happier, full of life, energy, and genuine smiles. I miss that.

I miss the days where I was just so excited to get back to work. So excited to get in and use my creativity to solve my work problems and “save the world.”

I miss getting off work and going to the gym because I was noticed and still had energy to burn. Now about 2 hours into my shift I pray to whatever diety may be listening and beg them for a miracle. And I’m not a religious gal.

I don’t learn a lot of stuff at my job. There really is t time anyway. I dont really grow there. There is no up for me. I’ve tried. 3 times.

I don’t have passion to do my best. Hell im writing this raw fucker on the clock. I don’t take creaks anyway so I guess this counts?

Oh we used to have 60 minutes breaks, they reduced that to 30. Now I can’t have lunch with my dad anymore. But that’s a me problem.

Everyday I “joke” with my boyfriend, “what if I quit?” “What I’d if they fire me? How exciting would that be?”

Why can’t I seem to even land an interview. My former boss (management switched halfway through my career here - 2 years ago almost) told me in a joy to interview and I would do well at any company that I applied to. She said she’d write an outstanding recommendation letter for me. So there is that.

A former employee friend of mine was laid off into her contract. (She has ground to sue but is not). She told me how two faced her side of the company is. How they are so controlling over the women and the men can do no wrong.

That’s exactly it.

This company is not a place for women unless you’re a back-stabbing, two-faced cunt. If you aren’t willing to put other women down (that’s the only real requirement for any female hire-ups/management) then you stay at the bottom or get the boot. Or if you still have any sanity and a prayer, quit.

I’m so upset. Most of the time it seems.

I know the world is an unfair place naturally. I know that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

I’d like yo think that one day I can make the world a better place and that I will be successful in my field.

I’d like to think that someday, I’ll have a job that doesn’t make me think about suicidal thoughts because I’m trapped and I can’t get out.

Now the job market is gonna be even tougher.

I feel trapped in my job and in my own apartment (I have a roommate and live with my boyfriend).

My Bf says it’s all gonna be better someday. When is someday? I’d like to leave my hometown, not live behind my high school, and finally have a job that lot only appreciates me, but also insipires me to be my best.

I’m afraid to ask my male coworkers if they all got raises this year. If they all did and I didn’t, I’m afraid I’d quit immediately. I’m not dealing with this bullshit again. Not worth it. But that’s not the best financial desciok right now.

Why the hell am I not good enough for these companies? I’m one the best on my team. Even on my worst days, I produce quality work.

Why can’t I get out of this cage?

[aroguedivine]

Im R.I have deep feeling for guy (D) since one year but recently I got to know that he has girlfriend.Even I tried I couldn't forget him. But since two months there is some difference in his behavior, I feel something has happened between he and his girlfriend. I feel he also pay extra attention to me. What near future holds between us? Is he still with his girlfriend? Should I giveup on him? Sorry for the too many question.I'm sorry if you are uncomfortable with my question. Tarot reading pls.

It’s not too many questions! I did, however, immediately get some bad vibes before I really even read past the first couple of words into this sentence, which is really curious, so let’s see what the cards say!

YOUR FEELINGS: The Nine of Wands reversed - You’re experiencing some paranoia about this person overall, it seems. You’re experiencing some form of lack of support from this person in regards to them discussing these feelings with you. 

YOUR NEEDS: Queen of Cups reversed - This card indicates that you’re feeling emotionally insecure in regards to a potential relationship with this person. You struggle to express yourself towards this person and choose to bottle it up instead. Are you feeling a disconnect from your spirituality in your life lately? You likely need to find the path you truly belong on and find that meaningful spot with others of your faith. In regards to this relationship, I feel like perhaps there’s something about this connection you have affecting your faith, whether spiritual or otherwise. You’re letting your emotions rule you and not thinking with your head. I’ve also been led to believe you may be an overemotional wreck about this relationship, with a need to be manipulative and displaying vengeful behavior. Your mood swings seem to be negatively impacting the person you’re interested in, emotionally draining them. The old saying “playing the emotional heartstrings” fits well in this situation, and it seems like you’re trying to use it to your advantage. 

You’re likely self-loathing in regards to your inability to do more with this relationship. You’re strong emotions are like a hurricane in a room, so to speak, with this particular party. In fact, because of all this, it seems it is advised you not seek a relationship with this person as it doesn’t look any of this will improve with a relationship with this person. It looks like you’re going to over-rely on this individual too much, especially their emotions, resulting in co-dependency. You’re going to have way too many expectations from your partner, and it’s going to make this relationship become toxic very quickly. 

YOUR EXPECTATIONS: Knight of Wands reversed - This card is indicating you’re feeling frustrated with yourself and lack of progress with this person. It also suggests you’re using your power negatively towards this person, and it’s creating the frustration you’re experiencing within your attempt to create any sort of relationship with this person. 

THEIR FEELINGS: The Sun - This person is going to have a lot of strength in this relationship. No matter what happens, they’re going to emit a lot of positive energy that will bring happiness and joy. You’re drawn to this person because they always see the bright side and they bring warmth into your life. This person feels very confident during this relationship. Life is good during this relationship, everything is brighter and they feel like they can achieve their goals. This card represents that feeling of waking up on a Saturday morning with the sun shining in your face, with a whole week ahead of you - this is reflective of your potential relationship together. This card also indicates you will go through a time of great struggle, and based on your previous cards, I can see why. However, this card means if you work on this relationship, it’s going to come out the other side - this person is going to finally see the long road in this relationship. The sun is now shining! But only if you take action. Embrace your destiny and give this relationship all you’ve got. 

Though you are currently struggling and the both of you will struggle, this card indicates that things will get better. Your souls are going to feel “warm and fuzzy” again, so to speak. This card advises you to put away your scheming, but plain, ordinary action is the best option here. If you do this, you’ll experience a freedom associated with living a simple life and doing what you enjoy the most in it - spending time with this person! This person will be feeling enlightened during this period. They will be able to see the path ahead, and due to the hardship they’ve endured, attain a new level of insight and understanding. They’ll have had a personal breakthrough where they’ve unlocked the key to their fundamental being.

I’m also being told you’re both going somewhere warm and tropical. A vacation, it seems!

THEIR NEEDS: The Moon reversed - This person is dealing with some deep, emotional issues that have previously been sitting beneath the surface. This may create some discomfort and turmoil as they deal with these deeper issues. They may feel the relationship is impractical or even unrealistic, and possibly past experiences have shaped their thinking into feeling stuck with what they have and it is too late to change. These emotional issues are preventing the relationship from moving forward, and in order to overcome this, it is essential they confront their innermost fears and assumptions to gain self-confidence and direction. They will eventually feel as if a weight has been lifted and that they can be less fearful and anxious about the relationship.

THEIR EXPECTATIONS: The Empress reversed - This card is a doozy. This card suggests a loss of personal power from putting too much emphasis on the partner (your) needs, resulting in them neglecting their own. There’s an indecisiveness concerning this relationship about the direction it is headed, and you’re finding it hard to cooperate together. This person sees that the lack of harmony is coming from you and that you need to take action to fix this.

This person also feels like they cannot express their true thoughts and feelings, and they instead bottle it up inside. They’ll likely confide in their friends about their problems in the relationship. This card suggests that you’re dependent upon this person’s feelings, playing a waiting game to see how they react and what emotions they display. Don’t do this - instead work through those emotions independently of your partner.

While this person struggles, they need to take some time to themselves in order to restore their energy levels and their belief in themselves. The past relationships you’ve both experienced have impacted how you see him and yourself, and how he sees himself, and how you love and trust each other. Your partner is doubting their inner beauty, as well as yourself, and are both losing that inspiration for creating a beautiful, loving relationship.

Your partner feels like you’re being overprotective of them and straining your relationship. Be careful not to be smothering or demanding. Careful not to “mother” your partner - you must not overdraw on the characteristics of the upright Empress. Follow the example of the High Priestess, who listens to her inner psyche for the answers.

This card also indicates the partner is feeling discontented because something is missing in their life - they want to find something meaning to do but don’t know what. It seems as though they’re going to experience a creative block, and their mood will be depressed during this time. Their work can feel mundane to them. This isn’t a time of thinking, acting or doing. They’re going to be overloaded and mental pursuits won’t give them what they need. If they attempt to follow their intellect or reasoning, it will only lead to frustration and can lead them astray.

Unfortunately, I’m also pulling from this card that this person is infertile, and it’s going to impact you both, especially you.

RELATIONSHIP FOUNDATION: Six of Cups reversed - This card indicates your relationship will be founded on your being stuck in the past. It seems you’ll still be challenged with paranoia about your partner’s past relationships and how it affected you then. You will have difficulty processing the things that have gone on between the two of you, as well as what he’s experienced and what you’re currently going through as I type this. It’s important not to linger in in the past as you will find your present stuck there, and it will negatively impact your present. Those thoughts, paranoias, and beliefs you’re holding onto will prohibit any progress you want to make with this relationship.

COMBINED NEEDS: Seven of Wands - This card indicates that once a relationship is established, there will be a time of challenge for you both, especially for you. You’re going to find that others will be interested in your partner, and you’ll feel like you’ll need to constantly prove yourself in order to maintain that relationship. People will see the two of you together and this will initiate the challenges you will face, as others will desire the same thing you have. These competitors may appear to block your path forward, but you can overcome this obstacle by calling upon your self-confidence and continued self-improvement.

COMBINED EXPECTATIONS: Knight of Coins - You both come to expect methodical practices in your relationship in order to ensure the relationship is successful. You both need the patience to accomplish this, and you both need to rely on each other. This card interestingly points towards you, as well, as a court card. You need to follow a routine to ensure this relationship stays on course, and stay committed and work through everything that being in the relationship will bring you. It’s not going to be easy, and will require a lot of hard work on your part.

FUTURE OF RELATIONSHIP: King of Pentacles - This card for your future course of the relationship represents power and control. It has a fatherly figure representing this card, and it shows the man in this relationship will give this relationship the financial support it needs. He will be the provider and he will share his earnings with you. This card is also the “King Midas” card, this man is representative of financial stability and he shares that wealth with you, and he can rest assured with his continued prosperity. He will not struggle for what he desires, and is able to accomplish anything he wants as he’s already proven himself.

This card also indicates a final investment - your final investment into this relationship with this person. Through diligence, responsibility and attention to detail, you have the ability to achieve what you want in this relationship. You can now enjoy all you’ve accomplished within this relationship through all the struggles and the successes you’ve created together. You’ve created a richness of life, not just financially but also spiritually, which will set you up for the future.

You’re going to rely a lot on your partner for managing day-to-day affairs to efficiency while still maintaining your cooperative relationship. You’ll need to work hard, methodically and conscientiously. Give generously of your time and resources, because if you give more, you receive more in this relationship.

This card indicates your partner may go into business. He’ll be thoroughly engaged in any activity that provides the ability to generate more money and business. He has the capacity to make any venture successful and can find a business opportunity in most places. He can take an idea and make it work financially for the both of you. He’s a natural-born manager and business person.

It’s best to take a methodical, planned and well thought-out approach to your relationship, doing it by the ‘tried and tested’ ways, as it will lead you to success. At this point in the relationship, you’ll have had past experiments with what works best and have landed on your own methods and practices that you know will continue to work for you both. Continue down this path rather than trying new ways of doing things. You know that you have reached the height of achievement in your relationship, and you don’t feel the need to take any more risks.

You’ll need to be pragmatic and stay informed on practical matters. Get down to the basics of your relationship and use your problem-solving ability to get to a solution. Use your various skills and resources in order to make your relationship more successful. This card indicates that your politics will also align.

Remember to appreciate the sensual, luxurious sides to life, as it makes life more pleasurable. Remember that quality over quantity is always important, and learn to enjoy a full and happy life together. Don’t be afraid to spend money when appropriate so that you can generate more happiness and benefit from your life together. 

ADVICE: Temperance reversed -I drew another card for you, as you seem quite troubled. You’ve drawn Temperance reversed, indicating you’re emotions are out of balance, conflicting and excessive, creating stress and tension in your life, especially towards your desire to have a relationship with this individual. Please pay close attention to the other cards in the reading to understand what is out of balance or contributing to this feeling. This card is a huge indicator that if you follow down the path you are on, you’ll be the person to create imbalance in this relationship. You may be refusing to take the moderate, gentle approach. Don’t take any hasty action without careful thought, as this will only lead to further imbalance.

This card also indicates to me you lack a long-term vision, purpose and this is resulting in feeling out of balance. Right now is the time to reflect on what changes you need to make that are necessary in your life to create greater purpose and fulfillment. Refer to the energy of the Death card to understand what you need to leave behind you in the past and what changes you need to embrace for your future, and in the future.

The person you’re interested in may feel uncooperative to you but this isn’t necessarily the case, although it is your truth in the moment, because of his girlfriend currently standing in the way. It feels as if your interests in this individual are in competition right now. Trying to complete a sort of ‘flow’ between the two of you seems an impossible feat. You’re both striving to express your individuality in very different ways. There is a lot of energy surrounding you, but none of it is positive, or being used positively, I’m afraid. Unresolved conflicts in both of you have yet to be expressed clearly, though you may not yet be fully aware of them, but perhaps aware something is wrong in regards to the two of you. These conflicts may manifest themselves as role reversal. In the beginning, it seems you may be the dominant one, while your partner seeks to take control of the union. You may need a good-old argument to clear the air and establish some ground rules for your relationship going forward. 

Summary: What I got from the cards is that you seem to be your own opposing force in keeping this relationship from happening, but that if you change your ways of thinking and use your energy positively, this relationship will be successful. If you try going into this relationship the way you currently stand, as things are, it’s not going to end well for anyone. I’ve also gotten that he’s still in this relationship, he is in fact interested in you, which is why I’ve gotten the cards I did, so that’s your answer. You shouldn’t give up, you should work to build yourself better to prepare yourself for this relationship. You’re also going to still struggle in the beginnings of this relationship but you shouldn’t give up. You’re also going to deal with infertility on his part. You’re also going on a vacation at some point if you get into this relationship, somewhere tropical and warm.

I really hope I’ve helped you pave a way for this relationship. Sorry this reading took so long. This was a lot to digest and write up!